Stuck Together by Alana Gray

Characters:
Southern Belle
Scottish
Pregnant Chav
Woman in a pencil skirt
Bristolian Bum
Lift Operator
PC: WELL UVV NEVA BEEN AATSAAD OF DEE EEST END BAFOR AV I
WIAPS: OOH LOVERLY. AN EAST END PERSON. BRILLIANT
S: DE YOO EEVAN NO DE DAAD...DYA EEVAN NOOO DE DAAD
PC: WOT DYOO EVEN MEEN
WIAPS: SHE PROBABLY DOESNT EVEN KNOW HER FATHER...OR HER
BROTHER
PC: I FINK ITS ASHLEE
SB: AH DOO NAT UNDERRSHTAND WAT ENY OF YALL ARR SEYIN
S: OOH FUKIN BRRILLIYANT, HOO...
SB: PLEYSS SPEEK IN AN AAYKSENT I CAN UNDERRSHTAND
S: HOO INVIYTED FUKIN BARRBEE OVERR HEEYER
PC: WOTS MERICA LYK, IZ EVRYWUN REELY FAT
S: HOO DE FUK BROWT HERR ALONG
SB: EXCUUSE MEY
PC: OO.ERR.YU
S: WERR STUK IN A LUFT, MABEE IF WE CAN PUT OOR FICK
HEEDS TOGEEVA WEE CEN FIGURR OOT HOW TE GET OOT OF A
LUFT, INSTEAD OF TOKIN ABOOT FUKIN BERBI BUMPS END
FUKIN...
SB: DE LAIND OF DE FREY, DE HOWM OF DE BRAIVE
WIAPS: OH MY GAWWWD, WHY, AM I, HERE
PC: WELL DE MANZ GUNA CUM SOON INT EE, THE MAN...

S: DE HOO
SB: WUT MAYEN
PC: DYA NA WUT I MEEN, DA MAN
SB: WUT MAYEN, WUT MAYEN,
LO: LAYDIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE LIFT WILL BE OPERATIONAL
SOON, VERY SORRY THAT YOU ARE STUCK IN MY SHAFT. THE
FRICTION IN THE SHAFT TAKES IT TOLL SOMETIMES AND NEEDS A
BREATHER
WIAPS: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, ITS ALLRIIIGHT
SB: AYT A TYME LIKE DIS, WE ALL NEED TE PRAAAAYY, WE JIST
NEEYD TE PRAAAAYYY
PC: YU LUK LYK YUR A WOMAN HOO AZ A PARASEETEMOL
WIAPS: GET AWAY FROM ME, GET AWAY FROM ME, YOUR REALLY
DIRTY
PC: OOZ GOT A LYTER DEN
WIAPS: WE CAN NOT SMOKE IN A LIFT, WE CAN NOT SMOKE IN A
LIFT
SB: YOO CAYEN NAAT HAYEV AY CIGAREYET IN DE ELEVAYTOR
WIAPS: IS THAT THE MARIJOOWANA
PC: LYTA, NEED A LYTA
SB: DEYVILS SMOWKE, DEYVILS SMOWKE
BB: (coughs)
S: BUT DYA AKCHOOLEE NOO HOO DE FATHUR IZ
SB: UM SARRY, UM SARRY, ARR YOO MAYREED
PC: ASHLEE SED HEED PRAPOZE TA ME NEXT KRISSMASS
WIAPS: OH YEAH, THATS LOVELY ISNT IT
SB: AYSHLEY, AINT DAYET A WOWMANZ NAYEM
PC: NO ITZ NORT. ASHLEEZ A BOII

SB: LEYZBIAN!
PC: UM NOT A LEZZZBIAN
SB: ARR YALL AVIN A LEZBIAYN CHIIILD
S: A PREEGNANT DYK!
WIAPS: YOURE JUST A BIG PILE OF DIRTY
SB: I FIYINK DAT GOWZ AGAYNST DE WURD OF DE LORED
PC: CUM ORN, DERZ GUTA BEE SUMFIN WE CAN DOO TA GET OUTTA
ERE
LO: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THERE SEEMS TO BE AN EVEN BIGGER
ISSUE THAN BEFORE. ONCE WEVE WD40D THE SHAFT, WE WILL
SHORTLY GET THINGS MOVING ALONG IN A STIFFY, I MEAN
JIFFY.
WIAPS: OH FOR GOODNESS SAKE, IVE GOT AN APPOINTMENT AT 8
PC: IM JOO ENY DAY
SB: DEEYA LORD AH DOO NAT DIZERV DIS
S: FUKIN SHTOOPID
WIAPS: WOULD ANYBODY LIKE A TIC-TAC
S: A TIIC TAAC, FUKIN ELL
SB: WILL YALL SHUTUP IN DE MIDDEL OV MA LORDS PRAAAYERR
PC: AV YU EVA DUN A WEEGEE BORD
SB: A WEEYGEEY
PC: CUZ AH DUN WUN OV DEM WUNSE
S: A WEEGEE WOT
SB: AH FORT DAYET WUZ A KIYEND OF VEGTABEL
BB: DISS IZ MOYY HOWS
S: WELL AV YE GORT DE FUKIN DOOR KEEZ DEN
SB: AH DOWNT FINK ITS HEEZ HOWS. IZ DIS HIS HOWS? IZ DIS
AKCHALEE HIS HOWS?

PC: SORRY MA HORMOWNS AR ALL OVA DE PLAISE

SB: I AYEM NAT IN YUR HOWS
S: OW OLD ARR YU
SB: ARR YU ASHLEE
S: DOO I LUK LIYEK AN ASHLEE
SB: DOO YE HAYEV A NAYEM
S: NEM
SB: TEYELL ME YUR NAYEM
S: JORN
SB: JAWAN?
S: JORN
SB: JAWAN?
S: AYE, JORN
SB: JAWAN
S: JORN
SB: AH FURT YU WERR ASHLEE
PC: YU TRYNE GIT ON MA MAN
S: UM NAY YER FUKKIN MAN
LO: ...I WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY, I WANNA FEEL THE HEAT
WITH SOMEBODY...MARK. MARK GET OFF THE FUCKING BUTSB: IZ HE MASTURBAYTIN
PC: ER DEY EEVEN TRYNA GIT US OUTTA ERE
WIAPS: GOSH WHOD MASTURBATE TO WANNA DANCE WITH SOMEBODY
SB: WEY DOO NAT LIYEK MASTURBAYTIN WEYA UM FRUM
BB: OI CUD SHOW YU WUT MARSTURBAYTIN LOOKS LIYK MOI
LUVVER, ITS NOT A PRABLEM, OI CAN DOO THART, OI AD
WUNOVDEM JIST DESS MOORNEN

PC: UH NO YOO. YUR DA WUN DAT SHAYNEE SAW FINGERIN

EMSELVZ BY DA DOG BINZ
BB: WEERL THAARTD BEE QUOITE ARD MOI DEER, BECOZ OI AV A
PEYNESS
WIAPS: OHHHH, IS THAT THE PLACE TO HANG OUT NOOOW? THE
DOOOOG BIN?
S: DA FUKS A FUKKEN DORG BEN. A PLAISE WERR YE POOT DEED
DORGS?
PC: HOOZ GOT SUM CRISPS DEN
S: WEYELL, UV GORT SUM MCCOYS
WIAPS: OHHHH, WHAT ID DO FOR A TORTILLA CHIP RIGHT
NOOOOOW.
S: WEYELL I CANNY OFFERR YU A TORTEEYA CHIP, OW DYA
FEEYEL ABOOT CRINKELL CUT?
SB: HAYEV YALL GUT ENY WEET FREE, WEET GERM RASS
CRAYKERRS
LO: LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, ANY MINUTE NOW-