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Unanswerable Questions, Witty Questions.... Jokes.. - )
Unanswerable Questions, Witty Questions.... Jokes.. - )
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger
and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
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What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?
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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
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Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
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If you get corn oil by squeezing corn, how do you get baby oil?
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Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but
when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
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15.
If electricity comes from electrons does it mean morality comes from morons?
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If God didn't want us to eat people, why did he make them out of MEAT?
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Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
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If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
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Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
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How can two space ships meeting always face the right way up in Sci-Fi movies?
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You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't
they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
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Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
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If you blame someone for your failures, do you credit them for your achievements?
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Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker??
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How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise
guy are opposites?
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Did it hurt?
[T] Well, it felt like having your skin flayed off, a millimeter at a time.
[T] Only for about the first hour, then you get so delirious you can't feel a
thing!
[T] No, I just like the feeling of 1800 puncture wounds being made every minute.
[P] [T] Yes. (Followed by a dead stare at the questioner).
[P] [T] Yes, but my life is pain.
[P] [T] I don't remember, I was too busy screaming.
[P] [T] Not as much as looking at you.
[P] [T] Yes, I live in excruciating pain.
[P] [T] I've had other people hurt me more (accompanied by evil grin).
[P] [T] No, I was born without nerve endings.
[P] [T] Well, after I fainted from all the blood loss ...
[P] [T] After the gangrene set in, I couldn't feel a thing!
[P] [T] No, did it hurt when they removed your brain?
[P] [T] No, actually I found it rather stimulating.
[P] [T] It probably hurts you more to look at it.
[P] [T] No more than my _______ (insert any other bodmod here).
[P] [T] If it doesn't hurt, what's the point?
[P] [T] I don't remember, I was too busy bleeding.
[P] [T] Yeah...and it tastes just like chicken.
[P] [T] No, being dragged naked down a gravel road at 55mph behind a GMC pickup
hurts though. Takes a little longer to heal, too.
[P] [T] Not as much as the first seven did.
[P] [T] Did it hurt when your mamma dropped you on your head?
[P] [T] What do you think? Oh, sorry, didn't mean to bring up a sore subject...
[P] [T] Well, it all depends on how you deal with pain, now does't it?
(accompanied by a sweet, innocent smile usually does the trick)
[P] [T] Yes, I have to take pain killers for it twice a day.
Is that real?
[T] Yes, but only the outline. I colored the rest with crayons.
[T] No, it's one of those stick-on ones.
[T] You're welcome to try to rub it off (especially if near breast or other
excitable appendage).
[P] [T] That depends, how exactly do you define 'reality'?
[P] [T] No, it is a figment of your obviously warped imagination.
[P] [T] I don't know what you're talking about, there's nothing there! (Then
shrug and walk away)
[P] [T] Sure - are you?
[P] [T] No, it's a new magic trick I'm practicing.
You must have been pretty drunk when you got that.
[P] [T] Yep, and I saved two bucks 'cause I found my own needle in an alley!
[P] [T] You know, everything seems more logical whey you're drunk/stoned.
[P] [T] No, but I was when I slept with your daughter.
Here are some more of the best stupid and witty one liners
H
Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. �No� is the answer.
Money should be utilized as a tool. You just gotta know which nuts to screw.
Never argue with a fool, they will lower you to their level and then beat you with
experience.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it�s hard to get it back in.
Here are some more humorous sayings and silly or witty quotes
Religion cannot be without morality, but morality may arrive without religion.
Roses are FF0000, violets are 0000FF, all of my base are belong to you.
Sex is like air; it�s not important unless you aren�t getting any.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
Sex on tv can�t hurt unless you fall off.
Smile, it�s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same.
Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push.
The Stock Market always does what you think it will, but rarely when.
The chance of a piece of bread falling the buttered side down is directly
proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they�re going to be when you
kill them.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The future will be better tomorrow.
The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it.
The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out.
The only really decent thing to do behind a person�s back is pat it.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
Living Food
You are walking through a field, and you find something to eat. It doesn�t have
bones, and it doesn�t have meat. You pick it up and put it into your pocket. You
take it home and put it on a shelf, but 3 day�s later it walks away. What is it?
An Egg
Romeo and Juliet
Romeo and Juliet are found dead on the floor in a bedroom. When they were
discovered, there were pieces of glass and some water on the floor. The only
furniture in the room is a shelf and a bed. The house in is a remote location,
away from everything except for the nearby railway track. What caused the death of
Romeo and Juliet?
Romeo and Juliet are fish. The rumble of the train knocked the tank off the shelf.
Invisible Apple
There are 20 people in an empty, square room. Each person has full sight of the
entire room and everyone in it without turning his head or body, or moving in any
way (other than the eyes). Where can you place an apple so that all but one person
can see it?
Place the apple on one person�s head.
NBA Players
In the NBA, how many men are on the basketball court for each team?
Five, not ten!
Carnival Trick
A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, �If I
write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but
if I cannot, I will pay you $50.�
The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the
carny writes he�ll just say he weighs more or less.
In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?
The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote �your exact weight� on the
paper.
Shifting Colors
What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it
away?
Charcoal.
From the Whole
What is it that when you take away the whole, you still have some left over?
Wholesome!
Slim and Tall
I am slim and tall,
Many find me desirable and appealing.
They touch me and I give a false good feeling.
Once I shine in splendor,
But only once and then no more.
For many I am �to die for�.
What am I?
Sadly, I am a cigar.
Days of the Week
Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday,
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow.
What am I?
I�m as small as an ant, as big as a whale. I�ll approach like a breeeze, but can
come like a
gale. By some I get hit, but all have shown fear. I�ll dance to the music, though
I can�t hear. Of names I have many, of names I have one. I�m as slow as a snail,
but from me you can�t run. What am I?
I am a shadow.
Ego
Read my riddle, I pray. What God never sees, what the king seldom sees, and what
we see every day. What is it?
An equal.
Word Play
What can be heard and caught but never seen?
A Remark.
Fill Me Up
Many things can create one, it can be of any shape or size, it is created for
various reasons, and it can shrink or grow with time. What is it?
A Hole
Almost Alive
They have not flesh, nor feathers, nor scales, nor bone. Yet they have fingers and
thumbs of their own. What are they?
Gloves
Smelly But Good
Not born, but from a Mother�s body drawn, I hang until half of me is gone. I sleep
in a cave until I grow old, then valued for my hardened gold. What am I?
Cheese
Not Appreciated
Black I am and much admired, men seek me until they�re tired. When they find me,
they break my head, and take from me my resting bed. What am I?
Coal
Hardest to Carry
This is as light as a feather, yet no man can hold it for long.
What is it?
Your Breath.
Put Me Out
I am not alive, but I grow; I don�t have lungs, but I need air; I don�t have a
mouth, but water kills me. What am I?
Fire
Fragile Beauty
A very pretty thing am I, fluttering in the pale-blue sky.
Delicate, fragile on the wing, indeed I am a pretty thing.
What am I?
I am a Butterfly.
Sad Thing
I was carried into a dark room, and set on fire. I wept, and then my head was cut
off.
What am I?
A Candle.