Dress Codes

By Rebekah Garvin
Conflict Management; Joe Gundy
Oct. 20, 2014

How a woman dresses can affect the way her intentions are perceived and can
sometimes be in conflict with what a boyfriend feels communicates the commitment of their
relationship. In this essay I will show how one couple chose to deal with their dress code issue
by applying coercive power to try to get the other person to change.
A major variable in conflict is the use of power. Power is defined as the ability to have
influence or bring about a desired outcome (McCorkle & Reese, 2010, p. 76). Looking closer at
the use of power in conflict management we see that there are several forms of power:
distributive, reward, legitimate, expert and referent power. Finally, there is also coercive power,
which is a tactic that threatens retribution if the desired behavior is not forthcoming,
(McCorkle & Reese, 2010, p. 77). Both parties in the case used coercive power to get the other
one to change.
McCorkle and Reese (2010) clarify that a person who is using punishment to regulate
behavior is using coercive power, which is essentially power over another (p. 76). Coercive
power surfaces when one person perceives that another has more power. This creates the
environment in which an out-of-control spiral of negative power-grabbing tactics can ensue
(McCorkle & Reese, 2010, p. 76). In the case, William and Kaitlin both employed the power-
snatching technique of coercive power to solve their dress code problem (Dress Codes, 2010).
Both parties tried to use their power in the relationship to force the other to be okay with or do
something that they wouldnt have done on their own. William perceived Kaitlins choice of
clothing as offensive to their relationship because he believed she looked like a cheap hooker
and that other men would perceive that as well. Kaitlin reacted with a power grab aimed at
punishing William when she responded, Youre assuming that I still want to go with you
(Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156).
In the case, William and Kaitlin have recently moved in together. Kaitlin, who wants to
be herself and doesnt care what other people think, likes to wear low-cut blouses and tight
jeans (Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156). William used to like her outfits, but now that they are more
serious he is feeling uncomfortable when she dresses like that. Now he wants her to change the
way she dresses. The case documents a verbal conflict that William and Kaitlin had regarding
her choice of an outfit she wanted to wear out one evening. When seeing what Kaitlin had
chosen to put on, William initiated the conflict by saying; Youre not wearing that followed by
telling her that she looked like a cheap hooker. William continued by accusing her of wanting
everyone to look at her chest throughout the evening, to which Kaitlin responded that he is
being judgmental and mean (Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156). The escalating conflict concluded
when they both tried to use coercive power to get the other to change. William threatened
Kaitlin by saying, Im just not going out with you looking like that. And Kaitlin also uses
coercive power when she says, Youre assuming that I still want to go with you (Dress Codes,
2010, p. 156).
McCorkle & Reese (2010) explain that coercion is not a rightful entitlement of the
powerful (p. 34) and that assertions that try to control someones behavior encourage a
defensive reaction, not problem solving (p. 41). In the case, William attempted to overpower
Kaitlin into a preferred behavior--that of changing how she dressed. Not only did he use
accusations, I statements and competitive conflict but he also used coercive power by
threatening to withhold himself from her when he said, Hey, I dont really care. Im just not
going out with you looking like that (Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156). We see Kaitlin also used I
statements and defense when she says, I thought I would wear what I wanted and I dont care
what other people think. You used to like this outfit when we first met. I cant believe you are
so judgmental and mean! (Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156). But she also used coercive power when
she said, Youre assuming that I still want to go with you (Dress Codes, 2010, p. 156).
McCorkle and Reese (2010) explain this kind of behavior as her pulling away in an attempt to
balance power (p. 34).
I have shown in this essay how William tried to change how Kaitlin chose to dress
through his use of coercive power. I have also shown how Kaitlin also used coercive power in
her response to William by threatening to withhold herself from him.

Sources Cited
Dress Codes. (2010). In S. McCorkle and M. Reese, Personal Conflict Management. Boston:
Pearson.
McCorkel, S., & Reese, M. (2010). Personal Conflict Management. Boston: Pearson.