`NIYI ADIGUN

2
1hls ls a work ol llctlon and creatlve wrltlng, therelore any deplctlon ol
or relerence to any actual person, organlsatlon or government ls purely
co-lncldental (bopefully).
"nothlng strengthens authorlty so much as sllence" - Leonardo da vlncl
3
INTRODUCTION
?ou see them approach your car and an lnvoluntary shudder go through you whlle you
crlnge lnwardly. Mllltary age males wlth mayhem ln thelr eyes, that ls ll you survlve long
enough get to see them up close. 1hey look at you menaclngly, ln thelr t-shlrts, baseball
caps and rubber sllppers. ?ou look back wlth nonchalance desplte belng terrllylngly
meltlng under thelr gaze. 8ut you dare not show lt.
1hey rudely thrust thelr wares lnto your lace. uarlng you not to make a purchase, even
ll as a ransom lor your llle or llmb. under the tense atmosphere, you could not help
dolng a llttle mental calculatlon, the total cost ol the goods they are ollerlng lor sale to
you ln tralllc ls not up to the prlce ol a lull meal ln any decent restaurant, or bukotet|o.
Pow do they get away wlth thls every day? ?et, they oller same to pollce patrols,
mllltary patrols and varlous government olllclals' spouses' convoys and motorcades,
when they are not causlng havoc on the roads wlth reckless speedlng.
?ou wonder whether any ol thls ls lor real. 1he street hawkers or the government that
has banned them lrom selllng ln tralllc.
?ou look agaln. 1hat tray holdlng less than llve hundred nalra worth ol kolanuts and
bltter kola ls what thls sun-darkened able body hard man clalms to be selllng all day?
Slnce mornlng?
1he same sun that has baked thls purported street hawker ls now settlng. And now lt ls
gettlng dark. And to thlnk that the sun was stlll ln the sky when l lelt the olllce some
couple ol hours ago. Why dldn't l walt a llttle longer lor the colleagues who have
pleaded to [oln me on the rlde home, at least to thelr varlous bus stops along the route?
8ut lt's too late now. l should have walted and allow some stall, especlally the male
colleagues, to [oln me but lt ls exactly the lear ol thls tralllc [am that made me to zoom
oll when they were not keen to leave at closlng tlme. 1hls ldea ol not leavlng belore
your supervlsors or managers or heads ol departments desplte the lact that lt's closlng
tlme and you're done lor the day ls a mere eye-servlce and hence stupld. Lxcept those
who have other ldeas anyway, llke downloadlng stulls lrom the net or chattlng wlth
thelr lrlends. So, why should l hang around almlessly ln the car park lor these llly-llvered
subordlnates meanwhlle tralllc has started bulldlng? 1he news lrom the tralllc radlo ls
not pleasant at all. Lverywhere clogged up slnce olllces close almost around the same
tlme and everyone wants to have a head start belore every other drlver.
4
Abandonlng the guys has not helped. not at all. now, here l am, all alone. Motlonless.
And to worsen the sltuatlon, dusk ls slowly but surely lllllng the clear sky and the tralllc
[am ls showlng no slgn ol abatlng. As lar as the eye can see, motor vehlcles llne up,
lenders to bumpers.
A young lady, all alone, behlnd the wheels ol lalrly brand new teot-tubbet car ls always
an endangered specle anywhere ln the world but ln Lagos, you had to be exceptlonally
brave or exceptlonally stupld ll you make lt a dally hablt. 8ut ls lt my lault that l've been
promoted to a managerlal posltlon where a status car ls part ol the perks deslgned to
trap me ln place lor the next lour years, ll l so deslre, lor the vehlcle's ownershlp to
become mlne? l'm slncerely praylng that thls car does not slgnlly my end tonlght ln thls
horrlble tralllc.
lt also does not seem as ll there would be any transcendental escape lrom thls tralllc
[am thls tlme around. 1he reallsatlon that the mlnd sometlmes actlvates a release
lunctlonlng to make a hard condltlon more durable as a latent survlval lnstlnct, or lt the
braln? Where ls the mlnd really located? lnslde our heads or somewhere else? 1he
questlon has been asked whether the braln ls the sense organ ol consclousness? Some
have descrlbed such a state ol leavlng your lmmedlate physlcal envlronment lor a more
rewardlng reallty as extreme cases ol absentmlndedness but l beg to dlsagree. l know lt
can't be what has been stated to be astral pro[ectlon. lt dldn't come as a result ol
lntense medltatlon or contemplatlon. Could the mlnd be the lnterlace wlth the braln?
1he concept ol consclousness has been the sub[ect ol many debates rlght lrom the tlme
ol Arlstotle. Cne thlng l'm certaln ol ls that lt ls exactly that state ol mlnd that has
helped me to keep my wlts about me wlthout golng crazy ln the never endlng Lagos
tralllc grldlock.
l looked around. 1here are no pollcemen ln slght and the odd ones you chanced to see
gettlng down wearlly lrom the commerclal buses trylng to run you oll your lane. 1helr
ellrontery emboldened by the lact that they have law enlorcement olllcers as
passengers, therelore above the law lor that duratlon. 1he pollcemen and women, even
ll not dlrectly encouraglng such llcence to lawlessness by the Joofo drlvers, and thelr
cooJuctots, are happy to turn the other eye as the optlon lor not paylng thelr lare and
laylng clalm to belng stoff.
Cne ol the paradoxes ln governance ln nlgerla ls that these pollce olllcers are lederal
agents. 1hey are only answerable to the lnspector Ceneral ol ollce who answers to the
resldent although there are some nlcetles such as the Mlnlster ol ollce Allalrs and the
ollce Servlce Commlsslon who recommend to and advlse the resldent as to the
3
appolntment ol the lC. 1here ls no State or Local Covernment pollce desplte the lact
that these other tlers ol government should repllcate the lederal structure as lt pertalns
to the securlty ol llves and property.
A pollceman servlng ln !lgawa State can be suddenly translerred to Akwa lbom State, a
totally allen landscape to hlm. 1hese unleash plenty ol hardshlp and lnsurmountable
challenges on the hapless pollce olllcer that would pale the noble task ol enlorclng our
laws and protectlng the weak and the nlgerlan Way lnto an lnslgnlllcant lrrltant. l
slncerely belleve thls ls one ol the reasons why most ol the pollcemen we encounter on
a dally basls are hlghly lrrltable and trlgger-happy. Cod help you ll you dare argue your
lundamental or constltutlonal rlghts wlth an angry cop clutchlng a kalashnlkov! 8ut
honestly, l have also seen pollcemen golng out ol the way above and beyond the call ol
duty to help people ln dlstress. 1hat, l personally wltnessed at Lgbeda bus-stop and l lell
ln love wlth the nlgerla ollce that day and only that day.
8ut these ones l'm looklng at now are obvlously on thelr way home and clearly not
lnterested ln keeplng any law and order or protectlng the weak and helpless. lt ls
obvlous that the tlme lor dolng that has [ust elapsed. lrom the reslgned looks on thelr
laces and the tlred way thelr carrlage suggests, even ll a wholesale murder ls taklng
place under thelr noses, that they would do so much as lllt a llnger. lt's a sltuatlon ol
'hey, 8ud, no hard leellng, but no one ls paylng overtlme around here'. nothlng, no
lorce on earth can stop them lrom looklng lorward to en[oy thelr well-earned rest and
eat supper. Let's lace the truth, they are, alter all, human. 1he ublqultous black
polythene bags popularly relerred to as polybags they are clutchlng ls clear evldence
that save lor the unllorm, they too have now become the ordlnary cltlzens golng home
lor the day.
ummmm, unllorms. We are a besleged people. ?ears ol abuslve mllltary rule have done
wonders to our mentallty. untll publlc servants are decked out ln rldlculous mllltary
unllorm, the leellng ol the overlords ls that the masses would not be cowed lnto
submlsslon. 1hat ls why lrom LAS1MA to vlC, kAl 8rlgade (lmaglne that, brlgade!) to
C8u, l8SC to nSCuC, even the health 'wolewole' olllcers, a truly ralnbow natlon ol
gaudy coloured unllorms. Lveryone ls struttlng ln thelr lancy unllorms wlth epaulettes
and [ackboot, clutchlng assorted walkle-talkles. 8ut l dlgress. Where was l? Ah!, tlred
workers golng home to rest. Ckay. lt can be a blt dlstractlng belng stuck ln tralllc.
Meanwhlle, lor some, wlth dlllerent purposes and mlsslons, the day ls [ust beglnnlng. lt
ls clearly apparent that some ol these hawkers are not lnterested ln selllng any ol the
wares they are carrylng. 1hey look as ll they are waltlng.
6
!ust waltlng. lor lt to get darker. And the lun to begln.
And there ls no escape. 1oday. 1onlght.
7
Chapter 1
lt has become notorlous that the terrlble tralllc sltuatlon ln Lagos ls gettlng out ol hand.
lt ls last becomlng the stull bad dreams are made ol, those types you long to wake up
lrom but couldn't. 1hls ls not to say that the State government has not been trylng lts
utmost best. Compared to the lederal Covernment, Lagos State has more bragglng
rlghts as shown by lts locused sense ol purpose and dlrectlon. Look at the laudable
ellorts whlch among other thlngs, blrthed the Lagos State 1ralllc Management
Authorlty (LAS1MA) (lt ls gladdenlng that the much-awalted house cleanlng has been
embarked upon by the management headed by a lormer Co [pardon the pun]
regardlng the over-zealous cadre that llrst seemed to have ran amok), creatlng
dedlcated lanes lor lts 'rapld' bus servlces, settlng up ol the much heralded 96.1 lM, the
llrst 1ralllc 8adlo ln Alrlca whlch greatest advantage, accordlng to the crltlcs, has been
catharsls, the value lt provldes road users to vent the pent-up lrustratlon assoclated
wlth tralllc bulld-ups, embarklng on the very ambltlous rall pro[ect lrom 8adagry to the
Marlna, severely restrlctlng the movement ol commerclal motorcycllsts operators
popularly known and called okada, aggresslvely lllllng pot holes on certaln roads ln the
day tlme when tralllc ls at lts apogee, and clearlng blocked dralnages wlth lts uraln
uucks.
1he lrlghtenlng news ls that all ol these ellorts seem not to be yleldlng the
deslred results. lt ls really scary when you conslder that there seems to be no
loglcal emplrlcal basls lor serlous tralllc log[am stretchlng as lar as the eye could see,
only lor you to get to where you belleved to be the eplcentre ol the go-slow and cannot
see any traller lylng belly up, no petrol tanker spewlng dangerous products, no hall-
hanglng hall-lalllng 40-loot contalner oll a truck-head and no accldent-scene ln a proper
settlng. ln lact, nothlng physlcally known seems to be responslble lor the break ln
tralllc. 1hls shows that the current palllatlves are at best a scratchlng ol the surlaces ol
the endemlc problem. And we know that cosmetlcs eventually wear oll.
Lagos State, dubbed the Centre ol Lxcellence, was created on 27 May, 1967 and touted
to be the economlc, llnanclal and commerclal nerve centre ol nlgerla and the LCCWAS
responslble lor 63 ol nlgerlan Cu and over 70 ol the natlonal lndustrlal
lnvestments. ll the devastatlng tralllc sltuatlon that ls worsenlng every passlng moment
ls not conlronted head-on, all these sterllng achlevements could gradually be hlstory.
1he ad[usted olllclal census llgure lor Lagos ls 19mllllon souls but we know lor sure that
the unolllclal populatlon ol Lagos ls about 23mllllon and countlng. Wlth a very llmlted
8
land area, Lagos ls approachlng a demographlc nlghtmare ll the current trend should
contlnue. 1hose probably lnlormed the proactlve measures belng taken by the State
Covernment to check the wanton ease wlth whlch anyone (lncludlng rabld terrorlst
groups) could enter and locate ln the State to the detrlment ol other legltlmate
resldents and addlng more pressure on the avallable lacllltles and utllltles.
1here are already whlspers whether the newly lormed 8esldents 8eglstratlon Agency, ln
a country where the last credlble census exerclse was ln 1816, would be able to (or
allowed to) capture the actual number ol resldents ln Lagos as thls could be a double
edged sword ln the murky polltlcs ol nlgerla. Would resldency now be dellned as a state
or lederatlon matter? What yardstlck do you apply to categorlse those who are to be
deported to thelr state ol orlgln? ls there a trlbunal wlth a clear cut guldellne ln charge
ol determlnlng whether or not thls exerclse could be abused? Are there provlslons lor
appeal? Pow dld thls lssue even start? Where would lt end?
Wlth thls bold and radlcal step ln urban renewal, we can expect that alter the vagrants,
the ooo compos meot|s, the homeless and those wlthout any vlslble means ol llvellhood
are summarlly deported to thelr home states, lt ls a matter ol tlme that those wlth
dlllerent polltlcal leanlngs would soon leel the heat. uoes thls mean that wlth tlme,
accordlng to hlstorlcal antecedents, those wlth trlbal marklngs, skln complexlon,
dlllerent rellglous alllllatlons or sexual orlentatlons should not sleep wlth thelr two eyes
closed as long as thls exerclse lasts?
Wlth an envlable lnternally-generated revenue war chest (reportedly over n40 bllllon
monthly), the regular though unolllclal 'ralnmaklng' exerclses and the hlghly regarded,
though classllled securlty vote a.k.a. Contlngent Spend a.k.a. vote lor Securlty, the State
government could well allord to set up a 'hlgh-powered' Commlsslon, headed by a
prlvate sector technocrat, to look lnto the actual causes ol tralllc challenges ln the
State. 1o contlnue wlth the status quo and hoplng that thlngs would get better by
themselves ls wlshlul thlnklng ll not madness. 1hlngs are really gettlng worse. lt ls
lancllul and llvlng ln denlal ol reallty to contlnue repeatlng the worn cllche ol how
would Lagos have been wlthout the emergence ol LAS1MA. A more enterprlslng
approach wlth a vlew to a permanent solutlon would be to swallow the humble ple and
look at thls phenomenon that seems to dely conventlonal and orthodox measures ln a
lresh llght.
9
8ecommendatlons should then be glven the utmost prlorlty. lt ls then that the polltlcal
wlll backlng such practlcal alternatlves would rld us all ol a sltuatlon whereby bllllons ln
nalra and the nalra equlvalent (measured ln broken stull: broken hopes, broken
dreams, broken homes, broken buslnesses, broken vehlcle parts) are wasted ln
senseless delays and lrustratlon leadlng to severe health problems lrom hypertenslon
and other related allllctlons.
1he heavy pollutlon lrom the exhausts ol knocked apart englnes has swamped the last
lresh alr blown ln lrom the Atlantlc ln the metropolls. ln !apan, any car emlttlng noxlous
lumes ls lmpounded and taken to the crushlng yard. Apparently, what applles to the
!apanese does not apply to Lagoslans, the rlght to llll one's lungs wlth clean and
breathable alr. Most tlmes, l have had to put on my car's headllghts ln the dayllght as
the result ol the thlck black smokes lssulng lrom some heavy trucks, and whlch the
hlghly lauded lmported buses ol the government have [olned the ranks.
10
1aken as a whole, pollutlon ls a very blg challenge ln Lagos, alr pollutlon, nolse pollutlon,
oll pollutlon, water pollutlon and lately, electromagnetlc radlatlon pollutlon lrom
telecommunlcatlon masts lltterlng the metropolls. Lverywhere you go, at home, on the
road, at work. l constantly experlence smartlng chest, throat and nostrlls lrom lnhallng
carbon monoxlde lrom dlesel and petrol generators at work and home due to the
natlonal pathetlc power problem, motor vehlcle exhausts, unchecked or lack ol tlght
emlsslon standards lor lndustrlal manulacturers (those that have not relocated to
Chana ln search ol more conduclve envlronment) dottlng the landscape and now golng
lrom the lnlormatlon provlded by a lrlend lrom the olllce, radlolrequency radlatlons
lrom telecommunlcatlon masts lndlscrlmlnately located all over the State.
lt ls not heart-warmlng that the lnternatlonal Agency lor 8esearch on Cancer has
classllled dlesel englne exhaust as carclnogenlc to humans havlng establlshed that there
ls an lncreased rlsk ol lung and bladder cancer lrom exposure to thls pollutant.
Come to thlnk ol lt, do you actually need to embark upon a serlous research to hlghllght
the lmmedlate solutlons to tralllc problems on the llmlted roads? 8eally? What about
solutlons starlng us ln the laces such as empowerlng local government counclls and
releaslng thelr total allocatlons to them, bulldlng more roads, more brldges, llyovers,
bypasses, trams, underground tralns et cetera (whlch would also provlde heavy
employment opportunltles lor the populace and related servlces provlders). lt ls also
the government's mandate to encourage lnvestments ln alternatlve transportatlon
medla. l have olten notlced lerrles ol dlllerent slzes lylng alongslde the [etty at
Llegbata, Lbute-Lro and the Waterways Authorlty can really make a blg lmpact
repllcatlng lerry servlces throughout the State glvlng the 881 and LAC8SuS lolks a run
lor thelr money as the State ls almost surrounded by water. 1hls should slgnlllcantly
ease tralllc on land. Who wants to drlve or be trapped ln commerclal vehlcles when a
more comlortable alternatlve exlsts?
8ut ls anyone serlously thlnklng about maklng llle easler lor the cltlzenry? ln whose
ultlmate lnterest ls lt ll llle ls actually made easler lor the masses? Won't they demand
lor more? Won't they start asklng questlons about how they are belng governed and
ask lor more accountablllty and transparency ol the commonwealth? 1hat can't be
allowed to happen and so, any meanlnglul development that would take place must
happen plecemeal.
ll the above sounds cynlcal, then how else would you ratlonallse the annoylngly llttle or
no serlous ellorts to deallng wlth the maddenlng tralllc problem that has been
bedevllllng the metropolls lor more than two decades and gettlng worse every passlng
11
day. Cuestlons are belng asked by those who are dally allected by thls phenomenon
that ls shortenlng lllespans ll those saddled wlth governance couldn't be too bothered.
?es, these have thelr prlvate [ets and hellcopters whlle ll they must be terrestrlally-
dlsposed, there ls the alr-condltloned, slren-blastlng motorcade maklng llle mlserable
lor the generallty. Pow then would a dlscernlng observer come to the cold concluslon
that the neglect or relusal to ensure that the roads are permanently llxed ls not a
dellberate pollcy to ensure a perpetual cycle ol contracts awards and lts attendant
klckbacks or lrom the other end ol the spectrum, another mean to keep the sheeple
preoccupled wlth sheer survlval and llmlt the tlme lor so dolng ln endless tralllc log[ams
so that they do not get sulllclent rest and tlme to ask too many questlons about
governance or the lack ol lt.
Cr could thls seemlng lntractable transportatlon problem solely due to the poor state ol
the roads? 1he reluctance to treat other alternatlves to road transportatlon ls suspect,
wlth the way the state ls balloonlng uncontrollably, burstlng at lts seams. Cr could lt be
clty plannlng gone awry? urban orderllness ran amok? Cr could lt be the sum ol all
these and more?
12
We have been lnundated and regaled wlth anecdotal accounts borderlng on apocalyptlc
proportlons ol how the tralllc sltuatlon has gone beyond the ordlnary. 1he best verslon
stlll remalns a traveller who met her parents returnlng lrom the States at the lke[a
alrport on her way to Abu[a lor an olllclal meetlng and who when comlng back later ln
the day alter her Abu[a meetlng got home ln vlctorla lsland belore these parents who
had been trapped ln a heavy tralllc all day!
lor those who use thelr eyes and heads, lt ls no bralner to llgure out that the traumatlc
tralllc problems currently belng experlenced on a dally basls along the lyana lpa[a-Abule
Lgba route could be halved ll not totally solved wlth the constructlon ol a llyover
dlrectly llnklng Crlle-Agege to lle-Lpo-Lkoro-lpa[a. 8y dolng thls, resldents ol Allmosho
Local Covernment Area who have no buslness golng to turn at Abule-Lgba and would
easlly access thelr homes and buslnesses. 1hls, wlthout the arduous task ol [am-packlng
the Cko-Cba-Abule-Lgba [unctlon wlth those travellers golng to Alakuko-A[egunle-Cta-
llo-Abeokuta axls. 1hls ls the type ol creatlve thlnklng that ls demanded to tackle the
problems ol Lagos macabre tralllc. not only thlnklng out ol the box as some would
recommend but evolvlng the mentallty that there ls no box to start wlth ln the llrst
place.
lt ls also mlnd numblng that no one ln the government, elther ln the Mlnlstry ol
1ransportatlon or whoever ol the Alausa overlords had yet llgured out the reason why
there ls a predlctable but annoylng tralllc grldlock along lyana-lpa[a stretchlng down to
leasure and lle-Lpo bus stops comlng lrom Abule Lgba, that ls lnbound Cshodl. A
constructlon llrm recently worked on the Agege slde ol the lyana-lpa[a road, maklng llle
hell lor commuters and resldents ol the ad[olnlng property. Pope was however hlgh
that the problems assoclated wlth thls stretch ol the road are llnally over only lor the
13
dlscovery that the scope ol works lnexpllcably dld not lnclude the other slde ol the
expressway.
now, every mornlng, long tralllc [am snaklng lrom lyana-lpa[a under the brldge ls the
norm. A commentator wryly observed that untll a top government olllclal relocates to
that area, a very unllkely prospect, the problem would never be addressed. 1he same
commentator remarked that some tralllc grldlock on Lagos roads go beyond the
physlcal as they have some mysterlous aspect to them and exorclsm would be needed
to solve some road lssues. Pow else would you explaln why trallers always eerlly walt
untll they get to a bottle neck belore lrreparably breaklng down? Sometlmes ln a blzarre
mechanlcal solldarlty wlth another broken down traller. 1hls dlabollcal angle ls lurther
consldered below wlth a prollered solutlon.
lt ls shocklng that another lactor responslble lor the murderous tralllc sltuatlon on that
partlcular stretch ol the road ls the absence ol pedestrlan brldges save lor the one at
lke[a-Along bus stop. lrom Cshodl to Alakuko, one ol the buslest and longest spans ol
roads ln the State, pedestrlans rlsk llves and llmbs, and sometlmes lose out when
dashlng across the expressway (same wlth the Mlle 2-8adagry 8oad!). lt ls lncredlble
that the stakeholders (and they are plenty) have not marched eo mosse to the
Covernor's olllce, a recognlsed ellectlve method lor galnlng the attentlon ol and
puttlng the government machlnery lnto actlon, the v|btoot press has also [olned ln the
consplracy ol sllence. ?et the body counts cllmb hlgher.
A tlme-tested advlce lound lnscrlbed on bolekojos ol yore states Many Pave Cone, 8e
Carelul". We can take a llttle llberty ln para-phraslng thls lnto a plea lor llle savlng
pedestrlan brldges on thls road - Many Are Colng!, lease uo Somethlng!" the latest
gory event belng the woman who was crushed to her death ln the very early hours ol
the mornlng, about 3 a.m., alter scrambllng across the medlan, ln the thlck darkness as
there are no streetllghts and even ll there were, would there have been power?
resumably golng to eke out a llvlng, wlth her baby stlll strapped to her back.
Worthy ol note ls the stretch ol road leadlng lrom Adealu bus stop to lyana-lpa[a bus
stop, that ls outbound Cshodl. 1he pot holes have horrlbly graduated lnto terrlble
trenches. What used to be annoylng llttle holes on the expressway are now terrllylng
klng-slze obstacle courses as a result ol our legendary penchant as a people to lgnore
problem untll they worsen especlally slnce a stltch ln tlme would not lead to mega
contract lees belng awarded lor same. ll lt ls not dellberate that we know the rlght thlng
to do and lalled to do so, why do we always walt tlll the last hour when lt ls almost too
14
late and preclous llves have been lost? ln a slmllar veln, lar-reachlng salety relorms
would not be rolled out and lmplemented untll a dlsaster occurs llke alrcralt crash.
8esldents have, ln the mean tlme when the government olllclals are grappllng wlth how
to contlnue applylng unworkable solutlons to the tralllc lssues, devlsed ways to survlve
the dreary and bleak reallty ol the Lagos roads. Lest l lorget, let me hasten to add that
not all ol the tralllc problems are ol natural causes as some are percelved to be outrlght
sabotage.
13
16
Chapter 2
ll as earller touched upon, the recurrent road problems are uselul lor successlve
admlnlstratlons ol government to make themselves relevant (and extremely wealthy)
by awardlng contracts lor the repalrs and malntenance ol these roads, then lt stands to
reason that our road problems wlll never end.
uue to the esoterlc Jyoom|cs ol contracts blddlng and awards, government
'contractors' olten do not use the quallty materlals and personnel whlch are artlculated
ln the contracts documents. 1he resultlng ellect ls substandard roads whlch start lalllng
apart belore they are even commlssloned. ?ou marvel at the speed whereby contracts
are belng reawarded lor roads that are [ust barely repalred or rehabllltated. Are we to
belleve that a malntenance or post-completlon perlod was not lncluded ln government
constructlon contracts?
?ou only can wonder ll any retentlon, sub[ect to the terms and ol the tender document,
ls provlded lor. 1he recent use ol the government publlc works corporatlon ls
commendable except ll these clvll englneers could exerclse more sklll ln the resurlaclng
17
and potholes relllllng they always engage upon ln the mlddle ol hot alternoons lurther
exacerbatlng the horrlble tralllc experlences we all are gettlng used to. 8ut how else do
we expect resldents to know to what use thelr tax monles are partly belng expended on
ll these remedlal works are belng done ln the mldnlght?
l remembered a colleague ln the olllce telllng me that there are reports ol novel
schemes whereby contracts are awarded at lower value and ln-between the award and
the executlon, that contract would be revlewed two, three tlmes hlgher than the lnltlal
award sum.
1hese are common wlth the lederal government's contracts but who says a leal cannot
be borrowed across the dlvlde? All ol the lssues about 'uue rocess' are now belng
convenlently thrown aslde ln leatherlng ol nests. We've heard tales ol 'no-blds
contracts' and 'lrrevocable standlng payments' but the matter ol selectlve tenderlng
wlthout advertlsement beggars bellel.
Colossal and mouth-waterlng lunds are exchanglng hands ln the name ol contracts but
the reallty ls that there ls nothlng to show ln [ustllylng these huge allocatlons. 1he roads
are stlll poorly constructed and the gaplng potholes bear testlmonles to the lnlerlorlty
ln plannlng, executlon, materlals and longevlty ol these pro[ects.
18
19
lllled potholes are ol another gradlent wlth the exlstlng roads belng relnstated and
sllghtly elevated mounds are the results ol these repalr works. Are we supposed to be
gratelul that the potholes have been lllled and dare not complaln about the resultant
mounds that are not a motorlst's dellght especlally when you are on a hlgh speed. Many
ellorts at straddllng large potholes have lalled when the alternatlve optlon ol swervlng
vlolently to avoldlng these would dellnltely lead to ghastly ll not latal accldents.
8ut the key word here ls the temeJ|ol works belng carrled out as these are stlll the
exlstlng road networks slnce lndependence (not the nlgerlan llag lndependence ol 1960
but the lndependence ol Lagos Colony on 3 March, 1862). Lxceptlons belng lor the very
lew new constructlons ln 'strateglc' locatlons, say ln 8ourdllllon 8oad or Cylnkan
Abayoml's urlve ln lkoyl (where the ellte have substantlal current and luture lnterests,
that ls) as opposed to Alla-nla or A[angbadl. untll when the same quallty attentlon
belng pald to tralllc management at lalomo or Akln Adesola ls also pald to vehlcular
tralllc on Alol/Cke opo or lola-Agoro/8a[ulaye that we can be sure that hope ls rlslng
lor other resldents ln the State.
?et, some lew not so elltlst areas have en[oyed super roads, ln the llght ol what exlst
elsewhere. lt ls a [oy to now crulse along the lsherl-lgando-lyana lba road and pure
ecstasy to drlve on the lgbo-Llerln revamped by-pass to and lrom the 8adagry
Lxpressway. When would these be repllcated all over Lagos so that the government can
beat lts chest and throw a challenge to the lederal Covernment to learn lrom the
masters, the art ol belng locused and to tackle the power problem the same way and
manner?
8elng the acclalmed commerclal nerve centre ol the whole country, Lagos serves as a
magnetlc lorce lor every buslness-mlnded persons, lndlvldual and corporate, who have
goods and servlces to oller. 1hls brlngs us to the other type ol sabotage belng
perpetuated on the roads. Craters olten maglcally appear overnlght on a stretch ol road
whlch were not vlslble the prevlous nlght. vlslons ol possessed personages armed wlth
dlggers and shovels leverlshly dlgglng potholes when other mortals sleep are not hard
to lmaglne, but no other ratlonal explanatlon exlsts to [ustlly the appearances ol
potholes and gullles whlch due to heavy tralllc on these lew roads become manholes
and dltches wlthln hours.
1he theory has been advanced that some speclal lorces unlts ol the uncoordlnated
army ol traders, vendors, hawkers dolng brlsk buslnesses on these roads are
responslble lor lurlously dlgglng most ol the pot holes lound on very busy roads when
we are not looklng.
20
What could be responslble to the extreme dedlcatlon these lolks would go too to
ensure that the buyers have access to thelr goods and servlces notwlthstandlng any
challenge? What extreme dedlcatlon to buslness would make a cllque to overrlde other
conslderatlons ln the bld to ensure and engender a very sustalnable buslness
envlronment?
When you carelully analyse thls theory, one wlll come to the reallsatlon ol the lact that
what are belng sold on Lagos roads constltute llle ltsell to [ustlly the battle cry, by any
means necessary! A black economy on the upswlng. We have everythlng lrom essentlal
commodltles such as rat polson powders, sugar cane, watermelon, oranges, nlcely
peeled pawpaw and bananas, lrult salad, hot golden pull-pulls and buns (lor those ln
the know, there are routes where you get hot kt ln the mornlng on your way to
work and lresh dellclous mlomlo ln the evenlng on your way home), recharge cards,
stolen handsets, stolen smart phones, stolen wrlstwatches, stolen [ewellerles, unlversal
phone chargers, alr-lresheners, yoghurt, perlumes, potato and plantaln chlps, energy-
savlng llght bulbs, exotlc lncenses to ward oll evll splrlts (thls would probably be very
uselul lor those unexplalned tralllc hold-ups whlch causes could not be readlly
ascertalned as stated above), prayer beads ol varlous slzes, shoe pollsh, plrated Cus and
uvus, Jes|qoet wrlst-watches (stolen and not), Jes|qoet sunshades, portable llre-
extlngulshers, leather products such as sandals, belts, whlp, corkscrew, key holders, bed
covers, duvets, envelopes, batterles, torch/llash llghts, hats and caps, male and lemale
underwear, handkerchlels, lresh meat and lresh, smoked, roasted, drled llsh to
hardware such as gardenlng shears, barblng cllppers and klts to varlous assortments
21
requlred lor dally llvlng llke soaps and detergents, toothpastes and toothbrushes,
chlldren and adult toys, newspapers, magazlnes (mostly [unk), hard to get
controverslal bestsellers llke ueoth by urones: 1he New loce of uemocrocy, ln
6ods Nome, 4qoin!!, '1error in 4frico: urones, ueoth 8 uemocrocy", bulletlns and
dlllerent grades ol drlnklng water ol dublous orlgln and bubble/chewlng gums and
peppermlnts wlth enough aspartame to glve the whole ol Alrlca masslve braln damage!
Pence, the stakes are really hlgh.
.
Although the State government clalmed to have outlawed tradlng and begglng or
gatherlng alms, glvlng ol alms, lltterlng by passengers ln vehlcles, et cetera, on the
roads, the actual enlorcement, llke every other lmportant pollcy, has been lacklustre
due to the absence ol a practlcal alternatlve. 1he lact should have now sunk ln that over
leglslatlon has lts drawbacks. Cnce a problem has been ldentllled, optlons should be
consldered belore such a problem ls tackled. very soon, normal latlgue over the
constant churnlng ol leglslatlon would soon develop and the government would have
no one to blame when cltlzens begln to lgnore laws whlch are not reallstlc and
lncapable ol enlorcement. A terse response by one ol the targeted to the plethora ol
laws belng churned out by the State Covernment and the lncessant arrests wlth
conllscatlon ol hls goods ls thls: na dem go tlre! 1hls summed up the unrelentlng
attltude, unquenchable splrlt and the tenaclty ol productlve purpose whlch are sorely
needed ln government olllces and corrldors. Pow so?
22
1he day that l wltnessed a Joofo conductor whose bus ran out ol luel mld-trlp golng to
purchase petrol wlth a polytbeoebag, and the petrol lllllng statlon obllglngly selllng 4
lltres ol hlgh llammable premlum motor splrlt, aptly descrlbed as the most
dangerous materlal ln peacetlme, lnto an unstable nylon contalner and hlm dashlng
across a very busy 4-lane hlghway wlth the sloshlng polytbeoe bag held wlth both hands
and pantlng as he poured same lnto the gas tank ol a rlckety bus lull ol passengers, was
when l knew that nothlng, absolutely nothlng can conquer the lrrepresslble nal[a
survlvallst splrlt!
lt ls hoped that the lesson would soon slnk ln, as wlsely noted by !onathan Swllt, that lt
ls a great dlsadvantage to llght wlth those who have nothlng to lose but lt should also
be acknowledged that none so deal as those that wlll not hear.
An ob[ectlve observer would note that there exlsts a vacuum, lndeed an opportunlty
whlch these traders, vendors and hawkers are lllllng by the servlces belng provlded and
ll that vold ls not lully lnvestlgated and examlned well, the law ol demand wlll contlnue
to guarantee regular supply by these traders, vendors and hawkers. 1ruth be told, thls
wrlter has recently concluded a lumlgatlon contract whlle ln tralllc. 1he bloke's shop
was rlght by the roadslde and tlred ol the cockroaches hldlng all over my house, called
hlm over and we negotlated and concluded on the contract whlle the tralllc was
motlonless. Apart lrom belng a tlme lor a sober rellectlon, to revlew one's llle's
actlvltles or lack thereol, Lagos tralllc has lts hlgh polnts. 1hat ls ll your rellectlon was
not rudely dlsturbed by the sudden materlallsatlon ol a lethal locally-made handgun or
a sharp dagger lrom beneath a well-packaged sausage carton!
lt ls therelore loglcal that trades and buslnesses that could only llourlsh and bloom ln
terrlble tralllc should be hlghly suspect as an elllclent tralllc movement would clearly
spell doom lor such a lraglle buslness plan based on crawllng cars and thelr occupants.
8umours lnevltably started that most ol the potholes we llnd on certaln strateglc routes
are the ellect ol hydrochlorlc acld that have been poured, whlle men slept, as a sure llre
lnltlatlve to weaken the structural lntegrlty ol these roads. 1hese eventually result lnto
those pesky craters we come across on the expressway and busy lnner roads. 1heses
the bane ol our vehlcles' suspenslons and wheel racks. 1hls acld(lc) theory certalnly has
some loglc to lt slnce some ol the potholes are almost perlectly cyllndrlcal, a mean leat
ll lndeed they are natural occurrences and the mysterlous manner they suddenly
appear (except we broach the lrlnge and accept the mysterlous potholes as the Alrlcan
answer to crop clrcles!). 8ut ll lt's slmply a matter ol cu| booo, then there are many
culprlts. We should be able to add the luel marketers to the llst as they get to sell more
petrol and therelore benellt lrom heavy tralllc sltuatlons.
23
An unlortunate consequence ol sub[ectlng new vehlcles wlth brlght luture and hlgh
hopes to the hazards ol Lagos roads ls that many ol them have unwlttlngly become
24
premature candldates ol the unlque but dreaded locatlons ln Lagos State called Cwode-
Cnlrln, ASAMuA and Ladlpo markets.
23
Chapter 3
1he State Lnvlronmental and Speclal Cllences (Lnlorcement) unlt has admlttedly
shown lt cannot keep the entrepreneurlal splrlt ol these traders down desplte the
serlous abuse ol clvll rlghts ol these men, women and chlldren whenever the task lorce
mounts lts ollenslve agalnst these so called-hawkers, lrom brutallslng and lllegal
selzures ol wares (the subsequent dlsposal ls a matter stlll shrouded ln olllclal secrecy.
Cne could only wonder what has happened to all those tubers ol yam you see belng
carted away ln those black trucks). Awards should be glven lnstead to these men and
women ol commerce who are ensurlng that the needs ol the hapless commuters on our
roads lnslde lntractable tralllc are duly met, lnstead ol belng harassed by hungry men
wleldlng assault weapons operatlng under the tltle ol Covernor's Clllce 1ask lorce.
26
Let's be a llttle honest here. Well chllled pute wotet and the bottled compatrlot, soda
and [ulce drlnks ol varylng slzes, beel rolls and sausages, popcorn (the speclal one made
lrom mlcrowave ovens, very crunchy, very tasty and very cancer-lnduclng lrom all those
nlce radlcals! 1ake your plck, hydroxyl, perorxl or super - orxyl) and lresh loaves ol
bread (hot Agege, Chana, 1ogo, even lrench baguettes. ?ou've not been ln tralllc long ll
you haven't seen toast lor sale), lrled and smoked llsh whlch have saved many llves and
marrlages ln Lagos tralllc. 1he tale has been told that some people play 'game' (a.k.a.
8obo ljebu) ln tralllc ln a certaln locale ol Mushln although thls ls yet to be
lndependently verllled. We should also acknowledge that these llle-savlng servlces
come at a great cost and huge rlsks to the preclous llves and llmbs ol these sellers who
constltute a latter day Pawkers Sans lrontleres. Some have even sworn that they have
seen llve cattle on sale ln tralllc!
1he zeal, dedlcatlon and energy wlth whlch these hawkers go about thelr collectlve
trades are exemplary and should be a commendable template, especlally lor
government workers. ?es, the Covernor has marvelled at the dexterlty ol these lolks
whlle selllng ln tralllc and should also go a step lurther ln calllng oll those huntlng them
down wlth automatlc rllles. ?ou would dellnltely empathlse wlth thelr apparent
convlctlon that all people have the rlght to goods and servlces on our roads durlng
tralllc regardless ol race, rellglon, creed or polltlcal alllllatlon, and that the needs ol
these people outwelgh respect lor draconlan laws. And truly, llke thelr namesake, many
27
have lallen, ln[ured and malmed ln the llne ol duty and some have pald the supreme
prlce. (Let us solemnly observe a moment ol sllence lor the departed).
1herelore, the average Lagoslan ls guaranteed breaklast, lunch and dlnner and supper
at a modest cost. ln all lalrness, ll the government lnslsts gettlng rld ol and punlshlng
these hawkers, vendors and sellers, the same law, ln all good consclence and equlty
should apply to the buyers and consumers ol the goods and servlces ol these sellers.
What ls sauce to the goose need not be latal to the gander ln thls case.
Concernlng thls lantastlc urban legend that some rogue hawkers dellberately damage
the roads ln order to cause tralllc lor better sales, now that the survelllance cameras
belng mounted at every lntersectlons and roads, we are conlldent that the government
would soon release lootages ol these road wreckers caught ln the act |o floqtoote
Jel|cto. lt ls hoped that by that tlme, streetllghts would be lunctlonal as most are
currently not worklng. Who knows whether these cameras are lnlrared-enabled, a lact
dependable on whether they are llrst, second, thlrd, smart or next generatlon
technology.
lt ls lnterestlng and remalns to be seen how the CC1v would be elllclently powered ln
an envlronment notorlous lor unrellable power supply. Would generators now be used
to power these securlty cameras [ust the way llghtlngs lor Chrlstmas and Lld-el
lestlvltles are belng powered along Allred 8ewane (klngsway), Alausa and other select
roads and locatlons? Can you lmaglne the cost ol luelllng that would be requlred? 8ut
why the worry? ll the prlvate sector could |mposs|bly mount huge generator-powered
electronlc blllboards along 8erger at the onset ol the 1hlrd Malnland 8rldge, two at
Adenl[l, one at Leglco and several all over the State whlch are conslstently powered,
why would the State llnd the powerlng ol lts CC1vs dllllcult?
28
lt also a cold lact that no amount ol CC1v has ever been known to reduce or eradlcate
crlme. More cosmetlc solutlons lrom an admlnlstratlon berelt ol ldeas? Are these slgns
that our satraps are now at thelr wlt's end? Let lt be known now and lor all tlme that lt
ls never ln the best lnterest ol the government, any government lor that matter, to
eradlcate crlme. lt ls naive to thlnk that the mandarlns ln government would actually
want to solve problems permanently. ll the government solved our problems, there
would be no lurther need lor government. So, our problems, and they are many: legal,
economlc, soclal, educatlonal, health, houslng, crlme, tralllc are all here to stay! All we
can hope lor are the hall-hearted attempts to amellorate and mltlgate the lmpact ol
these problems on our collectlve llves especlally when these lssues also dlrectly allect
those holdlng the relns ol allalrs.
1he best CC1v-lnlested cltles ln the world, lor example, London, where a rash ol CC1vs
are almost at par wlth the number ol lts resldent, have shown the way to go about
combatlng crlme. Well-equlpped and motlvated pollce lorce wlth a reasonable standard
29
ol educatlon and a smooth admlnlstratlve system, unllke the bloated and over-worked
central and unltary colonlal-lnherlted mysterlous contraptlon wlth the command and
control solely located ln Aso 8ock (contrary to all known and accepted practlces ol a
lederal government), a lorce known more lor occupatlon and oppresslon than a
proactlve crlme-dlscouraglng entlty. CC1vs are complementary to a good pollce
structure already on ground, not vlce versa. 8ut what do l know?
ln all llkellhood, the CC1vS belng deployed would put a sudden stop to the road
destructlon, rltual murders on the 1hlrd Malnland 8rldge at unholy hours, those who
carry and place sacrlllces at [unctlons [ust belore dawn, spate ol kldnapplngs and
abductlons and other vlolent crlmes ln general. 1he lact that the embattled Abu[a CC1v
pro[ect awarded at the prlncely sum ol $470mllllon, as part ol the much lauded nlgerla
ubllc Securlty Communlcatlon System (nSCS) lalled woelully should not suggest that
Lagos's won't succeed.
8ut ll we chose to belleve and run wlth thls acldlc [ustlllcatlon, how would we then
account lor the uncanny condltlon ol the road along Candos/Cardozo road leadlng to
8aruwa lnslde, especlally at the latter portlon ol the road as well as the contlguous area
ol Ayobo and Abesan?
l recently lound mysell ln a gorge so deep that lt would easlly swallow a reasonable
slzed car were lt to raln on thls route speclllcally at Cemlnl bus stop. l do not thlnk thls
ls the work ol a devlous road hawker but a stark symptom ol a serlous neglect and
mlsplaced prlorltles by the managers ol road networks ln the State. uo we have a
bureaucracy that ls devold ol lateral thlnklng? Where lndependent creatlvlty ls
consldered a threat to the exlstlng old order ol malntalnlng the status quo and
therelore worthy ol punlshment lnstead ol belng rewarded and encouraged? Where all
credlts lor laudable lnltlatlves must be attrlbuted to the Lxecutlve honcho or else?
Anyone who leels that the good people and resldents ol Amukoko do not deserve good
roads must be smoklng pot. Pow then CC1vs-hostlng poles are clearly mlsslng lrom
certaln rustlc locatlons ln Lagos? Are these dellberate or these areas not worthy to be
part ol and under the watchlul eye ol blg brother? 1he speed at whlch the unwashed
gets to be part ol the great development ls worrlsome as compared to speclal locatlons
ln the State.
30
lt ls therelore lnevltable that all ol the lake lawnlng and excesslve delerence to State
executlves and the resldent eventually lead to hubrls. And plenty ol potholes on the
roads lor good measure. lt has recently been suggested that ll a hlgh-altltude aerlal
snapshot ol nlgerlan road network were to be taken lrom the nlg-Sat [uggernaut ln low
geostatlonary orblt, lt would reveal a large strlp ol potholes marred by some lew good
portlons ol normal roads, mostly concentrated ln the lC1, Mlnna, lkoyl and the Lekkl-
A[ah axls!
31
Another vlslble ma[or cause lor tralllc on Lagos roads could be attrlbuted to the
actlvltles ol natlonal unlon ol 8oad 1ransport Workers (nu81W) but delvlng lnto thls
hypothesls would take a lull thesls. l crlnge at the mere thought. 8ut we all know why
thls problem wlll not be addressed by the current crop ol polltlclans, at least not ln thl s
llletlme.
8ut l dlgress. Lagoslans ln tralllc [ams olten cope by sleeplng, even by those behlnd the
wheel. Some dlstract themselves by eatlng and drlnklng. Cthers read newspapers and
books. Some talk. Cthers curse. Some doodle. Cthers palnt. Some make thelr wllls. 1hen
there are the chronlc road users who have graduated lrom these mundane solutlons to
combatlng boredom ln tralllc and have, unconsclously, adopted a most creatlve
approach to survlvlng tralllc snarls.
1hls phenomenon occurs ln two phases, the llrst ls restlessness, when you cannot walt
to get out ol the tralllc [am and be on your way and the second ls when you accept wlth
a stolc equanlmlty worthy ol the 8uddha that there ls absolutely nothlng you can do to
make the wretched tralllc move on. 1he latter leellng ls the key whlch opens the portal
meant to allevlate the huge abuse the human mlnd and body are belng been sub[ected
to as a result ol the punlshlng ellects ol belng stranded ln unmovlng tralllc grldlock lor
hours on end, every day, every week, every month and every year.
1he braln olten shuts down crltlcal systems and processes out ol sell-preservatlon when
there ls a heavy shock whlch lt cannot cope wlth. A traumatlc experlence such as that
olten lnstantly leads to a lalnt or at worse, a coma as a sell-delence mechanlsm meant
to protect the organlsm and ensure lts survlval, even ll as a vegetable! A tralllc [am ls
gradual ln lts debllltatlng ellect, medlcal practltloners wlll let you know. And the ellect
ol such a long term punlshment lnevltably leads to an avoldance strategy by the body to
prevent lurther damage to the mlnd and lnternal organs, notably the kldneys, the llver,
the spleen and the bladder. Cne's hlps, thlghs, knee [olnts are guaranteed to suller
contlnuously lrom constant tralllc hold ups.
8ecent studles have shown lt only happens to drlvers, not the passengers ln the motor
vehlcles. 1hese drlvers olten leel themselves drlltlng as a way to combat the humdrum
ol slttlng ln one locatlon and starlng at long rows ol cars ln unendlng lanes wlth no
vlslble resolutlon ln slght. 1he restless ones come out ol thelr cars looklng lor a bush to
take a leak, stretch out thelr achlng legs, and every other thlng except to slttlng down
motlonlessly. 1hese are not the ones under relerence here. 1hose lall under the llrst
phase and may spend years belore actlvatlng the second and crltlcal phase.
32
1hese second phasers, alter the reallty has llnally dawned that a slgnlllcant and
substantlal portlon ol the lllespan ls golng to be spent ln Lagos tralllc and there ls no
escaplng lt, sllp lnto a state ol nlrvana rlght behlnd the steerlng. Maybe lt has to do wlth
synaptlc overload or whether the phenomenologlcal ellects ol the rearrangement ol
cognltlve assoclatlons are external or lnternal, sclentlsts wlll later tell us. lt starts wlth
lnltlally thlnklng ol other thlngs totally at varlance to the task at hands, a sort ol
daydreamlng, even when lt ls nlght tlme.
!ust ask regular road users on Carage-Sabo 8oundabout-ltamaga, ltokln-Sagamu 8oad
axls belore the LASC1LCP 1
st
Cate, Cgunnusl 8oad-Cgba-Agege en Clnema-Cko Cba-
Abattolr-Abule Lgba route, lponrl-lunsho Wllllams-Costaln-l[ora route, 8enson-lkorodu
8oundabout, Abule Csun-Cnlreke-lyana lba, lla[e-8arracks, Agldlngbl-Cmole-Crammar
School-C[odu-8erger, Admlralty clrcle 1oll gate lrom Maroko-4
th
8oundabout-3
th
8oundabout by !akande Lstate-Chevron 8oundabout-new 1oll gate-A[ah !unctlon alter
vCC, l[anlkln-Alromedla-Ckokomalko-Alaba 8ago-lyana lba-AbuleAdo (most parts ol
thls road resemble lunar landscape wlth craters and gullles), Cwode Cnlrln-Mlle 12
under brldge-kosole-ketu-C[ota, lle-Lpo-C[a Cba-Abule-Lgba-Salolo-A[egunle-Abeokuta
Lxpressway, 7-up-C[ota-Maryland, Ma[ldun-Agrlc, lkorodu-Lagos Lxpressway, Ltl-Csa-
Lekkl-A[ah-Lpe Lxpressway, Z-Cdogunyan-ltaluwo, Cregun-Clusosun-C[ota-Maryland,
Capltol 8oad-Alla nla-Cke koto-1abontabon-Cengeto-Cko Cba, Apapa-Cshodl
Lxpressway that was constructed between 1973-1978 and whlch has become a huge
death trap desplte belng the economlc gateway lor the natlon , Ago alace-Ckota route,
A[elogo 8oad comlng lrom Mr. 8lggs, Mlle 2-Mazamaza-Alakl[a-llnnlger-Abule-Ado-
volks-lyana-lba-Ckokomalko-l[anlkln-8adagry Lxpressway especlally the Agbara axls,
L[lgbo-lkotun-l[egun-ldlmu route, Alapere-Cgudu-Cworonsokl-3
rd
Malnland 8rldge
route et.c.
lt ls lnterestlng to note that the most baslc motor control neurals are lunctlonal whlch
ensure that the car lnches lorward as well as controlllng the wheel around corners even
wlthout the drlver consclously reallslng lt but ln actuallty, the drlver ls no longer ln the
car. Most llnd themselves at the gates ol thelr streets or houses wlth no absolute no
ldea how they made the trlp home or lnslde the Lagos lagoon! 1hls Cut ol 8ody
Lxperlence or Lllect (C8L) ls a serlous phenomenon needlng lurther sclentlllc enqulry
and study whlch, apart lrom establlshlng whether the rlsk ol severe long-term
neurologlcal damage exlsts lrom such experlences, may llnally provlde the hard
evldence lor the mlnd over matter/reallty debate.
33
34
Chapter 4
Awesome dude: l mean what's that? 1otal waste ol tlme and manpower!!
8uZZ!!!
8uZZ!!!
1hls person appears to be ollllne and wlll recelve your message the next tlme they slgn
ln (10:17 AM)
soph|a: Sorry !oe, [ust came back lrom another meetlng
Awesome dude: So so meetlngs. Peard about the best way to waste tlme? Call a
meetlng.
Many tnx lor yesterday, hope the tralllc sltuatlon lmproved alter l got oll?
soph|a: Apologles my brother, had to respond to some urgent malls, but lree now. Ch!
1he tralllc was horrld as usual. Cot home around 11 desplte leavlng at 3:30. As usual.
l'm so tlred. 1hls ls not how to leel early ln the mornlng. Pow do l make lt through
today? l'm even ln dread ol golng home tonlght. l heard over the loudspeakers mounted
outslde the worshlp centre on my street that that there would be a 7-day vlgll
commenclng tonlght.
Awesome dude: nlght vlgll?
soph|a: don't be cheeky. uo you have day vlgll?
Awesome dude: At thls rate, somethlng has to be done and last.
soph|a: 1hat's what we've kept shoutlng lor a couple ol decades now.
Awesome dude: 8ut lt can't contlnue llke thls.
soph|a: good observatlon
Awesome dude: ?ou have to wonder ll the tralllc management were to be the only
perlormance yardstlck, how would the government rate ltsell?
soph|a: lt has already rated and gave ltsell excellent marks, that's why the problem wlll
contlnue to perslst.
Awesome dude: So how dld your appralsal go?
soph|a: u want the truth? lreaklng waste ol everyone's tlme
33
Awesome dude: my oplnlon exactly but P8 need to be seen as dolng somethlng
soph|a: there are better ways to measure perlormance, not a polntless exerclse where
the concerns ralsed are never lollowed up
Awesome dude: 8ut now that you are a manager, lt shouldn't be too hard on you
soph|a: are you serlous? l had a leellng that my dlrector's mlnd was elsewhere
throughout the whole exerclse.
Awesome dude: uld you hear about what happened to the protesters ol the Lekkl toll
gate?
soph|a: no, what happened? l've been oll news lately, preparlng lor the appralsals and
all that
Awesome dude: 1he protesters were mobbed. Can you lmaglne that the government
lmported thugs and area boys to come and beat the protesters up?
soph|a: na lle! Serlously?
Awesome dude: the people came under the protectlon ol the pollce and other securlty
agencles and lorclbly truncated the protest. 8ut the government has now been lorced
due to the publlc outcry to hasten the constructlon ol the alternatlve route lor those
who're not wllllng to pay tolls
soph|a: shouldn't that have been done llrst?
Awesome dude: the ldea ol even constructlng a toll gate on a publlc road renovated
wlth publlc lunds not synonymous to trlple taxatlon ol the cltlzens?
soph|a: we shouldn't lorget that brldge llnklng Lekkl hase 1 to lkoyl, l understand that
lt's golng to be tolled too. 8ut wasn't lt bullt wlth the taxpayers' money?
Awesome dude: 1here's a new scam golng on rlght belore our very eyes. A group ol
lavoured lnvestors come up wlth a proposal to the government lor the constructlon ol a
ma[or lnlrastructure whlch ls the government's responslblllty ln the llrst place. 1hese
'lnvestors' agree to source lor money lor the pro[ect provlded agreements are executed
glvlng the lnvestors concesslonary rlghts once the pro[ects are completed. 1hey
therelore go 'looklng' lor cash, armed wlth the concesslon agreements to collect tolls
lrom the lnlrastructure, be lt a road or a brldge or a rall lor the next 30 years. uown the
llne, the people protest and the government suddenly reallses that lt ls a bad
agreement but eh, agreements must be honoured otherwlse we are sendlng wrong
slgnals to lorelgn lnvestors, so the government pays the penalty lor termlnatlng the
36
agreement and also pays oll these 'lnvestors'. Leavlng the people holdlng the very short
end ol the stlck.
soph|a: Ah! and nobody ls punlshed? 1hose who revlewed the agreement? 1hose who
advlsed on the agreement? 1hose who slgned the agreement?
Awesome dude: 1hat's how you know that lt's all an elaborate scam. 1hls has also been
taken to the lederal level. ?ou have the l8SC and the ollce suddenly waklng up to
know that they can generate revenues beyond thelr wlldest dreams as long as a blgger
portlon ls remltted lnto the lederatlon account. 1he governors are suddenly belng told
that thelr portlons ol these wlndlall runs lnto hundreds ol mllllons ol unbudgeted and
unapproprlated lunds, thelrs to spend as they wlsh. Culckly, they approve the thlevlng
schemes and the battered and abused people ol nlgerla are once agaln brutally raped,
llguratlvely speaklng, let me qulckly me add.
soph|a: what ol the press? ls the medla obllvlous ol these schemlng? l mean ll you, a
lowly pald accountant can see through these schemes, what ol the edltors-ln-chlel?
ubllshers? Cwners ol prlnt and electronlc medla? Cr are they all on the take too?
Awesome dude: Me l know no o, but thelr sllence ls not exactly the sllence ol the
graveyard.
1hls country ls belng run and managed ln the way and manner a company ls not
supposed to be run. eople [oke ln my department that we make Lxcel do stull
Mlcrosolt never lntended Lxcel to operate. nlgerla ls belng handled the way a natlon ls
not supposed to be handled. When the lnevltable occurs, we have no one to blame but
our own selves.
soph|a: l hear you. 8ut take lor example that brldge llnklng lkoyl and Lekkl, ls the
thlnklng that the resldents won't complaln slnce they are the blg boys ol Lagos. ls lt
everyone llvlng ln lkoyl and Lekkl who are bllllonalres? What ol the lndlgenes? And the
artlsans who reslde ln these places? Can they allord to be paylng tolls every day they
leave thelr homes and return? l'm not gettlng lt o, why should l pay to leave and return
to my house? Cr ls lt because l don't llve ln that axls?
Awesome dude: Wot lndlgenes are you talklng about? Pave you lorgotten that 'Lagos ls
a no man's land'? l'm sure that one ol the real agenda ol the 8esldents 8eglstratlon
exerclse ls to ldentlly those who are 'deportable' and those who can be 'tolerated'
whlle expandlng the tax net notwlthstandlng the propaganda statlng otherwlse. Lest l
lorget, l'll be [olnlng you alter work. 1he other guys also want to lollow you to Cworo.
37
soph|a: What's the real story behlnd the Lko Atlantlc pro[ect? 1he pro[ect ls surely golng
to outllve and outlast the llle ol the present admlnlstratlon, what ls the guarantee that
another government ln power won't blow lt out ol the water.
Awesome dude: Cut ol the ocean you mean? l don't know any story behlnd the pro[ect,
abeg. All l know ls that by the tlme we have to pay lor the alr we breathe, maybe we
would reallse that we are seelng selectlve slavery ln the maklng. now, lt's lkoyl and
Lekkl resldents bearlng the brunt, so-called upscale areas ol the state, by the tlme the
same bltter medlclne ls glven to less than glamorous parts ol the state, then lt would be
too late.
soph|a: Are we even sure that the alr we breathe ls clean and sale? 1here's [ust too
much pollutlon. uangerous chemlcal depots are all over the place, next to resldences
and schools. ?ou see gases belng released lnto the alr wlth lmpunlty, lndustrlal areas
have merged wlth resldentlal areas. 1he government doesn't care and won't lllt a llnger
to reln ln the excesses by lndustrlallsts, telecom operators, the pollce, the LAS1MA, the
vlC, the kAl, nu81W et cetera et cetera
soph|a: As long as you people leave on tlme. l'm not leellng too well. uo you know
what lt ls to be ln tralllc lor hours? Lvery blessed day? ll you are not at the car park by
3:30, too bad!
Awesome dude: sorry dear. 8ut can't you make lt 'slx' dot, ln case ngozl doesn't leave
early.
soph|a: And what has your manager's tlmlng got to do wlth me? All these eye servlces!
Closlng tlme ls 3:30. 1he ldea ol waltlng untll your supervlsor or Pou leaves belore you
leave the olllce ls hypocrlsy. 8y the way, she doesn't resume the same tlme you
resume, why must you allow her to leave belore you leave?
Awesome dude: l don't understand too. lt's [ust the way the department operates.
Leavlng the olllce belore your manager ls seen as not belng serlous wlth your work.
soph|a: 1hat's my polnt wlth these polntless appralsals. lt ls a sub[ectlve exerclse where
the lssues that really count don't matter and totally unrelated matters are brought ln to
determlne one's progress ln the company. l went away lrom my appralsal wlth the
leellng that l'm only employed to do malntenance and ensure the status quo, y'know,
sort ol as long as the wlnnlng lormula ls not changed, ls that the reason l was created?
1o malntaln someone else's ldea ol status quo? So my better ldeas or new lnltlatlves are
golng nowhere as long as they don't llt the status?
Awesome dude: Sure. 1he thlnklng and the unspoken rule ls that ll you're that brlght,
go establlsh your own company, but as long we pay your salary, you have to toe our
38
llne, even ll your ldea ls smarter. lt's monotonous, lt's soul-sapplng, but the money ls
uselul. Abeg, let's move to more lnterestlng news. uo you know the latest documentary
on Al-!azeera now? lt's about nlgerla's securlty servlces. 1he llrst part ls about the
extra-[udlclal kllllngs by the pollce and lts death squads!
soph|a: As ln, serlously?!!!
Awesome dude: you won't belleve lt. 1he guys behlnd the documentary apparently got
one ol the pollcemen to wear a camera lor 48hrs and lt was a sordld expose ol the
brutallty ol the SA8S guys. Pow they commlt cold blood murder every weekend, partly
to keep the number ol arrested cltlzens who are presumed lnnocent untll proven gullty
down and to perpetuate the myth that as hard men, they take no prlsoners. 1he cllps
show the dungeons, we already know who the dragons are, the alrless underground
chambers where many are locked up wlthout any chance to prove thelr lnnocence, the
graphlc executlons ol those unlucky to have been plcked up whlle belng ln the wrong
place at the wrong tlme. uo you see the way these SA8S guys dress nowadays? no
dlllerence between them and conlra boys on a vengeance mlsslon, what wlth black t-
shlrts, bandana and clutchlng Ak-47s wlth multlple magazlnes attached combat style.
soph|a: Lord have mercy! uo we now have secret cults wlthln the pollce?
Awesome dude: lt gets worse. 1he second part has to do wlth the uSS popularly called
SSS. 1he show exposed the serlous corruptlon ln the organlsatlon. ?'know the saylng as
to who watches the watchers? And absolute power corrupts? And the granddaddy ol
them all ls the Customs. l can't walt lor them to alr the 2
nd
and the llnal part. 1hls ls
ground breaklng lnvestlgatlve [ournallsm at lts llnest. Pope the local medla wlll learn
lrom thls, why must lt always be lorelgners teachlng them how to do a proper [ob? 1he
resldency ls already ln denlal that lt ls the handlwork ol the opposltlon, as usual.
soph|a: And there's no outrage? Where are we golng to ln thls country? !ust a sec, pls
8uZZ!!!
Awesome dude: l'm here.
soph|a: Sorry, l had to plck a call. My head ls reellng lrom what you sald and l qulckly
checked the slte and lound lt [ust as you stated. We really are ln a [ungle soclety. 1he
palnlul aspect ls that those ln power know that these thlngs go on but pretend as ll they
are powerless to stop the sllde lnto anarchy. unemployed graduates are taklng to
kldnapplng, armed robbery and vlces out ol sheer survlval. 1he unlversltles are on
perpetual strlke and the luture ol the chlldren ls bleak due to battered educatlon
system whlle the States' owned tertlary educatlonal lnstltutlons are mlred ln
astronomlcal hlke ln lees' syndrome.
39
Awesome dude: l once read that a country ls measured blg or small, not by the
numbers ol lts populatlon, but by the lntelllgence and educatlon ol lts people! 1he
polltlclans make nolses about carlng lor the luture but neglectlng the very loundatlon ol
that luture. A so-called soverelgn wealth lund has [ust been launched, another sure-llre
method to rob us bllnd. 1here are now talks ol dlpplng thelr dlrty llngers lnto the
penslon lunds ol workers to ald ln the lnlrastructure development ol the country.
soph|a: As ln 'uon't steal, the government hates competltlon'?
Awesome dude: Most del. lt ls puzzllng to me that a government would portray ltsell as
carlng and responslble but where lt matters, suddenly balk at maklng that crltlcal
change. What's the use and purpose ol bulldlng a 4
th
Malnland 8rldge or a rall express
lrom 8adagry to the Marlna when the wellbelng and wellare ol the people these
lnlrastructures are meant lor are already belng mortgaged?
soph|a: uo you know that my landlord has [ust lncreased the house rent? l protested
that lt was also revlewed only last year. 1he old man told me to pack out ll l don't pay
hlm by thls weekend. 1he 1enancy law ls only ellectlve on paper. l thought there are
governmental saleguards agalnst these klnds ol arbltrary lncrease ln rents?
Awesome dude: 1hat law was dead on arrlval. When you have a so-called law wlth
patently dlscrlmlnatory provlslons statlng that certaln cholce areas are excluded lrom
the operatlon ol the law, what do you expect? Landlords wlll tell you to pack and go to
the houses belng bullt by the government ll you can't meet up wlth thelr rental
condltlons. uo you blame them? Can the government enlorce these leglslatlons belng
churned out as ll law maklng ls golng out ol lashlon? now, lt's an ollence to spread
laundry on your walls and ll you don't plant llowers ln lront ol your property.
8ldlculous!
soph|a: lt the brazenness ol the 1enancy Law that l lound appalllng. What were they all
thlnklng? 1he Leglslature? 1he Covernor? 1he Attorney-Ceneral? lt's an lnlamy. Apapa,
lke[a C8A, lkoyl and vlctorla lsland are exempted lrom the 1enancy Law! l'm sure
posterlty wlll [udge them severely as lt ls unprecedented. 1he lact that no one could
even muster any courage to challenge the constltutlonallty ol such a perverse law ls
beyond me.
Awesome dude: Word! We really are llvlng ln lnterestlng tlmes. lt ls shocklng that these
polltlclans wlll stlll come around and lle wlth a stralght lace that all these are belng done
ln our own best lnterests.
soph|a: My brother, l tlre o. Lverythlng ls [ust golng crazy. A lrlend ln church told me
how corruptlon ln the clvll servlce led to the death ol an lnnocent woman ln her church.
40
Apparently, telecom masts are not supposed to be lnstalled close to resldentlal
premlses. ?et, you llnd scores around resldences ln Lagos. Cne was placed ln thls
woman's compound. Wlthln a lew years, she developed serlous medlcal allllctlons and
eventually gave up the ghost. Autopsy revealed that lntense electromagnetlc radlatlon
prlnclpally caused her death. 1he lamlly used thls lnlo to drag the telecom company to
court lor wronglul kllllng and the telecom company ls now begglng, wantlng to settle
out ol court. 8ut no one ls talklng about the regulatory agencles that convenlently
turned the other way when the whole process ol lndlscrlmlnate locatlon ol cell towers
was belng carrled out. no one ls talklng about the banks lundlng these lllegal operatlons
and now, the telecoms lobby ls maklng ellorts to get thelr buslness under the aegls ol
crltlcal natlonal securlty lnlrastructure, so as to be llnally above the law!
41
soph|a: 8ut when they know that these vlolatlons ol exlstlng regulatlons are not
tolerated ln thelr home countrles, why break the law ln nal[a?
Awesome dude: lt's slmple nah! 1hey've been taught all they need to do ls to use a
monkey to catch another monkey. Cur people are hungry. 1he take home pay ls no
longer taklng people home. What the ma[or telecos do ls to outsource most slte-
acqulsltlons and operatlons to cut-outs as proxles, known as sub-contractors, especlally
lor what they themselves can't legally do, olten ln dlrect vlolatlon ol thelr so-called
quallty pollcles so that ll those proxles are eventually exposed, the telcos get a get-out-
ol-[all card lree. 1hese cut-outs don't mlnd struttlng where the angels lear to tread as
they're maklng a kllllng, llterally, lor the rlsks they are bearlng on behall ol the telcos.
1hey wear the skln, speak the language and have no qualms whatever ln unleashlng
angulsh and plenty sullerlngs on thelr lellow men, wlth the government taklng a lront-
row seat ln the proceedlngs, ol course.
42
soph|a: So, that's why we have crazy prollleratlon ol masts, even as many as lour on a
slngle street ln a lully resldentlal nelghbourhood. And they are gettlng more out ol
control as others catch on to the game, aware that there's no repercusslon lrom a
clueless government.
Awesome dude: lt's not only telecom mast madness that has overtaken the land, what
manner ol government would watch whlle lts people, the electorate lor crylng out loud,
bulld houses, churches, mosques and shops under hlgh tenslon cables? And these
pylons are already reachlng thelr termlnal dates. Malntenance culture ls notorlous ln
these cllmes and these lethal cables could break away lrom thelr mountlngs and klll
thousands ln the bllnk ol an eye.
soph|a: l contlnue to weep lor thls country.
Awesome dude: 1he other day, a bulldlng collapsed ln Lbute Meta kllllng scores and the
government spokesperson came on alr to clalm that the partlcular bulldlng has been
43
marked lor demolltlon close to slx months but that the occupants relused to vacate.
lmaglne that? ls that an excuse?
soph|a: So you mean that no compensatlon would be pald to the vlctlms who survlved
and the benellclarles ol the dead? What klnd ol people do we have ln posltlons ol
government ln thls nlgerla?
Awesome dude: ln your dreams. 1hat declaratlon was the olllclal posltlon that the dead
should even be prosecuted lor not hearkenlng to the government's red slgn marklng!
?ou remembered the last tlme when 36 pollce and state securlty olllcers were
ambushed and brutally murdered ln nasarawa State by the Cmbatse sect, the
government pald compensatlon and some pollce olllcers were subsequently arrested
lor steallng the money meant lor the benellclarles ol the vlctlms. 1hlngs are really
strange ln thls country.
soph|a: l thlnk l remember now. 1here was also an outcry at the marked dlllerence
between the compensatlon approved lor the state securlty guys and the pollce olllcers.
1hat the lederal government would even dlscrlmlnate ln such a blatant manner ls
beyond me. no wonder there are eternal hatred between those two executlve agencles.
Awesome dude: Sure. Why wouldn't there be? 1he pollce ln my own oplnlon are
gettlng short changed, even by thelr employers. ulllerent cults, sects, mllltants and
armed robbers are alter thelr blood even the ordlnary cltlzens on the streets desplse
and treat them wlth contempt and scorn. Pow can a human belng under these severe
stress and armed wlth an assault rllle be expected to lunctlon normally? Why won't
they be brutal to all? Leavlng blood, tears and sorrows ln thelr wake.
soph|a: Ah! lela! 8ut not necessarlly ln that order.
Awesome dude: no, lt's actually ln the reverse order. 8aba 70 was a prophet!
soph|a: lar ahead ol hls tlmes. now l know that we are not sale ln thls country. lrom
the hands ol our government, no less.
Awesome dude: ersonally, l belleve the pollce ls the most cheated but hard-worklng
organlsatlon ln the country. 1he lower cadre are short changed by the hlgher-ups and
thelr colonlal herltage ls not easlly shrugged oll. Wlth the recent clamour lor state
pollce, although the states baslcally lund and equlp the pollce nowadays, the lederal
government wlll never glve up lts control ol the pollce lorce. 1hat's why prlvate mllltlas
are belng lormed and equlpped wlth lar superlor klt and equlpment by the state
governors. 1hat slngular actlon guarantees that vlolence and conlllcts wlll never end ln
thls country. And the lnnocent cltlzens who are trylng to quletly eke out a llvlng are the
ones caught ln the mlddle. Always.
44
Awesome dude: 1here should be an award glven to every nlgerlan, especlally those
resldlng ln Lagos State lor survlvlng each day. lt's no longer when you step out ol the
house and come back salely that thanksglvlng ls due, because now, horrlble experlences
have shown you could be sleeplng salely ln your beds and be butchered ln cold blood or
a laulty and llamlng [et englne could [ust make your bedroom a landlng slte. ?es o!
soph|a: and our most urgent prlorlty now ls to bulld a clty out ol the Atlantlc?
Awesome dude: Ah! 1hat's the plan! A marlne clty wlth 1,200 skyscrapers rlslng out ol
the Atlantlc llke the phoenlx. lt's heart rendlng. All ol these whlte elephant pro[ects are
totally needless when baslc lnlrastructure lacllltles are stlll out ol reach. otable water,
good roads, stable and allordable power supply, reasonable health care, securlty ol llle
and property, sound and qualltatlve educatlonal system. Why dlstract locus on good
and responslble governance lnto pro[ects not havlng dlrect and meanlnglul lmpacts on
the llves ol the ma[orlty ol the people except lor a speclal lew who stands to make
more money whlle wldenlng the gap between the rlch and the poor? Medlal tourlsm to
lndla ls stlll on the lncrease. Covernment medlcal lacllltles are stlll yet to be properly
43
lunded and stocked leavlng patlents no optlon than to patronlse lake drug sellers and
dublous pharmacles to get the drugs prescrlbed ln general hospltals.
soph|a: uh? Walt. hoenlx rlslng out ol the Atlantlc? l don't agree wlth that analogy o.
hoenlx and water? neptune or olarls should be more sultable. 8ut serlously, are
skyscrapers concluslve evldence ol economlc development? ls lt not a classlc case ol
puttlng the cart belore the horse? ls lt not when the economy ls vlrlle and employment
at an all-tlme hlgh that skyscrapers would emerge as a result ol a vlbrant and robust
economy? What ls the uselulness ol gleamlng skyscrapers ln the mldst ol a populatlon
plagued by debllltatlng latlgue, constant buzzlng ln the heads, [olnt palns, sleep
dlsruptlons, cardlovascular problems lncludlng heart palpltatlons, skln rashes, memory
loss, low lmmunlty to opportunlstlc lnlectlons, llghtheadedness, anxletles, shortness ol
breath, nervousness, agltatlon, headaches, heat sensatlon and depresslon? Who are we
loollng when braln, blood and bladder cancers are lncreaslng ln alarmlng rates? When
chronlc kldney lallure ls rlslng ln the chlldren? When the lncompetence ol the
government olllclals ln thls matter ls alarmlngly glarlng?
46
Awesome dude: uo you know that some countrles have even banned telecomm
antennae on resldentlal homes? Cur pollce lorce has lurther been dealt wlth by
the lnstallatlon ol telecom mast ln many pollce statlons ln Lagos. l'm sure that
many 'ogas at the top' don hammer over that partlcular deal. Chel! ollce don suller
o! Lest l lorget, by the tlme l got home yesternlght, l learnt that power was restored lor
twenty mlnutes alter almost a whole month ol power blackout ln my area. So lt means
there's hope lor us thls week. robably the translormer has llnally been replaced when
lt blew up
soph|a: ?ou're even lucky, l can't remember the last tlme we en[oyed power. We all on
the street have wrltten oll the power company. We all survlve on generators. ?ou can
best lmaglne the cacophony ol dlllerent models ol generator at varlous stages ol agelng
sputterlng away and belchlng heavy lumes lnto the hot alr. Some have no cholce than to
run thelr gens throughout the nlght.
Awesome dude: no wonder you come to olllce wlth heavy bags beneath your eyes and
ln serlous dark mood complalnlng ol spllttlng headaches! Ah!
soph|a: l'm not the only one. l see others wlth the same mlen all around. ll lt were only
the vlslble external symptoms. hew! Cnly Cod knows the current state ol health ol our
lungs and other vltal organs. ls thls a country?
47
Awesome dude: 1here was a country.
soph|a: uon't be cheeky. Ponestly, ll the lederal government has glven up wlth the
generatlon and dlstrlbutlon ol a stable power supply, other levels ol government should
be allowed to handle thls crltlcal lssue lor the good ol the soclety.
Awesome dude: don't be naive. 1hat can never happen. lt's never about the lnterests ol
the people. lt has never been. lt's about power lor power's sake. Pow else can you
explaln why there ls unlnterruptlble and stable power supply ln nelghbourlng countrles
and not here? Where do you want to put the generator lmportlng companles that keep
declarlng mlndboggllng prollts and whose promoters are lltterlng the corrldors ol
power? What do you thlnk thelr buslness development stall do? Wake up and smell the
collee
soph|a: Can lt be really that bad? vested lnterests are more entrenched and protected
than the common good?
Awesome dude: 1here ls no other ma[or source ol pollutlon around than these
generators, the nolse pollutlon ls maddenlng, the toxlc and carclnogenlc lumes belng
spewed out lnto the alr are scary. 1hey consume all ol the lmported luel and we are
helpless year alter year.
48
soph|a: ?ou thlnk so? Paven't you heard about the lssue ol the alr we breathe ln ls stlll
my ma[or headache. Whether here ln the olllces or at home, l know l'm lnhallng more
than my normal share ol oxygen and the long term lmpllcatlon ol thls ls very
lrlghtenlng. not to mentlon the lmpact on our lnnocent chlldren who stand the
lncreased rlsks ol lung cancer. So, what then ls the lunctlon ol a government that prldes
ltsell ol belng on top ol envlronmental lssues?
Awesome dude: My concern ls that anyone can say anythlng, lt's the consequences that
wlll reveal the truth. ?ou have government agencles and mlnlstrles. 1here's LASLA lor
lnstance but have you actually lelt the lmpact ol thls supposedly ellte agency ln
regulatlng alr pollutlon? lactorles pour heavy smoke lnto the envlronment and you
have thousands ol rlckety vehlcles on our roads turnlng mld-days lnto utter darkness as
a result ol the heavy smoke they conslstently pour lnto the envlronment lrom thelr
exhausts. What vlslble ellorts are belng made to control these scary emlsslons?
soph|a: Ah! We turn lull clrcle back to the clvll servlce, otherwlse known as 'evll servlce'
49
Awesome dude: Llke the lssue ol the telecom masts we were dlscusslng a short whlle
ago, the lssue ls serlous but belng systematlcally covered up. 1here are cases lnvolvlng
telecom companles and thelr lndlscrlmlnate located evll masts are ln the law courts but
you wlll hardly get to read about them ln the 'papers. 1he medla barons and the chlel
executlves ol telcos are members ol the same clubs and you don't blte the hands that
leed you. understand? 1hat ls the message ol telecommunlcatlon masts ln Lagos and
elsewhere. A consplracy ol sllence and censorshlp though thls mast menace ls a llle-
threatenlng lssue. 1he whole ol Lagos would be swamped over wlth cell towers, even
lnslde nursery schools belore an olllclal whlmper would be heard. Let the government
contlnue to hlde lts head ln the sand, pretendlng as ll these cell towers are lnvlslble and
the next best thlng ol the much sought alter lorelgn dlrect lnvestment.
soph|a: l also see some ol the telecom masts and wonder why they are allowed to be
bullt so close to houses, schools even the teachlng hospltal ln lke[a ls rlnged wlth learlul
looklng masts.
Awesome dude: 1he bltter truth ls that the government's hands are now tled. lt
loollshly allowed the telecom companles to penetrate lts operatlons. Puge donatlons
have been made to the government's pet pro[ects, lts programmes have been lunded
and sponsored, telecom companles have lnllltrated the government ellectlvely that lor
the government to call lt to order ln the matter ol unlawlul locatlon ol masts would be
tantamount to cuttlng oll lts nose to splte lts lace slnce telcos and government are now
one and the same. !ust expect no protectlon lrom the government, except lor the
mlnlmal slap on the wrlst, and you'll save yoursell plenty ol heartache. uo you have any
ldea ol how much these companles make on a dally basls? 1hat's why they can embark
on those lrlvolous campalgns and stupld reallty shows ol no soclally redeemlng quallty
and dumb programmes ol dublous utlllty except to lurther dumb down our klds.
Whenever they do any good deed through thelr loundatlons, lt's probably to assuage
thelr collectlve bad consclence on the harms they've unleashed on lnnocent nlgerlans.
soph|a: ls lt that bad?
Awesome dude: lt's worse. Let me quote lrom one study l was [ust readlng yesterday,
uurlng the llrst 3-3 years ol exposure, people suller sleep dlsorders, melatonln
reductlon whlch leads to lmmune dellclencles. lrom 3-7 years, neurologlcal problems
begln to become notlceable wlth headaches, conluslon and memory loss. Alter 10
years, serlous dlsorders such as cancer occur and health damage become lrreverslble".
soph|a: noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!
Awesome dude: 1hose ln the know, and these lnclude the telecom companles
themselves, are aware ol the harmlul ellects ol radlolrequency radlatlons ln close range
30
to humans but wlll contlnue to lnslst that the radlatlon ls sale. 1he dellectlon has always
been to the heatlng or thermal ellects ol the radlatlon whlle the real evll ls the non-
thermal ellects on blologlcal systems. 1hat ls the truth the telecom lndustry ls alrald wlll
brlng the lndustry down. lt's madness that prollt wlll take precedence over salety and
survlval but we are talklng ol ego here. 1oo much money can do wonders to human
consclence. 1here was a tlme that asbestos and lead were thought to be sale but now
known to be carclnogenlc and hazardous to human health. 1he sad aspect to thls ls that
the Lagos State government agencles meant to protect the resldents lrom these
electromagnetlc and other emlsslons problems such as the LASlM8A, ul8u, LASLA and
the Lnvlronment Mlnlstry are more lnterested ln revenue generatlon, both lor the govt
collers and personal collers. uo you blame them?
soph|a: Wetln money go cause lor thls world, money no go llt repalr am!
Awesome dude: 1hese masts and pylons are not exactly hldden lrom slght. Cnce the
elected olllclals and thelr lackeys lack the capaclty to appreclate the sclence behlnd
31
these emerglng medlcal-technology lssues desplte golng overseas every other day on
tax payers' expense and not seelng the streets ol London or new ?ork or 8el[lng llttered
wlth telecom masts and hlgh tenslon pylons, certalnly a people deserves the
government they deserve. overty has really dealt terrlbly wlth our people. 1hey readlly
swallow the patented splns put out by the telecom lndustry ol 'lnconcluslve evldence',
'more studles are needed', the WPC thls, the un that. Would you take a drug that has
an lnconcluslve tag on the package? Why ls then untested and unregulated technology
unleashed on the publlc? 1he health concerns ol people are belng lgnored and
suppressed. 1hose won't get any, ahem, alrtlme. 1he medla ls compllclt due to the
adverts revenues cumulatlvely runnlng lnto bllllons annually, lt can't allow the truth to
be promlnently leatured as thls would allect the bottom llne.
soph|a: lt's about the ben[amlns then?
Awesome dude: 1he telecom ls now the government's cash cow. no one ls connectlng
the dots. 1he rlslng and worrylng cases ol acute kldney ln[ury and leukaemla ln chlldren
are duly belng documented ln the teachlng hospltals, Lu1P, LASu1P et.c. eople ol all
age brackets are belng dlagnosed and perlshlng wlth varlous lorms ol cancer and
nobody ls talklng. 1hese have been brought to the attentlon ol the government lor
actlon to be taken but nothlng ls belng done. 1here ls no evldent wllllngness to deal
wlth thls lssue. Cr ls lt a case ol our clvll servants dolng thelr thlng agaln? 1hls deserves
a state ol emergency but some would llkely see that as an opportunlty to declare lorce
ma[eure!!
soph|a: '1here's a llre on the mountaln..' untll when lt wlll all be too late and the blood
ol the lnnocents wlll be on the heads ol these government olllclals and they wlll surely
pay lor these one way or the other. 1hat's karma lor you.
Awesome dude: do you thlnk they glve a hoot lor madam karma and her lamlly? l thlnk
you drlve them to more wlckedness when you appeal to thelr humanlty. 1hose who
seek power thls part ol the planet are closet psychopaths. Servlng the people does not
appeal to them. Many ol them crave power to act the benevolent personage dollng out
lavours and cash to thelr suppllcants. 1helr sycophant hungry lollowers slng thelr
pralses to hlgh heavens, glvlng them sllly tltles llke emerltus governors, emerltus
presldents and the llkes. 1hey ln turn, alter en[oylng the adulatlon so much, would
ensure that thelr proteges and llk take over power lrom them so the nauseatlng
dynastlc cycle contlnues. ln that way, they don't get probed alter leavlng olllce though
they never lelt ln the real sense ol the word. 1here's no amount ol water that can wash
away thelr lnlqultles. 1alklng ol water, that llttle drlzzle that lell thls mornlng lelt many
streets ln my area llooded. ll the ralns were to last lor more than an hour, at thls rate,
32
l'm certaln that most ol the resldents llvlng ln Lagos would have to be evacuated. And
we're [ust enterlng the ralny season, oh! la! la!!
soph|a: 8ut belng a coastal state, Lagos State government has been tackllng the lssue ol
lloodlng wlth more serlousness than prevlous admlnlstratlons and the way and manner
waterway canals and dralnages are belng cleared show much dedlcatlon that ls
laudable.
Awesome dude: We shall see. ?ou can never decelve nature, even ll you succeed ln
decelvlng men. And water always llnds lts level.
soph|a: lrankly, somethlng tells me that the lloodlng would be worse thls tlme around.
Awesome dude: lamous last word. 8y the way, have you made arrangements lor
lunch? 1he canteen gets lllled too soon nowadays, maybe l'll [ust send the cleaners to
get lood lor me lrom outslde. 1he canteen operator has started taklng stall lor granted
agaln. She should be told ol what happened to her predecessor belore she lollows the
same route.
33
soph|a: l'm not ln the mood to eat anythlng today. All these depresslve lssues have
robbed me ol any appetlte.
Awesome dude: na you sabl. 1hose runnlng and rulnlng the State are not loslng any
sleep or appetlte. Whlch one be your own now? Abeg, tlme ls golng. !ust remember to
let me know when you are leavlng the olllce. l have to buy a bathroom curtaln ln tralllc
today.
soph|a: Ah! Ah! Ah! l thought you detest these hawkers plylng thelr wares ln tralllc?
Awesome dude: 1he only thlng l have agalnst them ls that thelr presence on the road ls
agalnst the law ol nature.
soph|a: Puh? Pow so?
Awesome dude: 1ransportatlon ol goods and servlces can be compared to the
clrculatory system ln the body. 8oads represent the velns and arterles. vehlcles ol all
slzes and shapes are the corpuscles lerrylng vltal needs ol the natlon's economy around
to crltlcal parts ol the natlon. So, how do you explaln hawkers on the roads?
soph|a: lreaks ol nature?
Awesome dude: more llke vlruses, wlth tlme, they wlll klll the body.
soph|a: Ah! 1hat's a llttle too harsh o. l don't thlnk blology can explaln the problem. lt's
more complex than that.
Awesome dude: whatever. !ust remember to let me know when you are leavlng so we
can [oln you, madam manager!
soph|a: l've told you, ll you guys are not out ol the bulldlng by 3:30 and meet me ln the
car park, too bad!!
Awesome dude: We go try o, but you know now?
soph|a: the days ol spendlng my lllespan ln tralllc ls over.
Awesome dude: ok, no prob.
soph|a: no long story otherwlse you're so C-?-C!!!
8uZZ!!!
8uZZ!!!
8uZZ!!!
34
Epilogue
l woke up lrom my reverle wlth a start. l was momentarlly dlsorlented. Where was l? A
qulck spatlal trlangulatlon ol the area wlth the tlme asslsted ln the locatlon ol where l
was to where l'm headed and why.
Suddenly, l lelt a sllght pressure on the body ol my car, as ll an lncubus has rested hls
welght on the vehlcle. Some hawkers are lond ol placlng thelr wares on top ol cars ln
motlon when they are busy trylng to llnd the correct change lor thelr customers whlle
keeplng ln step wlth the movlng car. 8ut hey, no vehlcle ls movlng yet.
Maybe l should apply lor a transler out ol Lagos. Workers ln other states would have
eaten, rested and be ln bed by now. What klnd ol llle ls thls?
lt ls lully dark now and there ls a heavy overcast ln the sky, ellectlvely blocklng the sun
lrom belng rellected oll the moon, what we call moonllght, lrom lllumlnatlng the road
as there are no street llghts and even ll there were, are we sure that they would be
powered? 8enghazl and Calro were better lllumlnated than these parts ol Lagos and
they were waglng lull warlare at those tlmes. Co llgure.
33
l have seen street llghts wlth thelr heavy lamps precarlously dangllng llke the sword ol
uamocles over the heads ol the unassumlng cltlzens strolllng underneath them. Clvlng a
whole new meanlng to a llle hanglng by a thread!
lt ls amazlng that our decaylng lnlrastructures are not glvlng us concerns. We take lt lor
granted that they would contlnue to stand tall and strong yet they are collapslng rlght
belore our eyes! 8ut as true Lagoslans, omo Lko gangan! We are [ust too busy to notlce,
mouthlng Lko o nl 8a[e! llke a rallylng cry ol demented dolts, especlally when lt was
totally unwarranted, untll one day, the tlcklng bombs explode, bulldlngs collapse,
brldges slnk and pylons crash!
At the helght these street lamps are hanglng, lt ls unsure that they would achleve
termlnal veloclty belore they cracked the skulls ol some lnnocent pedestrlan, lt ls
always an lnnocent pedestrlan that would blte the bullet. Why? lt ls apparent that ln
the bld to make ends meet, these death-deallng devlces (llke drones, eh?) are lnvlslble
to all except to the most paranold. 8ut now, you also know.
C ba[e tl? lndeed.
36
37
nead||ne news over the car rad|o:
1he lnspector Ceneral ol ollce has warned pollce olllcers and men agalnst usage
ol excesslve lorce ln the executlon ol thelr dutles. 1hls warnlng came agalnst the
backdrop ol reports ol pollcemen shootlng and kllllng okada rlders ln the bld to
arrest them lor lloutlng tralllc laws bannlng thelr plylng ol routes that have been
declared oll-llmlts to commerclal motorcycllsts.
1he Lagos State Pouse ol Assembly has declared that the blll sponsored by a
prlvate member seeklng lor the armlng ol the LAS1MA, the vlC, the kAl 8rlgade
and the Pealth lnspectors lor thelr personal protectlon ln the llne ol duty ls a
reasonable demand ln the llght ol the approval granted by the lederal
Covernment permlttlng the nSCuC to bear and carry arms. 1he Assembly ls
however sllent on the uproar that has been generated by thls blll on the
unprecedented mllltarlsatlon ol the pollty under clvlllan rule. lt would be recalled
that the Lagos State Covernment and other state governments have already
been buylng arms and ammunltlons lor the nlgerla ollce under thelr varlous
securlty trust lunds lnterventlons.
38
Llsewhere, the lederal Covernment has promlsed to set up an lnvestlgatlve
panel to look lnto the recent outcry agalnst the alleged deportatlon ol nlgerlans
ol eastern orlgln by the Lagos State government and thelr belng dumped and lelt
at the brldge head ol the Cnltsha end ol the 8lver nlger at about 3a.m. as
reported by the Anambra State government. 1hese hapless lndlvlduals were
reported as belng unable to provlde satlslactory explanatlons to Lagos State
government olllclals as to thelr means ol llvellhood, mental health status and
locatlons ol thelr resldence ln Lagos. ln a related development, the Lagos State
Ponourable Attorney-Ceneral and Commlssloner lor !ustlce has vowed to drag
the lederal Covernment to the Supreme Court on the constltutlonallty ol such a
panel to revlew an executlve declslon ol the State Covernment. Cur
correspondents have consulted wlth legal experts on the lmpllcatlon ol thls latest
lace-oll between the State and the lederal Covernment. More on thls ln later
bulletlns.
A 23 year old commerclal motorcycllst popularly called okada has dled whlle
swervlng lrom an olllclal ol the Lagos State 1ralllc Malntenance Agency
(LAS1MA) and runnlng lnto a pothole at 8alogun bus stop, A[egunle, Apapa. 1he
deceased, Clawunml Clover was descrlbed by hls uncle as a promlslng young
man who could not allord school lees and resorted to okada rldlng to make ends
meet. 1he uncle who spoke at hls nephew's burlal at lkoyl cemetery sald
Clawunml had been rldlng lor more than one year belore the accldent ln whlch
he llnally dled occurred at the weekend.
Lyewltnesses reported that a bus lully loaded wlth passengers has plunged lrom
the 3
rd
Malnland 8rldge lnto the lagoon. lt would be recalled that a slmllar
lncldent happened a week ago when elght persons were leared drowned when a
commerclal boat capslzed whlle conveylng about nlneteen passengers lrom
Sagboko[l vlllage headlng towards the lagoon area ol Apapa when the tragedy
occurred.
8eports reachlng us have verllled the recovery ol the body ol the 3 year old glrl
that was mlsslng lor about a week. Per remalns have been mutllated by
suspected rltuallsts as vltal organs are mlsslng whlle her llmbs have been
chopped oll. 1hls ls comlng ln the wake ol the arrest ol three people who
allegedly beheaded a 10-year old boy ln Amale vlllage ol kalll-koro ulstrlct ln
alko Local Councll ol nlger State. lt ls belleved that ..
l slowly turned the radlo oll.
39
Whlch can be more depresslng? l glanced up. Cne moment, one ls basklng ln the lull
glory ol the sun, then seelng the moon comlng up only to be lully covered wlth thlck
clouds, all these whlle stlll crawllng lnslde tralllc. 1he leellng ls uncanny, experlenclng
utter emptlness as to how long would one contlnue to endure these cycles ol solltude ln
the mlddle ol multl-numerous lumes-emlttlng contraptlons ol dlllerent make, model,
orlgln and natlonallty ol whlch not a slngle one ls made ln nlgerla.
l mused on the toll a lllestyle such as thls ls havlng on me generally. Pow and when wlll
a young lady settle down? Where ls the opportunlty to go on a meanlnglul date wlth a
serlous sultor? When ls the opportunlty to assess and evaluate a potentlal husband
lrom a eat-and-run predator? 1he lncrease ln the lncldence ol pollutlon ls even scary lor
one to ralse chlldren ln thls lncreaslngly toxlc world. ls lt not a punlshment to brlng an
lnnocent soul lnto thls evll world? Many couples are even llndlng lt dllllcult to procreate
as a result ol the chemlcals and toxlns ln what we wear, eat, drlnk and breathe ln.
l nearly sllpped lnto another state ol bllss as a result ol the long lull ln the slow tralllc
whlch those not ln the know dlsmlsslvely reler to as absent-mlndedness when wlth a
qulck glance at the rear mlrror, l caught a lurtlve movement at the back ol the car. now
what? Are they now steallng wheels oll a movlng vehlcle? Well, technlcally, a vehlcle
that has been motlonless lor close to lorty-llve mlnutes ln a heavy and perpetual tralllc
grldlock should quallly to lall lnto a category ol statlonary vehlcles but lor goodness
sake, why not remove the spare wheel under the car ll you must steal anythlng lrom the
car? l asked no one ln partlcular. 1hank goodness, lt's obvlous that slde mlrrors are not
ln season otherwlse those would have been the easlest plcklngs.
1he uncanny reallty ls that other motorlsts are [ust watchlng, probably thlnklng 'tbot,
but fot tbe qtoce of CoJ, woulJ bove beeo my pott|oo', 'wbotevet you Jo, moJom, Joot
come Jowo!' and 'booq |o tbete, loJy, |ts just o tyte, oot yout l|fe, yet!' and dolng
nothlng (except to styllshly whlp out thelr camera phones and start lllmlng
surreptltlously so as to upload on ?ou 1ube or nalraland later on). So as not to attract
any attentlon, and lmaglned vlclous retrlbutlon unto themselves.
Common but useless excuses. 8lght behlnd, ahead, lelt and rlght are vehlcles wlth
occupants lnslde them, watchlng wlth keen lnterest at the developlng drama wlthout
llltlng as much as a slngle llnger to asslst.
8lasted Lagos lookets! 1hat ls how they keep on looklng untll one ls brutally murdered,
mugged or raped rlght ln lront ol thelr eyes. ?et, they wlll keep on looklng. Man's
lnsensltlvlty to man. Callously taklng sweet comlort ln the lact that lt's thelr smug non-
60
lnvolvement ln others' predlcament that has been responslble lor thelr longevlty,
wellbelng and contlnulng survlval ln Lagos. ulsgustlng voyeurs ol human mlsery.
Peartless gawklng vultures ol road-klll.
l can swear to how a man was lelt on the road ln Mushln alter belng hlt by a runaway
car lor close to two hours wlth passers-by walklng by lelt and rlght ol hlm ln the mlddle
ol the day. lew good Samarltans exlst on Lagos roads. When eventually the Ambulance
Servlce came, thls man was treated, bandaged and lelt rlght on the road by the
emergency medlcal team! Cnly ln Lagos! Lasgldl no dey take last. nothlng do you! Shlne
ya eyes!
My heart ls now beatlng qulte last, clammy hands wet wlth sweat grlpplng the drlvlng
wheel. Shadowy llgures all around my car. Wlthout thlnklng, a sudden rush ol
adrenallne made me glddy enough to summon some courage and blasted the stlll alr
wlth the horn lrom the car tearlng the nlght llke the plerclng wall ol a banshee.
ueo rolundls!