SARAH GARRETT

ENGL 1102 - 065 Rebecca Agosta

My name, Sarah, means Princess, however Ive always known that I am not a princess. I could see, even from a young age, my life was far from that of a princess. I am the youngest of 4 siblings with a mom who cannot work due to medical issues and a hard-working dad; so I grew up on hand-me-downs. My name is a friendly, common name that is both well-known and familiar. The most complicated part of my name, when I introduce myself, is whether I am Sarah with an h or Sara without an h. My opinion is that Sarah is not Sarah without the h. I have always loved my name because visually, it has symmetry. The two a's reflect each other over the r, and the h, geometric and rigid, balances out the s, curvy and wild. My h actually means a lot to me, not only because my name wouldnt be Sarah without it, but also because my h represents the part of my identity that is pragmatic and logical. My S means a lot to me as well, but the h represents my personality better. I remember a specific Halloween when I was around 7 or 8 that I have a picture of the 4 of us kids standing in front of our home, all costumed up, ready to go trick or treating. My oldest brother, K.C., was dressed as a wizard, complete with a hat and cape. My next older brother, Dan, was dressed as the grim reaper in all black with a hood and scythe. My sister, Lori, was dressed up as a princess, with a crown, and a scepter made of gold sequins. I was dressed as a witch, with a black hat and cape. We all had the same bright orange, pumpkin shaped candy buckets. My mom was so proud of the costumes she handmade us, so she had decided to take a picture. I didnt realize until much later in life that the reason I never remembered picking out store-bought costumes (if we got costumes at all) was because my parents simply didnt have the money to buy a costume for us every year. My mom worried almost constantly; You kids are going to look so cute trick or treating at the mall. I just cant imagine letting yall wonder around the neighborhood. I just wouldnt feel like you would be safe. This year I remember we went to

a mall on the other side of town because my mom worried so about our safety. At the time, I had no concerns about how my costume wouldnt be like the other kids, or that people would wonder why we had homemade costumes. I was happy just to be able to go trick or treating at all. I was so looking forward to that moment when we got home and could go through our treasure once my mom had told us what candy she thought was safe to eat. Growing up my parents didnt have the money to buy us candy any time they went to the store. If my parents bought us candy that would mean lots of money to buy each of us candy, then if we ate lots of candy that would mean lots of medical bills and that didnt sound fun. I was never one of those children whining at the check-out because my parents wouldnt buy me something. I accepted things for how they were and moved on with life. There was no point for me to be upset about it because it was simply the way things were. Fast forward a few years, 5 or so. I am about 12. My sister Lori, about 14, was in the middle of puberty and all of the hormonal glory that comes with it. I dont want to do the laundry, its stupid! It isnt my job to do everybodys laundry! Lori always acted like nothing around the house was her job. My parents evenly distributed the chores among us, and we all knew this. We all pitch in to help keep the house clean, Lori, if you live here you need to help out. My mom tried to reason with Lori constantly to get her to do the chores. Watching my sister try to be as stubborn as possible, never giving in to what anyone wanted her to do, taught me, most of all, that being stubborn only caused chaos. I hated the chaos my sister caused. From the way Lori acted I think I learned that things are easier if you simply do what is asked of you. In this way my sister helped me to realize that you should just see things for how they are, admit this to yourself, and it will not be hard to do what life expects of you.

When I was in 9th grade, a freshman in high school, I finally hit a growth spurt. I went from being 5 foot, 1 inch to 5 foot 5inches. Along with 4 inches of height I went up 2 shoes sizes, from a 7, like my mom and sister, to a 9 which was bigger than either of them. This meant I had to wear a pair of shoes that used to be my brothers. These big, clunky boots were the only shoes in the house I could fit my now giant feet into. At this time my sister was still rebelling against every wish of my parents and constantly insisting they were completely unfair. One day after school she decided she would run away. When my sister decided this she took with her my one pair of shoes I fit into. I was very upset with Lori, not only because she was utterly disobeying my parents and acting like a crazy person, but also because she had been so selfish as to take the one pair of shoes I could still wear. Lori did return later that evening, escorted in a police car, in my big, ugly boots that were now caked in red mud. This experience helped me to realize that my sister did not see things for how they were. I saw that my parents asked her to help out a little around the house, do her schoolwork, and be nice to her siblings. Following these instructions I never had problems, on the other hand when Lori rebelled she caused problems for everyone, including herself. In life I often see how my actions affect everyone around me. This only makes logical sense if you can take your own feelings out of a situation and find the path that causes the least chaos, life if easier. When I was about 12 years old my sister started taking me with her to youth group at church. Neither of my parents were church-goers or believers, so church was a whole new experience for me. While at church people assumed Lori and I were very close in age, if not twins because we do look a lot alike and Ive always acted older than my age. I started to hang out with the youth group members who were around her age instead of the ones in my age group. The leaders didnt even realize I was in the wrong age group until a few months of me being

there. Youre so mature for your age! so many people exclaimed when they found out how young I actually was. While going to church I realized that unlike other people, I saw things for how they really are, rather than constantly dreaming of a better life. I saw how every week people prayed and prayed for miracles, and week after week things didnt magically get better, but the people did figure out how to deal with their problems better. I felt like so many members of the congregation filled with a false hope, hope that would carry them through the week but slowly seep out of them as life carried on its cruel march. I saw many people who left the church because the doctrines promised an abiding peace and joy that failed to come through for them. Through this I started to think, if you spend your life hoping for a magical (or spiritual) solution to all of your problems nothing will change, at least not for the better. I found myself making ways to improve my problems myself and changing my outlook on things. I discovered that bad things are always going to happen, you just have to keep your eyes open to the real world so you can adapt your viewpoint of the circumstance youre in. Life is a constantly evolving quilt of our experiences and if you hold onto a few pieces just because you cant grow outside of what you think is normal then your life will never be anything more than ordinary. All of these experiences shaped me into being a person who sees life for what it is, a realist. My upbringing in a household of modest income, my sister who had unreal expectations of my parents, and my church that helped to teach me to deal with how life really is. All of these things in my life have brought me to be the person I am today. I am the person who will give you the honest and functional opinion you need to see things for how they are. My life has shaped my personality into my h in Sarah. Life is always going to be crazy, just like my name is always

going to start with a curvy s, and I just have to see things rationally, and realistically, like my h.