Danielle Boehler 5/27/13 5th Hour The Only Monsters Are The Ones Inside Us Im scared to get close,

and I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all. Ive discovered many things about myself over the past few years of my life that went to more obscure places than I ever would have imagined. The higher I get, the lower Ill sink; I cant drown my demons, they know how to swim. But the most immense lesson Ive learned was that the only monsters that exist, are the ones inside us, and those, are possibly the worst kind. **** My steps diminished as I neared the entrance to the psychiatric hospital; my hands became clammy and began shaking as my stomach flared with uneasiness and agitation. This place was all too familiar to me. But that was all behind me now. I was here for a different reason, with new intentions and a definite purpose; to save lives. A variety of emotions churched within me concerning the severity of my new apprenticeship, but I had already come so far. I couldnt dare turn back now. I wiped my sweaty palms on my Levis, inhaled a breath great enough to rid of the nervousness consuming me and proceeded through the double doors, into the hospital. I approached the front desk hesitantly and was greeted by a smiling receptionist. Youre back! She exclaimed excitedly. Unfortunately, I muttered, half smiling. I was then escorted to the floor I would be assigned to work on. The doctor handed me the files I was destine to become familiar with and briefly described each patients case to me; afterward I sat down to read them more in depth on my own; one in particular caught my eye. A broken, nineteen year old girl. Another sad teen, who put up a happy front far too long. She was found in her bathroom, painting a gruesome picture her mother would be terrified to see. She painted a pretty picture, but the picture had a twist. Her paintbrush was a razor, and the canvas was her wrists. After I thoroughly read and nearly memorized her file, I took it upon myself to pay a visit to her room. I wrapped my knuckles on the cold, steel-bolted door, then cracked it open. May I come in? I asked. Please, come in, Im already disturbed, she responded sullenly. Upon entering the room, I saw the damaged young girl sitting cross-legged on the numbing cement floor, facing the colorless wall of the dingy room. Hi Miss, I greeted her, but she did not respond. Ill be taking over your case for Dr. Connor, still no feedback. as an apprentice, followed once again by dead silence.

Danielle Boehler 5/27/13 5th Hour I assured myself it was best not to force her to speak, but wait until she was comfortably ready to consult with me. I stood near the animate door that entrapped the young soul for moments on end, in dead air. Through the miniscule window square in the door, light poured in and ricocheted off of the aphotic concrete floor. What seemed like an eternity afterwards, she began to turn toward me, showing her radiant beauty to something other than the livid walls. Why are you here? She asked in a very sinister tone. To help you. You cant help me, you wont understand, she said to me as she stared into the darkness of the rooms corner and tears streamed down her ice cold, pasty face. no one does, she mumbled as a single tear rolled from her feeble cheek and dropped onto her miniature fragile hand. No one does, I repeated as visions from my own past cycled through my head. Exactly, she replied. I understand, I reassured her. No one in this hospital could possibly understand me, otherwise I wouldnt be here. I may be depressed, I may be suicidalbut I am not crazy! She hollered, clenching her now shaking fists and staring deeply into my eyes. My emotions got the best of me as I remembered myself reciting those exact same words not long ago. I exited the room, gently shutting her in the steel sarcophagus behind me. Tears descending slowly down my steaming hot cheeks, I slammed my body against the concrete wall and slid to the floor sobbing, and hanging my hopeless head in my quivering knees. Maybe Im not cut out for this. I thought to myself. After pulling myself together, I realized I was stronger that the dark forces continually attempting to bind me. I had pulled myself out of the darkness previously, proving I was this severed young girls only connection to recovery. **** Days cascaded into weeks, and weeks to months as our connection grew stronger for each other. She made me happy; but more importantly, I felt that I did the same for her. The light in her eyes shone differently than any other I had ever seen before; more vibrant and indefinitely stunning. After witnessing them day after day, I couldnt imagine life without them. Together, we sat on the bed of her dull contained room. I tried looking into her eyes, but she refused to simply lift her head, breaking her gaze with the restless tips of her fingers. It was obvious she was struggling with the thoughts in the hollow crevices of her consciousness. Tell me your biggest fears, I said, I bet they look a lot like mine. She locked eyes with me and replied: Losing you.

Danielle Boehler 5/27/13 5th Hour In that moment, we were infinite, and I knew that I could trust her with even my darkest and most deep secret of all. Unbuttoning the sleeves of my Louis Vuitton dress shirt, I stuck out my arms toward her, revealing my scars. No words were necessary, for the emotion was abundant. She finally understood that I truly did understand her pain as she embraced me into her loving arms. With silent tears spilling from her eyes, she whispered quietly in my ear. You complete me. You dont really need someone to complete you, I responded, all you need is someone to accept you completely.