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Shin Kimagure I
Shin Kimagure I
Newsgroups: rec.arts.anime
From: ataru@crash.cts.com (AfterImage)
Subject: Ornage Road Novel Translation!
Organization: CTS Network Services (CTSNET), San Diego, CA
Date: Tue, 3 Jan 1995 08:09:02 GMT
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
Nntp-Posting-Host: crash.cts.com
Translator's notes
Finally, as you read the translation, I would like you to have some inkling
of the scale of this project, how many hours I spent, sitting in Skylark
and Denny's restaurants with my Powerbook with my shoes off, having
Japanese people staring at me like I was the only gaijin they'd ever seen
pecking away on his Powerbook (like maybe 75 to 100 of them). I hope you
read this translation and spread it around to other fans. Long live anime.
Thank you.
Peter R. Payne
October 1994
PROLOG
Sitting on the handrail of the bridge, you stare at the lights out
in the bay, not bothering to turn your head at the sound. I look at
your silhouette and feel happy.
The wind blows off the surface of the water and carries a sweet
smell to the tip of my nose. It passes through my whole body, until
I feel like I'm going to pass out.
"Huh?" I said.
"You've got something dirty on your mind don't you?" Ayukawa said.
"I knew it." She pointed a slender forefinger at my nose. Her hair
moved, sending the angel smell to me again. "I can tell whenever
you're thinking about sex."
"No, I wasn't--"
She's really been laughing a lot tonight, like someone full of too
much life. The couples around us all turn and look at us like we're
bothering them somehow. Ayukawa laughs even more loudly, this time
on purpose.
She laughed again, but then made a serious face suddenly, grabbing
my shirt collar and pulling me towards her.
"Ayukawa..."
She said, "Don't be stupid. I'm nervous, too, being here, alone
with you. This is all a new experience for me, too, you know."
"Ayukawa--"
I put my arm around her shoulder, and pressed my lips against hers.
We were in a bar on the top floor, that looks out on the Bay
Bridge. A black man was playing jazz piano softly at the back of
the room. We were the youngest of any of the patrons there, so
whenever Ayukawa laughed, everyone glared at us.
"No, you're wrong. Kelly Toyama wouldn't have chosen your work if
it was just a coincidence."
"Jeez, Kelly, Kelly, you've been talking about nothing else this
evening."
Then she laughed again. It must be the alcohol. Her cheeks were a
little red.
"What present would you like?" Ayukawa had said to me when I was
chosen for the award.
"Yeah, I'm going to give you a present, for winning the contest.
You know, it hasn't been announced yet, but I'll bet whatever you
get as first prize will be something valuable."
I entered the same university as Ayukawa this spring, but for some
reason, I hadn't been able to decide what I wanted to do there. I
think Ayukawa had been a little worried about me.
I looked into her eyes and said, "Let's see. From Ayukawa, I'd like
to get..."
"Yes?"
Now that we had the College Entrance Examination behind us, Ayukawa
and I had gotten into the habit of kissing casually. But we haven't
done _it_ yet.
Ayukawa seemed a little surprised by what I had just said. But when
I smiled at her, she looked at me with those teasing eyes of hers.
But I had been too bold, I knew, and now I was embarrassed.
Still in her teasing voice, she said, "Keep on being bold like
that, and you never know..." That was her way of saying yes.
Now, back at the hotel bar, Ayukawa picked up the fresh glass that
had been brought, and stood up. "Okay, here's my present to you,
part one."
"Part one?"
Ayukawa looked at me with tipsy eyes, and winked. She raised the
glass, making a signal for another _kampai_, and said, "I've
written a song for my brave, self-confident Kasuga-kun. The title
is..._Kyosuke #1_."
She went over to the piano, put her glass on it, and whispered
something to the black piano player. In a way that told me he had
been consulted about this ahead of time, he finished his song with
a quick ad lib and handed his seat over to Ayukawa.
Or perhaps the song represents how she feels about me. Could it
be...such a intense thing?
I took the glass that the boy brought me. He was muttering
something about the minimum age for alcohol and tobacco being 20
years old.
How beautiful Ayukawa is, playing with so much passion. She was
like a goddess, brilliant and beautiful but totally unapproachable.
When I came back, I felt like a bird floating on the wind. I lifted
up my hands, and wandered towards the swirls of light that were all
around me.
I couldn't hear any sound at all. Not _Kyosuke #1_, not the
admiring voices of the people in the bar. All noise was gone.
As I fell, I heard the sound of sea birds. Next I heard the fog
horn of a ship. Then, a crashing sound. I was lying on top of
something. There was no pain; on the contrary, it was a pleasant
feeling.
The light faded from my view. No, actually, another light came to
me as the first light disappeared. It was the morning sun.
Had we...joined?
Outside the window, a sea bird made a high-pitched cry. The angel
sleeping by my side opened her eyes. She smiled a little shyly,
then said:
"Good morning."
But just then, the phone beside the bed rang with a piercing sound.
That's the beginning of this story.
This brought me out of the dream I had been having and pulled me
back into reality.
PART I
I sat up in bed. At that moment, Jingoro, who had been in bed with
me, let out a cry.
My anger got control of me, and I slammed the receiver down. I had
been experiencing a wonderful dream of spending the night with
Ayukawa. When a dream like that is interrupted, even Kyosuke
Kasuga--usually quieter than most people--is going to get angry
.
Then: "Oniichan (2), I need to use the phone. Are you awake?" It
was my sister Manami's voice.
"I'm going to switch it back to the living room now. Do you mind?"
Manami's twin sister, Kurumi, opened the door and peered in.
I let slip without thinking: "No, no, a phone call that interrupted
something perverted."
"Oh, gross, Oniichan! What are you talking about with Madoka-san
every night?" Manami said.
"_A-fuhn ! (3) A-fuhn!_ And _touch me there_ and _oh_ and _not
there!_"
"_Baka!_"
"Now that you mention it, Oniichan has been going through an awful
lot of tissues recently."
For the rest of the time he's be overseas, I'll be developing the
film he sends me. Back when he was working as a landscape
photographer, he used a company to develop his pictures, but
recently, he's been taken with a kind of do-it-yourself-ism, and
has been trying to do the developing himself. I help him when he's
away.
I shouldn't criticize him. It's all thanks to Dad's hard work that
we're able to eat everyday.
I took off my pajamas and had a shower. The sound of the water
mixed with Jingoro's cries as he tried to get out of the bathroom.
Wait a minute!
Or maybe not. You see, the Kasuga clan has the super-blood flowing
in its veins; I, Kyosuke Kasuga, also possess super powers.
Sometimes I even have dreams about the future before breakfast.
Now that I think of it, when I got the reservations for the hotel,
Ayukawa said, "Let's go to Chinatown for dinner instead of eating
at the hotel." I'm sure we'll go see the night view of Yokohama,
too.
"Oniichan, hurry up and finish your shower. I'm waiting," came the
voice of my demanding sister. Morning in the Kasuga house is always
like this.
"High school girls don't need to take a shower in the morning every
day," I said.
"Don't you know? It's dangerous for girls to smell sweaty these
days. Crazy people follow you around. Just the other day,
Komatsu-san and Hatta-san asked me to sell them my sweaty
leotards."
"What?!"
Seiji Komatsu and Kazuya Hatta are my evil friends from high
school. It seems like they're planning something with Kurumi and
Manami again.
"Those perverts!"
"Don't tell me you sold them your stinky leotards to them?" Manami
asked.
"_Buun buun!_" Kurumi replied, once again using words no one can
understand. I opened the bathroom door.
"Don't just say _buun buun_. You didn't sell your leotards to them,
right?"
"I didn't sell them," Kurumi said. "I mean, I'd lose money if I
did."
"It's not a matter of losing or gaining money!" I said.
"Kurumi!"
I covered myself up, but it was too late. These two high school
girls, brimming with curiosity, got a good look at my _musuko_ (6)
even as they were screaming and running away.
*****
"Yes," Master said. "A few days ago I got a call from Hokkaido. She
said, someday I'm going to New York, absolutely positively. How's
today's batch of cafe` latte?"
"Ah, it's good. But maybe a bit too much milk. It's kind of sweet."
Master shook his head and, taking a big cup reserved for himself,
turned again to the cafe` latte machine.
Master had gone all the way to Seattle in America to buy the
cafe` latte machine. You use the machine to foam some warm milk,
then add espresso coffee to it.
"Some might say that this place is just a small coffee shop," he
had said, "so there's no need to go to all the trouble to get this
machine. But I don't agree. I think a person has to stay interested
and energetic in his work all the time."
These days he's been talking a lot like that. Ayukawa, who comes to
help out from time to time, usually tells him, "It's good that
you're putting effort into your work, but you really should stop
keeping to yourself all the time and get out more. If you don't
stop thinking of your ex-wife, there's never going to be anyone
else."
In those days, Ayukawa's parents were out of the country a lot, and
she was kind of a tough girl to get close to. I was the kind of
person who could never make up his mind (although that's still kind
of true now), and as a result, I was always having problems and
misunderstandings with the two of them.
But the time came when the three of us had to stop just piling up
happy memories all the time. We were all becoming adults, and no
matter how much we tried to keep things the way they were, someday
it had to end.
"Is this senpai? Ta-da! I know you said not to call anymore, but
it's me, Hikaru Hiyama, coming to you live!"
Ayukawa and I headed for the airport on her motorcycle. But the
plane departing Haneda Airport for Sapporo had already left.
"I didn't know...I didn't know she was moving. I didn't know."
"Ayukawa."
"This is the first time this has ever happened. Hikaru has never
done anything so important without consulting me first."
Next Ayukawa dropped her helmet on the floor of the airport and
started sobbing uncontrollably.
Ayukawa hadn't told me, but I could tell she had been upset over
Hikaru-chan for a while. In the end, there was no avoiding that the
two of us had to live apart from her. Still, I knew that Ayukawa
would never be able to forgive herself.
"Ayukawa!"
I embraced her, but she continued crying like a woman gone insane.
She slammed her body against the wall of the waiting room lobby
again and again. I couldn't do anything to stop her. Then I put my
body between her and the wall, thinking I would take Ayukawa's
place, and slammed my head against the wall again and again. Only
then did her rage at herself subside, but she continued sobbing as
she clung to me.
That was when I realized how many times stronger Ayukawa's sadness
was than my own.
On our way home from the airport, we stopped at Taiba Park, across
from Tokyo bay.
It was still a little cold, but beyond the artificial sand of the
beach many windsurfers could be seen. We stared silently at them
until the lights on the Rainbow Bridge, still under construction
across from us, came on.
After a while, Ayukawa said, "If I had known it was going to come
to this, I would have taken her here when I had the chance. She had
always wanted to try windsurfing. She said to me once, before they
finish the Rainbow Bridge, please teach me. By the time the bridge
is completed, you'll be a famous star, and then you won't have the
time."
"Ayukawa..."
"I told her, if she managed to stand up once, I'd...I'd give her my
old board. I told her that! And now, in Hokkaido, she won't be able
to go windsurfing. _Baka_, Hikaru. You've been that way ever since
you were a child."
By the time the pleasure boats started casting tiny lights on the
bay, Ayukawa and I had left the park. And we never talked about
Hikaru-chan again.
"Once the milk foam has disappeared, it's best to just get a new
cup. You can't keep it forever. I guess that's like life."
"Eh?" I said.
"I think that it was good for Hikaru-chan to move, to find new
experiences. It was good timing for her." Master winked amiably.
"When two people break up, it's sometimes harder to stay in the
same place. Every place you go, you're reminded of the person you
broke up with."
"Yeah, I guess."
"Oh yes, about Hikaru-chan and New York. I hadn't finished telling
you. Do you remember the musical she starred in?"
"Ah, yes. I believe it was called 'Downtown Cats.'"
She had said to me, whatever you do, don't forget to come and see
my play. But Ayukawa and I hadn't gone. Well..._couldn't_ go is a
little more accurate.
"Yes, she was really excited. She said, I don't know how far I can
make it, but I'm going to try anyway. Isn't that great?"
I didn't want Master to think I'm a rotten guy. I wanted him to see
me as the kind of person who would give 100% support to a
Hikaru-chan so full of hope and genki.
But in reality.
"Hm?"
"I have to work to pay you back for the second cup of cafe`
latte."
It was the kind of day you get after the rainy season has ended,
but before summer has started for real, and I felt somehow at
peace. It was a pleasant feeling.
This kind of weather will only be temporary. A few days ago, it was
raining every day, and everything was humid and sticky. After this,
the hot, humid summer will begin. But I didn't have the time to
enjoy this season like I should. It would have been nice if I could
just stop time.
Yes.
Like the day when we went to the beach, and played together,
laughing. I want to go back to that day.
Now that I think about it, that voice was just like mine.
Whenever people hear your voice recorded, they usually say, "Is
this my voice?" I hadn't been able to put my finger on it earlier,
but that voice really was a lot like mine.
Above me, the train was pulling into the station. If I hurry, I can
catch it. But the light at the intersection had changed to red.
"What the hell, go for it!" I said to myself, and ran out into the
intersection. But just at that moment, something bright red
appeared at the edge of my vision, coming towards me.
It was a...car!
Just as I realized that the red thing was a Volvo station wagon, my
body recoiled with the shock. Something in my head went boom! like
fireworks. A loud noise sounded in my ears, then everything became
white.
*****
Wait a minute.
For some reason, I was looking down at my own body. My body was
lying in a hospital bed. A doctor and a nurse were doing something
to me--they're putting an I.V. into my arm.
"Have you been able to contact your father?" the nurse said in an
official manner to Madoka. She thought that Madoka was a member of
the Kasuga family.
Manami spoke in place of Madoka. "We called, but haven't been able
to reach him yet."
"Please hurry. With things the way they are, he'll probably..."
Just then the doctor put himself in between the two women, and
spoke to Madoka. "Of course you're right. There is still a chance
that this patient will live. But one thing is for certain. If he
were a normal human, he would have died already."
"I'm not exactly sure. We've done all we can for the patient. From
here on out, it's up to his...how can I put this...his _life
energy_. He has a...soul...that's many times stronger than normal
humans."
Master said, "Well, the police and the driver of the car are
waiting in the lobby. I'll go talk to them."
"Don't mention it. Both you and Kurumi-chan, make sure you keep
your wits about you."
"Okay."
After Master left the room, everything was quiet for a moment.
No--there was Kyosuke's respirator. That was the only thing that
broke that silence.
"Kasuga-kun!...Kasuga-kun, don't give up!" Madoka cried. Then, as if
she was the only one in the room who knew Kyosuke's secret, she
whispered: "You're a superman, right? Just like the doctor said,
you've got many times more power than normal people, right? Don't
give in to this! Come back to us!"
"Oniichan!"
Oh, Ayukawa!
I guess it's true. I was hit by that Volvo, all because I was in a
hurry. I must have been thinking about Hikaru-chan, instead of
paying attention.
If things are really as bad as they seem, I guess I'm going to die.
But I can't.
But there are still so many things I want to do. And now I'm going
to die.
One thing I know for sure, it's not right for a person to be
separated from his body. This is really strange!
I went down to where my body was, and decided to get inside. But
something went _bump!_, like the sound of hitting a living fish
"No, Kasuga-kun!"
"Oniichan!"
What's happening?
There was some kind of strong barrier around my body that pushed me
back. Or maybe it the other way around. Maybe the soul is rejecting
the flesh.
Just then my cousins Akane and Kazuya entered the hospital room.
"You klutz, Kyosuke!" Akane added. "Just when you were so happy
about having gotten to the point where you can have sex with
Madoka!"
"You two are terrible," Kurumi said. "Always jumping the gun."
Kurumi went on. "The dying part comes later. He's just resting
right now."
What?!
"Kurumi!"
Akane said, "Oh, well, it's good that he's still alive. Well,
Kazuya, shall we try the plan that we discussed?"
"Roger!"
Yes, that's right. I've been made to suffer time and time again at
the hands of that esper ability. Kazuya has the ability to read
people's minds. For example, in front of Ayukawa, he would say,
"Oh, Kyosuke-niichan is thinking that he wants to kiss
Madoka-neechan right now."
I remember the day I first told her about our powers. "Listen,
Ayukawa," I had said then. "There's something very important I have
to tell you."
It was when we had first started going out together, right after I
had broken up with Hikaru-chan. I had kept the esper powers secret
from her for years, but I was unable to do so any longer.
I waited until she was finished laughing, then told her all about
the Kasuga family. That we were a family of espers, that we've had
an ancient tradition that forbade the secret of our powers becoming
known to outsiders, and so on.
Instead, after hearing me out, she let out a long sigh. "I
see. That explains everything."
"Huh?"
I'm sure I was making a stupid face at the time. Ayukawa came close
to me, and pressed her lips to mine. That was our first kiss (8).
_Oniichan, it's me, Kazuya. We're all worried about you. Are you
okay?_
I'm right here. My soul has just left my body for a while.
Akane shook her head. "I guess it's not going to work. Kazuya's
powers aren't fully developed yet."
You know, Akane, that's always been your problem--you give up too
easily.
How many times do I have to tell you, I'm not dead yet!
But even as I said those words, the "me" lying in the hospital bed
seemed to be getting weaker. Up til that time, I could feel a
strong power tying my soul to my body, but now that power seemed to
be lessening.
"There's nothing to do now but send Kyosuke's soul into the past!"
*****
"To the past?" Ayukawa said, her eyes filled with tears.
However:
"Well, you're looking sexier than ever. Have you had sex with
Kyosuke yet?"
Manami said, "Ojiichan, we don't have time for that. What do you
mean, send his soul to the past?"
"Okay, okay, I'll explain it to you. Because our family has powers
different from normal humans, the balance between our souls and our
flesh is very important. Isn't that right, Baachan?"
Akane put in, "Which would mean that is spirit is wandering around
this room somewhere."
Let me think. When I tried to get into my own body a few minutes
ago, it didn't work.
"According to what the doctor said, they've done all they can,"
Ayukawa said. "If his body recovers, won't everything be okay?"
"No, even that may be too late," Ojiichan said. "The time during
which a soul can be separated from its flesh is a day. No, more
like half a day. And if the flesh should die during that time...
Oh no!
Ojiichan continued. "If the flesh dies, then Kyosuke's soul will
disband with a _whoosh_!"
Disband?
Ayukawa.
The same goes for our night gazing at the Yokohama Bay Bridge
together.
And _it_...
Kurumi said, "So you said you were going to send Oniichan's soul
into the past. What does that mean?"
Way to go, Kurumi. We still haven't heard Ojiichan's explanation
about that yet.
Hmm, this isn't as easy as I'd hoped. I need to find myself in the
past, and with his cooperation, get myself out of this predicament.
"Okay, let's get started right away," Ojiichan said, and began
chanting something.
Then I found out that even ghosts can lose consciousness. In the
center of that light, I began to fade away.
"Oh no! Instead of sending Kyosuke's soul to the past, I've sent
him to the future!"
PART II
The future?
I came out of that world of light, and fell through a space filled
with colors that changed all around me.
"Ouch!"
I hit my head hard against the ground, and that was when I realized
that I wasn't among any angels.
It was a place I was very familiar with. I was at the bottom of the
Hundred Stairs.
On my way back from picking up the nameplate for our new apartment,
I had climbed these stairs, counting: "ichi, ni..." When I was near
the top, I witnessed a bright red UFO flying above me.
But it wasn't a UFO. It was a red straw hat which Madoka Ayukawa
had cast into the wind for fun.
"Got it!"
"Nice catch!"
"I threw it into the wind just now. I'm glad you caught it. I
thought it was going to go all the way down."
I'm sure I was making the ultimate stupid face. It was all I could
do to utter a meaningless laugh, as I took in her long, black hair,
her deep eyes, her soft, pert lips, that grown-up look that could
only be called sexy.
"Ninety-nine!"
"One hundred!"
"Ninety-nine!"
I've been told I was too passive ever since I was a child, but just
then, I had a good idea.
Ayukawa looked surprised for a second, the laughed with that sweet
voice of hers.
Ayukawa...
But I don't have time right now to sit around and bask in
memories. I've found out _where_ I am, but I have to found out
_when_, and what's happened to my body in this time. I know I heard
Ojiichan say, "Oh no, I've sent him to the future!"
So..._what_ am I? A ghost?
Maybe they changed apartments. Maybe that was it. I checked the
other floors, but the name of Kasuga wasn't there.
Three years. And now my family has moved out of this apartment
building.
Maybe they had to move because of Dad and that recent interest in
social problems of his. We were making a good enough living back
when he was a landscape and studio photographer, but maybe he was
killed while overseas? Unable to pay the rent, Manami and Kurumi
were forced to move...
*****
"Yes. Probably."
"Yes," Kurumi said, "you said 'oh no' when you sent Oniichan's
spirit to the future."
But just then, Kyosuke's body, lying in the bed, let out a little
moan, as if to stop the arguing that had begun around him.
"That's right, Kazuya. You're not supposed to say things like that,
even if it's true," Akane said, poking her brother in the head.
Ojiichan said, "You're not going to have a fight here, you two!
Everyone listen to me. It's true that Kyosuke looks worse than he
did earlier. There's nothing we can do about that--his soul is not
here."
"I can't believe it." And with that, the oldest living Kasuga (9)
let out a great sigh.
But Madoka Ayukawa felt the power of the Kasuga clan. She spoke to
herself, as if in prayer.
It's okay.
*****
Unaware of the events in the hospital room three years ago, I found
myself in front of ABCB. I thought that Master would be willing to
listen to what I have to say, and help me out.
I had to find out so many things about this time period, including
whether or not I was even alive. Also, Ayukawa's whereabouts.
It's even possible that she might be going out with someone other
than me.
Suddenly overcome with worry, I went to the window and peered in.
At the counter was a girl I hadn't seen before, resting her head on
her hands. She was wearing an ABCB apron. She must be a part-time
worker.
But then, the place was pretty cluttered. Was it possible for a
place to get this dirty in just three years? There were no other
customers besides me.
"Pachinko?"
In the past three years, the coffee shop's atmosphere wasn't the
only thing that changed. When the pachinko parlor in front of the
station first opened, I remember Master saying to me, "That's
terrible. Now the refined taste and culture of this area is going
to be swept away by a new pleasure quarters."
Well, I can't do anything about that. Now is not the time for me to
concern myself with Master's hobbies.
You often hear that people can change easily, but I wonder. Could
Master have changed not only his tastes and interests, but also his
personality, in just three years? If that's so, will he be happy to
see me?
"Here you are. Hot enough to kill you." She put the coffee in front
of me. It was as hot as she said.
"Bushy?"
I was confused. Master wore a beard and moustache three years ago,
but I wouldn't exactly call it bushy.
"Three years? That's strange. He's been that way for a while."
"What way?"
"You know. _Koochi koochi koo_." She stuck her chin out a little
and wiggled her head from right to left.
"What's that?"
"Well, with part-time girls like me, he likes to rub his beard
against the nape of my neck when I'm washing dishes."
Master?
The person I'd yelled at said, "Huh?" and moved back towards the
door. He was more or less an old man--a totally different man from
the Master I knew.
It turned out that the rights to ABCB had been sold to this man,
silverware, fixtures and everything. He said it was a common thing
for owners of coffee shops or bars to do when they wanted to get
out of the business. I couldn't figure out what had happened in
Master's life that he would have wanted to sell. But according to
the old man, he had bought the shop a year and a half before, and
had never met Master directly.
That didn't mean that no one knew. But I didn't have the courage to
ask the cigarette lady or the owner of the ramen shop where Master
always went. I guess I must be dead in this time.
"Ichi...ni...san..."
"Nijuu-go...nijuu-roku..."
It was Hikaru-chan.
I let out the breath I realized had been holding, and called her
name.
"Hikaru-chan!"
She turned and said instantly, "Gosh, I can't believe it, it's
Kasuga-senpai! I never expected to bump into you out here!"
Her hair was slightly longer than her shoulders, all one
length. Her salmon pink dress matched her red-brown hair well. I'm
positive she had grown in the three years--three and a half
years--since I'd met her.
I looked embarrassed.
She laughed, her mouth wide open like an 'o,' like she always used
to. Like she always used to...back when we were three friends,
together all the time.
"How about you?" she continued. "I can't believe it. You haven't
changed at all, really. You look like you're still in high school."
"Well, you know what they say about men maturing more slowly than
women," I said, trying to change the subject. "That's why I look so
young. Um, did you come here from Hokkaido?"
"New York?"
"I said that? I don't remember saying that. Do you know when that
was?"
"Hm?" I said quickly. "Um, no, I can't remember. But if you live in
New York, why are you--"
"Gosh, just when I was talking with an old friend," she said. "Can
you hang on a sec?"
Hikaru-chan flashed a smile at me, and ran down the stairs of the
footbridge to a phone booth.
Hikaru Hiyama entered the phone booth and sighed. It was something
she always did before going on-stage to help calm herself.
Hikaru had anticipated that she might run into Kyosuke or Madoka by
chance when returned to Tokyo. She was even hoping for it,
somewhere deep inside her. But it had been so sudden, and now her
heart was racing.
**I'd promised myself earlier that, whenever I did meet senpai again,
I would be a woman, grown-up and stylish.**
**Blurting out such childish words like that. _Gosh, I can't believe
it, it's Kasuga-senpai!_**
Hikaru sighed again, and began to dial the number displayed on her
beeper. On top of everything else, the man who had interrupted her
conversation with senpai was the lowest scum on Earth.
This is Tokyo (10). Where I was born and where I grew up.
Don't think you can treat me the way you did when I first got to
New York!
That was when she met Sugizawa, a Japanese man working part-time at
a small travel agency in Greenwich Village.
Sugizawa had just graduated from a university in New York, and was
looking for work as a dancer. He was a sportsman, with an athlete's
body, and his white teeth impressed Hikaru immediately.
He began to ask about every detail of her schedule for the day, and
always went to pick her up when she was finished. At first, Hikaru
thought of his actions as an expression of his affection for her,
but gradually it got to be too much.
On New Years' Eve, Hikaru was invited to a home party by her dance
instructor. It was the first time she'd been invited to such an
event.
But when Hikaru went outside, Sugizawa's Corvette was waiting for
her, covered with snow. That was when she realized her feelings had
begun to grow apart from Sugizawa's.
"Let me do my own thing!" she had told him, and for a moment his
eyes became round with surprise. She didn't go back to his room
after that.
Sugizawa called her many times, but she let the answering machine
answer the phone for her. One day, after returning from her dance
lesson, Hikaru heard the following tear-choked voice on her
answering machine.
"It's always this way. Whenever I let myself love someone, it ends
up like this...the more I love her, the more I end up hurting her...and
in the end, it turns out that I wasn't really in love with her...I
was just in love with myself."
His words ceased to be words after that. Sugizawa said he was going
home to Tokyo the next day.
Hikaru had no regrets over Sugizawa. But after hearing his voice on
the answering machine, a memory she'd been trying to forget for a
long time suddenly resurfaced.
The next day, Hikaru went to the airport to see Sugizawa off. He
was overjoyed. He gave her his address in Tokyo, and asked her to
visit him when she came back to Japan.
Hikaru agreed, but as soon as his plane lifted off, she threw the
paper he'd given her in the trash. Just then, Kyosuke's face had
come back to her. She knew the reason why.
"Hikaru? That's you, isn't it? When did you get to Japan? Why
didn't you tell me your flight number? What about your hotel? Where
are you now? Should I pick you up?"
Hikaru had no plans to visit her parents in Otaru. She had had a
friend she had met in New York make the hotel reservations for
her. That friend must have told Sugizawa that Hikaru was returning
to Japan, and given him her beeper number, thinking she was being
helpful.
Hikaru was sad to hear such bitterness and cynicism coming out of
her mouth.
"Yes," she said, "and it's a pretty big production, too. A friend I
had made while in New York called to tell me about it."
"No, it's really nothing," she said, giggling a little. "I'm just
going to audition for the part; it's not like I've passed it or
anything. My instructor in New York tells me all the time, Hikaru,
you aren't good enough to get a real part yet. But he thought it
was a good idea for me to try out some of what I'd learned in New
York back in Tokyo."
This set off more embarrassed laughter, and she balled her hands
into little fists and pretended to hit me. Some people crossing the
footbridge from the station looked at us.
"Hikaru-chan."
I tried to change the subject: "So where are you staying? I mean,
your parents are still in Hokkaido, right? Oh, at a hotel. Wait a
minute, are there any hotels around here?"
"No, the hotel is near the home of the girl who told me about the
audition. She's going to audition for the play along with me. She
offered to let me stay with her, but in the end we are rivals, so I
decided to stay by myself."
"Oh no, there you go again, saying how great I am," Hikaru
laughed. "My friend gave me her beeper, so she could contact me if
anything came up."
You hit the bull's eye, Hikaru-chan. I'd been thinking of nothing
else for the past few minutes.
I felt bad. Ayukawa and I hadn't even tried to keep up contact with
Hikaru-chan. Meeting her by chance like this, I feel like a cold
bucket of water had been dumped over my head.
"Hm?"
But no, I couldn't do that. It was probably even a good thing that
I hadn't been keeping contact up with Hikaru-chan for these past
three years, so that she wouldn't think anything was strange if I
was really dead in this time period.
"Huh?"
Hikaru-chan made a strange face. "This is what you look like," she
said. "But then, you have always been a little odd. I used to talk
about it with Madoka-san every once in a while. Once she said to
me, Kasuga-kun always seems like he's keeping a secret from
everyone."
Hikaru-chan made a strange face, and I thought that she must have
misunderstood what I had said or something. But I thought, there's
no way she could take what I just said the wrong way. I dismissed
the thought.
But Hikaru-chan hadn't asked about my health. She had really asked,
"Is everything okay between you and Madoka-san?" It wasn't until
later that I realized this.
After the sound of the truck had receded, Hikaru-chan took a few
steps down the stairs down to the street. She looked a little
unsettled.
"Okay," I said.
She had said, _Is everything okay between you and Madoka-san?_ And
I had answered, _Well, you know how it is. Things could be
better_. It's only natural that she would look a little upset after
hearing that.
Not having realized this yet, I said, "Bye bye!" and thought to
myself how warm and friendly her smile was.
I watched her as she disappeared among the trees that lined the
street.
But a few minutes later, something happened which made kept me from
thinking of Hikaru-chan.
I overheard the following statement from my evil friends from high
school, Komatsu and Hatta:
*****
"Oh, there goes one hot woman! You look delicious, baby!"
"Thank you, thank you," Komatsu said to the girl. "You really do
your job well, you know that? I'm Komatsu, the manager."
Komatsu was talking with the owner of the book store, acting like
they were pals. This book store is famous for people standing
around and reading all the books without buying them, and I had
seen those two getting chased away several times by the old
man. Why are they here now?
The riddle was solved immediately. I looked at the sign the girl
had been putting up. It said, "In celebration of the debut as a
stand-alone comic of Weekly Shonen Jumbo's manga _I'll let you do
anything'_ there will be a signing by the author, Kazuya Hatta."
And judging from the title of the manga, his personality hadn't
changed any. Looking through the stack of mangas next to the sign,
I could tell they were for sex perverts, with lots of girls who
could be either junior high school or high school students wearing
cute, suggestive sailor suits.
So that's why Komatsu and Hatta are wearing suits and ties and
acting so haughty.
Komatsu's voice: "Okay now, Hatta, do you understand? You're the
one the fans want to see."
"When they come, sign the boys' books and get rid of them as fast
as you can. But only the ones who buy the comic. I'll shoo away
anyone who tries to get you to give your autograph without buying a
copy."
"Okay."
"Oh."
"We're going to tell the girls we're recruiting for a special fan
club."
Komatsu continued, "I do wish Kasuga was here, though. All this
just isn't the same without him."
I was taken back for a moment. I didn't know Komatsu had such
warmth in him.
But then their stupid conversation ended. When I heard what Hatta
said next, my heart stopped.
"Yeah. He's in the next world by now, I'll bet. It makes you feel
like crying, doesn't it?"
Poor Ayukawa?
But just as I did so, a herd of Hatta's fans who was being led by
one of the book store employees appeared, gathering around the
two. I was pushed back by the crowd.
"Wow, can you believe how many people there are, Hatta?" Komatsu
said.
"But wait a minute, Hatta. I can't see any young girls in the
crowd."
Komatsu got angry. "Well, I'm getting out of here, then. I'm going
to go hit on the girl in the book store."
I guess I did die back in that hospital room, three years ago.
But at the same time, I couldn't stand not knowing for sure.
After hurrying to the ward office, I said to the old man at the
information desk, "Excuse me, I'm looking for a certain person's
death certificate."
The old man, who had been drinking green tea, looked shocked for a
moment. That was understandable. I must have looked like one of the
Deva guardians (11) who stand outside Buddhist temples. That's how
desperate I was to know the truth.
Ayukawa.
She appeared before me, her face full of love. Pouting, now. I knew
that face was something from my past, from three years ago.
I don't know how much longer I've got til my soul disperses. But
there was a science fiction movie I saw a long time ago, in which a
man who had traveled from the past disappeared the moment he saw
proof of his own death.
If that's the case, then before that, I want to meet Ayukawa just
once.
I'm usually the kind of guy who can't make up his mind easily, but
when it's something this important, I never hesitate. I turned on
my heel and ran back down the stairs.
As I ran out the entrance of the ward office, the sky was beginning
to turn a faint shade of orange. A cool evening wind was ruffling
through the town.
I started off to Ayukawa's house, feeling like a child who had been
playing quietly by himself only to look up and find that all the
other kids had gone home.
*****
I had been here just a few days ago to pick up Ayukawa for
school--well, a few days ago three years ago.
Ayukawa often waters her flowers in the morning. That morning had
been no different.
"You're a lot like those flowers," I said to her. "That's why you
get along so well with them." I had actually happened to learn a
little about the flowers the night before.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Why do they suddenly get quiet and moody for no reason? The moment
I think they're angry, they suddenly laugh. Why is that?"
This time Ayukawa laughed. "You're making me sound like I'm just a
spoiled brat."
"What's wrong?"
"What was?"
"It just was. That kiss. And if I catch you reminiscing about it
during class, I'll make you buy me lunch."
"Ayukawa."
Ayukawa...
One of them was familiar to me. It was a bright red Austin Mini
that Ayukawa's parents had bought her when she was admitted to
university.
"That's great!" I had said when she told me about the car.
"Not really," she had said. "They're can't fool me. They've stuck
me with watching the house while they were away for years, and this
is all I get as a reward."
The other car, that was the problem. It was a silver-grey BMW of a
type I hadn't seen three years ago.
Looking for a key to play in. The kind of sliding of the fingers up
and down the keys that a person who had been familiar with a piano
ever since childhood would make. Ayukawa used to do that every
time, before she would play.
I couldn't see much more than the grand piano inside. But I could
see fingers striking the keys. And long, black hair. It was
Ayukawa. She was totally absorbed in her playing, with her head
bent forward, so I couldn't see her face clearly. But I knew I was
looking at Madoka Ayukawa, twenty-two years old.
I wanted to rush to her side and spill out everything. I knew she'd
help me. After all this time, she still plays the song she wrote
for me, wasn't she?
I don't know _for sure_ that the title of that song is, in reality,
_Kyosuke #1_.
"Madoka!"
It was a man's voice. A young man. That voice was saying to me:
stay dead, Kyosuke.
I don't mean to brag, but I'm not brash enough to call Ayukawa by
her first name yet. Even though we're officially going out, we
haven't gotten to that point in our relationship yet. Some might
say that I'm unable to call her by her first name.
It was him!
I knew who he was. More importantly, all of Japan knew who he was:
the famous idol singer, Mitsuru Hayakawa!
He was wearing his long black hair behind him, tied into a pony
tail, with an expensive-looking double-breasted suit, and an
"aloha" shirt that seemed to say, I'm so famous I can get away with
wearing outrageous clothes like this. No necktie. And a bright,
shiny ring that somehow blended well with everything else.
But why is Mitsuru Hayakawa at Ayukawa's house?
My first meeting with Mitsuru Hayakawa was two years ago. Which
means five years ago, from this point in time.
Well, to make a long story short, Ayukawa was unharmed, and in the
end we were able to put it all behind us.
Setting his sights for the musical genius Ayukawa had inherited
from her musician parents, Hayakawa had kept in touch with her. But
in the end she decided to go to college with me, and I thought he'd
given up for a while.
I looked into her eyes. They looked like the eyes of a scared
little girl.
In Mitsuru Hayakawa's hand were two cans of beer. He put one on the
piano, and she thanked him with her eyes, continuing to play.
Hayakawa opened his beer and drank it in one gulp. Then he looked
at Ayukawa and said, "Well? How's it going? Did you finish my
song?"
"For God's sake, stop fucking around and forget about him."
Angry, Ayukawa slammed her hands down on the keys. She glared at
Hayakawa.
Ayukawa stretched out her hand to take her beer, and cracked it
open.
"You really don't know the way things work in this business, do
you."
Hayakawa said, "Your sudden rise to the big time has been quite a
Cinderella Story. Still, I hope I wasn't expecting too much,
putting you in charge of writing my next single."
It was the song Ayukawa had just been playing. It was the song I
hoped was called _Kyosuke #1_.
"What?"
"Forget about it, okay? I didn't write this song for you."
"I know."
"There aren't even any lyrics."
I knew those words were what he wanted to say to Ayukawa right now.
"Stop it!" Ayukawa pushed him away and got up from the piano.
That's right. There was a girl named Shiori who had been with him
from the beginning of his rise to fame, which he had kept separate
from all his female groupies.
"I thought so. Even though you graduated from idol to full-fledged
pop singer, you still aren't capable anything but using women for
sex."
"What?"
"The truth?"
"That I, Mitsuru Hayakawa, am the only one who can save you."
"Get out!"
"I'm leaving. But if you ever decide you're ready to change the
title of that song, give me a call. You'll never be able to write
songs if you don't forget him. Kyosuke would agree with me."
I knew it!
Except for Hikaru-chan, who had moved to Hokkaido, and from there
went straight to New York City, everyone seemed to know of my
death. I really must be dead.
I made up my mind.
I jumped from the wall to the tree branch, preparing to jump down
to the living room window.
But not just my hand. Now my whole body was starting to disappear.
Please God, give me just enough time to say one word. Just one
word, any word!
Ayukawa!
*****
It can't be...Kyosuke?
Madoka Ayukawa looked up, sure that she had just heard Kyosuke's
voice calling her. Through the open window, she could see the white
birch, painted orange by the setting sun. The voice seemed to have
come from that direction.
Madoka got up from the piano where she had been sitting and picked
up her beer.
Madoka managed a sad smile. As she drank more of the warm beer, she
said to herself:
Kyosuke Kasuga.
After receiving word that Kyosuke had turned up missing, Madoka had
immediately tried to catch a plane to where he was. But there was
no room for women in Bosnia. Her parents, who happened to be
performing in Eastern Europe, told her to wait in Japan until she
had more information.
Ever since she had been a child, Madoka had been mistrustful of
things that gave her pleasure. The reason for this was, whenever
her parents would return to Japan, she would be happy, but she knew
that they would leave, and she would be alone again. She knew, too,
that the warm evening wind meant that the lonely night was not far
off.
Back at her hotel, Hikaru had just gotten out of the shower when
her attention was captured by the picture on the TV.
It was the news on the war in Bosnia. News of the ongoing chaos
there could be seen in New York. But the news in New York hadn't
reported the story of a Japanese photographer who had disappeared.
But...
Hikaru reached out for the telephone. As long as she lived, she
would never forget Madoka's phone number.
Hikaru pushed the button to get an external line, and felt a chill
on her just-showered body.
PART III
Kyosuke was experiencing the last stage of agony. The doctor had
decided to move him to the emergency treatment room.
The doctor grabbed Madoka's hands. But Madoka pulled away from him,
and kissed Kyosuke hard, as if she wanted to cover his whole body
with hers. Everyone standing around was surprised by the force of
her action, and moved back.
"Madoka-kun, you did well. It seems that Kyosuke has heard your
voice."
"R-really?"
*****
"Ouch!"
I was lying in the same place I had ended up the first time. The
bottom of those long steps where I first met Ayukawa. There was a
newspaper discarded by the side of the road. A glance at it told me
it was still July 23, 1994, three years into my future.
I didn't know what happened to me, but it seemed that this point in
space acted as some kind of inter-dimensional doorway for me.
That thought didn't make me any happier. The current situation was
still the same as it was. I finally find out the truth about myself
in this world of the future, but now I haven't a clue about what I
should do next.
The sun which had painted the Ayukawa mansion's courtyard bright
orange had set about thirty minutes ago.
*****
The cold voice of the director echoed off the ceiling of the
studio.
The dancers who were waiting to audition all let out a sigh of
relief. Only Hikaru Hiyama remained stiff, as if she were thinking
hard about something.
"Yes, there's something wrong with you. The Hikaru I know would be
making a bigger fuss about the audition, running around saying, oh
my God, I'm on in a few minutes, that kind of thing."
"Hold on a sec. Acting happy now doesn't change the fact that I'm
going to be a heartbroken woman by tonight, my dreams in pieces on
the floor, after I fail this audition. Would you be able to be so
jovial under those conditions?"
She had a body that had no problem competing with American women,
and the Asian flavor of her catlike eyes gave her a slightly
different appeal than Hikaru. The past winter, when her visa period
had expired, she returned temporarily to Japan. When she heard
about the audition, she had told Hikaru about it immediately.
"Stop worrying about me, Shuri. Aren't you up next?" Hikaru nudged
Shuri towards the stage.
Shuri was the kind of person who never stopped worrying about her
friends. Hikaru didn't want to lie to her.
Back at the hotel, she had tried to call Madoka after seeing
Kyosuke on the news, but in the end she had changed her mind.
She knew she had met Kyosuke that afternoon. They had only talked
for a short time, but their conversation had been pleasant. She had
to admit to herself that, somewhere deep inside her, she had felt
the fire of emotion re-light for Kyosuke, who she had been trying
so hard to forget.
Then to hear him say, after asking about him and Madoka-san: "Well,
you know how it is. Things could be better."
Hikaru had felt awful after hearing those words. She had been
through so much pain; it had been so hard to give Kyosuke up. But
then to be told, "Things could be better," when she asked how he
was getting on with Madoka... Well, hadn't it all been for nothing?
Hikaru had thought this way at first, but then she reconsidered.
Kyosuke had done nothing more than opened his heart to Hikaru and
spoke honestly. Form the beginning, the three of them had had that
kind of genuine friendship, and Kyosuke, suddenly meeting an old
friend, had inadvertently spoken his true feelings.
Hikaru thought that some kind of obstacle must have come between
Madoka and Kyosuke.
But why?
Ever since she was a child, Hikaru had a tendency to get carried
away when thinking about a problem. This was one of those times.
In any event, she had tried to called Madoka back at the hotel, but
thoughts like these had made her replace the receiver in the end.
"What?"
Shuri put all her nervousness inside her and smiled at Hikaru, then
went out onto the stage.
"Shuri, good luck!" Hikaru called after her, but her voice was lost
in the music on the stage. A famous wide-show host on TV all the
time was introducing Shuri over the speakers.
When she did so, she unconsciously touched a small doll sewn into
her leotard. It was similar to those "Troll" dolls, and she gripped
it now. Whenever she got nervous at a dance lesson back in New
York, she would hold the doll in her hand, getting strength from
it.
I can do that!
She chanted the words like an incantation. They aided her whenever
she had a problem back in America, the ultimate land of
"individualism" and "do-it-yourself-ism."
The troll sewn into her leotard had been a present from Madoka
Ayukawa. Hikaru had received it right after she got to New York.
But still, something kept her from talking with her directly. So
she had sent postcards. She wrote about unimportant things, and
never talked about what was going on between Madoka and Kyosuke.
They didn't need to talk face to face. It was enough for each to
know that the other was thinking about her, keeping the warmth
alive. Hikaru had sworn to herself that, when she had become
grown-up enough to talk about what had happened with Madoka as one
woman to another, she would go see her.
But it was hard. Just coming to this audition had been a pretty big
step for Hikaru.
"Hikaru Hiyama-san!"
"_Hai!_"
Hikaru raised one spread hand and said, "Give me five, Shuri!"
"That girl!"
He had seen her before. She had been just a girl then, but the
person dancing on stage was a ripe, mature woman now. Quickly,
Hayakawa's mind began checking his memory like a computer for the
file on the girl.
Hikaru never had a chance to talk directly with Hayakawa, but she
knew that Kyosuke and Madoka had had some kind of trouble with
him. Hikaru had no problem with that, but seeing him looking down
on her from the stands suddenly brought back memories of Kyosuke
and Madoka.
I hate him!
Hikaru had tried not to think about Kyosuke during the audition
itself, but it was no use. No matter how hard she tried, the faces
of Kyosuke, who she had met that afternoon, and Madoka, worried
over Kyosuke's safety, floated in front of her. After her audition
was finished, she threw on a jacket and went in search of a
payphone.
They were all in use. People who had come to audition, wanting to
call their families or their managers, were waiting in lines to use
the phones. Outside the studio, she finally found an open phone.
Through the receiver, Hikaru heard Madoka's voice for the first
time in three years. It was her answering machine. Hikaru was full
of memories, and her heart quivered with emotion. She realized that
she really loved Madoka after all.
But when the recording ended with a beep, she hung up without
saying anything. It wasn't the kind of thing you leave on someone's
answering machine.
*****
A red straw hat. A red straw hat.
"So are you going to America or what?" I had said, trying to sound
tough.
"I have to. You and me...we're still children, really. We have to do
what our parents' tell us to every once in a while."
Ayukawa had said this, then smiled in that grown-up way of hers.
She had ended up staying here, and we had become closer and closer
after that. You often hear that you don't realize how important
people are to you until you lose them.
This is all so new to me. I never imagined that not being able to
see the people you love could be this hard.
The wind picked up. It was July, but it wasn't really summer
yet. It would get cool tonight.
"Okay!" I said to myself, jumping off the swing. I started down the
steps I had just climbed, counting to myself: "Ichi...ni..." I was
going to check how many there really were, once and for all.
"Hikaru-chan!"
"What's wrong, senpai?" she teased. "You look like you've seen a
ghost."
"Everyone else always takes the long way to avoid having to climb
these stairs, but for some reason, you always seemed to like
them. And here you were"
"That's not true! I'm twenty now, you know. Are you saying I
haven't become woman at all?"
"Kasuga-senpai."
"Hm?"
Sensing my resignation, she said, "Senpai, why are you running away
from Madoka-san, pretending to be dead?"
*****
Of course! Now that I think about it, she is a year older than me.
I'm at a ritzy hotel, about to eat dinner with a sexy, older woman.
"Well, how about this one?" she said to the waiter, after I had
been unable to decide the wine.
No doubt it was as a result of her hard life in New York. She had
really come a long way.
Hikaru continued. "You and Madoka are adults, after all. I just...I
just..."
"Hikaru-chan?"
The words were getting caught in her throat. I held eyes with her
for a moment, and she forced a smile. The kind of cute smile you
see in American movies.
"I just...want to see the two of you get along together. That's all."
*****
"_Kampai!_"
Her throat had been parched. She realized she hadn't had anything
to drink since before the audition, when she had had some mineral
water. And now she was running off at the mouth with Kyosuke.
_I want to see the two of you get along together_. What a stupid
thing to say.
It's like I'm admitting what bad luck I had had with men when I was
in New York or something.
"Hm? No, no, I'm just thirsty, that's all. Besides, in America
people drink beer and wine in place of water."
"Really? The water in Tokyo has gotten really bad recently. I hear
it's worse in America, though."
"It is. And what's worse, the price of beer or wine or mineral
water isn't that different from Japan."
"Well, then I guess you should buy wine instead of mineral water,"
Kyosuke said and laughed, refilling her glass.
After she had broken up with Sugizawa, Hikaru had slept with two
men.
One had been an Italian-American who was taking dance lessons with
her. The other had been a Japanese art student she had met in a
cafe` in the Village.
Both of them had been different types of men, but both had had many
interests in common with Hikaru. She had enjoyed being with both of
them.
She had realized that they hadn't been "steadies," but just someone
to spend time in bed with. She saw them from time to time back in
New York. Sometimes she would sleep with them, sometimes she
wouldn't. The relationships were important to both her and the two
men.
But now, her dear friend Kyosuke was here, and she felt strangely
sad about the changes in herself over the past three years.
No matter what kind of men she would meet in the future. No matter
how grown-up and sexy she made herself up to look in front of them.
Kyosuke and Hikaru were still reminiscing about the old days when
the food and more wine came.
Some time later, "dinner time" at the restraint gave way to "bar
time."
The lights were dimmed, and the candles places at each table
illuminated their slightly reddened faces.
Kyosuke and Hikaru had been laughing about the past up til now, but
they suddenly grew silent. Piano music had begun to play, and they
were embarrassed at laughing so loudly.
The two of them went from two friends, laughing and talking about
the past, to seeing each other as adults of consenting age.
*****
I knew it.
They had been concerned about her because she was losing weight,
worrying about Kyosuke. They had shown up that night and
half-dragged Madoka out the door.
Her sister's children had been glad to see her, and the table had
been filled with her favorite foods. But no matter how hard she
tried, Madoka hadn't been able to lift her spirits.
Madoka ate the food her sister had prepared for her as quickly as
she could, then caught a taxi hope, turning down her
brother-in-law's insistent offers to take her home himself.
She should have been nicer to her sister's family. Or better, she
should have turned down their invitation more firmly in the first
place.
Ever since she had been notified that Kyosuke had disappeared, the
sound of the phone ringing terrified her. Madoka discarded the
cigarette butt, smoked down to the filter, in an empty can. She
listened to the message.
There had been three calls. But the person had hung up without
leaving any messages.
She ran her long, black hair through her fingers, sinking into the
couch. She took another Salem out of the pack.
"Hello?"
"It's me. I was drinking, and suddenly wanted to hear your voice."
"Use your stupid lines on some other woman. I'm hanging up now."
"No wait, don't hang up. I was kidding. No, there's something I
have to tell you."
"I haven't done anything with your song since this afternoon. Tell
your friends in 'the business,' if they don't like it, they can
drop me."
"No, it's not about that. I met a close friend of yours today."
"What are you talking about? Hikaru is in New York now, but..."
"She's back in Japan. I had a feeling you didn't know she was
back. She's here for an audition."
"An audition?"
"I told you about it a while ago, remember? My agent is taking part
in producing a musical, and I was chosen to be one of the
judges. Anyway, she came to the audition today."
She displayed the postcards she had gotten from Hikaru. Counting
the ones from Hokkaido, there were quite a few. The most recent
one, a postcard from Phantom of the Opera, had arrived a month ago.
"She's in that new hotel on Aoyama Dori, I think it's called the
Kingdom Hotel. I'm here with her."
"You're a liar."
"Go ahead and try it. Just remember, Hikaru doesn't look that
strong, but I'm the one who taught her how to kick the asses of
scumbags like you."
"I'm sorry, come on. Although, she really has gotten sexy in the
last three years."
Hayakawa continued talking about Hikaru, but Ayukawa listened only
halfway, then hung up. She dialed directory assistance and asked
for the number of the Kingdom Hotel.
But if Hikaru is in Tokyo, things were different. The only one who
could bring Madoka's spirits out of the shadows at a time like this
was Hikaru.
A pleasant woman's voice answered the phone. Madoka gave the name
of Hikaru Hiyama, and was connected to her room.
The phone rang again and again. After a time it reverted back to
the front desk.
"Miss Hiyama doesn't seem to be in her room," said the woman. "She
just picked up her room key, so I'd imagine she's in the hotel's
restaurant bar with her guest."
"Her guest?"
"Yes, I am."
If that was the case, it wouldn't be nice to show up and talk about
Kyosuke with her.
And felt somehow relieved. She didn't know what kind of man Hikaru
was with, but the thought of Hikaru enjoying a quiet evening with a
male friend was somehow good news to her.
Madoka realized she was thirsty, and went into the kitchen. She
took a beer out of the refrigerator and opened it.
Coolness spread down her throat. She thought of Hikaru, and for a
moment was able to forget her own situation and smile.
*****
Hikaru-chan was calling me. She seemed far away from me.
No, that's not right. She right beside me. The smell of her was
assaulting me, making my head spin. No, wait a minute. She's not
_beside me_, she's _holding me in her arms_, calling my name.
"Are you okay? Hang on a minute, I'll bring you some water."
But my memory gave out on me after that. How did I get to Hikaru's
room?
I tried to sit up, but I felt as if my clothes had been sewn to the
bed. My body wouldn't respond to my brain's commands.
I've got to get home. But where is home? I have nowhere to go.
I've got to get out of this room, in any event. That much I can be
sure of.
I tried once more to get up, and this time I managed to turn over
onto my stomach. But it was then I noticed something
strange. Kyosuke Kasuga, nineteen years old--I was supposedly just
a soul, but I was experiencing pain now.
Ayukawa...
*****
"Senpai, I'm sorry for making you wait. Here's your water."
Hikaru came out of the bathroom, holding a cup of water. Then she
noticed he was lying on his stomach.
"Are you okay, senpai? Where does it hurt? I was filling the bath
with water for you just now..."
This is a problem.
Definitely a problem.
Back at the restaurant on the top floor of the hotel, Kyosuke had
passed out right after taking care of the check. He had drank too
much. Hikaru had asked a waiter to help bring him to her hotel
room, intending to let him rest for a while on the couch before
going home.
But now he was in her bed sleeping, and his face was innocent and
peaceful. Hikaru had thought earlier that Kyosuke hadn't changed at
all in three years, but looking at him now, she was unable to
believe that he was twenty-two years old.
This was the Japanese photographer who had flown into war-torn
Eastern Europe with just a camera?
Back at the restaurant, Hikaru had asked several times about his
trip to Bosnia and his disappearance. But every time he had avoided
the question.
Kyosuke was, after all, a very indecisive type of person who never
said things clearly.
Hikaru knew this aspect of his personality very well. She also
realized that a man who was relaxing and talking about the past
with an old friend might not want to dig up such vivid and
unpleasant memories. Hikaru decided to stop asking about Bosnia and
concentrate on talking about their happy past.
But there were many things that Hikaru didn't want to remember
about that past. In the last three years she had worked hard to put
those bitter memories behind her. She had found at some point that
she had grown up during it all.
This was because she had had many experiences with lovers or a
friends who hadn't responded to her feelings as much as she had
expected, or who had actually betrayed her in the end. Many people
she had met changed completely whenever it suited them. Because of
this, she had been hurt many times.
But now, lying in her bed, was a man who was totally unlike the
people she had met in the past.
He doesn't want to play the stupid games that adults have to play.
Just then, Kyosuke turned over in bed. Timing it just right, Hikaru
covered Kyosuke wth the sheet. She went to turn off the water,
nearly overflowing in the bathtub, then took off her T-shirt and
spats and got in the bathtub.
The hot water mixed with the warmth from the wind, and felt good
against her body.
Hikaru was not so naive that she didn't know what was going to
happen between Kyosuke and her tonight. Nor was it true that she
hadn't considered what pain both she and Madoka Ayukawa would have
to suffer after Hikaru crossed that line with Kyosuke.
As if to wave all that away, Hikaru submerged her head in the bath
water completely. She decided not to think about anymore. Not
thinking about the problem was the best solution at a time like
this.
When Hikaru came out of the bathroom, Kyosuke was still sleeping
soundly.
She put on her pajamas and slid into bed beside Kyosuke. When she
did so, she remembered the body smells of the men she had slept
with in the past, but she shook her head, just a little, to shake
the memories off.
She could hear the sound of the air conditioner running. Hikaru was
in the habit of taking hot showers, then getting into cool
sheets. It created a pleasant sensation against her body.
But when she stretched her legs out into the fresh sheets, she
moved to touch Kyosuke.
"Ayukawa."
She reached out to the side table and turned out the light. The
room became completely dark.
Hikaru wondered why it had taken til now for her to feel like she
had come "home," and sometime later, she was pulled into a deep
sleep.
*****
I was a virgin.
I was wearing my pants. But that didn't necessarily mean I was out
of the woods. Thinking I should check all parts of my body, I
started to lower my zipper. If that part of me was wet, well, it
would be a big problem.
But then my luck turned bad. Down on Aoyama Dori a truck blew its
horn loudly. Hikaru-chan's large eyes fluttered open.
"Good...morning."
She rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "Gimmie a break. Men are all
the same."
She laughed, then suddenly she looked at me with solemn eyes. They
seemed to tease me.
"Senpai."
"What."
"What!?"
"No, I didn't."
"But suppose you did say her name. And suppose, as a result of
that, a certain beautiful girl decided she hated you. What would
you do?"
What am I saying?!
Just then, a sixth sense came out of nowhere and hit me.
Hikaru-chan threw the sheet off and answered it. It was the front
desk, telling her she had a phone call from outside the hotel. I
thought it wouldn't be polite to eavesdrop on her conversation, and
moved into the bathroom.
*****
"Huh? Oh, I'm sorry. I remember now. I'm sorry about yesterday."
"It's been a long time since I've been brushed off like that. It
made me kind of nostalgic for the old days."
Then she heard the sound of Kyosuke using the shower. She relaxed a
little, then said, "And why has the famous and popular Mitsuru
Hayakawa seen fit to call someone like me?"
"Has Madoka called you yet?"
"Madoka-san?"
"Yeah, you know, Madoka Ayukawa. Has she called you yet? I told her
about seeing you at the audition. She's writing my new single, so I
talk with her quite a bit."
Idly, Hikaru recalled that the hit song which Madoka-san had
written had been sung by Mitsuru Hayakawa.
Hikaru had been going to call Madoka as soon as she heard the
results of the audition. She hadn't planned on Hayakawa telling
Madoka that she was in Japan for her, and was actually a little
angry at him.
"She's fine, except for worrying about Kyosuke. You know about him,
right?"
Hikaru was worried about Madoka. She still hadn't managed to find
out why Kyosuke was hiding from Madoka. Madoka was worrying herself
to death over Kyosuke, yet Hikaru had just spent a dangerous night
with him. Hikaru felt she had done something terrible.
But Hikaru wasn't aiming for one of the minor roles. They were
suitable only for taller dancers, like Shuri Anzai. She had to get
one of the major roles, or nothing.
"Thank you."
"Why?"
"He could...what?"
"Yes, but..."
"If it's alright with you, maybe we could have lunch today and talk
about it."
But she was also aware of the fact that, in this world, nothing was
more important than connections.
"Um, Hayakawa-san."
"Mm?"
"Madoka? This is what she said to me. She said, 'Hikaru doesn't
look that strong, but remember I'm the one who taught her how to
kick the asses of scumbags like you.'"
He laughed again.
To Hayakawa, he had told an innocent joke. But Hikaru was sure she
sensed Madoka's influence in Hayakawa's generous offer. Hikaru was
sure that Madoka had asked him to make a special part in the play
for her.
And that was a favor that Hikaru absolutely could not accept.
"Hayakawa-san."
"So what time should I pick you up? What do you want to eat?"
"Please say thank you to Madoka-san for me. Tell her, when the time
comes that I can call her...I will."
Just then Kyosuke, having finished his shower, opened the bathroom
door. He had obviously been waiting for her to finish her phone
call. That thoughtful quality was one of the things she loved about
Kyosuke.
"Thanks," she replied, then suddenly stood up on the bed. She began
jumping on the bed like a child.
"Um, Hikaru-chan..."
"What?"
"I knew I'd want to return to New York right away if I failed the
audition. My return ticket was set for today."
"But it was fun!" she said. "But really dangerous, too. We almost
did something we would have regretted last night, didn't we?"
"H-Hikaru-chan..." Kyosuke said, but the bathroom door slid shut with
a bang.
The sound of the shower came on again. Kyosuke realized now that he
had lingered too long with her. The warmth that being with her
brought had distracted him.
"Hikaru-chan!"
"Okay."
"Thanks."
Kyosuke realized that Hikaru was waiting to hear what he was going
to say next, from the other side of the door. It was his intention
to say goodbye then leave immediately. He knew that if he didn't go
right away, it would be impossible to leave her. He also sensed
that Hikaru, a woman now, was struggling with some new burden.
"Bye!"
Just as he closed the door, the phone in Hikaru's room rang again.
*****
On my way down the stairs from the train station, I noticed a crowd
of people in front of the electronics store across from the bus
terminal.
In the front window was a sign which read, "Our Local Hero!" The
owner of the shop had put it up, along with a large TV set showing
news.
When I did so, I heard a voice say, "Hey look, it's Kasuga!" The
high-pitched voice belonged to Komatsu.
I thought about running away, but Komatsu and Hatta, stepping out
of a ramen shop, were coming towards the electronics shop at high
speed.
My twenty-two year old face was on the screen. The newscaster was
reading the news story excitedly.
The people gathered around the television let out a cheer. I felt
embarrassed, but at the same time something welled up inside of me.
I was alive!
The lobby where the passengers and crew from the UN jet would be
arriving was closed off to everyone except reporters and airport
personnel. Being careful to avoid the eyes of the guards, I slipped
under the rope which led to the lobby.
I pulled the "Apollo" cap I had just bought tightly over my face
and walked towards the group of officials.
Among them were two young girls giving interviews to reporters. It
took me a few seconds to realize that they were Kurumi and Manami!
Standing next to them, his hair slightly graying in the front, was
my father. The Master of ABCB was even there.
I started walking towards them more quickly. But just then, the
reporters let out a roar as the gate was opened, and I was carried
away by the wave of people.
Ayukawa!
I pushed some people to one side, throwing my body forward. But she
disappeared among the shoving people.
Ayukawa! Ayukawa!
Ayukawa was standing next to a man, larger than me, who had his arm
around her waist. A million flash-bulbs went off around them. He
was Kyosuke Kasuga, twenty-two years old. The power I was feeling
was coming from him. I felt it run through my body, regenerating
all the cells of my flesh.
_I've been waiting for you, Kyosuke. What took you so long?_
*****
The lobby which had been full of reporters an hour ago had finally
quieted down. Tourists planning on starting their summer vacations
early were standing in lines and filling out forms.
The two Kyosukes had moved away from the family and Madoka, and
were standing in a corridor that overlooked the departure lobby.
"A battlefield, huh?" Kyosuke of three years ago said. "Tell me,
why did you go to Bosnia, anyway?"
"I'd like to ask you the same thing. Kyosuke, what the hell
happened to you three years ago?"
"It must have been the photo contest. You remember, we won the
university photography competition. I guess you got carried away
with all that glory and wanted to become a full-fledged
photographer."
"No, that's not it. It wasn't anything that immature. It was Madoka
and Hikaru-chan that made me do it."
"Yeah. They were trying so hard to make their own dreams come
true. So I thought...I ought to be doing something, too. I became a
photographer."
"Yes, it is. Looking through the camera's finder, you realize you
have to see it through to the very end, do it right, or not do it
at all."
"What?"
"Kyosuke."
"Mm?"
"Even I don't know what's going to happen in the future. How can
you?"
"Yes, it is."
The two men smiled.
But suddenly the older Kyosuke tweaked the younger on the head and
said, "So, Kyosuke...I'll bet you were too scared to have sex with
Hikaru-chan. Am I right?"
"You what?"
"I would have made sure that she never found out."
"I know I am. She would have found out. I wouldn't want to be you
if that happens."
Twenty-two year old Kyosuke had been kidding about Hikaru, trying
to act tough. He was three years older than the man across from
him. But he knew deep down that if he had been with Hikaru that
night, he wouldn't have been able to do anything, either.
"What?"
"Did I say, may begin? That was wrong. It's already begun, the
wheels are already set in motion between Hikaru-chan and me. All
thanks to that dangerous night you spent with her."
"But you're me, right? We both spend that night with her."
"Oh, right."
The two Kyosukes were seized by the desire to run down the stairs
and look for Hikaru. But they said in unison, "What the hell are we
thinking about?" That stopped them.
"Yeah."
The older Kyosuke took a look at the digital watch on his suntanned
arm. "Kyosuke, it's time for you to go. Madoka is waiting for you,
back at the hospital."
"In the past three years, I've gotten some new powers. I certainly
can handle something simple like sending you back to the
past. Didn't you feel your powers regenerate as soon as you saw me
in the arrival lobby?"
"I wonder if someday I'll have really strong powers like Ojiichan."
"I wonder, too. The powers I have aren't as useful as his, at least
not so far."
"Oh, that reminds me. Kyosuke, this is important. When you get back
to the past, there's something you have to do."
"What is it?"
"You've got to call yourself the day before the accident. You'll
have to get some help from Ojiichan for that."
"Call...myself?"
Then the younger Kyosuke remembered the phone call that shattered
his heavenly dream of being with Ayukawa. The person had told him,
"Kyosuke! Watch out for cars!" and had had Kyosuke's own voice.
"I thought that phone call was just some crank, but I guess it was
real."
Kyosuke from the past felt somehow good about himself. Seeing how
fate has a real hand in one's life will do that to you.
"Um, Kyosuke."
"Mm?"
The older Kyosuke thought a moment. "When was that? Let me see..."
"So much has happened with her over the years. I can't remember
every little detail. But I do remember _that_ time." The older
Kyosuke grinned and looked at the younger man.
"That time?"
The younger Kyosuke wanted to ask more, but the older man put his
hand over the younger man's mouth (12).
"Don't ask too much. You'll find out when you get back."
With his hand still over the younger Kyosuke's mouth, Kyosuke of
the present moved them into the shade. His brow wrinkled up with
deep concentration. A powerful energy seemed to appear, coming out
of his upper torso region. That energy became an aura which moved
to cover the younger Kyosuke's whole body.
_The best_.
The Kyosuke from the past repeated the words of his older self over
and over again, like a magic spell.
But after he had repeated _the best_ a few times, he suddenly lost
consciousness. His body vanished from the world of 1994.
Kyosuke of the present had just sent his younger self back to the
past. Now he heard Madoka's voice behind him.
She was running towards him, holding the hem of her slightly daring
one-piece down. He laughed nervously, like a child caught doing
something he shouldn't be doing.
"Something you had to do? That happens a lot with you. Just like
when you first went to Bosnia."
She laughed, and her voice was happy. But she suddenly grabbed him
by the collar of his vest and pulled him close to her.
"What?"
"Saw...who?"
"Happy? Why?"
"Why you!"
He put her leg down. "You shouldn't try things like that in a
mini-skirt."
"Well I do. Those parts are very important to me, and I don't want
anyone else looking at them but me."
"That a fine thing to see after leaving me here while you go off to
Bosnia for months."
"I'm sorry. I'll apologize to you every day for just as many
months."
Laughing, Kyosuke put his arm around Madoka's waist, and pulled her
near him. He put his face near her ear, close enough to smell her
black hair, and whispered:
"But the way, when did I stop calling you Ayukawa and start using
your first name?"
"Jesus, did you actually forget?"
"Well, I..."
EPILOG
Back at the hotel bar with the view of the Yokohama Bay Bridge. The
jazz piano that I had heard in a dream once was playing softly in
the background.
Ayukawa and I had had dinner in Chinatown, had felt the wind on our
faces from the Bay Bridge, and now were about to have our third
_kampai_.
Ayukawa drank down her third drink and said, "Anyway, I'm really
glad there were no after-effects from the accident."
"Yes, but you never know. What if some show up in, say, three
years?"
"You never know, some after-effects might show up, and I might
suddenly decide to go wander around some foreign country."
It was all almost exactly like my dream of long ago. The atmosphere
of the bar, the view of the Bay Bridge, and the black man playing
the piano, were all in my dream. I guess it was a prophetic dream
after all.
All you can really say is that a person doesn't know where his life
will eventually take him.
That goes for Hikaru-chan, headed for New York in a year, as well
as Ayukawa, destined to become an up-and-coming songwriter.
Not knowing, they're just doing their best to make their dreams
come true, everyday. It's the same with everyone.
"Mm?"
"You got so quiet all of the sudden. I guess you must met some
beautiful girl in the future, and were thinking about her just
now."
"I wasn't!"
She laughed. But it was sort of a cold laugh that, to tell the
truth, made me a little afraid.
I told her about things like my family moving, and Hatta becoming a
famous writer of sex comics, but I didn't touch subjects like what
Ayukawa was doing in the future, or about meeting Hikaru-chan.
Occasionally Ayukawa would ask about her future, but I would tell
her, "I can't tell you. It's an esper family policy."
Ayukawa took the drink that had been bought for her and stood up. I
knew she was going to play my song. I leaned forward, acting
surprised.
"Part one?"
She hid the embarrassment she must have been feeling, and looked
straight at me.
*****
FEN (13) was playing softly, some old American strings piece. I had
never heard it before, but, slightly intoxicated as I was, it
created a very pleasant mood.
_Kacha!_ Ayukawa opened the bathroom door. All sound suddenly left
the room, as if erased by the sound of that door opening.
I was frozen with fear just then. I sat up in the bed and looked at
her.
An angel in a T-shirt.
"Don't stare like that, Kasuga-kun," she said, the light all around
her.
I wasn't sure if that was the second or the third time she had
asked me to stop staring. But now her voice brought me back to
reality.
"Ayukawa..."
"What?"
I got out of bed and set the light upright again. But I was still
in too much of a hurry, and I couldn't get it to stand upright.
I finally succeeded in turning the light out, and the room was
instantly filled with darkness. Ayukawa must have turned the
bathroom light out when I wasn't paying attention.
"Ayukawa..."
I turned slowly towards her. In the darkness, I could see her body,
wrapped in the white towel. The only light was what came in from
the window, but I could see her clearly, as if her body were
emitting some kind of luminescence.
"I'll remember that you knocked that lamp over for the rest of my
life." She looked at me and smiled. "But being clumsy is all part
of the Kyosuke Kasuga I've come to love."
"Gimmie a break!"
We laughed like two children hiding from their parents in a secret
place.
"Mm?"
"What?"
I hurriedly reached out for the box of tissue. For years I'd been
reading "sayonara my virginity" articles in boy's magazines, and it
said that in some hotels they put condoms near the tissues.
"Huh? Well, I mean, you asked me if you were going to give birth to
a baby with super powers. It's a little soon for that, if you know
what I mean..."
"Eh?"
My eyes must have been little black points, with my mouth open like
I wasn't getting enough oxygen.
"I can't believe you, Kasuga-kun. I just asked if, someday, I would
have esper children. I didn't mean tonight. You pervert!"
Now Ayukawa bent over laughing. I don't know if she was laughing
because of my clumsiness, or because of the alcohol in her body,
but her gesture was incredibly beautiful. She seemed like a free
bird.
"K-Kasuga-kun."
"Ayukawa."
"K-Kasuga-kun."
"Don't get me wrong. I'm taking your feelings into account and
everything. But I feel like I want to throw all that away and just
take you. I love you, Ayukawa."
"......"
"Enough to cry. I love you so much...I can't stand it. I want you
so much...I didn't know...didn't know I was such a barbarian. Oh,
Ayukawa."
Just then a ship in the distance blew its foghorn. I realized that
a strings session was still playing on FEN. As if trying to calm
the wildness that was welling up inside me, I tried to concentrate
on the melody.
Ayukawa was looking at me. Her eyes seemed distant. Those eyes were
looking at me, but it was as if they were looking past me, at some
far-off point.
_Madoka! Madoka!_
*****
The next day, Madoka received the first postcard from Hikaru-chan
in Hokkaido.
Early summer. It was a summer, just like the summer where Madoka
and Hikaru-chan and I had to stop being "three friends" and move
on. Will that dangerous triangle begin again?
Was that spark provided by me, nineteen year old Kyosuke Kasuga?
Endnotes
(10) For those of you who follow these things, except for
"Kyosuke Kasuga, Tokyo" scrawled on a letter in the Hawaii manga story,
this is the first concrete reference to where Orange Road takes place. Up
til this time, "_kono machi_" ("this town") has been all we'd been told.
(13) FEN, the Far East Network, Armed Services Radio "serving
those who serve in Japan."
(14) For Orange Road fans interested in knowing the answer to this
question, checkout Seishun Shitemasu's fan-dub production, _Kimagure Orange
Road: The Akira Story_, written and directed by yours truly.
Scott's comment:
(12a) Ojiichan said in episode 48 that if two *bodies* from
different times touched, that person would disappear forver. In this case,
Kyosuke's spirit/soul was sent back/forward in time _specifically_ so that
it could touch itself to regenerate. It wasn't really Kyosuke's body in
1994 (although where did it come from?), but it is a little "convenient".