Away Messages

Calvin and Hobbes:

Attitude -- You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude. Yeah, you can't
be cool if you don't have an attitude. --Calvin Best !iend -- "hin#s a!e neve! $uite as sca!y when you've #ot a best f!iend. --Calvin %n&oy Whe!e We A!e -- 'o(eti(es it see(s thin#s #o by too $uickly. We a!e so busy watchin# out fo! what's &ust ahead of us that we don't take the ti(e to en&oy whe!e we a!e. -- Calvin HW o! 'now -- ) should be doin# (y ho(ewo!k now. But the way ) see it, *layin# in the snow is a lot (o!e i(*o!tant. +ut he!e )'( lea!nin# skills that ) can a**ly th!ou#hout the !est of (y life - *!oc!astinatin# and !ationali,in#. -- Calvin -ob Badly %nou#h -- )f you do a &ob badly enou#h, so(eti(es you don't #et asked to do it a#ain. -- Calvin .illin# "i(e -- )'( killin# ti(e while ) wait fo! life to showe! (e with (eanin# and ha**iness. -- Calvin /ucky 0nde!*ants -- You know, Hobbes, so(e days even (y lucky !ocketshi* unde!*ants don't hel*. -- Calvin 1ind Wande! -- ) let (y (ind wande! and it didn't co(e back. -- Calvin 2eve! 3ie -- ) was *ut on this ea!th to acco(*lish a ce!tain nu(be! of thin#s. 4i#ht now )'( so fa! behind ) will neve! die. -- Calvin What ) Want to .now: ) #o to school, but ) neve! lea!n what ) want to know. -- Calvin 5!inci*les: ) don't need to co(*!o(ise (y *!inci*les, because they don't have the sli#htest bea!in# on what ha**ens to (e anyway. -- Calvin 4eality -- 4eality continues to !uin (y life. -- Calvin 'to!ies With 2o 5oint -- )'d hate to think that all (y cu!!ent e6*e!iences will so(eday beco(e sto!ies with no *oint. -- Calvin "ests -- ) unde!stand (y tests a!e *o*ula! !eadin# in the teache!s' loun#e. -- Calvin

Weekends -- Weekends don't count unless you s*end the( doin# so(ethin#
co(*letely *ointless. -- Calvin

Wo!k fo! %ve!ythin# -- Why should ) have to wo!k fo! eve!ythin#? )t's like
sayin# that ) don't dese!ve it. -- Calvin W!itin# -- ) used to hate w!itin# assi#n(ents, but now ) en&oy the(. ) !eali,ed that the *u!*ose of w!itin# is to inflate weak ideas, obscu!e *oo! !easonin# and inhibit cla!ity. With a little *!actice, w!itin# can be an inti(idatin# and i(*enet!able fo#7 -- Calvin 3!ea( -- ) think we d!ea( so we don't have to be a*a!t so lon#. )f we'!e in each othe!s d!ea(s, we can *lay to#ethe! all ni#ht7 -- Hobbes '(u# -- "he !eal fun of livin# wisely is that you #et to be s(u# about it. --Hobbes Childhood is 'ho!t -- Childhood is sho!t and (atu!ity is fo!eve!. -- Calvin 2o Adventu!e -- ) haven't had any adventu!es7 1y life has been one bi# bo!e f!o( the be#innin#. -- Calvin )t8s 'unday -- )t's 'unday. )'ve &ust #ot a few *!ecious hou!s of f!eedo( left befo!e ) have to #o to school to(o!!ow. -- Calvin 9!eatest 1an -- -)'ve been thinkin#. 'u**ose ) #!ow u* to be one of the wo!ld's #!eatest (en of all ti(e. 'u**ose (y na(e will be an ins*i!ation to hu(anity fo! eons to co(e. -- Calvin Hiccu* Cu!es -- ) think (ost hiccu* cu!es we!e !eally invented fo! the a(use(ent of the *atient's f!iends. -- Hobbes -elly 3ou#hnuts -- -elly dou#hnuts #!oss (e out. "hey'!e like eatin# #iant, s$uishy bu#s. You bite into the( and all thei! *u!*le #uts s*ill out the othe! end. -- Calvin 3o#-%at-3o# Wo!ld -- )t's a do#-eat-do# wo!ld, so )'ll do whateve! ) have to, and let othe!s a!#ue whethe! it8s :!i#ht: o! not. -- Calvin -un#le out of "i#e! -- You can take the ti#e! out of the &un#le, but you can't take the &un#le out of the ti#e!. -- Hobbes 'u*e! 9enius -- 5eo*le think it (ust be fun to be a su*e! #enius, but they don't !eali,e how ha!d it is to *ut u* with all the idiots in the wo!ld. -- Calvin +nly Hu(an -- "he *!oble( with *eo*le is that they a!e only hu(an.

-- Hobbes

'tu*endous 1an -- Yes7 )t's ... 'tu*endous 1an7 !iend of f!eedo(7 +**onent
of o**!ession7 /ove! of libe!ty7 -- 'tu*endous 1an 4udeness and 3is!es*ect -- A little !udeness and dis!es*ect can elevate a (eanin#less inte!action to a battle of wills and add d!a(a to an othe!wise dull day. -- Calvin 9!een .nees -- ) say, if you! knees a!en't #!een by the end of the day, you ou#ht to se!iously !e-e6a(ine you! life. -- Calvin 'kills 5atient to /ea!n -- "he only skills ) have the *atience to lea!n a!e those that have no !eal a**lication in life. -- Calvin 2othin# You Want -- "he!e's neve! enou#h ti(e to do all the nothin# you want. -- Calvin )ntelli#ent /ife -- 'o(eti(es ) think the su!est si#n that intelli#ent life e6ists elsewhe!e in the unive!se is that none of it has t!ied to contact us. -- Calvin 0* to 'o(ethin# -- 5eo*le *ay (o!e attention to you when they think you'!e u* to so(ethin#. -- Calvin 2ot 4es*onsible -- /ife is a lot (o!e fun when you'!e not !es*onsible fo! you! actions. -- Calvin Bad 3ay Wo!se -- "o (ake a bad day wo!se, s*end it wishin# fo! the i(*ossible. -- Calvin ;< 'econds -- )f so(ethin# is so co(*licated that you can't e6*lain it in ;< seconds, then it's *!obably not wo!th knowin# anyway. -- Calvin 2eve! Child!en -- 5eo*le who #et nostal#ic about childhood we!e obviously neve! child!en. -- Calvin 1ake 1e Ca!e -- You can *!esent the (ate!ial, but you can't (ake (e ca!e. -- Calvin 4eality ) Acce*t -- )t's not denial. )'( &ust selective about the !eality ) acce*t. -- Calvin Co((on 'ense -- )'ve #ot *lenty of co((on sense7 ) &ust choose to i#no!e it. -- Calvin 5eace with the Wo!ld -- )'( at *eace with the wo!ld. )'( co(*letely se!ene. )'ve discove!ed (y *u!*ose in life. ) know why ) was *ut he!e and why eve!ythin# e6ists... ) a( he!e so eve!ybody can do what ) want. +nce eve!ybody acce*ts it, they'll be se!ene too.

-- Calvin

5!ice 'o /ow -- ) don't know which is wo!se... that eve!yone has his *!ice, o! that
the *!ice is always so low. -- Hobbes 1inute At Colle#e -- %ve!yti(e you (ake a de*osit, you can think, :+h boy, anothe! two (inutes at colle#e.: -- Calvin8s 3ad Bla(e "hin#s -- )t's a lot (o!e fun to bla(e thin#s than to fi6 the(. -- Calvin Ai!*lane -- When you think how well basic a**liances wo!k, it's ha!d to believe anyone eve! #ets on an ai!*lane. -- Calvin Coe6ist -- )t's ha!d to co-e6ist with thin#s that want to kill you. 1ail -- "he lon#e! you wait fo! the (ail, the less the!e is of it. -- Calvin =ica!iously /ivin# -- 3ad a!e you vica!iously livin# th!ou#h (e in the ho*e that (y acco(*lish(ents will validate you! (edioc!e life and in so(e way co(*ensate fo! all the o**o!tunities you botched? -- Calvin 9i!ls and Bu#s -- ) i(a#ine #i!ls and bu#s have a di( *e!ce*tion that natu!e *layed a c!uel t!ick on the( but they lack the intelli#ence to !eally co(*!ehend the (a#nitude of it. -- Calvin 9i!ls 9o +n /ivin# -- )t (ust be awful to be a #i!l. )'( su!e it's f!ust!atin# knowin# that (en a!e bi##e!, st!on#e! and bette! at abst!act thou#ht than wo(en. 4eally, if you a!e a #i!l, what would (ake you #o on livin#? -- Calvin Bed 5oe( -- At ni#ht (y (ind does not (uch ca!e )f what it thinks is he!e o! the!e. )t tells (e sto!ies it invents And (akes u* thin#s that don't (ake sense. ) don't know why it does this stuff. "he !eal wo!ld see(s $uite wei!d enou#h. -- Calvin Bed 5oe( >?@ -- 2ow )'( in bed, "he sheets *ulled to (y head. 1y ti#e! is he!e (akin# As. He's fu!!y and hot. He takes u* a lot +f the bed and he's ho##in# the b!ee,e. -- Calvin Behavio! is Addictive -- 1y behavio! is addictive functionin# in a disease *!ocess of to6ic co-de*endency. ) need holistic healin# and wellness befo!e )'ll acce*t any !es*onsibility fo! (y actions.

-- Calvin

Cala(ity -- +ften it takes so(e cala(ity to (ake us live in the *!esent. "hen
suddenly we wake u* and see all the (istakes we have (ade. But it is too late to chan#e anythin#. -- Calvin =an 9o#h -- =an 9o#h would've sold (o!e than one *aintin# if he *ut ti#e!s in the(. -- Hobbes /ife can 9et Wo!se -- "hat's one of the !e(a!kable thin#s about life. )t's neve! so bad that it can't #et wo!se -- Calvin

9ood Co(*!o(ise -- A #ood co(*!o(ise leaves eve!ybody (ad.

-- Calvin

%ssence of the 1ale 1ind -- )diocy is the essence of the (ale (ind.
-- Calvin

/au#h at 'enselessness -- ) su**ose if we couldn8t lau#h at thin#s that don8t

(ake sense, we couldn8t !eact to a lot of life. -- Calvin Hu(o! -- )n hu(o!, ti(in# is eve!ythin# -- Calvin Co(*lete 5ande(oniu( -- 3o the wo!ds 'co(*lete *ande(oniu(' st!ike te!!o! in you! hea!t?: -- Calvin Have 'o(ethin# -- When you #et so(ethin#, it's new and e6citin#. When you have so(ethin#, you take it fo! #!anted and it's bo!in#. -- Calvin Calvinball 5oe( -- +the! kids' #a(es a!e all such a bo!e7 "hey #otta have !ules and they #otta kee* sco!e7 Calvinball is bette! by fa!7 )t's neve! the sa(e7 )t's always bi,a!!e7 You don't need a tea( o! a !efe!ee7 You know that it's #!eat cause it's na(ed afte! (e7 -- Calvin 4esou!ce Consu(in# .id -- )'( yet anothe! !esou!ce-consu(in# kid in and ove!*o*ulated *lanet, !aised to an ala!(in# e6tent by 1adison Avenue and Hollywood, *oised with (y cynical and alienated *ee!s to take ove! the wo!ld when you'!e old and weak. -- Calvin Calvinball -- 9et out the ti(e-f!actu!e wickets, Hobbes7 We'!e #onna *lay Calvinball7 -- Calvin How "hin#s +u#hta Be -- 2obody asks (e how thin#s ou#hta be7 )'ve #ot tons of ideas7

-- Calvin

/e(ons -- ) say, when life #ives you a le(on, win# it !i#ht back and add so(e
le(ons of you! own7 -- Calvin

Wishful "hinkin# -- ) #uess the!e's no ha!( in a little wishful thinkin#.

-- Hobbes

)nte!estin# "i(es -- "hese a!e inte!estin# ti(es. We don't t!ust the #ove!n(ent,
we don't t!ust the le#al syste(, we don't t!ust the (edia, and we don't t!ust each othe!7 We've unde!(ined all autho!ity, and with it, the basis fo! !e*lacin# it7 )t's like a si6-yea!-old's d!ea( co(e t!ue7 -- Calvin Bitte! and Cynical -- 2ow, a lifeti(e of e6*e!ience has left (e bitte! and cynical. -- Calvin Wa!*ed =alues -- )f wa!*ed values a!e the *!ice of a vica!ious th!ill, so be it7 -- Calvin Whi(s into 5!inci*les -- 'o(e *eo*le a!e *!a#(atists, takin# thin#s as they co(e and (akin# the best of the choices available. 'o(e *eo*le a!e idealists, standin# fo! *!inci*le and !efusin# to co(*!o(ise. And so(e *eo*le &ust act on any whi( that ente!s thei! heads. ) *!a#(atically tu!n (y whi(s into *!inci*les7 -- Calvin Cannobilis( -- 1iss Wo!(wood, could we a!!an#e ou! seats in a little ci!cle and have a little discussion? '*ecifically, )'d like to debate whethe! cannibalis( ou#ht to be #!ounds fo! leniency in (u!de!s since it is less wasteful. -- Calvin )#no!ance is Bliss -- )f i#no!ance is bliss, this lesson would a**ea! to be a delibe!ate atte(*t on you! *a!t to de*!ive (e of ha**iness, the *u!suit of which is (y unalienable !i#ht acco!din# to the decla!ation of inde*endence. ) the!efo!e asse!t (y *at!iotic *!e!o#ative not to know this (ate!ial. )'ll be out in the *lay#!ound. Calvin