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Hesped Rivka
Hesped Rivka
Eishes Chayil
Chazal teach, that while the deceased is being eulogized, he is allowed back down to this world
since it causes a spiritual awakening. That is both encouraging and obligating. It is very hard to do
justice to all the special attributes that the Reb. Sternbuch exhibited and made her the giant she
was. If only the very tip of her praise is exposed, it will strengthen all those assembled, which in
turn empowers the speaker.
According respect to a talmid chacham (Torah scholar) is greater than the actual studying of
Torah. What are Chazal teaching us? According respect and valuing Torah, is greater than the actual
studying. For what empowers a person to invest great effort, to dedicated ones entire being, to
renounce everything else for the sake of Torah study? Only profound reverence for Torah and
appreciation of Torah.
This is the woman's part in Torah. She is obligated to revere and appreciate the value the
Torah. When she encourages her husband to study, and she accompanies her children to cheder, she
is motivating them to apply themselves to their study of Torah, by demonstrating her appreciation
for Torah, their Torah
Presumably, everyone who knew Reb. Sternbuch, will agree that this fundamental obligation
was the focal point of her life's work. Yes, she was unique in her appreciation for Torah. She loved
Torah from the depths of her soul, even as far back as during her adolescence.
The story is told about a shidduch that was suggested. The young man was a talmid chacham, a
boy who not only had the potential to learn, but one who studied. He was a lamdan as well.
However, word had it, that during bein hazmanim he might help his father in the business. She
wasn't interested. She wanted someone who would be wholly immersed in his Torah study,
without any money-making prospects at all.
Her father was the one who had introduced this lofty value to her and he repeated this
anecdote to the Chazon Ish emphasizing that she was young, but adamant. She wanted Torah and
Torah alone. The Chazon Ish replied that if that was what she wanted, that was what she'd get.
Indeed, that was precisely what happened.
Uninterrupted Learning
Chazal's second suggestion for women to merit Torah, is to enable their husband's studying.
Whoever knew Reb. Sternbuch could testify that this was her life. Her whole life was her husband's
Torah. There is an amazing letter that she wrote to her future mother-in-law, after her engagement.
Eagerness to support her husband's study of Torah is prominent in that letter. In addition, she
displays keen sensitivity to her chassan's mother, who could not attend the engagement. This is the
content of that letter:
My dearest,
I have used an unusual salutation, but I feel that I cannot address you with your name, when
soon I shall be calling you Mother. I want to say, that having gotten to know your son, I'm really
looking forward to meeting you, and to express my feelings to you personally.
I'm sure you would have felt much more confident if you had been able to meet me and
determine with the discerning eyes of a mother, whether I qualified, and only after that, give your
approval to this monumental step in your son's life. I too should have preferred that.
It is entirely possible that I don’t have the good traits attributed to me. And maybe there are
negative traits in me, that people don’t think I have. However, I can reassure you of one thing.
There is one trait that you will most certainly find in me. I shall always aspire to be that which my
future husband wants me to be.
And how she pursued that, with enthusiasm and joy, like a fresh bride on her wedding day –
for the rest of her life
She had an amazing standard in catering to her husband. There was a special room for the Rav
in the house, which was his study room. Shelves were hung with his sefarim and a bed was made
up for the Rav in case he needed to take a nap, having tired from his continuous studying. Why
should he have to leave the room to lie down?
She also had an air conditioner, which was not easy to come by in those days, installed in that
room. But knowing that the Rav was sensitive to the B'nei Brak humidity, she insisted on insuring
that he had the optimum peace of mind.
The room was never locked, but entrance was barred. Reb. Sternbuch instilled the importance
of keeping it closed, in her children and in all those who frequented their home.
In order to make sure that the Rav would be allowed to study uninterrupted, there was a sign
stuck on the door of the Rav's room for all those who might not be familiar with the rule, stating
that the Rav was learning and that the door was not to be opened. A niece also mentioned that she
remembered being told, that there must be no disturbance to the Rav and they must speak quietly.
The door of their house however was never locked. There were no keys but there was nothing
to fear, since there was very little around. Whoever wanted to, was welcome to enter.
The Rebbetzin always prepared both hot and cold drinks in her husband's room. People recall
that with amazement, but she did it quite naturally. She did everything naturally. She appreciated
the Rav's Torah study to such an extent, that she would not allow as much as a minute of it to be
squandered. If for example, she brought the Rav a cup of tea, and it was a cold drink he wanted
just then, wouldn’t it be a shame that it wasn’t there to begin with?
The Badatz
Upon their return from South Africa, Rabbi Sternbuch was offered the prestigious position of
heading the Bais Din of the Eidah Hachareidis. The Rav didn’t have the heart to insist that his wife
remove her wig, a necessary prerequisite for the post, and felt he must turn down the offer.
But the Reb. Sternbuch would hear none of that. She, of her own volition, replaced her wig
with a kerchief. Today that sounds like quite a selfless act. But then, it was outlandish to do
something like that. However, Reb. Sternbuch was adamant. She would never allow a wig to get in
the way of her husband's further advancement in the realm of Torah.
Living Royalty
If one were to emulate but one of this great woman's ways, it would make her a far better
person. How can her totality be fathomed? How could one woman sacrifice so much for Torah?
Indeed, Reb. Sternbuch did not sacrifice! A woman who does that, reaches the bursting point
at some stage. Otherwise how would her husband recognize her sacrifice? Living with such an
attitude, is not living at all. The Reb. Sternbuch lived for Torah. She didn’t view herself as
sacrificing anything. She lived for her husband's Torah, and only that. And that was the secret of
her dedication to the Rav and his ideal.
To that end, although she had a finely honed business sense, having grown up in a family of
businessmen, she never attempted to make money on her husband's seforim. On the contrary, she
was appalled at the idea, that someone might not be able to buy her husband's books and would be
denied the opportunity to study from them, because they were too expensive. Her profit was her
husband's Torah and she practiced the words of Tehillim : "Your words of Torah are better for me
than thousands in gold and silver".
She related to her husband as to a king. She didn’t go to the Rav when he called, she ran. She
ran joyfully. She was literally flushed with happiness when she could serve the Rav. She even
removed her apron, before answering his call, as befits one appearing before a king.
Once, during her illness, she was sitting in the kitchen and she heard the Rav calling her.
Though unable to really understand what he was saying, subconsciously she felt she had to run to
serve the Rav, and she did. It was that deeply ingrained in her.
Many of those who knew her remember how she never let the Rav carry anything. Even when
she traveled abroad with the Rav exclusively for his purposes, she carried the suitcases for the Rav.
She said, a king does not carry his own luggage. That was the extent of her respect for the Rav. His
Torah was so great.?
Similarly, when he needed a taxi, she'd go down and hail one and only afterward, did she go
back up and let the Rav know that the taxi was waiting. It did not befit the prince of Torah to have
to wait for a taxi.
Her interpretation of according respect for Torah, was her own. She had never been taught the
stringencies and fine nuances, yet her elevated heart dictated what was suitable. She too was a
queen by virtue of having crowned her husband.
Refined Attributes
Reb. Sternbuch had myriad attributes aside from her life-long devotion to Torah. It was as if the
words of Eishes Chayil were written about her. Her tznius for example, would not allow her to
buy in excess. She shunned fancy things. Both her respect for her parents as well as that of the
Rav's are legendary.
She practiced acts of chessed with self- effacement, but with happiness. Who doesn’t remember
her shoe campaign, and how she waited to see the children's eyes light up, as she handed them
theirs. She thrust herself whole-heartedly into her projects although she had no personal gain from
any of them.
Such was her hachnasas orchim. A young man came to the Sternbuchs regularly on the days
preceding Pesach. For some reason, he couldn’t go home and evidently, the yeshivah he learned at
was not serving meals any more at that point. The family ate outside, on those last few days prior
to the holiday.
But not he. "He is a bachur who studies Torah, how can we allow him to eat outside?" So the
boy was taken into the house and was served his meals inside, on the last days before Pesach.
She was very meticulous about the language she used. This was an outstanding trait that she'd
grown up with. And there was her joy of life and her ability to make do with very little. She
wouldn't eat anything that her husband didn’t need. If he didn’t need it, then neither did she.
Her acceptance of suffering with love served as the final indicator of who she was. Only a
woman whose whole life constituted self effacement could reach those heights.