A Night In Moonstruck.

Shea Bell. Grade 11. March 21st, 2013.

It was only a month ago when we went on that midnight walk. Deep into the dripping dark forest. Rain had only cleared hours before, but the sky was bright from the stars and shinning moon. The ground it shined on was covered in the dead of Fall, soggy mold and drew, with shadows of the remaining leaves attached to the branches so high. Tall grey trees cold and still like frost, echoing cold cries of bats and owls. Colder winds from the North blew hard, it chilled my bones though my jacket. The pack over my shoulders pushed my boots into the ground. An unforgivable yet beautiful Autumn night, however I wasn't enjoying the walk at all. I felt like a prisoner being pulled through the depths of hell. Except I wasn't going through hell, and I was pulled by my attraction to this lovely girl. I've had a crush on her since she moved next door five years ago. I stared at her feet, looking for the right places to step. Her shoes were washed out converses that used to be red, tied up in black and white striped shoe laces. I can't remember anything else about her wardrobe. We walked for what seemed to be forever, until reaching the the edge of the forest to find an open space. Autumn's foot stepped out of the forest, and into the clear moon light. My eye's drifted from her shoes and up to her light brown curly hair that reflected the moon. She turned to me with one eye while the other was off in the corner. "We're here." She whispered. I also stepped out of the shadows. We had both entered the open space. Only four yards away was two metal strips of rail, that the moon shined off brightly. They were the old train tracks, rotting away in the middle of the forest as the plant life grew over it. This was our own secret spot, the long strip of railroad in the middle of the forest, completely away from society in the open grounds of the wild. We both sat down as I removed my pack and pulled out the bottles of liqueur. We would go out to the ruined train tracks to drink on late Saturday nights. However, because we're both underage, we could only get enough for us to sip on. We sat there looking up to the sky, pointing out the stars, and listening to the howls of the wind. We've been doing this for years. Heard that the one and only train that went on these tracks crashed and burned. The track just was forgotten. And then, kept as a secret. I can't remember how long we've sat there until it happened. It was so shocking too, nether of us saw it coming. A train roared far in the distance. We both kicked out of our comfort and stared at each other until it howled again. This is when I got up and started moving towards the tracks. "Neal!" she would shout, getting to her feet and moving closer. I told her to relax as I

leaned over to feel the tracks. They were cold and perfectly still. One can only imagine if the tracks had a train coming, there would be moving or rumbling of some sort. I stood over the tracks as I looked back to Autumn. She yelled something that was unclear and overpowered by the train whistle. I didn't even notice how fast and close the train was. It made no noise on the tracks, as if it wasn't even touching them. It must have been really close because before I even knew it, I was pushed off the rail by two fragile hands. I can't remember what happened next, the train made no more sounds or movement to my ears. I didn't see it, and when I looked behind me there was no train or any prof of one being there. As if it was never there, like a ghost. No train, or any sigh of a train, and yet, Autumn laid unmoving, ran over by a train. The rest is really a blur. I can remember asking for help, and shaking her a ton. I checked her heart beat over and over. Then I remember digging. I tried to bury her as respectfully as I could. I raped her head in my jacket and placed her only three or four feet under.

The next day it was front cover news. Missing, Autumn Francies. Sixteen, female. 5'4, brown curly hair, with lazy eye in right eye. Missing! Contact It was everywhere. News papers, posters, it reminded me how fast stuff gets out in this small town. Where ever I went, I found no conversation that wasn't about the Missing Autumn. Her face was everywhere I looked. Everyone was so worried, but not as worried as me. Something funny happened and I made myself forget. I told myself it was all a dream. I told myself that Autumn was missing, and I had no idea where she was. I spent the rest of Sunday going around town searching for her. I only fooled myself until the night came. The sorrow and guilt in my stomach was enough to make me puke. Six times. My parents worried for me and gave me some sleeping pills. That was at three am. I did not take the pills. I wouldn't let myself sleep. I feared slumber. Instead, I waited till day light broke and walked to school while my family was sleeping soundly. That morning I sat in front of the school gates, waiting for the hour it will open. I don't know why I went, just felt like school would keep me distracted. I sat on the cold school steps, realizing that I had came with just jeans, and a t-shirt without any shoes. It was cold. I waited there for three hours, and all I did was stare at a cat. This black cat with a white stomach sat on a bench in the park across the road. I watched it's every move. How it slowly moved it's eyes around. Blinking across the paths and grass and trees. For three hours I watched it. And not once did it's body move. This thing just sat there,

without a place it needs to be, without a worry in the world. They do nothing all day, they don't have to do anything. I found myself getting jealous of this lazy creature. I was getting over whelmed by it actually. We both hadn't moved in so long, sitting out in the cold, yet this cat was relaxed while I was standing on the edge of sane. Anything could have tipped me over. That white belly cat tipped me over. It was as if i needed to kill it, tell it that it has no right to be lazy, or worry free. But I did nothing but stare at it.

Everyone in school knew that Autumn and I were good friends. We usually walk to school together, and go home together. It was when all my class mates gathered around me, telling me their sorrows of this missing girl, did I feel the most loneliest. They all never really talked to me before, as I have never really talked to them. I can't remember if I had friends in school. One girl did come up to me and offered a hug. She was wearing a black and white striped shirt. I only remembered it well because I puked on it. I went home early to very unpleased parents.

Once I got home, I saw Autumn doing things behind my back, tipping tables, opening windows before I even enter the room. Pushing things to the side before I could even look. That's when my parents forced down the sleeping pills. They said sleep will stop all this crazy talk. The uneasy feeling of drifting off made me sick again. My eyes got so heavy as I was pushed, forced into sleep. Of coarse, every dream is really fuzzy when you wake up. You remember parts of it, but it's all jumpy. You end up forgetting when breakfast is done. Although there is one part of the dream that sticks to you. Stays inside your head and lets you think over it. Autumn was in my dream. She was with me when we found forms of bodies statute on this dirt road. She was there when we were inside the huge house with four kitchens. She was with me when we were burying Autumn. She took off my jacket and wrapped it around her face. Then she covered me in dirt just before I woke up. I remember it still being dark, but not much after that. I had lost it, or just lost myself. But more importunately I lost Autumn, and I knew how to find her.

The clouds were thick and full of grey. I was once again inside the forest on a windy Autumn day. I couldn't see it very well at night, but in daylight every plant was dyeing and turning into orange and yellow. The walk was clam until I found the rail road. I hid behind a dead tree as I watched a construction. The train tracks were taken out, and workers were digging into the ground around the tracks. My heart stopped when I noticed something strange in the dirt pile. It was my jacket. But-

Where was Autumn? Just where did her body go? In my despair, I asked one worker what they were doing. They were building a new track track. It had something to do with it being too old to a point were no train could ever ride on it. Ether way, all the workers acted normal. Abnormally too calm for them to have found a dead body. They should have found her body that day, and the only ones who would have known about Autumn being buried is me and Autumn. That's way I think she's still alive somewhere. She got herself out, and now is living in secret. Far away from this town, but still close enough to watch me. To turn over tables, break lamps and doors, open windows to invite the cold. She keeps one eye forward and one always back on me. It left me in despair.

I started to realize that something was off when others looked at me differently. People would stare at me weirdly in wonder. I started to believe that people knew about Autumn, or that they knew were she was, and they were keeping it from me. That they were all on her side. Next thing I knew there were rumors of me killing cats, and breaking windows at school. No one believed me, they all believed her, they believed Autumn. School was just a nightmare. In one class this hot young teacher taught, my vision went dark and I blacked out in the middle of class. I woke up sitting in my desk with all the eyes in the room on me. My teacher whispered "You're disgusting." I ran out of that class room and some how ended up on my bed. I didn't go back to school after that, people believed I was going crazy. Soon the whole town did. They all would stare at me, as if Autumn herself was using their eyes to watch my every move. I realized that I couldn't leave the house without puking once the sun hit my face. My parents believed I was going mad and offered the idea of getting me 'help'. I locked myself inside my room for two weeks after that conversation. I can't say that I ate or slept at all in that time. I don't remember even being inside there for long, really. Then people in white coats broke down the door before I almost forgot the face of my own mother. The men in white came to take me away to a metal hospital. I know I'm not crazy, and yet no one believes me. This room of white is what's crazy. This whole town is what's nuts. Every person I saw had one eye looking at me, and the other looking forward. Looking onward to a place that was just out of sight for me. Even if the whole town was against me, I couldn't help but feel so guilty. How I kept one of they're eyes on me, keeping them from moving forward. It was as if my guilt was burying me alive into the white sheets.

And then another part of me is asking why I would ever feel so guilty. I puked all over the black and white checkered floor. Winter has come.