Chhavi Swarup (Academic Co-ordinator & Counsellor) GIIS Noida

Growing Apart or Growing Together

It was lovely to be the ONLY one, But for mommy and daddy its the matter of another son; Life was so nice when we were three, MY mommy MY daddy and me; And now there is another to share MY mommy MY daddy and their love n care Parents must understand the problem of the first child at the birth of the second one. Children develop the misperception about themselves of being rejected after the arrival of the new member (younger sibling) in the family. Its another way to get into the childs world and understand his or her thought process or rather the struggle to cope with the sibling. Children tend to make decision and form beliefs about themselves. Their behavior is then based upon their decision and all of a sudden they find it difficult to survive in the presence of their sibling. They feel helpless when they see a newborn in their VERY OWN mothers laps. Emotional insecurity envelops the child which can be fatal if not conquered at the right time. It becomes a common feature for children to compare themselves to their siblings.

This comparison can be fatal and result into: 1.Developing jealousy 2.Being rebellious or revengeful 3.To give up for the situation without even trying 4.To physically harm the sibling 5.Develop rivalry 6.Increase in anger or aggression 7.Confused state of mind in terms of love and care from parents 8.Distrust for parents It takes the act of courage and consciousness to break the negative and destructive patterns of behavior that may unconsciously control over the hatred for the sibling. The less age gap between two children pronounces the more differences, which brings us to the conclusion of more problems with each other. Whereas when there is the gap of six years or more between children they result to be less influenced with each other and problems tend to occur occasionally or less. Family atmosphere plays a vital role in this regard. Its expected from our educated parents to bridge up the gap of differences between their loved ones. This can only be done if parents take the complete accountability of their code of conduct to rescue their little ones from this problem.

Being a sensible parent you can contribute in several ways: 1.Do not value or encourage the competitive spirit amongst the siblings. 2.Create a co-operative environment 3.Do not give a biased decision 4.Identify the uniqueness and the talents of EACH child 5.Cuddle both children at the same time 6.Do not be judgmental after listening to one side of the story 7.BOTH parents should display equal affection to their siblings 8.Equate responsibilities All the above combinations can be successful with understanding, mutual respect, co-operation and sense of equality. Children are well known for their quick conditioning and adaptability. Dont worry that your children never listen to you, worry that they are always watching you Children are good conductors of actions. Mother and father are expected to be the role model of love, care, concern and most important, responsible for their own actions. Then every child will be reciting this beautiful poem: Oh its hard to be alone, Mom and dad!! Get one little baby home; I will take care of the baby day and night, Love and love and love and will never fight; Take all my toys, clothes and things close to my heart We will stay together forever and will NEVER EVER part.