Curtis Miller 12/2/10 International Literature Final Paper

Cynthia Sinai
My name is Cynthia Sinai. I was born in 1989 to immi rant Lebanese parents! who"# $ome to the %nite# States three years be&ore I was born! an# while li'in in (ew )or* $on'erte# to the L+S &aith. I li'e# in (ew )or* till I was thirteen. My &amily mo'e# a&ter the September 11th atta$*s. My &amily wasn"t Muslim! but they still &elt the e&&e$ts o& the anti,Muslim sentiment! whi$h was why they mo'e# &rom (ew )or* to Salt La*e City. -hey hope# that in Salt La*e! amon st other Mormons! our &amily woul# &eel more a$$epte#. -hat #i#n"t happen. I"'e been li'in in Salt La*e City sin$e. My parents spo*e with an a$$ent! an# ha# *ept some tra#itions &rom when they were Muslim. Mother still wore a hea#s$ar& in publi$! thou h the rest o& her $lothin $oul# be $onsi#ere# .meri$an. /ut wearin the hea#s$ar& attra$te# attention! espe$ially a&ter 9/11. 0hen my &amily was ettin on the plane to &ly to Salt La*e City! I remembere# the loo*s we woul# et &rom the other potential passen ers as we passe# throu h se$urity. %n#oubte#ly! they noti$e# mother"s s$ar&. -he loo*s woul#n"t $ease in Salt La*e City! o& $ourse. It rea$he# the point o& hatin to be in publi$ with mother! be$ause we"# be 'iewe# with su$h suspi$ion. 1'eryone thou ht we were Muslim. In $hur$h! we were 'iewe# as re$ent $on'erts! an# the other members were seemin ly tea$hin us the basi$s o& the L+S &aith! when I ha# been L+S &or all my li&e! my parents lon er. 2& $ourse! mother #i#n"t wear the s$ar& in $hur$h! sin$e it was out o& $o#e. /ut merely the $olor o& our s*in an# my parents a$$ent! not to mention mother"s style o& #ress outsi#e o& $hur$h! was enou h to et the other $hur$h members to see us as new $on'erts who 3ust le&t an 4e'il4 &aith! an# they"# tell us how happy they were that we le&t Islam! when I mysel& ne'er ha# le&t Islam. I"'e been Mormon all my li&e5 In $hur$h! we simply #i#n"t &eel wel$ome

at all &or a lon time. 0e &elt li*e outsi#ers. 0e &elt the anti,Islami$ sentiment! e'en thou h we weren"t Muslims. I remember one ni ht my parents &oun# ra&&iti on our house. -hey hi# it &rom us then! but they tol# me later in li&e what it was. It rea#! 4-errorists o to hell54! an# it was ri ht a$ross the &ront o& the house. -he poli$e ne'er tra$*e# #own who it was who #i# it. 0hen in s$hool! I &elt as i& 3o*es about terrorism were bein #ire$te# at me! 3ust by the way the other *i#s woul# say it. -hey woul# as* me what it was li*e to be Muslim or to row up in the Mi##le 1ast. In eo raphy! the tea$her ma#e an assi nment where the stu#ents ha# to inter'iew an immi rant! an# one irl wante# to inter'iew me. Furious! I sai#! 4I am not an immi rant5 I was born here54 an# storme# o&&. I #i#n"t ha'e a lot o& &rien#s in s$hool. I wasn"t the most attra$ti'e irl! so &ew boys showe# any interest in me. I re$ei'e# surprise# loo*s when I $ame into Seminary in hi h s$hool! whi$h really put me o&& the rest o& the #ay. I ne'er really lo'e# s$hool be&ore $olle e. Loo*in ba$*! I #on"t &eel that I #i# the best I $oul# ha'e. I #i# the assi nments an# was a / a'era e! but I ha# su$h a sour attitu#e towar# s$hool that I wasn"t pun$tual to $lass! e'en 3ust not $omin to $lass e'ery on$e in a while. I $an"t thin* o& a 6uarter where I #i#n"t ha'e to atten# some &orm o& atten#an$e s$hool. Mother wore her hea#s$ar& be$ause she &elt that it was the #e$ent thin to #o. She trie# to en$oura e me to wear a hea#s$ar& as well. I stron ly oppose# the i#ea. I &elt the last thin I nee#e# was #ressin li*e a Muslim! sin$e I alrea#y loo*e# li*e one. I be an to really hate Islam an# the Mi##le 1ast. I trie# &ittin in. 0hen people woul# say ne ati'e thin s about Islam! I trie# to ma*e my appro'al o& the $omment $lear. My sel&,esteem was 6uite low. I #i#n"t li*e loo*in in the mirror be$ause at times! espe$ially when news &rom the Mi##le 1ast or Islam woul# emer e! I"# loo* in the mirror an# see a terrorist loo*in ba$*. Sin$e my s*in wasn"t too #ar*! I trie# wearin more ma*eup to loo* whiter. I #esperately wishe# that I ha# been born a white Mormon. I"'e en3oye# $olle e more than hi h s$hool. I o to /ri ham )oun %ni'ersity! an# am en a e# to a &ine youn man! a white! who I lo'e 'ery mu$h. I #on"t see my parents o&ten. 0hile I #on"t &eel as 'ehemently an ry as I #i# in mi##le s$hool an# hi h s$hool! I still ha'en"t $han e# my attitu#es all that mu$h. .ll I hope is that my

$hil#ren #on"t e7perien$e what I ha'e.

Cynthia! the treatment you"'e en#ure# is un&air 8thou h I"m sure you #on"t nee# me to tell you that9. I un#erstan# how it #oesn"t seem to ma*e sense that you woul# be &eelin the e&&e$ts o& what has been terme# 4Islamophobia4! sin$e you are a Mormon an# your &amily has been Mormon &or almost as lon as they"'e li'e# in the %nite# States! an# that you were born a Mormon an# are not Muslim at all. /ut what you are e7perien$in isn"t unusual! un&ortunately. :uite o&ten! it #oesn"t matter whether what others say about you is true or not. /ut as .llan ;ohnson e7plaine# in 4-he -rouble 0e"re In4! pri'ile e in this so$iety isn"t base# on who you a$tually are! but rather on how others per$ei'e you to be. -he people you"'e met saw the $olor o& your s*in! the bone stru$ture o& your &a$e! an# pla$e# you into an oppresse# minority< Muslim. -his isn"t ri ht at all! an# nee#s to be $han e#. /ut until we $han e it! that"s the way it wor*s! an# that"s the reason why you e7perien$e what a$tual Muslims in this $ountry en#ure. It"s not your &ault. )ou ha'e been ma#e the 4other4 in so$iety! e'en thou h it"s not entirely base# on reality! an# now e7perien$e what the 4other4 #oes! whi$h is miserable. Consi#erin what you"'e been throu h an# your a e! it only ma*es sense that you"'e starte# to hate your $ultural herita e an# your ethni$ity. Many ha'e been throu h this. I rea# an essay by a -on an woman name# -upou Pau"u! $alle# 4My Li&e in Four Cultures4. 0hen she li'e# in (ew =ealan# an# .ustralia! she was #emeane# &or bein -on an. It was $onstant an# brutal. 1'entually! she $ame to hate her $ulture an# her ethni$ity! too. She woul# loo* in the mirror an# hate the person loo*in ba$*. So$iety all aroun# her 4othere#4 her! so she 4othere#4 hersel&. It too* a trip to -on a to e'entually learn to respe$t her $ulture. It"s not unusual &or you to e7perien$e hatre# o& yoursel&. Sin$e e'eryone aroun# you has 4othere#4 you! you"re be innin to 4other4 yoursel&! whi$h may be worse than the rest o& so$iety 4otherin 4 you. )ou may i'e anythin to be$ome a member o& the pri'ile e# roup! to not be the 4other4 any more. I personally $an relate. 2ne thin you"ll #is$o'er &rom li'in in %tah is that Mormons are not the minority here. -hey are the pri'ile e# roup. I am not a member o& the pri'ile e# roup. My &amily an# I are Se'enth,+ay

.#'entists! an# mo'e# here &rom I#aho when I was too youn to remember. In s$hool! I learne# that I was #i&&erent &rom the rest. . mother o& one o& the stu#ents woul# loo* at us snobbishly! ne'er spea*in to us! an# Mom sai# it was be$ause we were not Mormon. -here was a little irl that I ha# a $rush on! but her mother #i#n"t want her to play with us! an# Mom sai#! a ain! that it was be$ause we weren"t Mormon. Family &rien#s then an# now woul# ta*e us to Mormon e'ents in an e&&ort to $on'ert us. In &irst ra#e! I ha# three bullies an# no &rien#s. So I #istin$tly remember one ni ht when some Mormon missionaries $ame to our house! an# our parents in'ite# them in 8not be$ause they were intereste# in $on'ertin ! but be$ause they were bore# an# #e$i#e# they"# #ebate with the missionaries! 3ust &or the he$* o& it9. 0hen they #i#! I ran into Mom an# +a#"s be#room! where my siblin s were wat$hin ->! an# e7$ite#ly tol# my brother! 40e mi ht be$ome Mormon54 I really! truly hope# that we"# $on'ert. I"# wat$h Mom an# +a# tal* to the missionaries! hopin that the missionaries woul# $on'in$e Mom an# +a#. It wasn"t be$ause I belie'e# in the L+S &aith. I honestly #i#n"t ha'e a $lue what it was. I only wante# to be a part o& the in roup! an# to be a part o& what the other stu#ents in s$hool were in. It wasn"t until I went to an .#'entist pri'ate s$hool that I be an to appre$iate my own reli ion. I ha# been 4othere#4! an# I woul# #o anythin to et un,4othere#4. I #i#n"t li*e what I was! an# wishe# I $oul# $han e it. 0hile I won"t say that I e7perien$e# anythin nearly as ba# as what you"'e ha# to en#ure! Cynthia! I $an at least relate. ?owe'er! you shoul#n"t 4other4 yoursel& or hate your $ultural herita e. )ou shoul#n"t re3e$t it or throw it away. -hat won"t ma*e your li&e any easier or happier! an# you"ll re ret the #e$ision. I rea# an essay $alle#! 4-he Stru le to /e an .ll,.meri$an @irl4! by 1liAabeth 0on . ?er mother ma#e her learn Chinese $ulture while she was a $hil#! but she hate# an# re3e$te# the lessons! an# $ompletely assimilate# into mainstream .meri$an $ulture. She be$ame an all,.meri$an irl. .n# as she lamente# at the en#! 4Sa#ly! I still am.4 ;ust be$ause the so$iety aroun# you tea$hes you that your herita e is e'il #oesn"t mean that it is. -he Muslims were one o& the &inest $i'iliAations in history5 8)es! I am aware o& the &a$t that you are not Muslim! but that is your herita e9. +on"t re3e$t your herita e. Learn to be prou# o& it5 -here"s a lot to be prou# o&! an# you will be a happier in#i'i#ual i& you a$$ept yoursel&. Li*e the poem 40ith a @reen S$ar&4 by Martin S$oresu implies! you $an"t hi#e &rom

e'erythin . )our personal history an# who you are will always be with you! ne'er lea'in you. I& you try to pur e yoursel& o& it! it will haunt you! li*e 1liAabeth 0on e7perien$es. -here"s only one way to ma*e it positi'e! an# that"s to learn to lo'e it. 0hat you"'e e7perien$e# is wron . I sympathiAe with your an er $ompletely. /ut I simply want to remin# you that you"re not alone! an# you"re not in a hopeless position! an# re3e$tin your herita e rather than a$$eptin it is not the best path to $hoose. I& you want happiness! #on"t $a'e to so$iety. )ou $an ne'er $a'e enou h. Stan# up to those who oppress you! an# re&use to a$$ept it5 2nly i& you #o that $an you rea$h pea$e with yoursel&! an# i& you #o that! e'entually so$iety will be &or$e# to $ome to pea$e with you.