MEMORANDUM

To: Aaron Schab

From: Mark Macedo
Date: January 30, 2014
Subject: Writing to Achieve a Readable Technical Prose
____________________________________________________

This memo describes the results from analyzing past writing to determine how readable my
prose style is. The sections below discuss being concise, tone, stress emphasis, jargon and
other writing techniques. When looking through old writings, I found good and bad examples
of prose style skills.

Being Concise
Being concise is the expression of information in as few of words as possible. It involves
eliminating unnecessary wordiness and information. I found this to be a significant problem on
previous writings. I think I fill space with unnecessary words in order to meet the length
requirments of specific writing assignments.

There are a number of different stakeholders associated with air pollution that have
many political, culturally, and ecological concerns. These stakeholders include but are
not limited to the local, state, and federal government in Sao Paulo, the citizens living
there, farmers, hospitals, construction companies, public transportation companies, and
industrial factories.

The phrase there are a number of different is unnecessary and should be removed from the
paragraph because I say stakeholders. We can also elimate the word that from the
sentence. In addition, it is not necessary to list so many different stakeholders that would
obviously be associated with air pollution like industrial factories and public transportation. A
better way to write the first sentence would be:

Stakeholders associated with air pollution have many political, cultural, and ecological
concerns.

Being Clear with Ambiguous Statements
Being clear ensures that writings are not ambiguous and audiences interpret information as the
author intends. Sentences that contain too much information can lack clarity. Information
interpreted in multiple ways can cause readers to misunderstand or misuse information.

By implementing new standards for industrial factories and vehicles on the road, Sao
Paulo has greatly improved air quality from the 1990 standards and will continue to do
so. These programs are set up in a systematic way that targets a specific area of air
pollution such as factory emissions, improves them, and moves on to another area of
focus such as vehicles on the road.

The second sentence here seems to be somewhat vague and generalized to me. I think it can
be changed so not only it flows better, but the reader may have a clearer understanding of
what I am actually discussing. The sentence should be written:

The programs are set up in a systematic way that targets specific air pollution areas and
improves them. These problem areas may include regions with large amounts of factory
emissions or carbon emission from vehicles.

Long Sentences
Long sentences can often ramble on with very little content. It is much better to split a long
sentence into multiple sentences so the sentences are easier for the reader to see and
understand. Shorter readable sentences can improve the writing style of any paper.

In order to manage air pollution the Brazilian government has adopted various
strategies of different scale at the federal, state, and local levels. Quality management
and responsibility are based on policies of command and control government regulation
and enforcement and the authority is shared between numerous government
institutions.

The second sentence seems too long and the content may be confusing to the reader. I feel
that by dividing this sentence it improves the flow of the writing. The sentences below are
much clearer to the reader. The sentences should read:

Quality management and responsibility are based on policies of command and
government regulation. In addition, the enforcement and authority is shared between
numerous government institutions.

Jargon
Jargon is the specialized or technical language of a particular group or community. It is used to
express complex ideas in simple ways. At times jargon is considered a specialized language that
excludes some people from understanding the overall concept of the writing or theme.
Specialists use jargon in order to simply and efficiently discuss detailed concepts. It is
important to only use jargon when you know your audience will understand it.

The urban heat island effect is when a metropolitan area is relatively warmer than the
surrounding rural area due to urban development, building geometry, color, and albedo.

While writing this paper I assumed my readers would understand the term albedo. When in
reality these terms are primarily used in the scientific community. It is important to consider no
one is an environmental science major like me.

Stress Emphasis
Emphasis is very important because it allows readers to understand the main points of a paper.
Typically, my emphasis comes toward the end of my papers while I am summarizing the main
points and reiterating them back to the audience. I do this so it is very clear what I think and
how I arrived at my conclusion. It is important to emphasize information so the readers
understand the importance and significance of the writing.

Increased industrial regulation and traffic emission control is the key to improving air
quality in the future for the Sao Paulo region. By establishing a cap and trade system,
this will limit industrial factory pollutants through pollution credit incentive programs.
Also by improving vehicle standards, carbon emission can be reduced, and air quality
will improve. I firmly believe that the country of Brazil and Sao Paulo should closely
follow the United States lead on improving air quality. Through the U.S. implementation
of the EPA and Clean Air Act they managed to improve air quality standards without
halting economic growth. If the U.S. never implemented these ecological acts I think
they could be in a very similar place that Brazil and Sao Paulo are in today. Sao Paulo
has taken great strides improving air quality in the past but still has a lot of work to do
and I believe they can accomplish their goals of improved air quality without sacrificing
economic growth.

In this conclusion, I suggest the strategies that I think will be best for the Sao Paulo region from
economic, societal, and ecological perspectives. I emphasize that the U.S. would be in a similar
position if we did not have the Environmental Protection Agency or Clean Air Act. I do this to
relate to my readers, so they understand not everywhere else is like the United States. I
emphasize much of what I think would be best for the region and relate it back to the U.S. so
everyone can relate.

Tone
Tone is expressed as the writers attitude in a paper or document. It is a way authors can
express emotions through words rather than physical actions. The writing may show lack of
understanding, extreme frustration, or enthusiam within the subject matter.

In my opinion, Sao Paulo has a great opportunity to not only implement one of these
mitigation strategies but possibly two. The bicycle fleet was very promising to me for a
number of reasons, first of which being it is a relativly cheap way to decrease traffic and
improve air quality. Culturally it does have its challenges but I think the ecological and
economic benefits will outweigh cultural bias. The amount of funding it requires to build
a bicycle fleet facility is tiny when compared to costly mitigation strategies such as the
bullet train.

It is clear that I feel very strongly about the bicycle fleet and believe it to be a very promising
mitigation strategy for the reason. By using words such as very promising and tiny you can
almost feel my excitement and belief in this particular mitigation strategy.