Purcell 1 Megan Purcell TE 802 Fall 2012 Laura Holden December 14, 2012 Thesis Statements: Qualities, Construction

and Practice Student Work Analysis PART I: Writing Instruction, Assessment and Context Almost all of us even if we dont do it consciously look early in an essay for a oneor two-sentence condensation of the argument or analysis that is to follow. We refer to that condensation as a thesis statement (Indiana University). As any good writer knows, the thesis statement is one of the most crucial elements of a formal essay. The thesis allows the author to test out their ideas in a sentence or two, it helps the author organize their paper in a formulaic manner and it helps the reader by providing a guide to the authors arguments; a sort of road map for where their writing is going. Any good writer knows the importance of carefully constructing their thesis statement, but any good teacher knows that writers do not come by this talent naturally; writing, and writing well are skills that need to be taught, practiced and reinforced all the way down to the nuts and bolts of essay construction. As an aspiring highly effective teacher, I thought it appropriate to start teaching my own students the basic constructive elements of an essay, beginning with the most important element of all, the thesis statement. The goal for student learning in this lesson and assessment was to teach students the characteristics of a strong thesis statement, so that they may begin constructing their own thesis statements in their own writing. I wanted my students to start moving away from basic thesis statements and learn to construct more complex thesis statements; a skill that would serve them

Purcell 2 in their writing for the rest of their academic careers. I know that the thesis statement is the most crucial element of a formal essay, so I wanted to start teaching my students how to develop this element of their writing. My goal in this lesson was to see how well students could transfer what they learned about thesis statements to their own writing in the form of a benchmark essay. As mandated by my district, students are required to write at least two formal essays each academic quarter; the first essay, ACT style, is worth 10% of their overall grade; the second essay, a literature based essay, is worth 15% of a students overall grade. This emphasis on writing was the motivation I needed to begin writing instruction with my students. My students would be required to write their second benchmark essay, shortly after writing the first, so I sought this as an opportunity to incorporate my own lesson assessment within a greater work. To assess this lesson, I would look at the thesis statements my students wrote in their benchmark essays to see how well they grasped the concepts I taught them, or at least how well they attempted a complex thesis statement (as I know not everyone will get it right on the first try, that is why we practice). The rubric I used to grade these benchmark essays had an entire category for the statement of purpose or thesis statement. This rubric allowed me to place a greater weight on the evaluation of a students thesis statement as that was the element of focus for that particular essay. Of course, the rest of the essay is important, but at this time I was placing a greater emphasis on thesis statements as that is the element we focused our learning on before this essay was assigned and therefore deserved to be evaluated with more weight. I decided to give this writing instruction/assignment at this point in time because I had already been able to establish student goals and see current trends in student writing. The very first day of school I, like all the other teachers, led students through an icebreaker activity to help me get to know my students. During this activity, one question I asked each student was what is

Purcell 3 one thing they would like to get out of English class this year; if they could take away one lesson what would it be? Some of the most frequent responses I got were to become a better writer or to write better essays or some variation on that theme. With this in mind, my students completed their first in-class writing assignment, which happened to be their ACT style benchmark essay. For this essay, students were given a predetermined argumentative topic and 30-60 minutes to hand write a complete 5-paragaph essay similar to what will be required of them on the ACT exam. I then had the pleasure of reading these essays and scoring them according to the provided ACT scoring rubric. Something I noticed when scoring these essays, is that the students struggled with thesis statements. Some students had no thesis statement at all, some had unclear thesis statements and others had very basic thesis statements such as yes this should happen or this should not happen. I knew that my students would be asked to write another formal essay soon, with higher stakes, so I thought it important to start writing instruction concerning the elements of an essay; the first being thesis statements. I used the baseline data that I gathered, from the ACT essays, to inform my teaching and help me decide what instruction my students needed. I decided to use a powerpoint presentation to give this lesson instruction because I wanted my students to have a visual representation of the ideas I was conveying so they could take notes that would serve them in the future. I first explained to students the elements of a good thesis statement, but then I also showed them how to transform a basic thesis statement into a complex one. Many of my students had some idea of how to construct a thesis statement, they just simply lacked clarity, so I wanted to show them how to take what they already have and make it stronger in a few simple steps. I know that students, college bound or not, will be asked to write essays later on in high school and beyond. For me, the ability to write a good essay helped me a great deal in college, so I wanted to make sure that

Purcell 4 my students are afforded and armed with that same set of skills as they move beyond the constraints of my classroom. Evaluating the construction of students thesis statements within their benchmark essays, fits into the context of the lesson, the unit and the year all rather cyclically. The assessment fits in with the lesson because the assessment, evaluating thesis statements, is directly translated from the lesson I gave. I first taught my students how to construct a thesis statement, and then assessed them on how successful they were in developing a complex thesis statement of their own. This assessment also fit within the context of the unit because the second benchmark essay students were expected to write was based on the literature students read at that time; in this case they read The Crucible. This unit asked my students to write an essay about The Crucible, thus combining their writing skills with the concepts of the current unit. This assessment then fits into the rest of the year because my students will be asked to write several other formal essays throughout this year; two per academic quarter as mandated by the school district. By addressing thesis statements after the first essay of the school year, my students will have several opportunities to develop, practice, and refine the skill of writing thesis statements; a skill that will serve them this year and in future years. Again, the relationship between the assessment, the lesson, the unit and the year is cyclical. My students will be asked to write several essays now and in the coming years, the thesis statement being a crucial element of those essays. One question that was asked during this process was how the assessment was designed in light of my goals, but really my goals were designed in light of the assessment. Because my district requires students to write two formal essays each academic quarter, I did not have much say in what the overall assessment was going to be, I merely got to decide how I was going to fit my assessment into this setting and then create my goals in light of that. I was going to be asked

Purcell 5 to evaluate students essays anyway, so I decided to make thesis statements a prominent element of focus for that particular writing sample (as it was also a particular element of focus on the district mandated rubric). I was then able to develop the goals of teaching students the elements of a thesis statement in order for them to apply these elements to their own writing. I could then use the district mandated scoring rubric to evaluate these thesis statements in light of the essay as a whole, scoring students based on how well they grasped the concepts I taught them which ultimately came off the rubric they would be scored by. This way, my students satisfy the district requirements and I have a space in which I can evaluate the lesson I have taught my students concerning their writing. The assessment lets me see how well my students were able to construct complex thesis statements in their writing. Though this assessment I was able to see who attempted a complex thesis statement as well as who was able to construct a complex thesis statement successfully. The assessment also let me see who did not attempt a thesis statement at all, or which students still struggled with the construction of their thesis statement. However, based on this assessment, I cannot see how consistent students are/will be in how they retain this lesson. I hope that the more my students practice, the better their ability to construct thesis statements will become, but this assessment only lets me focus on one example. I spent a lot of time talking about thesis statements in relation to the topic of this particular benchmark essay, so I cant yet determine how well my students can construct a thesis statement completely on their own accord. PART II: Student Responses and Student Learning The first question asked to consider for reflection pertains to how students interpreted the given assignment. The assignment given to my students, a formal benchmark essay, does not

Purcell 6 leave much open for individual interpretation as each topic is specific and relatively straightforward. For this assignment my students were asked to compare the themes of fear and mass hysteria from the play The Crucible with a more modern day event; some events included the Columbine school shooting, 9/11, the Batman movie theater shooting and others of the like. Each of the students I have chosen to examine for my analysis has written their comparative essay about the similarities between The Crucible and 9/11 in regards to the themes of fear and mass hysteria. Each student has adequately made a comparison between the two events, thus interpreting the assignment in accordance with the prompt given. These interpretations, the comparison between the text and another real life event, are in line with what I had expected and hoped to see. The only difference between the responses I hoped for and the responses my students gave is the amount of variety I would have liked. I offered students several real life events they could choose from and two-thirds of the students chose to write about 9/11. I was originally hoping for more variety so that students could be more creative and I would not be reading the same essay over and over, but I was okay with the responses I was given. These three samples, each of a literature based benchmark essay, compare to each other because they are a formulaic essay on the same topic. By comparing these three essays, one from a struggling student, one from an average student, and one from the best student in my class; I can look for patterns in the development of both the essay and the thesis statement. Examining three students of different achievement levels, I can see how their essays develop, but I can also see how successful the student was at retaining the lesson about the construction of their thesis statements. If each of the students have similar style thesis statements, I can start to determine trends in learning and implementation as well as determine whether or not students

Purcell 7 were left behind after the conclusion of the lesson. One pattern that has emerged from these three samples, is that each student attempted complex thesis statements the way that they were instructed to do so. One thing I tried to take into consideration when reading and evaluating these essays is what kind of student I was dealing with for each particular piece. I know that in my class I have a lot of low achieving students and English language learners, so I try to consider that when evaluating their work. I, unlike the standardized test mandates of our nation, consider any progress to be good progress; this is one reason I placed a greater emphasis on evaluating thesis statements, but also knew that this may be a first attempt for several students so I had to look at effort and not just the finished product. My first student, the highest achieving student in my class, gave me a response that I expected from her. I know that this student can create basic thesis statements in her sleep, so I challenged her to create a complex thesis statement to begin advancing her writing. This student, consistently high achieving, delivered a great complex thesis statement just as expected. The second student, an average achiever, is pretty middle of the pack in my class. I chose this student because they are the one that can teeter either way; they can bump themselves up to being a higher achieving student or they can just as easily miss one lesson and fall into the low achieving group. I think it is this student that often gets left out because they are the average achievers, but I think their future hangs in a more delicate balance than any other student. For this student, I was expecting an attempt at a complex thesis statement, even if they did not get it quite right the first time. This student surprised me by constructing a rather good thesis statement according to the instruction they were given. This student really tried to make his thesis statement more complex and I could tell because he ended up creating a thesis statement that was too long to be a single sentence. The last student, a low

Purcell 8 achieving student, struggles with writing and reading due to learning and language difficulties. I did not expect this student to grasp fully onto the concept of complex thesis statements on the first try, I expected this to be practice upon which improvement could be made. This student surprised me by attempting a complex thesis statement though it was not as successful as Im sure either of us would have hoped. This student tried to make a complex statement, but ended up constructing a confusing sentence probably due to language and writing impairments. However, I was still glad to see that an attempt had been made because that shows me this student is trying to develop their writing. Each of these students still has room for improvement, any writer always has room for improvement, but each students response not only fit with what I already knew about him or her, but it often surpassed the expectations I had. Each of the student responses had their own strengths and weaknesses. My high achieving student showed strengths in the ability to clearly construct a complex thesis statement. For this student, I would not necessarily say that she had any weaknesses, but I would say that I know she can continue to develop her writing to become more sophisticated and academic. This student wrote, The Crucible and 9/11 are similar because they both caused inevitable deaths and displayed destructive powers such as fear and mass hysteria (Student A, 1). This sentence, clear and concise, does not have much flaw to it, especially for a tenth grader. My average achieving student, however, did have a weakness upon which improvement could be made. This student did a good job thoroughly explaining his argument, but he ended up creating a run on sentence. This student wrote, The theme of mass hysteria in The Crucible compares to the events of September eleventh, 2001 because people were blaming anybody that could be blamed, and then thousands of innocent people were killed in a war caused by the hysteria from the attack just like the innocent victims hanged in The Crucible, and finally just like in The Crucible certain people

Purcell 9 were looked at differently (Student B, 1). This student did a good job being thorough and including their claim and subsequent arguments, per instruction, but their weakness is his ability to be concise. This student has a great start on their thesis statement, it just needs to be revised and condensed into a stronger claim. The last student, my low achieving student with learning and language complications, attempted a complex thesis statement, though not quite as successful. This student wrote, If they didnt this what they are and how they are similar, how 9/11 and the crucible are similar (Student C, 1). This student showed me they attempted a complex thesis statement by writing more than The Crucible and 9/11 are similar but the excess information is confusing for the reader; this is the greatest weakness for this writer. This student did a good job acknowledging the comparison between the two events, their message to the reader is just a little confusing, but this is a start upon which the student can continue to build. The next question I am reflecting on, concerning new information I have gathered about my students based on their writing, is actually a question I have considered before. This question, and my thoughts about it, have led me to a rather humorous conclusion from my perspective. Though I have looked at three different student of three different achievement levels, I have learned something significant about each of them; that is, each of them was paying attention during my lesson and took the instruction to heart. Often times, especially early on when I was giving this instruction, it seemed like some of my students never paid attention during my lessons and then never tried to transfer any of those skills to their work; these samples prove me wrong. I have also learned that Student A, my highest achieving student, is a consistently good writer and I can thusly challenge her to improve her writing and refine her talents. I also learned that Student B, my average achieving student, has the capacity to tip the scales to high achievement. I will be honest and say that I did not expect much from this student

Purcell 10 because he often exhibits behavior issues in class, but he gave me one of the best essays in the bunch. This shows me that this student can be pushed and has the capacity to meet my expectations. I also learned that Student C, my low achieving student, puts a significant amount of effort into his work. I knew that this student tried very hard on every assignment, but I was happy to see him move significantly outside of his comfort zone and attempt something completely new. This shows me that this student, despite language and learning difficulties, is trying to further his skills even when they are things he has never tried before. After assessing my students performance on their second benchmark essay, I went back to the ACT essay each student wrote and looked and whether or not progress was made from one essay to the next; after all, it was the ACT essays that informed me as to the current needs my students have concerning writing. From these two samples of writing, I can see evidence of improvement in each of my three students, especially in their willingness to attempt complex thesis statements more suitable for formal, academic writing. Student A, my high achiever, had a fairly strong thesis statement in her first sample as well as her second. Her statements are as follows: Sample 1: Safety is the first priority which is why the law should change driving ages from sixteen to eighteen (Student A, 1). Sample 2: The Crucible and 9/11 are similar because they both caused inevitable deaths and displayed destructive powers such as fear and mass hysteria (Student A, 1). I did notice, however, that a few syntactical inversions were present in her second sample which provides evidence that she was trying to develop a thesis according to the guidelines given during instruction. I see this move as learning because this student is not only learning how to write a more formal thesis statement, but she is also learning how to write different kinds of thesis statements that may be suitable for different styles of writing. Student B also showed

Purcell 11 evidence of learning between his two samples of writing. Student Bs thesis statement in sample 1 is very basic and elementary while his thesis statement in sample 2 is much more complex and thorough. His statements are as follows: Sample 1: Drivers should be at least 18 years old to drive (Student B, 1). Sample 2: The theme of mass hysteria in The Crucible compares to the events of September eleventh, 2001 because people were blaming anybody that could be blamed, and then thousands of innocent people were killed in a war caused by the hysteria from the attack just like the innocent victims hanged in The Crucible, and finally just like in The Crucible certain people were looked at differently (Student C, 1). In sample 2, Student B has over developed his thesis statement beyond the normal constraints of the element. However, I see this as evidence of learning because the student made a clear adjustment between his writing in the two samples. This student seems to have really grasped onto the intentions of the concept of a thesis statement and applied those principles to the construction of his own writing. Student C, on the other hand, shows some evidence of learning though he still has some improvement that can be made. Student C had a very basic thesis statement in his first writing sample like his peers; his second sample, however, doesnt necessarily show any evidence of learning but what it does show is evidence of effort. His samples are as follows: Sample 1: This is why we must raise the driving age from 16 to 18 years of age (Student C, 1). Sample 2: If they didnt this what they are and how they are similar, how 9/11 and the crucible are similar (Student C, 1). While some may not be able to see any evidence of improvement between the two, I know there was evidence of effort even if it is not readily seen from these two samples alone. One of the most important elements of teaching is getting to know your students and I know that this student struggles not only with reading and reading comprehension, but he struggles also with writing,

Purcell 12 vocabulary and sentence formation. I can see evidence of effort in the second sample of writing because the student is trying to incorporate elements from the lesson, even if he is unsuccessful. For instance, the student mentions 9/11 and The Crucible in his thesis which was one element we covered that you must mention what your paper is going to be about. This student also lets his reader know that he will be comparing these two things which is also a characteristic required to have a good thesis statement. These two tiny steps in the development of Student Cs second sample shows me that he is trying to grasp onto the lesson and implement the things we talked about in class. I also think that this students second sample could be much stronger if clarified through word choice; a task we will continue to work on as we develop his writing overall. By comparing all six samples of writing, it is evident that my students are learning, whether it be all of a lesson or just part of it, but steps toward improvement are taking place and the proof is in the paper my students, successful or not, are trying new things in their writing and will continue practicing and learning until they can hone their skills and knowledge into progress. PART III: Your Teaching (How you use what you learn to shape your practice) Each of my three students, and their six writing samples, elicited different responses from me as I went through and evaluated their work. The first samples of writing, the ACT style benchmark essays, do not have much feedback from me because that was not the purpose or intent for that essay. The ACT style benchmark essay was meant as a pre-test of sorts so that I could gage where my students were at in terms of their writing and decide what instruction needed to be given consequently. I did provide some feedback on the rubric attached to each easy in which I simply made note of particular rhetorical elements. In regards to the thesis statement, I would note whether a student had a weak thesis statement and would provide a suggestion for improvement; otherwise, students did not get much feedback as the intent was to

Purcell 13 provide more holistic instruction later on. The second benchmark essays, however, were given much more care and attention in their evaluation and thus have more feedback. In her second sample, I put a bracket around Student As thesis statement and wrote good next to it. I wanted this student to know that the statement she constructed was sufficient in regards to my expectations. I wanted this student to know that I appreciated her rhetoric and acknowledge the success of her effort in constructing her thesis. Student B was also given good feedback but I included a note about making his sentence more concise. This student had already made significant improvements from his first sample to his second so I wanted to acknowledge that as an encouragement to continue working on his writing. I know that students can very quickly and easily get turned off by a bad grade on an assignment and I did not want to discourage this student. Student B is my average achieving student who can so easily tip the scales to the high achieving side or fall into the low achieving side; by providing this positive feedback followed by a suggestion for improvement, I was hoping to push this student toward the high achieving side rather than discourage his efforts and perhaps loose him altogether. My feedback for Student C was a little more direct as I told him his statement was confusing and needs work. My intent in providing this feedback was to highlight an area in which this student should focus his attention on the next essay. Student C had other errors in his essay, but I felt that the most significant error was with his thesis statement; I wanted to call attention to this deficit so that this student would know what to work on for next time. I in no way intended to discourage this student; I was simply trying to draw attention to one area of his writing. I then wrote a note to this student at the end of his essay explaining that I could see him putting in a lot of effort and that I appreciate the work he has done, but he and I will continue working on his trouble areas so

Purcell 14 that he may keep improving his writing. I tried to tailor my feedback for the particular student I was assessing and I think I have done a reasonable job in these samples. The effectiveness of my feedback, however, will not be known until my students write their next benchmark essay (which will not be for another week). I am hoping that these decisions will be effective because my students will know if they were on the right track, according to my expectations, or if they need to keep reworking their writing in certain areas. I also hope that these decisions encouraged students like I had intended so that the next writing samples I get will be as good or better than the ones that came before them. In order to revise my practice for next time, I have to consider my goals in light of the assessment. I think that for this particular goal and assessment, my instruction was adequate but could still use improving. During this instruction I had students verbally create a few sample thesis statements but they were on vague topics unrelated to the students current unit. I think in the future I will have students practice constructing their own thesis statements in class that they can then use on their particular assignment. For instance, I could have students organize their ideas for their benchmark essay and then have students, in class, write the thesis statement they will use in their final draft. This way, students get to practice writing thesis statements in a context that will ultimately benefit them (since students hate doing things they find irrelevant). I have also begun using this same technique to craft future learning goals and assessments for my other classes. In the 11th grade class, I have adopted this approach with topic sentences, as that was the major deficit in their writing. To incorporate this I gave instruction, just as I did for thesis statements, and then included a lot of practice not only in identifying strong and weak topic sentences, but in practicing writing topic sentences as well. I do like focusing on one element of an essay at a time because essays are a big project for most students and they can get

Purcell 15 easily overwhelmed. I just think that for next time I will include more practice for practical situations; this includes more in class writing as well as adding additional formal assignments as well. Unfortunately I do not have control over the final assessment in terms of the benchmark essay, but I think I can tailor my instruction so that students can better adapt their learning to their finished products. I also think that I may need to provide more specific feedback for students, though I will not know the adequacy of my feedback until the next samples of writing are handed in and evaluated. The next steps for each of my three students are very different based on their needs. The next step for my high achieving Student A is to begin refining her writing, and her thesis statements, to make them more sophisticated and finished. The next step for Student B is to practice and practice being consistent. I have seen this student teeter both to the high and low ends of my class so his greatest challenge is consistency. He needs to consistently put in the effort towards his work, he needs to consistently make improvements to his work and he needs to consistently use the skills he has learned. I know this student has the potential to write good essays, but he needs to take steps forward and not get complacent with his work. More specifically, the next step for Student B is to work on being concise and establishing his point in not so many words. The next step for Student C is to work on clarity. I know that Student C is working hard to implement the elements of the lesson that he learned, he just needs to work on implementing these skills in a way that can be understood by his reader. For Student C, the next step will be proofreading what he has done to make sure that what he has put on the page matches what he was intending to say. Each of these students has a step to take, though all in different directions. I, also, have steps to take myself and those are to continue learning, reflecting and improving on my own teaching as my students are doing so with their learning.

Purcell 16 Work Cited Indiana University Bloomington. How to Write a Thesis Statement. Writing Tutorial Services. Center for Innovative Teaching and Learning. January 30, 2008. http://www.indiana.edu/~wts/pamphlets/thesis_statement.shtml

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STUDENT A SAMPLE #1

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STUDENT A SAMPLE #2

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STUDENT B SAMPLE #1

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STUDENT B SAMPLE #2

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STUDENT C SAMPLE #1

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STUDENT C SAMPLE #2

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