Heartbeat

Jonathan Smith

When it fell from the sky, he was terrified. The early morning light had just peaked
over the building behind him. The air was stale. A thin, brown smog twisted its way around
the maze of the city. Masses of people on the street hurried by him, their clothes smelling of
sweat and hard work. Their faces expressed the pain and agony that appears during a time
of war. Everyone from children to great-grandmothers showed the wrinkles of a tired life.
When it fell from the sky, his mind began to race. His gentle, adolescent mind tried to make
sense of it all.
His mind raced backward as fast as it could. It raced back to the day before it fell. His
mother was sitting alone in the armchair, knitting. Her needles streaked across the dust
filled air, the pink thread quickly followed trying to keep up. A knock on the front door rang
out silencing all other noises and brought with it a grim stillness. His mother looked up, her
hands still moving as a gruesome look spread across her face. She stood and walked slowly
to the door. He recalled his mother talking about getting a knock at the door to her friends.
She said that if she got the letter, she wouldnt know what to do. All of her friends would
erupt into a river of tears when the letter was mentioned.
Wanting to be by her side, he crawled as quickly as he could. He raised his hand off
the ground and reached for hers, She cupped it and stroked his palm with her thumb. She
glanced down and locked her eyes on his. A small, seemingly insignificant tear was
beginning to form as another knock rang out. The door creaked as its old, worn out hinges
moved it aside to reveal the world behind it. Standing at attention was a mailman. The tear
that was still perched in her eye released itself and fell when the mailman extended the
letter to his mothers limp hand. The mailman said something that he couldnt understand,
bowed, and disappeared into the crowd of people on the street. The door was closed with a
deafening slam and the chair groaned when his mother placed herself back in its waiting
grip.
His mother followed him with her stare as he slowly crawled back from the door. He
reached his hands up to the sky and his mother responded by picking him up and letting
him rest in her arms.
I love you, she said. Her words broke the silence and lingered as more tears burst
from her eyes in an uncontrollable waterfall.
Love, that word was familiar to him. It was more familiar than any other word that
he knew. When it made an appearance it resonated through his mind and brought with it a
comfort that only it could bring. It led him to happiness, even if it were just for a few
moments. It was said more after Daddy left. Sometimes they would just sit, in her armchair,
and talk. She would tell him a lot of things that he didnt understand. She said that Daddy
would be home soon, when the fighting was over. She would apologize time after time for
the world that he was entering. She hoped he would make a change when he grew up. He
made it his goal to change the world.
Once he was settled on his mothers chest she loosened her grip on the letter.
She tore open the envelope and let it fall to the floor. Her tears grew larger. He watched as
her face grew red and saw the demons held inside her blowout in one terrific cry. He began
to cry too. He didnt want her to feel alone while she cried. When she screamed, he

screamed. When she wiped her nose, he wiped his nose. When she stopped crying to look
at Daddys picture on the wall, he stopped crying to look at Daddys picture on the wall.
Everything changed when Daddy left. His mothers cries would ring out through the
house more often then they did before. She would turn off the radio whenever it talked
about the war, which she had never done before. He couldnt grasp the concept of war, but
he understood that it took Daddy away. The day that he disappeared from the house, he
came down the steps wearing those odd clothes. His footsteps were heavy, as if something
was weighing him down. His tired wrinkles slowly crept their way onto his face. He kissed
his mother for a split second, then turned his face and looked down. A small smile was
hidden behind a somber frown. Daddy walked out of the house without saying another
word. He began to wonder if he had done something wrong. Why wouldnt Daddy give him
the big kiss that he normally did before he left? Just the thought made his eyes flood with
tears. His mother cried too. All that he wanted was to be like Daddy. He wanted to grow up
to be just as big and strong as him.
When his mother finally put down the letter, another knock from the door
rang out through the house. He crawled as fast as possible to the door and sat in front of it.
He didnt want his mother to get another letter and cry like she had just done. But when she
reached the door, she pushed him aside and opened it as quickly as she possibly could. It
made another sweeping noise as it hit the wall behind them. When he looked up through
the opening, his mothers friends were all gathered together in a tight clump. They were
normally bright and cheery. They would wear enormous dresses and would be in a
constant state of laughter. But this time a dark cloud hung over them. Soon, everyones
cries mixed together and filled the house with torment and agony. They sat in the living
room for hours and talked. He didnt know what they were saying, and he didnt want to.
He was tired from crying and decided that it was time to fall asleep. He squirmed over to
his mother and laid his head onto her waiting chest. He nestled in and began to listen for
her steady heartbeat, the one that so often lulled him into a gentle slumber. The warmth of
her body soon engulfed him and he closed his eyes.
When he woke, his mother was crying again. She was situated at the kitchen
table alone. Daddys picture sat next to her, his face watching the scene intently. He
watched as she slammed her hands against the table in a tantrum. It startled him and he
broke out in an uncontrollable fit. She snapped to attention when his scream mixed with
hers. She shuffled to his side, and picked him up. Her gentle hands immediately calmed him
and sent a rush of soothing energy through his mind. She took him and held him up against
her chest. He tried to get as quiet as he could so that he could hear her heartbeat again. It
calmed his mother down to hold him, and to let him lay against her chest. She began talking
about Daddy.
He would be proud of you, she mumbled.
She said that he fought so that their country could live in peace. She talked about
Japan, and how it was going to be better when the war was over. She talked about how
Germany was weak for surrendering and leaving Japan alone to fight. She said that if they
fought as hard as Daddy did than the Americans would not be winning. He didnt
understand what any of it meant, but he concluded that it was bad for the Americans to
be ahead. Every time his mother said Americans he frowned in protest. A big grin
streaked across her face when he did that.
No matter what happens, Ill always love you, she said. He smiled.

It grew dark outside and the lights of the city began to illuminate the shadows. His
mother placed him back in his crib and said something that he didnt understand, so he
smiled again. She assumed that he understood and turned to leave. When she reached the
doorway she stopped to look at him one last time.
You will never have to go and fight like Daddy did, but if you do you will follow in
his footsteps.
He smiled again and tried to promise her that he would. She beamed and blew out
the lamp. His room went dark.
When he woke, his mother dressed him and placed him on their front steps outside
their house. She told him to stay there while she cleaned the house. So, he did just that. He
positioned himself on the steps and turned his head to examine the world. He admired
people who were busy going about their daily lives. He watched a lot of men walk by who
wore the same odd clothes that Daddy wore when he left. They would turn and look at him
with a smile. They had the same tired wrinkles that Daddy had when he left. They would
say something then continue on their way. He didnt understand. This was the first time his
mother let him stay outside for this long. He tried to take it all in. The sights, smells and
sounds were all so new to him. The whole city was filled with people hurrying around.
Animals would pull carts and cars would rush by with their horns blazing. He wanted to go
explore, but his mother told him to stay put. So he did.
Then, all at once a horrible sound penetrated his ears. It rang through his head and
forced the feeling of urgency into his muscles, almost forcing him to rise and investigate. In
an instant, people began to rush about. A blurred picture of bodies rushing one way or
another filled his vision. Screams and shouts pierced the air, although not quite loud
enough to drown out the siren. People left their carts, stopped their cars and ran as fast as
they could. None of it made sense to him. He looked back and forth trying to find his
mother, who was nowhere to be seen. He thought about climbing back into his house but
remembered what his mother had said. Her words resonated through his head, overcoming
his flight instinct and forced him to stay put. The alarm grew louder as the crowds vanished
from the street and their screams stopped echoing through the blocks. He waited for his
mother, so that she could tell him what was happening. It seemed like hours had passed
before he finally saw her shadowy figure in a determined run down the hallway. Her face
was worried, and her trembling hands once again held the picture of Daddy. She picked him
up with her free arm and began running to the back of the house.
When they turned the corner, the very sight made him burst into a cry. There stood
the scary door. When his Daddy would open it, it would groan and shake. Behind it was
darkness; he assumed that monsters crept there every night waiting for him to come down.
Daddy would tell him that it would never be used, but that it was better safe than sorry.
How could such a scary door be safe? Other people rushed through it and disappeared into
the waiting grasp of the black shadows. He didnt want to go. In the river of people, they
were forced along like fish trapped in a current. Once everyone was inside, the scary door
groaned and creaked as it sealed them off from the outside world. The radio crackled and
the room became deathly silent. A voice erupted from the small device and spoke words
that he didnt understand. He watched his mothers face in an attempt to try and figure it
out. First, a look of terror covered her tired eyes. She saw his glanced and turned her face
as if she was trying to shield him from her expressions.

As time passed, she would occasionally look down and stroke his hand or kiss his
forehead. She told him that no matter what happened, she loved him. He wondered how
many times she was going to say that word. The adults talked and talked in quiet whispers.
When someone spoke to loudly, they were quickly hushed down. The room would be filled
with an eerie silence for a number of moments. Every time a small bump or sound came
from outside the door, the tension in the room grew. No one knew what was happening
outside, so every time the radio crackled they would listen. He tried to look at the picture
his mother still clutched in her tight grip. She held it close to her heart and when the radio
would speak she stroked it like she did to his hair. Maybe Daddy, wherever he was, was
able to listen to her heartbeat like he did.
Soon, the radio began a long speech and the tension in the room was lifted all at
once, like the wind blowing snow off of the trees in the winter. The adults began to stand
and the scary door groaned again. When it opened, the rays of the sun broke their way into
the darkness and lit the way for them as they hurried out of their dungeon. He never
wanted to go back there again. When the door was thrown shut again, everyone returned
to business as usual. They picked up their carts, started their cars and took off. A small
group of people stood in the middle of the road and stared at the sky. Their eyes showed a
hint of curiosity and the rest of their face showed worry. His mother looked too, but just for
a brief moment before she snapped her attention back to him. She carried him inside and
set Daddys picture down on the table. She placed him gently on the floor next to the open
front door and turned away. She resumed her cleaning tasks, but the slowness of her
movements showed how shaken she was by what had just occurred. He wanted to go
outside and look for what his mother and the others were looking for. Crawling, he went
back out onto the steps and took a seat.
He turned his attention once again to the sparking, blue sky. A group of grey clouds
were approaching from the mountains that slowly blocked the warmth from the sun. He
didnt see anything up there. He looked to see if anyone was still staring up like he was.
They had all vanished and the usual blockade of people had taken over their spot. They all
acted as if nothing happened. The men wearing odd clothes returned to walking up and
down the street, the people with carts hurried by and cars continued on their missions. All
of the adults had been just as scared as he was. Some of them had cried like his mother did.
It scared him that something was so terrifying that it shook adults to their core.
The street became busier as time passed, like it always did. His mother stayed inside
the house, and allowed him to continue his thoughts on the front steps. When he would
turn to look at her, she would let out a little smile. Otherwise her face was trapped in an
expressionless stare.
He thought about Daddy again. He wondered if Daddy had just gone into a scary
door like he did. He wondered if Daddy would be able to come home so that he could tell
him how dark it was behind the door. He wanted Daddy to comfort him, and to comfort his
mother. She needed him. Why else would she be holding his picture? Between Daddy
leaving for work and going away on trips they would sit on the chair and talk. She was
happy when they did that. His smile would grow and hers would quickly follow. They
would compete to see who could smile the best. Sometimes he would cry in the middle of
the night because of a dream and Daddy would come and hold him. It was one of the only
times that he could listen to Daddys heartbeat. He wished that he could hear it more.

As he tried to recall the sound of Daddys heart, a quiet sound reverberated through
his ears. The sound of a gentle hum filled the entire city. He had heard it before, and sent
his eyes looking to the sky. His mother had explained to him what it was and he laughed at
the thought of people in the sky. Three planes were drawing closer to him up in the air.
Although, he had never seen planes like that before. They were not the ones that his mother
would show him. The good planes, as she would call them, flew over every day and would
draw a round of applause from every corner of the streets. People would stop to look in
awe and in admiration. They would fly fast and low, drawing pictures in the sky and
circling around. His mother told him that when the green planes with red circles were
around, everything would be safe. She said that they would always fly, even after the war
was over.
The planes that were rocketing towards him were not good planes. They were not
solid green and did not have a red circle. He couldnt see what words were painted on them
because they flew to high, but they looked to be silver not green. When the humming
sound grew louder the city erupted into panic again, but this time there was no alarm. This
time was more chaotic and no one thought to run to the scary door. They ran into buildings
and looked too preoccupied to have a clear train of thought. The planes sounds grew
louder and louder until it seemed as if they were right on top of him. The sounds echoed
through the valley. Thats when they heard the sound of something big falling through the
air. A shrill, shattering whistle filled their ears, ringing louder and louder until, all at once, it
stopped and the city became deathly silent.
He turned to look for his mother again. What happened next took place in an instant,
but dragged on in slow motion inside his head. An enormous bang was heard that
penetrated his skull pushed all other sounds out. Even he knew that something was terribly
wrong. His wondering stare landed down at the end of the hallway in his house. His mother
was up against the fireplace. She seemed like she was a mile away, and a force was keeping
him from crawling to her. She had a roaring fire lit on the grates. Smoke began to pour into
the room, casting a dark haze over her face. She smiled at him with the largest grin she had
worn in a long time. But while her facial expression beamed, it didnt seem real. It looked
fake, even to him. She had smiled like that before; when Daddy announced that he was
going to fight in the war. His attention turned to the rest of her body. Her chest was
pounding up and down. He glanced at her hand. It was shaking violently, in uncontrollable
fear. Clutched tightly in her fingers was the letter, the letter that made her cry.
As the air grew warmer, his eyes locked on hers. His mothers eyes were sad. He
could tell by the bucket of tears forming in the corner. She sucked them back up as hard as
she could, trying not to let them escape before they were ready. She didnt want them to
come out like they had before. She moved her arm and hoisted the letter above the burning
inferno. He began to cry as the tears finally escaped her hold and her hands released their
hold on the letter. It immediately caught fire and allowed the flames to roar higher until
they spilled over the gates of the fireplace. Their eyes locked again. This time, there was
something in his mothers eyes that he had never seen before. He focused on her pupils,
trying to read them like the books that she read to him. They had a thick glaze on top, but
contained a small glimmer of hope. She knew that something bad was happening too, but
that soon everything would be okay. That allowed a small rush of relief to wash upon him
for a brief moment. She began to stand, using all of her strength to rise as if she was going
to go and get him. He couldnt wait to hear her heartbeat again.

That is when it fell. When it fell from the sky, he was scared. He watched it hit and
felt the air thin instantly. It took all of his breath away and as he grasped for more, the
winds blew it away. It made a sound that he had never heard before, and never wanted to
hear again. The wind picked up and blew over him, clearing the way for an extreme heat to
fill every empty space. He fell to the ground, landing on the hard concrete of the steps. A
blinding, piercing white flash enveloped everything in sight. He tried to move his arm to
cover his face, but some invisible force held it down. It felt like the whole world was sitting
on top of him. That is when everything began to fade. He felt his eyes close. He gathered
every last bit of strength he had and turned his head back to the hallway. He watched his
mother fall down after a large burst of wind. Their eyes locked for one last time. Gusts of
wind carried with them what sounded like his mothers voice I love you. However, even
that was whipped away by the deafening sounds. His eyes finally closed as tight as they
could; just after the wall above him began its decent to the ground. The fire from the living
room had grown and the flames reached out like hands.
Then, everything went dark. It was a darkness that he wasnt afraid of though. It
wasnt like the darkness of his crib when it was time to sleep; it wasnt like the darkness
that lay behind the scary door. It was just pure black. He sat alone in the darkness for a long
time, when it began to get light again. But this wasnt the light that he was used to either. It
was pure white, not like the clouds or the white flash he had just seen. It was pure white.
Thats when he saw Daddy. He was walking towards him, his open arms inviting him
over. His face showed a smile of relief, as if all that was tiring was gone. He crawled to
Daddy as fast as he could. Nothing was holding him back now. He passed his mother, who
was no longer crying and whose face had a look of genuine happiness and calm. When he
reached Daddy, he felt a warm embrace as his arms were wrapped around him. Daddy
lifted him up so that he could look into his eyes. He saw the same look of happiness that his
mother wore, and the tired wrinkles had vanished. He put his head up against Daddys
chest, pinning his ear as close as possible. Then, he listened to his heartbeat.