Th gin 2 Chuyn v s Quyn Anh

Mt hm 2 hi nhi sinh i ang nm trong bng m ni chuyn vi nhau xem sau ny s lm ngh g. Anh : Sau ny ra i em nh lm g? Em : Sau ny em s lm xy k s xy dng, s xy cho mnh mt ngi nh tht to, trong ny trt qu. Th cn anh? Anh ni ging y v cng quyt : Sau ny anh s lm v s quyn Anh, m b m.. ci thng trc u m no cng th u vo nh nc bt vo chng ta.

Tht g
Trong mt ba nhu c bn ang ci nhau: y l tht g g? Thng th bo :i nh l mi.. a li ni: phao cu to l c... Ci nhau si bt mp m vn khng ai a ra c l ng cho mnh (Ti v mua g tht sn ngoi ch b rut, u, chn..) May thay c mt con b ku ln ( r ka): n l g mi c hi ti sao th n tr li rt tnh b: ti v thy lng n b xc xc... (th ra n va mi ly chng)

THE "LIGHTER" SIDE OF MARRIAGE

1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). 2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. 3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. 4. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters. 5. Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes. 6. Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit. 7. Marriage is not just a having a wife but also worries inherited forever. 8. Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of "RINGS" : - The Engagement Ring

- The Wedding Ring - The Suffe-Ring - The Endu-Ring 9. Married life is full of excitement and frustration : - In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. - In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. - In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBOURS listen. 10. It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener. 11. Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that. 12. It's true that all men are born free and equal - but some of them get MARRIED! 13. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. 14. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes. 15. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it. Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE! 16. There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married.... and then it was too late!" 17. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock. 18. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defence. 19. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why. 20. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

Adam v Eva
One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after

eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me GOD, can I ask you a few questions?" GOD replied, "Go on Adam but be quick I have a world to create." So Adam says," When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvey and tender unlike mine?" "I did that, Adam, so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiney, beautiful hair, and not me?" "I did that Adam so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you."

Bnh tim
Mt bnh nhn b bnh tim nng, nhng li trng s 1000.000 USD, ngi nh bnh nhn khng bit nn bo tin cch no mi n nh bc s. Bc s n gp bnh nhn n hi Ny anh nu anh trng s 1 USD anh s lm g Bnh nhn: Ti s i xem n mt que kem Bc s hi tip: Th nu anh trng 10 USD th anh s lm g Bnh nhn: th ti i xem phim Bc s li hi: Th nu anh trng 100 USD anh s lm g? Bnh nhn tr li: Ti s mua chic xe p Bc s tng dn: Nu trng 1.000 USD anh s lm g Bnh nhn bt u cu: Ti mua xe my Bc s li hi: Th nu 1.000.000 USD th sao Bnh nhn gt: Ci ng ny hi v vn, ngi ta xp cht n ni cn c 1000, vi ch 1.000.000, th nu trng 1.000.000 ti biu ng c cha Bc s:..........................Ln ng ra, tt th.

Bnh ngh nghip.

-Ti sao nhiu khi em ang trong thi k nguy him m anh c ni n bng c? th anh khng chng ta v k hoch hai a ri ? -th em chng l khng bit anh l nh vn hay sao?

-nh vn th sao? -th " sng tc " cng phi theo cm hng ch !!..!?

u phi bi ti em!
Hiu trng gi bo v ln phng ni: -Ti ku anh vit mt tm bng trc cng l: "Cm tru b vo cng, ti sao b vo y trng vy? Bo v- d! th em lm theo anh ri ,nhng c con no n chu c u!? -........

Sinh hot
Mt ch cn b hi ph n rt snh dng t " sinh hot ". C ln,on cng tc trn thnh ph xung lm vic vi huyn.Khi xong vic,chi ny c phn cng mi on li n cm cha. Xoa hai tay vo nhau, ch bo : -Mi cc anh , cc ch bt cht thi gian vng ngc li "sinh hot" tra vi chng em ..... Gi l cy nh l vn y m ! Khi cm nc c dn ra ,ch ni: - mi cc anh lnh o thnh ph v ch nh bo "sinh hot trn ging, cn cc anh lnh o huyn v chng em sinh hot di t. -!!!

Bin cm.
Sau khi ln thnh ph tham quan mt tun, anh cn b vn ho thng tin x v bo co: -Ti thy thnh ph: cm ht thuc th ngi ta v iu thuc b gch, khng lm n ngi ta v ci ci b gch. K ny ,khi vn ng sinh c k hoch cc anh bit phi v ci g ri ch ?! -!!!

Chuyn nh s
70/ Sp ln tui m cha c v. Tay th k ha gii thiu cho mt c rt kh v dn sp n nh c ta. Sau khi ch khch lm quen nhau, sp r tai ch th k: - kh, chn th c nhc, mt th lc m my ku min ch? - Anh c ni to ln, n ic c nghe c g u!

71/ Trn tu ho c mt sinh vin v mt nng dn ngi cnh nhau. Ch sinh vin ngh: - Ti vi bc chi . V ti l sinh vin, hc nhiu hn nn nu ti m bc khng gii c th bc ch phi tr cho ti 1 nghn, cn nu bc m ti khng gii c th ti phi tr bc 10 nghn. - ng , anh trc i. Ngi nng dn ni. - Bc hy trnh by ton b thuyt tng i ca Anh xtanh. Ngi nng dn mc ti ly mt nghn a cho anh sinh vin v ni: - Th con g ln dc th i bng ba chn, xung dc i bng bn chn. Ch sinh vin ngh mi khng ra nh mc ti ly 10 nghn a cho bc nng dn v hi l con g. - Ti cng khng bit. Anh cm ly 1 nghn. Chi na khng? 72/ Nh n c ba ch r. M v mun th lng cc con r. Trn ng v nh c mt cy cu bc qua con sng, khi a con r th nht i lm v, b m v ch sn bn cu v nhy i xung sng. Ch r nhanh nhn lao xung dng nc vt m v ln. B v thng cho ch mt chic tivi. n lt ch r th hai m v cng lm nh vy v b v thng cho ch mt chic xe my. n lt thng r th ba, khi thy m v nhy xung sng, ch ta dng li xem cho n khi b ta chm hn ri mi v nh ni vi b v l m cht ui. B v thng cho ch mt chic Mercedes i mi nht. 73/ Yu nhau ci o cho nhau V nh di m qua cu gi bay. - l con g? - Con la m! 74/ - Ti sao khi ci c du mc trng? - V mu trng biu hin s hnh phc. - Tho no phn ln cc ch r mc en! 75/ Thi vn p mn thn giao cch cm. Gio s hi: - Hm qua cu lm g m trng nh thiu ng? - Em c ng, nhng sut m nm m thy ang tr bi cho thy.

- Tho no ti b au u c m hm qua.

Hon cnh
Khch hi ch nh: - Ny bc, ti sao con ch nh bc khng vy ui sang hai bn m c vy ui ln xung? -Th cng do hon cnh m bc, nh ti cht qu!

Ch ci
C mt anh li, sut ngy c ngi ch ci, thy vy ngi hng xm thc mc: -Ti sao anh c ngi ch ci sut ngy th? -Th ti cng ngh mi ri m khng bit lm th no nm ch ci c.

Chuyn bo Tui tr
Nhng vt thng Ti c ngi bn gi, nh ngay u hm. Cng la tui x chiu, chng ti thng lui ti chuyn tr tm s. Bng i mt do, sau my thng v qu ti li n. Mi bc vo ca, mt con ch loi berger chm n. N sa oang, nhe hai hm rng nhn hot. Ti hong hn : - Sao, ng nui con ch ny hi no vy ? Trng khip qu ! - Mi vi thng. Anh yn ch. Ti cho i tim chng ri. - Hy cho vo... tim by mn i. N s lm ng mt ht b con, bn b y. Ai dm n nh ! Cn mang ha c ngy. - C g u ! - ng bn vui v ni - Mi ln n anh c nm cho n t thc n, g cng c. N s nm im ngay. Ln sau, trc khi n ti gh qua b bn ht vt ln l ng mua mt ht vt ln ung, gi ch bng mt phn ba. Qu nhin, ca mi m, con ch xng ra, ti nm ngay cho n. Nhanh nh chp, n nhy n v ly ht vt ri im lng nm xung, hai chn trc cp cht ht vt gm ti, gm lui. Ti ung dung vo nh chuyn tr tha h. T , ln no m ca thy ti, ui n ve vy ra chiu thin cm, mt chm chm nhn vo tay ti, ch n ht vt. Nhng khn thay, tin u m hi l cho n mi, d ch l ht vt thi.

Vi hm sau, ti li n nhng khng mang theo th g. N ch gm g, chy quanh. Khi ra v, va n ca n chy theo sau lng bt ng p ti mt ming vo c chn. ng bn phn trn : - Phen ny, nh anh chc ti phi cho n vo tim by mn. Trn ng v, chn i khp khing. Vt thng nhc nhi. Nhc nhi c chn, nhc nhi c trong lng.
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Cu hi t ra trong mt lp sinh vin y khoa : "Hy nu ra nm l do sa m tt hn sa b cho tr s sinh ?". Mt sinh vin tr li : 1. Nhanh hn, khng qua trung gian no. 2. Sch s hn. 3. An ton hn, mo khng ph c. 4. D s dng. 5. C bao b p v hp dn hn nhiu.
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Chuyn ci tui ln 5
C gio dy hc tr v lng ra u bi tp lm vn ming: " Hy t cnh bui sng sm " C lp yn lng ngh bi. Sau 30 pht mt cu hc tr nh ng ln: - Tha c ! Em xin pht biu. + No ! Mi em T "chn". - Tha c ! Bui sng b bt em ra ngoi sn tp th dc. Em nhn thy ng mt tri hin ra. Em thy mt con g trng ui theo mt con g mi. + Th ri th sao ? - c gio hi - Th ri th con g trng bt con g mi cng n i chi ! + Thi ngay ! - Em cng bo thi nhng n vn khng thi. + Im ngay ! - N khng im ngay li cn gy: o o o ..

i ht
C mt c dy lp mu gio, thnh thong c bn trai n lp thm, s cc hc tr nh v t ni nng "mt lch s ", c bn dn cc chu : - H khi no c ang ni chuyn vi ngi ln, chu no mun xin ra ngoi i tiu hay i i tin th phi ni: " Tha c, cho chu i ht " nghe khng ?

Th l cc hc tr nh tun theo li c dy. Lu dn thnh thi quen, c khch n l cc tr chy ra: " Tha c, cho chu i ht...". C cu T hc lp c gio, ch nht ngh nh vi b, na m cu T gi b dy, quen mm ni: - B i, con mun i ht! B git mnh, nhng cng nghing tai vo mng cu T v bo : - Ht h? Con ht vo y cho b nghe.

Mt hng
Gi ra chi, mt nam sinh t nhin rng ln: - " Ny ngi tnh nh, nu em l ... Tru, th ti xin b tru ra ngoi ng. Ny ngi tnh nh, nu em l heo th ti xin b heo vo trong chung. Ny ngi tnh nh, c m..." Bn n sinh t i, mt "o di" cng tht ln the th: - Ny ny cu nh, nu ti lm... cha, th cha s v cho con li pho... con trai v duyn!

Mai ti nhum
Mt cp v chng tr sp ra to ly d. C v trch chng: th m ngy yu nhau anh ni vi ti l chng ta s sng vi nhau n u bc rng long! Chng: Hm qua c nh ti gy mt my ci rng ri cn g, cn u bc h?Mai ti nhum!

Mo thng trng: Phn chia li nhun

Mt hm c anh thanh nin n gp mt tay ch nh bng. Anh t gii thiu tn, bt tay bt chn ri i thng vo vic: - Tha ngi, ti c bit mng tri ngi c mt vt so to bng bn tay- anh ni thng thn. Tay ch nh bng sng st: - Lm g c chuyn y, anh n gp ti ch ni chuyn v vn y thi ? Anh thanh nin thn nhin p: - Khng v vn u, v ti sn sng c vi ngi mt n ba rng mng tri ngi c mt vt so to bng bn tay! Tay ch nh bng pht cu: - c, vy ta c vi nhau. y, 1000USD y, n s l ca anh nu mng ti c so nh anh ni. Cn nu khng, ti ch cn ly 500USD ca anh.

- c, y ti cng c 500USD y - anh thanh nin qu quyt ni. Mi ng ci qun ra i V hy ra gn ca s cho sng ti nhn r xem mng ng c so hay khng. Tay ch nh bng ci qun, vch mng trc ca s, ni: - No, so u no? i tay ch nh bng mc qun xong, anh thanh nin t tn a tp tin 500USD cho ng ta, sau anh chm ri ni: - Cm n ng cng ti phn chia li nhun. Tay ch nh bng ngc nhin: - Phn chia li nhun th no c? Anh thanh nin gii thch: - n gin thi, ti c vi m ngi ng di t kia ka anh ch m ngi ng l nh di ca s - rng ti s bt ng vch mng cho h thy, v ti ch thu ca mi ngi c 100USD thi. Vy l trong v p phe ny, ti v ng u c mi ngi 500USD.

Mo thng trng : Na kn na h
Trc ht, y l thut ca n b. H qu thnh nhm chn v r tin. Kn qu th chng ai bit g. Trong thng trng, y cng l mo hay, c vn dng nhiu v c kim u c nhng v d in hnh. Sau y l mt trng hp dng mo na kn na h vo bc cao th. C mt g n, bui sng trc khi i lm dn v nh th ny: - B nh trng nom con mo cho tht cn thn nh. Nu b n sng ra hoc ai nhn thy n th coi nh b git ti. Trm ngy nh mt, sng no trc khi ra khi nh g u dn v nh th. Nu ch dn mt vi ln c th lng ging khng ai nghe nhng dn mi hng trm ln th lng ging nhiu ngi nghe lm c. Ngi ta ly lm l v c thm th hi nhau: "Con mo ca lo ta nh th no m lo giu kn th"? V, mt ln s snh, b v con mo sng ra, nhng b ui theo v v ngay c. Mc d vy, hng xm lng ging cng c nhiu ngi nhn thy. l mt con mo l lng, c mt khng hai, v b lng ca n rc nh la. V nh, khi bit chuyn v sng mo, g n qut tho m v nn cho b v mt trn nh t. Cu chuyn v con mo qu li mt ln na c nhiu ngi bn tn. Ting n n tai mt vin hon quan. Y mng r tm n nh g n g mua bng c con mo kia mang dng vua v hong thng rt thch nui cc ging th qu him. Lc

u g n mt hai ni rng nh g khng nui mo song vin hon quan c ngi l mi v nghe c ting mo ku t trong bung gia ch. Khng th giu c na, g n phi th tht. - Qu tht ti c mt con mo, nhng y l mn qu biu ca mt v o s nn khng th bn c. Vin hon quan khng nn, quyt mua cho k c. Y t tr gi con mo ln ti 30 vn quan tin. Nghe ti 30 vn quan tin, g n bng o khc: - Mt con mo m ngi tr ti nhng ngn y tin ? Bng c c nghip ca mt ho ph. Th c ngha l i nhn quyt mua bng c ri. Quan quyt th phn lm dn khng cn bit ni th no na, nh vng theo vy. V, g va m tin va nc n khc v phi xa con mo qu. Vin hon quan mang mo v, nh bng nui v dy d thm t hm na ri mang vo cung dng vua, nhng, lng con mo c nht dn v 15 ngy sau th n hin nguyn hnh l con mo trng. Khi quan qun ko n tm bt g bn mo th g mang v con cao chy xa bay ri. -------------------------------------------------Mo khc: Mt g bun vt rao bn mt con vt cc thng minh, gi 1000USD. Theo li qung co ca g th con vt ny bit ni, bit lm th v cn bit tranh lun. C ng khch qua ng thy hay hay dng li ngm ngha con vt. ng hi con vt: - My bit tranh lun ? Con vt p ngay: - Chng cn nghi ng g na! ng ta khoi qu lin b tin ra mua con vt v nh. Nhng mt thi gian, ng ta pht hin ra con vt ch bit ni mi mt cu:"Chng cn nghi ng g na". Ngi trc con vt, ngh xt 1000USD, ng ta v u bt tai ni vi con vt: - Tao tht ngu l b tin mua my v m chng c vic g c. Con vt p ngay: - Chng cn nghi ng g na!

Lch s
Trong mt bui thi vn p Lch s:

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- Anh hy cho bit, L li l ai? +D, em khng bit. - Th anh c bit, Trn Hng o l ai khng? +D, em khng bit. - Thi, nu anh tr li c cu ny, ti s cho anh qua, anh c bit Trng Trc, Trng nh l ai khng? + D em cng khng bit. - Vy th mi anh ra, ti khng th cho anh qua c. + Th thy c bit Hng mm, Minh so, Phc b, l ai khng? - H??? + Thy c bng ca thy , em cng c bng ca em ch, thy ng em bng ca thy ra da em nh.....

Tuyn tp ci
Nng: - Anh yu,tht bun khi anh i xa! Chng: - ng ngh ngi, anh s tr v sm hn em tng! Nng: - Vng , chnh v th... -------------------A: - Ti sao khch d m ci lun ming chc c du, ch r: "V chng hnh phc!"? B: - Gin n l v mi ngi u ngh rng trong hn nhn ci thiu nht l "hnh phc"! -----------------Mt i nam n thanh nin i chi trn ng ph. Bt cht, h gp mt ngi o mo, chng chc. Thy chng ng m cho, nng hi: - Ai y anh? - "Ngi gip vic" ca anh ! - Th ng ta lm g c quan anh? - A, ... ng ta ngi vit cng vn cho anh... mang ra b bu in. ------------------- Anh yu em nhiu khng cng? - Ht mnh! - Anh c th hy sinh v em ch? - Tri! Th th cn ai s yu em? ------------------C mt anh sinh vin n nh ngi yu, khng may hm , cha c gi ra m ca. Anh chng nhanh nhu: - Chu cho bc ! Tha bc, chu n hi thm sc kho ca hai bc!

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- Khng dm! Ci sc kho ca ti ang nu cm di bp y! ------------------- Cu mc sai lm khi t chi li cu hn ca anh y. By gi, anh y sp ci mnh! - iu th mnh bit! Lc mnh t chi, anh y bo: "V tht tnh, anh y s ly bt k con ngc no!" ------------------- Em thn yu, ng lm v nh, em s khng phi lo g c! Anh kim c tin nui hai ngi ph n nh em! - Tuyt qa! Vy th m em c th cng n cng vi chng ta!? --------------Con gi hi m: - M i, cn bao nhiu thi gian c th gp c ngi thch hp? - i, nhiu thi gian lm, con i! git thi gian, trc ht con phi ly chng ! ----------------Mt c gi chng 25 tui n i pht thanh nh mc qung co v nhn tin tm ngi nh, ni dung nh sau: " Ti l L th Nh Nhng, 25 tui, d coi, c duyn, mun tm ngi nh l nam, tui khong t 30 n 35, cao khong 1m65, nng khong 60kg, hin lnh vui tnh, c ngh nghip n nh. B con c bc no bit mch gim, ti xin cm n v hu t!" Ph trch bin tp hi: - R rng l ch ng tin tm chng ch g?! C gi thn nhin p: - D tha anh, chng khng phi l ngi nh th l ngi dng sao c! -------------------- Tha c, ti rt mong c gp li c ... - ng c th gi in thoi. S in thoi ca ti trong quyn nin gim... - Th tn c ?... - ... ' ngay bn cnh! ----------------- C hp tp qu khng? Chng ta va bit nhau khng c bao lu m anh ng cu hn vi ti? -V ti lm vic ngn hng nn bit c qu r qua s tin c gi trong ngn hng! ------------------Nng ni vi ngi yu:

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- Thi! Mua by nhiu ri. i n u cng nghe "Tt m, Tt m..." C ni nh vy tng gi v ti v! - C g u em, Tt m... Tt ci g cng tng hn ngy thng ch! Sau chng ch nng v nh, hn nng t bit: - Chc em ng ngon, anh v. Mai gp sm nh! - Anh cha v c u! - C chuyn g th em? Nng p a, p ng: - Tt m... -------------------- Anh c ng rng thi gian s cha lnh cc vt thng tnh i khng? - C th y, nhng thi gian khng phi l chuyn gia thm m, nn chc chn vt thng cn so! ---------------- C g khc nhau gia sc khe v tnh yu? - Sc kho l th khng th mua c! -------------------- L no c Helena cha bao gi ly chng? - C ln c y ly c hai phn ba. Khi n nh th lm l ch c c y v cha c, nhng khng hiu sao li thiu ch r. -----------------A v B i n tic v .A hi B : ti sao cu c hn tay c gi bn cnh th ? -n gin ,t qun khn mi xoa . = = = ========== ang va say sa li nhi va mi m cuc t ,b th chi on ngng u ln, khi thy quanh mnh ch cn ni 1 on vin, anh git mnh hi: -Cn bao nhiu ngi thuc chi on ta y ? -D ..cn mi mnh b th thi ! -Th cn cu ? -D khng ! Ti thuc chi on khc! =============== Con: Thng T bn ca con by gi h lm b ! Cha: N ngch trong lp ? Con: Khng,n chuyn trn hc i chi in t... Cha: Sao con bit ? Con: con i vi n m! ================ Ph huynh A: tha c ,con ti s n lm ,nn mun dn dy chu cng d.

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Mi ln chu phm li ,c c bp tai thng bn ngi bn cnh l n s lin ! ----------------Cha khuyn con: - Hy ly v i! C y s san s mi ni phin mun v kh khn ca con! - Nhng con khng c ni phin mun hay kh khn no c! - Ri con s c, con . Ngay sau l ci thi! ------------------ Con gi ca cha ! Con khng thy rng chng trai ang tn tnh con nh ta qu lu ri sao? Chng l m con khng ni g cho con bit v vic ny ? - C cha ! M ni rng bn n ng ging nhau nh c! - Nh vy l con gi ti th nhn rng n s ly anh lm chng. Vy anh quyt nh ngy t chc hn l cha? - Vn con dnh hon ton cho con gi ca cha! - Th hn l theo nghi thc nh th hay bnh dn? - iu m ca v con s quyt nh ! - Th cc con s sng bng g? - iu ph thuc vo ngi, tha ngi!... ----------------Khi c mt ngi n ng ho hoa n thm mt ngi bn gi ca mnh vi b hoa trn tay, l v anh ta khng tin mua ru! Khi ngi n ng lch thip m hn ngi ph n rt lu, l v c y lm li! -----------------Nng: - Hm qua anh xem trm nht k ca em phi khng? Chng: - Sao em bit? Nng: - Em c thy trong nht k ca anh! ----------------Jusie th di: - M i, con c thai! B m hong ht: - Vi thng no? - Lm sao con bit c! bao gi m cho con i chi vi ai n ln th hai u! -------------------Hai ngi bn gi tm s vi nhau: - Mnh sp ly chng! - Anh y bao nhiu tui? - Tui ca hai a mnh cng li va trn 50! - Tri i! Con nt thi nay cng dm ly v ?

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---------------------Hai c bn gi tm s v ngi yu ca mnh: - Chng ca tao trc khi mun hn, nh im lng ri nhn tao bng i mt say m, tnh t... - Chng ca tao k cng l, nh thng hi: "Chiu nay em n cm vi mn g?" -------------------Chng v nng ngi tm s di bng cy: - Anh nhn ka! Trn cnh c i chim ang u ym , sao anh c ngi thn th mi vy? - Bit lm sao c! Anh khng em sng hi theo!

Ni trng khng
C chuyn v ni trng khng nh sau: Mt chng trai ra mt gia nh ngi yu lc gp mi thy ng b ca ngi yu ch hn mnh khong vi ba tui nn c hai u lng tng khng bit xng h ra sao. ng b: - Ngi chi. Chng trai: - C mc. ng b: - Ung nc. Chng trai: - y. ng b: - Ht thuc. Chng trai: - Ch nghin. Cn nu khng bit gi bng g th cch th hai l gi l: ng ch.

Gii tr
1. Trc m tn hn, ngi con gi hi hp ni vi ngi con trai: - Anh thn yu! C mt chuyn m trc y em cha dm th l vi anh. Trc khi gp anh, em tng yu tha thit mt ngi. k nim mi tnh , em xm hnh chn dung ca anh y ln ngc bn tri. - Mi ci thuc v qu kh, khng c g u, Em yu! Mt lc sau: - Anh thn yu! Cn mt chuyn na m em khng th khng k trc khi hon ton tr thnh ca anh. Sau khi chia tay vi ngi kia, em gp mt ngi khc na, em cng yu anh y tha thit. k nim mi tnh ny, em xm hnh chn dung anh y ln ngc bn phi. Ngi con trai ngi im lng, ngi con gi hi hp ch i. Vi pht tri qua, anh chng bng bt ci h h, ci nh ln ng.

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C gi hong ht: - Sao vy? Anh yu! - Anh ang ngh khng hiu khong 10 nm na mt chng n s di nh th no? 2. M khuyn con gi "Nn hc nh piano", "Nhng con u c nng khiu" "Khng ph cng u con , sau ny ln ln chuyn sang nh my ch" 3. B dy con-Mun nn s nghip th phi chm ch thc khuya dy sm. V nh con chim su, mun bt c nhiu su th pha dy sm, dy mun th chim khc n n ht, ly g m n! Con: Con su no ngu mi dy sm con chim su n bt.

Chuyn ci Italia
The Manager Y.M.C.A Hotel LONDON ROMA 24 th Aug 1996 Dear Signore Direttore, Now I am a-tella you story wot I was a-treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as ayounga christian man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed, how can I sleep with no shit in the bed? So I calla down to receptione and tella: "I wanta shit". They tella me: "Go to toilet". I say: "No, no I wanta shit in my bed". They say: "Youd better not shit in your bed, you sonnawa-bitch". What is sonna-wa-bitch? I go down for breakfast into ristorante. I order bacon and egga ant two pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and pointa at toast: "I wanta piss". She tella me: "Go to toilet". I say: "No, no I wanta piss on my plate". She the say to me: "Youd bloody wella not piss on the plate", you sonna-wa-bitch". Second person who do not even know me calla me sonna-wa-bitch. Later I go for dinner in your ristorante. Spoon and knife is laid out, but no fock. I tella waitress: "I wanna fock" and she tella

16

me: "Sure, everyone wanta fock". I tella her: "No, no you dont understanda me, I wanna fock on the table". She tella me "so you soona-wa-bitch wanta fock on the table? Get your ass out of here". So I got to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotel no more. I have paid the a-billa the portier sat to me: "Thank you, and peace on you". I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-bitch, I go back to Italy". I never more gonna stay your hotella no more, you sonna-wa-bitch. Sincerely, Enrico Morelli

Chn
ng: Nghe ni chu nh thi vo Tng hp ? Chu: D, vng ! ng: ng! Ch c di. My ca hng Tng hp by gi m lm. Chu c thi vo nghnh thu hay kho bc cho chc n.

nht .... tin

Trong cuc thi nht...trung tin. n vng chung kt, mt u th bc ln - "ong", nh mt pht sng. Khn gi h reo khen ngi. Cht mt anh chng to bo bc ln ci mm ni: - n thua g ! Hy nghe y: "Rm" - Tt c khn gi bay ln khi ch ngi, lt sau ri xung ai v ng ch ny. Sau pht bng hong, mi ngi nht t coi anh chng l nh v ch. ng lc , mt chng gy nhom chy ra tht: ng li, gii nht phi thuc v ta. Chng bo lc ny nghe khu kh t tin nn c s, mon men li hi: - Ny anh, anh tn g, qu u, c ti g m dm mnh mm th? Anh chng kia ngp ngng: -Ti l... "Nha Mi...i...t !" - Qu ti ... "thng T.....n"

Ci chn rng
Mt anh n sau mt thi gian di au rng lin quyt nh i n bc s. Trc khi i anh ta nh mt anh bn i theo n.

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Bc s a cho ngi bn mt cy kim v dn: - Khi ti h "No!" th anh hy m mnh cy kim vo mng anh ta nh. Anh bn cm cy kim v lm ng nh li bc s dn. Sau khi nh xong chic rng au, bc s hi bnh nhn: - C au khng? - D, cm n bc s, khng au lm nhng ti khng ng ci chn rng li di n th.

nht kim
Trong cuc thi nht kim. Cao th th nht tut kim vung ln - mt con rui t lm hai mnh ri xung t. Cao th th hai vung kim ln chm, mt con rui cng chung s phn nhng t lm bn mnh. Mi ngi trm tr ng khm phc. Cui cng, mt lo tin bi cng vung kim ln chm mt con rui. Con rui chng nhng khng cht m cn ct cnh bay vt i. Lo tin bi ln ra ci sng sc. Mi ngi ngc nhin hi: " Ny lo kia, lo chm trt ri cn vui ni g m ci sng sc?" C gng nhn ci, tin bi p: "Qu thc l ta c chm trt thc, nhng..., nhng con ri s khng bao gi yu c na!"

Bao Thanh Thin

Bao cng mt hm i ra ph thy c v oan c bn sai em v quy n. "Cho gi Nguyn Vn X vo cng ng." "Vn X ,ngi c g cn ku oan ,hy tu r i!" Tu:"Tha Thanh Thin i Lo Gia, tho dn c xin lp mng ca hng FPT ,khi c lp mng ri th tho dn c vit th hi tn Ng Tun Y my vic v lm quen lun.Ai ng, hn li dng lng tin ca tho dn , la tho dn vo chng trnh Games c Virus DH2 . Bo hi cho Computer ca tho dn b Virus t TTVN, WINDOWS, NC n MS-DOS .... Tho dn khng sao dit c.Hn cn xin li tui v gi bu in cho tho dn b nh ca hn ,tho dn tin ,lp vo th my mi dy t tit lun.Tho dn tc lm nn mi chn kiu ku oan.Xin Bao i Nhn gii oan cho tho dn." Bao cng khng bit x ra sao ,bn cho anh chng X v nh ngh ,lui v hu ph tm cch gii oan. Ngay sng hm sau ,Bao Cng (xin uc vit tt l BTT) cho gi tn X v Y vo cng ng xt x.

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BTT khng ng c rng ,tn Y li l mt trang m n ,c anh X cng khng ng (v chat trong mng c bit ai vo vi ai u ).Hn na ,c ta li l con gi ng ch Microsoft ,BTT cm thy v cng lng tng,khng bit x nh th no. Sau mt ...thng nh Chin Chiu tm hiu ,BTT kt lun ":V n ny ch c nh anh Net.Lannx thi." Ngay lp tc ,Chin Chiu i n trung tm FPT hi cung anh Net.Lannx th c bit :Hai ngi X v Y gi n cho nhau nhng 123 ln trong thng ny nn FPT n c rt nhiu tin .C Y c gi FILE chy ti TTVN mang tn Games g g .My thng gn y khng thy anh X vo mng ,hp Th-n ca hn cha rt nhiu do cc USER gi n hi han .Anh Net.Lannx ni:"tui c sa li chng trnh mng vo ti qua nn nh mt mt s th,nhng vn cn th c FILE chy Games .Tui vn gi c thi gian cc cuc hi thoi ca 2 ngi ny , v 2 ngi ny m tui thu c khi tin y (xin li anh Net.Lannx nh !) Sng sm hm sau ,BTT thng ng ,cho gi c Y v anh X vo cng ng. BTT ni :"Y tiu th ,ngi ny kin c v ti ph hoi COMPUTER ,c c nhn khng?" "Bm Bao i Nhn ,tiu n c lm vic u !" "Ta s cho ngi tm phc khu phc ! Cho gi Net.Lannx vo i chp !" "H!H! Tui l Net.Lannx y . Bm bo Bao i Nhn ,c chuyn chi ?" "Bm!!!!" BTT:"Hn lo ! Khng c a nghch trn cng ng.Ngi u ,bt hn qu xung !!" "H.........hu.........!!!!" BTT:"Net.Lannx , c phi ngi c chng kin cc cuc hi thoi ca 2 tn X v Y phi khng ?C phi ngi ghi c 123 cuc hi thoi ,c phi ngi cn gi li chng trnh Games c ViRus ca Y tiu th khng ??" "Bm bo Bao i Nhn ,ng l nh vy !" BTT:"Y tiu th ,ngi c tm phc khu phc khng?" "D ,BNhn khng c vt chng th sao tui tm phc khu phc c ??" "hn lo , ngi dm khng nhn ? Trng Long , Triu H , hy em vt chng ra y !" ( Trng Long a ra mt cng Computer ) BTT:" X , ngi c nhn ra cng ny hng ?" "D bm bo Bao i nhn , tho dn c nhn ra . l a m c ta gi cho tho dn , trong c my b

19

phn lm t dy my tnh ." "Chin H v hy xem xem l ca hng no sn xut ?" CC:"Bm Bao i nhn , l tui xem thy c dng ch Net.Game !" "Ngi u , cho gi Net.game v cng ng ! Ta cho tm ngh , 2 canh na x tip ." ( ni nh nghe , BTT v hu ph ... i v sinh ) Mt lt sau .... "O .... ...." "Bm! Ngi u , cho gi Net.game v cng ng!!!!" (Net.game b gii v cng ng m tay vn cn tr chi tretris , chc nh tp thi u tetris trn TTVN) "Tha Bao i nhn , tho dn l Net.game xin bi kin Bao i nhn. Tho dn ang mc To ci CD mi nhng b M i hip tm c li vza y , lm hng lun ci CD!" " Net.game , ngi c to ra cng ny hng ?" " D , tho dn c to ra n cho mt khch hng l Y , c ta b hng a nn nh tho dn gip , c ta cn xin tho dn my ci b phn lm t mi dy vi tnh na , tn ht ... 2000 ng y ! C ta bo l ngi ca Lemat nn tho dn cng n ! " Net.Lannx :" bm Bao i nhn ...." " ngi c chuyn g ??" " Bm Bao i nhn , anh chng Tientm c ghi chp li cuc hi thoi cu c Y v anh X ." "Tt , ngi u , gi Tientm v cng ng !" " bm Bao i nhn , tho dn l Tientm ." "Nghe ni ngi c ghi chp cuc chat ca 2 ngi Y v X phi hng ? " "D , n y " "Chin h v hy a n cho b co ." "Bm! Ng Tun Y , ngi bit ti cha ?" "H h !" "nhng ngi di cng ng hy nghe ta xt x y: -Tun Y : ngi dng Virus ph hoi my ca ngi khc l ti th 1 , sau ngi cn gi b nh dm cho ngi ta my ngi ta hng lun . Nay ta x ngi phi chu : +Ba nm khng c v mng . +2 nm khng c dng vi tnh. +Lm cng vic dit Virus trong .. 6 nm. - Net.Lannx v Tientm, Net.game , ta cho cc ngi v nh ng tra . - X, ta cho ngi v v c php mua bt c my COMPUTER

20

no trong vng ph khai phong. - Cn Chin h v , ngi mau i n cng ty FPT nh lp h mng TTVN v my tnh ca ph khai phong bn ph chat chi. Bi ... ng !!!! O .... ......"

Th vn t
Con r: c tin b au ct Gi biu b chai mt Vi tm lng thnh tht Xin b ng c lt. B v: c anh biu chai mt Mi bit mnh au ct Vi tm lng thnh tht B my .. thm lt ----------Kho d 1: B nhn c chai mt Bit lng con r tht a no m dm lt Ct n s thnh tt Kho d 2 : Th g th vn t Ni mi chuyn chai mt Ny t xin bo tht Kho khng m sinh tt ----------Kho d 3: Ch c mt chai mt M bao tn tng tht Thch lm th vn t Xin hi nhm L Mt! -------------Kho d 4: l mt, l mt i l mt Tn nghe th thy ngt sn st Cng group, cng hi h nh tht Th ra cng li mt ... ===============

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Sai bt ri: B nhn c mt Ung vo au ct R nh my tt tht B thng no dm lt (Qu b L Mt)

Thu chung nh
Mt ng lo cao tui thu chung nh vi 1 ch thanh nin tr tui. ng gi tng 1 cn ch thanh nin tng hai. ng gi ch ng t chp ti n 12 h ...cn t 12 gi v sng th kh ng. Nhng c 11 gi m ng li thc gic v lc ny chng trai i chi vi bn gi v, tho giy nm rm, rm xung sn. Mt hm bc khng chu c ng g gp chng trai v ni: " Chu i, nu i chi v khuya th chu lm n tho giy v nh nhng xung t, ng vt th lm ng git mnh nh". Ch thanh nin nh bit li, vng d v gt u. Hm sau theo thi quen i chi vi bn gi v ch ta li tho giy vt nh rm xung sn nh. Cht nh ra li dn ca ng hm trc, cn 1 chic ch tho ra v nh nhng t xung sn nh. Hn ting sau, ch thanh nin git mnh thy ng lo t gc m ln, khn khon: " Chu i, chu lm n vt nt chic giy cn li xung i ng cn ng."

The zipper
At the aiport, there was a lady who wore a short skirt with a zipper at the back was going aboard. We see, the ladder is rather slope. And at the middle of the ladder, the lady heard something from behind. Naturally, she put her hand back to zip up and then stepped up confidently. But the noise was still and this time nearer and louder. She turned back her head and saw a man behind. " What the matter ? " she was angry" You're not polite". " Are you" the man shouted " Why did you pull up my zipper ?".

PREGNANT PAUSE

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There was a pregnant woman who went for an ultrasound- a procedure that allows the doctor to observe the developing baby on a video-display screen. It was her first prenancy, and she was both excited and nervous. As technician moved the scanning instrument over her protruding abdomen, she looked over at the screenand saw the movement of a small, rounded shape. " Isn't that the best beautiful baby you've ever seen ?" she said. " Ma'am" the technician smiled " that's your bladder ".

Trng rng
Mt ngi b gy mt hai chic rng ca. n ung, ni nng rt kh chu lin i n hiu trng rng. Nha s hi: - ng mun trng rng vng hay rng bc? ng ta tr li: - y cc ng c trng rng ngoi khng? Ti mun trng rng Ty ban nha hoc B o nha.

Ai tit kim nht?

Ba a tr thi k xem ai s k ra ngi tit kim nht. a th nht ni: - Ti bit c mt ngi v tit kim mc m vit ch li ti nh mui1 a th hai ni: - Cha ngi bn ca ti gim hao mn ng h, h c ti n l khng cho ng h chy na.! a th ba ni: - Cc bn k cha c g ng k! Ti bit mt ng gio. hao mn knh, ti c bo m ng ta cng khng c.!

Khng chia ngy m

Cnh st tra hi mt tn cp: - V sao mi dm cp ca ngi khc? Tn cp tr li: - Sao li gi l cp?. chng qua l ti cha kp thng lng vi h m mang c ca h i thi m. Cnh st: - Mi tht to gan!. Gia ban ngy ban mt m dm c gan xng vo cp ca ngi ta! Tn cp: - Cng vic ca ti lu nay c chia ra ban ngy, ban m g

23

u?!

Lc b
B Thu ung thuc xong c lc ly lc ton thn, khin m b l lng hi: - Sao con li phi lc ngi nh th? Thu vn lc ngi khng ngng tr li: - Trn bnh thuc c ghi " Lc u trc khi ung!", m con li qun lc trc khi ung m . Nn con phi lc b m .

Khng c gi tu
HS: C dn l cc em khng c gi nhau bng tn tu m vn c bn c gi nhau nh th y . C: Bn no th? HS: Tha c, l bn Thanh t, T su vn v c bn c tt na .

Th nh
Hm qua tao vit th ny Gi qua thng bn ca my v chi . C nh mng lm con i Ci i my gi bn hi lm nghe . Nh mnh ang thiu hai xe Ch my may v "xanh de" mi li Tao nay gi yu lm ri Thng cha , qu m nh li tao khuyn. Nay cha dn,ko my qun H cn bn mua thm t hng May so , t lnh nh mang o bay, "p sut" li cng phi mua. Nm nay tri tht tri ma Khi nng nng qu, khi ma ma nhiu M my vt v sm chiu Gi Lo khng qut iu xt xa.

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Con v qua Mc T Khoa Qut bn con xch ly ba ci vo Ci cho m , ci cho tao Ci th y ai vo qut chi. Hi quan ng s con i Khi lm th tc nh mi thuc ngay qun cha hi iu ny Tnh hnh sc kho ca my ra sao? Nm th my , hc trng no? Bin th k r , ai vo tao khoe . TB: Th ny con ch h ra Ko ngi ta bo nh ta hm tin .

Qun o ca Anhxtanh
Nh bc hc Anhxtanh c thi quen n mc cu th . Mt hm ng i ra ng c mt ngi nhn thy ng mc b qun o rt c bn ni : - Tha ngi Anhxtanh ngi nn mua ngay mt ci o mi i , ci o ca ngi c qu ri . Nh bc hc tr li : - Cn g phi th , c ai bit ti l ai u . Mt thi gian sau khi tr nn rt ni ting , mt hm nh bc hc gp li chnh ngi . Ngi ny thy nh bc hc vn mc b qun o nm xa li ni : -Tha ngi , ngi nn mua ngay mt ci o mi i . Nh bc hc ngc nhin tr li -Cn g phi th , by gi ai cng bit ti l ai ri cn g .

Chuyn tr em
- M i, hm nay t na th tranh ca con c i trin lm y! - i, th lp c bao nhiu bn c trin lm tranh? - C mi mnh con vi thng Thng khng c i trin lm. --------------B: Con lm bi tp xong cha? Con: Sp xong ri b , cn mi bi gii, tr li, p s na thi.

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- Theo cu, t tnh bng li ni v bng mt, cch no c hiu qu hn? - Tt nhin bng mt! - Ti sao? - V vn tc nh sng nhanh hn vn tc m thanh rt nhiu!

Tuyn tp ci ( tip )
Chng v nng ngi trn my bay hn huyn sau chuyn i hng tun trng mt: - Anh , khi no xung sn bay, mnh cn phi lm sao t ra cho mi ngi bit mnh ci nhau lu? - Rt tt, em thn yu! Em s xch c hai ci va-li! ---------------Ngi bn gi sau mt hi ngm ngha bn tm giao xa cch lu ngy mi gp: - Tri i! Cu eo ln nhn ci qua ngn tay t ri! - Chnh xc y, b i! Mnh chn lm chng! ----------------Sau mt gi nghe chng tn tnh, nng ni: - Anh c mun i chi khng? c li nh ci tm lng, chng mng r: - Mun lm ch! Nng mt mi: - Vy th anh i i, em khng dm gi! -----------------Mt ng b dn con gi trc khi i chi vi bn trai: - ng n i qu gii hn, nghe con! - Ba c yn tm! Anh y khng th i qu gii hn c u. V mi ln ch con, anh y thng thng gp lin tc, ba ! ---------------Hai chng ngi ni chuyn Mt chng ni : Nu t c ngi yu chc chn c y s cao hn v xinh hn nng ca cu mt t. Chng kia thn nhin tr li : .. ...v hn c mt t na.

Mt tri c chn
trong gi v c gio hi a l mt hc sinh lp 3 Em hy ln bng v ng mt tri A ln bng v ng mt tri C gio hi A Ti sao em li v ng mt tri c chn ?

26

A tr li c gio mt cch hn nhin rng Tha c lc na m em thc giy thy b em bo vi m em rng Mt tri ca anh i , hy dng chn ra C gio khng bit ni g, ci tm tm ri bo A ngi xung.

Bn ty
Cu con trai i Ty v, lc no cng ca ngi bn . Mt hm hai b con i chi ti, ng b ni: - Trng hm nay sng qu nh. cu con nghe thy vy lin p li: - Trng th n thua g, bn ty cn sng hn nhiu. ng b tc gin tt cho thng con mt ci rt au v ni: - Sao my ngu th, ch c mi mt mt trng m cn so snh trng ni vi trng ngoi. cu cu con vn ngoan c: - B tt nh th c n thua g, con bit ci tt bn Ty cn kinh khng hn nhiu.

Tr tng tng
V hi chng: - Anh yu ci g trong em nht : V p kiu dim hay dng ni nh nhng hay tnh thu m nt na? - , tr tng tng....anh yu nht tr tng tng ca em.

Vova
Ngy cn Lin Bang X Vit. Trong gi hc ca 1 trng ph thng ti Mt xc va. C gio thao thao bt tuyt k: - Cc em bit khng: trng ph thng tt nht th gi l cc trng ca Lin X. chi tt nht th gii l chi Lin X, Nhng ngi nh p nht th gii l cc ngi nh ca Lin X..... Ny V Va, sao em li khc? - Tha c em mun sng Lin X c!!!!

Ti sao?
Anh chng H, mt hm n nh c b chi th b c ta nh mi dao h. ang mi dao bng anh ta cht ngn ngi ra ngh mt cht ri qung dao chy v nh. bn anh ta ngh g m li b chy v nh nh vy?? ===================================== = Rt n gin: Chng s trong lc ang y.. nng li dng chnh dao ct mt "ca qu " nn mi chy thc mng nh

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th! =========== V chng cht ngh n con dao nh, chng khng bao gi mi m ti sao n vn lun sc. ========================== C l "Mi dao" c ngc l "Do mai" ; Theo ting Min nam ngha l "Mai anh hy n" ============================= Ti nh n bi th ca nh th V Qun Phng: Anh mini em Anh lang thang em Anh xanh sao em Ti v anh " tit canh " em. Phi chng C gi ang c ch Chng trai " tit canh " mnh ? ? ? ========== Em xin mn php : - Mt l anh ta phi sng nhy dng ngi ln (cc u vo
trn nh.) -Hai l lc anh ta ang ngh v nh.

- Ba l sau khi ht bn rn anh ta bt dy... - Bn l anh ta lin tng :( Dao : m ngi gy .x . s ...) - Nm l ..... - Su l anh ta s c b bin mnh thnh em ca : Quch Ho - by l.... ...... Cn na ...... kiu g cng trng. ================================ Ti li lin tng n mt cu chuyn xy ra u nm ngoi: Khi sp phi i xa, mt c bn gi c tng chng trai bn ti mt chai ru. Chng trai ny khng bit t ra sao, c n gp ti. Ti nhn mc ru v bo: - Anh c bit y l ru g khng ? - Th r rng l chai ru chanh ai m ch bit. - y anh nhn thy th th cn hi ti lm g. Chai tc l "Ch ai ?" cn "Chanh" l "ch anh". Th anh yn tm cha. Anh chng sung sng nhy cng ln sut.. hn vo m ti. V qu ng nh ti phn tch, thng va ri h ci nhau. (c mi ti ) ng trn quan im ta phn tch bi ton trn nh sau: - C b "nh mi dao h" tc l phi l con dao cn. Suy ra t ca c gi l: anh , anh cn phi kin tr, c cng

28

mi st t c ngy ln kim. - Chng trai "ngn ngi ra ngh mt cht v qung dao chy v nh" tc l chng ta ngh: con gi thi nay lm ch g c ai dng kim, mi song h cng vt i thi. Li lin tng n vic khi mi xong th dao s sc, m dao sc th "d ct cu" lm. Do m b chy. Bi hc rt ra y l cn phi thn trng khi suy ngh nhng vn trng i trong i. ng vi vt dao ko ri li hi tic.

Ci ht,ci tip
* Mt khch quen ca nh hng ni vi ngi phc vu: -Ny anh, mi ln ti gi a tht u c 2 ming, hm nay sao ch c 1 ming? - , xin li ng, ch v ng tr nn ng u bp ba nay qun ct lm 2. *- Tha ng, ln trc ti g cho ng 1 bi th m khng thy ng, Nay ti nh gi thm cho bo 1 bi na. Tic thay con ti n x mt. - , con anh thng minh tht, b th m bit c ri ? * Trn chuyn xe, c gi ang c quyn t in dy cp. Chng thanh nin k bn chm ch nhn vo. C nh nh ni: - Anh c bit "lch s" l g khng? Chng thanh nin ging ngay quyn sch: - a y ti tra cho, vy m ny gi khng ni. *- Nh mnh mt trm ri ka, nghe thy g khng, dy ngay. - Nhng anh dy th lm g c by gi? - chng hi. - nh th con ch dy. * Trong mt siu th ln, mt ph n ng nh nhn rt lu vo gng, ng thi i ci g vo u. - Ti buc phi lm b mt hng, tha b - ngi b hng i li v ni - y l gian bn chp n. * -Khch: Ny ng ch, mn ba t ny hnh nh t tht th thi th phi -Ch: Th tht vi ng, do ny t qu nn cng pha thm t tht nga -Khch: Th t l th no? -Ch: Na n na kia, 1 con th trn thm 1 con nga * Trc to, b co than th: -Tha qu to, ti ch hn u c y c mt ci m to pht ti

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ti c nm t th nng qu. -Th l cn may cho anh y v nu ri c y vui lng cho anh hn th khng chng v sau anh s b giam sut i. *-No, chng ta hy cng nhy iu ny. Ngi ph n ging tay ra v nhn mt. Ngi n ng xin li: -Ti say nn ng ch l v ti. -Ch y tht hnh phc, chng ti khng bao gi a ti n ni ng vui nh vy. -Ch ni li cng ging y nh ci cu ca v ti. *-M i! cui cng th c y cng phi xiu lng troc li cu hn ca con. C y ni con l ngi yu u tin ca c y m . -Sao li ngc n th. ng l cha no con y. * Ci xong c v tr mng, ng lo bch nin n gp bc s ca mnh v bo rng ng ta sp c lm b. -Th th c hy cho chu hin c mt cu chuyn- v bc s ni- "C mt anh chng ng tr i sn, nhng ng ra phi xch sng theo th anh ta li nht phi ci . n khi gp s t, anh ta lin rt ra v bn n cht ti". -Ni pht!- ng lo kch lit bc b- Dt khot phi c ngi u bn h! -Ch, c ni tht ng! *-Ny, anh trn l ln, chng em v y. -ng chui vo t, nguy him lm. Hy nhy ra ngoi ca s y! -Nhng y l tng th 13! -Tri t, n lc ny m anh cn m tn!

Oi m
Gim c ca hng qut c bn hng: - Sao c li ci nhau vi ng khch hng ? C khng nh l 'Khch hng l thng ', 'Khch hng lun ng' sao? C gi bn hng p li: - Tha xp, ti cng bit th. Nhng ci ng khch ny c khng khng l ng y sai.!

Ln ln thch lm g
Bn hng xm nh n c mt c gi im. Cu con trai mi 10

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tui thng nhn trm Mt hm, b bc qu ra chi mi hi : - Ln ln chu thch lm g ? + Chu thch mc lng khp ngi bc . - Sao chu li thch th ? + Chu thy ci ch bn hng xm c mt dm m nui c c nh, chu m mc khp c ngi th giu phi bit !

Thi ly bng li xe
- Ny cu c c quyt nh cp bng li xe ch ? - T cng khng bit na. Khi t xut vin th thy dy thc hnh vn cn m man.

Kt n

- Anh b kt n bao gi cha ? - 10 nm nay ti cha b mt ln no c - Th c ngha l.... - Trong sut thi gian , ti cn trong t. =============== - Mi sng khi tnh gic iu u tin v anh lm g - Mi li

ng
Ti mt trng i hc n , nh v sinh nam v nh v sinh n ng gn nhau. Bn n th c che kn, bn nam th che kn n ngang ngc. Mt chng sinh vin tinh nghch no ln vch nh v sinh n dng ch : '' Trng phi bo th'' Hm sau, trn tng nh v sinh nam xut hin dng ch : ''Trng phi n ho'' Hm sau na, trn bc tng trng bn cnh xut hin dng ch : '' ng cp tin''

Ai vit
Trong gi vn, c gio ang ging bi Bnh ng i co th nhn thy Duy m mng nhn ra ca s. C ngng li hi: - Duy cho c bit: ai vit Bnh ng i co? Duy lng tng: D tha c em khng bit. - Sao? C va ging xong m em khng ch nghe li ngi ngm tri t nh vy? C gio tc gin ni tip: c ri, em ra ngoi kia m ngm

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tri t. nhiu ln em khng hc bi ri. Tan hc c s n ni chuyn vi b m em. Duy lo lm. Khi tan hc n tha trc vi m. M n nghe xong mng: - My chng c c tch s g c. hc km li khng ch nghe ging. Duy bit m thng mnh li hay bnh nn t ra n nn: - Con bit li ri, ln sau con s ch nghe ging. M ni h con. Va lc c gio n. Sau mt hi ni chuyn, m Duy nn n c: - Tha c, chu n bit li ri. Xin c tha li cho. Ai vit Bnh ng i co ch khng phi thng Duy nh ti vit u . ng lc , th ba Duy v. Nghe long thong cu chuyn ng ni ngay: - n nc ny m b cn bnh con. Tha c, nu thng Duy nh ti n cht di vit th xin c tha th cho n .

Cng c
Mt anh b cng an KT bt qu tang ti nh c cha nhiu v chai bia, ng nt chai... ch c iu l khng c mt chai no c bia c. Nhng anh ta v b a ra ta v ti lm bia gi. Trc ta anh ta vn khng khng l mnh v ti. Ta n vn khng khng l anh ta c ti lm bia gi. Trc khi bi thm on ngh n ta cho php anh ta ni l cui cng. Anh ta ni nh sau : "Tha qu ta , nu qu ta kt ti con lm bia gi ch v bt c con c cng c lm bia th con xin qu ta cho con nhn thm mt ti na l ti hip dm " Quan ta : - Sao vy , u v khi no ? Khai tip trc to i . - D khng, ch l con c cng c hip dm nhng cha thc hin thi .

Khn ngoan
V bo chng v b mt: Anh Jim ny! Anh coi chng thng bill y! N bt u ln ri, v hi em nhng cu hi khn ngoan ra tr. Chng: Chng hn nh cu g ? V: N hi .. Ti sao em li chu ly anh.

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ng ri y
Sp n ngy ci, nh gi tr mt nn nh trai t chc cp du. V vi nn h bt nhm c em thay cho c ch. Nh gi chy ui theo qut "Cp nhm ri". C em vn xu x, mun khi b , lin lun ming gic: "C chy i! ng ri y"

Cng hay
Nh n rt ngho, ton ung nc l. Mt hm c khch ti chi, ch nh sai con sang hng xm vay ch. a con i lu cha v, ni nc si c y thm mi, ch ny ra sng kin bo chng: "Anh mi khch tm mt ci thay cho vic ung tr k cng hay"

m tang
C mt thiu ph ang dt tay mt a b i trn ng th gp mt m ma, th l hai m con ng vo bn ng nhng ng cho m ma i qua. Khi m ma i ti th thng b nhn thy mt tm hnh ca ngi mt c lng trong mt khung nh rt p, tm nh nm trong hnh tri tim. Bt cht thng b hi m n: Thng b: M i ti sao tm nh li c lng trong hnh tri tim h m? Thiu ph: Ti v ng y l mt bc s khoa tim mch, con . Thng b: Th th b mnh l bc s sn khoa th sao? Thiu ph: .........

ch ku
Va chn no mt bng khoai do b bc mang qu ra, chng vi i n ni hn vi ngi yu. Trong lc cng ngi yu say sa trong mng tng, chng khng km c mnh v nh bm mt ci lm nng git mnh: - G th anh? - ch ku... Nng nghi hoc: - ch ku sao li thi. - ch cht. - ch cht sao ch cn ku - ch ku xong ri ch cht. - ...?

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Chng quay sang nng cht ngt t lc no. *Mt o din Holywood gii thch cho n din vin tr cnh sp ng: -1 chng trai s p vo phng c, tri c li v bt u hn c. -Anh ta p trai khng? -p tuyt. -Vy ti sao li phi tri tay ti li

u cht c ri
Thy gio : Em c th cho thy bit mt s iu v mt vi nh khoa hc v i nht ca th k 17 khng? -C th . Tha thy , h u cht c ri !

Khng cng bng

Thy gio bt hai hc sinh vi phm k lut li sau khi tan hc chp 100 ln tn h ca mnh. Mt hc sinh chp xong , c v lu. Cn hc sinh khc vn cn ngi vit. Thy gio hi : -Th ny l th no? Hc sinh ang ngi vit , bc bi ni : -Tht ht sc khng cng bng ! Bn em ch chp hai ch Trn Vn , cn tn em th pha chp h tn tht di :Cng tng tn n Phm Nguyn th diu lan! Bao gi em mi chp xong

Cu con hiu vic

Cu con i hc v thy m nm p chn trn ging , hi: -M m ? Thy m gt u , cu ta an i : -Vic cm nc m ng lo! Con s cng m vo bp.

Mc c
Cu con nh sn li vi cha hi: -Lc cha cn nh bng con , cha c b ng nh n khng? -ng nhin l c .ng c nh cha! -Th khi ng ni nh bng con , cha ca ng c nh n ng khng? -ng nhin , ng c th b nh n.Ngi cha ci , tr li. Cu con ngh ngi mt lt , ri ni vi v rt nghim tc:

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-Nu cha bng lng chu ca cha khng b nh n th mong cha hp tc vi con nh! -Hp tc th no? -Ngng ngay ci loi hnh vi bo lc c tnh di truyn mn tnh nh ni trn, cha nh!

Ti lm
Ngi n ng ang trn ging cng mt ngi n b, cht nghe ting g ca. - Chng em v y, hy chn ngay vo bung kho. Ngi n ng chn ngay vo bung kho, ng cht nghe thy ting a tr: - Trong ny ti lm, ti s k cho b ti bit ti nhn thy g. Ngi n ng hong s, nh thng b xin u c ca ng ta nm chc v ha s khng k cho ai bit. Chiu hm thng b i ch cng vi m, n nhn thy ca hng bn xe p: - M i, con mun mua chic xe p, con c nm chc . B m mun bit thng b c nm chc u, nhng thng b khng tr li. Th l m n li n n nh th xng ti. Cha x a n vo bung xng ti, thng b ku: - trong ny ti lm. Cha x : - Gi th my ng hng gi tr na.

Thy tu
Mt thy tu i kht thc, kht nc qu vo mt ngi nh in nc. C ch nh tr tui a thy mt chai nc. Thy kht qu nga c nh ung ngay. C gi can : "Thy ng tu, em ly...". Thy tu hang s nh ri chai "'y cht, ng ly, yn cho ti tu..."

Khm bnh
Mt b lo sau khi i khm bnh vin tnh v , con chu xm xt li hi. "B c b bnh g khng ?" "Sc kho b ra sao ?" B lo :"i do , c vz u , bnh H.I.V y m ." "Sao!Sao , sao li H.I.V ? B b nhim qua ng no ?????" B thn nhin cha quyn s ra v tr li :"Ba ci bnh ho g , a chy v vim hng th b ly thiu g ng."

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(Ng ln)....

Lp hc
l bui u tin c gio nhn mt l hc tr mi. V bi ging hm nay l gio dc cng dn xoay quanh vn nng cao tr tu v sc kho. Vn l ngi a vn hoa c gio m u bi hc bng mt cu chm ngn: - Chim c cnh c th bay ln tri. Ngi khng c cnh cng c th bay ln tri ... nu lm sao h cc em ? Tr nhanh nhu: - Nu con ngi c chim . ================ ( Nguyn vn cu danh ngn :" Chim c cnh c th bay ln tri. Ngi khng c cnh cng c th bay ln tri nh vo sc mnh ca tr tu v c bp " )

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