Running head: Perceptions on Relationships

First Year College Students Perceptions on Relationships Ama Agumeh Kristen Maddock Kaitlyn Patschke Alison Sotolongo Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey

Perceptions on Relationships Literature Review The transition from adolescence into early adulthood is a pivotal time for most individuals. A considerable difference experienced between adolescence and early adulthood is the change in the dynamic of romantic relationships (Furman & Winkles, 2011). Within the collegiate setting, the meaning making behind romantic relationships becomes more complex. A 2001 national study of college womens attitudes and behaviors showed that college students hook-up more often than go on traditional dates. The general shift from dating to hooking up has become the norm of sexual activity on most residential campuses in the United States (Bogle, 2008). One explanation offered by Arnold (2010) is that the realities of postponed adult commitments, time pressure, and ambiguous social values encourage no-strings sexual experimentation and shallow connection to sexual partners. A prospective study by Langmore, Manning, Giordano, and Rudolph (2004) also observes that young adults who are psychologically distressed tend to engage in hook-ups. Collins (2003) reveals that adolescent romance has been studied in the past years and researchers have indeed found convincing evidence about the existence of these relationships. Shulman & Scharf (2000) report that by the age of 16, about 60 percent of adolescents would have had a romantic relationship. Also, about 40 to 50 percent, at one point in time, report that they have a current romantic relationship. One may ask why college students engage in relationships. Connolly & Goldberg, and Furman & Wehner argue that the initiation of romantic relationships in adolescents (in this case college students) is propelled by the combination of a young persons emerging need for sexuality with a heightened need for intimacy and affiliation with non-familial others (as cited in Connolly & McIsaac, 2009, p. 1210). Another reason is

Perceptions on Relationships that the need for identity, intimacy and relationships come naturally with this age. Erikson theory of the developmental tasks of young adults and adolescents shows that at this age, young adults in college are preoccupied with issues of identity and intimacy hence their exploits in hook-ups and romantic relationships. Other developmental theories like Chickerings seven

vectors show why students engagement in relationships is important especially during their first year in college. Chickering and Reisser (1993) attempt to tie the vectors to student perceptions of their experiences during that age. According to the article, most students arrive in college without full mastery of these tasks hence, they hope to develop parts like the vector of developing mature adult relationship. We therefore perceive that as another reason for students engaging in relationships. Our qualitative research shows that despite the immense literature on adolescents and their relationships, the term romantic relationship has not been given a definitive explanation. This paper therefore seeks to determine how college students define the term. We find this study very important especially in higher education because of its many implications for student affairs professionals and their practice. Many cases of suicides and suicide attempts by students on college campuses, unhealthy relationships resulting in abuse, increased alcohol use, and a fair amount of cases related to student mental illnesses and sexually transmitted diseases have all been linked to failed romantic relationships. These have major repurcussions on the quality of life of students and academic performance. Our study would therefore help counselling centers and other advising units in higher education to address such challenges. It will also give programming boards an idea of the kinds of programs to organize for students. This paper seeks to address questions such as the following: What perceptions are held by

Perceptions on Relationships students on college relationships? What influences their relationships? What makes a relationship exclusive or romantic? How do students perceive or define healthy and unhealthy relationships? Several recurring themes such as student identity development, the shift to a hook-up culture, the subjective definition of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and the ever increasing first year college student population helps focus this study. This paper discusses the perceptions of romantic relationships among first year college students.

Methodology This study was espoused through a phenomenological approach. This methodology was appropriate because we wanted conceptualize the meaning making of events and interactions (Bogdan & Biklen, 2007), from the point of view of first-year college students, with respect to how they view romantic relationships. Method Participants The Graduate School of Education at Rutgers University helped recruit participants for this study. In order to participate, students needed to be traditional college-age first-year students (17 to 19 years old), identify as heterosexual, and currently be in a romantic relationship or have previously engaged in a romantic relationship. Of the three participants in our study, two were male and one was female. None of our participants were currently involved in a romantic relationship. Data Collection Strategies Interviews were the primary strategy for data collection because of their ability to produce rich data revealing the participants perspectives (Bogdan & Biklen, 2007). We created

Perceptions on Relationships an interview protocol that contained 22 open-ended questions. We devised these questions after researching previous literature about romantic relationships. The questions on the interview

protocol were structured to elicit responses from our participants that addressed their experiences or behaviors, opinions or values, feelings, factual knowledge, sensory experiences, and personal background (Esterberg, 2002). Two examples from our interview protocol were, What factors determine when you consider a relationship exclusive? and How has/have your romantic relationships changed since high school? (See Appendix A). Procedure Before the interviews began, the participants received the informed consent that stated the purpose of the study, the expected duration of the participants participation, and any potential risks that may be experienced by participating in the study (See Appendix B). All of the participants agreed to the informed consent and gave the researchers permission to audio record the interview. The duration of each interview about 12 minutes. All of the interviews were conducted in person with one lead interviewer and two note-taking interviewers. The interviewers followed a structured interview protocol to help guide the conversation. There were instances when we did not follow the protocol such as if the interviewer asked a probing question or the respondent wanted to elaborate in greater detail. After all of the questions on the interview protocol were complete, the lead interviewer asked the interviewee if they could recommend anyone that would be willing to speak with us about this topic. This is a technique of snowball sampling (Bogdan & Biklen, 2007). After each interview, the interviewers completed a Contact Summary Form (See Appendix C) and noted impressions, unique findings, and any critiques of the interview. The audio recordings of the interview were later transcribed and used during data analysis. Each

Perceptions on Relationships member of the research team individually reviewed the transcripts for themes and categories, such as words, phrases, patterns of behavior, and subjects ways of thinking (Bogdan & Biklen, 2007). After we each individually coded the transcription, we came together to discuss the

similar thematic findings. We coded the interview was into two different categories: event codes and relationship and social structure codes. Data Analysis After data collection, we did our best to put the data in an order that made it easy to read through and look for patterns. From there we carefully read through our data, undisturbed, two times. While doing this we looked for patterns and were able to find some potential coding categories. While it was difficult to come up with concrete codes, because we only conducted three interviews, we were able to find a few that we felt were appropriate based on the interviews. One of the first codes we identified was perspectives held by the subjects on college relationships. Within this code we stated three sub-codes which were hook-up culture, casual relationships, and focus on sexual relationships. The second code we identified was perspectives held by subjects on what influences their relationships. Within this code we also identified three sub-codes. These sub-codes were; wanting their friends to like who they are with, having approval from family, and their parents relationships affecting their relationship. Another code we identified was perspectives held by subjects on what makes a relationship exclusive. Within this code the sub-codes we found were; spending a lot of time together, not seeing other people, and having the official talk. The fourth code we identified was subjects way of knowing about unhealthy relationships. We found the sub-codes for this to be; people in relationship are not equal, any type of abuse, infidelity, and not in love. The final code we identified was

Perceptions on Relationships subjects way of thinking about healthy relationships. The sub-codes we found were; both people in relationship are equals, help each other grow, support one another, and love one another. With these codes we were able to analyze the data and come up with concrete themes from our interviews. Findings and Interpretations From the three interviews conducted, and once data was coded, we were able to consolidate the five sets of codes into three main themes. These themes focus around first-year students perceptions on romantic relationships Influences on relationships, defining healthy and unhealthy relationships, and the perceived hook-up culture. Influences on Relationships While being interviewed the participants were asked what they felt influenced their relationships. One thing that was brought up at least once by all of the participants was the idea that they wanted their friends and family to like whom they were dating. An example of this theme coming into play is when we asked Brittany what influences her relationships. She responded by saying: Yeah, definitely my friends and family. So my friends, I want them to like whomever I am with. I want them to approve of that person because theyre going to be spending time with them too if I start dating them. And my family, I just feel like I wouldnt choose a person to date it I didnt think that my family would like them. So that is a huge factor weighing in on it.

Along with friends and families perceptions being important, another influence we found was the influence participants parents relationship has on their view on relationships. Two of our participants stated that they absolutely felt that their parents relationship had influenced how

Perceptions on Relationships they view relationships and the third say that his parents relationship did not influence him

consciously, but it was safe to assume there was some impact. An example of this being brought up is when we asked Huber if his parents separating had an affect on how he viewed relationships. He responded by saying: Absolutely! It makes me more scared to take the plunge and to actually be in a committed relationship because so far the one relationship in my life that Ive had to base, I guess romantic relationships on has fallen apart. I feel like I run the risk of falling under the same pattern as my parents. It was clear to us that all of these factors greatly influenced the participants views on relationships. It was evident that the participants feelings towards someone they might be interested in dating, was not the only thing that mattered. As student affairs professionals it is important for us to realize these influences so we can better understand where students are coming from. By being informed and knowledgeable about what might influence students perceptions on relationships, we can better work with them and advise them when needed. Defining Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships The participants were asked directly how they defined and perceived both health and unhealthy relationships. However, throughout their responses to other questions, they continually pointed out characteristics or experiences that were a part of either a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Among the three participants, there was a consensus about what these two terms mean to them as college students who had previously engaged in romantic relationships. The participants defined a healthy relationship as one where there is an equal status among partners, and there is an emphasis on positive growth and encouragement. In a healthy relationship, the feelings and emotions are perceived to be at a mutual level, and there is a genuine care for the

Perceptions on Relationships other. Brittany summed up her sentiments on both what a healthy and an unhealthy relationship look like to her: A healthy romantic relationship is one where both people are equal. They can share ideas and opinions. They can speak to each other without being afraid of judgment An unhealthy relationship is one where the benefits are not equal. Like someone is getting way more out of the relationship than the other person. Maybe there is some type of violence or abuse While Brittany echoed the overarching values shared by the three participants regarding healthy relationships, she began to show us what an unhealthy relationship looked like. The participants stated that an unhealthy relationship lacks equality and mutual benefit and emotion. The participants also mentioned different forms of abuse, either explicitly, such as Brittany, or implicitly. In an unhealthy relationship, there can be emotional distraught, resentment and hurt that could lead to an unfavorable and harmful experience.

From these three participants experiences and perspectives, it is evident that they entered the collegiate setting with a strong sense of what is a healthy and unhealthy relationship. For student affairs professionals, it is important to know what knowledge students are entering colleges with, and what we need to do to support or reconstruct that knowledge. Because the students are seemingly educated in these concepts, student affairs professionals must educate students on how to identify these while in a relationship, or to be able to assist a peer when facing these issues. Perceived Hook-Up Culture The final major theme we identified during the interviews was the idea of a hook-up culture on college campuses. This concept was not something we directly asked the participants

Perceptions on Relationships but all of them touched on this idea throughout their interviews. There was an overarching theme present that participants felt that most relationships during college were casual and noncommittal. They talked about this being the norm on campuses and made it seem like a very generally accepted idea. This theme was highlighted when we asked Brittany her view on the

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norm of college student relationships. She responded by saying, I see a lot of my friends dating, but the norm right now is just kind of a hookup culture and nonexclusive relationships, sexual relationships. This idea was also highlighted when we asked Anakin how he felt about exclusivity in relationships in the college setting. He responded by saying, Well, something like a hook up culture. I think my perspective is positive, when its casual dating because there are no rules obviously for just hanging out with friends who happen to be females or males. This overarching theme was one of our major findings because it highlighted how the participants viewed college relationships as a whole. It was clear that all of them had perceptions on what they felt the norm was, whether it was actually true or not. As student affairs professionals it is extremely important for us to understand this perception held by students. By better understanding what they believe, we can help dispel any misconceptions they have as well as better understand where they are coming from when they need our assistance. Researcher Reflections, Revisions, and Future Timeline Upon entering the pilot study for our proposal, we started with the broad category of romantic relationships in college. From there, we were able to focus our research question down to firstyear students perceptions of romantic relationships in college. By still maintaining a broad question, we were able to collect an array of data that helped us focus in on the main themes as evidenced by the participant interviews. In our pilot study, we encountered a few limitations. We were only able to interview three participants, which limited our data, and did not provide a

Perceptions on Relationships broad enough picture to be generalizable. Each interview lasted around 12 minutes, which did not allow for the participant to expand upon their answers, as well as hindered the interviewer from asking all of the questions they had. This time constraint also made it difficult to create a

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relationship with the participant to obtain deeper information. Furthermore, all of the interviews were back to back, which did not allow the interviewer to process the data collect or to alter the questions to fit the themes that were emerging from the previous interviews. Revisions There are a few revisions that we would make for the full-scale study, based on our experiences and data from the pilot study. First off, we would allot at least an hour for each interview, as to ensure that the participant does not feel rushed, and that the researchers can collect all necessary data. This also allows for the participants to become more comfortable with the interviewer, and provide deeper, more insightful answers to the questions asked. The interviews would not be conducted immediately back to back, to allow the interviewer to review the data collected, and alter questions, if needed, to address the themes that are beginning to become present within the collected data. We would also interview more students of both genders, so that we could have ample data to utilize, and so that we could gain a broader, more all-encompassing picture of what current first-year heterosexual students perceptions are on relationships. As for the interview questions themselves, we would put more emphasis on asking the participants about their perceptions of romantic relationships in college that they had before arriving to the collegiate setting. This would allow us to see what they expected from the collegiate atmosphere in terms of relationships, and follow up with their actual experiences. We would also ask the participants about their demographic and background information, such as race/ethnicity and family size. By asking these questions, assumptions can be eliminated, and it

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offers the opportunity to gain more of an understanding of who the participant is. These factors may also influence their perceptions of relationships, and could also be used for comparison data. Finally, we would alter our interview style to become more conversational rather than sequential. As stated previously, because of the time limit and the need to collect data, the interview questions followed a more sequential pattern, rather than following a conversational flow. This would provide us with more quality data, through appropriate follow up questions, as well as create a more comfortable experience for both parties (Bogdan & Biklen, 2007) Follow-Up Study For the full-scale follow-up study, we will interview each participant twice throughout their first-year enrolled in college. We will first interview students in September of 2013, during the first month of attending college. This will provide us with their perceptions about romantic relationships coming in to college, without them having significant experience with the subject thus far. In the months following, we will transcribe and code the data from the first set of interviews, as well as alter some of the questions to be more reflective of the students responses, and to address changes that could have occurred throughout the year. We would then reinterview the same set of students in April 2014 their second semester to see how their perceptions have been maintained or changed, and what had influenced these changes in thought process. By taking a longitudinal approach, we can assess what perceptions our students are entering college with, as well as what experiences they have to reinforce or alter these perceptions.

Perceptions on Relationships References

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Arnold, K. (2010, November ). College student development and the hook-up culture. Journal of college and character, 11(4), 1-10. doi:10.2202/1940-1639.1736 Bogle, K. (2008). Hooking up: Sex, dating and relationships on campus. New York: New York University Press. Chickering, A., & Reisser, L. (1993). The seven vectors: An overview. In Education and identity (pp. 43-53). San Francisco: Jossey Bass. Collins, W. (2003). More than myth: The developmental significance of romantic relationships during adolescence. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 13, 1-24. Connolly, J., & McIsaac, C. (2009). Adolescents' explanation for romantic dissolutions: A developmental perspective. Journal of Adolescence, 32, 1209-1223. Connolly, J., Craig, W., & Goldberg, A. (1999). Conceptions of cross-sex friendships and romantic relationships in early adolescence. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 28, 481493. Esterberg, K. (2002). Qualitative methods in social research. Boston, MA: McGraw Hill. Furman, W., & Wehner, E. (1994). Romantic views: towards a theory of adolescent romantic relationships. In R. Montemayor, & G. Adams (Eds.), Personal relationships during adolescence (pp. 168-195). CA: Sage. Furman, W., & Winkles, J. K. (2011). Transformations in heterosexual romantic relationships across the transition into adulthood: "Meet Me at the Bleachers. I Mean the Bar". In W.A. Collins & B. Lauresen (Eds.), Relationship pathways from adolescence to young

Perceptions on Relationships adulthood (191-209). CA: Sage. Langmore, M., Manning, W., Giordano, P., & Rudolph, J. (2004). Self-esteem, depressive symptoms, and adolescents' sexual onset. Social Psychology Quarterly, 67, 279-295.

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Owen, J., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Effects of gender and psychosocial factors on friends with benefits relationships among young adults. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 40, 311-320.

Shulman, S., & Scharf, M. (2000). Adolescent romantic behaviors and perceptions: Age-related differences and links with family and peer relationships. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 10, 99-118.

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Appendix A: Interview Protocol The Perception of Romantic Relationships Among First-Year College Students 1. Define what a romantic relationship means to you. 2. What is your personal purpose in engaging in a romantic relationship? 3. How do you decide who you want to be in a romantic relationship with? 4. What do you view as a healthy romantic relationship? 5. What do you view as an unhealthy romantic relationship? 6. Can you please describe your past romantic relationships? Potential follow-up: How long were you romantically involved? Potential follow-up: How many romantic relationships have you been in? 7. Are you currently in a relationship that you continued from high school? Potential follow-up: If so, how long have you been in the relationship? Potential follow-up: Does your partner attend the same institution as you? 8. What were your romantic relationships like in high school? Potential probe: Take me through the experience. 9. How has/have your romantic relationship(s) changed since high school? 10. What is your parents current relationship like? 11. What was their relationship like growing up? 12. In what environments do you meet people who you could potentially have a romantic relationship with? 13. Who or what has an influence on your romantic relationships? 14. How do you view the romantic relationships of your friends? 15. What needs are fulfilled in a romantic relationship? What do you look to get out of it?

Perceptions on Relationships 16. What are your reasons for leaving a romantic relationship? Potential probe: What were you thinking at the time? 17. At what point would you consider a relationship romantic? Potential probe: Would you explain that? 18. What factors determine when you consider a relationship exclusive? 19. What are your views on exclusivity in relationships in the collegiate setting? 20. What do you view as the norm for college relationships? Potential probe: Can you provide an example? 21. Do you think your views on romantic relationships will/could change? 22. What reasons would you have to not engage in a romantic relationship?

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Thank you for participating in this interview. From speaking with you, I have gained a valuable sense of how you perceive relationships in college. Is there anyone that you would recommend and that would be willing to speak with us about this topic? Again, we truly appreciate your time and insight.

Perceptions on Relationships Appendix B: Informed Consent The Perception of Romantic Relationships Among First-Year College Students You are invited to participate in a research study that is being conducted by Alison Sotolongo, Katie Patschke, Ama Agumeh, and Kristen Maddock, who are all graduate students in the College Student Affairs, Ed. M. program at Rutgers University. The purpose of this research study is to determine how college students perceive romantic relationships in college.

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Interviews will be conducted on November 12, 2012. First-year Rutgers University students will participate in this study, and each individuals participation will last approximately 15 minutes. The study procedure includes participating in an interview. The interview will ask you questions about your romantic relationship history, what influences your romantic relationships, and your overall views on romantic relationships. This interview may be recorded to ensure we get all of the information but the recording will only be played for people who absolutely need to see it to analyze the results. Each subject will be asked the same questions. Your name will only appear on a list of subjects and will not be linked to your interview. There will be no way to link your responses back to you. Therefore, data collection is anonymous. There are no foreseeable risks to participation in this questionnaire. However, you may benefit from participating by gaining insight into your own personal experiences with romantic relationships. You will not receive compensation for your participation in this study. Participation in this study is voluntary. You may choose not to participate, and you may withdraw at any time during the procedure of the study without any penalty to you. In addition, you may choose not to answer any questions with which you are not comfortable. This research is anonymous. Anonymous means that we will record no information about you that could identify you. This means that we will not record your name, address, phone number, date of birth, etc. If you have any questions about the study procedures, you may contact Kristen Maddock at (248) 421-4388. If you have any questions about your rights as a research subject, you may contact the Sponsored Programs Administrator at Rutgers University at: Rutgers University Institutional Review Board for the Protection of Human Subjects Office of Research and Sponsored Programs 3 Rutgers Plaza New Brunswick, NJ 08901-8559 Tel: 848 932 4058 Email: humansubjects@orsp.rutgers.edu You will be given a copy of this consent form for your records. Sign below if you agree to participate in this research study:

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Subject ______________________________________ Date ______________________ Principal Investigator ___________________________ Date ______________________

Perceptions on Relationships Appendix C: Contact Summary Forms Contact Summary Form Contact type: In person Site: Classroom at Rutgers University, GSE Completed by: Alison Sotolongo Contact date: November 19, 2012 Todays date: November 19, 2012 Pseudonym or Code: Brittany

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1. What were the main issues or themes that struck you in this contact? A clear understanding of health and unhealthy relationships Importance of family and friends on selecting a romantic partner Traditional ideals for engaging in a romantic relationship (e.g. The male must ask the female to be his girlfriend) 2. Summarize the information you got (or failed to get) on the target questions you had for this contact. Meaning of romantic relationships - Commitment, intimacy, two people, sexual relationship, feeling genuinely cared about, companion Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships - Healthy: both people are equal, no judgment, no emotional or physical violence of any kind - Unhealthy: benefits are not equal, violence or abuse, someone is more engaged than the other person High school experiences - Flings, one serious boyfriend, abusive, unhealthy relationship, controlling Family history/experiences - Parents are a great model of a healthy relationship, influence her decision in picking a partner Friends and other influences - Want friends approval of potential romantic partner, has a good perception of her friends relationships Exclusivity - Considers a romantic relationship exclusive - College is a hook-up culture

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3. Anything else that struck you as salient, interesting, illuminating, or important in this contact? She provided a lot of detailed information about her past relationship She provided a lot of positive responses about what she wants out of a romantic relationship, despite having been in an abusive relationship She prefers a lot of traditional ideals for engaging in a romantic relationship, despite being in an environment that she described as a hook-up culture 4. What new (or remaining) target questions do you have in considering the next contact with this site/individual? How has being in an abusive relationship changed your views on romantic relationships? At what point did you notice that your relationship was becoming abusive? Did you seek help of any kind during the relationship or after you ended the relationship?

Perceptions on Relationships Contact Summary Form Contact type: In person Site: Classroom at Rutgers University, GSE Completed by: Kristen Maddock Contact date: November 19, 2012 Todays date: November 19, 2012 Pseudonym or Code: Huber

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1. What were the main issues or themes that struck you in this contact? He was not looking for a romantic relationship He had strong opinions on what healthy and unhealthy relationships are His parents relationship is had a big influence on his personal relationships 2. Summarize the information you got (or failed to get) on the target questions you had for this contact. Meaning of romantic relationships --boyfriend/girlfriend status, legitimate, not just sexual Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships --Healthy: Function as a team, equals --Unhealthy: When one party has an upper hand High school experiences --One serious girlfriend for about 8 months but they did not last because it was not going anywhere Family history/experiences --Parents separated --He feels this separation affects his feelings on romantic relationships negatively Friends and other influences --Friends do not play a huge impact on who he dates, but still a factor Exclusivity -- Have to have the official talk 3. Anything else that struck you as salient, interesting, illuminating, or important in this contact? He had a lot of information on what he thinks makes a relationship exclusive He seemed to have a lot of thoughts on how his parents separation affects his

Perceptions on Relationships relationships and views on relationships 4. What new (or remaining) target questions do you have in considering the next contact with this site/individual? More information on how his parents relationship influenced him Why does he feel that relationships in college are casual?

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Perceptions on Relationships Appendix D: Interview Transcription Interview with Brittany Date: November 19, 2012

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(Brittany was recruited by the Graduate School of Education to participate in our interview. She is a first-year student at Rutgers University and has previously engaged in a serious romantic relationship. She seemed excited to participate in our interview.) I: Define what a romantic relationship means to you. B: What a romantic relationship means? I think it means two people committed to each other, not straying, as in not seeing other people. It probably involves a sexual relationship of some kind. And it is very intimate. I: What would be your personal purpose for engaging in a romantic relationship? B: I think learning from the other person and just feeling genuinely cared about and being able to care about someone else besides myself. I: Okay. B: Having a companion. I: So how do you decide who you want to be in a romantic relationship with? B: It has to do a lot with their personality, so if I feel like they have an attractive personality I will try to get to know them more. I would need to see if we are a good match. If we are not, were not. But you know, attractiveness is good too, but its not a deal breaker. I: What do you view as a healthy romantic relationship? And what do you view as an unhealthy one? B: A healthy one romantic relationship where both people are equal. They can share their ideas and opinions. They can speak to each other without being afraid of judgment. There is no emotional or physical violence of any kind. An unhealthy relationship is one where the benefits are not equal. Like someone is either getting way more out of the relationship than the other person. Maybe there is some type of violence of abuse. Someone is way more engaged than the other person and its just all around unhealthy. I: So can you describe some of your past romantic relationships? B: Oh yeah, sure. I would say they began around sixth grade with those weeklong flings. But those were not sexual in nature of any kind. I didnt even know what I was doing. But once I grew up and went to high school I started dating a boy in ninth grade and he is still a boy. I

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started dating him in ninth grade. We dated until I started college, last semester, or a couple months ago. We clicked right away. He was on the football team and I was a cheerleader and it was really just a match made in heaven. And then all of a sudden he started to get very defensive and like protective. Protective is a good word. Very protective. And he would start to harass me over the phone. And tell me that I cant see other guys, even if they are my friends. He would be really jealous if I was hanging out with my male cousins. Like it got really awkward and instead of going to college he actually joined the military. But before he left our relationship became very abusive and he would hit me sometimes. And I definitely know that was not a healthy relationship. I know now, I didnt know at the time. I: So at what point did you end this relationship? B: Before I came to college, I knew he was leaving for the military so that was a big reason for me to, well, it was a very mutual break up because we both just werent happy and werent good for each other. And the point that I knew was when he started to hit me. Then I knew that I could not stay in this relationship. I: Was that the last relationship you have had? B: Yes. I: So, what is your parents current relationship like and what was it like growing up? B: Growing up there was like a little strain because they didnt have a lot of money. But they never really fight, they would argue and stuff, but they never fought. Now they are just happy as can be and they are great. I love them. They model such a great relationship for me. I: So in what type of environments do you meet someone that you could have a potential romantic relationship with? B: Thats a good question. So far I think, well I dont really party so the way that I kind of meet people, and obviously I havent dated anyone yet, but I meet people in my classes, in my student organizations, outside of class and in my dorm to because that is where I spend most of my time. I: Okay, so who or what has an influence on your romantic relationships, if anything? B: Yeah, definitely my friends and my family. So my friends, I want them to like whoever I am with. I want them to approve of that person because theyre going to be spending time with them too if I start dating them. And my family, I just feel like I wouldnt choose a person to date if I didnt think that my family would like them. So that is a huge factor weighing in on it. I: Based off your response of friends, how do you view the romantic relationships of your friends currently? B: Are currently in?

Perceptions on Relationships I: Or have been.

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B: I think that I can tell. I can see more of their relationship from far away than they can. So sometimes I know when it is unhealthy. I can tell if it is healthy or unhealthy. I think that was a big factor when I was with my ex-boyfriend where my friends could tell and I wouldnt listen to them because I was happy or I thought I was happy. So, its just when I see the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship I try to talk to them because I have been there so I know how you dont always listen to your friends. I: So what would your reasons be for leaving a romantic relationship? B: Definitely abuse. That is never good. Just like general unhappiness like if you dont see the relationship ever improving or making you happy then there is no reason to be in the relationship. That and like shared values. If someone doesnt share your values, like if you are a really hard worker and they are just lazy its never going to work. I: So at what point would you consider a relationship romantic? B: Oh, romantic. I think that I am very traditional in the fact that its not a relationship until the man asks the woman to be in a relationship, like actually starting a relationship with that person. So asking you out, so will you be my girlfriend. That is when it is a relationship. I: So would you say that is considering a relationship exclusive? B: Yes, that is. I: Okay, so what do you view as the norms for college students? B: I see a lot of my friends dating, but I think the norm right now is just kind of a hookup culture and nonexclusive relationships, sexual relationships. I: Do you think that your views of romantic relationships now will change over the course of your college career? B: I think so, I think that once I get to know or be a senior, I will just know, I think I will view my relationships in a more futuristic sense, like this could be the person that I might be marrying. And I think it will change with my peers too. I will start to see more of my friends dating for the long term instead of just causally hooking up. I: And what reasons do you have to not engage in a romantic relationship? B: If he is dirty. [laughs] I: [laughs] B: Dirty in two senses. Like if he smells, like he is just generally dirty, I would not be in a

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relationship with him. If I know that he has a very long sexual history. That is a huge turn off for me. If I am about to leave for a study abroad or if I know it is going to be long distance then I probably wont. But yeah, that is pretty much it. I: Okay, well thank you for participating in this interview. B: Thank you. That was fun. I: Is there anyone that you would recommend and that would be willing to speak with us about this topic? B: Yeah, definitely. I think my friend Christina would be a good person to talk to. She lives in my residence hall. I can give you her e-mail. I: Okay, great. Thank you. I gained a valuable sense about how you perceive relationships I college. B: Youre welcome. It was a lot of fun. Im excited to hear about what you find.