Welcome to Caracas, Venezuelas diamond in the rough, a vibrant hub of contradictions.

Splendor and poverty living side by side; tolerating each others existence; depending on one anothers particularities; fortifying their gates against each other, yet al ays !eeping a bac! door open for one another. "t one of the many rundo n hostels, on the margin bet een both orlds, inside a tiny room smelling of out orn soc!s and faded farts, four young mochileros1 have laid do n their bac!pac!s and been d elling for over a month. While en#oying the numerous prospects this city has to offer, that month has also been spent in search of a couple of strong, rustic off$road vehicles for purchase; fit for strong, rustic, on$the$road !inda fello s, at this early stage of their individual #ourneys throughout the southern continent. While the t o, self proclaimed, s!illed mechanics lead the search for engine po er, this particularly randy !night on a %uest for self$approval finds himself more inclined to follo his companion, on his o n search for booty po er. With Venezuela inning the &iss 'niverse pageant no less than four times so far, its hardly surprising that every here he loo!s, therere girls so pretty he really oughta atch here his going, or else hes li!ely to step on his very o n tongue. With enough time left to spend on a comprehensive Spanish course, his rapidly developing language s!ills also put him, for the very first time, in a decently competitive position even ith that pretty boy of a companion hes been traveling ith for the past six months. "nd boy oh boy, he sure is loving every minute of it. "nd so, the four of them fre%uently hit the various dance floors in (as &ercedes, the largest district for shopping and leisure in the sample the local goods and salsa the nights a ay. )nly thing is, these damn t o left feet of his !eep on pulling in the same direction. hole of (atin "merica, attempting to

+ac!pac!ers ,Spanish-

(i!e an odorously challenged bird, using one of its pinions for a bea! plug and fender for its stin!y ing$pits, he too seems to only be capable of dancing around in circles; hat you do, for #ust as long as youre a foreigner in flapping around li!e an idiot, hen hat hes really trying to do is soar into the air. .evertheless, it dont matter Venezuela, hence exotic and presumably rich, the chicas ill !eep on pouring in. /Eres el diablo!01 cries out the gentle beauty he is currently 2dating. Probly means it in a good way, he rec!ons, and persists in his attempts to feel her up outside the nightclub. Welcome to Club 3ebraica, the centerpiece of the prosperous 4e ish community of Caracas; a fortified complex in (os Chorros, pool, together ith all the accessories. "s members of the same 2club, theyre elcomed ith open arms, and many a days are spent by the pool, nibbling on Club Social crac!ers and chatting up the !osher girls. 5urther interaction also secures illful cooperation on the part of a fello countryman and a great patriot, ho happens to be in charge of the clubs garage, and ho promises to chec! out any car theyre thin!ing of buying, free of charge. With the occasion of 6sraels 7ay of 6ndependence ta!ing place; celebrated by some, regarded ith resentment by others, yet a day of national pride nevertheless, they are all invited for this communitys patriotic celebration at Club 3ebraica. With said national pride pumping through their veins, they gladly attend the elitist yet cheerful celebration in high spirits. "s trueborn representatives of the celebrating state, they attempt to ta!e as active a part as they possibly can in the proceedings; singing, dancing and #o!ing ith all the rest of the merry sons of 6srael. 8ventually, the highlight of the evening, in the form of a very popular Venezuelan singer, ta!es the stage ith an exhilarating performance of a most nationalistic song. hich e ere born, a country in hich e shall 9oughly translated as, 2" country in ith a country club and a large s imming

live, hatever ill be, ill be,: the entire audience #oins in song and praise, aving blue ; hite flags and clapping enthusiastically.

1 :

<ou are the 7evil= ,Spanish>?>? @AB >?>? ,>??CD >E F@B ,GDHIGD >E F@B

(ater on that night, once given half a chance to ta!e a fe steps bac! and examine the hole bizarre situation, our little lion a ay from Jion comes to realize that actually bearing traditionalism and primal segregatory tendencies, hat he as itness to, underneath layers of compelling human arrogance, as the illusion of belonging, hole bunch of people, hile

manifested in rituals people are eager to ta!e part in, yet hardly comprehend. What seems baffling, in this case, is the idea that this solemnly and singsongingly committed to spending their lives in the old country, are in reality happily living in a completely different country all together, Que sera, sera KKK .o , if nature ould have had it in store for humans to be living under ater, it ould have given us gills instead of ears, rightL .evertheless, the best thing about being human is that, though e cannot live any here ed li!e to, e can still drop by for a visit. 7ropping from the safety of the boat into the cold grip of .eptunes embrace, fins instead of feet, goggles instead of eyes and a heavy oxygen tan! in place of a spinal cord, you cant help ondering hat the fuc! youre doing here. Mhen again, it has been a sort of a dream of yours for a hile no , learning to dive the oceanic depths, and there is, after all, no time li!e the present, nor too many places cheaper then Santa &arta, Colombia, for doing exactly that. Mhumbs up, a big smile and do n you go. )ne last dive to complete your course; #ust a dive a ay from becoming a certified N"76 "dvanced )pen Water 7iver. "lready gone through several adventure dives, largely unadventurous in retrospect; got completely lost on your navigational dive; fell asleep during your night dive; and are no deeper ater dive. )ther than one guy pu!ing into his mouthpiece, the uneventful, hole thing has been rather hich aint half bad for this !inda thing. .o man$eating shar!s; no ghosts of do n to your

dro ned 9ussian sailors; nothing but someones half digested lunch to orry about. Well, nothing other than maybe this acute pain in your earO

"s several days go by,

hile your ear still refuses to pop, you decide to grab a bus to

the local hospital and chec! it out. <ou point at your ear, the darling doctor probes it thoroughly, scribbles something on a piece of paper and sends you out for shopping. Mhe pharmacist, in his turn, puts a bag of and sends you bac! upstairs. Sit do n and relax, #esters the doctor, "ll of a sudden, he attac!s, spraying hile filling the ne syringe ith fresh ater. ater all over the side of your face. Moo stunned to ipe your face dry and ater in your hand, a syringe in the other,

react, you absorb yet another discharge, then get off the chair, ordlessly al! out, careful to avoid the doctors eyes.

<ou %uietly return to the hostel, noiselessly get into your bed and prefer to remain silent about the entire bizarre, some hat abusive even, incident. Mhe next day, out of the blue, your ear pops open. KKK Mhree ee!s in sunny Cartagena, and ith all due respect to its Caribbean beaches, hile

tropical fruit #uices and fine Colombian cannabis, youre gro ing rather restless, your traveling companion subsides more restful.

Whats really popping your zits is the fact that youve got a fine, proud 4eep C4$P under your command; a handsome savage the t o of you purchased bac! in Caracas a couple of months bac!, yet are numbly rotting a ay instead. /Why, it aint nothing short of a sin to let the beast rust a ay in the stable for this long0, you manage to convince him one evening, at the end of a long smo!ing season and ith the aid of a voluptuous girl, moment. Mhough you are reminded the next morning of the fact that the 2beast has been acting more li!e a spoiled brat all the ay do n here, you still decide to ta!e your chances, plus that girl, and finally drive this off$road vehicle off the fuc!in road. (uc!ily enough, the 4eep behaves itself impeccably throughout the entire day, tearing at dirt roads, splashing through streams, mounting slopes li!e a gazelle on speed and, most importantly, ma!ing you loo! li!e a right rustic master of the great outdoors. ho #oins in on the conversation at #ust the right

Why, by the time you reach a small village in the then you could possibly handle at that. +urning

ilderness and score yourselves a

room for the night, the girl is already li!e putty in your rugged hands, and more putty ith desire, youre all over each other even before youve managed to !ic!

the door shut. )nto one of the beds you roll, tearing at each others clothes, suc!ing and biting at every exposed bit of flesh. "ll of a sudden, she pushes you a ay and rushes into the bathroom. Probly for the best, you rec!on, hile getting undressed. Would last a bit longer this way, thas for sure +ut #ust then, all hell brea!s loose. "s if an entire begins to shudder something a ful. "lthough ind at times, e all !no that, contrary to common belief, omen do discreetly blo hat came out of that bathroom could only be described as the most ind orchestra is assailing ith Mchai!ovs!ys *Q*1 )verture, accompanied by live fire or!s and all, the entire room

sic!ening display of bo el agitation ever !no n to man. Moo stunned to react, you curl into a fetal position and remain paralyzed on the bed for the entire duration of the concert. )nce the echo of the last fart dies out, she steps out of the bathroom, face all red and perspiring, attempts an apologetic smile and hispers R /"mebasO got them a couple of ee!s ago.0 <ou get off the bed, %uietly point at the other bed, noiselessly get under the covers, careful to avoid her eyes. Mhe next day, you return to Cartagena, but prefer to remain silent about the entire bizarre, some hat traumatic even, experience. KKK With a sudden thrust into the air, utterly terrifying yet oddly liberating at the very same time, the beast has breathed its last breath; its crumbling motor has finally collapsed and shant be revived ever again. "fter an entire year of agony, frustration and a #ourney no salvation; after endless time poisoned beyond asted, funds s%uandered and energy demolished; being ordlessly shamble over and

reduced to lies and manipulation, restricted of movement and options; countless uncharted, nearly nonexistent, shit$holes to get stranded in, the 4eep has finally !ic!ed the buc!et near the city of &endoza, "rgentina. 5our sets of eyes turned to you for ans ers; four fello travelers youve lured into this mad dash from Santiago de Chile to +uenos "ires, simply did not have. What you did have as plenty of experience ith precisely these !ind of situations and a routine, consisting of a reassuring smile, the extraction of compassion, the return of funds and sending them off on their separate ays ith your best ishes. <et one of them chose to remain by the captains side, as the ship as slo ly san!ing into the deathly abyss, and she had a lifeboat in the form of an """ Card to boot. 3ence, than!s to yet another unpredictable turn of fortune, you could call for a free roadside assistance, hich to ed you into a small family garage on the outs!irts of &endoza. She stuc! by your side for an entire "ll ee!, hile you struggled to come up ith a decent burial solution for an expired pile of #un!. ho had a share in that Nandora +ox have long since bailed out. <our original ent to Central "merica, one escaped by partner changed his fortune in midstream and and this burden has been left entirely to you. "fter that thin ee! of muted copulation, in an ultra$catholic hos!eda"e# made of paper alls, you nudged your current lover and companion to ards personal freedom as hich ought to have been its final hich you destination; a desperate attempt cut do n in its prime, all a aited a solution

her pin!y toe, t o others gave up, the last one you yourself released out of her misery,

ell. .o point in yet another persons dream #ourney being smashed against the hard roc!s of reality. "s for yourself, you simply gave in to serfdom; to servitude to the metal tyrant, tormenting you even from beyond the grave, and became a d eller at the garage your master resides. KKK here

(odging ,Spanish-

4ust as Caracas

as becoming a second home for this bunch of young adventurers,

theyve finally managed to get their hands on a couple of noble, yet savage loo!ing 4eeps, of the C4$P type, subse%uently !no n as 4eep Wrangler. +eing the strongest and most reliable four$ heel drive vehicles you could ever conceive of affording, according to s orn oaths of the experts among you, and fit for noble savages as yourselves, you gladly bring them in for a chec! up at the garage of your trusty Club 3ebraica. <ou li!e the handsome hite one best, and can already imagine yourself riding it ith the motor roaring in your ears; across the open terrain; mounting enormous ridges,

crossing gushing rivers, splashing mud every here; paving your very o n path through the evergreen #ungle bush, hile the ind blo s through your effluent hair. <our countryman garage and all, he aves you in through the bac! gate, though as the manager of that busy huddling ith the local o ner of both vehicles, ith a huge grin smeared across his ould obviously not be the one chec!ing your prospective purchases.

6nstead, his local mechanic, no ould do the dirty or!.

.ot ten minutes later, the mec$nico returns,

greasy face, and sums up his verdict in one ord R /Perfecto!0 With such an over helming verdict, you gladly accompany the o ner to his home in the village, run through the necessary paper or!, transfer o nership, pay the handsome amount previously agreed on, et %oila & you are no the proud o ners of the 4eep. .o , all that is left is to toast the occasion, sha!e hands and head bac! to Caracas. )n the outs!irts of to n, densely covering vast hilly terrains, are the shanty to ns of Caracas; hole neighborhoods infested ith poverty and neglect; ith violence and crime; a chaos of hovels, #un! and rundo n or!shops. Nrecisely in the middle of all that, hile attempting to change gears, you startlingly or!shop, here they reattach the find yourself holding onto a detached gearshift. With heavy hearts, your companion and yourself are forced to push the vehicle into a close by damn gearshift and send you on your ay. 'e%er mind, you concur, as you drive out of the city the very next day, ta!ing your first steps to ards an exhilarating future of hinted promises and possibilities. E%en the luc(iest of "ourneys begins with a single misha!

.o , that youve paid your symbolic dues to bad fortune, its all gonna be s eet riding from here onO KKK )!en your eyes Mhey are open, 6m afraid. . Whaddya mean theyre o!en* +his is a nightmare, aint it* , nightmare you%e gotta wa(e u! from! Mhis is a bloody nightmare alright, but unfortunately not the !ind you can simply a!e up from. Mhis is reality, in all its gore, and youre #ust gonna have to deal ith it. 4ust ait a hile for things to cool do n a bit; for the steam to subside and your blood to ease its boiling. Mhen #ust pop open the hood, assess the damage, or! out a plan of action and simply carry it through, #ust li!e you did all those times before. 5irst time the ventilator rammed straight into the radiator, tearing a hole in the metal and emptying the entire mechanism of its cooling fluid, a minor misadventure, really. <ou happened to be on the outs!irts of a village, along the road leading to Santa &arta, so all you had to do as push the 4eep into a nearby garage, here a bit of sealing of the radiator and soldering of the ventilator seemed to have done the tric!. +ut it didnt= (ess than an hour later, the very same mishap occurred once again, resulting in a much nastier tear through the grids and a far more croo!ed vent this time. )ver the next fe hindrances, youve already learned to channel the mysterious po er of papri!a po der into the pierced radiator. Stic!ing to the rims of the slits in the metal, combined ith che ing gum on the outside, it ould !eep it sealed for the short hile it might ta!e you to encounter the next garage along your route. 6f youre luc!y, that is. <ou tried your best to fix it up yourselves; to insist on a much firmer fastening of the various parts in %uestion; an absolute separation bet een these fierce archenemies. as hardly a big deal. &ore li!e

<ou

ere so very careful not to hit any bumps, nor drive into any potholes along the

ay, but still, time and time again, steam suddenly begins to rise from under the hood, and a seemingly straight for ard four hundred !ilometer #ourney from CTcuta to Santa &arta has been ta!ing the bester part of a day, and youre barely half ay there. Well, loo!s li!e youll be forced to sleep in the 4eep tonight, hich, than!s to your upbringing, hardly Spartan yet certainly pillo $less, should be the least of your orries. Should have guessed you ould be uncontrollably sliding do n a slippery slope at the very beginning of the day, as the t o of you Colombian border. .one of the car parts numbers seemed to fit the records at the border crossing, as if various parts of several different vehicles have been glued together to create a 5ran!en$ #eep monster. +ut by then, there as very little you could have done. "ssuming thats #ust the ay local customs police ould operate, being descendant from goons and all, you came mentally and monetarily prepared. With nothing but several tenners on your persons, you managed to diplomatically convince them to turn a blind eye, careful not to ignite their greed and natural tendency for the abuse of po er. (ittle did you !no , though, as you congratulating each other on a #ob #ust beginning; that you ere leaving the border crossing behind and that your troubles ere ay across each and every border ill !no the ord for 2scre even ell done; little did you !no ere attempting to cross the Venezuelan$

ill need to bribe your ay and

throughout South "merica; that you mechanics youll be meeting along the

ill learn your Spanish from the numerous

before 2!iss; that this as to be the beginning of a hideous antagonism. KKK "nd so, you become a d eller at the garage into hich the 4eep as to ed, and here it still sits, defunct and beyond repair. Carlito, the short and lively mechanic, and his three sons, each of then his brother, elcome you into the family hom more odd ith open arms. 6n their delightful

company you spend day after day after day, drin!ing an endless amount of mate de coca, che ing on empanadas and learning all you can about fixing cars. .ot that theres too many vehicles aiting to be fixed or anything li!e that. )nce in a hile, an odd car might get to ed into their garage, but mostly theyll #ust be sitting around, %uarreling about anything even remotely %uarrelable. &uch the same as yourself, Carlito also loves #azz music, and happens to have been a trumpet player, before an accident sealed his lips. Mogether, you #am ith his trumpet, go out to see a couple of #azz concerts, en#oy several salsa nights and even visit a passing circus performance. Carlito also helps you out by discreetly pointing you in the direction of blac! mar!et dealers, for the car has Venezuelan papers, hich ma!es it illegal to trade in "rgentina. (uc!ily enough, youre not too bothered about local la foreigner to ma!e it orth their hile; a hile enforcers, more often than not rather incapable of enforcing too many of their, minor and mindless, la s on a hich can usually be estimated at around ten buc!s, after moderate bargaining. "nd so, you go loo!ing for them blac! mar!eters; searching in dodgy bac!streets; in%uiring in shady little shops, until you find a fe of them. <ou then attempt negotiating, in Spanish perfected by %uic! in grasping #ust ho desperate you really are. Mhen, one sunny afternoon, as you return to the garage from yet another shifty dealing, you come across a local businessman names 4orge. Chatting to Carlito, at each other, 4orge happens to be expressing his admiration for your 4eep. Mrue enough, it does appear a noble beast to the eye, and the !no ledge of its evil heart is !ept a secret bet een Carlito and you, of course. <et, the shre d businessman that he is, the price he offers is not any better then the one them dealers tried to feed you ith, and you, hardened by previous negotiations, pleasantly but firmly dismiss it. 7ay after day, 4orge returns ith the same offer, but you hold on to your price, in itself barely covering half of the sum invested #ust in purchasing that heap of #un!. hile the three sons are busy or!ing on his car, constantly %uarreling, s earing and thro ing renches ee!s of being stuc! in a city ho are here nobody spea!s any other language, yet are defeated by shre d dealers,

<ouve got your shareholders to thin! of; the poor bastards you lured into this mess, and o e at least partial refund, if youre ever to loo! yourself in the face again. 4orge stic!s around though, and the t o of you become friends. /3e really is a !ind man,0 you agree ith Carlito. )n the seventh day, this !ind man agrees to your price out of sheer sympathy for your cause and you modestly accept the deal, no tax nor nothin. 4orge sees you off at the bus station the next day, and as you board the bus to +uenos "ires, you realize the date is "pril * st, *UUP, and brea! out laughing. Mhis, my friend, must have been the cruelest "pril fool hoax in documented history. With this laughter, pure and liberated, unli!e the inhibited merit you occasionally got to experience over the past hole year, you finally feel the chain brea!ing loose. 'o freedom is sweeter than freedom regained, - guess you allo time, that this ride ill end here and hen it is supposed to. your eyelids to drop, li!e curtains on a bad production of a Vree! tragedy, confident, for the very first