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Kat McNulty Malcolm Campbell English 1102 4/8/2013 Match me with members who are...

Fifa, a thirty something year old women, decided to give online dating a try and created a Match.com profile. To document her experiences she created a blog and wrote all her feeling and thoughts of how online dating was working for her. Although creating a profile for Match.com took her awhile to finish because of the multitude of questions they asked her, she began her journey into the abyss, or the online dating world. As the months went by with no date her faith in the internet matchmakers began to waver. She decided to take a chance and begin to chat with a guy first. To her surprise she started to like, as she call him, Mr. Energetic. They finally decided to meet after the holidays and to her sad surprise the date turn out to be more horrible than she could have ever expected. Mr. Energetic turned out to be very different face-toface than he was through a computer screen. After that experience she decided to take her dating needs off the internet and into the real world. Although online dating didnt work out the way that Fifa want its not to say that it wont work for someone else. Online dating has become one of the most popular ways of meeting new people; its like shopping online for your soul mate! There are 40 million online dating users in the U.S. alone, with eHarmony and Match.com being the most popular (Facts About Online Dating). But how does it all work? Once you enter the online dating world it is a whole different experience than meeting someone on the street. Since dating online has become such a big industry and so many people are trying the new trend I want

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to explore their experiences, how it works and see if its all worthwhile or a huge waste of time and money. Now let's talk about relationships Online dating, being the new trend of the century, has a lot of people star struck about finding their soul mates. This fast, new way of shopping online for your next crush became very popular very fast. According to Ross Felix, an internet blogger, meeting people online was always possible via email but dating sites started to get recognized around 1995 when Match.com gave out 60,000 free memberships for life and in the past few years the industries have really boomed with the internet becoming easy access to almost anyone (Felix). The speed of connecting with new people is amazing and more and more people are using this resource to their advantage. Online dating is a great improvement to meeting people, even if youre a single mother you can just put it on you profile and only people interested can wink at you. A wink on a dating site is someone letting you know they are interested, basically flirting with you. Your profile on a dating site is you, or everything you want other to think you are. You can put as much, or as little, information about yourself as you want. Its up to you! Most profiles consist of a picture, age, hobbies, etc. On these dating sites you can search by gender, age, location, height; its like searching for your own Prince Charming. Sites like Match.com and eHarmony gets to know you so that they can match you with your perfect mate, but how? Tell us how you live your life For experimental purposes only I join eHarmony, to really see what online dating calls for, and how they really get to know me for me. When you sign up for a dating site your first task before finding the love of your life is answering a few questions, well, a bunch of questions actually. They start with the basics, your gender, what gender you are looking for, your date of birth, and

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on and on. Once you get through the first few questions they assure you this will be a breeze and tell you to just be yourself. You move onto the second section where you continue to describe yourself, what you like, what you dont like, and what you want in a partner. In this process you are creating your very own profile; all your info that people can browse through. Sounds easy right? At first it is. I had to take a break. Considering how tiring it was answering endless amounts of questions like: How well does this describe you? Warm, Clever, Dominant, Outgoing, Quarrelsome, Stable, Energetic, Predictable, Affectionate, Intelligent, Attractive, Loyal, Witty, Sensitive, Generous, Sensual, Content, Patient, Passionate, Caring, Genuine, Vivacious, Wise, Bossy, Leader, Irritable, Kind, Aggressive, Outspoken, Opinionated, Restless, Romantic, Selfish. (eHarmony) I realized that since there were so many questions they began to fog up my sensibility and I started to answer what I wish I was like instead of what I really am like. Like, I am totally energeticexcept when Im not. So this is how they really get to know you, question after question, hopefully youre telling the complete truth so you dont disappoint your future lover. Once you are all done with the question part of your experience they assure you that that was the hardest part. They use three simple steps to ensure the best results. Step 1: We learn about your personality. Step 2: Our match experts go to work every night and pick new matches. Step 3: Receive your matches by email every morning. Step 4: Chose to make the first move (eHarmony). As simple as that. Really? Wearing your heart on your sleeve

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Online dating is very different than meeting someone in person. One of the biggest problems with the online dating world is how much lying really goes on. According to a study led by Catalina L. Toma, an assistant professor in the department of communication arts at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, research has shown that around 81 percent of people misrepresent some aspect of their real identity in their profiles (McDonough). How do you really know that you are meeting the man of your dreams when all you see are words on a page and a pretty face smiling at you? What makes you so sure that its not one big lie? One thing that I have learned throughout my journey so far is that it is important to understand that it is not one big fantasy. You can easily get wrapped up in the crazy delusion that everything will turn out like a fairy tale, well youre not Cinderella, sorry. All your matches can seem so perfect. On my profile I already have a full page of great matches that live in my area (eHarmony), and believe me, they all look like my Prince Charming. But is Andrew really 61? And is one of Daniels life skills really making friends laugh? Hmm.. It may not seem like a big deal, a little white lie here and there, but in the end all those little lies add up and you get someone completely different. Research has shown that the top three things men lie about are their age, income, and height while women are most likely to lie about their weight, physical build and age (Online Dating Statistics). Of course, this is not the only thing people lie about. There is so much you do not know about a person until you really meet them, face to face. And the most important, obviously, is chemistry. You cant feel that through a screen. Philip Zimbardo, a former president of the American Psychological Association, along with a team of credible authorities created an online paper in 2005, using eHarmonys own published statistics establishing that:

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When eHarmony recommends someone as a compatible match, there is a 1 in 500 chance that youll marry this person.... Given that eHarmony delivers about 1.5 matches a month, if you went on a date with all of them, it would take 346 dates and 19 years to reach [a] 50% chance of getting married. The team also made the sweeping observation that there is no evidence that ... scientic psychology is able to pair individuals who will enjoy happy, lasting marriages.(Epstiein) How do you like those chances? Its looks to me like you dont only need to stand out from the crowd but you also need a lot of luck. And people lying about who they really are dont help you chances. How important in a relationship is... Of course meeting someone online could work, you could fall madly in love and there you have it, your real fairy tale ending. Just like dating online, meeting someone the old fashioned way has its flaws. First impressions and looks are the number one thing in the bar scene and if you dont have the right presence Mr. Right might walk away. Some people dont like the look of their chances at that and thats where online dating comes in. Online dating puts your personality out there for everyone to see, so they know you before they judge a book by its cover. Finding someone online may seem impossible, a big scam, but could it be if, according to Zsofia, a respected blogger in the UK, 80% of online daters know someone who found love on the internet (Koszegi)? Many people have a lot of positive things to say about online dating. For one thing, its fast, just log on and youve got 6 more matches! It is also a focused search; no more Im not looking for anything serious, after the third date. And the big one, rejection hurts

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less. I would rather be rejected through a screen rather than face to face, Im sure many people would agree. You've got an amazing story. When Fifa joined Match.com she wanted to finally find love and decided to give the internet gurus work their magic. She starts by describing filling out her profile as a bit of a challenge. She reveals truth when she says, You have to walk the delicate line of being honest and not being too honest (Fifa). Its a lot of pressure putting yourself out there, you have to find the perfect words to get people interested but make sure you dont disappoint in the end. Thats who I am- take it or leave it. But please take it. Right now Im optimistic enough about my prospects not to sugarcoat anything, but who knows? In a few weeks I might start lying my ass off just to get some sort of response (Fifa). Its hard to be you 100% of the time online, you want to be different, and you may just slip in that youre a foot taller or make just a little more than the other guys. For me, when I joined eHarmony, the questions were very pressuring. I didnt want to put that I was too impatient but I can be and Im really not bossy, unless I need to be; how do I express that? I feel like everyone has the same worries when it comes to this. Everyone wants to stand out but since we will eventually meet someone in person we need to stay as truthful as possible. Once Fifa got started she found that she had to do a lot of weeding out since she had 340 possible matches in the first 24 hours. I knocked the list down to about 180 candidates worthy of further investigation (Fifa). After a month of Match.com Fifa has still not had a date, shes had multiple email conversations and winks but nothing that she wanted to pursue. She blames herself for not approaching anyone and not giving them a chance so she went out on a limb and wrote to a guy and winked at 3 others. She began to talk to Mr. Energetic and found that there might be

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something there. Nice to know somebody actually gets me. Maybe theres potential with this guy (Fifa). Since joining eHarmony I have realized how anxious someone can feel about pursuing someone. Will they reply? Do they think my profile is datable? Is he really this great? Will we have the same chemistry in person? Another complication that worries me is finally meeting someone in person, will they look and act as awesome as their profile says? So much could go wrong! As the days went on they finally agree on a date to meet after the holidays. Fifa got ready in 10 minutes and wasnt too happy about having to drive a half an hour. She couldnt seem to get enough enthusiasm about the date as she wanted. After finally finding the bar they were meeting at, which was down an alley that couldve been easily missed, she met him. The date went completely awful. He never even considered asking her if she would like to order any dinner before telling the waitress that they would not being ordering anything other than drinks. Peoples lack of consideration for others is probably my biggest frustration and that right there pretty much did Mr. E in (Fifa). So the date went on, seeming to get worse as it continued, He had very unsettling conversational habits. A good conversation flows seamlessly from topic to topic. This did not (Fifa). After an hour, which seemed like at least 2, he didnt offer to pay for her $9 wine and they said there awkward bye. And thats the end of Mr. Energetic (who was sooo not energetic) (Fifa). So after all that, still no Prince Charming. She soon decided to try the bar scene again, Match.com obviously wasnt working for her (Fifa). And now you're in the home stretch Browsing through my matches on eHarmony gave me a bit of an enthusiastic feeling. All these matches? For me? Well, being an 18 year old college freshman I didnt want to be seen as a child so when I created my profile I put that I was 28. I know, now Im the liar on the dating

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sites! Since this was all just for research purposes I thought that it wouldnt hurt to add a few on a few years to be in the most popular age group to get the best results for my study. I also did not pursue anybody. First of all because I didnt want to lead someone on, and second because I was on the free trial and I couldnt see anyone pictures, and come on, that is a big part of connecting with someone. Other than that all these guys seem amazing, they all are most thankful for their family, friends and God and their friends describe them as optimistic, genuine, creative, and spontaneous. Do you think its possible for all of them to be clones? So, although I did not get to meet anyone I feel like exploring eHarmony did give me some insight to what the online dating world is really like and how it is presented. And I can see how someone could find love if they are lucky enough to weed out all the phonies. What I found in my search of online dating is that overall it is for some people and not for others. Its a life changing decision to join a site and shop for your next mate and theres always a chance it might end in happiness if fate is on your side. Once you enter the online dating world it seems like a fantasy, all those single people looking for love and winking at you, seeming so perfect and ready to get hitched. But you have to remember that they choose what they want to put on their profile. Their identities can get lost through all the little white lies they tell. People can recreate themselves online, they become whoever they want to be, a little taller, richer, younger. Once you meet someone you think you like online your expectations start to rise, most of the time they become a bit too high; he may seem like Channing Tatum online but dont be too surprised if you meet Goofy at the bar. What you see is not always what you get; people lie about themselves online all the time. One last thing you might want to remember about the online dating world is that all those happy couples you see on the eHarmony commercial are the exception; you are, mostly likely, the rule. To really sum what Ive learned

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about dating online in one sentence is that the problem is that its hard to trust through a screen and taking chances that might end in heartbreak make it even harder, dating online is great when you have the patience to get through all the liars to reach your happy ending.

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Work Cited McDonough, Katie. "Study: When It Comes to Online Dating, Everyones a Little Bit of a Catfish." Salon. Salon, 27 Feb. 2013. Web. 23 Apr. 2013. eHarmony. eHarmony. 22 Aug. 2000. Web. 04 Apr. 2013. Epstiein, Robert, Dr. "The Truth About Online Dating." Drrobertepstein. Scientific American Mind, Feb.-Mar. 2007. Web. 07 Apr. 2013. "Facts About Online Dating (Infographic)." Popjolly. N.p., 9 Sept. 2010. Web. 26 Mar. 2013. Felix, Ross. "What Was The First Online Dating Site?" Online Dating Insider. N.p., 7 June 2010. Web. 26 Mar. 2013. Fifa. "My Online Dating Experience." Web log post. My Online Dating Experience. N.p., 2 May 2006. Web. 07 Apr. 2013. Koszegi-Nagy, Zsofia. "108 Interesting Facts, Tips and Statistics about Online Dating and Relationships - Part I." HubPages. Google, 2012. Web. 07 Apr. 2013. "Online Dating Statistics." Statistic Brain RSS. Washington Post, 20 June 2012. Web. 07 Apr. 2013.