Cruprrn 1

Emotions: The FUII-System Response

Whatarc emotions? Are thet thoughts? Are thevfcelings? Are thcy thepoundrnglll yollr chestwhen you fall in love?Emotions are a full_s),ste,m respons" ..n*pii.ing all of thesc factors and experiences, arrdtheyinclucie bodjly-eE!!!tio"s, tig !p-in, ind your thoughts. 'rhe *'ord rrroiio, itselfcomes from the Lrfin erno|ere, and means io moveout, agLrate, or exciie. This is whereour Iinglishtvord ,,motion,, comes Irom, and of corrrse \ ou cnnsee the connection '''ith thc word ,'flnoiion. !\rhi:ne,'rotions getstirrerlup, iheytring about movement or acti(D. Emoiions nrcofteFlhDrght of.s -.tncth. feeli.gor sc.iinre.t, but.ts r i " r r r r l l c o m , l . \ c e .t l t e r ' r p ,rrLrc nh r c r ., r c , , n r f . t .t.E t. Havevouevernoticed thatwhenyou,te youhaveccrtain eDroiional thoughts nssoci_ . ntedwith eachcmotion? lf vou,reangry,for erarrple. you niglrt think tilirrvou nare you might hirvethoughts someone/ or that yorl hatea situation. suchas, ,,This is so "l'm "They unfair," in cl;ingcr," ha'e it in for rnc.,, ln a laterchaptcr rvewill lookat holv thorlghts-including intcrpretations, judgmcnts, andbeiiefs-har:e iheponer. lo influence the emotions thatyou leeland ihc inkrnsiiv of those cmoti(Ds. ln addition io thor.rghts, you experiencc you mrllnr phvsical urgcs or agitation. l{nnt . to hit somelhing, brrv something, rtln atvav, or kisssontcone. I.hat,s because thefe,s il ph\.sioloeical comf(metrt to e lotion.FIere arel$,oothcreramples of thisphysiological col11Ponent. Crvingis a physiological actjvitv associited rnosihl rvithsaclncss anrlgrief,

10

Don t Ltt Yo r En.jtians Rull Yaur LiJt

but .lso with happiness, ns in "tears of joy." And in lhe crseof anxicty ylrrrnraynolicc that you havebutterfiics in vour stomach, u'henyou have!o speakin iront of a cspecially crowd, take an exam,c{eal with your boss,or ask someone out on a date. When your emotions light up, so doesyour whole body. A &iqlo.Ec'1/ corrrplrrr has bcenactivatcd. You may takeoff iutu-,ing whcn you'rescart'd, hrrgsomeone rvhenyoLr're when you feel lor,e,and so on. 1lre biological happy, get aroused compiexrefersto the 'rf.r lrrggeremotions theycome factthatwhenyou expcriencc alivein thccomplctcncss jng cvent,neurochemicnl activityin thebrain,physiological actionof thc n.,rvous systcnt, thoughts, respiratoryand circulatorysystems, and overt actions. So emotionis thoughtand feelingal1ddisposition to act.Thereis no emotionwithout thoutht, and no thouShtwithout emotion.And lr'heie there is emotion there is.n readiress fol action.Emotionis a complex and integrated s)stem,a ['holc, a gestalt. Ench rvhole is part of the mutually interdependent and the partscooPeritc with oneanothcr Thinkingper se is part of feeling,and feelingper se is part of thinking. synergistically. Informationprocessed coFitively affects emotional statcs, and plin1aryautomaiicemotionalresponses affectcognition, or thinkingprocesses. And within this k)tal matrix is the activityof overallbrain and bodv physiological aciivity.Tlrai'swhy in this u'orkbookthe skills vou will learn targetthinking (cognition), emotion(affect), anciothcr fcclingsand urges(physiological rrrges and activity).

and Unobservables Observables

(1991) Emotionresear.her and theorist Arnold Lazanrs describes t$'o catesorics rcl,rtecl to human emotionalexpefiences, which he cails ofsc['alles alrc]arro&serrr4l,/rs. L)bservables canbe seen bv pcopiearoundyou. Theyare t!_orfrt evidcnce that yoll arc expencncnlg emotion. Hereare Lazams's four classes of fbservables:r
L

Actions . Attack

o Avoidance . . Facialcxpressions Posture

Physiological reactions o Autonomicner\-or1s svstem r . . Neurological rcactions and actility Cjeneral brainactivity liomlonal sccretions ("1 hateyou" or "l lovevotl') Actualcontent Tone of r.oice(soft,tense, sarcastic, raiseC)

3. What people say . .

ll,,rrtiflrsrlr. Il,l/ S!,sto,? Ii.s|o,rs.

11

Telling others what you feei (sad, happy, nntry)

e v c n l sa n d ( o n l e r l s l. Lnvironmenlll . . . Socialcontext(dinner,medicalrppointment,fornralor inforrnal) Cultural (racial,qender, and locarc:eftinqs) Ph)'sjcal el'ents (war, chtuch ser.rce, iornaLlo,i'ic )
\_-+.__:

ljere arc Lazams' five classes,,f i;;;;;i;E,\ 1. Action tendencies . . . . t o r u n . r l r t ( 1 .r . r l l i . r l , , r : . U . : l.t . r r tr e l 0 Urte- and impul-(,l 5 A senseof readiness(psyched ior the big gamc) N{af or lnay not be a.lcd on i\,lal- or mav not be recognizcdbt vou rvhen iou crPericnce thenr-

2. Subiecfiveemotionalexpe ences . W h J l ) o u o r I t , e l t h a tn ' , , ' n ' , 1 . { r -. J\\.rf,,rl

J. ler.on-environmentrel.llionchips . . . . Motives and beliefs of .rn indiviciuai per-.on Demandsof the en,.ironment (lr,ork,schooi, religiorrs cornrnunify, famihJ F n r i r . n m c n r n .l . r f p ^ r l . r e \ n r r r c e,s r n Jc , r , : t r r i n l \ How an indivirlual's motivesand bclicfsinteract rlith thc drntandsoi. giverl environment

4" Coping process o . ilorv you cope wilh sfresses lvhat l-ou use to cope lvith slross

5. Appraisal processes . . . Expect,rncy of self and environment in rcl.lion to onc another and rssessments of well being Judgmcnts Interptetations and philosophies abouihoiv thingsare working,a tl hor.v they rvork should

The obsen'abiesare casierto spot becarL-se they're overt nnd ob\,rousb vorr ,rnd othyou nraynot bc arvare ers.Btrtif you're a higlily reactive person, of ihese observablcs anri yorlr ho$'they afiect relatonshipsto oiher peopleat home,ir school, or al u,ork_ Also, the nore subtle observablcs, such as postureand facialexpressionT ntiv 1ellulrr ntorf (tellingsomeonc,'Drop deadl")or what loLr .lo (tilrorvir atterltionthan \vhat 1ou -sny plate on the floor).

12

Dotl't Let Yolr EtttotiatsR tl'{otLr Lit'e

that affect)'our emoincludeeventsin your environment {actors Someobsen'ab1e relaiedto rt'ducingyorrr lvhen$'e 8ct to ti'tccxelcises thesefactors tions.We'll consider k) the relationship Lrfthe environmentto yotll and buikiing awareness vulnerabilities emotions. and brain activjty as observable Lazarusincludesthings like hormonesecretions themwith the riShi instlumentsWe'il touch and measure canobsetve scientists bccause br.rtthis bookwon't haveyorr monitoron the role theyplay in the iife of vour emotions, activity or serotoninor your brain'selectrochemical of endofphjns ing the secretjon he,lpbuild that sPecifically someexerciscs I will su8Sest As for the trnobservables, as they're often off our personalradarscrecn Theseinclllde being of these, arvareness rrindful to )our actionleidenciesor urges,kno*'ing what you have nn urgc to do, and yorr whetheror not yotl lvill acton the urge Remember, increasing -yourpowcr tc decide that no one can see,and there are times when it's have your orvn internal expetience importanttg let oihels$ol! \ow_t$ ry.!]3lX9!'{:lelliils. It canbe toughto do this.oth"8et" the effecttheiractions 10aflectyou in haveoir you But if theycontinue ersnay not lvay and,vounevertell them,hurt canbuild rip and might end in your telling a negafive thernoff and hrlrting the relationshiP knorv or bclicfsarc,lve rarelytrr.rly ]ust asoihersdon't tnrly kno$'what our motives theirs. Also m)'stcriousis the n'ay in u'hich your and others' motives interact lvith ctc.) and (.ommunitY religious, molai,economic' standnrds, of theenvironment demands faclorssen'eas to bolstcrot stlessyou ,rnd othcrs.Finally,there whethcrenvironmental .rnd the way rve choseto deal lvith problemsand are coping and appraisal Processes, alsohave to do lvilh how and oihers. These demandsand what rvc cxpectoI ourselves, actionsand situations. we judge and interpretPeoPie's in manyrc-qPects. But don't let this comarequitecomplex emotions As,voucansee, at a time.'fakctime out io takethisrvorkbook onechaPter vou.JLrst plexitvovenvhelm lvilh frjcnds,familv, clergy, Discuss ihe material Reread a fervchapters. do the exercises. ot a theraPrst.

The Fusionof Emotionsand Thoughts

from one anotht'ror are they really jirst the sarne Are emotionsand thoughtsseparate thing? For the purposeof this rvotkbook,I think it's importantto note that there is a and ihouthts, bctween emotions or what mental health professionals strongconnection call cotriirrTrs. !\'c carl say that rcsponsc, Sincelve've bccn talkingaboutemotionas a full-system of parts,or rs evcna part oi the *hole of a pelson. You'reprobrblv consists emotion to speakint of your cnotions as being ciifferentthan yorrr thoughts.But accustomcd y'rscd. tho',rght arc more accr.lrately of as being lVe talk aboutthem thinking and elJrotion rnderstand from another in order to better their roles as fespcctire partsof asdistinct one Laterin the book,you rvill learnand practice the whole systerlr. skilis rclatftl specifical11' to your thoughts. and crnotion arL'rea]l1' The reason I menfionthatthought ftisecl is that whenyou your it canbehardto tcll if thoughts lcaursome of theskillsin thisbook, come before or proposition, not a vesorno lrr:carrst That's tl1oughts sometime come after cmotions.

i.Ilotions:Thr fr/lslsh',

R.n,drsr

13

lvith emotions, and.lfter emotiurs.Thoughtsdo influence your emobeforeemotions, youl thouthts. tions and emotionalstatesinfluence

"RagingSteve":A Tale of Driving

thatilhrsuat{rs theintelplay bchvccn cmoiion, nction, and ihe environllfre's a saenaio horva prilnlry rmotioncarlsparh; secondarv one.iWe'll i'ovcrpri ml:nt,and shorvs in chaptea cmotjons 3.) narv anrl secondary &'hile dri,ing th:rt ho." ttoln,,r,c,rk oneaftemoon, Steve gctscut off l.et'ssuppose lvhicirtiiggers At firsthe fcels somcan\iety, an appropriate bv.rnother drir,cr. rcactjonl Stevestartsthinking,"What a kr steerclearof the other car. llilt withrn a iew seconcis, jerklThat grrvdid that on pr.rrposel" and "No onc shoulddrive iike thatl" llis anxir:I1' begcis and prcttysoonSteve aggression, is chasing thc othcr gilesuay to anter,anger .rcophas cardolvn thehjghlrayat 70 mph.But theothcrLlrilcr gctsar{ny.lVhv?llecarrse and is charging hinr 1vilh several violations, inclirding ovcr speeding. failing pullcdSteve k) -\rgnnl, etc. f(]ar,but then his tlrinkjnt gcts the In tile abovcsk)ry,Stcvcrightfullv cxpcricnccs he is locked ontohisassumptions th.rt fiis nlan$,as better of him once out io gethim speand that tl'tis kincl of drrving s/totild ttcicr happen. llis ihoughts .ificaliy. colnpounded his nnd krld h1mhe necdcdkr shon ihat jcrk a thing or h{o aboutgood clrir'ing. cmotiol]s, wasrcinforced by angrv bchaviors, likeaggressir,e His anger rlr'iving. N..ot noticinE ,lnvof and impulsrveiy chaserd afterlhe otherdriver.You canseeihat it ln,rs thrs,he murdlessly ihat to prompt thinking continued andnla1ntain, nndcvcnintensif\', Sier,c's hls.rntcr. rsrightor rvrong for gctting rngrv isn'titnportant. Whethcr Steve Whatmatiers here nt ihe olherperson's unsafe driving1ed him to become is that1is inclitnation an unsafc anci resulted in a spL,L'ding tickct. In ihc en11, driverhimsclf, his thinkrng lcd to incffccti\.e that madcthc situaii(nl $'orsc. bchaviors lVe ali havethoughtsthat fire lvith emotions._lf thcv comenfter a llrnnrrr)'emotion, ploducea mort:compli!!tc{ lcarnerl--:qgl"!].il}li.!l,q_t1al4l thrv thenma_y rc,spurrsc, like ',r'hether helpit. Ilvalllations aborlt our ivell-being, for srrrr,ival can't or social standing, do rcsponscs arrdaffcct factor inio our emoiional our connection with otherinriivicluals anrl Thcre are times rvhen rnighi rerct our communities. vou ilith a-]utlgmei.t uniiG.p,Jii) tjon abouia sihratiollthat rvill triggeremotionor intensilvemotionlI:r,!blt nfrilcijalr.rii..
Yorl c,l1lld saythat Steve's fr.rll ststemwas firing on nnecran(l fantplngulr kr raEe.

io .,"rfiaielespecialll' r* ""iiii"iil ,,, .nihi. topeq. Tanil.,IiL;;i f," a siight we

The Tides of Emotion

Emotions don'tlastJore\'er, althorgh some lastlonger thanothcrs. i\lso,theintensiiv of .r varies from person givencmotion to person, antlcanvarv fromoncsifunti(rn to,ll'tothcr. It depends on or.ucrlrrentler,el oI skillfrrlnlcss in handiinficmotionnnL] othcf facbrs suclr hcalih, task-rrlatcd andslppolt. Likethe tirl.sof thc octan, as rcst, strss, enrotions ebb andflorv, thevcome andgo;ihcy're trnnsitor)'. Thisis imFofinllt lo renembcr wh('n\,o1r in .n emotionnl (lon't l-rt firrdvourself maelsirom. If !'or.r forgcl th,rtyorLr enn)tions

11

Dotl't Let yo|/ Eflolio s R n Yotlt ,.it'e

forever, whenJou'reemotionAl. Blrtif vodre )'oumry be moreIlely to actimpulsively "This ableto tell l,rurself, iI] thc hert .,f the mcment, too shallpass,,, yodli be a step closerto moreeffective emotionregulation. You.an titenopeni1pa varietyof optionsfor action,and stretchJ'-our rvillin$lessio practice your nel{ skills. If you heat up like a microrvave oven an<lcool down like a con\.entional one,\,ou may noticethat it seems like an elelnityto cooldolvn,anclasvou,recoolingdorvn,vou,re still highly vulnerableto the next trigger. In the example of Stevethe aggressive driver,he *.as hrghly angry and ngitatcd, so beingpulled over for a ticktwill trigge.otheri:moiions. Since he is still nroused just fol_ lowing his carchase, if he'snot careful, this new eventcoulclspikehis currentangereven further.The morelntense the emotion,the moredysretulatcrl Steveicels.i le coultl make things worseyet by swearingat lhe policeofficer or compLaining that thev har-emorc importantcrimesto trackelorvn. lI Steve is hopped-up nn .aif"rnt o'rhasnt e.ttcn well, his biologicalvulnerabilityrvill be even higher,making his dysrcgulation (Tn morc scvere. chapter10,you will learn specific skills for decrcasing your vulnerabilities to theseand other facto$.)

Reflecting on the Ebb and Flow

Takesometime to reflccton ihe last time you expetienceLl strongcmotDn.Wasit today? Yesterday? a few moments ago? I{rhenever that was you ,ill notice,if you reflect, Just that your emotions vary irl how strongthey feel.One momeni ),oucanbe furiousenough to throw things,and only momentslaier feel I taclupset.

Anger
Thirlk of a time when you were so nngty that ),ou thought ),ou werc going to slve.rr or throrv sonething at someone. ot hii or punchthem. Thinkaboutvournngnest moment ever, lvhatever that might be for you. Sitrationl

Your thoughts aboutthe situation at the tinj (horvdid you lnt"rp,"t iey

Tntensrt) of ilngLr (0-100J1

Describe_the outcomes anctcor.rsequences at that time (rvere thingsthesanrc, nraccllorse, or made better?):

Horv long did it take you io cool dol\'n?

(holl. many?): Seconds Ivlinutes (hc,w nrany?):

ijrorotrs I/rc frii!SvslrrT R.sf.,!!r

1t

Hours (horv many?): A clayor more (hon' m a n v t ) : When you coolcd do$'rr,rvhat r\,as t h " . r r p n g i l )n f v c , r ' c r r r l l , ' n r L J - : 0 U l :

Sndness
Think of a time rvherl you *'ere so sad rhat nll voll wanted to do r\.as'(r\,,!!,jlhdra$', avorclothers, mope, and be absorbedin sad poems,i_nusic, or movies. Ihink ahrLrt your moment ever,\\,hate!erthat might be for vou. saddest Siluation:

Your thou8htsabout the sihlationai the time (horv diel vou inkrrplei it?):

(fr-lOU Intcnsityof s.rJness ):

the outcomesanciconsequcnces IJescribe at that iime (rvcrc things the samc,made rvorse, or made better?):

Horv long did it takeyou to get back to your normal mood? (how many?): Seconds Minutes (ho\\' many?): Hours(hou'many?):
lror rlrrr'l \ J , r r , ' r r r r r ' rln lvhen yotl chteredrlp, rvilat lras the slrr:ngtli of your sndness? ((!100):

Fenr
Think of a timc rvhenyorl lvereso fearfulthat allyou rvarlieci to do 1\,Ishide, witirdrarv,avoiclothers, panic,or frcakout. lhink aboutycr.lr most fearflllmoment,lvhatcver thai ni8ht be for r,ou. Situation:

Your thoughtsabout thc sihlationat the time (hol'tlid yorr

lntensity of feir (0 100):

16

Dott't Le! yow Ennti.'ts Rutl \ta r Ltft

Dcscribe the outcomcsand consetluences at thai time (.!vere thngs the same,nade rvorse,

or nade better?):

Horv long did it take \'oli to cooi down? (how many?): Seconds Minutes (how many?): Hours (how many?): A day or more (hon nany?): \Mren you relaxed,what lvas thc strengthof vour ftar? (0,100):

Loue
Think of a timc rvhenyou l{cre so fillcci rvith lo\'c that .rl1you tvankr.lrc do r{ils think aboutthe personvou loved,encourage others, telLflicnds and famjlv good thjngs about themselves and life, or daydrcamaboutbeartiful thints. Think aboutyotr nlost intenseexpcrience of 1ove, whateverihat might-trefor r'ou. Situation:

Your thoughtsabout the situationat ihc time (horr iiitl vou tllicrpr.t it?):

Intensltv of love (0-100): Describe theottcomesand conseq!cnces at that time i\r{trethingsthe same, mndcr\,orse, or made better?):

t
I

I
How long did it takc yor.tto get backto your normal mood? (hovr manv?): Seconds Minutes(ho\\,many?): Hours(horvmanv?): A day or more (ho}\' man)?): Whenyour feclingof love levelod off, $,hat lr'as the strngthof lole ((|100):

t
I I

t
I

L11t.iit1s lht flll Svslflrr R.itl)rs.

il

Happiness/loy
Think of a timc when lou creso happythatail VorlJid "!asiaugh,you cheered rrp and posltive. othersaround you, and you felt strong,confideni, Jlink aboutrour mosr happv or joyful momcntcvcr, lrhatel,erlllat mighi be for 1,ou. Situation:

Yolrr ihoughtsabout the siiuatlon.t the timc (how dicl "ou ltcrpret it?):

jov (0-100): lntensitv of happiness/ the outcomcs and aonscquences I)escrrbe at that time (were thinlls ihe sa e, mnde \\,orse,
or nade better?)l

"come Horv long clid ii take you to dorvn" or gct back io louf normal mooLl?

(l'rorv meny?): Scconds (ho$'manY?): Nlinutes Hours (hoI\' many?): A day or more (hor{ manv?): l\4rcnyou "camedown,"lvhatwas the

(0.100): strength of happincss/jov

Emotion States, Traits,and Moods

Ai ?inatiotl slnle is that .lisciete affe.iive iloment wh.n you cnn sa)', "l fcel nnger." It is transicnt,part of the ebb ar-rtl florv rvc mcntjone,::l abo,, e. A\\ cmoliotl,.dil is nlore endulltrg .rnd is charactcsticof a pcrsorr. If you tend to respondkr situ.tions!,riih frllstrati(D anLl "1'm "An (luolc nnger,you mighi sa)', an angryperson." To l-nznrus asni , emoiion ,.rltt to refer-s n charactedstic of a pet-son, antl so is not rcallv an e 1olion, brrt a r/isTrosrfio,l or ienLlencv to rc.act rvith one" (1991, 46). Yorr may have a pirticlllar cmotionthat you cxperiencL'nrore often thnn othcr ctro, "s.rd tions. lrolks around vor nav knorv you as a person,"nn "angrv person,"or a "happy person."A "happy person,"isn't alwa!s anLicvcr.r )rappyperson, sitrce thev tlo in frct fcel anger, antl anriety.We all do. r\ happr personis n pcrsonrvho seems sadness, more gcrrernlly happv,and pe1ll;1p5 responds to ihc \rorld rvrlh nrorcpositir.e.rctlons,utd iho ghts about rvhat irappcns, ouicomes, and iherr ibilitv 1{)(lL'al \!,iih challcngts. An nnxiouspersonis someone \-ho ienels to tesFondio c)1allcngcs, or cvcn the ihought of rvith u,ofl-y. This is lhe "worr\,_r!..1rt," challenges, an,:1 an anxious pcr-sonlral. have pre dominantly1{oirisonle thoLrghts .rnd .ctions. L.ikehappt' pt'ople,rnrious peoplc don't feel oniy anxiety.Thev also fccl joy, 1ove,and .rnEer Ar\ioLrs pcople c.n .rlso hdve drerms anclhopcful thorlgjits.

18

DoI't Lc! fo|r Erioliins RL!1 four Lift

Finally, thcrearcnoods. Basically, moods areemotions thatsticknroundfor l re,rlll long tirne. And just as a happyperson will feelanger persnn or sadness and an .rnxrous a happv personcanhavc a bluc or deprcssed rvill feel the ernotion of happiness, nood, Arrd u'hile someemotjonsstick nround longef perhapsdue to illnessor.ircumstances. than others,they tend noi to iast forever.h{oodsthat becomepredominantand stick disorders, aroundtoo long become ntood sr.rch essevere and chronicdepresslon, or gcner;r1rzedanxictydisorder. youf As you practice the skrilsin this woikbook,)ou'll finclit il'lportant to increase ihai you fr:el.If )or fe a happt person, awareness of lhe rangei-rf emotions il canseemas though you never angry. If you're a worr)'wart, in monrents anxret)'it of canseem as tet "l thoughyou neverfcei hdppy.Cettingstuckon.' thoLlthtsuchas ncverfeelhappy,life alrvaJssucks,"will perpeluate anxietyor sadness, and lvill inevitablya{fectyour emotional state. trajts, Herc is a list of corrcsponding states, and moods. . . State:Love State: Fear . . . Trait; Loving or caring Trait: Fearful TraltrAngrv I . . !1ooc1: Euphoria Nloocl: Anxiety \'food: Irritable

The ]oy Will En{ but So Will the Pain

As lorr rvork throughthe exer.ises rn tlrisbook,I hopeyot l'ili rcmcrnbcr that emotion comesand 8oes. That'simportantto know because it canhelp keepvotr from becoming overlyexpectant to feclgoodall oi the time.Suchexpectations hevitablyieadto disappointment,and you mav even con,<ider yourselfa failurc at having tlte good life, as it lvere,and perhaps incluce unnecessary cmotional suffering. Conversely, rvhenvorlre clistraughtor dysregulatd, and alrcadysuffering, vou can reorurcl yourselftlrat vour pain lvill stopeventually. and pleasant emotions, the painfuionesrvill Justlike the positive also end. Neitherpositivenor negativeemotions last forever. rvho $,ishes If you're a person tl'rey coulclfeelgooda1lcf the time,vou're not alone. But that'snot the orderof things, that'snot re:rliiy. Accepr those negalive tines along lvith the good ancipositive, because yorrcan'thaveoncwithout thc other.Justas thereis night and day, thereis sadness and happiness. Thebiologicel componcnts of cmottonand theparis of your brain thatlet rou feelemotionand receiye ali of the importantrniormation that comesthrough that svstemrequirethat you fecl bolh p'.rinand joy.