LIVE!

WITH LEON MONK

SAMPLE
BY SIMON NEAL
Leon looks at him in the reflection of the mirror - he bucks
and eyebrow.
LEON
Really? On a Wednesday?
PERRY
Today is Wednesday, am I right?
Damn you really oughta--
Perry shuts the door behind him and Leon sprays a cloud of
hair mousse into his palm before rubbing it through his hair.
INT/EXT - LOBBY/ELEVATOR OF RAWHIDE HQ - LATER
An glass elevator door opens and Leon shuffles to the edge -
keen to look over the studio as he ascends to the top.
As he rises up over rows of people walking to and from stages
and other buildings, he notices the big billboard of Oscar
Trachenburg is coming down. He watches closely as he passes
until he cant look down at it any longer.
LEON
Odd...
INT. THE BOX - MOMENTS LATER
The Box is the main conference room in Rawhide
Headquarters. Its sterile and white - the halogen lights hum
overhead. It seems more like a surgical theatre than
anything.
All the hosts but Oscar are here, the four heads of the
studio, and a lawyer.
Leon opens the door quickly and jumps right in.
LEON
Howdy everyone! Hey there, Earl!
Gee, hot today huh?
Earl nods in his seat and smiles.
Leon places his briefcase on the table and takes a seat. He
looks pretty excited, but nobody says anything.
LEON (CONTD)
What?
VANESSA JONES, a portly old studio executive, motions for the
lawyer, BRODIE, to take the floor.
BRODIE
Ladies and Gentleman, my name is
Brodie James and Im--
14.
Esteban scoffs loudly.
BRODIE (CONTD)
Um... sorry sir is there a problem?
ESTEBAN
Just what kind of man is a lawyer
called Brodie. Its a name of a
football player, not the name of a
lawyer.
BRODIE
(sternly)
Sir, I have been working in
entertainment law for over five and
a half years and I assure--
VANESSA
Excuse me. Hi, Yeah hi. Can we
just...
Vanessa twirls her finger around and points to her watch.
Brodie seems offended.
BRODIE
Well, while Im sorry to be keeping
you all from your lives, but your
friend Oscar was found dead last
night. He has died.
LEON
Oh my god, what? What.. How did
this happen?
JACINTA
Oh for crying out loud.
Earl exhales audibly, leans back in his chair, and crosses
his arms.
LEON
What happened?
BRODIE
Well from what the reports say he
was found around 4:15am at the
private res--
VANESSA
--He got coked up and drowned in a
jacuzzi full of hard liquor and
pussy.
JACINTA
Sounds about right.
15.
LEON
Jesus, thats horrible. Jacinta,
are you okay? I know you guys were
close.
JACINTA
Dude I let him fuck me once, and
even then we werent close.
ESTEBAN
Oh-ha-haw Gross.
Lil Sabrine looks up from her mobile phone and scrunches her
face
JACINTA
Yeah it was all huge and knuckly -
like riding a 10 inch gherkin.
LIL SABRINE
(under her breath)
...Gross.
They both laugh. Even Earl has a quiet giggle from his seat
at the back.
ESTEBAN
How did you know about this anyway?
LEON
It was in my dressing room. I went
in to run lines before the show.
JACINTA
We were drinking all night and we
were sweaty before we even started.
I didnt want to stink mine up.
Leon looks horrified, but tries to let out a chuckle.
VANESSA
(eyebrows raised in
disgust)
-- Anyway - if we could all just
get this sorted out we can all get
back to work.
Vanessa shoos Brodie out of the room and take the floor
herself.
VANESSA (CONTD)
Whatever coked-up, gherkin-dicking
nonsense we put up with from good
old Osc... it didnt stop him from
making millions and millions of
dollars. Millions and millions of
dollars that we dont get now
because hes an idiot and--
16.
A second studio exec, HIRAM EPSTEIN, butts in.
HIRAM
--And so...
Hiram motions for Vanessa to take a seat.
HIRAM (CONTD)
So were fucked unless we find
someone who can rake in dollars
like he did.
Everybody seems more concentrated now.
HIRAM (CONTD)
You probably all heard we were
looking at giving Oscar a new prime
time slot? A fuckin gold mine.
Hiram paces the room like a lawyer in a murder trial
HIRAM (CONTD)
One of you, for fucks sake please,
one of you, needs to impress us big
time... because we got no other
option.
Leons ears perk up.
LEON
What does that mean? Does that mean
I can get a promotion.
HIRAM
What is going to happen here--
ESTEBAN
(to Leon)
Get fucked man, keep working hard
on your Playschool show. This is a
promotion for people with the fans
who have some pubic hair.
JACINTA
(to Esteban)
Oh and you think youll get it? If
it werent for the Teleprompter you
wouldnt be able to pull a sentence
together you fence-jumper.
Earl chuckles to himself.
ESTEBAN
Whats funny you old man? You
finally turning your hearing aids
on or something. Too bad you will
probably be dead before the
decision is going to me made.
17.
(MORE)
(to Jacinta)
And you? Even in Mexico we know who
is Oprah Winfrey. We dont need
anymore of strong black ladies. *bo-
ring*.
LIL SABRINE
Urgh, shut up, all of you. Lets
just get this over with.
JACINTA
Oh shut up child why dont go you
back to your myspacing or
facebooking or whatever you 10 year
olds do these days.
LEON
Yeah! LOL - BRB - TTYL Lil Girl!
The room goes silent.
JACINTA
Oh fuck no. Please dont think you
are actually part of this.
HIRAM
Ugh all of you just shut the fuck
up! Just shh. Whats going to
happen is over the next few weeks
were going to monitor how your
rating increase. At the moment Id
shoot myself in the skull before
putting any of you up there. You
really need to prove yourself now.
Raise your game...
A look of elation comes across Leons face.
JACINTA
And how the fuck are you going to
decide all this? Our stat guys must
have some kind of syndrome, because
I havent seen anything proper in
years.
EARL
You only say that because they
dont go your way - you petulant
little child.
JACINTA
Earl I will rip out your fuckin
pacemaker and beat you round the
head with it if you dont step off.
HIRAM
For the love of god shut the fuck
up!
18.
ESTEBAN (CONT'D)
(MORE)
Jacinta, or stats team is the best
in town and you know it. For the
most part, Vanessa, George, W.D,
And I will be following your
progress with the help of some
hired help. I wouldnt worry about
it too much - we know what were
doing. You just need to worry about
getting better.
ESTEBAN
Thank you Oscar you druggy mother
fucker.
LEON
So anyone can get it?
W.D, a strong featured, well bearded man with cold blue eyes
speaks up.
W.D
Technically, but I certainly wont
get your hopes up Leon. This is the
big league. I dont think youre
cut out for it.
Everybody sniggers.
The look of elation on Leons face vanishes in an instant. He
looks embarrassed and broken hearted.
HIRAM
(To W.D)
Jesus W.D, Did you know hear what I
said about the contracts - its
gotta be fair and... Look, Yes.
Anyone can get it--
Theres a knock at the door.
HIRAM (CONTD)
Jesus... Yes!?
A young blonde secretary pops her head through the door.
SECRETARY
Sir, Ive got an Aubrey Gunderson
saying she was told to meet you
here? Also, Ive got Pinnacle
Pictures on the phone - something
about Mr. Trachenburg.
HIRAM
Urgh, yes. Yep. Be right there!
Send her in. -- Leon, wait here
please.
Earl quickly unfolds his arms and stands up.
19.
HIRAM (CONT'D)
EARL
Well, on that note... Ladies..
Gentleman. Im off. Please e-mail
me any more information you may see
fit. I have to prepare for an
interview with Mr. Jude Law.
Everybody stands up and begins to shuffle around, collecting
their things. All but Leon.
HIRAM
Four weeks and one of you is
getting a bite of the tastiest
cheese available. Please, for the
love of Christ, dont fuck this up.
One of you please.
Aubrey GUNDERSON, a slim brunette in her mid twenties makes
her way into the room as Earl exits. She smiles at him. He
does not smile back.
She walks over to Hiram, and Hiram motions for Leon.
HIRAM (CONTD)
Right - Leon, this is Aubrey. The
media intern from GSTM.
LEON
Huh?
HIRAM
Granville School of Television
Media.
LEON
No. Im sorry, the er - intern?
Hiram heads over to his desk where the studio execs are still
chatting to each other quietly.
HIRAM
(while packing up)
I dont have time for this Leon. We
spoke about this--
LEON
Sir, Mr. Epstein, I really dont
think we did--
HIRAM
Well hey, now we did. Leon this is
Aubrey. Your intern. Teach her.
Walk her. I dont care. Just get on
with your work and dont kill her
in the process. Youll be fine.
Hiram and the other execs head out the door - Aubrey stands
awkwardly next to Leon.
20.
LEON
With all due respect sir I dont
have time for this. I have four
weeks to get my show--
HIRAM (O.S)
Deal with it!
Leon and Aubrey are left alone in the room - both quiet under
the hum of the halogen lights. Finally, with a long sigh,
Leon grabs heads back to fetch his briefcase.
AUBREY
Did your boss not tell you I was
coming? Im sorry, I really feel
like a jerk.
LEON
Oh- oh hey no, dont worry. Sorry.
Im just -- argh, business right?
Aubrey smiles, unsure of what he is trying to say.
Leon extends his hand.
LEON (CONTD)
Howdy - Leon. Leon Monk.
AUBREY
(giggling)
I know, Mr. Monk - Big fan!
(imitating)
Hello, hello, hello! Welcome
everyone to todays exciting
episode of Leons World - where you
learn you laugh you lose and you
leave.
Leon isnt sure if shes making fun of him or not, he forces
out a little chuckle.
AUBREY (CONTD)
Look, If I get in your way please
tell me to fuck off. I dont want
to trod on any feet.
The two of them begin to walk slowly out the door, Leon stops
and politely gestures for her to go first, but she stops as
well. Leon walks through and Aubrey tails.
AUBREY (CONTD)
Ive just been such a huge fan of
yours and I really want to get into
the hosting game, you know?
They both stop and wait for the elevator - Leon looks
impressed with Aubreys enthusiasm.
21.