The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change ca tc gi

Stephen Covey l mt cun sch gy chn dng ngay t khi xut bn ln du M nm 1990.
Cho dn nay cun sch ny vn cn l mt trong nhng cun sch bn chay nht vi hon 10
triu n bn d duoc pht hnh.

Vi vn phong gin dj, xc tch v logic nhu ton hoc Covey dn dt dc gi qua cc khi nim
v quy lut ca cuc sng lm nn tng gip dc gi vuon ti nhng tm cao mi c v cuc
sng c nhn cng nhu ngh nghip. Nhng khi nim ca Covey nu ra c gi trj bn vng v
d duoc kim nghim qua thi gian. Cng hin ca Covey cho nhn loai qua tc phm ny l
dng k. Nu ban mun tu ch trong cuc sng ca mnh, hanh phc v thnh dat, nht djnh ban
phi doc cun sch ny.

Hm nay, chng ti m ra chuyn muc ny, tam goi tn l "Seven Habits Corner" lm noi cc
thnh vin dng bi vit v cc khi nim ca Seven Habits v bn lun vi nhau xung quanh
cun sch tuyt vi ny.

Hy vong c gng ny s gip cc ban mt phn nh trn con dung tm dn hanh phc trong
cuc sng.

PersonaIity and Character Ethics

Bt du t nhng bc xc trong cuc sng ca bn thn, Covey d nghin cu hu ht sch vit
v nhng yu t cn thit d tr thnh con ngui thnh dat duoc xut bn tai Hoa Ky t nm
1776.

Qua hng trm cun sch, bi bo v bi lun, Covey d rt ra duoc mt diu th vj l cc sch
vit v thnh dat M t khong nm 1940 dn nm 1990 du thuc v cng mt trung phi
dao dc hoc goi l PersonaIity Ethics. T ng ny c th tam djch l ao dc hoc Nhn cch.
Tuy nhin t ng Nhn cch khng ni ln nhiu v thut ng ny cn phi duoc lm r.
PersonaIity Ethics day ngui ta thnh dat bng cch s dung nhng k xo (techniques) trong
giao tip vi ngui khc d tao nn mt din mao dep (personality) nh d ly duoc thin cm,
dn du ngui khc lm theo mnh. Covey nhn xt rng trung phi PersonaIity Ethics chi
day ngui ta dng nhng gii php tnh th (quick fixes) kiu bng bng v aspirin, v v th
khng th dem lai hanh phc cho con ngui.

Trung phi th hai l trung phi Character Ethics (c th tam djch l ao dc hoc C tnh),
ph bin hng trm nm truc 1940. Character Ethics day rng cuc sng c nhng quy lut
cn bn (basic principles). Con ngui mun c thnh cng thuc su v hanh phc bn vng phi
hoc cch p dung nhng quy lut d vo cuc sng ca mnh, sa di C tnh v thi quen ca
mnh cho ph hop vi quy lut.

Vic trung phi PersonaIity Ethics ln t Character Ethics sau Th chin th c th ni l
mt diu khng may cho nhn loai bi v PersonaIity Ethics tao nn thnh dat gi tao cho
nhng ngui p dung n v tao nn mt x hi ngy cng nhiu nhng k dao dc gi. Nhng
ngui sng theo PersonaIity Ethics s dung nhng k nng, k xo trong giao tip, nhiu khi
gi v tn trong, njnh ngui ta, gi v c cng s thch vi ngui ta d ly lng, khi ly lng
duoc th s loi dung ngui ta. Nhiu ngui trong s d d bit kt hop k xo vi Possitive
Mental Attitude (thi d tinh thn tch cuc PMA) v tao duoc b mt dep d ca mt ngui
thnh dat vi x hi bn ngoi, nhung su thnh dat theo kiu ny khng bn vng bi v chnh
bn trong nhng thnh dat gi tao l kht vong ca con ngui mun duoc sng tht vi chnh
mnh. Hy nhn xung quanh mnh, ban s nhn ra dai din ca trung phi PersonaIity Ethics
khp moi noi.

V cun sch ca Stephen Covey ra di vo nm 1990 nhm mt muc dch gin dj: ua
Character Ethics tr lai vi loi ngui.

Primary and Secondary Greatness

Trong khi ph phn trung phi PersonaIity Ethics, Covey vn khng djnh rng nhng yu t
ca personality ethicsk nng giao tip, chin luoc tc dng l quan trong, nhung ng cho
rng cn phi xc djnh vai tr ca nhng yu t d l vai tr th yu (secondary), chnh
Character mi gi vai tr chnh yu (primary).

Thnh dat dua trn lut nhn qu, gieo g gt ny, khng c li tt. Nu ti c gng s dung
nhng th thut d dn du ngui khc lm nhng g ti mun, lao dng tt hon, yu mn ti
hon, vv.. trong khi ti tht su chng tn trong yu mn, tn trong g nhng ngui sng quanh ti,
th v lu v di ti vn c l k tht bai. Quan h dua trn lng tin (trust), lng tin khng th xy
dung trn nhng th thut gi tao. p dung Personality Ethics thiu Character Ethics tt yu s
dn dn khng hong trong cuc di.

Tt c chng ta du c nhng ngui ban m chng ta tin tung tuyt di, mc k ho c bit
kho lo s dung cc k nng giao tip hay khng. Tai sao vy? Bi v chng ta bit c tnh ca
ho, ch khng chi bit nhn cch ca ho.

William George Jordan d tng ni: "Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous
power for good or evil -- the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the
constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be."

(2) Paradigm l g?

Khi nim cn bn nht ca Seven Habits l khi nim "paradigms" v "Paradigm Shift".

T ng paradigm bt ngun t ting Hy Lap, duoc s dung nhu thut ng khoa hoc vi ngha l
hnh mu, l thuyt, khi nim, gi thuyt hoc khung tham chiu (model, theory, perception,
assumption, or frame of reference). Ni don gin paradigm l cch chng ta "nhn th gii,
"nhn dy c ngha l hiu v gii thch ch khng phi ci nhn don thun.

Ni vy cng chua r. V du khc ca paradigms l mt tm bn d. Tm bn d l hnh v din
t v gii thch mt vng dt no d. Nh c bn d m ban "nhn thy duoc vng dt d.

Trong cuc sng hng ngy bn d gip ban tm dung di rt thun tin. Gi s bn d in sai
hoc ban dng nhm bn d th chc chn ban s bj lac dung. Khi d lac dung th cng di
nhanh bao nhiu, cng lac xa by nhiu.

Mi ngui chng ta c rt nhiu paradigms, trong d c th chia ra 2 loai chnh: Paradigm v
thuc t (ways things are) v Paradigm v l tung (ways things shouId be).

iu rt la l da s con ngui thung t khi bn khon v d chnh xc ca nhng tm bn d
mnh c. Thm ch da s cn khng phn bit duoc khi nim paradigm (map) vi thuc t
(territory). Chng ta thung d dng gi thit rng ci chng ta "nhn thy chnh l thuc t (the
way things are), thm ch l l tung (the way things should be).

y th m ton b thi d v hnh vi ca chng ta du bt ngun t nhng diu chng ta "nhn
thy, bi v d chnh l ngun gc truc tip ca tu duy v hnh dng.

hiu lun dim ny, chng ta c th nhn vo bc tranh sau dy mi dng gn dy trong muc
d vui . Bc tranh ny d duoc s dung lm trc nghim tm l trung Havard cng nhu
trung tm do tao ca Covey t lu. Mt s ngui nhn thy mt c gi tr xinh dep, mt s
ngui nhn thy mt b gi c ci mi to tung, d l v paradigm ca ho khc nhau. Bc tranh
duoc dng d minh hoa sc manh ca paradigm. Hai ngui c th khc nhau v c hai du
khng sai, vn d l paradigm ca ho khc nhau.

Bc tranh trn cng minh hoa khi nim "Paradigm Shift, thay di Paradigm. Paradigm Shift khi
ban nhn bc tranh ny tht don gin, nhung thay di dai da s Paradigms ban c l qu trnh
phc tap v thung di hi su kin nhn cng nhu lng dng cm.

C hai trung phi Character Ethic v Personality Ethic du l nhng v du ca social paradigms,
nhng tm bn d hung dn hnh vi ca ban. Nu ban d chon sai tm bn d th d ban c
gng dn bao nhiu hanh phc vn c xa vi.

Paradigm Shift l diu xy ra khi paradigm ca ngui ta bt thn thay di, khi d ngui ta
thung ku ln, ", ra th. l khonh khc m ngui ta cm thy du c dang u ti chot tr
nn sng r. Thut ng ny ln du duoc Thomas Kuhn s dung trong cun sch bt h "The
Structure of Scientific evolutions. Kuhn d dn chng hu ht nhng tin b vuot buc trong
khoa hoc du bt du vi su ph v mt truyn thng, mt cch ngh c, hay ni cch khc, mt
Paradigm c.

i vi nh thin vn hoc c Ai Cp v dai Ptolemy th mt dt l trung tm ca v tru, nhung
Copernicus d tao nn mt c Paradigm Shift, v bt chp bao nhiu phn khng, cui cng
ngui ta cng thay di v ngh rng mt tri l trung tm. rng tt c cc khi nim v thin
vn hoc dt ngt thay di.

Thi dai vt l Newton dua trn paradigm ca chic qu lc dng h. Tuy paradigm ny dn
ngy nay vn cn l cn bn ca k thut, paradigm ny cn rt thiu st. Khoa hoc d thay th
paradigm ca Newton bng paradigm ca Einstein, vi gi trj du don v gii thch ln hon rt
nhiu.

Truc ngy c paradigm ca l thuyt v vi khun, bit bao nhiu phu n v tr em d cht m
khng ai gii thch duoc nguyn nhn. K c trong qun di thi d, s binh lnh cht v vt
thuong nhim khun ln hon c s binh lnh cht trong khi dnh trn.

Khng phi moi Paradigm Shifts trn di du l thay di theo chiu hung tch cuc. Nhu ban
thy trong bi v Paradigm, su thay di t character ethic sang personality ethic sau th chin
d xy ra theo chiu hung tiu cuc.

Tuy nhin, bt lun mt paradigm shift di theo chiu hung no, xy ra nhanh hay chm, dc
trung ca Paradigm shift l thay di cch chng ta "nhn th gii. Thay di cch hiu th gii
chnh l ngun sc manh d thay di con ngui. Paradigm ca mi ngui, bt lun l dng hay
sai, chnh l ngun gc ca thi d v hnh vi, quyt djnh kt qu cui cng ca quan h vi moi
ngui.

ui dy l mt tiu Paradigm Shift d xy ra vi Covey mt bui sng ch nht no trn subway
New ork.

Hm d, trn toa tu, moi ngui ngi tnh lng, mt vi ngui doc bo, mt vi ngui ngi mo
mng suy ngh du du, mt s khc ngi nghi mt nhm nghin. Khung cnh tht bnh yn.

t nhin c mt ngui dn ng di cng vi mt da b ln toa tu. a tr rt hiu dng, n o
lm ph v c bu khng kh tnh lng. Ngui dn ng ngi xung canh Covey v nhm mt lai,
dung nhu khng quan tm g dn da tr, khi d dang h ht, nm d vt, thm ch ko c t
bo ca mt hnh khch khc. Ai cng thy da b ny tht l kh chju, th m b n chng
thm d . Covey khng th hiu ni tai sao ngui dn ng ny lai tro trn v v trch nhim dn
th. Cui cng, khng th chju dung ni na, Covey quay sang pha ngui dn ng v bo ng
ta: "Thua ngi, con ca ngi dang lm phin rt nhiu ngui.

Ngui dn ng dung nhu chot tinh v tr li Covey rt nh nhe: ", ngi ni dng, dng l ra
ti phi bo ban chu. Chng ti va bnh vin tr v. Me chu va qua di khong mt gi
truc. Ti khng cn du c no d suy ngh na.

Vo khonh khc d, Covey nhn thy paradigm ca mnh dt ngt thay di. Tu nhin ng nhn
cnh vt truc mt hon ton khc. Tt c su kh chju, buc bi tan bin. Covey chng cn phi
c gng d nhjn ni buc doc, v kim sot hnh vi cng nhu thi d ca mnh na.

Nhiu ngui d tri qua Paradigm Shift tuong tu nhu vy khi nhng su vic de doa tnh mang
xy ra. Ho dt nhin nhn thy trt tu uu tin cc vic trong di thay di, hoc dt nhin ho nhn
thy mt vai tr khc ca mnh. Ngui ta c th c gng p dung Personality Ethics hng nm
tri, c gng thay di thi d v hnh vi, nhung nhng thay di d chi l tam thi, nh b.
thay di ln chng ta cn phi sa di Paradigm ca mnh.

Sa di hnh vi v thi d ging nhu cht cy trn ngon, sa di Paradigm ging nhu cht cy
gc vy.

Sng v Nhn thc

Vy Paradigm l cch m chng ta nhn thc th gii. Khng th tch Paradigms khi C tnh
duoc. V th di vi con ngui th sng l nhn thc (Being is seeing). iu m ban "nhn thy
gn cht vi tnh cch ca ban.

Qu trnh di dn hanh phc ca con ngui l qu trnh sa di dng thi c Being v Seeing mt
cch c thc.

Khi ban gp kh khn, truc trc trong cuc sng, ban thung hay nhn dn nhng ngui m ban
thy l hanh phc v thnh dat hon ban v ngh, tai sao ho lai sung sung th nhi? V ban d
chju nh hung (tiu cuc) ca Personality Ethics, ban thung s c xu hung gii thch su
thnh dat ca ngui khc bng nhng thuc tnh hnh thc. V th cho d ban c nhn vo hng
ngn tm guong thnh dat, ban vn chng tm ra duoc gii php cho kh khn ca chnh mnh.
Khi d hy nh nhn xt ca Covey:

Nhn thc ca ban chnh I noi n cha trc trc. (The way we see the probIem is the
probIem).

Mt s v du don gin sau dy s gii thch cho ban r hon ngha cu nhn xt trn. Ban s
thy r Personality Ethic v Character Ethic nhn cng mt vn d theo cch hon ton khc
nhau. V ri thay, nhiu ngui trong s chng ta thin v cch nhn thc ca Personality Ethic.

- Tm s ca mt gim dc:

Ti d theo hoc bao nhiu kha do tao qun trj nhn su. Ti mong mun qun trj tt nhng
nhn vin dui quyn mnh, c gng t ra thn thin vi ho, di x tt vi ho. Th nhung ti thy
ho chng c cht g dp lai. Nu ti nghi m mt ngy, d s l ngy vui ca ho, moi ngui ngi
ung nuc, tn pht sut ngy m chng ai lm n g. Ti phi lm g d do tao ho tr thnh
nhng con ngui c trch nhim?

Personality Ethic bo ti rng ti nn lp ra quy djnh ngt ngho hon trong cng ty, trng phat
nhng ngui lui bing, dt camera theo di bt nhng tay b vic ra ngoi ht thuc l, sa thi
nhng k bung binh v dng k thm vi kha hoc qun trj nhn su na cho chnh bn thn ti.

Khi ti hiu Character Ethic ti nhn nhn vn d khc hn. Ti tu dt mnh vo dja vj ca nhng
ngui lm cng n luong trong cng ty v tu hi liu ng gim dc ny c phi l ngui t t
hay khng? ng y di x vi ngui lao dng nhu nhng con ngui hay chi nhu nhng c my.
Ti s tu vn mnh, tn su trong dy lng ti ngh g v nhng ngui nhn vin ny?

Cch ti nhn nhn nhng ngui nhn vin d chnh l ci r ca truc trc trong vic qun l
nhn su ca ti. Character Ethic day ti phi diu chinh nhn thc ca mnh truc khi mong
nhn duoc kt qu ngot ngo t ho.

- Tm s ca mt ngui chng:

Hn nhn ca ti c vn d mc d chng ti chng c g d tranh chp vi nhau c, chi don
gin l hai ngui chng yu nhau na, th thi. Chng ti d dn tu vn gia dnh, nhung cm
gic yu thuong say dm ngy xua c l chng bao gi tr lai.

Personality ethic bo ti rng, nn tm doc vi quyn sch day cch "diu trj nhng b vo bung
binh, hoc di tm thm vi noi tu vn gia dnh tt hon, ho c th lm cho hai ngui ni ht ra
nhng ni buc tc, bt dng, v hai ngui lai c th quay tr lai sng vi nhau. Cn nu tt c
cc bin php du khng hiu qu th c l tt hon l ly hn. Personality ethic lun nhc nh vo
tai ti: truc trc ny l tai v b vo ca ti, v b me vo kh tnh, v cng vic ca ti hay phi di
xa, v... ci g g d ngoi kia ch nht djnh khng phi v ti.

Character Ethic nhc nh ti rng khng phi lc no truc trc cng l tai cc b vo. C mt s
paradigm cn bn qua d ti "nhn nhn vo mnh, hn nhn ca mnh, tnh yu ca mnh v
chnh sai lch ca paradigm d l cn nguyn ca moi vn d. Nu ti khng sa di paradigm
d, d ti c tu dng vin mnh bao nhiu, c c gng cui tuoi vi b vo bao nhiu, nhjn bao
nhiu hn nhn ca ti vn c truc trc. Aspirin v thuc d khng cha duoc bnh kinh nin.

A New LeveI of Thinking

Albert Einstein c mt cu ni bt h "The significant probIems we face cannot be soIved at
the same IeveI of thinking we were at when we created them.".

Tu duy cng c dng cp. Thuyt ca Newton l mt dng cp trong tu duy v thuyt ca
Einstein l mt dng cp cao hon. Nhng vn d m thuyt ca Newton khng gii thch duoc
th s chng bao gi gii thch duoc, nu khng thay th paradigm bng paradigm ca Einstein.

Personality Ethic d ngm su trong x hi ngy nay. Covey nhn vo nhng mi quan h x hi
v nhn ra rng c nhng bnh tt trm kha khng th cha khi bng nhng bin php tnh th
m Personality Ethic lun day ngui ta.

Khi gp nhng kh khn cn bn nhu vy, chi c mt cch gii quyt l phi "nng cp tu duy
ca mnh ln mt dng cp khc ca tu duy cao hon dng cp tu duy d gy ra vn d.

Chnh dua trn tu tung ny, Seven Habits day ngui ta rng khi gp kh khn th noi du tin
d tm du mi ca truc trc chnh l bn thn mnh. Bt du bng cch tu nhn lai paradigms, c
tnh, gi trj v dng co ca chnh mnh thay v lc no cng d li cho hon cnh hoc cho
nhng ngui khc. Thay v ngh rng "the problem is out there, truc ht hy cnh bo mnh
rng kh nng cao nht l "the problem is right here, within yourself.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- ARISTOTL

C tnh ca mi ngui l tng hop ca nhng thi quen ca ngui d. Theo lut nhn qu, gieo
ngh, gt hnh dng gieo hnh dng gt thi quen gieo thi quen gt c tnh gieo c tnh, gt
s phn.

Chnh v vy m thi quen dng vai tr cuc ky to ln trong cuc sng ca chng ta. Nhiu khi ta
khng d l mnh c mt thi quen no d, nhung thi quen d vn tip tuc, ngy cng vng
chc hon, th hin c tnh ca ta v quyt djnh s phn ca ta.

Horace Mann, nh gio duc v dai c ln d ni, Thi quen nhu mt soi dy cp. Mi ngy ta chi
tt thm mt soi dy nh, v chi sau mt thi gian ngn kh lng m c th dt dt duoc soi
dy cp.

Ta c th tp nhim thi quen mi, cng c th "cai thi quen c. Qu trnh xy dung cng nhu
bi b mt thi quen l qu trnh lu di ch khng th mt chc mt lt m thuc hin duoc. Khi
tp nhim hoc "cai b di mt thi quen ngui ta phi thng duoc qun tnh tm l ca bn
thn. Luc cn ny ln nht khi mi bt du vic tp nhim hay "cai, ging nhu khi phng tu v
tru, vi giy du l nhng giy phi tp trung sc dy manh nht d thng luc ht ca tri dt.
Van su khi du nan m. Nu ban mun tp nhim mt thi quen tt, ban s gp nhiu kh khn
lc du, nhung khi ban d c thi quen d, chnh qun tnh m ban mi c duoc s gip ban dat
hiu qu cao hon trong cuc sng.

[nh ngha Thi quen.

Covey djnh ngha Thi quen l min giao nhau ca tri thc, k nng v mong mun (Habit is the
intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire). Tri thc duoc hiu l paradigm l thuyt ca mi
ngui, tr li cu hi lm g? tai sao lm? K nng tr li cu hi Lm th no? V mong mun
chnh l mun thuc hin hnh vi. c mt thi quen, ta phi c hi d c yu t ny.

Ly v du v mt ngui lc no cng chi thch ni m khng bit lng nghe v gp kh khn
trong quan h vi moi ngui xung quanh. rng anh ta cn hoc thi quen lng nghe ngui
khc ni. Nhung d c duoc thi quen ny truc ht anh ta phi hiu duoc Quy lut ca giao
tip nguingui d bit duoc rng anh ta cn phi lng nghe (tri thc). Sau d anh ta phi bit
phuong php lng nghe v mong mun lm vic d. V du ny tht don gin nhung n din t
cho chng ta thy, d tao mt thi quen chng ta cn phi tnh dn c khu vuc d.

Qu trnh thay di ca mi ngui ging nhu qu trnh di ln trn mt dung xoy trn c vi su
tuong tc gia "nhn thc v "sng. Seeing thay di Being v Being dn luot mnh lai thay di
Seeing. Bng cch sa di mt s thi quen ca mnh ban c th r b duoc paradigm ca
Personality Ethic. i khi qu trnh thay di l mt qu trnh kh khn, dau dn v cn phi c
lng dng cm mi thuc hin duoc. Hanh phc c th duoc djnh ngha l kt qu ca kh nng
v mong mun ca con ngui hy sinh ci mnh mun thi dim hin tai d dat duoc ci mnh
mun thi dim tuong lai.

(6) nterdependence

Mi con ngui bt du cuc di l mt tr so sinh, hon ton phu thuc vo su chm sc nng
niu ca ngui khc. Khng c ai chm sc th tr so sinh kh lng tn tai duoc. Khi d con
ngui trang thi Dependence.

Th ri thi gian tri qua, da tr kia dn dn ln ln, cng ngy cng tr nn dc lp hon v
cc phuong din: th cht, tinh thn, tnh cm, ti chnh. n mt ngy con ngui trung thnh,
c th tu chm sc duoc bn thn, bit tu ch. Con ngui d tr thnh Independence.

Khi con ngui ln ln na th s dn dn nhn ra rng moi su vt trn di du phu thuc ln
nhau, trong x hi moi c nhn v t chc cng phu thuc ln nhau nhu trong mt vng trn sinh
thi vy. Cuc sng v hanh phc ca con ngui phu thuc vo mi quan h gia ho vi nhng
ngui xung quanh ho. Mt s ngui pht trin dn cp d cao hon ca ndependence l Inter-
dependence.

Su pht trin ca con ngui l theo lut ca tu nhin. Mt ngui c th hon ton dc lp v th
cht nhung tinh thn th lai chua dc lp. Nhung c ngui phu thuc v th cht nhung tinh thn
th lai dc lp.

Ba trang thi trn dy th hin 3 paradigms khc nhau.

Paradigm ependence l paradigm kiu "b phi chm sc con, b lm h con, nu b khng
lm duoc, con bt dn b dy. Ngui dependence lun cn ngui khc cho ho ci m ho
mun. Ngui dependence v mt tnh cm di khi cm thy tu tin vo mnh, tung l mnh
independence, nhung su tu tin d c th tan bin rt nhanh khi ngui m ngui d dua vo bin
mt hoc thay di, kiu " nu em b anh th di anh t nay xung dc

Paradigm ndependence l paradigm kiu "Ti c th lm duoc, ti chju trch nhim, ti khng
phu thuc vo ai c, ti c quyn lua chon. Khi ti dc lp v mt tinh thn, ti c th diu khin
duoc ngh ca mnh hung dn noi m ti mun, ti c th sp xp v din dat ngh ca ti
theo mt cch m ngui khc c th hiu duoc. Khi ti dc lp v tnh cm, vic anh di x t
vi ti khng lm cho ti cm thy km tn trong chnh ti hon.

Paradigm nterdependence l paradigm kiu "chng ta c th lm duoc vic ny, chng ta c th
cng hop tc d sng tao nn ci g d ln hon ci m mt mnh ti hay ban c th lm duoc.
Ngui nterdependence c kh nng tp hop c gng ca mnh vi ngui khc d lm duoc
vic.

rng l ndependence cao hon ependence, nhung ndependence khng phi l mc cao
nht ca su pht trin. Tuy nhin paradigm ph bin ca x hi ngy nay l ndependence.
Covey gii thch xu hung d l phn ng tu nhin ca thi ky truc khi con ngui c t tu do
hon. Khi ngui ta mi thot ra khi cnh bj n l th ngui ta s thy dc lp l ci qu gi nht.
C l chnh v th m con ngui ta t khi ngh v tm hiu v khi nim interdependence (phu
thuc ln nhau), thm ch khi nim ny bj hiu lm l mt bin thi ca phu thuc, phu thuc ln
nhau cng l mt kiu phu thuc, nhiu ngui ght v so phu thuc.

ng l bn thn c lp d l mt trang thi tuyt vi, mt thnh cng ln, n cho ngui ta
quyn duoc sng nhu mnh mun. Th nhung dc lp khng phi l mc cao nht ca pht trin
v n khng ha hop vi lut ca tu nhin, lut ca vng trn sinh thi. thnh dat v c cuc
sng hanh phc ngui ta cn phi bit sng trong tp th, d bng th phi bit phi hop n vi
c di ch khng th lm ngi sao dng mt mnh.

nterdependence hon ton khc xa ependence. nterdependence l su lua chon chi c nhng
ngui ndependence mi c.

Nu ti l ngui nterdependent v tnh cm, ti tu hiu duoc gi trj ca bn thn mnh, ti yu
thuong v tn trong chnh mnh, nhung ti hiu rng ti cn phi yu thuong ngui khc v
duoc ngui khc yu thuong dp lai.

Nu ti l ngui nterdependent v mt tr tu, ti c tung, c ch kin ca ring ti, nhung ti
hiu r rng ti cn phi tp hop nhng tung hay nht ca ngui khc d kt hop vi nhng
g ca ti.

L mt ngui nterdependent ti c co hi duoc sng ht mnh, sng c ngha vi ngui khc,
v ngui khc, dng thi ti s dung duoc tim nng, ti nng ca nhng ngui khc quanh ti.

Nhng ngui ependent khng th chon tr thnh nterdependent duoc bi v ho khng qun l
duoc chnh bn thn mnh (they dont own enough of themselves).

(7) Ngng d trng vng Ngu ngn v quy lut cn bng PPC

L thuyt ca Seven Habits djnh ngha khi nim "hiu qu (effectiveness) dua trn quy lut rt
ra t cu chuyn ngu ngn Aesop ny. Covey goi tn l quy lut ny l lut cn bng PPC.

Chuyn k rng, ngy xua c mt bc nng dn ngho mt ngy kia thy con ngng ca nh
mnh d ra qu trng bng vng rng. Nhng ngy tip theo mi ngy con ngng du d cho
bc nng dn mt qu trng nhu th. Bc nng dn v qu mong tr nn giu c nht th gian,
d mt kin nhn v khng mun ngi doi d mi ngy chi duoc mt qu trng vng. Bc nng
dn m bung con ngng djnh ly ra tt c s trng vng. Nhung khi m bung ngng ra th bc
nng dn chng thy trng vng no m sau d bc cng chng bao gi c trng vng na.

T cu chuyn ny Covey rt ra quy lut. Hiu qu tht su cn bo dm duoc su cn bng gia
2 yu t: sn phm, kt qu mong mun (l nhng qu trng vng) v kh nng ca ti sn (con
ngng) c th sn xut ra sn phm vng, goi tt l Production (P) v Production Capability (PC).
Nu chi quan tm dn P m qun PC, th PC s gim v dn ngy no d chng c P m thu
hung ging nhu bc nng dn trong truyn trn. Nu chi quan tm dn PC m khng djnh
hung dn P th dn mt ngy no d cng s chng c P d m tn tai.

Hiu qu chnh l su cn bng gia P v PC. By gi chng ta theo chn Covey phn tch mt
s v du v cn bng PPC d hiu r hon ng dung ca quy lut ny trong cuc sng mun mu
mun v.

V co bn, con ngui c ba loai ti sn: vt cht, ti chnh v con ngui (physical, financial, and
human). Chng ta s phn tch v PPC balance di vi tng loai ti sn d.

Vi nm truc ti mua mt ti sn vt cht, mt ci my xn c. Ngy no ti cng dng m
chng bo tr. Ci my chay duoc 2 ma v bt du truc trc. Ti mang ra hng sa nhung
ngui ta bo my d qu t, c sa cng nay hng mai sa. Th l ci my gn nhu l v gi trj.
Gi m ti chju kh du tu vo PC mt cht d duy tr, bo dung n th dn nay c l ti vn
cn duoc hung djch vu ca ci my d (P). Tnh di tnh lai ti thy mnh dai, by gi ti phi
mua c c my mi th tn tin hon. Cch s dung ci my xn c ca ti tht l km hiu qu.

i vi ti sn ti chnh cng vy, P l loi nhun cn PC l du tu gc. Nu qu ham loi nhun
(interest) m lm thit hai dn du tu gc (principal) th hu qu cng tuong tu nhu vi cc ti
sn vt cht.

Trong lnh vuc con ngui, cn bng PPC cng quan trong khng km, thm ch cn quan trong
hon bi v chnh con ngui c quyn diu khin 2 loai ti sn nu trn. Mc d mt s ngui
khng nhn ra tm quan trong ca quy lut ny. Khi quan h nguingui d v, thit hai v ti
chnh, vt cht kh trnh khi, nhiu khi vt cht tr nn v ngha.

Trong quan h vo chng khi ngui ta ham thu ly qu trng vng l nhng diu c nhn mnh
mun m qun mt rng diu quan trong hon l phi bo v mi quan h gia 2 ngui, ho s tr
nn km nhay cm, khng bit diu, bt ljch su v c th c xu bung na. Khi con ngui, ging
nhu bc nng dn trong truyn ngu ngn, bj m qung v mun c qu trng vng, ho s thch
s dung nhng bin php d p dt, la di ngui khc thay v yu thuong v thng cm. Con
ngng khng bj m bung, nhung n bj m, cng ngy cng m nng v c th qua di.

Trong quan h gia cha me v con ci, v tr con cn phu thuc vo cha me, v rt yu dui v
tm l. Chi cn cc bc cha me thiu suy ngh mt cht, th d c th roi vo trang thi qun mt
tm quan trong ca PC m chi mun c ngay P. duy tr PC, cn phi ni chuyn vi tr, tm
hiu n, xy dung thin cm vi n v hun luyn n c nhng thi quen t don gin dn phc
tap. Cn nu mun c ngay sn phm tc th th chi cn p dt hay la di, qu d. Cha me va
to khe hon, va thng minh hon, cha me lun dng. V th nhiu ngui c th ngh: vic qui g
phi ni chuyn, gii thch di dng, ra lnh cho n, n phi lm theo, nu n khng nghe th
dnh cho my roi l phi nghe li ngay. Ho qun mt rng, nu lm cho da tr hiu duoc vic
n cn lm l dng v nn lm, kt qu c duoc ln hon rt nhiu. Ban s c mt da con bit
tu lm vic dng, bit sng c trch nhim khng cn ban phi cm roi dng bn canh doa nat.

Gi s ban mun phng ca con gi ban sach s, dy l P, qu trng vng v ban mun chnh
con gi ban tu don dep phng ca mnh, d l PC (con gi ban l con ngng). Nu ban c cn
bng PPC, con gi ban don dep phng mt cch vui v, khng cn ai nhc, v n bit vic d l
cn thit v n mun lm vic d. Khi d ban s hu mt ti sn v gi.

Th nhung nu ban chi bit tp trung vo P, mun c sn phm bng moi gi, ban s thy mnh
giuc gi, ni ni, doa nat, qut tho, phinh njnh, nh mi d con gi ban lm mt vic nh l don
phng. Nu ban lm vy PC s gim v hu qu th ban hiu qu r.

Covey k mt cu chuyn v PPC balance gia ng v con gi. Covey c thi quen xp ljch hen
h ring vi tng da con ca ng. Trong mt djp nhu vy ng lai gn c con gi nh v hi, con
mun b con mnh lm g ti nay, bui hen ring ca b con mnh? C b tr li: Khng sao du
b, lm g cng duoc a. Covey vn c gng hi: B ni tht dy, b con mnh s lm bt c vic
g con thch lm. Sau mt hi gng hi kh lu, c b mi ni: Con so vic con thch th b lai
khng thch du. Covey tr li: Khng du, bt ky d l vic g, nu con thch th b s thch m,
b cho con chon dy. C b th th: Nu th tht, th con thch di xem phim Star Wars, nhung
con bit b ght phim y lm, ln truc di xem b ng sut c bui, con bit b khng thch phim
vin tung, nhung nhu th cng khng sao du m. Covey tr li: khng, b mun dua con di
xem Star Wars ln ny. C b ni tip: Khng sao du b, b khng cn phi lo lng cho con,
khng xem Star Wars cng khng sao m, nhung b bit khng, b khng thch Star Wars v b
khng hiu ngha ca Hip s Jedi. B bit khng, nhng diu b day hoc tr ca b, ngui ta
cng day cc Hip s Jedi ging ht nhu vy. Tht vy khng? Nu th th nht djnh b con mnh
phi di xem ti nay.

V bui ti d, Covey ngi canh c con gi trong rap nhu mt cu hoc tr, nghe ging gii v
Star Wars. khng chi l mt b phim. l c mt paradigm v trit l ca cc Hip s Jedi.
l mt bui ti hanh phc m Covey s khng bao gi qun. khng chi l mt Sn phm
P bnh thung, d l mt mn qu v gi ca du tu lu di vo PC m Covey d kin nhn thuc
hin.

() Proactive l g?

Thi quen s 1 trong Seven Habits l "Be Proactive", buc du tin trong thi quen d tu ch
bn thn (Private Victory) trong s Seven Habits.

Proactive l mt t ng hin nay d duoc dng rt ph bin, nht l trong cc sch v qun trj
kinh doanh. Th nhung t t din djnh ngha t ny v c l trong ting Vit chua c thut ng
tuong duong. Sau dy chng ta s tm hiu v thi quen s 1 ny dng thi lm r ngha ca
thut ng ny.

Proactive l mt Paradigm ca nhn thc m Covey gii thiu v khuyn moi ngui s dung d
thay th cc Paradigm c. Vy cc paradigm c m chng ta thung s dung l g vy?

C paradigms ph bin trong x hi m ngui ta thung p dung d nhn thc v con ngui
thuyt di truyn, thuyt tm l v thuyt mi trung. Ba thuyt ny c th p dung cng vi nhau
hoc ring l. Nhiu ngui p dung c thuyt ny d nhn thc v chnh bn thn mnh:

Thuyt di truyn cho rng tnh cch ca ban l do ng b cha me d lai cho ban trong gen di
truyn. ng b nng tnh th chu cng nng tnh. Gi nh no, quai nh ny. Thuyt tm l cho
rng nhng diu kin tm l xung quanh ban trong qu trnh ban ln ln lm nn c tnh ca ban.
Nu b me ban t cho ban c diu kin giao tip vi ngui khc, khi ln ln ban s hay xu h
khi tip xc vi moi ngui. Nu ban thy mnh c li khi lm vic g d sai, chng qua l v ban
nh lai hi b bj phat khi ban khng ngoan. Thuyt mi trung cho rng mi trung xung quanh
quyt djnh c tnh ca ban, mi trung gm c vo chng, ngui yu, xp, c diu kin trung
lp, diu kin kinh t quc gia, vv. Mt hoc tt c cc yu t d lm nn c tnh ca ban.

Ba thuyt k trn c dim chung l du ta tua l lun trong thuyt phn xa c diu kin ca
Pavlov, thuyt bt dn cho ch n. Nu truc khi cho ch n ban lun bt dn, sau ny ban chi
cn bt dn th con ch s tit ra nuc bot. tung chung I mi ch th d duc tao dng
nn theo cch no d d phn ng Iai theo mt kiu nht d[nh, khi c mt tc nhn.

Nhung Covey d chi ra rng, khng th p dung paradigm p dung cho con ch d gii thch
dng hnh vi Tm l hi ca con ngui, bi v con ngui l mt ch th dc bit, rt dc bit.
Con ngui c thc (seIf-awareness), tc I kh nng t nhn thc v chnh mnh, v
hnh vi, gi tr[, v chnh paradigm ca mnh. Ging nhu Tn Hnh Gi c php phn thn, ai
cng c kh nng tu treo hn mnh ln trn nh nhn xung d tu nhn xt chnh bn thn mnh.
Con ngui cn c kh nng tung tuong na, ban c th ngi mt ch tung tuong mnh theo
thuyn trung Blood di phiu luu khp noi, ban cng c th tung tuong duoc mnh s ra sao
nu mnh thay di v p dung mt paradigm khc, thm ch ban c th nhm mt lai v tung
tuong duoc dm tang ca mnh s ra sao. Khng con vt no c th lm nhu vy duoc. Hai kh
nng dc bit ny ca con ngui l diu lm cho con ngui khc xa loi vt.

y th m, nhiu ngui trong chng ta, v khng bit m p dung mi nhng paradigm sai lch,
v th khng nhn bit duoc kh nng ca mnh, v dn dn pham hai sai lm cn bn: Mt l
dnh gi bn thn mnh qua nhng nhn xt ca x hi, moi ngui xung quanh v mnh. Khi x
hi dnh gi sai mnh th chnh mnh cng khng cn bit mnh l ai na. Hai l bung xui d
mc cho nhng diu kin tm l, di truyn v mi trung quyt djnh c tnh, theo d quyt djnh
s phn ca mnh khi gp tht bai th d li cho tt c nhng hon cnh, diu kin d.

Vy paradigm dng l g? chnh l Proactive. hiu proactive l g, chng ta hy nghe cu
chuyn v Victor rankl, mt nh tm l hoc ngui o thi, mt d t ca reud (vi hoc thuyt
cho rng c tnh ca mi ngui do thi tho u quyt djnh hon ton). ng d bj giam cm trong
trai tp trung ca c Quc . Cha, me, anh, chj v vo ca rankl du bj git trong trai tp
trung. Bn thn rankl phi chju nhng cuc hnh ha thp nhn phm. trong trai tp trung t
nhn hon ton mt tu do, khng th bit duoc s phn ca mnh vi pht na s ra sao. Mt
ngy kia trn trung dng mt mnh trong x lim cht chi ca c Quc , rankl nhn ra ci
m ng goi l "t do cui cng ca con ngui", tu do m th luc bao tn khng th ly di
duoc. c Quc c th kim sot duoc ton b mi trung xung quanh rankl, c th thch
hnh ha th xc rankl th no ty , nhung v rankl l mt con ngui c thc, bn cht ca
rankl khng thay di. T do ca FrankI I ng c quyn quyt d[nh nhng cc hnh d s
tc dng dn ng nhu th no.

Gia nhng cuc hnh ha thp nhn phm nht m rankl d phi chju dung(tc nhnstimulus)
v phn ng ca rankl lai vi tc nhn d (response), rankl d p dung phm cht qu gi
nht ca con ngui v tm duoc khong trng ca tu do, d l quyn duoc lua chon phn ng.

Nhu vy ta c luoc d: Tc nhn Quyn lua chon Phn ng
thay v: Tc nhn Phn ng

Chnh v ban c quyn lua chon trong moi trung hop, ban l ngui chju trch nhim cao nht
v cuc di ca chnh mnh. Ch trch nhim trong ting Anh l t ghp: responsibility
response ability, diu ny gii thch trch nhim l kh nng dp lai vi tc nhn. Paradigm
nhn nhn hnh vi ca con ngui theo cch ny chnh l Proactive. Nu ban hiu paradigm ny
v lun lun thuc hin lua chon ca chnh ban trong cuc sng ca mnh, ban l ngui
Proactive.

Nguoc lai ca Proactive l eactive. eactive l paradigm ca nhng ngui phn ng lai vi tc
nhn mt cch automatic, khng c thc, khng c lua chon. Ngui reactive thy cnh bun
th ngui cng bun, khng tu ch duoc khi duoc di x t t th vui v, hanh phc, khi bj di
x t th bun chn. Tm lai, ngui reactive mt quyn diu khin cuc di mnh, d mc cho
cm gic, hon cnh, diu kin v mi trung diu khin mnh. Nhiu ngui v bj tn tt, t dy,
bj bnh nan y th tu nhin nhn ra ci quyn lua chon ca mnh. C ngui t khi nhn duoc tin
mnh bj ung thu v chi cn sng thm duoc vi nm na, th tu nhin thay di, ho khng d li
cho cn bnh him c, m ho chon cch sng d khng ph hoi nhng ngy qu bu cui cng
ca cuc di. Chng ta l nhng ngui bnh thung, chng ta khng cn phi di vo t hay doi
dn khi bj tai nan th mi hiu duoc ci quyn lua chon ca mnh.

Hy tung tuong cuc di ban l mt v kjch m ban th vai chnh. Nu ban l ngui reactive,
kjch bn ban dng do b me ban, ng hng xm, thng ban cng trung, ngui yu c, vv... ,tp
th tc gi cng sng tc. Nu ban l ngui proactive, ban chnh l tc gi kjch bn cuc di ca
ban.

Bc Nguyn Vit cho ti xin li nh. Chuyn muc ca bc rt hay, rt nghim chinh v b ch
nhung d sao ti cng mun gip moi ngui hi hi ha ha mt lc.

Chng di cng tc xa v vi mt vali dy qu cho c vo thn yu. Va m ca ra th thy c vo
v tnh nhn dang h huc trn giung. Anh chng vi ni "Xin li d lm gin doan cc ban. Ti ra
bp pha tr truc nh, khi no xong mi c hai ra ung nuc". Anh tnh nhn mt ch A mn ch
O khng ni duoc cu no. Mt lc lu sau mi lp bp:
- Chng, ..., chng em bj, ..., bj lm sao th?
- , chuyn vt y m anh yu. Chng l hm ri thng cha doc duoc bi v proactive ca bc
Nguyn Vit 7 habits corner ri tuyn b s lm theo y m.

(9) Lm th no d do mc d Proactive ca mnh?

Khi d hiu khi nim Proactive v p dung nhng li khuyn ca Seven Habits, ban s dn dn
tr nn cng ngy cng Proactive hon. Vy lm th no d do mc d Proactive ca mnh.

Cch lm l nhn vo cch s dung thi gian v nng luong ca mnh. Mi ngui chng ta du
c hng loat nhng vn d m chng ta quan tm dn, no l sc khe, con ci, cng vic co
quan, c ngui cn quan tm dn c chuyn chin tranh quc gia khc na. Hy xp tt c
nhng mi quan tm d vo trong mt vng trn d tin theo di, vng trn d Covey goi l Vng
quan tm (Circle of Concern). Nhn k vo trong Vng quan tm ny ta s thy chi c mt s vic
m ta thuc su c nh hung dn duoc, ngoi ra c nhiu vic khc ta quan tm nhung khng
th c tc dng g duoc. Nu dt nhng vic m ta c nh hung ny trong mt vng trn goi l
Vng nh hung (Circle of nfluence) th vng trn ny thung b hon, nm gon ln trong Vng
quan tm.

Nu ban tp trung cng nhiu nng luong v thi gian ca ban trong Vng nh hung, mc d
Proactive ca ban cng cao.

Mt quy lut th vj m Covey nu ln l nu ban hoat dng nhiu trong Vng nh hung th n
s dn dn duoc m rng ra, ln dn vo Vng quan tm. Nguoc lai, nu ban dt cng nhiu
nng luong v thi gian ra ngoi Vng nh hung (v du: trch mc li lm v nhuoc dim ca
ngui khc, d li cho diu kin hon cnh kh khn) th Vng nh hung s bj co lai. L do l
nng luong v thi gian l dai luong c han, khi ta tiu ph ra ngoi pham vi nh hung, kt qu
l bng khng, nng luong bj tiu tn, Vng nh hung bj b trng, lng qun d nhin s teo lai
dn dn.

Hu ht moi ngui c Vng nh hung b hon Vng quan tm tr trung hop dc bit mt s
ngui giu c hoc c quyn luc vuot buc, Vng nh hung ca ho dc bit ln. Nu ho l
ngui Proactive th Vng quan tm ca ho t nht cng phi ln bng Vng nh hung, d dm
bo khng lng ph nng luong ca Vng nh hung. Nu Vng nh hung ln hon Vng quan
tm, ho l mt dang ngui eactive dc bit vi c tnh ch k.

Truc khi bt du vic tp trung thi gian v nng luc trong Vng nh hung ca mnh, ta cn
phi nhn thc duoc gii han ca Proactive. Mc d ban lun c quyn lua chon hnh vi ca
mnh, ban khng th lua chon duoc hu qu ca hnh vi d. Kt qu ca hnh vi do lut ca tu
nhin diu khin, lut ca tu nhin nm ngoi Vng nh hung ca chng ta. Mt thuong gia c
th chon cch lm n khng trung thuc, hu qu x hi truc mt ca hnh vi d c th l mt
doanh nghip lm n c nhiu li. Th nhung hu qu tu nhin di vi c tnh ca thuong gia d
th nguoc lai. Mi quan h gia hnh vi vi c tnh v s phn ca con ngui tun theo lut ca
tu nhin, d ta c bit lut d hay khng. Ta chi c th sa mnh theo quy lut, khng th b
cong quy lut cho va vi ta. Khi thuc hin mt hnh vi, ta d nht ly mt du ca cy gy,
pha du bn kia l hu qu, khng th chi nht ln mt du ca cy gy duoc.

Trong cuc sng khng khi c nhng lc ta lua chon sai lm vi nhng hu qu khng mong
mun. Trong nhiu trung hop ta khng th do nguoc duoc tnh th (undo), khng th diu
khin duoc hu qu. Sai lm nm ngoi Vng nh hung ca chng ta. Ngui proactive cn
phi hiu sai lm, tha nhn n, sa li v hoc t sai lm ca mnh. Bng cch ny sai lm ca
hm nay s gieo mm cho thnh cng ca ngy mai. Nhu T. J. Watson, ngui sng lp ra hng
BM d ni mistake is on the far side of failure.

Tm dim ca Vng nh hung

chnh gia Vng nh hung chnh l kh nng ha v gi li ha ca mi ngui. Kh nng
ha v gi li ha l bng chng xc thuc nht ca tnh cht Proactivity ca mi ngui.

Bng chng ny c ngha vi chnh bn thn ban nhiu hon vi ngui khc. Mi ln ban gi
duoc li ha, d l li ha vi chnh mnh m khng ai bit c, ban c thm lng tu tin vo nghj
luc ca chnh mnh. C khi d chi l mt vic rt nh, nhung khng phi v vic nh m bj lng
qun, bi v thc ca ban lun m to cp mt theo di. Nu ban kin nhn gi duoc li ha
vi chnh mnh, chi sau mt thi gian ban s thy lng tu tin, kh nng tu ch ca ban tng ln
trng thy. Ging ht nhu ban c mt ti khon tu trong ngn hng vy, mi ln ban gi duoc
li ha, ban s c thm mt khon tin gi qu bu. Mt ngy kia khi ban l mt ngui giu lng
tu trong, ban s lm duoc nhng vic ln hon, xoay chuyn c cuc di ca ban v tt c
nhng ngui trong d.

ng tht ha, d l nhng khon chi lm tht thot ti khon tu trong v mi ln diu d xy ra
thc ca ban tu thy gim mc d tn trong chnh ban di. Hoat dng ca ti khon tu trong ny
rt nghim khc, khng c li tt, khng c cch no khng phi c gng m lai c kt qu.
Thnh cng khng dn d dng. Mi ngui phi lao dng thuc su, phi chin thng duoc su yu
dui ca chnh mnh, d tr nn ln hon.

(10) Begin with the end in mind

Begin with the end in mind l tn ca thi quen th 2 do Covey dt, ngha ca n don gin l
khuyn ban nn hnh dung ra muc dch, kt qu cui cng ca hnh dng truc khi hnh dng.

V du don gin ca thi quen th 2 ny l vic ban xy mt ngi nh. Ban cn phi c thit k
ngi nh truc, uc luong truc ban s cn dn nhng nguyn vt liu g, ri mi bt tay vo
khi cng xy dung. Trn thuc t c l khng ai lai c bt tay vo v lm dn du th ngh dn
d c.

y nh l v du don gin, di vi nhng vic phc tap hon th sao? Covey nhn djnh rng trong
lnh vuc tm l hoc th moi th du duoc tao nn hai ln: ln du l tao vt trong tr tung tuong,
ln th hai mi l tao vt trn thuc t. Tao vt th hai bj nh hung manh m ca tao vt th
nht, d tho xy c u dn my th ngi nh trng cng phi kh ging vi bn v thit k. Th
nhung, nhiu khi bn v thit k cuc di ca ban lai khng phi do ban lm ra. Chnh v th
Covey khuyn ban nn hnh dung ra kt qu cui cng truc ht. Nhu vy ban s thuc su l tc
gi kjch bn cuc di ca chnh mnh (Be Proactive), v cui di ban s khng phi hi hn mnh
d lm nhng vic ngoi mun ca mnh.

M hnh don gin v hai tao vt trn th hin hai kha canh chnh trong cuc sng ca mi
ngui cng nhu trong qu trnh hoat dng ca mi doanh nghip: Lnh dao (leadership) v Qun
trj (management). Tao vt th 1 th hin kha canh Lnh dao. Tao vt th 2 th hin kha canh
qun trj. Vit Nam thut ng Lnh dao t duoc dng cho con ngui, t khi thy ai ni ti tu lnh
dao mnh, lnh dao l ngoai dng t, ngui ta thin v lnh dao ngui khc. Thuc ra, lnh dao
cng l ni dng t, lnh dao bn thn mnh mi l ci quan trong nht v phi thuc hin duoc
truc khi lnh dao duoc ngui khc. Su khc nhau gia Lnh dao v Qun trj l th hin trong
cu ni "Leadership is doing the right things, management is doing things right. Vai tr ca lnh
dao l djnh hung hnh dng, qun trj bo dm hiu qu ca hnh dng d. Nu lnh dao sai
lm th ging nhu ban c gng leo ln mt ci thang tre, d ban c leo nhanh dn my ban cng
s khng ti dch nu ngay t du ci thang d duoc bc vj tr sai. Khi nim Lnh dao v
Qun trj p dung cho c c nhn v t chc.

iu m Covey khuyn ban thng qua thi quen th 2 l chng ta khng nn chm qu su vo
su bn rn ca Qun trj, c gng dat hiu qu cao trong tng hnh dng cu th m qun mt
khng dnh ra cht t thi gian d ngh lai xem nhng vic mnh dang lm c phi l vic quan
trong v cn thit trong c cuc di mnh hay khng? Tnh trang ny chnh l nguyn nhn ca
khng hong trong cuc di ca mt s ngui, khi m gia nhng thnh cng vt cht ngui
ta chot nhn thy tt c nhng thnh cng d l hon ton v ngha.

thuc hin "Begin with the end in mind, Covey khuyn chng ta nn tu xc d[nh gi trj, vai tr,
muc dch di v ngn han ca mnh ch khng nn sng bung tri. Nghe th c v don gin
nhung dy l mt trong nhng vic rt kh, v nu khng cn thn th s d sa vo so rng v
gi di. Hy nh rng ta chi c th xc djnh, nhn thc duoc, ch khng th pht minh, bja ra
duoc muc dch ca cuc sng.

Vic du tin trong qu trnh "Begin with the end in mind l vic vit mt bn Personal Mission
Statement, tr li cu hi muc dch c cuc di ca ban l g? Tht l khng d d nhn thc
duoc mission in life ca mnh. Ti d tng hi nhiu ngui v rt t ngui tr li duoc cu hi
muc dch cui cng ca ho trong cuc sng l g, thm ch hu ht tr li rng dy l ln du tin
trong cuc di ho ngh dn diu d. Tht dng tic cho nhng ngui khng bao gi ngh dn
muc dch ca cuc sng. Sng nhu vy chng khc no di lang thang m khng bit mnh di v
du v sng d lm g?

xc djnh muc dch ca cuc sng, Covey khuyn mi ngui nn lm mt bi tp tm l, nhm
mt lai, tht tnh tm v gat b ht moi suy ngh khc v tung tuong dn dm tang ca chnh
mnh. Ngh dn ngy cui cng ca cuc di mnh c th gip lm cho ban hnh dung duoc ban
thuc su mun dat duoc diu g. Mt cch khc l ban c th tung tuong ban nhn duoc tin ca
bc s bo ban bj ung thu v chi cn sng thm duoc vi nm na m thi, vy trong thi gian
d ban s lm g? C l nhng vic m ban s quyt djnh uu tin thuc hin trong khong thi
gian qu gi nhung ngn ngi d s cho ban nhn ra diu quan trong nht trong cuc di ban v
t d ban c th hiu ra muc dch ca cuc di mnh.

Covey nhn djnh rng nhng ngui ng gp c nhng gi trj khc nhau lm tm dim ca c
cuc di. Nhng tm dim ph bin l: Gia dnh, Vo chng hay ngui tnh, Tin bac, Cng vic,
S hu, Khoi cm, Ban b, K th, Tn gio, Bn thn. Thng thung tm dim ca mi ngui
l noi cung cp cho ho su tu tin, tu trong, djnh hung trong cuc di, nghj luc v lng dng cm.

Tuy nhin, Covey nhn xt rng tm dim ca cuc di ban chnh l dim yu nht ca ban. Gi
s ban dua vo gia dnh mnh, coi d l tt c ca cuc di ban (dai da s ngui Vit nam thuc
nhm ny), hanh phc ca ban cng vn c th c nguy co bj de doa. B me c th l nhng
ngui c tm nhn, tm hiu bit han ch, c th mc sai lm, con ci c th tr nn hu hng, vo
chng c th dt nhin thay lng di da. Trong nhng trung hop d ban s cm thy bt hanh
v ngun cung cp su tu tin, djnh hung, nghj luc tu nhin bj mt di. Ban s l g nu ban khng
cn tt c nhng diu d? C ngui khi roi vo hon cnh nhu vy th chuyn tm dim t gi trj
ny sang gi trj khc.

Covey khuyn rng, cch tt nht l khng nn dt mt trong nhng gi trj nn trn vo tm dim
ca cuc di mnh, m nn dt Quy lut vo d (xem bi Hy sng theo quy lut dng trong cng
chuyn muc ny). l su lua chon dng dn nht, cho ban cuc sng lun lun bnh an v ha
hop vi v tru. Nhung d khng phi l lua chon d dng, d nhn thc v ci dt quy lut ca
v tru vo bn thn mnh di hi mt qu trnh lu di v nhiu n luc.

(11) Put irst Things irst
y l thi quen s ca 7 thi quen. Put irst Things irst hiu don gin l thi quen Sp xp
v thuc hin cng vic theo trt tu uu tin (rganie and execute around priorities). y l thi
quen ca Qun l thi gian (Time Management)

Tai sao Time Management lai quan trong dn vy? Nu thuc hin thi quen s 1 (Be Proactive)
ban s khng djnh rng ban l tc gi kjch bn cuc di ban, thuc hin thi quen s 2 (Begin
With the End in Mind) ban hnh dung ra duoc ci dch ca ton b v kjch, th thi quen th
ny chnh l thi quen gip ban Thuc hin kjch bn do ban sng tc trn thuc t, tng ngy tng
gi.

V vy, mc d phn vit v Time Management ca Covey hoi c phn t nhat hon nhng phn
truc d, ni dung ny xng dng duoc quan tm nhiu bi v nhu c ban d tm su trn Seven
Habits Corner ny v chnh Covey cng d tng d cp, nhn thc ra duoc vn d rt quan
trong, nhung thuc hin duoc n trn thuc t (walk the talk) mi dem lai kt qu mong mun. L
thuyt chng c ngha nu khng mang lai kt qu. C l chnh v vy m sau cun Seven
Habits, Covey d vit tip cun sch irst Things irst, chi d gii quyt ring vn d Time
Management.

Tm lai irst Things irst goi cho chng ta mt phuong php qun trj thi gian nhm muc dch
ti uu ha hiu qu sng. Covey d tng hop cc phuong php qun trj thi gian c nhn ca
con ngui v chia cc phuong php ra cc nhm khc nhau, nhm sau pht trin dua trn kt
qu ca nhm truc:

Qun trj so dng nht bng cch ghi chp danh sch vic cn lm (checklist) vo mt mnh
giy v mi khi lm xong mt vic th gach vic d khi danh sch. u dim ca phuong php
ny l gip nh duoc cc muc tiu ngn han, gi duoc mc tp trung tu tung cao, chi tp
trung vo kt qu ca hnh dng. Nhuoc dim ca phuong php ny l lm cho ngui s dung
qun mt truc toa d thi gian, c tin vic no th lm vic d, v khng c goi d ngui s
dung nh ra nhng vic nm ngoi danh sch.

Qun trj bng ljch cng tc vi cc vic cn lm, thi han ghi r trn ljch. Phuong php ny uu
vit hon phuong php checklist v n dt cng vic vo truc toa d thi gian, th tu cc vic r
rng v n gip ngui ta lp k hoach truc cho hoat dng trong tuong lai. Tuy nhin, nhuoc
dim ca phuong php ny l di vi nhng ngui qu bn rn nhu cc gim dc doanh nghip
hay nhng ngui d c gia dnh, c con nh chng han, khi s dung ljch lm vic th ngui ta s
c xu hung xp tt c moi vic vo ljch biu bt k dn mc d quan trong ca n. Hu qu l
con ngui tr thnh n l ca quyn ljch, qun mt mnh lm tt c nhng n luc d d lm g.

Phuong php cao hon na khng chi s dung checklist v ljch m hung ngui ta xc djnh vai
tr v muc dch di han truc v sp xp cng vic trn ljch biu trn co s uu tin cng vic
quan trong truc.

Trong khi tha nhn nhm th l phuong php qun l c nhn uu vit hon trong c phuong
php trn, Covey nhn xt rng tt c cc phuong php d chi gip qun l cng vic v thi
gian, th nhung thi gian khng quan trong bng nhng mi quan h v kt qu cui cng. V
th Covey c gng xy dung nn phuong php qun l c nhn Th h th Tu vi mong mun
khc phuc duoc nhuoc dim ca tt c cc phuong php khc.

Covey trnh by khi nim ca ng v qun trj thi gian dua trn mt ma trn chi c 2 ct tn l
Gp v Khng gp, v 2 hng l Quan trong v Khng quan trong:



Gp Khng gp



Quan trong







Khng quan trong V






Theo ma trn trn ta c cc nhm cng vic sau:

s l nhng vic gp v quan trong, v du nhu nhng du n c thi han sp kt thc, nhng
vic di hi phi gii quyt ngay.

s l nhng vic quan trong nhung khng gp, v du nhu nhng hoat dng cng c
Production Capability (PC em bi PPC Balance), xy dung nhng mi quan h, pht hin co
hi mi, lp k hoach di han, gii tr.

s l nhng vic khng quan trong nhung lai gp, v du nhu doc thu qung co unk mails,
du nhng cuc hop khng quan trong. V du ng nghnh ca vic gp m khng quan trong l
khi din thoai reo chung. t ai c th mc k din thoai reo chung m khng tr li, nhung c
rt nhiu c din thoai tht ra ch quan trong cht no, tr li nhng c din thoai d chnh l ph
thi gian lm nhng vic gp m khng quan trong.

s V l nhng vic khng quan trong v cng khng gp. l nhng vic hon ton lm ph
thi gian. C mt s cuc din thoai, thu t v hoat dng c th lm cho ngui ta thch th
nhung ngho nn v c gi trj thu gin tinh thn v khng dem lai kt qu g, d l nhng vic
xp vo nhm ny.

ua trn phn loai ny, Covey nhn xt rng:

Nhng ngui chi bit tp trung vo vic trong s th s ca ho ngy cng phnh to. Ho
lun cng thng, sut ngy dui theo ht thi han ny dn con khng hong khc. Ho s s
dung 90 thi gian trong s v 10 thi gian cn lai v ho qu cng thng nn ho s s
dung ht trong s V.

Nhng ngui chi tp trung vo s v V l nhng ngui hon ton v trch nhim di vi
cuc sng ca chnh mnh. Mun thnh dat th ngui ta phi c gng gim hoat dng trong s
v V dn mc ti da. Mun thnh dat cn phi bit t chi nhng vic khng quan trong, bi
v nu ban thuc hin nhng vic khng quan trong ban s khng cn thi gian v nng luong d
thuc hin nhng vic quan trong.

s l quan trong nht. Tp trung vo s dem lai cn bng, su sng sut, k lut v
tnh tu ch. Th nhung nhiu khi ngui ta qun mt chnh ci quan trong nht, chi don gin, v
n khng gp. Ngui ta c th sng c cuc di bn rn m chng dat duoc g vo lc cui di.

Covey goi mi ngui truc ht nn tu tr li cu hi sau: Lit k nhng vic Iin quan dn
di sng c nhn, ngh nghip ca ban m nu ban thc hin duc thung xuyn s dem
Iai cho ban kt qu cc k tt dp, nhung hin nay ban vn chua thc hin?

Nhng vic m ban lit k duoc chc chn s nm trong s , bi v ban d bit rng n rt
quan trong nhung ban lai chua thuc hin, chng t vic ny khng gp, khng c ai dt ra thi
han cho ban c. Hy ch dn nhng vic trong danh sch ny v su ch ny c th lm tng
cht luong cuc sng ca ban ln rt nhiu.

tu nhc nh mnh khng qun cng vic, mi ngui nn tm ly mt cng cu qun l c nhn
(khng chi l qun l thi gian v cng vic) ph hop.

V du, mt nghin cu vin vi cuc sng don gin ngy ngy dn phng th nghim theo dui
mt vi tung pht minh ra ci g mi, khng c nhiu cuc hop trong mt ngy khng nht
thit phi lp k hoach hng ngy. C khi lp ra k hoach hng ngy xong nhn vo th thy tht
bun cui v thy hu nhu ngy no cng ging ngy no c. Mt ngui nhu vy c th thch
quay tr lai vi mt ci checklist don gin l mt t giy A4 gp lm 4 trn d ghi khong
tung v 10 vic khng nn qun, d trong ti dt qun b d du cng c th li ra xem duoc.
Tuy nhin ci checklist d nn duoc cp nht hng tun v hai l do, mt l t giy d trong ti
qun b sau 1 tun s bj nt v cn thay th, hai l theo Covey mi tun nn c thi quen dnh
ra mt khong thi gian nho nh, c khi chi l 0 pht d ngh xem trong tun tip theo cn phi
lm g, c nhng vic s xy ra (v du sinh nht ai s dn, dm cui ban no khng th khng
du hoc gi qu, vv..). V mt tm l, nu ban khng cp nht danh sch d trong mt khong
thi gian di hon 1 tun, nhiu kh nng ban s dn dn qun mt thi quen nhn lai danh sch
vic ca mnh. Khi d tp thnh thi quen th chi vi 0 pht d ngui ta c th d d khng chi
lit k ra cng vic m cn c d thi gian d Cn bng danh sch ca mnh, tc l dt su ch
dng mc vo cc vic, phn chia th tu uu tin ph hop vi muc dch v tm quan trong.

Nguoc lai, mt doanh nhn, lut su bn rn vi vi ba chuc cuc hen mt ngy c th cn dn
ljch lm vic chi tit dn tng pht ghi trong mt quyn s hen dy cp hay mt chic my tnh
b ti palm pilot. i vi nhng ngui ny Covey khuyn khng nn tr thnh n l ca thi gian
biu, cn phi ginh thi gian nhn lai muc dch lu di ca mnh, vai tr ca mnh. Vic sp xp
trt tu uu tin cng vic hng tun cng rt quan trong.

Cho d ban chon s dung cng cu no hy ghi nh nhng diu sau dy:

Cn phi duy tr su hi ha gia muc dch cui cng ca cuc di vi muc dch ngn
han, vai tr v th tu uu tin cng vic.
Cn phi gi thng bng trong cuc sng, gia cng vic bn rn vn cn phi ch
dn nhng vic c ngha lu di nhu sc khe, tinh thn v quan h vi moi ngui.
Con ngui khng phi l n l ca thi gian biu. Cn phi bit cch t chi kho nhng
vic khng quan trong v "Lp k hoach thuc hin nhng vic quan trong thay v "Sp
dt th tu uu tin nhng vic d c sn trn thi gian biu. (Not priotize what's on your
schedule, but to schedule your priorities)
Con ngui quan trong hon cng vic. Muc dch lp ra ljch biu l d phuc vu cho chnh
ban v duy tr quan h tt dep ban c vi moi ngui. Phuc vu con ngui mi l muc dch
cui cng.
Cng cu ban s dung nn gon nhe v d mang theo ngui. C vy th cng cu mi thuc
su c hiu qu.


bt du, hy chon mt cng cu ph hop vi mnh v dua trn Mission Statement ban vit
duoc sau khi doc bi Be Proactive v Begin with the End in Mind v bt du lp k hoach tun,
sau d dua k hoach tun vo thuc hin tng ngy. iu quan trong l cn phi tao thnh thi
quen. Buc du c th kh khn, qun tnh m. Nhung sau khi d thnh thi quen th ban s
thy hiu qu tt dep.





Tnh dn hm nay, nu cc ban d doc qua 11 bi ti vit (hay dng hon l luoc djch 7 habits v
thm v du theo hiu ca ti), c l ban d hiu duoc mt s khi nim tng qut v tung
ch dao ca 7 habits nhu Paradigm v Paradigm Shift, Habits, Quy lut cn bng PPC, cng
nhu cng ti lut qua thi quen du tin trong 7 thi quen m Covey dua ra.

C l by gi l thi dim ph hop d chng ta nhn lai v sp xp nhng g chng ta d bit v
s tm hiu thm v 7 habits theo mt cch d nh. Mi cc ban nhn vo so d dui dy

Trn so d ny ban s thy r cch trnh by ca Covey. Mi ngui c th pht trin c tnh ca
mnh qua tng t ependence thp nht ln dn ndependence bng cch rn luyn thi
quen du tin l Be Proactive, Begin with the End in Mind, Put irst Things irst. Sau d bng
cch luyn thi quen tip theo l Think WinWin, Synergie v Seek irst to nderstand then to
be nderstood c th pht trin c nhn ln buc tng cao hon l nterdependence.

Thi quen cui cng l Sharpen the Saw l thi quen cui cng nhn manh vo quy lut cn
bng PPC d duy tr hiu qu ca cuc sng.

Kt thc giai doan tin t phu thuc dn dc lp ngui ta c duoc Private Victory, tc l ginh
duoc quyn tu ch bn thn mnh. Khi v chi khi d tu ch bn thn tt ngui ta mi c th tin
ln buc tip theo l Public Victory, tr nn thnh dat trong gia dnh, nh trung, x hi, trong
cng dng, trong mi quan h tuong tc vi moi ngui. Cng ging nhu ngui Vit Nam ta
thung hay ni v qu trnh trung thnh ca ngui qun t l t Tu thn dn T gia ri mi Trj
quc, Bnh thin ha.

Sau dy ti s tam dng vit bi mi v Public Victory trong 10 ngy. Trong thi gian ny mi
cc ban tham gia bn lun v dua ra cu hi, kin, nhn xt, kinh nghim v suy ngh ca cc
ban v nhng phn ti d trnh by.

Sau thi gian tam dng ny ti s tip tuc vit v 4 thi quen cn lai ca 7 habits. Chc moi
ngui vui v khe.

(1) WinWin Paradigm

Chng ta lai tip tuc hnh trnh Seven Habits. Tip theo trong bi ny ti xin duoc trnh by v
thi quen tu duy theo Paradigm WinWin (thi quen s 4). y l paradigm quan trong nht d
ngui ta dat duoc su thnh dat trong x hi (Public Victory) dua trn diu kin tin quyt l su tu
ch c nhn d dat duoc thng qua luyn tp thi quen du tin ca Seven Habits (Private
Victory).

Truc khi buc vo phn tch chi tit v thi quen Think WinWin ny ti d nghj rng cc ban
doc qua bi Ti khon tnh cm do Lucifer dng. cng l mt bi luoc t cun Seven Habits,
v c ni dung lm nn tng cho thi quen Think WinWin m chng ta s tm hiu sau dy. Nu
ban no d hoc dai hoc Vit Nam th chc ban s nhn thy rng m hnh Ti khon tnh cm
chnh l mt cch don gin d trnh by quy lut trit hoc Bin di v luong dn dn bin di v
cht d duoc ging day kh rng ri. Tng khon tit kim nho nh hng ngy vo ti khon tnh
cm s xy dung nn lng tin, v lng tin thay di tnh cht ca mi quan h. Lng tin l co s
cho vic p dung paradigm WinWin.

Vy WinWin cu th l g? chi don gin l mt paradigm, mt ci m ting Anh goi l frame
ofmind m khi p dung n d nhn nhn nhng mi quan h gia con ngui vi nhau ngui ta
s lin tuc tm kim v tm thy loi ch ca tt c cc bn tham gia quan h. hiu r paradigm
WinWin c l nn dnh cht thi gian so snh n vi 4 paradigm khc cng kh thng dung
trong quan h ca con ngui. Mi paradigm ny ging nhu mt kiu phn mm d duoc ci vo
b nh ca mi c nhn. Mi ngui hnh dng ty thuc vo phn mm thung tr trong b nh
vy. Nu hm nay ban rnh ri, ti d nghj rng ban dnh cht thi gian kim tra lai h thng
xem ban dang chay phn mm th h no. Bit du diu d s c loi cho tuong lai ca ban.

Win-Lose

WinLose l paradigm ca canh tranh: "Nu ti thng th anh thua. t nhiu ngui bj ci dt
paradigm WinLose ngay t khi cn b. Khi mt da tr bi so snh vi da tr khc v tnh yu,
su thng cm, chm sc duoc thuc hin dua trn su so snh d, da tr s hnh thnh
paradigm WinLose. Khi tnh yu thuong duoc dua ra theo mt diu kin no d, da tr duoc
ngm day rng chnh n khng dng yu, khng c gi trj. Gi trj nm ngoi n. Kt qu l da
tr s tu duy theo kiu nhu th ny: "Nu mnh gii hon anh Hai, mnh s duoc Ba me yu hon,
hoc "B me khng yu mnh bng em b, v em b xinh dep hon. Sau ny khi ln ln,
paradigm WinLose lai duoc cng c k lung trong trung hoc noi thi c v xp hang c v l
vn d quan trong nht. Tr em cng d tin rng gi trj ca mt con ngui chnh l ch con
ngui d c hon duoc ngui khc hay khng. Mt quan nim cuc ky sai lm v tai hai. Sau ny
trong th thao, trong noi lm vic, trong ta n, ngui ta lai cng nhn thy nhiu bi cnh Win
Lose hon na. rng l paradigm WinLose c co hi thng trj x hi loi ngui.

y th nhung paradigm WinLose chi nn p dung trong nhng mi quan h c t lng tin (low
trust situations), v phn ln cc bi cnh trong cuc di khng phi l mt cuc thi, mt cuc
canh tranh. Ban hy ngh xem, ban di hoc l d c thm hiu bit, nn vic ban bit duoc bao
nhiu mi l quan trong, ch vic ban bit nhiu hon cc ban cng lp bao nhiu th phng c
ngha g? Nu ban sng trong cuc canh tranh, chay dua vi ban b, dng nghip, hng xm, vi
vo, chng, con ci ban, v th ban lun l ngui chin thng, liu diu d c mang lai loi ch thuc
su g khng? Nhn ra su c mt ca paradigm WinLose khng kh, ngui nhim paradigm ny
s c xu hung thch s dung vj th, quyn luc, ti sn v th doan d p dt ngui khc,
thung khi thng th kiu, khi bai th nn.

Lose-Win

LoseWin l paradigm l bin th ca WinLose xut hin nhng ngui d duoc ci phn mm
WinLose nhung lai gp qu nhiu tht bai hoc qu thiu nghj luc. Nhng ngui theo phi
LoseWin ny d dng chju thua. Ngui WinLose thung yu qu ngui LoseWin nhu h yu
lon vy. Vn d l ch ngui LoseWin thung phi chn giu nhng cm xc ca mnh (su
thm bn trong ho vn l tu duy WinLose), vic ny dn dn tn thuong v tm l, tm thn v
tt s dn dn tn thuong trong cc mi quan h.

t nhiu ngui sng nhu mt chic qu lc dng h, chao do gia hai thi cuc l WinLose v
LoseWin. Covey nhn xt rng c hai paradigm ny du l paradigm ca nhng ngui yu dui
v mt tm l.

Lose-Lose

Khi hai ngui du thuc phi WinLose gp nhau, hai con ngui bung binh v dy quyt tm
gp nhau kt qu s l LoseLose. C hai du s tht bai v du mun tr da nhung khng hiu
rng st nhn chnh l tu st, tr th l con dao hai lui. LoseLose l paradigm ca chin tranh,
paradigm "lung bai cu thuong.

Win

C mt s ngui chi don gin ngh dn thng loi ca mnh m khng nht thit phi nhn thy su
tht bai ca ngui khc. Ho coi diu d l khng quan trong, min l ho dat duoc ci m ho
mun. Trong nhng bi cnh khng c su canh tranh di du, Win l paradigm thng dung nht.
p dung paradigm ny ngui ta thung chi quan tm dn tu bo v quyn loi ca mnh cho tht
tt, mc k cc bn khc, ai c thn ngui y lo.

Vy trong s paradigms trn, ci no I tt nht? Cu tr li l cn ty thuc vo tnh
hung.

Nu ban choi th thao, d nhin ban thng th phi c ngui khc thua. i khi thi dua cng tao
nn su hp dn th vj c trong kinh doanh. Paradigm WinLose l ph hop trong trung hop
ny. Tuy nhin nu ban trong mt t chc, mt cng ty hay gia dnh v ban mun c su hop
tc cht ch gia nhng c nhn trong t chc d, dng bao gi dai dt thit lp nn mt h
thng dua trn paradigm WinLose, n s ph hng mi quan h trong t chc ca ban.

Trong mt s tnh hung mi quan h quan trong hon diu m ngui ta dang tranh nhau. Trung
hop d ban c th dng LoseWin. C ngui con bj b dnh oan m khng ci lai, v khng
mun lm cho b bun, d l mt v du. Thng loi khng phi bao gi cng tt.

Trong mt s tnh hung khc ban chi cn ngh dn thng loi ca mnh thi v Win l paradigm
ph hop. V du khi ngui thn ca ban gp nguy him, cu ho l quan trong nht, th c ai cn
ngh dn loi ch ca nhng ngui khc na. Gi s ngui thn ca ti bj m m chi c sng t
gic trng hay cao h ct mi cha khi, th mang cc chuyn gia sinh thi dn bo ti l dng
cc sn phm d l hy dit dng vt him, chc ti cng ch bao gi thm nghe. l mt v
du.

iu quan trong m Covey nhc nh chng ta l khi dng truc mt hon cnh cu th dng tu
dng p dung paradigm no d vo su vic (ph bin nht l paradigm WinLose). Hy suy ngh
truc khi hnh dng. Bi v da s cc mi quan h du mang tnh cht phu thuc ln nhau
(nterdependence), trong da s cc trung hop paradigm WinLose khng mang lai kt qu g tt
dep c.

Covey d phn tch v dn gii rt cu th vic p dung WinWin trong cuc sng th no.
p dung paradigm WinWin trong cuc sng, cn phi hiu thm mt s khi nim nhu sau:

1. Trong dai da s cc trung hop nu khng tm duoc gii php WinWin, hai bn cng c loi
th lun c mt phuong n rt don gin l khng thit lp quan h (No eal). Nu muc dch, gi
trj ca hai bn tri nguoc nhau, gii php tt hon l khng thit lp quan h, khng tao ra o
tung v hai bn c th chia tay vui v khng vuong vn. Khi nhn ra phuong n No eal con
ngui ta c tm duoc tu do v tm l. Phuong php Win-Win or No DeaI nn duoc s dung
nhiu nht trong giai doan du khi ngui ta thit lp mt mi quan h v c th khng ph hop
trong mt s mi quan h m No eal khng p dung duoc.

2. WinWin phi duoc xy dung trn nn mng l c tnh. Trong lnh vuc dao dc hoc th Win
khng don thun l st duoc qu bng vo lui. Truc khi xc djnh tm phuong n WinWin,
ngui ta cn phi hiu Win l g? V th nguyn nhn su xa nht ca nhng tht bai trong quan
h x hi chnh l nhng khuyt tt trong c tnh. debug duoc khi gp tht bai ngui ta nn
tm trong c tnh th s c kh nng tm thy cn nguyn ca vn d.

. thuc hin duoc WinWin cn dat duoc su Trung thnh v tm l. Covey djnh ngha don
gin, trung thnh l trang thi cn bng gia Dng cm v Bit diu. Nu mt ngui c th d
ng cm d by t duoc cm ngh v dnh gi ca mnh v cn bng diu d vi cm ngh v
dnh gi ca ngui khc, con ngui d duoc coi l d Trung thnh. Nu tha ng cm v
thiu Bit diu th s thnh ngui WinLose, cn nguoc lai th lai l ngui LoseWin. Cn dat
duoc su cn bng gia hai yu t.

4. ng ngh hanh phc I mt ci chn hp, ngui ny m th ngui kia rt. Nhng ngui bj
nhim paradigm ny (goi l Scarcity MentaIity c th goi l Tu duy Ngui khn ca kh) kh
m chia x loi ch, quyn luc, tn nhim vi ngui khc, v th ho kh dat duoc su thng cm,
kh tha nhn duoc ci tt ca ngui khc. Khi thy ngui khc thnh dat, ngui c tu duy kiu
Ngui khn ca kh ny khng thuc su vui v duoc (k c khi ngui khc d l ngui thn ca
ho). Nhiu khi khi thy ngui khc thnh cng th ho ngm ngm ghen tj, mong ngui khc gp
ri ro d c duoc su "cng bng. Ngui c Scarcity Mentality sng c cuc di d so snh, d
ghen tj m lun lun dau kh v khng bao gi thy duoc gi trj tt dep ca chnh mnh (v khi di
tm gi trj ho nhn ra ngoi trong khi gi trj lai bn trong, tm sai ch nn tm hoi khng thy).
tao nn tng cho paradigm WinWin cn phi ngh theo tu duy Abundance MentaIity, tc l
hanh phc c d v c tha cho tt c moi ngui.

. tao duoc mt mi quan h WinWin, diu kin tin quyt l phi c mt Ti khon tnh
cm vi s du cao. S du cao chnh l biu hin ca lng tin dy p v d l co s d ngui ta
tr nn ci m v d chp nhn nhng phuong n mi.

6. duy tr mi quan h WinWin cc bn nn tha thun ngay t du th no l WinWin,
ging nhu mt th hop dng bnh dng gia cc bn. Cn phi tha thun duoc cc dim chnh
gm kt qu mong mun, cch thuc hin, ngun luc v trch nhim ca cc bn. im ny nghe
th don gin nhung n hon ton khc vi approach WinLose v v th di hi mt paradigm
shift. V du don gin l trong gia dnh thung b me p dt k lut cho con ci, diu d chp
nhn duoc khi con ci cn b. Khi con ci dn tui sp trung thnh (teenage) cn phi tao
paradigm shift sang WinWin. Thay v k lut p dt mt chiu (s lm tn thuong trm trong ti
khon tnh cm v lm mt tnh tu ch ca con ci) b me c th s dung tha thun bnh dng
gia hai bn theo nguyn l WinWin. Trong chuyn m Covey k, khi con gi ng d 16 tui ng
d p dung dng bi ny, tao mt tha thun v vic s dung t gia dnh. C con gi duoc
quyn s dung t ca b me mua vi diu kin khng duoc pham lut giao thng, gi xe sach
s, thinh thong th phi lm ti x taxi khng chuyn dua me di cho. ng b phi cung cp xng
v mua bo him v hai bn s gp mi tun mt ln trong pht d xem vic thuc hin hop
dng th no. Nu mt bn vi pham, hop dng s chm dt. Hop dng ny d trnh by r mong
mun ca hai bn ngay t khi bt du, r rng l c hai bn du c loi. Thay v hng ngy phi
dua con di hoc, gi dy Covey c th yn tm l c con gi s tu lo ly, thm ch cn bit li xe
dua me di cho na. V tha uc ny l do chnh c b kia dng gp trong qu trnh bn bac ch
khng phi bj p dt, c b thuc hin tt c cc ngha vu d vui v khng cn ai nhc nh.
Covey cng chi cn nhn dn kt qu ch khng cn phi k k p dt tng buc di vi k lut
v trng phat.

(14) Hoc cch lng nghe
Hy tung tuong mt ban nhn khng r lm v ban dn khm bc s nhn khoa. Sau khi nghe
ban k lai triu chng ng bc s tho cp knh ng ta dang deo v dua cho ban: "Cu deo cp
knh ny di, tt lm dy, ti d deo 10 nm v ti nhn rt r khi deo knh ny. Ti cn mt cp
na nh, cu c gi ly m dng"

Ban deo cp knh ln v ku ln "i tri, ti ch nhn thy g na". V ng bc s tt bung: "Lm
g c chuyn d, ti deo nhn r lm m, c ln cht na di". "Ti dang c gng dy, nhung moi
vt du m, ch thy g c". "No, c ln cht na no, cu phi bit suy ngh tch cuc, phi lac
quan ch". "Vng, ti lc no m ch lac quan, nhung ti c nhn thy g du, t lc deo knh ca
bc s". "Ny anh ban tr, anh tht l qu dng, ti gip anh th m anh n di x vi ti th ?"

Ban ngh th no v hoat cnh ny? Ln sau ban c cn quay lai khm ng bc s ny na
khng? rng l khng. Bc s th phi khm truc khi k don v nu bc s khng khm m
c k don ba th khng th tin duoc.

Th nhung ban hy nhn lai chnh mnh. Tung tuong khi ban ni chuyn vi mt ngui khc,
ban l ng bc s nhn khoa cn ngui kia l bnh nhn. Ban c "khm" truc khi "k don"
khng? Hay l ban ton k don ba m khng cn khm. on thuc m ban k cho moi ngui
l g? Chnh l nhng kinh nghim ca ban, hiu bit ca ban, paradigm ca ban. Moi ngui
cng ging nhu ban thi. Chng ta du c xu hung thch bt ngui khc deo knh ca mnh,
nhp khu gii php ca mnh m khng cn ngh dn l liu knh deo vo ngui ta nhn c sng
hon khng? Gii php p dung c hop khng? Lm nhu vy cho d chng ta c thin , liu
chng ta c gip duoc ngui khc khng?

V th Steven Covey khuyn moi ngui nn "Seek First to Understand, Then to Be
Understood", tc l trong qu trnh giao tip vi ngui khc th truc ht phi lng nghe v hiu
ngui khc, truc khi bt ngui ta tm hiu v mnh. y l Quy lut cn bn ca giao tip trao
di thng tin (interpersonal communication) gia con ngui vi nhau. Quy lut ny duoc dc kt
dua trn co s bn cht tm l, x hi v tnh cm ca con ngui. Hy cng xem Covey phn
tch su v Quy lut ny.

Mi quan h gia C tnh v Giao tip

Loi ngui c 4 knh Giao tip d trao di thng tin l nghe, ni, doc, vit. Ai hoc ngoai ng cng
du phi luyn c 4 k nng ny. Kh nng s dung thnh thuc 4 k nng ny l cuc ky quan
trong trong cuc di mi ngui, nht l di vi nhng ngui lao dng tr c. Nhung ban hy th
ngh xem, ban d tri qua bao nhiu nm tp doc, vit v ni. Th cn k nng lng nghe? Ban
d qua kha hoc no day lng nghe bao gi chua?

ai da s chng ta chua qua do tao v Nghe. Thm ch ln du tin nghe thy khi nim ny.
Mt s ngui d doc qua loai sch "personality ethic kiu nhu c Nhn Tm, ho duoc day mt
t th doan gi v lng nghe, no l gt gt du, nhc lai vi t cui trong cu m ngui di din
va ni, thinh thong mim cui d ly lng.

Th nhung, hy ngh mt cch tht logic xem. Nu ban mun sng v lm vic vi vo con, dng
nghip, ban b, th liu my ci th doan kia c d khng? rng ban khng th bng cch gi
v lng nghe d m hiu duoc ngui khc. V nu m ngui khc cm nhn duoc ban dng
th doan, ho s bn khon v con ngui ban, v dng co ca ban. Ho s cm thy khng an
ton khi giao tip vi ban.

Bn nng ca con ngui khi cm thy khng an ton th ho s lp tc co lai d tu v. Ho so v
ho khng bit diu g s xy ra nu ho bc l kin, cm gic v suy ngh ca ho. V khi ho d
khng ci m d ni cho ban diu ho thuc su ngh, ban khng bao gi c th thuc su Giao tip
duoc vi ho. Ni g dn hop tc vi ho v gy nh hung na.

Trong quan h gia hai ngui cng c nguyn tc c di c lai. Khi ngui ta nhn thy ban thuc
su lng nghe, tc l ban chju nh hung bi c tnh, suy ngh dc nht v nhj ca ngui ta,
ngui ta s bt du chp nhn lng nghe ban v chju su nh hung ca ban.

Hy vt ngay quyn c nhn tm vo sot rc, v nh rng thnh cng trong giao tip bt ngun
su xa t trong c tnh, t bn cht con ngui ban ch khng phi t nhng th doan b mt.

Cch Ing nghe

Lng nghe d hiu ngui khc truc khi bt ngui khc nghe mnh. on gin dng khng? Th
nhung dy lai l mt Paradigm shift cuc ln.

Su tht l hu ht con ngui du duoc thit djnh theo ch d l thch duc ni truc. V th
m khi nghe ngui khc ni ngui ta thung c xu hung l "nghe dn dy" thi, tc l d cho
t ng ngui kia ni n tri qua, trong thi gian y th chun bj ngh ra ci g d hay hay d ni
lai. Nhng ngui nhu th ny th ho chi c 2 hoat dng khi ho ni chuyn: Ni v Chun b[ ni
(tc l gi v nghe). Ni chuyn vi nhng ngui ny th chn ngt, ban c duoc giao tip g
du, ban chi ngi nghe ho ni nhng g ho thch ni.

C ng b bj t lit hn c knh Giao tip vi con chi v ng b sut ngy ni v mnh, ng ta
lun tung rng ng ta d tng tri qua ht moi th th c g kh hiu du ci thng nhc con
mi c mui my tui, v th cn qui g phi lng nghe. ng b c tung rng cch c hiu qu
hon l ra r c ngy c ni v nhng g mnh cho l dng, ni mi th s ngm. ng ta tht ngc,
ch khc no mun rt nuc vo bnh m lai dy np th rt vo lm sao? ong ri lai chi thng
nhc con l nuc d du vjt, ni c 10 nm m vn khng ngm. l mt tht bai din hnh
ca vic khng bit lng nghe. Hy di tm nguyn nhn ca tht bai ny.

Hy nghe gii thch ca Covey: Con ngui du c bn nng sinh tn. Gi s ban dang ngi doc
nhng dng ny trong mt phng kn v tu nhin ngui ta rt ht khng kh trong phng ra, ban
s khng thm ngh dn my tnh, dn forum ny no na, ban chi ngh mi mt vic l lm sao
d c khng kh m th thi. l ni v bn nng sinh tn v vt l. T phuong din tm l
hoc, con ngui c bn nng mun duoc ngui khc thu hiu, tha nhn v yu thch. Nhu cu
ny ging nhu oxy, khng c n th ngui ta cm thy ngt ngat, kh chju, khng th ngh dn
ci g khc ngoi vic c duoc n. Covey goi d l "xy Tm l vy. Khi ban bit lng nghe v
thu hiu ngui khc, ban tip xy Tm l cho ho, v khi ho thy d th ri th mi c th bn
dn cng vic, dn gii php, dn tha thun ny no duoc. ng b trong cu chuyn trn tht
bai v ng khng tip xy Tm l cho da con, v th n s khng bao gi m lng ra d th l,
tm su v nghe theo li khuyn (cho d l li khuyn ch l) ca ng b.

Thuc ra khng phi loi ngui ton ngui dic c du. Mi ngui Nghe mt cp d khc
nhau. C ngui th m m, gi v nghe ri ch thi co bt du m my. C ngui nghe kiu
chon loc, tc l cu no khng thch th dic, chi nghe thy nhng cu mnh thch nghe thi. C
ngui cn cao th hon, p dung c nhn tm, dic m nhn vo vn c ngui bj la l khng
dic. Th nhung chi c mt s t ngui thuc su bit lng nghe, ci kh nng m ho c duoc
Covey goi l Empathic Listening, lng nghe d thu hiu, vi muc dch, vi mong mun thuc
su hiu ngui khc. Empathic listening ging nhu chui vo trong du ngui khc v nhn ra
xuyn qua c ci paradigm ca ngui d, d nhn thy diu m ngui d nhn thy cng nhu ci
thu knh m qua d ngui ta nhn thy th gii. Empathic listening khng chi l hiu nhng t
ng ngui ta ni m l hiu tng th vn d, l Ing nghe bng c tai, mt, mi v tri tim.
Empathic listening l bin php tuyt vi d tng s du trong Ti khon tnh cm.

Lng nghe truc khi ni khng d dng, v ban phi chng lai bn nng ca mnh l lun thch
duoc ni truc v vuot qua sc y ca mnh bi v su lui bing, thch bt ngui khc deo knh
ca mnh. vuot qua chnh mnh di hi sc manh t bn trong v lng dng cm. Lng nghe
cng nguy him na v khi ban lng nghe ban d m lng mnh v ngui khc c co hi tc
dng dn trung tm diu khin ca ban. Nghjch l th dy, khi ban mun gy nh hung dn
ngui khc ban phi chp nhn m ca, d tip nhn nh hung ca ho truc. Nu ban ch k,
chi thch p dt ngui khc mt chiu, rt cuc s l tht bai. Covey khuyn ngui ta phi vng
t bn trong c tnh (qua luyn tp Habit 1, 2 v ) th c th yn tm rng m lng ra giao tip
vi moi ngui chi lm mnh tt dep hon m thi. C v s diu tt dep moi ngui m ta lun c
th hoc hi duoc vi diu kin ta phi bit phn bit dng, sai d khng nhim diu xu.

Bt du nhu th no?

C th ban d hiu cc khi nim ca Covey. Ban c th th p dung phuong php ny , bt
du t nhng hi thoai don gin vi ban b. Khi ni chuyn, dng bt du bng vic ni nhng
diu mnh ngh. Hy c gng suy lun d xc djnh xem ho ngh g? lo lng v diu g? cn g?
mun g? v ni vi ho v nhng diu ban suy lun duoc. Ni v ho, dng ni v ban. Lng
nghe bng c tai, mt, mi v tri tim.

Trn bn thuong luong hop dng ban c th bt du bng cch xin php duoc nu ln nhng
diu c th l nhng bn khon, lo lng ca bn di tc. Ban cng ni duoc trng nhng bn
khon, lo lng d bao nhiu, bn kia ho s cm thy an ton v ci m hon by nhiu. C
trung hop chi trong vi gi dng h hop mt gim dc gii c th lm xoay chuyn tnh th t
th djch thnh ban b, t nhng di tc nghi ng ln nhau thnh nhng di tc rut. Hy th v
nghim ra bi hoc cho chnh mnh.

Tr tho l mt di tuong rt hay d ban chim nghim quy lut ca Covey. Hy th v so snh
khi ban bit thuc su lng nghe, khi ban ni duoc trng diu m da tr ngh hiu qu "lm thn
s cao dn th no. Ban s thy nhng thch thc nho nh, c khi don 10 ln khng bit b
con nh mnh tai sao n lai thch ct tc ngn, khi hiu ra th d lai l mt kinh nghim th vj cho
ban.

i ban s khng mt nhiu thi gian d nhn ra Lng nghe thuc su l mt hoat dng rt th vj
(thuc ra n gm c quan st, ngi v cm nhn bng tri tim na), nht l khi ban l ngui ham
hiu bit. Khi ban ham tm hiu hon, ban s tm thy xung quanh mnh bit bao nhiu diu th
vj, trong nhng con ngui rt bnh dj m moi ngy c khi mnh lng qun. Khi ban tam bit
qun mnh di th ban s nhn thy rng nhng diu mnh hiu duoc t ngui khc th vj hon
nhiu v quan trong hon diu ngui khc hiu t nhng doan dc thoai ca ban. Lng nghe phi
kt hop duoc vi k nng ni, v ban cn phi din dat duoc nhng g ban thy, d ngui ta bit
ban lng nghe v thu hiu.

Th cn Ni?

Trong quy tc ca Covey c hai v " Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Trn dy
chng ta d cover v th nht, vy cn v th hai? Khi no th ban Ni? Nn trnh by kin ca
mnh nhu th no.

Covey dua ra trnh tu theo t ting Hy lap l ethos pathos logos

Ethos l lng tin ca ngui khc vo ban, vo dao dc v nng luc ca ban. Pathos l cm gic
ca ngui khc rng ho c duoc su dng cm vi ban, rng knh giao tip thng tin v cm xc
gia ban v ho d thng lung. Logos l logic ca ban, l tung, d sng tao ca ban.

Ba buc ny phi di theo dng trt tu nhu trn. Khi ban lm thuyt trnh, cn phi lm theo dng
trnh tu ny. C ngui di thng vo logos, v ho ngh tung ca ho cuc thng minh, ai cng
phi nghe theo m qun mt rng nu khng tao duoc ethos v pathos th logos c trnh by ra
cng v dung.

Ban c th l mt ti nng vi nhng sng tao siu phm. Ban c th l mt ngui cuc tt bung,
tt dn mc nhng ng thnh c sng lai cng phi khen ban. Nhung diu d khng c ngha l
moi ngui s tu nhin phi khm phuc v nghe theo ban. Phm cht ban c l ca ring ban m
thi. gy nh hung duoc dn ngui khc, d c th hop tc vi nhiu ngui khc trong mt
tp th v muc dch chung, c th chi l xy dung mt gia dnh nh tht hanh phc, ban phi hoc
cch giao tip vi ngui khc. "Seek first to understand, then to be understood chnh l quy tc
d bt du vic d. Khi con ngui ci m vi nhau v hiu nhau su sc, ho s tm thy ci m
Covey goi l "third alternative, phuong n thng minh v theo thut ton ca Covey th 11
hoc nhiu hon na. Bi v khi hai c nhn thuc su hop tc vi nhau th nhng g ho tao ra s
nhiu hon tng cng ca nhng g mi ngui c th mt mnh sng tao ra duoc.

(1) SNEGE

Thi quen s 6 trong 7 habits duoc goi tn l Synergie, d l g vy?

Synergie l hin tuong di khi xy ra trong qu trnh tuong tc gia nhng ngui c mc d tin
cy cao (high trust) hay ni cch khc l c s du ti khon tnh cm cao. Synergie c th xy
ra nu ngui ta p dung dng thi quen 4 (think win win) v thi quen s (seek first to
understand). Kt qu ca synergie l cc bn tham gia mt mi quan h dat duoc kt qu ln
hon, c ngha hon, tt dep hon tng cng kt qu nu mi c nhn tch ring dat duoc. Ni
don gin l 111000 hay nhiu hon na.

lm r khi nim synergie, c mt cch l trnh by nhng hin tuong khng phi l
synergie. Truc ht, synergie khng phi l php cng don thun (112), kt qu ca
synergie nm Iin kt gia cc c nhn ch khng nm trong mi c nhn d. Chnh tnh
cht, cht luong ca mi lin kt l dim mu cht quyt djnh kt qu. V th c th c nhiu
giao djch khng c synergy, chi l su trao di gi trj ngang bng. C nhng mi quan h hop tc
khng c synergy. Hon na, synergie khng phi I s tha hip, tha hip l php ton
111.. Trong tha hip (compromise) mt bn, hoc c hai bn gim bt yu cu ca mnh d
c mt phuong n chung c th chp nhn duoc m mi bn du thy km vui hon phuong n
ho mong mun. Tha hip c mc sng tao rt thp v khng c su tuong tc manh m gia
cc c nhn. Synergie, nguoc lai, bc l su tuong tc manh m gia cc bn vi tinh thn v
nng luc sng tao cao dua trn su hiu bit v thng cm su sc gia cc bn.

Hy ly mt v du minh hoa tht don gin. Hai ngui dng nghip cng ngi trong mt cn
phng, mt ngui mun m ca s, mt ngui mun dng ca s. Bi cnh ny dn dn mt
xung dt v xem ra chi c cch l dng hay m, 1 hay 0. Nu hai bn di dn tha hip th c th
s m ca s mt lt, ri lai dng mt lt, hoc m h mt na. l kt qu 111., hai
ngui sng chung v mi ngui du t hanh phc di mt t, v mt ci goi l ci chung.

Gi s hai ngui ny thuc hin thi quen s (seek first to understand), ngui th nht hi ban
mnh, sao anh c thch m ca s th? , v ti bj bnh phi, nu thiu khng kh trong lnh th
ti vng du mun cht khng th lm vic duoc. Th cn anh, sao lai c di dng ca s th?
, v khi ca s m th gi thi lm bay ht giy t ca ti, ti khng sao m lm vic duoc. y
l mt v du don gin v vic mi ngui tm cch hiu nhu cu, muc dch ca bn kia, hiu diu
g l quan trong vi ngui dang giao tip vi mnh. Hiu nhau dem lai hai kt qu tt, mt l ho
c thng tin v su khc bit ca bn kia v hai l ho tng cung duoc lng tin qua qu trnh hiu
v thng cm su sc vi nhau (empathy). Khi c d thng tin v su khc bit, v c mt mi
quan h hightrust v cc c nhn p dung dung li tu duy theo cch WinWin th Synergie s
xy ra. C th ho s ngh ra cch k phng lm vic lai theo mt cch khc d gi khng thi vo
bn lm vic ca mt ngui trong khi ca s vn m rng cho ngui kia hung oxy. Phuong n
m Covey goi l "3rd AIternative" khng phi l mt su tha hip, n phi mang tnh cht sng
tao, mang gi trj m c hai ngui kia, khi tch ring khng th sng tao nn duoc.

Trong thin nhin c nhiu v du v synergy, thuc ra synergy l quy lut ca ton v tru. Con
ngui c hai con mt, nh c vy m nhn duoc khng gian chiu, nu chi c mt con mt th
khng nhn thy duoc chiu su ca khng gian. Nu hai con mt tch ring th cng v dung
nhu 2 chic camera dt ring bit, chi ghi duoc hnh nh khng gian 2 chiu m thi. Con ngui
c 2 ci tai ni vi no b nn cm nhn duoc phuong hung. Chnh mi lin kt gia tai, mt
v no b tao nn gi trj ca c h thng.

Nn tng ca Synergie l ch mi ngui phi bit Qu trng su khc bit, khng phi don
thun l tha nhn, chp nhn hay tn trng su khc bit, m l thuc su Vui mng v nhn
thy su khc bit v dnh gi duoc Gi tr[ ca su khc bit d. Nhu phn tch trong phn gii
thiu v khi nim Paradigm, mi ngui nhn th gii mt cch khc nhau. V th chng ta khng
nhn thy hnh nh tht ca th gii m chi nhn thy hnh nh d bj sa di theo ng knh nhn
thc ca ta m thi. We do not see the world the way it is, we see it the way we are. Nu ban
nhn thy ban gi mnh c cch ngh khc mnh v ban mun synergie, ban phi thuc su cm
thy vui mng v su khc bit d v tm hiu xem d l g v cng sng tao ra cch d bin su
khc bit thnh mt loi th. Khng c synergy, con ngui lun c xu hung seek first to be
understood, lun bt ngui khc phi hiu mnh truc, xu hung di x vi con ngui nhu vi
d vt, la di hay p dt ho, v kt qu l tt c moi ngui lng ph nng luong vo vic tranh
chp v xung dt vi nhau.

Synergie di hi tp trung nng luong v quyt tm cao ca mi c nhn. Khi ngui ta giao tip
vi su cm thng v hiu bit nhau cao d ngui ta cn phi c m lng mnh, ngha l chp
nhn chju nh hung ca ngui khc. c th m ca m khng bj cm lanh ngui ta cn c
nhng nguyn tc, muc dch, gi trj bn vng bn trong mi ngui. Trong mt tp th, v du
nhu mt gia dnh hay mt doanh nghip, nu khng c duoc mt h thng nguyn tc, muc dch
m moi ngui cng tn trong v hung ti (thung l kt qu lao dng tr tu ca tt c moi
ngui) th rt kh c th c Synergy. Chnh v th m nhiu gia dnh cng nhu doanh nghip bt
du bng buc rt don gin l xy dung Mission Statement (don gin l vi dng ch vit ln tt
c moi ngui mun dat duoc muc dch lu di l g?). Cng chnh v th m khi trong mt tp th
moi ngui sng theo quy lut th synergie s d dng dat duoc hon. Sau khi d c muc dch v
h thng nguyn tc chung th Synergy phu thuc vo su giao tip gia cc bn. Khng c cc
yu t nn tng th su khc bit chnh l su bt dng, h qu ca su khc bit khng phi l loi
th m l mt mt, l hn loan v khng hong.

nhin, synergie l hin tuong rt dc bit khng phi l xy ra hng ngy, n nhu l php
mu nhim m nhiu ngui phi c gng trong thi gian di th mi mong n xy ra. Synergie
chi xy ra trong mi trung hightrust. Synergie c th dem lai nhng kt qu tuyt vi. Mt di
vo chng synergie duoc trong hn nhn th kt qu c th l nhng da con tuyt vi, diu m
mt trong hai ngui tch ring hay c hai ngui chung sng mt cch co hoc thiu synergy
khng th tao nn duoc. Trong nhiu hon cnh khi thiu thi gian v diu kin d giao tip th
ngui ta c th gii quyt xung dt bng tha hip don thun. V du khi c gia dnh ngi ln xe
t v khng nht tr duoc l di du th mi ngui c th pht biu mnh km theo mc quan
trong ca thch d duoc thuc hin (ly thang dim t 1 dn 10). Ai dim cao th lm theo
phuong n ca ngui d, d nhin moi ngui phi trung thuc, khng n gian. Tai sao lai nn
tha hip nhu vy? Bi v c mt muc dch cao hon ca c gia dnh l hanh phc, v gi s di
choi cng vin mang lai hanh phc cho con ban, th ban c th khng phin lng lm nhjn di n
mt nh hng m ban yu thch. Tha hip trong nhng vic nh nhu vy xy dung khng kh
giao tip tt hon, tng ti khon tnh cm, tng "din trung hightrust trong gia dnh ban, d l
diu kin tt d synergie trong nhng vic khc sau ny.

Khng nn coi thung nguyn l Synergie v n dua trn quy lut ca v tru. Nguyn l ny l
nn tng cn bn d gii quyt bt c xung dt no gia con ngui vi con ngui.

Center on PrincipIes


eal character development begins with the humble recognition that we are not in charge, that
principles ultimately govern. dont talk much about ethics and values because to me those words
imply situational behaviors, subective beliefs, social mores, cultural norms, or relative truths.
prefer to talk about universal principles and natural laws that are more absolute. ou may think
that its ust a matter of semantics and that when most people talk about values they really mean
these universal principles. But see a clear difference between principles and values. Hitler was
valuedriven Saddam Hussein is valuedriven. Every person and organiation is driven by what
they value. But they arent necessarily ethical or principlecentered. The Humility of Principles
The key to quality of life is to be centered on principles. Were not in control principles are in
control. Were arrogant when we think we are in control. es, we may control our actions, but not
the consequences of our actions. Those are controlled by principles, by natural laws. Building
character and creating quality of life is a function of aligning our beliefs and behaviors with
universal principles. These principles are impersonal, external, factual, obective, and self
evident. They operate regardless of our awareness of them, or our obedience to them. f your
current lifestyle is not in alignment with these principles, then you might trade a valuebased map
for a principlecentered compass. When you recognie that external verities and realities
ultimately govern, you might willingly subordinate your values to them and align your roles and
goals, plans, and activities with them. But doing so often takes a crisis: your companys
downsiing your obs on the line your relationship with the boss goes sour you lose a maor
account your marriage is threatened your financial problems peak or youre told you have ust a
few months to live. n the absence of such a catalytic crisis, we tend to live in numed
complacency so busy doing good, easy, or routine things that we dont even stop to ask
ourselves if were doing what really matters. The good, then, becomes the enemy of the best.
Humility is the mother of all virtues: the humble in spirit progress and are blessed because they
willingly submit to higher powers and try to live in harmony with natural laws and universal
principles. Courage is the father of all virtues: we need great courage to lead our lives by correct
principles and to have integrity in the moment of choice. When we set up our own selfgenerated
or sociallyvalidated value systems and then develop our missions and goals based on what we
value, we tend to become laws unto ourselves, proud and independent. Pride hopes to impress
humility seeks to bless. Just because we value a thing doesnt mean that having it will enhance
our quality of life. No quality movement in government, business, or education will succeed
unless based on true north principles. And yet we see leaders who cling to their current style
based on selfselected values and bad habits even as their ship is sinking when they could be
floating safely on the life raft of principles. Nothing sinks people faster in their careers than
arrogance. Arrogance shouts know best. n the uniform of arrogance, we fumble and falter
pride comes and goes before the fall. But dressed in humility, we make progress. As the
character ndiana Jones learned in The Last Crusade, The penitent man will pass. n pride, we
often sow one thing and expect to reap another. Many of our paradigms and the processes and
habits that grow out of them never produce the results we expect because they are based on
illusions, advertising slogans, programofthemonth training, and personalitybased success
strategies. Quality of life cant grow out of illusion. So how do we align our lives with true north
realities that govern quality of life?

Four Human Endowments

As human beings, we have four unique endowments selfawareness, conscience, independent
will, and creative magination that not only separate us from the animal world, but also help us to
distinguish between reality and illusion, to transform the clock into a compass, and to align our
lives with the extrinsic realities that govern quality of life. Selfawareness enables us to examine
our paradigms, to look at our glasses as well as through them, to think about our thoughts, to
become aware of the and psychic programs that are in us, and to enlarge the separation between
stimulus and response. Selfaware, we can take responsibility for reprogramming or rescripting
ourselves out of the stimulusresponse mode. Many movements in psychology, education, and
training are focused on an enlarged selfconsciousness. Most popular selfhelp literature also
focuses upon this capacity. Selfawareness, however, is only one of our unique endowments.
Conscience puts us in touch with something within us even deeper than our thoughts and
something outside us more reliable than our values. t connects us with the wisdom of the ages
and the wisdom of the heart. ts an internal guidance system that allows us to sense when we act
or even contemplate acting in a way thats contrary to our deepest values and true north
principles. Conscience is universal. By helping companies and individuals develop mission
statements, have learned that what is most personal is most general. No matter what peoples
religions, cultures, or backgrounds are, their mission statements all deal with the same basic
human needs to live (physical and financial), to love (social), to learn (educational), and to leave a
legacy (spiritual).

ndependent will is our capacity to act, the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream,
to rewrite our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotions, moods,
or circumstances. While environmental or genetic influences may be very powerful, they do not
control us. Were not victims. Were not the product of our past. We are the product of our
choices. We are responseable, meaning we are able to choose our response. This power to
choose is a reflection of our independent will. Creative imagination empowers us to create
beyond our present reality. t enables us to write personal mission statements, set goals, plan
meetings, or visualie ourselves living our mission statements even in the most challenging
circumstances. We can imagine any scenario we want for the future. f our imagination has to go
through the straightacket of our memory, what is imagination for? Memory is limited. ts finite it
deals with the past. magination is infinite it deals with the present and the future, with
potentiality, with vision and mission and goals with anything that is not now but can be. The man
onthestreet approach to success is to work harder, to give it the old college try. But unless
willpower is matched with creative imagination, these efforts will be weak and ineffective.

Nurturing Our Unique Gifts

Enhancing these endowments requires us to nurture and exercise them continuously. Sharpening
the saw once a week or once a month ust isnt enough. ts too superficial. ts like a meal.
esterdays meal will not satisfy todays hunger. Last Sundays big meal wont prepare me for this
Thursdays ethical challenge. will be much better prepared if meditate every morning and
visualie myself dealing with that challenge with authenticity, openness, honesty, and with as
much wisdom as can bring to bear on it.

Here are four ways to nurture your unique endowments.

1. Nurture selfawareness by keeping a personal ournal. Keeping a personal ournal a daily
indepth analysis and evaluation of your experiences is a highleverage activity that
increases selfawareness and enhances all the endowments and the synergy among
them.
2. Educate your conscience by learning, listening, and responding. Most of us work and live
in environments that are rather hostile to the development of conscience. To hear the
conscience clearly often requires us to be reflective or meditative a condition we rarely
choose or find. Were inundated by activity, noise, conditioning, media messages, and
flawed paradigms that dull our sensitivity to that quiet inner voice that would teach us of
true north principles and our own degree of congruency with them. ve heard
executives say that they cant win this battle of conscience because expediencies require
lies, coverups, deceit, or game playing. Thats ust part of the ob, they say. disagree.
think such rationaliation undermines trust within their cultures. f you have backroom
manipulation and bad mouthing, you will have a lowtrust culture. A life of total integrity is
the only one worth striving for. Granted, its a struggle. Some trusted advisors P agents,
accountants, legal counselors might say, This will be political suicide, or This will be
bad for our image, and so lets cover up or lie. ou have to look at each case on its own
merit. No case is black and white. t takes real udgment to know what you should do.
ou may feel that you operate between a rock and a hard place. Still, with a well
educated conscience or internal compass, you will rarely, if ever, be in a situation where
you only have one bad option. ou will always have choices. f you wisely exercise your
unique endowments, some moral option will be open to you. So much depends on how
well you educate your conscience, your internal compass. When my kids were in
athletics, they paid the price to get their bodies coordinated with their minds. ouve got
to do the same with your own conscience regularly. The more internal uncertainty you
feel, the larger the grey areas will be. ou will always have some grey areas, partiularly
at the extremity of your education and experience. And to grow, you need to go to that
extremity and learn to make those choices based on what you honestly believe to be the
right thing to do.
. Nurture independent will by making and keeping promises. ne of the best ways to
strengthen our independent will is to make and keep promises. Each time we do, we
make deposits in our personal integrity account the amount of trust we have in ourselves,
in our ability to walk our talk. To build personal integrity, start by making and keeping
small promises. Take it a step and a day at a time.
4. evelop creative imagination through visualiation. Visualiation, a highleverage mental
exercise used by worldclass athletes and performers, may also be used to improve your
quality of life. or example, you might visualie yourself in some circumstance that would
normally create discomfort or pain. n your minds eye, instead of seeing yourself react as
you normally do, see yourself acting on the basis of the principles and values in your
mission statement. The best way to predict your future is to create it.
Roots YieId Fruits

With the humility that comes from being principlecentered, we can better learn from the past,
have hope for the future, and act with confidence, not arrogance, in the present. Arrogance is the
lack of selfawareness blindness an illusion a false form of selfconfidence and a false sense
that were somehow above the laws of life. eal confidence is anchored in a quiet assurance that
if we act based on principles, we will produce qualityoflife results. ts confidence born sp of
character and competence. ur security is not based on our possessions, positions, credentials,
or on comparisons with others rather, it flows from our own integrity to true north principles.
confess that struggle with total integrity and do not always walk my talk. find that its easier to
talk and teach than to practice what preach. ve come to realie that must commit to having
total integrity to be integrated around a set of correct principles. ve observed that if people never
get centered on principles at some time in their lives, they will take the expedient politicalsocial
path to success and let their ethics be defined by the situation. They will say, business is
business, meaning they play the game by their own rules. They may even rationalie maor
transgressions in the name of business, in spite of having a lofty mission statement.

nly by centering on timeless principles and then living by them can we enoy sustained moral,
physical, social, and financial wellness.

Stephen . Covey
ebruary 1994

Ban dich : Hy sng theo quy Iut


Su pht trin c tnh con ngui thuc su bt du khi ngui ta nhn ra diu tht gin dj l chnh
cc quy Iut I yu t ti hu quyt d[nh mi vic ch khng phi chnh bn thn chng ta.
dy ti khng mun bn v "dao dc v "gi trj bi v theo ti cc t ng d n cha ngha v
hnh vi tnh th, nim tin ch quan, tp qun x hi hay vn ha c th goi chung l nhng "su
tht tuong di. dy ti mun bn v nhng quy lut chung ca tu nhin v x hi hin nhin
hon l nhng su tht tuong di d. Ban c th ngh rng d chng qua l vn d v ng ngha
v l lun rng khi moi ngui ni v gi trj, chnh l ho ni v nhng quy lut chung ny. Ti cho
rng quy Iut v gi tr[ I hai khi nim hon ton khc nhau. Hitler l mt ngui sng theo
gi trj Saddam Hussein l mt ngui sng theo gi trj. Moi c nhn v t chc du bj diu chinh
bi nhng diu m di vi c nhn v t chc d coi l quan trong, ci d goi l gi trj. Nhung c
nhn hay t chc d chua hn d thuc su c dao dc, hay ni theo cch khc d sng theo quy
lut.

Ci gin d[ ca Quy Iut

B quyt sng l Iy quy Iut Im tm dim cho cuc sng. Chng ta khng nm ton quyn
kim sot, quy lut mi l yu t diu khin ti hu. Chng ta qu tu kiu khi chng ta ngh rng
chng ta nm quyn kim sot. ng, chng ta c th kim sot hnh dng ca mnh, nhung
lm sao m diu khin duoc hu qu ca nhng hnh dng d. V th, ni cho cng hu qu d
chju su diu khin ca cc quy lut, cc lut ca tu nhin. Qu trnh xy dung c tnh v sng
tao cht luong cuc sng chnh l qu trnh sp xp, sa di cc hnh vi v nim tin ca chng
ta cho ph hop vi quy lut ca v tru. Cc quy lut ny khng gn lin vi mt c nhn cu th
no, quy Iut I nhng s tht khch quan nm ngoi chng ta v hin nhin dng. Cc
quy lut tc dng dn cuc sng ca chng ta bt lun ta c bit dn quy lut v tun th quy
lut hay khng. Nu li sng ca ban hin nay khng hon ton ph hop vi cc quy lut, c l
dy l thi dim thch hop d ban di cch cm li cuc di mnh: di mt tm bn d mang
tn "gi tr[" Iy mt chic Ia bn (compas) mang tn "quy Iut". Khi ban nhn ra rng nhng
quy lut v thuc tin nm ngoi chng ta mi l yu t ti hu quyt djnh diu g s xy ra, ban
s nhn ra mt diu rng nhng g ban coi l quan trong (gi trj) chi l yu t th yu cn phi
duoc diu chinh cho ph hop vi quy lut. Muc dch, vai tr, k hoach v hoat dng ca mi
ngui cn phi duoc diu chinh cho ph hop vi quy lut. ng tic l ngui ta thung chi thy
cn phi diu chinh khi ngui ta gp phi nhng con khng hong trong cuc di kiu nhu: cng
ty gim bin ch vic lm c nguy co bj mt quan h vi th trung c vn d tht bai ln
trong thi du hn nhn bj de doa, kh khn ti chnh trm trong, hoc nhn duoc chn don ca
bc s rng mnh chi cn sng duoc vi thng na m thi. Thiu nhng cuc khng hong d,
ngui ta nhu thiu cht xc tc d thay di vy. Chng ta c th bj t lit sng trong nhng bn
rn hng ngy, lm nhng vic tt, d dng v lp di lp lai v qun khng ngh dn vic tai sao
khng tam dng v tu hi mnh nhng vic mnh dang lm c phi l vic quan trong v cn thit
hay khng? Trong trung hop ny, ci "Tt" tr thnh diu cn tr ci "Tt nht" (The good,
then, becomes the enemy of the best). Khim tn I m ca dao dc, bi v tinh thn khim tn
gip ngui ta khai nhn gii d hiu duoc nhng quyn nng cao hon mnh, dn dn tng buc
sa di mnh sao cho mnh sng ha hop vi quy lut ca v tru. Dng cm I cha ca dao
dc, bi v mi ngui du cn rt nhiu lng dng cm d sng theo dng quy lut, d trung
thuc vi chnh mnh trong tng "khonh khc chn Ia" ca hnh vi. Truc dy, khi chng ta
tu xy dung h thng "gi trj ca ring mnh v kim tra h thng d qua giao tip x hi ri sau
d trin khai muc dch, l tung ca mnh dua trn nhng g m chng ta coi l quan trong,
Chng ta sng theo xu hung tu mnh lm ra lut diu chinh hnh vi ca chnh mnh, sng dc
lp v dy tu ho. Nhung T ho chi c tc dng gy n tung trong khi d Khim tn mi
thc s c quyn nng dem Iai thnh cng thc s. at duoc ci g d m ta coi l quan
trong khng chc g d lm tng cht luong cuc sng ca ta. Nhng phong tro "tng cht
luong d l ca nh nuc, doanh nghip hay t chc gio duc khng th thnh cng nu khng
dua vo nhng quy lut, coi quy lut l chic kim ca la bn. y th m, chng ta vn thung
thy nhng nh lnh dao c bm mi vo kiu lnh dao xua c dua trn nhng gi trj do ho ty
chon v nhng thi quen xu mc d con tu ho li dang sp dm trong khi ho c th vn an
ton ngi trn chic phao cu sinh ca quy lut. Khng c g hy hoai s nghip ca ngui
ta nhanh bng s kiu ngao. Tnh kiu ngao lun nhc nh ngui ta "Ti bit r nht. Khi ta
khoc ln mnh b trang phuc Kiu ngao chng ta lung cung, lng tng trong hnh vi v so lng
Tu ho s dn v di qu nhanh. Nhung nu ta di sang b cnh Khim tn, chng ta s tin b
thuc su. Nhu nhn vt ndiana Jones d hoc duoc trong truyn "The Last Crusade, k bit sm
hi s vuot qua duoc. Khi chng ta qu dm chm trong nim tu ho, chng ta thung pham sai
lm l gieo mt hat ging ny m lai mun thu hoach mt vu ma kia. Th gii quan ca chng
ta v nhng qu trnh, thi quen moc trn th gii quan d s khng th no sn sinh ra duoc vu
ma chng ta mong doi nu th gii quan d dua trn nhng o nh, nhng t ng qung co,
nhng cuc hun luyn ngn han v nhng chin thut tm kim thnh cng dua trn nhng th
thut tao dng d ly lng ngui (personalitybased success strategies). Cht Iung cuc sng
khng bt ngun t o nh. Vy chng ta phi lm th no d sng ph hop vi nhng quy
lut vn l thuc tai khch quan diu chinh cht luong cuc sng ca chng ta?

Bn phm cht ca con ngui

L con ngui, chng ta c bn phm cht dc trung l t nhn thc (selfawareness), thc
(conscience su tu nhn thc v ci dng, ci sai trong hnh vi ca mnh ch thch ca ngui
djch), dc Ip ch (independent will), v Tr tung tung (creative imagination). Bn phm
cht ny khng chi lm cho chng ta khc vi loi vt, m cn gip chng ta phn bit duoc gia
thuc t v o nh, d c duoc quyn nng bin chic dng h thnh chic la bn, d c kh
nng sng theo nhng quy lut khch quan quyt djnh cht luong cuc sng.

Kh nng t nhn thc cho php chng ta tu xem xt th gii quan (paradigms ci thu knh
m qua d chng ta nhn thy th gii cu tao bng tri thc c duoc v trung di m ta d tri
qua ch thch ca ngui djch) ca mnh. Khi d ta c th va nhn thy ci thu knh d, va
nhn thy nhng g m ta nhn thy qua chnh ci thu knh d, c th ngh v ngh ca chnh
mnh, c th nhn ra duoc ci "chuong trnh phn mm tm l d duoc ci dt trong mi chng
ta, v nh d chim lai duoc quyn nng chon lua cch phn ng lai mt cch c thc di vi
nhng tc dng ca tu nhin v x hi m ta nhn duoc hng ngy. Vi kh nng tu nhn thc,
ta c th thay di ci chuong trnh phn mm kia, hay ni cch khc l vit Iai k[ch bn cuc
di mnh thay v d mc cho ci chuong trnh, kjch bn kia n diu khin mnh. t nhiu
chuong trnh tm l, gio duc va do tao tp trung vo cng c kh nng tu thc. Hu nhu
quyn sch no v vn d tu tu dung cng du tp trung khuyn khch kh nng ny ca ngui
ta m thi.

Tuy nhin, tu nhn thc mi chi l mt trong bn phm cht dc bit ca loi ngui m thi.
thc I phm cht gip chng ta hiu duc ci trong ni tm chng ta su xa hon
ngh v ci bn ngoi chng ta dng tin cy hon nhng diu m chng ta coi I quan
trng. thc gip chng ta kt ni duoc vi ci khn ngoan ca tui tc v ca lng tt. thc
l h thng tu dn dt bn trong chng ta c kh nng gip ta cm nhn dng thi vi khi ta
hnh dng, hoc thm ch c th hnh dung duoc hnh dng hon ton tri nguoc vi nhng
diu m ta coi l quan trong nht v c nhng quy lut dng dn nht. thc l ci rt chung.
Khi gip cc cng ty v cc c nhn tu vit ra bn muc dch hnh dng (mission statements), ti
d pht hin duoc mt diu th vj, ci ring tu nht lai chnh l ci chung nht (what is most
personal is most general). Con ngui d l theo tn gio no, thuc nn vn ha no, thn phn
ra sao du phi gii quyt nhng nhu cu cn bn ca con ngui (v cc nhu cu ny du ging
nhau) d sng (nhu cu th cht v ti chnh), d yu (nhu cu x hi), d hoc (nhu cu gio
duc), v d c th d lai ci g d cho di (nhu cu tinh thn).

c Ip ch chnh l kh nng hnh dng ca chng ta, l quyn nng vuot qua gii han ca
th gii quan, vuot qua kh khn d vit lai kjch bn cuc di mnh, d hnh dng dua trn quy
lut thay v phn ng mt cch v thc (reacting) ty thuc vo xc cm, hng th hay hon
cnh. Mc d mi trung v gen di truyn c nh hung cuc ky manh dn chng ta, nhng yu
t d khng diu khin chng ta. Chng ta khng phi l nan nhn. Cuc sng ca chng ta
khng phi I kt qu ca qu kh ca chnh chng ta. Cuc sng ca chng ta I kt qu
ca s Ia chn ca chng ta. Chng ta tu chju trch nhim v cuc di mnh (responsible)
dng ngha vi chng ta c nghj luc d chon lua phuong n hnh vi ca mnh (responseable).
Kh nng lua chon phuong n hnh vi chnh l mt kha canh ca dc lp ch.

Tr tung tung chnh l kh nng ca mi chng ta sng tao ra trong tr no nhng diu vuot
qu thuc tai hin thi. Chng ta s dung chnh tr tung tuong d xc djnh muc dch cuc sng
ca mnh (personal mission statements), dt ra cc muc tiu, lp k hoach, hoc hnh dung ra
trong tr no lm th no d thuc hin duoc muc dch cuc sng trong nhng hon cnh kh
khn, th thch nht. Chng ta c th tung tuong duoc bt c bi cnh no m chng ta mun
cho d vic d chua bao gi xy ra c. Tr tung tuong gip chng ta vuot qua han ch ca k
c. K c l ci bt bin, thuc v qu kh. Tr tung tuong l ci kh bin, thuc v hin tai v
tuong lai, vi cc yu t chua xy ra nhung c th xy ra nhu tim nng, tm nhn, muc tiu,
muc dch. Cch nhn xua c l mun thnh cng th phi c gng hon na. Nhung moi n luc
du s tr nn yu v km hiu qu nu sc manh ch khng c su h tro ca tr tung tuong
dy sng tao.

Hy chm sc nhng phm cht ring c ca mnh

cng c nhng phm cht qu bu trn, chng ta cn phi chm sc v tp luyn lin tuc.
Lm nhu anh tho mi cua ra duc mt tun, hay mt thng mt ln khng d. Lm nhu vy l
qu nng can. Chm sc ti nng ca mnh ging nhu vic n ung. Ba n ngy hm qua
khng lm dju con di ngy hm nay. Mt ba no Ch Nht tun truc chng th no chun bj
cho ban cho thch thc (v dao dc) ngy Th Nm tun ny. Ti s chun bj cho nhng thch
thc d tt hon nu ti thin djnh mi bui sng v tung tuong ra hnh nh bn thn mnh gii
quyt mi th thch vi c gng dch thuc, vi su ci m, trung thuc, v vi s luong tr khn ti
da ti c th mang theo duoc.

y I bn cch d chm sc nhng phm cht dc trung ca mi chng ta.

1. Chm sc kh nng tu nhn thc bng cch ghi nht k hay ljch lm vic. Hng ngy m
ghi chp v phn tch duoc nhng g mnh d tri qua l mt vic lm c hiu qu rt
cao va tng cung kh nng tu nhn thc, va chm sc cc phm cht khc dng
thi tao diu kin d tt c cc phm cht tuong tc vi nhau.
2. Gio duc thc ca mnh bng cch hoc, lng nghe v phn ng lai vi hon cnh. Hu
ht chng ta du dang sng v lm vic trong nhng mi trung c tc dng kh xu di
vi su pht trin ca thc. nghe thy ting ni th thm ca thc thung di
hi chng ta phi suy ngh tht su sc hoc thin d[nh v mt diu kin m chng
ta t khi Ia chn hoc bt gp. Bi v c qu nhiu tc dng, t cc hoat dng hng
ngy, ting n, thng tin dai chng, cc diu kin hon cnh khc dn nhng th gii
quan (paradigm) c khuyt tt, d nhay cm ca chng ta d c th cm nhn duoc tn
hiu yu t t trong thc, tn hiu c th chi ra duoc du l nhng quy lut ca cuc
sng, v mc d tuong thch gia hnh vi ca chng ta vi nhng quy lut d. Ti d
tng nghe thy nhiu quan chc ca cc cng ty ni rng ho khng th thng trong cuc
chin thc, bi v thuyt "chi cn muc dch bt chp th doan (expediencies) di hi
ho phi ni di, che giu su tht, la di, hoc dng th doan. Ho bo ti rng, d l mt
phn ca ngh nghip m ho theo dui. Ti khng nht tr vi quan dim ny. Ti cho
rng kiu l lun d s ph hng lng tin trong t chc cng ty ca ho. Nu ho dung tng
kiu thao tng cng ty sau cnh g v ni xu ln nhau, ho s c mt kiu vn ha thiu
lng tin trong cng ty. Mt cuc sng trung thuc v c dao dc (a life of total integrity) l
diu duy nht dng d m theo dui. Mt khi d chon, d l mt cuc vt ln. Mt vi c
vn quan h di ngoai, k ton, c vn php l c th s khuyn "Lm th th coi nhu l
tu st chnh trj ri hoc l "Vic ny c tc dng rt xu dn danh ting ca chng ta, v
th nn bung bt v ni di th hon. Ban phi xem xt tng trung hop cu th. Khng c
trung hop no l dng c hay sai c. V vai tr ca ban thuc su nhu mt quan ta dua
ra phn quyt vic g nn lm. Ban c th cm thy vic ny l rt kh khn, nhung vi
mt thc c gio duc hay ni cch khc l mt chic la bn bn trong, t khi ban s gp
phi hon cnh m chi c mt lua chon l phi lm diu xu. Ban s lun lun c nhng
phuong n khc na. Nu ban s dung dng nhng phm cht loi ngui ca mnh,
ban s nhn thy nhng lua chon c tnh dao dc hon. V th vic ny phu thuc rt
nhiu vo vic ban d gio duc thc ca mnh nhu th no. Khi cc con ti tp th
thao, chng phi tr gi d tp luyn sao cho co th phi hop n vi tinh thn. Ban
cng vy, ban cn phi thung xuyn tp Iuyn vi thc ca mnh. thc cng
khng chc chn bao nhiu th s trung hop khng bit nn hnh dng nhu th no
cng tng. Tt nhin, th no cng cn trung hop kh, d l nhng trung hop dinh
dim ca tri thc v kinh nghim. trung thnh, ban cn phi tin v pha dinh dim
y, hoc cch sng tao ra nhng phuong n m ban, khi suy ngh trung thuc nht vi
lng mnh, ngh rng l diu dng dn.
. Chm sc kh nng dc lp ch bng cch ha v gi li ha. Mt trong nhng cch
tt nht d cng c kh nng dc lp ch l ha v gi li ha. Mi ln lm diu d, ta
nhu va gi duoc mt khon tit kim vo ti khon ao dc ca mnh v s tin gi l
s luong lng tin m ta c vo chnh bn thn mnh, tin rng mnh c kh nng lm diu
mnh ni. tu dung dao dc, cn phi bt du bng ha v gi nhng li ha nho
nh. Hy lm dn dn tng buc mt.
4. Pht trin tr tung tuong qua tung tuong hnh nh. Tung tuong hnh nh l mt hnh
thc tp luyn tinh thn duoc cc vn dng vin v din vin ni ting th gii s dung.
Hnh thc tp luyn ny cng c th duoc s dung d ci thin cht luong cuc sng
ca ban. V du, ban c th tung tuong mnh trong nhng hon cnh m thng
thung th c th gy ra cm gic dau dn, kh chju. Hy dng php phn thn d tu
nhn mnh trong hon cnh d, thay v phn ng lai nhu thng thung, hy mung
tuong mnh hnh dng trn co s nhng quy lut v gi trj m ban d xc djnh duoc.
Cch hay nht d don truc duoc tuong lai ca mnh l sng tao ra tuong lai d.

Qu rng v gc

Vi ci khim tn ca k sng theo quy Iut, chng ta s hoc hi duoc nhiu hon t qu kh,
hy vong vo tuong lai v hnh dng vi lng tu tin, khng kiu ngao, trong hin tai. Kiu ngao
chnh I thiu kh nng t nhn thc, I m qung, I o nh, l bin dang ca tu tin, v l
cm gic sai lm rng chng ta cao hon quy lut ca v tru. Lng tu tin dch thuc bt ngun t
su bo dm chc chn rng nu chng ta hnh dng trn co s quy lut th kt qu dat duoc s
l cht luong cuc sng cao hon. Tu tin l sn phm ca c tnh v nng luc. Bo dm chc
chn trong cuc sng ca chng ta khng dua trn ca ci, dja vj, bng cp, cng khng v ta
hon ngui khc, m nguoc lai, bt ngun t chnh bn thn dao dc ca ta, trn co s nhng
quy lut ca mun di. Ti tha nhn rng ti phi du tranh vt ln nhiu d tu dung dao dc
v khng phi lc no ti cng lm duoc nhng g ti ni (walk my talk). Ti thy ging gii dao
dc th d hon thuc hin nhng g ti vn ku goi moi ngui thuc hin nhiu. Ti d nhn thc
duoc rng ti phi quyt tm rn luyn dao dc trn co s mt h thng quy lut dng dn. Ti
d chng kin su tht rng nu mt ngui khng rn luyn mnh sng theo quy lut, th vo mt
thi dim no d trong cuc di, ngui d s mc sai lm m chon con dung dn dn su thnh
dat theo kiu "chi cn muc dch, bt chp th doan v b mc cho hon cnh diu khin dao
dc ca chnh mnh. Nhng ngui nhu vy s pht biu rng "cng vic l cng vic, vi
ngha rng ho tu lm ra lut choi cho cuc choi ca chnh mnh. Thm ch ho cn c th bin h
cho c nhng hnh vi phi dao dc vi danh ngha "cng vic, mc d ho cng c mt bn muc
dch hnh dng dep d.

Chi c cch sng theo nhng quy lut "vuot thi gian chng ta mi c th dat duoc cuc sng
tt dep v moi mt: dao dc, th cht, x hi v ti chnh.

jch t bi vit ca Stephen . Covey thng 21994

Covey thung di ging bi v 7 habits M v nhiu noi khc trn th gii. Mt hm, trong gi
nghi trua ca bui cui cng ca mt kha hoc c mt hoc vin trac 226 tui tm dn hi
Covey: Thua thy, sut tun qua thy ging v proactive, rng mi ngui du c quyn tu do
sng cuc di ca mnh. Th ng nh nhng diu quan trong nht vi cuc sng ca ti lai nm
trong tay ngui khc th ti bit lm sao dy?

Ngui dn ng va tm su va khng cm duoc nuc mt. Anh ta c da con trai tui. Hai vo
chng dang lm th tuc ly dj gn xong sau 1 thng kin tung, c hai bn du phi thu lut su.
C vo cm th anh ta gh gm nn d chuyn nh di tn Chicago d anh ta (lc d sng New
Jersey) mi ln mun thm con th phi bay kh xa. Anh ta vit thu v gi qu cho con trai th
du bj c vo c chn lai, x thu doc trm v giu di nhiu mn qu. Anh ta lo lng dn mt ngy
no d thng b con s chng cn bit anh ta l b n na.

Ngui dn ng hi Covey: Ti hiu nhng diu thy ni l dng. Ti mun sng cuc di ca ti,
ti mun sng theo nhng quy lut thy day nhung ti ti cm thy diu d khng th duoc. Ti
ght c vo c, thng lut su ca c ta, ght ci hn nhn cht tit d, nhung ti yu con trai
mnh, ti mun l mt phn ca cuc di n. Ti phi lm sao by gi?

Lc du bc Covey cng bj chong bi tnh hung la ny, cht na th tr li l ca ny kh qu.
May thay Covey ngh thm mt cht, c ngh xem ci g trong Circle of nfluence ca anh
chng hoc vin ti nghip ny? Anh ta chng thuyt phuc duoc c vo c, ta n d quyt djnh
cho con vi me, cng chng lm g duoc c. Nu anh ta chi ngh dn 2 vic d th c l anh ta
s pht din mt v anh ta hon ton bt luc.

Ngh mt lt th Covey d ngh ra. Thuc ra vn cn cch d anh ta by t tnh yu ca mnh vi
con trai, tc dng dn da tr. Vic d c th khng thuc hin duoc ngay lc d, nhung c th l
vi ba thng, vi ba nm sau d. Ni cho cng, vi nm tri qua nu khng c nhng vic khc
d thm du vo la th c vo c chc cng s ngui dn con tc gin, c th ti gi, moi
chuyn c th thay di. a b ln ln s mun bit cha mnh l ai v khng ai c th cn duoc
n lm diu d.

Covey k cho ngui dn ng d rng ng gi mt quyn s ghi chp v cc con ca mnh. ng
ghi lai nhng k nim, cm xc, suy ngh, hy vong, thm ch c nhng gic mo v cc con mnh.
Covey khuyn ngui dn ng cng nn lm th, trong khi khng d tin d hng tun bay di
Chicago thm con v c vo qu qut vn tip tuc ngn chn nhng bc thu.

Mc d d chi l mt sng kin nh nhung sng kin d d c tc dung gii thot tm l cho
ngui dn ng. V tnh cm vi con mnh anh ta d bj thi min bi nhng vic ngoi pham vi
nh hung ca mnh. V mt tm l, tm tr anh ta bj t lit, tuyt vong. Nhung khi ngh dn
tung ghi nht k anh ta d thay di. Ch t cng c mt vic m khng ai c th cm anh ta lm
c.

Covey hung dn ngui dn ng cu th hon: Nn ghi r ngy thng, k nhng k nim tht cu
th d l chuyn vui, bun, bun cui hay tu ho vit du dn hng ngy, dnh km nh nu c,
v gi b mt v cun nht k d.

Ba thng sau ng b tr gp rc ri vit thu cho Covey bo tin rng bng cch ghi nht k anh ta
cm thy gn con trai hon, d cng thng hon, cng vic ca anh ta co quan tin trin rt tt,
quan h vi c vo cng tt hon truc.

iu quan trong l anh ta khng cm thy mnh l nan nhn ca ngui khc na. Anh ta d hiu
quyn nng ca mnh.

Chng ta ai cng bit mt ti khon ngn hng l g. Chng ta gi tin vo d v tch lu mt
qu tit kim d c th rt ra khi cn. Ti khon tnh cm l mt n du d m t luong tin cy m
chng ta tch ly trong mt mi quan h no d. l cm gic an ton chng ta c di vi mt
ngui khc.

Nu ti gi mt ti khon tnh cm noi ban qua tnh ljch su, t t, thnh tht v trung thuc vi
ban, ti d tch ly mt qu tit kim noi ban. Ban s ngy cng tin cy ti hon v ti c th nh
dn lng tin cy d khi ti cn. C khi ti c lm li th mc d tin cy v ti khon tnh cm ca
ti s b dp vo ch d. C khi ti khng pht biu r rng, ban vn ngm hiu rng ti khng
c lm thuong tn ban. Khi ti khon tn nhim ln cao, su giao luu s tu nhin, d dng v
hiu qu.

Nhung nu ti c thi quen cu x th l, thiu knh trong, nng gin hay khinh thung ban, phn
bi lng tin cy noi ban th ti khon tnh cm ca ti s thm hut. Mc d tin cy ca ban di vi
ti s xung thp. Lc d ti c th lm g duoc khng? Khng lm g duoc c. Trong giao tip
vi ban ti nhu di trn mt bi mn. Ti phi ht sc thn trong. Ti phi dn do cn nhc tng
li. Quan h gia ban v ti ging nhu trong mt cuc chin tranh lanh. Th m nhiu t chc,
gia dnh, nhiu cuc hn nhn d roi vo tnh trang d.

Th nhung vic tch ly nhng ti khon tnh cm khng th lm mt sm mt chiu. Vic xy
dung v sa cha nhng mi quan h con ngui l mt cuc du tu lu di.


Truong mc chnh


Chng ta c th k dn cac truong muc chnh d xy dung mt ti khon tnh cm.

Hiu Ngui

C gng tm hiu ngui khc c l l mt trong nhng truong muc quan trong nht v l nn
tng cho nhng truong muc khc. Ban phi bit bn thn ngui kia th no th ban mi c th
quyt djnh gi gm diu g noi ho. Ban phi cham duoc ti nhng mi quan tm v nhu cu
thm su ca ngui y.

Mt diu quan trong di vi ngui ny c th lai l vun vt di vi ngui khc. ban c th gi
gm vo truong muc tnh cm noi mt ngui, ban phi coi diu g ngui y cho l quan trong th
cng l quan trong di vi ban. V du, ban dang phi tp trung vo mt du n di vi ban l quan
trong th da con su tui ca ban dn quy ry ban bng mt diu g d m ban cho l v ngha
l nhung di vi n lai l quan trong. Ban phi nhn nhn ra gi trj ca con ban v dnh uu tin
cho n. Bng cch nhn nhn gi trj m n biu l, ban chng t ban hiu con ban v d l mt
cch hiu qu d tch lu mt ti khon tnh cm ln.

Mt ngui ban ti c mt cu con trai rt say m bng chy. ng b th chng thy hng th g
trong mn ny. Nhung mt k nghi h, ng d dua con ng di coi moi trn du bng chy quan
trong ca gii. ng d phi b ra su tun l v mt khon tin ln cho vic ny nhung d l mt
kinh nghim gn b hai cha con rt mnh lit. Sau khi kt thc gii, ngui ta hi ban ti:ng
thch bng chy th co ?
Khng du, ng dp, nhung ti thch con ti vui nhu th.

ti cc diu nho nh

Nhng c chi ljch su, t t nho nh cng rt quan trong. Nhng hnh vi v t, thiu t nhj,
nhng c chi thiu knh trong nho nh c th lm ngui khc trnh xa ta. Trong cc mi quan
h, chuyn nh l chuyn ln dy.

Bn cht con ngui trong tm hn rt dju dng, t nhj. Tui tc haykinh nghim khng nh
hung nhiu ti diu ny. Trong tm hn, ngay c ngui b ngoi c v th l v cng ci nht
cng c nhng qu tim d rung cm v d bj tn thuong.

Gi Ii ha

Gi li ha l mt ti khon tnh cm quan trong nht, tht ha l mt cn c d gy su xa lnh.
Thuc vy, khng c g d lm ngui khc xa lnh hon khi ta ha m khng gi li. Ln ti khi ta
ha ngui ta s khng tin ta na. Ngui ta thung c nhiu mong doi nhng li ha dc bit
nhng li ha lin quan dn di sng.

c bit trong vai tr lm cha me, ta nn gi quy lut tn trong li ha. lm diu ny, khng
nn ha qu nhiu v phi dn do nhng diu kin c th gip ta gi li ha ca mnh. Nu
chng ta vun trng thi quenn gi li ha ca mnh, chng ta s xy dung duoc su tin cy di
vi con ci. Sau ny, khi con ban mun lm mt diu g m ban khng mun v ban nhn thy
truc hu qu m con ban khng thy, ban c th ni vi n: Con oi, nu con lm diu ny, hu
qu chc chn s l th d. Nu con ban d quen tin li ca ban, n s hnh dng theo li
khuyn ca ban.

Bit thnh tht xin Ii

Khi c li, chng ta cn bit xin li, v xin li mt cch chn thnh. Ta s tao duoc nhng tnh
cm ln vi nhng li xin li chn thnh nhu sau:

Ti sai ri
Ti khng t t cht no
Ti v qu. Ti rt ly lm tic
Ti thiu knh trong ban
Ti d lm ban bi ri truc mt dm dng m l ra ti khng duoc lm th, ti thnh tht xin li
ban.
Cn phi c c tnh manh d bit xin li mau chng v chn thnh t dy tm hn mnh ch
khng chi do lng thuong hai b ngoi. Ngui khng c su tu tin th khng th lm diu ny. Ho
s cm thy th l nhuc nh, yu hn v ho so ngui khc s loi dung loi th ca mnh d bt
nat ho.
Ngui dng phuong c cu: Nu ban djnh ci du, hy ci su xung Mun l mt ti khon
tnh cm, li xin li phi chn thnh. V phi lm cho ngui khc nhn ra su chn thnh y.