Cinema Liberty Adin Ljuca Hello? Saa answered.

Kino Sloboda Adin Ljuca Halo?, javio se Saa.

Hello, its Adin, hello . . . From the phone booth, I raised my voice over the clattering of a passing streetcar.

Halo, ovdje Adin, halo, pokuao sam nadglasati buku tramvaja koji je upravo prolazio kraj govornice.

Adin, man! Youre alive? Alive, damm, youre alive! Where are you calling from?

Adine, ovjee, ti si iv?! iv si, jebo te, iv! Odakle zove?

From Zagreb.

Iz Zagreba.

Yeah, I can hear youre in Zagreb. How did you get out? Man, I thought you were dead. You went through hell. I saw it on the news . . . Where exactly are you?

Ama, jasno mi je da zove iz Zagreba. Kako si se izvukao? Mislio sam, ovjee, da si mrtav. Znam tano gdje si bio, vidio sam na vijestima Gdje se tano nalazi?

In a phone booth.

U govornici.

Cmon. As if Zagreb only had one phone booth! Where are you now?

Pa nije, bolan, u Zagrebu jedna govornica! Gdje si sad?

Ne znam. I dont know. Pogledaj oko sebe, reci mi ta vidi, neki natpis ili

Look around and tell me what you see, any signs or?

Cinema Liberty.

Kino Sloboda.

Okay. Listen. Get on streetcar nine towards Ljubljanica. Ill meet you at Selska, the next-to-last stop.

Dobro. Sluaj me: odmah sjedaj na devetku i krei u smjeru Ljubljanice. Ja u te ekati na Selskoj, to je predzadnja stanica.

We sat in Saas friend Ruicas place catching up. A month ago Saa had managed to flee besieged Sarajevo with a stroke of luck and the Red Cross. He was in much better shape already after a month in Zagreb. A month ago Id taken a direct hit fr om a shell in my foxhole, but by some miracle all the shrapnel missed me. The blast, though, had rattled the brains in my skull and the marrow in my boneseven the very soul left over in my war-wasted, hundred-and-ten-pound body. Medical referral in hand, it had taken me a month to make my way to Rebro Clinic in Zagreb. My head was a black hole of detonation and sedatives. Rebro didnt want to accept me, even with a referral. At the admitting desk, the nurse snarled: We Croatians turned the other cheek to you Muslims. And just look what we got in return! I didnt get upset. I didnt care. All I wanted was to get the hell out of that war. I no longer was afraid of death. Let a streetcar run me overfine. Let a flowerpot fall on my head, an absurd death thats fine, too. Whatever. But to be slaughtered or blown up by a grenade, no way in hell. Goddammit, its the end of the twentieth century. Out in the world people are dying of AIDS, but here its medieval. Were getting butchered with knives! I contemplated my next move. Rebros a big hospital. There must be a Muslim doctor somewhere. I traipsed from door to door, scanning the name placards. For the first time in my life I wasnt looking for a person, but for a Muslim. I soon spotted a doorplate bearing a Muslim-sounding name. I knocked on the door and was in luckthe doctor was in her office. Youre Dr. So and-So? I called out to her. Yes, she hollered back, Please come in. Inside, as I told her my story, she burst into tears and opened up about herself. Shed worked at Rebro for years but had been born in Mostar. Her only sister had stayed behind, and now . . . . But I had no tears left to shed. Well do all the tests, including a CAT scan, she continued,

Sjedili smo u stanu kod Ruice, Saine prijateljice, pokuavajui amortizirati prve dojmove. Saa je prije mjesec dana, uz pomo filmskih trikova i crvenog kria, uspio nekako pobjei iz opkoljenog Sarajeva. Za tih mjesec dana u Zagrebu, fiziki se poprilino oporavio. Ja sam prije mjesec dana dobio granatu direktno u rov, ali nekim udom nije me zakaio ni jedan geler. Zato mi je detonacija propuhala mozak u lobanji, kotanu sr u skeletu i duu u ovih pedesetak kila na koje sam spao. Mjesec dana mi je trebalo dok sam se s uputnicom na kliniku Rebro dokoprcao do Zagreba. U glavi sam imao crnu rupu od detonacije i sedativa. Na Rebro me nisu htjeli primiti ni sa uputnicom. Na prijemnom odjeljenju, medicinska sestra mi je rekla: Mi vas, Muslimane, kruhom, a vi nas, Hrvate, kamenom! Uope se nisam uzrujavao. Sve mi je bilo svejedno. Jedino to sam htio, bilo je da odem u pizdu materinu iz tog rata. Smrti se vie nisam bojao. Neka me pregazi tramvaj u redu. Neka mi padne saksija na glavu jeste apsurdno, ali i to je u redu. Ali da me neko kolje ili da me granata raznese, to ne. Ta zaboga, ve je kraj dvadesetog stoljea, u svijetu se umire od side, a kod nas od noa, kao u srednjem vijeku.

Kontao sam ta mi je initi. Ovo Rebro je veliko, mora biti i neki doktor Musliman. Iao sam od vrata do vrata i itao imena lijenika. Prvi put u ivotu nisam traio ovjeka, ve muslimana. Brzo sam naiao na jedna vrata na kojima je ime doktorice bilo muslimansko. Pokucao sam i imao sree zatekao sam je u ordinaciji. Vi ste ta i ta?, rekao sam ime sa vrata. Da, izvolite. Ispriao sam joj svoju priu i doktorica se rasplakala. Onda je ona meni ispriala svoju. Godinama ve radi na Rebru, inae porijeklom je iz Mostara. Priala mi je o svojoj jedinoj sestri, koja je u Mostaru i

but I dont know how to get you a bed in the hospital.

koja Ali ja nisam bio sposoban za plakanje.

I dont need one. Ive got a place to crash.

Rekla mi je: Napravit emo sve potrebne pretrage, ukljuujui i CT, jedino ne znam kako u te smjestiti u bolnicu.

The next few days she led me around the hospital by the hand, from specialist to specialist. Finally she gave me the diagnosis: Your condition will improve, though in the future you might have some memory problems. I dont know exactly how to explain it, but that explosion wiped out some spots in your brain. You probably wont be able to learn and remember the way you used to.

Nije potrebno. Imam gdje spavati.

Thats fine. Ive got plenty of things Id like to forget, I said, failing miserably as usual in my attempt to sound witty.

Nekoliko dana me je vodila za ruku po bolnici, od specijaliste do specijaliste. Na kraju mi je saopila: Tvoje zdravstveno stanje e se poboljati. U budunosti bi jedino mogao imati problema sa pamenjem. Ne znam kako bih ti to rekla, ta detonacija ti je izbrisala odre ena mjesta u mozgu i vie, vjerovatno, nee biti sposoban da ui i pamti kao prije.

Later that same day I bumped into a guy from Sarajevo on the street. He told me Saa was in Zagreb and gave me a phone number, which I immediately dialed. Later on, catching up at Ruicas, Saa pulled out a stack of poems hed written in Sarajevo. I read them, one after another. They were about killing and evil, but without a trace of anger or hate.

To je dobro. Ima puno stvari koje bih elio zaboraviti, pokuao sam se naaliti. Ja inae s tim svojim spretnim formulacijama poesto znam ispasti dojmljivo glup.

Do you have any? he asked.

Man, I was in a foxhole, and theres no poetry in foxholes, I said, reaching into my back pocket for the single poem that had congealed in my head in the bus, on one of the legs of my escape from war-split Bosnia, on the so-called Corridor (or rather Wild Goat Trail) of Life. I handed him a piece of paper folded into quarters. As soon as he read it, Saa started bounding around the room, hugging and congratulating me. His reaction surprised me. I was pleased by but also skeptical of his praiseSaas always exaggerating. He grabbed the phone, cast me a profound glance, and began dialing. Somebody answered immediately. Toma, he said, listen and learn how to write poems! He recited my poem into the receiver and then repeated it one more time at the listeners request. Saa even managed to keep his mouth shut for a moment or two before wrapping things up. OK, Ill send it to you tomorrow, he said, slamming down the receiver. During the conversation Id surmised this Toma was the well-known poet from another of the newly-minted Balkan republics. Im supposed to copy and send your poem to him immediately, Saa explained. Hes gonna go to Germany in a few days for some literary mingling. He wants to translate your poem and present it at a festival!

Kasnije tog istog dana, na ulici sam nabasao na jednog znanca iz Sarajeva koji mi je rekao da je i Saa u Zagrebu i dao mi je broj na koji ga mogu dobiti. Odmah sam ga nazvao. im smo se nali i sredili prve dojmove, Saa je izvukao tos papira sa pjesmama koje je pisao u Sarajevu. itao sam jednu za drugom. Bile su o ubijanju i mrnji, ali bez traga zla i mrnje.

Ima li ti kakvih pjesama?, upitao me je.

It turned out I wasnt the only one who wanted to get the hell out of CroatiaSaa also wanted to disappear. Zagreb hadnt exactly been the most pleasant or welcoming place lately. Both of us lived under constant threat of the cops whisking us off the street, dressing us up in Croatian uniforms, and shipping us back to Bosnia. Back to the front. And it wasnt that easy just to pick up and flee. At the Croatian border, the guards wouldnt allow any draft-age men who didnt have a special exit permit to pass. The Western countries had already gotten smart and had stopped accepting people holding visaless passports from the nowdefunct Yugoslavia. But, fortunately for us, the East (as usual) lagged behind the West. Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Czechoslovakia, Polandnot to mention a few otherswould still accept us. Saa and I agreed wed go together. He insisted on Krakow; my vote was for Prague.

Ja sam bio u rovu, a tamo mi nije bilo do poezije, govorio sam izvlaei iz zadnjeg depa farmerki jednu jedinu pjesmu koju sam imao i koja mi se sama sloila u glavi u autobusu, na jednoj od trasa po ratom raereenoj Bosni, na tzv. koridoru spasa ili bolje reeno divokozjoj stazi spasa. Pruio sam mu na etvrtinu presloen papir. im je proitao, poeo je da skae po stanu, da me grli i estita. Bio sam iznenaen njegovom reakcijom. Pohvale su mi prijale, iako sam bio svjestan da je Sale uvijek bio sklon pretjerivanju. Zgrabio je telefon, znaajno me pogledao i poeo okretati broj. Kad mu se s druge strane neko odazvao, rekao je: Toma, sluaj kako se piu pjesme. Smjesta je poeo itati moju pjesmu u telefonsku slualicu. Valjda mu je glas s druge strane rekao da je proita ponovo, pa je proitao jo jednom. Nakon toga, Saa je minutu-dvije utio i sluao svog sugovornika. Onda mu je rekao: Ok, poslat u ti to sutra, konano se pozdravio i poloio slualicu. Jo dok su razgovarali, pretpostavio sam da bi to mogao biti poznati pjesnik iz jedne od novonastalih balkanskih dravica.

Man, how did you come up with Krakow?

Dont you know all the giants who were studying there? He began rattling off names. Tesla, Ivo Andri . This guy, that

Rekao mi je da mu tu pjesmu fotokopiram i odmah poaljem. Toma za par dana ide u Njemaku, na nekakve literarne susrete. Tu pjesmu hoe da prevede i tamo proita, prepriavao mi je Saa. Ispostavilo se da nisam samo ja bio taj koji je htio nestati bestraga. Htio je to i Saa. U Zagrebu nije bila ba najprijatnija i najprijateljskija atmosfera. Prijetila je opasnost da nas na ulici uhvati policija, presvue u uniforme i vrati u Bosnu u rat. Ali ni otii se vie nije moglo tek tako. U to vrijeme hrvatska pogranina policija vraala je s granice sve za rat sposobne mukarce koji nisu imali specijalnu dozvolu za izlazak, a zapadni svijet se ve opametio i prestao primati bez vize ljude sa pasoima raspadajue zemlje. Istok je, po obiaju, kasnio za Zapadom. Mogli smo birati izmeu Maarske, Rumunije, Bugarske, ehoslovake, Poljske, da dalje ne nabrajam. Dogovorili smo se da idemo zajedno, ali Sale je insistirao na Krakovu, a ja

one, and remember

na Pragu.

And dont YOU know what great beer they have in Prague? Not to mention the women!

Ama, kakav te Krakov spopao?!

We had to decide fast. Zagreb was getting way too hot for comfort. In the end, we settled on Prague. I dont recall why, but we traveled separately: Saa flew via Vienna while my t rain departed two days later, connecting in Budapest. I was by myself in the compartment. In Hungary, approaching the border, the conductor shook me awake.

Zna li ti, ovjee, ko je sve tamo studirao?, pa krenu nabrajati: te Tesla, te Andri, te ovaj, te onaj

A zna li ti kakvo pivo imaju u Pragu, i kakve ene?

Wake up, sir! Romanian smugglers are in the next compartment. If they catch you sleeping, theyll rob you!

Thanks for the warning, I said, but I really dont have anything worth stealing.

I peered into my bag: only a pair of socks, underpants, and a few books of poems Id bought in Zagreb for a song (they were literally giving away anything printed in Serbia and Bosnia, especially in Cyrillic). I only really had to keep my eye on my passport, which was ridiculous. I was traveling with the passport of a country which had de facto ceased to exist, yet was still decaying, hemorrhaging. Its breakdown was a case of metastasis, with pathological cells devouring healthy ones, constantly multiplying uncontrollably until they dropped dead along with the dying organism. Disgusting.

The compartment door opened. A short drunken Romanian murmured something. I gathered he wanted a cigarette, but felt repelled by his drunkenness, his stench, and so threw him one (Im never that impolite, but I didnt want him to touch my cigarettes). Ten minutes later he came back, demanding another one. No way! I snapped. Eyeing the water bottle on the tabletop under the window, he sat down on the seat across from me and blurted, Vodka! The clear glass container didnt have a label. Its not vodka, moron. And I didnt say you could sit down. He didnt understand or just pretended not to. Whatever. Vodka! he slurred, lurching for the bottle. I jumped up, grabbed the scruff of his neck, and kicked his ass out of the compartment.

Morali smo se brzo odluiti, u Zagrebu nam je doslovno poelo gorjeti pod nogama. Izabrali smo Prag. Vie se ne sje am zato, ali putovali smo odvojeno: Saa je otputovao avionom, preko Bea, a ja vlakom, dva dana poslije, preko Budimpete. Bio sam sm u kupeu. Negdje kod ma arske granice, probudio me je kondukter i rekao: Gospodine, probudite se. U kupeu pored vaeg su rumunski verceri. Ako primijete da spavate, pokrast e vas. Rekao sam: Hvala na upozorenju, ali ja nemam nita to bi mi mogli ukrasti. Gledao sam u svoju torbicu. U njoj sam imao par arapa, gaa i nekoliko knjiga pjesama koje sam budzato kupio u Zagrebu knjige srpskih i bosanskih izdavaa su takorei dijelili dabe, naroito one pisane irilicom. Jedino sam morao paziti na paso, to je bilo gotovo smijeno. Putovao sam sa pasoem drave koja de facto vie nije postojala, ali koja se jo uvijek nije prestajala raspadati u krvi. Njeno raspadanje mi je liilo na metastazu u kojoj patogene elije prodiru zdrave i nastavljaju se nekontrolirano razmnoavati, sve dok konano i one same ne pocrkaju s umiruim organizmom. Fuj! Vrata kupea otvorio je omaleni pijani Rumun. Neto je promrljao, iz ega sam skuio da trai cigaretu. Sm sam izvadio jednu iz kutije i pruio mu je, to inae ne inim. Nisam htio da mi on svojim prstima dira cigarete, osjeao sam prema njemu, onako pijanom i neurednom, ga enje. Otiao je. Desetak minuta kasnije, ponovo se pojavio traei jo jednu cigaretu. Rekao sam: Ne! Tad je primijetio moju bocu s vodom, koja je stajala na stoliu ispod prozora. Sjeo je preko puta i ilo uzviknuo: Votka! Boca je bila od bezbojnog stakla i bez etikete. Nije votka, kretenu, a nisam ti ni rekao da moe sjesti. Nije me razumio, ili se moda samo pravio. Svejedno. Ponovio je Votka! i posegnuo rukom za bocom. Skoio sam, epao ga za vrat i, izbacivi ga iz kupea, napucao ga nogom u guzicu.

Believe it or not, its a true story. My one hundred and ten pounds had ballooned into five hundred pounds of pure fury. And the guy wasnt even heavier than me, just a featherweight. If he comes back with his posse, I raged to myself, Ill show em vodka. Smack upside the head!

Jest da sam imao svega pedesetak kila ive vage, ali u to vrijeme sam u sebi imao jo i 250 kila ludila pride. A ni taj tip nije bio puno tei od mene, aka jada. Ako se vrati s pajdaima, dat u im staklenu votku po glavi, mumljao sam bijesno u sebi.

He didnt return. Instead, the Czechoslovak customs inspectors burst in. Ignoring the drunken smugglers in the next compartment, they dragged me, my problematic passport, and my suspiciously scanty baggage off the train and into the customs booth. Stripping me of my passport, they left me waiting in a filthy corridor with barred windows during its inspection. I didnt get too fired upat least I could smoke there and still had enough cigarettes. Hey, my trains gonna leave! I told them. Therell be another one, one of the inspectors answered. I paced nervously back and forth, puffing. How lucky is that, my fellow Slavs, I uttered to myself under my breath, at least we can somehow understand each other! After a while, they eventually called me in for questioning.The purpose of your trip? Tourism, I answered laconically. Two or three hours later they actually released me, the very moment the next train to Prague arrived. At parting, one of the inspectors even clapped me on the shoulder and politely wished me well.

Tip se nije vratio. Umjesto njega, u kupe su uskoro uli ehoslovaki carinici. Pijane vercere iz susjednog kupea ostavili su na miru, ali zato su mene, sa problematinim pasoem i sumnjivo malom prtljagom, izveli iz vlaka. Odveli su me u carinarnicu, odnijeli paso na kontrolu i ostavili me ekati u prljavom hodniku s prozorom na kojem su bile reetke. Nisam se previe uzrujavao, najvanije u tom trenutku mi je bilo da se na hodniku moglo puiti i da sam imao dovoljno cigareta. Rekao sam im: Otii e mi vlak. A oni: Doi e novi. Sva srea, braa Slaveni, pa se razumijemo, priao sam sm sa sobom puei i etkajui se gore-dolje po hodniku. Konano su me pozvali unutra na ispitivanje. Na pitanje: Svrha putovanja?, odgovorio sam lakonski: Turizam! Nakon dva-tri sata su me zaista pustili, a uto je doao i slijedei vlak za Prag. Na rastanku me je jedan od carinika ak potapao po ramenu i vrlo ljubazno pozdravio.

Oko pola pet ujutro, stigao sam na glavnu eljezniku stanicu u Pragu. U Zagrebu mi je jedan tatin prijatelj platio voznu

It was about 4:30 A.M. when I finally arrived at Prague s main station. Before Id left Zagreb, my fathers friend had pressed a one-way ticket to Prague and three hundred Deutschmarks starter moneyinto my hand. And somehow thirty or so Czechoslovak crowns had made their way into my pocket. Saa, who was supposed to have picked me up, was of course nowhere to be found. He was late typical! Not knowing what else to do, I bought a can of Staropramen beer from the Czech change, using up almost all of it. Saa finally showed up at nine. (Saas always thinking in rapid firemuch faster than mere mortals. He usually sees several moves ahead, but normal everyday things he does at a snails pace. And hes clumsy as hell!) Two days earlier, my friend Jiina, a good-looking and enterprising Czech girl Id met on the Adriatic Coast before the war, had collected him. Without her, I honestly dont know what we would have done. We didnt know anyone else in Prague. Jiina let us stay a week for free (local calls for answering Room for Rent ads included) in a room in the former student dorm shed bought and turned into a hostel after the Velvet Revolution. After four or five days, we managed to find a cheap room. The landlord, a former gymnastics champion, was now a day laborer in constructionand a heavy alcoholic. We called him by his nickname: Bohu. He was kind-hearted but insufferable when drunk. The apartment was dreary, our landlord desperate, and the two of us were literally shitting our pants because of the horrors of war and of refugee living. Bohu didnt have any extra bedding to offer us, and we were broke. And he only had an old semiautomatic, or rather hand-operated, washing machine. Saa and I had never seen such a wonder of technologyor shall I say, museum pieceand immediately christened it Perestrojka. Once I tried to wash the little underwear we had. Perestrojka ate two undershirts; I freaked out and vowed never to use it again. Ji ina (or rather her husband, a doctor in a large suburban hospital around the corner) saved the day for us again. The simplest thing is to do, he advised, would be to get bedding from me. I work the night shift, so the hospital provides me with clean sheets. Ill give you each a set from now onwell exchange dirty linens for laundered ones once a week. Dont bother buying anything or fussing with washing and ironing. So that year living with Bohu, thats how we managed: Saa and I slumbered every night on sheets stamped in indelible ink with the name of a hospital and the number of a particular shift. My letters to my refugee friends scattered around the world opened with lines like: This week started off with number seven, Kukos basketball uniform . . . or, Today I awoke to number five (Sretenovi ) . . .

kartu za Prag u jednom smjeru i dao mi jo 300 DM, da mi se nae. U depu sam, ko zna otkud, imao i tridesetak ehoslovakih kruna u kovanicama. Od Sae, koji me je trebao doekati na stanici, nije bilo ni traga. Kasnio je, po svom starom obiaju. Nisam znao ta da radim, pa sam za siu kupio limenku piva. Bio je to Staropramen za 25 kruna. Saa se pojavio tek u devet. On je, inae, razmiljao vrlo brzo, uvijek bre od drugih ljudi, i umio je vidjeti po nekoliko poteza unaprijed, ali je zato sve tzv. normalne svakodnevne stvari obavljao sa velikim zakanjenjem. I dozlaboga eprtljavo. Njega je, po prethodnom telefonskom dogovoru, prije dva dana doekala moja prijateljica J ina, lijepa i poduzetna ehinja, koju sam u predratna vremena upoznao na Jadranu. Da nje nije bilo, ne znam ta bismo. Nikoga drugog u Pragu nismo poznavali. Smjestila nas je u bivi studentski dom koji je, nakon pada komunizma, zakupila i preuredila u hostel. Jina nam je dala na tjedan besplatnu dvokrevetnu sobu s dorukom i besplatnim koritenjem telefona, da moemo preko novinskih oglasa traiti sobu u najam.

.1
Saa and I signed up for Czech at the very best academic language schoolit was expensive as hell and populated mostly with Western grad students; theyd waived our tuitions since wed just fled a war zonebut in just a couple of weeks I had to drop out and earn some cash. I found a job in a workshop for leather accessories, where every day Id stand eight hours at the leather-trimming machine selecting the proper quality and thickness of skins before cutting out pieces for bags, backpacks, wallets, and other related crap. Because leather is so expensive, they made sure I wasted as little as possible, and they deducted each and every mistake from my pay (itself one-third less than that sorry mess of a language school Id dropped out of). Unlike me, Saa always somehow had some money in his back pocketevery now and then, a friend would think of him and send a mark or two. I didnt have any friends who could do that. So I shuttled every day from the apartment at one end of Prague to the workshop on the other side of the city. On the bus or streetcar, Id memorize Czech words from my pocket dictionary in those two hours before and after my eight-and-a-half-hour shift. At home Id try to rest, but wallowing in depression isnt exactly relaxing. Now and then I tried to put a poem together. Meanwhile Saa went on learning Czech, shutting himself up in the apartment, and going out of his mind worrying about his girl, still stuck behind in besieged Sarajevo. And of course he wrote poems. We had nothing to read so we wrote (as newcomers to Prague we didnt yet know it had the worlds largest specialized Slavic library). One day Saa presented me with one of his numerous ingenious plans: Well take turns writing poems for each other. One day Ill write a poem for you to read, and the next day youll do the

Nakon etiri-pet dana, nali smo jeftinu sobu kod biveg gimnastiara, nekadanjeg vrhunskog sportiste, a tadanjeg fizikanera na graevini i alkoholiara. Gazdu smo od milja zvali Bohu. Bio je dobroduan, ali u pijanom stanju nepodnoljiv. Stan je bio depresivan, gazda oajan, a nas dvojica doslovno izbezumljeni od svojih ratnih i izbjeglikih uasa. Gazda za nas nije imao posteljinu, a mi nismo imali novca da je kupimo. Osim toga, u stanu je bila samo nekakva stara poluatomatska, bolje reeno ru na, vemaina koju smo Saa i ja odmah prozvali perestrojka. Takvo udo od tehnike dotada nismo vidjeli. Mogla je, eventualno, dobro posluiti jo samo kao eksponat u nekom tehnikom muzeju. Jednom sam u njoj pokuao oprati ono malo bijelog vea to sam imao: poderala mi je dvije potkoulje. Bio sam naisto popizdio i otada je vie nisam ni probao koristiti. Problem nam je opet rijeila Jina, odnosno njen mu. Njen mu je bio doktor u ogromnoj prigradskoj bolnici, nedaleko od naeg kvarta. Predloio nam je: Najjednostavnije e biti da po poste ljine dolazite kod mene u bolnicu. Budui da esto imam none slube, redovno dobijam iste posteljine. Dat u vam svakom po komplet, svaki tjedandva ete mi vraati prljave i dolaziti po iste. Ne morate nita kupovati, niti se zafrkavati sa pranjem i peglanjem. Tako je i bilo. Tu godinu to smo stanovali kod Bohua spavali smo u posteljinama na kojima je indigomodrom bojom bilo otisnuto ime bolnice, peat i broj posteljine. Te godine sam pisma izbjeglim prijateljima po bijelome svijetu zapoinjao rije ima: Ova sedmica mi zapoinje sa brojem 7 (Kuko) Ili: Ove sedmice se budim sa brojem 5 (Sretenovi)

Upisali smo se na vrhunski i stravino skupi akademski teaj ekog jezika, koji su pohaali preteno strani postgradualni studenti. Naravno, primili su nas besplatno, kao osobe sa ratnog podruja. Ve nakon par sedmica sam morao napustiti kurs da bih se mogao zaposliti. Posao sam naao u radionici kone galanterije. Svaki dan sam stajao po osam sati uz koarski stroj, birajui koe odreene kvalitete i debljine, te od njih krojio i izrezivao dijelove za tane, ruksake, novanike i sline pizdarije. Budui da je koa skupa, strogo se vodilo rauna da bude to manje otpadaka. Svaka greka se odbijala od plae koja je bila za treinu manja od mjesene kolarine za teaj jezika koji sam zbog tog posla morao napustiti. To je bilo za bogu plakati: onakva kola! Saa je imao minimalnu rezervu novca, a povremeno bi ga se sjetio poneki prijatelj i poslao mu koju marku. Meni nije imao ko. Putovao sam tako svaki dan s jednog na drugi kraj Praga, od stana do radionice i nazad. Sat do posla, osam i po sati na poslu. I opet natrag. U sredstvima gradskog prevoza uio sam napamet eke rijei iz depnog rjenika. Kod kue sam se pokuavao odmoriti, ali izleavanje u depresijama nije ba najbolji odmor. Ponekad sam pokuavao sastaviti pjesmu. Saa je za to vrijeme nastavio pohaati teaj, zatvarao se u stanu, trebao i ludio za djevojkom koja

same for me. To make a long story short, we were broke and lonely, yet we were young and thirsty for everything. Saa kept on proposing ideas. For example, how could two guys squeeze the most fun out of the least amount of money. I found this Latin American night club: fifteen crowns to get in and beers for ten each. If we take the last subway downtown well be there at midnight. We pay at the door and we can limit ourselves to a beer an hour and a pack of cigarettes each. We make it an all-nighter and leave at five A.M. with the first subway. All that for a grand total of 200 crowns! And where, I sighed, are we gonna get 200 crowns? Another time, exhausted from work, I met him at the doorstep: Ive got a plan! Well just sit down and write a letter to Toma. Remember when I called him in Zagreb? He said hed send me a couple of bucks if I was really in need. Hes a friend. And knows both of us. Just think how much he liked your poem! Remember he knows what kind of dire straits were in (blah, blah) . . . . We just have to make him read between the lines (blah, blah). . . .

Listen, Saa, dont do it.

Why not? Hes rich and famous. And hes my friend.

mu je ostala u opkoljenom Sarajevu. I naravno, pisao je pjesme. Kako smo tek bili doli u Prag, nismo jo znali da smo se obreli u gradu sa najveom specijaliziranom slavenskom bibliotekom na svijetu. Nismo imali ta itati pa smo pisali. Jednog dana Sale mi je izloio jedan od svojih mnogobrojnihgenijalnih planova: Budui da nemamo ta itati, jedan dan ja moram napisati pjesmu, da ti ima ta itati, a drugi dan ti mora napisati pjesmu, da ja imam ta itati. Da skratim: izjedali su nas stravina besparica i amotinja, a bili smo mladi i eljni svega. Sale je neprekidno neto predlagao. Na primjer: kako da se dva momka to bolje provedu za to manje para. Naao sam latinoameriki noni klub. Upad je 15 kruna, pivo 10. Odemo posljednjim metroom u grad, u klubu smo u pono. Platimo ulaz. Svakih sat vremena popijemo po jedno pivo, plus po kutija cigareta to ispuimo i tako do pet ujutro, do prvog metroa, nee nas izai ni po sto kruna! Ali otkud nam po sto kruna?, pitao sam. Ili kad sam se jednog dana izgnjavljen vratio sa posla, doekao me je na vratima: Imam plan! Sad emo nas dvojica lijepo napisati pismo Tomau. Kad sam ga zvao iz Zagreba, sm se ponudio da mi poalje neto para, za prvu pomo u izbjeglitvu. On mi je prijatelj. Uostalom, zna nas obojicu, sjea se samo koliko mu se svidjela tvoja pjesma. Zna u kakvoj smo situaciji, bla, bla bit e dovoljno da mu samo izmeu redova naznaimo, bla, bla

You wont get any money and youll lose a friend. Sale, nemoj to raditi. How can you tell if you dont know him personally? A to da ne? On je slavan i bogat. Prijatelj mi je. Ive read him. I know his type. Novac nee dobiti, a izgubit e prijatelja. Aw, Adin, cmon. Thats bullshit. Youre not a fortune teller, are you?

Kako ti to moe znati, kad ga ne poznaje?

Yes, Id known Saa forever. Always asking my advice and never following it except that one time back in Zagreb when we chose Prague over Krakow. I didnt have the patience anymore for pointless discussions with him. Write whatever you want, I hissed, just be sure you dont mention me. A few days later I got back from work and found Saa chain-smoking, pacing the floor, depressed out of his mind, and on the verge of tears.

Pa itao sam ga. Znam taj tip ljudi.

De, Adine, gatara.

nemoj

me,

bogati,

zajebavati.

Nisi

baba

What the hell is going on? I asked dumbstruck, fearing the worst from Bosnia.

Nothing, he said.

Saleta sam znao godinama. Uvijek je htio da se sa mnom posavjetuje, ali nikad nije posluao moj savjet. Osim jednom da odemo iz Zagreba u Prag, a ne u Krakov. Ja nisam imao volje za te uzaludne rasprave s njim i zavrio sam rijeima: Pii mu to god hoe, samo mene ni sluajno nemoj spominjati. Kad sam se nakon nekoliko dana vratio s posla, u stanu sam zatekao potpuno oajnog Sau. Puio je i nervozno hodao, gotovo plaui.

Dont bullshit mewhat happened? ta se dogodilo?, upitao sam ga uasnut, strepei od loih vijesti iz Bosne.

He hesitated a moment before handing me a picture postcard from Ljubljana hed gotten earlier that day. From Toma.

Nita, rekao je. Oh, that shit?! I was afraid something had really happened. Nemoj me levatiti, ta je bilo? Just read what he wrote. Jo malo se nekao i onda mi je pruio razglednicu iz Ljubljane koju je tog dana primio. Bila je od Tomaa.

Why, goddammit, expecting?

would

ever

read

that?

What

were

you

What Toma actually wrote was this: Sure, I understand, but lately Im having troubles of my own . . . . Complete bullshit! The only clear and unambiguous thing on the whole postcard was a bit about how hed started working on a new collection of poems hed

Ama, jebo te to, ja sam se uplaio da se stvarno neto dogodilo.

gotten a fellowship for. But he couldnt make up his mind whether or not he should write them in Barcelona, or in Prague . . . . And he was asking Saa how things were in Prague . . . . Saa, thats none of my business. Stop your bitching and get out of my sight! I dont wanna see you like this and I cant afford to be pulled down by such bullshit.

Proitaj ta mi je napisao!

ta imam itati, ovjee, ta si oekivao?

Saa was literally sick for a couple of days after, but I kept on mercilessly ignoring him. After the fourth or fifth day, when I got home from work, he met me at the door with a broad smile and a kind of fanfare.

Toma mu je pisao u stilu kako ga razumije, kako i on sam zadnjih mjeseci ima problema sve same trice i kuine. Jedino to je od sadraja na pole ini razglednice bilo napisano jasno i bez uvijanja, b ilo je, da treba zapoeti raditi na novoj zbirci pjesama, za koju je dobio nekakvu stipendiju, ali da se ne moe odluiti gdje da je ide pisati: u Barcelonu ili u Prag pa, kao, pita Sau, ta ima u Pragu

Oooh, Adin, my man! Whereve you been all this time? Im throwing a little party for us, and youve been nowhere to be found. I bet youve found a little hottie in that leather works of yours?

Sale, to me ne zanima. Nemoj mi se jadati. Bjei mi s oiju, da te ne gledam takvog. Ja ne mogu sebi dozvoliti luksuz da se sjebavam zbog takvih stvari.

I immediately knew hed written a good poem. But I had no idea yet what it would be about and just how good. He ushered me into the kitchen. On the table was a plate of two sliced tomatoes (the beautiful and expensive but tasteless and rubbery kind) and a few pieces of feta cheese, arranged nicely. And next to it was a little flask of cheap Moravian plum brandy.

Naredna dva-tri dana Sale je zbog toga bio bolestan, a ja sam ga nemilosrdno ignorirao. etvrti ili peti dan, kad sam se vratio kui s posla, doekao me je na vratima sa irokim osmijehom i maltene plehmuzikom.

I sat down. OK, show me what youve got.

Ooo, dragi Adine, pa gdje si ti? Ja sam nam pripremio malo sijelo, a tebe nigdje, da nisi naao kakvu u toj svojoj koari?

I barely remember my own verses, but that poem, made up of several scenes from Prague and situations wed lived through together, immediately stuck in my memory. Saa begins by addressing his friend Toma, a famous poet, whos wondering whether or not to write his new collection of poems in Barcelona or in Prague: In Prague you can see a tour group of the blind

testing the guides eloquence with their white canes: Gothic portals, Baroque vaulted spaces . . . . In Prague you can also see how: In the Latin American night club, with drunken Quechuas lying on the tables at 3:30 A.M., Prague girls fall into hopelessness like Bosnian cities on the radio news . . . . To sum it up: a man
in Prague can really see a lot, only if he really wants toeven if hes blind. At the end of the poem, Saa advises Toma to stay at home, anyway. What do you think? Should I send him the poem?

S pika sam znao da je napisao dobru pjesmu, samo jo nisam znao o emu i koliko je dobra. Dopratio me je do kuhinje. Na stolu je stajao serviran tanjuri, na njemu dva, na krike izrezana paradajza, ona skupa i lijepa, bez okusa, ilavi poput gume. Na tanjuriu je leao i komadi balkanskog sira, lijepo izaraniran na nitice. Pored je stajala pljoskica od 3 deca nekakve jeftine moravske ljivovice.

Sjeo sam i rekao: Hajde, pokai mi ta ima.

Send it, I said, and youll never hear from him again.

Slabo pamtim i vlastite stihove, ali ta pjesma, sastav ljena od nekoliko prakih slika i situacija kroz koje smo zajedno prolazili, odmah mi se urezala u pamenje. Od prvog stiha obraao se svom prijatelju koji se dvoumio da li da ode pisati svoju novu zbirku pjesama u Prag ili u Barcelonu: U

Of course he sent it; no answer ever arrived. Yet soon afterwards, we changed our address and moved away. We moved away from our landlord Bohu. We left the apartment that wasnt a hospital for usbut it was our madhouse. We moved away from the days, from the nights in which we were fleeing into dreams, tucked into our bedding and pillowcases stamped with the name of a hospital and the numbers of a shift.

Pragu moe vidjeti ekskurziju slijepaca kako bijelim ticalima premjeravaju elokvenciju turistikog vodia: gotike portale, baroknu svedenost volumena U Pragu se takoe moe vidjeti kako: U latinoamerikom nonom klubu, kraj pijanih Keua poleglih po stolovima, oko pola etiri, tonu u beznae prake djevojke kao bosanski gradii na radijskim vijestima Ukratko, ovjek u tom Pragu moe vidjeti
svata, samo ako to stvarno eli pa makar bio i slijep. Na kraju pjesme mu Saa ipak savjetuje da ostane kod kue. ta misli, da mu poaljem tu pjesmu?

We changed apartments and bought new bedding. Poalji i nee ti se vie nikada javiti, odgovorio sam. (2005) Pjesma je poslana, odgovor nikad nije stigao. Uostalom, ubrzo nakon toga promijenili smo i adresu. Odselili smo se od naeg Bohua. Otili smo iz stana koji nije bio bolnica, ali je bio ludnica. Odselili smo se iz dan u kojima smo no u bjeali u snove, uukani u posteljine i jastunice s otisnutim indigomodrim imenom bolnice i brojem.

Promijenili smo stan i kupili nove posteljine.

(2005)