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Melissa Trabbold
SPEC SCRIPT







Two and a Half Men
Making the Move


Written by
Melissa Trabbold













1

OPENING
FADE IN:
INT. WALDENS BEACH HOUSE-NIGHT
(WALDEN, ALAN)
WALDEN IS ON THE GROUND DOING PUSHUPS, ALAN WALKS IN THE DOOR
SECONDS LATER.
ALAN
What in the world are you doing pushups for at this hour of
the night?
WALDEN
I need a new hobby. I think Im going through a midlife
crisis.
ALAN
You and me both. My future with Lyndsay is hopeless. Larry
was proposing to her the second I went over there to
propose to her. My luck.
WALDEN
Aw man, you were too late dude. You should have gotten down
on one knee anyway. I think if Lyndsay knew the truth about
you showing up with a proposal, you could have had a chance
with her over Larry.
ALAN SLOUCHES DOWN ON THE COUCH, WALDEN CONTINUES HIS
PUSHUPS.
ALAN
Yeah, right. Larry doesnt even know that Lyndsay and I had
a past. Everythings just all screwed up. Me and women.
Its like oil and water or something.
WALDEN
Well you got to do something about it. Come up with a plan
to get her back and to leave Larry. As for me, Ive decided
to join a gym.

2


ALAN
(FLAILING HIS ARMS) PSHHH. You at the gym? Yeah, okay,
lets see how long that will last. But how am I, Alan
Harper, supposed to come up with a sabotaging plan to get
Lyndsay back?!
WALDEN GETS UP FROM HIS PUSHUP POSITION AND PUTS HIS HANDS ON
HIS HIPS WITH A GRUELING LOOK ON HIS FACE.
WALDEN
You know what Alan? Youre going to come to the gym with
me. First thing tomorrow morning, Im dragging you out of
bed bright and early, and were driving to the gym. No if
ands or buts, this is what you need. No more scrawny Alan
Harper. Were going to get a personal trainer and youll
thank me when youre bulkier and can finally man up to
Lyndsay.
WALDEN SKIPS UP TO HIS BEDROOM, WHISTLING. ALAN STAYS ON THE
COUCH WITH AN INSULTED LOOK ON HIS FACE.
ALAN
(SAYS TO HIMSELF) I guess I am a little scrawny.
CUT TO:

MAIN TITLES
ACT ONE
SCENE A
FADE IN:
INT. ALANS BEDROOM- NEXT MORNING
WALDEN USES A BLOW HORN TO WAKE ALAN UP. ALAN, IN A FLUSTER,
FALLS OUT OF BED IN HIS BOXERS.
ALAN
What in the hell?!
WALDEN
3
I wanted you to know how serious I am about this whole gym
thing. I think we could both benefit. I will be happily
engaged in a new hobby, and you will be more confident in
yourself after you see your body transformed.
ALAN
Yeah, then what?
WALDEN
Then youll want Lyndsay to see the new and improved Alan
Harper, and you she wont be able to resist you. Now get
your clothes on, were leaving in five.
WALDEN WALKS AWAY.
ALAN
But, I cant lift weights...!
WALDEN CHUCKLES AS HES WALKING AWAY.
RESET TO:
EXT. WALDENS CAR- SAME MORNING
WALDEN AND ALAN ARE ON THEIR WAY TO THE GYM. WALDEN HAS A
SWEATBAND ON HIS HEAD AND IS WEARING A TANK. ALAN HAS A DORKY
TSHIRT AND SHORT SHORTS ON.
ALAN
Do you know how pathetic we are going to look? Just take a
second to envision us working out.
WALDEN
Not me. Im a natural at this kind of stuff.
THEY ARRIVE AT THE GYM AND WALDEN GETS THEM A PERSONAL TRAINER.
THE TRAINER IS A RIPPED GUY. HE IS WEARING A TIGHT TANK THAT
SHOWS HIS MUSCLES. WALDEN AND ALAN LOOK AT EACH OTHER WITH FEAR.
THE TRAINER WALKS THEM INTO THE GYM FOR THEIR FIRST SESSION.
TRAINER
Hey guys, Im Andrew. You ready for a body transformation?
ALAN
(TALKING TO HIMSELF) Oh boy, here we go.
4
WALDEN
(ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Yes we are!
ANDREW HAS THEM DO SOME BASIC LIFTING AND REALIZES HOW POORLY
THEIR WORKOUT ETHIC IS.
ANDREW
(LOOKING AT THE TWO OF THEM) I take it this is your first
time working out.
WALDEN
Eh, you know. Its been a while for me. But this one next
to me, (POINTING TO ALAN) hes a newbie.

ALAN NERVOUSLY CHUCKLES.
ALAN
(LOOKING AT ANDREW) So uh, we see that you are pretty
experienced. Do you like live for this? Does it make you
feel confident when your muscles are big like that?
WALDEN
Yeah, my roommate Alan here could use a little help with
his self-confidence. I dragged him along so he could work
on building up his muscles. You see hes trying to
impress a woman who he planned on proposing to, but got
beat to it by another man.
ANDREW
Damn, that sucks. You know, I think I could definitely help
in boosting your self-confidence, Alan.
ALAN
(STUTTERING) You, you can?
ANDREW
Yep. I have the perfect way. Both of you, come to my next
show. Its this weekend.
WALDEN AND ALAN LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN CONFUSION.
ALAN
5
Um, Im sorry but...show? What do you mean by show?


ANDREW
Im a male stripper. Im inviting you to join me and the
other dancers at our next show at the club. It will
undoubtedly help you become more confident in yourself,
trust me.
ALAN
(WITH A LOOK OF TERROR AND TOTAL REPULSION) Oh, no way am I
going to strip! No, no, no. Not for me. Sorry, I appreciate
your offer, but Im going to have to pass.
WALDEN
Alan, no this is a great opportunity for you! This is your
answer to get Lyndsay back. You see, youre going to get up
on that stage, do some strip dancing, and then your
testosterone will be marching you all the way to
Lyndsay...and youll feel assertive in getting her to take
you back.
ALAN
Walden, are you nuts?! I am not a stripper, nor will I
attempt to be one. Stripping and me do not work together.
WALDEN
Do it for Lyndsay, man! You never do anything out of your
comfort zone. Come on, itll be thrilling, and youll feel
sexy as ever! You have to do this.
ALAN
Well, I...I guess it would be pretty exhilarating. Ive
never strip danced before...wait a second. This might be my
calling, my calling in becoming a changed man. I could be
the next big thing after this performance...Its like my
afterlife.
WALDEN
6
Or just an experience. But think how you want, youre doing
it. Great its settled; were both going to do it. Ive
been waiting for this chance all my life!
ANDREW
Great. Meet me at the club this Saturday.
ALAN IS FREAKING OUT ABOUT WHAT HE HAS JUST CONFIRMED TO DO. HE
FRANTICALLY CONTINUES HIS WORKOUT SESSION DRAMATICALLY AND
OVERLY AGGRESSIVE, HUFFING AND PUFFING.
DISSOLVE TO:

ACT TWO
SCENE B
EXT. WALDENS CAR- DAY TIME AFTER THEY LEAVE THE GYM
(WALDEN, ALAN)
WALDEN AND ALAN ARE IN THE CAR DRIVING HOME FROM THE GYM.
ALAN
I cant believe this. I just cannot believe I agreed to
participate in stripping. What am I thinking?
WALDEN
Oh, shut up. Its nothing. Its going to be fun. Just think
about why you agreed to do it...For Lyndsay.
ALAN FRANTICALLY ROLLS THE WINDOW DOWN AND THROWS UP OUT OF IT.
WALDEN
Wellllll, okay then.

RESET TO:
INT. WALDENS BEACH HOUSE- DAY
(ALAN, WALDEN, BERTA)
ALAN AND WALDEN WALK IN THE DOOR. ALAN LOOKS NAUSEOUS AND WALDEN
LOOKS BEAT. BERTA COMES OUT OF THE KITCHEN.
BERTA
7
What happened to you boys? You look terrible.
WALDEN
Gym sesh.


ALAN
I just agreed to participate in a strip dancing show.
BERTA
(BURSTS OUT IN LAUGHTER) You, Alan Harper, are going to be
a stripper? Now thats something I need to see.
WALDEN
Ill be stripping too.
BERTA
Oh baby. I really do need to see this then.
FADE OUT.


FADE IN:
INT. WALDENS LIVING ROOM- THE NEXT MORNING-THE MORNING OF THE
SHOW
(WALDEN, ALAN, BERTA)
ALAN IS MANICALLY PACING AROUND THE LIVING ROOM WORKING ON HIS
STRIPPING MOVES. WALDEN IS FLEXING HIS MUSCLES IN THE MIRROR.
BERTA WALKS IN FROM THE KITCHEN.
BERTA
(SHAKES HER HEAD AT THEIR STRANGENESS) What the hell is
going on with you two? I feel like Im dreaming seeing you
both so abnormal like this.
ALAN
Berta, would you please pour me an apple martini? Im in
dire need of one.
8
BERTA
If you say so.
BERTA GOES INTO THE KITCHEN. ALAN LOOKS AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR
WITH WALDEN.
ALAN
Im not so sure about this, Walden. I just know Im going
to humiliate myself in front of everyone. What if...
WALDEN
(CUTS ALAN OFF) Alan. Youre going to be hot up there. Stop
thinking so much. Drink your apple martini, or five.
BERTA
Here you are, Alan. One extra strong apple martini to calm
your nerves. (WHISPERING UNDER HER BREATH) or hopefully to
knock you out so youll shut up.
ALAN DOWNS HIS MARTINI IN ONE GULP. BERTA AND WALDEN LOOK EACH
OTHER SHAKING THEIR HEADS.
ALAN
I think Ill take another. Ill tell ya, these nerves are
really getting to me.
DISSOLVE TO:

SCENE C
INT. CHARLIES LIVING ROOM- LATER THAT NIGHT
(WALDEN, ALAN)
WALDEN IS PSYCHED FOR THEIR NIGHT AT THE CLUB AND IS STRIPPING
AROUND THE HOUSE, AS HIM AND ALAN GET READY TO LEAVE. ALAN
CANNOT FATHOM WHAT HIS NIGHT IS ABOUT TO CONSIST OF.
WALDEN
All right, its time to go Alan. You ready?
ALAN
Ready as Ill ever be.
9
WALDEN LEADS THEM TO THE CAR. ALAN POURS HIMSELF A SHOT ON HIS
WAY OUT TO THE CAR.
RESET TO:
EXT. WALDENS CAR- EVENING OF CLUB NIGHT
WALDEN TURNS ON SEXUAL MUSIC TO GET THEM IN A STRIP-READY
MOOD.


ALAN
Could you please turn this off? It is not sitting well with
me. Im already about to have a heart-attack. Just turn it
down.
WALDEN
Come on, its good for you. You gotta feel the music and
get in the right mind-set.
ALAN
No, you dont understand. I think Im going to(ALAN THROWS
UP OUT THE WINDOW)
WALDEN
...and again. Jesus, what is wrong with you? You better not
do that when youre on stage.
ALAN
Youre telling me.
ALAN DRAMATICALLY REACHES OUT HIS HAND TO TURN DOWN THE MUSIC.
ALAN
Ahh. Thats all I wanted. A little peace and quiet before I
am going to be mortified.
WALDEN
Hey, maybe this is going to be the night when your life
turns around for the better. Youll be so good, that every
girl will want you and then youll feel so confident in
yourself and want to go straight to Lyndsays and tell her
what shes missing out on.
10
ALAN
Well now that is surely not very realistic...But on the
other hand, who would have thought I was going to be strip
dancing?!
WALDEN
No one in their wildest dreams.
THEY ARRIVE AT THE CLUB, AND WALK TO THE DOOR.

ALAN
(WITH SARCASTIC ENTHUSIASM) Lets get em tiger.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STRIP CLUB- THE BEGINNING OF THE NIGHT
WHEN THEY ARRIVE, WALDEN SEES THAT LYNDSAY IS THERE WITH HER
GIRLFRIENDS FOR WHAT IT APPEARS TO BE A BACHELORETTE PARTY. ALAN
DOES NOT SEE HER.
WALDEN
(UNDER HIS BREATH) No way is she here.
ALAN
What did you say?
WALDEN
Uh...nothing, but we gotta get back stage immediately, we
dont want to be late. Come on.
ALAN
(CONFUSED AND VISIBLY NERVOUS) Yeah, lets get this over
with before I throw up again.
ALAN TAKES A BREATH AND LOOKS UP. WALDEN PATS HIM ON THE BACK.
ANDREW SCOPES OUT WALDEN AND ALAN AND TAKES THEM BACKSTAGE.
ANDREW
So, you guys getting pumped for the show?! Here are your
costumes, just strip down and put these on and heres the
ties to put around your neck. Oh, and no shirts please, we
11
go shirtless. (HE HOLDS UP A PAIR OF SEQUIN SPANDEX SHORTS
AND DANGLES THE TIES)
ALAN
Oh! Uh, I dont think those shorts are going to fit me.
They seem a little small.
ANDREW
No way, theyre just your size. Trust me, theyre supposed
to be a little snug.


WALDEN
Oh yeahhhh, I like the sound of this! Im going to look
gooooood. Alan, you are too. Man up, take pride in yourself
for once.(NUDGES ALAN)
ALAN
(NERVOUSLY LAUGHS) I mean I hope youre right. But I still
cannot believe what is about to happen. I just cannot
believe Im going to be strip dancing wearing these booty
shorts with a good old tie to complement my greatly defined
six-pack.
WALDEN
Whatever, I know your moves will make up for it (NUDGING
ALAN AGAIN)
ALAN
Would you stop touching me please.
ANDREW
Alright guys, we dont have much time. Get your outfits on
and Ill introduce you to the rest of the dancers.
ALAN AND WALDEN CHANGE IN THE DRESSING ROOM. WHEN THEY COME OUT
THEY ARE UNCOMFORTABLY STANDING LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
ANDREW
See, you guys look just like the rest of us...well almost.
You just need a few more training sessions at the gym. But
12
follow me Ill introduce you to the others and they can
show you the routine.
ALAN HITS WALDEN AND GIVES HIM A STERN LOOK.
ALAN
Walden, look at me! I am not meant to wear this. Or strip
dance. Oh, lord help me.
WALDEN
Would you stop your complaining already? You need to be
confident, remember? Isnt that why you decided to do this
in the first place?! (HE HITS ALAN IN THE HEAD) Now
lets learn some moves.

ALAN
Yeah, but you see, this kind of stuff does not come too
easily to me.
ANDREW INTRODUCES THEM TO THE DANCERS BACKSTAGE.
ALAN
Hey, strippers. So, whats the plan? Im going to need a
little guidance with the dance moves (NERVOUSLY CHUCKLES).
THE STRIPPERS CHUCKLE AT HIM, BUT MAKE HIM FEEL COMFORTABLE.
WALDEN
Unlike my friend here, I think my moves are pretty good.
Just need a little directing with the routine.
THE DANCERS SHOW THEM THE BASIS OF WHAT WILL TAKE PLACE ON
STAGE. ALAN TRIES REALLY HARD TO GET THE MOVES DOWN. HE LOOKS
COMPLETELY PATHETIC BUT IS VERY DETERMINED. WALDEN IS A NATURAL
WITH THE MOVES.
THEY ARE CALLED TO STAGE. WALDEN STRUTS OUT WITH CONFIDENCE.
ALAN FOLLOWS IN ATTEMPT TO MATCH HIS LOOK. THEY STAND IN
ANTICIPATION FOR THE MUSIC TO START.
ALAN
(PRAYING TO HIMSELF) Dear Lord, please help me look good up
here. Amen.
13
WALDEN
This is it Alan, your life is going to be changed forever.
Just remember, do it for Lyndsay.
THE MUSIC STARTS. THEY ARE BOTH AWFUL, BUT MANAGE TO STAY IN
CHARACTER THROUGHOUT THE PERFORMANCE.
MOMENTS LATER, ALAN SPOTS LYNDSAY IN THE CROWD. HE JUST ABOUT
DROPS TO THE FLOOR IN TERROR. HE PAUSES FOR A SPLIT SECOND.
WALDEN LOOKS OVER AT HIM.
WALDEN
(AS HES DANCING) Psst. Alan, keep dancing. What is going
on.


ALAN
Lyndsay is out there! She is not supposed to see me do
this, this is humiliating!
WALDEN
Just keep going. You were looking good, show her what you
got. Now, strip!
ALAN RELUCTANTLY STARTS HIS DANCING AGAIN. HE SEES LYNDSAY
STARING AT HIM WITH AWE.
ALAN
(WHISPERS TO WALDEN) I think she likes it. (SMIRKING)
WALDEN
You bet she does. Work it.
ALAN STARTS TO REALLY ENJOY HIMSELF UP THERE. HE LOOKS REALLY
CONFIDENT IN HIS MOVES AND PUTS ON A SHOW FOR LYNDSAY.
ALAN
(GETTING INTO HIS MOVES, TALKING TO HIMSELF) Yeah, yeah,
look at this hunk.
WALDEN AND ALAN TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT. THE CROWD IS LOVING THEIR
EFFORT AND AWKWARDNESS.
14
ALAN
(LOOKING TO WALDEN) Hey, I think Im actually pretty good
at this whole stripping thing. Lyndsay, look at me now.
THE PERFORMANCE ENDS, AND THE CROWD IS GOING WILD. ALAN LOOKS
DIRECTLY AT LYNDSAY, WHO IS IN SHOCK. THE CURTAINS CLOSE. WALDEN
WINKS AT ALAN.
WALDEN
You did it! Did you see Lyndsays face when we finished?
She loved every bit of that.
ALAN
Wow, I feel great. I never knew I had that in me.
DISSOLVE TO:


SCENE D
INT. STRIP CLUB-AFTER PERFORMANCE-END OF THE NIGHT
WALDEN AND ALAN WALK OUT ONTO THE FLOOR, STILL DRESSED IN THEIR
COSTUMES WITH THE REST OF THE DANCERS, WHO ARE MINGLING WITH
GIRLS. LYNSDAY IS SHOWN ENVIOUSLY WATCHING ALAN MINGLE WITH THE
OTHER GIRLS. SHE WALKS UP TO ALAN.
LYNDSAY
Didnt expect to see you up there.
ALAN
Yeah, I didnt expect to see you here either.
LYNDSAY
Well, you looked good up there. I couldnt believe you had
the courage to dance like that. Im impressed Alan Harper.
ALAN
(SMILING BIG) Well, you know, Im a changed man. Ive been
trying some new things.
LYNDSAY
Oh, yeah? Hm. (IMPRESSED)
15
ALAN STANDS TALL WITH HIS SHOULDERS BACK TO LOOK CONFIDENT.
ALAN
Hows uh, Larry?
LYNDSAY
(NOT SOUNDING TOO CONVINCING) Hes good I guess.
ALAN NODS.
ALAN
(UNDER HIS BREATH) Bet he cant move like me.
LYNDSAY
Im sorry?
ALAN
Oh, nothing. (HE LOOKS AWAY)

LYNDSAY
Anyway, its been a while since Ive seen you...and I
definitely didnt expect to see you here, strip dancing,
but would you want to grab some late night dinner and
drinks somewhere to catch up?
ALAN
(TRYING TO STAND HIS GROUND) Actually, I promised the guys
I would hang with them for the night.
LYNDSAY
(SURPRISED) Oh. Okay. Well, enjoy yourself then. Im going
to head out.
ALAN BITES HIS TONGUE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING WHEN SHE LEAVES. HE
IMMEDIATELY ORDERS ROUNDS OF SHOTS FOR EVERYONE TO DRINK HIS
SORROWS AWAY.
WALDEN
What was that all about?
ALAN
16
I just rejected Lyndsays invitation to go out tonight.
Typical me, right?
WALDEN
Well why would you do that, you idiot. You blew it.
ALAN
Well I wanted her to think I wasnt interested, and aching
to have her back...even though I am.
WALDEN
Alan! Are you dumb? That was your chance. Your strip
dancing clearly won her over, and you just go and turn her
down. (PUTS HIS HAND UP IN QUESTION)
ALAN
Ugh. Great. Another great move by Alan Harper. I can never
do anything right when it comes to women. (SHOUTING) Could
we get another round of shots please?
DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE STRIP CLUB- MOMENTS LATER- 3 A.M.
ALAN SITS ON THE CURB. AT THIS POINT, HE IS CLEARLY DRUNK. HE
CALLS LYNDSAY.
ALAN
(ON THE PHONE) Hey Lyndsay. Its uh Alan. So, I actually do
want to catch up with you. I dont know what I was thinking
saying no to you earlier. Id just really like to see you
and I know its late but lets meet at the diner.
LYNDSAY CAN TELL ALAN IS DRUNK.
LYNDSAY
Alan, its 3 A.M. Im in bed...with Larry. Where even are
you?
ALAN
Im actually on the sidewalk at the moment. Just sitting
here and really want to see you. Im hungry too, and I
17
think you could go for some chocolate chip pancakesyour
favorite.
LYNDSAY
Alan that was hours ago when I asked you, and you were the
one who said you were hanging with the guys.
ALAN
Well, it just took me some time to realize I dont hang
with the guys too well. Ugh, I feel a little sick all of a
sudden.
ALAN THROWS UP AND LYNDSAY CAN HEAR HIM THROUGH THE PHONE.
LYNDSAY
Alan, did you just throw up? Oh geese, Ill be right there.
(UNDER HER BREATH) I cannot believe Im doing this.
ALAN
You will? Great, Im very appreciative of you, you know.
And Im outside the club so you know where to meet me.



LYNDSAY
Okay, Ill be there shortly. And Im only doing this
because I do still care about you... and because you looked
so damn cute on that stage tonight. (SHE COVERS HER FACE)
ALAN HANGS UP AND FIST PUMPS IN THE AIR. HE DOES A LITTLE STRIP
DANCE CELEBRATION, AND WAITS FOR LYNDSAY.
DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. LYNDSAYS CAR- MOMENTS LATER
(ALAN, LYNDSAY)
ALAN GETS INTO THE CAR AND THROWS HIMSELF ONTO LYNDSAY FOR A
HUG. HE IS STILL IN HIS STRIPPING OUTFIT.
LYNDSAY
18
Alan. Do you really expect to go to the diner in that
outfit?
ALAN
Its okay. Ive come to like this style. Im just so happy
to see you. Im sure the diner wont care.
LYNDSAY
Yeah, well see about that. Now please just sit down and
put your seatbelt on.
THEY ARRIVE AT THE DINER. LYNDSAY HELPS ALAN OUT OF THE CAR INTO
THE DINER.
DISSOLVE TO:

ACT THREE
FADE IN:
INT. DINER-EARLY MORNING-3:30 A.M.
(ALAN, LYNDSAY)
THEY SIT DOWN AT A TABLE. THE SERVERS ALL STARE IN PUZZLEMENT AT
ALANS ATTIRE. ALAN IS STILL MODERATELY INTOXICATED.

ALAN
Look, everyones staring. I think they like my outfit. Hm,
I do think I look quite spiffy.
LYNDSAY
Alan, get it together. You are barely clothed in a
restaurant, of course they are going to stare...and not
because they like itbecause its completely inappropriate.
(SHE HANDS HIM HER SWEATER) Here put this on.
ALAN
Okay, fine.
LYNDSAY
19
So, about your performance tonight... You looked pretty
good Alan Harper. I never would have thought youd be such
a good little stripper.
ALAN
Im glad you liked it. I just about fell flat on my face
when I saw you in the crowd. That certainly wasnt part of
my plan.
LYNDSAY
Plan? What plan?
ALAN
Oh, uh... Well you see, I was actually trying to boost my
self-confidence by stripping tonight.
LYNDSAY
Oh, I see. (SHE LOOKS AT HIM WITH CURIOSITY) And what made
you want to do that?
ALAN
You. Well you were my main reasoning. Okay, Ill confess. I
just wanted to build up some courage so I could tell you
how I really feel about you.
LYNDSAY
(SMILING) Alan, youre too much. But, stripping? Where did
you come up with that idea?

ALAN
I was talked into doing the show because my gym trainer and
Walden told me it would be good for me... you know to help
me with my plan.
LYNDSAY
Woah, hold on a second. You go to the gym? Since when do
you work out?
ALAN
20
I mean, Ive only gone a few times...But yeah, Ive been
working out... eating protein. Look at these babies (HE
FLEXES HIS BICEPTS).
LYNDSAY
Haha. Well then. I like that youre doing some new things.
I really am glad to hear youre doing well.
ALAN
Yeah, Ive been working on it...with the main purpose of
getting you back. (NERVOUSLY CHUCKLES)
THE WAITRESS COMES OVER AND INTERUPTS THEIR CONVERSATION. SHE
TAKES THEIR DRINK ORDER.
ALAN
(TO THE WAITRESS): Do you guys have apple martinis? I could
really go for one right now.
THE WAITRESS
No. This is a diner, not a bar.
ALAN
Okay, just thought Id ask, you never know sometimes. (HE
GIGGLES) Ill just take a coffee then please.
LYNDSAY
Hell also have a water...extra large.
THE WAITRESS
(TO LYNDSAY) And for you?


LYNDSAY
Ill have a coffee as well. (MUBLING TO HERSELF) I think
this could be a long night. (A FEW MOMENTS LATER) So, what
is this whole getting me back thing?
ALAN
Okay, let me clarify. So, the night Larry proposed to you,
I showed up at your door, remember?
21
LYNDSAY
Yes, I remember.
ALAN
Well, I showed up that night to propose to you, too. I just
didnt get my chance because Larry beat me to it...clearly.
And, obviously you picked him, so you probably would have
said no to me anyway. But there you go.
ALAN, EMBARASSED THAT HE JUST SPILLED HIS HEART OUT, PUTS HIS
HANDS OVER HIS FACE.
LYNDSAY
(SHOCKED). Oh, Alan. I had no idea you ever even thought
about proposing to me. You always said you didnt want to
marry me, so thats why I essentially gave up on us. I
never thought you would ever commit to marriage.
THE WAITRESS COMES BACK WITH THEIR DRINKS, AND PROCEEDS TO TAKE
THEIR ORDER.
ALAN
Ill have two chocolate chip pancakes with chocolate sauce
drizzled on top and whip cream (SMILING GLEEFULLY).
LYNDSAY
And Ill take the same please.
THE WAITRESS WALKS AWAY.
ALAN
Oooh. This is going to be so good, I can hardly wait. I
cant remember the last time I ordered chocolate chip
pancakes.

LYNDSAY
So, going back to our conversation. Im sorry about your
proposal. I really never thought you would ever have a
proposal planned for me.
ALAN
22
I realized that what you really wanted was for me to
propose and I know I wanted to spend the rest of my life
with you, and thats why I decided to just go for it. And
I was hoping tonight would give me enough confidence to
tell you how I feel and make you want me again.
LYNDSAY
Alan, I just dont know what to say... its a little too
late now.
ALAN
Just to top it off, Larry doesnt know we ever had a past
together, anyways. And two, he has no clue that you were
the girl I spoke to him about with my problems, and
three, that he would ever give up on what you two had
together. I should just shut up now, sorry.
LYNDSAY
Alan, Im so sorry to do this to you, I never meant to hurt
you. I honestly didnt think you were even interested in
pursing a future with me...that involved marriage. But my
decision has been made. Im engaged to Larry. What am I
supposed to do?
ALAN
Dump him.
LYNDSAY
Why would I do that? I love him.
ALAN
Because deep down you love me more? At least thats what my
drunken self is telling me.
LYNDSAY
If it makes you feel any better, you did look really good
on stage tonight...
ALAN
(POINTING HIS FINGER) You know, you could see more of my
moves in private. But, youre with Larry, so unless you
dump him, youll never experience those. (GRINNING)
23
LYNDSAY
How funny.
ALAN
I did throw up twice before the show, though (GIGGLING).
But I was good, wasnt I?
LYNDSAY
Okay, lets not get cocky Mr. strip dancer. But yes, I told
you. You did impress me...with your awkward entertainment.
ALAN
Hey, I may be awkward, but...but Ive realized that I have
some really great hidden talents...like strip dancing.
LYNDSAY
So, the real question is, do you feel more confident in
yourself now? Do you feel like you can get me back? (SHE
LAUGHS).
ALAN
Well, youre sitting with me now. And you said I looked
good tonight... so thats a start.

TAG
INT. DINER- SECONDS LATER
(LYNDSAY, ALAN)
THE WAITRESS COMES BACK WITH THEIR ORDERS. LYNDSAY BECOMES
DISTRACTED BY THE DELECTABLE-LOOKING PANCAKES.
ALAN
(TO THE WAITRESS) Please excuse me for whats about to
happen.
THE WAITRESS LOOKS AT HIM AND LYNDSAY IN PUZZLEMENT.

LYNDSAY
Alan what are you...
24
ALAN CUTS HER OFF AND UNEXPECTEDLY JUMPS UP ON THE TABLE AND
PERFORMS A LITTLE PERSONAL STRIP DANCE FOR LYNDSAY. LYNDSAY IS
HYSTERICAL, BUT ALSO YELLING AT HIM TO GET DOWN IMMEDIATELY.
LYNDSAY
(IN BETWEEN LAUGHS) Alan are you crazy?! I appreciate the
strip tease, but...
ALAN UNEXPECTEDLY FALLS FLAT ONTO HIS FACE.
ALAN
(POINTING HIS FINGER). Now that was not supposed to happen.

FADE OUT TO BLACK.
END OF SHOW.