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Blog Post Three:

There are few differences between the Heterosexual couple and the Homosexual couple.
The only big difference I see is that one is frowned upon. Its two people in love and that is all
that matters.
Similarities:
Letitia Peplau, an expert on couple relationships, testified that studies have found that
the quality of heterosexual and homosexual relationships was on average "the same" as measured
by closeness, love and stability. On average, same-sex couples and heterosexual couples are
indistinguishable," said Peplau, a UCLA professor of social psychology called by attorneys for
two same-sex couples who are trying to overturn Proposition 8, the 2008 voter initiative that
reinstated a state ban on same-sex marriage. Peplau cited a survey of Californians in which 61%
of lesbian respondents said they were living with a partner compared with 46% of gay men and
62% of heterosexuals. Homosexual couples tend to have shorter relationships than married
couples, she said, but so do unmarried cohabiting heterosexuals. Under cross-examination,
Peplau acknowledged that gay men value monogamy less than lesbians and heterosexuals of
both genders. Among heterosexuals and lesbians, "monogamy correlated for relationship
satisfaction," Peplau said during the trial's third day. But "for gay men there is no association
between sexual exclusivity and the satisfaction of their relationship." She said several studies
have found that married people tend to have better health than non-married people. She cited a
government report that said married individuals are less likely to smoke or drink in excess and
report fewer health problems than singles, and attributed the disparity in part to the support
spouses share. She also told of a recent Kaiser Family Foundation report in which 74% of
homosexuals said they would like to marry someday. During cross-examination, Nicole J. Moss,
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an attorney for the Proposition 8 campaign, put into evidence government statistics from
Belgium and the Netherlands, where same-sex marriage is legal and, Moss said, a substantially
smaller percentage of gays and lesbians chose to marry than heterosexuals. Asked about those
figures, Peplau said she was "struck" that so few same-sex couples would marry in Europe while
so many want to marry in the U.S. A lawyer for the plaintiffs later suggested that the smaller
proportion of married homosexuals in those countries might stem from the fact that marriage is a
relatively new opportunity for them. Moss also asked Peplau if married people might have better
health because they have greater access to healthcare, which domestic partnerships also provide
by requiring employers to insure partners. Peplau said there was "no question" that domestic
partnerships have improved the lives of same-sex couples, but said those partnerships are "not
equivalent" and do not convey all the merits of marriage. Moss also tried to challenge Peplau's
contention that heterosexual and homosexual couples are extremely similar. She suggested that
one benefit of marriage is that couples do not have children out of wedlock, and asked Peplau if
she agreed that gay men and lesbians do not have children accidentally. Peplau sputtered, and
then said: "Can two lesbians spontaneously impregnate each other? Not to my knowledge, no."
The courtroom filled with laughter (Dolan).
Differences:
Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and
committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of
conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships. The findings offer hope that some of the
most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences
between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
(Parker-Pope).
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In a 2000 study in Vermont, soon after same-sex civil unions were legalized there,
researchers surveyed almost 1,000 heterosexual and homosexual couples about common causes
of marital strife like housework, sex, and money. When the results came in, same-sex
relationships scored as far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones:
In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to
have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were
more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-
sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share
the burdens far more equally.
While this result might not surprise you, the next finding is really interesting: although
the gay and lesbian couples surveyed experienced conflict at about the same rate as the
heterosexual couples, the same-sex couples reported a higher level of happiness in their
relationships. According to Parker-Pope, this finding suggests that its the inequality inherent in
opposite-sex relationships that ends up causing problems, not the amount of conflict. She follows
with a quote San Diego State University professor of womens studies Esther D. Rothblum, who
nicely summarizes the idea behind this study:
Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not
only in the house but in the relationship. Thats very different than what same-sex couples and
heterosexual men live with.
Heterosexual couples can also learn a thing or two from gay couples when it comes to
conflict resolution, research suggests:
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions
between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of
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Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly
than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the
confrontation. Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were
less common among gay couples. Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated
heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay
physically agitated after a conflict. When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and
lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step
back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding, said
Robert W. Levenson, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.
Again, no surprises there. Humor and affection certainly sound like a more pleasant
way of dealing with conflict than exploding in anger, no? So, the point of all this research? It
appears that heterosexual couples would do well to emulate their peers in same-sex relationships,
who share power equally, employ respectful, effective problem-solving techniques, and are
happier as a result. No one can argue with that (Grinnell).