TIGER MOTHERS OR ELEPHANT MOTHERS MELBOURNE Many years ago, my wife and I were driving somewhere with our

r three young daughters in the back, when one of them suddenly asked: Would you rather that we were clever or that we were happy? CommentsI was reminded of that moment last month when I read Amy Chuas Wall Street Journal article, Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior, which sparked more than 4,000 comments on wsj.com and over 100,000 comments on Facebook. The article was a promotional piece for Chuas book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which has become an instant bestseller. CommentsChuas thesis is that, when compared to Americans, Chinese children tend to be successful because they have tiger mothers, whereas Western mothers are pussycats, or worse. Chuas daughters, Sophia and Louise, were never allowed to watch television, play computer games, sleep over at a friends home, or be in a school play. They had to spend hours every day practicing the piano or violin. They were expected to be the top student in every subject except gym and drama. CommentsChinese mothers, according to Chua, believe that children, once they get past the toddler stage, need to be told, in no uncertain terms, when they have not met the high standards their parents expect of them. (Chua says that she knows Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish, and Ghanaian mothers who are Chinese in their approach, as well as some ethnic-Chinese mothers who are not.) Their egos should be strong enough to take it. CommentsBut Chua, a professor at Yale Law School (as is her husband), lives in a culture in which a childs self-esteem is considered so fragile that childrens sports teams give Most Valuable Player awards to every member. So it is not surprising that many Americans react with horror to her style of parenting. CommentsOne problem in assessing the tiger-mothering approach is that we cant separate its impact from that of the genes that the parents pass on to their children. If you want your children to be at the top of their class, it helps if you and your partner have the brains to become professors at elite universities. No matter how hard a tiger mom pushes, not every student can finish first (unless, of course, we make everyone top of the class). CommentsTiger parenting aims at getting children to make the most of what abilities they have, and so seems to lean towards the clever side of the clever or happy choice. Thats also the view of Betty Ming Liu, who blogged in response to Chuas article: Parents like Amy Chua are the reason why Asian-Americans like me are in therapy. CommentsStanley Sue, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, has studied suicide, which is particularly common among Asian-American women (in other ethnic groups, more males commit suicide than females). He believes that family pressure is a significant factor. CommentsChua would reply that reaching a high level of achievement brings great satisfaction, and that the only way to do it is through hard work. Perhaps, but cant children be encouraged to do things because they are intrinsically worthwhile, rather than because of fear of parental disapproval?

CommentsI agree with Chua to this extent: a reluctance to tell a child what to do can go too far. One of my daughters, who now has children of her own, tells me amazing stories about her friends parenting styles. One of them let her daughter drop out of three different kindergartens, because she didnt want to go to them. Another couple believes in self-directed learning to such an extent that one evening they went to bed at 11 p.m., leaving their five-year-old watching her ninth straight hour of Barbie videos. CommentsTiger mothering might seem to be a useful counterbalance to such permissiveness, but both extremes leave something out. Chuas focus is unrelentingly on solitary activities in the home, with no encouragement of group activities, or of concern for others, either in school or in the wider community. Thus, she appears to view school plays as a waste of time that could be better spent studying or practicing music. CommentsBut to take part in a school play is to contribute to a community good. If talented children stay away, the quality of the production will suffer, to the detriment of the others who take part (and of the audience that will watch it). And all children whose parents bar them from such activities miss the opportunity to develop social skills that are just as important and rewarding and just as demanding to master as those that monopolize Chuas attention. CommentsWe should aim for our children to be good people, and to live ethical lives that manifest concern for others as well as for themselves. This approach to child-rearing is not unrelated to happiness: there is abundant evidence that those who are generous and kind are more content with their lives than those who are not. But it is also an important goal in its own right. CommentsTigers lead solitary lives, except for mothers with their cubs. We, by contrast, are social animals. So are elephants, and elephant mothers do not focus only on the well-being of their own offspring. Together, they protect and take care of all the young in their herd, running a kind of daycarecenter. CommentsIf we all think only of our own interests, we are headed for collective disaster just look at what we are doing to our planets climate. When it comes to raising our children, we need fewer tigers and more elephants.

No. Chinese mothers are not superior. It's clear that the author Amy Chua has a new book out and linkbait headlines in the WSJ will help her sell them. I understand she uses the term "Chinese Mother" to represent a certain parenting style - one that I am very familiar with from personal experience. Here's my take on it. My family immigrated to the U.S. from Taiwan in the 70s. My mother was a stay at home mom raising 4 kids and was stereotypical strict. I lived in that household where getting a B on your report card was a sign of failure. A lot of focus and pressure was placed on the first child - my older sister - in the hopes that she would set an example for the rest of us. In a very painful hindsight I think you can say too much emphasis was placed on molding my sister into the example my mother wanted the rest of us to follow. I don't blame her as she did the best she could to raise us in the U.S. in the style that she was raised ...in

Taiwan. There's a culture clash you can't overlook here. The "superior" Chinese mother in my life had a strictly results driven, merit based mindset and a heavy emphasis on test scores, achievements and report cards being able to show that her daughter was better than everyone else in the class -- which in turn was a reflection on her success as a parent. However, the environment in which she raised us in was a different country. One that she has honestly never gotten used to or felt comfortable in living in. To her, the idea of having her children become "Americanized" was looked down upon as failure. The idea of allowing a more flexible stance, a softer tone or an expression of individualism was out of the question. This duality of living in a very "Chinese" household and going to school where our American teachers taught us to be free thinking and creative were constantly at odds with each other growing up. Drawing from personal experience, the reason why I don't feel this works is because I've seen an outcome that Amy Chua, the author fails to address or perhaps has yet to experience. My big sister was what I used to jealously call "every Asian parent's wet dream come true" (excuse the crassness, but it really does sum up the resentment I used to feel towards her). She got straight As. Skipped 5th grade. Perfect SAT score. Varsity swim team. Student council.Advanced level piano.Harvard early admission.An international post with the Boston Consulting Group in Hong Kong before returning to the U.S. for her Harvard MBA. Six figure salary. Oracle.Peoplesoft.Got engaged to a PhD. Bought a home.Got married. Her life summed up in one paragraph above. Her death summed up in one paragraph below. Committed suicide a month after her wedding at the age of 30 after hiding her depression for 2 years.She ran a plastic tube from the tailpipe of her car into the window. Sat there and died of carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage of her new home in San Francisco. Her husband found her after coming home from work. A post-it note stuck on the dashboard as her suicide note saying sorry and that she loved everyone. Mine is an extreme example of course. But 6 years since her passing, I can tell you that the notion of the "superior Chinese mother" that my mom carried with her also died with my sister on October 28, 2004. If you were to ask my mom today if this style of parenting worked for her, she'll point to a few boxes of report cards, trophies, piano books, photo albums and Harvard degrees and gladly trade it all to have my sister back. For every success story that has resulted from the "Chinese mothers" style of parenting, there are chapters that have yet to unfold. The author can speak to her example of how it's worked for her but it'll be interesting to see how long you can keep that gig up and pass it down until something gives. As a responsibility to herself as a "superior Chinese mother", I think Amy Chua should do a bit of research outside her comfort zone and help readers understand why Asian-American females have one of the highest rates of suicide in the U.S. -- I bet many of you didn't know that. I didn't until after the fact. It'd make a good follow up book to this one she's currently profiting from.

*** A few years ago I got up the guts to begin sharing the story of my sister because the more I learned about depression and suicide following her death, I found myself growing increasingly frustrated with the stigma of depression in our society. I was also shocked to learn that AsianAmerican females had one of the highest suicide rates in the U.S. http://www.pacificcitizen.org/si... I have personally helped 2 young women in the last few years who reached out to me as a result of sharing my story. Both the "perfect" daughters of "superior Chinese mothers" who were sharp Ivy League grads hiding their depression from their families and friends. I was also able to play a role in preventing the suicide of a friend of mine several months ago because of the awareness I've developed about depression and suicide since my sister's passing. I want to clarify again that my sister's story is an extreme example that hits home for me. I'm not trying to say that strict "Chinese mother" style parenting was solely the cause that lead to her depression and suicide nor will it result in all kids burning out later on in life. But I do hope it shows that this parenting style isn't a proven template that results in all kids turning into the success stories that author Amy Chua gives herself credit for raising. *media: please note this answer is marked "not for reproduction" UPDATE 1/9: I emailed author Amy Chua this evening (1/9). Expressed my disappointment about the WSJ piece and pointed to this Quora thread. To my surprise I received a prompt reply from her that said: Dear [redacted]: Thank you for taking the time to write me, and I'm so sorry about your sister. I did not choose the title of the WSJ excerpt, and I don't believe that there is only one good way of raising children. The actual book is more nuanced, and much of it is about my decision to retreat from the "strict Chinese immigrant" model. Best of luck to you, Amy Chua Well, the editor at the WSJ who made up the headline ...and her publisher must be happy at all the buzz and traffic this excerpt has gotten. Unfortunately, I think it comes at the expense of being able to get across the "nuance" she speaks of and definitely doesn't indicate that she has since retreated from the "strict Chinese immigrant" model we're all debating. Clearly it's because we're all expected to buy the book. I get it. Hit a nerve. Drive traffic to WSJ. Make her look evil. Penguin sells books. She gets a cut and gets to say she was just kidding about being a superior Chinese mother. Everyone profits there. Is that the play? Whatever.

UPDATE 1/13: It appears that the author is making her rounds in the U.S. media with a softer tone and accusing WSJ of misrepresenting her. Great strategy. Looks like it's working. Meanwhile, friends in China share that the Chinese version of her book is out soon via CITIC. Chinese title reads: "Being a Mother in America" -- Again, I have to give her credit. She plays both sides well. See link below. (h/t @goldkorn via Twitter) China version.Slightly different cover art from the U.S. version if i'm not mistaken. Maybe she'll claim she had no idea about the Chinese title too. I'm sure sales will do well in China. No shortage of Chinese mothers who dream of being able to raise their child in the U.S. and see them become "successful"

Raising your Child to be a Muslim It is true that the first learning center for a child is the mothers lap. The mannerisms of the parents are reflected in the children. The story of Sheikh Abdul QadirJeelani is famous: When he was traveling with a caravan, a gang of thieves robbed the caravan, when it came time to check Abdul QadirJeelani (RahmatullahiAlaih), an eighteen year old young man, the thieves inquired if he had any valuables to which told them about money which had been sewn in his clothes by his mother. The thieves asked out of curiosity as to why he let them know of the sewn money to which he told them that his mother had advised him before leaving to never lie upon which the thieves become ashamed and repented to Allah. It is the duty of the parents to be an example to their children and advise them. Allah (SubhanahuTaala) tells us of the advise that Luqman Hakeem gave to his son, Behold, Luqman said To his son by way of instruction: O my son! Join not others with Allah; association with Allah is indeed the highest wrong-doing. Then after some ayaat, the advise continues, O my son! If there be (but) the weight of a mustard-seed and it were (hidden) in a rock or (anywhere) in the heavens or on earth, Allah will bring it forth; for Allah knows the finest mysteries, (and) is well-acquainted (with them). O my son! Establish regular prayer, enjoin what is Just, and forbid what is wrong; and bear with patient constancy whatever befalls thee; these are affairs of determination. And swell not thy check (for pride) at men, nor walk in insolence through the earth; For Allah loveth not Any arrogant boaster. And be moderate in thy pace, and lower they voice; for the harshest of sounds without doubt is the braying of an ass. (Surah Luqman)

We can recall not to long ago in our Muslim culture that all the grown-ups in the community would take the role of guiders for the youth. No child dared acting up in front of elders in any gathering. All the elders held enough authority that they could discipline the child without having to face the wrath of the parents as is the case today. As a result, children tend to misbehave and disrespect elders because they no longer have fear discipline from anyone besides that parents and that too is seen little. Parents find out too late that what they thought was giving freedom to their children was really digging a hole for them. Being affectionate to your child is one thing but to let them free to do anything is not affection rather it is hurting the child. Ah, this is all a result of the parents forgetting the duty of teaching the child. More often the television takes the place of the parent and it is from here the child gains much of his/her ill-mannerisms. Today, I ask you to take my words to be a reminder and a word of caution. When the child is able to speak a little, teach them the name of Allah. Before, mothers would put their children to sleep by chanting Allah Allah, but now it is by playing the music on the radio. When children are mature do not do anything in front them which will ruin their mannerisms because they tend to copy these acts, they do whatever they see their parents doing. Never argue with your spouse in front of them because this leaves puts a lot of stress on the child and causes them to think that they are the cause of the argument. Never curse your children. Pray Salah in front of them, recite Quran, take them to the Masjid with you, and tell them stories of our pious predecessors, they like to listen to stories very much. Hearing stories with lessons and morals will increase their good habits. When they are a little older, teach them the five Kalimat, ImaneMujmal, ImaneMufassal, and then teach them Salah. Put them in under the teaching of an Allah-fearing, MutaqeeSaheehulAqeeda Hafiz or Maulvi of to learn Quran Majeed and knowledge of the deen so they can learn of the beautiful religion to which they belong. Teach them the masail of gusul, wudu, and salah. If Allah gives you taufeeq, make atleast on your children Alim or Alimah or Hafiz or Hafiza. A Hafiz will get three generations forgiven and Alim will get seven generations forgiven [on the Day of Judgement]. It is baseless to think that an Alim has no source of earning bread for his family. Know that one does not get more than destined by learning uloom of the dunya; one will get what Razzaq has written for him. Teach your children simplicity and do not expose them to materialism. Teach them the value of doing thier own work. Send them to college, make them judges, make them doctors or any successful and halal career in this world but make them such that they take on these professions as honest Muslims who know their religion. Omair Abdul Jabbar

The school day should be extended

The school day should be extended to prepare pupils for the workplace, stop them joining gangs and give them a "haven" from chaotic homes, Labour has proposed. Shadow education secretary Stephen Twigg will use a speech on Thursday to back longer hours in the classroom as he launches a review of how schooling can be made more relevant to the 21st century. It is to be led by Labour MP Barry Sheerman, a former chair of the Commons education select committee, after business leaders said a third of young people emerged poorly prepared. Twigg, in a speech to the North of England Education Conference in Leeds, will say too many schools are run like 19th century institutions set up to produce factory workers. "The workers down tools when they hear the bell ring, and are strictly separated into production lines, focused on building the constituent parts of knowledge - maths, science etc," he will say. "At the same time, students are rigidly separated. Taught in batches, not by ability or interest, but by their own date of manufacture. "While noble in its origins, this 19th century form of industrial education feels distinctly ill at ease with the demands of a modern, globalised economy, which demands collaboration, innovation, entrepreneurship, and an appreciation that developing value comes not from more efficient forms of production, but more skilled ones." A recent survey of employers found they considered a third of the workforce left school at 16 "poorly or very poorly prepared for the work place", he will point out. Sheerman's review will take evidence on initiatives such as extended hours from teachers, parents, businesses and universities and examine overseas education systems. Pupils at schools which had already introduced longer days were "getting a better perspective of the expectations upon them" at work, Twigg will say. "A longer school day appears to be a smart way forward for a number of reasons. "For secondary pupils it would mean getting used to a work-like timetable. A long hours culture has its drawbacks, but how many employers expect their workers to leave the office at 3.30pm? "A longer day can be progressive in nature. Too many pupils who suffer from poor housing conditions struggle to find a quiet place to study or do their homework. "Providing a longer school day will give these students a haven away from what in some cases can be chaotic and troublesome home lives. "Third, it can take young people, quite literally, off the streets.

"Numerous studies have shown that gang activity is often most prevalent in the hours immediately after schools close, and providing longer school-based activities may prevent some from getting into trouble." Twigg will also call for money to be saved by teaching using electronic readers rather than buying physical text books for pupils and an for improvement in IT teaching which he will say is too often "little more than a glorified typing course". "We need far more rigour in ICT teaching, with higher quality training, higher standards and continual assessment of what pupils are being taught."

2003/14: Should school hours be extended?

What they said ... 'I just think that school hours should reflect the modern reality of family structures' The Prime Minister, Mr John Howard, speaking during a doorstop interview in South Australia in January 2000 'There's a limit to kids' concentration. You cannot expect them to spend eight or ten hours a day focused around classroom activities' Mary Bluett, president of the Australian Education Union The issue at a glance In June and July of this year, the Prime Minister, Mr Howard, proposed that school hours should be extended to provide after school care for children whose parents are both in the workforce. On June 6, , 2003, Mr Howard addressed the Liberal Women's conference on work and family. Though a transcript of the address is not available on the Prime Minister's website, Mr Howard was reported to have said that conservative state oppositions should 'put the Bunsen burner' under Labor state governments on school hours. Mr Howard claimed the current hours were 'anachronistic' and 'outdated'. He stated, 'We have school hours that were fashioned at a time when the overwhelming norm was one [income] to support a family. It (school hours) is something that is worth changing.' On July 7, 2003, while speaking at the opening of the 2003 Australian Liberal Students' Federation Federal Convention, the Prime Minister stated, 'What I've got in mind perhaps is that, after school ends in a traditional sense, you can have a bit more supervised school activities... That would make a contribution to the growing problem of teenage obesity. You could have some supervised homework so that the time that parents spend with their children at night is not bedevilled by arguments over homework.' Under the proposal, high schools would establish homework centres and out-of-hours care programs would be extended in primary schools. Representatives from some parent and teacher organisations have expressed concerns about the idea. An inter-departmental taskforce on work and family issues is examining the issue of school hours and after-school programs. It will make recommendations to the Prime Minister. These recommendations will then be discussed with the states and territories, who are responsible for running schools. Though schools are the responsibility of the states, the Government is said to be looking at providing separate funding to set up the initiatives. Background Support for after school programs has been growing steadily within the United States for at

least a decade. In the 2000 State of the Union Address, President Clinton proposed the largest-ever federal expenditure on after school programs, saying, "Let's double our investments in after school and summer school programs, which boost achievement and keep people off the streets and out of trouble." Within the United States supporters of after school programs include child care professionals who believe young children need more supervision, educators who believe children need more academic instruction, and politicians who believe teens need more structured after school activities. The Clinton administration's request to fund after-school programs was only a small part of a plan to expand the role of public schools. For example, the centrepiece of the administration's after school proposal was $1 billion(US) for the federal 21st Century Community Learning Center program. The program's purpose was to turn public schools into "learning centers" that, in addition to regular education, would provide after school care and at least four other services ranging from parent training and daycare to job training and health programs. Interestingly, recent research within the United States has challenged a number of the assumptions on which after school programs are based. In Australia before and after-school programs are run at primary level, usually by school councils (which comprise many parents) or community groups. Parents pay fees and may be eligible for the Commonwealth child-care rebate, the amount of the rebate depending on income. The chairwoman of Community Childcare Victoria, Lynne Wannan, believes there is a need for more programs, particularly at secondary level. 'Twelve to 14-year-olds are most at risk (if they are unsupervised), and this is also a time when many parents are working,' she has said. 'But some schools are reluctant to operate these programs because they believe the children aren't their responsibility after 3.30pm.' Outside-school-hours care is the fastest-growing form of childcare in the nation, with 167,000 children currently using the service - up from 153,000 in 1999. The Howard Government clearly has no plans to establish school based child care programs and other school based initiatives of the scope envisaged in the United States. However, extending school hours as a means of providing additional child care places for school age children has been a scheme of Prime Minister Howard's since at least 2000 when he began making public statements about such developments. Clearly the scheme has acquired more substance with the passing of time and perhaps even with John Howard's growing assurance about his hold on the office of Prime Minister. At least two other members of the cabinet have spoken out in support of John Howard's 2003 espousal of this proposal. An inter-departmental taskforce on work and family issues is now examining the issue of school hours and after-school programs. It will make recommendations to the Prime Minister. The recommendations of the taskforce will then be discussed by the states and territories. The seriousness of the Government's interest in the proposal is shown by its apparent willingness to provide separate funding in order to finance it. The extent of this funding will be an important factor in determining whether the proposal is accepted by the states.

Thank you madam speaker.Assalamualaikum and a very good morning to my dear opposition team and members of the floor. Welcome I bid to all of you to our discussion of todays motion thattiger motherscontribute to the success of their

children.

Before I go on let me first define our motion today. According to the New Oxford Dictionary of second edition, TIGER is a large wild cat that has yellow fur with black lines and lives in parts of Asia. MOTHER, the female parent of a person or an animal. CONTRIBUTING means giving something like money or help or do together with other people. SUCCESS means the fact that you have achieved what you wanted. And lastly CHILDREN, plural of child that is a young boy or girl who is not yet an adult. But before I laid to you of the whole meaning of our motion today let me made clear to you the term of TIGER MOTHER. We all know what mother means but why TIGER, why not LION or WHALE or bigger animals like DINOSAURS? The term of TIGER MOTHER comes from Amy Chuas bestseller book , the Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother but it is actually an Asian-styled parenting which is more superior and able to contribute success to the children. So, as a whole the definition of our motion today means that Asian-styled parenting helps to achieve what is wanted or expected of their children. And as the GOVERNMENT we are strongly agree with the motion thattiger motherscontribute to the success of their

children.

As the Prime Minister I will lay to you the first argument with the key phrase that thetiger mother contributing to the success of their children by developing self esteem. My second Minister will deliver our second and third argument on the Key Phrase that TIGER MOTHER SETTING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS FOR SUCCESS and TIGER MOTHER MONITORING CONTINUOS PROGRESS. Afterward she will rebut on the first argument made by the first minister of the opposition team. My third minister will continue upholding our stand and rebut on all the misleading arguments by the first and second ministers of the opposition team. Finally, my second Minister will once again take the stage to strengthen our stand by giving you the reply speech. Members of the floor,

According to Omair Abdul Jabbar in his article, raising your child to be a muslim, he mentioned that the first learning center for a child is the mothers lap. This is so true because the first person we were ever close with is our mothers and they have so much influence on us that no matter how fierce and how strict our mothers are, we would always listen and follow their ways and instructions. Mothers words are prayers. Mothers guidance is sacred but Tiger Mothers are the ones who shape their childrens success for they are the oneswho develop the childrens self-esteem. That is the first argument of the Government team that Tiger Mothers develop self-esteem. Members of the floor, We live in a culture that self-esteem is so fragile that our children would easily lose their self-confidence when facing hardships for instance, when facing failures or dealing with greater achievers than themselves. But this is not happen among children with tiger mothers. They would be accustomed to their mothers high expectations and stricter rules since they passed the toddler stage. They have builtstrong self-esteem and even their egos of not easily giving up to the mere challenges have guided them to achieve their success. This is all thanks to the tiger mothers parenting. They are fierce, strict and very firm, and they know what they want. They aim at getting children to make the most of what abilities they have. Meaning these parents know their children abilities and they would not challenge their children to do things out of their league. Furthermore, they also teach their children the importance of having aims in life and thatto be success in studies is the only way to become successful people in future. Their parenting and teaching method may be harsh and stern but it is how these children build their strong characters and self-esteem which not only guide them towards their success but a lantern through out their challenging lives.Ask yourself, from whom would you rather learn bitter truth about your weaknesses, your mother or your future boss? When do you rather know about your mistakes, now or in the next uncertain future? Members of the floor, You must be very clear now that the main attention of the tiger mothers being very objective and of high expectation to their children performance in studies mainly out of love and out of concern of their childrens future. Before I end my speech let

me reaffirm of our stand that the government believe that TIGER MOTHERS CONTRIBUTE TO THE THEIR CHILDREN SUCCESS.