PARA EL PASTOR 2

How I Recovered From Burn Out: 12

Keys to Getting Back
I had never been through anything quite as deep, or frankly, personally
frightening as my burnout 7 years ago.
Burnout moves fatigue and the darkness from a place where it was in
your control to place where you can simply no longer control either.
Ive heard from more than a few of you who have let me know that
youre in the midst of burnout right now.
Gary summarized how many leaders feel when he wrote in this comment:
So Im there now. If I were honest I would say my life and ministry are
in shambles. Still going, but no one really knows except my wife, I am
ready to quit.
Oh man.
All I can say is I understand, and Im pulling for you and praying for
you.
I told part of my story in this post along with sharing 9 signs you might
be burning out.
So how do you recover from burnout?
Let me share my journey. While everyones recovery will be different,
there were 12 keys that, in retrospect, were essential to my recovery.
And as far as time goes, for me there was no instant cure.
It took about 6 months for me to move from crisis (20% of normal) to
operational (maybe 60%)
It took another year to get from 60% to 80% of normal.
Finally, it took another three or four years to finally feel 100% again
like myself. Even a new self.
Along the way, these 12 things helped me immensely. And while your
story might be different, I offer them in the hope they might help you
even in some small way:
1. Tell someone. This was hard. I think it is for most leaders, especially
guys. My guess is you will resist because of pride. But pride is probably
what made you burn out. Dont miss this: Only humility will get you out
of what pride got you into. Swallow your pride and tell someone safe that
you have a problem. Its tough, but its the first step toward wellness.
When you admit it to others, you also finally end up admitting to
yourself.
2. Get help. You cant do this alone. Really, you cant. I went to a trained
counselor and had a circle of friends who walked the walk with me. You
need to talk to your doctor and to a trained Christian counselor. And you
need others. I had people pray over me. My wife, Toni, was an incredible
and exceptional rock. Im not sure I would have made it without them. Im
a guy and I prefer to work through my own problems. This one was so
much bigger than me. But not bigger than God or the community of love
and support he provides. So get help.
3. Lean into your friends. Yes this could have been included in Point 2
but the guys would have missed it. Friends. You need them. Guys word
here. We tend not to have a lot of friends and we tend not to open up.
Mistake. Lean into your friendships. Friends came to house and prayed for
me. They called me. One day a friend called and simply said I know you
cant feel it today, but the sun will rise again. It will. I cant tell you how
much those words meant to me that day. Your friends care about you.
Lean into them.
4. Keep leaning into God. Just because he seems silent doesnt mean
hes absent. I did not feel God for months. Not when I prayed or read the
bible or worshipped. But I didnt give myself permission to quit. In these
pivotal moments you will either lean away from God or into him. Lean in,
hard. Even if you feel nothing. I did, and eventually, the feelings of
intimacy return. Just because you cant feel Gods love doesnt mean he
doesnt love you. Your emotions will eventually catch up to your
obedience.
5. Rest. I was so physically and emotionally tired when I burnt out. I slept
for about 10 hours a day for a month straight, adding naps to my daily
diet on top of that. I think sleep is like money; deficits become debt. And
debt needs to be paid off. I paid off my sleep debt that month and I
always try now to make sure I am not running a deficit. If I do for a week
or two, I pay it off with more sleep. You were designed to rest, and to
rest in God. While I personally didnt take a sabbatical or medical leave
(our board offered me one), some may need to. I was too scared Id never
come back. So I took three weeks vacation and came back slowly.
6. Find something else to take your attention away from your
pain. The problem with pain (or at least my pain) is when you do nothing
you only have your pain to focus on. Distraction is a powerful tool to get
your mind thinking about other things. Watch a movie. Go out for dinner.
Go for a hike. Go to a party. Go to a concert. Its not easy. At my worst, I
would go to social settings and not want to talk to anyone, sometimes
even hiding from people behind my wife who is a foot shorter than me
and 100 lbs lighter. But at least I went. One night we hosted a dinner
party and I left the table early and ended up crying in my bedroom for
the rest of the night. But at least we threw the party. It got my mind off
the constant cycle of depression.
7. Do what you can. Again, you may need a long sabbatical. But I took
three weeks off and went back to work. On my first week back in the
office, it took my longer to write a three line email than it took me to
write this entire blog post, but I focused on doing what I could. The first
weekend I preached, those who knew the shape I was in all told me We
would have had no idea you were feeling so bad. You were amazing. I
knew how I felt inside, but it was good to know I could still be helpful to
others in some way. I think for me it was important to discover what I
could still do.
8. Dont do anything drastic or stupid. Underline this. Because my illness
involved my mind, I was tempted to do all kinds of things that could have
ruined my life. I felt like abandoning my calling, running away from
everyone I knew and everything I knew, even my wife and kids. In my
worst moments, thoughts of ending it all crossed my mind. I am so
thankful I didnt succumb to any of those impulses. Some days I just said
to myself dont do anything stupid today. And if I didnt, that was
progress. Im so thankful I didnt do anything rash or irresponsible.
9. Trust again. One of the contributing factors to my crash was a few
relationships (not my family) in which trust was broken. As hurt as I felt
and as cynical as I was at points, I made a conscious decision to trust
again. And the wonderful thing is: so many people are trustworthy. And
God always is. Trusting again after your trust has been breached keeps
your heart fresh and alive and ultimately hopeful again.
10. Closely monitor balance. I used to pride myself in being able to go
at whatever I was doing longer and harder than anyone else. Prides not a
good thing. I now closely monitor how Im feeling, my rest and my
balance between time with people and time alone. Im hyper focused on
it. Because I cant afford not to be. I build margin into my schedule
because without it, the edge of the next cliff is right around the corner.
11. Watch for the warning signs. I watch these 9 signs of
burnoutdiligently. About a month ago I saw over half the warning signs
creep back in. I told our elders immediately. I was two days into what I
thought was a mini burnout, but I sounded the alarm bells. In the end, it
turned out to be my frustration over a leadership issue that was
producing the symptoms. As soon as I cracked the leadership issue, the
symptoms disappeared almost overnight. But that kind of monitoring is
for me central to staying healthy.
11. Take full responsibility for the health of your soul. Nobody else is
responsible for your health. You are. Pray, read your bible, seek life
giving friendships, replenish your energy, eat right, work out, love deeply.
These things nourish your soul. If you dont do them, nobody will.
12. Believe theres hope. It took me almost 5 years to feel like myself
again (a new self for that matter). It was a long road back for me
personally and I had to keep believing that God wasnt done with me. 7
years later Im so thankful. Our church has never been healthier or more
effective. I am enjoying what Im doing more than ever. And the
opportunities before me have never been greater. How much of that
could I see or imagine 7 years ago? Exactly 0%. But I had to not give up
despite that. In those moments and days where I still dont feel good, I
cling to the hope that the sun will rise again. And it does.
So thats my story.
Im praying for you today and I hope that in some small way this helps
those of you who are defeated, discouraged or believe its over.
Its not. Our God still lives. And He loves you.
Whats helped you move through your toughest seasons?
9 Signs You're Burning Out in
Leadership
Burnout.
Been there?
Seven years ago, I entered into the darkest period of my life.
People had always warned me I would burn out. I thought I could
prove them wrong.
And usually I did. I would get tired out of balance but when I saw the
edge, I could always pull myself back.
Until seven years ago.
I found the edge, and as I was falling, I knew this time I realized I
couldnt pull myself back.
Although Im not a person who suffers from depression, Im sure I would
have gone to the doctor and received a diagnosis of clinical depression
that summer seven years ago.
It wasnt your stereotypical depression.
I could get out of bed every day, and I did.
I kept praying and reading my bible.
But my speed decreased to a snails pace.
And hope felt like it had died.
My motivation and passion dropped to zero. (Make that zero Kelvin).
I had never been there before.
I knew many in ministry had gone down this road before me, and what
scared me is that some of them never made it back.
For them, ministry was done. And sometimes, tragically, they were done
hope never fully returned and they didnt ever become the person they
were before.
That was the last thing I wanted to happen to me.
Looking back, the diagnosis is still a little elusive and mysterious.
Who really knows what corrodes the soul to the point where it
deflates?
But Id say the most likely candidate for what derailed me is what Id
callemotional burnout.
In caring for others I had not adequately cared for my heart or soul,
or let others who wanted to care for it do so.
I spiralled down for about 3 months before I hit bottom.
Then with the love and assistance of a great wife, board, leadership team,
close friends, a counselor, and a very gracious God, I slowly began to
recover.
It took, honestly, a few years to really feel full stride again, but I recovered
to 80-90% of full strength in the first year. The last 10% took two or three
more years.
The good new is, there is life after burnout (my next post will be on ways
to recover from burnout).
Im writing this because burnout seems to be an epidemic in ministry
leadership.
In fact, there are more than a few of you who know you are right on
the edge of the cliff you could so easily fall of of.
And probably a few of you who are in free fall right now.
Why is that?
More than most environments, ministry combines what you do (your
work) with what you believe (your faith) and your community (your
congregation/friends). Without skillful navigation, that can creates a roller
coaster of emotions that push leaders toward burnout (Ive written about
the emotional roller coaster of ministry here).
So how do you know if youre heading for burnout?
Here are 9 things I personally experienced as I burned out.
I hope they can help you see the edge before you careen past it:
1. Your motivation has faded. The passion that fueled you is gone, and
your motivation has either vapourized or become self-centered.
2. Your main emotion is numbness you no longer feel the highs or
the lows. This was actually one of the earliest signs for me that the edge
was near. I wrote more about emotional numbness here.
3. People drain you. Of course there are draining people on the best of
days. But not everybody, every time. Burnout often means few to no
people energize you anymore.
4. Little things make you disproportionately angry. When you start
losing your cool over small things, its a sign something deeper is very
wrong.
5. Youre becoming cynical. Many leaders fight this one, but cynicism
rarely finds a home in a healthy heart.
6. Your productivity is dropping. You might be working long hours, but
youre producing little of value. Or what used to take you 5 minutes just
took you 45. Thats a warning bell.
7. Youre self-medicating. Your coping mechanism has gone
underground or dark. Whether thats overeating, overworking, drinking,
impulsive spending or even drugs, youve chosen a path of self-
medication over self-care. Ironically, my self-medication was actually more
work, which just spirals things downward.
8. You dont laugh anymore. Nothing seems fun or funny, and, at its
worst, you begin to resent people who enjoy life.
9. Sleep and time off no longer refuel you. Sometimes youre not burnt
out; youre just tired. A good nights sleep or a week or two off will help
most healthy people bounce back with fresh energy. But you could have a
month off when youre burnt out and not feel any difference. I took three
weeks off during my summer of burn out, and I felt worse at the end
than when I started. Not being refueled when you take time off is a major
warning sign youre burning out.
Identifying with just a few of these signs might just be a sign that youre
tired.
If you identify with half, you might be close to the edge.
If you identify with most or all, well, you might be in the same place I
found myselfburnout.
If you are burnt out, I would encourage you to seek immediate
professional help a medical doctor and a trained Christian counselor. I
would also encourage you to talk to a close circle of friends (again, my
next post will be on recovery from burnout).
In the meantime, Id love to hear from many of you on your stories
around burn out?
What did you learn? How can we help each other?
5 Things Every Church Leader Can
Learn from the Mark Driscoll Situation
So let me start here.
I struggle with pride.
Do you?
Doesnt everyone?
Pride is at the root of all sin. It is pridethe pursuit of self, of knowing
better, of being rightthat caused our fall in the first place. It is a daily
struggle for me.
My heart broke this weekend as I read of the latest developments
at Mars Hill Church as their Pastor, Mark Driscoll, temporarily stepped
down. Theres a very (from what I can tell) balanced and fair article about
the events here in Christianity Today if you want some background.
I need to say I dont know Mark Driscoll. Ive never met him.
And this is not a post where Im going to pass any level of judgment on
Pastor Mark or Mars Hill. He needs our prayers as does his family and
church (My heart really hurts for his family in a season like this. They love
their husband and dad. So does Christ.)
And even as I say he needs our prayers I realize that often in Christian
circles we say that with a sense of superiority, as though he needs our
prayers or she needs our prayers in way that I dont.
Not even close to true.
No one prays with clean hands. I dont. You dont.
I need your prayers as desperately as Pastor Mark. So do you. So when
we pray, we need to pray as those who come alongside each other before
a merciful and just God and a Saviour we all so desperately need.
We are in this together.

Not Sex, Not Money.Pride.
As I read through various accounts of the situation as it developed, this
quote from the Christianity Today article caught my full attention:
The decision by Driscoll, whose current challenges made the front
page of The New York Times yesterday, echoes past sabbaticals by two
other popular Reformed pastorsJohn Piper and C. J. Mahaneyamid
concerns not of sexual or financial sins, but of pride and other character
flaws.
The writer goes on to point out that many leaders have put in safeguards
against sexual sin or financial wrongdoing and quotes Scott Thuma, a
Hartford Seminary sociologist:
My sense is that many of the celebrity religious leaders are well aware of
and intentionally attempt to guard themselves against sexual and financial
temptations. But they forget that pride comes before a fall.
John Piper gave some painfully honest answers behind his break from
ministry in 2010. Again, as the article points out:
Bethlehem Baptist Church pastor John Piper embarked on an eight-
month leave, explaining his soul, marriage, family, and ministry pattern
needed a reality check from the Holy Spirit. He noted several species of
pride in my soul that, while they may not rise to the level of disqualifying
me for ministry, grieve me. In 2013, Piper shared on Leadership
Journal that his time-off had been dedicated to addressing his
intransigent sins, including selfishness, anger, self-pity, quickness to
blame, and sullenness.
I can relate to every one of Pipers struggles and have had them, in
seasons, in my only life. My guess is you have too.
So I fully admire pastors who have had the courage to admit they are
struggling with pride and to take a break from ministry to address it.
As my wife said to me, Maybe we should all resign. Theres a sense in
which maybe those who have stepped back have done the honourable
thing, isnt there?
So let no one cast a stone.
Pride is my struggle, and if I may, its your struggle. Youre human.
How do we keep it contained?
How do we keep it in check?
How do I keep mine in check?

5 Ways Pride Can Sneak Into A Leaders Life
Pride is ubiquitous. You dont need to try to be prideful. It just happens.
Its in you and its in me.
But in the always-online-instant-platform-social-media age we live can
acts like an accelerant to pride.
Like money, social media is a terrible master but a wonderful servant. It
can be used for tremendous good, and it can play to the worst parts of
us.
The reason Im focusing on social media here is because pride often
accompanies growth, and more church leaders than ever now have access
to greater influence and personal platforms.
I realize theres some irony here because Im blogging about this and on
the verge of launching a podcast. (No linkthat would be
toomanipulative.)
Like money, social media is a terrible master but a
wonderful servant.
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So how does pride sneak into a leaders life today? In many many ways.
I am NOT saying any of these operated in Pastor Marks life or Pipers or
Mahaneys. I have no idea. All I know is they can operate in mine and in
the lives of other people I know.
Here are 5:

1. When Im more focused on growing my personal platform than advancing
the mission of the local church
Social media gives everyone a bigger soap box. And many are pursuing it.
A constant temptation for many leaders today is to put themselves ahead
of the mission of the local church.
Above all, I want to be a faithful local church pastor committed to
advancing the mission of our church and helping people discover the love
their Saviour has for them.personally.
But sometimes its easier to soak in the accolades of people youve never
met than it is to deal with a mess youve created and need to work
through (thats what leadership is, right? Solving the problems youve
helped create.)
And sometimes its frustrating that the people who work with you every
day (and live with you) are sometimes less impressed with you than the
people who get a curated and edited version that ends up online.
The people closest to you see your flaws. Which is why its so easy run to
those who dont.
Stay grounded. Stay local.
Stay honest.
Stay focused.
The people closest to you see your flaws. Which is
why it's so easy to run to those who don't.
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2. When I pursue being known more than I pursue knowing Jesus
Its fairly well known that many ministry leaders struggle with their
personal walk with God. It can drift. It can even die for a season.
I have to be disciplined daily to keep my relationship with Jesus fresh,
alive and vibrant.
Whether you want to be known and loved in your local church or a wider
platform is irrelevant.
When I pursue being known more than I pursue knowing Jesus, I risk
everything that the Gospel is about.

3. When my platform outgrows my character
Your character has to be bigger than your talent or skill set or you
inevitably implode.
If your church outgrows your character, youre in trouble as a leader.
If your platform online outgrows your character, its only a matter of
when, not if things begin to implode.
After almost two decades in ministry leaders, I am constantly amazed at
how hard I have to work at developing my character so that my private
life and public walk line up.
That should be no surprise, of course. We used to call it sanctification and
its still the work of the Holy Spirit.
Im passionate about character development and wrote more about it
here.
If your platform outgrows your character, implosion
becomes a 'when', not an 'if'.
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4. When I expect the people who knowme to treat me like the people
who dontknow me treat me
The cool part about being an outside speaker or having people who dont
know you follow you on social media is they always treat you with great
respect.
We men, in particular, crave respect.
And of course, respect is earned.
Which means you have to work harder to gain it with the people you love
and serve every dayyour family, your team, your staff, your friends
than you do if you blow into town for a day to speak somewhere or if
someone reads your blog and thinks youre amazing.
As Andy Stanley says, when the people who know you the most love and
respect you the most, youve got the balance right.
When only the people who dont know you respect you, pride has likely
taken your focus off what matters most.
When the people who know you the most love and
respect you the most, you've got the balance right.
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5. When I resist accountability
Pride resists accountability.
It says Ive got this figured out. Im fine. Ive got this mastered. I
dont need anyone.
And pride couldnt be more wrong.
In fact, the more successful you become, the more accountable you need
to be.
You dont have to be transparent with everyone but you need to be
transparent with someone.
Someonelike a board, or a group you dont fully controlneeds to
have full access to your finances, to how youre really doing, to
whats really going on. And you need to approach them with completely
open hands.
Accountability at first looks like a threat. But when you have it, you realize
its a life saver.
Pride resists accountability. And pride couldn't be
more wrong.
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I know this is deep stuff, but then the work were involved in is deep stuff.
It matters.
I will be praying for Mars Hill and Pastor Mark and his family, not from a
place of judgment (I hope), but as one (from distance) who stands
alongside.
And Ill be praying as one who hopes for a magnificent restoration and a
story only the Gospel can write.
For that is the story the Gospel is writing in all of us.
What about you?
How do you struggle with pride?
Are there things you are doing you find helpful?
Please leave a comment. And please know any comments that reflect
negatively on Pastor Mark or Mars Hill will be deleted immediately.
No stones. Not one.
This is about all of us.
10 Ways to Reignite Your Love for the Church

Having been in ministry for over 30 years, I understand. The church is sometimes not
easy to love. People claim to be Christian but act like the devil. We say the words, I
love the church while knowing our heart isnt there. When youve had enough bad
days in ministry, love for the church seems to disappear completely.
Still, though, were called to love one another (John 15:12). Here are some ways to
begin reigniting that love:
1. Read 1 Corinthians. In 1 Cor. 1:4 Paul wrote, I always thank my God for you
(HCSB). In the last verse of that book, he wrote, My love be with all of you in
Christ Jesus. In between these sections, however, the apostle essentially said,
Youre an absolute mess. Paul thanked God for and deeply loved one of the
messiest churches in the New Testament. Thats a good model for us to follow.
2. Read the Gospel of Mark to see the portrayal of Jesus disciples. They were
untrained and uneducated men who often did not listen, seldom fully understood,
and sometimes failed miserably. Meanwhile, they debated who was the greatest
and fought over the best seats in the kingdom. Still Jesus loved them and we
must love our church folks who are often quite like them.
3. Check your heart. Sin still haunts us, even as church leaders. Sometimes we
hold bitterness as an idol. Be honest: were not always lovable
ourselves. Nevertheless, even those who know us best still love us. We owe to
the church the patient love that others give us.
4. Count your supporters. Just a few opposing folks in a church can make it
difficult to love the whole church. My experience is, however, that leaders often
overestimate the opposition and give too much attention to a few people. Count
your supporters instead of the opposition, and you might be reminded of lovable
people in the church.
5. Take a vacation. Sometimes our lack of love for others is really just fatigue. The
little things get magnified when were tired. Frustration sets in. Love gets
strained. Take a break to recover and replenish, and you might find yourself
more open to loving your congregation.
6. Take some folks on a mission trip. Get away from the day-to-day grind of
church work while also taking the gospel to the nations. Something unique often
happens among a team of believers on the mission field. Get them to focus on
those who need to hear the good news instead of on themselves, and you will
likely see them as more lovable.
7. Hang out with a few members who want to grow. Loving the church is not
possible without loving a few. Rather than trying to immediately love the whole
Body again, focus on a few. Find some believers who are open, and invest in
them. Its amazing how just a few healthy relationships can change your
perspective about the whole church.
8. Get a vision about something in the church. Ask God to help you
concentrate on one area of the churchs ministry that most motivates you. Just
as focusing on a few believers can be helpful, finding that one area can begin to
reignite your love for the church. An outward focus just does that: it takes your
eyes off self, and renewed love often follows.
9. Seek reconciliation with that person. Whether we recognize it or note, one
sour relationship can color the way we feel about an entire congregation. Maybe
its time to say something like, Im sorry, please forgive me, or I fear you have
something against me, and I want to fix it.
10. Keep doing ministry. When your love for your church is strained, withdrawal is
not the answer. Nor is laziness or disobedience. Real love demands that we
continue to serve the church even when we dont feel like it. Be faithful in doing
loving ministry for your church, and you might find your heart catching fire for
them again.
The church that has worn you out is still Gods church. Perhaps undiscipled and often
stunted in their growth, they still need our love. Ask Him who loves them enough to
have died for them to reignite your love for them.