Lord of the Ants Synopsis

At the dawn of the next Console War, an electric car made by some indie
company runs out of gas on the middle on San Marcos Blvd., while driving to
buy the newest Nintendo, stranding a group of hipsters. At first, with no car,
they realize that driving was too mainstream. This is an activity opposite from
driving. They could walk as much as they want.
But as their Urban Exchange coats get hot, as theyre Starbucks Caramel
Vanilla Bean Frappuccino empties, as fear terror begins its reign. A feeling of
enmity starts to take over.
Chapter One
The Sound of Cell Phones
The man with the neckbeard lowered himself down the over the last few inches of
crosswalk and began to pick his way towards Best Buy. Though he had taken of his Cardigan
Jacket and trained it now in one hand, his plaid shirt now stuck to him and his hair plastered onto
his forehead. All around him, the long road smashed into the city was a bath of heat. He was
clambering heavily around the trash and broken street concrete when a crow, a vision of black,
flashed upwards with the most ANNOYI NG squawk birdly possible; and this cry was echoed by
another, not annoying to him, but equally as annoying to the rest of us.
Hey! it said. Wait a minute!
The roots growing in between the cracks of the sidewalk enjoying the relentless sunlight
beating on the hipsters.
Wait a minute, the voice said. I got caught up.
The neckbeard stopped and jerked his leather belt with an indignant gesture towards the
sun, as if its the suns fault the weathers so hot.
The owner of the voice came lightly jogging from behind him. His knees were skinny and
covered with oversized khaki shorts He bent down and straighten them he was average in every
way except for his ridiculous get-up, as was the neckbeard. He came forward, looking for safe
places on the sidewalk not covered in dried gum, and then looked up through his lensless glass.
Wheres the keys to the Honda Civic?
The neckbeard shook his head.
This is a boulevard. At least I think it some avenue. Thats a crosswalk up the road.
Perhaps there arent any charging stations around anywhere.
The khaki shorts looked shocked.
There was that gas can. But it wasnt in the car, it was atop the roof because having it in
the trunk was too mainstream.
The neckbeard got to the crosswalk and pressed the button.
All those other hipsters, the khaki shorts went on. Some of them must have got out.
They must have, mustnt they.
The signal to walk turned on and, the neckbeard began to pick his way as casually as
possible towards the other end of the crosswalk. He tried to be offhand and not to obviously
uninterested, but the khaki shorts speed walked after him.
Isnt there any more gas?
I dont think so.
The neckbeard said this solemnly; but then the delight of a realized ambition overcame
him. In the middle of the street he stood on his head and grinned at the reversed khaki shorts.
Cars are one of the most mainstream inventions ever made!
That gas can.
The neckbeard stood back up at the sound of the loud honk of dozens of cars.
HEY MAC, GET OFF THE ROAD! the trucker screamed.
He must have driven off after he dropped us off. He couldnt park here, not with all this
traffic.
We were betrayed.
The diver will be back alright, and hell be back with a gas BOTTLE, because cans are
too mainstream.
The khaki shorts shook his head and reluctantly spoke.
When we were slowing down I looked over and I saw the driver TEXTING on his
IPHONE. He then drank the gas can, and a purple liquid came out. It was Kool-Aid.
He looked up and down the road.
And he left us and driven off either way.
The neckbeard reached out and stepped on the sidewalk. For a moment he looked
interested.
Well, text him? he said. You must have gotten his number while we were driving on
the hipster-mobile
Well, heres the thing I kinda left my phone in the car...
He hesitated for a moment, then spoke again.
Whats your name?
Swagmaster420
The khaki shorts waited to be asked his name in turn but this proffer of acquaintance was
not made. The neckbeard called Swagmaster420 tipped his fedora, stood up, and began to make
his way towards the water fountain up ahead.
I expect there to be more of us scattered around here. You haven't seen any others, have
you?
Swagmaster420 shook his head and increased his speed. Then he tripped over his boot-
lace and came down with crash.
The khaki shorts stood by him, breathing hard.
My MySpace friends told me not to run, on account of their self-prescribed asthma.
Oh thats so sad
I know
I also wear these glasses in their honor. They need prescription glasses so I feel I need
to, to help them feel better. Said the fat boy with glee. See these babies, ive had them since I
was 15. They were 50 dollars.
He took off his glasses, submerged in coffee sweat.