In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work.

Some people
regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work
experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What is your opinion
on this?
In the Third World, children are usually sent to factories for labor work. Many people believe
that is merely exploitation, while others think it is good opportunities for them to get life
experience. In any case, children have their right to live and study in peaceful conditions.
Therefore, using them as labor force is considered an unacceptable action.
First of all, children are not workers. They have just known about the vast world and do not
have any experiences as well as conceptions about working. Since these innocent children
are naive and are lack of life experiences, they are easily cheated and exploited. There are a
lot of examples about this in poor nations. Because using children is cheap and they are
easy to control, many enterprises hire them with a little money paid. Although the
government in these countries has tried their best, this kind of taking advantage of children
cannot be eliminated.
Moreover, children do not need such things called "valuable work experience or
"importancet for learning and taking responsibility. The brief responsibility of children is
learning. They are not old enough to understand what working experiences areis.
NeverthelessHowever, they can help parents do chores or housework. This will be much
better way for them to become more responsible for family. In addition, childhood is one of
the most remarkable memories and must not be taken by forcing them to work.
In conclusion, since all children are the great concern of parent and society, they should be
allowed to enjoy life and to educate rather than to be encouraged to work. Hence, one must
ponder what view is actually appropriate for the sake of children.
Estimated Band Score: 7
That's a great job! Good use of cohesive devices and a good coherence. But still
believe your knowledge of vocabulary and your capability to use better complex
structures can be more.
Good Luck..
Comment [Afarinesh1]: neverLheless ls used
Lo sLaLe an unexpecLed SlLuaLlon or 8esulL of Lhe
prevlous senLence!