Made 4 U Episode 6 “Tonya”

A child is the most precious thing ever in the world. I don’t actually believe in God, but I know
that children are a blessing from some sort of higher being. But to have that blessing, that piece of
yourself, snatched away so sudden, is like a cruel slap in the face of the parent. Like a wooden stake
being stabbed through your heart and being yanked out and leaving splinters everywhere inside. I will
never forget this feeling. I will never forget that night in which the shine was stolen from my life. Neither
will my mother. The sun had just set on that hot August day and my parents had started arguing for the
hundredth time that day. Something about why the clothes weren’t folded and put up after they were
done drying, this leading to my mother throwing the clothes at my father on the couch and telling him
to do it himself. He, being the tall, dark African man with a beer belly and balding head, cursed and
knocked the clothes onto the ground. My mother, an equally tall Mexican with thinning dark hair down
the middle of her back, went and poured herself a glass of wine.

“Charles, I am not washing your clothes again,” she stated from the kitchen in her high raspy
voice after what I heard to be a sip. I sat on floor by the only television in the house trying to watch The
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air as my father stood up. The episode I was watching was the one where Ashley is
sick of being unnoticed by guys and being treated like a little girl, so she dresses like a complete slut and
becomes so popular within a day. I hated when girls had low self esteem about themselves, but
everyone can’t be me. I loved to watch television shows that took place in California because it was my
home state and I completely hated Florida. We had only been in Miami for two years now since the
closing of the Oakland Army Base, but I just simply and utterly hated it. I hated the heat year round, I
hated the constant rain that never had a set schedule, and I hated most of the people I went to school
with. When my dad was reassigned to the United States Southern Command in Doral, Florida I insisted
that I stay with my sister Regina and my nephew and graduate from Oakland High like the rest of my
family. My mother said no and then drug me clear across the country.

“I fucking work my ass off every day and you give me shit!” my dad yelled, “I swear Karla, I will
go off! I will fucking go off!”

“Go off then Charles,” my mother calmly stated.

“I will, don’t make me go off!”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up you lazy, good for nothing woman!”

“Fuck you, Charles.”

I rolled my eyes and turned the television volume up with the remote I laid between my breasts.
Nice voluptuous breasts. That’s when the cordless house phone that I had between my thighs started to

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ring. Nice voluptuous thighs. We didn’t have caller ID so each call was a gamble to if I wanted to answer
and be excited or answer and be irritated.

“Hello?” I greeted solemnly over the yelling.

“Tonya Brown, please?” It was my friend Kenny Whitley whom I met when I started attending
North Miami Senior High School. We hated each other at first; seeing how I was scared of gay people
and East Coastians and he thought I was spoiled and evil. Well, I am the youngest of three and have
gotten my way all the time. My brother, Charlie- the amount of jokes were astronomical - moved to
Alaska when I was ten and was never heard from again. My sister had a different dad and stopped
talking to our mother when she found out her father was still alive when Karla told her he was killed in a
gang war. But that’s her version of the story because she still calls here for my mother all the time.

“I see your parents are still fighting.” Kenny acknowledged with boredom in his voice.

“Nothing new under the sun.” I commented like a robot, immune to my parents yelling.

“Oh, my, quoting bible scriptures. It must be bad.”

“Shit, I didn’t realize I had said it. Shoot me now.”

“On my way to take care of it.” Kenny and I shared a laughed before he kept talking, “Did you
get the homework from Biology? I skipped, obviously.”

“I noticed, you slut. Let me guess, William?”

“No, he and I are done. Again. I met a guy named Trevor.”

“Do you get any more gay?”

“The name Trevor is gay,” Kenny joked.

“So is Kenneth.”

“So is your mom.”

“Probably. “

My dad had walked into the kitchen and began slamming cabinets as my mother began yelling
at her highest, then started speaking in Spanish.

“So again, did you get the homework?”

I stretched out on the floor and rolled over on my back, staring at the ceiling.

“All the questions from chapter five, because Mr. Peterson had a bitch fit with the class today.”

“Sucks to be you. Damn, what are your parents fighting about?”

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 “Laundry.”

Kenny and I laughed again.

“Do you and Milli Vanilli fight like that?” Kenny asked. I laughed again.

“His name is Millbrea.”

“That’s a gay name.”

“Fuck you, but no we don’t fight like these low budget citizens do.”

“I hope you and I don’t end up like your parents.”

Before I could respond, the call waiting alert went off. We don’t have caller ID but we can damn
sure get call waiting. That makes sense. Right.

“Hold on,” I said quickly and pressed the flash button, “Hello?”

“Tonya, put Mama on the phone.” It was Regina and she sounded pissed off.

“Call her back. Daddy is arguing with her.”

“I don’t give a damn, put her on the phone.”

“I’m on it, call back.” And with that, I clicked back over to my friend, “Kenny?”

“Yo?”

“Regina still thinks I am a child.”

“Better than my brother who questions me about everything and everyone. Did I tell you I
walked in on him fucking?”

“Ew! But wait, your brother is the sexiest thing on earth. Looking like a dark version of Hill
Harper.”

“It was a dude.”

“What was a dude?” I gasped as soon as the question hit the air, “NO!”

“Yes, my brother Malcolm, the homosexual part two.”

“Technically, it’ll be part one since you’re younger.”

“No, it’s part two cause I was gay first. I am gay before I am black.”

I laughed.

“Stupid.”

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 Call waiting alert, again.

“Jesus, Kenny hold on.” Click, “Hello?”

“Tonya, don’t fuck with me today!”

“Bye, Regina.” Click.

“Kenny, let me call you back.”

“Okay.”

I hung up the phone, hopped up and walked between my parents still yelling over now it was
the cabinets my dad broke by slamming them. When I handed my mother the phone, she sipped her
glass of wine.

“Mama, call Regina back.”

And with that, the telephone rang and my mother answered this time. I faced my dad and
sighed.

“I will put up the clothes.” I offered as he kissed my forehead.

“This has nothing to do with you, baby girl.”

“I know daddy, but ya’ll are really annoying me.”

“He’s what? There is no such thing as a bisexual.” My mother boomed as my dad looked at my
mother who had her back to us then he looked at me.

“Who is she talking to?”

“Regina.”

“Que bueno para nada maricon!”

“Mama is a dumb ass for saying that. Ain’t Uncle Tom bisexual?”

My dad rolled his eyes.

“That’s what he tells folks.”

“You need to leave his sinful ass. Jesus doesn’t condone that gay lifestyle.” My mama scolded as
she down her glass of wine.

I looked at my dad and we both shook our heads. That is when I proceeded to walk out the
room.

“Daddy, can I use your cell to call Kenny?”

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 My father laughed and then composed himself.

“Thought of him that quick?”

“I mean one sinner to another, we might as well have a conversation on the phone.”

“It’s upstairs, baby.”

When I got upstairs, I went to my room first and dug in my Care Bear treasure chest for my black
phone book. Once I retrieved it, I went to my parent’s one-again-off-again bedroom to get my dad’s cell
phone from his top drawer of their dresser. My mother still had her fake pearls hanging on the mirror
and my dad always kept his wedding ring in the top drawer with his medication for depression and dress
socks. I sat on the edge of their king size bed and cracked open my little black book to the ‘R’ section.
When I got to ‘Regina’s boyfriend’, I started dialing his number. His name is something of a last name
that I can never remember. It’s dumb if you ask me, dumb and lazy. Brown? No. Jones? Nah. Oh,
Johnson. See? Stupid.

He ended up answering on the first ring, which is something I wasn’t prepared for. I wanted to
come up with a speech or something but he gave me no time. It was eleven my time so I know it wasn’t
late for him, so that could be the reason. But when he spoke, he had such a handsome baritone voice
and I saw why my sister, and men, loved fucking him.

“Johnson? Hey, it’s Tonya, Regina’s sister.”

“Oh, hey. What’s up?” he sounded as irritated as I was with Regina.

“Before you get the wrong idea, I am not calling to cuss you out.” I inhaled deeply and looked
around nervously in my parent’s dark room. I could hear my mother still yapping on with Regina and my
dad had obviously begun watching television. Good Times was blaring.

“That’s good to know,” Johnson responded.

“I just don’t give a fuck. Regina is a stupid ass skank and did I mention a hypocrite? How are you
going talk all this shit about my mama being a two faced liar but keep calling her like ya’ll are best
friends?”

Johnson laughed lightly, “You hold nothing back. And I see she told you.”

“She told my mother but that bitch is loud on the phone the entire state of Florida can hear the
conversation.” I quickly calmed down and looked at my feet. Pretty feet I have. “Don’t worry too much,
she will come around and I will talk to her about her dumb ass opinions.”

“Thanks, Tonya.”

“So what did she do?”

Silence.

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 “Okay, don’t tell me.” I interjected.

“No, it’s just weird talking to her little sister.”

“I’m fucking sixteen, not a child.”

“You cuss like a sailor, too.”

“Hey, if I smoked I would probably have been smoking one right now.”

There was that laugh again.

“Okay, fair enough.”

And that’s when my sister’s ex-boyfriend told me exactly what happened. At least from his point
of view. I was enraged when he told me that she wouldn’t let him see his son, my nephew, Madison.
Again, what’s with the last name as first name? He told me that she said that his ‘gay spirit’ would
transfer to her son. Her son? Wow.

“That cunt bitch.”

“But, all I can do is pray that she doesn’t get full custody.”

“My Uncle Robert is a lawyer, so if she does try to sue, I will have him call you. I’m his favorite
niece.”

“Won’t your sister use him?”

“I AM HIS FAVORITE NEICE.” I repeated and then giggled, “And plus, it’s my daddy’s brother.”

“Ah,”

And that’s was when I truly made up in my mind to hate my sister. How can we be from the
same mother, raised by the same father and you still grow up stupid, a bigot and a coward? About thirty
minutes after my conversation with Johnson, I called my sister.

“Why are you using Charles’s phone?”

“Bitch, don’t question what I do with my father’s phone.”

“Little girl, I don’t have time-“

“Just know, I hate you and what you did to my nephew’s father. I see why our brother left this
family. Stupid bitches like you and mama.”

And with that, I pressed the end button and hung up.

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 I went to bed that night and the rest of the week upset at all the ignorance in my family. It was
one night I had fallen asleep about one in the morning when I heard a huge crash. Immediately I had
thought my mother or father had thrown something but when I heard the bloody curling scream from
my mother, I knew something was wrong. It was a long, drawn out, frightening scream. Once I ran
downstairs wrapped in my top sheet, I saw my father cradling my mother on the floor, both of them
crying. The telephone was clutched in her hand as she was hyperventilating my sister’s name.

“Daddy, what’s going on?”

“Your sister,” he got out slowly, “killed herself.”

My mother screamed again and I felt my insides tighten. It seemed that all I could think was why
was this dream feeling so real. My dad looked like he had been shot and that I couldn’t handle.
Especially seeing him cry. Somehow I got my body to turn around and walked back upstairs, like a
lifeless person. When I got into bed, I just stared at the ceiling, splashed with outside lights, soothed by
the background noise of cars driving by, dogs barking in the distance and my mother sobbing
downstairs. I just turned over and went back to sleep.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, the next day my mother had hopped on the
first flight out of Miami International and flew back to Oakland and didn’t tell my father nor I. We
weren’t told when the funeral was and when she came back a week later, she said Regina had a
wonderful funeral. Who has a wonderful funeral? And I can only imagine what she told the rest of the
family on why I wasn’t there, let alone my father. My dad was upset but after time, it subsided. Probably
because it really wasn’t his child to begin with. But when you’ve known a human being from toddler-
hood, that bond is formed artificially. I on the other hand, never forgave my mother. Our arguments got
more furious and when my parents argued, I sided more and more with my dad.

A month had passed and I was at school, leaned against my locker between classes. Alongside
me were my best girlfriends, Evelyn Greene and Katrina Smith. Evelyn was a tall, skinny dark skinned
Miami native with long, dark brown, patted weave that went to the middle of her back. Katrina was
exactly the opposite. A short, heavy set white girl with dirty blonde hair, shorter than Ellen DeGeneres’s.
I was in love with Katrina because she was from Berkeley and that was our token to friendship. These
two were gossiping about the latest on the boy who told them that he wanted to fuck.

“Girl, I told him to go fuck that stank pussy bitch he always runnin’ after.” Evelyn said with the
quick talking, high pitched voice she was known for.

“Oh, honey, not Kallisha.” Katrina prayed.

“Yes, bitch, Kallisha!”

They both howled. I had turned around, opened my locker and began shuffling through shoes
and papers looking for my music notebook. The conversation had begun to annoy me. The guy I had
been falling for was the best friend of the guy Evelyn was dogging.

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 “I did hear he got a big dick on him.” Katrina whispered to Evelyn.

“Girl, I just may have to reconsider.”

The two laughed again and I smiled with satisfaction when I found the red notebook I was
looking for. I stood up with my notebook to my chest, closed my locked and faced the two bimbos.

“You two need a life.” I remarked.

“Girl, look who’s talking.”

“Right miss-I-want-to-stay-in-the-house.”

I smiled a sly smile, “Yet, I still have a life.”

“Oh, girl, fuck you.” Evelyn said playful slapping my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” I said seriously.

That’s when Kenny and his friend David Jackson walked up. David was about Kenny’s height,
light skinned, medium build and, of course, gayer than the Village People. He always wore some bright
ass Hawaiian looking shirt with bell bottom pants. I believe he is from Atlanta. I don’t know, I stopped
caring when I found out she was gay. I mean he. Yes, he.

“Hey, Kenny.” Katrina flirted with her hand caressing Kenny’s cheek.

“Hi,” Kenny quickly dismissed her, gently removing her hand from his person, “Tonya, big huge
problem. Huge!”

“Me too.” I added.

“Um, hi to ya’ll too.” David threw in pathetically.

“Girl, he is too fine to be gay.” I heard Evelyn whisper.

“Who, Kenny? I know.” Katrina whispered back.

“Both of them. A waste of dick.”

I pulled Kenny away from my locker and into the crowd of students walking about. There was
three minutes left before each of us had to be in our next class or we would get caught in the hall
sweep. The bullshit they started to put kids in detention if you weren’t in class when the bell rang.

“Please, don’t- okay.” David whimpered as Kenny was too far from his reach now. I kinda felt for
the queer, being left alone with the horny hyenas.

“Okay, my problem is I need a conversation between us for my book I am writing.” Kenny

started.

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 “That’s the huge, big problem you pulled me away for?”

“Actually you pulled me away.”

“Just use any conversation we’ve ever had. There. Problem solved. Check and mate.” I started
walking away. Kenny pulled me back suddenly.

“Don’t touch me.” I remarked.

“Okay, seriously, plus, I am falling back for William.”

“And?”

“Trevor. Hello?”

“I hate gay people.”

“We hate you too, bitch.”

“You change boyfriends like every three days. You might as well compare them to your
underwear that you put on.”

“Oh, good conversation for my book.” Kenny quickly reached in his pocket and pulled out a
small notepad with a pen and began writing.

“Come talk to me when you are serious.” I stated.

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” he asked, stepping in front of me, “You might want
to hurry. We have like a minute and a half left.”

I sighed.

“I am going on a date with Millbrea.”

“Gay ass name.” Kenny coughed out. I punched him on his arm.

“Fuck you. For real, I think I may let him hit it.”

Kenny proceeded to walk away.

“Call me when you’re serious.” He waved me away and then pulled David away from the girls
who were molesting him, “Okay, David let’s go.”

I stood there and slowly smiled as the bell rang for our next class to start and off to music class I
went, where I was the lead cellist.

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 Millbrea Griffin was a fine specimen of what a man should look like. He wasn’t too dark and he
wasn’t too light, just like I like my men. Right in the middle. His body was built perfectly to be considered
a basketball player, but too small to be on the football team. He had dark brown eyes, and had his hair
in twists. This piece of dark caramel candy stood at six feet, a few inches taller than me. I was in love
with him and when we went out together, it felt like nothing mattered but him. His voice was like an
exact replica of Michael Ealy and it was so smooth and masculine. When he came to pick me up that
day, he wore some slacks with a red shirt. Someone must have told him that red complimented his
complexion.

“Hi,” I bashfully greeted when I opened the door. His smile made the whole world stop at once.

“You ready?”

I was in some tight fitting blue jeans and a grey halter top that read ‘The Best’ across my breast.

“You make sure to have her back here before eleven. That gives you three hours, son.” My dad
boomed, appearing out of nowhere.

“Yes sir,” Millbrea immediately responded.

“Daddy!”

My dad kissed me on my forehead and continued to glare at my boyfriend as I walked into the
arms of the man I was in love with.

“Eleven.” My dad repeated then closed the door.

“You would think after all this time, your dad would trust me by now.” Millbrea commented
jokingly.

“He’s so overprotective. I think he forgets who you are each time.” I laughed.

We got into his 1997 black Honda Accord and drove up Interstate 95 toward Hollywood. He
pulled off on the exit that read ‘Broward Blvd’ and I knew exactly where he was taking me. Kenny had
told me about an area of Fort Lauderdale called Las Olas Blvd where all the old couples went to dine,
dance and fuck. But when Millbrea turned left instead of right, I was confused a little.

“Where are we going?”

“You will see.” He said mysteriously. I sighed lightly and just watched the businesses fade into
residential houses and apartment buildings. Parks lined the streets and took up blocks and finally, after
fifteen lights, he made a right into a housing area. The sky was clear with the stars sparkling like fireflies.
I noticed the moon was in a sideways crescent shape and pearly white. What a perfect day to spend with
a perfect man. Suddenly, the car stopped and we were in front of a one story, orange sherbet colored
house.

“Millbrea, where are we?”

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 “My dad is a realtor and I know for a fact this house is empty,” he stated as he reached over to
open my door, “And I know exactly where the key is.”

No words have ever been uttered to make my pearl wet faster than those. He got a blanket out
his trunk and we went around the back to find the key wedged between the downspout and the house.
Once we were inside, I was in a state of wonder. Even though the house was completely empty, I
couldn’t help to think how I wanted to make this house mine with Millbrea and get out of that cramped
townhouse we are in now. Before I could even mutter a word, I was spun around and threw against the
wall. Millbrea had already taken his shirt off and had the blanket ready when he started sucking and
kissing my neck. I yanked my halter top off so fast you would’ve thought there was a fire. In no time at
all, we were both completely naked and on top of the blanket.

His dick was a smooth as the rest of his body. It felt like a plush pillow without the fabric and he
smelled like Old Spice, the original flavor. When he climbed on top of me, he started to nibble my nipple
and slowly moved down licking my cleavage, sucking my torso, biting my thighs on the way to eating me
out. He worked my pussy so good with his tongue, I almost came. It didn’t happen because he pulled
away suddenly and flipped my on my stomach. I had begun to fade away into complete ecstasy when I
felt his hard, smooth dick enter me.

I tried to keep my groans soft but with the way he was ramming his dick in me, it was next to
impossible. My insides never hurt so much and felt so incredibly awesome at the same time. He didn’t
even try to shut me up, in fact, I think he wanted me to be heard since my loud groans fueled his
pumping. Before I knew it, I was on top of him, on my knees and then I was on my side with one leg in
the air and him fucking the shit out of me. I was in a place of climax where everything around me was
inaudible until he screamed he was about to nut. I yelled my loudest when he jammed his self further in
me and simultaneously fell on my arm.

“Did you come, baby?” he finally got out.

“Twice.” I smiled. He kissed me and rolled over.

“We have an hour and a half left.”

The time didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered to me at that point. My high was gone. The
ecstasy of sex was mashed into the carpet with my sweat when I noticed; he never put on a condom.

The nine months went by like clockwork. The morning sickness and missed period was the first
sign I knew I was pregnant, but I wasn’t going to tell my father or mother just yet. Millbrea took me to
my prenatal exams and bought my prenatal vitamins for two months until my mother noticed I had
stopped using my tampons. Once the news hit the fan, everybody reacted just like I had expected. My
father went on a rampage to find Millbrae and my mother gave me this ‘woe is me’ sob story about her
disappointment. My grades never slipped, Kenny helped me keep up. Evelyn and Katrina’s parents
bought me baby clothes when I found out I was having a boy. We all planned a baby shower on Prom
Night in May; with my date being Millbrae, Kenny was bringing William (a taller, darker, beefier version

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of Reggie Bush), Evelyn was bringing Chine’lo Henderson (Millbrae’s best friend who favored Mos Def)
and Katrina was going solo. Everyone was meeting at my place to be driven to Downtown Miami in a
stretch limo. But none of us made it to Prom that night. My contraction was the worst I had and then
water broke as soon as I had finished pressing my hair.

Fear is all I could feel at the moment. My baby wasn’t due for another month and my water had
just burst all over the bathroom floor. I didn’t scream, I didn’t yell, I just quickly walked into my room
and grabbed my purse and called for my mother. It was my father who broke every law that night,
speeding to Jackson Memorial Hospital. I went into labor four hours later, with my mother on my left,
my dad on my right, Kenny videotaping and Millbrae telling me it was going to be okay. The pain is all I
could think of and how I wished for this boy to stop being an ass and get out of me. I had already picked
out a name for him, Avery Brown Smith. I talked all that shit about last names and look what I ended up
doing.

“One more push, Tonya.” I heard the doctor say.

“Kenny’s crying.” My dad whispered with humor in my ear.

I screamed so hard at the moment not because of the excruciating pain searing through my
lower abdomen, but because I wanted to laugh and couldn’t. Avery was finally out of my body and it
was my father who I had cut the umbilical cord. They quickly took my son over to the baby table and
told everyone to get out. It all happened so fast I didn’t know where to look first. My parents were
pushed out first, then Kenny and lastly Millbrae. The doctor working on sewing my ripped vagina up had
a look of terror on her face when the other doctor said that Avery wasn’t breathing.

“What?” I panicked.

“Stay calm Miss Brown, it will all be alright.”

But an hour later Avery died of heart complications. The sky was cloudy from what I could tell
out my window. Millbrae came in and sat on my bed but I told him to leave. Told him never to come
back. I didn’t want to see him. This was his entire fault. If he had just put on a condom or better yet,
took me out to eat that night instead of house hunting for a place to fuck I would have never gotten
pregnant. Kenny sat by the window and didn’t say anything the entire time. The silence helped for some
odd reason and he knew that. My parents tried to console me but I told them to get out, too. No tears
came at any point during the night until William came in with flowers. He put them on the table beside
me and told Kenny he was going to go home. All I could do was look at the white roses and it was one
tear that feel first, then another, then another until I couldn’t control myself. What a cruel slap in the
face God did to me. And it was no different for Joseph Jones’s mother.

This is why when we all gathered at Solid Rock Baptist Church in North Oakland that cloudy
afternoon in October for a funeral; I understood Kathy Jones’s sorrow. To have her son taken from her,
by murder none the less, was nothing short of brutal. After Kenny had told Junior, Madison and I on our

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favorite meeting spot that this kid was killed, my mind was flooded with all kinds of emotions. And to
find out it was someone from my nephew’s school who was murdered hit even closer. All of Berkley
High’s basketball team was there with this kid’s number, twenty five, spray painted on some part of
their funeral attire. Kenny, Junior and I sat in the back as we watched Madison, with his tall, skinny black
self, walk up with his team mates to the front row. The sanctuary was a huge octagon of purple and
white, with gold lace everywhere. A baptism pool sat behind the lightly raised pulpit, and choir seating
on both sides of the pulpit. The piano sat arm and arm with the organ and the piece they were playing
sounded like, what else, Amazing Grace.

“I really hate funerals.” Kenny mumbled as he flipped through the program for the service.

“I hate how all funerals always have to be in a church.” I bitched, trying to adjust my tight, slick
black dress as it was slipping up my thighs.

“Where do you want your funeral held?” Junior whispered.

“In a bar. Where people can dance around me and get drunk. God knows that’s what I am about
to do after I leave this place.”

“You’re a mess.” Junior chuckled. Someone behind us told us to be quiet but when I turned
around to confront them, Junior grabbed my leg and shook his head no.

“Oh my God, Marvin White is speaking at this kid’s funeral.” Kenny reached over Junior to
whisper.

“And?” I remarked as I noticed more people, which I assumed was the family marching in and
being seated.

“And, he is like the best poet in the Bay. No the States. No the world!”

“Why haven’t I heard of him then?” I asked.

“Because you have no soul, Medusa.” Junior finished before Kenny could respond.

“Never mind. I wonder where he is sitting.”

Kenny began searching the crowd from his seat like he was looking for ‘Where’s Waldo’. That’s
when the preacher told us to stand for prayer. I rolled my eyes and obliged the poor sap. I was only here
for my nephew, no one else.

“Ah, found him.” Kenny quietly cheered, “Sitting right up there beside Mrs. Jones. Wow, is this
city small.”

“You’re just now figuring that out?” Junior softly asked. I heard the person behind us shush us
now. I turned my head this time and mouthed ‘fuck you’ to the short, balding, middle aged chocolate
woman with coke bottled glasses. Before she could respond, I had faced the front.

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 “You told her to fuck off didn’t you?” Junior looked at me.

“Something like that.”

The congregation all said ‘amen’ and sat down. The next hour and a half was boring and
torturous. This Marvin White character was pretty deep; speaking about death being the beginning and
what not but I zoned off when the preacher got up and started talking about numbers, hell, Jesus and
opening the doors of the church for membership. Really? At a funeral? It was a closed casket so once
service was over, everyone was told to meet at Mountain View Cemetery for the burial. Madison walked
toward us with tear stained eyes.

“Dad, I am going to ride with the team, is that okay?” he asked, with a break in his voice that I
almost cried.

“Sure,” Junior hugged his son and we slowly begun to follow the crowd outside. Kenny abruptly
shot past us and up to a guy with glasses, short hair and caramel chocolate skin complexion.

“Wait a minute, that guy looks familiar.” I nudged Junior.

“Oh,” he responded heavily, “That’s Chris.”

“Right, he was at the hospital that night. Wait, what’s with the attitude?”

“Something just doesn’t sit well with me about that guy.”

We were outside in the heat and standing off to the side to not block people from getting past
us. Kenny had walked ahead with this Chris guy, in what seemed to be a heated conversation.

“You were fine with him that night.” I pointed out.

“We were all there for Kenny that night. Now, I can go back to not really liking the lying,
cheating son of a bitch.”

“Wow, angry much?”

Junior just brushed me off.

“I need to head up to the cemetery, you coming with me?”

“Uh, no.” I responded slowly, “I am just going to head back home.”

And with that, I broke away from the conversation and up to Kenny, who clammed up
immediately.

“Kenny, Junior is leaving to go up to the burial.” I announced. Kenny nodded and quickly turned
around and sped off. I looked at Chris with glaring eyes to kill.

“I should get going too,” he began turning the other direction.

14 Episode 6
 “Not so fast,” that’s when I jumped in front of him, “Who are you?”

“I believe we met about a week ago at Summit Hospital.” He answered, shyly and with a slight
Caribbean accent.

“I know who you are. But you seem to turn up a lot now-a-days when ever I see Kenny. If you
are dating each other I would be offended that-“

“We are not dating. I…I don’t get down like that.” He pulled me down the sidewalk, away from
the church crowd, “I am in the middle of a divorce and his firm was my legal counsel.”

“You realize he no longer works there?”

“I don’t get down like that.”

“That wasn’t the question.”

“Excuse me, but I have to get to a burial.” And with that, Chris walked off toward the end of the
street. Junior was right; something didn’t sit well with this guy. He was hiding something other than the
obvious fact that he does get down like that.

Once I moved back to the Bay Area and finished college at the all girl school Mills College with
an Associate’s Degree in Veterinarian Technician, I was offered a job at the cutest Animal Hospital in
Pinole I have ever seen in the Bay Area. I went to celebrate with Katrina, who had moved back to
Berkley when her mom became sick with ovarian cancer. We met up at a bar in Downtown Oakland
called The Uptown, having Long Island iced teas and listening to the live nameless band, when I met the
most attractive girl that has ever come into my life. Women had become a thing for me when I was in
my first year of college and my dorm mate wanted to randomly try lesbian sex. Sure whatever. However,
she said it did nothing for her but it turned me the fuck on. When I first told Katrina, she thought I was
pretending. Kenny just said welcome to the rainbow family.

This girl, whose name is Phoebe Cain, was shorter than me, about five foot two, no hair on her
head but the Mohawk going down the middle, perfect brown skin and a complete stud. She was
standing at the other side of the bar, saw me, winked and the rest is history. Three years later, we
moved into a one story house with two bedrooms in Point Richmond, close to the water, where we rent
not own. Being right off the Richmond Parkway was helpful and convenient. Traffic became too much
for me on Interstate 80 going to work from East Oakland to Pinole every morning and reverse trips back
home.

When I came home from the funeral, Phoebe had the mail laid out on the coffee table, music
from Antonio Salieri softly playing and I smelled fish frying in the kitchen. Her passion is cooking and
making me happy. I like to cook, but not as a passion like she does. I like making her happy, too.
Sometimes. No, I am just joking. I love her.

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 “Oh god, not fish again.” I complained, walking over and picking up the mail. Phoebe poked her
head out the kitchen in confusion. She had let her hair grow back but had a little Mohawk now.

“I thought you loved fish.”

“Yeah, but not enough to eat it three days in a row.” I responded not looking up from an
envelope from the East Bay Symphony, “First it was baked fish, then it was a fish casserole which I still
have no idea how you did that, then tonight. I am sick of fish.”

Phoebe’s head disappeared back into the kitchen.

“That’s not what you said last night.” She responded loudly.

“Disgusting.” I muttered, half smiling to myself. Finally, I began tearing the letter open and
reading the contents of it.

“How was the funeral?”

“Wonderful, there was wine, dancing and chanting to the god of the underworld, Hades.”
Sarcasm is my specialty, if you couldn’t tell.

I heard her chuckle as my heart completely stopped. She was saying something when I saw they
wanted me to be a cellist in the Halloween Celebration they were hosting at the Crane Way Pavilion.
Right on the water, boats docked, the hills on your left and Marin County on the horizon.

“Oh, my fucking god!” I exclaimed so loud, Phoebe jetted into the living room covered in flour.

“What? What? Did you see a spider?”

“The East Bay Symphony wants me to perform at the Halloween thing they are doing next week.
I mean, I auditioned months ago but thought nothing came from it. First rehearsal is tomorrow night.”

Phoebe frowned and walked away. This reaction was new to me, since I am used to her anger
outburst, her crying spells, her happy days and her periods but not the frowning and walking away. So I
automatically followed her to the kitchen, getting pissed off more and more with each step.

“The attitude is because?” I asked, noticing that the kitchen was a complete disaster. Flour
splattered all over the counters, unbattered fish laid onto a glass baking dish sprawled over the stove, an
open bottle of wine, oil spills over the floor and dishes piling up in the sink.

“Nothing.” She muttered, slapping fish in flour, with her back toward me.

“Lying will get you a week probation from sex.”

She stopped slapping and turned to face me.

“I had this surprise dinner planned.”

16 Episode 6
 “Another fish dinner? You need to get a job.” I replied, moving the unbattered fish from the
stove to an empty space on the counter.

“I have one and you know that the post office is a good ass paying job.”

“You are a mail sorter and it’s only part time. This cello playing is what I like to do.”

“Oh, just because you graduated and got your dream job doesn’t mean you have the right to put
my job down.” She rebutted waving her finger at me, getting flour on my face.

“Okay, first, stop waving your dirty finger in my face,” I pushed it away and wiped the flour off
my face with my finger, “And I didn’t put you down but of course you are making this all about you. You
know that I hate surprises, case in point, this damn fish. I am playing at this party and I am inviting you
to attend to support me.”

Phoebe scoffed and turned her back to me again to begin slapping more fish with flour.

“Excuse me?” I interjected, turning her around so hard, she dropped a fish on my shoe. If looks
could kill.

“You’re the selfish one in this relationship, Tonya,” she started, “And no I will not be there. I
support you all the time and you are never there for me.”

“You dumb bitch,” My face was turning red, “What do you call me going to every Alcoholics’
Anonymous meeting you were court ordered to go after you were fired from Fed-Ex from being drunk
on the job? Or when you decided to come out to your homophobic family? Which makes them
dumbasses too, since you are the world’s biggest lesbian. Or when you ended up in the hospital for
drinking again and so much that you almost died from alcohol poisoning?”

There was silence in the kitchen and I kicked the fish off my shoe into a corner.

“You know what,” I continued, “Don’t come. And eat this stupid fish by yourself.”

I had made my way to the back door that was conveniently placed in the kitchen, opened it and
started to walk out.

“Where are you going?” Phoebe asked sternly.

“To someone that actually gives a fuck about me.”

“Oh, right, run off to Oakland to be with Kenny!”

And with that I slammed the door. That night, I went to a Latin bar in El Cerrito, which was the
next city over. Oh, bar how I have missed you so. At least I didn’t lie to Junior.

17 Episode 6
 The rehearsals were everything I had imagined they would be. Great music, great people and a
great black conductor, Michael Morgan. He is like the god of all conductors in my eyes since my high
school years. I have always wanted to work under him and now I was given the chance. We were doing
pieces from Antonio Lucio Vivaldi’s ‘Four Seasons’ entitled ‘Summer’, a classical version of Michael
Jackson’s ‘Thriller’ (hey, it’s Halloween time), Beethoven’s ‘Fifth Symphony’, pieces from X-Men 3 and a
piece I was to do with another guy with the orchestra being our backup. It was from ‘Queen of the
Damned’ entitled ‘On the Beach’ written by Jonathan Davis.

Five days before Halloween is when the party was held and it had shivers going all over my
body. The house was full and I haven’t been in front of a huge crowd since senior year of high school.
My dress was stunning to say the least: white silk with a silver design up my side. Before the show, I
waited outside for Junior, Madison and Kenny to arrive and when they did, I collapsed into Kenny’s
arms.

“I am so fucking nervous.”

“Don’t be. I have heard you play and you are brilliant.” Kenny smiled. I quickly noticed that they
were all in formal attire.

“I am supposed to be dressed up, not you guys.”

“Kenny forgot the dress code so he made us dress up. Guess we know who will stand out in the
crowd.” Junior added as Madison flew into my arms.

“You look great auntie.”

“Thanks, Madison.”

My three men walked me back inside as time to start began. We opened with Mozart’s
‘Lacrimosa’ and after Mr. Morgan introduced us, the program began. There was a short Halloween skit
done by the Richmond Players; a local playhouse for kids, a reading by Oakland’s own Ise Lyfe. A genius
man he is. And to my surprise, Kenny’s favorite poet Marvin White was the master of ceremony. I
quickly found Kenny and could see his face just lit up with joy. Mr. White did a piece from his collection
‘Last Rights’ he called ‘Pretty’

“You temper masculinity, With careful drops of, yang In your eyes, Achieving the right effect,
Balance in perfect lashes, You float lovenotes to me, On winks, Quoting your beauty demi gods, Pretty,
You say, Is often just, The right accessories, The right audience, The right lighting, The right drink, The
right time of night, I have only felt this, With you”

The entire crowd gave a standing ovation after that. Even I was moved at the beauty of the
words. Before we did our final number, the ‘Queen of the Damned’ piece, Mr. Morgan announced that
the guy who was to accompany me was ill and the replacement was a guy named De’Andre Archer,
dressed in white also, and had a white top hat. When this guy walked on stage with his violin my eyes
darted to Kenny who was in as much shock as I was. The number started and I was to play first solo
string and De’Andre, who introduced himself to me as Chris a week earlier, was to be the second string. I
18 Episode 6
stood when my part came and noticed Kenny get up to walk out with his cell phone to his ear and when
he passed the entrance, I saw Phoebe nestled in the corner. After the number was over, we too,
received a standing ovation. Chris took my hand and we bowed at the same time.

“You are brilliant.” He whispered. I smiled and nodded but before I could respond, Junior had
ran up on the platform, grabbed my hand and yanked me off the stage.

“Something is wrong with Kenny.” He informed me, pushing through the crowd, “He isn’t
breathing.”

That’s when I broke from Junior’s hold and bulldozed my way toward the entrance where I
found Phoebe cradling Kenny; much like my father did for my mother when my sister died. Kenny was
hyperventilating heavily, and a crowd started to form. His cell phone was clutched in his hand along with
his shirt.

“Malcolm……..he…….my……brother…….dead…..”

“Kenny, sweetie, breath!” I yelled, “Where is your inhaler?”

He just shook his head and continued to gasp for air.

“Call an ambulance!” Junior yelled to the staring crowd.

“No time, put him in my car. The hospital is right down the street. Keep breathing with him,
Phoebe.”

I had my share of hospital visits with Kenny for the month and I refused to go in this time. As I
sat out in the waiting room with Phoebe, Junior walked in with the last person I had hoped to see, the
tall, dark queen himself, Teddy Mathis. I didn’t make eye contact or even look his way.

“Weren’t you locked up?” Phoebe questioned.

“Long story,” Teddy waved off, “How is our friend?”

“The doctor said he is fine, they are just giving him a talk about keeping his inhaler on him.”
Phoebe calmly stated.

“Where’s Madison?” I questioned, finally looking up.

“In the car. He doesn’t want to be in the hospital.”

Teddy came and sat next to me.

“We have a problem,” he started and I glared at him, “Our friend is stupid and we need to have
a common goal to keep him healthy and alive. This is the second time we have been in a hospital for this
poor bastard.”

I wanted to scream, yell, cuss, but all I could do is exhale deeply.

19 Episode 6
 “He thinks he is Super Gay or something.” I added and to my shocked, made Teddy uproar in
laughter.

“Girl, from this moment on, our past is behind us.” He stuck out his hand, “Start a new?”

And gladly I shook.

“Hey,” came a voice. Kenny. We all stood up to hug him.

“Should I be worried?” Kenny asked Teddy, after they hugged, “Did we help you escape and no
one told me?”

“They dropped all charges against me after the funeral of Joey. I just got here on BART when I
heard you were rushed here.”

Kenny broke down in tears this time, collapsing in Teddy’s hold.

“My brother was murdered.” He cried, “They found him. I...I just…I need to go to the airport.”

“I will take you.” I offered.

And minutes later, we were in my 2005 navy blue Jetta, speeding toward Oakland International
Airport. The entire way, Kenny’s tears fell and I held his hand the entire way. We were again in silence
but I knew it was soothing to him. I pulled in front of Jet Blue Airways and parked. Fuck the rules.

“When you get back, we are taking you to see a doctor.” I said lightly, breaking the ice. Kenny
nodded softly.

“When you get back, we will all still be here.”

Kenny nodded again and hugged me tightly.

“I love you.” He whimpered.

“I love you, more.”

End

20 Episode 6