Behavioural Dynamics Of A Child

Chhavi Swarup
( Academic Co-ordinator & Counsellor) GIIS, Noida

It is said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Sometimes similar can be said about misbehaviour. Both the parents perceive the same act of the child differently, depending upon their conditions and moods. Most of the parents are skeptical about the idea of punishing the child at the time when he exhibits misbehaviour in front of their friends, relatives and others. The following observations show how a child learns to misbehave. The panic reaction compels the parents to succumb to his even unjust demands. Let us see how it works: A young child wants something (say a toy)

You say NO

Child persists and begs for it

You firmly refuse

Child starts howling in public/throws tantrum and lies down on the floor/ blackmails you emotionally

You are embarrassed and give in to what you have been vehemently opposed to a few minutes back.

WHAT IS THE LESSON LEARNT BY THE CHILD: 1. Throwing Tantrums, misbehaving and embarrassing the parents, GETS REWARD.

2. Erosion of authority and respect for the parent. 3. Big time misbehaviour of a disillusioned/discouraged child. Interestingly most of the parents are unaware of the dynamics of the childs behaviour. They believe that such misbehaviour is a part of normal growing up and the child will come out of it automatically. But actually they are highly mistaken. Let me tell you the main cause of childs misbehaviour. 1. Parents, either ignorant or extra strict: being thrust into strange hands (maids/crches) 2. Failure in delivering promises: parents inability to carry out threats (if any) OR even promises (rewards). 3. Confusing Commands: When there is duality in the commands of parents 4. Conflict in the family: Lack of respect amongst parents. 5. Hassled childhood: stress of expectations and over burdened of activities. 6. Broken Homes: Separated parents confuse the child. SOLUTIONS:
If you love and respect your child even when he makes a mistake and similarly your child respects you even when you reprimand/ punish him; it is a perfect parent-child relationship. This is what I would call effective parenting or discipline parenting.

Dear Friends! You have a great tool in your hands which are as follows1.) Both the parent should be consistent: Opinions are subject to change but the best advice that can be found will always in some way reflect the Principles of disciplining the child. 2.) Optimize your expectations: Be careful with your expectations not too high, not too low. 3.) Earning respect: Beware of what you are saying or doing in front of your child. 4.) Command should be the same by both the Parents. 5.) Family time: Strong emotional family bonds cannot be built in a day. A solid structure needs a firm foundation. Successful families are built on the source of guidance that works. 6.) Rate your sense of priority: Movie/TV or family time. Best Exercise: Try It: Go through your childs old photographs together during your family time and ponder on the following Have there been any behavioural changes/difficulties?