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Self-Advocates Becoming Empowered With Autism NOW May 22, 2012
Self-Advocates Becoming Empowered With Autism NOW May 22, 2012
Mary Oschwald Portland State University, Portland Oregon Max Barrows Self-Advocates Becoming Empowered
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
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Agenda:
Compelling reasons why people with disabilities do not disclose or report abuse Mary Oschwald will described the Safer and Stronger Program Asking for Support - Sometimes friends and family members want to be supportive, but theyre not sure what to say or do. Heres a list of ways friends and family can be supportive. Self Care - Its important that you take care of yourself when healing fromor living throughabusive situations. Here are some ideas that may be useful to you. Peer-To-Peer Guide:
to know what abuse is to know what to say and what to do when you
hear about abusive situations.
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Some do not recognize their experience as abuse The abuser may be a family member, staff person or friend who provides essential care. Abusers often damage, destroy, or take away equipment that the person would need in order to escape or report. There is, unfortunately, a great deal of shame when people experience abuse. This can make it difficult to ask for help. Fear of being institutionalized Fear of having children taken away. People with disabilities often fear they will not be believed Many people with disabilities are reluctant to contact agencies because of past bad experiences. People who have mobility-related disabilities may not have access to transportation options to get away from the abuser. People with disabilities may lack options for pet care if they leave their home. People often fear mandatory reporting which may put them at risk for escalated violence.
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There is an assumption that people with disabilities are nonsexual or less sexual than others. (This, of course, is not true.)
Due to discriminatory attitudes, people with disabilities often have fewer job opportunities, which can make self-sufficiency difficult if they need to leave their home or start over. Survivors with disabilities may have had bad experiences with police officers, doctors, nurses, etc., and may be reluctant to seek help. Decreases in Social Security benefits or health insurance may influence a persons decision to divorce an abusive partner. If the person is an immigrant, they may be dependent on the abusive spouse for citizenship status or immigration status. Men with disabilities are less likely to report abuse based on cultural norms of masculinity that create additional stigma People are reluctant to ask for help when they know they will be perceived and treated like children. There is a lack of routine screening for violence in the lives of people with disabilities.
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The Safer and Stronger Program It uses a computer program to interview people with disabilities about the sensitive topic of abuse. The program asks the questions aloud. It also teaches the person about staying safe. Many people who have used the program volunteered that it was the first time they had been asked about abuse. We are not suggesting that this computer based program should replace people as interviewers and advocates. The Safer and Stronger Program is an additional resource option for people to use to get information and safety planning strategies. The Safer and Stronger Program is confidential. This is an important option for people with disabilities who are reluctant to disclose because they fear mandatory abuse-reporting laws. The benefits of this program are people have a tool to identify violence in their lives, and identify and access safety strategies and support to save themselves from the often life-threatening 6 consequences of violence.
Being Aware of Abuse and Staying Safe - This section is designed to elicit self-reflection and provide violence awareness information. A person learns about people and places where they may find information about abuse such as domestic violence shelters, crisis lines, disability organizations, centers for independent living, the Internet, and Adult Protective Services. Build abuse safety skills. This section is used to assess a persons knowledge about different safety skills, such as how to choose and supervise personal assistants or support people, learn self-defense skills, or set limits on how people treat them. Reach out to someone you can trust. Asks how many people a person could reach out to, whether they have actually talked to someone about personal safety, whether they have developed a safety plan with someone, and how much they have talked with people about staying safe from abuse. Have relationships that are good for you. These questions stimulate thinking about relationship quality and safety with other people. 8
Take charge of your support. Questions regarding a persons perceived safety and sense of control in relation to their assistants, such as, How much do you set limits in your relationships with personal assistants? Keep your money safe. Questions related to ways money and finances can be kept safe. Examples included, I have a bank account in my name, and I have someone I can trust help me handle money. Know your legal options. Questions in this subsection ask, Have you ever talked with someone who could help you apply for a stalking or restraining order against an abuser? and How sure are you that taking legal steps will increase your safety? Plan for emergencies. The questions in this final subsection asked about making an actual safety plan. Typical elements, such as having an extra set of keys, important documents, having a back-up personal assistant and extra medical equipment (e.g., canes, catheter bags, medications) in a safe 9 place.
Self Care
Keep a list of resources that are helpful to you (names of friends, numbers for hotlines, and so forth) in your pocket, wallet, or purse. Make a list of ten simple, free things you can do that make you happy even if for just a momentsuch as walking barefoot in the rain, lighting a candle, reading a particular poem, singing a childhood song, telling a friend a joke, etc. Many survivors are very hard on themselves & feel venting their emotions is a waste of time. If experiencing your emotions is part of your healing process, then give yourself permission to cry, be angry, vent your frustration, and express your grief. If necessary, schedule time when you give yourself permission to do nothing but cry or be angry or be happy. Write yourself a letter as if you were your own best friend. Tell yourself all of the things you love and admire about yourself and remind yourself to be patient and gentle with yourself. Mail the letter to yourself if you think getting it in the mail will cheer you up. Draw on your natural strengths, talents, and hobbies to 11 determine other activities that feel healing and empowering.
Asking for Support - Sometimes friends and family members want to be supportive, but theyre not sure what to say or do. They may attempt to ignore the situation for fear of saying the wrong thing, or they may unintentionally say things that make you feel worse. Heres a list of ways friends and family can be supportive that you may want to share with people in your life. Tell me its not my fault. I didnt deserve to be assaulted. What happened to me was a crime. Tell me you believe me. Please listen without interrupting. Please dont ask for details that Im not ready to share. Please dont put me in a situation where I feel like I have to comfort you. Instead of telling me what to do, ask me what I need. Respect my confidentiality. Please dont talk to other people about it without asking me first. Be patient and understanding. Dont tell me to get over it. It may take me months or years to recover from being abused. Healing takes time, please respect my process.
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Asking for Support Validate my emotionsI may feel rage, a deep sense of loss, betrayal, confusion, or sadness. My feelings may change rapidly, and thats okay. Educate yourself on the issue. Seek out information so you can be as informed as possible. Call a crisis line yourself to get the support you may need in order to support me. Dont tell me what I coulda done, shoulda done, or what you woulda done. Telling me these things only makes it worse. Please dont assume that you would have done anything differently than I did, you dont know. Please dont question how I handled the situation. I survived which means I made the best decisions possible under extreme conditions. Dont make jokes or comments to lighten the situation. Dont pretend it didnt happen. Please dont minimize the experience in any way. Please be honest with me about your limitations as a support person. Please know that I appreciate your concern and caring even though I might not show it. 13
Asking for Support I may have personality changes as a result of the assault. These changes may impact my relationships. I may relate to you differently and, in response, you may need to relate to me differently as well. Please dont see me as a victim. Im a survivora strong, courageous woman who is in the process of reclaiming my life. This is a lot of information to remember when you are talking to me. Just let me know that you care about me and that youre doing the best you can. Understand that what might have felt supportive to me yesterday might not be what I need today, please be patient and continue to ask me what I need to heal. Supporting me may feel difficult or tiring, so please take care of yourself, too. Hotlines at womens shelters can usually offer you emotional support or refer you to places where you can get the help you need in your own process. Some areas offer support groups for friends and family members of survivors.
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http://www.debkney.com/pdfs/GMSA_abuse.pdf
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As a group of peers
Who is a peer? What does it take to be a peer? What do peers do to be safe people?
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Peer Support
Peer support can be offered in a variety of ways: Phone Internet In-person Support Groups
Hot/Warm Lines
Etc.
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Peer Experiences
The peer has had similar experiences as the individual receiving the peer support: Dealing with discrimination Dealing with victimization Living with a disability or health concern
Etc.
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but offer
options and resources
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Supporting a self-advocacy group to they can create a community where domestic violence and sexual
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THE END
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Website: www.autismnow.org