I actually kind of appreciate the Transformers movies.

Created by Terry van Feleday

Edited for PDF by Fat Lou

TA LE !F C!"TE"T#
Prolo$ue

Transformers %&''()
Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part *+ &+ /+ 3+ 5+ 7+ (+ 9+ efore time be$an, there -as the Cube. Please buy our toys. !## FI01T2 4eet the Autobots This part is short because the ne6t one is lon$. 8evelations 4e$atron2 I:m bored no-, can -e start 8!TF already.

Transformers+ 8even$e of the Fallen %&'';)

Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part Part *+ 1oo oy. &+ <hat the fuck, 8even$e. Part deu6 /+ 4eet the Autobots, Part & 3+ I can:t even summari=e this nonsense. 5+ <ell, there:s no avoidin$ it. 7+ The >4!?"TAI" DE<@ conspiracy (+ e-are the 8eedman. 9+ <ell hello there, old friend. ;+ <hat movie am I even -atchin$ at this point. *'+ ...This is our villain. **+ E1!LD T1E 0L!8A !F BETFI8E2 *&+ Devastator, hero of the -orkin$ class2 */+ I:m bored no-, can -e start D!T4 alrCoh $od -hat is happenin$ aaaaah

I"TE84I##I!" D Duel %*;(*)

Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %&'**)

Part *+ E#trap in, kids. ItFs $oin$ to $et fuckin$ -eird...G Part &+ EIt is impossible to strive for the heroic life. The title of hero is besto-ed by the survivors upon the fallen, -ho themselves kno- nothin$ of heroism.E Part /+ E0od is on your side. Is 1e a Conservative. The DevilFs on my side, heFs a $ood Communist.G Part 3+ E ein$ a kid and $ro-in$ up. ItFs hard and nobody understands.G Part 5+ E1eroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that $oes by the name of patriotism C ho- I hate them2G Part 7+ E"othin$ beside remains, Fround the remains of that colossal -reck...G Part (+ E<e -ant everybody to act like adults, Huit playin$ $ames, reali=e that itFs not Iust my -ay or the hi$h-ay.G Part 9+ E!rbitin$ Earth in the spaceship, I sa- ho- beautiful our planet is. People, let us preserve and increase this beauty, not destroy it2G Part ;+ EThe miracle is this+ The more -e share, the more -e have.G

Part *'+ EAmerica -ill never be destroyed from the outside. If -e falter and lose our freedoms, it -ill be because -e destroyed ourselves.J Part **+ EThe needs of the many... !ut-ei$h the needs of the fe-.G Part *&+ E<elcome to the desert of the real. G Part */... Part *3+ EEvery frame is so dense, it has #! 4?C1 $oin$ on2E Part *5+ Kincomprehensible Cybertronian chitterin$K Fin+ E<as it all -orth it.G <hy are all these robots so damn u$ly. Conclusions, or really Iust ramblin$s

Prolo$ue
Franchises. I hate franchises. The Transformers franchise is a bit of an odd one. !ri$inally a Bapanese toy line that 1asbro bou$ht the ri$hts for in *;93 and randomly decided to run a comicL and TMLseries for, Transformers became a notable part of popular culture and names like E!ptimus PrimeG -idely kno-n, $re- and spa-ned multiple other cartoons, comic books and a very silly movie, and then, some-here around &''', kind ofN died.

0ee, I -onder -hy.

I mean, it -asn:t dead, really. They kept makin$ ne- series and toy lines, and the &''3L&''5 Ener$on and Cybertron toy lines are some of my personal favorites, but it Iust didn:t have the same kind of impact on pop culture, and here in Europe it really did virtually disappear completely %1asbro still only sells a fraction of the toys they release else-here here). Loss of public -ord meant loss of revenue, and they needed to come up -ith somethin$ ne- to make the franchise kno-n a$ain. A $iant hi$hLbud$et C0I 1olly-ood blockbuster murderfest directed by notorious frat boy 4ichael ay mi$ht Iust do it. And so, Transformers %&''() -as made. And then a seHuel, and another. And they accomplished -hat 1asbro -antedN If perhaps not the -ay they -anted it. The -ord Transformers is once a$ain part of the public dictionaryO <hen someone says that a movie reminds them of Transformers, you kno- e6actly -hat they mean+ Mery unkind thin$s. All three Transformers titles -ere massively critically panned. 8even$e of the Fallen %&'';) sits at &'P on the tomatometer, le$endarily lo- for a 1olly-ood action spectacle of its scale. It:s a pretty -ell defined kind of bad too+ Transformers has become synonymous -ith E land, shallo- populist parade of e6plosions -ith no thou$ht put into it that falls apart at the sli$htest hint of critical reasonin$, also+ 8acism, miso$yny.G ut here:s the thin$. I:m not so convinced that:s -hat these movies actually are.

I ori$inally -atched Transformers %&''() to $et a bit more of an idea of it as a cultural phenomenon D because $ood or not, Transformers is an important movie D -hen I noticed some stran$e details poppin$ up. !ffLhanded remarks, tiny inconsistencies and the occasional bit of stran$e ima$ery seemed to imply there -as more $oin$ onO It -as simply too consistent to merely be bad filmmakin$. ut for the life of me, I could not actually fi$ure out -hat the movie -as actually tryin$ to say. #o I -atched the seHuels. And suddenly, everythin$ fell into place. Turns out, perhaps they have more interestin$ thin$s to say than -e initially fi$ured. I tried to sum up my readin$ in the format of a re$ular essay, but I found it impossible to do so. There is a lot $oin$ on in these movies, and a simple essay -ould miss out on the unusual -ay they pieceLfeed you information. #o instead, I thou$ht I:d try to do -hat Qyle 1yde recently did for the much better received American Psycho %&''') and do a bit of a runnin$ commentary on the entire trilo$y. <ish me luck. !h, and correct me if I $et somethin$ -ron$ or miss somethin$, since I kno- enou$h about film criticism to kno- that I knonothin$ about film criticism. Do note ho-ever that I -ill not be considerin$ prior canon or e6panded universe stuff at all, only the films themselves D toy bios and such have a habit of completely contradictin$ -hat:s on the screen, so I prefer to i$nore them.

T8A"#F!84E8#

Part *+ efore time be$an, there -as the Cube.

The first thin$ you need to kno- about Transformers is that it hates you. "o matter ho- much you hate it, it -ill al-ays hate you more. And as such, it has no interest in your enIoyment, or your understandin$, or ho- you feel about the movie at all. <here other movies -ill try to be$in by involvin$ the vie-er emotionally, Transformers starts by... Layin$ $round rules, I $uess. <e open to some narration by realLlife sentient truck Peter Cullen about our $rand 4ac$uffin+ The Allspark, some kind of fractal cuboid structure -ith the ability to create life. 1e also tells us about the $reat -ar that:s currently $oin$ on bet-een the $ood Autobots and the bad Decepticons -ho -ant to use the lifeL$ivin$ artifact for evil %.). It:s all very cliff notes, but those -ho actually paid attention durin$ the seHuels %the t-o or three of you) -ill notice that our narrator outri$ht lies to us at one point. ut -e:ll $et to that. In short, life cube is on earth, bad $uys -ere there first, trouble is afoot.

!h $od, t-o hours of you.

!ur vie-point then shifts into a video $ame cutscene. I mean, here:s another thin$ you need to kno- about the first and second Transformers+ It:s a video $ame. It:s shot like a video $ame, it operates on video $ame lo$ic and no- it starts in a helicopter from -hich our American $ri==led stubbly middleLa$ed bro-nLhaired -hite prota$onist %second from the left), his black sidekick, the nerd and the comic relief forei$n $uy are $oin$ to drop into the tutorial level. The only one missin$ is the #murfette, really. #urprisin$ly, the helicopter is actually kind enou$h to not e6plode until after they have arrived at their destination. They talk about stuff and Iust like in a video $ame intro it:s all terrible filler. A fe- -eird establishin$ shots, and then the actual movie starts for real.

"ot pictured+ A -hole bunch of stran$e military Iar$on.

An unidentified EinfiltratorG casually strolls into the base:s airspace, and the editin$ be$ins to make harsh cuts bet-een the dimly lit, cro-ded human base and the bleak e6panse of the desert -ith the sin$le stran$e helicopter sittin$ ri$ht in the centre. After the pretty rote filler in the be$innin$, this harsh intercuttin$ of contrastin$ ima$es suddenly creates a very unusual effect. #poilers, but the Ebo$eyG is our first onLscreen Transformer, named simply lackout. The -ay he:s shot here is very interestin$+ #urrounded by flat desert, Iust bein$ this small thin$ in the dead centre of the screen -ith no real points of reference, he looks tiny, almost more like the toy he represents rather than the $iant piece of military eHuipment he EisG in the movie:s continuity, and it further makes him look really... Alone. It:s an enormous contrast to the military scenes, -hich are cro-ded and dense, -ith people constantly fussin$ about and doin$ stuff in the back$round -hich creates a real impression of an ant hive. !ne of the interestin$ thin$s about the military in this movie is that military personnel is never portrayed as individuals D there:s almost al-ays an enormous busy hive of humanLshaped insects busily tryin$ to adIust to the chan$in$ situation. 8i$ht no-, multiple Iets are leavin$ the base to confront the bo$ey, and the movie $oes out of its -ay never to shoonly one of them in a $iven frame for more than a second.

lackout crunch little human constructs.

It further $oes out of its -ay to remove any human element from the scene D the Eleadin$ voiceG of the humans is monotone and spouts unintelli$ible military $ibberishO #eems less like a person and more like a Evoice of the s-armG. Even -hen one of his lackey mentions havin$ lost a friend in battle it sounds sterile and inhuman. oth individual scenes D the hive and the loner in the desert in his forebodin$ silence D are fundamentally built to alienate the audience, they both represent an !ther in their o-n -ay. 1umans are involved, but the movie doesn:t e6pect us to take their side or even care for them, and attemptin$ to do so is one of the bi$$est mistakes you can do -hen -atchin$ this movie, and one of the bi$ reasons -hy many consider it dissatisfyin$. It:s not the alien Transformers vs. !ur human militaryO it:s the Transformers vs. The Rer$. #ometimes the -ay these movies are shot reminds me more of a nature documentary, impartially sho-in$ us the thin$s happenin$ some-here, Huietly observin$ a hunter tear into its prey. !h -ait, there:s someone it e6pects us to care about, our video $ame prota$onist Captain Lenno6 %Bosh Duhamel). 1e has a baby you see. And that:s pretty much the totality of his character. !ne other nice bit of cinema is that lackout:s approach to the base is accompanied by the sun $oin$ do-n, and his arrival coincides -ith ni$htfall. I mentioned the -ord E!therG before and I:ll do so a -hole bunch durin$ these revie-s, because our fear of the forei$n plays a pretty hu$e part in these movies. 1ere, the arrival of the alien creature plays on our fear of the dark+ 8emember that it is not the darkness itself -e:re afraid of, but the unspeakable creatures that mi$ht lurk -ithin. This bit of aliens arrivin$ from the darkness %of space, ni$ht, shado-s etc...) -ill be a bi$ theme in this movie %less so in the later ones).

"otice the first thin$ he does is robbin$ the people of their vision D because -e fear -hat -e can:t see.

1e:s also facelessO Another factor paintin$ him as bein$ forei$n to us. The silly moustache probably doesn:t help.
The camera then lovin$ly pans over as lackout transforms D little bits shift from place to place, the rotor flips back, and the -hole thin$ collapses and unfolds into its robot mode in a $or$eous display of C0I. I don:t kno- if you $uys share my opinion on this, but I think the animation in this movie and the follo-in$ ones is absolutely fantastic. It:s Iust al-ays over too fast.

Pictured+ eauty.
<e never $et an actual close look of lackout:s robot mode, it:s al-ays obscured by li$ht or obIects or e6plosions as he be$ins rampa$in$ around the base, destroyin$ everythin$ in si$ht in a 0od=illaL-orthy display of $iant violence.

"o- there:s -hat these movies are famous for.

After findin$ an internet silo%.) lackout be$ins to hack the penta$on%..) for some files -hile -e $et our first look at the movies: military incompetence, as they don:t actually have the keys to their o-n very servers. Aup. #ee, one of the traits I see most often misattributed to these movies is military -orship. #ure, there:s a lot of overlon$ shots focused on various military hard-are and it does play an unusually lar$e part in these movies, but the actual institution is never actually portrayed as anythin$ but a completely over-rou$ht, hilariously inept pile of buffoons -ho only succeed because of one prota$onist and an overinflated bud$et for -ar toys.

ut let:s for$et about that because ESPL!#I!"#22

lack sidekick mana$es to snap a picture of lackout, -hich he seems to consider an issue, so he uses his lv. / hero ability Esummon mechaLscorpionG to deal -ith the $uy -hile he bu$$ers off, his attempt to 1ACQ T1E I"TE8"ET foiled by a random fire a6e. Cut. There is a lot of stuff in this openin$ scene that doesn:t make a terrible lot of sense yet, but -ill fit more and more into the $rander conte6t of the movies as -e $o on.

Part &+ Please buy our toys.

I:d like to have seen their e6pressions reversed here.

In this ne6t scene -e:re introduced to our prota$onist+ #am <it-icky %#hia La eouf), the most audience insertest audience insert -ho ever audience inserteded. %-hat.). 1e:s Iust a re$ular ol: -hite colle$e dude -hose main priorities in life are studyin$, $ettin$ a $irlfriend and buyin$ a car, thou$h he may be playin$ loose on that Estudyin$G part oh hoh hoh that:s Iust like you isn:t it, because you -ere terrible at school, ri$ht audience2. %you probably -ere). 1e even $ets picked on by a Iock, and probably collects overpriced toys from Bapan %see, that one:s more like me ).

1e:s even fairly unattractive by 1olly-ood standards, but they missed out not makin$ him fat. Like you. ecause you are fat, audience2
In this particular scene, he:s fa-nin$ over his $reatL$reatL$randdad -ho -as one of the first people to e6plore the arctic %admittedly, early arctic e6plorers -ere pretty ) -hile a-k-ardly tryin$ to peddle his stuff for money, and I have to say, La eouf plays the part brilliantly. 1e:s not -hat one -ould consider a traditionally $ood actor, but I think he does the -hole Ea-k-ard late teensTearly &'s kid tryin$ to find a place in the -orldG thin$ -ith an unparalleled naturalism. Bust look at his poor face tryin$ not to stammer a-k-ardly in front of the class, it:s $reat.

!n the other hand, the funny thin$ about #am is that as much of a distilled Ere$ular $uyG he is and as hard as La eouf tries to make him human, -e:re never actually invited to sympathi=e -ith him. The film holds a mirror in front of us, but keeps it Iust out of reach. 1is character never really takes shape D as Prof. Clumsy complained about the Transformers themselves, character is partly formed by interaction, but -hile #am does interact -ith other characters, it:s almost al-ays a-k-ard or un-illin$, and in the end he makes a very isolated impression D both in the sense of a certain loneliness, and in bein$ kept distant from us. That is, of course, because -e:re not actually supposed to sympathi=e -ith himO The movie invites us to observe him from a distance, and, by pro6y, observe ourselves. Any-ay, he and his dad then $o on to buy a car, but are follo-ed by... 1uh.

And -hat -ould that be....

And then there:s racism.

1oo boy.
Every black character -e meet in this movie is an enormous stereotype, usually talkin$ -ith a thick accent. I:ll admit I:m not that -ell versed in ?# race relations, but the !therin$ %there:s that -ord a$ain2) is so thick here you could cut it -ith a knife %like the stabby ones those noL$ood $an$sta kids use). I don:t kno- ho- to defend this, not that I:d -ant to, but there is a

reason behind this. In some -ays, the Transformers trilo$y is a satire of the kind of modern actionL or more specifically superheroLescapistL movie it claims to represent. #atire is an incredibly difficult thin$, and even more so if you:re tryin$ to satiri=e a $enre as commonly loathsome as this one. If you make a satirical -ork based on hatred of the thin$, it:s Iust $oin$ to end up nasty and dishonest %see+ The UUUUU 4ovie franchise). ut is doin$ -hat $ood satirists should do and learn to love the subIect even possible -hen it is so full of terrible, re$ressive social values in $eneral. EAesG, the makers of this movie said. A-ful subte6tual implications of nationalism, se6ism and 6enophobia are unfortunately commonplace in action movies even no-adays, and Transformers handles this by... <ell, eradicatin$ the Esubte6tualG and EimplicationsG parts and Iust strai$ht up shovin$ all these thin$s in your face like it -as no thin$. Vuite intentionally, the film e6pands all these terrible phenomena to the far reaches of lurid e6cess, makin$ it impossible to miss or try to e6plain a-ay -hat you are seein$. #ometimes it can $et actively uncomfortable to -atch, particularly in 8even$e of the Fallen. !h, that one -ill be fun. ut -hy make a racist movie, ri$ht. It:ll Iust make people reali=e you:re a horrible person. <hat -ere they actually tryin$ to accomplish -ith this. <ell, here comes the clever bit, and one of the reasons for me reali=in$ that Transformers is more than meets the eye %!1!1!1!1!) -hen I first -atched it. The movie confronts you -ith these sHualid Hualities. It doesn:t play around implyin$ silly nonsense about $ender roles %thou$h there:ll be plenty of that later) or -inkin$ at the audience and $oin$ Eman, 1olly-ood movies sure are racially insensitive, ri$ht.G, it Iust rubs your face all over the social pavement and e6pects you to deal -ith it. It makes you $o, E-elp, there:s no avoidin$ it, this thin$ I:m -atchin$, this is pretty fuckin$ re$ressive and a-ful.G I find it hard to e6plain -hy I think this is a bi$ thin$, so I think I:ll Iust Huote #ub0 from the 0eneral chat thread, because the -ay he put it is bloody lyrical+

#ub0 posted+
Aeah. IFve $one on about this before. All of the racism in #tar Trek+ The "e6t 0eneration is disturbin$ not because itFs as overLtheLtop as the racism in The irth of a "ation %*;*5), itFs disturbin$ because it isnFt and it nevertheless preserves essentially all the messa$es that -e find obIectionable in the former. I mean ho- could you not -orry -hen the same messa$e that you e6coriate in one instance is presented as utopian pro$ressivism in another. !bIectin$ to one but not the other su$$ests that youFre not in fact obIectin$ to the content %e.$. the racism) but rather the only aesthetics. Put in sli$htly different terms, you find yourself obIectin$ to The irth of a "ation more than #tar Trek because the former is less effective racist propa$anda than the latter. <hich, stated that -ay, looks almost ridiculous, but there it is. <hile I -ould not describe in my -ildest dreams Transformers *L/ as pro$ressive movies, I think it:s fairly respectableK that they don:t i$nore or skim over this issue, but basically tell you blackLonL-hite -hat the issue is and ho- you:re supposed to feel about it. It sticks in your head and makes you more -ary of other bi$ action blockbusters, subconsciously makin$ you look for other instances of such re$ressiveness. E6cept then the internet missed the point completely and -idely claimed that there is no racism in the Transformers movies. Fuck nerds forever.
KI mean, I $uess it -ould be more respectable if they Iust made a movie that:s not racist, but oh -ell.

<e:ll $et back to this in the second movie, -here e6plicit unpleasantness and false propa$anda may as -ell be the names of the main characters. 8i$ht no-, -e:re Iust buyin$ a car.

8i$ht. #am:s car. 1e buys the one that moves on its o-n and makes all the other cars: -indo-s e6plode, because that:s -hat any of us -ould do in that situation.

#cene shift to <ashin$ton D.C., -here -e are confronted -ith more ant hive ima$ery. The secretary of defense %oooooh) recaps the be$innin$ of the movie for us, then plays a sound bite of the Ehackin$G. <e:re also introduced to 4a$$ie 4adsen %8achael Taylor), a character -ho simultaneously $ets a lot of screen time yet mana$es to only play a miniscule part in the proceedin$s. E6cept suffice to say, she:s really important. In the third movie. <here she:s not actually present. Aup. #cene shift, #am:s house. 1e put his ancestor:s $lasses up on e ay, -here they hold little interest... F8!4 1?4A"# T1AT I# %dun dun dunnn). Then there:s a -hole bunch of filler involvin$ #am:s family. #ee, here:s one of the film:s %the entire trilo$y:s, really) maIor fla-s+ The editin$ on the script is atrocious. <hoever:s Iob it -as to say Ethis $a$ is dumb and lame, it:s Iust $oin$ to make the audience $o W$et on -ith it2:G did a terrible Iob. #o instead of movin$ alon$ -ith the story -e have crack head do$s and bumblebee peein$ on $uys, -hoops spoilers. #o that:s -hy this update sucked.

Part /+ !## FI01T2

G...e6cept in, like, comic book stuff, ri$ht.G

#urprise2 Lenno6: team made it a-ay from the $iant heli killer robot someho- and are no- -anderin$ the desert lookin$ for a place to call their $uys and tell them there:s a $iant heli killer robot around, but it seems the mecha scorpion:s summon duration hasn:t Huite run out yet... Cut to more #am shenani$ans, in -hich the Iock makes fun of him a$ain. The movie plays a little trick to us here+ In portrayin$ #am:s %i.e. the audience:s) stru$$les as mundane and frankly silly, the movie makes us -ant to identify more -ith Cpt. Lenno6 and his actual sense of dan$er -hile kno-in$ that -e much more resemble #am, thereby hi$hli$htin$ in our consciousness the movie:s nature as escapist entertainment. Eeeee6cept this doesn:t actually pay off in any real -ay until the third movie. !h ho- I -ish the trilo$y -as Iust one movie -ith all the e6cess cut off, but I $uess that -ould:ve been too much stuff to cover. 1e then offers his $rand ol: crush 4ikaela %4e$an Fo6) a ride home. I didn:t mention her until no- because so far she -as little more than an accessory to the male characters. "o- thou$h. <ell.

#ee it:s funny because it:s a double entendre ur$h kill me no-.
8emember ho- I mentioned miso$yny. <ell, -e see the movie throu$h #am:s eyes. #am obIectifies 4ikaela. Er$o, 4ikaela becomes little more than a lustLobIect for him, i.e. the audience. Alri$ht. #ee, 1olly-ood has a bit of an odd relationship -ith -omen in action films. <hile feminism is pro$ressin$ and outri$ht obIectification and Eputtin$ -omen in their placeG is considered oldLfashioned %sadly rarely outri$ht derided thou$h), if you pay attention there:s still a lot of smaller issues to be found in ho- -omen are portrayed today, usually still bein$ subtly secondLrate to the male prota$onists. #o I $et -hat Transformers is tryin$ to do here. It:s tryin$ to portray its female characters %both 4ikaela and 4a$$ie 4adsen%8achael Taylor), -hom -e:ve met in the Penta$on scene and -ho:s notably not obIectified at all) as incredibly skilled and far too competent at -hat they:re doin$ to play second fiddle to the menfolk -hile still ultimately havin$ to sit back because #am %the audience) is still subIect to se6ist stereotypes and -ills it so. Problem is, they miss that note completely and instead 4ikaela Iust falls into a different se6ist stereotype of the eatonesHue E#tron$ Female CharacterG -ho can do everythin$ and totally does not need no man e6cept she does because she:s still the desi$nated love interest. It:s so bad.

It:s a real shame because you can clearly tell 4e$an Fo6 is tryin$ her best to do more -ith the character D notice the perfect deadLeyed E-hat am I doin$ -ith my life.GLstare above L and it Iust falls flat.

Aonic #ymbolism posted+

4ikaela anes %say it out loud, then say 4ichael ay) I like to remind people of that.

ack at the penta$on, some dudes are tryin$ to blame Iran and Chinese for the mysterious hackin$. Dohoho political commentary. #cene shift2 <e:re on Air Force !ne no-. <here, out of the shado-%2), Iust behind the corner of your eye, somethin$ is movin$... It:s a little compact transformer. <hat:s notable about its bi=arre trip throu$h the plane that really reminds me of a video $ame stealth section is the noises the little $uy makes D it:s like some sort of stran$e protoLlan$ua$e a meanin$less mutterin$ and chatterin$ to itself that people don:t seem to hear. In fact, all Decepticons make these kinds of stran$e noises that seem to substitute proper lan$ua$e. I note this because it plays into the -hole E!therG thin$, -hich lan$ua$e is a bi$ part of. "ote also umblebee %spoilers, the car is a transformer) appro6imatin$ human lan$ua$e by playin$

son$s on the radio. I s-ear this -ill all pay off at some point %in t-o movies: time, yeah).

The creature then be$ins to 1ACQ AI8 F!8CE !"E, lookin$ for somethin$ called EProIect IcemanG that Archibald <it-icky -as apparently involved in. <onder -hat that could be2 Then it uploads a virus. There:s a brief scene in -hich the thin$ offhandedly kills some security $uards, then hides a-ay. "ote ho- it only kills people -ho have actually seen and attacked it, clearly tryin$ to minimi=e casualties, in spite of callin$ the humans EinsectsG D this -ill be important. Mia the ma$ic of T1E I"TE8"ET, he then finds #am <it-icky and the $lasses he sells. The Decepticons -ant those $lasses, and they:re not $oin$ to la-fully bid for them... D?" D?" D?""".

Paynd= posted+
!ne odd thin$ about the scene of Fren=y sneakin$ around Air Force !ne is that itFs played almost as if -e should be rootin$ for him. <ill he be seen. <ill he $et cau$ht. 1o- -ill he $et out of there. <ill he find the data heFs after before the human drones cut him off. A ad Thin$. This isnFt the case -ith 8eedman in TF&, -here his intrusion is sho-n as very definitely

ack at #am:s, it:s ni$ht, so umblebee decides to take a little trip. #am follo-s.

Plot t-ist2 Didn:t see that one comin$.

Then the police takes him into custody for some reason. ack at the penta$on, the military fails to deal -ith the virus and i$nores 4a$$ie, -ho clearly has it pretty much fi$ured out.

E...sho-s "orth Qorea doublin$ its naval activity.G E?m, maybe it:s a precaution, because isn:t that -hat -e:re doin$.G EFeh.G Please do try to tell me that the film is proLmilitary.
4ean-hile, #am under$oes some casual police abuse. Could this movie please stop shiftin$ bet-een meanin$less scenes. "ope. <e:re in Vatar a$ain and <1!A 0IA"T 4EC1A #C!8PI!" ATTACQ22

!!4 clan$ Q88LCATC1I"0 1uuaAA01 TLTT88 T888L!!Q!?T8888888 T88888

<e:re then treated to another very bi=arre videoL$amey scene -herein rather than usin$ its ability of boundless movement to kill the soldiers -ith no resistance, it stands in place and halfLheartedly shoots at them. This $oes on for a -hile until the

military starts sendin$ in its o-n toys to deal -ith the enemy toy. There:s a bi$ ant hive scene a$ain, then the toys start rollin$ out. There:s an odd seHuence here -here the military sends out a team of $unships -hich be$in to fire pro$ressively more destructive -eaponry to no effect until they brin$ in the sin$le, individual %2) really bi$ toy firin$ the really bi$ rounds. This is -hat I mean -hen I say the movie operates on video $ame lo$ic+ #tandard rounds can:t penetrate its defense, but then they s-itch for the more e6pensive ammo -ith bi$$er stats, and suddenly they can start tearin$ a-ay at its 1P. y the -ay, this is a *'5mm round, -hich is -hat they use to kill it+

It:s also not fired -ith a sabot but blah blah -hatever military nerd stuff. In spite of takin$ that kind of shell to the face, the scorpion survives, but loses its tail and runs off to be a reoccurrin$ midLboss. And that:s our first act, everybody2 It -as t-o parts filler and one part -eirdness, but don:t -orry, it:s easily the -eakest stretch of the trilo$y, more is yet to come.

Part 3+ 4eet the Autobots

I -on:t even bother narratin$ this scene. #kippin$ ahead, 4a$$ie 4adsen and her ne- sidekick 0len find out the soundbite is actually the Decepticon lan$ua$e%aLha2) and decode enou$h to see EproIect IcemanG. Then, the police arrives2 4ore casual police brutality, and -e shift to #am a$ain. "o- he:s the one bein$ chased by his car2 It:s all very comical I assure you. Then, the police arrives2 A$ain2

E6cept it:s actually the Decepticon arricade, driven by a holo$raphic Tom #elleck %actually rian 8eece). Did I mention the police are literally bad $uys in this movie. Aep. Mery ri$htL-in$ movie, certainly.

Aou haven:t replied to any of my inHuiries about your article for t-o -eeks2
#ummin$ up action scenes isn:t terribly interestin$ -hen they have little to offer thematically, so in short, umblebee rescues him and 4ikaela %oh hi 4ikaela, you:re here too2), and there:s a bi$ ol: car chase as ni$ht falls%2), -hen umblebee can finally assume his true form and fi$ht the dissatisfied bidder. And -ell, here:s the -eird thin$. Aou kno- ho- people al-ays say Transformers is a $reat bi$ ol: action spectacle about robots punchin$ each other. Aeah -ell, the first movie kind of... Doesn:t actually sho- a lot of robots punchin$. It builds up to this bi$ fi$ht bet-een umblebee and arricade, and then Iust kind of... #kips over it, preferrin$ to sho- ho- 4ikaela beheads the little Decepticon from Air Force !ne, and then pans over a shot of the defeated arricade. Is the movie actually refusin$ to sho- the kind of combat it promised.

Paynd= 4ilky 4oor posted+ posted+

"i$ht ItFs Iust doesnFt like hoIust you fall, donFt it slams see the do-n monsters like a lead in aanvil. monster ItFs film like an beyond Ed <ood Huickmovie cuts and L shado-y A42 "i$ht2 $limpses. There -as Even apparently in that a a-esome deleted scene clip >of -here the Autobots arricadearrivin$@, shoots rockets -e donFt at $et umblebee, a $ood idea but of even -hat so-eFre that doesnFt lookin$account at. It also forrelates the story back $oin$ to the from point that broad -e dayli$ht are seein$ to pitch the black film throu$h -ithout#amFs even eyes ayFs L beloved and heFs Fma$ic not -atchin$ hourF in the middle. fi$ht. This %?nless comes arricade up a$ain, had in the a clima6 of the film, metric -here shittonay of basically rockets.) skips As 8ifftra6 around put the it,climatic JDid the battle sun e6plode bet-eenbet-een !ptimusshots.J and 4e$atron.

!r did it never actually promise real action in the first place.

Deep shit, man.

ut once a$ain, note ho- the Decepticons don:t actually try to kill #am. And ho- the characters keep tryin$ to connect these stran$e alien phenomena to bein$ plot of ErivalG countries to the ?#. ecause they:re all the !ther, you see. The movie keeps ploddin$ alon$ Huietly until...

The cavalry arrives.

?nder s-ellin$ music, the meteors come crashin$ do-n, causin$ thousands of dollars -orth of property dama$e, Ebirthin$G from their ovoid shape the various Autobots. Then there:s this very odd bit -here after standin$ up ri$ht in front of #am and 4ikaela:s eyes, rather than communicatin$ -ith them directly, one of them %probably !ptimus Prime, no less) looks around a-k-ardly and runs off, almost as if he:s ashamed to be there -ithout havin$ scanned a vehicle first... Almost as if he:s naked. And he is, in a -ay. And I s-ear to $od, this -ill actually be a maIor theme in these movies, -e:ll even $et to it in this one. They finally meet the i$ ! %not that i$ !, also not to be confused -ith The !) for real in an alley and he and the other Autobots transform in a scene I can only describe as positively $randiose. After a full hour of pretty halfLhearted filmmakin$, this scene is -here the movie finally kicks into $ear. Pictures -ouldn:t do it Iustice, so here:s a AouTube link. #eriously, -atch the first 3 minutes of this video. %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXI7;8FC#P/?o;)

It:s like... #uddenly it thro-s all these stran$e conflictin$ ima$es at us, and tryin$ to $et a handle on it all Iust makes my brain short out. This is the one scene in this movie I really cannot $et a handle on, because it is Iust plain so cinematically dense. !ut of curiosity thou$h, does this scene reference Cloverfield %&''9) in any -ay. I:m mainly -onderin$ because of the $uy holdin$ a camera and runnin$ around talkin$ about Arma$eddon, it sort of feels like a moment from a found foota$e disaster movie Eseen from the outsideG.

1e asks this in the same cadence as arricade, Iust less ur$ent. ut see ho- the tilted camera makes them look more even, rather than the robot overpo-erin$ #am. The movie immediately makes clear ho- much more sympathetic #am is to-ard the Autobots than the Decepticons. After all, !ptimus Prime is everyoneFs childhood hero2 E6cept... ThereFs some problems -ith this -eFll see soon. For no-, the Autobots, -ho actually learned En$lish on the internet 2 Bust like me2

L The bi$ $uy and $rand leader, !ptimus Prime2 1e:ll $et a much better toy for the ne6t movie2

L The Cool lack 0uy caricature, Ba==2 #poilers, he dies2 ut still $ets a toy for the third film2

L The -eapons $uy, Ironhide2 1as $ot a shitton of toys since, none of -hich have screenLaccurate $uns2 !r Huote Dirty 1arry for no reason.

L The 4edic, 8atchet2 #poilers, he practices no actual medicine at any point2

L And last but not least, umblebee2 <ho sucks and is dumb and has -ay too many $oddamn toys devoted to him in $eneral and I hate him. !nly t-o of these -ill actually end up matterin$. "o pri=es for $uessin$ -ho. The interestin$ thin$ is that !ptimus and umblebee practically seem to have Iumped out of #am:s ima$ination D one of the thin$s the crin$e -orthy E#am:s shoddy lifeG scenes earlier demonstrated that he doesn:t have a real close friend -ho isn:t an idiot, and he has a fairly distant relationship -ith his parents, -hom he finds little common $round -ith. And suddenly comes umblebee, -ho has a sense of humor, is carin$, helpful and basically the perfect buddy, and !ptimus, -ho is basically the archetypal father fi$ure, authoritative, protective and al-ays carin$ about freedom and Iustice. I mean, Iust listen to his voice. E6cept... 4ovie !ptimus isn:t cartoon !ptimus, and can actually be a bit of a dubious fi$ure. For one thin$, he basically lies and bullshits his -ay throu$h the entire trilo$y:s narration, and considerin$ -e $et nearly all our e6position from him, that $ets

a bit problematic. Indeed, here:s some e6position ri$ht no-2 Apparently at one point, their planet Cybertron -as peaceful %probably not true) until the Autobots -ere betrayed by 4e$atron %lie), -ho:s the leader of the Decepticons %ok that one:s true... 4ostly).

%Probably not true) The -ar also destroyed Cybertron completely %not Huite true) and the Allspark cube -as lost in space %true, thou$h -e:re never actually told e6actly -hy), so 4e$atron follo-ed it %true) and -as eventually found by Archibald <it-icky %true).

8emember this ima$e. Aes, this -ill be important.

Archibald accidentally activated 4e$atron:s #atnav%lie), -hich then imprinted the Cube:s coordinates on his $lasses %true). And no-, if the Decepticons find the cube, they -ill launch their evil plot to transform earth:s machines into an army -ith -hich they -ill ESTI"0?I#1 T1E 1?4A" 8ACE22 %total, utter, boldLfaced lie. I:ll elaborate on all of these once I $et to talk about 4e$atron in more detail. #o the third movie. Aup.)

Part 5+ This part is short because the ne6t one is lon$.

There:s some stuff involvin$ 4e$ and 0len. 8eally, this shot says everythin$.

#am tries to $et the $lasses. The bi$ obstacle of Act &+ #am:s parents. Aup. These scenes are very silly, and I -ish I found somethin$ to say about them. <hat:s of note here is that tramplin$ around #am:s house, the Autobots cause all kinds of destruction Iust by steppin$ on thin$s, and Ironhide nearly kills #am:s do$. This is not Iust bad comic relief, it actually matters.

I have no e6planation for this, thou$h.

Follo-in$ this, men in suits suddenly start fillin$ the house, callin$ themselves #ector #even. ## %uuuu$h) is some kind of bi=arrely overLtheLtop parody of $overnment a$encies, proceedin$ to tear up #am:s house even further on shaky reasonin$. Follo-in$ this, -e find out that the Autobots are radioactive and have left #am $eneratin$ no less than '.*3 0y -orth of neurons shootin$ throu$h the air. "o-, this is Iust hokey 1olly-ood science and I kno- little about radiation, but I:ll try to put this in perspective %feel free to skip this bit)+ "o-, radiation doesn:t EstickG to you the -ay -ater or mud mi$ht, since it:s mainly particles and -aves travellin$ alon$ the air at pretty fast speeds, usually either stoppin$ completely -hen they hit matter or passin$ clean throu$h. The only -ay I could see a 0ei$er counter %-hich measures in counts and not rads, by the -ay) detect radiation on #am after the fact -hen any radiation he received had lon$ time to dissipate -ould be if the Autobots emitted some kind of radioactive particle that #am had breathed in. "o- this means that not only do they destroy everythin$ they touch, they also constantly emit illicit and likely e6tremely dan$erous to humans radioactive $ases D over the t-o days #am spent -ith umblebee, he absorbed enou$h robot farts to be constantly $eneratin$ ',*3 0y %per second. Per minute. "o idea), and then there:s the actual radiation the robots $enerate directly. For reference, 5L7 0y is the Eyou:re pretty much deadG dose, and illness and other bad thin$s settle in much much earlier. It:s a -onder #am still has his hair by the third movie. Any-ay they drive off -ith #am and 4ikaela, and their representative, one A$ent #immons %Bohn Turturro) interro$ates them about aliens and $enerally is a hu$e butt. Then their car crashes into !ptimus Prime. This is another one of those toyLscenes. #immons holds dominance over #am by sho-in$ him his bad$eLtoy, until #am brin$s in his bi$$er, badder robotLtoy, at -hich point he becomes the dominant one. And I kno- E umblebee symboli=es a penis2G is a silly clichY of movie analysis, but umblebee actually proceeds to pee on the A$ent in a display of male dominance.

"o, really.
"ote also+ 4ikaela tellin$ #am he:s never had to sacrifice anythin$ in his perfect little life, -hich makes him look noticeably distrau$ht D considerin$ the motto of his family is Eno victory -ithout sacrificeG. This is more setup for the third movie. The a$ents end up alertin$ the entire 4I of the robots: shenani$ans, and a $rand multiple carThelicopterLchase ensues, endin$ in more couple thousand dollars of property dama$e and the capture of umblebee, #am and 4ikaela, and the $lasses in !ptimus: hands.

Do robots even feel pain.

ack at the penta$on, the military is almost done escalatin$ thin$s into a fullLout -ar -ith China for no reason, -hen the Decepticon virus saves the earth by shuttin$ do-n their systems. ?h. Aeah. E6cept no- all the -orld:s communications are do-n. The implications of this are never mentioned. Then it turns out #( %much better) is part of an 9' years old conspiracy to keep the e6istence of robots on mars secret from humanity, or somethin$. It:s all very va$ue, and not important until the third movie any-ay. And act & ends -ith a monta$e of all characters -e met so far mobili=in$ and finally bein$ escorted to one place+ A... Dam some-here.

Part 7+ 8evelations

The remainin$ Autobots -a$$le on for a bit about ho- humans are sava$e and violent and they are enli$htened and have evolved past ever harmin$ a sentient bein$. !h $od, don:t $et me started on Autobot morality. The entire second movie practically revolves around it. <e also hear their $rand plan+ Destroy the life cube by rammin$ it into !ptimus: soul %not Iokin$).

4ilky 4oor posted+

1mm. ThereFs a fe- interestin$ thin$s about this scene. !ne, 8atchetFs line+ JI sense the Decepticons are $ettin$ ready to mobili=e.J 1o-. <hy. #ense is an interestin$ -ay of puttin$ it, it means that L on some level L 8atchet kno-s on a level beyond touch, si$ht or hearin$. 1e doesnFt believe or feel they are preparin$, he senses it. 1ell, they havenFt even met any Decepticons yet. T-o, Ba== seemin$ly kno-in$ that umblebee is $oin$ to die and be dissected. This isnFt so bad, one could assume that pretty normally. ItFs -hat !ptimus says -hich should raise a fe- eyebro-s. #ee, !ptimus is -illin$ to let this happen providin$ they can retrieve the All#park. There are even shots of umbleebee bein$ fro=en and shocked like some sort of e6periment %tortured, even.) L !ptimus even states that JThis is -hat he -ould -antJ. "o. For some reason, I donFt think umblebee -ants that at all. 1e certainly seems to feel pain or fear, $iven the sounds heFs makin$ as this is $oin$ on. !ptimus -ould Iust abandon umbleebee, #amFs $uardian and friend, to $et the All#park. 1o- does that $el -ith his hi$hLminded morality. It doesnFt. This leads me to my third point. Three, !ptimus believes that destroyin$ the Cube is the only -ay to end the -ar. <hy he believes this instead of ackno-led$in$ that Iust destroyin$ the Decepticons -ould also end it, -ithout killin$ their sole source of creation, is unkno-n. Further, destroyin$ the Cube -ould, in no -ay, prevent the Decepticons from terrorisin$ 1umanity. A very interestin$ thin$ here is that -hen !ptimus mentions that he -ould destroy the Cube by plun$in$ it into the spark in his

4ilky 4oor cont...

chest, 8atchet immediately decries it as suicide, that it -ould destroy them both. #o L does that mean that !ptimus mer$in$ the All#park -ith himself isnFt necessarily a death sentence. Could !ptimusF plan to Fend the -arF then be construed as a ploy in order to $rant himself the po-er of creation itself. After all, there has to be a reason -hy he -onFt Iust plun$e the All#park into 4e$atronFs chest L or the chest of any other Decepticon. In e6chan$e for umblebee, #am a$rees to tell the military everythin$ he kno-s. And so, they lead him and everyone else...

<ell hello there.

" EL*, they call him D called him all those years, and are not too keen to start callin$ him E4e$atronG because a kid said so. And then they say somethin$ surprisin$ and very important+ 4e$atron is the father of modern technolo$y, as practically everythin$ -e use today has been reverseLen$ineered from him. Damn, I:m so $iddy to start talkin$ about 4e$atron, because he:s the best character in the entire trilo$y. "o, really. ut that:s for the third movie. And -hat:s more, 4e$atron is not the only thin$ they have stashed a-ay under there.

E6cept the little Decepticon -as -ith them all alon$, and no- has reported the location of the cube. <hoops2 And so, the Decepticons mobili=e2

L #tarscream2 0ood lord, he:s hideous2 Also incompetent, but important.

L arricade2 ...<ait, -asn:t he dead. 0uess not2

L Devastator2 E6cept his name is actually ra-l2 1e:s a tank, but he:s Iust as useless as the others.

L onecrusher2 I $uess his $immick is supposed to be that he hates everythin$, but thatFs dumb so IFll have a bit more to say about him2

L And lackout, the only one -ho:s not as stupid as the others2 ut still as useless any-ay. #o yeah. 4e$atron didn:t e6actly dra- the lucky cards.

<e are then $iven a demonstration of -hat the Cube actually does. 1e asks for a phone, places it in the Aperture #cience Livin$ 4echanical Device Containment Field %<arnin$ D containment beams may $ive you cancer) and activates the Cube, makin$ the phone do... This.

EQind of like the ittyLbitty Ener$i=er bunny from hell, huh.G

?m. The little thin$ $oes completely berserk, attackin$ everythin$ around it -ith the machine $uns it has randomly $ro-n before #immons has to kill it. And there it is. This is the first film:s bi$$est moment. The Transformers trilo$y can best be likened to a pu==le. It $radually hands you tiny pieces, until at some point you have enou$h to actually start puttin$ them to$ether. And no-, it has handed us the first corner piece.
Disclaimer+ This is all so far still on some-hat shaky evidence, but that:s -hy the first movie alone fails to convey it D it -ill become more clear and better supported as the movies $o on.

<hen I first learned En$lish, I started to -onder -hy EAutobotsG -as the E$oodG name and EDecepticonsG the EevilG one. After all, the transformers: central tenet, dis$uisin$ themselves as everyday vehicles, is inherently an act of deception. In $ivin$ the -ord a ne$ative moral note, are they not callin$ the Autobots immoral as -ell. !r is there a difference bet-een $ood, moral EdeceiversG and evil, immoral EDecepticonsG. <hat, then, is the fundamental difference in their perception of the -orld and the nature of their deception. <ell, it seems the creators of this movie had the same thou$ht. <e see the IustLborn baby Transformer flip out and attack as its very first act in Life. <hen talkin$ about human a$$ression, !ptimus cites our youth as a species as the reason D -e:ll $ro-, he says, -e:ll $ro- and become as moral as the Autobots. #o is it immaturity. Are the Decepticons simply un-illin$ to $ro- up, toys stuck in a toy mindset. <ell, no. Amorality from immaturity is the Decepticons: $reatest anathema, as -e -ill see throu$hout the movies. It:s the difference bet-een amorality and immorality+ Actin$ -ithout thinkin$ about morality vs. Actin$ specifically a$ainst oneFs moral frame-ork. #o the Decepticons are immoral then, ri$ht. Let me s-itch $ear for a bit, and talk a$ain about their physical form. Take another look at 4e$atron.

4e$atron is an e6ample of a cybertronian Transformer, i.e. one -ho hasn:t scanned a dis$uise for himself. "otice the fractured, boneLlike protrusions of metal, the -ide, unchan$in$, humorless $rin of a skull. I posted the picture of the caveman in ice, Zt=i, because that:s -ho 4e$atron reminds me of. 1e looks nearly starved, and naked. I told you this -ould be a theme. Look above at the pictures of the Decepticons %or back in update 3 for the Autobots) once a$ain. "otice the -ay bits of the dis$uised mode seem to drape over the inner robotLy bits like futuristic armor. ecause that:s -hat scanned alternate forms are+ Armor, clothin$, costumes. The Decepticons use them to hide until they:re needed, at -hich point the clothes shift aside and reveal the robot underneath. "akedness symboli=es many thin$s in fiction, but in many cases it symboli=es truthfulness D as lackout partially takes offTtransforms a-ay his metal shell, his true nature is revealed %Emore than meets the eyeG). 4e$atron needs no dis$uise, so he doesn:t even bother scannin$ anythin$ even once he -akes D the leader of the Decepticons deceives no one at any point, and doesn:t seem to mind bein$ seen naked. ut -hat about the Autobots. The Autobots don:t even attempt to stay dis$uised, or hide. umblebee happily putters alon$ -ithout a driver and calls all sorts of attention to himself %notably he lacks the EmaskG, the false rian 8eece face that completes the dis$uise), only remainin$ unnoticed because humans are thick. !ptimus Prime Iust -alks over the street like it -as no thin$. They deceive no one. And yet they insist on havin$ earthLaltmodes. <e see !ptimus a-k-ardly stumble off from his first meetin$ -ith #am and 4ikaela, as if embarrassed. #o it seems cybertronian forms are nakedness in more than one sense D !ptimus considers it a-k-ard, impolite, not moral to converse -ith a planet:s deni=ens -ithout a dis$uise. #o -hy. <ell, ho- do morals develop. Actually that:s a pretty comple6 Huestion, but I:m $oin$ to lieLforLchildren the ans-er for the purpose of this commentary+ Person does thin$, thin$ hurts us or is other-ise detrimental to us, -e teach children that thin$ bad, children don:t do thin$ even if they no lon$er -ould have a reason to. The Transformers learned that bein$ a $iant robot and tramplin$ about -here everyone can see is $enerally a bad idea, so they started to dis$uise themselves. E6cept at some

point the Autobots seem to have for$otten this and no- are tramplin$ around -here everyone can see a$ain. <uh. And it $ets even better -hen you consider Qohlber$:s sta$es of moral development. The Autobots base their morality on predefined social norms %conventional L they claim it:s universal ethic principles, but their behavior consistently contradicts thisO A$ain, important fact2), -hereas the Decepticons, as a $roup %not so much individually) base their actions on rational basis, dependin$ on ho- much it serves their personal $oals based on their o-n ethics %postLconventional), so this model makes... The Autobots the immature ones. ut ho- can I claim the Decepticons are more morally more mature -hen they call sapient bein$s insects and murder them indiscriminately. <ell. 1ere:s the funny thin$. "early all nonLmoral acts -e see the Decepticons commit in this movie are done in full kno-led$e of the nature of the act. To some de$ree, they admit that 1umans are sapient bein$s -hose life is valuable. They kill to achieve their $oals, but, onecrusher aside %he:s a... #pecial case), they only kill as many as they have to to achieve their $oal. They only fi$ht active resistance and military tar$ets, and even thou$h they $et in touchin$ distance of #am multiple times throu$hout, they at -orst rou$hhouse him sli$htly %probably not entirely a-are of ho- fra$ile humans are). #o they act immorally. They kno- they act immorally, actively. Their EnaturalG, immature, childish form attacks everythin$ indiscriminately, but they deny this immaturity, because their attacks are not Iust uncarin$ a$$ression D they kno-hat they:re doin$ is -ron$. ut they feel they have to. <hy, then. For -hat reason -ould they disre$ard their morals like that, at -hat point do they become the EevilG Decepticons. Psyche2 <atch the ne6t movie to find out. ut, here:s the funny contrast. Think back to ho- I keep pointin$ out ho- dan$erous the Autobots are. They:re hu$e, careless thin$s brimmin$ -ith radiation, and at least one of them constantly Iumps at the chance to murder somethin$. Bust their very presence causes massive dama$e, and it:s only luck that they have yet to actually murder anyone. In the ne6t movie, they -ill actively revel in sava$e bloodlust. Aet they keep talkin$ about ho- upstandin$ and moral they are, and later ho- important it is they stay -ith humanity. <hat $ives. <ell, I:ll loop around a$ain to their appearance. "akedness, and thus the transformers: robot forms, symboli=e openness, but also sava$ery, as the ne6t movie -ill be kind enou$h to point out for us. 4e$atron acts like a monster and talks like a monster, and if you pay attention durin$ certain scenes, -hen the transformers shift into their robot modes, as their robot bits are revealed their movement becomes less Esmooth rideG and more Ebeast runnin$ on all four le$sG. Point is, as much as people complain about the -ay the Transformers are desi$ned in these movies, there:s a reason -hy they are that -ay. <hen a transformer scans a vehicle, he takes on parts of its desi$n, but in robot mode, they Iust kind of store a-ay on random parts of his bodyO Almost lookin$ as if someone -ho has never seen a vehicle in their life -as tryin$ to assemble it from pieces. umblebee sa- ho- a car looks, but doesn:t seem to understand ho- cars are supposed to behave. In robot mode, the carLsuit is illLfittin$ and fails to conceal the cybertronian robot beneath, and after seein$ the umblebee -ave around his $iant arm cannon and then tear a robot:s spine out %no, really), the cute yello- bits of Camaro and friendly name start feelin$ like a s-eater on a pitLbull D you can try as you -ant, but you:re Iust not $oin$ to $et that do$ lookin$ civili=ed. And Iust like that, the Autobot Eenli$htened philosophyG ultimately fails to cover up their a$$ression and brutality. They i$nore their inner a$$ressive childlikeness, pretendin$ that their ethics are stron$er, but their actions tell other-ise.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
I think itFs important to underline this point, and ho- itFs related to the TransformersF choice of FclothesF. The Autobots don symbols of humanitarianism %the ambulance), blueLcollar -ork %the trucks) and libertarian freedom %the sportscars). ut Terry ri$htly points out ho- these thin$s donFt fit L ho- the ambulance performs no medicine, for e6ample. !ptimus is not a blueLcollar -orker but a military commander. !ptimus and the Autobots constantly disavo- their cause and try to in$ratiate themselves -ith the humans L sayin$, basically, that theyFre fi$htin$ for America and FAmerican valuesF. y contrast, the Decepticons -ear utilitarian FmilitaryF clothin$ that accurately reflects their $oals. They are militant, and as unashamed of that fact as 4e$atron is of his nakedness. This is -hy the -hole story centers on Fa boy purchasin$ his first car to $o on a $ro-nLup adventureF. Like the AutobotsF clothes, #amFs -hole conventional, familyLfriendly teenLproblems narrative is a thin shell over the Freal narrativeF of abstract and incomprehensible cosmic -arfare. The film itself is a Transformer.

And so Transformers be$ins to look like They Live, -ith the sun$lasses revealin$ ideolo$ical Frobots in dis$uiseF. <hen you buy a car, says ay, youFre actually buyin$ into neoliberal capitalism and its ills. And that:s the trick -ith the names, at least as far as the movieverse is concerned D the Decepticons may deceive you and scre- you over, but parado6ically, they are honest about it, even adoptin$ their inherent, necessary dishonesty as their desi$nation. <hereas the Autobots are the true deceivers, because they pretend to not be liars, and because their bi$$est trick is the most dan$erous of them all D they deceive not Iust us, but themselves, and honestly believe every lie they churn out. Do not trust any bit of e6position that comes out of an Autobot:s mouth, doubly so if the Decepticons are concerned. That -as a -hole lot of -ords about somethin$ that -ill only really be demonstrated in the ne6t movie, but I think it:s important to kno- for -hen you -atch 8even$e of the Fallen. 4orality is probably the bi$$est theme and central issue of all

three movies, and the third -ill actually relate the abstract EAutobotsG and EDecepticonsG to real -orld $roups. ut before then, -e:ll have to -atch some robots punch each other. , I kno-.

Part (+ 4e$atron2

#eriously, I Iust can:t $et enou$h of this shot.

The Decepticons attack the dam and shut off the main po-er2 "o- 4e$atron is $oin$ to tha-, and that:s a problem. #am -ants to see umblebee, but #immons isn:t so fond of the idea until Captain Lenno6, in a display of fullLon burnin$ vi$ilante Iustice, strai$htLup assaults him and pushes a $un into his chest. That:s Iust ho- thin$s are done around here. %IFll e6pand on it later.) is pretty pissed and nearly murders everyone, but #am successfully talks him do-n.

Convenient shrinkin$ 4ac0uffin.

Lenno6 makes the completely brilliant decision to take the cube into the middle of a populated city. I don:t... <hat. ut -hat do I kno-, he:s the leader no-. Then...

EI A4 4E0AT8!".G
4e$atron is not in a $ood mood. 1e:s actually some-hat cross. <hich is to say, a little an$ry. Bust a little. !r maybe not so little. !r maybe it:s Iust the burnin$, senseless fury of a thousand dyin$ universes e6plodin$ out of his blackened heart of dark matter, s-allo-in$ up all around into an enormous =one of death, fuelled by the incomprehensible ra$e and sufferin$ of a $od:s thousandLyear captivity. These movies can be deli$htfully subtle -hen the situation calls for it. 4e$atron:s first -ords are in clean En$lish. 4eanin$, he had time to learn the lan$ua$e. 4eanin$, he -as conscious the entire time. And since the humans kept him artificially fro=en, they kne- he -as still alive. #o -hy is the first thin$ he says reaffirmin$ his identity, and -hy is he so unstable and violent. <ell, you really have to put yourself in 4e$atron:s situation to properly understand his character.

Ima$ine you Iust had the -orst day of your life. <ell, it -asn:t really a day. 1ours and days have no meanin$ for you. Aou have lived far too lon$ to follo- such microscopic temporal distinctions. Aou built an empire, and lived to see it dyin$. <hat can a day matter. A year. 1o- about a thousand. Aour planet -as dyin$. Aour species -as dyin$. <hat can a kin$ do, -hen his children are dyin$ because there is nothin$ to eat. Aou kne- the ans-er+ The Allspark. Aou hun$ onto that fairy tale even as your follo-ers declared it absurd, takin$ off immediately, all alone, as soon as there -as a si$n of it. "o delaysO <ithout the Allspark, everythin$ you ever kne- and loved -ould slo-ly -ither a-ay and die. And all you needed to do -as move to a completely insi$nificant planet it found itself dra-n to and pick it up. Aou -ould be more than a leader, you -ould be a hero, a savior. There -ould be no more need for -ar, no more fear of death and hun$er, and no more dyin$ youn$lin$s. And then everythin$ -ent -ron$. The moment still constantly plays before your eyes. Aou break into the planet:s atmosphere, and it nearly destroys your sensors. That vivid feelin$ of total disorientation, the hard, sudden impact, and the cold darkness that closed around you as the cavern fro=e around your unmovin$ body. Aou -eren:t ready to die. Aou thou$ht back to your planet, your people D you still had to save them. 1ad to. <hat -ould they do -ithout you. The people sa- their leader off, promisin$ them to brin$ back utopia. Qno-in$ you -ouldn:t return -ould shatter their morale completely. The years start pilin$ on. Aou try to move, try to melt the ice, try to do anythin$, but the -orld only seems to become colder

around you. Ten years. Fifty years. Five hundred years. ?nable to move, -ith only your o-n thou$hts and -orries to $ive you company. Aour mind can:t take it, and your sanity falls apart. Everythin$ you thou$ht and -ished for slo-ly shatters into pieces, leavin$ only hate and chaos behind. Ei$ht hundred years. Thousand years. After a -hile, you simply stop countin$. Then you hear a crash from the ceilin$. Throu$h your delusional fever dreams, you aren:t sure if it is real or not, or -hat is truly happenin$. A tiny creature descends upon you, clearly primitive, shoutin$ in rou$h, poorlyLcoordinated lan$ua$e, but perhaps not too dissimilar to you. Aou failed to brin$ the cube to your people D but maybe, maybe there is some sli$ht chance that he can. #o you tell him -here he can find it, the only -ay you can ri$ht no-. Aou rest a bit more easy. Perhaps it is time to rest after all. ut, more small creatures start fillin$ your cavern. They be$in choppin$ a-ay at the ice that binds you, clumsily, but surely. They -ant to free you. For the first time in millennia, you feel Iust that little bit more -arm L finally you -ill be able to return, to not be a useless statue, but the $reat hero you -ere destined to be. Aour silent cheer fills your o-n head as the humans, as they call themselves, -ith $reat difficulty, raise you out of the cavern and put you onto a transport. They seem be-ildered -ith you. Curious. A little too curious, perhaps. As $rateful as you are, you have a mission to attend to, and they -ill only $et in the -ay. Aou are defrosted enou$h to stand up. Panicked shoutin$ erupts amon$ the small ones. It seems they hadn:t e6pected you to still be alive. Aou notice too late the allLtooLfamiliar cold creepin$ up your body, and suddenly you cannot move a$ain. They fro=e you2 urnin$ ra$e fills your heart. <hat do they think they:re doin$2. They lock you under$round a$ain, and, to your horror, be$in to force parts of your body open, dissectin$ you alive. Aou start pickin$ up on their lan$ua$e, and slo-ly be$in to understand -hat they:re sayin$. They:re Iust usin$ you to e6pand their technolo$y. These primitive insects have attached themselves to you like filthy parasites, usin$ your sufferin$ to create for themselves more meanin$less conveniences. Aou should be their $od. Aou -anted to save your o-n kind, but instead, you are treated like a chunk of $arba$e. And as a final inIustice, the insult to the inIury, they did not even treat you to a proper name. "eedless to say, as soon as you are free, someone -ill pay.
<ell this -as a bit fanfictionLy, but

I really can:t underestimate -hat a massive bum deal 4e$atron $ot before the movie even started, because it:s $oin$ to be a pretty bi$ deal from no- on. It:s really interestin$ ho- the movie doesn:t really sho- or tell you any of this stuff, but Iust lets a fe- loose ends han$ %4e$atron:s understandin$ of the lan$ua$e, his imprintin$ on the $lasses, his chan$e in location, the reverseLen$ineerin$, peeps keepin$ him artificially fro=en) and relies on you to follo- them back-ards until they come to$ether to form a coherent narrative to understand the anta$onist:s actual motivation. That:s a pretty bi=arre thin$ of a movie to demand -hen it ostensibly -ants you to -atch -ith your brain turned off, is it not.

Psalmana=ar posted+
The t-o JarmsJ >in the first shot of this part@ are really odd. The shotFs framin$ here makes it look like the audience is trapped in a mechanical ca$e. ItFs comparin$ us to 4e$atron, sayin$ -eFre as unable to move as he -as. The comparison is sayin$ that -eFre lesser than 4e$aton. The basic analysis -ould be that 4e$atronFs a bi$ scary dude and stron$er than us, but considerin$ -hat youFve said, 4e$atron is positioned as the moral superior. 1eFs even illuminated by a halo of li$ht and has clouds comin$ of him.

<hile Team 1eroes %minus #immons, the #ecretary of Defense, 4a$$ie and 0len) takes off to-ard 4ission City, 4e$atron $oes on a total rampa$e, then meets up -ith #tarscream, -ho reports that he did not mana$e to stop the humans from leavin$, and 4e$atron notes %-ith remarkable politeness) that #tarscream is completely useless. And he really is+ it:s practically a drinkin$ $ame in these movies, because -henever #tarscream tries anythin$, he is bound to fail hilariously.

1e-lett posted+
I do -ish to point out that, in the movies at least, #tarscream has taken the form of an F&&, -hich is notoriously prone to failure, is in need of costly maintenance on a constant basis, and has proven to be one of the ?# Air ForceFs most si$nificant recent failures.

Part 9+ I:m bored no-, can -e start 8!TF already.

The four random side characters -ho -ere left behind have found some preL4e$atron technolo$y -ith -hich they -ant to contact the air force %since di$ital communications are do-n), but they have no microphones2 !1 "!222 Their attempts to 4ac0yver a solution to this problem come across as bi=arrely cartoonish in -ays I can:t really describe. It Iust feels so... Abstract after the drama of 4e$atron. It $ets even stran$er -hen the tiny Decepticon busts in, and -e are treated to an e6tended scene of them tryin$ to not $et killed. They can:t do anythin$ a$ainst the alien menace, and in the end it dies by its o-n poorly aimed blade. Team 1eroes meets up -ith the other Autobots, but oh no222 The Decepticons are in pursuit.

onecrusher suffers from a particularly bad case of 8!!AAAD 8AAAAAAAAAAA0E and so in an impressive display of C0I !ptimus Prime decides to solve the poor $uy:s an$er issues by punchin$ him in the throat, then rippin$ his head off. Aeeesh. onecrusher himself is a bit of a special case, too. After a -hole movie of Decepticons bein$ careful and concerned -ith morality %if a bit bumblin$ and clueless) suddenly this $uy pops up and Iust $oes on a complete rampa$e. <hile in terms of the movie it sho-s that thin$s are comin$ up to the serious fi$htin$, in the narrative onecrusher ends up stickin$ out of the

Decepticon cause like a very an$ry sore thumb. And here:s the thin$+ <e never find out -hy he:s so an$ry. <e constantly hear him sputter alon$ in Cybertronian, but the movie conveniently for$ets to subtitle it D meanin$ he Iust comes across as bloodthirsty and evil, by e6tension paintin$ the rest of the Decepticons as such for an uncritical audience. <ith the -hole Do$LnamedL onecrusher thin$ I suspect there is some clever reason that 4ichael ay is Iust $oin$ to take to his $rave. There is an e6panded universe e6planation %he 1AET# EME8T1I"0222) but it:s dumb and makes no sense %and fuck the e6panded universe any-ay) so my pet theory is that it:s not actually onecrusher that:s an$ry, but rather is feelin$ 4e$atron:s hatred and an$er over that psychic link the Transformers sometimes seem to have %remember 8atchet Esensin$G the Decepticons) and Iust can:t deal -ith ra$e that cosmic. This scene is also harshly intercut -ith the previous one, and a$ain the editin$ serves to establish a contrast bet-een the representatives: of humanity clueless bumblin$ and !ptimus: effortless disposal of another livin$ bein$. I skipped over all the 4a$$ieT0len scenes in this movie because there:s no -ay to convey them in -ritten form, and as far as the first movie is concerned they are -orthless filler D but it still feels like I underLpresented them, because once you $et the other t-o films into the picture they suddenly become part of an important pro$ression. 1ere, comparin$ their efforts to even as much as contact the air force %-ho, themselves, -ill not actually accomplish much either) to Prime:s cold killer efficiency is practically lau$hable. In this movie, humanity finds itself represented in the final act by an old bureaucrat, a secret a$ent caricature, a hysterical black caricature and a sin$le sort of clever -oman %as far as the movies are concerned #am and 4ikaela are separate from humanity D bein$ inserts for the audience, they function on a different layer of meanin$), and it:s satirically pitiful. ut -e -ill see -hat happens -ith the seHuels, and the third movie even has a character -ho feels very much like an e6tension of 4a$$ie D but under very different circumstances.

The military parade drives throu$h 4ission City like it -as no thin$ D interestin$ly, the movie omits any sort of civilian reaction to this.

"eedless to say, Lenno6: completely brilliant plan to brin$ the cube into the city backfires -hen #tarscream finds them and opens fire, destroyin$ umblebee:s le$s. Lenno6 is a$hast at the fact that an FL&& shot at them, but his black sidekick reminds him that -e:re dealin$ -ith vehicleL copyin$ aliens here. Doh22 8emember that this is the same Lenno6 -ho decided to endan$er an entire populated city by movin$ the enemies: tar$et there.

Devastator ra-l arrives at the scene, and causes an even bi$$er mess -hile umblebee tasks the teena$e boy -ith protectin$ the Cube. Thanks buddy, you:re a real bro2 And -ith this, all the elements for the bi$ final action seHuence are in place. The movie treats us to some somersaultin$ robots, panickin$ civilians and, of course, ESPL!#I!"#222, but it:s... 8emarkably apathetic about it. There:s no soundtrack -hatsoever, the sound mi6in$ is reduced to an occasional stock scream or missile sound, and the editin$ is borin$ and limpL-risted. It:s Iust completely dire in every aspect of its e6ecution.

And that:s Iust the stran$e thin$. <hile the Transformers trilo$y doesn:t actually have any really $ood action until the third film %-ell, the second is... complicated), it Iust feels bi=arre that all the sound technicians and the director -ould Iust randomly decide to completely halfLass the bi$ action setpiece. 4e$atron:s and onecrusher:s rampa$es and the Autobots: landin$ had -ei$ht to them and -orked both aurally and kinaesthetically %oh Iust look at those bi$ -ords I:m usin$ today), so clearly everyone involved has the ability to make a $ood action seHuence, so -hat:s the problem. Did they Iust not bother. I:m... Actually startin$ to think so.

#ometimes Transformers %&''() feels like it has a sort of va$ue distain for its nature as an action movie. It Iust skipped over the umblebeeT arricade fi$ht, the Act * fi$ht a$ainst #corponok -as reduced to a bunch of $uys shootin$ at a stationary video$ame boss, and no- it:s like everyone has Iust kind of lost interest.

That:s one of the thin$s that really pu==led me on my first vie-in$, and I still haven:t really fi$ured it out. I kno- it:s the lo-est of the lo- to ar$ue a movie is bad intentionally, but frankly I find it hard to find any other e6planation. At this point pure talentless hackery is still sort of a possibility, but this movie is far too clever for that and the ne6t ones Iust rule it out completely. Transformers %&''(), really, is an incomplete movie. It doesn:t elaborate on any of its themes or ideas, basically Iust thro-in$ loose threads all over the place.

<hen you start actually thinkin$ about it, these loose threads become impossible not to notice even if you have your brain shut off thorou$hly, and suddenly an already shaky movie be$ins to fall apart completely. And see, the impression I $et is that this may be completely intentional.

It:s a movie that practically calls attention to its o-n fla-s. It points at the absurdity of its characters, dra-s attention to its horrible treatment of race and se6, underscores the horrible lack of sound in its final seHuence by spacin$ out its sparse sf6, and randomly moves the -ei$htless unrelatable action out of the frame.

I brin$ up the topic of race a$ain because it ends up relatin$ to -hat I said about that back in another update+ The movie makes you look at its portrayal of black people and $o E!Q, this is -ron$.G

And in much the same -ay, sometimes it feels like the movie -ants you to $o E!Q, this doesn:t -ork.G

ut -hy -ould they do that. I $uess you could say selfLsatire, but selfLsatire is completely meanin$less and lacks the trans$ressive nature of proper satire any-ay. And it doesn:t -ork as satire of somethin$ else, because aside from a va$ue Eaction movieGLness it doesn:t actually reference any particular movie or story safe for the ori$inal Transformers cartoon, -hich... Doesn:t make for much of a tar$et. ut here:s -here an interestin$ phenomenon comes into play that I recently discovered about action movies, or, more specifically, about critical response to action movies.

There $oes Ba==. Aou remember -ho Ba== is, ri$ht.

People are pretty bad at articulatin$ opinions in $eneral, often citin$ completely different reasons for -hy they enIoyed somethin$ than the actual e6planations, or Iust bein$ unable to articulate it at all. Action movies are particularly a-ful for this. A 0ood action movie is Iust 0ood, and that:s that. Any further deliberations are superfluous. Aou $et this in other $enres too, but much less so+ ecause action movies, as a $enre, discoura$e critical thou$ht.

<ell really not so much the movies themselves as the culture surroundin$ them. The idea that action is opposite to criticism %since skepticism prevents action) is as old as humanity, and action movies naturally tend far to-ards one side of this false cultural dichotomy.

#o -hat:s an action movie to do -hen it -ants, needs to be taken critically to -ork.

ut of course, a movie that -ants to be critici=ed has to avoid the fla-less E0oodG cate$ory of movies D it has to fall into the E adG camp. If you pay attention, people are much more likely to discuss at len$th over -hy a movie didn:t -ork than -hy it did. #o Transformers %&''() is a ad 4ovie, then. <ell, I don:t consider it a complete movie that can be Iud$ed in the first place, much rather the first act of a $reater story, but if you do look at it in isolation, yes, it is a ad 4ovie.

ut Transformers %&''() is also merely an introduction. A setup, introducin$ various characters and concepts and paintin$ a picture of its o-n fictional space that -e have yet to see $ro- and unfold. And as it is a setup for elements and meanin$, so it is an introduction to the films: tone. Transformers %&''() is a ad 4ovie, and it -arns us ri$ht a-ay+ 8even$e of the Fallen %&'';) -ill be too. <hat it doesn:t tell us is that -here this movie is mostly dull and aimless, 8even$e is, -ell...

...Completely off the fuckin$ hook.

#o far off the hook, in fact, that it needed an entire movie Iust to tell us that -e:re supposed to be skeptical of it. Actually, no, -ait, thatFs a completely stupid idea, i$nore everythin$ I Iust said.

Is this still $oin$. I:m Iust about ready to -rap this shit up.

4e$atron and !ptimus Prime D! ATTLE and -ell, 4e$atron kicks the i$ !:s shiny metal bum -ith trivial ease D pretty surprisin$ considerin$ they:re usually portrayed as evenly matched %but a$ain, has implications for the third movie). <hat:s notable here is the dialo$ue. 4e$atron shouts E1umans don:t deserve to live2G, a line that is complete nonsense until you reali=e he:s speakin$ Iud$ment over mankind for -hat they did to him, but Prime Iust -aves it off -ith a similarly bi=arre line about freedom of choice. Then 4e$atron takes off after #am, and the dumb little $it someho- activates the cube, turnin$ a bunch of appliances around him into mad monsters.

1omicidal 4ountain De- robot. Aes, really.

4e$atron chases after #am, shoutin$ some of the best lines in the movie %EI CA" #4ELL A!?, !A2G) and then the movie basically completely loses its shit.

The dull and limpL-risted editin$ from before suddenly becomes a manic, chaotic nonsenseLthrill ride that is virtually impossible to follo-. The $eometry of individual set pieces makes a certain de$ree of sense, but the movie starts cuttin$ bet-een them so fast and directionlessly that the -hole thin$ Iust devolves into a sin$le e6plosion of actionLanarchy -hile the individual scenes become actual video $ame seHuences. umblebee is in an actual rail shooter se$ment bein$ -a$oned around by his female sidekick -hile Lenno6 literally hits lackout:s -eak spot for massive dama$e. Durin$ all this, the sound effects are completely reduced to t-o pe- pe- $un noises and the occasional Eboss hurtG $runtin$ sound effect over a random heavy metal track, completin$ the descent into bein$ an actual video $ame. Even comin$ off scenes like the endLofL actL* fi$ht, this shift is so sudden and Iarrin$ that I find it hard to even find -ords for it.

4ean-hile, 4e$atron is oddly affectionate to-ards #am. 1e actually stops to talk to him, asks him -hether he:s afraid, and offers him to continue livin$ if he hands out the cube, -hich, considerin$ ho- 4e$atron feels about humans ri$ht no- and that he could Iust reach out and take the thin$, is actually a $enuine offer of kindness. 1e even seems $enuinely re$retful -hen #am refuses him. A$ain, this is nonsense until you remember+ #am -as the only human to ever refer to 4e$atron by name or sho- him any kind of respect. !ptimus rescues him, but $ets badly messed up in the process, and tells #am of the -hole Emake the cube e6plode my soul to destroy itG plan. 4e$atron on !ptimus D! ATTLE a$ain, and, -ell, the result is predictable. Bust remember his last line to Prime, EAou still fi$ht for the -eak. That is -hy you lose2G because -hile it may look like standard nonsensical villainous

bravado, this line is a massive set up for the third movie.

4ilky 4oor posted+

4ichael ay is also the human that 4e$atron flicks off himself and into a -all Iust prior to his sho-do-n -ith !ptimus. The -hole disaster filmT#am as vie-point aspects of the film completely $loss over so much of the final fi$ht and you simply donFt see much of it. onecrusher and !ptimus, #tarscream a$ainst Ironhide and 8atchet, 4e$atron and Ba==, 4e$atron and !ptimus... All of these are rendered in little flashes of battle and sound effects -ith the focus still bein$ on #am or itFs shot from such an an$le that you see Iust the le$s of these $iant Transformers stompin$ around. ?sually, thereFs only a $ood shot of the end of the battle or -hen itFs other-ise decided L !ptimus decapitates onecrusher %and pay attention to heads and faces -hen !ptimus does battle), #tarscream heavily -ounds Ironhide and 8atchet, 4e$atron rips Ba== in t-o, and #am sho-s up and pops 4e$atron -ith the Cube. The rest of these fi$hts are $lossed over, missed out on because #am %or the other human bystander in the case of !ptimus and onecrusher) isnFt -atchin$. The e6ception to this is DevastatorT ra-l and lackout. I think this is because Lenno6 is the point of vie- character here and, as a soldier, he -ould have his eye on the battle rather than Iust scrabblin$ around for cover. In this case, itFs kind of the opposite of ho- the aforementioned scenes are presented L instead of missin$ the fi$ht, -e miss the endin$ sta$es and aftermath. <e see ra-lastator $et absolutely mauled and he promptly falls throu$h a shopfront, literally out of the picture. lackout $ets shot a -hole bunch and falls over and, a$ain, -e never see him a$ain. They are set up and knock do-ned in scenes that are far more actionLorientated %due to Lenno6) rather than survivalLorientated. Lenno6 fi$hts the enemy, he kills the enemy, they are disre$arded. Interestin$ ho- a motorcycle features prominently in the demise of lackout. !h2 And one thin$ I Iust recalled after rememberin$ 4e$atronFs ama=in$ line about smellin$ #am. This idea about Cybertronians and the sense of smell bein$ an important tool to the Transformers returns at the be$innin$ of 8!TF, interestin$ly, also linked back to 8atchetFs line about sensin$ Decepticons. I canFt remember if this idea sho-s up in D!T4. #mell is such a primal instinct and it seems bi=arre that robots -ould claim to make use of it. ut, see, the Autobots all have this primal ed$e to their facial features, more evocative of predatory animals than humans. Bust look at Ironhide, for e6ample, or 8atchet L both seem to evoke comparison -ith some sort of bi$ cat. And, funnily enou$h, they are sava$e. <eFve only seen Iust a hint of this in Transformers, -hen !ptimus amputates a limb from onecrusher and then cuts his head in t-o, -e see Ba== rip a piece of ra-lastator off as he climbs all over him and, -hile this is $oin$ on, 8atchet takes to him -ith -hat looks like a circular sa- blade and lops an arm off. Compare this to their opponents. The Decepticons donFt really have the same level of brutality in their fi$htin$ styles as they tend to use their ran$ed -eaponry. I canFt think of any si$nificant acts of shockin$ violence -ith the e6ception of 4e$atron tearin$ Ba== in t-o. #tarscream uses missiles and machine $uns, 4e$atron has his bi$ laser cannon, ra-lastator has a bunch of cannons, chain$uns and assorted mean lookin$ thin$s. !ddly, they seem to have the cleaner approach to violence. !nly onecrusher and 4e$atron appear to have any melee -eapons %and 4e$atron barely makes use of his, usin$ it to smash his -ay out of containment and smash #am from the rooftop). The Decepticons are like the -eapons of -ar they dis$uise themselves as L clean, sur$ical, modern. Their violence is like action movie violence L a bit of shootin$, a bit of punchin$.

4ilky 4oor cont...

They Autobots, on the other hand, kind of come across as violent bra-lers -ho relish the kill. Their violence tends to be, -ithout fail, incredibly brutal and unnecessary %after all, all it takes to kill a Transformer is a fe- $ood hits to the chest, remember.) It links back to TerryFs idea that these are illLfi$htin$ dis$uises, almost used more as manipulative tools than a $enuine aspect of their personality -hich is somethin$ I feel -e are supposed to assume. The cra=y level of violence is somethin$ that rapidly escalates in the second and third films, keep an eye out for it.

<ell, Prime is do-n, but finally, after a -hole act of $ettin$ them to move out, the airstrike finally arrives %after #tarscream fails to stop it) and, uh... Qnocks 4e$atron around a bit. The implications of the #ecretary of Defense orderin$ an airstrike on a populated ?.#. city are never mentioned.

linded -ith ra$e, 4e$atron snaps at #am, shoutin$ nonsense and cla-in$ at everythin$ in si$ht, but he doesn:t reali=e that merely duckin$ do-n sli$htly -as all that -as needed.

ecause no- his chest is in reach of #am, -ho, in a stroke of Huick thinkin$, hits 4e$atron:s #park -ith the cube, causin$ its ener$y to spill out.

4e$atron -anted life, and he $ot it. ut in an almost protoLPrometheus %&'*&) t-ist, it -as too much life that destroyed him. Easily missed here is !ptimus shoutin$ E"o, #am2G as he is about to kill 4e$atron. ecause killin$ him may not have been all that #am Iust did... EAou left me no choice, brotherG, !ptimus says to the dyin$ lord. Another sentence that makes no sense D -hat choice. Qillin$ him -as all #am:s doin$, soLL Ayup, third movie. And so the movie -raps up. There:s con$ratulations, $oodbyes, sad music, and the villain:s corpse is thro-n into the Laurencin abyss. All the $ood sappy stuff.

And off in a corner, finishin$ -ith some completely meanin$less bullshit narration, !ptimus crushes the remains of the Allspark in his fist, as he crushed the last hopes of his planet ever bein$ revived. And his choices are only $oin$ to $et -orse from here. #o, so much -orse. %The funny thin$ for me is that arricade makes no appearance in this last se$ment. #o they specifically had him reappear

after he supposedly died... !nly for it to be completely pointless. 1e doesnFt appear in 8!TF either %but onecrusher does..) and only appears as a cameo in D!T4.)

8even$e of the Fallen %&'';)

Part *+ 1oo oy.

!h, 8even$e of the Fallen. If Transformers %&''() left vie-ers disappointed and dis$runtled, 8even$e left mouths a$ape and ears steamin$ -ith ra$e. It:s the lo- point of not Iust the Transformers franchise, but perhaps modern 1olly-ood C0ILactionLbusters in $eneral. I mean, it made plenty of money, but I can:t really think of a movie that -as received more poorly that -asn:t also a bi$ bo6 office flop. #ee, if -hat I said in the previous update is true, -ell, the filmmakers: little e6periment failed. 8even$e is seen as little more than daft, -orthless drivel, and it:ll be hard to convince anyone it:s actually a clever little movie. I mean, I:ll try, butCno -ait I -on:t, people are ri$ht.

8even$e is not a very $ood movie. "ot even in the lo-ercase sense.
?pon initial vie-in$ I clearly preferred it to the first part because -hile it as a lot more bad, it also has a lot more interestin$ and meanin$ful content than the first movie. ut after -atchin$ Dark of the 4oon %&'**), I:m a lot less kind to it. It:s poorly e6ecuted, meanderin$ and mostly lackin$ actual relevance, but the bi$$est, most catastrophic problem -ith 8even$e is+ It:s

Iust not vile enou$h.

It does, ho-ever, start -ith a ban$. <hile !ptimus e6posits about somethin$ %seriously, pay no attention to that $uy), -e:re inN *(.''' C Africa. !Q, sure.

It =ooms on the people as soon as !ptimus says E>People are capable@ of $reat violence.G It seems absurd to use tribal people as an e6ample of the $reeeaaaat viiioooolleeeence in huumaaaan heeeaaarts but C !1 C8AP L!!Q AT T1E 0?A I" F8!"T

1!LA F?CQ A8E A!? #EEI"0 T1I# no really this is -here I $ot all that nonsense about naked sava$ery from D this entire openin$ scene is completely pointless and va$uely surreal for the avera$e movie$oer -ho hasn:t learned his lesson from the first movie and still e6pects robots bein$ punched, but you keep in mind one of the fe- $enuinely -ellLcrafted shots from the first movie and A4 suddenly a tribal African -ho is painted up to look Iust like your main villainN

NFacin$ off a$ainst your other main villain. <hat the fuck, 8even$e. It $ets even better+ efore this, the tribal $uys: enemy is sho-n to be a ti$er, and the movie dubs the same ti$er $ro-lin$ noise over the ti$er, the humans, and the t-enty meter alien robot death machine. And -hile it respectfully skips over the ti$er bein$ killed, it does sho- said death machine completely ruinin$ the poor folks: shit. 8emember ho- I called Transformers a documentary back in the very first update. <ell, this is e6actly -hat this is. A fairly $enuine recreation of humans huntin$, follo-ed by an impartial aerial take of the hunters bein$ crushed underfoot in front of -hat looks like a horrible malevolent mutation of the 4onolith from &''*+ A #pace !dyssey %*;79). The contrast of the naturalism of these people -ith their simple, rou$h -ar paint -ith the completely sterile and shiny, yet completely overdesi$ned and cluttered C0ILaliens certainly leaves an impression, and it:s a shame this scene is mostly for$otten in favor of some of the later nonsense this film thro-s at us. Actually, I:m $oin$ to continue this thou$ht, because -hile this literally the first minute of the movie, it has more sheer meanin$ thro-n into it than the entirety of standalone Transformers %&''(). A$ain, -e:re led into this scene by !ptimus bein$ all smu$ about ho- violent humans are, but the movie actually skips over the humans: %potentially Iustified.) murder of the ti$er, and then proceeds to portray them as the victims. The $iant built of orichalcum %read+ the fantastic material kno-n as C0I) is as unstoppable as he is unfathomable. There:s no Ecare to hunt for the villain:s secret motiveG $ame in this movie, the titular Fallen %not that the movie includes much of a 8even$e) acts on pure malice alone. 1is shiny, Iittery, for some reason clearly Le$o ionicleLinspired body seems to e6ist on an entire different level from the mere humans belo-. In the conte6t of this scene, and so far the entire movie, he:s more than Iust an old space robot+ 1e:s the cosmic embodiment of evil. In spite of its documentary style, this seHuence does not sho- a real thin$, but mere conIecture on ancient events turned into a story.

It:s the a$e of myth, and the Fallen is the $od the story tells ofO As "orse myth has Loki and Roroastrian myth has An$ra 4ainyu, so the TransformersLuniverse has the Fallen. %thou$h Loki is more of a 4e$atronLfi$ure, but, details) ut then, -e already sa- the first movie, and the Transformers have been thorou$hly demystified for us. <e kno- -hat they are, and the Fallen is not much different. #o does that make the $ods almost pedestrian, Iust super robots from outer space %yes, shut up), or have all the characters -e have seen, includin$ the useless Decepticon dre$s from the first movie, Iust been retroactively elevated to $odhood. <ell, both really. After all, the $ro-lin$ sounds the same no matter the species. <ell, I Iust covered a literal minute of screen time. <ait no, I:m not done yet. I -ant to elaborate on that shot comparison above. The shots are almost identically blocked and set up+ <e:re lookin$ at the central fi$ure from belo- at a very sli$htly tinted an$le -hile a stron$ li$ht shines behind them. The bi$ difference are their surroundin$s. <hile 4e$atron:s fore$round is taken up by the restrainin$ bars that have already been commented on, the human leader:s fore$round is free of obstructions D because he is free of obstacles. And -here he has his comrades, 4e$atron:s company is Iust more metal arms and bearin$s, as thou$h in a sli$ht sadistic streak the humans decided to partner him up -ith -hat they perceived him as+ A misshapen chunk of metal. #eriously, on a surface level the movies present 4e$atron as a re$ular villainous monster, but if you keep lookin$, they Iust $ive him such a -onderfully crafted emotional Iourney. I mean, you can tell me all you -ant about ho- these movies have no nuance at all, but, -ell, I don:t believe you in the sli$htest. #hots like these don:t happen by accident.

Part &+ <hat the fuck, 8even$e. Part deu6

!f course the Transformers films -ould make the first shot of a forei$n country a blasted -asteland. It:s not even surprisin$ at this point.

E6ceptN <hoa, are those civilians. Aeah, after the last movie carefully avoided sho-in$ civilians as anythin$ but a panickin$ faceless mass, suddenly -e:re seein$ people and children, fleein$ from -hat:s apparently a to6ic spill. <hat:s happenin$, 8even$e.

!h, much better. !f course the military screen -ould reduce this sudden human element back to a monotone, shapeless mass that a bunch of people are Iust vacantly starin$ at. It turns out the ?.#. and ritish militaries have formed an alliance -ith the Autobots to form a secret $lobal strike force tasked -ith huntin$ do-n and neutrali=in$ any remainin$ Decepticons on earth. Ironhide and the dudes arrive in #han$hai and... <ait hold the fuck up.

Let me repeat that+ T-o maIor -estern nations -ith imperialist leanin$s have founded a secret $lobal police force that $leefully treks across the entire $lobe and fakes to6ic spills and other disasters, forcin$ people to evacuate and causin$ mass panic, to hunt do-n every sin$le member of a particular race and e6ecute them -ithout trial, or, in a fe- less -ords, to commit $oddamn $enocide. I don:t even I spun circles around myself tryin$ to paint the Autobots as secretly evil in the first movie, and here they are, -ith the military these movies supposedly so admire, literally committin$ $enocide. Fuck. !ptimus Prime e6plains all this like it:s completely selfLe6planatory, too. EAup, then -e murder everyone.G 1o- the fuck did people not notice this. Is everyone so convinced that !ptimus Prime is AL<AA# T1E 1E8! that he has to skin ten kittens alive on screen before someone starts noticin$ somethin$:s off. 0enocide2 Fuck2

"eedless to say, steam shovel dude is not happy -ith this arran$ement, and starts flippin$ out at the a$$ressors and makes a run for it. It:s hilarious because you occasionally come across moral ar$uments on the internet over -hether the "E#T force -as really Iustified in attackin$ #caven$er Demolisher, because, you kno-, $uys. 0enocide. <e don:t really $et a $ood look at his robot mode, but

hold on, is that

... Fuck this, I:m endin$ this update here. And I didn:t even $et to talk about the t-ins yet. The fuckin$ t-ins.

...0enocide. #heesh. 4ilky 4oor posted+

I mean, come on, "E#T troops -ear a patch that reads FIf I tell you, I have to kill youF -ith a s-ord on it -hile they $o around killin$ sleepin$ Decepticons. "ot somethin$ nice like FPeace and Mi$ilanceF in Latin.

Aoun$ Freud posted+

"ot Iust a s-ord, but a $ladius. Aou kno-, the one the 8oman le$ions -ere armed -ith -hen they put most of the kno-n -orld under their heel.

Part /+ 4eet the Autobots, Part &

A second Decepticon takes off, and our ne-ly arrived Autobot comradesLinLmurder chase after him2

L #ides-ipe, a re$ular Autobot $runt -ho has someho- mana$ed to scan a oneLofLaLkind concept car and become #CI##!8CA8, e6terminator e6traordinaire2

L Arcee, the physically improbably le$ionLladyLformer -ho appears in this intro scene and practically never a$ain2 Probably because of her severe back problems. !uch, that looks painful.

Dammit <ho. posted+

ArceeFs humanoid form clinches it for me that sheFs a $rotesHue of the female ima$e. #eriously, look at that thin$. #heFs $ot a hideous parody of an hour$lass fi$ure, and -hile sheFs $ot feet theyFre trapped in her improbable shoes, forcin$ her to move unnaturally. #heFs practically a mechanical interpretation of a #ilent 1ill monster.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
Arcee plays absolutely no role in the filmFs plot, but check this ima$e to see ho- crucial she is to the themes. These three identical, virtual, modelLhot riders are directly related to the %in)famous ima$e of 4e$an Fo6 perched on a bike in cheesecake pose, -hich -ill appear later in the film. Is ay callin$ 4e$an Fo6 a holo$ram as -ell L merely a vesti$ial e6tension of the vehicle bein$ adverti=ed, -hich is itself merely an e6tension of a $reater militaryLindustrialLentertainment comple6. AbsoLfuckin$Llutely. This point is underlined by ArceeFs irrelevance to the plot. #heFs there for no other reason but to plant this ima$e of three fake, interchan$eable motorcycleLridin$ -omen in your mind for later L directly linkin$ the ima$ery of covert American e6traIudicial $enocide to the ima$ery of 4e$an Fo6Fs hot ass. This sort of detail is -hat makes it unmistakable that Transformers & is FaboutF e6ploitation, and not Fmerely stupid.F %ItFs also crucial that these F$oodF AutoLfembots -ill be contrasted -ith an FevilF Decepticon fembot fatale later in the film. %"ot to mention other $ynophobic ima$ery.) ut thatFs a compareLandLcontrast for once -e $et to it.)

L And the t-ins, #kids and 4udflap%yes, really.)2 ?$h, the t-ins. Aeah, I:m puttin$ this one off as lon$ as I can. "ot much of an impressive bunch, are they. <ell, $ood, because once a$ain only t-o of them -ill actually play a role in this movie. 0uess -ho. Bust $uess.

!h, and here:s -hat that Decepticon looks like, in case you cared. <ell, I hope you didn:t, cause he:s dead2

Actual threat this $uy posed+ Less than =ero

!nly maybe he isn:t because there:s a chance that maybe he:s actually Iust another incarnation of a dimensionLhoppin$ immortal shapeLshiftin$ manipulative servant of a planetLeatin$ cosmic monster -ho decided to visit #han$hai on a -him and can Iust revive -ith ease and oh $od I -ish I -as makin$ any of this shit up.

timeandtide posted+
If you pause durin$ !ptimusF plane e6it, ay and the lead cameraman are ne6t to him char$in$ at the vie-er -ith JFuck yeah2J faces -hile holdin$ cameras. ut yeah, no- the i$ ! himself airdrops in, and this -hole scene is pretty much already over. #o here:s -hy I completely disre$ard the toys for this commentary even thou$h I:m actually a very fond of them. #ee, -hen you actually think about this movie, certain Huestions arise. Like, E<hy did !ptimus airdrop in instead of arrivin$ on foot like the others.G, but -hen you:re thinkin$ in terms of cinematic lan$ua$e, it makes perfect sense D this scene sho-s effectively ho- humans are most directly aidin$ !ptimus in his personal desires, ho- he mana$ed to convince them so thorou$hly that the Decepticons are deservin$ of e6tinction that they:re fully -illin$ to use unthinkably e6pensive military infrastructure Iust to play chauffeur for him.

And then the toy line retconned thin$s so the plane -as Iust another Autobot -ho disappeared after-ards for no reason instead. Aeah, -hen people take this stuff as canon, no -onder the films end up bein$ completely nonsensical.
And -e didn:t even end up $ettin$ a $ood toy out of it. #eriously, look at that thin$:s feet.

<ell, so !ptimus drops catches up -ith Demolisher, and, of course, completely -recks his shit, so... Aou kno- -hat. #cre- this. Let:s talk about children instead. !ne of the key aspects of the childlike mindset is their ability to reappropriate their environment. ecause children are not yet so used to the ideas and stereotypes -e have about our surroundin$s that they end up seemin$ elementary and unchallen$eable like they -ould to an adult, they are much more capable of transformin$%2) an element into somethin$ completely unrelated. <here an adult sees a ci$ar they see a ci$ar %or a dick, but that:s another discussion), but to a child, a pile of pillo-s becomes a fort and a plain floor becomes a moat of lava. It:s not Iust play, either D it:s very much vital for their development, not Iust because it helps understand the -orld and stimulate creativity, but also because it allo-s them to trans$ress needless barriers. For e6ample, some studies sho- that children are more open to play -ith children of the opposite se6 -hen makeLbelieve is involved. <hen a boy and a $irl can be anythin$ they -ant, the terms lose their meanin$s, and all difficulties -e socially associate -ith them -ash a-ay. %until puberty that is.) "eedless to say, in a film called ETransformersG this idea of reappropriation becomes as central to the films as the board $ame attleship is to, -ell, attleship %&'*&). The Transformers are toys to be$in -ith, and the %first) film treats them as such. <ith a fe- t-ists of the hand, a car becomes a humanoid shape, and in the child:s mind, a $iant friendly killer robot. These films, -hile hardly at all suited for actual children, are Iust this taken one step further D toys transformed into movin$ computer meshes, computer meshes turnin$ into movin$ pictures, and movin$ pictures becomin$ symbols for ideas and values. People sayin$ that these films are Iust E4ichael ay ban$in$ his toys to$etherG aren:t actually that far off+ The filmmakers assume the role of a child, and e6pect the audience to do the same. Disre$ardin$ in$ro-n stereotypes is pretty much the only -ay to enIoy the films. !f course, -e see this reappropriation happen in the story as -ell. In the first film, 4ikaela turns a bandsa- into a -eapon. #am turns !ptimus Prime into a dick e6tension symbol of masculinity. The ?# $overnment turns 4e$atron into a birthplace for modernLday technolo$y. All these little human thin$s are fundamental to ho- people and the Transformers relate. For all of his vacant bullshittin$, Prime is pretty on point -hen he notes that it:s their youth as a species that allo-s both such $reat compassion and such utter violence, as -hile this creative force is -hat allo-ed them to become -hat they are from tribal

nomads bein$ crushed underfoot, it:s also -hat made them commit such a crime a$ainst 4e$atron, a simple mistake that kicked off three movies -orth of events that eventually lead to humanity bein$ completely, -ell, fucked. And here -e are no-, and $uess -hat, !ptimus has learned from the humans, and is no- himself busy reappropriatin$ their resources for his $ain, instead of his hands usin$ his charisma. Aside from the obvious aspect of becomin$Lutility, -hich -as forced upon them by circumstances, the only times a Transformer did somethin$ like this before is umblebee usin$ his radio as a voicebo6 %notably the youn$est Autobot %aside from the t-ins %$rrooooaaaaann))), and 4e$atron, too prideful even to appropriate an earthLmode, turnin$ Archibald <it-icky:s $lasses into a map, underlinin$ his total desperation at that point. The Fallen, notably, does not appropriate anythin$ at all. 1e doesn:t even transform. 1e constantly reaffirms his ri$htful $odhood, and his $rand a$e, by bein$ completely set in his -ays. 1ence -hy he appears so much more divine than any other Transformer D as EboyG and E$irlG are blurred in play, -hen $od becomes utility, the line that raises him from man slo-ly disappears. asically, -hat this is leadin$ to is that this is -hat I:m talkin$ about -hen I call the Autobots immature. The films don:t condemn their immaturity, but it:s definitely a factor in ho- they became so destructive. 8i$ht, -here -ere -e. !h, yeah. Demolisher dies.

EThis is not your planet to rule. The Fallen shall rise a$ain2G
Aside from the obvious heavyLhanded foreshado-in$, notice Demolisher seems to think the Autobots rule the planet earth. 1e:s not that -ron$, at this point.

Part 3+ I can:t even summari=e this nonsense.

#am. <hy is this $uy here a$ain. It:s been noted that he completed his character arc in the first movie already. 1e stood up to dan$er, slayed the dra$on and $ot the $irl. That:s pretty much it, ri$ht. <ell, no. #ee, -hile he:s run his course in basic narrative terms, the movies focus heavily on his development as a person. And there is one thin$, one very important thin$, that he has yet to accomplish, his $reatest barrier yet+ 1e has to $ro- up. !ne of the reoccurrin$ motifs of this trilo$y is that it sho-s different sta$es of #am:s life. <e had school, no- he:s movin$ out and becomin$ selfLreliant, and in the third movie he:ll find -ork. <hat:s important is ho- he reacts to, and develops -ith, these events. #am:s dad does drop one important phrase, about #am and 4ikaela+ EAou need to $ive each other room to $ro-.G ?ne6pected -isdom from a buffoon like him. #peakin$ of 4ikaela,

And speakin$ as someone -ho re$ularly uses an airbrush, that pose cannot be comfortable. I don:t often $et into composition of individual shots because that:s like, haaaaard but this one is actually pretty interestin$. The director:s slapdash Eblink and you miss itG editin$ style doesn:t $ive individual shots much room to breathe, but every no- and a$ain they:ll stop and Iust lin$er on an ima$e. And that:s -hen you kno-+ This is -here the composition matters.

To the ri$ht -e see the dilapidated -orkshop that:s the closest thin$ the movie sho-s us to 4ikaela:s home. Its dull tones and messy, naturalistic appearance create a bit of a sad impression, clearly paintin$ her and her family as lo-erLclass. The only obIect of presti$e in the shot is the $leamin$, clean bike %thou$h, airbrushes are e6pensive2), and 4ikaela is basically drapin$ herself all over it, turnin$ her back to the sad scene of her home and thorou$hly immersin$ herself in its almost C0ILlike sheen. In this sense, the movie paints her o-n fascination -ith bikes, and by pro6y the Transformers, as her o-n form of escapism. 1er face looks focused, but there is also a certain fundamental sadness to it that follo-s the character every-here. And durin$ all this, the shot blatantly, bra=enly focuses on her rump D i$norin$ her artistry and her difficult situation in favor of paintin$ her as no more than a se6 obIect. It:s a pretty sad little ima$e, really, but this shot alone develops her character more than the entire first movie did. 8even$e and Dark 4oon constantly pull stuff like this, buildin$ characters -ithout actually lettin$ us follo- this process and $rosympathetic of them. Then this happens.

...Ayyeeeeaaah. Qids, don:t play around -ith the remains of ancient lifeL$ivin$ artifacts. 1e drops the shard, and it causes a pretty bi$ mess.

I... <hat. <ell, I $uess it seems the shards still have a fraction of the real thin$:s po-er in them, and all hell breaks loose in house <it-icky.

<hat:s notable is Iust ho- vul$ar the little ne-born robots are. Crotch $uns and far Iokes $alore, -ith the occasional bit of vomit mi6ed in. The movie once a$ain reminds us ho- sava$e and destructive Transformers are -ithout social conditionin$.

0ood thin$ umblebee is on the scene2 1e murders all of them, then destroys #am:s house. Aes, he Iust killed a bunch of ne-borns. Besus, $enocide and killin$ babies, -hat the fuck is $oin$ to happen ne6t.

1e may be understandably pissed, but #am treats umblebee like one of his do$s, commandin$ him to $et back into his little shed to sulk.

Thankfully, he feels sad about it after-ards, and has a heartLtoLheart talk -ith umblebee. I find this little scene $enuinely -ell done D as if to predict people:s obIections of #am bein$ in all three movies, he himself notes that his time to be a hero has come and $one, and no- he Iust -ants to $o to colle$e, $ro- up and live a normal life. 1e has out$ro-n ee, and it:s time to say $oodbye. As if that -asn:t enou$h, he then has a $enuinely romantic scene -ith 4ikaela. It:s... It:s almost like the movie -ants us to $enuinely care about him no- that he:s on his -ay to becomin$ a normal person. It can:t be overstated Iust ho- nice and feelL$ood these scenes are compared to the lurid, $rimy depths the rest of the movie descends to. Comin$ off the particularly vul$ar scene of the ne-borns, it:s a pretty incredible contrast, and once a$ain underlines that the presence of the Transformers is not a $ood thin$ for anyone involved. There:s also the curious subplot of #am not bein$ able to tell 4ikaela he loves her. A$ain, it doesn:t make much sense to the casual vie-er, but if you pay attention, the fact is that he can:t say it because he doesn:t love her. 8emember -hy they came to$ether in the first movie. <ell, pretty much because they:re the prota$onists, but also because, -ell, they -ere involved in a stressful situation and made discoveries to$ether. ut that can:t last. The t-o blatantly don:t have a lot in common, and #am is clearly not yet ready to enter an e6tended mono$amous relationship. #o he doesn:t love her, but he:s afraid of breakin$ up -ith her as -ell, because heFs a teen and teens do that sort of thin$. <hy they $et to$ether a$ain in the end of the movie. <ell. <e:ll see about that. The end of 8even$e is... <eird.

In fact, a ne- tiny annoyin$ Decepticon has entered the picture, and is no- stalkin$ 4ikaela, under the -atchful eyes of...

The -atcher in space, #ound-ave, actin$ leader of the Decepticons. A strikin$ contrast to 4e$atron and his aimless ra$e, #ound-ave is calm, aloof, and literally aboveLitLall, and the one Decepticon -ho is -ell and truly completely lackin$ in morality. 1e doesn:t do much in this movie, but oh, he -ill have his time.

4ilky 4oor posted+

#ound-ave also violates the hell out of that satellite, somethin$ -hich he almost does a$ain L albeit to somethin$ that isnFt a machine L in D!T4. ThereFs also #am -antin$ 4ikaela to -hisper FcamshaftsF to him. Qind of ties in -ith the se6ual ima$ery that $ets all linked up -ith machines and machinery a$ain and a$ain in these films. #ure, 4ikaela kno-s the ins and outs of en$ines, but it only seems to matter -hen #am -ants her to talk dirty to him.

Terry van Feleday posted+

The -eird thin$ is that -hile the scene clearly uses se6ual, Jtentacle rapeJ ima$ery, itFs not really se6ual in its nature. #ound-ave appears completely apathetic throu$hout, and to him the act is fully utilitarian. Even in the second movie, heFs actually Iust communicatin$ that the person in Huestion is under threat to someone else -hile havin$ no actual interest in the subIect itself. !ne of the stran$er reoccurin$ themes of these movies I Iust noticed is the -ay the Transformers keep usin$ se6ual ima$ery -ithout actually completely understandin$ ho- se6uality -orks. This ran$es from the reoccurin$ crotch$uns to the oftLspoken of fembot, and -ill become a thin$ in the end of this film as -ell. 8emember 8atchet makin$ a -eird, clinical comment about #amFs hots for 4ikaela in the first movie. 1e Iust sort of establishes #amFs se6uality as a fact -ithout really $ettin$ into finer points, as thou$h he -as talkin$ about the matin$ cycle of spiders or somethin$.

Part 5+ <ell, there:s no avoidin$ it.

The Autobots arrive back at base, and the movie makes no mistake about sho-in$ the absurdity of its comic relief ice cream truck paradin$ around -ith this hu$e military division.

1o-ever, the military $ives the ice cream t-ins an up$rade %-hat, are alt modes re$ulated by humanity no-.) and, -ell.

Alri$ht, I $uess it:s time to talk about the t-ins.

Alri$ht. #o I talked about the racism in the first movie, and there:s been a lot of Huestion -hat it:s been leadin$ up to. <ell, the ans-er is+ The t-ins. "ot satisfied -ith simple racist portrayals of black people, 8!TF reduced itself to strai$htLup robot minstrelsy. Their accents are practically torn ri$ht out of a *;5's movie, and they embody literally every black stereotype the

filmmakers could think of. They:re slo-L-itted, u$ly, a$$ressive apes -ho spend more time $ettin$ into pointless fi$hts than anythin$ else, they literally cannot read, they:re the most e6plicitly subservient Autobots %not even bein$ at liberty to choose their o-n alt modes) and one of them has a $old tooth. In fact, the movie even plays selfLa-are -ith them+ They start the movie as an artifact from the preLcivil ri$hts era, and then up$rade to ne-er forms D takin$ on a modern shape, but still bein$ the same nasty characters as before, much like racism in 1olly-ood itself. The very fact that somethin$ like them could be sho-n in theatres is completely stunnin$, but, see, they also pretty much form the core of 8even$e as a movie.

Dan$er posted+
The ima$ery of FmudF >as in J4udflapJ@ has historically been used to dehumani=e nonL-hite people and the -ord itself is routinely incorporated outri$ht into racial slurs. They are also completely and utterly mishandled, and the bi$$est reason -hy 8even$e is not even half the movie it could, should be. ased on the last update, you may be startin$ to see the paradi$m the movie is tryin$ to set up. It contains a fine $rain of a $enuine human element, and puts #am and 4ikaela -ithin reachin$ distance of it. <hile $lorifyin$ and commendin$ every step they take to-ards bein$ actual reali=ed characters rather than the action movie stereotypes they formed in the first movie, it also condemns the Huestionable action movie stereotypes that take shape in the Transformers, -ho keep tryin$ to dra$ #am back into their little fascist narrative. In becomin$ $enocidal psychopaths and vul$ar, childish morons, the maIestic, yet destructive alien bein$s from the first movie become fully morally repu$nant, invitin$ us to condemn them and side -ith the human element instead. E6cept then, the movie fucks it all up. The filmmakers are often accused of misanthropy, and frankly, 8even$e is hardly makin$ a case a$ainst this. Presumably noticin$ that people -ere seein$ the first movie completely differently than intended, they decided to thro- the idea of communicatin$ any of these aspects completely out of the -indo-, instead Iust coverin$ everythin$ in a massively thick layer of false Ecomic reliefG so the entire film Iust comes across as a sea of vapid stupidity. The emotional hi$h points are surrounded by stupid Iokes and stuff involvin$ #am:s poorly -ritten parents so it becomes virtually impossible to actually en$a$e -ith them. And the line separatin$ #am:s parents from #kids and 4udflap is so thin that the t-ins actually fail to look as lo-ly and nasty as they should, instead Iust comin$ across as more comic stupidity. That:s -hy I say 8even$e isn:t vile enou$h. In failin$ to properly sho- us that these stereotypes are repu$nant, it ends up implicitly promotin$ them. <hat should have been an antiLracist messa$e turns into the complete opposite. It:s Iust so frustratin$. And then the internet kept ar$uin$ the t-ins aren:t actually racist.

Corn-ind Evil posted+

Like many films, there -ere a bunch of tieLin materials to each film of the Transformers series, stuff that are pretty much unkno-n save to the hardcore fans. Apparently one tried to Fe6plainF #kips and 4udflap. #ee, they -ere e6perimented on by an evil Decepticon doctor, tryin$ to make them loyal Decepticons, and it $ave them brainTCP? dama$e. (http://tfwiki.net/wiki/Tales_of_the_Fallen_issue_6#Items_of_note) In the end, this really $oes to sho- you -hy fans should "!T try and make Fe6cusesF or plu$ up Fplot holesF in films, because as the very -iki says, F#o sufferin$ brain dama$e makes you talk streetF. In tryin$ to e6plain a-ay the T-inFs behavior, the -riter proceeds to di$ the racism hole even deeper by sayin$ that the only reason anyone -ould act like this is because theyFre 8AI"LDA4A0ED. Fuck nerds forever, and fuck this movie.

Part 7+ The >4!?"TAI" DE<@ conspiracy

EAou $otta -onder. 0od made us in his ima$eO <ho made him.G
In a meetin$ -ith the military top brass, !ptimus claims that the 7 Decepticons they already murdered -ere scattered around the -orld D clearly, he e6plains, they -ere lookin$ for somethin$. The possibility that they -ere Iust runnin$ and hidin$ never occurs to him. 1e also tells of the Fallen, and ho- only the Allspark kno-s -here he came from. Aeah, from bein$ a life cube, the Allspark has suddenly become a history book. !ne of the officials critici=es !ptimus for claimin$ that -ith the Allspark destroyed, the Decepticons -ould leave. Everyone else, Lenno6 and the secretary of defense, sho- visible dis$ust at this disapprovin$ voice. It:s a little creepy, almost as if they:re brain-ashed.

Further, he notes that the ?.#. President %later sho-n to be President !bama, no less) is pretty dissatisfied -ith the untold harm and destruction the Autobots have been causin$, and that !ptimus clearly a$reed to share all their kno-led$e safe for -eapon advancements, -hich Iust causes Prime to launch into another diatribe about ho- humans are capable of suuuuuch $reeeaaaat eeeeviiill. !ptimus has chan$ed a lot in these t-o years. From the sli$htly dubious, but at least appearin$ -ise leader he -as in the first movie, he became brash, impatient, and his authoritative streak is startin$ to take an unhealthy note. The official is startin$ to

$et annoyed -ith him, and asks -ho Prime is to tell them -hat:s $ood and -hat isn:t, but Lenno6 cuts him off because ATTLEFIELD 1!"!8 clearly overrides all reasonable criticism. 1e keeps $oin$ on about ho- the military has been sendin$ messa$es into space -ithout as much as consultin$ the $overnment, but people keep cuttin$ him off -ith ho- 1!"!8A LE everyone is and ho- much I"TE08ITA they have, and it all $oes no-here. This, my friends, is ho- fascism happens. ut, the poor man has the president on his side, and keeps $oin$. 1e lo$ically concludes that the only remainin$ thin$ the Decepticons could be after are the Autobots, and that their presence is Iust puttin$ everyone at further risk. Funnily enou$h, -hile he:s -ron$ about the Decepticons: motive, he:s still ri$ht about the rest. ?nfortunately, #ound-ave has been listenin$ in, and found out the locations of 4e$atron and the kno-n #park shard. !nce a$ain, trouble is afoot.

4ean-hile, #am arrived at colle$e. "otice ho- the only people he sees are attractive youn$ ladies D keep your >4!?"TAI" DE<@ eyes to yourself, dude2

1e meets his ne- roommate, Leo #pit= %8amon 8odri$ue=). Aeesh, these people are so surrounded -ith pinLups, both livin$ and painted, that one -onders if they ever even met a normal -oman before. Like 4a$$ie 4adsen. 4an, I so -ish she -as in this movie. #am and Leo have a pretty cute and charmin$ little conversation $ettin$ to kno- each other thou$h, and it:s another of the film:s kinder moment.

At the time of -ritin$ this, I suddenly reali=e that durin$ nearly all of these scenes had E&* 0unsG by 0reen Day playin$. A son$ that prominently includes the line E$ive up the fi$htG. #ubtle.

E6cept then everythin$ $oes -ron$, a$ain. Turns out the public someho- mana$ed to completely miss out on the $iant robots -alkin$ throu$h the streets like it -as no thin$, so the e6istence of them is mostly unkno-n. 1o-ever, Leo and his dudes are apparently <ikileaks fanatics and obsessed -ith clearin$ up this conspiracy.

Those honest shots of panickin$ civilians from before. <ell, Leo:s team has reduced them to mere curiosity, admirin$ hoEcleanG they are and repostin$ them all over the internet for pa$e hits. Their sheer $lee at seein$ people scream and panic is borderline sociopathic. It $ets even -orse -hen neckbeard e6plains -ith burnin$ eyes ho- he sa- some robots Etotally toast that -omanG in LA %4ission City has been renamed to Los An$eles at some point) t-o years a$o. Aeah, this movie is kind of critical of the internet $eneration. #am is stunned, and tries to claim those videos are totally fake %Einternet video doesn:t lie, man2G) and he totally -asn:t involved, no sir. ut, it all doesn:t matter because someone -as faster than Leo in $ettin$ the videos up D a fearsome anon kno-n as 8obo-arrior. 4an, -hat a username. Then the movie $oes to shit a$ain for no reason -hen #am:s parents arrive and suddenly hippies and dru$ Iokes. #i$h.

Then -e meet Alice %Isabel Lucas), this movie:s blonde oneLoff -oman character. I don:t really -ant to talk about her, either. Thankfully, that:s still a bit off.

Part (+ e-are the 8eedman.

#ound-ave launches his pet cat, 8ava$e, onto earth, -here he proceeds to vomit a bunch of metal hairballs into a pipe in some restricted military =one. 4an, cats al-ays do that, it sucks. I can:t let my cat any-here near restricted areas no-adays.

E6cept these hairballs are actually so volatile that they Huickly develop sentience, transform and start combinin$ into an entirely ne- creature. 4eet 8eedman, one of the stran$est transformers this movie has to offer %-ell... Aside from Demolisher). Even i$norin$ the matryoshka doll action of #ound-ave spa-nin$ 8ava$e spa-nin$ 8eedman, it does not fit in -ith any other thin$ -e have seen in these t-o movies. It:s not based on any e6istin$ character or idea, its mode of transport and transformation are completely unlike anythin$ -e:ve seen %in fact, the -ay it $ro-s off the $round in lon$ stalks is most reminiscent of fun$us of all thin$s) and unlike everyone else, it is very much not a toy. After the Transformers themselves have become almost pedestrian, 8eedman is the first $enuinely alien thin$ -e encounter. 4an, even its name is kind of -eird. #lenderman, anyone.

As noted before, this scene forms a pretty unsettlin$ contrast to Fren=y:s infiltration seHuence in 4ovie one. <here Fren=y -as almost Iolly and likeable in his hyperactivity and tried to avoid pointless bloodshed, 8eedman Iust $ently, unnaturally hovers to-ard his tar$et in a strai$ht line, and then disposes of the human security in a painful and hideous -ay, Iust rammin$ into them -ith its ra=orLblade body -hile 8ava$e pointlessly and ruthlessly $uns do-n any human security outside. It:s creepy, it sho-s that thin$s are startin$ to $et a lot nastier, and it -onderfully foreshado-s #ound-ave:s role in the third movie.

4ean-hile, #am visits a party -ith Leo instead of chattin$ -ith his $irlfriend like he promised her. I:d $et an$ry at him, but, uh, somethin$:s clearly not Huite ri$ht -ith the $uy.

EAre you ok.G E"o. ?h, I:m Iust $ettin$ a napkin for my drink2G
From one second of sho-in$ relatively $enuine concern, Alice immediately s-itches over to makin$ transparent and inappropriate se6ual advances to-ards the cra=y $uy makin$ cake dra-in$s. It:s bi=arre and unnatural, and seems like she Iust suddenly shifted $ears from Enormal personG to Ebe creepy and slithery and drape yourself all over this random dude you Iust metG. Almost as if she:s some kind of robot. 1um. I have to say, -hile Isabel Lucas: role is of course mostly remembered for the blatant obIectification, she plays this part about as -ell as anyone could possibly play it. #he $ives it Iust the ri$ht amount of leery, unnatural creepiness that it actually ends up makin$ the audience uncomfortable instead of Iust bein$ EhoLho, this hot chick is totally comin$ on to our main character2G 4an, creepiness is Iust the theme of this update, isn:t it. <ell, luckily for #am,

0uess -ho2
#am climbs in after ee tells him trouble:s afoot, and Alice feels so free to invite herself ri$ht in as -ell.

ee start:s radioLEtalkin$G to #am in his usual Iokey -ay, and Alice is very clearly not fond of this fact. ee catches on that there:s somethin$ -ron$ -ith her, and starts annoyin$ her in every -ay possible, at one point Ierkin$ her for-ard so stron$ly it actually looks like a clip of a car crash. Then he pees on her, because that:s like, his thin$. Aes, in car mode. I don:t even kno-. Any-ay, that:s finally enou$h for her, and she leaves.

ee brin$s #am into a $raveyard %seriously $uys, subtle), -here !ptimus has decided to meet -ith him. !ptimus: speech is pretty bi=arre, so I:ll Iust Huote it in entirety+

EIFm sorry, #am, but the last fra$ment of the Allspark -as stolen. <e placed it under human protection at your $overnmentFs reHuest, but IFm here for your help, #am, because your leaders believe -e brou$ht ven$eance upon your planet. Perhaps they are ri$ht. That is -hy they must be reminded by another human of the trust -e share.G
It starts -ith a passiveLa$$ressive snipe at the $overnment, then a sin$le line of introspection laced -ith a tin$e of re$ret, and then suddenly he s-itches $ears a$ain and returns to talkin$ about T8?#T and ATTLEFIELD 1!"!8. The stran$e thin$ about !ptimus is the -ay he sometimes almost seems to $et that thin$s are startin$ to horribly a-ry because of his decisions D The sad look at the end of the last movie -hen he reali=ed he had sacrificed the Allspark to th-art 4e$atron, and no- this sin$le, i$nored line of dialo$ue, but then he Iust $oes back to his usual -ays like nothin$ happened. <e are never actually told Prime:s true thou$hts and motivations, so the only e6planation I can think of is that he:s descendin$ further and further into insanity as the movies happen.

EThis isn:t our -ar.G E"ot yet, but soon it -ill be.G 4ore foreshado-in$ for Dark 4oon, and look, he:s literally standin$ ri$ht bet-een t-o $raves, -here a third could be. #eriously, subtle, movie.

EAou:re !ptimus Prime. Aou don:t need me.G E<e do. 4ore than you kno-...G

Part 9+ <ell hello there, old friend.

#ome-here over the Atlantic, a totally inconspicuous set of construction vehicles is bein$ transported. E6cept then 8ava$e crashes onto the ship, and, -ell...

Aeah. "ot conspicuous at all. #ometimes I -onder ho- the -hole Edis$uiseG thin$ is supposed to -ork if they:re Iust $oin$ to paste their faction symbol all over themselves any-ay.

I:m Iust $oin$ to make toy introductions for all these characters even thou$h they basically serve no purpose and you can:t stop me2 %please buy the toys)

L Lon$ 1aul2 I -ish his toy -as half as $or$eous as his movie model. <ell I $uess it is rou$hly half as $or$eous but I $uess I:d have liked a bit more than #1?T ?P <1! CA8E#. #creen time+ [*5 seconds.

L 4i6master2 !h my $od, -hat happened to your A84#2. #creen time+ [*5 seconds.

L 8ampa$e2 Actually he:s supposed to be red, since the yello- 8ampa$e is a different character %yes really). #creen time+ [5 minutes.

L #crapper2 1e... Didn:t even $et a fullLscale toy. <o-, poor $uy. #creen time+ [/ seconds.

"ot unnoticed by the military patrols, the Constructicons dive deeply into the ocean, since I $uess robots don:t breathe or have to -orry about pressure. The movie makes a bi$ scene of a submarine cre- preparin$ for battle, and -hile it:s Iust the usual military drones spoutin$ nonsense, after 8eedman it:s honestly startin$ to make me feel le$itimately Hueasy, since you Iust kno- that sub is $oin$ to have its shit -recked. Then a$ain, maybe I Iust feel that -ay because I sa- Das oot %*;9*) -hen I -as five and it pretty much put me off submarines forever.

<e meet a$ain, 4e$atron. %Lookin$ a bit doofy there buddy)

8ava$e spa-ns another tiny Decepticon, the EscientistG #calpel.

E"eed pahts... Qill t=e littel one2G People keep sayin$ #calpel:s screechin$ is supposed to be a 0erman accent, but speakin$ as someone -ho -ould kno-+ This is not -hat a 0erman accent sounds like.

And so, the Constructicons apathetically murder a Huietly screamin$ #crapper. %seriously, creepy.) Poor $uy, didn:t even $et a toy and no- he:s dead. !h -ell, he:ll al-ays live on in our hearts... And in 4e$atron:s ne- le$s.

<ith the shard of the very thin$ that killed 4e$atron no- stuck in his chest, 4e$atron Iumps to life. 1e $ro-ls his si$nature $ro-l, then takes off.

4e$atron -as pretty pissed off in the first movie, but nothin$ can compare to the blindin$, allLconsumin$ ra$e and terror he immediately e6udes here. That submarine. 1e Iust bodyslams into it hard enou$h that its hull actually e6plodes and the rear half ends up follo-in$ him all the -ay to the surface. 1e remembers pretty clearly -here fuckin$ about $ot him in the previous movie, and he:s not $oin$ to repeat that mistake.

If this update seems a bit screenshotLheavy, that:s because $ood $od, this movie is Iust $or$eous sometimes.

4e$atron announces his return -ith the oddly cheery phrase E#tarscream, I:m home.G E6cept... #omethin$:s off. 1e doesn:t sound very cheery at all, and really

?h, buddy, is everythin$ alri$ht. "o.

oh $od

-hat are you doin$ man you are tearin$ me apart

Ayeeah, those blue thin$s. Those are e$$s. 4e$atron:s ra$e and pain has rendered him completely delirious, and throu$hout the entire movie he seems off in his o-n -orld some-here. 1is speech is heavy and monotone, and for all the hatred and destruction he causes in his aimless rampa$e, there:s a scent of -eariness and tra$edy to his -ords. Even the closest thin$ he had to a friend, #tarscream, is Iust another tar$et to him no-. Alri$ht friends, it:s been over half an hour since this movie had a bi$ definin$ moment, so let:s take in this scene at its fullest.

E4y master, I failed you on earth. The Allspark is destroyed, and -ithout it... !ur race shall perish.G

In heavy contrast to 4e$atron:s voice:s sheer emotional -ei$ht, the Fallen:s voice is $eneric, yet stran$e and dissonant, like a standard villainous dra-l bein$ run throu$h a bi=arre filter. #eriously, the voice actin$ in this scene is completely topLnotch, and it:s a shame I can:t seem to find it on AouTube. The Fallen finally e6plains -hat:s -ron$ -ith #am+ Qillin$ 4e$atron did not destroy the Allspark, it merely transformed it D turnin$ it from a lifeL$ivin$ artifact of cosmic kno-led$e into pure

information absorbed by #am:s body. 1e further e6posits that millennia a$o, he -as betrayed on earth by his brothers, the Primes, and that only one of their descendants, -ho carries the title Prime, can defeat him. And !ptimus is the last one, so all they need to do is kill him, and there -ill be "! !"E T! #T!P T1E4, 18AAA1 1A1 1A1 1A1.

And then amidst this scene of villainous schemin$, #tarscream drops in, thro-s a baby:s corpse on the $round, and $leefully tells us that -ithout the Cube:s ener$y, their children -ill keep dyin$. 1e thro-s a baby:s corpse on the $round. !ur villain. !n screen. And then tells us all others -ill meet the same fate if the heroes -in. <hat. The. Fuck,

8even$e2.
Aou think I -as makin$ up that stuff about 4e$atron ori$inally Iust -antin$ to save the children. "ope2 This movie strai$htL up tells us, black on -hite, that because Prime and co. stopped him from $ettin$ the cube %on paperLthin pretenses2), all children on Cybertron -ill die. And this is after it told us that the EheroesG are busy committin$ $enocide.

Aes. I... Can:t even add anythin$ to this, I think this scene speaks -ell enou$h by itself. #eriously, -hat does it take for people to reali=e that the Autobots are not supposed to be heroic in the sli$htest.

Tu6edo Catfish posted+ 1onestly >the FallenFs@ mere e6istence e6plains a ton about the Decepticons LL theyFre moral actors %desire to protect their children, etc.), but at the same time theyFre comically evil. <hy. ecause their father fi$ure is Iust comically evil. The Fallen is to the Decepticons -hat !ptimus Prime is to #am and humanity. The movie makes it even more e6plicit because 4e$atron and The Fallen outri$ht call each other JmasterJ and Japprentice,J -hich apart from the relationship itself is a reference to the #tar <ars preHuels LL in -hich a -ellL intentioned youn$ man is corrupted by comically obscene evil, not because evil is morally convincin$, but because heFs too youn$ to kno- any better.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+ In previous transformers threads, I pinpointed the Decepticons as totalitarians, -hile the Autobots are champions of liberal democracy. %#pecifically, the contrast is bet-een DebordFs Fconcentrated spectacleF and Finte$rated spectacleF, -hich the respective factions personify.) The fascinatin$ thin$ is that the Transformers films present the Autobots as infinitely -orse for attemptin$ to sustain the e6ploitative babyLkillin$ system, -hile the FtotalitarianF Decepticons are constantly tryin$ to chan$e thin$s for the better. ThereFs a revolutionary potential in their actions. The recurrin$ ima$ery -ith the Decepticons is all about abIection+ theyFre vomited out of 8ava$e, and no- -eFve seen their biomechanical -ombs L -ith an honestLtoL$od onscreen robot stillbirthTmiscarria$e.%222) That -hole seHuence reads as a reference to AlienTAliens L makin$ The Fallen the Decepticon Vueen, ri$ht. A$ain, this is the e6a$$eratedly $ynophobic ima$ery in the film. 1avin$ babies makes the Decepticons icky and inferior, and this is absolutely tied to all the shit and fart humor. <hen umblebee pisses on people, heFs makin$ the statement that Fyou are e6crementF. !f course umblebee pissesTcums on the face of the Decepticon femmebot fatale as a display of dominance. <omen are bitches and shit. <hat 4ichael ay does, subtly, is side -ith the e6crement. This is -hy 4ikaela anes is named after him. ay sympathi=es -ith her the most. This is also the reasonin$ behind the repeated use of insect and do$ ima$ery in the films. A$ain, -omen are presented as FbitchesF L and so are the Decepticons.

#uper4echa$od=illa cont...

The Decepticon has chosen this as a symbol for himself+ a do$ -earin$ a mask. In keepin$ -ith the theme of nakedness meanin$ confidence, the Decepticon selfLidentifies as FIust an animalF, but uses his alle$iance to his cause as an e6istentialist stance. 1e is an animal -ho chooses to be a %robot)man. 1e -ears his mask -ith pride. %Chris "olan botched the same themes -ith the masked revolutionary ane in his atman /. J"obody cared -ho I -as until I put on the mask....J) The Autobots, by contrast, are ashamed of nakedness, hate animals and -ant them safely domesticated %#kidsT4udflap) or cleansed %everyone else). ay is one of those directors, like #pielber$ and Qubrick, -ho kno-s the importance of shit and piss humor. In this case, ho-ever, itFs an e6a$$eratedly bad piss Ioke, -here the facile meanLspiritedness causes discomfort in a perceptive audience. The ima$ery of do$s pissin$, humpin$, and soLforth is recurrent throu$hout the film L and, as a result, obviously intentional. The piss Ioke needs to be read in that conte6t. The FevilF fembot $ettin$ pissed on must also be conte6tuali=ed by the F$oodF fembots Arcee and 4ikaela, -ho serve as nonLthreatenin$ decorations and so escape punishment. The film actually $oes so far as to state outri$ht, in the e6position, the theme that the characters are little more than do$s Jassertin$ dominanceJ over eachother. This is the importance of the <it-icky family do$s, 4oIo and Frankie, to the story. 8eturn for a moment to my point about ho- the symbolic mask is -hat elevates men beyond bein$ mere animals %or in this case, robots from bein$ heaps of scrap metal). The violence a$ainst faces employed by !ptimus and umblebee has a very specific $oal+ not simply defeatin$ the enemy, but disfi$urin$ them L dehumani=in$ them. Transformers &Fs $reatest asset is that it dispenses -ith plot continuity and Iust lets this stuff $et into abstract ni$htmare territory. ItFs a freeLassociative rant that ties 1asbroFs character Arcee to the obIectification of -omen in 4a6im, to the resur$ence of blackface in performanceLcaptured C0I, to Fthe -ar on terrorF L and provides a vision of 0od as an alien monster shittin$ out starvin$ babies on a dyin$ planet. It rules.

Part ;+ <hat movie am I even -atchin$ at this point.

First ridiculous hippy caricatures, and no- a ridiculous hipster teacher. I -ish I could tell you -here the movie is $oin$ -ith this.

<hile the teacher is busy bein$ charismatic as all hell and puttin$ about three se6 Iokes into every one of his sentences, #am is startin$ to have another one of his episodes. 1oo boy.

EI Iust finished your book and there:s one problem Einstein:s -ron$G

Turns out absorbin$ massive amounts of total cosmic kno-led$e -ill do -onders for your education... If not your sanity. The teacher is not impressed, and sends #am off. The interestin$ thin$ here is the -ay the teacher references bein$ $od %EI am the Alpha and the !me$aG) -hile talkin$ to someone -ho, for Iust an instant, -as basically allLkno-in$. Lines of personhoodT$odhood are blurrin$, I tell you.

Tiny Decepticon du Iour, <heelie, finally decides to pay 4ikaela a visit. I:m not sure if the Decepticons even need her shard at this point, but I $uess that:s -hy they:re sendin$ <heels instead of 8ava$e and 8eedman.

And thank $oodness they didn:t, because those t-o -ould probably actually have been successful %and made a pretty $risly scene). <heelie, -ell, not so much. 1is attempt at breakin$ into 4ikaela:s safe is Iust a comedy of errors, as he immediately alerts her -ith his shoutin$.

0ood lord, do not piss off 4ikaela. It:s curious ho- -hen he is cornered, the noise he makes chan$es from his rantin$ and shoutin$ in En$lish to the shriek of a terrified bat. <hat:s also curious about this movie specifically is ho- many archetypes the Transformers cover in this movie. !f course -e have the ostensibly heroic superhuman Autobots, but -e have also a clear evil deity in the Fallen, the hateful resurrected demi$od 4e$atron, the some-hat abstract controllin$ entity #ound-ave, the $ood buddy umblebee, the animalistic, yet po-erful servant 8ava$e, the alien fun$us ni$htmare monster 8eedman, and no<heelie, -ho is pretty much Iust a small animal. And yet they all belon$ to the same species, divided into only t-o races. It:s a very interestin$ spectrum. <ell, 4ikaela locks him in a bo6, and that:s that.

#he boards a fli$ht to #am:s place -hile he completely flips his lid,

the Autobots are on their -ay to en$a$e a number of Decepticon contacts,

and Alice is ready to start her $rand scheme.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
#hot Conte6t2

4en in lack %*;;(), Dir. arry #onnenfeld R+ 4ay I ask -hy you felt little Tiffany deserved to die. B+ <ell, she -as the only one that actually seemed dan$erous at the time, sir. R+ 1o-Fd you come to that conclusion. B+ <ell, first I -as $onna pop this $uy han$in$ from the street li$ht, and I reali=ed, yFkno-, heFs Iust -orkin$ out. I mean, ho- -ould I feel if somebody come runninF in the $ym and bust me in my ass -hile IFm on the treadmill. Then I sa- this snarlin$ beast $uy, and I noticed he had a tissue in his hand, and IFm reali=in$, yFkno-, heFs not snarlin$, heFs snee=in$. AFkno-, ainFt no real threat there. Then I sa- little Tiffany. IFm thinkin$, yFkno-, ei$htLyearLold -hite $irl, middle of the $hetto, bunch of monsters, this time of ni$ht -ith Huantum physics books. #he about to start some shit, Red. #heFs about ei$ht years old, those books are <AA too advanced for her. If you ask me, IFd say sheFs up to somethin$. And to be honest, IFd appreciate it if you eased up off my back about it.

Armyman&5 posted+
Is JIntroduction to AstronomyJ too advanced for a colle$e student.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+

<ill #mithLbuddy 4ichael ay is appropriatin$ and subvertin$ the 4en In lack ima$ery -ith this satrically miso$ynistic ima$e of a $irl -ho threatenin$ly reads books. In 4en in lack, the Ioke is an antiLracist one. <ill #mithFs $hetto upbrin$in$ is -hat allo-s him to see past the FmonstrousityF of the surroundin$ aliens and, in an absurd t-ist, correctly tar$et the upperLclass -hite person as the enemy. The scene in Transformers & lacks this race subte6t and outri$ht reverses the class subte6t. <omen in T& are simply presented as lesser bein$s, eHuivalent to all the other animals and monsters.

Tu6edo Catfish posted+

Dis$uisin$ herself as a human reHuires that Alice look more i$norant than she actually is, because humans are stupid and childlike. % y contrast almost every alien in 4I is immensely childish, and 4I itself feels more like a nursery for technolo$yLsuperpo-ered toddlers than a secret $overnment a$ency.) #am is an e6ception, but this is a) because of infectious contact -ith Cybertronian technolo$y and b) an affront to the Decepticons. 4e$atron is cruel to him in the J-e need his brain2J scene because #am has ceased to be Iust an insect and is treadin$ on 0odFs T adultsF domain. !ptimusFs adopted children are threatenin$ to surpass his o-n literal children, and itFs infuriatin$2 %I mean, on top of killin$ him. !bviously.) 8emember, -e:re still in the first act. ut it:s time for it to dra- to a close, and thin$s are rampin$ up.

E1ey2 Aou ever have a son$ stuck in your head and it:s like the -orst son$ ever but you keep -antin$ to -histle it or sin$ it and it repeats itself repeats itself repeats itself repeats itself kittencounter kittencounter kittencounterkittencounterG Pick posted+
Qitten calendar .

Alice kicks Leo out and closes the door, because I $uess cra=y people really are her secret turnLon. <hat follo-s is, uh

4ikaela finds Iust the perfect moment to arrive and enter -ithout knockin$ %rude2), then leaves in a huff.

<hat follo-s then is the most perfect caricature of se6uality I have ever seen in a movie short of Alien %*;(;). Alice, dressed in a piece that barely covers her up, sits spreadLle$$ed on the bed, mouth han$in$ open, -ith the same leery eyes she had for most of the movie, and out of it sticks a ridiculously lon$ prehensile black ton$ue that -raps itself around #am:s neck and thrashes him about the room like some kind of 1.8. 0i$erLinspired D#4 act. The -eird thin$ about this scene is that if it -ere in, like, a David Lynch movie, it -ould be pretty easy to read as metaphor. !ne of the film:s stran$er plot points is #am:s faithfulness in his relationship, and it follo-s him for the entirety of the film. I pointed out ho- the only people he sees in hall-ays are pretty youn$ -omen, there:s his completely une6plained decision to refuse contactin$ 4ikaela in favor of $oin$ to that party, and Alice han$s around these scenes like some kind of spectre, follo-in$ #am on every step he makes to-ards unfaithfulness. If -e pretend there are no space robots in this movie for a minute, the ErevealG of her bein$ a monster actually ends up fittin$ into a completely different conte6t. 8emember, -e see the movie throu$h #am:s eyes, And #am has been pretty e6plicitly $oin$ mad over these last *' minutes. The idea, then, -ould be that Alice is Iust a re$ular person -hom he decided to hook up -ith D but #am:s -arped perception turns her into an evil monster. ?nable to deal -ith the idea of havin$ betrayed 4ikaela:s trust, he paints Alice as a forceful se6ual predator -ho basically raped him. 8emember the sudden shift in her personality back durin$ her first real scene. That shift happened Iust as #am actually took a $ood look at her.

E6cept... This movie does have space robots. Leo and 4ikaela see and interact -ith Alice, and here she is, chasin$ them throu$h the library -hile destroyin$ everythin$ in her path, so clearly she:s neither a normal person nor a fi$ment of #am:s ima$ination, but Iust another transformin$ space $od robot. E6cept -hy the hell -ould the Decepticons have a spy themed around adultery of all thin$s. It doesn:t fit in -ith their methods and ideas in the sli$htest, and Alice never even as much as communicates -ith another Decepticon, -here all the others belon$ to a particular subfaction and form a part of the -hole. In fact, the movie never even says that she:s a Decepticon at all, she could be somethin$ completely different for all -e kno-. And this is before -e even $et into that -eird subte6t of her entire character actually also centerin$ around the pursuit of kno-led$e. #he:s seen prominently holdin$ a book about Astronomy in that lin$erin$ shot I posted sli$htly up-ard, she $ets interested in #am because of his cosmic kno-led$e and then she chases him specifically throu$h a library -ith books flyin$ all around her and for some reason her -eird headLtails make her desi$n hi$hly reminiscent of 4edusa and #o yeah. I really have "! idea -hat her deal is. ut I $uess ne6t to Esmall animalsG -e can also add Ese6ual metaphorsG to the Transformer archetype list no-.

Tu6edo Catfish posted+

Alice makes a bit more sense if #amFs arc across the trilo$y is not about him becomin$ an adult, but him tryin$ to become an adult, failin$, and becomin$ a tiny, sHuishy Transformer instead. Alice is his ride of FrankensteinO naturally the first time -e see #am in an unambi$uously se6ual situation, itFs -ith a machine.

The three mana$e to $et to a car, but Alice is on their tails. !r rather, her tail is on them.

Then 4ikaela smashes her a$ainst a column.

#he really looks kind of pitiful like this. And -e never did find out, or -ill find out, -hat her deal actually -as. ut that sort of takes me to another point, because Alice ends up bein$ very reminiscent of onecrusher in the first movie. <e -ere never told -hat his motivation -as, so !ptimus Prime seemed EGGIustifiedGGG in murderin$ him. #imilarly, Alice remains a mysterious fi$ure. <hat does she need #am:s cosmic kno-led$e for. <hy did she attack him -hen he didn:t comply. Vuestions like this are never ans-ered, so in the end the movie never actually portrays her as havin$ a motivation at all beyond Ebein$ evilG. This is somethin$ the movies love to do, portrayin$ the actually very comple6 Decepticons as EIust evilG. ecause they are the anta$onists, any Huestions about their morality and motivations are pushed aside so it seems on a surface level that Prime appears ri$hteous. In fact, the very idea of the Decepticons bein$ comple6 individuals clearly dis$usts Prime D 4ilky4oor and #uper4echa0od=illa ri$htly pointed out that Prime al-ays focuses his violence on the enemy:s head and face D he:s not Iust killin$ them, he:s actually destroyin$ their identity and individuality. %<hich has interestin$ parallels to Dredd %&'*&).) onecrusher makes an appearance later in this film D after Prime killed him. "o, because onecrusher is more than Iust dead. 1is individuality is destroyed, and no- he:s not E onecrusherG, he:s Iust Ea DecepticonG. <here the first film:s Decepticon dre$s -ere all uniHue, this movie has a noticeable rise in identityLless $eneric $runts and drones. Prime destroyed not Iust the face of onecrusher, but that of the Decepticons in $eneral as -ell.

<ell, their troubles aren:t over. <ait, is that...

... lackout2.

Actually, it:s his identical t-in brother called 0rindor %not Iokin$). 1e carelessly drops the three kids into a factory...

Besus, this is some horror movie shit.

ECome here, boy. Closer. Aou remember me, don:t you.G

A$ain, 4e$atron is oddly polite -ithC

...!kay, nevermind.

This scene is Iust relentless. The sheer amount of punishment #am $oes throu$h is Iust unsettlin$, and he:s completely at the mercy of 4e$atron, -hose madness shines all the bri$hter than it ever did before. 1e loudly fantasi=es about murderin$ #am, and only doesn:t act on it because #am:s still needed. That is, his brain is.

#eriously, this movie $ets creepy in places.

4an, I didn:t think I:d ever be so happy to see umblebee.

!ptimus takes alon$ #am, -hile umblebee $ets the other t-o kids.

And -e:re comin$ up to another one of those i$ #cenes. This is another one of those scenes you:ll Iust have to see in motion. #ince I couldn:t find it on AouTube in nonL$arba$e Huality, I even uploaded it for you2 %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXu7cSvdAIVtc\ 1oly -o-, it:s so... Qinetic. I:m kind of baffled by people -ho claim that the first movie is full of action scenes and robot punchin$, since the choreo$raphy of the action is -eak, the C0I models have no -ei$ht and the sound is poor. This. This sho-s that the filmmakers are capable of makin$ a $reat action scene. The robots have real -ei$ht D the $round shakes -hen they step, and every punch feels like a multiLton metal hammer hittin$ a $iant %thou$h stran$ely, the trees seem oddly floaty and -ei$htless). It:s not pointless lasers and missiles bein$ fired or thin$s e6plodin$ for no reason, but pure, unadulterated martial combat bet-een t-o $iant monsters %and t-o henchmen). There:s a lot at stake for everyone involved, and -hat:s interestin$ is ho- thin$s have chan$ed from the first movie. ack in the end of that one, 4e$atron Iust completely steamrolled Prime. 1e represented the supreme po-er of the Transformers, a $rand emperor -ithout eHual -ho -ould have been victorious -ere it not for #am:s Huick thinkin$. ut here, he is completely incapable of dealin$ -ith Prime D his death and resurrection have severely -eakened him, and no- he needs t-o helpers Iust to set thin$s even %thou$h admittedly, #tarscream and lackout0rindor are hardly fi$hters). ut even as fantastically as this scene is coordinated, and in any other movie I:d absolutely love it, in this movie, -ell... It:s

kind of hard to really $et EintoG it. Thin$ is, -e Iust spent a third of the movie establishin$ that Prime is a $enocidal psychopath and that 4e$atron Iust -ants to save his kind %in fact, he tries to e6plain this durin$ the fi$ht, but Prime Iust -aves him off), but... 1e:s not in the ri$ht either, since he:s still a servant of the evil. Fallen, and this is one of the fe- cases -here it turns out in retrospect that he -ould have accomplished nothin$ even if he $ot #am %since they -ouldn:t be able to $et the 4atri6 of Leadership any-ay). #o on a re-atch, the only conseHuence of this battle is -hether Prime lives or dies, and it ends up diminishin$ the impact Huite massively since I:m not e6actly interested in Prime:s survival. #o in other -ords, it:s a battle bet-een t-o superLpo-erful madmen, and -hoever -ins, -e lose. And then the movie suddenly backpedals on everythin$ it has told us so far and tries to portray Prime as a hero dyin$ a hero:s death. Like, I understand that -e see the movie throu$h #am and #am is very sad that !ptimus dies, but I think there are limits. #ho-in$ the sad faces of various people all over the place -hile sad music plays is a bit too much, and Iust makes it look like the movie is actually sidin$ -ith Prime.

#hanty posted+
!ptimusF face shield thin$ is really interestin$ in the conte6t of the $eneral faceLchat in here. It usually protectsThides his face unless heFs talkin$ to someone. ut I mean his face is Iust as much made of metal as that thin$, so it Iust emphasi=es that heFs $ot a thin$ about faces. In the forest combat, 4e$atron actually punches it off, -hich is kind of -here !ptimus starts to really dole out some dama$e. 1e doesnFt take kindly to people $oin$ for the face. In fact he $ets so -orked up about it that he actually tears a face in half. ItFs so specifically a face that it reads pretty stron$ly as retribution, since -eFve Iust had that close up of !ptimus spittin$ out a roboLtooth sho-in$ clear dama$e to the mess of metal that is his face. Besus, that shit belon$s in... I donFt even kno- -hich horror franchise -ould sho- somethin$ that $ruesome. Peter BacksonFs J raindeadJ, maybe.

4ilky 4oor posted+

The forest fi$ht is, simply put, ama=in$. It is incredible. ThereFs a lot of thin$s $oin$ on in the subte6t and, for a series of films that is criticised for shakeyLcam and action that you canFt follo- or understand, this is remarkably clear cut. I mi$ht say that it is the best action seHuence in all three films. I disa$ree that it is Fsputterin$F or Fflailin$F. Its story consideration and its editin$ in re$ards to time and space %in the conte6t of the film as a -hole, because this scene is very, very $ood at its use of space) is another issue but that is somethin$ that can be L and is L levelled at the entirety of 8!TF. This is one of the fe- scenes in all three films that is not set in an urban environment. This is helpful L it demonstrates that the Transformers destroy everythin$ they touch. A tranHuil forest $ets absolutely demolished in this scene. Every footstep thro-s up dirt, trees are crushed and splintered beneath them andTor used as %ineffective) -eapons, fires $et started. These Transformers are titans that cannot e6ist alon$ -ith nature, even discountin$ their e6haust belchin$ vehicle modes. The $round trembles -ith their passin$. <e start -ith $reat lon$ shots of !ptimus and 4e$atron, allo-in$ us a $ood look at the t-o combatants. They are hu$e. <e see them trade blo-s as !ptimus tries to maneuver or push 4e$atron out of the frame L this is important and -ill happen a$ain and a$ain in this scene. And, for much of this intial seHuence, 4e$atron is obscured or knocked out of frame. Immediately apparent is that 4e$atron is losin$ this fi$ht. Despite his initial tacklin$ attack, !ptimus is immediately dictatin$ the flo- of this battle. 1e calls for assistance and #tarscream and 0rindor %AQA+ lackout &.') leap into the fray. 4e$atronFs -eakness as the films $o on is a pretty important theme. !ptimus $ets more and more po-erful, able to take on do=ens of Decepticons at once, -hile 4e$atron becomes a crippled and mentallyLaddled -reck by the time of D!T4. 1e has already fallen far from, as Terry pointed out, Fa $rand emperor -ithout eHualF. 1e -as like a force of nature -hose sheer presence -as enou$h to make Autobots fall back.

4ilky 4oor cont...

If martial po-er symbolised the FevilF of the Decepticons in Transformers, -hat is this sayin$ about !ptimus Prime no- that he can take on three Decepticons and, as -eFll soon see, utterly crush them. #o, the t-o Decepticon lackeys sho- up. <atch the ne6t seHuence. #am is in the fore$round, -here he remains for the entire scene, and the Decepticons han$ in the back$round. This really illustrates not only the chase but the sense of dan$er. If the Decepticons reach the fore$round, itFs all over. <atch !ptimus, he keeps the Decepticons en$a$ed in the back$round, pullin$ them back -hen they advance and literally kickin$ or thro-in$ them out of the cameraFs frame. They are no lon$er a threat, providin$ they e6it to the left, ri$ht or behind him. The moment Prime kicks #tarscream into the fore$round and past #am is -hen the fi$ht turns a$ainst him. All three of them descend upon him from all an$les, sava$in$ him -ith blades and knives. 4e$atron kicks him in the head, hard enou$h to tear his mouth$uard off and shatter one of his optics. This is notable. !ptimus attacks eyes as much as he attacks faces. 1e Iams a blade throu$h onecrusherFs face and pops one of his eyes out of its socket durin$ the fi$ht. 1e -ill end this fi$ht by Iammin$ a hook into 0rindorFs eye socket. !ptimus is in the fore$round -ith a bi$ close up as he spits out his... teeth. 4outhplate. lood. Ener$on. This fi$ht is so completely visceral and heavy that it clashes -ith the almostLcartoon violence of the first film -here much of it -as done offLscreen or throu$h shootin$ -eaponry. #ure, Ba== -as ripped in half, but you -ould miss that if you blinked. 4e$atron advances in the back$round, loomin$ hu$e and terrible. These are not lon$ shots no-, but close ups on #am. The tension is almost palpable. #o, !ptimus loses his mask and if masks dehumanise then !ptimus must be humanised by this, and he...

...completely flips out.

JIs the survival of our race not -orth a sin$le, human life.J 4e$atron asks. JAouFll never stop at one,J !ptimus intones, -ithout much evidence, JIFll take you all on2J And suddenly -eFre back into lon$ shots -ith the robots in the back$round, bi$ shots that let us see the le$ and arm movement of this fi$ht, because, once a$ain, Prime is -innin$. #till, thereFs a chaotic ed$e to the fi$ht and the editin$ and shot composition no-, -ith lots of close ups, because Prime is in this mad fren=y. #till, itFs important to note that Prime doesnFt Iust -in. 1e dominates. 1e seems to break 4e$atronFs knee and then shanks him in the side, forces him to the $round and hits him a$ain and a$ain and a$ain before tossin$ him aside. Aou almost e6pect 4e$atron to be be$$in$ by this point. 1e uses his elbo- to snap #tarscreamFs arm off and then clubs him -ith it. 1e then Iumps on 0rindor, no- sportin$ a pair of hooks -here he had s-ords, and tears 0rindorFs face and head apart from eye socket to Ia-.

4ilky 4oor cont...

1oly fuck. 1ooks. <hat a horrific -eapon. !ptimus has $one from usin$ s-ords, the -eapons associated -ith kni$hts and nobility, to hooks and -ill $o on to use a bi$ t-oLbladed a6e. 1eFs no- usin$ -eapons associated -ith barbarians, sava$es and ni$htmarish serial killers. JPiece of tin,J !ptimus remarks dispara$in$ly as he thro-s 0rindorFs corpse aside. ?tterly annihilates 0rindor and then insults him, Iust because. Then 4e$atron $rabs him from behind, impales him throu$h the chest and blasts his chest to pieces. ItFs a bad endin$ to such a $ood scene that had kept the location and placement of its characters so inte$ral to the pro$ress and flo- of the fi$ht. It feels odd and discordant but helpfully demonstrates that 4e$atron can only defeat his opposin$ number throu$h a sneak attack L and he -ill use a similar techniHue a$ainst another Prime in D!T4. !neThousand4onkeys is correct. ItFs PrimeFs consideration for #am that kills him, and itFs not a mistake that !ptimus -ill make a$ain.

1e-lett posted+
8e-atchin$ the films %particularly the first t-o), IFm actually startin$ to admire BablonskyFs score. It does the typical 4ichael ayL1ans Rimmer trappin$s of heavy use of repeated percussion and staccato orchestra hits follo-in$ the rhythm, to be sureO ho-ever, I L!ME the themes and motifs Bablonsky occasionally uses to elon$ate or punctuate a si$nificant moment. The Autobots theme, !ptimusF theme, even the Prime theme are all these determined, dramatic and romantic cues that are at least effective in conveyin$ the alienness and stateliness of many of the botsF personalities L itFs also composed to accompany their clunky, metallic bodies. y usin$ primarily loud, blarin$ brass to deliver these s-eepin$ themes instead of -ood-inds or strin$s, the orchestra itself becomes a heavy, lumberin$ machine. I love that. The Autobot theme, from the be$innin$ of the first film, is a $ood e6ample of this L it sounds almost naval or maritime in its pro$ression. https+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.featureXplayerUembedded]vX<EL5at?Q8RV In the aformentioned forest scene, for e6ample, the score -onderfully accompanies one of the fe- -ellLdone and interestin$ fi$ht scenes by syncopatin$ the Autobot theme some-hat in a really cool -ay+ https+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.featureXplayerUembedded]vXALDc$(cdn8A^tX99 In addition to it bein$ fairly stron$ action scorin$ %at least to me), it also plays into the readin$ that the audience is bein$ fooled into thinkin$ the Autobots are the $ood $uys throu$h their placement as heroic prota$onistsO the score is literally romantici=in$ them.

Lobok posted+
I like the idea that ay or the -riters looked at !ptimus Prime and thou$ht J<hat -ould a $uy -ho calls himself that really act like.J Ima$ine you kne- or heard of someone, a human, -ho called themselves the eHuivalent of JThe ^* estest #uperiorJ or JQin$ #upreme ?ltimateJ L do you not picture either a (Lyear old boy or a mentally deficient ooLrah alpha male. 4aybe the t-o combined. #eems much more apt than a -ise, noble father fi$ure.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
I love that observation. ItFs an important contrast that 4e$atron is %seemin$ly) named for 4etatron, the an$el -ho is second only to A1<1 in the in the TalmudFs spiritual hierarchy. %4etatron, as it happens, has a cube%http+TTen.-ikipedia.or$T-ikiT4etatronP&(sUCube) connected to the tree of life and kno-led$e of A1<1.) I donFt really kno- Iack shit about esoteric Budaism thou$h, and thatFs a hell of a rabbit hole to venture do-n. ut -e can focus on the basic idea that 4e$atron is a spiritual character in direct contrast to !ptimusFs secular humanist rhetoric. %JFreedom is the ri$ht of all sentient bein$s, blah blah blah.J Ktortures a dudeK) 4e$atron bein$ apprentice to The Fallen %-ith connotations of Ffallen an$elsF and Lucifer L I read it as 0od 1imself -ho has fallen) fits ri$ht in -ith this. And it corresponds -ith the -hole Deception belief system L that they kno- they are Fbitches and shitF but nonetheless choose to believe in and embody their ethical ideal.

Terry van Feleday posted+

huh, I had no idea about 4etatronFs cube, even more parallels there. IFm $oin$ to return to 4e$atronFs an$elic nature in the ne6t movie, because itFs one of the most important ima$es in the trilo$y. 1o-ever, thinkin$ about the Fallen, I realise that the idea of him bein$ 0od $oes further, as rather than bein$ the conventional christian $od, he more resembles the $nostic Demiur$e. For the uninitiated, $nostic thou$ht believes that the 0od described in the bible is not actually 0od at all, but in fact, an entity created by the actual 0od of $ods, the abstract entity of cosmic -isdom, #ophia. 1o-ever, Ialdabaoth has a severe case of Jno fuck you momJ and decided to commit himself to total cosmic evil. The interestin$ thin$ about Ialdabaoth is that he is a clear creator fi$ure, -hat -ith havin$ built the -orld and all, and so is the Fallen, thanks to his association -ith Devastator. ThereFs also the implication that Ialdabaoth is Iust one of multiple $ods L one of multiple brothers, if you -ill. <ikipedia also $oes on to claim that #ophia J$ave birth to the monstrous Demiur$e and, bein$ ashamed of her deed, -rapped him in a cloud and created a throne for him to be -ithin it.J 8emember the ima$e of the Fallen bein$ trapped in his throne back on CybertronT-herever they -ere. Further interestin$ implications arise from this. 8even$e insists on usin$ the -ord J rothersJ to describe the Primes, yet that -ord implies the e6istence of a family L a mother. This mother is never mentioned in any of the movies, and the Fallen doesnFt even seem to kno- of her at all. ut neither does Ialdabaoth. 1eFs described as bein$ completely i$norant of her e6istence, believin$ himself to be the hi$hest bein$ in the universe. The kicker to all this %and of course thereFs a kicker). At the very core of $nostic thou$ht lies the idea that -e are surrounded by lies, and to find true -isdom, you need to see belo- the surface L and that only this -isdom can ultimately save your soul.

!verall, Act *, if unusually lon$, -as pretty fantastic in places, so -hy am even I complainin$ that 8!TF is a bad movie. <ell. <e:ve reached the breakin$ point. 8even$e has sho-n us its pretty face, and no- it:s time for its head to slo-ly turn around to sho- us the u$ly face. This movie is unusual in that it only has t-o acts, since the real first act is the entire first movie. And the final act...

Part *'+ ...This is our villain.

4e$atron and #tarscream meet on top of a random skyscraper, and 4e$s berates %read+ abuses) #tarscream for not bein$ able to find #am. ut, he hatches a plan+ #ick of the EQEEP T1E 0IA"T 8! !T# #EC8ETG conspiracy nonsense, he decides to reveal the presence of them and the Fallen, and $ive humanity an ultimatum that -ill make them find #am. E"o more dis$uises2G, he cries. The leader of the Decepticons steps out a$ainst the continuous deception. #ound-ave relays the order and...

..."o, I mean,

...?h, I $uess 4i6master apathetically knocks over an American fla$. "o, but really...

...The cavalry arrives.

<ait, did -e not see this shot before.

<ell, this scene. It:s someho- eerily reminiscent of the Autobot arrival in the first movie, and yet so much more disastrous at the same time. The film sho-s us every $risly detail of their arrival and all the destruction it causes, -here in the first movie the destruction -as fairly subdued. uildin$s fall apart, cars e6plode, and allLaround a lot of not $ood stuff happens. The interestin$ thin$ that -here the first movie at least sort of sho-ed the Autobots in detail, this one barely does at all D the only one -e see in detail is the Fallen himself.

ecause he appears on TM. There is no possible -ay to properly convey ho- completely ridiculous this scene is. After the pretty unsettlin$ scene of destruction the movie Iust led us throu$h, suddenly -e have 8oboL#atan himself... !n a tiny TM screen that makes him look like he:s -earin$ a lampshade on his head. The atmosphere of the room is so friendly and not eerie at all, and if you took this ima$e out of conte6t, it:d Iust look like some bored $uys are -atchin$ a ionicle ad. It $ets even better -hen the Fallen proudly e6claims that there:s a superLpo-erful race of robots on the planet, able to destroy it on a -him, and holdin$ it ransom for !ne 4illion Dollars2 a random colle$e kid. Aes. The Fallen is usin$ TM e6actly the -ay it is supposed to+ roadcastin$ information to a -ide audience. ut seein$ him so diminish himself via profane human media, you almost end up feelin$ pity for the old coot. 1e:s Iust too ancient for this shit.

<ell, and here:s a -hole bunch of stuff that I, Huite frankly, -ill Iust skip. I tried to find some sort of meanin$ tan$led in this nonsense, but really, I $ive up. 8eally, -ith 8!TF I $et the impression that the -riters used their t-o -eeks to -rite the first act and the finale, and then reali=ed they needed to add a -hole hour of stuff -hich mainly consists of the t-ins %ur$hha$urbl), Leo bein$ a $ibber$lockin$ s-eatpaddle and the occasional $ay Ioke. From here on, I:ll be skippin$ lar$e parts of the film and only pointin$ out the scenes that someho- mana$ed to end up half-ay interestin$. Trust me, you -ill not be missin$ much.

President !bama orders the Autobots to , -hich they, after Ironhide nearly murders everyone a$ain, reluctantly comply -ith. Aou kno-, I find it funny that most people interpret this as the filmmakers critici=in$ !bama for bein$ <eak !n Terror, -hen, -ell, he kind of has a point. Also, -hy does TF<iki al-ays $o on about ho- annoyin$ this $overnment official is. 1e:s by far one of the more bearable characters in the movie. Does this horrid comple6 of al-ays sidin$ -ith the E$ood $uysG e6tend so far that a $uy becomes more hated than fuckin$ Leo Iust because he:s not sidin$ -ith the Autobots. I mean, E0et your assets back to base2G is a $reat line, ho- can you not like that.

There:s one last semiLheartfelt moment bet-een #am, 4ikaela and ee, but by this point it:s clear there:s no point in tryin$ to salva$e #am:s life and relationship. It pretty much -ent to shit the moment he picked up that shard. 1e finally $ets curious about -hat the $lyphs actually are %note+ As opposed to -hat they mean), and Leo fi$ures that internet celebrity and potential $oon 8obo-arrior can help. <ho is 8obo-arrior.

...!h no. After #ector #even closed shop at the end of the first movie, #immons apparently decided to open a racist meat deli. 1e has no interest in dealin$ -ith Leo, but then he reco$ni=es #am.

And after a short ar$ument, invites them into the meat locker. %I have no idea -hat the subte6t of this scene is.) Interestin$ly, he responds to #am brin$in$ up that he had a robot EproIectin$ ima$esG from his mind.

There:s a bi$ ol: standard conspiracy theorist:s basement %Iust missin$ the event map -ith the red strin$s), and #immons starts sho-in$ us some Ancient Aliens shit about ho- those $lyphs have been seen painted independently in various parts of the ancient -orld. Further, he reveals that some Transformers have been on earth for a lon$, lon$ time. I really don:t kno-hat to make of any of this.

They talk to <heelie, and he:s becomes remarkably cooperative -hen 4ikaela threatens him -ith a blo-torch a$ain. Qids, this is not ho- you discipline your pets.

Tu6edo Catfish posted+

#pecifically+ -hen 4ikaela threatens his face -ith a torch. A threat she backed up by earlier burnin$ out one of his eyes. ItFs like little predatory animals practicin$ on somethin$ their o-n si=e, imitatin$ their parents. 1e tells him that there:s a bunch of dudes -ho are old enou$h to kno-, and one of them is in the #mithsonian museum. Let:s $o there22

Part **+ E1!LD T1E 0L!8A !F BETFI8E2

The shots of the #mithsonian are completely $or$eous. These films have a clear, almost childlike fascination -ith machines of all sorts, and you $et the clear impression that they -ant to share this feelin$ -ith the audience. The maIesty of the pieces on display here is contrasted -ith the bumblin$ idiocy of our EheroesG, almost portrayin$ these machines as so much $reater than the men -ho created them.

And of course, -ho could the le$endary creature they -ere lookin$ for be if not the $rand hi$hli$ht of the museum, the #8L(* E lackbirdG itself. <heelie tells #am to $ive it the CubeLshard, and E-atch the ma$ic happenG.

E6cept the Ema$icG, in this case, is the $reat, maIestic lackbird curlin$ itself up like some kind of tortured -orm, creakin$ and foldin$ onto t-o unsteady le$s, and becomin$ an unsi$htly, hideous and kind of pitiful lookin$ senile alien creature. 4eet Betfire, one of the fe- le$itimately fun characters in this movie %althou$h even he can:t avoid some crin$e -orthy $a$s). #omethin$ I noticed in this scene is that in the -ron$ hands, the Allspark may not be Huite the benevolent lifeL$ivin$ entity it -as played as in the first movie D in fact, -henever -e see it used, it totally corrupts -hatever it touches. 4e$atron bein$ killed and revived by it became a mad, delirious monster, sinkin$ from benevolent intentions to literally servin$ 8oboL#atan, it:s repeatedly sho-n turnin$ useful appliances into hideous, vul$ar crotchbots, and no- Betfire is Iust... I mean really, this $uy transforms out of the lackbird. !n the other hand, -hile Betfire is one of the most unattractive desi$ns to come out of the movie %and one of the -orst toys to come out of the line), 4ark 8yan:s brilliant voice actin$ Iust makes him so endearin$ in his silliness. %Also, -hile lookin$ this up, I reali=ed 4e$atron is voiced by 1u$o <eavin$. 1uh.)

"o- <heelie. A lot less endearin$. The interestin$ thin$ is ho- much of a bi$ deal e6LDecepticon Betfire makes out of s-itchin$ sides, callin$ it an Eintensely personal choiceG... And then <heelie defects because 4ikaela basically coerced him into it. The film actually dra-s a $ood number of similarities bet-een <heelie and Betfire, in spite of their completely different nature D even thou$h one is an ancient le$end and the other is a small animal, they:re still both of the same species.

#am sho-s him the symbols, and Betfire teleports everyone into... A desert in E$ypt. There:s a -hole bunch of e6position, basically somethin$ somethin$ the 4atri6 of Leadership can revive !ptimus, somethin$ somethin$ the Fallen -ants it so he can blo- up the sun somethin$. Actually, scratch that, itFs not e6position, itFs storytellin$. The -ise old man sits in a circle -ith the youn$er $eneration and tells them of tales of yore.

#immons makes it past customs by sayin$ he:s from "e- Aork. I $uess -hen you:re American, you:re truly allo-ed to do anythin$2 Also, funny forei$ners hr$f herf h$fr$h

The film pretends to sho- us another one of those emotional scenes, and 4ikaela really tries her best, but it:s obvious at this point that #am is too far $one to really emotionally invest in other people, as evidenced by the fact that he suddenly cuts the scene clean off -hen he [solves the riddle[

After bein$ told by #immons to drop !ptimus off in E$ypt, Lenno6 decides to solve the dilemma of follo-in$ his orders and returnin$ to base or potentially revivin$ !ptimus by... #pittin$ the president in the face and doin$ his o-n thin$.

In fact, he then proceeds to thro- the $overnment official out of the plane, abandonin$ him -ithout supplies or communications in the middle of the desert in a forei$n country. And people seriously took this scene as Iustified and Lenno6 is still a $ood $uy because 0allo-ay posed a minor inconvenience. #ometimes the mind bo$$les at ho- sociopathic 1olly-ood audiences can be.

!ur heroes finally find the 4atri6, only then they don:t, only then they do, thanks to the t-ins.

!nly then they don:t a$ain. Aeah, turns out the 4atri6 is a fake and all hope is lost. !nly #am doesn:t think so, and still insists to take its ashes to !ptimus because dammit, he:s the prota$onist and this movie isn:t over. "otice ho- his un-illin$ness to partake in the Autobots: bullshit has made a total *9' and no- he:s suddenly into it -ith heart and soul. At the time of -ritin$ this, I suddenly reali=e ho- absurd this entire scene is. T-o robot blackface actors find the corpse of $od, -hereupon the embodiment of capitalism blo-s a hole in it so it can find his ancient treasure... <hich is a useless pile of dust. I think that even tops the space scene in terms of sheer, hilariously bra=en nihilism.

The team splits up to shake off #tarscream, and 4e$atron calls forth the bi$ offensive. Time for the film:s bi$ halfLhour action seHuence, oh boy. ...I think it says a lot that I needed three updates to talk about the first *' minutes of the movie, and no- I used one to cover a -hole Huarter of it.

Part *&+ Devastator, hero of the -orkin$ class2

Alri$ht, so -atch this. %http://vimeo.com/5088 6!)

They never made a Devastator toy that isn:t either tiny or total $arba$e, so have some concept art.
In a movie already filled -ith visual spectacle, Devastator Iust completely takes the cake in terms of sheer $ravitas. And in spite of bein$ limited to less than *' minutes of screen time, he:s one of the most interestin$ and underLdiscussed characters in the movie, nay, the trilo$y. 4ilky4oor said that all Transformers are born eHual, and I have to respectfully disa$ree D there:s a difference bet-een there bein$ only a sin$le class and us, as an audience, only bein$ sho-n a sin$le class. Mirtually all Transformers -e see throu$hout the trilo$y are representatives of either military or $overnment, but then 8!TF, -ithout comment, suddenly thro-s the Constructicons at us. Disre$ardin$ Arcee %seriously, let:s Iust for$et about her), the Constructicons differ from everyone else both in form and in function. They:re barelyLhumanoid, stran$e, abstract thin$s that make no visual sense at all %I can only Huote this ama=in$ fello- %http://www."outu#e.com/watch$v%&s'()&*#+,-.featu/e%plcp)callin$ Demolisher #caven$er a E4antisLcrab rollerL skateG). <here the Autobots are lithe, skilled killers, the Constructicons are clumsy, lumberin$ and imprecise. <here most other transformers $ro- -eapons and items ri$ht out of their comple6 bodies, the Constructicons are mostly left usin$ their shovels, overlon$ arms and other vehicleLkibble as improvised crushin$ -eapons -hen involved in a fi$ht. And -here all other transformations are beautiful, fluid and heavily automated, Devastator:s combination is intense, laborious, and clearly not pleasant for anyone involved. And then you take a look at -hat they actually do throu$hout the movie. !ccasionally, one of them -ill $et involved in a fi$ht, but then they:re usually torn apart -ithin seconds. ut mostly, they do -ork. They rebuild 4e$atron %$oin$ as far as to

sacrifice one of their o-n to do it2), 8ampa$e makes a simple delivery, and then Devastator:s bi$ role is not to -reak havoc amon$ the human resistance... ut to di$ up somethin$. 1e Efi$htsG usin$ a vacuum cleaner, and can:t even defeat fuckin$ 4udflap. There:s multiples of every one of the Constructicons, and they have virtually no a$ency. The other Decepticons: military $etup speaks of their nature as -arriors, and the Constructicons: construction uniforms speak all there is to say about their nature+ They:re the transformersF -orkforce. The movie doesn:t make much of this unfortunately, but it does sho- that Decepticon civili=ation is a lot more comple6 than -e:re $ettin$ to see %-hile all Autobots are clearly there to fi$ht and only to fi$ht), and it rubs additional salt in the -ound of Demolishor:s e6ecution as a EthreatG. And then -e $et to #immons doin$ everythin$ he can to destroy Devastator D activatin$ a terrifyin$ -eapon in development to kill a civilian. It:s eHually sad and hilarious to see -hat horrid depths the prota$onists descent to fi$ht off the Decepticons. 4oreover, their nature as blueLcollar -orkers sho-s once a$ain that the Decepticons, if totalitarian, are actually -illin$ and able to build, -hile the Autobots can only destroy. !f course, ho- does 4udflap attack the creature. EI:m $onna bust yo: face up2G Tu6edo Catfish put it very -ell -hen he likened this behavior to children emulatin$ a parent. Defacin$ enemies started out as bein$ !ptimus: thin$, but by the time Dark 4oon rolls around basically everyone on the Autobot side does it.

Thulsa Doom posted+

#omethin$ about >DevastatorFs combination@ reminds me of the scenes in CarpenterFs The Thin$ -here the creatures unfold and separate %like the head spider) and similar scenes in the &'** film, especially the bit -hen the head flops around before itFs fully connected and the tentacles used to dra- the limbs into the main body.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
The Decepticons are, in this series at least, the actual champions of the -orkin$ class. !ptimus may drape himself shiny trucker clothes, but thatFs a farce akin to 8omney visitin$ a smallLto-n factory on the campai$n trail. <here the other ima$ery of Decepticon monstrousity had mostly to do -ith their race or $ender, Devastator is a monstrous vision of the -orkers united. !f course, the race and $ender aspect is still a part of it+ Devastator is hunched like an ape, and features a massive va$inaLdentata mouth, in the tradition of Predator. ut check the middle of DevastatorFs transformation seHuence+ one of his hands -alks around on its o-n, before Ioinin$ -ith the body. There are a ton of horror movies -here the hand revolts a$ainst the mind, as in District ; L -ith obvious connotations. 1ere, thou$h, DevastatorFs body is entirely FhandsF. This isnFt ima$ery of lost a$ency, but of communion.The -orkers literally unite as a sin$le entity. I -ould actually ar$ue that Devastator didnFt Ffail to killF #kids %or 4udflap, -hichever). I choose to believe that he spared them. The specific means by -hich Devastator is eventually killed present a very important contrast, so keep an eye out for that.

1e-lett posted+
The fact that Devastator has a scrotum in addition to the va$inaLmouth has al-ays pu==led me, and I -ould ar$ue that Devastator, by virtue of literally havin$ the bi$$est balls, is one of the more stereotypically masculine Transformers in the films. ut I think havin$ both $enders plays into your readin$ of -orkin$Lclass communionO it is also both male and female, representin$ unity of $ender as -ell. At the same time, it brin$s -ith it the same kind of lo-Lclass potty humor stereotypically assi$ned to construction -orkersO the balls are used for humor and the va$inaLdentata mouth is used to destroy and s-allo- everythin$ in its path, so itFs not entirely a positive thin$. I $uess thatFs more J-omen are bitches and shitJ ima$ery.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
ItFs definitely se6ual, but I donFt think itFs a bad thin$. Aou $otta remember %in a readin$ of the films as satire) that everythin$ is seen Jin Huotation marks,J as ho- thin$s are vie-ed throu$h the lens of american culture. The -ay the red one $rabs the other $uy and pulls him onto his circular port, itFs totally se6ual L but itFs consensual. All the constructions are coupled to$ether into this -rithin$ communal mass -ith a va$inaLmouth and literal balls. DevastatorFs monstrosity satiri=es American puritanism L -here people fetishi=e the Fholo$raphicF ima$e of 4e$an Fo6 on a motorcycle -hile simultaneously $ettin$ thorou$hly, adolescently icked out by her physical biolo$y. This is directly related to the $ynophobic ni$htmare ima$ery behind Alice and The Fallen, and the film connects it to the fear of other races and of the -orkin$ class. Devastator is an asymmetrical Frankenstein of differentLcoloured roboLpeople, to $o alon$ -ith the communist symbolism I covered earlier. The balls are a crude Ioke, but not FIust a crude IokeF. !bviously theyFre not functional testicles. <eFve seen that the robots dohave biolo$ies, so these balls are purely symbolic L like the hood ornament of the do$ -earin$ a mask. I believe theyFre associated -ith the theme of bra=en nakedness representin$ honesty and conviction. Devastator $oes so far as to sport this $enderfuck prosthesis L an e6a$$erated, trans$ressive parody of nakedness. 1e-lett is ri$ht that this is Fbitches and shitF ima$ery, but the Decepticons are sayin$ Jyes, -e are the dre$s of society, -e are monstrous, and -e -ill unite a$ainst you -ho oppress us.J ay loves the bitches and shit L not in an ironic -ay, but in the same sense that District ; supports the thorou$hly dis$ustin$, inferiori=ed aliens. And then there:s #immons. Aou may be familiar -ith the term E$host ship momentG D -hich describes an instant a character reali=es that they:re actually in a movie, and -hat kind of movie as -ell. !ften this reali=ation is treated as a moment of enli$htenment, -hich radically chan$es the character:s vie-s and behavior. <hat:s interestin$ about #immons is that it:s hard to pin do-n -hen e6actly his 0#4 happens D I $uess back -hen he sees #am in the deli and reali=es his EadventuresG are not yet over D but it is abundantly clear that he has this a-areness. 1e e6plicitly cites bein$ in a movie -hen he first sees Devastator, and he:s the kind of $uy -ho clearly $ets really into a role he:s playin$. In the first film he -as a secret a$ent caricature, and no- he:s become an action movie prota$onist caricature, providin$ his o-n narration for the benefit of the invisible vie-er. In a sense, #immons is a metaLmovie entity, an actor playin$ an actor playin$ a part that varies from film to film, and in the third movie, his role -ill shift once more. Can you tell IFm startin$ to $et impatient about actually $ettin$ there already.

penismi$htier posted+
1e talks about 0unfi$ht at the !Q Corral, -hich is a classic F5's movie about <yatt Earp. Ends -ith a bi$ $unfi$ht bet-een Earp and his family and the Clanton family in -hich, as Turturro says, Ja lot of people died.J The real $unfi$ht happened in *99*, the movie -as made *;5(, and people still to this day ar$ue over -ho -as in the ri$ht. ThereFve been a handful of films %1our of the 0un, Doc) positin$ that instead of a $reat leader, <yatt Earp -as a dan$erous obsessive murderer -ho -iped out a family for no $ood reason.

Bonny An$el posted+

#o IFve been follo-in$ alon$ and thereFs one point IFd like to make before -e $et to Dark of the 4oon %usual praise for the !P and other contributors applies). ThereFs been a lot of talk already about ho- Autobots proIect heroicTlikable identities -hile i$norin$ everythin$ actually symboli=ed by those identities %!ptimus is a -arrior from the rulin$ caste -ho dresses up as a symbol of blue collar -orkers, 8atchet is an ambulance -ho practices no medicine). It reveals a fuckedLup need on the part of their psycholo$y to identify as the $ood $uys but not even convincin$ly, e.$. !ptimus doesnFt present himself as a hero of classical myth -hich I $uess -ould be the closest J$oodJ analo$ue to the kind of violent authoritarianism he practices. ut -ho else does this. <ho else selfLidentifies in a -ay thatFs farcically divorced from their actual actionsTintentions.

Pictured+ 8obo<arrior

#li$htly offLscreen+ Ladiesman&*( !h, fuck, theyFre Autobots. #am suffers from this a lot in the first t-o films, selfLidentifyin$ as a ladiesF man but never actually actin$ accordin$ly. 1e canFt brin$ himself to say he loves his incredibly desirable $irlfriend %because, as pointed out, he doesnFt), and he e6presses disinterest in both spendin$ time -ith her and cheatin$ on her -ith Alice. At no point does he act like a ladiesF man %e6cept tan$entially durin$ the aforementioned endin$ seHuence of 8otF -hen itFs more accurately The Allspark speakin$), but at no point does he $ive up the assumed identity either. 1e doesnFt break up -ith 4ikaela, instead displayin$ Iust enou$h interest to haveher and thus have the identity. ItFs the same reason that !ptimus, after -hatever dama$e he takes in battle, is al-ays $oin$ to $et that redLandLblue coat of paint reLapplied to his saltLofL theLearth trucker self. %Also, -hatFs contained in these spoiler ta$s is va$ue enou$h to not actually spoil any Dot4 stuff but still spoilered because itFs about Dot4+ #am continues do-n this same path, -ith a ne- very beautiful $irlfriend that heFs chiefly interested in havin$.) LetFs talk about 8obo<arrior thou$h. #immons from the $etL$o is identified as delusional and pathetic compared to actual 8obo<arriors %Transformers), $ettin$ peed on by them and displayin$ an i$norance about both robots %J1is name is " EL identification, runnin$ a site. that posts videos Transformer in order topath maintain the semblance '*J) and -arriors %J"okia . . they knothe -ith -ay brief, of the $rainy samurai.J) In 8otF, foota$e heFs a$ain on the of selfLservin$ selfLthat

Bonny An$el cont...

heFs fi$htin$ the $ood fi$ht a$ainst this conspiracy. #immons, of course, kno-s the entire e6tent of the conspiracy because he -as on the $round floor the -hole time, but speakin$ to any of that -ould run counter to the Autobot mentality the same -ay that #am tellin$ 4ikaela he loves her -ould. ut hereFs -hatFs interestin$+ Iust as #am breaks from his Autobot self at the filmFs clima6, #immons has a similar moment. E6cept this is actually him, not a dead and revived him thatFs been infused by other-orldly forces and no lon$er bears any resemblance to him. #immons, faced -ith the seemin$ly unstoppable Devastator, calls do-n heavenly thunder upon him. ?pon the robot. Like a 8obo<arrior. #immonsF arc in the first t-o films is a beautiful little spot of optimism amon$ the relentless cacklin$ u$liness presented by the rest of the te6t. 1eFs sufferin$ from the same kind of AutobotLcoded identity delusions as #am, set up to have a similar arc to him, yet he someho- escapes #amFs fate. 1e actually lives up to his selfLascribed name, in a -ay thatFs a lot more poi$nant than the farcical nature of the scene %8obo<arrior aims for the roboscrotum) initially su$$ests. ut thatFs essentially ho- 4ichael ay is operatin$ here, and a touch of optimism -ouldnFt even be permissible in the films unless obfuscated by mad robot $enitals.

Part */+ I:m bored no-, can -e start D!T4 alrCoh $od -hat is happenin$ aaaaah

This scene is a little... !dd. The breakneck editin$ suddenly slo-s do-n to a cra-l, and I:m really not sure ho- to place it. And -hat:s up -ith the stained $lass -indo- made up of empty bottles. Is that a thin$ they do in E$ypt.

There:s a lon$ pannin$ shot movin$ out of the buildin$, around and back in a$ain, and -hile it is $enuinely -ell crafted, -ell, the movie usually Iust doesn:t do these kinds of cohesive, fluid shots, so it really doesn:t EfeelG entirely ri$ht. Also+ <e had our small animal, so here:s a Transformer that:s a literal insect.

And yes, they did make a toy for it.

EHually stran$e is the scene -ith #am:s parents. 8ampa$e brin$s them to the battlefield %I $uess in e6chan$e for #am himself.), and #am actually stops for them D from everythin$ -e:ve seen so far, #am at best holds antipathy for them, and nohe:s suddenly -illin$ to delay !ptimus: resurrection %and put untold lives at risk) for them. "othin$ #am has done in this movie after the end of the first act has made any sense for his character, as thou$h he has fully absorbed himself into his role as an action hero prota$onist. The contrast to the naturalism surroundin$ his scenes early in the movie Iust makes him appear completely inhuman and unrelatable, almost as if he has, too, become a C0I space robot.

It:s really e6emplified in a sin$le line D umblebee attacks 8ampa$e, and #am crouches do-n and -hispers Ekill him, ee. Qill him.G to himself. This line keeps $ivin$ me shivers, because it:s Iust so creepy ho- this $uy -ho once represented us suddenly $ives this deadLeyed psychopathic stare and -ishes a brutal death upon another livin$ bein$ Iust out of pure, senseless hatred, and then keeps -atchin$ as umblebee Iust tears it apart.

This calls to mind the end of act * because it:s Iust similarly relentless. Instead of Iust killin$ 8ampa$e -hile he:s do-n, umblebee tears both his arms off and then knocks around the dyin$, defenseless creature Iust for fun -hile it pitifully cries out in pain. This isn:t a fi$ht, it:s torture, -illful torture, committed under the cheerin$ of the audience. A fe- elements of endL ofLactL* called to mind horror movies, but I have never seen a horror movie that made me as uncomfortable as this scene, for a simple reason D there:s limits to -hat you can do to a human actor on a screen, but C0I has no such limitations, and so the terrible, inhuman cruelty you can subIect the audience to is only limited by the filmmakers: ima$ination. I:ve taken on a stron$ dislike of the idea of Eaction moviesG as a $enre. It mi$ht have meant somethin$ at one point, but these days I notice more and more ho- any movies are stuck onto that label Iust because they have some action scenes in them. 8even$e had a $rand total of one action scene, back in the forest. <hat -e see happen here, at the film:s end, is not action. All pretense of Jrobots punchin$ each otherJ has disappeared L thereFs no heroes, no villains, no Iustice, no resistance, no emotional catharsis. There is only torture, chaotic destruction and total narrative anarchy, culminatin$ in the cold murder of 0od himself.

8even$e of the Fallen is a horror film. In the purest sense. Its finale $rinds do-n every aspect of its -orld into total nihilistic despair, and itFs terrifyin$ to behold.
Ao, have some mood music. %Transformers+ 8even$e of the Fallen %The Complete #core) L Precious Car$o http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXEcMAvfAFp??)

The bi$ airstrike is comin$, and the military is launchin$ their bi$ offensive. In an e6tended monta$e, -e see Decepticons bein$ torn apart. Arms fly and screams echo, dyin$ creatures are bein$ buried under rubble. And you have to keep remindin$ yourself+ These are sentient creatures. They:re not drones or machinery actin$ by pro$rammin$. This isn:t plucky heroism turnin$ the tides, it:s -ar. In the first movie, -hat -e sa- of the human military -ere pretty much 4a$$ie 4adsen and company. #illy characters doin$ silly thin$s, barely mana$in$ to call in the actual strike force. #aid military:s $rand event, the $reat display of airborne superiority, the $reatest display of sheer destructive po-er humanity holds that isn:t the atom bomb itself. It barely mana$es to make 4e$atron duck. And no- -e have a repeat of that same event. ut suddenly, barely any human characters appear. Leo, -ho:s the closest eHuivalent to the first movie:s idiot bri$ade. 8endered irrelevant almost immediately. The events have far out$ro-n simple civilians like him. "o- every face -e see is a cold military official, relayin$ orders and coldly sentencin$ the enemy to death.

And the airstrike itself. 0one are the days of impotence and failure. The -ar machine has $ro-n, become a destructive behemoth that tears itself throu$h the Decepticons -ith ease, leavin$ only shrapnel and corpses behind. And 4e$atron. After he -as only defeated because he underestimated the factor of the enemy holdin$ an omnipotent artifact, here he is dama$ed as easily as the rest of them, makin$ a last fe- eerily human noises before bein$ driven back into the pillar of hellfire he emer$ed from.

ut he mana$ed to make one final shot, and hit #am. And -ith that, the entire movie:s narrative breaks do-n. #am is dead.

Every time I -atch this movie, I Iust -ish these last fe- scenes had been in a different, better movie, because in spite of their clinical impartiality, or perhaps because of it, they very effectively sho- the horror of -ar. ut this is a franchise movie about $iant robots. Its central premise rests upon #am:s interaction -ith the fictional -orld in -hich ideas and values D ideas and values he believes in D take physical shape. #am is the audience. 1is desire to see 8ampa$e be torn apart and tortured does nothin$ if not reflect the audience:s hero -orship of American values, and it is throu$h him that all of this takes shape at all. And no-, the movie killed him.

And -ith that, 8even$e of the Fallen is over. <ithout an audience, there can be no movie.

<ithout someone to speak to, messa$es and symbols become meanin$less.

#am <it-icky is dead. And no-, for the movie to continue, somethin$ else has to take his place.

At the end of the last movie, #am received a $ift from the $ods. Total cosmic kno-led$e and the ability to create life itself have inte$rated themselves into him, become part of him. 8emember, the Cube cannot be destroyed, it can only transform.

The 4atri6 of Leadership he -as $iven in this movie -as a fake, a decoy. <orthless dust. #am is dead, and the 4atri6 is $one.

And yet, both are ri$ht here. ut #am <it-icky, the audience insert and sympathetic character, has died D not from 4e$atron:s last, spiteful shot, but far earlier, -hen the Allspark took his mind and umblebee and !ptimus symbolically buried him. The man -e see here D -hose first -ords are EI love youG, -ords that the real #am -ould, could never say D is not #am at all. 1e $ives life, and he takes life. 1e has total kno-led$e of the film:s narrative D destiny itself L and communes -ith the $ods. This Ene- #amG is the Allspark itself, $iven ne- form, and the 4atri6 of Leadership is Iust an e6tension of him. %"otice ho- in this shot, it covers up his face.)

And so, #am dies so Prime can live a$ain.

ut the Allspark itself -as corrupted by humanity:s petty evil, so does it further corrupt everythin$ it touches. Prime -as not a nice character before, and no- he, too, transformed D into somethin$ a lot -orse.

A L!T wo/se.0(http://vimeo.com/51051263)

The terrifyin$ po-er of the human military has once a$ain been surpassed, and rendered useless. This is not a fi$ht bet-een men nor machines, but a fi$ht bet-een $ods. And in spite of the Fallen:s terrifyin$ po-er, Prime cracks him like an e$$shell. I... There is so much $oin$ on in this final scene that I don:t even kno- -here to be$in. 4e$atron, as I -ill once a$ain remind you the most po-erful and terrifyin$ thin$ the first film had to offer, is simply effortlessly shoved aside. 1is yelp of E#tarscream2G is one of the most pitiful thin$s I:ve seen in this trilo$y. !ptimus, by contrast, is Iust terrifyin$. J0ive me your face2J is remembered so starkly for a reason. ItFs the perfect summation of the sheer, base cruelty of !ptimus reducin$ a $odly fi$ure to meltin$ rubble. 1is finisher is disturbin$ly se6ual, as -ell. 8emember, the Fallen is naked, and !ptimus even removes the closest thin$ he had to a mask, then penetrates him from behind -hile $ivin$ off an e6tended moan and shoutin$ EI rise22G. 8emember -hat I said about the Transformers not really understandin$ se6uality, and seein$ it as more of a utility than anythin$. <ell, no- -e see ho- that turns out D for !ptimus, violence and se6uality are inseparable in their aspect of domination. Aeah, !ptimus has pretty much sunk to the total bottom of depravity D and he still has an entire movie left to $o.

At least 4e$atron finally has a moment of introspection. After t-o movies of blind, senseless ra$e, the ha=e in front of his eyes is be$innin$ to clear up, and in his pitiful, dama$ed form he is ready for a ne- take on thin$s. y the ne6t movie, he -ill be a very different character.

Febree=e posted+
4y favorite part about the entire endin$ of this movie is -hen ay reuses a shot he had literally a minute earlier. Finally, someone uploaded the -hole scene so I could point it out+ At about &* seconds in TerryFs video+ Aou see a Huick & second shot of !ptimus lookin$ up at Betfire as he a-akens. !ptimus is on screen ri$ht, lookin$ screen left. There is smoke in the back$round billo-in$ up. #kip to *+37 ItFs the e6act same shot, flipped and played back-ards. !ptimus is no- lookin$ screen ri$ht, and instead of liftin$ his head, he lo-ers it as if he is sad. ut the smoke in the back$round is retreatin$, like itFs bein$ sucked into a vacuum. This isnFt the first time ay has done this, he reused A shot from T* for Fallen, and he altered a shot from The Island for D!T4. ut these t-o shots come literally less than t-o minutes apart.

Thulsa Doom posted+

JLetFs rollJ is associated -ith ;T** no-... Todd -hatever his name -as that -as on the fli$ht that -as brou$ht do-n by the passen$ers reportedly said JLetFs rollJ before he and the others char$ed the cockpit. IFve seen it used freHuelty in ;T** references and patriotic materials and such. ItFs one of those patriotic memes that ine6plicably appeared the day after ;T**, like the -ord JhomelandJ. >!ptimus says it@ After he combines -ith a Iet and immediately before he rams into the enemy. A Iet -ho had a lon$ beard and a turban.

I$iari posted+
<ould it be $oin$ too far to say that, at the point of !ptimusF revival, the Autobots have become a cult, -ith !ptimus as a divine fi$ure. earin$ in mind I havenFt seen D!T4, %or 8!TF) one thin$ that really struck me about that scene -as ho-hen Betfire sa- !ptimus return to life, he had no Hualms about tearin$ out his o-n heart and $ivin$ !ptimus his skin to -ear, and -hich !ptimus discards as soon as it has outlived its usefulness. I ori$inally typed Jdeath cultJ, to match the AutobotsF lust for violence and desperation to stop birth, but I think if that -ere true, !ptimus -ould probably have held BetfireFs sacrifice in hi$her re$ard. Thinkin$ of sacrifice, is it maybe -orth notin$ that !ptimus has previously %if I recall the first movie correctly) $one on and on about ho- he and he alone has to make a sacrifice, like he -ants to be this messianic fi$ure. "o- that heFs returned from death, he doesnFt even voice an obIection -hen an elderly follo-er commits suicide in front of his eyes -hilst his follo-ers tear apart his corpse for parts that -ill benefit !ptimus, and -hich he literally shru$s off moments later.

4r. #afe posted+

<hatFs a Decepticon to do -hen he comes to vie- his o-n sideFs values as reprehensible. Is there any choice available to him that -ill -ash a-ay the sti$ma of bein$ one of the Jbad $uysJ. 1o- can he become a J$oodJ Decepticon. 1e certainly tries throu$hout the movie. 1e helps the prota$onists in every possible -ay he can -ith his kno-led$e, $ettin$ them from one place to another, and even -ith his -anin$ stren$th. #till, heFs never seen by any of them as anythin$ more than a tool to be used. "o concern is $iven to him even as he rusts a-ay before their eyes. 1e -as doomed to this treatment from the moment they sa- his Decepticon brand re$ardless of his actions. Durin$ his final battle he almost seems like heFs the sole member of some third side in the fi$ht as he flails a-ay at his former comrades and isnFt ackno-led$ed by the ones he has chosen as his allies, receivin$ no support from them. Eventually, he $ets it in his head that the best -ay he can help %or even $ain some form of reco$nition) is to sacrifice his very body and life to an Autobot -ho -ill $ain all the real $lory. 1e has come to a primal reali=ation, you see, on ho- to be a $ood Decepticon. The only $ood Decepticon is a dead Decepticon.

blurry2 posted+
I think I remember Terry van Feleday remarkin$ she couldnFt pinpoint -hat the title -as about, as The Fallen did not e6act reven$e or really make any comments about any sort of reven$e. I think its a baitLandLs-itch. y namin$ The Fallen that, its a diversion to distract us from -hatFs really $oin$ on. From the fact that a character that had been killed earlier in the movie, had come back from the $rave to e6act a brutal retribution upon his anta$onist. A character that has been pro$ressively become more and more corrupt. And -ith his resurrection, he has completed his corruption. 1e kills 0od and all but takes his title. !ptimus Prime is the Fallen.

8even$e of the Fallen -as pretty much a battle bet-een evil and $reater evil. 8eally, it deserved the ta$line E<hoever -ins, -e loseG much moreso than Alien vs. Predator %&''3). ut as the last act of the film -ent on, the scales increasin$ly tipped. 8even$e both started and ended on a bombshell. #am is dead and has been replaced by a malicious, HuasiLhuman entity, !ptimus Prime has killed 8oboL#atan, thereby becomin$ 8oboL#atan, 4e$atron has embarked on a Iourney of selfL discovery, and no- the sta$e is ready for the real last act of the trilo$y.

I"TE84I##I!" D Duel %*;(*)

P#AC1E22 "o, -e:re not takin$ on Dark #ide 4oon Iust yet, because there is another movie I -ill need to cover first. #ee, Dark #ide 4oon is a seHuel to 8even$e, but it:s also a seHuel to a different movie. Aep, that:s ri$ht, Transformers+ Dark of the 4oonis the seHuel to one of #teven #pielber$s first movies, the *;(* film Duel. Aes, to the point -here Dark 4oon -ill actuallymake less sense unless you randomly decided to -atch a fairly obscure old TM movie ri$ht beforehand and pick it apart for implications. I keep sayin$ it, but Dark of the 4oon certainly is a fun movie. And so is Duel2 I actually Huite enIoy it, and it:ll be a nice break from the Transformers trilo$y:s e6tremes of vapid nonsense and total brilliance to -atch a movie that:s solid from be$innin$ to end. I:ll Iust kind of li$htly skim it in a sin$le part and point out the hi$hli$hts, so I really su$$est everyone to $o out and see it for yourselves before readin$ this post%22).

Tiny screenshots2 For the first scene of the movie, the filmmakers pretty much Iust tied a camera to a car:s bumper and let it drive around. <e don:t actually see a human face until some -ays in, and the only human voices -e hear come from the car:s radio, -hich is mostly pedestrian nonsense. Lackin$ this human element and any sort of special camera dynamic, this scene feels very detached and apathetic.

As the car leaves the city, the $rassy $reen and metropolitan $rey slo-ly make place for a completely monotone bei$e and bro-n scenery. <e:re leavin$ civili=ationO the ri$id, cro-ded structure of the city makes place for the vast simplicity of the -ilderness.

This scene does $o on for a -hile, actually. This is a pretty slo-Lpaced movie in its entirety, and there:s somethin$ very monotone and dreary about this stretch of emotionless drivin$. <e haven:t even seen the driver of this car yet, but his choice in radio pro$ram and complete disinterest in his surroundin$s, Iust movin$ slo-ly from point A to point already makes him look like the most borin$ person in the universe.

Finally havin$ completely left ordered civili=ation behind, the camera breathes a si$h of relief and stretches its -in$s, finally $ivin$ us a shot of the car and its driver.

4eet David 4ann and his crafty oran$e Maliant, and -ell, he certainly does live in the ('s. <hat:s interestin$ is -hat part of the radio chatter the first shot of our main character coincides -ith. A caller is complainin$ that he is not actually the head of his household D it:s his -ife -ho:s -earin$ the pants in the relationship, and he:s so ashamed about this that he isn:t even -illin$ to mark her as the bread-inner in a simple form. After the dreary and emotionless intro, this some-hat unnervin$ e6ample of e6treme masculine insecurity and covert miso$yny coupled -ith the first actual human face -e see in the movie causes our first actual emotional response to it, subconsciously bindin$ these t-o impressions to$ether, establishin$ -ithout a sin$le -ord from Dave ho- insecure he is. And boy, he certainly is insecure. #teven #pielber$ -as a really talented director even in his early days, can you tell.

Dave:s car eventually comes up to an obstacle on the road, a particularly pollutant, e6tremely rusted and ratty old fuel tanker. 1oo boy, meet Death, Destroyer of <orlds.

I:m not sure havin$ that many number plates is entirely le$al, yo. Dave slo-ly overtakes the behemoth, and moves on unimpeded. 0uess he:s $ot more borin$ road ahead of him2

...!r not, -ait -hat. #o far, the entire movie has been really slo- and deliberate, devotin$ like *' seconds Iust to the action of Dave passin$ the truck. And suddenly, it Iust =ips past him in like a second flat, leavin$ Dave pretty dis$runtled D particularly after it Iust slo-s ri$ht back do-n after passin$ him. !f course, Dave -ill not stand for this insult to his masculinity, and overtakes a$ain.

The truck doesn:t take this so -ell either, and starts shoutin$ at Dave -ith its horn.

1e doesn:t make much of it thou$h, they both stop to fuel up, and -e finally $et a look at the truck driver...:s feet. These and

his arm are all -e:ll ever see of him, for the entire movie. I also love this line of the script+ ECamera keeps -ithdra-in$ until -e see the full truck and trailer d-arf 4ann:s car. In relative si=e, it:s like seein$ a tu$ boat beside an ocean liner.G 4ann makes a call to his -ife, but all it does establish is that yep, they:re a re$ular 1olly-oodLmiddle class ('s couple -ith children and serious marria$e issues that neither of them is -illin$ to talk about. <e don:t find out much about Dave:s personal life, but everythin$ -e do paints him as a pretty sad little individual.

ack on the road, he -aves for the truck to overtake him, but of course, as soon as it $ets in front of him, it slo-s do-n to a cra-l immediately. Dave is startin$ to $et seriously annoyed, and it:s becomin$ clear that he:s startin$ to see his interaction -ith the creature as some kind of stran$e competition, his insecurity causin$ him to become $enuinely Iealous of the enormous, rusted manLmachine. And so, he decides to enter a dick-avin$ contest -ith a $od. <ell, the $od seems to be amused by the idea, and starts playin$ alon$. As Dave tries to overtake, it actually s-itches lanes and blocks his path, until its driver finally copies Dave:s -avin$Lthrou$h $esture, ostensibly lettin$ him pass, e6cept...

Compare this -avin$ motion to the one Dave made. 1is -as disor$ani=ed, frantic and frustrated, -hile the truck driver:s movement is slo-, serene and consistent.

Aup, it strai$ht up nearly makes him crash into another car. Alri$ht, so maybe it:s time to talk about this film:s actual concept in detail. #ee, the truck is our anta$onist for this movie. ut the interestin$ thin$ is, -e never actually are sho-n -hat its deal is. It $oes from toyin$ -ith Dave to nearly murderin$ him in a second flat, and -e never even find out -hat he did to displease it so in the first place. I:ve been referrin$ to the truck as a creature rather than a vehicle driven by a human because, -ell... It:s Huestionable -hether the human Edrivin$G it is even a real person in the first place. <e never see anythin$ more of him but his arm and his feet, and occasionally he Iust seems to disappear from e6istence. In fact, the truck itself appears unbound by the la-s of nature. <ith Dave:s car, -e:re constantly reminded of its physical %and Dave:s psycholo$ical) limits in form of its various $au$es. It needs to refuel, it has a speed limit, a temperature limit etc... <ell, the truck can Iust $o ho-ever $oddamn fast it -ants %Dave e6presses e6asperation -ith ho- this behemoth could accelerate so much at multiple points), and Iust kind of teleports from place to place later in the film. Dave: cute little oran$e Maliant feels like a remnant of the first scene of the movie, its bri$ht colour contrastin$ -ith the dullL bro-n -ilderness around, -hile its strai$ht path and adherence to the la-s of physics remind us of the static camera used in the confines of the city. y contrast, the truck is ri$ht at home on the desert road, -ith its $narly bro-n colour and contemptuous disre$ard for traffic la-s. <henever Dave reaches si$ns of civili=ation throu$hout the movie, the truck Iust simmers do-n and -aits on the side until Dave $oes off on the road a$ain. And its most important, identifyin$ factor is that it is completely unfathomable. Dave:s ordered, sta$nant life has reached a breakin$ point, because he:s decided to pick a fi$ht -ith a CoyoteLesHue nature trickster spirit. The most interestin$ part of -atchin$ this movie is Iust seein$ -hat the truck is $oin$ to do ne6t, because it appears to operate on a completely different lo$ic from anythin$ -e kno-, and constantly seems to chan$e its behaviour dependin$ on 4ann:s actions. I don:t really -ant to keep referrin$ to it as Ethe truckG and I like thin$s havin$ names, so from no- on I am $oin$ to refer to it by the name Dark of the 4oon -ould eventually $ive him... 4e$atron.

Fun fact+ out of multiple possible trucks to use, #pielber$ -ent -ith the Peterbilt model because its front most resembled a face. Interestin$ly, the Peterbilt truck prominently featured in Transformers is !ptimus Prime D 4e$atron as he appears inDark 4oon is actually a 4ack truck. !f course, that -on:t be relevant until -e $et there.

4e$atron chases Dave all the -ay to a cafY, -here the poor man crashes into a fence. <e $et an e6tended scene of 4ann bein$ a tattered mess, and then, -ell.

Dave reasons that if the truck stopped here, its driver must be in the cafY as -ell. And surely, no- that the driver has left his $iant metal murderLshell, he should be possible to confront, ri$ht. <hat:s ama=in$ about this scene is Iust ho- a-k-ard and terrible he is about dealin$ -ith this possibility. 1e tries to identify the correct person by the boots, but of course, they:re all truckers, all their boots are pretty much identical. #o Dave plays throu$h multiple possible scenarios in his head, but al-ays stops himself -ith Eno, that:s not $oin$ to -orkG. 8eally, it:s Iust kind of ama=in$ seein$ ho- horribly repressed Dave is+ The idea of Iust $oin$ up to the men and askin$ Eyo, -hich one of you drives that tankerG never even occurs to him, and so he:s stuck sittin$ in his little chair, playin$ 4y Little Conspiracy, perceivin$ every sin$le person in the room as a potential threat to his life.

It comes to a point -hen 4ann finally snaps and directly confronts a random person, makin$ va$ue allusions that make no sense to the poor fello- and eventually escalatin$ thin$s to a strai$htLup bar fi$ht. This scene $ets really interestin$ -hen you see it from the perspective of the fello- he:s attackin$. I mean, there you are, sittin$ in a cafY, in the middle of a tiresome and difficult trip, and then there:s this cra=y man Iust -alkin$ up to you and tellin$ you to Ecut it outG, then catapultin$ your sand-ich out of your hand. In the end, ho- is Dave:s behaviour not any less unfathomable to his victim than 4e$atron -avin$ him into an oncomin$ car. 1ere, the movie hi$hli$hts the serious lack of communication $oin$ on. The cafY man kno-s nothin$ about Dave -ho kno-s nothin$ about 4e$atron, and as such any action is immediately interpreted as pointless hostility. "otice also Dave:s marria$e issues comin$ primarily from him bein$ unable to talk to his -ife about anythin$.

Further on his -ay, Dave encounters a stuck school bus. The bus driver tries to motivate him to push the bus out, but 4ann ar$ues a$ainst tryin$, ar$uin$ that his car -ill Iust $o under the bus, the car is not stron$ enou$h etc... "otice 4ann:s cynicism immediately $ettin$ in the -ay of him actually tryin$ to help the children. <ell, eventually they mana$e to convince him, but it turns out he -as ri$ht. 1is car Iust isn:t stron$ enou$h. 1o-ever, it:s pretty clear that 4ann e6periences any of the

car:s failin$s clearly as his o-n D he nearly bursts into tears, and it becomes clear Iust ho- much of his selfL-orth is tied to his stupid little Maliant. 1e:s so concerned -ith it bein$ dentless he doesn:t even allo- children to sit on the hood, in spite of Iust crashin$ into a fence at [9'4P1. This is because -ell, a car is usually a symbol of machismo D and it:s pretty obvious that Dave has the rest of his o-n failin$ masculinity completely proIected unto the car. This importance of the car to his selfL -orth is a pretty important aspect of the movie.

And -ell, $uess -ho finally made an appearance a$ain, actually havin$ turned around to continue stalkin$ Dave. 1e stops, and Iust observes. Dave himself completely loses his shit, and takes off in a huff, leavin$ a be-ildered bus driver and kids behind. As for 4e$atron.

Aep, he turns around and pushes the bus out of its predicament. 4e$atron, friend to children every-here. It:s a pretty -eird little act of compassion, from a bein$ that:s supposedly completely motivated by chaos and murder.

After-ards, -e $et a Huick $limpse of another character -ho:ll play a bit of a role. Aep, that train is an actual character. ecause a$ain, I like thin$s havin$ names, I:m $oin$ to call it Astrotrain, because that:s the first trainLbased Decepticon I can think of. <hether it also transforms into a space shuttle remains unconfirmed.

<hile Dave Iust kind of -aits for Astrotrain to pass, $uess -ho:s done helpin$ children. Aup, 4e$atron be$ins to very sli$htly push Dave:s car alon$, threatenin$ to smash it a$ainst his buddy. At this point it becomes clear that 4e$s is not actually out to murder Dave at all. #ee, if he Iust -anted to kill him, he could

Iust ram into the Maliant at full speed, flattenin$ it a$ainst the train. ut he doesn:t. Instead, he Iust kind of threatenin$ly pushes it for-ard a centimetre at a time, unnervin$ Dave Huite a bit but not actually doin$ any sort of harm or dama$e, eventually Iust lettin$ him continue on once Astrotrain has passed. <hat:s interestin$ is that it never even occurs to Dave to Iust leave the car D in fact, he proves remarkably resistant to the idea of abandonin$ the Maliant. After all, out here, it:s everythin$ he has.

!n their -ay for-ard, 4e$atron and Astrotrain e6chan$e sounds from their horns D almost as if they:re havin$ a conversation. The movie su$$ests that Astrotrain is the same kind of Enature spiritG 4e$atron is. It:s a mostly drab and colourless transport vehicle, unbound by the la-s of space and time and steered by an invisible driver. <hat:s curious, ho-ever, is that its personality seems to differ. It:s the kin$ of its o-n little set of tracks orbitin$ the main road, uncarin$ly movin$ alon$ and not interferin$ in the -orld of mortals. If 4e$atron is the malevolent, mysterious side of nature, then Astrotrain is its apathetic and simple side. 1onestly, I:d really love to understand -hat they:re Etalkin$G about.

Dave stops to refuel at a stran$e snakeLthemed $as station, -hile 4e$atron continues to simply -ait and observe. Dave then has a very, very bad idea+ Tryin$ to call the police.

4e$s starts tearin$ the place up, runnin$ over various animal ca$es in his attempt to flatten Dave. This is the first time in the film he actually stopped Iust kind of playin$ around and started puttin$ all of his force into murderin$ his tar$et, and the sudden chan$e from him Iust sittin$ around and observin$ to causin$ massive amounts of collateral dama$e tryin$ to run over a defenceless bein$ is pretty fri$htenin$. 1e does not like the idea of 4ann $ettin$ the police involved.

And even so, he still $ives Dave ample -arnin$ before runnin$ him over by tootin$ his horn.

Dave mana$es to escape by $ettin$ in his car, and, after a short drive, duck a-ay behind a hill. 1e decides to -ait out the

storm D Iust stop for a couple of hours until his nemesis is far a-ay.

After a lovin$ monta$e of a nearby scrapheap, Dave is suddenly shaken a-ake by an allLtooLfamiliar motor sound and horn... 4e$atron is back2

"ah, it:s Iust Astrotrain. ut the fascinatin$ thin$ about this scene is+ Dave lau$hs. After a full hour of dull emotionlessness, at best mild amusement and sheer misaimed ra$e, this is the first time -e see Dave actually e6press a positive emotion D relief. It:s completely unlike anythin$ -e:ve seen Dave to be so far, and it almost makes himN Likeable. 1appily, he drives off until

Aep, his troubles are not yet over. 4e$atron appears to have calmed do-n Huite a bit thou$h, and is back to mostly Iust sittin$ there and observin$. #eein$ his reactions to various thin$s Dave does is Huite fascinatin$ D -hen Dave tries to dash past him in his car, 4e$s moves for-ard and blocks the -ay imposin$ly. As Dave approaches on foot, 4e$s simply drives off, then returns -hen Dave approaches his car a$ain. At this point you start $ettin$ the real sense that for some reason,

4e$atron really -ants Dave to leave his car behind. The only time he attacked Dave onLfoot -as -hen he tried to call the police, seein$ him trek across the desert road on foot causes him to leave Dave alone completely, and that attack back at the rail-ay crossin$ could only be interpreted as him tryin$ to scare Dave out of the car. It:s kind of -eird, but slo-ly, you can start $ettin$ an idea of -hat 4e$atron actually -ants.

!f course, Dave doesn:t kno- any of that, so he stops a passin$ old couple to ask them to make a call to the police. !f course, -e all kno- -hat 4e$s thinks of that, so he shoos a-ay the old couple, but actually remains remarkably calm other-ise. As Dave runs for safety in the desert, he threatenin$ly builds himself up in front of the car D as if to say, stay a-ay from this D and then returns to his little -aitin$ spot.

Dave still doesn:t $et the messa$e, and returns to the car, rollin$ up to the truck. The holo$raphic driver -ithin stretches out his arm, and repeats the $entle Eyou may passG motion he copied off Dave D an invitation to death. Dave accepts the challen$e.

And then decides to settle the issue by outrunnin$ the physicsLdefyin$ hate machine. Aup. #urprisin$ly, this -orks for a little -hile, untilN

Aup, fences. For some reason, they appear to present an insurmountable obstacle to Dave, and he -obbles a bit on the approach, then s-erves off onto a side road at the last second.

4e$atron, of course, plo-s ri$ht throu$h. This film is $enerally pretty li$ht on symbolic ima$ery, but the appearance of fences durin$ this last bit is pretty important.

8emember ho- the first time Dave actually ran from 4e$atron, it caused him to smash into a fence and break it. "o-, a$ain, his increased speed causes him to trip over fences left and ri$ht, inIurin$ him in the process.

Astrotrain makes his last little appearance, and he has another short little EconversationG -ith 4e$atron. 4e$s shouts at Astrotrain, -ho returns the noise, but increasin$ly falls behind and leaves the frame. Compared to their last tootLoff, this one seems much more an$ry and ur$ent, -hich $ives me the impression that the t-o actually $ot into a bit of a fi$ht offscreen, and no- Astrotrain is tryin$ to stop 4e$atron from -hatever it is he:s tryin$ to do -hile the truck himself Iust ends up movin$ a-ay from, and i$norin$ his buddy. There:s this very real implication that 4e$atron actually has some kind of life on his o-n, social contacts and values and such, but Dave never sees any of it D from the first minute to the last, his anta$onist is Iust a mad man drivin$ a rusty truck tryin$ to kill him because Dave overtook him.

4ore fences, and Dave tries his best to avoid them, but ultimately fails. It:s kind of absurd ho- even in this lifeLorLdeath situation, Dave still insists on follo-in$ all the traffic si$ns D but -hy -ouldn:t he. All his life has ever been about is follo-in$ si$ns and preLpaved roads. Everythin$ around him led him into this perfectly stereotypical idea of life as a husband and -orker, sittin$ in his little dim car and spendin$ entire days of his life Iust movin$ from point A to point at 7' 4P1 in a strai$ht line. All of his life, he:s been entirely fenced in. 1e doesn:t kno- a -orld beyond the ri$id, strict re$ulations they provide. As far as he is concerned, beyond these road barriers, the -orld is over. And suddenly, his empty, structured life is broken up by thisN Creature, this malevolent force that he Iust cannot understand is bearin$ do-n on him, and everythin$ he thou$ht about ho- the -orld -orks is slo-ly crumblin$ apart under its enormous pressure. And so, Iust in his attempts to survive, Dave crashes into more and more of these fences of his, and one by one, they slo-ly start breakin$ do-nN

ut there:s one limit he cannot surpass. In spite of ho- much of his selfL-orth -as tied to his little car, Dave ne$lected it Iust a little too much D his dama$ed radiator fries completely, and the car Huickly be$ins overheatin$. Dave tries to push it, but you don:t need to be an actual car mechanic to kno- that once somethin$:s -ron$ -ith your en$ine, tryin$ to keep $oin$ is Iust $oin$ to fuck it up even further. ut, -ell, as far as he thinks, he has no other choice D he keeps his foot on the $as pedal.

1o-ever, a$ainst all reason, after pickin$ up some speed on a do-nhill race and basically rebootin$ the car, it picks up speed a$ain D and continues $oin$. It:s Iust so absurd D by all reason, this car should have broken do-n a -hile a$o. ut it keeps $oin$. The final fence Dave breaks is the barrier of the la-s of mechanics itself.

In the final sho-do-n, Dave ends up finally discardin$ every la-, every idea of common sense from his mind, turns his car:s back to a chasm, and drives directly to-ard the onrollin$ behemoth D

Then Iumps out at the last minute, finally abandonin$ the car he had tied so much ire to, and -atchin$ 4e$atron push it strai$ht over the ed$e, follo-in$ alon$. <ith a last cry from its horn, it bears over the ed$e and into the chasm.

And once a$ain, -e see Dave e6press pure emotion D it:s not even really clear -hat he:s feelin$, bein$ Ioy or terror or relief or an$er, because there Iust seems to be so much $oin$ on in his head, but there:s somethin$ very liberated about him compared to his horrible, repressed self earlier in the movie.

In the end, 4e$atron -ent not after Dave, but after his car. Even after 4ann Iumped out, the truck made no attempt -hatsoever to turn around and $o after him, instead continuin$ in a strai$ht line, pushin$ the car alon$. Aou see, if you look closely, you reali=e that it -as not Dave:s life he -as after D he could have killed him at multiple points easily, but instead he -ould al-ays -ait and observe, as if to see -hether 4ann -as $oin$ to do the ri$ht thin$. ut -hy.

David 4ann is a sad e6ample of a human bein$, really. 1e:s a perfect e6ample of masculine frustration, bein$ unable to deal -ith his family life and proIectin$ his failin$ selfL-orth onto an obIect. <hat he never reali=es is that his problem isn:t his car, or his -ife, but his society. 1e:s livin$ on a path preLdictated by his cultural norms, and norms he clearly doesn:t fit, and suffers under. 1e:s trapped, fenced in by the very car he practically holds as the most valuable part of himself. In the end, it is only by breakin$ throu$h these psycholo$ical constraints that he mana$es to $ive up this false idea of bein$, and defeat the spirit that haunts him. Aet it:s never clear -hy 4e$atron is so interested in Dave leavin$ this ne$ative aspect of his life behind. Is he actually some kind of $uardian an$el, tryin$ to save a man. Is it Iust spite a$ainst the material capitalist -orld, a petty attack on an infintely tiny aspect of the society he abhors. Throu$hout the entire film, he seems like he -ants Dave to do somethin$ very particular D but his attempts at communication are stran$e and unclear, and Iust paint him as a pointless a$$ressor, -hich seems to su$$est that he doesn:t understand us the same -ay -e don:t understand him. In the end, does he die because he sa- no other -ay to truly rid Dave of the damnable car, or -as there a deeper reason -hy he needed to destroy himself %since he had ample time to stop before $oin$ over the cliff). In the end, Iust at the last second, he hits the brakesO #econd thou$hts. <as Astrotrain tryin$ to stop him, kno-in$ -hat his attack -ould lead to. All thin$s -e never find out.

?ltimately, all -e:re left -ith is David 4ann, sittin$ in the sunset, unsure ho- to continue his life. #hocked out of his re$ulated and sta$nated lifestyle, he finds himself at the be$innin$ of a ne- life. <here he sits in the sunset, drained and e6hausted, there e6ists an implied sunrise, a ne- start from -hich he can be$in unravelin$ the paths that led him to this point. Come tomorro-, he:ll be a ne- man D and perhaps a better man as -ell. ?ltimately, Duel is a fairly simple movie. It sho-s us a simple encounter bet-een man and nature, driven by a total lack of communication, -hich may have ended -ellN !r perhaps not. It leaves a lot up to individual interpretation. And I feel all of this is very important $oin$ into Dark of the 4oon. Aou really need to see Duel beforehand Iust to see

thiscontrast D to see it take a lot of the simple, openLended elements of Duel and t-ist them beyond reco$nition. A lot of -hat I -rote about 8even$e and -hat I -ill -rite about Dark 4oon seems pretty absurd, reconte6tuali=in$ simple shots and ima$es throu$h fourteen layers of film theory until they e6press somethin$ completely bi=arre and e6treme. And I think it:s important to underline that this is not my ima$ination runnin$ -ild or anythin$ D it:s important to put Dark 4oon into conte6t -ith its preHuel Duel Iust to see -hat a ballsLfarLout fuckin$ movie it is. If you haven:t -atched Duel before readin$ this post %shameful2), please do so no-, and Iust keep the simplicity of its ideas and ima$es in mind as -e $o on this ma$ical Iourney to$ether.

Dark of the 4oon %&'**)

Part *+ E#trap in, kids. ItFs $oin$ to $et fuckin$ -eird...G

Ao, there -ill be music in most these updates because the D!T4 soundtrack is really $ood. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L 4ain Title T 4oon 4ission http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX 0$3;c3o"I-) ?pon release, Dark #ide 4oon -as treated -ith pretty little fanfare. E etter than 8!TF, -orse than &''(G -as pretty much both the best and the -orst thin$ anyone ever said about it. #o -hy is it that I Iust spent the entire thread hypin$ up a barely notable movie like this. If it:s neither as insane as 8!TF nor as memorable as &''(, ho- can it be such a comple6 movie. <ell, let me set one thin$ strai$ht. I fuckin$ love Dark #ide 4oon. #ometimes, -hen I hear other people discuss the movie, I end up -onderin$ -hether I:ve actually seen the same film as everyone else or some kind of bi=arre Chinese bootle$ copy. Even no- I can:t really brin$ myself to re$ard Transformers %&''() or 8even$e -ith anythin$ better than apprehensive appreciation, but Dark 4oon Iust stands head and shoulders above them. The first movie -as setup, the second a mess, and no- -e have our payoff. And I -ill say, completely -ithout irony, that it forms one of my top 5 favorite movies period D and definitely the reason -hy I made this thread, because on some level I:m hopin$ I could help someone share this appreciation. I think a bi$ reason for Dark 4oon bein$ such a different beast than the other t-o films is 8even$e:s failure. It:s immediately clear that that film -ent far differently than anyone -anted it to, and as a result the filmmakers ended up backpedallin$ from a lot of stuff that -as ultimately too hot for them to handle. 4ostly $one is the pointless misanthropy of the first films that culminated in the symbolic murder of the audience, as this movie is actually open, communicative and sometimes $enuinely emotional. 0one are the inept and illLfated attempts to comment on racism, makin$ space for other topics the authors felt more comfortable handlin$ %thou$h it doesn:t al-ays $o -ell here either). And no- that -e:ve reached the end of the trilo$y, it finally stops Iust thro-in$ unresolved threads and stran$e occurrences every-here and finally ties up everythin$ -e:ve seen into a neat knot, even if it takes it until the last five minutes of the movie to do it. I:m Iust... There:s e6actly t-o e6tended scenes in the movie that I don:t think are completely perfect in every -ay %#am lookin$ for Iob, EDeep <an$G). Every moment of the movie is Iust this completely lunatic kaleidoscope of shapes and colors and sounds and symbols, and some of the stuff that ends up risin$ out of this cinematic soup is Iust Ia-Ldroppin$. I:ve seen the film 3 times, and I still notice like a do=en ne- thin$s that leave me completely a$hast on every vie-in$. The first t-o films are pretty out there, but... <ell, you kno- -hat. Let:s Iust start this and let you see for yourselves.

<e be$in, as al-ays, to !ptimus Prime:s narration, only this time it takes place over the prettiest rail shooter se$ment I have ever seen. 1e talks about the -ar D $ood Autobots fou$ht for freedom, evil Decepticons for tyranny yadda yadda. !nly this time, he be$ins to reluctantly state somethin$ unusual...

E<e -ere outnumbered, and outmatched.G

EA desperate mission... !ur final hope.G

EA hope... That vanishedG

1e cannot actually say it. !f course, it -ouldn:t be unlike our manipulative narrator to Iust state an important detail like that. 1e tries to dance around it, but there:s no avoidin$ it. Even he can:t t-ist the truth that far. The Autobots -ere losin$. They had one last chance.

They failed.

The entire previous t-o movies -ere built around the central premise of the -ar bet-een Autobots and Decepticons. A -ar bet-een eHuals, a stalemate that lasted eons before they finally found earth. ut as -e -atch Dark #ide 4oon, an inescapable fact da-ns upon an observant vie-er. There is no -ar. The -ar is over. The Autobots lost. The entire central conceit of the trilo$y, the very first thin$ -e hear established at the very be$innin$ of the first movie, is all a lie spun by !ptimus, un-illin$ to admit defeat even as it stared him strai$ht in the face. <hy do -e see -orkin$ class Decepticons, but no Autobot civilians, and -hy can the Autobots be counted on t-o hands -hile the Decepticons have millions of $runts. ecause there are no more Autobot civilians, they have been eradicated. <hy -as !ptimus so obsessed -ith destroyin$ the Allspark instead of takin$ it so he could revive Cybertron instead of 4e$atron. ecause Cybertron belon$s to the Decepticons no-. And in fact, remember ho- 4ilky4oor noted that !ptimus doesn:t even consider defeatin$ the Decepticons as a -ay to end the -ar instead of destroyin$ the one thin$ that could save their species. That:s because there -as no hope of him bein$ able to defeat them, because it -ould mean defeatin$ the entire transformer species. All he could do -as destroy the thin$ that could keep them alive and let entropy do the rest of the -ork. All alon$, the battle -as never bet-een t-o alien races one of -hom humans decided to ally themselves -ith. The Autobots -e see in the movies are not the van$uard of an or$ani=ed military force, but merely remnants seekin$ to sabota$e their victorious foe out of sheer spite and hatred. And !ptimus has succeeded in manipulatin$ them into reLi$nitin$ a -ar that he himself could not -in. 8emember 4e$atron sayin$ Eyou still fi$ht for the -eak, that is -hy you loseG at the end of the first movie. EThe -eakG does not refer to humanity, because that -ould make no sense. It refers to the Autobots. <ell. <e certainly started on a bombshell, didn:t -e.

#cene shift to the *;7's2 ?h... !kay, sure.

The movie then does somethin$ incredibly -eird. I:m not even sure ho- to put this into -ords. It starts harshly intercuttin$ historical foota$e of Bohn F. Qennedy and the first moon landin$ -ith modern reLenactments of those times, sometimes in clear 1DLvision and sometimes -ith incredibly fake oldLtimey film filters applied, -ith a $enerous helpin$ of C0I -hile, completely independently of that, -e s-itch bet-een actual recorded audio clips from that time and ridiculous e6position about ?F!s on the moon. It:s... 8emember the first real scene of the trilo$y and ho- it used harsh cuts to create a deliberate contrast bet-een humanity

and the transformers. <ell, this is kind of a callback to that. !nly this time, the contrast is bet-een the actual, real historical foota$e and the clean, sterile 1olly-oodLreLenactment.

<hile the real -orld looks on, a toyLlike "eil Armstron$ replica climbs out of the propLshuttle and onto a C0ILlaced recreation of the moon.

The simulated dunes reflect in the visors of the pretendLastronauts, callin$ to mind the pop culture ima$e of a skeleton in a space suit -hile tiltLshiftLesHue photo$raphy makes the scene look as thou$h it -as built in miniature.

8emember those conspiracy theories about ho- the actual moonLlandin$ foota$e is faked because the astronauts didn:t Iump ri$ht or didn:t kick up enou$h dust or -hatever. Dark #ide 4oon stretches these ideas to the point of caricature. <e clearly see -hat are sli$htly slo-edLdo-n earthL$ravity Iumps in a completely sterile environment, -hile in the distance $limmers -hat can only be a mad artist:s fli$ht of fancy.

The real sounds and ima$es start to thin out, and eventually completely make -ay for the Ark:s C0ILinsanity. The fake astronauts have entered a ne- -orld, one much unlike our o-n. The movie contrasts the reality of Apollo ** -ith the simulated hyperreality of this film:s universe. The contrast of the fake and the real, the forei$n and stran$e -ith the oftL repeated and familiar makes the actual foota$e of the moon landin$ someho- feel so much closer and more, -ell, actual, -hile the conspiracyLnarrative of the movie end up bein$ so much more artificial.

Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon is a movie.

A piece of fiction, a simulation, a narrative crafted by sets and actors and computer animation.

It is not like the moon landin$s, or BFQ, or the people -atchin$ the screen. It:s not real. It:s fake.

<hy the heavy focus on conspiracy theories. ecause a conspiracy is, at its core, an attempt of a human bein$ to override simple, stark reality -ith a structured, purposeful narrative.

ecause it is this separation from reality, this total reIection of the real in favor of the symbolic, is -hat allo-s this film:s story to be told.

ut no story is ever Iust a story. And in a roundabout -ay, a story can chan$e reality itself. 0

Thulsa Doom posted+ ItFs ama=in$ ho- Dark of the 4oon does the same thin$ Independence Day does, coLoptin$ conspiracy theories into its
narrative. % y the by, Jthere -ere aliens on the moon2J is a real conspiracy theory advocated by real people, a sort of dark mirror counterpoint to the faked moon landin$s theory) It does it -ith so much more verve and balls, thou$h. <here other movies -ith similar plot lines come off as embarrassed, Dark of the 4oon embraces it totally. There are no shado-ed fi$ures or composite characters -ho narrate a monta$e of faceless men shot in black and -hite at odd an$les. Qennedy and <alter Cronkite are ri$ht there. 4oon landin$

foota$e is incorporated strai$ht into the conspiracy narrative and the astronaut -ho finds the Ark is e6plicitly identified as "eil Armstron$. It $oes beyond that. They actually $ot u== Aldrin to appear in the movie, in the flesh. Contast this a$ainst !liver #toneFs BFQ, a three hour movie about a conspiracy that never sho-s the shado-y cabal in the stark, li$htLofLday tone Dark of the 4oon does.

Part &+ JIt is impossible to strive for the heroic life. The title of hero is besto-ed by the survivors upon the fallen, -ho themselves knonothin$ of heroism.J

!h hey, Alice is back.

I mean. It seems sometime after 8even$e, ne- #am broke up -ith 4ikaela and met a ne- ladyfriend. 4ost people seem to thus consider her 4ikaela &.', only used because 4e$an Fo6 had enou$h of the franchise, but Carly %8osie 1untin$tonL<hiteley) is very much not 4ikaela. In fact, she rather more resembles the fembot -ho died in the last movie. "otice ho- she sits on top of #am e6actly the same -ay Alice ori$inally did. #o Alice is dead, but no- she also isn:t and is actually #am:s $irlfriend and not a robot. The interestin$ thin$ is that both oneLoff blonde -oman characters from the previous movies have a pro6y in this one, but -here 4a$$ie:s replacement is fairly similar to her role in the first film, Alice is very different no- that she:s human. <e see them in a scene that is actually Huite pleasant... !r rather, should be. #ee, Dark #ide 4oon:s #am scenes are Iust plain -eird. !stensibly, they seem to keep $oin$ alon$ the same thematic line as the previous movies, sho-in$ #am:s development as a person $ro-in$ up. E6cept... #am is dead. 1e died at the end of the last movie, and -as replaced by an artificial, $odlike version of himself. And no- that very $odLrobot, the Allsam, is lyin$ in a bed thinkin$ about findin$ a Iob -hile conversin$ -ith his robot $irlfriend -ho died in the last film at the hands of his real, human $irlfriend.

It be$ins.
Everyone -ho -atched this movie noticed ho- bi=arre and obno6ious #am:s behavior has become. 1e starts out mello-, but Huickly becomes an irrational, horrible ba$ of misplaced machismo and ra$e. The problem is that everyone understands that Allsam is a horrible, unlikable person D but barely anyone asks -hy.

!bviously, I can:t e6pect anyone to come up -ith the idea that he:s been replaced by an ancient robot artifact stealin$ his shape and personality, but even -hen #am -as still #am, 8even$e made it pretty clear that his personality has been de$radin$ throu$hout the movie as he -as absorbed more and more into the absurd mythL-orld of the transformers %Ekill him, eeG, remember.). #o -here the first movie and early 8even$e -ere pretty $enuine in presentin$ #am as a real person and an obIect of our empathy, Dark 4oon holds no such delusions. Then there:s Carly. #he takes a -hile to really develop, but the thin$ that:s noticeable ri$ht a-ay is the -ay she:s treated cinemato$raphically. The instant -e see her for the first time is the most completely shameless, screenLfillin$ butt shot probably any-here in cinema. It comes completely out of no-here ri$ht after the title screen, and the -ay it:s shot is completely unse6y D she:s immediately ridiculously obIectified, but not in the Ese6 obIectG sense 4ikaela -as. It:s obIectification for obIectification:s sake. <hat:s further curious is that this obIectification happens at t-o points in the movie, once no- and once -hen she:s compared to a car... And then never a$ain. It:s like they Iust kind of checked off EobIectifiedG on her character traits list and then stopped botherin$. Even better, -hile in 8even$e all female characters -ere to some de$ree purely se6ual, this movie:s other femaleLbodied characters... Aren:t. It:s ri$ht back to the first film:s idea of obIectifyin$ #am:s $irlfriend and only #am:s $irlfriend.

It all started -hen Allsam received a medal from -hat the movie makes absolutely no mistake about is a poorlyLchosen standLin actor for President !bama. EI $ot a medal from !bama2G is one of Allsam:s selfLidentifyin$ traits, but the !bama -ho $ave him a medal is a fake, same as Allsam is a fake person. The real !bama doesn:t deal -ith murderous space robots,

he has much -orse enemies+ 8epublicans. %oh $od no please don:t turn this into political humor)

<ell, I mi$ht try to avoid political humor, but I -on:t be able to avoid politics in $eneral, because this is the most political $oddamn movie I:ve ever seen. A barelyLpastLcolle$e secretary surrounded by the P!T?#: si$il as if it -ere a halo. Are the filmmakers tryin$ to say that the ?.#. President is a $irl.
%Actually, yes they are. I:m not even kiddin$. Look, I:ll $et there, alri$ht.)

Does #hia Labeouf remind anyone else of a youn$er, more a-k-ard Christian ale in this flashback. I:m thinkin$ American Psycho %&''*) and atman e$ins %&''5), mainly.

Paynd= posted+
"o, but Liev #chreiber, on the other hand...

1e tries to act all suave and flirt -ith Carly, and this scene is Iust so perfectly silly, I kind of love it. "otice ho- in dra-in$ attention to his e6tended manhood %here, instead of umblebee bein$ the medal), he covers his o-n face in shado-.

Philo posted+
!h man, I -atched this movie on "etfli6 the other day and since then IFve been -aitin$ for this update so I could say somethin$ about that scene -here #am and his parents are comin$ out of the oval office. #am has fallen behind and his parents are -alkin$ in front of him and his mom says J<hat a $or$eous bo62J at, like, the e6act moment #am sees Carly for the first time. It is the one shot -here #am, his mom, and Carly are all in the same frame at the same time, and -hile it is clear that #amFs mom is lookin$ at the actual bo6 that the medal came in, the position of the camera makes it look like sheFs lookin$ at Carly. It is such a brief e6chan$e, but it made me super uncomfortable before I could even really think about -hy. And IFm still not sure -here IFm $oin$ -ith this but. After -atchin$ this scene, the only line that I could clearly remember -as J<hat a $or$eous bo62J I still feel kind of -eird readin$ so much into -hat seems like a thro-La-ay line, but the more I think about it the more deliberate it feels. IFm va$uely familiar that Fbo6F is slan$ for va$ina, but more than that it feels like itFs sayin$ JLook at this $or$eous thin$. It is very pretty but it is also empty and ultimately inconseHuential.J <hich doesnFt end up bein$ true, but still.

Thulsa Doom posted+

ItFs a runnin$ $a$ that #amFs mother is kind of an asshole about bu$$in$ him about se6. In the first movie she -ants to kno- if heFs $oin$ to fuck 4ikaela the first time they meet, and so on. #he says somethin$ bi=arrely se6ual every time sheFs on screen. ItFs al-ays very uncomfortable. "o-, you mi$ht think that itFs unintentional, that itFs Iust bad -ritin$ -ith stilted delivery by an unlikeable, unfunny actress -ith poor comedic timin$.

And you -ould be -ron$.

#amFs motherFs obsession -ith se6 and talkin$ about se6 is part of the symbolism of ayFs TransformerFs universe. #he is the

Thulsa Doom cont...

discomfort of hearin$ your mother talk about se6, of $ettin$ Jthe talkJ of that point in adolescence -hen the stran$e -onder of -hat lies bet-een the opposite $enderFs le$s and e6actly ho- you use it becomes this profoundly horrifyin$ and traumati=in$ e6perience of hearin$ someone your culture has told you never to think about in the same conte6t as se6uality $ive you Jthe talkJ. That is #amFs momFs obsession -ith se6, le-d comments, and se6ual a-k-ardness. #he is the childFs fear of the parent as a se6ual bein$, turned up to eleven. Like the intervie- monta$e, itFs incisive and bitin$ commentary, and part of the symbolic lan$ua$e of the film, dis$uised as a Ioke. A purposely bad Ioke.

ack in the present, Carly notices an insect.

Ah, not an insect, but a small animal. "otice ho- -e Iust had -hat I am fairly sure is the first Transformer P!M shot in the trilo$y %or at least the first one that doesnFt have a stran$e filter over it that disconnects it from the audience) D no- that #am no lon$er acts as the audience surro$ate, the camera is a lot more liberal in -here it $oes and -hom it represents.

!h hi there, onecrusher. The movie -astes no time in establishin$ that <heelie is a do$. The interestin$ thin$ here is that the dialo$ue seems to refuse to admit this D #am calls him and his ne- buddy rains Epolitical refu$eesG or somethin$ of that note, but yeah, they:re pets. E<e:re not your pets, and -e:re not your toys2G Aeah, ri$ht.
"ote+ rains never did $et a toy, thou$h <heels did.

EA- shit I:ve seen this one. It:s the one -here #pock $oes nuts.G 1EA 0?A# #P!CQ I# I" T1I# 4!MIE. A"D 1E 0!E# "?T#, T!!. <1! <!?LD FI0?8E.

Also, #am:s parents arrive. !ne of the elements in this trilo$y that still completely mystify me, even in this film. I Iust... I have no idea -here to place them.

umblebee has been $one on Esome missionsG, so #am has a ne- old car, and... Is that David 4ann:s Maliant. <ell, it:s not a Maliant, but it looks pretty damn similar. And, of course, it serves very much the same purpose. Allsam is very similar to Dave in many -ays, and completely opposite him in many others. ut one thin$ remains, and that:s the failin$ masculinity embodied by a shitty ('s car. 0ettin$ his first car, for #am, -as the moment he turned from a boy to a man. <hen umblebee then turned from his rusty :(3 version to the modern concept car one %you kno-, I for$ot to note this before, but ho- did ee stumble upon a concept car in some random tunnel.), it -as pretty much Iust another hu$e increase to his manhood D there he -as, a random teena$er, ridin$ one of the most ostentatiously American cars ever to be created -ith the hottest chick in to-n, oh and the car is also a sentient robot sidekick, and -ell, over the last t-o movies he kind of let it $o to his head. And no- both 4ikaela and umblebee are $one, and no- -hat he has is once a$ain this old ('s... Thin$. D!T4 calls back to the first movie by havin$ the car stallin$ be a dramatic element, but -here before it -as a conscious act of another livin$ bein$ desi$ned to brin$ him closer to his love, here it:s Iust an apathetic act of $od %-ho is still dead) that doesn:t seem to accomplish anythin$ but insultin$ him. Aeah, #am does "!T handle this -ell. Interestin$ly, -hile before 4ikaela -as responsible for keepin$ the car in check, #am never, ever involves Carlie in his car problems, even thou$h she probably kno-s cars %as sho-n later). It:s kind of interestin$ ho- in spite of bein$ clearly Iust a

trophyL$irlfriend for #am, she does nothin$ assua$e his insecurity. Also interestin$ly, -hile #am clearly suffers from ee:s absence, he:s never seen $ivin$ even the sli$htest bit of blame to the -ar machine -ho took him from him in the first place. #o, -here is ee, any-ay. <ell.

!kay, here comes the fun part. !ptimus starts narratin$ a$ain, and tells us that people have strai$htLup put surveillance cameras all over the -orld to look for Decepticons. It:s !Q thou$h, they aren:t actually cameras, they Iust detect Ener$on radiation, so it:s fine2 8eally2 #ee, if the military -ants to spy on you, they:ll Iust hack into your phone instead.

And then there:s... This scene. I, uh, fuck. This fuckin$ scene. I already love Iust the establishin$ title D Iust Emiddle east, ille$al nuclear siteG. It doesn:t bother tellin$ us -hich country or anythin$, Iust that it:s arabland and there:s a bad thin$ there. E"o- -e assist our allies in solvin$ human conflictsG, Prime e6plains. !h, you kno- e6actly -here this is $oin$.

Aes, one of the Autobots actually scanned the defense minister:s car and is no- impersonatin$ a $overnment official on a Huestionable military mission. It:s not Huite up there -ith literal $enocide, but it $ets -orse.

There:s also a ne- Autobot, but he:s pretty much Iust an Italian #ides-ipe. 1e doesn:t even have a toy because of licensin$ or somethin$. <hen I first sa- this scene, my first thou$ht -as, Eis he seriously barin$ his -eapons at a bunch of defenseless $uards.G !h, I -as not ready.

Aup, umblebee, the $ood buddy, #am:s do$ from space, Iust strai$htLup blo-s up a -hole bunch of people. "o e6planation, no mercy, no consideration, nothin$. Bust a ridiculously ostentatious symbol of American 4i$ht carvin$ bloody s-athes throu$h screamin$, innocent men. And that:s -here the scene ends. Aes, really, that -as it. People came a-ay from this movie thinkin$ it -as proLAmerica.

<hat the fuck movie did you -atch2. Thulsa Doom posted+
Ah, Carly. 4y favorite character in the entire series. 0oin$ in cold, I e6pected her to be 4ikaela &.', as you said. IFm also amused that the very first thin$ you pointed out is her resemblance to Alice from 8even$e. I think that the movie builds off her resemblance there. <eFre meant to think Carly is a toy. #he isnFt. #heFs an educated, intelli$ent professional. 1er obIectification is put front and center so she can defy it. ItFs reiterated later in a scene thatFs supposed to make us sHuirm a littleO #amFs obIectification of her is identified -ith a villainous character -ho does the same thin$. <eFre meant to sympathi=e -ith her and resent this obviously intelli$ent and thou$htful person bein$ reduced to her tits and ass.

Thulsa Doom cont...

That contrast is intentional. The one thin$ about Carly is that her relationship -ith #am makes absolutely no sense. #he someho- takes an interest in this dork -ho $ets her in trouble at -ork and makes an ass out of himself at every opportunity. "ot only that, but he ends up shackin$ up -ith and moochin$ off of her. #am is livin$ the dream, here. 1e lives -ith a rich supermodel -ho pays his bills -hile he sits around -atchin$ #tar Trek reruns. Aet, he $ives no fuck. 1is only interest in Carly is an o-nership relationship. All#am, as it -ere, -ants arm candy to shooff, doubly so because rich men -hose station #am undeservedly believes heFs been cheated out of covet her. CarlyFs presence in this film is a continuation of the themes of childhood re$ression versus adulthood present in its predecessors. Adulthood is ri$ht there, but #am canFt see it. 1eFd rather have his toys. The oncomin$ Iob interviemonta$e softens the blo- a bitO ay is more sympathetic to the manchild audience in the post recession -orld than he -as in Transformers, -hich came out -hen there -as still a reasonable e6pectation that every youn$ adultFs life -asnFt $oin$ to suck, but itFs still there.

kefkafloyd posted+
I al-ays found it funny that ay uses !bama in these movies, -hen in the past he -as al-ays pretty clear about ho- he handled Presidents as characters %"ameless, faceless old -hite $uys) accordin$ to the 8ock and Arma$eddon commentaries.

Thulsa Doom posted+

"ormally, movies like this avoid any semblance of reality. <hat ay is $oin$ for here is to hi$hli$ht the absurdity of -hatFs $oin$ on by tryin$ and deliberately failin$ to root it in the real -orld. Faceless old -hite men are one of the tools that filmmakers use to maintain the suspension of disbelief in a story like this, to help make it JtimelessJ. Part of suspendin$ disbelief is for$ettin$ the real -orld a bit. <e pretend that the President is the faceless man on the phone the same -ay -e pretend there are $iant robots. ayFs films contrast the real -ith the unreal to hi$hli$ht the absurdity of the latter. "ot only do rubberhead Qennedy and "i6on and !bama coe6ist -ith $iant robots, they coe6ist -ith #immons and Frances 4cDormandFs character. Think about that.

Bonny An$el posted+

#o thereFs e6actly one thin$ -orth critici=in$ about Dot4, and thatFs the >relative@ lack of Linkin Park. I say this not because Linkin Park o-ns %they do thou$h, Linkin Park o-ns), but because of the trend established by the first t-o movies.

Transformers featured a son$ called <hat IFve Done off their 4inutes to 4idni$ht record, in the soundtrack, in marketin$, and at t-o points in the film+ at the start of the end credits, but more importantly on umblebeeFs radio as #amFs droppin$
off 4ikaela at her house. umblebeeFs practice of sendin$ coded messa$es throu$h the son$s on his radio is -ellLkno-n at this point in the thread, cf. the son$s he plays -hen itFs Alice thatFs bein$ $iven a ride home %#uperfreak, rick 1ouse, am I missin$ anythin$.). #i=in$ up potential mates for his master is kinda a thin$.

Bonny An$el cont...

#o -hatFs <hat IFve Done about. <ell, mostly ackno-led$in$ the tremendous $ravity of oneFs past mistakes -hile makin$ a pled$e to unilaterally beyond them+ JToday this ends, IFm for$ivin$ -hat IFve done.J #o -hy the hell play that as #amFs droppin$ 4ikaela off. #arcasm is a possibility, facetiously comparin$ #amFs ^first-orldproblems to the $lobal catastrophes and e6ploitations referenced in the <hat IFve Done music video, but IFm not really convinced. Qeep in mind that this is still a very early umblebee, -hen heFs still the adorable loyal do$ Transformer and not !ptimusFs favorite battle hound. 1ereFs the thin$ thou$h+ if itFs sincere, that Iust makes it -orse. This is umblebee e6pressin$ Ioy on behalf of #amFs $ood fortune, but heFs choosin$ to e6press it in this hyperboli=ed form that calls less attention to the $ood ne-s ahead and more attention to the fact that sam, preLhavin$LaL umblebee and preLhavin$LaL$irlfriend, -as a tremendous fuckup. umblebee is literally comparin$ #amFs earlier life to $enocide and he doesnFt even conceive of it as an insult. #o onto 8even$e of the Fallen. This time, Linkin Park strai$ht up -rote a son$ for the movie, called "e- Divide. <hatFs more, the recurrin$ movements in BablonskyFs score are actually Iust orchestrated variations on "e- Divide, meanin$ that at any $iven time -hat youFre listenin$ to is likely Linkin Park. I think the son$ itself is also Iust played at one point, but itFs been three years since IFve seen the film and it -as -ith the loudest, a-esomest cro-d IFve ever had in a theater %#han$hainese people fuckin$ loveTransformers) so a lot of the subtlety -as admittedly lost on me. The best part of this all is the actual content of "e- Divide. ItFs $ot a rousin$, heroic $uitar line to it, and it follo-s perfectly that you could use an orchestral version to si$nal a film about $iant robots plus the military fi$htin$ other $iant robots, but Christ, the lyrics. T-o thin$s are clear+ that itFs a seHuel to <hat IFve Done, the same speaker reflectin$ on the results of his pled$e to leave his sins behind, and that heFs utterly failed. ThereFs apocalyptic ima$ery, thereFs be$$in$ for his fears to be proven -ron$, thereFs lashin$ out at a hypothetical JyouJ for complicity in these failures, and thereFs the recurrin$ doubt before each chorus+ JDid I $et -hat I deserve.J Fuck2 This is absolutely the son$ to be playin$ durin$ 8even$e of the Fallen. The freedom, safety, and personal $ro-th that -as promised by the AutobotsF victory at the end of Transformers %remember -hat son$ -as playin$ at the start of the end credits.) never materiali=ed, so thereFs all the reason in the -orld to be afraid and lash out. The most reasonable $uess for the identity of JyouJ is a lover, and... remember #amFs indecisive, manipulative, ne$lectful behavior to-ards 4ikaela. Aeah, this is the son$ thatFs constantly playin$ over a movie that has an ostensible arc of its prota$onist $ro-in$ the coura$e to commit to his $irlfriend. This is actually -hat heFs thinkin$. #adly, Dark of the 4oon dials back on this a little. In its defense, it still contains a son$ from their fourth record, A Thousand #uns, called Iridescent. <ikipedia says the son$Fs in the credits and Jplayin$ throu$houtJ, but I sa- Dot4 before I heard that record so IFm unable to comment on its specific use as much. 1onestly, I -as hopin$ for the e6pansion of Linkin ParkFs role to continue, for actual film composer 4ike #hinoda %http+TTen.-ikipedia.or$T-ikiTTheU8aid+U8edemption^TheU8aid+U8edemptionUscore) to -rite its score, for Chester ennin$ton to appear in a cameo role, somethin$ to barrel further to-ards the idea that the Transformers films and Linkin Park form a cohesive unit. Alas. I -ill say thou$h about IridescentFs lyrical content+ itFs even more apocalyptic than "e- Divide, but this time itFs the audiencerather than the speaker -hoFs in that state. The speaker is Iust there to narrate the utter shit and devastation that JyouJ have been throu$h, all the emotional -recka$e, lack of support systems, etc. 1e offers one piece of advice+ JLet it $oJ. This is not the triumphant selfLreinvention promised by <hat IFve Done, or the terrified defense mechanisms of "eDivide. This is Iust lookin$ at at a fundamentally broken person and tellin$ them JLet >all the sadness and frustation@ $oJ.

?rbanLabyrinth posted+
This >...@ Iust reminded me that on the album that contain Iridescent, thereFs an intro track %<isdom, Bustice, and Love) that lea4s04i/ectl"0into0it.0It5s0an0a4aptation0of0a0-a/tin0,uthe/06in7809/.0speech0 (http://www.ame/ican/heto/ic.com/speeches/mlkatimeto#/eaksilence.htm)0on0the0su#'ect0of0the0ho//o/s0an40in'ustice0of0 wa/.0 JI come to this ma$nificent house of -orship toni$ht because my conscience leaves me no other choice. A true revolution of values -ill lay hand on the -orld order and say of -ar, JThis -ay of settlin$ differences is not Iust.J This business of burnin$ human bein$s -ith napalm, of fillin$ our nationFs homes -ith orphans and -ido-s, of inIectin$ poisonous dru$s of hate into the veins of peoples normally humane, of sendin$ men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psycholo$ically deran$ed, cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love. Cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love. Cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love. Cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love. Cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love. Cannot be reconciled -ith -isdom, Iustice, and love.J As the track $oes on, it becomes more and more mechanical, -ith the voice transformed into a noisy robotic drone. Intentional. Probably not. Interestin$. Definitely.

Part /+ J0od is on your side. Is 1e a Conservative. The DevilFs on my side, heFs a $ood Communist.J
4usic, comrades2 %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Earthly Conflicts T Discovery Chernobyl http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX1yIH4<k3n9A)

<ell, the movie certainly -astes no time settin$ the scene this time. C1E8"! AL, the Cyrillic proudly proclaims, -hile a radiation -arnin$ looms Iust at the corner of the screen. I -as actually born near Chernobyl and affected by the disaster, so this is $oin$ to be e6tra fun for me.

1irise#oft-are, is that you, second from left.

1irise#oft-are posted+
Aep, thatFs definitely me2 AouFre treated to my ass in e6actly the same -ay as you are introduced to CarlyFs ass2 They had me carry a $enuine 8ussian ne-spaper, can you tell. <e did that one little shot in at least *' takes. #tand in a position L -alk for-ard, rinse, repeat. I $ot to see 4ichael ay $et mad at one of his creest *'.5 hours at _9 a hour ever2 This is actually the Fisher uildin$ in Detroit, by the -ay.

The contractor for this particular mission is one 4r. Moshkod, -hose last name is literally EeastG in 8ussian. %J#unriseJ, actually, as Sander((pointed out. Mostok, the actual -ord for JeastJ, is derived from Moskhod, thou$h.) Dark 4oon is a return to the first movie in many -ays, and one of those is the -ay all of America:s EenemiesG are lumped in to$ether into a stran$e monolithic -hole. They:re Iust The East, -hich in modern culture has become pretty much synonymous -ith The !ther.

#peakin$ of lumpin$ to$ether into monolithic -holes, in this movie Pripyat and Chernobyl are literally one place %I8L, Pripyat is about 3 kilometers a-ay from Chernobyl). The movie -arps space to condense a real location into a sin$le movie set.

The interestin$ thin$ is that in spite actually bein$ kind of tense, this scene seriously do-nplays ho- creepy and terrifyin$ the real Pripyat is.

#eriously, check this #ilent 1ill shit0out.0(http://villa7eof'o".com/che/no#"l:to4a":a:c/eep":sto/":tol4:in:pictu/es/)0 It $ets even stran$er -hen they start talkin$ about the 8adiation. EI hear it -on:t be livable a$ain for another &' ''' yearsG, Lenno6 e6posits, and then starts bu$$in$ Moshkod about ho- he:s not -earin$ security eHuipment, to -hich the man Iust si$hs and replies he:s dyin$ any-ay. ?krainians are bleak fuckin$ people, the movie certainly $ot that ri$ht. Thin$ is... Pripyat is not actually all that radioactive anymore. 4ost of the shit that -as spe-ed there from Chernobyl -ere shortLlived isotopes that broke up -ithin /'L3' years. At this point the radiation level in Pripyat isn:t that much more scary than it -ould be, say, in a particularly hi$hly situated mountain to-n. The bi$$est reason it:s still labeled unlivable is, -ell, the e6clusion =one kind of unintentionally formed a pretty a-esome -ildlife reserve. Aes, that:s ri$ht, animals live there.

They offer tours of the damn place. #o the movie paints a picture of Chernobyl the -ay Boe I$norant American mi$ht paint it based on hearsay and stereotypes, and the -hole thin$ starts comin$ apart at the seams the instant you do even the littlest bit of research. ut here:s the funny thin$+ <hile they make some pretty blatant and horrible mistakes, you can:t say they didn:t do their research, because they actually did $et a lot of the details ri$ht. #ome of the buildin$s outside are modeled pretty perfectly to real buildin$s, and there:s a lot of nods to actual set pieces in Pripyat %the dolls, the $asmasks, etc). ut the bi$$est and most important difference bet-een movie and real life is the -ay these set pieces are placed. In a movie, the director has full control. #ee the doll in the last picture from the movie. It:s very deliberately placed -here it is, orderly on the table, ri$ht in the center of the screen. It:s clearly artificial, and, considerin$ it:s one of those creepy for$otten dolls, remarkably inoffensive. #ee the terrifyin$ thin$ about Pripyat is not the creepy dolls or bodiless masks, it:s that it sho-s us a -orld -here man no lon$er e6ists to control it. The people have left or died, and nature and entropy have be$un takin$ their due. It:s not the doll that scares us, it:s the fact that it is Iust kind of lyin$ there on the destroyed floor, a place -here it should not e6ist, in a state in -hich it should not e6ist. Lookin$ at the picture of the doll in the hall-ay challen$es our very ideas of -hat dolls and hall-ays are, or, in other -ords, it represents an encounter -ith the $ood old Lacanian 8eal, the sphere that e6ists beyond symbols and abstractions, a pure -orld that the human mind -as never built to handle. ut the movie is not interested in the 8eal. It abandons the disruptive reality of the actual thin$ and turns Pripyat into an abstraction, a construction built from an artist:s mind. It once a$ain underlines its o-n constructed nature, stoppin$ only short of sho-in$ the -ood panels that hold up the buildin$ facades and a boom mic in the shot. Lenno6 and Moshkod are not navi$atin$ a simulation of the real Pripyat, their Pripyat is merely a symbol D an idea.

!h, and, Huite timely, here:s some C0I. 4eet Laserbeak, -ho Moshkod seems Huite perturbed by. Laserbeak is... Vuite the character, certainly.

!f course, the reactor is nothin$ like the claustrophobic, flooded tunnels of the real deal either. <ell, remember -hat I said about Pripyat bein$ mostly harmless. Ayyyeaaah, Chernobyl itself, not so much. All the really heavy stuff didn:t make it far from the reactor core, but it:s here to stay, so it:ll be a couple thousand years before a human can really set foot in there a$ain. Even -ith radiation suits, you can:t Iust -alt= in and make yourself at home D visitation times are stron$ly limited, and mostly you:re not $oin$ to $et much farther than pokin$ around the outside for a bit. ecause really, the $reatest dan$er is not the radiation, but simply the dilapidated state of the buildin$, -hich could crumble over your head any second.

#till, that raises an interestin$ element. The first film made a pretty clear connection bet-een radiation and the transformers D they used 0ei$er counters to locate the thin$s ori$inally, and that element is back in full force -ith the Ener$onTradiation detectors on every street. It makes perfect sense+ 8adiation is an invisible, unkno-able, pure entropic force that can only destroy. In some -ays, it is the ideal that every Autobot aspires to+ "otice #kids and 4udflap -antin$ to be ninIas, the alt mode dis$uise bein$ a -ay of Edisappearin$G, and the constant, uncontrolled destruction they cause re$ardless of their intention. The Decepticons also actively use E4Ps as a -eapon. #o no- -e:re at the site of one of the $reatest nuclear catastrophes in human history, the $reatest if you don:t count acts of -ar. The movie did not take us here for no reason. #urely the movie -ill need some -ay to personify this total, senseless destructive force, the perfect summation of -hat a transformer is and can be.

!h, uh, yeah, that. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L !ptimus Arrives at Chernobyl http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXH8I&<4kP&-V])

4eet pure anarchy and chaos, the blind spirit of destruction. This is our return to the trilo$y:s roots as a monster disaster movie. The thin$ is so fast and massive it even thro-s !ptimus across the screen.

4akin$ the most hilarious E<1A880A8 LG noise, !ptimus lands and oh look, he $ot a ne- toy. %"ote+ The <eapons 8in$ never actually did
$et a toy.)

Dark #ide 4oon features a stran$e ne- departure from the other movies. <here previously all -eapons the transformers used
$re- strai$ht out of their bodies, no- suddenly -e see a sur$e in handLheld -eapons. !bviously brou$ht about by 1asbro:s toy line mandate, but the Filmmakers -ere never people -ho let 1asbro $et in the -ay of their themes, so they decided to roll -ith it and $o... ?h, very stran$e places -ith the idea. The transformer no lon$er becomes a livin$ -eapon, but the -eapon becomes a separate e6tension of their character, in a sense becomin$ them. ored -ith Iust t-o $uns and t-o s-ordsThooks for e6ample, !ptimus $ot himself a ridiculous arsenal of increasin$ly murdertastic -eaponry, stored a-ay in his trailer.

!f course, out of the ba=illion $uns to choose from, !ptimus takes... The s-ord and the shield. !ne mi$ht think the purpose of this arsenal is to al-ays have the tactically appropriate -eapon on hand, but nope, he:s $onna fi$ht the dra$on old school. It:s kind of a hilarious thin$ in this movie ho- !ptimus al-ays chooses not by -hat makes more sense, but by -hat makes him able to kill shit more impressively.

1e cuts one of the -urm:s tendrils off, makin$ it drop the doodad they ori$inally came here for.

Then the thin$:s o-ner presents himself+ #hock-ave. Alri$ht, #hock-ave. #o he barely has any screen time. And you kno- -hat. #ometimes, you only need a couple of minutes to say everythin$ there is to say. #hock-ave takes all the pointless meanderin$ these movies are prone to and kicks it sHuare in the face. I don:t think I have ever seen a more efficient character than him. In fact, to e6plain him I need to backpedal a little. 4ost Transformers represent some sort of ideolo$y. !ptimus Prime obviously is the very American Elife and freedom for everyone, e6cept for people -e don:t like2G, umblebee represents falseLempo-ermentLthrou$hLcapitalism %$et a bi$$er car, be a better man2), the Decepticons are assorted forei$n values, and #hock-ave is, -ell. Alri$ht kids, this is -here thin$s $et complicated. Chernobyl, as an event, is pretty much one of the ultimate e6pressions of #talinist thou$ht %even thou$h #talin -as already dead at the time, his policies remained). The entire thin$ -as predicated on the idea of doin$ better than the Americans in terms of nuclear po-er, safety be damned D the disaster -as caused by an illLtimed test to make the reactor run more efficiently follo-ed by a hilarious con$aLline of human error. The $overnment:s solution to the disaster. Thro- bodies at it, of

course2 Aeah, I don:t think I need to elaborate that one. Aou Americans have your heroes in the troops, and -e have ours, -ho died pointlessly tryin$ to fi$ht an impossible, invisible force of pure destruction -ith nothin$ more than $asmasks and shovels, never more than *5 seconds at a time because any more -ould cause radiation poisonin$ to kill them instantly. Qids, I don:t care that some movie trilo$y represents both your toys and radiation -ith the same thin$, never play -ith nuclear po-er. It:s only $oin$ to end in tears. !h, and the kicker. #oviet ?kraine havin$ been -hat it -as, they of course decided to keep the -hole affair a secret, pretend everythin$ is fine, and then start -onderin$ -hy people in Qiev -ere fallin$ sick from eatin$ irradiated ve$etables. Aeah, Chernobyl is a $rim fuckin$ affair. It:s only fittin$ then, that out of the film:s Chernobyl erupts an uncontrollable force of destruction, more terrifyin$ even than the actual $ods -e:ve seen in the previous film. And so, #hock-ave presents a very American terror+ A hateful bein$ born from the ashes of its fathers: ambitions, a silent, vi$ilant dictator controllin$ a shapeless, -rithin$, seemin$ly endless -ar machine that moans under the endless pain of its o-n tarnished e6istence. #hock-ave is every cold -ar fear distilled into purest form, a bein$ that represents nothin$ but the burnin$ hatred that 8ussia:s people have felt for their unspoken enemy. The movie handles him absolutely fantastically. Initially, he is Iust a si$nal on a cre-mate:s 0ei$er counter D much like real radiation, completely invisible and unkno-able, only makin$ itself noticeable once the level reaches a certain point. And -hen you do notice it, it is already too late. The creature tears itself throu$h -alls and floors, seemin$ly totally blind and completely -ithout coordination or direction, and yet its tendrils seem to specifically seek the teammates and ram into their e6act centersF -ith an unholy precision. ?pon re$isterin$ !ptimus, the dual creature e6poses its sin$le eye, assesses the situation for a second, and then... Leaves. "o pointless fi$htin$ or bumblin$ around, no empty conversation or silly faked comic relief. #hock-ave appears, destroys, assesses, and leaves. The perfect efficient -ar machine, the best and most terrible the Decepticons can offer. The movie establishes all of this in, oh, about half a minute.

E6cept then the fact that this is a franchise movie ends up thro-in$ a -rench in the -orks. The character of #hock-ave, as he appears in Dark #ide 4oon, rests heavily on this initial impression. The movie rests heavily on the idea that all -e have to $o by as far as #hock-ave is concerned is the one scene of total anarchy and a sin$le look, -hich forces us to fill in the $aps and, of course, inevitably come up -ith somethin$ more terrifyin$ than the movie can sho- us. E6cept... It:s #hock-ave. Everyone -ho -atched the 0* cartoon kno-s -ho #hock-ave is, he:s the purple $uy -ho stayed back on Cybertron and has an ine6plicable En$lish accent. This fact allo-s the transformers fans amon$ the vie-ership to instantly place the character into an e6istent -ikiLframe-ork and check off another slavish 0*Lhoma$e. As a result, the impact of the scene is diminished to near =ero, and that:s -hy you $et so many people complainin$ that #hock-ave -as useless in the film. !h, and have some more E? bullshit+ The E? actually claims that the -urm is a separate bein$ from #hock-ave, a native life form of Cybertron that he domesticated. E6cept -hen Lenno6 asks E-hat the hell -as that thin$.G, clearly talkin$ about the -urm, Prime Iust replies EThat is #hock-ave.G The movie pretty clearly doesn:t treat the t-o as separate bein$s D the -urm acts as a -eapon for #hock-ave, and this movie repeatedly treats -eapons as e6tensions of the characters. !f course #hock-ave is useless -hen you basically discount his entire actin$ arm. It:s like countin$ !ptimus: body as a separate character from the head and then complainin$ that all he did in the film -as e6positin$.

#tran$e 4atter posted+

I absolutely love #hock-aveFs introduction, especially for ho- !ptimus reacts to him. Bust the -ay he says JThatFs #hock-aveJ as the the Decepticon rises from the -rithin$ mass of his petT-eaponT-hatever makes it seem that this is character -hose presence leaves an impression even on !ptimus. 1eFs one of the fe- Decepticons -hose name is not only ackno-led$ed by the film, but by another, rival character. Like for all !ptimus cares onecrusher and lackout and 0rindor and the myriad other Decepticons -ho -ere killed in the preceedin$ movies mi$ht as -ell be interchan$eable. ut not #hock-ave. 1e reco$ni=es #hock-ave, and says his name in a tone that seems at the same time anta$onistic and reverential. 1e sho-s such utter disdain for every enemy he faces throu$hout the three films, but somethin$ in #hock-ave prompts a different response. 4aybe itFs fear. !r maybe admiration for a -arrior -ho demonstrates the same bloodlust and sava$ery !ptimus takes pride in. ItFs also si$nificant that #hock-ave doesnFt have a proper face.

!ne last bit. !ptimus determines that the thin$ both they and #hock-ave -ere after is a piece of the Ark, the last hope of the Autobots that housed a super-eapon -hich could have -on them the -ar.

4ean-hile, 4r. Moshkod is not havin$ a $ood day.

...Ayeeaah. Laserbeak. "ot a nice fello-. <hat:s strikin$ is Iust ho- personal this scene is. Moshkod actually received a $ood bit of character development for only havin$ three scenes, more than some main characters have in the entire previous films. <hen someone died in those, it -as al-ays very... Detached. ?sually it -as Iust a shot of a faceless person bein$ thro-n into the air. Even #am received relatively little di$nity in his final moments. ut Dark 4oon takes care that -e kno- its victims. The camera follo-s Laserbeak as he $uns do-n the man:s car, and there is an eerie silence in spite of the heavy soundtrack and the loud $unshots, as thou$h the sound of this violence dispelled all other little ambient noises you -ould e6pect to hear. And finally, the corpse is tastefully darkened out, -hich paints this man as someone the filmmakers respected enou$h to leave his di$nity untarnished even after death. The final touch is the cross han$in$ from the rear vie- mirror. ?kraine is an e6tremely reli$ious country, and these crosses are $iven to practically every child, to be -orn on their person for their entire life. To remove it from your body means to remove your mark of faith, and $od:s protection %practical occasions such as sho-ers don:t count). In other -ords, this is a man -ho has lost faith in $od. Perhaps Moshkod -as a surprisin$ly -ise man. After all, 8even$e of the Fallen sho-ed us that, no mistake, $od is dead. 0od is dead, and -e have killed him. A man cannot keep his faith in the cold, uncarin$ ni$htmare -orld these films have built. And yet... 1e still keeps the cross close to him, and -ithin vie-. Perhaps even as he lost his faith, the symbol itself meant somethin$ to him. Perhaps he kne- it -as the last thin$ he -ould see, and perhaps he Iust -anted to make that final prayer before the reaper -ould take him. And perhaps, that prayer may mean more than one -ould think.

Part 3+ J ein$ a kid and $ro-in$ up. ItFs hard and nobody understands.J

This fuckin$ scene. Alri$ht, so there are t-o types of people in Dark #ide 4oon. There:s humans, and there:s robots. There:s employers, there:s victims, and there:s buddies. "o, I mean. I think the bi$$est problem people ultimately have -ith Dark #ide 4oon is simply a case of broken e6pectations. <hen you $o into the theatre e6pectin$ to see robot punch each other %clearly not havin$ learned from the first t-o movies, but alas), I suppose you -ould be some-hat irritated -hen the movie turns out to be an insanely involved e6istential horror tra$icomedy. "o -ait, that:s not it either. Let:s talk about a little somethin$ I should probably have brou$ht up durin$ the previous movies but never found a $ood point to do, somethin$ I call the Individualist #uperhero Escapist Fantasy. It:s a sub$enre of classical action usually, but not al-ays, starrin$ superheroes that has really come into vo$ue in recent years -ith all those comic book adaptations, $ro-n out of the 7's Ero$ue copG $enre -ith -hich it has many similarities.. They key trait of the I#1EF is that it, fundamentally, arises out of a dissatisfaction -ith the structured order of modern society D -ith the -ay states and or$ani=ations have totally assimilated and suppressed the individual. ?sually, it stars a superLhuman -ho has surpassed the bounds of authority and is truly functionin$ on his o-n terms and morality. There:s some key factors to it+ L !fficial or$ani=ations are al-ays either evil or incompetent. The $overnment Iust constantly $ets in the -ay of thin$s, the police is apathetic and -eak, etcetera. As a conseHuence, these movies usually have a very stron$ libertarian bend. L The $enre chastises caution, and re-ards direct action. E6cessive thinkin$ is -hat paraly=es the state, but as an individual, you have the liberty to Iust do. The fists are stron$er than any -orldLspannin$ military net-ork. As a conseHuence, the hero rarely, if ever, has any sort of lon$Lterm plan. L For some reason, these movies al-ays seem to do-nri$ht -orship masculinity. Perhaps as a result of the above points, traditionally masculine traits like stren$th are al-ays portrayed e6cessively positively, -hile traditionally feminine traits like

nurture and empathy are seen as -eak and restricted to damsels in distress. As a result, -omen are only of -orth -hen they take on masculine traits, becomin$ Estron$G and Ekickin$ assG, -hile men doin$ the inverse are reduced to Ioke material. As a conseHuence, se6ism, homophobia. L Also for some reason, these movies usually have an incredibly stron$ nationalist, proLAmerican bend. It doesn:t really make a ton of sense, but it:s probably Iust a result of the $eneral ri$htLlibertarian mindset pervadin$ them. As a conseHuence of all of these above thin$s, it all adds up to$ether to create a really disturbin$ urLfascist %http+TT---.pe$c.usTarchiveTArticlesTecoUurLfascism.pdf) subte6t. This is never actually noticed or commented on unless the hero in Huestion is atman. L !ne of the stran$est thin$s about the $enre is that the superhero practically never is actually also the audience identification character. There:s almost al-ays some kind of youthful, scrappy sidekick to -atch the hero do thin$s, but it:s usually also this sidekick -ho allo-s the fictional entity of the superhero to e6ist D such as Coulson dyin$ to let the Aven$ers band to$ether. This -orks on a sort of metaLlevel in -hich the actual audience calls the mimetic superhero into e6istence throu$h their need to see the -orld chan$e, even if only in a fictional capacity. !bviously, Transformers fits the $enre to a tee D not bein$ a classical action movie at all aside. <e have the #uperhero of !ptimus Prime, the audience character -ho $ave him life, and Ironhide pretty much only e6ists as a nod to the ro$ue cop $enre. In the first t-o films, -e also had Lenno6 D breakin$ all authority in order to do his o-n thin$. Interestin$ly, -hile the movies put the emphasis on Lenno6: o-n heroism, aside from killin$ lackout, all he does is make the decisions, -hile the military does all the actual -ork. Aeah, of course Transformers critici=es a lot of concepts present in this $enre. #o -hat does this have to do -ith this scene. "ot that much actually, I don:t think. 8eally, at this point I:m Iust tryin$ to put this off because I have no idea -here to even start talkin$ about this scene. There:s really no startin$ point to be found. It simply is. This is from a later scene, but I think it:s appropriate. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L The Ark http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX<fAiLf9FHCA) In case you haven:t seen the film+ This is -here #am starts lookin$ for a place to -ork. <e see a monta$e of him visitin$ various ridiculous intervie-s, intercut by that ima$e of him Iust sittin$ in his parent:s car -hile they say abhorrent thin$s to him. It:s... To say that it:s clumsily -ritten and directed -ould not even be$in to scratch the surface. I stru$$le to even call it somethin$ that -as E-ritten and directedG at all. It:s a totally anarchic laisse=Lfaire approach to filmmakin$ in -hich stuff Iust kind of happens, thin$s that va$uely resemble Iokes are said and everythin$ Iust dro-ns in this endless -aterfall of lurid misery. Compared to the later parts of Dark #ide 4oon, in -hich every tiniest detail has been meticulously put in Iust the ri$ht place, this scene is certainly... An e6perience. There:s somethin$ almost primally disturbin$ about it. And that:s no mistake. This scene is perhaps best described as Erobots tryin$ to reLenact a political cartoonG. "o one behaves the -ay they should, nothin$ looks the -ay it should, everythin$ is Iust stretched and -arped and -ron$. <ith Alice, the films have started puttin$ under Huestion -ho is and isn:t human at all D and the funny thin$ about Dark 4oon is, it doesn:t do a-ay -ith this concept at all. It simply never sho-s its pretenders sheddin$ their dis$uises. From the very start of this scene, -e understand that none of the actors involved is actually playin$ a human bein$. Even #am himself is a C0I space cube -earin$ the human skin of a boy tryin$ to save the -orld. The comic thin$ about this scene is not the one CE! lookin$ really youn$ or #am:s parents bein$ really nasty, horrible people, it:s Iust ho- distorted a mirror to a realLlife problem the movie sho-s us. People aren:t people at all, the -orld hates you, $od is still dead, and all that remains is the bottomless ennui and depression of the lost $eneration A. 4ean-hile, the completely aimless direction makes the entire scene appear completely decayed beyond control, the filmic eHuivalent of a hall-ay in Pripyat.

It:s a -arped mirror ima$e, but it:s a mirror ima$e of a real thin$.

1ave you ever lived -ithout a secure foundation for months. Qno-in$ of your talents and your -orth, yet still reIected by a -orld that does not need you, in -hich everyone is nothin$ but either a co$ in an immeasurable machine built to re-ard the rich and fortunate, or simply trash that may as -ell lie in the street and starve like a -orthless rat. Cursed everyone and no one because you did not kno- at -hom to direct your frustration at all, yet belittled by those around you, implyin$ -ith their every -ord that the only reason you suffer is because you are Bust "ot 0ood Enou$h. <ell, the movie says, this is you. Aou are that doll. This is all your ideas and all your selfL-orth and everythin$ you -ant to accomplish, broken and abandoned, lyin$ a-ay in some decayin$ corner -hile the -orld slo-ly falls apart around you. <hy should -e even attempt to portray your rotten life -ith any di$nity, or concern, or meanin$ful art. This particular scene comes from a school of thou$ht that I:d probably describe as millenial dadaism, thou$h I:m sure there:s an actual term for it I don:t kno-. If you:re not familiar, Dada ori$inally came upon durin$ the first -orld -ar, as a movement of Eart -ithout meanin$G. !ne of its definin$ statements -as+ If humanity is capable of such boundless cruelty invoked in this -orld spannin$ -ar, -ho are -e to pretend that -e are capable of e6pressin$ anythin$ truly $reat, -ho are -e to decide that those shapes and symbols -e brin$ to paper are actually meanin$ful. !f course, the -ar is lon$ over, and the one that came after that as -ell. Today, the people -ho still remember this kind cruelty even takin$ place any-here in the -estern -orld are fe- and old, and our society:s failin$s have taken on ne-er forms. This ne- $eneration, -ho only kno-s of -ar from history books and ne-s channels, finds its e6istential dread simply in the fact that there:s no place in the -orld for them, bein$ torn bet-een dull routine and feelin$ like they:re trapped in a bottomless pit han$in$ onto a sin$le strin$, -ith no perspective or hope for betterment. The idea then is+ EIf humanity is

capable of such total apathy and i$norance as to let this happen, -ho are -e to pretend that -e have any actual perspective of the -orld -orth sharin$.G The reason I asked about reactions to this scene is because frankly, I personally found it fri$htenin$ly effective. It:s Iust this perfect mi6 of bleak sufferin$ -ith sheer nastiness and apathetic tryin$ to play it all off as a series of ironic Iokes that it $enuinely ends up $ettin$ under the nerves and confusin$ and frustratin$ on an innermost level. It:s pure e6istential terror, and it really drives home Iust ho- completely nihilistic the -orld 8!TF set up is D and ho- it still relates to ours. ut, -ell, I:m still not that fond of the scene, simply because it:s absolutely nothin$ like the rest of the movie. I understand that they needed to really set up Allsam:s stru$$le -ith himself and the -orld and you $otta have despair before you can have hope and so on, but, -ell, this is still a $iant robot franchise film, even if no actual punchin$ is involved. Askin$ the audience to accept all this shit is Iust -ay more than a filmmaker should ever do unless he:s literally Lars von Trier, and as a result it Iust comes across as $enuinely mean and a-ful rather than makin$ li$ht of its mean a-fulness. Its second problem is that it:s Iust too damn early in the film. It takes place far before D!T4 really establishes its si$nature style of total insanity controlled do-n to the last detail, so comin$ off 8!TF it only feels like more total ineptitude instead of a scene that is $enuinely supposed to contrast -ith the rest of the movie. Then there:s the fact that it completely discolors the film:s mood and intentions. I:m $oin$ to $o ri$ht out and say that after the $rindin$ nihilism of 8even$e, Dark 4oon is actually a pretty fuckin$ optimistic and upliftin$ movie, but this scene Iust completely dulls our ability to even look for anythin$ pleasant and positive %since as al-ays, those aspects are hidden behind the proLAmerica action movie facade). If a horror movie has actually mana$ed to scare the audience into turnin$ the film off, it may have succeeded as horror, but has it actually succeeded as a movie. #o in short, much like lar$e parts of 8even$e, I feel that this is actually a successful scene %I stru$$le to say E$oodG because it defies Hualitative Iud$ments like that), Iust presented in the completely -ron$ conte6t. It:s kind of a shame ho- much this hounds the trilo$y. #o to return to the actual si$nificance of the scene, -hat is the actual cause of this horrible situation. <ell, most of the -orkplace idiocy that $oes on no-adays can pretty much be tracked ri$ht back to the ills of neoliberal capitalism, -hich these films have already been pretty much established to consider their main enemy. The interestin$ t-ist is that #am is clearly seen sufferin$ from these very ills... ut still supports !ptimus Prime and umblebee, the very embodiments thereof. In fact, it $oes further than this+ 8emember -hat I said about the audience allo-in$ the superhero to e6ist. #am actually called !ptimus back into life -hen he died, and $ave the artifact of life to the Autobots, sacrificed himself do so, no less. #o in a manner both literal and metaphorical, #am $ave his life and happiness in order to allo- capitalist values to prosper. <hy -ould he do this. <ell, -hen %lo-er class -oman) 4ikaela Huestioned his motive, all he could say is that there is no other option. 1e never considers the possibility of there bein$ another -ay to continue e6istin$. And honestly no-, do you. This is the terrible scenario that these t-o movies focus their mirror on+ #am is not the only one makin$ this sacrifice. <e are too, constantly. Every item -e purchase is an implicit acceptance of capitalist values. Every payment for rent or food is a tribute to the $rand forces that have t-isted thin$s -e take for $ranted for their o-n profit, every hour you toil a-ay is noted off in some person:s checkbook, every ticket for this movie you paid is more labor and value fed into the blind machine that is the entertainment industry. 1ell, you:re readin$ this on a forum -here you need to pay _*' Iust to post. I:m not even $oin$ to start about the actual toy collectors in the audience %hello, Chinese slave labor2). And that:s the real parado6 and comedy of this scene, no, life in $eneral. <e:re constantly, unthinkin$ly offerin$ up ourselves for this unima$inable, almost HuasiL sentient $estalt thin$, and there is absolutely no alternative.

I:m sorry if I:m startin$ to sound like a socialist leaflet, -hat -ith not actually bein$ much of a socialist, but that:s Iust the lan$ua$e the movies use. A movie that sho-s the risen proletariat bein$ torn apart by a military super-eapon -hile ostentatious symbols of -ealth slau$hter themselves throu$h untold numbers of innocents is not $oin$ to thro- up its arms and $o Eyeah, actually, modern life is pretty !Q2G 4an, this update is depressin$. 4aybe Bohn 4alkovich can cheer me up. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Accuretta Intervie- http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXIU310 E'c8$)0

G#it.G
Aaand -ith that simple little command, it takes 4r. 4alkovich about oh, point / of a second to make Allsam his bitch. Look at the $uy, he:s the kin$ of the universe, the entire -orld spinnin$ and blurrin$ around him at its centre as every sin$le thin$ -e see is perfectly ali$ned to act on his every -him -ith ma6imum efficiency. <hen it comes to establishin$ po-er and authority, Dark #ide 4oon does not fuck around.

This scene is... <eird also. Less -eird than the previous one, but -atchin$ it, I honestly $et the impression of it bein$ a part of some educational pro$rammer of -hat to e6pect durin$ an important Iob intervie-. 4alkovich calmly and politely e6plains -hat it means to take on a career path, and then says Eit all depends on ho- you respond to my ne6t t-o -ords+ WImpress me:G. It:s kind of fascinatin$ Iust ho- open and honest he:s portrayed as bein$. 1e $oes throu$h #am:s credentials %or rather, the lack thereof), and Iust -aves that ri$ht off. Instead, he establishes ri$ht a-ay that it all only, and only comes do-n to -hat impression #am makes. I mean, -hen you:re an employer, you have to sort throu$h do=ens and do=ens of applications, and are you honestly $oin$ to carefully -ei$h all the credentials and choose the applicant -ho:s obIectively most fit for the Iob. "o, that:s -hy you:re a human bein$ and not a robot. Aou:re Iust $oin$ to pick -hoever sticks out the most in your mind. I mean obviously, this leads to all sorts of issues like preferential treatment of -hite dudes and pickin$ the $uy -ho can best sell himself rather than the one -ho can actually $et the Iob done, but the film is actually surprisin$ly kind and positive about 4alkovich as a character, and by e6tension employers in $eneral. It seems to make the statement that even they are Iust human bein$s and not evil 8andian robots, and places all blame for the shit they end up causin$ sHuarely on the system itself, -hich simply ends up brin$in$ out the -orst in even the kindest, most intelli$ent people. #am totally fumbles his -ay throu$h the conversation, but eventually tries to paint himself as confident by sayin$ he:s Ea killer, a Mikin$, a barbarianG. #mooth $oin$. 8eally the entire portrayal of #am in this movie is basically it askin$ Epeeps, do not be this $uy, okay.G

G<e are not lookin$ for that hereG.

!kay, so that:s -here it $ets fun. 4alkovich uses this photo of himself to e6emplify the archetype #am paints himself under, and then e6claims it to be undesirable. <hat he:s doin$ is settin$ up a pu==le for #am. "otice ho- many thin$s are on the table that su$$est vision and Etrue si$htG. A pair of $lasses %-ith a thick, black trim, a reoccurrin$ motif), a pair of binoculars, a crystal ball. "one of those thin$s are set up in a -ay that 4alkovich himself could see throu$h them directlyO Instead, they appear to connect the back and front halves of the room, invitin$ #am to EseeG behind his potential employer, both in fi$urative terms of seein$ throu$h to his motives and in literal terms of actually lookin$ at -hatFs behind him. #o -hat is behind him. Another picture much like the one he Iust put on the table, and a little bonsai tree. The t-o ima$es are seemin$ly near identical, but you kno- -hat they remind me of. Those pictures psycholo$ists sometimes sho- to autistic children, on -hich an actor is in a sli$htly different pose on every one, to see ho- $ood they are at interpretin$ body lan$ua$e. ody lan$ua$e is a funny thin$, and often subtle differences can have a hu$e effect on our subconscious. The front picture is practically a still of an action scene+ Fists are flyin$, a face is contorted into a barbaric shout, there:s a sort of frantic kinetic to everythin$ about it. A killer, a Mikin$, a arbarian. And yet, there:s somethin$ stran$ely clumsy about it as -ell. The punch he:s thro-in$ appears to have barely any force or techniHue behind it, the -ay he holds his torso is Iust completely shapeless, and really, it:s not a fi$hter, it:s a kid pretendin$ to be one. y contrast, look at the ima$e in the back D 4alkovich:s arm is folded in front of his body, his head is tucked in sli$htly, and there:s a much more focused, compact form. "o punch is bein$ thro-n D it:s a defensive maneuver, clearly braced for an oncomin$ impact. The bonsai tree ne6t to it, mean-hile, su$$ests an inner tranHuility, and thus an ability to deal -ith the

oncomin$ attack and retainin$ your composure. 4ean-hile, the actual Bohn 4akovich leans for-ard, tou$hens his features and clearly shifts into an a$$ressive position, restin$ the entire -ei$ht of his authority on #am. And then -aits for a reaction+ <hether #am -ill attempt to attack, or do the ri$ht thin$ and $o on the defensive, testin$ his ability to make the ri$ht choice -hen confronted -ith somethin$ stron$er than him, his ability to spot subtle details and intentions, and his ability to play his cards ri$ht even if he does make the ri$ht choice, all in one fell s-oop. EImpress meG, indeed. Did I mention I love this movie. ecause I fuckin$ love this movie. !bviously #am totally and completely fails the test, but this is the point -here thin$s $et really stran$e a$ain. After sayin$ $oodbye to him at the end of the last movie, the camera hovers over his shoulder and then s-itches to a strai$htLup P!M shot from him, essentially reclaimin$ him as his vessel.

4alkovich suddenly loses interest in his little $ame, and turns his attention to the room at lar$e. #omeone appears to be usin$ a red cup... I" T1E AELL!< 8!!42 !1 "!!!!2

<elp, -e appear to be back in political caricature land. <ait, didn:t the movie Iust establish that 4alkovich is a human bein$, and no- all of a sudden he:s turned into a robot -hose circuits fly -hen he encounters an irre$ularity. That:s... <hat. I mean, I $uess you could take this as part of his $ame, the sobbin$ -orker bein$ Iust an actress %after all, it is pretty perfectly timed), but I think I have a bit of a different take on it. #ee, the camera in this film very sparin$ly seats itself into #am:s vie-... ut every time it does, somethin$ incredibly -eird and probably totally out of character for everybody else happens, somethin$ that Iust so happens to ali$n -ith #am:s subconscious thou$hts and fears. <hat -e see portrayed in this little snippet is a picture of the -orld that nearly destroyed David 4ann. A completely ri$id and structured society in -hich concern for others is none6istent and the individual is slo-ly reduced to a robot, unable to deal -ith any situation that escapes the norm. This plays into another idea that stands behind this film:s entire portrayal of Allsam+ 1e is terrified of becomin$ Dave 4ann. 1e constantly tries to buckle the pressure of society in petty -ays Iust so he doesn:t lose si$ht of his masculinity and his EheroismG, he defies any and every attempt to put his life into a solid structure, and -hen somethin$ does eHuate him to Dave, such as the ratty old ('s car, he immediately completely flips his lid. If you look at any other scene in the film, you reali=e that his fear is completely unfounded. Accureta is full of interestin$ and Huirky people -ith varyin$ de$rees of machismo. Look at the lady on the ri$ht in that shot -ith the red cup, she could kick your ass. #o -hy -ould the film suddenly $ive a completely different ima$e of -hat Accureta #ystems is like Iust for this one scene. <ell. #ee, at the end of the last film, #am ascended to $odhood, or rather, the Allspark descended to #amhood. I already told you

about ho- the audience directly affects the movie, and -hile #am only partially represents them at this point, he still has shades of this. The camera ali$nin$ itself -ith #am means that he has control over -here it points and -hat it sees D in other -ords, he takes control of an e6traLdie$etic element. "o-, if the audience has so much po-er over a movie D <hy -ould Allsam only be able to affect its camera-ork. <hat about the -ritin$, the direction. Aep, that:s ri$ht, Allsam:s omnipotence sho-s itself in him actually controllin$ the film:s narrative. And this is once a$ain Iust an ability that audiences have in real life. A movie can present us ima$es and symbols, but that:s only half the narrative D because the meanin$, the actual content of the film, is $enerated in the audience:s mind. <hen a -riter on TF<iki notes do-n that #hock-ave:s -eapon is a separate creature, then that:s ho- it is. <hen I say that Devastator represents the Proletariat, then that:s ho- it is. <hen #am fi$ures that a -orkplace is an oppressive robot society, then that:s ho- it is. This particular scene is a fairly innocuous use of this bi=arre element, but as -ith everythin$ else in this trilo$y, it -ill $et -orse.

In the end, #am decides to take a path that 4alkovich could not have foreseen+ 1e flees. EI have done shit that matters and I Iust -ant a Iob -here I matter a$ain.G There:s a lot of emotion in #hia Labeuf:s delivery, and for one second Allsam does seem like a human bein$ a$ain. I mean, consider+ 1e -as born in battle, for$ed by the heat of e6plosives and arose from the remains of a sacrifice. 1is first act in life -as to defy the rules of life and death, remakin$ one life to destroy another. And there he is, in a situation that could not be more mundane and yet has crushed as many souls as any -ar, in -hich no one cares and yet everybody despises him. Allsam is not a sympathetic character, but you can see him fall into depression ri$ht there on the screen, and it:s kinda hard not to feel a tin$e of sympathy. 4aybe, much like Dave, #am can become a better person as -ell. A traumatic encounter -ith 4e$atron -ould help him none, but perhaps merely settlin$ in and reali=in$ -hat modern life is actually like could help him $et a better perspective on thin$s. Perhaps he could reali=e -ho his real enemy is, and -hat he actually values.

In the end, it:s the employer -ho ends up havin$ to convince the employee. It:s not entirely clear -hy 4alkovich suddenly takes such a likin$ to #am D but he says E<hen I look at you, I see a youn$er me.G As evidenced by the photos, 4alkovich -as also a fi$hter once, but -ith a$e has calmed do-n Huite a lot. Perhaps #am did impress him after all D maybe it -as his choice, to $ive up, to let $o, that Bohn seems to see somethin$ invaluable in. And maybe no- that he has a mentor, an authority fi$ure -ho isn:t a nasty person or a murderous psychopath. 4aybe, the healin$ can be$in. <ell, could be$in, -ere this everythin$. It isn:t. Thin$s are only $oin$ to $et -orse.

Piero$i posted+
I think you skipped a bit on the use of color in the 4alkovich intervie-. A couple of thin$s to note+ For the employees the room does not seem all that yello-. 4ost of the color is behind their back. ItFs only 4alkovich that sees the true nature of the room. And more importantly the only color that the employees see is from the red photos on their bossFs desk. "otice ho- in the =oom screen cap the red cup stands out -hile the yello- cups are pretty much invisible. The -oman unbekno-nst to her took the spotli$ht from 4alkovich and therefore must be punished. #he canFt fully $rasp ho- her red cup interferes -ith the room because she literally lacks 4alkovichFs point of vie-. 4aybe she even chose her cupFs color to play -ell -ith the only other color she noticed in the room. To $o even further maybe 4alkovich doesnFt reali=e that his photos interfere -ith the room because they are behind him, and he doesnFt look at them at all. 0

Terry van Feleday posted+

"ice observation2 The curious thin$ is, 4alkovichFs little section is not JpartJ of the yello- room, bein$ not Iust completely cut off by $lass -alls, but also bein$ completely -hite %-hich is to say, all the colours). Additionally, -hile he -ears red in those ima$es, his suit is Iust plain, colourless $rey. #o in a sense, he -ants the visitor to take note of those ima$es, even -illin$ to compromise the colour coordination of his desk for it. The thin$ about the red cup stealin$ the spotli$ht+ The -eird thin$ is, -e -ill see very clearly later in the movie that 4alkovich clearly doesnFt mind havin$ his authority Huestioned or compromised. It really is completely out of character for him.

Triskelli posted+
#o Terry, Iust somethin$ that stood out to me+ <hat, if anythin$, do 4alkovichFs set of $olf clubs mean. ecause they look incredibly out of place, especially if the inference is that he $olfs re$ularly. A full set like that is Huite heavy, and it -ould be a hell of a lot easier to leave them in the car. 4alkovich isnFt $oin$ to be needin$ anythin$ bet-een a *L-ood to a sandL-ed$e in his office, and the directors could have Iust as easily put a putter and ball in the room, to $ive a classic JCE! putts ball into cupJ scene later.

A$ent Interroban$ posted+

Takin$ a completely -ild $uess here, but it could be more FtoyF symbolism. It contrasts interestin$ly -ith the ruined doll, the shitty old Maliant, the -ay #am treats 4ikaela in the previous movies and -ill treat Carly in this one. If -e assume, as Terry seems to have done, that 4alkovichFs character is an Fold -arriorF -ho let $o of his an$er, then a set of -ellLcaredL for $olf clubs takes on even $reater si$nificance ne6t to #amFs ra$e and antipathy to-ards -hat he perceives to be his o-n, inferior playthin$s. ItFs more stuff stackin$ on top of #amFs perception that despite everythin$ heFs done, he still isnFt $ettin$ the credit he DE#E8ME#, and into his $ro-in$ Iealousy of everyone and everythin$ around him. The true irony of course bein$ that unless he lets $o of his ra$e and envy, everythin$ he touches I# $oin$ to $et broken and fuckedLup, because heFs still an immature kid -ho doesnFt appreciate his toys. 1e -ants, but does not care forO he desires, but does not love. 1e covets EME8AT1I"0 he doesnFt have, but the instant he has it, he doesnFt -ant it anymoreO he needs somethin$ ETTE8. ItFd be interestin$ to assume this is more of the FTransformers and humans are bad for each otherF theme. <ould #amFs personal priorities be so desperately fuckedLup if his first car hadnFt been a ma$ic robot hot rod from space. <ould #am be Huite so desperate for reco$nition and out-ard sho-s of status if he hadnFt been ske-ed so much by $ettin$ somethin$ too much for him to handle, far too early. A bit more F$olf clubsF commentary+ I think itFs interestin$ that -hile the clubs take up a lar$e amount of real estate in the shot, theyFre also not central. TheyFre placed off to the side, and sli$htly back from the desk. Perhaps su$$estin$ that 4alkovich both cares for his toys, but doesnFt let their presence or lack thereof dominate his mental landscape%because thatFs -hat his office is)O a$ain, a nice contrast to #am.

Da-nfire posted+
Takin$ a s-in$ here, but these actually seem to be another display of a$$ression to me. Look at their distinctive black color, and compare it to the rest of the room. Everythin$ is -hite besides that solid black calendar and the $olf clubs. I never noticed the clubs until you pointed them out, but no- I canFt miss them. TheyFre obvious and hu$e. They also lean in specifically to-ard #am, as if they -ere some other intervie-er to accompany 4alkavich. They even match 4alkavichFs leaned in stance. "ot only that, but each $olf head looks like a face -ith those covers. A lar$e set of dark, a$$ressive faces starin$ intently at #am. Leaned in, ready to strike the moment he falters. 8ememberin$ that this is a movie about $iant robots fi$htin$ to enslave humanity, and that the clubs themselves are most likely metal, could be another notLsoLsubtle bit of foreshado-in$. I -onFt discuss -hat it could allude to anymore then that, but those -ho have seen the rest of the movie may understand -hat I mean. !r maybe he does Iust like to $olf.

-ell -hy not posted+

That shot of 4alkovichFs office is actually $eniusLlevel efficiency. Almost every element of it speaks of the characters in play. Point by point on the elements I see + L <hite. ItFs clinical, efficient and speaks of an e6treme cleanliness. ThereFs no clutter that most -ork -ould $enerate. L on=ai. Takes patience, lets you kno- this $uy has likely travelled a lon$ -ay L looks e6otic. L 1is $olf clubs L theyFre obviously e6pensive. TheyFre a trophy. 1eFs clearly a finiancial -inner and either an avid $olfer or a phony. As above, they probably donFt $et a lot of use in the office. L 1is fake tan. Fake bein$ the operative -ord. L 1is computerFs not plu$$ed in. For a series that takes on technolo$y in such a bi$ -ay, this likely isnFt an oversi$ht. Does he do -ork on that thin$. L The photos. The fake tan is cranked up to the ma6. ?nusual attire for martial arts. It looks more restrictive and fancy. ItFs -hat someone -ho -atches martial arts films mi$ht think -ould be -orn in reality. The photos are red to dra- our eyes an e6pectancy to them, theyFre so visible -e kno- theyFre $oin$ to be mentioned from the moment theyFre on screen. Is that a martial arts pose. It looks to be silly, like heFs fakin$ it. L AELL!<. 1as connotations of efficiency, -ealth, co-ardice and sickness. #ee all that black ] yello- in the Aelloroom. <ith all those -orkers. ItFs a beehive. ItFs fort kno6. ItFs a -arnin$. L 1is socks. Aello- a$ain. L 1is shoes. Those arenFt a businessmanFsF shoes. They could be $olf shoes L ho-ever theyFre pristine and look *''P clean. The $uy either replaces them all the time %cos heFs rich) or never actually $olfs. L As mentioned, the 4onday startin$ calendar. ?northodo6, business centric -ay too timetable. #o, is this $uy a controllin$, BobsLlike $enius, a 8ichard ranson action manTbillionaire or someone -ho faked it till they made it to the top.

Acht posted+
Could this someho- be tied into the masked theme a$ain. As if the Jimpress meJ is a taunt to #am that says Jsho- me that you can look beyond this facadeJ.

Doctor<hat posted+
eyond a facade. 4ore, perhaps, than immediately meets the eye.

Peter<eller posted+
"otice ho- the $olfba$ stands on those t-o le$s like a mortar tube. They substitute for a -eapon, reinforcin$ the Jsoldier -ho has settledJ ima$e.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+

As a minor e6ample to those -ho think the thematic consistency of the series is Iust an illusion+ 4alkovichFs crystal ball makes an appearance in the previous film.

Psalmana=ar posted+
And the robot looks strai$ht at it, -hile the humans look a-ay from it.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
<hat I love is that %All)#am clearly represents an entire $eneration raised by media like Transformers. Literally+ he -as raised by the transformers. A lot of fans assert that !ptimus Prime -as like their dad %.2) and, here, it is pretty much the case. !f course, fans do not Factually believeF that transformers are real, and that theyFre the prota$onist of the -orld L but nonetheless, the messa$es do $et internali=ed. %?nderlinin$ this, #am has a ad oys & poster on his dormLroom -all in the previous film. ItFshi$hly doubtful that he appreciates it as a satire of race relations in the ?#.) #o, -here the first t-o films are subtly about ho- the Favera$eF #am is $radually indoctrinated into Autobotism, Dark of the 4oon is entirely about the result. And of course, the result is a directionless, impotent ra$e and a sense of entitlement. #amFs Favera$eF home life -as already pretty fucked up from the be$innin$, -hich is -hy he is so easily absorbed. <ithout his motherFs va$uely incestuous e6Lhippy se6ual liberation rhetoric shoved do-n his throat, for e6ample, you can bet #am -ouldnFt be so neurotic about normal human relationships. And itFs not Iust #am+ everyone is predisposed to accept !ptimus Prime as their overlord and $od. !ptimus doesnFt need to come up -ith schemes to fool everyone, because he slips into the capitalist system as thou$h it -ere a soft $love.

timeandtide posted+
Trautman+ Aou did everythin$ to make this private -ar happen. AouFve done enou$h dama$e. This mission is over, 8ambo. Do you understand me. This mission is over2 Look at them out there2 Look at them2 If you -onFt end this no-, they -ill kill you. Is that -hat you -ant. ItFs over Bohnny. ItFs over2 8ambo+ "othin$ is over2 "othin$2 Aou Iust donFt turn it off2 It -asnFt my -ar2 Aou asked me, I didnFt ask you2 And I did -hat I had to do to -in2 ut somebody -ouldnFt let us -in2 And I come back to the -orld and I see all those ma$$ots at the airport, protestin$ me, spittin$. Callin$ me baby killer and all kinds of vile crap2 <ho are they to protest me. <ho are they. ?nless theyFve been me and been there and kno- -hat the hell theyFre yellin$ about2 Trautman+ It -as a bad time for everyone, 8ambo. ItFs all in the past no-. 8ambo+ For KyouK2 For me civilian life is nothin$2 In the field -e had a code of honor, you -atch my back, I -atch yours. ack here thereFs nothin$2 Trautman+ AouFre the last of an elite $roup, donFt end it like this. 8ambo+ ack there I could fly a $unship, I could drive a tank, I -as in char$e of million dollar eHuipment, back here I canFt even hold a Iob Kparkin$ carsK2

LTransformers+ Dark of the 4oon %&'*&)

4ilky 4oor posted+

ut, really, $iven that #am is the closest thin$ to an AutobotT1uman liaison, I think his resentment is understandable. I sa#am as the eHuivalent of t-enty somethin$s -ho have come out of ?niversity -ith one or, in a lot of cases, t-o de$rees... and promptly find themselves -orkin$ in call centres, fast food or, yes, the mail room. #ure, thereFs nothin$ -ron$ -ith it, but -hen youFre raised to think that everythin$ -ill sort of fall into place -hen you pass throu$h colle$e and $et e6perience, no -onder heFs upset applyin$ for somethin$ demeanin$. <hy even have done everythin$ he has Iust to end up there. I think itFs a very common sentiment. Even if Carly doesnFt care, thatFs not -hat matters. #am, throu$hout the film, $ives off the impression of someone -ho has fallen into a rut. Carly mi$ht provide for him, but he doesnFt seem happy about the arran$ement. 1is e$o doesnFt help but he should be -orkin$ -ith %for.) the Autobots, especially $iven their history. And his history... <ell, thereFs the t-o Autobots -ho live -ith him and make thin$s difficult. Then thereFs onecrusher, 4ikaelaFs do$, -ho someho- seems to have ended up -ith #am. The past keeps houndin$ him and remindin$ him of -hat he used to have. #amFs life is completely out of his control. It remains out of his control throu$hout the rest of the film and nothin$ he has done in the past %saved the -orld, earned a medal) matters and, in fact, makes people hostile to-ards him %F<eFre 8epublicans hereF) and yet heFs someho- e6pected to $ro- up and be a man -hen almost all of his adult life to this point as been at the behest of the $overnment andTor murderous alien robots. Aou have to -onder if !ptimus said anythin$ to try and $et the man -ho saved his life somethin$ nice or if he Iust let him $o -ithout so much of a Fsee you later, thanks for the saveF. 1is parents seem like theyFve profited pretty -ell out of the deal. #am doesnFt seem like he has. ThatFs -here the sympathy comes from. #am mi$ht not be very $ood at tryin$ but I think heFs certainly puttin$ his best foot for-ard, all thin$s

4ilky 4oor cont...

considered, and $ettin$ rebuked. Pretty much every other character has prospered from their involvement -ith the Autobots L Lenno6 is like a secret a$ent, #immons has his -hole thin$ later on, #amFs parents have been covered. And #am $ets colle$e and thro-n out into a horrible Iob market %8emember, Transformers is essentially set in the present asL is as much as possible). I didnFt kno- about the -hole Fto-in$ a car -ith a motorhomeF thin$. In Australia, I see caravans much more than motorhomes. In fact, maybe itFs the result of an Australian perspective more than anythin$. In Australia, thereFs a pretty hi$h freHuency of $overnment assisted tertiary education %-hat -e call Common-ealth #upported Places). That mi$ht be -hy, to me, the fact that the $overnment $ave #am a colle$e de$ree doesnFt seem particularly impressive.

Tu6edo Catfish posted+

Aeah, in America most people #amFs a$e and class -ould either have to -ork their ass off for scholarships or sell themselves into a lifetime of debt for that. !ften both. #amFs obviously a pretty broken person, but heFs a product of a society that produces #ams and has absolutely no use for them. I -ould be pretty sympathetic -ith him, e6cept for one thin$ LL even as a victim of neoliberal capitalism, #am has direct access to the Alien 0odLQin$ of "eoliberal Capitalism and his response to the hostility at the bottom %-ell, more like the lo-erLmiddle, heFs not a dehumani=ed thirdL-orlder) isnFt Jthis is hideous and fucked up,J itFs JI deserve to be at the top.J

A$ent Interroban$ posted+

ThatFs pretty much e6actly it. #am isnFt 8EBECTI"0 this systemO heFs -hinin$ that he isnFt bein$ $iven the credit he believes it o-es him. This is -hat makes his ra$e and an$er so bi=arrely alienatin$, despite the deep resonance it has -ith this $eneration+ -eFve ALL been in a situation -here -e have to Iustify our continued e6istence to va$ue corporate paymasters. ut #am isnFt complainin$ that he shouldnFt have to prove his -orth to masters he -ill never see, heFs upset because he believes he should already be one of them. 8ather than an$ered by the inIustice of the system he is ca$ed by, he is an$ered that it is not he -ho serves as its arbiter. It makes him seem... -ell, somethin$ not Huite human, -hich is really entirely appropriate.

A$ent Interroban$ posted+

ThatFs pretty much e6actly it. #am isnFt 8EBECTI"0 this systemO heFs -hinin$ that he isnFt bein$ $iven the credit he believes it o-es him. This is -hat makes his ra$e and an$er so bi=arrely alienatin$, despite the deep resonance it has -ith this $eneration+ -eFve ALL been in a situation -here -e have to Iustify our continued e6istence to va$ue corporate paymasters. ut #am isnFt complainin$ that he shouldnFt have to prove his -orth to masters he -ill never see, heFs upset because he believes he should already be one of them. 8ather than an$ered by the inIustice of the system he is ca$ed by, he is an$ered that it is not he -ho serves as its arbiter. It makes him seem... -ell, somethin$ not Huite human, -hich is really entirely appropriate.

Count Chocula posted+

I think thatFs a pretty common point of vie-, especially for teena$ers. ItFs -ron$, but it isnFt FinhumanF. <hatFs that Huote about ho- Americans see themselves as Ftemporarily embarrassed millionairesF. Everybody -atchin$ a robot punchin$ movie -ants to identify -ith the bi$$est badass, -hether itFs Prime or 4alkovich.

A$ent Interroban$ posted+

ItFs specifically the <AA he puts it. LetFs be honest, the American Dream is pretty much Fsomeday IFll be rich enou$h to lord it over everyone -ho -as ever mean to me.F ut #am, for all that he claims other-ise, has lived ESACTLA the life he -anted, -ith cool cars and $iant robots and a hot $irlfriend and the military be$$in$ for his help. 1e Iust came from the F?CQI"0 P8E#IDE"T $ivin$ him a bi$ shiny medal for his efforts, if he had any sense at all heFd find some -ay to levera$e that. 1e could at the very <!8#T have a publicLspeakin$ $i$ -ith a five to si6Lfi$ure income for the rest of his natural life as the hero -ho saved the human race from alien doombots. ut to #am, no amount of success or -ishLfulfillment is ever E"!?01. 1e is an emotional and psycholo$ical black hole, endlessly hun$erin$ for more respect, more adoration, more po-er. #amFs issue is not that he has looked at the -orld and said Fit isnFt fairO I deserve better.F 1e looked at the -orld and said Fit isnFt fairO I -ant to $o back to my toys.F Take a look at the scene -ith the Maliant and the sheer, mindLbendin$ ra$e he displays for it, not because itFs Iust a shitty car, but because it isnFt as cool as his LA#T toy. 1eFs still a child, playin$ at bein$ an adult, halfLformed, incomplete, and unable to distin$uish si$nifier from si$nified.

Part 5+ E1eroism by order, senseless violence, and all the pestilent nonsense that $oes by the name of patriotism C ho- I hate them2G

America has literally become a fascist surveillance state. The film makes no secret about it. 1o- did people not notice. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Director of "ational Intelli$ence %Part *) http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX4APCkce6!rs)0

4eet Charlotte 4earin$ %Frances 4cDormand), our other blonde female oneLoff character for this movie. E6cept she:s actually American for once2 The movie -astes no time establishin$ -ho she is+ The bi$ -i$, the $rand authority, the hand of the $overnment. #he:s the Director of "ational Intelli$ence, she doesn:t like to be called Ema:amG, she:s a human, and she:s very, very important. !ne part of the above sentence is not entirely true. Aou -ill not $uess -hich it is. %Actually Pick totally did, but sshhh2)

#he directly confronts Lenno6 about the shit they pulled in the middle east, and he tries to... I:m not sure -hat he:s tryin$ to do to e6cuse himself, but I have no idea ho- it didn:t $et him strai$ht into a court for trial.

4eet our ne- Autobot du Iour, Vue. It:s interestin$ that they decided to desi$n him after Einstein, considerin$ he:s very much the antiLAlbert. I mean, he is kind, friendly and approachable, e6cept oh, he:s an immoral arms manufacturer. Aep. "otice ho- his head, Iust vie-ed everLsoLsli$htly differently, looks more like a skull than Einstein:s head. Phe-, -e almost had a likeable Autobot for a second, crisis averted. !ne thin$ of note is that -hile the movie never actually tells us, his alt mode is a 4ercedes en= E55', a fairly middle class %I think.) 0erman car. et-een the 0erman and the Italian $uy, there:s a bit more of a sense of cosmopolitanism to the Autobots in this film, -here in 8even$e the only nonL04 manufactured car -as the Decepticon #ide-ays. !f course, both the ne- $uys barely play a role throu$hout the film... Thou$h Vue is probably the most important out of the various Autobot additions.

!ptimus Prime, mean-hile, is in a bad mood, and decides to e6press this by... Curlin$ up into his alt mode and not talkin$ to anyone. 4ature, much.

The reason for his sudden temper tantrum is... The fact that the presence of the Ark:s parts -as kept secret from him. Aes, that:s after he came under fire in the previous movie for keepin$ thin$s secret from humanity and -aved it off. 1oly shit, hochildish can this E-ise leaderJ $et.

In order to clear the situation up, 4earin$ invites... 1oly shit is that u== Aldrin2.

Aes, yes it is, the actual realLlife u== Aldrin, playin$ himself. I love that the filmmakers made this happen, because this part is ama=in$+ u== Aldrin himself proceeds to tell a C0ILtruck man that the moon landin$s happened because secretly they -ere lookin$ for alien technolo$y on the moon. ItFs... I canFt even add anythin$ to that. ItFs Iust perfect.

1?"D? T1E EA#T 0!D posted+

I can add somethin$ to this+ u== Aldrin is famous to our $eneration not because he landed on the moon, that is a fo$$y anecdote in a history book. 1e is famous to us because of this+ https+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.featureXplayerUembedded]vX*-crk6!$=h? Punchin$ a $uy in the face, in real life, because he had the audacity to su$$est the moon landin$ -as faked. This makes an already incredibly surreal and audaciously disrespectful moment in the film ten times cra=ier. It -ould be like castin$ !B #impson as 0hostface in #cream 3.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
Focusin$ e6clusively on the Fplot levelF, this is transparently absurd. ThatFs the filmFs satirical strate$y. <hen umblebee assaults an Iranian nuclear reactor, for e6ample, -e are not to believe that actuallyLe6istin$ transformers influence AmericaFs forei$n policy. 1o-ever, itFs obvious that umblebee and his actions serve as a metaphor for American forei$n policy. ThatFs in a pretty strai$htfor-ard economic sense L the FfreedomF to buy a se6y yello- sportscar is imposed on other nations by force. !ne $reat detail is that it doesnFt even matter -hat kind of sports car umblebee is. 1e can shift effortlessly from one make or model to another. umblebee represents Fsports carF as a purely abstract concept. And underneath the product bein$ advertised, its specific Hualities irrelevant, there is this thin$ -ith its alien a$enda. I compared this to They Live earlier in the thread, and it still applies. Like-ise, -hen -e have 4e$atron bein$ e6ploited as the source of all technolo$y since the industrial revolution L and, conseHuently, the entire history of the automobile L this is to be read as a metaphor for industrialism itself.

#uper4echa$od=illa cont...
<hen the mountain de- dispensers and 6Lbo6es come to life as primal creatures and start attackin$ people, they pose a dan$er to the Autobots by bein$ too overt and honest about their lo$ic of domination. !ptimus reHuires the pretense that he is a liberal humanitarian fi$htin$ for FfreedomF L carefully omittin$ the -ord FeconomicF.

<elp, back to #am.

<omen are bitches, etcetera. 1o-ever, notice ho- the shape of the hall-ay narro-s on #am:s side, makin$ him look compressed and diminutive compared to the tall, slender -oman on the hi$h side of the hall-ay. This is actually foreshado-in$ for the finale.

-ell -hy not posted+

The concept of Fdra-in$ the eyeF is a bi$ part of photo$raphy ] cinemato$raphy. It relates to ho- the eye follo-s lines throu$hout a still ima$e or video shot. !ur eyes instinctively pay attention to the centre, the thirds and follo- curved lines alon$ their path. Look at Carly in this shot, -ith all the curved lines conver$in$ above her. ThereFs arro- shaped cutouts in the -alls pointin$ to-ards her. #heFs illuminated by the $iant -indo- behind her. Checkout the beam of li$ht to the left of #am. ItFs even leadin$ to-ards her. FAn$elicF is -hat IFd use to describe it. The curves are almost like her -in$s. Almost Everythin$ in the shot is screamin$ Flook at herF, but #am is -ay more into the toys ] the neato buildin$. <hat interests me the most is ho- the car is in front of everythin$. ItFs ostensibly a shot of the car, -ith some people behind it. ItFs like the camera ] #am are both en$rossed in the -ron$ thin$. ThereFs even a tiny statuette of a -oman on the front of the car.

Party oat posted+

An$elicFs a $ood choice of -ord L aside from the flashback to the !val !ffice -eFve only seen Carly dressed in -hite so far. This is somethin$ thatFs -orth bearin$ in mind.

<ebDo$ posted+
ItFs an u$atti Type /5C ^37/3. 0enerally kno-n for bein$ a very successful race car back in itFs heyday of *;&9 L /'. asicallyO rare and e6pensive as there -ere only 5' made. That shot could be read as despite Carly bein$ the center of attention, nothin$ $ets DylanFs rocks off more than rare cars. ItFs supposed to be setup as #am and Dylan havin$ a tiff over Carly. As mentioned earlier, ay could be clever by havin$ #am read into the tiniest thin$s out of Iealously, su$$estin$ he has to learn ho- to mature over the course of his character arc.

#am may have died and $one to heaven %a$ain). %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L 4eet Dylan 0ould http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXH0vPHQt?<Io)

4eetin$ -ith Carly, she introduces him to 4r. Dylan 0ould %Patrick Dempsey). 4an, -hat a friendly and charismatic fello-2 I:m sure he:ll be a $reat friend to #am and

!h.

!f course, lon$ before that little plot t-ist is even implied, Allsam is already completely intimidated by the $uy. 1e does try to keep it to$ether, thou$h, and comments on ho- the buildin$ looks like the #tarship Enterprise. 0uys, remember #pock is in this movie. 1e totally is2

<ebDo$ posted+
Also -ith all the Trek references, you have to remember that Leonard "imoy is related to 4ichael ay. "imoyFs -ife, #usan ay, is his cousin. 0

4r. 0ould tells #am a bit about himself and Carly. Apparently, they started out -ith relatively little, but to$ether, they built themselves a small empire. And here:s -here -e learn a very important thin$ about Carly. Think back to 4ikaela. #he -as born into a lo-erLclass home, had to fi$ht for survival to the point of criminality, and her entire life revolved around simple mechanics -ork, buildin$ motorcycles. Carly, mean-hile, is bour$eoisie as fuck. Look at her, she:s taller than #am, ele$ant, confident and has shit completely under control. #he:s practically an$elic. #he:s still a bitch, but she:s pretty -ell up there by human standards. 8emember the 4an in lack shot. The little $irl in that one -as defined by her class D and by e6tension, Alice is, and by

e6tension from there, so is Carly. 0ould even calls her the EDuchessG.

Thin$s start $ettin$ -eird -hen 0ould calls attention to one of the cars. ELook at the curves. Ele$ant, isn:t it. eautiful. #e6ual. uilt to evoke the body of the ideal -oman.G The camera lin$ers on Carly durin$ most of this sentence, because obIectification of course. ut the stran$e thin$ is that 0ould himself only looks at her durin$ the very last part of that Huote D in particular durin$ the oddlyLemphasi=ed Ese6ualG, his $a=e remains affi6ed to the car.

0ould himself is a libertarian dream. 1e e6plains that his dad be$an -ith a *'Ldollar desk, but no- they:re the lar$est accountin$ firm in the ?# D a ridiculous stretchin$ of the archetypal Era$s to richesG story that is blatantly bullshit. ut he and Carly, man, they $o -ay back. The t-o are practically made for one another, and this does not $o unnoticed by #am. !h boy, this is not $oin$ to end -ell, is it. Aeah, of course he immediately starts rivalin$ -ith 0ould. ut one thin$ never occurs to him. If Dylan and Carly kno- each other for so lon$ and there are sparks flyin$ bet-een them, ho- come they aren:t already a couple. And here:s the funny part. 4r. 0ould is a remarkably ase6ual presence, really. Aside from complimentin$ Carly:s body, he never even as much as implies any sort of attraction or se6ual interest in her, or any -oman for that matter. The only thin$ he ever refers to as actually se6ual... Is a car. #am:s vendetta a$ainst him is completely moronic, because Dylan poses no threat to his relationship. 1e:s carse6ual, and not in the carLasLinLCarly sense.

E#ee, collectin$ cars helps me keep my sanity.G There is a lot to him that -e do not kno- yet.

#am:s piece of shit car doesn:t start, and he completely loses his shit. #hia La eouf can be such a fantastic actor sometimes D he plays this total e6plosion of impotent an$er and misdirected machismo -ith such a conviction that you can really $et a feel for his completely out of control emotions. Even -orse, he finds out that it -as 0ould -ho $ot him the Iob at Accureta D an ama=in$ly kind $esture that #am should be infinitely $rateful for, but you kno-. It:s #am. EAou:re a lucky manG, 0ould tells him, and #am Iust looks even more pissed. 1e:s not even remotely a-are of all the privile$es that he:s enIoyin$. Interestin$ly, after 0ould asks him -hat he:s doin$, #am says that the car is part of his little restoration proIect D that he intends to alter it. This is a complete lie, but it reminds us of somethin$ important+ A car is an obIect. If it is not to your satisfaction, you can simply chan$e it. #am suffers so much from it, yet he never considers actually improvin$ it, in favor of constantly Iust thinkin$ about $ettin$ umblebee back.

#ch-ar=eQrie$ posted+
ItFs also -orth notin$ that #amFs Jpiece of shitJ car is a Datsun 5*' -hich, -hile not e6actly as rare and desirable as 0ouldFs cars, is a relatively hard to find car -ith a pretty bi$ enthusiast follo-in$. This implies that #am actively sou$ht out this specific car, likely spendin$ the same amount of money as he -ould have on a perfectly serviceable econobo6, -hich he obviously has no interest in. 1eFs also pretty clearly not a car enthusiast of any sort, and his cries of Jthis is a collectible2J are his -ay of Iustifyin$ the fact that he spent more money than he should have on a piece of shit simply because it reminds him of umblebee, and his refusal to let $o of his past and $ro- into a normal, responsible adult.

4ean-hile, the Autobots: bi=arre C0ILparody of a space shuttle has arrived at the moon.

The $iant $odLmachines and humanity:s tiny robots bein$ on the same screen is Iust an ama=in$ effect. And notice that, even -ith the total liberty of C0I, the filmmakers still insist on not portrayin$ any sort of actual moon $ravity or kickedLup dust. The thin$ -ith comedy is that it:s at its best -hen the comedian isn:t actually tryin$ to be funny. 8ather than relyin$ on cheap $a$s and dumb characters, Dark #ide 4oon Iust lets the absurdity of its story and ima$es speak for themselves, and ends up easily bein$ the funniest of the three movies for it.

And so, they find #pock, former leader of the Autobots, and take him back to earth.

Effectronica posted+
>In response to Huestions about the Allspark@ ...It blatantly breaks the principle of Jno si=eLchan$in$J the rest of the first movie essentially upholds %I mean in obvious -ays like 4e$atron $oin$ from #tarscreamFs si=e to a pistol fitted to #tarscreamFs hand, not in the sper$ier sense). The Allspark is divine. It can create life e6 nihilo. It endo-s kno-led$e beyond -hat even the most kno-led$eable of the Transformers has. Tiny pieces of it can revive the comatose. It can even brin$ back the dead -ith Iust an e6tension of itself. The machines are $ranted sparks and articulated robot forms by the $race of the robotL$od. It is important that the $od of the Transformers is a repository of information above all else, and -e can perhaps dra- a little upon 0nostic traditions to understand All#am and Allspark. #ome 0nostic traditions hold that the primary reason for the fla-ed nature of the material -orld is not the malevolence of the Demiur$e, the creator, but rather the Demiur$eFs incompetence and inability to comprehend thin$s $reater. The Allspark, -hen #am dies, tries to rebuild him as a mask, but fails. Its material creations, its child Transformers, are animalistic creatures, lashin$ out instantly in violence. It is itself, so far as -e can tell, a repository of material kno-led$e, not of art or culture or philosophy. It is si$nificant beyond Jthis is from an alien raceJ that -hat #am starts spoutin$ is superphysics and then Iust the location of the tomb of the Primes. The Primes are the truer $ods, the Aeons to the AllsparkFs demiur$e. They numbered thirteen, and removin$ the Fallen, the primal evil, makes them t-elve, and t-elve are the number of the 0nostic Aeons that formed from the union of Anthropos and Ecclesia, man and church, humanity and reli$iosity. The t-elfth of these, #ophiaT-isdom, is -hat created the Demiur$e, but here I think thin$s start to break do-n some-hat -ith -hat the movies so far have $iven us. ut since ay has made steady and deliberate use of the $eneral Transformers artificial mytholo$y in his movies %the 4atri6 of Leadership is used to revive !ptimus -here it -as ori$inally $enerated by his death, the Allspark is a cube -here its ori$inal form Mector #i$ma -as a sphere), I think that this -ill either become more e6tensible or fall apart completely -ith Transformers 3.

Part 7+ J"othin$ beside remains, Fround the remains of that colossal -reck...J

!h hey, -e:re in Africa no-. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L 4e$atron in Africa http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXF5CL9 **b"')0

Elephants, bison, =ebras and

!h fuck. 222 8!QE" LI"Q222

ItFs been a -hile, 4e$atron.

1e looks... #ad. 4an, he really has a reason to, too. Look at the poor fello-. "o- robbed of his si$nature arm cannon, he lu$s around a suitably 4ad 4a6LesHue shot$un. 1e dra-s it and $ro-ls his si$nature $ro-l to scare off the animals, establishin$ himself kin$ of the fauna. Interestin$ly, -hile he threatenin$ly shakes the thin$ around, he does not fire it D a

clear contrast to the arm cannon that only even became visible -hen it -as time for it to kill.

EAll hail 4e$atronG, he -hispers to himself. E4y marshter, yes marshterG, a stran$e, mutated, slaverin$ little $reen creature $reets him. It is all that remains of the Constructicons D the head of one of theirs, taken on a terrible, helpless halfLlife.

ut the tiny speck of $round, all that:s left of -hat that the onceL$odly leader once called his empire, holds more life as -ell. EAh. Don:t be $reedy... 4y fra$ile ones.G <ith an unusually kind face, 4e$atron e6tends his hand, and offers the pile of me-lin$ Decepticon kittens their feed. <hat is he feedin$ them. 1e has found no source of Ener$on. All he has is the ener$y conferred to him -hen he -as killed, and the shard stuck in his chest... !h no. 1e:s literally feedin$ his children parts of himself. I Iust. There:s no -ay I can even remotely describe this scene. After /' minutes of military posturin$ and -orthless machismo, the movie sho-s us... A pitiable creature, do-n on its last le$s, feedin$ its starvin$ children -ith the last rations it has. After the pointless, frotty nihilism of everythin$ that came before, the sheer $enuine emotion of this scene hit me like a train. ThereFs no ever encumbered subte6ts or political overtones here, Iust an instant sho-in$ this terrible life the constantly beaten and abused JvillainJ of the trilo$y has been reduced to. I feel terrible that IFm only devotin$ like half an update to -hat is probably the secondLmost important scene in the movie, but ultimately, there Iust isnFt much to say. ItFs Iust perfect as it is.

As #tarscream arrives to pity him, 4e$atron:s face hardens once more. 1e still carries the scar of his last battle, a festerin$, disfi$ured hole in his head cra-lin$ -ith parasites, drainin$ his -ill and sanity. Even as his left eye attempts to shift into his usual an$ry sco-l, the ri$ht one belies this faked e6pression, and e6poses the terrible -ei$ht of his depression. E!h my poor master2 1o- it pains me to see you, so -ounded, so -eak...G #tarscream almost sounds like he:s enIoyin$

4e$atron:s sufferin$, but nope, that:s Iust ho- he talks. Comparin$ his emotionless dra-l to the -ei$ht of 4e$atron:s every -ord $ives the latter even more of an emotional presence.

E#pare me, you $aseous sycophant2 Aou kno- -hat you are told, -hich is nothin$.G I:m $oin$ to keep includin$ closeLups of 4e$atron:s face, because $od, his facial animation in this movie is fantastic. It:s like some kind of horrid, t-isted version of Pi6ar.

1e-lett posted+
I think this is one thin$ that the seHuels, in particular, try to e6ploreO in most action films %or films in $eneral), -e root for the underdo$, -ho is constantly tryin$ to beat the odds a$ainst a vastly superior force for the sake of a virtuous cause. <hether this is true in the first TF film is debatable, but itFs at least more comparatively true than in the seHuels. 1o-ever, after you beat your villain, -hat is left to root for. The villain is defeated, pitiableO likely unable to $et reven$e on you e6cept for the sake of a ne-ly introduced 4ac0uffin. 1o-ever, it seems that the Decepticons are Iust stru$$lin$ for survival in the -ake of their defeat, and mostly only strike back because of continued reprisals from the Autobots and "E#T. Instead of $ivin$ the audience that feelin$ of beatin$ the odds, of balancin$ the eHuation bet-een perceived $ood and evil, the $ood $uys %and the audience by e6tension) become the bad $uys, takin$ their crusade overboard to the point of $enocide. And poor 4e$atronO his inclusion in any form in the seHuels really hammers home that pitiable nature of the defeated villainO he is replaced in both seHuels by ne- primary villains, becomin$ a henchman in his o-n schemes. "ot only is he inIured and emasculated, ay continues to rub 4e$atronFs nose in it ri$ht in front of us, addin$ to that discomfortin$ feelin$. If 4e$atron had Iust been left alone after his initial defeat, the seHuels -ould be much more strai$htfor-ard in their plottin$.

Laserbeak comes flyin$, and $uns do-n a bird. Bust for fun. Contrast -ith 4e$atron barin$, but not usin$ his shot$un, Laserbeak:s $uns are hidden in his body, but used constantly. 8eally, Laserbeak is nothin$ but a -eapon itself D an e6tension of a different character.

#ound-ave. 1e:s finally come do-n to earth, and you Iust kno- that cannot mean $ood thin$s for anyone. 1is desi$n is very different from the stran$e satellite of the last movie D he:s humanoid no-, but... "ot really. Even turnin$ into a car, one of the most avera$e transformations you can think of, his proportions are stran$ely t-isted and $ive him an odd ima$e. The $aunt form -ith incredibly broad shoulders and overlon$ arms combined -ith the icy silverLblue color scheme brin$ to mind a sort of technolo$ical "ordic Botunn, a malevolent $iant -ho -ars -ith the $ods. The usual electronically modulated speech associated -ith the character has been fore$one in favor of a $rim, deep $ro-l. #ound-ave is a monster from start to finish D and his $leamin$ cleanliness of a sharp blade puts him at a sharp contrast -ith the helpless, rusted 4e$atron.

EAour human collaborators have served their purpose -ell... It:s time to eliminate loose endsG, 4e$atron states. #ound-ave:s reaction. ELaserbeak. Qill them all.G

G<ith pleasure.G %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Qill 1uman Collaborators http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXIDP<St&k?Dc)0

EIs your daddy home.G

Cut to black.

Cut to black.

EBust visitin$.G Cut to black.

The movie Iust lin$ers on this shot. The music fades out, no screamin$, no sound. Bust this ima$e, and a shado- slo-ly movin$ on the -all. #lo- fade to black. I love these t-o scenes, and they may be amon$ my favorites of the movie. They:re $enuinely really fuckin$ -ell directed, the animation is $reat, and 1u$o <eavin$ and Qeith #=arabaIka %Laserbeak:s voice) are Iust really shinin$ here. After the rapid monta$e of completely distanced, matterLofLfact deaths, -e:re invited to a nice, pleasant, unthreatenin$ nei$hborhood, -hen Laserbeak arrives, appearin$ as a black, bladed mark on the idyllic ima$e, and he transforms into a stran$e parody of an ima$e -e:re all -ell familiar -ith. It:s Iust comical, seein$ this bri$htLpink umblebee sittin$ -ith a little $irl -hile she reads him from her book, but it doesn:t last. The creature uncurls and opens up, turnin$ into this... 1ideous -in$ed centipede, and -ith an unnatural shriek, it Iumps up and to-ard the innocent mother. This is -here -e cut to black D -here the movie lets our ima$ination take over. <e remember Laserbeak $unnin$ do-n Moshkod and the bird, apathetically, -ith no hesitationO In Iust a couple of seconds, the little $irl he sat -ith -ill be an orphan. The cutLtoLblack is a common horror movie maneuver, and aside from the -hole ima$ination aspect, it also si$nifies a release of tension. EThe scary stuff is overG. ut this release doesn:t last. Bust a tiny scene of Laserbeak attackin$ the mother D he:s not usin$ his $uns. There:s nothin$ apathetic or impartial to the -ay he attacks her. 1e:s enIoyin$ this. #uddenly, -e remember 8eedman, another of #ound-ave:s servants D and ho- he killed people by simply Iumpin$ into them -ith his ra=orLblade body. Another cut, and a$ain, the movie lets our ima$ination take over. It -as the man he -as after, not the mother. #he didn:t have to die. And finally, after another clip establishin$ his tar$et, and one final chillin$ line, the movie Iust sho-s us this diorama of moon landin$ miniatures, and a photo of four men D all of -hom have undoubtedly already become Laserbeak:s victims in much the same pointlessly cruel manner. Instead of cuttin$ to black, -e e6it the scene -ith a fade. ?ltimately, after pretendin$ to release the tension a fe- times, this slo- fade has a lot less finality than another cut -ould. Laserbeak:s rampa$e isn:t over yet. As it turns out, one of the four men is yet alive.

Cinnamon astard posted+

Aeah, so, every time -eFve seen a Decepticon in any form of dis$uise or alt mode, itFs still had itFs Decepticon lo$o. 1ere -e see Laserbeak, dis$uised as a diminutive, pink, femini=ed umblebee. Look close at the forehead. 1eFs -earin$ the Autobot lo$o. Laserbeak and #ound-ave are somethin$ ne-. They are beyond ideolo$y, beyond JsidesJ. TheyFre not loyal, theyFre independent. #ound-ave has no face, and is some ho- part of a massive sinuous beast of destruction. Laserbeak takes on ne- altmodes and chan$es his lo$o -ithout effort or compunction.

TheyFre -ithout an e6ternally defined identity.

This is -hy they are dan$erous. Let:s return to 4e$atron, because this scene is one of those that have sho-n an important pro$ression throu$hout the trilo$y. Let:s take a closer look at 4e$atron:s actual desi$n. I:ll be usin$ the toys for this, because the desi$ners of the smaller toys actually kne- -hat they -ere doin$, and e6a$$erated a lot of very subtle desi$n cues present in the movie models to be more clearly visible.

The first movie:s 4e$atron is nothin$ short of an$elic. In his bi$ shot in the first movie, he had an actual halo and -as surrounded by clouds D and his toy actually adds literal -in$s. 1e:s hardly the friendly ima$e of a 8enaissance an$el, but then a$ain, neither is the actual 4etatron, -ho is described as Ea pillar of fire -ith /7 -in$s and innumerable eyesG. In a sense, first movie 4e$atron presents a mi6ture of a 8enaissance an$el, a biblical an$el, a skeleton and the usual spiky, monstrous look of the Decepticons. 1is altmode, mean-hile, does not resemble anythin$D it:s a completely utilitarian fli$ht mode. Even his head is still visible, cro-ned atop the unusual form.

The second film:s 4e$atron presents a stran$e departure from this. After his unnatural marria$e -ith #crapper, -ho has become a pair of massive, -ei$hty, treaded feet, all of the ele$ance of his ori$inal form -as lost. 4e$atron & is bulky, clumsy, and does not have a hint of the an$elic D notice, -hile the core shape is not too dissimilar, his -in$s are $one. Even his altmode is no- this curledLup, turtleLlike thin$ that looks more like him retreatin$ into a shell than an actual spacecraft. 1is head is still visible, but no- it:s crouched belo-, as thou$h he -as tryin$ to hide it a-ay. 1e looks almost scared, -hich is only too fittin$, considerin$ the second time he transformed, it -as durin$ the Airstrike at the end of the movie. Even the $leamin$ icy silverLblue has been replaced by a much more muted color, here for some reason represented by bri$ht $reen. 4e$atron & is the very ima$e of a fallen an$el, clipped -in$s and darkened heart. 1o-ever, the bony ima$e from before has $one a-ay in favor of a much more muscular build D more than Iust bein$ a pair of le$s, #crapper:s parts have $iven 4e$s a much more -orkmanlike appearance in $eneral. ut then there:s another odd little detail... 1is hips appear to have -idened, -hile his shoulders and -aist narro-ed. 1uh.

And then -e $et to D!T4. Finally, 4e$atron is forced to adopt an actual earth mode D not for ideolo$ical reasons or politeness, but simply because he actually has to hide. 1e -ears a tarp over his head and shoulder, a sort of second layer of cloth D but a$ain, for purely utilitarian reasons, simply to protect his $rievous -ounds from the elements. 1e:s rusted and

$narly, and havin$ an earthmode, his head has completely disappeared from the altLmode:s appearance. And, -ell. 1e:s a truck. 1e ended up choosin$ nearly the same altLmode as his nemesis, the man -ho insti$ated his murder, !ptimus Prime. ut in spite of takin$ on the same symbol, it means somethin$ very different this time. After all, !ptimus: truck mode is a lie D he:s not a blue collar -orker of any sort. ut 4e$atron. <ell, remember, he still carries #crapper:s remains -ith him D in a sense, he has become a Constructicon himself. In that sense, his truck mode is every bit as $enuine as all the other Decepticons: uniforms L -ell, all others e6cept #ound-ave. 4e$atron has allo-ed himself one little lie, ho-ever D in his selfL loathin$ desire to paint himself an unapproachable and amoral, he took on the form of an oil tanker. ut it:s not fossil fuel he transports, not a substance mired in death and misery D but food, life. And this is -here thin$s $o a little nuts. "otice, his hips have -idened even further, -hile his shoulders and -aist became even thinner. Althou$h he has become even more obviously muscular, his body steeled by its constant punishment, he nohas an actual bi=arre hour$lass fi$ure. 1e:s stayin$ at home, raisin$ and carin$ for his children, -hile #ound-ave and #tarscream are out doin$ thin$s. 4e$atron has been femini=ed D a$ain, remember the trans$enderTinterse6 ima$ery of Devastator, -hose le$acy 4e$atron carries. 1e:s also a 4ack truck D the same company that made 4i6master:s alt mode, -hose lo$o is a do$ D so no- 4e$atron has officially, fully become a bitch. In fact, if -e take another look at his movie model, -e can also see ano

4444IIIIIIICCCCCC11111AAAAAEEEELLLLL

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA22222222222

Aonic #ymbolism posted+

I feel like I should comment here but IFm not really sure -hat to say. IFm relevant.

revtoiletduck posted+
!ne thin$ that stood out to me in this scene is 4e$atronFs transformation is pretty laborious. ItFs almost painful to -atch and sounds a-ful.

8e6 Deckard posted+

#ounds like childbirth. I have not seen the movie, but have follo-ed this thread since the start. <ithout havin$ heard it, transformation ] labor ` feedin$ parts of one self all fall into the 4other interpretation as -ell.

Armyman&5 posted+
I think that youFre overlookin$ some of the visual influences on 4e$atron, namely the 4ad 4a6 series. The tanker truck he turns into looks very similar to the ri$ in The 8oad <arrior,.

<hich -as a fuel tanker that didnFt actually carry any fuel.

Armyman&5 cont...
And as far as 4e$atron bein$ emotionally dama$ed, travelin$ the -astelandTdesert, and carryin$ a shot$un, -ell...

IFm not sure the si$nificance of all that, but it looks to me that ay is makin$ reference to the most influential postL apocalyptic movie of the *;9'Fs.

4icrocline posted+
1is race is $radually dyin$, heFs been foiled t-ice in tryin$ to save his planet, and Earth is ruled by a $roup of anarchic, hyperviolent thu$s led by a physically hu$e %you mi$ht even say humon$ous) leader. For 4e$atron, this is a postL apocalyptic settin$. If -e vie- ener$on as JfuelJ for the transformers, the do-nfall even came for the same reason. They cover themselves in spikes and leather to scare off the dan$ers of the settin$. <ith both 4a6Fs police leathers and 4e$atronFs decepticon armor they -ear the tattered remnants of -hen they fou$ht to protect their dyin$ civili=ation. 4a6 has been broken do-n by his inability to protect his family and friends in the first movie, Iust as 4e$atron has been broken do-n by his failures. Even the car combat has similaritiesLLtheyFre fi$htin$ -ith the d-indlin$, decayin$ remains of a dead civili=ation, the means of production lost. 4a6 and 4e$atron are both $ri==led loners -ho find it in them to protect the defenseless. The difference bein$, that -hile 4a6 is able to help the settlers to escape, allo-in$ them to form the J0reat "orthern TribeJ, meanin$ that -hile technolo$y is lost, mankind has not fallen to barbarism, 4e$atron is not the prota$onist of this, doomin$ him to failure.

Dr. "otadoctor posted+

#hock-ave and #ound-ave are both in this movie and both different characters -ho have the same colors. ItFs confusin$. #peakin$ of colors, letFs talk about them. #pecifically I noticed in the cut from the u==Lscene to the 4e$atronLscene, that the colors shifted. In the Autobot scene everythin$ is blue, cold, calm, metallic. In the 4e$atron scene, itFs oran$e, hot, an$ry, bri$ht. Anyone -ho kno-s basic color theory can tell you that blue and oran$e are complimentary colors, and so therefore opposites. Also, I Iust -atched the 4e$atron scene a$ain. Focus on the sound. Aou Kkno-K that 4e$atron says JAll 1ail 4e$atron,J because heFs the only person there capable of speech. ut if you -atch the scene, it =ooms in on 4e$atronFs voice and -e here the roar of a lion...and then =ooms in on elephants raisin$ their trunks, -here -e hear JAll hail 4e$atron2J Almost as if 4e$atron, for that scene, became incapable of speech and only -as able to roar like a lion, and the animal kin$dom $ained the ability and bo-ed do-n to the kin$ of beasts. I honestly interpreted it at first as thou$h 4e$atron -as hallucinatin$ that the elephants -ere pronouncin$ his kin$ship. IFm still not sure heFs not. %I Iust re-atched it, the elephants almost look like theyFre $ivin$ a na=i salute. IFm serious2) "ot to mention that the cloth he -ears over his head looks like, amon$ other thin$s+ flo-in$ hair, or a mane.

#hanty posted+
It starts -ith that lo- pitched $ro-l, and then about half-ay throu$h the transformation thereFs an audible roar as the transformin$ truck cabin kind of pounds the $round like an animal. At this point it could even be said to be a Huadruped, since the -heels are $one, and itFs certainly not standin$ on t-o le$s. It $ives the transformation seHuence a really primal vibe. As 4e$atron transforms from vehicle to robot, thereFs a $limpse of this third thin$, the animal inside.

Dr. "otadoctor posted+

Then #tarscream sho-s up, and letFs talk about color a$ain.

J!h my poor master, ho- it pains me to see you so -oundedO so -eak.J Look ho- much L?E8 #tarscream is compared to 4e$atron2 And look at the sky and $round too2 The once hi$hflyin$ 4e$atron has been $rounded, reduced to the beastly and feral oran$e #avannah, -hereas #tarscream still soars in the air, blue as the sky, and still cold and efficient. 4e$atron is close to the audience, and -e feel the sense of isolation and defeat that he feels. 1e -ants to fly a$ain like #tarscream, -ho comes in from the back$round, and despite #tarscreamFs concerns, it feels mockin$ to him. The composition of this shot is actually incredible. Also in most of the shots 4e$atron is in, sands of the desert are comin$ more into vie-, -hereas -ith #ound-ave and #tarscream, they are recedin$. 4e$atron is no- a beast -ho -ishes to rise back to the levels of the machines. 1e -ishes to retain his kin$ship over his faction. 1e feels that despite everythin$ heFs done he is constantly bein$ mocked by those -ho claim to help him. It -asnFt supposed to be like this, he -as supposed to be reco$ni=ed. 1e -as supposed to be kin$. 1eFs the 4A"2 <hy is he so femini=ed. <hy is he so

-ait -hat. edit+ actually IFm not done. Look at the similarity bet-een those t-o shots. #am is pissed that his car %-hich resembles an Autobot, Iust like 4e$atronFs altLform resembles an Autobot) isnFt startin$, and so kicks it viciously in the fore$round, until a man -ho has more po-er than him, is more successful than him, and is more of a JmanJ than him, sho-s up to offer help. oth 4e$atron and #am react very ne$atively to these offers, as the offer of help is, in itself, femini=in$. There are a fe- key differences ho-ever. The bi$$est and most noticable one is ho- theyFre reversed. 4e$atron is on the left -hile #am is on the ri$ht. #ee, American audiences read from left to ri$ht, so -eFre conditioned to put -hatFs on the left before -hatFs on the ri$ht, $ivin$ it more importance. It sort of do-nplays the JthreatJ of Dylan and puts forth the notion that #am is bein$ C!4PLETELA paranoid about this kind rich man -ho Iust -ants to help him out, -hereas 4e$atron is Iustified in his paranoia about #tarscream tauntin$ him. This is really really fuckin$ ironic for reasons that -ill be obvious later in the movie.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
Like Devastator in the previous film, the seHuence of 4e$atron in Africa handily combines ima$ery of femini=ation, race, animalism and $eneral social abIection. They even thro- mental and physical disability in there. It reminds me of nothin$ more than the inferiori=ed aliens from District ;. The reference to 4ad 4a6 & is, I think, pretty strai$htfor-ard. 4e$atron is effectively in the apocalypse, an African shanty that the film doesnFt even di$nify -ith an actual $eo$raphical location. I mean, 4ount QilimanIaro is ri$ht there in the back$round, but obviously heFs not hidin$ in the middle of a Tan=anian national park. The film is usin$ QilimanIaro as a pop shorthand for FAfricaF in the same -ay it uses ima$ery of the moon landin$ as pop shorthand for FhistoryF. ItFs like if e6position told us 4e$atron -as hidin$ some-here in Italy L and sho-ed him ridin$ a $ondola throu$h the Menetian canals, past the Leanin$ To-er of Pisa. The inauthenticity is the entire Ioke. ItFs the hyperreal e6perience of seein$ the Pyramids Iu6taposed -ith the Eiffel to-er in Las Me$as. ay is actively mockin$ the audienceFs inability to tell the constructed, filmic cliche of FAfricaF from the real thin$. This is Fdesert of the realF ima$ery, -hich may be familiar from The 4atri6. And, in fact, the themes of Transformers seem to be all but based on #lavoI iekFs <elcome to the Desert of the 8eal %http+TT---.lacan.comTdesertsymf.htm). As <ikipedia helpfully summari=es+ Jiek sho-s ho- today the fundamentalist terrorist plays an analo$ous symbolic role to the Be- durin$ the 1olocaust, the e6cluded JotherJ -hose alien presence le$itimi=es measures of internal discipline. Althou$h Americans -ere victims, so -ere the attackin$ terrorists, and therefore neither side -as Iustified in their violent actions. In fact, the attacks -ere already libidinally invested by a series of 1olly-ood catastrophe films, sho-in$ that it -as e6actly -hat Americans secretly -anted, i.e., their ultimate spectacular e6perience. The false perception of a purely e6ternal threat allo-ed the system of $lobal capitalism to $o essentially unchallen$ed, functionin$ to indefinitely defer discussion about alternative socioeconomic futures. The only real JotherJ to $lobal capitalism is a rene-ed form of socialism, because the JothersJ of capitalism %those e6cluded from capitalismFs benefits) are almost everyone, even thou$h they are all formally e6tended the promise of liberal ri$hts. <hile the ?#A claims to be standin$ for democratic ri$hts and principles, it actually suspended these same ri$hts at home and le$itimi=ed torture in order to fi$ht the -ar on terror. 8ather than seein$ these as real e6ceptions, iek identifies them as central tendencies in liberal democracy, a system inherently susceptible to corruption and unable to universali=e its o-n ri$hts. Chan$in$ conditions of -ar further erode any distinctions that could be made bet-een a state of -ar or e6ception and a state of peace, central distinctions in democratic ideolo$y. ecause the democratic system is al-ays $eneratin$ ne- states of emer$ency to Iustify the ne$ation of its ethical principles, the future of emancipatory politics cannot be contained -ithin a liberal democratic frame-ork %includin$ notions of human ri$hts, the rule of la-, and constitutionality).J Apply that to the film as you -ill. ut, -hile the Autobots are clearly ali$ned -ith $lobal capitalism and liberal democracy, the Decepticons are much more ambi$uous. 8eturn to #hock-ave for a moment. 1e is not simply a specter of the ?##8, the radiation of Chernobyl $iven a physical body. #hock-ave is, rather, somethin$ that persists after the total failure of the ?##8 L an undead force that survives in -hat the film has e6plicitly presented as a popLmytholo$ical dead =one. This is thematically linked, of course, to 4e$atron shamblin$ throu$h the postLapocalypse in 4ad 4a6 & re$alia. The film defines the apocalypse not as a coldL-arLturnedLhot %as literally happens in 4ad 4a6 &Fs plot) but as an socioLeconomic apocalypse, -here there is seemin$ly no alternative to capitalism L but -here there is some hope at the mar$ins.

#uper4echa$od=illa cont...
JIf there is any symbolism in the collapse of the <TC to-ers, it is >...@ the notion that the t-o <TC to-ers stood for the center of MI8T?AL capitalism, of financial speculations disconnected from the sphere of material production. The shatterin$ impact of the bombin$s can be accounted for only a$ainst the back$round of the borderline -hich today separates the di$itali=ed First <orld from the Third <orld Jdesert of the 8eal.J It is the a-areness that -e live in an insulated artificial universe -hich $enerates the notion that some ominous a$ent is threatenin$ us all the time -ith total destruction. >...@ <henever -e encounter such a purely evil !utside, -e should $ather the coura$e to endorse the 1e$elian lesson+ in this pure !utside, -e should reco$ni=e the distilled version of our o-n essence. For the last five centuries, the %relative) prosperity and peace of the Jcivili=edJ <est -as bou$ht by the e6port of ruthless violence and destruction to the JbarbarianJ !utside+ the lon$ story from the conHuest of America to the slau$hter in Con$o. Cruel and indifferent as it may sound, -e should also, no- more than ever, bear in mind that the actual effect of these bombin$s is much more symbolic than real+ in Africa, EME8A #I"0LE DAA more people die of AID# than all the victims of the <TC collapse, and their death could have been easily cut back -ith relatively small financial means. The ?# Iust $ot the taste of -hat $oes on around the -orld on a daily basis, from #araIevo to 0ro=ny, from 8uanda and Con$o to #ierra Leone.J %ThatFs foreshado-in$.)

Part (+ J<e -ant everybody to act like adults, Huit playin$ $ames, reali=e that itFs not Iust my -ay or the hi$h-ay.J

<e:re treated to a bit of a monta$e of #am in his ne- place. There:s still an undertone of the a$$ressive nihilism from the last monta$e #am $ot, but it:s comparatively toned do-n, and you sort of $et the impression that #am finally found his place and can start rebuildin$.

!h hey Vue, is that you. "ope, bein$ that it:s Carly drivin$ it, that:s a, much, much more upperLclass model. <hy suddenly have one of your heroes drive around in a 4ercedes, usually, they al-ays use AmeriC

!h. 8i$ht. I have to say, -ere it not for the toy line, this -ould be a pretty neat thin$ since it is cleverly foreshado-ed in the scene -ith 4e$atron, -here #ound-ave:s chest is hidden in shado-s so you can:t see the bi$ 4ercedes symbol, but there:s

still a number of subtle similarities observant vie-ers may notice %the vents and such).

4ean-hile, someone is stalkin$ #am2 1ey, it:s the $uy from the photo %Qen Beon$)2 <ell he certainly -on:t die any time soon.

<hile #am complains about his Iob, Carly plays -ith a little colorful ball. It:s one of those little thin$sO 4ost characters in this trilo$y are streamlined do-n to the last note, playin$ only the part they:re $iven and not an itty bit more D even #am. I mean, think about it. <hat have -e actually seen of #am as a person. <e don:t kno- his hobbies, or his likes and dislikes, or hohe spends his time -hen he:s bored. Everythin$ he said and did in this film -as in the service of underlinin$ that he feels unIustly treated for his accomplishments, and as a result he feels very robotic and clinical %as he should). And here his $irlfriend, -ho -as reduced to an obIect in her very first appearance, Iust kind of thro-in$ a ball up and do-n to amuse herself -hile listenin$ to her prick boyfriend -hine. It:s a little like 4r. Moshkod:s cross, Iust this little humani=in$ touch that makes her feel closer to the audience, and I cannot understate ho- important these are in this film. #am calls her Emy an$elG. #he:s not Iust a very human, but also an e6plicitly an$elic fi$ure %I -rote this part before people said it in the thread, okay.). And remember -ho the other e6plicitly an$elic fi$ure in these movies -as. !h yeah, this is $oin$ places.

Carly lets slip that 4r. 0ould $ave her the car, and #am immediately becomes Huite nasty. 1e moves a-ay from her, sits do-n behind the computer screen in the most authoritative position possible, and -ith a Iud$mental $a=e be$ins to $rill her over -hat kind of car it is. 4an, of all the bi$ unans-ered Huestions in D!T4, E-hat does she see in the $uy2.G is probably -ay up there.

After he flips out that there:s no -ay he could ever afford a _&'' ''' car, Carly takes it easy and tries to calm him do-n. EAou:re frustrated. I kno-, I:ve been there. 0ood thin$s -ill happen2G #he kno-s -hat she:s talkin$ about. Bust like Bohn 4alkovich, she:s at the top of the -orld, but she had to fi$ht to $et there as -ell.

And #am is doin$ a pretty $ood Iob, all thin$s considered. EThe man -ho makes this company run2G, 4alkovich proudly e6claims, even thou$h #am has only been -orkin$ here for a couple of days.

Carly plops do-n a red pot -ith s-eets%.), obviously as a nod to that one bi=arre event a -hile a$o... ut aside from a bit of an a-k-ard moment for #am, no one seems to care. 4alkovich himself seems much more interested in curiously e6aminin$ Carly as she leaves.

4ilky 4oor posted+

I donFt kno-, moustache man %thatFs #amFs direct supervisor, by the -ay) in the back$round there seems pretty shocked. ItFs clear that Carly kno-s a lot about -hatFs $oin$ on at #amFs -ork. #he openly manipulates ruce, immediately takin$ control of the conversation, doin$ it all seemin$ly for #amFs benefit L by comin$ up -ith a false compliment and attributin$ it to #am. This isnFt the last time -eFll see her usin$ her mind and her ability to read social situations and po-er structures to think her -ay out of a situation and itFs such an interestin$ contrast -hen much of this trilo$y revolves around direct po-er and violence.

4ilky 4oor cont...

<e see ruce obIectify her, in the shot -here he bends his head over to presumably look at her rear, but, once a$ain, the camera does not. "o-, the son$ that plays as #am is handin$ out the mail is called FAll That Aou AreF by the 0oo 0oo Dolls. 4uch like Linkin Park, these lyrics are pretty relevant to #am L IFll be includin$ the fe- bits I find interestin$ but I encoura$e you all to check out the -hole sheet. As far as IFm concerned, this is #amFs vie-s on Carly and kind of encapsulates the $ro-th of their relationship throu$hout the film. In a -ay, D!T4 is a film about #am learnin$ to love the life that he has.

JAeah all the thin$s that you are

eautifully broken, Alive in my heart And knoThat you are everythin$ Let your heart sin$ and toni$ht <eFll li$ht up the stars ... I feel -ron$ IFm so human and fla-ed IFll break do-n even thou$h IFm still stron$ And time... -ill make fools of us all uild us up and then lau$hs -hen -e fall Aou... pull me throu$h <hen IFm alone in the dark and the fear is my truth ... AouFre the sound of redemption The faith that IFve lost the ans-ers IFm seekin$ no matter the cost Aou opened the -indo- no- I can see And you tau$ht me for$iveness y $ivin$ your love back to meJ

#am:s stalker follo-s him into the elevator, and it turns out... ?h oh, it:s Laserbeak2 The Pretender stalkin$ #am has the e6act same mannerisms and nearly the same voice as the murderous bird -e:ve come to kno-, and he Iust assaults #am.

?nder the ominous music, they dance%.) into a bathroom stall, and Laserbeak be$ins his -ork evisceratin$ #am...

"o. ?h. ?m. Aeah, it:s not Laserbeak at all. <ell he is, but not in the direct sense. Instead of evisceratin$ #am, he Iust kind of $oes nuts all over him for a -hile and tells him there:s some moon conspiracy or somethin$. It:s... Mery stran$e.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+
This is actually a sort of director trademark for bay+ an intimate bra-l in a menFs -ashroom. <hen it occurs in The Island, itFs e6plicitly a $ay JIokeJ L a character -alks in -hile E-an 4ac$re$or interro$ates #teve uscemi and thinks theyFre $onna fuck L but that subte6t is pretty clear here too. I mean, look at that screenshot. In ad oys *, 4artin La-renceFs character is attacked by t-o men -hile he uses a urinal %http+TT---.dailymotion.comTvideoT6hH637UbathroomLbra-lUshortfilms) in a strip clubFs -ashroom. !ne man brandishes a knife, -hile the other tries to suffocate him -ith a plastic ba$ over his head, combinin$ ima$ery of penetration and %erotic) asphy6iation. Pointedly, 4artin La-renceFs $un is knocked out of his hand and lands in one of the pissLfilled urinals. If you -ant ima$ery of debasement and emasculation, there you have it. <hat unites all three of these scenes is not only their content %strai$ht characters attacked by FHueerF criminal -eirdoes), but their conte6t in the narrative. These -ashrooms are places -here conspiracies are brou$ht out into the open. Even on a basic level, 4artin La-rence reali=es that the man beside him isnFt Iust interested in takin$ a leak %-ink -ink). ay is directly eHuatin$ a homophobic fantasy of illicit homose6uality -ith entertainin$ movie criminality. And this FhumorF is pointedly bad L especially in The Island, -here itFs an obvious distancin$ effect. Aou can see t-o dudes rubbin$ all up a$ainst eachother in a -ashroom -hile reassurin$ yourself that *) $ays are still icky and &) these $uys arenFt really $ay any-ays. They Iust look $ay because they -ork for robot terrorists or -hatever. %8emember ho- Laserbeak turns into a diminutive, pink version of umblebee. % umblebee bein$, of course, #hiaFs robot lifeLpartner.)) Like the di$ital neoLblackface of the t-ins, this can be %and is) easily misread as idiotic $ayLpanic humor, and not commentary on the same. The bad humor is actually FmetaF. ay is satiri=in$ the homophobicFs obvious fascination -ith homose6uality, couched in hysterically overblo-n FrevulsionF. Think of ho- your typical antiL$ay pastor -ill obsess in detail over all the many elaborate sinful behaviours those $ays are ostensibly up to. The $ays have all these secret codes and behaviours, you see. It really cuts to the heart of -hy people -atch crime movies as FescapismF. ThatFs not necessarily to say that Allsam is a roboLThomose6ual L but there is undoubtedly an aspect of that in himself, that he disavo-s. The scene -ith JDeep <an$J %a reference to the historical Deep Throat, himself referencin$ the hu$ely %in)famous oralLse6 porno film.) is hu$ely reminiscent of the $ayLpanic scene in American Psycho L meanin$ Allsam is totally this filmFs Patrick ateman, ri$ht.

4alkovich stumbles upon their little scene, and EDeep <an$G $oes nuts on him instead and challen$es him to a manLoff or somethin$. 1e chases 4alkovich into a corner, declares a starin$ contest, then hits him %.), to -hich 4alkovich Iust responds by apathetically lookin$ do-n on him. I am so lost. The only thin$ that:s clear from all this is that <an$ has no idea ho- a human bein$ is supposed to behave.

#am takes a look at the bundle of papers notLLaserbeak handed him, and it:s mostly nonsensical scribblin$s somehoconcernin$ the dark side of the moon. It:s your breadLandLbutter conspiracy stuff, ne-spaper clippin$s and all.

I find it cute that they used C0I for the little $rippin$ arms here. They could have easily $one for a practical prop, but, consistency2
#am confronts <an$ about it, but he:s clearly havin$ a bad day. This scene reminds me of Dave in the cafY D #am $ets all up in <an$:s nose about ho- he attacked him, but he has no idea of the circumstances surroundin$ the attack, and is more interested in petty EIusticeG than actually findin$ out -hat this is all about.

<hat is it about then. <ell, here:s the actual Laserbeak to tell us2 <an$ has been -orkin$ for him, but...

GI:ll do -hatever you -ant me to do2G GI kno-... ut my superiors -ant me to... #uicide you.

muike posted+
ItFs so fuckin$ bi=arre for an office -orker to dual -ield hand$uns in self defense. ItFs so selfLevidently ridiculous.

Thulsa Doom posted+

ItFs doubly bi=arre that a person like him in a presumably secure buildin$ in <ashin$ton, D.C. -ould even have hand$uns.

4aarak posted+
Aou donFt even need to brin$ up the buildin$, DC itself has some of the most strict $un la-s in the nation. ?ntil District of Columbia v. 1eller in &''9, it -as ille$al for civilians to even posses a hand$un in the district, and even that Iust enables people to keep ones in their home.

4aarak posted+
1rm...

4anLThin$ posted+
0uys+

Did I say I have no idea -hat to make of the bathroom scene. <ell, scratch that, I have no idea -hat <an$:s deal is in $eneral. I mean... 8i$ht. #o let me $et this out of the -ay first+ <an$ + Laserbeak ++ 8eedman + 8ava$e. Aep, this bi=arre ostensibly comic relief character is an e6tension of one of the most stran$e and alien thin$s in the franchise. And in a -ay, this is not so surprisin$, because <an$ is anythin$ if not alien and bi=arre. <atchin$ him, you $et the impression that he:s a robot -ho learned human behavior by -atchin$ the trilo$y up to this point and never asked himself -hy people act the -ay they do. 1e actually copies Leo:s behavior almost *+* in the bathroom scene, but then there:s also hints of #am and #immons and other movie action stars and ILdon:tLevenLkno-. 1is narrative role is to act as an e6tended arm for #ound-ave D he sabota$es net-orks, Iust as #ound-ave himself did, and leaks information to #am %and thus the Autobots) Iust as the Decepticon:s EEEMMMIILLL plan demands. <hile he thinks he:s $oin$ to be murdered because he said too much, Laserbeak makes abundantly clear that the real reason is simply that he:s no lon$er needed D Laserbeak e6plicitly refers to suicide before the killin$. 1e:s pur$in$ a part of himself that is no lon$er needed. This also plays into #ound-ave:s $eneral loyalty issues, but those -ill come up in the future. ut then -hat:s -ith the confrontation -ith Laserbeak. <ell, here:s the sort of -eird thin$. <hile -e kno- 8ava$e, 8eedman and Laserbeak are e6tensions of #ound-ave, -e don:t actually kno- ho- distinct they are from him. Are they all Iust a sin$le hivemind. Are they separate, individually sentient creatures -ith a psychic link. #omethin$ inLbet-een. ecause -e are

never told -hat it is, -e also don:t find out ho- capable they are of rebellion. <an$ raises his $uns at Laserbeak, but it seems to cost him $reat difficulty to do so, and he fails to actually pull the tri$$er %note+ Another $un that is presented, but not fired2). I don:t... I don:t even kno-. I mean, I can muse on this all day, but really, I have no idea ho- <an$ actually fits into the conte6t of the film. 1e:s Iust this bi=arre sideLtrack that ends up matterin$ in some subtle aspects but mostly Iust -astes our time. #o I $uess he:s this movie:s eHuivalent of, oh, most of 8even$e of the Fallen. Aeah, not a bi$ fan of this scene.

#uddenly, Laserbeak attacks2

1e basically completely -recks the place, and chases after #am, -ho mana$es to escape.

1e takes Carly to the notLsoLsecret secret military headHuarters, -here all the soldiers make fun of him. !h, that poor little $uy.

There:s a hu$e mess as #am and the soldiers try to outLabhorrent each other. Aside from bein$ another contrast -ith Duel, -here 4ann -as terrified of hurtin$ his car and movin$ throu$h fences but #am Iust intentionally $ets it -recked tryin$ to break throu$h a barricade, it:s also a callback to the scene of #ector ( confrontin$ #am in the first movie D they use their $unLtoys to intimidate #am, -hose carLtoy Iust isn:t up to scratch for outLtoyin$ them. ut of course, as -ith that scene...

<ell, I:m sure no one -as lookin$ for-ard to this $uy:s reappearance.

Philo posted+
!h man, I Iust -anted to say that #am in this scene is Iust absolutely F?CQI"0 I"#A"E. I donFt even rememer anythin$ the soldiers said because #am Iust becomes completely unhin$ed, especially -hen he snaps and strai$ht up tackles one of the armed soldiers. IFm not sure if this -as supposed to be humor or -hat, but I found it uncomfortable to -atch mostly because I felt like I -as -itnessin$ someone sufferin$ from a mental break. 0oin$ -ith the All#am theory, itFs like this one moment -here his veneer of still bein$ human $ets really thin and unstable. ut then once they decide to let him in the headHuarters he snaps back into actin$ normal as if he -asnFt $oin$ off the deep end a couple of seconds before.

Thulsa Doom posted+

Look at the -ay Carly is lookin$ at him. Dark of the 4oon is a horror film, and Carly is the prota$onist. <eFre Iust not seein$ it from her perspective.

Inside the buildin$, #am tells Lenno6 -hat he kno-s. E ut -hy -ould Decepticons -ant to kill humans. I thou$ht their -ar -as -ith the AutobotsG, Carly -onders. E#entinel -as the Einstein of his civili=ationG, Charlotte says as she decides to put the prototype technolo$y they found -ith him under lock and key, then interrupts herself -ith E<ho:s the chick.G #he immediately starts makin$ a fuss about -hat the hell some teena$er is doin$ in their secret headHuarters, but Lenno6 -aves her off %a$ain).

1mmm... londe hair bound into a ponytail, sli$htly rounded $lasses -ith thick black rims, suit... <here have -e seen that look before....
This time ho-ever, 4earin$ takes none of Lenno6: bullshit and puts her foot do-n. E<e don:t entrust national security to teena$ers.G !nce a$ain, #am is confronted -ith a noLbullshit authority.

"o- in full company, Prime finally $ets around to revivin$T-akin$ up #entinel Prime.

#entinel immediately $oes apes and attacks Prime D holy shit, Leonard "imoy out of no-here, providin$ his voice2 %0?A# 1E:# #P!CQ) D as umblebee sho-ed in the first and 4e$atron in the previous movie, Transformers can $et very cranky -hen a-oken rudely. Interestin$ly, he is the only Transformer to actually attack another Transformer in this manner rather than his surroundin$s or humans.

!ptimus and the other Autobots mana$e to calm him do-n, and he inHuires about the status of the -ar. EThe -ar -as lostG, !ptimus strai$htLout says. "o one of the humans seems to reali=e -hat he Iust said. #entinel then asks about the EpillarsG that -ere -ith him on the ship, and !ptimus says they:ve retrieved five D out of many hundreds. <hoops. #entinel then finally e6plains -hat this secret technolo$y, the Autobots: $reatest -eapon, is D a space brid$e. A $i$antic teleporter that -arps and breaks the la-s of physics to transport massive amounts of matter throu$h the entire universe. The film is takin$ its disre$ard for time and space to a -hole ne- literal level.

4earin$ does not like this ans-er. !ptimus tries to keep bullshittin$ his -ay around her by sayin$ that it:s supposed to transport refu$ees and resources, but she has none of that and immediately reasons that its main application is to transport troops and -eapons. "o- #entinel tries to -ave her off by sayin$ that it shouldn:t concern humans -hat they do -ith their technolo$y L but she Iust returns that as lon$ as the Autobots trample around the earth, -hat humanity says, $oes. It:s kind of ama=in$ D Charlotte is the first character in the entire trilo$y -e see actually, forLreal stand up to the Autobots. !ne of the bi$ themes of this film specifically is the pissin$ contest of authority, and ho- the bi$$er person -ith more status inevitably -ins. ut look at Charlotte here. Aeah, she:s basically the hi$hest human authority -e see in the films D but -hat is she compared to #entinel. 1e:s an enormous firetruck robot the si=e of a buildin$, a $enius beyond any ima$ination, his -ill breaks time and space, and even the $odlike !ptimus Prime bo-s before him. 1e:s the undisputed $odLkin$ of an entire race of $ods. 1e:s Reus, he:s !din, you don:t fuck -ith him. And Charlotte. #he -ears silly shoes, she has too many ba$s, and -hile she kno-s perfectly that Lenno6 and the Autobots are pullin$ all sorts of completely indefensible shit, she lacks the -ill and po-er to actually put a stop to them. And in spite of all this, she:s -ipin$ the floor -ith #entinel.

GAou can:t Iust brin$ -eapons of mass destruction into our atmosphere... Qinda have to clear customs first2 A little formality called paper-ork, kinda separates us from the animal.G
#entinel is pretty pissed, but lets her live for no-, leavin$ a -arnin$+ The Decepticons must never $et the hands on the pillars, or it -ould mean the end of the -orld.

#am and Carly follo- her to her office so he can keep -hinin$ to her about ho- he totally matters.

rains tramples all over her books -hile he e6plains ho- he could totally tell her everythin$ about everythin$ he kno-s, but she had it -ith the Autobots: shit, and shoos him off usin$ her $un. Aes, really. #he Iust takes out her $un and loudly puts it on the table. Interestin$ly, it:s clear she doesn:t actually intend to use the $un D she Iust puts it on the table, not even aimin$ at him or anythin$. !nce a$ain, a $un is presented, but not fired. It is used as a communicative measure. 8i$ht. #o I debated about -hether I should talk about Charlotte in this update or at the end of the movie, but I fi$ured that since I couldn:t say much about <an$ and already put off #entinel for later, I mi$ht as -ell no-. #o Charlotte is Carly from the future. Aes.

<ell -e had 4alkovich as a potential future scenario for #am, so -hy the fuck not. Bust lookin$ at the pictures, if you -ere to tell me that these are youn$ and old versions of the same character, I:d totally buy it. As Charlotte first notices Carly, she seems a little e6asperated, and specifically calls her a chick D somethin$ -e take as a condescendin$ remark to-ards a -oman, but in actuality it:s a -ord underlinin$ her youth. <ith all the timebendin$ this movie does, -hy the fuck not. Compare the t-o appearances directly. Carly is a bri$ht and shinin$ youn$ star, -ide $rin and eyes burnin$ -ith positive naivetY. 1er shirt is a bri$ht and pleasant blue, and her lar$e circular earrin$s enhance the openness of her disposition. 1er framin$ herself in the halo of the presidential seal implies a stron$ ideolo$y and ambition, and in spite of her overall some-hat silly appearance, the sHuared spectacles and cleanly s-eptLback hair speak of a sense of focus and professionalism. Charlotte, mean-hile, definitely bears the marks of her a$e. Even the tired fro-n aside, her shirt is si$nificantly darker and more -orn %much like the $lasses -ith black rims bein$ a reoccurrin$ motif, dark shirts are used in this movie to sho- ennui and hopelessness D keep an eye out for that), her earrin$s are still $olden circles, but they have shrunken do-n si$nificantly, creatin$ a very Eclosed upG impression, her hair is carelessly bound in the back and mostly unkempt, and her $lasses actually seem to have -eakened and malformed -ith time. And behind her. "o ideolo$ical symbols, no ambition, even the patriotic fla$s in her office are carefully placed out of this shot. There:s only an indistinct bro-n office -all, sho-in$ the dreary reality of her situation. Actually, let me $o a bit further back.

8emember 4a$$ie 4adsen. <ell I don:t blame you if you don:t. #he -as a simple colle$e student, hired by the military to help decipher the Decepticon lan$ua$e. The entire movie, her deal -as that she -anted to find out more about the Decepticons D their lan$ua$e, their methods, their intentions. #he -as the first to catch on that there -as more $oin$ on than forei$n military shenani$ans, and really, -as competent far beyond her field. y all ri$hts, she should have been the prota$onist of the movie, but because of her status as a -oman, people constantly refused to pay her any mind, and in the end reduced her to nothin$ more than another ant in the hive. Even at the end of the movie, -hen everyone had their little moments of heroism, all she -as is another member of #immons: idiot bri$ade. <e kno- nothin$ about her as a person or ho- she feels about any of this D as a character, she remains mostly a mystery.

Then, in the second film, -e had Alice. #he -as also a colle$e student, and there -as also a stron$ implication that she -as primarily driven by the attainment of kno-led$e. 1o-ever, instead of findin$ out more about the Decepticons, she -anted to find out more about the cosmos at lar$e D she holds this symbol of the human kno-led$e of the stars in an almost an$ry manner and burns the library:s meanin$less and infinitely petty books in her pursuit of #am and his total cosmic -isdom. ut of course, no one around her fi$ures any of this. From start to finish she is reduced to her status as a -oman, to her body, to a literal obIect, by characters and audience alike. #he:s not part of the human ant hive D if anythin$, she is infinitely lonely. And once a$ain, -e never find out anythin$ else about her. "o one -onders about -here she came from, -hat she does in her life. <hat she enIoys, -hat she -ants. #he:s a -oman and a robot, and clearly, all they ever -ant is to consume and destroy. In earlier parts of this commentary I made reference to the idea that Alice reLappears and Carly, and 4a$$ie as Charlotte. 1o-ever, upon my 3th re-atch of the film, I reali=ed I -asn:t Huite ri$ht. All four of these characters are fundamentally interrelated. <hen -e meet Carly, she:s fresh out of colle$e, havin$ left behind the troubled and difficult times of teen a$e and lookin$ for-ard to the bri$ht future. EAou:re frustrated. I kno-, I:ve been there. 0ood thin$s -ill happen2G All her youth, Carly has been devalued and i$nored, felt a constant pressure and frustration that #am cannot even ima$ine. ut she kept on livin$, because $ood thin$s -ill happen. Throu$h all of her difficult times, she helped build an empire, and attained everythin$ our culture considers a mark of feminine success. <ealth, status, a famous husband, po-erful friends. ut the problem is+ #he -ill never $ain anythin$ more. 1o- is she all that different from 4a$$ie and Alice, even no-. 1as anyone, even her o-n boyfriend, ever thro-n her a second look, ever asked her -hat she -ants. The only person -e ever see look out for her interests is... <ell, -e:ll $et there. Carly is a bri$ht drop of empathy and humanity in a dark and nihilistic -orld... ut that:s only because it has not yet succeeded to -ear her do-n. ut as Charlotte:s e6istence sho-s, that is an inevitability. <hy does Charlotte -ear $oofy

shoes. <ho cares, she:s Iust some -oman -ho doesn:t support the Autobots. #he doesn:t matter, she:s the enemy. If you -ant a picture of the present, ima$ine a boot stampin$ on a -oman:s face D forever. #o -hy is this important. <ell, this is -here thin$s $o completely batshit. I told you this -as a very political movie, so let:s politics2 Carly:s iconic ima$e I keep reLusin$ makes no secret of her $reat ambition+ ecome President of the ?nited #tates. <e see her future, and she:s attained the status of EDirector of "ational Intelli$enceG. E6cept, -ell. This is a movie, and the role of the D!"I isn:t so much a literal Iob description as it is a narrative role. #o let:s abstract ourselves a-ay from that for a second, and take a look at the development of Carly:s professional role. <hen the youn$ Carly pictures herself as president, -hat does she ima$ine. #he ima$ines herself as an an$el, head surrounded by the halo of the presidential si$il. #he ima$ines herself a po-erful symbol, standin$ in the eyes and cameras of the public, a brin$er of hope. G0ood thin$s -ill happen.G 1ope... And chan$e. Aes, yes. Flash for-ard to her future. In a sense, she has attained -hat she -anted+ In a narrative sense, she is the supreme authority of mankind, their representative and their leader. A diplomat, a ruler -ho decides the fate of nations. ut... There:s nothin$ an$elic or symbolic in her role. #he:s a miserable bureaucrat, mostly sittin$ at a cramped desk and tryin$ to keep track of decisions made -ay beyond her control. Invisible to the public eye and i$nored by her underlin$s. !f everythin$ she promised herself of the future, nothin$ came true. And she even chan$ed her nationality to accomplish it, becomin$ American in a literal sense. After all, an En$lish person cannot become the leader of the -estern -orld, Iust as a Qenyan cannot. Aep, no sense Iumpin$ around it at this point, Carly and Charlotte symboli=e arack !bama. This film:s favorite thin$ is takin$ conspiracy theories and stretchin$ their core ideas beyond belief, so no- !bama is not the person he claims he is, not an actual American, but a -hite En$lish -oman. That:s... <o-, let me even attempt to Iustify this statement. After all, it:s completely silly. <e already sa- President !bama, at the very start of the movie, handin$ #am a medal. <ell.

Compare the oval office to the establishin$ shots of 4earin$:s office above. T-o fla$s adorn the sides of her desk, the traditional American one to her ri$ht and a different, but still suitably patriotic one on the left. A tall, vertical -indo- reaches from the floor to the hi$h ceilin$, adorned by photos and plaHues, papers are stre-n around on the desk that holds remarkably little modern technolo$y, and dark -ood $rain $ives the place a baroHue feelin$. ut as key as the similarities, are the differences. 4earin$:s office is tiny, cramped and dark, and its lar$e -indo- is barricaded a$ainst the outside -orld. Compared to the vacuous e6pansiveness of the !val !ffice, it feels very intimate and personal. The film places a lot of emphasis on Carly and Charlotte bein$ human bein$s, -ith their o-n -ishes, their o-n thou$hts, their o-n little -orlds they live in. y contrast, -hat do -e kno- about President !bama, as he is portrayed in these movies. In the second film, his only mention is that he is flo-n into a bunker some-here. And no- in the third, he only e6ists to hand #am a medal and pose on a photo. <hat difference -ould it have made to use ush, or 8omney, or a random nondescript -hite $uy, instead. "one, that:s -hat. P!T?# is Iust P!T?#. 1e:s simply a thin$ that e6ists, a symbolic role someone has to fill out so he can hand out medals and pose on photos. <ho cares about the man behind the position, his dreams, his thou$hts. <ho cares about arack !bama, the actual person, -ho cares about his -eary facial e6pression as he is forced to attend an hourLlon$ EdebateG -hose only purpose it is to score political points, -ho thinks about the actual life this man leads, his hopes and sorro-s. E1e:s a socialist -ho -ants to take our $uns2G, cries the ri$ht, but -hat they talk about is not arack !bama as a person, but their idea of a democratic president. E1e:s Iust another centreLri$ht corporate shill -ho has no interest in -hat the country actually needsG, the left laments, basin$ on -hat they kno- of his actions and decisions their belief of his motives and ideas. ut they don:t kno-, no one kno-s, e6cept for him and his o-n -ife. et-een all the intervie-s, all the covera$e, all the ar$uments and debates and hysteria, has anyone ever come up to him and asked+ E#o -hat do you, as a human bein$, as a person, actually -ant.G !f course they didn:t. 1e -ouldn:t be able to ans-er that. It could cost him political points. arack !bama, as a person, doesn:t matter. 1e:s obIectified, reduced to his title and position -hich no- dictate his every movement and decision in the e6act sense 4a$$ie:s and Alice:s and Carly:s and Charlotte:s -omanhood affects theirs. In a bi=arre t-ist, the Emost po-erful man in the -orldG has become an oppressed minority, limited in his freedoms and invisible to the -orld. And it is that parado6 that Dark #ide 4oon demonstrates. The !bama -e see hand #am his medal is a fake, an actor. It is this simulated persona of the !bamaLasLPresident that Dark #ide 4oon places into its farcical -orld of C0IL$ods and compressed spacetime, but this symbol is contrasted a$ainst somethin$ much more profoundO In order to make a statement about arack !bama as an actual human bein$, it sho-s us a character -ho may be Huite different from him in appearance and status, but ultimately -alks a much similar path and faces much similar issues, avoidin$ all the political ba$$a$e that comes -ith his status as the President and sho-in$ us the actual person. ...Come to think of it, that means they mana$ed to -hite-ash President !bama. I... <o-. That:s Iust such a hilariously outL there thin$ to do that I can:t even be an$ry at it. #o -hat:s that statement the movie takes such ridiculous len$ths to make. <ell, that comes at the end of it.

4icrocline posted+
The J!bama as a -omanJ thin$ confused me -hen you first brou$ht it up. Then I thou$ht about -hat other leader -as turned into a -oman in the trilo$y. It seems to be a parody of the reactionary idea of portrayin$ any leader -ho cares about their follo-ers as -eak and -omanlike. "ote the prevalence of the term Jnanny stateJ and the creepy -ay they idoli=e Thatcher by portrayin$ her as a man. Then lets think about ho- these leaders are portrayed in the films. Charlotte is the only person to stand up to the transformers, -hile the Jstron$ maleJ leader Lenno6 is -illin$ to bo- do-n and help !ptimus commit $iant robot $enocide the minute he reali=es that heFs bi$$er and stron$er. Even !ptimus bo-s do-n before #entinel seconds after meetin$ him. ay is tryin$ to sho- that real ideolo$ical stren$th in a leader can only come from le$itimately carin$ about oneFs constituency, and that the naked -orship of po-er is -hat produces the most ardent Vuislin$s.

Thulsa Doom posted+

"ote that one of Lenno6Fs most prominent features in the first film, the first thin$ -e see about any human character, is that he has a -ife and child. In the seHuels, he has abandoned them to play -ith the Autobots. 1e has both reIected his nuturin$ nature and the ultimate symbol of adulthood, a stable relationship and a child. Lenno6 is -hat #am -ants to be, a man -ho has reIected the adult -orld to live in a -orld of toys.

A$ent Interroban$ posted+

ecause of the elements of the surreal and hyperreal in these films, I -anted to make a brief sidebar to talk about the concept of secondLorder simulacra. #econdLorder simulacra, sometimes kno-n by the term F#tandLAlone Comple6F or FLau$hin$ 4an Effect,F after its populari=ation as a central narrative and philosophical theme in 0host In The #hell+ #tandLAlone Comple6, refers to symbols that copy the aesthetics of an ideal or ideolo$y, but fail to represent that ideal or ideolo$y in actual usa$e+ a badL faith copy that $ains more credibility than the thin$ it copies. An e6ample mi$ht be the usa$e of reli$ious doctrine that onL paper supports peace and brotherhood amon$ mankind, but is used as a symbol by its follo-ers as a rallyin$ point to discredit opposin$ philosophies or call for violence and harassment of those -ho disa$ree -ith them. <ithin 0host In The #hell, terrorists take the ima$e and emblems of an antiLcorporate, antiLnationalist hacker kno-n as the Lau$hin$ 4an, and use these emblems and symbols in the commission of attacks a$ainst -hatever particular thin$ they happen to oppose, and are then copied by others, and still others, until it becomes nearly impossible to distin$uish -hat the ideals or beliefs of the ori$inal Lau$hin$ 4an actually -ereO si$nifier has completely eclipsed si$nified. There is, in such a landscape, no -ay to determine -hat FrealF isO the copy is assumed or e6plained to be more authentic than the ori$inal. F8ealF has been lostO there is only simulation, and the simulacra of the simulation. Authenticity is replaced by do$ma, and reality is replaced by the hyperreal.

A$ent Interroban$ cont...

<hat I find interestin$ about ho- this relates to these films is ho- they e6plore this theme on EME8A level. Transformers are people, but the humans they deal -ith seem like robotsO Autobots and Decepticons have had their traditional roles reversed, their respective emblems no- meanin$ thin$s entirely different to -hat the audience assumesO the Transformers bear the corporate lo$os of companies they have stolen their out-ard ima$es fromO the President has his narrative role represented as a Huartet of blonde -omen. Even $ender, somethin$ -e -ouldnFt normally associate -ith robots, becomes fluid and shiftin$ and difficult to distin$uish. "othin$ 4EA"# anythin$ it actually means, because everythin$ in Transformers is a $rotesHue caricature presented as bitter, cruel, unyieldin$ reality. Even the landscape of Africa is malleable, Fsymboli=in$F Africa -ithout lookin$ anythin$ LIQE Africa to someone -ho kno-s -hat to look for. I think the Iu6taposition of the real to the hyperreal%for e6ample, the real harshness of the modern Iob market, Iu6taposed a$ainst #amFs bi=arre, impotent ra$e despite his frankly meteoric climb to success) in these films is FA#CI"ATI"0. In the end, everythin$ is a Transformer, and nothin$ is at the same time. !ld symbols are constantly redefined, altered, and reinterpreted to fit the needs of the narrative, and that reinterpretation is intentionally inconsistent and subIective even -ithin itself. Pay close attention to a lot of the upcomin$ scenes involvin$ the DecepticonFs ultimate plans, and pay similar attention to -hat plans the Autobots and military are actually 8EACTI"0 to. ItFs pretty mindLbendin$.

Part 9 J!rbitin$ Earth in the spaceship, I sa- ho- beautiful our planet is. People, let us preserve and increase this beauty, not destroy it2J

#am and umblebee have their little heartfelt scene, and yeah, it:s sad for all the -ron$ reasons. "otice ho- #am $rabs ee:s mutt as if he -ere a do$. #am is pretty messed up over the fact that 4earin$ told him he -asn:t a hero D and of course, bein$ an idiot, he decides the best course of action -ould be to involve himself in thin$s a$ain. ut for that, they need to find an Ee6pertG on Decepticons, and -ho else -ould that be but...

!h boy. Aeah, #immons is no- ridiculously rich from milkin$ his involvement in the previous films for anythin$ it:s -orth. I can:t say too much about him because, as I said before, I haven:t really paid enou$h attention to his character, but here he:s another character -ho essentially acts as a mirror for #am+ Instead of lettin$ the state invite him to try startin$ a normal life, #immons started flamboyantly -avin$ himself in front of the media, and burro-in$ himself in capital. The thou$ht of actually tryin$ to find -ork and not bein$ a useless drain on society probably never even occurred to him.

"ote the scrollin$ te6t.

Alri$ht, so here:s -hat happens. !:8eilly starts to complain that polls sho- that a lot of people don:t feel safe -ith the Autobots around, and that -e should kick them off the earth like -e unsuccessfully tried to do in the second film. EI feel safer -hen I sleep -ith a hand $renade under my pillo-G, #immons says. EDoesn:t mean I:m al-ays ri$ht.G !:8eilly then starts askin$ about him bein$ fired from the $overnment and havin$ Esevere delusional tendenciesG, and #immons $ets pissed and shuts do-n the intervie-. !kay, so this is pretty... !dd. For one. !ptimus Prime represents individualism, ru$$ed freedom and antiL$overnment vie-s. In other -ords, e6actly that -hich ill !:8eilly holds in hi$hest honor. And yet, he -ants Prime and the others $one D -hat. And #immons: reply is even stran$er. For one, -hat the hell kind of statement is EI feel safer -hen I sleep -ith a hand $renade under my pillo-G. A hand

$renade -ouldn:t be useful in case of an intruder, it -ould Iust destroy your -hole room and kill you too. <ait, hold on... The -hole idea of keepin$ a -eapon under your pillo- is bein$ able to fend off an !ther intrudin$ your domain. #immons is sayin$ that he -ouldn:t hold an uncontrollable destructive force close by to defend a$ainst an unkno-n that he ascribes malicious intentions to... An unkno-n such as a Decepticon... Au$h, the Autobots are hand $renade in this analo$y2 1e is sleepin$ -ith a hand $renade under his pillo-, but is no- usin$ that as a ne$ative e6ample to ar$ue for the presence of the Autobots2 Is today opposite day or -hat2. This entire conversation is completely farcical. It:s t-o people -ho support the same values sayin$ the e6act opposite of -hat they think, bookended %hoLho2) by an unsubtle plu$ for a massLproduced commodity. #o Iust like modern media basically.

<e also meet Dutch %Alan Tudyk), our idiot bri$adier for this movie and #immon:s pet. "o, really D he:s the only male character in the trilo$y to be eHuated to a do$. EAou are peasant people thro-in$ rocks at a $iant2G, he shouts at the camera cre-, blissfully una-are of the fact that #immons may or may not have ordered the death of a bunch of peasants in the last movie.

#am $ives him a call to invite him for some 8! !<A88I"0, and for some reason, he is also in a $i$antic mansion no-. LD <ait, hold on, -hat:s that. That:s Carly:s house. 1oly crap2

!ne funny thin$ about #immons is that occasionally, -e $et a look at the people buildin$ his ridiculous mansion and their possessions... And it:s hilariously pitiful. The $uy tilin$ his floors in the first shot of the mansion may or may not be a hobo he picked up on the street, and the ST8E4E 8A0# displayed here sho- that clearly, no e6pense -as spared and this mansion -ill still stand for centuries to come. It:s a subtle little Iab at trickleLdo-n and the idea of the providin$ upper class. #immons has his back turned to the ra$s... !h $od, I can:t believe they:re literally placin$ ra$s behind him to symboli=e his ascension in -ealth. 1o-ever, -hile he may have left the ra$s behind, he -ill never leave behind T1E ST8E4E222 %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L #immons ack in Action http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXf6 (L&1"0?I)0

Tell 4e$atron... Let:s tan$o2

4ean-hile, #entinel and !ptimus take a tour throu$h Postcardland, Africa %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Prime in Africa http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXQ?<MFuk"QIo). "otice ho- even on a si$htLseein$ tour, !ptimus is actually carryin$ his -eapons trailer.

It:s a pretty stark contrast to 4e$atron:s situation on the same continent... <here his scene used the developin$ countries he:s been trekkin$ throu$h as an emotional backdrop for his hard life and misery, !ptimus and #entinel simply admire the countryside from a distant, tourist:s -orld. <hen I say this Africa resembles a postcard, I mean it D the backdrop is actual still ima$es that have !ptimus and #entinel superimposed on them. The -hole thin$ feels even more artificial and inhuman than any other scene in the movie, a$ain, a complete *9' from the very emotional scene -ith 4e$atron. 1o-ever, it is in this settin$ that !ptimus for the first time e6presses another desire than to kill everythin$ by bo-in$ do-n to #entinel and offerin$ him the 4atri6 of Leadership, sayin$ that #entinel is more deservin$ of it, but #entinel declines. I have no idea -hy. Considerin$ later scenes, I Iust have no idea ho- this -orks for his character at all. If you do, you:ll have to hold off on e6plainin$ it until -e $et to the Lincoln scene, thou$h2

#am, #immons and umblebee have their little strate$ic meetin$ in -hich they recap that Decepticons have been murderin$ everyone involved in America:s and the #oviet:s space pro$rams.

4alkovich Ioins them for a second as -ell, and admires umblebee.

!r... Picks a fi$ht -ith him. "otice his posture, almost e6actly like on the photo in the back of his office. This is -hy I concluded him as bein$ defensive rather than victorious, because

?m

umblebee actually $oes into full combat mode and points his enormous $un at 4alkovich, -ho thro-s himself to the $round like a playin$ puppy and lau$hs maniacally. It:s clear that he -as Iust playfi$htin$ -ith the toy creature, but it:s unclear -hether umblebee understood this as -ell or -as seriously $oin$ to shoot the man D he seems a little confused and frustrated -ith the man:s behavior, I think. The fascinatin$ thin$ is that Bohn actually seems to understand e6actly the toyL nature of the robot before him, indul$in$ in simple boyhood play, but then -illin$ly puts himself into a submissive position, prone on his back -ith his limbs raised up before the mi$htier carLman. In a simple -ay, this relates his status as an employer to ee:s status as a capitalist symbol D he considers capital a toy, and yet lets it dictate him and his position in life. The funny part comes in -hen #am and #immons invite him out of the room because his playin$ is disruptin$ their Ehi$h level alien intel confabG that he:s not Ecleared for.G Didn:t care much about clearance in the last movie, did you, #immons2 #o here -e have t-o random $uys -ho -ere unceremoniously kicked out of military ops critici=e a $uy for playin$ a $ame because it messes -ith... Them playin$ detective. Aes, they:re also Iust playin$ -ith their robot toys...

... rains, in this case, to find some 8ussian astronauts and pointlessly put their lives in dan$er by askin$ them about a cancelled mission to the moon. Throu$hout, they:re completely blind to the stran$e profundity of the performance art takin$ place in front of them, seein$ it instead as Iust an obno6ious comical trait of 4alkovich:s character. Bust like the audience2

"otice ho- 4alkovich is the only one in the room -earin$ $lasses. 4ore than meets the eye2
That aside, sittin$ in their little room playin$ -ith their appliances, the t-o really look like a pair of kids, an impression that:s only stren$thened by the a-k-ard moment of shock -hen they see mom comin$ into the room.

<ell, the mom in this case is Carly, -ho is Iustifiably shocked at t-o stran$ers and a $iant car robot sittin$ in her livin$ room. Aes, that:s her house they:re usin$ to have their little meetin$.

In his surprise, umblebee nearly trashes the -hole room. #till as uncontrollably destructive as in the first movie, I see. Come to think of it, ho- the fuck did he even $et in.

It $ets -orse -hen #immons actually orders Dutch to search her. If she has anythin$ hidden. In that -hite dress. In her o-n home. It:s absolutely clearly Iust a ploy to e6ert po-er over this random -oman that Iust came in, and, -ell, kind of dis$ustin$2 #immons even e6plicitly refers to the act of searchin$ as se6ual -hen he pities Dutch for not $oin$ throu$h -ith this. "ope, sorry, Bohnny An$el, I don:t think I -ill ever like this $uy.

#urprisin$ly evenLhanded about #am invitin$ in a random set of stran$ers, t-o pets she e6plicitly told him -ere not to enter her home, and a $iant car robot -ithout her permission, she nonetheless $ets pissed at #am for $ettin$ involved -ith the Autobots a$ain D and she has every ri$ht to, as her brother died in the previous film:s bi$ confrontation.

"otice the Iu6taposition of the bird flyin$ a-ay -ith Carly leavin$. #hame it:s not a dove, because that -ould Iust be perfectly unsubtle.

#am tries to talk her into stayin$, but is once a$ain really petty and nasty about it. E<here are you takin$ my bunny. #top2 Bust stop.G Carin$ more about his possessions than about her, then $ivin$ her commands. #he tells him that she couldn:t sleep last ni$ht because she kne- -here he -as $oin$ -ith all this D -here it -ould end. And she doesn:t -ant to lose another person close to her. !h hi there, Linkin Park. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Are Aou Comin$ -ith 4e. http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX613Q*(ibH $)

#he $ives him a simple choice+ Come -ith her, or stay -ith his Autobot friends. 1e chooses the latter.

As she drives a-ay, -e see the $ritty facade of the buildin$ #am is standin$ ne6t to, contrasted a$ainst the shinin$ -hite spires in the distance. The film practically beats us over the head -ith the fact that #am is clin$in$ to all the -ron$ thin$s. #immons, in a fittin$ly a-fulLlookin$ Iacket, acts as a barrier bet-een him and the distant beauty. In actin$ as a success story that #am can look up to for all the -ron$ reasons, he:s holdin$ #am back.

They finally pay a visit to the 8ussian cosmonauts, and interestin$ly, for the first fe- minutes, the movie actually takes care to $et the 8ussian ri$ht. E<hat a bri$ht future2G, one of the cosmonauts says, promptin$ the other to lau$h and say E0ood man2G #immons tells them that he kno-s -ho they are, and about the abandoned pro$ram, so the lady asks the bartender E<ho are these people.G, -ho replies EI have no idea.G It:s very simple, first $rade level 8ussian, but I think it:s neat that they actually took care to $et it ri$ht. At least up until this point, because then thin$s break do-n completely.

There:s a short bit of chaos in -hich random 8ussian -ords are shouted -ith no rhyme or meanin$, then $uns are dra-n, and thin$s return to sanity a$ain. E<hat do you think you:re doin$ here. Bust shut up and $o a-ay, -ill you. Aou think you knoeverythin$, don:t you. Bust shut up2G 4ore chaos erupts. It:s kind of fascinatin$ ho- the movie presents this breakdo-n of order and nonviolence in tandem -ith a breakdo-n of lan$ua$e, of communication. Also, this scene is pretty much the ape6 of $uns bein$ used as a communicative measure D durin$ the chaos, they actually displace the lan$ua$e.

Dutch causes a hu$e mess, so #immons has to talk him do-n in -hat I think may be his idea of -hat 0erman sounds like, but actually more resembles some sort of eldritch ton$ue. This is the scene -here Dutch is reduced to an actual do$ as #am tells #immons to Econtrol his boyG, -hich makes him start shoutin$ simple commands at Dutch. It:s kind of tellin$ that Leo:s Ecomic reliefG antics in the last movie -ere usin$ tasers, and no- his eHuivalent is -avin$ around live ammunition. Thin$s finally settle do-n, and the cosmonauts invite the boys into their secret bunker %or somethin$).

Turns out the soviets kne- about the ark -ay before the Americans did, since -hile the ?# may have put the first man on the moon, the soviets had the first camera on the moon. And the first man in space. And the first animal in space. And the first obIect in space. ... ut I di$ress. Any-ay, those pillars #entinel Prime -as missin$. Turns out they -ere all dra$$ed a-ay by Decepticons in *;7&. -hoops. ut -hat -ould they do -ithout #entinel. 1e:s the only one -ho can control the pillars so... !h no2 They must be after him2

Part ;+ JThe miracle is this+ The more -e share, the more -e have.J

#entinel and the Autobots %-ith #am and #immons) take off, pursued by three black cars.

!f course, they:re not Iust an an$ry Chevrolet #uburban o-ners club, they:re the Dreads, a sub$roup of the Decepticons2 %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Free-ay Chase http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX'ohdAcn$lQA) %Listen to this. #eriously.)

The creature $rabs #immons and launches him out of the back of his car. It:s kind of funny ho- after all of his bravado, once thin$s $et serious he:s taken out instantly.

4uch like our last ActL*Lclosin$ action scene, this is one of the fe- action scenes in the trilo$y that, -ell can actually be considered action, and it really -orks. For once the Decepticons are the a$$ressors, and the Autobots are actually tryin$ to defend somethin$ %thou$h -hy they:re leadin$ the Dreads over a busy free-ay is beyond me). E6cept... Then there:s #am.

#am is sittin$ inside umblebee, and there:s this little snippet of him shoutin$ E#hoot him, shoot him ee2 #hoot him2G, and it:s... Qind of le$itimately chillin$. It calls back to Ekill him, eeG, at the end of the last film, but -here there he -as at least directly involved in thin$s, here he:s $lued to the seat, actually spittin$ out this order to kill in a madly repetitive manner. The fact that he:s the audience is never more clear than in this tiny scene, and it:s... 8eally, it makes the entire scene near un-atchable, Iust kno-in$ that in -atchin$ it and cheerin$ it on, you are essentially turnin$ into that.

!h, and this bit ri$ht here. #trai$ht from The Island %&''5). Like, literally, they took this shot strai$ht from the movie and C0ILed 1atchet over it, I:m sure someone has the comparison 0IF lyin$ around. It:s kind of hilarious, and it really speaks to the internet:s capacity to call somethin$ Ela=yG Iust because they don:t like it. I mean come on, ho- lon$ -ould it have taken the filmmakers to film a ne- shot to do this. They -ouldn:t even need to keep the e6plodin$ car, since 1atchet mostly covers it up any-ay. ?nfortunately, I haven:t seen The Island, so I can:t tell -hat the conte6t of this shot ori$inally -as.

Andre- Merse posted+

8e$ardin$ reLusin$ the brief shot from The Island+ -hen filmin$ Dark of the 4oon, a stunt-oman -as seriously inIured durin$ the car chase scene. 8ather than use foota$e -here someone actually $ets hurt, ay elected to reLuse foota$e from his earlier movie.

I love this scene for Iust ho- unnecessarily anarchic and destructive it is. The Dreads do this mad ballet throu$h the free-ay traffic, launchin$ cars every-here they see, and the bi=arre splitLopen Eattack modesG of the Autobots are virtually indistin$uishable from the -recka$es all around. This $ets even better once -e find out that this entire chase -as completely pointless.

In order to avoid a thro-n truck, ee launches #am out of the seat and Iumps, and -e $et a slo-Lmo shot of them flyin$ throu$h the air, #am screamin$ all the -hile. And come to think of it, does this scene not pretty much summari=e his entire involvement in the movies. All he can do is sit by and shout at umblebee, -ho is the one actually doin$ everythin$, and is completely responsible for keepin$ #am alive.

Arrived at "E#T, Ironhide and the t-o remainin$ Dreads crash into each other, and t-irl throu$h the air -hile transformin$ in slo- motion.

<eapons do-n... And -e:ll let you escape -ith your di$nity.
Everyone $ets tan$led in a 4e6ican standoff, and this is actually the first time -e see the Autobots bein$ in any -ay decent to the enemy D they:re makin$ the ri$ht decision, $ivin$ their opponents an out, if only they stop their violence.

They don:t.

And that:s that. This scene is an oddity in that -ell, for once, the Autobots are actually kind of EIustifiedG in killin$ their pursuers. They $ave them their chance, and they ble- it. ut as al-ays, I think it is important to talk about the villains: motivation. As -e are -atchin$ this scene for the first time, -e:re led to believe that the Dreads are after #entinel, tryin$ to capture him to force him to use the space brid$e technolo$y %someho-). As -e -ill find out in Iust a second, this is false D the Decepticons

have no reason to chase after #entinel. The Dreads are not actin$ in accordance -ith #ound-ave:s plan D they have their o-n reasons for startin$ this chase. <hy. <ell, as -ith onecrusher and Alice, -e:re never told. ut my $uess. 8even$e. !ne thin$ -e shouldn:t for$et is that at the end of the previous movie, it -asn:t Iust humans, like Carly:s brother, that died D but Decepticons as -ell. Decepticons -ho had friends, and family, and comrades. In fact, it is completely possible that the Dreads -ere Iust the only three $enerics to escape from that battle D and -ho, since that moment, have been -aitin$ for the Autobots to surface near them. #o they be$in their chase. And throu$h it, another one of theirs is killed before them, shot and torn apart. ut undeterred, they continue on, until their final stop takes them faceLtoLface -ith their comrades: killers. This is it, there is no -ay out from here. They drop their -eapons, but there is no -ay to truly disarm a Transformer D they -ill al-ays be able to produce more. #o -hat are they to do no-. Turn their backs and $o their merry -ay, after -hat they:ve $one throu$h. "o. They:re $oin$ to finish this. And so they are finished. And the Autobots came a-ay the ri$hteous ones, but it:s easy for them D they already had their eye for an eye -hen they doomed the entire Decepticon race to die a slo- and inevitable death. This is the cycle of violence. An endless loop of reven$e in -hich both sides -ant to $et back at each other for their losses. It:s a simple part of human psycholo$y, and a model of ho- every conflict inevitably turns out if left unchecked. And this is another important element of this movie, and comes up in the endin$.

Counteresperanto posted+
The 4e6ican standoff isnFt the first act of decency by an Autobot. umblebee let a beaten, helpless arricade survive their battle in the first movie. ee could have finished him off at his convenience, but chose not to. In the conte6t of the -hole trilo$y, itFs conspicuously inconsistent -ith the $uy -ho sadistically dispatches 8ava$e and 8ampa$e, not to mention Cockshot and the other kitchenLbot babies. Perhaps his homicidal tendencies had -aned durin$ his isolation, only to be rene-ed once he -as reunited -ith !ptimus. Alternatively, since he has only be$un to earn #am and 4ikaelaFs trust, maybe umblebee doesnFt -ant to risk dama$in$ their fra$ile ima$e of him as the $ood $uy.

8ad 0ravity posted+

Did anyone else notice that durin$ the -hole 4e6ican standLoff there -ere t-o people in the red car, -ho had absolutely =ero chance of escapin$ the $iant robot comin$ do-n on them. And that ri$ht before the killin$ started, other innocent bystanders -ere fleein$ into the buildin$ that Ironhide Iust carLbombed. It may not mean much L us insects can be hard to notice from a TransformerFs point of vie-, after all L but I felt a bit bad for the folks -ho $ot their day ruined because the $ood $uy Iust had to be such a $oddamn sho-Loff.

i$$est!ran$eTree posted+
I actually read this scene differently+ It is sho-n in the first movie that the Autobots already understand human culture and Huote cult movies etc. etc. humanity corruptin$ transformers. "o- if in one of those movies the hero ends up in one of these situations -hat happens. http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXue9TvvAik(3^tX&'s The Autobots see themselves as the heroes and the Decepticons kno-. The Decepticons -ere not cheatin$ any more than the Autobots -ere $oin$ to. ItFs more like a dance and both parties are $oin$ throu$h the motions.

#uper4echa$od=illa posted+

Burassic Park

Predator <hat are the Dreads. <hat is their motivation. Check the conte6tuali=in$ references to ambi$uouslyL$endered FirrationalF monsters that emer$e from thirdL-orld Iun$les, defyin$ attempts by patriarchal institutions %the entertainment industry, and the American 4ilitaryTCIA) to subdue and control them. As else-here, ay is usin$ popLcultural shorthand to Huickly establish the basics of the conflict. The Dreads have no clear motivation because theyFre deliberately FinscrutableF, but the hint is that they are opposed to the same %neo)colonialism and imperialism that umblebee embodies in the FIlle$al "uclear #iteF scene. It should be obvious by no-hy these $uys are allied to the Decepticons, and not the Autobots.

#entinel arrives safely at "E#T, but says somethin$ rather ominous... E<hat you must reali=e, my Autobot brothers, is that -e -ere never $oin$ to -in the -ar...G

EFor the sake of our planet:s survival, a deal had to be made...G

G<ith 4e$atron.G
!h no. The beard. <e should have kno-n2 IT:# EMIL #P!CQ2

#entinel completely shreds the place, then takes off -ith the pillars.

!ptimus arrives amidst the chaos. ETake a look, !ptimus2 This is all on you2G

And -ith that, everythin$ is in place.

Part *'+ JAmerica -ill never be destroyed from the outside. If -e falter and lose our freedoms, it -ill be because -e destroyed ourselves.J

#am has a final, notLsoLtouchin$ scene -ith his parents. 1onestly, even after 3 re-atches I keep for$ettin$ it e6ists because it:s short, devoid of anythin$ of interest, and bookended by the chase scene on one side and -hat may be one of the film:s best scenes on the other.

#entinel prepares the first phase of the space brid$e plan. Aes, that:s the Lincoln memorial in the back$round. <hy there.

<ell, $uess -ho finally mana$ed to arrive. #ee, our friend chose this location for a very special purpose...

Transformers2

I love this scene so much. It:s Iust so perfectly insane. <hat -e see portrayed here is a uniHuely American fear in -hich the intrudin$ !ther destroys and displaces a symbol of American values. I say EuniHuely AmericanG because -hile the -hole EotherLdisplacin$LvaluesG thin$ is a fear held by any society and European islamophobes still thump the Ethey -ant to brin$ #haria la- here2G thin$ ceaselessly, I have not seen them react so poisonously to the idea of, say, their fla$s bein$ burned or their monuments bein$ destroyed. It:s a fascinatin$ thin$ that I:m fairly sure is ultimately rooted in the ;T** an6ieties -e:re all so familiar -ith, but -e:ll have plenty of opportunity to talk about those later. !bviously, on the film:s fakeLpropa$anda level, attackin$ a symbol of Lincoln means attackin$ a symbol of freedom D Lincoln ended slavery, and the Decepticons: ultimate plan is to brin$ it back %sort of. There:s complications). ut of course, there:s another layer to the proceedin$s. As A$ent Interroban$ so deftly formulated, this movie hi$hli$hts the idea of the si$nifier abandonin$ -hat it si$nifies, and this scene is another take on that. #ee, the thin$ -ith Lincoln is, he:s old. ack in the days -hen he -as championin$ freedom and union, the -orld -as a very different place than -hat it is today. In his early political career, his vie-s -ere nothin$ short of radical. From -hat I understand, the -ord EAbolitionistG -as treated -ith the same respect as EAbortionistG today, and even the -hole civil -ar aside, it -as incredibly difficult to brin$ the nation beyond the days of slavery. #ince then, more than four score and seven years have passed. The fi$ht -as fou$ht, and the victorious Lincoln laid to his final rest, to vi$il the freedom of his people from lands beyond. !nly his memorial remains, sittin$ in the perfect stillness of -hite stone, to act as a reminder of -hat -as. ut eventually... !ut the old foe:s corpse $re- its dreadful youn$, and -here before stood the burnin$ -hip of slavery, nothe underprivile$ed face much more invisible terrors+ Poverty, lack of education, poor -orkin$ conditions, subtler forms of oppression... The youn$est $eneration faces issues the old Lincoln probably didn:t even dream of. #o ho- can he be championed as a symbol of freedom, -hen this EfreedomG is meant in such a dated sense. There are no more slaves, but to the poor -orkin$ dre$s of today D and that:s the ones lucky enou$h to have -ork D clin$in$ to this fact, and the symbols it is associated -ith, feels illusory and pointless. To inspire the people and continue the pro$ress of society, -e can:t clin$ to $ravestones and memorials. <e need ne- symbols, people -ho shared in today:s issues and can fi$ht for the ri$hts of the oppressed ri$ht no-. <hat this act of displacement sho-s is a hint of 4e$atron:s true motivation D he -ants to revive his species and rebuild his planet, yes, but it $oes far beyond that. Compare to Carly:s ambition of becomin$ President D in framin$ herself -ithin the presidential si$il, she EthreatensG to displace the previous president, but -here her ambition is easily for$otten and completely nonthreatenin$, the audience reacts ne$atively to 4e$atron because he:s actually succeedin$. Po-erful leaders are one thin$. Po-erful ideolo$ical leaders are a -hole different level, because a ne- ideolo$y hold the potential to completely destroy its elders. %"ote+ !ne of only t-o times 4e$s fires his $un22) Furthermore, the $ritty, $rimy, livin$ form of 4e$atron takin$ place of the clean, motionless -hite statue is more EDesert of the 8ealG ima$ery. 4e$s is confrontin$ onlookers -ith the comple6ity of reality vs. Their simplified, t-oLdimensional ideas and values. "o-, -here -ere -e. 8i$ht, 4e$atron tells #tarscream ho- they:re $oin$ to rule the -orld.

Apparently, leadin$ the Autobots to #entinel via dan$lin$ conspiracyLthreads -as the -hole plan, since that -ould make !ptimus revive #entinel, -ho could then easily overpo-er the lesser Autobots and activate the space brid$e. "o-, this is another of those key scenes, because it confirms a number of thin$s that allo-s us to piece a lot of stuff to$ether re$ardin$ the nature of the Decepticons. To start -ith, let:s put to$ether a timeline. LA lon$ -hile a$o+ The Transformers e6ist as a race of spacefarers, kept in check by the Primes, -ho also o-n the lifeL $ivin$ artifact, the 4atri6 of Leadership, and the bo6 that:s supposed to hold it, the Allspark. The Fallen, in a spontaneous po-er trip, decides to take the 4atri6 to a random populated planet and blo- up its sun. That planet is earth. The Primes stop him, and travel to robot heaven, takin$ the 4atri6 -ith them. L#till lon$ a$o, but soon after+ <ith the Primes no lon$er there to keep thin$s orderly, the inherently violent transformers, no doubt spurred by the Fallen:s shenani$ans, break out in a raceTclass -ar, formin$ the Autobots and Decepticons. The Fallen handLpicks a particularly ambitious Decepticon called 4e$atron to be his pupil and their side:s leader, -hile the other side rallies under brilliant inventor #entinel Prime. L/'.''' C+ The Fallen takes a $roup of Decepticons -ith him to scout the Earth, -hich no- the human race dominate, for the 4atri6. "ot bein$ able to find it, he takes out his a$$ression on a bunch of hapless hunters, then $oes off to his little cloud to sulk, not to be heard from a$ain for a very lon$ time. 1is Decepticons, mean-hile, stay on earth, accompanyin$ humanity dis$uised as -hatever is appropriate at the time. As the a$es pass, they all eventually fall into stasis in their vehicle forms. L et-een that and modern times+ Cybertron be$ins fallin$ apart under the constant -arrin$, and the Allspark is lost in space. 8eali=in$ that -ithout the Primes: sun e6ploder, the 4atri6, and the Allspark, they have no method of $eneratin$ Ener$on, a deeply unsettled #entinel decides to turn to his enemy for help. The starryLeyed 4e$atron is deadLset on findin$ the Allspark a$ain %no one else is, as evidenced by the fact that he:s the only one to $o) and pe$s the earth, -here the 4atri6 %supposedly) is, as a likely location. #entinel -ants none of that, but -hen he reali=es that the planet:s human population is perfect for their needs, he decides to let 4e$atron $o and a$rees to rende=vous -ith him there once he -orks out a functional space brid$e. Presumably, 4e$atron assures him that that -on:t be necessary, and that he:ll return before that. L#hortly after+ 4e$atron crashes into the earth and is fro=en in the arctic ice, to be held there for possibly thousands of years. LLate *;th century+ 4e$atron is du$ up, then fro=en a$ain. "o Transformer notices or cares. L4id &'th century+ In spite of both Decepticon leaders: absence, the Autobots lose the -ar. #entinel finishes his technolo$y, then takes off in the Ark, but some Decepticons -ho have no idea of his plan shoot him do-n, leavin$ him to careen to-ards the moon on a crash course. The remainin$ Autobots are rounded up and presumably inte$rated into Decepticon society. L*;7*T7&+ The Ark crashes into the moon. The Americans and soviets are all over dat shit. Either one by one or all in one batch, a number of Decepticons follo- him throu$h space+ The dre$s of the first movie %#tarscream, arricade, Fren=y, onecrusher, ra-l, lackout), Demolisher, #ound-ave and #hock-ave and another couple hundreds. They raid the Ark, but reali=e that -ithout #entinel, its technolo$y is useless, so they dra$ its components off into various corners of the earth %and the moon) to hide until they find an ener$y source -ith -hich to revive him, and lay lo- for the time bein$.

L&''(+ The first movie. After presumably spendin$ half a century searchin$ for traces of their master, lackout says Efuck itG to the -hole layin$Llo- thin$ and decides to raid a military base. Findin$ promisin$ results, arricade and Fren=y kick into action, findin$ more information about 4e$atron:s -hereabouts. umblebee, presumably sent to keep -atch of the Decepticons on earth, si$nals the Autobots. ra-l and onecrusher Ioin the fi$ht, but arricade $ets cold feet. ?nderstandably, since only #tarscream makes it out of the final battle alive. L&'';+ "o- assured that 4e$atron is indeed on earth, #ound-ave a$rees to aid in his revival, sendin$ out 8ava$e after one of the shards. ?pon bein$ revived %and presumably told -hat happened to #entinel and such), 4e$atron decides that the best course of action is to $o and bu$ the Fallen about it. 1is master remembers about the sunLdestroyin$ machine, and fi$ures that once the last descendant of the Primes is out of the -ay, he may as -ell $o look for the 4atri6 once more. "ot like anythin$ could stop him then. Then #am materiali=es the 4atri6 and revives !ptimus, -ho kills the Fallen stone dead. L&'**+ #ound-ave and 4e$atron finally come up -ith a plan to brin$ back #entinel, -ho:s probably the only one -ho can sort out their Prime problem. Lead the Autobots to revive him -hile makin$ them think they:re clever enou$h to unravel a conspiracy, then have him Iust murder them all. ?nfortunately, he underestimates the threat his brothers pose, and only kills the one probably least deservin$. "o-, lookin$ over this runLdo-n like that, there:s a tiny little Huestion that pops up. That bein$, -here the hell -here

#ound-ave and co durin$ the first film.

There are hundreds of Decepticons s-armin$ earth, yet -e only see ( in -hat is the bi$$est confrontation bet-een the Transformers in nearly 5' years. Apparently, most people consider this a plot hole D but then, apparently so is !ptimus bein$ a psychopath %-hat2.). It:s really not. Do think back+ 1o- often do -e see the Decepticons actually treatin$ the films: events as important. In the previous movie, #ound-ave only does a bare minimum, lookin$ for one shard and relayin$ a sin$le order, and seems remarkably apathetic about it all. The only Decepticons -e see that are really interested in 4e$atron livin$ are the dre$s and the constructicons. The Dreads freely i$nore orders to sta$e an attack of their o-n. The Autobots try to paint the Decepticons as a unified army, han$in$ onto every -ord of their leader. They:re not. <e:re talkin$ about an entire alien race here D an entire planet:s population is pretty diverse in form, loyalty and motivation2 8emember, no one follo-ed 4e$atron -hen he left for the Allspark, and they didn:t take serious measures to find him until thousands of years later. The Decepticons, at lar$e, don:t $ive a damn about their EleaderG. And -hy -ould they. 1e:s been $one for all that time, abandoned them to look for an artifact that he thinks is on some random back-ater planet2 It:s not until Fren=y sees the Allspark -ith his o-n t-o eyes that they:re truly sure that it is on earth. And by that point, the movie is practically over D I:m sure Decepticons all over the country mobili=e at that point, but only ra-l and onecrusher happen to be close enou$h to LA. And once the Allspark is destroyed, they no lon$er have a reason to e6pose themselves. In the second movie, it seems #tarscream mana$ed to convince #ound-ave to be of at least minimal help. They revive 4e$atron, but a$ain, -hat reason -ould the Decepticons have to care about anythin$ that happens. The Fallen is chasin$ after a thin$ he already failed to find once and that -ouldn:t e6ist -ere it not for #am:s stupidity. The Decepticon leaders spend the entirety of the first t-o movies chasin$ fairy tales, so -hy -ould #hock-ave et all bother. The ones -e see do battle are presumably Iust a fe- loyalists -ho decided they still had a duty to their old masters. It:s not until this movie that there:s actually a concrete plan that all of their kind can involve themselves -ith. <hat does this sho-. <ell, simple. "o one $ives a rat about 4e$atron. 1e:s the leader in name only, -hile #ound-ave %or,

possibly someone -ho:s still back on Cybertron) is the actual authority. The only person -e see consistently -orry about his leader, care for his survival and follo- his every -ord. #tarscream. Aep, #tarscream is the last truly loyal Decepticon. And this is -here thin$s $et fun. "o-, -e:ve already established ho- Autobots and Decepticons are inherently physically different.

"o- take a look at #ound-ave. <hich one does he rather more resemble....

It:s stran$e, isn:t it. 1e clearly has the face and monstrous build of the latter, but also the $leamin$ -hiteLblue coloration and

smooth lines and curves of the former. #urely, you could ar$ue that the smooth curves come from his dis$uise, but then you contrast him a$ainst the film:s other carLDecepticons...

There literally isn:t a clearer shot of them in the movie, sorry.

...And you can see ho- they:re Iust as dark and spiky as their Protoforms, if not moreso. They Iust pack a-ay their car forms completely, -ith only t-o -heels stickin$ out of their calves to remind us that they even have an alternate form. #ound-ave follo-s a completely different desi$n aesthetic. And then, as Cinnamon astard ri$htly notes, the only faction symbol -e ever see on #ound-ave or one of his underlin$sTe6tensions is the Autobot one. Add to this <an$:s conflictin$ loyalties, and you reali=e that #ound-ave is not at all -ho -e:re led to believe he is. The implication is that he -as one of the Autobots inte$rated into Decepticon society. <hat this means is, he has no interest in 4e$atron or his ideas. 1e follo-s his o-n path, and it seems the other Decepticons follohim there. This becomes further supported -hen, at the very end of the movie, -e see arricade $et into a serious ar$ument -ith some Decepticons in a brief shot+ arricade, of course, bein$ one of the fe- -ho actively believe in 4e$atron. This is all important because it sho-s that the Decepticons are not a monolithic entity. y all parameters, they could easily crush the Autobots -ithin instants, but first, they -ould need to unite D follo- Devastator:s e6ample and become a truly coordinated force, ready to face and destroy their enemy. ut the only person -ho could coordinate them all, #ound-ave, is an idLdriven monster -ho feels no loyalty. The small numbers of Decepticons -ho do, such as the Dreads here, are Iust Iumpin$ oneLbyLone into the meat $rinder. They simply have no unifyin$ cause. And that is -here -e return to 4e$atron. That:s his $oal, and his $reatest desire that he is e6pressin$ in his ascension on a dead man:s throne+ 1e -ants to become a symbol that his people can believe in, to live and die for, to follo- to a $reater $ood. After all...

EA house divided a$ainst itself cannot stand.G

Part 11: "The needs of the many... Outweigh the needs of the few."

#hould:ve used this screencap last update, but I didn:t think to. !h -ell2

The first -ave of Decepticons moves in from the moon throu$h the space brid$e and causes a hu$e mess in D.C. This is -here -e first see the fact that they have actual aircraft. That they pilot. ein$ Transformers. I don:t even kno-.

This $uy. This $uy ri$ht here. 1e appears in this little scene, scans a $arba$e truck, and then drives off. From then on, throu$hout the entire rest of the movie, he -ill make tiny cameos in the back$round. 1e:s not named. 1e does not influence the plot in any -ay. 1is total screen time is maybe a minute. 1e:s one of the most important characters in the movie. ecause I still like thin$s havin$ names, I:ll call him 0arba$e Day. Aou may notice he looks almost identical to Lon$ 1aul in the previous movie D a Constructicon. I:ll say this ri$ht no-+ The idea that D!T4 someho- supersedes or i$nores 8!TF. I don:t a$ree -ith it at all, and he is part of -hy. Devastator:s influence suffuses every part of this movie. It:s subtle and inLtheLback$round, but it:s constant. 4e$atron has assumed a -orkin$Lclass form after becomin$ one -ith #crapper. The old Lon$ 1aul:s head follo-s 4e$atron around for no reason beyond further linkin$ him to the Constructicons. And no- -e have this ne- model, comin$ in to become a blueLcollar transport and Iust kind of periodically remind us of his presence. It:s like the movie is tryin$ to tell us somethin$ here2 The ima$e of 4e$atron becomin$L symbol is directly linked to a reminder of the literal -orkin$LclassLunison presented in the previous film. It:s classic revolutionary ima$ery+ The people rally, and s-eep the streets in riots and violence. Pretendin$ to take the side of the status Huo, the movie of course presents this violence as -antonly senseless %as opposed to the EIustifiedG violence of the Autobots), do-nplayin$ the fact that all these attacks are e6plicitly tar$etin$ fascist authoritarianism+ "otice the total ubiHuity of police cars in the shots above22

#peakin$ of fascist authoritarians, !ptimus and #entinel $et into a bit of a tuff, and chatter for a bit. E!n Cybertron, -e -ere $ods2G, #entinel e6claims. E ut here, they call us :4achines:.G It:s interestin$ ho- #entinel is completely dissociated from the revolutionary ima$ery of Iust no-. Aside from openin$ the -ay, his only involvement in thin$s is to ar$ue -ith !ptimus. That is because his character runs amon$ sli$htly different lines. Later in the movie, #entinel -ill speak the -ords EThe needs of the many out-ei$h the needs of the fe-.G Aes, really. The movie belabors his connection -ith #pock to the point of caricature. Filmin$ of this movie be$an shortly after #tar Trek %&'';) created the popLcultural ima$e of Leonard "imoy returnin$ as !ld #pock, and this movie does nothin$ if not capitali=e on that. !f course, most people Iust say that the filmmakers are bra$$in$ about havin$ "imoy in their movie, but of course, it $oes much deeper than that. #ee, a bit of a nuance is that #entinel is not a reference to #pock in $eneral but specifically a reference to #tar Trek &+ The <rath of Qhan %*;9&), -here the above Huote is actually spoken. #entinel is identified as a starship captain, -hich, of course, is #pock:s rank in that movie, and #entinel:s red paintIob -ith black linin$ does resemble the ne- uniform #pock -ore. #o let:s talk about The <rath of Qhan. If you don:t remember the film or are unfamiliar -ith its themes, #FDebris has a pretty $ood summary that you should probably -atch %http+TTsfdebris.comTvideosTstartrekTfilm&.asp). #hort version+ It:s about a superhuman -ho once held po-er beyond mortal man:s ima$ination, bein$ punished for rebellin$ a$ainst 0od and $oodness by bein$ cast from heaven, to live out a miserable e6istence in a lifeless desert as his people slo-ly die around him, the privile$ed starfarers not carin$ and for$ettin$ about his sufferin$. 1e becomes driven by destructive ven$eance, chasin$ the man -ho destroyed him to the bitter end, but in his final act of spite turns out to be a creative force, be$innin$ the $enesis of a ne- -orld. Durin$ this last act, the ri$ht side of his face is terribly disfi$ured by the heroes: fi$htin$ back a$ainst him and -aaaait a second -here have I heard all that before It:s kind of fascinatin$ ho- the movie references Qhan via 4e$atron and #pock, -ho opposed him, in a character -ho is allied to 4e$atron. It calls to mind the scene in the previous film of the Fallen crushin$ 4e$atron underfoot in effi$y D even his allies are someho- his enemies. Later in the movie, #entinel -ill tell 4e$atron as much+ EI have dained to -ork -ith you, that our planet may survive. I -ill never -ork for you2G The key to truly understandin$ all this, of course, lies in the details of <rath of Qhan. Let:s start -ith the idea of the un-innable scenario. In a broad sense, #tar Trek is about a$in$, death and the $ro-th of a ne$eneration from the ashes of the old. In Qirk:s a$e, Qhan presents an entropic force of destruction comin$ to finish him, to let the ne- $eneration take over. The bi$ Eun-innable scenarioG is the process of a$in$ and death itself, and #pock:s sacrifice at the end of the movie presents a victory over this scenario+ In placin$ his life over Qirk:s, he actually revitali=es Qirk, makes him Eyoun$ a$ainG. The fascinatin$ thin$, of course, is that Qhan is victim to that same destructive force. 1e has a$ed badly, and lost his family to the forces of nature. ut he actually -eaponi=es his misery, usin$ the very same creatures that killed his -ife to lure Qirk, and then turnin$ 0enesis itself into a -eapon D 0enesis, of course, aside from bein$ a force of creation, also bein$ a total symbol of entropy and destruction. !r, to summari=e, Qhan uses the forces of nature that destroyed him to destroy the enemy he blames for makin$ him subIect to these forces, but then #pockdenies this cycle of life and death, presentin$ his ability to choose another life over his o-n as a victory over the cruelty of nature. %"otice, #pock is killed by radiation, yet another invisible entropic force D and somethin$ the Transformers are repeatedly likened to22) In #tar Trek, this denial is, of course, portrayed as unconditionally heroic, and play:s into #tar Trek:s $eneral themes of man:s victory over the malices of life. ut -e -ouldn:t be talkin$ about Dark #ide 4oon here if it didn:t take a heroic act and then

painted it as notLsoLheroic. #ee, much like Allsam is #am bereft of his humanity, so #entinel is #pock -ithout the human half that made him capable of compassion. EThe needs of the many out-ei$h the needs of the fe-G is here presented as dispassionate utilitarianism, literally bein$ Ethere:s more Transformers than humans, er$o their desires are more importantG, totally missin$ the emotional component of #pock:s motivation. ut -hat this further does is outline another important rift in Decepticon ideas and morality. If -e do accept 4e$atron as a revolutionary fi$ure, destroyin$ the old -orld to create a better one, -hich this movie is clearly askin$ us to do, then the revolutionary ima$ery of his actions %and it is blatantly revolutionary D can you think of a more anarchist ima$e than a street filled -ith burnin$ police cars.) is blatantly at odds -ith #entinel:s ideas and motivation. #pock, in a sense, opted out of the cycle of death and rebirth, prolon$in$ Qirk:s life and youth and eventually bein$ reborn himself, and the -ishes #entinel e6presses are analo$ous+ 1e refuses to let the social order of his species be lost. 1e -ants to remain a $od -hile children die around him in droves. !f course, the simple EI don:t -ant my species to dieG aspect is still there, but unlike -ith 4e$atron in the first & movies, that:s only half the story. And that really cuts into the heart of the -hole philosophical divide of Autobots and Decepticons. It:s important that #entinel never identifies as a Decepticon and doesn:t refer to Es-itchin$ sidesG or anythin$ like that. The Decepticons are a disruptive, revolutionary force. Devastator demonstrated as much, and no- 4e$atron:s ne-found motivations etc. Iust keep hammerin$ the point home. The Autobots, on the other hand, have been consistently sho-n as bein$ defenders of the status Huo. !ptimus -ould rather e6ist in a constant state of -ar than admit defeat, and it all ties into neoliberalism and neoconservatism bein$ ine6tricably tied to one another. !ptimus and #entinel aren:t havin$ an ideolo$ical dispute or anythin$, in fact they totally a$ree. Their only difference is in the era they -ant to be stuck in. !ptimus is defendin$ the modern state of the Autobots rei$nin$ on earth throu$h values and propa$anda, -hile old #entinel -ants to return to an older time in -hich he -as a $od and the slavery -as much more literal. It:s another 8!TFLstyle absurd noL-in conflict, in -hich 4e$atron:s $enuinely pro$ressive values are i$nored in favor of framin$ the conflict bet-een t-o imperialist asshats -ho both -ant to fuck the populace over, one Iust in a more subtle -ay than the other. Damn, Iust missed the opportunity to make a ?.#. Election Ioke.

4ean-hile, #am is crashin$ Dylan:s and Carly:s meetin$. 1e -ants to talk to Carlie alone, but Dylan pursues them, makin$ some rather... ?nsubtle allusions about his loyalties.

Aello-, yello-, as far as the eye can see. I suddenly reali=e that the film completely strai$htfor-ardly uses yello- to sho-ealth and po-er. The fact that umblebee:s si$nature visual aspect is here used to threatenin$ly frame the villain cannot be coincidence, particularly considerin$ 4alkovich and his obsession -ith the color.

The pair tries to escape in the 4ercedes, but -hat do you kno-, it:s #ound-ave. Plot t-ist2 1e thro-s out #am, and locks in Carly to apathetically threaten her -ith his tentacles. ...Aeah, it:s transparent se6ual threat ima$ery. ut of course, there:s more. For one, there:s the fascinatin$ aspect of Carly bein$ ca$ed and threatened by her o-n -ealth, since #ound-ave is her car. #econdly, this scene directly calls back to the violation of the satellite in the previous movie. The fact that #ound-ave threatens the t-o completely different entities in an identical apathetically se6ual manner plays into the obIectification of Carly, and sho-s that to #ound-ave, there:s no difference bet-een -omen and actual literal obIects. Contrast -ith Dylan and his se6ual interest in cars specifically D this scene is built to su$$est that #ound-ave acts out, by pro6y, the evil bad man:s lust for the hero:s $irlfriend, but of course, the truth is much more scre-ed up, as Dylan himself e6plains.

#ee, the interestin$ thin$ about Dylan is the -ay he totally lies about his motivations. In his little speech, he makes a bi$ deal out of Echoosin$ the side that is $oin$ to -inG, and ho- he:s a voluntary liaison for the Decepticons, but the actual truth is that he never had a choice. 1is dad -as already -orkin$ for the Decepticons, and he is forced to continue his father:s -ork. And I do mean forced D he makes it very clear that if at any point he didn:t do -hat #ound-ave -ants, the $uy -ould fuckin$ murder him, Iust like he did everyone else -orkin$ for him. This is one of the thin$s in this movie that feel a bit sloppy for me, and unfortunately, I:ll have to blame Patrick Dempsey. #ee, he strai$htLout says that he had no choice in any of this and is very much a victim, but his performance mainly consists of selfLassured smu$$ery, and fails to capture the subtlety of this smu$$ery actually bein$ a defense mechanism that lets him pretend he still has his life under control, -hich is doubly a shame -hen compared to ho- nuanced the performances of the robot characters can $et. This does, ho-ever, also cast an interestin$ li$ht on the idea of him bein$ a 8andian superhero D althou$h he e6plains that he -orked for his -ealth, #ound-ave, the symbol of this -ealth, -as passed do-n to him. 1e $ot everythin$ he has on a silver platter from his dad, but that very same -ealth and status has enslaved him... E6actly ho- -hen he in turn passes #ound-ave on to Carly, he literally ca$es her. It:s like this movie is tryin$ to say that capital is destructive, even to the people -ho o-n it2

And in even more e6amples of passed do-n symbols of -ealth constrainin$ their o-ner, Dylan hands #am a surveillance pocket -atch scorpion. %It actually cra-ls from his -rist onto #am:s.) The idea is to listen in on him and have him ask !ptimus -hat the Autobots: plan is D if he refuses, #ound-ave is $oin$ to murder him, Carly and Dylan. !f course, #am bein$ #am, he s-ears to hunt the latter do-n later.

Part *&+ J<elcome to the desert of the real.J

#entinel announces his demands to the ?.#. 0overnment+ For peaceful ne$otiation to even be an option, he -ants the Autobot rebels to be shot into space. And surprisin$ly, they comply. #am tries to make a scene, but 4earin$ shoots him do-n thou$h I do like ho- she:s very uncertain, and makes it very clear she doesn:t kno- if it:s the ri$ht thin$ to do, but... <ell, EAnd look -here they brou$ht usG. E ut the Autobots have no -ay of leavin$ this planet2G

GAnd that:s -here you:re -ron$.G

Apparently, this C0I space boat brou$ht #ides-ipe, Arcee and the t-ins to earth, and then "E#T strapped a space shuttle to it because -hy not.

<e also meet the <reckers, a trio of "A#CA8Lthemed robots -hose purpose is to have ine6plicable ritish accents. Actually, their role is to be snarlin$, droolin$, barelyLsapient beasts that Iump at sava$e murder even faster than their Autobot brethren. <ith ine6plicable ritish accents. Also, the red one has fat physics. As in, they actually animated his metal belly s-ayin$ about as he -alks. It:s stran$ely hypnotic. Actually, alri$ht, they do have some purpose+ ThereFs three of them, and three is of course the ma$ic number of filmmakin$. T-o is Iust a pair and four is too many, -hile three is Iust perfect to say JthereFs some Huantity of these $uysJ. Essentially, they serve as the $eneric Autobot footsoldiers. In contrast to !ptimusF military charisma, theyFre lo-Lclass brutes -hose only definin$ trait is that theyFre styled after "A#CA8, somethin$ $enerally associated -ith lo-erLclass rednecks. The ritish accents serve to paint them as acultural+ <hile "A#CA8 is a specifically American thin$, ritain does have its o-n uniHue flavor of lo-Lculture caricature %JchavJ is a $reat -ord, by the -ay), and as "E#T sho-ed in the previous movie, the trilo$y often uses ritain in the same breath as America, to underline their shared history of imperialism.

<e also meet this fello-, #$t. Epps %Tyrese 0ibson), a$ain. Don:t remember -ho he is. <ell, I didn:t actually mention him before, because he barely -as in the previous t-o movies, but this one still tries to play this scene as a fancy reunion. 8emarkably, -hile I never paid attention to Epps before, in this movie he mana$es to actually be kind of a charmin$ character.

#immons is also back, and apparently bein$ flun$ out of a speedin$ car by a $iant robot leaves you in a -heelchair -ith barely a scratch. "o lon$er bein$ able to play the action movie prota$onist, #immons has been relayed to support, and he plays the role -ith every bit as much $usto. Also, are those Chevrolet #uburbans in the back$round. ecause thatFs actually a pretty clever bit of filmmakin$, servin$ as a simple visual reminder of ho- #immons and Dutch $ot their inIuries.

#immons -astes no time and immediately be$ins makin$ miso$ynistic comments at 4earin$. It seems they had a bit of a flin$ a -hile a$o, and he:s not lettin$ it $o. The funny thin$ is that he:s commentin$ on her shapely rumpus, but she:s -earin$ a thick Iacket that kind of covers it up completely. It:s absolutely obvious that he:s not complimentin$ the status of her butt in the sli$htest, he:s Iust usin$ her status as a -oman to e6ert po-er over her. After all, it:s improper for a -oman in po-er to have a se6uality D #immons, as a man, is at a clear advanta$e in spite of their difference in status, and transparently uses this to $et a $rip on mission control. And after ho- 4earin$ handled #entinel and #am, she Iust lets him $et a-ay -ith it, practically playin$ into his hands by openly confirmin$ there -as somethin$ bet-een them, too. Mery stran$e.

It:s also funny Iust ho- much this movie puts do-n poor rains ] <heelie. EProperty of "A#AG. !uch.

!ptimus $ives #am a fe- final inspirational -ords %read+ passiveLa$$ressive di$s at the human $overnment), and #am finally asks the Huestion+ <hat are their plans. 1o- are they $oin$ to fi$ht back.

GThere is no plan.G

1eFs lyin$.

GAou -ill al-ays be my friend, #am.G The Emy friendG part of that sentence. Taken from #pock in #tar Trek &. Aep.

GAears from no-, they:re $onna ask us... <here -ere you, -hen they took over the planet. ...And -e:re $onna say, W<e Iust stood by, and -atched.:G
This scene is kind of nasty in some subtle -ays. As #immons theatrically declares his po-erlessness to the -orld, you can tell that he isn:t Iust makin$ a fatalistic prediction. 1e -ants the Decepticons to attack no-. In this scene, he speaks #am:s mind as -ell, and, -ell, they both profit from the Autobots: presence. They -ant !ptimus and co. ack, and the only -ay that can happen is if their narrative of the capitalLELEvil invader Decepticon is true. There:s this subtle undercurrent to this scene that #am and #immons -ould $ladly sacrifice a city if it meant that their narrative proves correct. And -ell, this is another scene shot almost completely from #am:s P!M. !f course they:re $oin$ to be ri$ht.

#peakin$ of people -antin$ to be ri$ht, Dylan e6plains that Eyou have to stand on the side of pro$ress if you -ant to be part of historyG. The movie outri$ht states at this point that the Decepticons are pro$ressive, and once a$ain calls to mind history. "ote Carly bein$ framed by a $lass cube D at this point, the $lass ima$ery is $oin$ to start $ettin$ kind of out of hand. And in turn speakin$ of thin$s $ettin$ out of hand,

Transformers2 If the intro to this movie contrasted historical and fau6LhistoricalLc$i, then this one Iust Iumbles it into a total incoherent mess. It completely thro-s any sort of visual cohesion out of the -indo- %notice ho- throu$hout that launch seHuence, three full days appear to pass), and basically mostly e6ists to erase any and all remainin$ trace of suspension of disbelief. It:s the crudest appro6imation of space shuttleLrelated popLima$ery possible, an impossibly perfect caricature of the ima$e of Challen$er e6plodin$ in the atmosphere in Banuary *;97. It:s Iust... eautiful. !f course, narratively speakin$, -hat is Challen$er. If at its simplest, space fli$ht represents mortal man challen$in$ nature and crossin$ boundaries he -as not meant to cross, then Challen$er is -hat happens -hen they fail. And that:s -hat this scene is, as -ell+ 4ankind e6iled the $ods to live and fi$ht for themselves, but the $ods had other plans. #poilers, the Autobots survive and are back on earth, -here they:ll soon $et to -reak havoc a$ain.

Dylan and Carly fly off to a very pretty city.

1ere to catch the si$hts too, eh.

#am -ants to find out -here Carly is, and ho- does he do it. <ell, Dutch actually hacks himself into Dylan:s phone, usin$ its camera to find its position. <ith The Dark Qni$ht %&''9) and Aven$ers %&'*&) that makes three recent superLblockbusters to feature the prota$onists hackin$ phones -ith their militaryL$rade technolo$y to use them as impromptu surveillance eHuipment. #am and Epps take off.

Carly and Dylan ca$ed in -ith this bi=arre technolo$ical thin$ D -onderful shot. Carly reasons out that the earth only has one uniHue resource the Transformers could need+ 4anpo-er. ut even -ith their miraculous space brid$e, ho- are they $oin$ to ship over si6 billion people. EThey:re not shippin$ people.G EThey:re shippin$ their planet here.G %http+TTvimeo.comT55'9/(;() <ell. This is a thin$. I love ho- this comes completely out of no-here. After thro-in$ us out of the movie -ith Challen$er and settin$ up this ridiculous videoL$ameLesHue element of the Control Pillara %Fun fact+ The control pillar remains completely unmolested throu$hout the movie. The prota$onists stop the brid$e by breakin$ a -holly different pillar, namely the one Dylan and Carly are trapped -ith in the shot above2), suddenly ni$ht slams do-n like an anvil and everyone dies. #aniti=ed action movie violence. PFFFFFFT. It:s insane ho- after all its ridiculous artifice %particularly the hi$h-ay chase scene, -hich -as saniti=ed as hell2), the movie suddenly Iust thro-s this $enuine e6pression of human death and sufferin$ at us. It:s an emotional punch. It:s the Desert of the 8eal. It:s absurd, isn:t it. Aou have backflippin$ robots and floatin$ C0ILapparitions appear in the same breath as charred ima$es of total catastrophe. 1o- can one claim this theatre to in any -ay appro6imate any sort of reality. <ell, the lo$ic of this scene returns ri$ht to the be$innin$ of the movie+ The Iu6taposition serves to make the scenes of $enuine sufferin$ to appear more real in comparison. Think back to the finale of the first movie+ <e never $ot to see any civilian reactions or causalities. The movies have been continuously playin$ coy about it, leavin$ other people Iust outside the audience:s mind, keepin$ its robot pirouettes distinct from the lives lived by the various people of the fiction. It:s no coincidence that the leadLup to this scene is the most artificial part of this movie. The clear, yet perverted popLcultural ima$ery of Challen$er is follo-ed immediately by a scene that is unima$inably absurd and alien+ A -ar of the -orlds scenario in -hich the only thin$ the onlooker can relate to are other people... <ho are all dead or dyin$. In a sense, this scene sho-s a breakdo-n of the -all bet-een the mad torture of the robots from the movie before and the scenes of human life that made up the maIority of this one.

#40 already posted this thin$ before, but this is -here it truly becomes relevant. I really recommend readin$ the entire thin$, because there:s no part of it that doesn:t someho- come up in the last act of the movie %http+TT---.lacan.comTdesertsymf.htm). For the la=y, I:ll try to Huote the most important bits. %really thou$h, Iust read the -hole thin$.) And -as the bombin$ of the <TC -ith re$ard to the 1olly-ood catastrophe movies not like the snuff porno$raphy versus ordinary sadoLmaso porno movies. This is the element of truth in QarlL1ein= #tockhausenFs provocative statement that the planes hittin$ the <TC to-ers -as the ultimate -ork of art+ one can effectively perceive the collapse of the <TC to-ers as the climactic conclusion of the SSth century artFs Jpassion of the realJ L the JterroristsJ themselves did not primarily do it to provoke real material dama$e, but F!8 T1E #PECTAC?LA8 EFFECT !F IT. ... The underlyin$ e6perience of Time !ut of Boint and of The Truman #ho- is that the late capitalist consumerist Californian paradise is, in its very hyperLreality, in a -ay I88EAL, substanceless, deprived of the material inertia. And the same Jdereali=ationJ of the horror -ent on after the <TC bombin$s+ -hile the number of 7''' victims is repeated all the time, it is surprisin$ ho- little of the actual carna$e -e see L no dismembered bodies, no blood, no desperate faces of the dyin$ people... in clear contrast to the reportin$ from the Third <orld catastrophies -here the -hole point -as to produce a scoop of some $ruesome detail+ #omalis dyin$ of hun$er, raped osnian -omen, men -ith throats cut. These shots -ere al-ays accompanied -ith the advanceL-arnin$ that Jsome of the ima$es you -ill see are e6tremely $raphic and may hurt childrenJ L a -arnin$ -hich -e "EME8 heard in the reports on the <TC collapse. Is this not yet another proof of ho-, even in these tra$ic moments, the distance -hich separates ?s from Them, from their reality, is maintained+ the real horror happens T1E8E, not 1E8E.J For the Decepticons, -hat strate$ic value is there in destroyin$ Chica$o. There is none. The purpose of the act is to display their po-er, to scare the people into ceasin$ to resist... In other -ords, it:s a terrorist act. The parallels to the <TC bombin$s become obvious from there+ "ote ho- our first real establishin$ shot of the attack are the stran$e mechaLblimps floatin$ around ne6t to Chica$o:s skyscrapers. #o it is not only that 1olly-ood sta$es a semblance of real life deprived of the -ei$ht and inertia of materiality L in the late capitalist consumerist society, Jreal social lifeJ itself someho- acHuires the features of a sta$ed fake, -ith our nei$hbors behavin$ in JrealJ life as sta$e actors and e6tras... A$ain, the ultimate truth of the capitalist utilitarian deL spirituali=ed universe is the deLmateriali=ation of the Jreal lifeJ itself, its reversal into a spectral sho-. Amon$ others, Christopher Isher-ood $ave e6pression to this unreality of the American daily life, e6emplified in the motel room+ JAmerican motels are unreal2 T...T they are deliberately desi$ned to be unreal. T...T The Europeans hate us because -eFve retired to live inside our advertisements, like hermits $oin$ into caves to contemplate.J Peter #loterdiIkFs notion of the JsphereJ is here literally reali=ed, as the $i$antic metal sphere that envelopes and isolates the entire city. Aears a$o, a series of scienceLfiction films like Rardo= or Lo$anFs 8un forecasted todayFs postmodern predicament by e6tendin$ this fantasy to the community itself+ the isolated $roup livin$ an aseptic life in a secluded area lon$s for the e6perience of the real -orld of material decay. Is the endlessly repeated shot of the plane approachin$ and hittin$ the second <TC to-er not the realLlife version of the famous scene from 1itchcockFs irds, superbly analy=ed by 8aymond ellour, in -hich 4elanie approaches the ode$a ay pier after crossin$ the bay on the small boat. <hen, -hile approachin$ the -harf, she -aves to her %future) lover, a sin$le bird %first perceived as an undistin$uished dark blot) une6pectedly enters the frame from above ri$ht and hits her head. <as the plane -hich hit the <TC to-er not literally the ultimate 1itchcockian blot, the anamorphic stain -hich denaturali=ed the idyllic -ellLkno-n "e- Aork landscape.

efore leavin$, !ptimus Epasses do-nG the conflict to the human race. EFrom here, the fi$ht -ill be your o-n.G ?p to this point, #am has al-ays been portrayed as a spectator. 4ost of the maIor combat, happenin$ in Vatar or #han$hai or E$ypt or the fictional nonLplace of 4ission City %literally named to mean Ea city a mission takes place inG -ithin the conte6t of the movie) al-ays had a safe distance from us as the audience. The mastery of this entire seHuence, startin$ -ith Challen$er, is the -ay it uses narratives from the real -orld to essentially close that distance, insertin$ itself into that same space as the reL occurrin$ ne-s pro$rammer ima$ery of the t-in to-ers bein$ hit, only no- choosin$ to actually reach out to the audience and sho- us somethin$ -e can emotionally connect -ith. The <acho-ski brothersF hit The 4atri6 %*;;;) brou$ht this lo$ic to its clima6+ the material reality -e all e6perience and see around us is a virtual one, $enerated and coordinated by a $i$antic me$aLcomputer to -hich -e are all attachedO -hen the hero %played by Qeanu 8eeves) a-akens into the Jreal reality,J he sees a desolate landscape littered -ith burned ruins L -hat remained of Chica$o after a $lobal -ar. The resistance leader 4orpheus utters the ironic $reetin$+ J<elcome to the desert of the real.J <as it not somethin$ of the similar order that took place in "e- Aork on #eptember **. Its citi=ens -ere introduced to the Jdesert of the realJ L to us, corrupted by 1olly-ood, the landscape and the shots -e sa- of the collapsin$ to-ers could not but remind us of the most breathtakin$ scenes in the catastrophe bi$ productions. <hen -e hear ho- the bombin$s -ere a totally une6pected shock, ho- the unima$inable Impossible happened, one should recall the other definin$ catastrophe from the be$innin$ of the SSth century, that of Titanic+ it -as also a shock, but the space for it -as already prepared in ideolo$ical fantasi=in$, since Titanic -as the symbol of the mi$ht of the SISth century industrial civili=ation. Does the same not hold also for these bombin$s. "ot only -ere the media bombardin$ us all the time -ith the talk about the terrorist threatO this threat -as also obviously libidinally invested L Iust recall the series of movies from Escape From "e- Aork to Independence Day. Therein resides the rationale of the oftenLmentioned association of the attacks -ith the 1olly-ood disaster movies+ the unthinkable -hich happened -as the obIect of fantasy, so that, in a -ay, America $ot -hat it fantasi=ed about, and this -as the $reatest surprise. !ne should therefore turn around the standard readin$ accordin$ to -hich, the <TC e6plosions -ere the intrusion of the 8eal -hich shattered our illusory #phere+ Huite on the contrary, it is prior to the <TC collapse than -e lived in our reality, perceivin$ the Third <orld horrors as somethin$ -hich is not effectively part of our social reality, as somethin$ -hich e6ists %for us) as a spectral apparition on the %TM) screen L and -hat happened on #eptember ** is that this screen fantasmatic apparition entered our reality. It is not that reality entered our ima$e+ the ima$e entered and shattered our reality %i.e., the symbolic coordinates -hich determine -hat -e e6perience as reality). The fact that, after #eptember **, the openin$ of many Jof the blockbusterJ movies -ith scenes -hich bear a resemblance to the <TC collapse %lar$e buildin$s on fire or under attack, terrorist actions...) -ere postponed %or the films -ere even shelved), is thus to be read as the JrepressionJ of the fantasmatic back$round responsible for the impact of the <TC collapse. !f course, the point is not to play a pseudoLpostmodern $ame of reducin$ the <TC collapse to Iust another media spectacle, readin$ it as a catastrophe version of the snuff porno moviesO the Huestion -e should have asked ourselves -hen -e stared at the TM screens on #eptember ** is simply+ <1E8E DID <E AL8EADA #EE T1E #A4E T1I"0 !ME8 A"D !ME8 A0AI". Thanks, Ri=ek, you saved me from havin$ to -rite a -hole bunch of -ords2 The point of this scene. <ell, !ptimus pretty much put it best+ EThe fi$ht -ill be your o-n.G In tandem -ith intrudin$ upon the audience:s emotional space, the movie places a certain de$ree of responsibility on them. The Ioke bein$, of course, that the line EThis is our fi$htG -as already said durin$ the previous movie, and people have been involved and dyin$ since the very

be$innin$+ This is Iust the first sensational, lar$eLscale break of the status Huo of American life. #ee, this scene mostly e6ists to color the rest of the movie, -hich is a nearly fullLhour lon$ action seHuence. Aes, really. This is -here the movie $oes into full throttle and barely stops to take a sin$le breath. I -ish I could Iust let you -atch the -hole thin$ in video because there:s no -ay to even attempt conveyin$ it in screenshots, but oh -ell. Also, if they had Iust $iven 4e$atron the Allspark, none of this -ould have happened. #o, -hoopsies2 Also, *+/' of that video marks our first 0arba$e Day cameo. For all its proLrevolution aesthetics, the movies leave no doubt that said revolution is a hideous and painful thin$2

Part */...

The entire top brass of the military has come to$ether to try to fi$ure out -hat:s happenin$ in Detroit. The Decepticons disabled all communications in the city and are shootin$ do-n all surveillance eHuipment sent over, so 4earin$ and co. Are effectively blind. The -ay they are portrayed throu$hout this last act is pretty interestin$, but I:ll $et to that a bit later.

4ean-hile, Epps and his men are havin$ doubts about actually $oin$ in. ut #am is determined.

#am is not a very clever man.

ut suddenly... The attackin$ aircraft is shot do-n2 %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Autobots 8eturn http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXIIR I!7cH$3)

G<e -ill kill them all.G

That is !ptimus: first -ords upon comin$ back. #et to that music.

E<reckers, kill him2G

EThis is $oin$ to hurt2G

Then they proceed to tear him apart, limb by limb.

EAour leaders -ill no- understand+ Decepticons -ill never leave your planet alone2 And -e needed them to believe -e had

$one. For today, in the name of freedom, -e take the battle to them2 I love this fuckin$ scene so much. For one, I enIoy Iust ho- or$anic the lone Decepticon appears. As he:s flyin$ around, shootin$ at Epps and #am, he does his ridiculous pirouettes and silly transformaneuverin$, and then out of no-here he:s hit -ith Iust one shot, -hich is enou$h to harshly $round him. <hen he then tries to tear himself from the -recka$e, the filmmakers did a fantastic Iob of makin$ him appear as human as a robot can be+ <hile distinctly made of metal, the sheer amount of movin$ bits and the subtle coloration, and the contrast to the harsh, blocky metal plates of his vehicle immediately make him EreadG as a person... <hich makes his $risly murder by the -reckers all the more terrifyin$. Then there:s the soundtrack. The monstrous, heavy drums start ri$ht as !ptimus steps into the picture, combine -ith a shot that completely unambi$uously paints him as threatenin$ and villainous, and carry throu$h the <reckers: murder. <ere you to sho- this first part of the scene to someone -ho hasn:t heard of the movies, there:s not a chance they -ouldn:t think the Autobots are supposed to be the bad $uys in it. And it:s from this back$round that !ptimus suddenly launches into this distillation of oorah ri$htL-in$ F8EED!4 bullshit, -hile the music takes a total *9' into romantic fanfare but still carries a hint of that threatenin$ percussion, and it:s dissonant as fuck.

In fact, Iust to hei$hten the effect, the Autobot:s heroic arrival is punctuated by more terrified civilians runnin$ a-ay, Iust for the fun of it. This is pretty much the point -here I have to call bullshit on any attempt to read this movie as unironic, because this is Iust such blatant contradictory messa$in$.

The -reckers e6plain that them leavin$ the planet -as a ruse from the very be$innin$+ They actually hid in one of the booster rockets, droppin$ back to earth safely before the rocket ever e6ploded. In other -ords, they lied to everyone, made mockery of !ptimus: promise in the last movie that humanity:s -ishes are paramount, and let an entire city be reduced to ash before makin$ their presence kno-n a$ain in order to use that terrifyin$ loss of human life as an e6cuse for all this and to remain back on earth, -hen it -as their presence that provoked this terrorist act in the first place. It:s absurd, all of it2 Complete and total nonsense2 And yet people are buyin$ it, hook, line and sinker. umblebee states that he can fly the do-ned Decepticon vessel, and takes the humans for a Ioy ride DylanFs.

<omen are literally do$s, you heard it here first. I haven:t seen a match cut this unsubtle since &''*.

0lass, $lasses, binoculars, crystal balls, no- a telescope. And -hat is Carly:s True #i$ht spottin$ over yonder.

The e6position made a bi$ deal out of the Control Pillar, but cinemato$raphically the movie keeps returnin$ to this particular one. I shouldn:t need to tell you -hich one ends up actually bein$ important.

Bust look ho- happy he is2 This is the scene -here #entinel tells 4e$atron that he has no intention of -orkin$ for him. And he:s... not very nice about it.

Free=eLframin$ this Iust for 4e$atron:s facial animation. Bust $oin$ from surprised an$er to sheer pain to this depressed, do-ncast, almostacceptin$ look all -ithin a sin$le second D an ama=in$ effort by the animators for somethin$ no one in the
audience could possibly have noticed.

The importance of this scene, and this -hole focus on Carly:s clarity is that, -ell, this is the first time a human bein$ actually paid attention to 4e$atron. That:s the beautiful simplicity of this scene+ Althou$h taken here by force, Carly uses the moment to Iust see the enemy, and immediately $ets an everLsoLsli$ht idea of his comple6ity and his personal conflicts... #tandin$ at complete odds -ith all the other characters bein$ blinded%222) by propa$anda and hate.

#am and friends have arrived to free Carly.

I love this shot. #am is clearly in the servant:s field of vision, but she $ives no shit. Probably because he:s holdin$ the $un like a total -imp. #eriously, the -ay #am moves in this scene has to be seen to be believed. Fantastic actin$ on La eouf:s part. %#olid tri$$er discipline thou$h, didn:t e6pect that)

#am pretendin$ to be a sneaky action hero becomes even more absurd -hen -e see his mortal enemy doin$ somethin$ as impossibly profane as lookin$ in the frid$e -hile ventin$ his frustrations about bein$ unable to do anythin$.

That face2 Also, the servant lady Iust slooo-ly raises her hand to her mouth in -hat may be the most sarcastic display of shock ever e6pressed by an e6tra.

This scene cleanly mirrors <an$:s death+ <e have the lone simple $uy pretendin$ to be an action hero and tryin$ to tan$o -ith the bi$ boys, then bein$ unceremoniously thro-n throu$h a pane of $lass and off a buildin$ by a monitorLturnedLevilL murderLchicken. !f course, #am does have one advanta$e <an$ did not.

Friends.

"otice ho- Dylan:s shirt has mysteriously turned a much darker shade since the last part. "o-, here:s another funny thin$ about this -hole scene+ <hy did Dylan kidnap Carly in the first place. !n a metaLnarrative level, of course it is because #am -anted to have a motivation for attackin$ the $uy he hated+ The dra$on kidnappin$ the princess is the most basic heroic narrative, after all. ut if you:re perceptive, Dylan has stated his o-n reasons as -ell+ In the video at the end of the last part, he says that he:s safe. 1e cannot $uarantee the survival and safety of any other human on the planet earth... E6cept his o-n. Did you notice ho- he immediately $rabs and covers Carly -hen stray shots start hittin$ the buildin$ they:re in. Aes

indeed, he -anted to shield her -ith his pro6imity. #am believes there:s se6ual interest, but nothin$ I:ve seen has so far supported his interpretation. The -ay I see it, he simply -anted his lon$Ltime friend and supporter to be safe from harm... Even if it means bein$ hated by her. And no- #am has pulled her back out into the dan$er =one, the middle of combat.

Laserbeak does a remarkably poor Iob of murderin$ #am until umblebee shoots him do-n, but in the process crashes the Decepticon ship. !n top of a bunch of civilians. Aup2

Everyone re$roups, and #am spots one of the shotLdo-n ?AMs.

Epps tries to use it to contact ops, and finally $ets throu$h.

There:s somethin$ fascinatin$ about the -ay this scene is set up. <ith the prota$onist starin$ do-n into the little housin$ of the camera, the ima$e of -hich appears on a hu$e screen overlookin$ the usual antLhiveLcommotion of military ops, you $et this really bi=arre effect of 4earin$ and co actually bein$ inside of that camera, like a tiny house filled -ith le$less fairies. !r

perhaps a portal into another dimension. Carly repeats everythin$ -e kno-, and no- ops is officially part of the $ame.

It:s fascinatin$. !ps cannot interact directly -ith the proceedin$s, so instead they build a virtualLreality Chica$o, then start off a lar$e -eb of orders and thin$s indirectly affectin$ other thin$s. There:s this real sense of disconnect bet-een ops and the -orld, almost as if they:re, -ell, in another dimension2 And then there:s another fascinatin$ thin$ about all this, -hich is hoour four named characters in ops are used. There:s Lenno6, #immons, Dutch and 4earin$, t-o characters -ho have been -ith us since the be$innin$ %and one of -hich received some massive development), a do$ and the future version of one of the characters -ho is out in the field, and they:re all Iust... There. It:s like every bit of personality has been drained from them, and they:ve been subsumed completely into this 0estaltL intelli$ence of !ps, a sort of $iant brain in -hich the neural path-ays are formed by human bein$s shoutin$ orders. Bust the -ay everythin$ in this monotone room of simulations playin$ simulations for simulated people is impossibly impersonal, and in its disconnect to EourG -orld calls to mind the Lovecraftian idea of the blind idiot $od A=athoth, -ho sits at the centre of the universe, -ieldin$ po-er far beyond any mortal:s understandin$. The human bein$s before us, throu$h the po-er of net-orkin$, have turned into somethin$ fundamentally inhuman. The best part about all of this, for me, is 4earin$. Like, -e Iust established that her past version has an unusually clear si$ht of the -orld, bein$ able to perceive the truth -ith her o-n eyes, and yet she:s here, havin$ to stare at an indirect replica created from past data and spotty information. <hat happened....

!ne of the funny and sad thin$s about Carly is the fact that throu$hout all this, her clothes remain totally spotless and her hair absolutely fabulous. !h 1olly-ood, can:t have a -oman $ettin$ dirty, can -e. I reali=e this is in part to keep her an$elic ima$e, but I:d still have preferred it if the movie -ent full ho$ on only payin$ lip service to obIectification. The heroes fi$ure that since they:re here, they may as -ell try to lob a rocket at the control pillar, even thou$h they only thou$ht to brin$ a sin$le one. They fi$ure they:ll need a $ood vanta$e point to do it, one such as...

That $lass buildin$ up there. <hy, that looks perfectly safe2 ?$h, that fuckin: buildin$. Let:s Iust say this movie isn:t done -ith ;T** yet.

The movie follo-s -ith a $enuinely rousin$ scene of the human assault force preparin$. %Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon %The Complete #core) L Plannin$ Attack http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX?iVL&d IT!V)

It:s kind of stran$e, really. All throu$hout the trilo$y, they:ve been playin$ their Emilitary -orshipG in a fairly ridiculous -ay, and I fi$ured that it -as Iust part of the pretense they -ere buildin$. ut here, in the decidin$ hour of the movie, -here they mostly come clean and finally play everythin$ they:ve been coyly implyin$ up to this point for real, suddenly -e $et this scene that has nothin$ but $enuine appreciation and support for these soldiers and their mission. <hat happened.

And then it struck me. A simple nuance that had been there since the be$innin$, but I had not seen until this point. The Emilitary -orshipG the filmmakers are so often accused of+ It is real. <hat makes it fascinatin$ are the specifics of it. All these elements of appreciation... The rousin$ music, the s-eepin$ an$les, the dramatic =ooms+ <hen are they used, specifically. Certainly not in combat, since actual combat is al-ays portrayed as chaotic, destructive and in$lorious. "o, the -orship happens back at base, -hen they:re preparin$ to take off. <here:s the difference. I think the best -ay to e6plain this is via 4earin$. #ee, bein$ the supreme fi$ure of military authority in this movie, you could say that the military is itself one of her tools. A tool of a$$ression, a firearm. 8emember the bi$ deal I made out of 4earin$:s $un, and the -ay $uns are used in this movie in $eneral. 4earin$ lays the $un on the table to establish her authority. 4e$atron Iust dra-s his. #am, <an$ and Dutch all point $uns around to try and levera$e themselves into a position of po-er. The $un is repeatedly used as a communicative measure. And that:s the trick -ith ho- they:re portrayed durin$ preparation vs. 1o- they:re portrayed in actual use. The e6istence of military po-er is ri$hteous and Iustified... As lon$ as it e6ists in potentia.

The movie e6plains itself neatly in the scene -here #immons and #am meet the 8ussians. The scene be$ins -ith a char$ed, dan$erous situation+ To Dutch and co, the 8ussians are a threatenin$ !ther, and vice versa. Due to a failin$ of lan$ua$e, those !thers see the prota$onists as havin$ a$$ressive intentions, and dra- their -eapons, an open display of a$$ression meant to intimidate. A moment of destructive chaos ensues, -hich sees Dutch dra- his o-n -eapon, makin$ the clear statement that he is -illin$ to return this a$$ression if necessary. At this point, havin$ the bi$$er $un, the !ther is at an advanta$e, and therefore still in control, but actually hesitant to e6ecute said control. And that:s -hen another moment of chaos happens, and suddenly Dutch is the one holdin$ the bi$$er $un D and it is only in that circumstance that the authority keepin$ him in check can make his actual voice heard, resolvin$ the situation amicably. And is that not e6actly -hat is happenin$ ri$ht no-, Iust on a much lar$er scale. The attack on Chica$o -as a form of a$$ressive communication D the loss of life bein$ used to tell the human populace that they are in total control. And this activation of the military is the response+ 4earin$ is dra-in$ her $un, a$ain, attemptin$ primarily to $et a diplomatic

advanta$e.
This also fits <an$:s death and #am:s unfinished reLenactment of said scene. <an$ dra-s his $uns to state his intention of counterLa$$ression, but is unable to follo- up the threat. #am, by contrast, has a po-erful -ar machine lookin$ over his shoulder D and althou$h he $oes throu$h the same steps, the fact of his military support is -hat turns the tides and allo-s him to live. In this conte6t, the violence L and the returned violence it provokes L becomes an actual, perhaps even necessary component of communication. The Ioke in that readin$ of the scene -ith the 8ussians, of course, is that #immons and Dutch are the ones -ho actually initiate that e6chan$e of arms in the first place, they are the threatenin$ !ther intrudin$ upon the 8ussians: lives. <hich itself ali$ns beautifully -ith the humans settin$ the entire trilo$y in motion all the -ay back -ith their capture of 4e$atron and the Allspark, interferin$ -ith the lives of the Cybertronians. #o here -e have a movie that condemns the ?#: history of imperialism, but surprisin$ly, avoids the lo$ical counternarrative of all ?# military a$$ression bein$ unIust... <hich brin$s us ri$ht back to Ri=ek2

<e donFt yet kno- -hat conseHuences in economy, ideolo$y, politics, -ar, this event -ill have, but one thin$ is sure+ the ?#, -hich, till no-, perceived itself as an island e6empted from this kind of violence, -itnessin$ this kind of thin$s only from the safe distance of the TM screen, is no- directly involved. #o the alternative is+ -ill Americans decide to fortify further their Jsphere,J or to risk steppin$ out of it. Either America -ill persist in, stren$then even, the deeply immoral attitude of J<hy should this happen to us. Thin$s like this donFt happen 1E8E2J, leadin$ to more a$$ressivity to-ards the threatenin$ !utside, in short+ to a paranoiac actin$ out. !r America -ill finally risk steppin$ throu$h the fantasmatic screen separatin$ it from the !utside <orld, acceptin$ its arrival into the 8eal -orld, makin$ the lon$Loverdue move from JA thin$ like this should not happen 1E8E2J to JA thin$ like this should not happen A"A<1E8E2J. Therein resides the true lesson of the bombin$s+ the only -ay to ensure that it -ill not happen 1E8E a$ain is to prevent it $oin$ on A"A<1E8E EL#E. In short, America should learn to humbly accept its o-n vulnerability as part of this -orld, enactin$ the punishment of those responsible as a sad duty, not as an e6hilaratin$ retaliation. The <TC bombin$s a$ain confront us -ith the necessity to resist the temptation of a double blackmail. If one simply, only and unconditionally condemns it, one cannot but appear to endorse the blatantly ideolo$ical position of the American innocence under attack by the Third <orld EvilO if one dra-s attention to the deeper socioLpolitical causes of Arab e6tremism, one cannot but appear to blame the victim -hich ultimately $ot -hat it deserved... The only conseHuent solution is here to reIect this very opposition and to adopt both positions simultaneously, -hich can only be done if one resorts to the dialectical cate$ory of totality+ there is no choice bet-een these t-o positions, each one is oneLsided and false. Far from offerin$ a case apropos of -hich one can adopt a clear ethical stance, -e encounter here the limit of moral reasonin$+ from the moral standpoint, the victims are innocent, the act -as an abominable crimeO ho-ever, this very innocence is not innocent L to adopt such an JinnocentJ position in todayFs $lobal capitalist universe is in itself a false...

abstraction. The same $oes for the more ideolo$ical clash of interpretations+ one can claim that the attack on the <TC -as an attack on -hat is -orth fi$htin$ for in democratic freedoms L the decadent <estern -ay of life condemned by 4uslim and other fundamentalists is the universe of -omenFs ri$hts and multiculturalist toleranceO ho-ever, one can also claim that it -as an attack on the very center and symbol of $lobal financial capitalism. This, of course, in no -ay entails the compromised notion of shared $uilt %terrorists are to blame, but, partially, Americans are also to blame...) L the point is, rather, that the t-o sides are not really opposed, that they belon$ to the same field. The fact that $lobal capitalism is a totality means that it is the dialectical unity of itself and of its other, of the forces -hich resist it on JfundamentalistJ ideolo$ical $rounds. ConseHuently, of the t-o main stories -hich emer$ed after #eptember **, both are -orse, as #talin -ould have put it. The American patriotic narrative L the innocence under sie$e, the sur$e of patriotic pride L is, of course, vainO ho-ever, is the Leftist narrative %-ith its #chadenfreude+ the ?# $ot -hat they deserved, -hat they -ere for decades doin$ to others) really any better. The predominant reaction of European, but also American, Leftists -as nothin$ less than scandalous+ all ima$inable stupidities -ere said and -ritten, up to the JfeministJ point that the <TC to-ers -ere t-o phallic symbols, -aitin$ to be destroyed %JcastratedJ). <as there not somethin$ petty and miserable in the mathematics remindin$ one of the 1olocaust revisionism %-hat are the 7''' dead a$ainst millions in 8uanda, Qon$o, etc.). And -hat about the fact that the CIA %co)created the Taliban and in Laden, financin$ and helpin$ them to fi$ht the #oviets in Af$hanistan. <hy -as this fact Huoted as an ar$ument A0AI"#T attackin$ them. <ould it not be much more lo$ical to claim that it is precisely their duty to $et rid of the monster they created. The moment one thinks in the terms of Jyes, the <TC collapse -as a tra$edy, but one should not fully feel solidarity -ith the victims, since this -ould mean supportin$ ?# imperialism,J the ethical catastrophe is already here+ the only appropriate stance is the unconditional solidarity -ill ALL victims. The ethical stance proper is here replaced -ith the morali=in$ mathematics of $uilt and horror -hich misses the key point+ the terrifyin$ death of each individual is absolute and incomparable. In short, let us make a simple mental e6periment+ if you detect in yourself any restraint to fully empathi=e -ith the victims of the <TC collapse, if you feel the ur$e to Hualify your empathy -ith Jyes, but -hat about the millions -ho suffer in Africa...J, you are not demonstratin$ your Third <orld sympathies, but merely the mauvaise foi -hich bears -itness to your implicit patroni=in$ racist attitude to-ards the Third <orld victims. %4ore precisely, the problem -ith such comparative statements is that they are necessary and inadmissible+ one 1A# to make them, one 1A# to make the point that much -orse horrors are takin$ place around the -orld on a daily basis L but one has to do it -ithout $ettin$ involved in the obscene mathematics of $uilt). The movie puts humanity at fault for the entire situation, yet frames their selfLdefense as Iustified and necessary. And on the other side, it openly supports 0arba$e Day:s revolution a$ainst authoritarianism, yet sho-s him vapori=e innocent civilians. It:s an almost selfLcontradictory position, that, if you take it in isolation, almost seems to imply that the movie is proL-ar and violence in its purest form... In a sense, as an action movie, it has to be, of course, Truffaut and all. ut the important thin$ is once a$ain pointed out to us at the end of the scene -ith the 8ussians+ The e6istence of an amicable, diplomatic end to this e6chan$e of violence that results in a $reater understandin$ bet-een the t-o sides. 4y favorite thin$ about this movie in particular compared to the previous t-o is that then, everyone -as Iust -ron$ and an idiot. ut here, both sides have $ained a certain amount of ri$hteousness, and, -ith that, comple6ity... <ith the only faction that is plainLout evil bein$ the Autobots -ho try to frame this conflict as a blackLandL-hite battle of heroes and villains, deliberately sabota$in$ the possibility of a peaceful end in mutual understandin$. The idea of violenceLasLcommunication is also e6plored in more depth in attleship %&'*&), a movie that seems to be a sort of response to this one thematically.

Part *3+ EEvery frame is so dense, it has #! 4?C1 $oin$ on2E

1eroically stormin$ the city %and, in !ptimus Prime:s case, losin$ his trailer alon$ the -ay), the Autobots reLIoin -ith our human prota$onists in a church -ith some rather... Peculiar decorations. Churches are the oldest e6ample of a sanctuary or Esafe spaceG, desi$natin$ this scene as a last little breather before shit his the fan %a$ain).

<hile !ptimus complains about his missin$ trailer %GI need that fli$ht tech2G), he makes kind of an interestin$ dance around this rather #hin 4e$ami TenseiLesHue an$el. The shot be$ins -ith him to her left, in her field of vie-, but his back turned to her. 1e turns around smoothly, but Iust as the statue moves into his field of vie-, his turnin$ suddenly speeds up, scannin$ the other side of the room past her. 1e then moves to the ri$ht, and a$ain turns his head Huickly so his vie- shoots ri$ht past the statue, resultin$ in the shot above, -here he:s actually divided from her by the stron$ line of her -in$s, lookin$ into the opposite direction. Finally, he threatenin$lyTdramatically cocks his $un for no reason, and the camera follo-s him to the ri$ht, the statue e6itin$ its vie- left, never to be seen a$ain. I find it interestin$ because even thou$h the statue itself is such a strikin$ setpiece set up to immediately dra- the vie-er:s attention -ith its visual -ei$ht, !ptimus himself actively denies its presence, as thou$h he couldn:t bear to look at it. Aside from the obvious dissociatin$ effect of him complainin$ about his toys -hile the vie-er is busy -onderin$ -hy the hell there:s a hu$e bron=e statue of a naked an$el -ith a -hip smackLdab in the middle of a church in Chica$oK, keep in mind also that

this is a naked female an$el cast in dark metal sittin$ amon$st a scene of destruction and defiled sanctity in a position of $reat lament, a series of ima$es previously associated -ith the character of 4e$atron.
K?nless there actually is a church in Chica$o -ith a naked D#4 an$el statue sittin$ ri$ht in its centre, in -hich case, -elp

I should also note that !ptimus has a history of not lookin$ at an$els, as seen here in 8even$e.

<hile !ptimus sends out the <reckers to be murdered by #hock-ave, Epps reminds the vie-er of the humans: tar$et, the broken $lass buildin$ here framed by more broken $lass. #omeone on the production team either really fuckin$ loves or really fuckin$ hates $lass.

ut before they $o, Vue reminds us that he:s supposed to be an inventor, and drops some techy $ad$ets on the floor. Convenient armLmounted superhero $rapplin$ hooks and... 0renades. <ait a second. Take a look at that $renade in the centre. A cylindrical container connected to a lon$ stick by -hich it is held. The 0erman arms manufacturer Iust handed them some #tielhand$ranaten. <elp, I $uess it took them lon$ enou$h to invoke the "a=is2

It:s even less subtle in some of the concept art. Also it:s a li$htsaber I $uess..

0arba$e Day cameo in the back$round2

Fun fact+ I had no idea #A had an admin called that until Iust a couple -eeks a$o

Actually, in the interim, I found out I -as -ron$ about him. <hile he resembles the $arba$e truck man from the riot scene before, thanks to ho- little he:s kept in focus, he:s actually an entirely different character. <hoops2 E6cept.

Aes, rather than bein$ a blueLcollar vehicle, 0D is a literal communist rocket truck. That only makes it less subtle22

There:s a bit of a cute moment -here the <reckers all fire at #hock-ave -ith like *& machine $uns and he immediately takes a car to use as a shield, until he reali=es that the tiny bullets can:t even scratch him and Iust thro-s it a-ay.

Civilians2 4uch like the statue from before, they Iust kind of scroll off the left side of the screen as the camera focuses on the runnin$ prota$onists.

The military approaches the city in !spreys, -hich don:t seem to stand much of a chance a$ainst the Decepticon ships. 1umanity is pretty hopelessly outclassed -hen it comes to technolo$y.

The military scenes keep returnin$ to this $uy. 1e:s not named %beyond EkidG) and pretty incidental in every -ay, but the fe-ords -e $et out of him $ive an actual solid breadth of emotion that really humani=es this entire operation. Contrast -ith TF&''( and 8!TF, -here the human =er$lin$s -ere pretty much faceless automatons, and you can really see the upturn in compassion that happens in this film. There:s t-o such characters, him and another dude -e:ll see in a bit, -ho display an unusual de$ree of human concerns and emotions. It feels stran$e that they use -hat are effectively back$round e6tras for this, instead of, you kno-, their main characters. <hat also surprised me -as that both of these characters are black. #ee, 1olly-ood has this problem -here they tend to sort of disre$ard America:s demo$raphics, endin$ up -ith cities and armies conspicuously dominated by -hite dudes, to say nothin$ of main characters. This film:s main characters certainly reflect this, as even the robots are e6plicitly coded to read as -hite. Add to that the -eird commentary the movies tried to make on race in media, -hich sort of tried to $o some-here in the first and then spectacularly backfired in the second, and it Iust ends up feelin$ really unlike them to cast t-o black dudes for the e6press purpose of havin$ someone the audience can actually relate to for this last bit. It almost feels like an apolo$y D one that rin$s completely hollo- of course, particularly since they repeated the same shit they did before, Iust -ith Asians.

Love this shot of the Deceptiplanes stickin$ to the side of a buildin$ like moths. It:s cute.

Also cute+ The -ay #tarscream shots Elocusts2G

I:m startin$ to notice a bit of an insect theme here.

#o, no- that they:re in the city, ho- does the military hope to accomplish anythin$ a$ainst #tarscream and the technolo$ically and numerically superior force of the Decepticons. #imple.

Tactical flyin$ sHuirrel suits.

It makes perfect sense, really. <ith the past movies, -e had humanity tryin$ to challen$e the aliens on eHual $rounds, by buildin$ bi$ toys to fi$ht their bi$ toys. The problem is, this form of combat is ultimately un-innable. I:d like to brin$ up the bi$ rail$un from the previous movie, the absence of -hich here is often considered a plot hole D like, yeah, it shot do-n a really bi$ dude and could probably do a lot of dama$e, but consider+ It needs an entire battleship to operate, and if a tar$eted strike on that ship -as led, that:s it for the bi$ $un. Aou mi$ht even be able to build more of them, but eHually speakin$, the Transformers can Iust brin$ more bi$$er toys+ #entinel states that there are more Transformers in total than there are humans%2), so -e:ve barely be$un to scratch their total military capacity in these three movies. #o instead of attemptin$ to challen$e their enemy -here they:re stron$, humanity has decided to capitali=e on their -eakness+ Their inability to deal -ith small, mobile tar$ets. The -in$suits improve their aerial mobility, allo-in$ them to s-arm their opponents from the air as -ell as from the $round. The Elocusts2G e6clamation is only too appropriate. y the -ay, the suits are an actual thin$ %http+TTen.-ikipedia.or$T-ikiT<in$suitUflyin$), thou$h I don:t think they:re used by the military. Thanks, Top 0ear2 Alri$ht, so after that bit, -e $et to another scene that really needs a video. Click here to see a scene I like a lot2 %http+TTvimeo.comT55(*/3*&) The thin$ I -ould like to call attention to most is the te6ture of the seHuence. #o far, most scenes took place at $round level, lousy -ith dirt and debris and burnin$ -recka$es, tinted in this unpleasant dark $rey smokeLlike filter, but in the earliest part

of that seHuence, -hen they reach that office, everythin$ totally shifts. It:s not immediately apparent, but as you look at it, you slo-ly start reali=in$ ho- unnatural it looks.

The movie barely $ives us any time to take in the surroundin$s as the characters carelessly rush past, but look closely. Every surface is clean and shiny. Every sin$le chair is strai$ht and beautifully ali$ned -ith the tables. ooks are neatly stacked and refreshments untouched. There:s no si$n of a panic, people bein$ interrupted in their -ork and runnin$ for the e6its, or even any -ork havin$ taken place at all, no stray halfLfinished coffee cups, loose documents flyin$ about, anythin$ like that. In a buildin$ currently standin$ at a /' de$ree an$le. There:s an apocalypse outside and it:s like no human has ever actually been here. And yet the buildin$ is lit. After all the $rit and blood and broken $lass from before, the undisturbed office feels inhumanly smooth. The fascinatin$ thin$ is that it:s this very te6ture that becomes an anta$onist in this seHuence. The Decepticons don:t bother fi$htin$ directly past the first bit, they Iust an$le the structure and let physics do the -ork. And so -e see the order of the buildin$ continuously break do-n and te6ture and chaos returnin$, but not before the prota$onists $et to slide around a bunch. !n the uppermost floor, there:s a black carpet laid -hich offers a solid standin$ $round for the characters, but as they transition to the shinin$ $lass, it cannot support them, and their frantic $rasps meet nothin$. "ot satisfied -ith merely havin$ symbolic breakin$ $lass, the characters then turn their -eapons on the surface itself as thou$h it -ere an enemy, reintroducin$ chaos into the system and allo-in$ them to return into the buildin$... E6cept this time, there:s no carpet. The floor here is Iust as -hite and $leamin$ as the tables above and the $lass outside, and a$ain our prota$onists cannot find hold until they $rab onto the dark cables freed by the dama$e to the buildin$. And here -e see the flutterin$ papers, cups bein$ thro-n around, and so on D it:s not Iust the buildin$ that pro$ressively decays, but the entire picture. From here, the color balance pro$ressively shifts from the $leamin$ -hite back to the drab and $ritty te6tures of the buildin$s belo-, and the rusty old fire ladder becomes a symbol of %temporary) safety. And then #hock-ave sho-s up. Alri$ht, so this is -here thin$s kinda $o completely off the rails, so bear -ith me please. Let:s look at the to-er itself. <hat realLlife concept could be seen as resemblin$.

Aeah 0EE I D?""! 1ELP 4E !?T 1E8E 0?A# !kay, this is... "ot subtle. ut really, that Iust makes it more fascinatin$. Let:s start -ith the abstract+ 8ememberin$ Ri=ek, -ho referred to the <TC as a Ecapitalist smooth spaceG, -e see a number of references to that in the scene itself. #tartin$ -ith the $eneral inhuman smoothness I described above, -e also have the fluorescent yello-Toran$e li$hts on the ceilin$ -hich don:t belon$ any-here near an actual office space, thanks to -orkplace psycholo$y, the utterly ine6plicable alcohol standin$ there, and every sin$le plant in the -hole room bein$ the same color. <e:ve already discussed the connection bet-een yello-T$old and material -ealth, and really this entire room is a subtle visual thro-back to the early scene -ith #am and 4alkovich. 8eally, I -ish the establishin$ shots of the room -ould have lasted more than a fraction of a second, thou$h I:m not sure -hat that -ould have done to the pacin$ and stuff. It all ends up bein$ too subdued compared to the crass ima$ery -e $et durin$ the actual to-er collapse, and it -ould have been neat to have a bit more focus on the virtuality of the thin$ and its entire nature as a space for machines to convince other machines that money is bein$ $enerated. The funny part of this is the physical impossibility of the buildin$ itself and the monumental effort reHuired on part of the Decepticons to let $ravity actually do its -ork. 8emember that this movie takes place in conspiracyLspace, -here the t-in

to-ers could never have fallen strai$ht do-n-ards like they did -ithout a controlled demolition. Clearly, if they -ere attacked from the side, they -ould have toppled side-ays. Clearly. Bust look at this compellin$ video evidence. !n the other side then, -e have #hock-ave, the polar opposite of everythin$ -e Iust talked about + <e have this shapeless, incoherent thin$ that is itself actually an anthropomorphi=ed cloud of dust and debris, mindlessly destructive and allL consumin$, -hich creates this t-oLfold ima$e+ Firstly, the physical and inevitable %here represented by C0I) tearin$ a-ay at this virtual obIectTidea that is seen as bein$ beyond decay %here also represented by C0I), and secondly, the standard ;T** story of the antiLAmerican !ther destroyin$ this ima$e of American mi$htTinnocence. <e therefore conclude that the thesis presented by Transformers+ Dark of the 4oon is that ;T** -as caused by an undead #oviet nuclear hateLphallus. And that:s not even the incoherent part. %"otice ho-, -hen #hock-ave burro-s into the buildin$, suddenly lots of civilians sho- up -here before they -ere conspicuously absent. It almost feels more like he brou$ht them there rather than attackin$ a place they -ere previously present in.) Even Iust taken on its o-n, this scene is potentially very po-erful. <e have this $roup of humans po-erlessly attemptin$ to resist an a$$ressive, destructive -ar machineTforce of nature on one side and the cold apathy of their o-n creation on the other, attemptin$ to navi$ate the fi$urative path bet-een #cylla and Charybdis Iust to survive after their failed mission... That:s $reat stuff, you could make an entire movie based that concept. Dark 4oon often dra$s, but everythin$ -e:ve seen to this point $ives this scene a lot of e6tra -ei$ht. <e have all these associations -ith the characters, the settin$s, and so on... Carly:s an$elic nature, the Chernobyl scene, the ideas of -ealth and -ork portrayed earlier, every open plot thread, really the entirety of the last si6 hours of the trilo$y and all the bits of modern culture they touch on, all of these thin$s are there, on the back of your mind, conte6tuali=in$ this scene. Transformers &''( -as often hard to follo- because of the camera an$les, li$htnin$ and so on obscurin$ the action, but this movie can be hard to follo- because there:s Iust so much $oin$ on, visually, auditory, te6tually, that the brain simply stru$$les to keep up. #imple setups like #hock-ave starin$ at Carly on the old fire ladder under the $lass ceilin$ of the perfectly hori=ontal to-er become loaded -ith meanin$, and the movie thro-s out one of these after another. And after the meticulous setup of everythin$ -e Iust have seen, probably only this movie could bra=enly pull off -hat happens ne6t. 1oooooo dear. #omeone sets the cartoon dial on full tilt, and flyin$ in comes the freedom man on a red, -hite %-ell, silver) and blue $oddamn Ietpack -ith t-o $iant $uns, shouts EI <ILL #AME A!? ALLG and takes apart the e6istential threat in t-o seconds flat. All it:s missin$ is confetti rainin$ from the sky -hile the -ords E4I##I!" ACC!4PLI#1EDG flash on the screen. <e conclude a fantastical vision of the <TC attacks by havin$ a truck man punchin$ the e6plosion to death. TaLda, everybody lives2 It:s such an impossibly crass and tasteless moment that the entire movie seems to do a doubletake+ The over-rou$ht construction immediately $ets cau$ht up in its surroundin$s and immobili=ed. It is too absurd to e6ist in physical space. %"ote ho- he $ets trapped in a bunch of cables, much like the cables the human characters $rabbed onto for safety.) After such a meanin$ful seHuence, this is Iust so... It reminds me of that cartoon version of Titanic in -hich the titular ship doesn:t sink. It -ould be offensive -ere it not so bafflin$. ut in a sense, it:s only too appropriate, isn:t it. It:s in the best interest of state and media to boil do-n complicated reality into simple narratives. <hen you have a complete clusterfuck like, say, Europe:s current financial situation, it:s impossible for a common person to -rap their head around the -hat and -hy of the -hole thin$, and as a result, the thin$ becomes Esomebody else:s problemG, no matter ho- much it affects them. !f course, for ma6imum possible emotional investment, the topic tends to be reduced to the simplest narrative possible+ The $ood $uy, the bad $uy, and the princess -ho needs to be saved, or, more succinctly, EThose Fuckers, !ur

#hitG. Tell the 0erman people it:s those la=y 0reeks -ho took their money, and you have an instead -idespread outra$e, a potent political tool. !f course, -hen it comes to terrorist attacks, the story is already handed to you on a silver platter. Aou have a villain and a victim, so all people -ill -ant is Iustice. To a de$ree, then, national response to the ;T** attacks is entirely natural, and the celebration of the orchestrator:s death a solid decade later is Iust the closure of a chapter in history. !r at least, should be. #ee, this is -here thin$s $et funny. I don:t need to tell any reader ho- deeply that event actually affected society, and you see yourself ho- farcical the above para$raph reads as a result. I cannot tell you -hy, because I:m really not nearly Hualified to make any statements about this -hole affair %it:s too complicated for me, of course), but the impression that I $et from media and discourse and the constant repetition of those ima$es and phrases that have become burned into our memory is that America D and, conseHuently, the -hole -estern -orld D never really moved past that date. And I don:t mean that in a rote E"ever For$etG kind of -ayO I mean that ;T** is, on some level, still happenin$, ri$ht no-, as -e speak.

The politoons thread in D]D is a hoot -hen it isn:t utterly depressin$.

<hen somethin$ rests so heavily on an audience:s emotions, naturally they -ill -ant to deal -ith that trauma someho-. 8eturnin$ to the idea of media narrative, it is once a$ain the reven$e play that usually does its Iob here. ut in this case, ;T** has become so synonymous -ith the idea of terror that the death of the man %seen as bein$) behind it accomplishes very little. If he:s dead and terror still happens, clearly the actual villain is still aboutO ut in this case, the Eactual villainG is the idea of terrorism. Aou can:t fi$ht or kill a spectre like that. As a result, the story can never actually be concluded D -e:re in the middle of the third act, but have no idea -here to actually $o from here. #o the only -ay entertainment can actually -ork -ith this an6iety D since they:ll -ant to capitali=e on the vie-ers: emotional investment D is to create villains from -hole cloth. It mi$ht be Qoreans, or va$ue Arab people, or aliens, or aliens that are also robots. A forei$n force nonLspecific enou$h to stand in as a scape$oat, that Iron 4an can punch in the face for a cathartic finish. %To see -hat I mean, take a look back at the last t-o years and reflect on -hich bi$ action blockbusters had and hadn:t some kind of ;T** reference in them. "ote that I:m not playin$ that loose -ith the idea of a ;T** reference here D Transformers &''( had an enemy plane crashin$ throu$h a buildin$, but it:s not really referential. The movies I:m thinkin$ about e6plicitly replicate scenes or shots associated -ith the event in a calculated effort to evoke a particular emotion. It:s somethin$ that seems to have ballooned very recently, for some reason.) The problem -ith this approach is that ultimately, it doesn:t -ork very -ell. It:s a poor reflection of reality, so it doesn:t actually help on an emotional level, but it invokes Iust enou$h of the real ima$es to put them back into our subconscious... Thus a$ain creatin$ the need to cope. Like a PT#DLsufferer constantly returnin$ to the place of their trauma, it becomes a viral ima$e that necessitates itself. As usual, all Transformers really does is cut the false subtlety and take the concept to its natural conclusion+ #EAL Team 7 flyin$ in on Ietpacks to save Lady Liberty from Qim Commusama:s evil cla-s in the streets of Chica$o.

Part *5+ Kincomprehensible Cybertronian chitterin$K

#entinel $ives the command to launch operation reak #pacetime, and there:s a monta$e of cultural caricatures as Decepticons all over the -orld launch their doodads into space.

<heels ] rains, finally havin$ snapped from bein$ the constant comic relief, find a mostlyLintact fi$hter, and decide to, rather ominously, Elay do-n the la-G.

#am ] Carly $et separated from the others %someho-),

And run strai$ht into #tarscream2 E<hat a treat2 Aou and me... Alone2G <hat an odd thin$ to say. It seems like he:s been lookin$ for-ard to $ettin$ his hands on #am, but, thinkin$ about it, -hy. <hat did #am do to #tarscream specifically. 1is entire contribution to the conflict is killin$ 4e$atron once and settin$ up his second defeat after-ards. If -e $o by the usual EcanonG character for #creamer, -e kno- that, if anythin$, he should be thankful for #am $ettin$ rid of 4e$atron2 After all, thanks to #am, he $ot to be Decepticon Leader for t-o -hole years2 0* #tarscream -ould short himself over that idea2 In fact, if -e assume that is #tarscream:s leadin$ motivation, the trilo$y could not have $one better for him %-ell, safe for that one time he lost his arm and 4e$atron beat him up a bunch). Look at the current situation+ 4e$atron is alive, yes, but he:s a complete -reck -ho does no actual leadin$ in this film, and #ound-ave never $ave a shit to be$in -ith, makin$ the only obstacle bet-een #tarscream and de facto leadership #entinel D -ho is riskin$ his o-n hide in the middle of a -ar=one. <hy, then, -ould #tarscream $o after #am, -ho made all this possible in the first place, instead of sittin$ over #entinel:s shoulder like a ha-k and -aitin$ for a $ood opportunity for an EaccidentG to occur. 1e -ould have no reason to do this. It doesn:t add up. In fact, none of #tarscream:s actions -ork -ith this characteri=ation. Let:s think even further back, before the movies. Cybertron spent a -hole bunch of time -ithout 4e$atron to rule over it.

In 8even$e, #tarscream e6plicitly states that -ithout 4e$atron, he ends up bein$ the hi$hest ranked $uy around. #hit, for$et -hat I Iust said about t-o years, #creamer could have run around in a silly cro-n and $arish purple cape on Cybertron for a hundred2 Aet -hen five or so scrappy Decepti$oons make off to earth -ith the e6plicit $oal of freein$ 4e$atron, he:s amon$ them. 1e doesn:t try to stop them, or sabota$e the operation, or sho- any si$n of personal initiative. The instant 4e$s leaves his icy prison, #tarscream s-oops in to stand by his side, apolo$i=in$ for bein$ an idiot. 4e$atron:s reply is standard villain stuff, but as -ith all of his lines, it:s the tone that:s important. In spite of bein$ a $lo-in$ ball of ra$e, he sho-s no a$$ression or anythin$ to-ards his lackey D he Iust seems va$uely disappointed, like Eman, you haven:t chan$ed at all over the years, have you.G Then he rips some other $uy in half. Contrast -ith the second film. A$ain, 4e$atron barely has time to step in the door, and already #tarscream comes runnin$ in to toady before his master. This scene is pretty surreal for practically bein$ the setup for a bad sitcom D #creamer looks after the kids -hile 4e$atron is $one, and -hen he returns, he Huite literally says E#tarscream, I:m home2G It portrays the t-o as an actual %if kinda dysfunctional and bi=arre) family, -ith #tarscream as the -ife. <ho is them immediately physically abused. I:ll admit, I did not e6pect to -rite that sentence in a conte6t other than bad fanfiction. #tarscream seems $enuinely shocked at his 4aster:s violent outburst, -hich is no mean feat considerin$ ho- bad he is at e6pressin$ any kind of emotion. 1e has no such reaction to the second time 4e$atron abuses him D he $oes from blind panic to feebly attemptin$ to reason -ith his 4aster. And, most importantly, at the end of the movie, it is he -ho su$$ests that 4e$atron should flee for the time bein$. 1e doesn:t e$$ him on to run back into !ptimus: cla-s, nor does he abandon his master. 1e sho-s $enuine concern for his survival. It:s important to note that the t-o scenes of abuse are the only times in the trilo$y 4e$atron and #tarscream stand opposite each other and face each other directly. At all other times, throu$hout all three movies, #tarscream -ill al-ays be beside 4e$atron, his body facin$ the same -ay, and them tiltin$ their heads to look at each other. They face the same direction. Cinematic lan$ua$e2 For a perfect three out of three, it takes barely a minute after 4e$atron is first seen on screen for #tarscream to fly in and pity him this time around too. And at this point, I find it hard to see his -ords of pity as sarcastic. It:s stran$e to think of Transformers as havin$ any sort of nonLmurderous relationship, because -e barely see them havin$ any beni$n interactions at all. The movies tell us that the Autobots have some kind of va$ue camaraderie $oin$, but they only ever talk to each otheronce. other-ise, it:s al-ays #am they:re talkin$ to. There seems to be e6actly one attempt at communication per movie that does not immediately lead into or involve some kind of violence D the observatory scene in the first movie, 4e$atron and the Fallen in the second, the Africa scene in the third. ut throu$hout the entire trilo$y, no matter -hat happens, #tarscream never leaves his master:s side, al-ays tryin$ his best %-orst) to be helpful. I think that speaks for somethin$2 And in that li$ht, his hunt for this meanin$less little insect makes perfect sense. !f course he -ould -ant to take reven$e on the man -ho killed the one that -as effectively family to him, drove him ravin$ mad, and -as instrumental in permanently physically and mentally scarrin$ him. #tarscream is completely useless, but his heart is in the ri$ht place. #o ho- does this little attempt at payback $o.

1e $ets a $rapplin$ hook Iammed into one eye, a bomb in the other, and then his head e6plodes. It:s... 1onestly painful to -atch. Like, he:s the clear a$$ressor this time around, but -atchin$ him sHuirm and flail around like a terrified child -hile screamin$ in pain, -hile hearin$ that bleepin$ noise that spells certain doom, all you can think is EBesus, no one deserves that fate.G And -hat does #am have to say about it. E<ell, he:s dead.G 1e certainly is, buddy. Bust -hen I -as startin$ to like him, too.

%The facial violence is even more $rotesHue than usual, but I don:t even feel the need to point it out at this point. It:s Iust kind of a $iven.)

rains and <heels are taken into one of the bi$ transporters by their ne- toy:s autopilot. Inconvenient2

1V, mean-hile, decides to appropriate traffic cameras to $et a better visual of Chica$o. They use their ne-found vision to launch a bunch of missiles.

4ore surveillance ima$ery.

#entinel does his Ethe needs of the manyG shtick, and it is time to turn on the pillars2 Aeah, the movie starts constantly shiftin$ perspective here D I:m cuttin$ most of it out, too. #till, it:s never disorientatin$, and there is a certain de$ree of lo$ic to ho- one event affects the ne6t. 4ostly.

ecause you see, suddenly the Autobots have been taken prisoner. <hat. <hen did that happen. umblebee -as up and about Iust t-o minutes a$o2 !f note, 4earin$:s reaction+ E!h my $od, -e:re helpless.G The person -ho stood up to the Transformers the most suddenly sees herself as bein$ totally dependent on them.

<ell, there:s those pillars in action. Cybertron seems to sort of $ro- into space, like a computer pro$ram $eneratin$ a fractal ima$e. And yes, Cybertron is a $iant beehive. I don:t think I need to elaborate -hat this says about the Decepticons and 4e$atron. !ne thin$ I didn:t really talk about is the sound desi$n of the movies. I really like it2 The sound effects for the robots and their planes and so on is carefully synthesi=ed so they don:t Huite sound like anythin$ that occurs in reality, but still have a physical Huality to it that makes it seem like they really could sound like that if Transformers e6isted in real life, if that makes any sense. The sound the pillars make, by contrast, are completely unnatural and incon$ruous -ith -hat occurs on screen. It:s like bubbles in -ater, and a rhythmic, electronic sound that sounds like a Huiet kla6on or maybe a really slo- clock. It:s the perfect -ay to convey Espace and time is bein$ horribly violated hereG.

1EA, 1!<:# IT 1A"0I":.

1aha look at that $uy

ack to the prisoners2 #ound-ave and his $oons -ere content to Iust stand over them threatenin$ly, but Dylan su$$ests to cut the crap and Iust shoot them already.

This scene is incredibly melodramatic. The #ADDE#T 4?#IC starts up, and Vue starts playin$ pitiful, as apparently the idea that runnin$ around in a -ar=one could $et you killed never actually occurred to him. The intellectual character, ladies and $ents2

0oodbye Vue, you -ere pretty a-ful and even the fans never liked you much. Aour toy -asn:t even released outside of Asia. Aou -on:t be missed.

<orld:s saddest $enocidal killer robot.

ut of course, they:re not actually -illin$ to kill off their main source of merchandise, so suddenly, It:s rainin$ spaceships2

Apparently, the reason for the sudden chan$e in -eather is brains and -heels $na-in$ at the bi$ mothership:s electronics, causin$ it to drop its contents and rapidly approach the $round. ]< die on impact. "o, really D it:s hilariously unceremonious. rains and <heelie, after bein$ abused and de$raded throu$hout the entire movie, decide to deal -ith their pentLup a$$ression by mindlessly destroyin$ thin$s, and then that kills them. They are immediately for$otten. It:s Iust so... Petty.

The distraction ends predictably for the Decepticons. I said I -ouldn:t point out the facial violence anymore, but here umbleebee punches #ound-ave in the face, then kicks him in the face, then shoots him, multiple times, in the face, and finally $raphically blo-s up his head. !nly a sin$le one of his attacks is tar$eted at any other part of his body. Come on, this is $ettin$ ridiculous2 8i$ht. About this scene. To be honest, I:m not sure I E$etG it entirely. It feels like there:s somethin$ I:m missin$ entirely, but a$ain there:s Iust so much $oin$ on it:s kind of hard to keep track. #o I:m Iust $oin$ to start ramblin$ and see if I hit on somethin$. First of all, Iust the sudden reveal of the prisoners bein$ taken. <e first see it on a screen in 1V, virtually ri$ht after umblebee appears in the #tarscream scene to catch the fallin$ #am. There:s absolutely no leadLin to this, no sin$le shot of the Autobots actually bein$ captured, Iust them sittin$ in a neat halfLcircle -ith Decepticons loomin$ over them. The Autobots are consistently portrayed as superior in direct combat to the Decepticons, as -ell as totally un-illin$ to $ive up. After the convenient distraction, they defeat their opponents -ith incredible ease, not takin$ a sin$le scratch. There:s no -ay for them to be captured like that. It seems like such a transparent plot contrivance. !n the other hand, there:s the -hole idea of the Decepticons takin$ prisoners in the first place. It:s somethin$ that feels at odds -ith the -hole idea of Transformer combat as portrayed before+ It:s al-ays sho-n to be Huick, brutal and, past the very

first battle in the trilo$y, al-ays necessarily lethal. Takin$ the opponent prisoner -ithout a surrender in an active -ar=one seems like a pretty hard thin$ to do, and doesn:t seem like it:d be -orth much in the end. Aet they Iust... Do it, like it:s the most natural thin$ in the -orld. And then, bi=arrely, it:s the human-ho actually su$$ests e6ecutin$ them. #ound-ave, the most monstrous and morally bankrupt character -e see on the Decepticon side, -ho actively deli$hts in murder, doesn:t even consider the possibility of killin$ his helpless enemies. 1e complies -ith $leeful enthusiasm once the idea is pointed out, it Iust plainly doesn:t occur to him. It:s so stran$e. 8eally, that $ot me thinkin$ about the Ecombat psycholo$yG of the Transformers, the -ay they fi$ht. I stated that most combat in these films is Huick and brutal, but thinkin$ about it, I am not sure that is entirely representative of their culture as a -hole. #ee, of course the movies -ould focus on such combat the most D it:s the most e6citin$, after all. ut there:s a de$ree of consistency in the drivin$ forces behind those scenes. In the first film, they:re focused on !ptimus and 4e$atron, -ho start viciously murderin$ the instant they $et into a fi$ht. 4e$atron, of course, bein$ totally pissed off, and !ptimus bein$... !ptimus. In the second film, you have the intro scene -ith Demolisher, -ho is runnin$ for his $oddamn life, and Prime %a$ain) and the ostentatious #ides-ipe doin$ most of the dynamic movement. The forest battle is, of course, pretty vicious+ !nce a$ain, it:s mostly the t-o leaders drivin$ it. <ith !ptimus $one, umblebee picks up the slack, after makin$ a more cautious impression in the first movie %potentially even lettin$ arricade live), until his leader is back to continue his bloodbath. Lar$ely the same story here+ umblebee and !ptimus do most of the dynamic fi$htin$, thou$h the Dreads do make an honest effort. ut look at all the fi$htin$ that happens in the back$round, particularly at the end of the first and second movie, and ho- the other characters behave. Lar$ely, they seem content to stand in place and take potshots at each other. 8emember ho#corponok stood perfectly in place and let a -hole ro- of planes shoot at him instead of usin$ his ability to move throu$h -alls. Aeah, that. <hen you look at the various combatants, they often seem oddly lethar$ic, stickin$ to cover and movin$ very little, and then bein$ surprised and completely overrun by the ferocity of their opponents: leader:s assault. ?ntil that happens, their fi$htin$ is very lon$, dra-n out and lar$ely bloodless... <hich, to me, feels entirely consistent -ith the idea of the -ar lastin$ for millennia and slo-ly -earin$ out the fi$hters and their resources. The impression I $et is that the Autobots: a$$ression is actually a fairly recent development and a product of their desperation over havin$ lost, and the Decepticons are only nostartin$ to really adIust to it. In a slo-Lburnin$ -ar, it makes perfect sense to take prisoners -hen possible, and if it:s somethin$ the Decepticons $ot accustomed to over many battles, it makes sense that they simply -ouldn:t $et the idea of tryin$ any other approach. It also fits -ith my little theory that #ound-ave -as at one point a P!< himself. "o-, this is all pretty much speculation, and I:m not sure -hat it has to do -ith anythin$, so let:s return to the scene itself. Vue:s and #ound-ave:s deaths are, in some -ays, mirrors of each other. <e have t-o 4ercedes%es.) -ho lar$ely acted as behindLtheLlines support e6ecuted by active combatants put in a position of superiority entirely throu$h deus e6 machina. The interestin$ part is the differences in circumstance and cinemato$raphy. 8emember arricade, from the first movie. <ell, he survived Wtil no- to be part of this scene, for some reason D maybe to act as a counterpart to umblebee, as another character -ho:s been -ith us for the entire trilo$y, both bein$ part of the first actual fi$ht -e see. 1e makes a silly cackle, and then $ives Vue a push. Aou kno-, the impression that I $et from him is that he:s a bit of a schoolyard bully. 1e -as never terribly smart, and there:s somethin$ stran$ely childish about his behavior. 1e certainly seems stran$ely happy about pushin$ Vue alon$. ut notice ho- it:s not him -ho fires the killin$ shot.. It:s Decepticon $runt ^*3(. The movie plays up arricade:s $lee some-hat and Vue:s false innocence to almost sickenin$ levels, but -hen it comes to the actual killin$. A push, one shot, t-o shots and Vue:s head rolls on the $round. It:s Huick and

efficient, the $runt:s face doesn:t make a sin$le movement, and the scene is framed only in the $rey fo$ of the still city. It:s very dispassionate, certainly. umblebee:s killin$ shot, by contrast, happens amon$ total chaos. 4etal rainin$ from the skies, everythin$ e6plodin$ around, part of an allLout fi$ht that leaves multiple people dead. ?nlike the happy #ound-ave, cacklin$ arricade and EIust doin$ my IobG =eroLfucks $runt $uy, -e have no idea about umblebee:s emotional state. 8elief. An$er. 4alice. 1e doesn:t talk, and his face is immediately obscured by a mask, so there:s no real -ay to tell. ut -hat -e do see is the -ay he fi$hts+ Fuckin$ about hittin$ #ound-ave:s face %even thou$h that:s clearly not his -eak spot), takin$ some time aside to murder another $runt, and finally violently rammin$ his cannon into #ound-ave:s body, -arpin$ the metal and raisin$ him up before firin$ throu$h the bottom of his chest into his head from belo-, e6plodin$ it into a slo-Lmotion fountain of blood and shrapnel before contemptuously thro-in$ it aside. arricade mi$ht cackle over havin$ pushed a $uy, the dynamic of ee:s acts amon$ a scene of apocalyptic destruction eHuates to nothin$ less than roarin$ lau$hter, hidin$ behind a faceLcoverin$ mask and a voiceless body. I $uess this is -hy the psycholo$y of combat as portrayed here came to mind for me. It seems like -e see here once a$ain ho- deeply rooted the difference in the characters: -ay of thinkin$ is. !f course, this could all be nonsense, and I:m still not sure -hat it has to do -ith anythin$ and -hy this scene is sand-iched bet-een the incredibly char$ed to-er scene and... Everythin$ that comes after this. ItFs an odd bit of pacin$, certainly.

Fin+ J<as it all -orth it.J

I deliberated a lot on ho- to present the last bit of the movie. At first, I -anted to do it in t-o parts, commentin$ on thin$s as they came up, like before. ut to be honest, I -ouldnFt even be sure -hat to say durin$ most of it. These fifteen minutes are such a complete e6perience that tryin$ to comment on them in such a fra$mented manner -ould be useless. IFll try somethin$ a bit different. Let:s start by -atchin$ the conclusion in full. Aou have no idea ho- much trouble tryin$ to make this video on my disinte$ratin$ laptop caused me, so you better -atch it2 %http+TTvimeo.comT(57;'7;5) Throu$hout the makin$ of this series, I spent a lot of time -atchin$ the movies. I sa- each one t-ice before even startin$ to -rite, once blind and then kno-in$ ho- the trilo$y $oes. E6aminin$ scenes in detail, $oin$ back and forth to find $ood screenshots %not easy, considerin$ ho- much of the movies is covered in indistin$uishable motion blur2), lookin$ up thin$s I:d for$otten... If you add all that up, I have probably -atched the full runtime of Dark of the 4oon ei$ht or nine times. Vuite frankly, I could do -ithout ever seein$ #hia Labeouf:s face a$ain. I have -atched these *5 minutes a lot more often than that. And every time, I -ould enIoy them Iust as much as on my first vie-in$. It:s Iust so... Boyful. There:s so much detail, such ele$ant motion, the sound desi$n and pacin$ are fla-less. It starts out fairly lo-Lkey -ith the army settin$ their e6plosives, then tension pro$ressively intensifies as they s-arm and over-helm the Decepticons more and more, both smoothly leadin$ into and starkly contrastin$ a$ainst !ptimus Prime:s particular kind of dynamism as he s-oops in to cut a mileLlon$ bloody s-ath in Iust three nearLseamless shots. The constantly movin$ camera captures this momentum and carries it for-ard throu$h the seemin$ly more stationaryTHuiet shots, so the fi$ht bet-een !ptimus and #entinel can pick up -ithout any perceived break in the action occurrin$. That -onderful shot of Carly Iust standin$, openLmouthed, in the middle of that apocalyptic chaos she is simply unable to process forms the perfect punctuation to it, and the camera finally slo-s do-n to lin$er on 4e$atron:s earthy, solid form.K Thinkin$ back to the bi$ Eaction seHuenceG of the first movie, -hose sole emotional content -as a sense of va$ue contempt, it:s stran$e Iust hocompletely inadeHuate it is compared to this D beautiful, over-helmin$, cathartic and yet someho- very tra$ic. It:s a labor of pure love and $reat attention to every little detail. I:m $ushin$, yes. ut for me personally, these fifteen minutes, and the instant -e see 4e$atron:s head hit the $round, ended up Iustifyin$ the entire trilo$y.
K1is shots create short JbreathersJ in the action by contrastin$ a$ainst it visually and lettin$ the movie slo- do-n a little. ItFs an identical effect to -hat the film normally uses churches for, makin$ his body a sort of JsanctuaryJ.

efore I $et into the important shit, Iust some minor notes+ L <e really see the ne- human strate$y in motion here. 4akin$ use of their small si=e and mobility, they scurry about like ants, s-armin$ the much $rander machines from little nooks and hidin$ spots, tar$etin$ their -eak spots, and effectively defeatin$ the $reat #hock-ave -ith somethin$ as incredibly profane as a lar$e sheet of cloth. In a stran$e -ay, their far superior opponents end up bein$ completely defenseless... It:s hard not to pity them, really. The Autobots actually accomplish less than the human soldiers do, too. L #entinel is totally i$norant of his $round troops bein$ defeated. 1e doesn:t even see it. L "otice the random Constructicon to-ards the end of !ptimus: rampa$e. That:s #crapper2 "o reason for him to be there, e6cept maybe to remind us that he:s also else-here in the movie, in a -ay...

L I made a bi$ deal before about ho- the pillar they end up fi$htin$ over isn:t actually the control pillar, but, -ell, turns out it is. #ince it $lo-s blue here rather than red and its shape doesn:t match the early shots of it at all %it:s Iust unfolded, but in a really -eird -ay that totally chan$es its appearance), I fi$ured it -as a different one, but lookin$ reeeaaally close, it does moreso match the control pillar. <hich does make me -onder -hy the movie focused so much on that other one earlier, but oh -ell. L #entinel t-irlin$ his s-ords about Darth 4aulLstyle is so silly. 8eally thou$h, the !ptimus vs. #entinel fi$ht is one of the fe- fi$hts in the trilo$y that isn:t Iust a oneLsided beatdo-n. Funny, that. L lol #am abandonin$ his $irlfriend in the middle of a battlefield L notL0arba$e Day makes his last appearance. I -ish -e:d actually seen him in a -ay that makes him actually visually distin$uishable. L lol that static $un shot strai$ht out of an FP# L The Primes: battle dialo$ue is very tellin$. EAou -ere al-ays the bravest of us2G !f interest+ In an early episode of the &''9 TM #ho-Transformers Animated, 8atchet tells a some-hat different !ptimus Prime+ E1eroes are the ones -ho make the hard choices.G Also, -hat kind of reaction to E!ur planet -ill survive2G is G"o2G2. L "otice ho- !ptimus totally loses his composure the instant thin$s start $oin$ poorly for him. 8i$ht, no-, about that important shit. Let:s look back for a second, shall -e.

%4usic2) #am <it-icky -as never a terribly sympathetic character. In the first movie, he -as an idiot, and a bit lackin$ in empathy, but you kno-, he -as a kid. It:s Iust -hat teena$ers are. <e all -ere a little dumb once, so it:s entirely possible to relate to him on some level. 1e is then thrust into a situation -ell over his head throu$h nothin$ but dumb unluckiness, and finds himself havin$ to fend for his life before even learnin$ ho- to talk to a $irl. !ver the course of three movies, -e see him steadily de$enerate into an abhuman, unlikeable psychopath. The films dedicate a $reat amount of time to sho-in$ this development, and in a sense it could be seen as their main focus. <e see a boy -ho, throu$h virtually no involvement of his o-n, ends up bein$ re-arded -ith the ideal dream of every boy his a$e D he $ets the $irl, the car, the reco$nition. "ot Iust any $irl, but basically a supermodel. "ot Iust any car, but an incredibly e6pensive uniHue hypermodern concept supercar oh and also it:s sentient and turns into a $iant fi$htin$ robot. In a sense, he ends up at the $oal -ithout actually havin$ fou$ht his -ay there. <ithout havin$ learned and $ro-n as a person. At the be$innin$ of the second movie, he seems to reali=e this, makin$ an active effort to distance himself from 4ikaela and umblebee. ut it:s useless. Dylan accuses him of choosin$ the -ron$ side, but the sad irony of his statement is that neither of them ever had a choice.

Dylan himself -as pretty much forced at $unpoint to -ork for the Decepticons. It really is as simple as that. ut it:s also incompatible -ith his entire -orldvie-, the randian idea of the selfLmade man, so he ends up attemptin$ to rationali=e it D as his choice, as a business decision, all that Ia==. asically his entire dialo$ue throu$hout the movie is him tryin$ to Iustify his betrayal of mankind, not to #am, but to himself. EThis is the only future for me2G is his last outcry of e6istential despair over ho- little control he actually has over his life. The one that is taken from him ri$ht after. Dylan is a parallel to #am because #am is effectively the same. ack -hen he -as Iust an impressionable teena$er, the very instant he first encountered one of these -ondrous alien bein$s, he -as immediately offered a oneLsided narrative that pulled him into !ptimus: $rasp. Tempted into loyalty by bein$ $iven everythin$ he -anted, he -as secure in his little -eb of closed perspectives, seein$ only those parts of the conflict that confirmed his biases. 1e -as never offered an alternative vie-point, and never sou$ht one out himself D because he never even kne- there -as another vie-point. 0ood $uys, bad $uys, life is Iust that simple. 1e never made a choice because he never kne- he had another option. Particularly in 8even$e, #am is very much portrayed as a victim, both a victim of coercion %bein$ dra$$ed back into the -ar a$ainst his -ill) and, -ell, an actual victim of said -ar. 1is death and rebirth leaves him a hollo-, burntLout shell bereft of all that makes him human, and his behavior in this movie reflects this. And in the end, he faces a victim Iust the same as him, and makes the decision to kill him. "o-, this cannot be overstated. #am -as already responsible for the deaths of 4e$atron and #tarscream, but both of these -ere panicked acts of selfLdefense, and, as far as he -as concerned, he had no other choice. ut this is different. Qillin$ Dylan made no difference. It didn:t stop the pillars or the Decepticon plans, it didn:t -eaken them, indeed, there -as no necessity for this death to happen at all, because after this, Dylan -ould have been free. Aet #am faces him do-n and, in full a-areness, decides that he has the ri$ht to take this man:s life. That:s the clima6 of his character arc. After three movies, of -hich most screen time is devoted to him, the culmination of all his development and everythin$ he -ent throu$h is a shot of him, standin$ there, openLmouthed and -ith a totally vacant e6pression, over the man -hose ribca$e he Iust crushed. 1e fully admits he:s not a hero, or someone -ho matters D he:s nobody. That:s it. That is the ima$e -e take a-ay from him. The main reason I hi$hli$hted Duel is because it presents the perfect contrast to #am:s story. David 4ann is an insecure loser -ho, by trans$ressin$ his inner inhibitions and barriers, $ro-s past himself and becomes a better person for it. It:s a simple e6ample of a common narrative in action movies, really. Perhaps tau$ht by these, #am effectively attempts to repeat the same strate$y+ 1e breaks his final inner barrier and defies the simplest and most fundamental moral commandment of humanity, and $oes -here most of us %thankfully) do not dare tread. ut it $ives him nothin$. 1e doesn:t become a better or stron$er person, but merely even more hollo- than he -as before. ecause he had no $oal. 1e had no-here to $o to, because he never learned -hat bein$ a stron$ person actually means. 1is life is a deadLend scenario, and no amount of beatin$ his head a$ainst the -all is $oin$ to chan$e that. In presentin$ #am as the audience surro$ate, the films effectively state that you, yes, you, are in a situation analo$ous to #am. That:s a rou$h fuckin$ accusation to make. There is little seriously hidden or subte6tual about thisO The movie steps Iust t-o -ords short of outri$ht sayin$+ E0iven the ri$ht circumstances, you, too, -ill become a remorseless murderer.G Aeeeesh. ?nfortunately, the severe punch of this accusation is softened by the fact that, -ell, #am:s portions of the movies are the -eakest part of them by far. They:re Iust spread too thin and their focus is all over the place, and considerin$ ho- simple %by

these movies: standard) his narrative turns out to be, the amount of reverseLen$ineerin$ you have to do to arrive at it is rather disproportionate. A bi$ reason for this is Dylan:s character. I critici=ed him before, and really, he:s one of the maIor reasons this film:s treatment of #am Iust doesn:t -ork. Dempsey Iust plays him like a re$ular t-oLdimensional smarmy bastard, but I find it hard to blame him for it -hen it really seems more like a D rather uncharacteristic D directorial failure. !utside of one or t-o particular shots, his framin$ is Iust incredibly flat and fails to not Iust convey his victimhood, but really any aspect of personality. In the end it:s less actin$ and sta$in$ that define his character so much as the pure script, -hich is the e6act opposite of ho- literally every sin$le other character is presented. Dylan and #am Iust fail to properly tie to$ether, and considerin$ ho- vital one is to the other, the result is Iust a total mess. And once an attempt to say somethin$ meanin$ful fails, the unfortunate implications inevitably start rollin$. For e6ample, the thin$ noted in the last thread -here the films are so focused on destructive capitalist modes of play that beni$n or even positive thin$s end up sufferin$ from the same attacks and $rotesHue implications. The point made is crass and nihilistic, but not in any productive or provocative -ay. !ut of all the points the films: detractors make, there:s t-o primary ones I a$ree -ith+ The t-ins are terrible, and #am is kind of a shit character.

%4usic2) %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vXSS*3TunStU3)
%This track has the e6pected 1olly-ood bombast, and this mi$ht Iust be me makin$ stuff up, but isnFt there also somethin$ really... sad about it.)

In plot terms, Carly is nothin$ more than another damsel for the main man to obsess over, and most vie-ers Iust consider her a halfLhearted replacement for 4ikaela. 1o-ever, in spite of havin$ one less movie to her name and $ettin$ very little focus even in it, she has not only more character development than 4ikaela, but a far stron$er arc than every sin$le other character in the trilo$y safe one. I Iust spoke about ho- the main character of this movie has no control or a$ency in his life. 8eally, almost none of the characters in this movie do+ Everyone is, -illfully or not, a puppet of either !ptimus or #entinelO Every sin$le action or decision made in the trilo$y is either by immediate refle6 or basically preordainedTdecided for someone. 1ere, no one makes the decision for Carly to $o and confront 4e$atron. It:s her -ho decides to risk her life on an emotional $amble, based on kno-led$e only she has. The desi$nated E-omanG demonstrates a$ency and selfLdetermination. #he -alks up to this immense fortress of a creature %the shots of her navi$atin$ under and around his massive mechanical le$s D $or$eous) and en$a$es -ith him emotionally. It -orks on many levels D on one hand, she:s the first person to ever en$a$e the EvillainG on actual speakin$ terms and attempt to see thin$s from his perspective. !n the other hand, there:s somethin$ deli$htfully clueless about it all. It:s clear that her picture of him is entirely incomplete, and thou$h she paid more attention to him than anyone else ever did, she totally misinterprets his situation as bein$ about machismo and stren$th rather than havin$ deeper emotional roots %compare #am:s story and ho- affirmin$ his manhood did nothin$ to alleviate his frustration or depression). 1er strate$y is rather transparent+ Attack him as bein$ a lesser man specifically. ?se $endered insults, demonstrate his inferiority, position herself in a controllin$ position over him as thou$h to say, Ehere you are, bein$ talked do-n to by an inferior -omanG. Thou$h in the end this strate$y is successful %perhaps not for the reasons she thinks) it also demonstrates ho- totally she has bou$ht into $ender roles. Althou$h the very fact that she:s there talkin$ to the bi$ bad of her o-n volition is a sHuare denial of them, she feels the need to affirm that men should be out there fi$htin$ for base dominance and -omen like her have no choice but to stick behind the lines and lie and manipulate, implyin$ that her talkin$ do-n to him is an unnatural and undesirable state of thin$s. It:s simultaneously her bri$htest hour and the start of a horrible do-n-ard slope for her character. As soon as the conflict is resolved, the status Huo returned and !ptimus cro-ned a $od, she Huite literally $oes E!oh, shiny thin$s G, returnin$ to her man and his car and openly embracin$ everythin$ it symboli=es, acceptin$ her EdestinyG of bein$ by his side forever. %I:m sure #am -ill be a lovin$ and carin$ husband and not at all abusive.) In contrast to her hi$hly positive

depiction throu$hout the entire movie, in this last scene she comes across as positively vapid. It:s as thou$h, -ith the battle over, she $ave up bein$ a $uidin$ hand and voice of reason and fully embraced bein$ the obIectified accessory vie-ers see her as. The stru$$le is finished. #he has -on the victory over herself. #he loves that car. It mirrors #am:s character resolution, both in its messa$e and in Iust ho- anticlimactic it feels. The difference is that -ith her, it -orks. "ot only is Carly an actually sympathetic character, you actually do $et a $limpse of -hat a $reat person she could be -ere she not bro-beaten and put in her place by everyone around her at every turn. I stated that she resembles president !bama, but of course, I -as semiLIokin$. It -ould be more adeHuate to say that her role is that of pretty much any idealistic upperLclass minority person. #he clearly intuits that thin$s aren:t Huite ri$ht as they are, but ultimately is Iust so irremovably cau$ht up in her prescribed of thinkin$ that in the end she too fi$ures the best solution to their problems is lettin$ a psychotic space $od truck run around unchecked. After all, all those other -omen -e:ve seen sufferin$ throu$hout the series -ere different people, ri$ht. This is precisely -hat sets her on the path to becomin$ like the old and cynical Charlotte 4earin$, stron$ of character but ultimately completely po-erless. I really -ish Carly had received a stron$er focus. There:s a lot of material here, but it feels like not even the filmmakers reali=ed Iust ho- interestin$ this could be. It:s stran$e to say a character needed more breathin$ room in a series that -astes such massive amounts of time, but there is so much compressed into this last little bit of film, -ith Carly havin$ to compete for attention -ith the Eclima6G of #am:s character ark, the actual clima6 of 4e$atron:s character ark and, -ell, the conclusion of the -hole trilo$y, and it:s a fi$ht the creators clearly desi$ned for her to lose. 8eally, the films: relationship to feminism is kind of unclear and iffy in $eneral. The female characters are consistently portrayed as stron$er, more proactive and more sympathetic than their male counterparts, yet said male compatriots %and even other -omen2) constantly condescend to and belittle them in sometimes subtle, sometimes unsubtle -ays. This is first $rader social commentary stuff. ut this film also $ets a lot more comple6 than that, sho-in$ ho- -omen can be totally complicit in their o-n oppressionO Crucially, -ithout actually blamin$ them for it. ut then you look back and see Iust ho- much less space and attention they $ave to her case, and you start to -onder+ Even beyond the dumb butt shot used to introduce her, are the characters really the only ones bein$ condescendin$ here. !ne $ets the unfortunate impression that the creators consider her less -orthy of our time than the male lead. #till, Carly makes for a $reat secondary prota$onist. "ot to #am, of course. ut to the $uy the trilo$y is really about.

%4ore music2 Aou may -ant to listen to this.) %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX=QfC3p;#"CA) 4e$atron:s last fe- scenes are probably the best -ritten ones in the entire trilo$y, once you see them in conte6t of ho- he behaved D and -as portrayed D throu$hout the rest of the trilo$y. <e see Carly bra=enly -alk up to and insult him to his face. The same 4e$atron -ho -ould previously s-at people aside like flies Iust to e6press his frustration. Even earlier in this movie, he has a bunch of people murdered, Iust because. <hen, at the moment of his victory, some little thin$ spitefully de$rades him, a bein$ -ith such a total lack of respect or interest in human life -ould simply continue his s-in$ and crush her like one of his -eird headLparasites. ut he doesn:t. 4e$atron lost all his status and po-er and, yes, his masculinity, becomin$ a -eak and meanin$less fi$ure in the eyes of Autobots and Decepticons alike. If bein$ manly -as as important to him as Carly thinks, -ell, there:s a convenient bi$ battle ra$in$ on Iust ne6t door2 After all, -hat:s more masculine than $oin$ out to -ar and killin$ your enemies. Even in this state he:s still very po-erful, so he ou$ht to Iust $o and murder some Autobots, you kno-, Iust to sho- heFs still the alpha do$2 ut he doesn:t. #entinel Prime has become his enemy a$ain. Actually, he really al-ays -as. 4e$atron surprises, immobili=es and cripples

him. That:s really not his style, is it. I mean, 4e$atron -ould al-ays destroy his enemies in a sin$le strike, Huickly and sur$ically. 1ere, #entinel is at his mercy. 1e could Iust rip his head clean off, have his reven$e and not have to -orry about him $ettin$ back to health and returnin$ ever a$ain. ut he doesn:t. At the end of it all, he stands face to face -ith his nemesis, the man -ho had him killed and crippled and reduced him to nothin$. 1e still has the element of surprise, and his opponent is missin$ a -hole arm. It:s a small chance for him, but it:s a chance at a final victory. 4aybe, Iust maybe, he could finally finish the Autobots, claim the matri6 for himself, end the -ar and save the planet, by fellin$ the one final true threat a$ainst him... ut he doesn:t. 4e$atron has been raised by -ar and hate and murder. 1e studied the Fallen:s infinite contempt and learned from the crimes and atrocities committed in his name. All his life ever -as is fi$htin$ and killin$... And in the end, losin$. For the last several thousand years, every sin$le other livin$ bein$ he met attacked him or de$raded him or caused him to suffer. 1e -as taken apart and killed and crippled, physically, mentally and emotionally, spat on and insulted a thousand times. After everythin$ he:s kno-n and e6perienced and done, at absolute rock bottom, victory slidin$ from his hands once a$ain, -hat is left for him to do. It:s so simple, he:s the villain, his actions are practically preL-ritten for him+ 0o out in a bla=e of $lory2 Attack all your enemies, coat the city in their blood, spit out your last breath and die a Iustified death at their hands so they can keep claimin$ they are Iust protectin$ the innocents. ut he doesn:t. 1e $ives up. 1e lets it $o. 1e chooses peace. <henever this movie is discussed, this scene inevitably comes up, mainly because of ho- dissonant it is. <hy the hell -ould the filmmakers make this happen. Even thou$h Carly:s -ords are totally detached from his situation and really make her look more ridiculous than him, they still tri$$er an epiphany in him. E6cuse the ima$e dump, but seriously, look at the animation of 4e$atron:s face+

I think there:s a lot more $oin$ on here than him not feelin$ manly enou$h. 4e$atron is Iust so emotive. Throu$hout the series, facial closeLups of the Transformers are remarkably rare+ Even !ptimus and umblebee $et maybe t-o or three per movie, as the camera usually stays at a bit of a distance, lookin$ up at them. ut -hen movie / 4e$atron is on screen, the camera han$s out on his face constantly. 1e is cinemato$raphically constructed to be the most human and sympathetic robot %hell, the secondLmost sympathetic character period) in the film. Pay particular attention to the movement of the eyes+ Transformer eyes tend to barely move at all, or too slo-ly and theatrically. 4e$atron:s eyes actually move the -ay human

ones -ould, and the -ay he repeatedly tenses up and rela6es makes it look like he:s actually breathin$. 1e cripples #entinel Prime, and, as I mentioned, it:s pretty different from ho- he tore Ba== in half and ran !ptimus throu$h -ith his cannon. In fact, in a curious contrast to the trademark Autobot facial violence, he makes a point to knock off his helmet.

It:s not a bi$ thin$, but -ithout even bein$ seriously harmed or disfi$ured, #entinel totally loses his entire authoritative feel, looks -eak and old and e6posed. !ptimus physically imposed a mark of -eakness on 4e$atron by $rotesHuely scarrin$ him, but -hat 4e$s does is reveal an e6istin$ -eakness, Iust by takin$ the $uy:s hat off, a bit of a manLbehindLtheLcurtain moment... And of course, it:s the e6posed bit !ptimus tar$ets -hen e6ecutin$ him, usin$ 4e$atron:s o-n $un. <hen 4e$atron asks for a truce, he e6plicitly offers it in terms advanta$eous to his enemy, -ith no posin$ or tricks. EAll I -ant is to be in char$eG D effectively EAo, I need some time to $et the Decepticons back in order because our shit is totes -ack, I:ll leave you and my, er, alri$ht, your planet alone in the meantimeG, and, more importantly, E-here -ould you be -ithout me, Prime.G+ Indeed, -here -ould he be -ithout a po-erful enemy to demoni=e and use as propa$anda to subIu$ate the human race. The human people aren:t e6actly fond of $iant alien robots doin$ -hatever they -ant and basically takin$ control of the military, but all he needs to pacify them is a bad $uy they can unite a$ainst, because that:s an imperative component of any $ood fascist re$ime. !ptimus: reaction.

Look at this face. Look at it. This is sheer fuckin$ contempt dot Ipe$. Bust a look of total bald dis$ust at this ludicrous $oddamn idea and the miserable creature that dared to speak it in his presence. 1e doesn:t even $ive 4e$atron:s -ords a sli$htest bit of consideration, Iust covers up his face %22) and $oes into fullLon murder mode in three seconds flat. !ptimus is al-ays aloof and emotionally distant, but no- it:s like 4e$atron:s une6pected proposal has struck a crack in his demeanor, far more than any -eapon could. And that tiny crack is all it takes for us to see the supposed hero of the films tear out the spine of a man -ho:s unarmed, surrenderin$ and Iust saved his life.

Even in death, he still $ets closeLup shots.

Let:s talk about 4e$atron in more $eneral terms, such as the -ay he could be seen as a promethean archetype. <e have a Titan -ho %in this case un-ittin$ly) brou$ht science and technolo$y to mankind, ticked off the !lympians %!pti=eus Prime) and -as punished by bein$ chained %his character desi$n features literal chains, plus loss of fli$ht etc) to a rock %various Cybertronians refer to the earth itself as a rock, or dirt, or somethin$ like that) and bein$ repeatedly killed by an ea$le %itself a symbol of freedom, America and so on). !f course, this is very much heroic archetype. I mean, he:s the underdo$. 1e:s the $uy -ho, even in the circumstances $iven, is still capable of sho-in$ sympathy and mercy. 1e:s the one -ho -ants to save his species even thou$h most of said species either disrespects or hates him. 1e Iust took the first step to-ards endin$ a millionLyear -ar. 1e should be the hero of this picture. <hy isn:t he. <ell, let me put it this -ay. 1o- -ould Prometheus react if the very people he brou$ht the fire to locked up and tortured him. ecause that:s kinda -hat happened here. 8emember that after this, after seein$ them unHuestionably serve his nemesis and after bein$ murdered by a human, he:s still capable of treatin$ Carly -ith some de$ree courtesy and respect. That, of course, be$s the Huestion+ <hat -ould his relationship -ith humans be if they didn:t do all that to him. <e never $et to see his full capacity for compassion because, -ell, the cards are perpetually stacked a$ainst him. #tartin$ -ith the Fallen:s tutela$e+ The Fallen, of course, is kind of a dick, and it should be noted that 4e$atron is at his most callous and a$$ressive in the film -here he:s actually around his master. I:ll remind you of the intro to the film, -here the Fallen crushes him underfoot in effi$y D I don:t think it:s a stretch to say he:s t-istin$ and suppressin$ 4e$atron as a person. %4e$atron sayin$ EThis is my planet2G recalls Demolisher from the be$innin$ of the previous movie, tellin$ !ptimus+ EThis is not your planet to rule.G 1e also adds EThe Fallen shall rise a$ainG D and here I choose to believe that he:s not Iust talkin$ about the character remotely called The Fallen, but rather his at that time dead master, -ho no- carries the Constructicons: le$acy. The Ioke here is that there:s t-o characters in 8even$e of the Fallen -ho fall and then return to have their reven$e D and neither of them is the supposedly titular character.)

If I had to summari=e the main theme of the trilo$y, I -ould probably do it as thus+ It:s a story about ho- culture and circumstances affect people, or, more specifically, ho- poor information and understandin$ thereof inevitably causes you to adapt the -orst traits of it. #am:s total lack of a-areness turns him into earth:s bi$$est dick. Carly nearly mana$es to escape the -eb of lies, but ultimately fails and is totally depo-ered and dele$itimi=ed as a result. 4e$atron spends most of his life as a mad -arlord D but at the end, perhaps due to seein$ his life deconstructed pieceLbyLpiece before him, he finally receives a sort of epiphany and reali=es that it:s not Iust this current situation, it:s his entire life that:s been $oin$ horribly -ron$. Prometheus is supposed to be humanity:s champion, not its victimi=er. Almost every character he references %aside from Qhan and 0* 4e$atron) is considered a defender of the underprivile$ed. The movies e6amine in $reat detail this rift of -hat he %and !ptimus Prime, for that matter) ou$ht to be, and -hat the reality of his situation has turned him into D and I think he reali=es this. #o he totally chan$es strate$ies aaaand... 0ets himself murdered a$ain. And that:s that, ri$ht. "o. Aou see, the bi$ Ioke of the movie is that at the end, 4e$atron -ins. 1e fully accepts his role as a victim rather than a perpetrator, and effectively sacrifices himself for the audience. It provokes !ptimus: crassest and most transparently evil move yet. ut -ait, remember the last time he did somethin$ totally cra=y like that. E0ive me your faceG. That -as at the very end of the previous movie. In both cases, ri$ht at the clima6, Iust before an absolutely minimal denouement, in conIunction -ith stron$ emotional scenes of combat and violence. In other -ords, The audience:s freshest and most vivid

impression of both films -ill al-ays be !ptimus bein$ a hu$e dick.

And it -orks2 I mean, -e all like to talk about ho- audiences uncritically accept these films and don:t really think about the crass stuff -ithin or -Te but the truth is, -henever you see a community outside the likes of 8eddit or AT comments discuss the movies, even dedicated TF fan communities, -hat:s the very first thin$ that comes up. <ell, okay, that:s E4ichael ay, tits and e6plosionsG. ut the second thin$. <ell, no, that:s Epissed all over my childhoodG. Alri$ht, but the third is Eman, those supposed heroes are fuckin$ psychopaths.G Those don:t tend to be people -ith much affection for serious criticism. 8emember, these very same fan communities still like to ar$ue there:s no racial component to #kids and 4udflap. ut even re$ular people, even those -ho love these movies -ill freHuently be left kind of a$hast at this endin$, even if they Iust sort of shru$ it off after-ards because they aren:t trained to reflect on it. The pretty lar$e cultural pushback a$ainst the films is no coincidence. People have clearly identified the films: EethosG D that of the stereotypical summer action blockbuster D and are reIectin$ it.
<ell, it -ould be overly optimistic to say they all, or even a maIority, are. ut it:s still a disproportionally lar$e amount. 8ead up on some vie-erLrevie-s of the films and compare to, say, your avera$e superhero movie. Even the positive revie-s tend to have that oddly spiteful tone to them.

?ltimately, this is all e6emplified in !ptimus: final monolo$ue+ EIn any -ar, there are calms bet-een storms. There -ill be days -hen -e lose faith. Days -hen our allies turn a$ainst us. ut the day -ill never come, that -e forsake this planet, and its people.G 1e:s sneaky about it, but notice that he:s effectively talkin$ about a state of endless -ar. 1e reco$ni=es that this victory is temporary, and the fi$htin$ -ill soon be$in a$ain D and that he -ill be there to perpetuate it, completely -ithout re$ard to the circumstances, forever. ut the movie sho-s us+ This is nonsense. An on$oin$ -ar can only continue to escalate, and the lon$er it $oes on, the more people be$in to reali=e that somethin$ is -ron$. And sometimes, it only takes one person %in this case, Carly) to look even sli$htly beyond the facade to take the first step D -e don:t see a miraculous end to a thousandL yearL-ar or mankind rebellin$ a$ainst their ne- space robot overlords, but considerin$ 4e$atron:s ne- outlook and implied immortality, -e may have seen the seed that mi$ht eventually lead to those thin$s, provided people D both human and cybertronian D pay attention, are -illin$ to challen$e their preconceptions, and don:t uncritically accept !ptimus: narrative of

endless murder.

4idLcredits, -e are treated to a short scene of #immons se6ually assaultin$ 4earin$ -ith some really cra=y li$htin$. 1e forcibly kisses her, ma$ically untyin$ her hair D femini=in$ her, establishin$ himself as the 4an in the picture. If #am is the EloserG of the trilo$y, #immons is the bi$ E-innerG. <ith his very particular brand of total e$otism, he:s one of the only characters to have left the trilo$y in a better place than they entered D -heelchair aside D by findin$ the ri$ht niche in the

proceedin$s to huddle in like a rat, deni$ratin$ his lessers and han$in$ onto the bi$ fish. There:s a $reat skill in ho- he navi$ates around the -heel-ork of the militaryLindustrial machine that mercilessly crushed so many others. <hen 4earin$ orders his arrest, he repeats Etake me in2G -hile lau$hin$ and lookin$ at the camera... As if he -as sharin$ a Ioke -ith the audience. The Ioke bein$. <ell, -ho can truly say. If you ask me+ The bi$$est Ioke is that ri$ht no-, on this rooftop, this man can sit and lau$h and act, that, even bein$ carted to trial, he is still the most free character out of anyone -e met. The Ioke is this entire scenario, -here people like #immons can succeed and $ood people like Carly are bound to fail. And that, removed from the person, this line D EIust take me in alreadyG D could be seen as a plea to the audience+ Do not let this man have his final victory. Transformers presents a ridiculous scenario of earth bein$ taken over by space robots, but space robots don:t e6ist. People like #immons do. And do -e truly -ant them to be the -inners.

<hy are all these robots so damn u$ly.

"o-, before I conclude this -hole deal, I -ant to address one of the more interestin$ Huestions about the films+ <hy are all these robots so damn u$ly.. I feel one of the most misunderstood aspects of the films is their desi$n lan$ua$e. 4ost people, includin$ people -ho make tieLins or fan art or freHuently even the toys, seem to believe that the aesthetic of the Transformers be$ins and ends at 4ASI4?4 08EE LIE#. This is a sad disservice to the creative -ork of the desi$ners, and has a lot to do -ith ho- -e perceive visuals.

Lookin$ at an ima$e like this, I can totally for$ive your eyes $la=in$ over and developin$ a startlin$ desire to Iust look at somethin$ else for a minute. #imply put, it:s a mess. The proportions are -ack, no visual detail meanin$fully flo-s into another, the color balance and individual contrasts -ould probably $et you thro-n out of art school. And of course, this bein$ his actual C0I model, this is a pretty $ood representation of -hat he looks like in the movie, ri$ht. <ell, no. <e tend to think of Echaracter desi$nsG as a defined appearance carryin$ the character visually, effectively somethin$ the character EisG. This idea seems so selfLevident I:m not even sure ho- to describe it -ithout resortin$ to tautolo$y, but it sho-s severe fla-s in i$norin$ the differin$ role and task of our eyes in perceivin$ a similar construct in differin$ conte6ts. To try and e6plain -hat I mean, I:ll have to $et into -hat necessitated this kind of desi$n lan$ua$e in the first place. Transformers %&''() presented a demand for special effects on an unprecedented scale, -hich presented a number of massive challen$es for the entire cre-, and particularly, of course, the animators. eyond the obvious difficulties, there -as also the very specific demand of havin$ a number of scenes in bri$ht dayli$ht D a problem that IL4 MFS supervisor #cott Farrar touches on in this lil: video %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX84oChbn6LLE), e6plainin$ that of course, the usual

preference is to keep the models out of li$ht and out of focus so you don:t $et to immediately see their fla-s. That not bein$ an option, the creators had to find different -ays to make the effects not look fake. A constant undercurrent in the first film:s construction is a $eneral sense of insecurity. The team clearly -asn:t sure about ho- their -ork -ould look in the end, and they cut a lot of corners to ensure everythin$ -ould look and behave smoothly, like only implyin$ that 4e$atron has -in$s -ith the cinemato$raphy because ones actually on his back could $et in the -ay of the action. The movie still spends much more time at ni$ht than the subseHuent ones, and the Transformers spend very little time in the very centre of the screen, usually han$in$ out around the ed$es. In fact, one of my favorite bits of trivia about the first film is that it uses practical effects -herever possible. eyond usin$ a uniHue C0ITminiature hybrid approach for some scenes %http+TT---.youtube.comT-atch.vX*u""V;CC3A'), they also built physical props for parts of #korponok, Fren=y, and, indeed, a fullLscale umblebee for the scenes in -hich he -ouldn:t have to move.

!ne of the bi$ -orries that must have come up in the actual desi$n sta$e is that they had to avoid flat surfaces -herever possible. 4akin$ a simple, flat desi$n like your avera$e 0* Transformer look $ood as a C0I proIection in a liveLaction conte6t is near impossible because unless you e6pend obscene effort to $et all the reflections and little te6tures Iust ri$ht, it:s al-ays $oin$ to look, -ell, flat, and artificial. The sheer amounts of visual detail on the Transformers fulfils the dual purpose of a) breakin$ up the surfaces to sli$htly ease the -ork of the animators, and b) in conIunction -ith the framin$ choices of the film, they actively prevent the human eye from properly focusin$ on the thin$s, -hich itself both more effective at Ehidin$ the effectG than Iust keepin$ them in shado-s and only sho-in$ them for seconds at a time. It also has a different, much more important purpose that $oes back to filmmakin$ as a craft in $eneral.

Check out this render of !ptimus as he appears in the first film. <hat do you see. A lar$e amount of mechanical Iunk, for one. ut remember, that:s not -hat you see in the actual film. <hat you actually see is somethin$ more like this+

<e have neither the opportunity nor a particular motivation to focus on all the details in the actual film conte6t. <hat -e do see in those split seconds of divided focus are, ho-ever, the imperative parts+ The overall shape and lines of the desi$n, -hat people in the artist:s trade call E$estureG or Efi$ureG or EformG or like a million other thin$s. If you haven:t heard of E$esture dra-in$G, it:s an e6ercise in -hich the artist attempts to capture the fundamental motion and attitude of their model in as felines and details as possible, for$ettin$ about the physical and visual details entirely to attain somethin$ much more fundamentally lifelike.

A random e6ample I plucked from 0I#. %http+TTpencilpaperparty.-ordpress.comT&'*/T'*T*9TmoreL$estureLdra-in$Le6amplesT) Take a look at !ptimus: bodylines. There:s a consistency in the shapes created by the color =ones of his armor plates. 1e:s symmetrical, e6tremely vertical, all the sharp ed$es and e6tremities of his body seem to point up-ards. There:s a very deliberate use of subtle curves, particularly those alon$ his lo-er le$s that $ive him his solid stance, but primarily he:s characteri=ed by his strai$ht lines and ri$ht an$les. Look at the areas a vie-er is most likely to focus on, the bri$ht red chest and forearms. It:s a traditional heroic ima$e, a man strai$ht and true, all parts of his body pointin$ to $od and the heavens and everythin$ $ood. It:s the perfect propa$anda poster.

Compare that to 4e$atron+

"otice ho- 4e$atron lacks any truly distinct color =ones at all, but seems entirely composed of the interior metal bits of the !ptimus desi$n, thus becomin$ nearly impossible to immediately visuali=e. <hat:s more, look at his body lines. Every bit of his body is t-isted and curled, and the lines seem to e6plode off his body in all directions. Vuite the opposite of !ptimus:

hardLstrai$ht solidity, it:s a very emotional and uncontrolled appearance, fittin$ perfectly the $uy -ho basically spends t-o movies in an e6tended manic episode. <hile naked. Another fun bit of trivia about the !ptimus desi$n+ <hen 4ichael ay -as asked -hy they $ave him the flame deco, his reply -as pretty much Ebecause it:s coolG. !f course, later it turned out that they couldn:t use the traditional red upper body because red Iust doesn:t photo$raph very -ell %particularly combined -ith ESPL!#I!"#), and the flames -ere a $ood compromise to make him reco$ni=able as !ptimus Prime -hile still makin$ him a primarily blue robot. I -ould also further ar$ue that their inclusion leaves fe-er undetailed flat planes -ithout needin$ to resort to even more broken panels and mechanical detail, and that they add Iust a little bit of flare and temper back to -hat is other-ise a very cold and orderly desi$n, -hich befits his character as a -hole. asically, the lesson is+ Don:t take -hat you hear in intervie-s for the -hole story. Althou$h they are pretty cool. !f course, there:s been some artistic evolution throu$hout the years, as -ell. "otably, !ptimus: model has been t-eaked bet-een every movie to make it neater, more human and more visually cohesive, and of course 4e$atron looks vastly different in the other t-o movies. ut -hat about the other $uys. Let:s look at Ironhide.

Ironhide is, of course, desi$ned to evoke dirty 1arry. 1is arms and le$s are every bit as incoherent as any Decepticon, but pay particular attention to the chest area, the part -hich, and this is important to remember, alon$ -ith the head is al-ays $oin$ to dra- the absolute most visual attention. The desi$ners $enerally don:t $ave a particular fuck about the spatial

coordination of -here various vehicle bits end up, but notice they took care to make his chest actually resemble the front end of the car. The side fenders are there %if at an odd an$le to each other), the headli$hts are there %pointed in-ards), the bumper is there %t-isted and ine6plicably shrunk), there:s bits belo- the fenders that resemble brakes or hubcaps, he has tires and even a license plate. All the bits are there and even in rou$hly correct relation to each other, but everythin$ is Iust scrunched up enou$h to make it look, no, not like he transforms into a car, but rather like he:s specifically -earin$ the car as a leather Iacket. "o-, the reason I included t-o shots here, one from the first movie and one from the third, is to hi$hli$ht a couple of differences in ho- this desi$n is presented. !stensibly, they are t-o very similar shots+ CloseLup on Ironhide as he:s speakin$, focused primarily on the upper chest area. The differences ho-ever, -hile subtle, are very si$nificant. !ne maIor thin$ is the camera. In the first shot, it:s pannin$ to-ards him, never Huite perfectly centerin$ on him, then immediately pannin$ a-ay. The shot in $eneral isn:t really devoted to him specifically, but involves three of the Autobots all standin$ near each other. The hu$e $larin$ sun obscures much of his shoulders, and the li$htin$ in $eneral causes many of his parts to sort of meld to$ether. In addition to all that, he:s holdin$ his arms %and $uns) close to his body, obscurin$ the shape of his chest and confusin$ his silhouette, and the chest itself is cut off at the bottom, leavin$ out even more of its shape and obscurin$ the number plate. The second shot is nearly static and focused even more specifically on the chest area, the coldLblue li$htin$ causes the silver parts of his body to reflect and stand out much more, and he:s holdin$ his arms far a-ay from himself, lettin$ the more potent details of his desi$n speak for themselves. Even totally disre$ardin$ the differences in renderin$ Huality, it:s a so much nicer shot. Even thou$h it:s the e6act same C0I model, the second e6ample is si$nificantly more visually identifiable and Iust plain nice to look at. The third movie is basically all this all the time. It:s obvious that they became much more confident in their ability to make a C0I model look $ood on its o-n, and discarded a lot of the obscurin$ techniHues that made the first movie so hard to follo- visually.K This can be seen not only in the -ay the e6istin$ characters are presented, but also in the ne- $uys: desi$ns+ Autobots and e6LAutobots at least use si$nificantly more smooth lines and flat shapes than they -ould before. <hich brin$s me to the probably most important part of desi$n period+ Faces.
K<hich makes criticisms of the films bein$ visually incoherent applied to the trilo$y as a -hole feel rather hollo- and really a product of proIectin$ e6pectations, honestly.

It al-ays comes back to faces, or perhaps, a lack thereof. "o amount of incoherent visual detail on the arms and le$s can make a character seem Huite as alien and horrible as a deformed or unreco$ni=able face does. 1ence, the a-ful Eshredded insectG look sported by Ironhide and co. It:s a po-erful tool that makes it virtually impossible for the audience to build proper empathy to-ards the character. Ironhide resembles 1arry Callahan, ri$ht. <ell, no- ima$ine 1arry -alkin$ around askin$ punks if they feel lucky, only he has a bunch of unreco$ni=able shapes -here his face should be. Terrifyin$ stuff. !f course, -hile the secondTthird movies keep this approach for the Decepticons %-ho al-ays remain alien and unfathomable), the ne- Autobots -ork a bit differently. Althou$h their faces feel a bit more immediately human at first, they have this odd Huality -here they conform to a particular stereotype so fully that they cease to feel like people:s faces at all, oddly soulless and empty. It should be noted, for e6ample, that you can:t actually see any of the <reckers: eyes. The t-o bi$ e6ceptions are, of course, !ptimus, -ho at least in the third film has an unusually humanlike face, but has a convenient mask that he can Iust put on -hen it:s time to do somethin$ spectacularly a-ful, and, and here -e $o a$ain, 4e$atron.

I find it pretty funny that concept artist Bosh "i==i % ) clearly operated on the assumption of 4e$atron bein$ an imposin$ and threatenin$ villain, somethin$ he very definitely did not end up bein$.
!n pictures, 4e$atron:s face is amon$ the most hideous and unfathomable, but -ith the constant attention and effort put to it in the third film, somethin$ ma$ical ends up happenin$ and 4e$atron basically turns into a pra-n from District ;. "o matter ho- $ross he may be, somethin$ about the -ay he moves and emotes makes him incredibly humanlike, in a -ay. That reminds me, there:s somethin$ I failed to mention before.

There:s a -eird intermediate step in 4e$s: transformation -here, after $ivin$ off a beastlike roar, he tries to raise his entire cab off the $round, then slams it back onto the $round hard. It really does look as thou$h the cab itself -as the head of some kind of animal, ri$ht do-n to the tarp flutterin$ behind it formin$ an enormous mane. The reason I brin$ this up specifically is because -e:ve seen a heavy, beastlike character slam his head into the $round -hile roarin$ durin$ a transformation seHuence that felt more painful and unpleasant than ele$ant and ma$ical in a desert settin$ before+

Bust yet another visual link bet-een the t-o characters.

8eally, there:s Iust so many thin$s about this desi$n that -ork for me+ It really is probably my second favorite character desi$n in all of visual media %the first is ?tsuho 8eiuIi from the Touhou series. Don:t ask.) it:s not pretty, but it:s incredibly emotive and multifaceted and full of little details and references. I Iust admire all the -ork and thou$ht that -ent into brin$in$ this character to life, and my $reatest re$ret about him is that he couldn:t find his -ay into a movie I can actually recommend people to -atch. #o then, to revie-, here:s -hy I feel the $eneral aesthetic of the films -orks+ L It plays -ith the vie-er:s perception, causin$ the C0I models to look, -ell, certainly not more real, but a different kind of fake that -orks better -ithin the conte6t of a film. L The hi$h amount of detail $ives an additional impression of scale, makin$ the models look massive even -hen there:s no reference obIects around them. L It makes the characters more alien and distant, makin$ it harder to immediately accept their vie-points, -hich is, for better or for -orse, clearly somethin$ the filmmakers tried to accomplish. L It adds multiple important thematic elements, like the robots lookin$ like they:re -earin$ cars as clothes.

L It adds more detail and nuance to a fe- characters and is in part responsible for the most detailed and nuanced character in the trilo$y actually becomin$ such. L It:s uniHue and immediately reco$ni=able, and its hypermodern sensibilities allo-ed it to really take root in our culture, both makin$ the Transformers series even more of a Ethin$G in people:s minds and sho-in$ concisely the amount of influence the movies had. L It makes for some pretty kickass toys. L 8eally, once you allo- yourself to $et used to it, it can Iust be pretty nice to look at, in its o-n -ay. <hile I:m at it, here:s some more neat concept art.

#ome very early storyboard art by Tony Qieme. I actually really like the framin$ and ambiance of these pieces %I particularly enIoy the tilted an$le of the first one D the robots on the ri$ht side have so much visual mass that the entire planet seems to buckle under them) and I -ould absolutely not obIect to the entire film havin$ been made -ith this approach.

Thou$ht the Constructicons in the movie -ere -eird. Aou should see some of the stuff that didn:t make it in. Another concept artist called it Efreeform robot desi$nG and yeah, you can pretty much see that. It really sho-s that after the success of the first film, they became confident enou$h to really start pushin$ aesthetic boundaries and Iust $enerally fuckin$ around. The return to more EreasonableG, humanoid desi$ns for the third film is both a blessin$ and a bit of a shame.

!ne of the dropped ideas for the second film -as an enormous combiner made of millions of tiny insect transformers %like the one #am sHuashes at the end). 1avin$ one of the Decepticons be a literal pla$ue of locusts is a terrifically biblical idea that I think -ould have -orked perfectly in 8!TF, but instead -e $ot Devastator so I can:t really complain.

4ira$e T Dino. 8emember this $uy. I don:t. Any-ay, notice the some-hat abstract nature of the piece. 1e:s barely reco$ni=able as a car at all, and the mechanical detail is pretty much Iust an applied te6ture. 1e totally lacks physicality. Instead, the piece focuses entirely on sho-in$ the flo- and lines of the desi$n. It:s a $ood sho-case of -hat -as important to the artists at this sta$e. %contrast -ith the much more technical concept art for the first film.)

T1E E#T LA#E8 EAQ C!"CEPT. There:s actually a bunch of neat Laserbeak concept art, but I $uess in the end they Iust -anted him to look u$ly and unpleasant above all else.

Vue also -ent throu$h a number of very distinct desi$ns, ran$in$ from Eactually sympathetic lookin$G to Ehorrible "a=i doctorG. I can see -hy they -ent -ith his final desi$n in the end, but I also -on:t lie about it bein$ one of the least aesthetically -orth-hile ones in the trilo$y. It seems he -as also $oin$ to be a different model of car, but I:m not car nerd enou$h to identify it based on the visible vehicle bits.

I, uh, have no conte6t for this. Are -e still lookin$ at D!T4 concepts because

<ait Aaron #ims -hat are you doin$ do you even remember -hat movie you:re -orkin$ on

-hat the hell is $oin$ on here aaaaaaaaaaaah

I haven:t found any site that has all the available art collected in one place, so in case you:re curious to look at some more, I compiled a list of all the individual artists: pa$es I could find. Transformers &''( en Procter %has some additional information, -orth readin$) 8even$e of the Fallen <esley urt 8yan Church %the Escenery and set piecesG $uy) #tee Bun$ %it seems his actual site -ent do-n, but his silly Constructicons can be found here) Bosh "i==i %hired for bein$ $ood at fanart, no- pretty much the main robot desi$ner) Paul !==imo %robot concepts, more on irritatin$ to navi$ate flash -ebsite %http+TT---.paulo==imo.comT)) en Procter %mostly curious unused concepts) Dark of the 4oon <esley urt %some of those !ptimus super mode ideas floatin$ around are pretty cra=y) Boel Chan$ %some space stuff)

8yan Church %some #hock-ave) <arren 4anser %some vehicles) Bosh "i==i %did I mention I love this $uy.) Aaron #ims %-hat is this I donFt even)

Conclusions, or really Iust ramblin$s

<ith these threads, I mainly -anted to do three thin$s+ Point out some of the subtler $oin$Lons that easily $ot lost in the obno6ious loudness of these films for most people, sho- that -hat:s presented doesn:t al-ays Iive cleanly -ith the idea of them bein$ totally brainless, and present an overarchin$ narrative that I feel places a more coherent li$ht on these supposed inconsistencies. In hindsi$ht, I feel I:ve focused a bit much on that third bit and not Huite enou$h on the second. #ee, the thin$ is, this is, of course, only one possible readin$ of the films, and not necessarily a very $ood one. 1o-ever, I do feel that it:s one of the only readin$s that takes the entirety of the movies into consideration. Althou$h I skipped over parts %mainly in 8even$e), that -as $enerally because I felt they only reiterated thin$s that had been sho-n before or other-ise didn:t contradict my thou$hts, and people in the thread -ere al-ays ready to help out and e6plain thin$s to me. ut -henever I try to vie- the films throu$h the alternate, commonly accepted lens, there:s al-ays Huite a fe- thin$s that trip me up. L The first film specifically brin$s up the -ay the Cybertronians learn our lan$ua$e throu$h the internet %-hich is somethin$ that -as invented for the film, the Transformers -ere al-ays Iust capable of communication before and since), but then conveniently i$nores this plot point -hen 4e$atron -akes up and immediately starts talkin$ in En$lish. Coupled -ith that first sentence bein$ him clarifyin$ -hat his name is, this seems to e6ist e6clusively to sho- that he -as conscious durin$ his captivity D somethin$ that puts both his character and the humans: in a totally different li$ht. L The first film also makes a point to have !ptimus sho- remorse over the murder of 4e$atron and destruction of the Allspark D puttin$ his actions in the latter movies into a rather odd li$ht. Compare EAou left me no choice, brotherG to Etime to find out.G L <hat is -ith the absurd focus on Autobots smashin$ faces. It:s only more visceral than other bodily dama$e -hen it:s done in select cases, but by the third movie it reaches levels of selfLparody D and only the heroes do it. y contrast, many if not most of the Autobots -ear battle masks or other-ise cover their faces a lot. In the conte6t of them bein$ heroic, -hat is that supposed to mean. L <hat is it -ith $lass items. Particularly in the third film, you have a lot of people lookin$ at or throu$h binocularsTtelescopes, $lass panes, crystal balls, recordin$ devices... L The third film has freHuent shots of security cameras, surveillance eHuipment, armed $uards and so on. The subtle and silent establishment of a surveillance state is not somethin$ you Iust kind of thro- into your action movie -illyLnilly, is it. L -hy are -omen do$s L The absolute disre$ard of continuity and ErealismG in movies & and /. Consider scenes like 4e$atron:s Africa scene, -here he appears to be in a totally different desert in every sin$le shot, or #entinel already havin$ an alt mode and speakin$ En$lish from the $etL$o, or every sin$le crass break from science and reason taken in a$$re$ate. It:s Iust bi=arre. L This shot+

A fun thin$ to try -ould be sho-in$ this shot to someone -ho has never heard of the films completely out of conte6t and ask them -hat they think the situation depicted is. I -ould bet they -ould identify the people in front as the prota$onists and the fi$ure in the back as attackin$Tthreatenin$ them, because that:s ho- the shot is set up. !ptimus is a massive, indistinct presence slo-ly approachin$ the fore$round -here the humans are, framed by a scene of total destruction. 1is entire upper body D and -ith that, his face D is offLscreen, so even -ith the upturned camera he has no defined hei$ht, makin$ him appear endlessly tall. Aou can:t Huite make out -hat he:s holdin$, but he seems to -ield it like a $un+ It feels like he could point it at the screen any second. The humans are facin$ a-ay from him, as if attemptin$ to cra-l to safety, clearly distrau$ht. Every sin$le thin$ about this frame bleeds an unkno-able malevolence. !f course, in conte6t, it all seems e6plained and beni$n, but here:s the thin$+ The movies are full of shots like these. !ptimus in particular is constantly framed in -ays that make him appear malicious, and althou$h the narrative tries its best to s-eep the cinemato$raphy under the ru$, some part of you can:t help but notice. 8emember, !ptimus is the active narrator of the films, as -ell. L #imilarly, 4e$atron in movie /+ Everythin$ about his framin$ su$$ests pity and sympathy. 1e is literally seen carin$ for ne-borns. The camera practically can:t $et enou$h of his face. The movie constantly encoura$es sympathy for the $uy, and in the end he does somethin$ that:s totally uncalled for as a movie villain. If they Iust -anted to have another bad $uy, -hy bother -ith all this. <hy not Iust make him attack !ptimus in the end, and make the audience feel a deserved victory. L <hy link 4e$atron to the Constructicons specifically. If you look at the 0* cartoon, there:s a very clear divide -here the Autobots are -orkin$ class or other-ise common vehicles, and the Decepticons are military eHuipment or other-ise offensive -eapons. Devastator -as basically nothin$ more than a themed lackey. The first film carries this -ith #tarscream, ra-l and onecrusher, but then suddenly humanity $ains a total monopoly over military vehicles and all the Decepticons are no- roadL or construction vehicles. 4e$atron himself has never had any -orkin$Lclass theme in the history of the franchise %thou$h the ID< comics and Transformers Prime have recently picked up on this). ecause blueLcollar -orkers are the everyman, and therefore the hero. L 1ere:s somethin$ interestin$ the films don:t do+ Turn !ptimus into a Christ fi$ure. This is an idea that:s as old as 0*, and a trope popular in action movies in $eneral, but even thou$h !ptimus dies and is then revived in the most biblical movie this franchise has ever seen %castin$ 4e$atron as Lucifer, no less), they made a -ide s-erve around any ima$es that could link him to that archetypal story. L Another shot+

I didn:t actually notice until someone in the thread pointed it out, but look at the red car. "otice ho- there are t-o e6tras co-erin$ in there. That:s the car Ironhide crushes under a baddie for no reason, evidently killin$ t-o people in the process. That car could have been empty. Those t-o e6tras -ere not Iust there to play a prank on the team D they had to be actively hired and directed to sit in the car and hide from some empty air that a robot -ould be C0Ied into later. <hy. The filmmakers e6pended an active effort Iust to make the heroes: actions Iust that little bit more insane, in a situation barely anyone in the audience actually noticed2 And these are Iust the more obvious ones. The problem I have -ith the su$$estion that these movies have little vision or intention behind them is because inherently, you are statin$ that stuff like this is totally unintentional, or Iust kinda -orked out that -ay, or -hatever. I freHuently see filmmakers accused of this sort of carelessness and not thinkin$ thin$s throu$h, but I feel it:s a rather myopic thin$ for vie-ers to do. #ee, it:s fine for them, because they invest t-o hours into a movie, halfL heartedly pay attention to the thin$s e6plodin$, then -alk out of the theatre, shallo-ly play back a cliffLnotes version of the thin$ back in their heads and think Eyeah, there sure -asn:t much to this.G They can do that. Paramount Pictures has been -orkin$ on and off on Transformers for five years. It:s difficult to ima$ine, as a simple person in the audience, ho- much thou$ht and effort has to $o into every sin$le thin$ committed to film. <hat -e see on screen is Iust the end result of many, many hours of consideration and debate and desi$n, an incredible series of compromises bet-een artistic vision, resources and the demands of the audience. Take a look at this concept art+

Aou mi$ht remember these thin$s from the first movie. Actually, I:m pretty sure you don:t, because they only appear in a sin$le scene, in no shot that lasts lon$er than five seconds, in total darkness. %It:s the Autobots: atmospheric entry mode.) It:s far from their only piece of concept art %http+TT---.benprocter.comTstora$eToldersitesTsitev&ThtmlTP8!BPA0EUTransU*&.html). "otice ho- even beyond the cra=y amount of surface detail %that had to be properly represented on the C0I model, as -ell2), they carefully and deliberately planned out the an$le of their collision -ith the $round, the depth, the scale, and so on. All this en$ineerin$ of ho- this thin$ -ould look and -ork, for like one minute of foota$e in a & and b hour film. And that:s from the first film, -hich itself sho-s much less care and love than the third or the better parts of the second. For five years, no- four movies, the team lived and breathed and almost literally ate Transformers, as it provided the financial foundation for their lives. For every shot and reLshot and reLreLshot setLup had to be done, -ork or$ani=ed, actors and e6tras directed, results evaluated... "eed I remind you that the director named his do$ after the film, -as practically so offended at the franchise continuin$ on -ithout him that he returned to it even after he announced bein$ done -ith it, t-ice%2) and felt personally insulted -hen 1u$o <eavin$ admitted his heart -asn:t really in it. Take a close look at these movies and, even -ithout any clever subversive storytellin$ or -hatever, and you be$in to notice ho- deliberately and attentively crafted they are and ho- much respect -as paid to setL and sound desi$n and ho- hard they tried to $et the special effects to look

Iust ri$ht. This does not sHuare -ith my idea of a cynical, lo-Leffort cash $rab. I simply have to believe that all this theatric comple6ity has meanin$, because su$$estin$ that the team made the anta$onist more emotive and filmed him in a more sympathetic camera than the hero because they can:t even $et subLfilmmakin$ *'* framin$ shit ri$ht feels both facile and ludicrous to me. Everythin$ is there because the filmmakers -anted it to be D yes, even in 8even$e of the Fallen. !f course, speakin$ of 8even$e, let:s not for$et that no matter the amount of earnest -ork put into somethin$, sometimes it Iust turns out shit. There:s a stran$e perception I noticed in critical response -here people seem to find it difficult to consider somethin$ both earnest or satirical and, -ell, not very -ell made. #ucker Punch can:t be an honest indictment of cinematic obIectification and a some-hat poorly conceived, almost hypocritical attempt at bein$ more clever than you should. Transformers can:t be an inversion of the traditional heroTvillain narrative sho-casin$ the effects of authoritarian propa$anda and a meanderin$, underLfocused, often poorly communicated, destructive mess. 4aybe it:s a stran$e entertainmentLversion of the Bust <orld Fallacy -here lackin$ results must necessarily result from lackin$ effort, or maybe it:s modern audiences: stran$e -orship of subversiveness, -here a -ork critical of old tropes must by default be better than the -orks it:s commentin$ on thro-in$ to the dustbin of history, but either -ay, people are e6tremely resistant to the idea that films they found emotionally dissatisfyin$ could e6press depth and meanin$ and tend to dismiss them as another W$enre film:. eyond the inherent serious issues of dismissin$ $enreL or even clichY films, this causes some serious tension in this case due to Transformers: uniHue presentation. Althou$h it doubtlessly presents itself as a lar$eLscale action movie, its idea of -hat action movies are like doesn:t e6actly seem sincere. ut it:s a very stran$e ne- standard of insincerity that doesn:t $el -ith -hat -e usually consider EsubversiveG. <here 4arvel:s Aven$ers is like a bad anime stereotype $oin$ EbLbut it:s not like I like antiLintellectualism or anythin$2G Kblushes furiouslyK, Transformers is more like a stran$e hall of mirrors -here everythin$ seems to be a reflection of somethin$ real but is unpleasantly stretched and -arped and then you take a closer look and -hat you thou$ht -as a reflection is actually your face painted on the -all in pi$ blood and unspeakable human liHuids. The other day I -atched Fast Five %&'**) D seemin$ly a movie -ith similar sensibilities, bein$ all fast cars and burly $uys and pretty $irls and cartoonish lar$eLscale destruction, but I find it an absurd idea to even compare the t-o stories, much less find actual common $round. Callin$ TF an action film su$$ests that it actually holds itself to the conventions of the $enre, but it:s so totally differently constructed, from the $round up, than any other action film I:ve seen, that tryin$ to use its $enre as its summation ends up makin$ rather stran$e claims about the film and the $enre. It:s a colorful assembly of cinemato$raphic elements collected from a -ide variety of sources, none of -hich is ne- per se, but collected and distilled in a -ay that creates a totally distinctive EfeelG that almost seems to supersede the sources in people:s minds, and ended up havin$ a massive influence on releases since D makin$ Transformers, of course, the Citi=en Qane of dumb action blockblus$huh$hhhlllll$rrrrrrrrrr$ In this case, it is only natural that people approach the films as -hat they claim to be, but that:s -here everythin$ breaks do-n. <e meet them -ith the critical framin$s and lan$ua$e -e use to reflect them a$ainst our e6pectations of -hat makes an action movie $ood+ Do -e -ant to see the characters succeed. Can -e put ourselves in their place, and do their emotions, as portrayed, resonate -ith -hat -e feel. Can -e immerse ourselves in the emotional char$e of the moment. Inherently the cards are stacked a$ainst the film, because -e e6pect somethin$ out of it, it -as simply not desi$ned to offer. <hen people cite one of the most freHuent criticisms of the films as films, that the action seHuences themselves are Eborin$G, they are not makin$ a statement about the seHuences themselves, because past the first film they, by themselves, are still some of the most e6cellently sta$ed, framed and e6ecuted action seHuences in modern cinema. The thin$ that:s lackin$ is the emotional investment. Action films $o $reat len$ths to make us empathi=e -ith their characters, to make us feel -hat they feel, because only then can -e really place ourselves -ith them emotionally. The result is that even scenes that are clunky or loose and amateurish can still feel satisfyin$ and impressive Iust because they reflect the characters: D and our D emotional state, see the entire ori$inal #tar <ars trilo$y. Transformers is not Iust a film that doesn:t bother involvin$ us -ith its primary combatants, but desi$ns them to actively reIect sympathy, portrayin$ them as faceless and alien and va$uely malicious. The $reatest

director in the -orld couldn:t make a conventionally satisfyin$ action scene -ith these in$redients. !f course, I hardly think they are -ithout merit. They:re still consistently the best parts of the films, after all D they:re not en$a$in$ in the -ay seein$ Luke finally confront Darth Mader is en$a$in$, but they are more beautiful in the sense of an abstract paintin$ or a choreo$raphed dance, a visual spectacle that sort of Iustifies itself. It:s not a better or -orse approach to moviemakin$, but it reHuires a different approach D and I -ould ar$ue, more $ood -ill D on the audience:s part as -ell. And I $uess that:s one of the problems -ith the trilo$y. It builds a very clear tone and e6pectation, then delivers somethin$ totally different -ith =ero attempts to actually involve the audience or make them understand -hat:s happenin$. <ell, not =ero D the odd thin$ is that -e do have such strate$ies employed for the robot characters %-ith the visual desi$n tricks I outlined, the facial focus %or lack thereof) and so on), but plays much more sloppily -ith the human ones, -ho still do take up the vast maIority of screen time. The result feels sloppy and dissonant, and althou$h there:s some attempts to shock the audience into reconsiderin$ -hat they Iust sa- at the very end of movies & and /, totally discardin$ & hours -orth of emotional response and investment and reflectin$ on everythin$ you:ve Iust seen is a lot to bloody ask for in a person -ho:s never been particularly trained to reflect movies critically, for a movie that itself hardly ever su$$ests it even deserves that level of reflection. And in spite of every sin$le thin$ I said, there:s simply no denyin$ the very real cultural dama$e the movies did. The fact that not Iust the filmmakin$ team, but the entire set of investors and the ratin$s boards all thou$ht these films are in any -ay appropriate for children to -atch is insane, and the $leeful enthusiasm -ith -hich they e6a$$erate D and necessarily perpetuate D a-ful ideas and portrayals of minorities is frankly embarrassin$ to -itness. The bi$ problem is that all three films: insane financial successes sent some pretty unfortunate messa$es about -hat a filmmaker can $et a-ay -ith, and a lot of thin$s portrayed here as crass and violent have sort of become the ne-er normal. I:ll admit that the endin$ of the aforementioned Fast Five, -here the prota$onists destroy an entire city usin$ a bank vault %the money, of course, bein$ an indiscriminate a$ent of pure destruction, much like a Transformer), but then $et an e6tended seHuence of them $ettin$ drunk on its contents in a poisonous display of hedonistic success sent me reelin$ some-hat. % ut then I:ll admit I didn:t understand a lot of that film:s subtleties, and it still has the clear advanta$e of not seemin$ to consider black people hilarious.) In the end, this escalation also reflects back on the trilo$y. <hen somethin$ crass becomes normal, it:s difficult to look back at it as anythin$ but normal. Althou$h the films escalate to an absurd de$ree, it seems pop culture is al-ays Iust a step behind. I $uess -hat it comes do-n to is that I really don:t blame anyone for broadly reIectin$ the films. I -ould be rather more troubled if more people didnFt, really. I simply cannot in $ood conscience recommend anyone to -atch them... And to me, that:s sad. Partially because I see all this incredible -ork done by the artists and effects team dissipate in a story that cannot properly present it, but mostly because I can say -ithout a hint of irony that I have $ained more enIoyment out of Transformers / than any sin$le other movie I -atched, and it sucked not bein$ able to share that enIoyment -ith anyone. To me, this isn:t about Eprovin$ ay:s secret $eniusG or -hatever. It:s about ho- -e, as an audience, approach a film. If you come to it -ith a set of e6pectations that render the ima$es presented by the film as confusin$, a-ful and dissonant, donFt be surprised at the film bein$ confusin$, a-ful and dissonant. The reason I see the films the -ay I do is because I feel that creates a level of consistency and ultimately makes the films much more fun and interestin$, and the more I read about and reflect on them, the more fun and interestin$ they become. Aou probably don:t even have to see them as dishonest and subversive to fulfill this reHuirement+ I:m positive that a proper and complete readin$ of the movies as mostly honest can be done, and every ni$$le I have addressed D I Iust haven:t seen it done yet. And even beyond any perceived cleverness, Dark #ide 4oon is still $or$eous, dynamic, culturally relevant, nuanced, uniHue and oddly compellin$. !ver the past year I:ve $ro-n from havin$ a curious appreciation for its e6istence to outri$ht lovin$ it, horrid -arts and all, because it has entertained me far beyond Iust its & b hour runtime. And -hile I can:t ask anyone to share these feelin$s, I do have one -ish+ That people look at all movies -ith an open mind, and try to take them on their o-n terms, no matter ho- definitive the stereotypes

that have arisen around them seem. Aou mi$ht -alk a-ay Iustifiably thinkin$ of them as $arba$e, but there:s al-ays a chance that you:ll be positively surprised, far beyond -hat you could have possibly e6pected. And really, -hen your ta$line and entire drivin$ concept is Jmore than meets the eyeJ, is it really so cra=y to try lookin$ beyond the obvious.