Metacritic's not much good if you don't keep up with media.

Just like movies, you'll find many

games rated among the best which were cool and innovative in their time but have bad (now
called outdated design choices which currently have them as inferior to !" bargain bin
games. #n the opposite corner, many e$cellent games were passed over by the ma%or review
publishers, and # hope to correct this in%ustice. # hope you'll find some great new games to
play & about half of the games listed, # never played before writing this.
# recogni'e not everyone will en%oy the games # have posted (or may be cash(strapped and
have included magnet links to pirated copies. )hough it depends on where you are, this is
most likely illegal to do, and, for the record, # strongly discourage you from doing so if you are
in one of those areas. #f you should choose to download a pirated copy and en%oy the game
while trying it, it would be nice if you would then support the money and developers which
created it.
*eneral review perspective+ # dislike innovation for innovation's sake, disapprove of games
which utili'e ,- engines without future(proofing, and generally don't en%oy simple games. #
like comple$ plots with interesting characters, immersion in uni.ue worlds, bold non(standard
premises, e$ploration of taboo topics (so long as it isn't crass, non(linear and procedurally
generated worlds, and a high degree of replayability. # have a family and generally dislike
unpausable online play. #'m generally annoyed by the illusion of choice more than upfront
lack of choice. # believe the rule of funny is a scourge on all media and the go(to for piss(
poor writers.
/0ection
1urrently
2idden3
1riteria 4 notes for the record+
5*ames span all consoles, but this list does 67) consider games unable to be emulated on
typical modern gaming 81s (everything up to 809 is okay.
5)here is a soft age limit in effect, which is 9::" or newer for ,- ;80 games and <==> for all
other games. )here are some e$ceptions for e$ceptionally e$ceptional games.
5#n some cases of game series tending to improve in succession but not being a massive
change from the original, only the best game in the franchise is included.
5Metascore rating of >" or higher re.uired to prevent me from going too cra'y in adding in
games # apparently en%oy too much. 0ome e$ceptions have been made, and if there are not
at least four recorded critic scores, this is waived.
50ports games are generally out of my e$pertise and usually e$cluded.
5Many fantastic online games are e$cluded, especially MM7s, largely because they will
someday (if not already become impossible or very difficult to play at its peak due to user or
central server abandonment. *ames with healthy private server emulation would be included,
but due to the time gap between mainstream release and reverse(engineering, will instead be
in the *ames 2istory list.
5?ll recommendations include all e$pansions. 0tandalone e$pansions are sometimes
reviewed instead of the original unless dramatically different (for instance, if the game is story(
driven and they're two entirely different stories. 7ther -@1 may be specifically
recommended, but is considered relatively insignificant if not e$plicitly noted. #'ve tried to
make sure omission is 67) oversight.
Amulator suggestions (for relatively modern 81s with -B<:C ( -ramatically improves ?D at a
great framerate and with minimal glitches. Amulator configs for specific games are listed for these
particular setups.
80B & e80Be (plugins+ 8ete's 7pen*@9 with 0hadB's 6atural Dision 0hader, Aternal 08E
809 & 810B9 (plugins+ *0d$, 08E9(B
Fii 4 *amecube & -olphin (no third(party plugins
Legend (to use hyperlinked icons, you'll usually want to hold control, then left click+
G 0ome type of informational link, usually to the publisher or developer page for the game
or, usually for older games, a modding community page.
G Magnet link to likely(virus(free pirated copy (if your torrent client doesn't handle magnet
files, it's too old & get a new one. 0ide(note+ most crack files will trigger false positives on ?D.
G @ink to the game on 0teamgamesbtc.com
@inks will all go to Anglish(version copies and pages. ;or 81 games, they will go to Findows
versions.
G Assential mod. )his game is ob%ectively and dramatically improved with this mod and
the game may not have made it on the list without it. ;or older games, this often includes a
facelift. )here may be more than one per game. *ame is reviewed with the mod(s.
*rades 4 repeated notes+
A & Hecommend everyone play and wouldn't hesitate to suggest you pay before you play.
B & 0trongly recommend genre fans play. *reat game for genre agnostics to get their feet
wet with.
C & #f you like the genre, # recommend the game. #f you don't like the genre or are fairly
unfamiliar with it, # suggest you try out something else in the genre first. *ames touching the
age barrier may also get this grade.
K & Iid(friendly themes. 6o killing, violent deaths, e$cessive language, or nudity.
R ( Hestrictable ( -ark, heavy interactive scenes. *ame may include e$cessive violence,
with dark themes and non(se$ual nudity.
X & )orture porn with redeeming .ualities. Jou'll often find these kinds of games banned in
primitive countries.
(*ames without a IHB rating are considered to roughly be in the range of E0 8* to 8*(<,
Adventure & ;or this list, adventure games are considered to take players (by the hand on a linear
adventure without fre.uently involving them in combat and which does not fre.uently put a timer on
players. )hey're often funny, sad, or %ust interesting, but they're almost always story( or dialogue(driven.
(81 ?.uaria
K B (81 Kotanicula
1hlorophyl(sucking spiders have invaded a tree. )herefor, as five small uhhh... plantoids (whose true
names, unlike the official names # later found, are onion(head, almond(skull, helicopter, twiggy, and puff(
daddy & fun fact+ puff(daddy is officially female, your %ob is to plant a new tree..... L. or take back the old
tree. 7r that mission failed... #dunno, but you end up planting a new tree, # think, but there's a bunch of
other perfectly healthy fauna where you plant it. (?nd there are stoves and giant cauldrons in the tree...
fuck & #dunno. #t's cute, though, # think, usually. (8i$ar cute, not anime cute
;resh premise, lots of minigame diversity. -oes have actual gameplay, though unchallenging. @ots of fun,
great atmosphere, always something interesting to click on.
0earching can become tedious when you've missed %ust one ob%ect and are revisting everything for the
fourth time.
A (81 Krothers+ ? )ale of )wo 0ons
-ad's dyin' ( better have the kids %ourney out through burning 2ell, war'ones, and frigid cold to fetch the
magic %uiceM Krothers has you simultaneously controlling two... brothers & err, anyway, it's a platformer with
most of the mechanics you're familiar with in platformers with multiple controllable characters on the screen
at once, including the resulting confusion. -on't worry too much about it, though & it's very straightforward
stuff, and is really only there to build suspense to the ne$t cutscene.
;antastic, engaging, emotion(provoking story in a variety of very well(crafted environments. -irectly in front
of the level design sits a solid music score moving you effortlessly from situation to situation, emotion to
emotion. Keyond this, you have fascinating characters who never talk (rather, who never speak in
comprehensible words but whose intentions and spirit are easy to read. 0ince # have to talk more movie
than game, #'d compare this to films put out by 0tudio *hibliNMiya'aki.
8u''les are dead(simple, and the gameplay doesn't really serve anything but a cinematic purpose. #
suppose it could be called a spectacle game or even interactive movie, but most adventure games are, so
#'ll leave it at that.
(81 1live Karker's Endying
(81 ;ull )hrottle
B (81 *emini Hue
? solid point(and(click about memory wipesNplants set in the not(too(distant future, and the evil organi'ation
behind it. #f this sounds vaguely familiar, it probably won't take long for you to figure out e$actly what all's
going to happen, but it's an en%oyable e$perience nonetheless.
8u''les are based on fairly intuitive mechanics and common knowledge. #'d argue *H contains some of
the most reasonable pu''le(design in the genre, balancing the satisfaction of mild challenge without having
you try all on all (e$cept in a couple particularly awful dialogue trees. Doice acting is not horrible.
1haracters, though few and far between, are interesting, and # was actually interested in the game world.
)hough interested, there wasn't enough to the in(game world, environment, and characters. )hey weren't
fully fleshed(out, and the ending was a good bit of a disappointment. 0ome characters keep critical, plot(
changing information from each other for no e$plicable reason. 0urprisingly predictable story line (this is
fairly unusual for me with a premise already e$cessively covered. #t's very possible you'll spend more time
training for combat than actually engaging in combat, which is all the better given it's so simple.
(81 *rim ;andango
(81 @ost 2ori'on
K C (81 Monkey #sland (#(#D (<==:(9::: C 9::=(9:<:
8ossibly the most well(known point(and(click outside @eisure 0uit @arry, the Monkey #sland series tells the
story of *uybrush )hreepwood, a wannabe pirate trained in the art of insult swordfighting and monkey
combat. )hese games are humorous, with moon logic lateral thinking pu''les. @ucas?rts had a special
edition of # 4 ## created which improves audio and visuals, but which was very careful not to change
anything substantive over the originals, with style and aesthetics still perfectly in line. )he magnet link
includes all four games (plus )ales of Monkey #sland, listed as Monkey #sland ", but not included for this
list but with special editions in place of originals for the first two games.
*reat for a laugh. 1reativity abounds here, and it's easy to appreciate. )he long struggle to find correct
solutions makes the eventual answer a punchline itself.
1an be a bit tedious, especially insult gathering. )hough it's still a solid game with a still(appreciable
personality (certainly enough to keep it off the *ames 2istory list, it's comforting to know the adventure
games genre has significantly improved in almost every area over the past 9" years. Enless you're fine
with losing a full day or two per game listening to the same frustrating dialogues over and over, you may
want a walkthrough opened in a browser if you can't find a solution after a few minutes... or you may %ust
want a @et's 8lay, instead.
(81 Myst ###+ A$ile
H ? (81 8apers, 8lease
? standout in the contemporary indie scene, 8apers, 8lease is somewhere between adventure, spot the
difference, and maybe shooting gallery, tooO this ain't your grandma's 8opcap game. 88 has you playing
as a 0oviet ?rstot'kan borderNimmigration enforcement agent, working in a little booth scanning, printing,
and scrutini'ing everyone who comes by. Jou're to check their paperwork for forgeries and errors, and
ensure no undesirables should come inside *lorious ?rstotska. (7r not.
Enbelievably engaging story and gameplay for the premise. A$cellent creation of dystopian environment
through aesthetic choices. 6o more look, it's a normal place but something's slightly off+ ?rstot'ka is
2ellishly dreary and desperate. -ifficulty is gradual and presents an en%oyable, fresh challenge.
1ountry of origin emblem checks can go to 2ell. )hey get me almost every time. +(
(81 8ortal
7ne of two games to manage to give me motion sickness. 6ot reviewed+ going solely on others' raves.
(81 8ortal 9
)he other game which manages to give me motion sickness.
(81 8sychonauts
(81 0yberia
(81 )he Kook of Enwritten )ales
(81 )he -ream Machine
(81 )he @ast A$press
(81 )he @ongest Journey
B (81 )he 0tanley 8arable
0tanley's trying to find his office(mates. -oes he go right or leftP 0tanley, are you going right or leftP
0tanley, prone to long blackouts, stands in place staring blankly at a wall. ...Fhy aren't you going
anywhere, 0tanleyP )hat's fine... we'll %ust throw aside our important works and wait for a rogue neuron to
fire. #magine that in a Kritish accent and you have 0tanley, where the game is as much about e$ploration
as it is getting a reaction out of the bipolar narrator. )here are multiple endings and many long detours, as
well as intentional bugs which are narrated. #'m tempted to throw this in the sandbo$ category... #t's
definitely a sandbo$ kind of game.
Jour %ob is primarily to break everything (or not & but breaking things tends to have the best option & not
physically... but to do what you aren't supposed to in places by the way. 0tanley's 8arable will always
reward you for finding places you shouldn't be able to go, where a normal game would place invisible
barriers. #t's a satisfying e$perience with a fresh take.
)hough the game got a few chuckles out of me, # wouldn't say the humor's particularly intense. )he game
has no closure. 0omething about testing my patience and lack of value on my time for rewards as narration
seems overly(sadistic on the devs' part.
(81 )he Doid
X A (81 )he Falking -ead+ 0eason 7ne
7ngoing game series (in season two as of this writing involving the story of 1lementine, a young girl in the
dystopian 'ombie apocalypse of television's )he Falking -ead (# don't think there's utopian 'ombie
apocalypse media, yet, but if not, there sure will be, eventually. Jou'll meet and see off many others in
your travels to accomplish your goals, and the %ourney proves superior to those goals, as repeated over
and over. Jou absolutely do not need to watch the )D series & they're really not even related... both involve
'ombies and focus on character development & and the same name, of course.
)ense atmosphere and some solid moments of horror and disgust. )his isn't something to playNwatch if
you're only looking for thrills and torture, though. )he game's script is masterful. )elltale does character
development at least as well as the television series. 0tory's solid, music's solid, level design's solid & it all
fits together perfectly, impossible to forget & yada, yada, yada & #'m repeating myself.
8ress B to not die. Forrying level of sadism in episodes seems to continually increase & unsure # want to
follow the writers to where they seem to be heading.
A (81 )o )he Moon
2- pi$elated point 4 click about an old fart on his death bed who's looking to go to the moon. Jou don't
have a magic moon beam, so your goal is to satisfy his desire to experience going to the moon with your
magic brain beam. 2e doesn't know why he wants to go to the moon, and neither does anybody else,
e$cept maybe a dead woman with a condition. 6o matter, though, because your %ob is simply to send him
to the moon.
# went into this e$pecting over(hype and disappointment. # was blown away. -ialogue's full of wit, breaking
the fourth wall while maintaining the magic circle. #t's not possible for me to properly articulate how fantastic
the writing in this game is. )he wonderful piano score goes perfectly with a fantastic, moving story full of
twists and satisfaction as you start having reali'ations about the characters (and the writer was kind
enough to give solid chances at guessing on before it's e$plicitly revealed.
# suppose the momento pu''les could have been more challenging.
Third-person Murder Games & )hird(person Murder *ames games are very violent, third(person
games where you're to kill a lot of things, but which does not involve directly managing groups of 681s.
(81 2otline Miami
C (81 0yder ?rcade
Fhatever happened to those days of dad taking me to the pi''a shop to watch him play uhhhh... one of
those arcade games with airplanes where you shoot at a bunch of ob%ectsP )hey were hardO they wanted
your .uarters. 0yder ?rcade maintains the difficulty level and mocks you & %ust a little & if you lose. 0yder
?rcade is set in space with you controlling a spaceship instead of an airplane, but everything basically
functions the same. 8owerups can give you auto(missiles or a more powerful weapon, or maybe replenish
a bit of armor. Anemies pew(pew at you, and you're e$pected to evade their pews while successfully
pewing back.
-ifficulty's fun. )his is the kind of game you'll want to play if you en%oyed either those bullet hell arcade
games or maybe want to branch out from the arcade(y difficulty of 0uper Meat Koy. 8ew pew pew, # got a
laser gun. 8ew pew pew.
)here's nothing particularly bad about it. #t's competently made. #t's simple, but fairly engaging. 8laythrough
takes a terribly long time. Avasive pew(pew %ust isn't my genre, and #'m, frankly, not convinced it's a genre
which deserves to leave the space of ;lash games.
R A (81 )he Kinding of #saac
)he Kinding of #saac is %ust about the most perfect real(time dungeon crawler and bullet hell imaginable.
*ameplay is a combination of the older Qelda and newer Hisk of Hain. )he story's made up of a 5slightly5
revised Kible(time favorite, wherein the very young protagonist is to be sacrificed by his mother to fulfill the
wish of 2im, but instead escapes to the elaborate basement filled with traps, slot machines, and cartoon(y
vagina(anus monsters.
A$ceptional replay value provided by an e$pansive number of well(designed encounters, ob%ects, and
layouts chosen by an e$cellent procedural generation system. Aach game is substantially different by
providing you with completely different combinations of items. )errible story left partially up to your
imagination, horrible discoveries by the protagonist (especially in later playthroughs, and strange, fi$ed
encounters. )hough difficulty's largely determined by items you encounter, # found it was generally in that
perfect range where #'m able to progress but feel a fair sense of accomplishment upon reaching an end.
0ome may not en%oy the semi(random difficulty. 0emi(random difficulty is accompanied by heavily(varying
gameplay times. )his wouldn't really be an issue, but you can't save during gameplay.
Casual ( ;or this list, a casual game is considered any game which can be played in bite(si'e chunks,
doesn't re.uire sophisticated strategies, and has a score board of some kind.
(81 ?udiosurf 9
(81 Ke%eweled
(81 Kookworm ?dventures -elu$e
K A (81 8eggle 6ights (9::R
Most resembles pinball, with no flippers (usually and many, many things for the ball to run into, powerups,
and many minigames and modes, including a campaign. 8eggle 6ights is a se.uel to 8eggle, though little
has changed given 8eggle itself is e$tremely well(polished. Hounds can take up less than a minute, with
the campaign only taking a few hours.
1ampaign starts off easy and very gradually, consistently increases in difficulty. 8opcap style of feel(good
winning, where they pull out all the bells and whistles to make a single mouse click feel e$hilarating and
satisfying. ?llows you to challenge yourself as much as you like, with plenty to do for all skill levels.
Fon't be everyone's bag of chips, but it is a very well(made bag of chips. ? bit more effort into the post(
?dventure challenges would be nice. )ossing a ball at targets is only so fun for so long.
FPS ( ;irst(person shooter (may include stealth elements and a non(dynamic economy.
H8* elements
R (81 Kio0hock
#'m too biased and nostalgiac to review. Kioshock was and is the best ;80 ever made & period, end of
story, and fuck you if you disagree because you're obviously a moron & and the hacking minigame is cool,
tooM #t is semi(horror, with a lot of tense moments and great scripting. Kioshock was one of the earlier
modern shooters where you were allowed to be an asshole, a saint, or pragmatic (though ?yn Hand and
possibly ?ndrew Hyan would kick my ass for framing it that way. Jou don't think that guy should've gotten
away with what he didP Iill him. Jou wanna play slots, you go ahead, because those absolutely are
functional (which was a bit unusual for its day. @oaded with secrets, Kioshock rewards e$ploration and will
keep you progressing to learn about the interesting characters inhabiting this awful paradise(turned(2ell.
0urprising given its age, it still looks half(decent, tooM # will admit that, keeping in line with all later Kioshock
games, the plot gets goofy and game less fun once you reach the shit %ust got serious point.
R C (81 Kioshock ##
0imilar to Kioshock, but with many new characters and a few ma%or changes to the mechanics, as well as
some undersea navigation. Jou break out your camera to take pictures of enemies about to murder you,
too, because.... #dunno, it's what the devs decided. Kioshock replaces Kig -addies with their ultra(bitchy
(both in noises, movement patterns, and general annoyance counterparts, Kig 0isters.
Kioshock world, Kioshock mechanics, Kioshock characters. ;80 mechanics are nearly as solid as the
original's. A$pands on some of the minor mechanics originally introduced.
# wasn't tempted to replay the game in compiling this list, and #'ve honestly forgotten a fair bit of the plot. #n
fact, nothing of the game's sticking out in my mind e$cept a particularly tedious part during which you
decide to mimic a Kig -addy and how easy the game became once you found the summon. @ike many
se.uels, the game piggybacks off the old pretty heavily, and maybe this is %ust because it takes place in the
same area. @argely, it felt like Kioshock, but with less tension (which was a big component of the original,
where everything was very foreign and a lot of recycling.
R A (81 Kio0hock #nfinite
? very apparent departure from the previous formula (at least in game mechanics and level design, #nifinite
has many large, fairly open outdoor areas with lots of non(hostiles. #t's much less tense and horrifying,
and feels almost like an adventure game (though Kioshock has always had a half(decent story and lots of
rewards for e$ploration, particularly due to the relatively slow(moving enemies who aren't %umping all the
fuck over trying to claw your eyes out (instead, you mostly fight large handfuls of humans who chill out,
make poor use of cover, and try to shoot your eyes out.
An%oyably different, and a daring deviation from the e$pected. 6o longer are you bound to a bunch of
underwater tubes like a gerbil, but are instead bound to a bunch of way(above(ground ships and platforms.
Ali'abeth is a genuinely likeable character (L usually and surprisingly useful companion, unlike countless
other characters #'ve intentionally forgotten. Friters do a fair %ob of foreshadowing what's actually going on
without being too obvious. #t's very obvious how much time (and money went into this game, and it's pretty
well(rounded in all departments. #t's ob%ectively gorgeous and even impressive & like, impressive for
computer gaming in general+ # had no idea my graphics card could do )2?)M )he amount of time and
know(how put into engine optimi'ation for #nfinite really shines (which isn't something #'d normally praise. #
use a fairly old "R":, so # was shocked to see what they could make happen with my card.
Kipolar story and difficulty curve (there's nearly no disincentive to dying, but # assume people will be very
interested in not dying because dying is still losing, where the story is consistent, but far(fetched and full
of goofy plot devices, with an ending which felt offensively unemotional and dissatisfying (since the Kuried
?t 0ea -@1Ne$pansion takes place after, #'m hesitant to recommend it. #'m unsure why difficulty curve
bounces around... maybe they thought it was realistic to not have a slightly more difficult encounter each
time you progress. Fithout spoilers, # was annoyed by some of the limited options allowed for interaction
with the many people and factions in the world. 0kyrails and grappling hooks are cool, but they didn't add
anything to gameplay for me. # was disappointed by all the (very easy minigames being stuffed in the
beginning and never making any kind of reappearance. 0urprisingly short.
(81 Klood
(81 -eus A$+ 2uman Hevolution
(81 Ma$ 8ayne ,
(81 Mechwarrior S
(81 Metal *ear Hising+ Hevengeance
(81 Metro+ @ast @ight
(81 7rcs Must -ieM 9
(81 0tar Fars Jedi Inight+ -ark ;orces ##
6o H8* elements
(81 Kattlefield 9 (online
(81 Klack Mesa
(81 1all of -uty S (online
R (81 *ears of Far
-idn't en%oy it (was actually e$pecting to and didn't make it too far. )his was largely due to the difficulty #
had progressing, but partially due to my lack of interest in pushing a bunch of generic military stereotypes
forward to accomplishing their goal in the war against the whatevers. #dunno. Maybe # %ust suck and it
becomes more interesting later, so # kept it on the list.
(81 2alf(@ife
(81 2alf(@ife 9
(81 7peration ;lashpoint+ 1old Far 1risis
(81 8ainkiller
(81 Hune
(81 0erious 0am 2-+ )he 0econd Ancounter
X A (81 0pec 7ps+ )he @ine
-id you know an ?merican company could push out a game where you're an ?merican soldier killing
?merican soldiers and using white phosphorous on innocent civilians in a morally murky plot where the 1#?
is pitting locals against a rogue company of ?merican soldiers which've taken over -ubai after an
unrelenting series of devastating sandstormsP )hey could and didM )his could arguably go in the H8*
elements category & but it's a K0 category, really, and # think the presence of a good, semi(linear story
doesn't automatically lump it into the H8* elements category.
1hoices (sometimes not e$plicitly clear with heavy conse.uences which make you stop and carefully
consider the circumstances. -ecent writing with a fresh (and stunning premise. 1ompetent and
challenging cover(based ;80 mechanics, though this is more story(driven. -rab andNor frightening
environmental design has you appreciating the the graphical design work in non(brown areas a good bit.
;inal choices post(reveal are a doo'y, though it's entirely cosmetic ( which is e$cellent, because it kind of
lets you write your own ending based on your interpretation of the character. 0tunning they could push a
game out with such an offensive (to ?mericans premise.
@ots of sand(brown everything everywhere with generic graphical effects which aren't .uite up to par for
big(budget ;80 games (this isn't a big(budget game. 0tory (rather, how characters interact throughout it
is implausible, which does harm to the immersion, especially after the big reveal.
(81 )eam ;ortress 9 (online
(81 )he 7perative+ 6o 7ne @ives ;orever
(81 Hising 0torm
Grand Sand!o"# ( ?ny cross(genre game with large, open, dynamic worlds which are difficult to
pigeon(hole into any other single category. 0andbo$ here does not imply a goal(less creative game, and
may include games on the border of being a grand strategy.
B (81 -on't 0tarve (9:<,
#n -on't 0tarve, you'll probably starve. ? lot. )he goal, surprisingly enough, is to not starve, and should you wind
up successfully feeding yourself, you'll want to work on building up the campsite you've picked out, so you'll want
to go out and gather resources. Fell... you'll need to figure out how to make an a$ or picka$ for the really useful
stuffO wood, rocks, and minerals, so you'll have to do some more basic tool(free scavenging first, but # hope you
don't decide to go out at night. -oing so converts the game to -on't *o 6uts & prepare to do battle with
figments of your imagination which can physically kill you as you continue trying to progress yourself and the
story in a harsh, procedurally generated world. 7h, and don't forget to build up stores for the coming Finter.
Maybe you'll encounter a traveling pumpkin(dog who'll store such items for you while you're running from
undercover treants you pissed off by chopping down their brother.
7utstanding style and artwork. A$cellent biome, recipe, mechanic, and 681 diversity make for deep and
rewarding gameplay. *ame controls and mechanics are fairly intuitive and challenge you to figure things out for
yourself while providing good feedback on how your choices are affecting your character and progression. )he
game has phenomenal replayability and the game is fre.uently receiving ma%or updates from the developers.
)he modding community is fairly strong (and recently strengthened by new updates specifically for them. ;or
tens of hours, you'll be discovering new, fascinating ob%ects and 681s to interact with.
Jou damn well better stay away if you don't think losing is fun. Many players will never even reali'e there is a
story mode which progresses beyond the initial map.
(81 -warf ;ortress
#'m too biased by love to properly grade this game. Fhether or not you'll en%oy it largely comes down to
how much free time you have, how willing you are to get immersed in an ?0#1## game, and how much
you're willing to die over and over for no tangible reward but some e$perience. #f you get into this game, it
will take up hundreds (or thousands of hours of your life. #f you don't, it'll maybe take a couple hours and
then you'll feel like your time was entirely wasted. 7nly a handful of people have feelings in between. -warf
;ortress is right up there with the most comple$ games ever released, and the devs release a massive
update roughly twice per year. Merely by learning how to play is its peak time, but with the game's
comple$ity (many things you figure out how to do wasn't thought of by the devs, this will never end.
Averything you learn to do is a satisfying accomplishment, which leads to even more harsh challenges as
you become more bold. (Kut first you have to learn how to even click on a dwarf, which really is its own
challenge. #t's free, though, so give it a go. Fhile you're at bay<9, have a gander at @iberal 1rime 0.uad,
too.
(81 ;ar 1ry
(81 ;ar 1ry 9
(81 ;ar 1ry ,
C (81 ;reelancer (9::,
;reelancer was one of the last in the dying breed of big open space flight combat sims before ADA 7nline came
to dominate. #t's primarily played offline and has a linear story to follow (which # hesitate to say, because the
world is vast and intricate, and you're certainly welcome to e$plore. )his is an e$tremely immersive game and
definitely made for those with a lot of time on their hands, but for the genre, has relatively fast, bite(si'ed combat.
#t isn't terribly far off to call it ADA 7ffline, though it's lacking many, many features part of which come from
having real humans playing instead of trying to simulate them.
)he world of ;reelancer does a good %ob at seeming to truly e$istO police will occasionally scan and attack
foreign ships, the militaries will send out fleets to deal with pirates, and pirates will attack ?# transports as they
make plausible rounds (they'll tell you their route and purpose if hailed, sometimes even making good trade
route suggestions. # wouldn't discount the argument that this is %ust a poor attempt at mimicking the humans
necessary for a truly alive world, but # also wouldn't discount the argument that you'll be paying a fairly high
monthly fee to interact with real humanoids in MM7s of this genre at this point in time. )he graphics engine still
impresses over a decade after creation. )he story is surprisingly engaging, though maybe they do
foreshadowing the wrong way. 1ontrols in the game are fairly intuitive for mouse control and not too difficult to
pick up. ;reelancer has an impressive modding community & definitely recommend you look their creations up
(web link goes to one such community.
6on(mission voice dialogue is pieced together from a small pool of sub(conversations and becomes e$tremely
repetitive very fast & it also has them come off as very imhuman, cold, and socially retarded. 1ombat becomes
repetitive before the story ends, and once the main storyline is over, there's little interesting left to do. Fithout
the many great mods for the game originally, it would be reasonable to wonder why the devs created a massive
world and then have you go through only a tiny sliver of it through the campaign, without enough reward to
compel most into playing after. )his game also refuses to allow you to use a %oystick because PPP (err... well, #
mean & it was weird back then, when some people actually owned %oysticks.
(81 *rand )heft ?uto /###, #D, Dice 1ity, 0an ?ndreas3
(81 Just 1ause 9
(81 Mafia
(81 Mafia ##
(81 6ethack
B (81 8ort Hoyale ,
#f you're into this genre, you've probably played a similar game. Maybe Hise of Denice. 8ort Hoyale , is
best played in freeplay, where your goal is to simply rise through the ranks by meeting certain basic
re.uirements+ you need B amount of wealth, B amount of cargo capacity in your ships, and B employees.
@ike 8irates (a few games down, you can play 8ort Hoyale , %ust about however you'd like, and become
enemies of any and all nations. Enlike 8irates, however, you can take over towns and claim them as your
own (make sure to snag the 2arbour Master -@1, which is, oddly, around ,$ easier than trying to take out
a den of pirates. Jou could become a pirate yourself, or you could stick to privateering if you're so inclined.
Jou could stick to city building, too, if you'd like. Aach town produces only certain goods, and should you
obtain a building license, you may build houses, factories, farms, and hospitals, among a couple other
choices. Jou'll want to then build up a trade route which pushes out what you produce and pulls in what
you can't.
8lenty to do, lots of secrets to find. )rade is interesting for a good while, and the game feels fairly dynamic.
)owns will grow without your interference, though they'll grow much faster with you (or maybe not,
depending on your actions.
6aval combat is tedious. *o ahead and hit the automated button. Jou lack control in most things.
1ombat, both naval and land, is basically %ust a bland numbers game & did you bring more martyrs to the
party than the other guyP -iscovering pirate hideouts has to be bugged or re.uires some type of voodoo
dance & it works properly(seeming roughly <N" times in freeplay, but is usually impossible. ;or some
reason, the devs thought it'd be cool if, instead of receiving pay, you instead had to pay large sums of
money to nations to be granted permission to destroy their enemies' assets. 6o matter what you do, the
most money is always in the most tedious work, which in 8H,, is taking poorly(designed tasks where you
generally either build B Bs or go to B and pick up B. )his game could benefit tremendously from
modular design helping modders, and while a data unpacker has been created, there is simply no modding
community to speak of. Fith all these points against it, though, it's still a fun, immersive grand strategy.
(81 0aints How ###
X A (81 0aints How #D
Jou ever kill a space alien with a dildo bat while ?erosmith plays in the backgroundP 8robably not. 6ow,
you can. #f you're familiar with previous games in the franchise, you might wonder why you'd ever be
interacting with space aliens. Fell, the game's premise is that you, a masterful thug, sadist, messenger
bitch, and pussy magnet, have elevated yourself to the peak of the thug careerO president of the Enited
0tates (whoa, slow down & that was meant as anti(political, not racist. Enfortunately, violent aliens have
decided humans are bullshit... or something. Fho caresP #n the franchise's final shift, things have gone
from a mi$ of intentional and unintentional humor (in the form of gritty thug life nonsense to its absurd and
logical conclusion. #t can never again be called a *)? clone (L but if # wanted to e$plain gameplay .uickly
and with fair accuracy, and # do... so....
?bsolutely fun attitude elevates the franchise to its highest level. )here is no tedium for the sake of
realism, here, but the rule of funny hasn't completely eliminated the game's personality. #'d guess if you
were one of those people who get potted up on the reefer, there would be no better choice of game to play
while under the influence, though # can attest to the game being both unbridled fun and satisfying while the
player is sober. *uns shoot where you want, you can go wherever you want in minimal time, and get right
to the action of shooting, penetrating, and insurance fraud. Aven while doing so, the game presents a
decent challenge. *ame will take you all over the place and put you in all types of fresh scenarios, because
once you finally decide not to give half a damn about realism, your only limit is your imagination. ? violent
game where almost every goal involves mass murder really shouldn't be binding itself to realism in the first
place... but #'ll save that rant.
-ifficult to fully relate to the main protagonist.
A (81 0id Meier's 8iratesM (9::S edition
)hings start off looking fairly well. Jou're sailing for a merchant company with all the national protections
which come with it... but it turns out the fellow's unpleasant, your family's kidnapped, and all you wind up
with is the cheapest boat around. @uckily, it's actually a pretty powerful and maneuverable boat, though you
can upgrade to captured ships as you please. 8irates can largely be what you'd like it to be. Jou can
spend all day in naval combat, trying to sink the enemy or force it to surrender, or you can %ust go ahead
and ram into it for .uick(time combat. Jou can spend your days searching for buried treasure, or follow the
main .uest of finding your family. Jou can also take a large fleet of cargo ships and invade cities. )he
game is very segmented, but it's not like it breaks flow or has parts which shouldn't be there.
0tays fresh for a good while due to the many things you're allowed. # remember the first time # played it,
how impressive the dynamic music was. #t's still pretty cool & it basically changes instruments playing the
same song depending on what you visit, but keeps its place in the song & no stuttering or restarting. Eni.ue
method of changing difficulty works well & you're given the option to bump up the difficulty each time you
divide the loot, letting you play on the current difficulty so you can determine whether or not you're ready.
0ome sections of the game are a bit hidden & there's a stealth(like game inside it, for instance, which you
likely won't see, and it's kind of nice for something to e$ist which isn't half(assed even though few people
will actually see it.
L Jou're always ready to increase the difficulty. 7nce you get the gestures of dancing and swordplay
down, everything's cake. ;or as much as there is to do, the game feels kind of short (though for !<: on
0team, hard to complain.
K A (81 )erraria (9:<<
7ne of the earlier spinoffs from the Minecraft subgenre and the spiritual predecessor of 0tarbound (also loads
of fun if you like the genre was )erraria, a 9- resource gathering, crafting, and fighting game with a healthy
dose of procedural generation. )erraria will have you play through a kind of campaign, online or off, where you'll
need to fight monsters, collect certain items, then craft new items which summon bosses which progress you
into the ne$t tier of crafting, fighting, and e$ploring. -on't e$pect a story, though.
Dast, open worlds with tons of diversity which grabs you and holds for a long period of time. )he randomness in
the world adds a great deal to its replayability, which is added to by a reasonably strong modding community.
1ombat is fun and weapon types fairly varied, along with an interesting array of other helpful items. 0tarting to
age, )erraria is still maintained by the developers, who lovingly continue to add content and tweaks to the base
game.
)he game (and maybe this has changed since # played really %ust dumps you off right at the start, giving you
little idea of what you're supposed to do or how you can do what you want. #t didn't take me more than a few
minutes to .uickly wind up on the game's wiki community to figure out how to do basic tasks.
Survival $orror & *ames made to scare the piss out of you. ;or this list, games which are scary but
where terror isn't the primary ob%ective are placed into other categories, usually ;80 andNor H8*.
R A (81 ?mnesia+ )he -ark -escent
Jou have amnesia and you need to descend (and occasionally ascend in a dark environment. Jou collect
things and there are some physics pu''les, too. 7h, and monsters you're unable to fight but which can kill
you in half. #t'd help spoil the tensionNterror if # told you more or if you read a proper review, so if you have a
smidgen of trust with me this far into the list, # strongly suggest you turn off the lights, put on some
headphones, and buy this without reading a proper review, reading discussion, and absolutely without
watching a @et's 8lay (which really cheats you out of the e$perience in this particular case. #f you don't
want to take my word, then do please pirate the game and decide whether or not it's worth your money
after the e$perience, but please don't spoil it for yourself before buying. )he H rating borders on an B,
but # don't think the conte$t of the potentially unsuitable material warrants the most e$treme rating. Jou're
probably a dick parent if you let a pre(teen play it, though.
(81 Miasmata
R C (81 8enumbra+ Klack 8lague
;rom the makers of ?mnesia and with the same review caveats. 8enumbra is older, less polished, has
combat (which is glitchy and easily e$ploitable, and is, overall, less terrifying, but a good, tense e$perience
nonetheless.
(81 0ilent 2ill 9
Plat%ormer & ;or this list, a platformer is considered any game with a lot of %umping (yes, it must have
%umpingM and clear, linear ob%ectives. *ames which are more dominated by fighting or shooting are placed
in other categories.
(81 @imbo
(81 8rince of 8ersia+ Farrior Fithin
(81 Hayman @egends
(81 Hayman 7rigins
(81 )omb Haider (9:<,
Ra&ing & ? game where you're primarily driving a vehicle and where there are no significant gameplay
elements outside driving.
A (81 Kurnout 8aradise (9::=
2ope you like *uns 6' Hoses, because you'll be hearing 8aradise 1ity.... a @7). Just thinking about Kurnout
8aradise has the song stuck in my head again. ?nyway & Kurnout has you playing a sentient, human(free
vehicle (which, thankfully, doesn't talk or appear to have feelings in a world made up of many bite(si'ed events
throughout the large, open city you'll need to succeed at to improve your driver's license grade (which unlocks
more difficult challenges and new vehicles.
;ast, intense, bite(si'e gameplay which certainly isn't limited to mere racing, but also includes kinds of
cops4robber style play, stunt challenges, and a grand number of challenges 4 shortcuts to find in the open
world. A$cellent soundtrack. ;un crash cam. *ame includes a good few things to do while not playing events
and rewards e$ploration.
Anvironment barriers are a bit of an annoyance in such an open game. Jou'll find yourself in horrible crashes into
flimsy fencing before you're even close to the actual graphic of the fencing.
(81 6eed for 0peed Enderground
(81 *H#-
RPG & 6ot to be confused with rocket(propelled grenades, a role(playing game for this list is considered
any game in which you play as one single character or as a small(ish group to progress a linear story and
which involves much combat. # apologi'e for the Fest vs. Aast categori'ation.
Festern
(81 ?r$ ;atalis
B (81 ?vernum+ Ascape ;rom the 8it
Jou're thrown in a pit which looks surprisingly like every other place on Aarth given you never see this
dirtNrock ceiling they claim. Jour goal, should you choose to take it (and there is a choice, is to get out. #'m
not sure why you'd think escaping a pit where you were forcibly cast in by a sprawling dystopian empire
would be a good idea, though. 7ddly enough, almost everyone you run into who needs rescuing will refuse
to leave until you kill their captors, but # guess that's why you're the hero of the game.
0trangely addicting, always maintaining that desire to e$plore %ust a little more. Jou're given many non(
critical .uests, some of .uestionable morality. )here are very, very few .uests you're re.uired to do, and
with multiple ending .uests, you can role(play a good bit more (if you're one of the <T of H8* fans who're
actually interested in that. 2ighly(flavored world so long as you're up for reading it all. Jou can determine
the difficulty (outside the setting # didn't touch by determining whether you want to e$ploring current(level
stuff or move on to higher(level stuff. Kecause there's practically always something your level to e$plore
and because e$ploration is fun, it doesn't come off as grinding (unless you go to something higher(level
and get your ass kicked, then need to backtrack.
*raphically and aesthetically unappealingO tile(based, pretty ugly, hard to determine what you're looking at
in some cases (ah, # appear to be fighting an e$ceptionally old man's uncircumcised penis & better use
fire. /fire was effective3. 2ope you like the inventory screen, because you'll be seeing a lot of it from the
ground loot and obviously(garbage containers you have to open because they may actually be a switch or
have an important note on them which starts or progresses a .uest. @oot actually feels pretty pointless mid(
game. Kosses drop magic trash and all you really want is gold to learn and improve spells, but there is no
way to have characters automatically picking up anything worth money even though it's pointless
micromanagement. 1ontinuing the items(as(garbage tradition, merchants are largely useless after the first
hour of gameplay outside gaining .uests and selling your %unk. # also never found 0pider. +(
C (81 Keyond *ood and Avil
? fascinating combination of adventure H8* and 8okemon 0nap. Ketween missions involving saving the
world, you'll be e$pected to take pictures of all manner of beast, which re.uires going the e$tra mile in
e$ploration. K*A is more oriented around mini(games, pu''les, and e$ploration than you may e$pect in a
typical H8*, though there's definitely a fair amount of real(time combat.
#t's nice to see so many secrets in a world, especially an open world. #nteresting universe. Most mini(games
are actually pretty fun and diverse in gameplay.
0till a bit buggy so long after release, including some game(breakers. 1ombat's ho(hum. *etting particular
snapshots re.uires a lot of time(wasting or wiki(reading. 1haracters look interesting, but are mostly shallow
and rarely memorable outside the main protagonists.
C (81 1astle of the Finds (<=R=
? true roguelike much friendlier than 6ethack (%ust enough to make the list, 1otF is a relatively short roguelike
striking a good compromise between outlandish difficulty and depth. )his game was made free by the developer
back when dinosaurs roamed the %ungles. Jou'll want to play 1otF on a ,9(bit Findows 70 with <U(bit mode (or,
um... a native <U(bit if you have one somewhere, somehow. ?lternately, put FinB8, =", =R, 9:::, or similar on a
virtual machine (you can use -70Ko$ to this end, but that'd be stupid, which is always good to have on(hand,
anyway.
Jou can issue most commands and sort through your inventory in 1otF with a mouse instead of learning the
e.uivalent of a second language in key commands (2ow to drink a potion... 'V'PPPM 7h, 'V' for '.uaff' & of
course.... A$cellent introduction to old(school roguelikes and all the core mechanics, with a fair range of
enemies, items, and mechanics, though certainly nowhere near as e$haustive as 6ethack.
Fell... # can't say it looks too great. # mean & #'ve seen worse(looking games released in the past couple years,
but... yeah, it's pretty ugly even for a tile(based game. Jou'll want to save often since it's entirely possible to fall
down a level into a closed room and have no way to escape. *ame can be overly(ruthless if you don't learn
certain spells.
B (81 -ark 0ouls ##
?ieeee.... -ark 0ouls ##, as with -emons 0ouls and -ark 0ouls, is outlandishly difficult if you play it like any
other game, and still pretty difficult once you get into a patient rhythm. #t's a game where you patiently
observe and learn to e$ploit patterns, then slowly chip away at the enemy and cannot make mistakes. -0##
or anything out of ;rom0oftware will 6ADAH be mainstream & so # feel like it deserves a 1 rating, but it is
a very well(made game, %ust with a niche audience. Enlike in -ark 0ouls, death is painful & because -ark
0ouls obviously wasn't difficult enough. Jou effectively leave any loose e$perience behind (which you can
recover if you get to it without dying again and take a substantial hit to your ma$ 28 which remains until
you use a fairly uncommon item (which # never found off non(placed corpses. 8laying melee is brutal
while playing a sorcerer can make earlier areas e$ceptionally difficult once you run out of spell charges
and've only gone halfway to the ne$t bonfire. #f you didn't miss a spell strike, that means you'll be needing
to melee the second half of the area with nothing but a dagger and enough 28 to make it through four hits
(which can occur in less than a second of standing still. #t does eventually get a bit easier (and then harder
again, but it's almost as if they designed the game to weed out weak hands early on, like you become part
of some elite club for grinding through it.
Eni.ue combat mechanics and continues interesting online mechanic where you can, under certain
circumstances, travel in and out of others' world, while they can come into yours, either with friendly or
less(than(friendly intent. ? kind of guild system works to encourage and reward 8v8 (as well as 8vA in
some cases. 1utscenes approach cinema .uality while the game's pretty high(res and well(drawn itself.
-0## does reward e$ploration, but there aren't particularly many places to e$plore. -0## largely leaves
progression choices up to you & you can start out a sorcerer, and while still progressing in that magic path,
become a powerful melee character. -0## does not pause when alt(tabbing, so you can respond to
business emails while 681s talk (more on that later.
Jou either have to cheat by looking up guides online, or try a lot of things at different times with different
stats to have a solid chance at making it through. Enskippable speech is drawn(out to unreasonable length
(not for being wordy & they generally only have a few sentences to say and little of it is even relevant to the
plot ( but because... they.... talk..... like...... this...... for no good reason and there's generally no indication
that if you talk to $ five times about his nihilistNdefeatist philosophy, you'll suddenly progress, so # wound
up very frustrated and looked at a guide, where the solution annoyed me even more. More than a couple
battles strongly encourage a very gameyNe$ploit(y approach, where the goal is to get monsters stuck while
you shoot at them (which is why playing pure melee is so challenging. )hough very difficult, # didn't feel
particularly satisfied at any point in the play(through. # barely made it through the first playthrough and don't
care to try the harder playthroughs. Forld feels very dead and unresponsive, linear and sparse, and
generally dis%ointed & # guess it's thematic atmosphere, but # didn't en%oy it. #f you play it on 81, though
-0## is a dramatic improvement for 81 over -0, you'll still want to use a 0i$a$is or, ideally, an Bbo$
controller. )here's a kinda(sorta story inside -0##, but you have to really look for it.
(81 -iablo
(81 -iablo ##
(81 -ivine -ivinity
(81 ;allout ,
(81 ;allout+ 6ew Degas
(81 Mass Affect
(81 Mass Affect ##
R B (81 )he Alder 0crolls ###+ Morrowind
R C (81 )he Alder 0crolls #D+ 7blivion
R A (81 )he Alder 0crolls D+ 0kyrim
?nother solid entry for the Alder 0crolls series. 0kyrim has you visiting the fantastical e.uivalent of
0candinavia, under threat of many large dragons flying about. 0kyrim's made from the ground up for
modding, and if you're playing vanilla 0kyrim, you're playing it wrong. ? normal player has ":(<:: mods
running at one time, and the 6e$us Mod Manager (allows one(click mod additions, ultra(simple installation,
and automatic mod updating has given immense value to the game. )here are simply too many essential
mods to list, but #'d definitely suggest picking up (and this is limited to what was out last year ahem &
Kard sing on re.uest 76@J, 1limates of )amriel, -imes Vuickstart (skips intro, -ragons -iversified,
Aconomics of 0kyrim, Anhanced Klood )e$tures, Anhanced 2igh(@evel *ameplay, *uess )he -istance,
2#?@*7K770) (awesome lower(level mod which'll significantly boost ;80 andNor lower heat production
and electricity consumption of cards without noticeable .uality degradation, #mmersive Feapons, Iace
?uto(loot, @ocational -amage, Monster Mod (most essential of the most essentialsM, 6o 0pinning -eath
?nimation, 6on(Assential 1hildren, owned, 8oint the Fay, 0e$y towns (labeled individually & 0e$y
Fhiterun, 0e$y Findhelm, 0e$y villages and towns, 0e$y Hiften, etc, 0kyHealism (Materials, Encapper
(don't forget the high(level gameplay modM, 0kyE# (especially essential, 0oul *ems -iffer, )rade and
Karter, )ravellers of 0kyrim, and Eltimate ;ollowers 7verhaul.
?wesome dedication to making the game modifiable has really paid off. #f you dislike anything, from the
atmospheric sounds to the lack of badass weather or relatively low(res te$tures, there's probably a mod for
that. )here are mods covering all sorts of really specific things, like making thunder sound more badass,
turning mudcrabs into troll memes, and having characters occasionally shout )hanks, 7bamaM when
struck in combat. #ncredibly detailed world which, even though it's massive, doesn't feel empty at all (mods
will pick up everything devs didn't completely fill. )he level designers should be really, really proud of their
work, because even though everything looks similar, nothing looks the same, and doodad 4 treasure
placement was done e$ceptionally well & their care is really apparent. Vuests are all interesting, often
stumbled upon with e$ploration, and fantastic e$amples to learn from & there are no grind out ten crab
monsters entries here. )here is simply no other game out there which rewards e$ploration and has nearly
as much content as 0kyrim. )he incredible largeness of some dungeons had me wondering how many
games 0kyrim could have been legitimately split off into. ?t least a couple 0kyrim dungeons could've been
standalone -@1 with the inclusion of some merchants.
Kland, slow, unskippable intro (downloading the -imes Vuickstart mod is definitely recommended after
watchingNplaying it once. Vuests which progress the story are generally a bland irritation compared to
others with werewolves, talking dogs submissive to a mad deity, and uncovering a grand conspiracy within
a city's guard faction. 1ombat is generally not too interesting, with switching spells and shouts being more
of a hassle than an engaging challenge, and # definitely suggest playing at least on the adept level.
?lchemy is undeniably overpowered, especially if you level it, both in terms of how much money it brings in
as well as their power in use. 681 dialogue is often flavored by your past events and current standings, but
it's e$tremely rare for something to happen in the future based on what you've done in the past if it isn't part
of the .uest line. 7verall, this hurts immersion & if you genocide and loot Fhiterun, nobody in Findhelm
gives half a damn. )oo many options are hidden away out of the game & for e$ample, games shouldn't be
forcing shadows on anymore+ they gobble down *8E resources for an effect #'m far less interested in than
higher particle density and higher resolution te$tures, but only having the *E# show an option of high,
medium, and low for shadow options only gives me the ability to sacrifice effects #'m actually interested
in so # don't have to suffer horribly ugly, immersion(killing block shadows. 1ontinues the Kethesda trend of
having really bland dungeon te$tures (with some notable e$ceptions.
(81 )itan Vuest
(81 0ystem 0hock 9
Aastern
(81 1hrono )rigger
(80B ;inal ;antasy D##
(80B ;inal ;antasy D###
(80B ;inal ;antasy #B
(809 ;inal ;antasy B
(81 )he Fitcher
(81 Js 7rigin
Js is a real(time H8*(platformerO Qelda(like. # believe #'m abnormally biased against this game, didn't play
it through, and will not include a mini(review, but give it the benefit of the doubt and keep it on the list. #t's a
kind of rhythm game, where you chip away at bosses by identifying and e$ploiting observed patterns, then
doing a slow, unforgiving dance with them.
Stealth & 0tealth is difficult to define because many ;80 games will have stealth elements. ;or this list,
stealth games are considered those where employing stealth is generally necessary to progress and not a
mere option... but again, since most stealth games allow you to go in guns(bla'ing, listing games as
stealth is usually contentious.
(81 -ishonored+ )he Krigmore Fitches
(81 2itman+ Klood Money
(81 2itman 9
(81 Mark of the 6in%a
(81 )hief
(81 )hief ##
Strateg' & ;or this list, strategy refers to combat(oriented third(person games where you send your
681s to battle enemy 681s.
)urn(based
(81 ?ct of Far+ -irect ?ction
(81 1eltic Iings+ Hage of Far
(81 1ivili'ation ##
(81 1ivili'ation #D
(81 1rusader Iings ##
(81 -isciples ##
(81 -ominions S
(81 Aador+ *enesis
(81 Ampire Aarth
(81 Auropa Eniversalis #D
(81 ;ro'en 0ynapse
(81 *alactic 1ivili'ations ##
(81 2earts of #ron ##
(81 Iing ?rthur+ )he Hole(8laying Fargame
K (81 Iing's Kounty+ ?rmored 8rincess
#n IK+?8, you play a skinny striptease (the armored princess has armor which covers her heart, a bit of
breast, and has a belt shaped %ust right to cover her genitals and nothing else on a .uest to save your
world by venturing into another, to gain what's necessary to defeat a supposedly horrible demon who's only
barely being contained. 0omewhat surprisingly, the game never turns into an actual hentai game, but an
otherwise satisfying tactical )olkein similar to Aador and 2eroes of Might 4 Magic but with a focus on
adventure rather than city(building. )he .uest takes you across a long, fairly brutal campaign spanning
many, many lands you unlock by obtaining maps carefully littered and guarded.
#f you like 27MM, this is a game for you. 1ombat is perfectly imbalanced, with a fair variety of combatants
to take on. *ame remains challenging throughout, always threatening you with an unwinnable scenario
given there are only a limited number of enemies to fight and a wipeout would re.uire enormous gold
e$penses (though whatever enemy you fought doesn't immediate restock its units after you wipe.
*raphically and aesthetically, the world map looks %ust like Forld of Farcraft. 0tory and .uests function
.uite the same, too & bland and boring, there merely to propel you through the game with bonuses which
take you to the ne$t level in resources and stats. Jou'll be pretty disappointed to find you can't use your
pet dragon in boss battles (your first one is W"(<: hours into gameplay if you've spent most of your runes
on boosting your pet. +(
(81 Iing's Kounty+ 1rossworlds
(81 Iing's Kounty+ )he @egend
(81 Medieval ##+ )otal Far
(81 )otal Far+ 0hogun 9
(81 )he Kanner 0aga
A (81 Dictoria ## (2eart of -arkness
8arado$ *rand 0trategy (game where you have various threats and benefits and are e$pected to create
your own goals to dominate the world & or whatever else you want to do. Dic9 is the most .uick(moving,
intense, and data(driven game 8arado$ has released, with an overwhelming number of different mechanics
at play (#'m covering maybe <:T of the game in this relatively long review, ignoring such things as voting,
assimilation, coloni'ation, reforms and parliament, political parties, and even the research system. )his is
the polar opposite of a casual, spectacle, or linear game. *ames take days, and once you're involved in an
evenly(matched war, you pretty much need to be regularly pausing and considering what all's happening to
determine your ne$t set of moves, which re.uires vigilant awareness of the various numbers, conditions,
and modifiers at play everywhere. Multi(player adds a vast new set of mechanics if you're lucky enough to
find people on a similar schedule willing to play with you (only single(player is mini(reviewed.
?# is usually pretty competent on high difficulty. 0ome of its strategies are annoying, but #'ve had my ass
kicked a good few times when # was feeling confident entering the war. Aconomy is e$tremely in(depth,
where Dictoria is the game in the series which focuses on the industrial revolution and has a fleshed(out
system of supply and demand, artisans, and craftsmen working at plants either you (the state or your
capitalists build (and you can have a mi$ed economy, too, where capitalists propose and slowly fund new
pro%ects and you can fund them at will. Avery single territory produces different resources, with modifiers
and population factored in, which, along with too many more mechanics to list, come together to form a
very alive, dynamic economy and overall game. )here's not too much arbitrary nonsense & if you want to
build a large, strong army, you'll need to've already committed to building an army of craftsmen with proper
factories to produce ammunition, canned goods, small arms, and other assorted manufactured goods
which must be created dynamically, where you either produce the goods within your nation or import them
& but if there's a massive war and related shortage of if you decided at the last minute you want to double
the si'e of your military, military production slows to a crawl until supply meets demand one way or the
other.
8arado$ popup spam is still present in this series, with unignorable J7E 2?DA ? )H#D#?@ ?M7E6) 7;
*77-(VE?@#)J 17))76 & F?66? 0)71I8#@A #) 7H 0A6- 07MA )7
2?F?##NKHE6A#NJ727HANF2?)ADAH )7 HEK )2A#H 670A0 #6 #)PMPM messages popping up every
few minutes of gameplay (it's better with some countries than others & playing as the E0 is infuriating due
to various spam popups. Jou may actually end up putting off critical research %ust because you know how
much popup spam it creates on the screen. Meanwhile, when an ally calls you to war, it's easy to miss,
resulting in dissolution of the alliance, a ma%or relations hit, and loss of prestige. Jour ally might lose, too
(not that you careM. 1onsolidation wars (where you have a puny neighbor making the map look ugly with its
goofy borders are fine to play at normal S$ speed, but once you have one of the ma%or alliance wars or
crisis wars with multiple ma%or theaters of war, where you have, say, 8russia, the 7ttoman Ampire, Kavaria,
and Hussia against ;rance, the EI, Japan, ?ustria and *reece, the game turns into a giant clusterfuck
where you really wish there were ?# to manage some of the less important theaters. ;or e$ample, playing
as ;rance in that war, you have to protect your ?frican assets, ?merican assets, ?sian assets, and push
into the Middle Aast (which are often disconnected and re.uire micromanaged sea transports of soldiers or
a long series of military access re.uests, engage in naval battle (which is nice, because the 7ttomans
tend to build up large fleets of floating garbage to destroy for ma%or prestige and war points, all while
fighting the primary war on the homefront, where you've drafted citi'ens to complement your main army,
and you have maybe <" stacks of enemies pushing into your homeland while your own micromanaged
stacks are trying to push them back out until citi'ens mobili'e and are ready to push the fight into 8russia
(oddly enough, #'ve found the ?# tends to be hyper(aggressive, so it's usually beneficial to have your draft
victims con.uering enemy territory while the properly(trained and seasoned volunteer army fight the larger
battles on the home(front. Fhen # say something like ?ustria, too, # mean ?ustria the country plus its ten
satellite nations and five minor allies which will each send a small army stack to capture your territory, often
in places you leave open because you were focusing on the larger battles. )his makes fighting the EI
anywhere, anytime, as anyone an incredible challenge due to the obscene number of puppet states they
control in all parts of the world.
(81 Fargame+ Auropean Ascalation
(81 B17M+ Anemy Enknown
(81 B17M+ Anemy Fithin
Heal(time
(81 ?ge of Ampires ##
(81 ?ge of Ampires ###
(81 ?ge of Mythology
(81 ?ge of Fonders ##
(81 ?# Far+ ;leet 1ommand
(81 Kattle Healms
(81 1ompany of 2eroes
(81 1on.uest+ ;rontier Fars
A (81 1reeper Forld ,
Jour goal in 1F, is to build structures which directly or indirectly push back creep (a flowing ob%ect of
destruction and finally destroy 1reeper structures which produce 1reep and other nasties. 8art tower(
defense, part tower(offense, and somewhat casual (with online leader boards, 1F, is one of the most
surprisingly addictive games on the list.
Fide array of structures and mechanics to help fight off the 1reeper, all with uni.ue, powerful, and
sometimes essential functions. Jou can, for e$ample, raise and lower land using specific machines able to
be built as a way of barricading the creeper out or for weapons to reach 1reep at different altitudes. Jou
can also use energy(sucking shields to a similar effect, though your meat and potatoes are in cannons,
mortars, and large bertha batteries (which are possibly 78. )he game is played on a fairly long campaign,
with each map taking W<"(U: minutes (generally longer as you progress and with each map having its own
challenges and opportunities. ?s you complete the campaign, massive new systems appear, making the
game last virtually forever, and as a semi(casual game, that's fantastic. Music is similar to that of 0tarcraft
(which is to say goodM. *ame also has a map creator.
#t's not well(advertised, # suppose. # can't think of a single real fault, and # think the gameplay is suited to a
wide audience. #t's a very well(made game with a surprising number of well(developed mechanics.
(81 -ragon ?ge+ 7rigins
(81 Ampires+ -awn of the Modern Forld
(81 ;allout )actics
K (81 ;)@+ ;aster )han @ight
? fairly chilled out (at least as far as music and 0As go, non(linear dungeon crawler in space with real(time
combat, where your ship acts more like your character and re.uires some finer controlling for a good
rhythm of shield(blasting and hull damage (andNor crew invasions. Jou'll pick where you want to go on a
level, then decide on which level you want to go to ne$t (you usually have an option of two, where one may
be more difficult /and possibly rewarding3 than the other with all levels eventually leading to the final
confrontation. *ames aren't .uite bite(si'ed, but fairly short at <(9h per playthrough.
#nteresting and personally(appreciated system of ship hull 4 layout unlocking where you complete
challenges or find secrets for new crafts. 2as some surprisingly thought(out mechanicsO for e$ample, you
might think to %ust have your crew go put out ship fires, but you can also open e$terior doors to let the
flammable gases out until the flames are smothered with nothingness. A$tremely mod(friendly, with an
impressive number of community members contributing solid mods. Koth those points in its favor, on top of
encounters and level layouts being randomi'ed, make it very replayable.
Handomi'ation doesn't go through enough passes, creating unwinnable or too(easy situations based on
luck rather than skill, which'd be fine, e$cept the less powerful you are, usually the more boring the game is
(less mechanics at play, less abilities, more tedium and waiting. Aven if playthroughs are short, it's no fun
running out of missiles (or drones no matter how many you buy and scavenge because you haven't been
able to find any energy weapons.
(81 *round 1ontrol ##+ 7peration A$odus
(81 2omeworld ##
H K (81 Jagged ?lliance 9
Huthless H);M B17M(like gameplay with a ruthless 0outh ?merican dictator as the alien scourgeO a turn(
based tactical map is the battleground for your hired mercenaries, while a meta game occurs in the
strategic map. 2as some H)0 and H8* elements in there, too, including income from mining operations
and the sales of loot from enemy corpses and from wandering around reappropriating goods from
impoverished, war(stricken citi'ens.
-eeper than you'd ever imagine, with challenging (and sometimes unpredictable ?#. *ame has many
hundreds of hours of en%oyment in it. *ameplay rewards you for non(obvious choices, which # was very
pleased by & #'ll spoil one of the early onesO there is a sweatshop with child labor which profits the dictator.
)here is a very straight(faced, female manager of the shop. Jou can casually stroll up, switch to free
shoot (she doesn't display as a normal target and kill her in cold blood. # was very surprised to find some
flavor te$t and e$perience for the act. )here are a good many other surprises #'ll refrain from spoiling & but
the game definitely rewards e$ploration and e$perimentation. 0urprisingly strong modding
community(<.<, may be the most pervasive, but there are some fantastic facelifts out there for the game,
with an online community which refuses to die.
-id # mention the game's ruthlessP Jou really need to H);M, tooM Kuggy, too & DAHJ buggy. # suggest
starting on novice difficulty. Fithout normal autosaving as is common in contemporary games, you're left
with a tickable option for autosaving which you can only access with some voodoo (click continue previous
game in the main menu, then press alt(? & thus, the first thing you'll want to do is save your game so you
can even get to the screen secretly allowing you to load autosaves from before the game 1)-'d.
(81 Inights of 2onor
B (81 Iohan ##+ Iings of Far
7vershadowed in the genre by continued worldwide infatuation with Farcraft ### and a release date right
ne$t to Home+ )otal Far, Iohan ## is, for many, a gem which was never unearthed, but which shares many
of F,'s strengths and has distinguishing features, particularly in resource management.
0trong nod to modders map designers (though the tools are not nearly as powerful as F,'s. #f you find the
game too easy, definitely try out custom ?# files. Eni.ue resource management scheme removes a lot of
micromanagement formerly inherent in the H)0 genre, allowing you to focus on designing battalion builds.
0trong music score. #nteresting, engaging combat and real(time sieges allow the game to be both dramatic
and full of flow.
Fould be nice if larger armies could be fielded. 7nline community is dead. )here's something missing in
the game # can't place.... something to have you doing more in a span of time without %ust speeding
everything up... gosh & # hope #'m not M#00#6* micromanagementM
(81 Mount 4 Klade+ Farband
(81 Myth ###+ )he Folf ?ge
(81 6e$us+ )he Jupiter #ncident
(81 7verlord
K A (81 8lants Ds. Qombies
)here's not much point of having this on the list. # mean & you've played it. L HightP 8vQ is a semi(casual
tower defense game from 8op1ap. Jou place organic towers in one of "(U rows and then 'ombies try to eat
through your defenses (these 'ombies have a taste for chlorophyll as well as brains. )his is %ust the
normal mode, though & 8opcap often includes many different styles of gameplay in their games and
definitely didn't skimp with 8vQ.
#t's probably 8op1ap's most time(intensive pro%ect they made, and it shows in the many different kinds of
gameplay choices and minigames. Jou've got your Ke%ewled mode, a bowling mode, a slots game, pu''le
modes, campaignNnormal mode, conveyer mode, survival mode, tower offense mode, there's a
greenhouse (of various biomes where you can plant flowers you've picked up to harvest or sell for money ,
a cra'y salesman, you can grow an enormous )ree of Fisdom, and plants and 'ombies are nearly
overwhelming in diversity. )here are a good few secrets tossed in, too. )his'll keep you busy for a long
time, looks great, appeals to everyone #'ve met, and every minute is fun. 2ell & #'ll admit to replaying the
campaign a couple times.
# got nothin'. 8op1ap may not be everyone's favorite company, but this was a home run.
(81 Hise of 6ations
(81 H.E.0.A.
(81 0ins of a 0olar Ampire
(81 0oldiers+ 2eroes of Forld Far ##
(81 0ol 0urvivor
(81 0tarcraft
(81 0tarcraft ##
(81 0tronghold
(81 0tronghold 1rusader
(81 )otal ?nnihilation
(81 Eniverse at Far+ Aarth ?ssault
(81 Farcraft ###
(81 Farhammer S:,:::
Sim & ;or this list, sim refers to any non(combat(oriented third(person (or no(person game in which
your %ob consists of managing some type of entity (or entities. ?ll of these could also be conventionally
considered strategy games.
Kusiness
K B (81 1apitalism ## (9::<
1apitalism ## (and the newer 1apitalism @ab, which is basically a content patch C bugs 4 always(on -HM, at its
core, is primarily a logistics management sim, which sounds less fun than it is. Jou'll start with a city (or
multiple cities, depending on your level creation choices with resources and lots of free land. ;rom here, you
can either build retail stores and sell what others make or make your own products to sell (either to ?# or through
your own stores. Manufactured goods re.uired a well(kept supply chain. ;or e$ample, if you want to sell, say,
an air conditioner, you'll need steel and electronic components. 0ounds easy enough, rightP Frong. Jou need
to manufacture or find a decent import of steel, which is made of coal and iron you'll need to set up mines for,
and of course, a manufacturing plant for the actual steel. Alectronic components are made of chemical minerals,
coal, iron, and silica, so you'll need to mine the silica and chemical minerals, too. 7n top of that, you need your
manufacturing plant to create the electronic components and then another to create the air conditioner (you may
be able to get away with stuffing the manufacture of air conditioners in the same plant which creates steel, but
that may lead to a crippling bottle(neck. Helying on imports is often a bad idea given you don't control them and
things can change (which may include production grinding to a halt without your awareness. Fhat's thisP Jou
tried doing this but went bankrupt within monthsP ?h, well let me tell you that you need to price all your sub(
components based on the prices of raw materials and shipping (determined by the weight and distance of items
being carried to eventually come up with a reasonable price for your end(product while determining bottle(necks
in the manufacturing process and coming up with a way where e$cesses are e$ported, matched in production, or
pruned. 7nce you construct a store to sell your products, you'll also want to pay attention to .uality, brand
awareness, brand presence, and price, all of which are probably pretty low relative to the competition (if
present. Jou'll probably want to initially ignore .uality since that re.uires an e$pensive (both up(front and over
time H4- department. Jou'll probably want to ignore brand, too, since that re.uires a heavy investment in
advertising and dedicated workspaces (or even entire buildings for labeling. (0o you're left with price. @ower it. ?
lot, possibly. 2ooray, you're making pennies. )he rest will come with time and investment. 6obody said it'd be
easy to build the Mother(0uckers' ?N1 brand from scratch. L 7h, and before # go & there's a dynamic stock
market, a residential rental market, and a 2ell of a lot of ?# helpers you can hire at the corporate 2V (don't
consider it until you read up on what they actually do and understand their %obs.
A$ceptionally deep, 1apitalism ## is a game easy to lose yourself in. #t will take many days playing to really
master the game, though the game provides solid feedback which allows you to continually improve. )he sheer
number of options in 1apitalism ## is incredible & it really is your playground, and it's a rewarding e$perience. )he
?# can also be .uite competent at times. #f you've constrained yourself to flash sim games in the past, prepare to
have your mind blown...
L if you can make it far enough in without rage.uitting or deciding it's not worth the time or effort, which #
wouldn't fault you for. *ame mechanics, charts, and features have a tendency to be hidden away, while you'll
likely need to look online to master some of the mechanics. 7nce you do master the mechanics, though it can
take a while, the game can .uickly devolve into repetition.
(81 1ity @ife
K A (81 Hailroad )ycoon , (9::,
#n H),, you will lay track, buy stations and engines, then set the engines' routes. Jou are also permitted to
purchase factories, mines, logging camps, and farms, keeping in mind that you supply demand created in large
towns without similar manufacturing in the area, and also that your factories will depend on being able to snag
cheap raw goods.
H), is deceptively deep, but delightfully intuitive and gives great feedback. )he interface is wonderfully
designed, giving you access to everything you'll need to go from amateur to pro without bogging you down in
numbers. )he graphics engine holds up well given the game's age. -ecent modding tools and a strong
community have added many, many hours to an already(decent campaign. )he amount of micromangement
re.uired is surprisingly minimal.
?# is not particularly competent. 0tock market could have been entirely left out.
B (81 Hecettear+ ?n #tem 0hop's )ale (9:<:
Hecettear is a very strange game. ?t its core, it is a business sim H8* dungeon crawler. Jou start off needing to
pay on some debt. ? kind fairy loan shark is willing to help you set up a business to do so. Jou find yourself
needing items. 2ow do you get these itemsP Fell, you could buy them at a discount from the guild or
marketplace, or you can crawl through procedurally generated dungeons for free items, where you'll also find
game(progressing events, including new characters to fight with (and who'll visit your shop on time off.
7utlandishly original. )his game has everything, and it'll take a long while for you to become bored of it. )he
characters are interesting and sometimes even funny. Jou may even find yourself sympathetic to Hecettear. )he
game mechanics are fairly deep... you'll haggle with buyers, analy'e buying patterns and which people pay what
markups, you'll receive large orders, and there's a fusion mechanic thrown in for the 2ell of it, where you'll need
to collect certain items on your trip to create new, uni.ue items. )he game is deep enough that decorations don't
merely affect the number of customers, but affect which kinds of customers are most likely to come in, displayed
by a cute double(a$is graph.
)he combat is lackluster. #t's not terribly bad, but not particularly engaging. )he penalties for failure can be harsh,
while the first and maybe second playthrough will likely see you fail to make debt repayments on time (as nice as
your loan shark friend is, she is still a shark, and being a dollar short on pay day is grounds for immediate,
ruthless foreclosure.
K A (81 Hollercoaster )ycoon 9 (9::9
H1)9 is a classic by any measure. #n H1)9, you will design and build rollercoasters, observation towers, golf
courses, and log flumes, among many other types of rides. Hollercoasters are all measured by e$citement,
intensity, and nausea & it's up to you to design rides with ideal values while simultaneously trying to manage
the park's finances and ma$imi'e profits (you cannot design new rides while the game is paused.
?nother of those surprisingly deep, yet not overly(comple$ games where you'll probably learn something new
years after the first binge. Hollercoaster design takes many factors into account... how fast are you taking turns,
how tight are the turns, what kind of scenery will riders see on the ride, will they be racing other rollercoaster
cars, are they running underground... poorly(constructed andNor poorly(maintained rides may also crash, leading
to many dead peeps and a lingering bad reputation, though it's certainly fun to watch. 8eeps have needs and
function relatively normally... they'll get sick and vomit, throw their garbage in the paths, need money from the
?)M, need to eat and drink, as well as use the bathroom (and yeah & you can charge admission for bathrooms.
0cenarios are generally well(designed and en%oyable to play.
)he pathing ?# in this game is awful, though you don't notice until guests begin complaining about being lost. #n
some cases, you'll find a pack of peeps pacing back and forth in some remote part of the park for no clear
reason. )he ?# was largely improved in H1), (and H1)9's pathing ?# is 9$ superior to the original's, but H1),
has its own drawbacks. 8lacing scenery can .uickly become tedious. 0ome maps are poorly made, and will
severely confuse the pathing ?# without you making a single change to the park's default layout. ? similar
problem e$ists with staff, where they're horribly inefficient (which can lead to a litter spiral given litter begets
vandalism, which begets more litter because they're trashing your trash cans without tediously marking where
each individual staff member will be permitted to walk.
(81 0imcity S
C (81 0tartopia
8lays similarly to )heme 2ospital, but it's in spaceM )here are some other mechanics at play, too, outside
design differences. ;or instance, 0tartopia will have you managing factories, laboratories, and prisons.
Angaging gameplay, fairly deep, large variety of mechanics to keep you learning and to hook you.
Dery dated graphics engine (almost pushed to games history list, awful E#, slow tutorial, iffy writing.
K (81 Fall 0treet Haider (<=RU
)here's no typoO <=RU & the game's been continually overhauled and updated for nearly thirty freakin' years,
and it's pretty clear as soon as you visit the company website. 8ossibly even more comple$ than 6ethack, F0H,
a stock market 4 business simulator, is its own little dimension. )hough it has a *E#, pretty much everything is
presented as te$t. Jour goal is to accumulate more money than your opponents, but there's an initially(terrifying
number of ways to do this. Jou can trade stocks, commodities, credit default swaps (hoorayM, corporate bonds,
government bonds... and all of these are created from ?# companies. )hat is to say that you will be unable to buy
bonds or stocks without the many hundreds of ?# companies offering them, and you will make such things as
interest rate swaps with an e$isting ?# counterpartyO it's very dynamic and alive. Averything you (and the ?# do,
no matter how small, can lead to butterfly effects, and it's your goal to try controlling the chaos of the free market
to your favor. Jou can also buy enough of a company to control it, which leads to the other half of the game,
where, through playing with variables like Trevenue to spend on H4- or by filing antitrust suits against the
leading business in the industry, all while reacting to the many, many things going on in the dynamic economy.
)8K link not included (though older versions are often alive & you can download the mostly(full(featured demo
(which limits the number of years you can play and change the following address value in 1heat Angine+
change ::"A=K"1 (for wsr >.: to whatever end year you want. )his guy really deserves money for his product,
though, maybe even if you don't like it. +
)his game has been hidden to the world for its entire life, and it's a shame, because it's probably the most
rewarding game #'ve ever played. )hough comple$ enough that # can't think of anything to ade.uately compare
its level to, the game is unbelievably deep, with hundreds of viable strategies able to be employed at any time,
solid feedback systems in the form of charts and tables, and a strong feeling of accomplishment when a strategy
finally works as you want it. )here is simply no end to what all you can do. 7nce you've spent hours building up
your cola producer to be a ma%or player in the industry, you maybe want to enter a new industry, but the new
industry (and there are many tens of these has different rules and possibly different mechanics. 1ontrolling a
bank, for e$ample, is entirely different than controlling a freight company. Fant to free'e or call in loans from
competitor companiesP Fant to create a bank focusing on %unk business bonds, where you interfere with the
finances of the lendee in hopes the credit rating will be upgraded and you can pawn it off on some other bankP
*7 ;7H #)M #f you own their loan, you can absolutely do that, and that's the dog(eat(dog world F0H does an
incredible %ob bringing. )he game is still lovingly updated by the single developer (un(freakin'(believable.
8repare to die more than a lot. 1omple$ity and sheer amount of data will crush many newcomers who don't
want to read the e.uivalent of a game manual for every mechanic in the massive help file, and the game's *E# is
very bare(bones. Eseful information is tucked away in giant cascades of menus, and without a strong online
community, it's very difficult to figure out what you want to do without a ton of trial(and(error (but this makes
success all the more satisfying.
*od
C (81 Klack 4 Fhite (9::<
? real time suck, this is. 8art sandbo$, part resource management, part monster breeder, part adventure
game, K4F has you playing god & a god, rather, who's trying to become *od (well... maybe & it's not really
e$plained. Jou'll be trying to impress people of unbelieving villages either with benevolence, tricks your
creature performs, or by burning them alive and chasing villagers around with their comrades' skeletons &
and it can definitely be a combination of those (and it should be noted that you'd ideally burn them alive,
then put them out. 1onverting these villages give you belief power which allows you to interact with
ob%ects further out in a particular map. 8robably the most mellow game you'll ever play where you'll be
flinging fireballs while your pet giant tiger wanders around eating unbelievers.
Fonderful diversity of choices you're allowed, with your creature able to mimic many (though the options of
stroking and pimp(slapping your creature as a means of reinforcing behavior seemed somewhat awkward.
Dillagers are willing to take a large load of micromanagement off you, even able to e$pand their villages
themselves. Jour creature's progression is deep, with a fair amount of information to help you figure out
what all's going on.
?# is unchallenging. 2as the graphical impressiveness of an 6US port, without much to say in favor of
aesthetics, either. ;or some reason, there's no native ability to run this time(suck in windowed mode, and
you'll need to *oogle for a third(party solution. )he initial tutorial is one of the worst #'ve seen, holding your
hand and wasting time by forcing you to sit through a tutorial on basic, intuitive camera controls (here's how
to move ( move three times. Jep. Dery good. Jou've got itM. Forse yet, many intermediate and
advanced game mechanics and techni.ues are never ade.uately e$plained. 1an be painfully boring and
time(consuming in some portions of maps as you wait to be able to interact with villages beyond %ust having
your creature interacting.
(81 Heus
7ther
(81 Avil *enius
(81 )ropico #D
(((
(81 Monday 6ight 1ombat
C (81 )he )yping of the -ead
Maybe the best typing tutor to ever e$ist, though it's sorely in need of an remake. )ot- has you killing
'ombies with a magic keyboard. ? little e$plored element in the theme, you definitely can kill 'ombies by
pointing a keyboard at them and typing words which hover around them. )his game lifts many mechanics
from the 2ouse of the -ead, which came before it and continues to thrive as a franchise, including power(
ups, lives you can either take a risk to save or let die, and a goofy, satirical story (though the game premise
itself is probably the only thing you might get a chuckle from.
1lear, tangible skill development for the real world. ;un premise and great e$ample of educational
gamification.
2orribly ugly. 1haracter voices are painful to listen to.
(81 )ony 2awk's 8ro 0kater 9
(81 )ony 2awk's 8ro 0kater ,
(81 )ony 2awk's Enderground 9
(81 Eltimate 0pider(Man
(81 Eplink
Loo)ing %or more( * pla'ed all the %ollo+ing, give a hesitant re&ommendation -the'.re
still some o% the !est games ever produ&ed, !ut +ith a list so massive, 'ou ma' +ant
to spend 'our time else+here/, and suggest &he&)ing out a %ull revie+ o% them to see i%
'ou ma' !e interested0
?nno <S:S & -awn of -iscovery, )orchlight, )orchlight ##, )he Iing of ;ighters B###, )he -ark
Aye+ -rakensang, ?ge of Fonders ###
Games &onsidered %or this list +hi&h +ill instead !e moved to the Games $istor'# list0
;reespace 9 (*oogle ;07pen, too, Degas )ycoon, 2idden 4 -angerous 9, Kaldur's *ate,
Kaldur's *ate ##, #cewind -ale, #cewind -ale ##, 8lanescape+ )orment, -ungeon 0iege ##,
?nachrono$, Amperor+ Hise of the Middle Iingdom, #mmortal 1ities+ 1hildren of the 6ile, ?l
Ammo and the @ost -utchman's Mine (don't think # can listen to that guy's voice long enough
to play it to the end, though..., -esperados+ Fanted -ead or ?live, Klade of -arkness, Aarth
9<":, *abriel Inight ,
Games &onsidered %or this list +hi&h +ill instead !e moved to the %ree, .released in
!eta,. %lash, and indie# spe&ial0
)ower of *uns, 0tarbound, > -ays to -ie, -ayQ, Adna 4 2arvey+ 2arvey's 6ew Ayes (se.uel
to )he Kreakout, -ungeons of -redmor, *eopolitical 0imulator ,, Daldis 0tory+ ?byssal
1ity, @one 0urvivor
/cut from F#8 version3