Friendships from Guys/Girls Perspectives High School Impact February 12, 2012

Game: Bop it XT Worship: Hourlearn from other gender about friendships (groups, book) Could be very helpful! Lots of people enjoy this lessonin the mind of a girl/guy Groups: Top 5 things you want girls/guys to know about friendship (come back together and share)

Girls wish Guys knew about friendship (from book) *Girls can comment *Guys can ask a question, but not comment (no rebuttals) 1) Dont send mixed signals to us. Since we are just friends please watch the amount of emotional energy you put into our relationships. Girls analyze everything, and if guys send emotional signals that you are more than friends, girls will probably think you are interested in us. 2) Love us like a brother and give us the same emotional safety you would give your own sister. Girls like when guys watch out for them and do manly things for us. Unfortunately, many dont have close relationships with dads/brothers. It really is healthy for girls to have some guy-friends in life with pure motives. 3) Dont treat us like one of the guys because were not! Girls want to be treated a little gentler and desire more communication. Definitely dont tell them the stupid female jokesthey dont think they are funny. 4) Help us avoid making stupid mistakes with other guys. Guys understand guys better than girls do. So tell them if they are getting involved with a jerk! Warn thembut not out of romantic interest for yourself. 5) Remember that one of the greatest ways you show authentic friendship to us is by listening when we talk. Listening really shows you care, and that you are genuinely interested in the other person. On other hand, too many deep conversations and wrong signals can easily be sent. 6) Dont let your personal insecurities or hurts make you outwardly angry, defensive, detached, or arrogant. Have control of those feelings. If you do mess us, have the courage to admit whats going on. Apologize. Tell your feelings/circumstances. Be honest.

Girls will march to the end of the planet for you, as long as you communicate and dont shut them out. Media that shows women want a strong man are dead wrong. Honesty carries a lot more weight than superficial machoism. 7) Make sure our friendship is two-sided. Dont just prioritize the friendship when it is convenient to you, guys. Dont be a user. 8) Trust is a big deal to us. Dont violate the trust a girl gives you. Remain consistent, keep her confidences, and guard your emotions. Dont treat like a friend 6 days a week and a girlfriend the 7th. 9) Encourage! Encourage! Encourage! Girls like it when they are noticed for the good things they do. Without being mushy, tell girls what you appreciate about them. Try to drop the sarcasm. Sometimes funny, but often creates uneasiness. And dont use dirty language around us either. 10) Dont misread our friendship for something more. *Girls should try not to send mixed signals either. Girls want to enjoy the guy-girl friendship without having to read more in2 the friendship It is almost impossible for a guy and girl to be best friends without one of them internally having feelings for the other person. If you start to like the girl, tell them and back away Guard against the friendship being too close 11) Notice us for the right things. Sometimes, even in the church community, it seems like being a good girl earns you nothing but prude, wallflower status. Girls want sharp guys to honestly appreciate the fact that they prioritize character and integrity above sensuality and manipulation. *way girls dress, glad you didnt have to do that to win me 12) As our friend, give us hope that men of God really do still exist in todays culture. Girls arent looking for perfection, but still want to believe that God has that one knight in shining armor for them Model Christ-honoring character for girls. It will give girls hope for their future and guard their heart against cheap, stupid choices in the present.

.Guys wish Girls knew about friendship (from book) *Guys can comment *Girls can ask a question, but not comment (no rebuttals) 1) Its exactly what its called: a friendship. Nothing more. If a guy is interested in making it more than that, he should tell you. Letting your mind run wildly trying to figure things out can ruin the chance to have a great friendship. 2) Treat me like you would treat your brother. Sounds cheesybut lets just be good friendsour society makes that hard. If both of us can keep our heads straight, friendship can benefit both of us. 3) Spare us from your drama queen moments. Because guys are wired differently, this one really drives us crazy. We dont want our friendship to be filled with daily scenarios of constant up and down. Dont take it out on us if you are having an emotional day If every week is another big deal, well back away from the friendship because we begin to feel were on estrogen-overload. 4) Dont hold grudges and keep bringing negative, hurtful things back up. Talk things over and then move on. Guys drop things much quicker, and if you keep bringing something up we will feel frustrated. Dont become a NAG. Someday your husband will hate if you are one. So practice avoiding this form of communication now. 5) Please dont make the mistake of falling in love with love. Dont desire to be in a relationship with us just because you arent in one with someone else. Dont be a user. 6) Laugh with me, make me think Im funny, and be fun yourself. Call it male ego if you want, but all guys want girls to think that they are the man. So laughing at our jokes makes us feel good. If you are spontaneous, that is an added bonus. Dont always worry about your appearancejust be fun and full of life. We will want to be around you then. 7) Dont send mixed signals. No fair using us for friendships when you can tell we are beginning to fall for you romantically. Dont use us if you know we are beginning to like you. *If a guy tries to kiss you, hold hands with you, or any related sort of activity, they no longer think of you as just a friend. If you play on us liking you, the friendship has a good chance of being ruined.

8) Dont expect us to read your minds. Girls are pretty good at this, but guys stink at this category. If you want us to know something, say it! Hints and signs dont always work with us. Sometimes you really need to say it. Make sure your words and meanings are on the same track (yes means yes) 9) Get our backs, but dont talk behind our backs. Guys need to feel like his girl-friends are trustworthy and will stick up for them. But if you get mad at us, come talk to us and not all of your girlfriends about us. We dont like being Public Enemy #1 to your friends when you get mad at us. 10) Even though you are just friends, remember that guys are still really visual. Even though it is only a friendship, guys are still attracted to girls. And if you dress in such a way as to get other guys to notice you, chance we will too. May act differently, but may cause us to struggle. Want more than friendship? If you dress like a flesh buffet, dont be surprised if we treat you like a peace of meat. 11) Help me be the man of godliness and character I really want to be inside. Probably wont hear guys talk about this much. Often feel like we have failed or embarrassed to let you know how feel inside. We keep a mental scoreboard and are pretty hard on self when dont live up to standards. Tell us what you appreciate about us and give us some hope. Dont be afraid to bring up Godguys are more reluctant to start those conversations.

One more important key Jeanne wrote on both: There is a big difference between two people who are Christians and friendsand two people who are honestly Christian friends. Be more than a friend who is Christian! Genuinely help each other with spiritual matters. Love unconditionally. Forgive. Teach. Rebuke when necessary. Be there for one another even if not convenient!

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