surrounded by quiet all day and all night not the peace I need to ease these heavy boulders

weighing my shoulders sending me down earthward bound to grope with the ground smothered by weight unseen undoing all I've ever been the silence deafening and the quiet threatening to rip out my soul and leave me un-whole break off my shell and make me unwell in this daily hell trying to go to no destination dying to death of this frustration til I can only lay and stare at the ceiling up there hoping to re-find a cause coping to come off pause wondering why me and here pondering why now and why fear it seems to be coming un-ravelled beaten down judged and gavelled here I sit deafened by the nothing unmoved untouched unloved and untrusting I want to go and I want to stay and that is all I have for today