BEHAVIORS AT WORK People with a low tolerance for risk, whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity

for success. To get what you want, sometimes you must be willing to go out and ask for it. The worst anyone can say is no. People insist on trying to beat the world by themselves, which means they continue to struggle. If you're tempted by that misguided John Wayne style of individualism fantasy for success, I hope you'll remember that you can't get there alone. We're all in this together. We're all human, and when things start feeling good, we let our guard down. !nless you're vigilant, you may sabotage yourself. "im #igh, and $e %ealistic. %esearchers have found a strong correlation between people's aspirations and the results they achieve. &uggest ideas to which others can realistically say yes. The 'ational Institute for (ental #ealth )'I#(* reports that more than + million !& adults have difficulties focusing on the ,ob. It also reports that while more than - percent of working adults are diagnosed with ".#., vast numbers of undiagnosed adults struggle with being successful in the workplace. /or all these people, choosing a fitting ,ob, handling a ,ob0s essential tasks and modifying work habits for ma1imum effectiveness are ma,or challenges. If you find yourself having trouble focusing on your ,ob or career, here are 23 steps to ,ob success4 Assess Your Strengths. It0s important to understand your skills and strengths when considering available options. 5ou need to identify your strengths and uni6ue traits. These include4 interests, aptitudes, accomplishments, personality type, work and leisure values, focus pattern, work habits and special challenges. Read and Learn; Talk and Clar !". The most essential steps that cut down on decision making mistakes and assures that you really know what you are doing. O#ser$e and % ne&Tune 'Learn(. 7nly by observing do you collect the nonverbal cues that provide insight to your success. %a)tor n Challenges )Prevention8 Positioning*. 9onsider the gift of giving yourself a complete neuropsychological evaluation. This will help you pinpoint areas of challenge and offset potential pitfalls with effective strategies, accommodations and modifications. With that specific information in hand, your decision making will be much easier and more secure. Assess *eeded Su++ort S"ste,s. .ecide what initial and ongoing support will ensure success. (any people fail to use support and they can be a great help. -lan -er od ) Su++ort Sess ons. This will enable you to continually assess your strengths, work out challenges and do strategic planning for the future.

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Managing with Emotional Intelligence

The concept of emotional intelligence has been in focus ever since .aniel >oleman's best selling book, Working with Emotional Intelligence )2++=*. There is reluctance to address anything ?emotional? when it comes to business even though studies have shown that ?@I? can be taught effectively. /urthermore, up to +3A of the difference between outstanding and average leaders is linked to emotional intelligence. .EI. s t/o t ,es as ,+ortant as I0 and te)hn )al e1+ert se )o,# ned. It s !our t ,es as ,+ortant n ter,s o! o$erall su))ess. What s EI2 It is the ability to recogniBe your own feelings and those of others8 the ability to motivate yourself and to motivate others8 the ability to manage your own emotions and deal effectively with those of others. @motional intelligence increases when people commit themselves to building practical competencies in the conte1t of every day situations. @ssentially, empathy re6uires there are four competencies4 2. !nderstanding yourself )self awareness* <. (anaging yourself )self management* :. !nderstanding others )social awareness* -. (anaging others )social skills* E,+ath" Ceadership and managerial success begins with empathy e.g., self awareness. !nderstanding your own emotions is essential to understanding the feelings of others. It is a crucial component of effective communication and leading others. Cack of empathy is a primary cause of interpersonal difficulties that lead to poor performance, e1ecutive derailment, and problems with customer relationships. @mpathy as a competency is poorly understood by those who need it most and is difficult to ac6uire. (ost people believe you either have it or you don't. (any Dhard core0 managers lack a propensity for developing empathy because they assume it is more for those who are ?touchy feely? types. 3e! ) en) es n E,ot onal Co,+eten)e %esearch by the 9enter for 9reative Ceadership has found that the primary causes of derailment in e1ecutives involve deficits in emotional competence, and in particular, these primary ones4 2. .ifficulty handling change <. 'ot being able to work well in a team :. Poor interpersonal relations Without an ade6uate capacity to understand the another's point of view, some managers lack sufficient fle1ibility to change, cannot work well in a team collaboration, and cannot relate well with the very people who affect the results they are trying to achieve. @mpathy can be defined as the ability to see things from another person's point of view to be able to ?walk in someone else's moccasins.? >oleman defines it as the ability to read other people. 7ther definitions include the concept of identifying with another person or their situation. This implies more than a cognitive understanding and more than ,ust remembering a similar situation that you may have gone through yourself. @mpathy means that you can recall some of those same feelings based on your own memories. There is a sharing and identifying with emotional states. 2+:;<<3-=.doc <

EI n -ra)t )e What does this have to do with running a business, managing a company, and dealing with bottom line performance issuesE 7bviously, if managers were to take the time to listen with empathy to everything that was said, nothing would get done. /urthermore, one cannot fall prey to being swept up into every person's story. (anagers and leaders must keep the focus and guide people to goal completion. "ccording to >oleman, empathy represents the foundation skill for all the social competencies important for work4 2. !nderstanding others4 &ensing others' feelings and perspectives, and taking an active interest in their concerns <. &ervice orientation4 "nticipating, recogniBing and meeting customers' needs :. .eveloping others4 &ensing others' development needs and bolstering their abilities -. Ceveraging diversity4 9ultivating opportunities through diverse people F. Political awareness4 %eading the political and social currents in an organiBation (anagers and leaders are usually high in those traits and characteristics that lead to successful goal completion, such as, high achievement orientation and high focusing abilities. That is why they get promoted to management positions. &uccess depends a great deal on having focus, being able to persevere, and being able to concentrate. #owever, focus alone can result in undesirable conse6uences if it is not counterbalanced by empathy. /ocus alone will not result in the fulfillment of goals. /ocus plus empathy will. @mpathic skills are those that involve paying attention to other people things like listening, attending to needs and wants of others, and building relationships. When empathic skills are high, one is more likely to inspire the troops. When a manager understands hisGher people and communicates that to them, heGshe is more liked and respected. That is how practicing empathy results in better performance. When a manager is respected, the people the manager leads are more likely to go the e1tra mile. @mpathy and focus need to be balanced, and when they are, managing skills are optimally effective. $oth managers and employees need empathy in order to interact well with customers, suppliers, the general public and with each other. (anagers need it even more when they are assigning a task to someone who will not like it8 when offering criticism to someone who predictably will get defensive8 when having to deal with someone they do not like8 when dealing with employee disputes8 and when giving bad news, such as, telling someone that they will not be promoted or that they are being laid off. The first step in dealing with any negativity is to empathiBe. The ne1t step is to focus back to the goals and the tasks at hand. EI A++l ed When someone comes to you with negative feedback, what is the first thing you think to yourselfE 2. #ere we go again. "nother annoying complainer. This is a waste of my time. <. I'm going to sit here and pretend to listen to this and then give them the facts on their latest performance measures. :. Why can't heGshe pay attention to the really important issues, like getting this pro,ect completed on timeE -. Why is this an issueE I need to get more information. F. What is this person really saying hereE 7r, rather, what is not being said and maybe needs to be

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addressedE The first response is one in which you are focusing on yourself and your needs. %esponses H< and H: focus on the goals and needs of the organiBation. "ll of the first three responses are lacking in empathy. %esponse H- focuses on the other person. "nd response HF focuses on the other person and the organiBation. The last response shows the most empathy because it goes beyond what is being said. "t the outset empathy involves real curiosity and a desire to know or understand. There is a genuine interest in what the person is saying and feeling. 5ou cannot have empathy without asking 6uestions. &ome typical ones are4 2. ?9an you say more about thatE? <. ?%eallyE That's interesting. 9an you be more specificE? :. ?I wasn't aware of that. Tell me more.? -. ?I'm curious about thatIlet's discuss this in more depth.? F. ?Cet me see if I understand you correctlyIhere is what I hear you sayI? (anagers and leaders who are high in empathic skills are able to pick up emotional cues. They can appreciate not only what a person is saying but also why they are saying it. "t the highest levels, they also understand where a person's feelings may come from. Those that do not have empathy have a tendency to misread the other person. They do not ask 6uestions to clarify. They do not pay attention to non verbal cues. Those people who are analytical by nature will listen to the words, facts, and figures and completely miss the real message of what is being said. If we remember that only JA of the message is carried in the words and the rest is in the non verbal cues, then listening to the content of what is being said may actually be misleading. Ho/ ,a" e,+ath" #e learned2 #ow, then, to learn effective empathy, if you are one of those task oriented managers who is primarily focused on achievementE The good news is that your achievement orientation and focusing abilities will help you in ac6uiring empathic skills. The bad news is that it may not be natural at first. /ortunately, empathy is a learned capability and like other competencies, it can be ac6uired. #ere are some steps to take to begin improving empathy as an effective management tool. Cike all the emotional competencies, it is better to practice with an e1perienced coach who can monitor and give effective feedback. %eading a book and taking a class can both help to gain a greater cognitive understanding of what is involved. #owever, empathic skills must be learned e1perientially, that is, practiced in the field in real time. 2. Keep a log of situations in which you felt you were able to demonstrate empathy and a log in which you felt you did not. (ake a note of missed opportunities to respond with empathy. <. $ecome aware of incidents where there may be some underlying concerns that are not e1plicitly e1pressed by others. :. (ake a note of possible emotions or feelings that the other person may be e1periencing. Keep an open mind and never assume8 merely e1plore the possibilities. -. .evelop a list of 6uestions to ask at your ne1t encounter with that person. Try to make the 6uestions open ended, that is, 6uestions that cannot be answered by yes or no. F. Practice listening without interrupting. Wait until the other person has completely e1pressed their

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point of view before offering yours. ;. "void being defensive in order to create an open dialogue where possibilities can be e1plored freely. J. "llow creative time for people to e1press opinions and ideas without ,udgment. =. Practice active listening8 always check out the meaning of what was said with the person speaking. Paraphrasing what was said helps to clear up misconceptions and to deepen understanding. +. "lways bring focus back into the conversation. %emember that optimal effectiveness is achieved by a combination of focus and empathy. 23. Work on achieving an effective balance of focus, goal orientation and empathic listening.

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