Marci Stephenson

September 10, 2014

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Erik Erikson Research Autobiography

INTRODUCTION
Erik Erikson (1902-1994) was a psychodynamic theorist who believed that people
from lifes challenges. He focused on a set of primary developmental challenges that
individuals face at different points in their lives. In his own youth, Erikson had
struggled with who he was as a person. He often felt different than others, having
been born to a single Danish mother in Germany during an era when two-parent
families were the norm, and having peers who questioned his Jewish heritage
because he had blond hair and blue eyes and did not resemble the Jewish people
they knew. Erikson had little interest in school and failed to earn a college degree,
yet he eventually became a well-known scholar of human development. In his
theory, Erikson suggested that people experience eight crises in the form of
psychosocial stages, as they progress from birth to old age (Erikson, 1963, 1972).
Each of the eight crises is a turning point, the resolution of which directs a persons
future concerns.
As I take a moment to reflect on my own personal life up through the first six of
eight stages of Eriksons theory, I would like to remind my readers that this
autobiography is very personal and contains some very detailed information that I
needed to describe in order to complete this assignment.

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TRUST vs. MISTRUST

In this first stage which includes infancy, birth to approximately 12-18 months,
children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliability, care, and
affection. (psychology.com, 2014) According to Erikson, infants primary task is to
learn whether or not they can trust other people that are depended on to feed a
hungry stomach, change an uncomfortable diaper, and provide affection at regular
intervals. When caregivers ignore an infants needs, are inconsistent in their
attention, or are abusive, the infant learns mistrust that the world is an
unpredictable and dangerous place. However, although Erikson indicated that
infancy was a critical time for having a first trusting relationship, recent research
indicates that children often get second chances. (McDevitt, 2013)
I was born on August 4, 1981 to my parents Ned and Mary Wicker in Plymouth,
Indiana. I was the first born and my parents had only been married for 11 months.
My parents were 28 and 23, respectively when I was born. I have looked at many
pictures and read my baby book several times to know that I was loved a great deal.
My grandparents even saved (gave it to me when I was expecting my first child) the
Christmas card that my parents sent them to announce that my arrival was coming
soon! My grandparents, aunts, great-grandparents, cousins, and family-friends
were all photographed holding me at the hospital or during my first few weeks
home. We lived in Bourbon, Indiana, my dad was a high school biology teacher and
coached high school boys basketball, my mom previously worked as a dental
assistant but was staying home with her new baby. Obviously, during this time I
dont recall anything except what pictures tell me and the stories I have heard. I
was pictured a lot of the time with both my parents but many times with just my
dad. I have a feeling I was wrapped around his finger from the beginning. My
parents always told me I was a very happy and pleasant baby. I came into the
world a little larger than most newborns, at 9 pounds, 10 ounces and 21 inches
long, but I was very healthy. My dad was 6 2 so I was destined to be tall. I was a
breastfed baby and I never had any food or medication allergies. I also met all the

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appropriate developmental milestones during my early doctors visits. In many of

the pictures I find of myself as an infant, I am usually doing something fun or
getting into something that I shouldnt, maybe you could say I was a little
mischievous. I would say that the first year of the my life was very positive and I
was offered many new experiences, such as first basketball game, first visit to the
zoo, first trip to grandma and papas house, and my first Christmas. This first year
was just the beginning of a lifetime of growth and love.
AUTONOMY vs. SHAME and DOUBT
In this second stage, which occurs between, but not limited to, the ages of 2 and 3,
children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense
of independence. As toddlers gain better control of their bodies, they become
capable of satisfying their own needs. Toddlers learn to feed, wash, dress
themselves, and use the toilet. (McDevitt, 2013) When parents and other caregivers
encourage self-sufficient behavior, toddlers develop autonomy, a sense of being able
to handle many problems on their own. But when caregivers demand too much too
soon, refuse to let children perform tasks of which they are capable, or ridicule early
attempts at self-sufficiency, children may instead develop shame and doubt about
their inability to conduct themselves appropriately. Evidence supports Eriksons
conclusion that toddlers have a strong will to practice emerging skills without
restriction. Toddlers are motivated to handle objects, walk on their own, and
explore a homes forbidden areas. Yet not every culture agrees with Erikson that
autonomy is a virtue: Some groups see young childrens drive for independence as
an immature impulse that must be tempered.
By the time I was two years old, I was expecting my first sibling, we are going to be
born 2 years and twenty-four days apart. I am sure that at the age of two, I was
excited about the fact of a new baby in the house, but I really didnt understand
the concept of sibling or sister and I dont have any memory of her ever being a
baby. My mother was back to work full-time at the dental office since I was about a

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year old and my dad was still teaching and coaching basketball. At the age of two,
like any little girl, I enjoyed playing with baby dolls, dress-up, pretending to cook in
the kitchen, climb and explore in places I shouldnt, and other normal toddler
behavior. I was a blonde hair, blue eyed, long legged, and cute little girl that was
about to have a sister and my family was about to be a family of four. Things were
changing and I was changing too. My sister Kristi was born on August 28, 1983 in
Plymouth, Indiana, the same hospital as me. But she looked a lot different than
me, she had brunette hair, brown eyes, and a little darker complexion. I look back
at pictures and I see a very excited big sister welcoming her home with my
parents from the hospital and helping my mom take care of her. Roles had to
change a little bit, I no longer had Mommy and Daddy all to myself, and I have to
share them with Kristi, which was Moms main job since Kristi was just a baby.
Dad and I spent a lot of time together, which may explain some things later down
the road, but we will get to that later. I loved to entertain people and make them
laugh. Some of my favorite pictures of my from when I was two years old is a
picture of me with my Grandparents and we are sitting at the kitchen table
together, just laughing. My parents were very loving and compassionate about
their growing family. We always made it a tradition to visit our grandparents or
they would come visit us on the weekends and during my dads school breaks. Both
sets of grandparents were very involved in my life and important to me. My moms
parents, Richard and Gynelle Stearley aka Grandma and Papa Stearley live in
Brazil, Indiana where my mother is from. My dads parents, Herbert and Esther
Wicker aka Grandma and Grandpa Wicker, live in Maxwell, Indiana, where my
father grew up. Because we lived further away from each set of grandparent, we
had to plan our visits and they were very frequent. Family is very, very important
to us. As I was approaching the age of 2 , my dad was offered a new head
basketball coaching and teaching position with Pike Central High School in
Petersburg, Indiana and my family was about to make a move for the first time.
Moving to a new house, new town, new friends, and new everything can cause a
young family a lot of apprehension, especially moving three hours south from where

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you are now, but it was a good decision for our little family. We moved to
Petersburg during the summer of 1984, I was almost 3 and Kristi was about to have
her first birthday!
INITIATIVE vs. GUILT
In the third stage, which is during the preschool years of 3-5 years old, children
need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this
stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power
experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt. With a growing drive toward
independence, preschoolers begin to have their own ideas about activities they want
to pursue. For example, they may undertake simple art projects, make houses and
roadways in the sandbox, or share fantasies about being superheroes with other
children. When adults encourage such efforts, children develop initiative, an
energetic motivation to undertake, activities independently. When adults
discourage such activities, children may instead develop guilt about acting
improperly. Erikson aptly portrayed preschool-aged children as radiating a sense of
purpose. Research confirms that young children show initiative in imaginative play
and enthusiastic conversations. With his attention on shame, doubt, and guilt in
young children, Erikson also paved to way for contemporary research on these
emotions. Developmental studies indicate that young children tend to feel
distressed when they break a rule or fail to live up to a standard.
So, it is the summer of 1984 and my family has just moved to Petersburg, a small
town in southern Indiana. Kristi is about to celebrate her first birthday and I am
now 3 years old! I have my own personality and I am able to communicate with my
parents to tell them what I want and how I am feeling, most of the time. I enjoy
being around other children my age at church and my mom said that I will attend
preschool next year. Kristi is really getting in my way and is wanting to play with
all the toys that used to be just mine. I am learning that I must share and teach
her to play with me, but I am still learning that too. When I think back to age

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three, these are truly my first vivid memories. I can picture many real life things
very clearly. I remember the house we lived in, it was a brick house with two
bedrooms, a living room, and a kitchen. The backyard was huge and we had a pond
that we could walk to with our dad. He would take us fishing and also we would
look for turtles. Every time we went we had to check ourselves for ticks because we
walked through very tall thick grass to get to the pond. We got our first family pet
at this house, a dog, named Max. He was a good puppy. I remember when Dad
brought him home for Kristi and I, we were so excited. We had to get a dog house
and make sure that he had a place to sleep. Kristi and I were always playing
outside with Max, there are many pictures of us even climbing up on his dog house
and playing with him outside. We were in love with that dog! I remember
Halloween in the house and going trick or treating with my sister. I also remember
hosting a special dinner or maybe having people over for New Years Eve and my
mom was boiling a lobster in the kitchen. I watched the entire thing and remember
hearing the hissing/ screaming sound in made as it boiled. As my dad would say,
sometimes food can be a science experiment. I began preschool at the age of 4, I
was a very social person, but also shy in my own way. I really enjoyed learning and
playing, but my only memory was graduation and my good friend Scott. He was my
first friend besides my sister and we still stay in touch to this day. I believe that I
had an overall pleasant preschool experience and that I was fortunate that my
parents understood the need for me to be socially integrated before kindergarten,
partly because my dad was an educator. With my dad and mom both working fulltime jobs and my dad coaching basketball, we were a very busy household. My
mom, sister, and I never missed one of my dads teams games, unless we were sick
and even then we could find it on the radio. High school basketball is a pretty big
deal in Indiana and my dad lived and breathed it for 27 years. He began coaching
right after he graduated from Purdue University. Being a coachs daughter brings a
whole other perspective to life than a normal person realizes, which I will reference
more about during my adolescence.

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INDUSTRY vs. INFERIORITY

In this fourth stage, children are between the ages of 6 to 11 years old and have
reached elementary school. Children are expected to master many new skills, and
they soon learn that they can gain recognition from adults through their academic
assignments, athletic accomplishments, artistic performances, participation in
community activities, and so on. When children complete projects and are praised
for their accomplishments; they demonstrate industry; a pattern of working hard,
gaining mastery in tool use, and persisting at lengthy tasks. But when children are
ridiculed or punished for their efforts or when they find that they cannot meet
adults expectations, they may develop feelings of inferiority about their own
abilities. Erikson saw middle childhood as a period for completing demanding tasks
proficiently. Cross cultural research indicates that adults routinely assign chores to
children in this age range, reflecting a widespread recognition that school-aged
children can act responsibly. Research also indicates that children compare their
own abilities to those of peers and lose confidence if they see themselves coming up
short relative to others in domain that they value. (McDevitt, 2013)
I began kindergarten at the age of six in the year of 1987-1988, since my birthday
was August 4th, my parents decided to wait one more year for me to begin school.
We have moved to another new town and new school for my dad to teach at,
Eastside High School in Butler, Indiana, which again, is about a three hour move
for our family of four to make. Did I mention that Kristi and I are expecting a
sibling to arrive in May? Kindergarten was great and I seemed to fit in very
quickly. I never had a hard time with change or adjusting to new environments.
Kindergarten was only offered half day back then, so I had to go to a babysitter
named Rita Bailey, if my memory serves me correctly, I was in the a.m.
kindergarten class. I was making friends and most of the adults knew who I was
because they knew my dad, again the luxury of being a teachers/coachs daughter.

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On May 11, 1988, my new baby sister Ashli arrived, she was born in Auburn,
Indiana at Parkview Hospital. Yes, another girl! This time I remember everything
about her arrival. I had a really good friend by the name of Melissa Bailey (her
mom babysat me while I was in kindergarten) that went to my church and her mom
had Kristi and I over to their house when my mom went into labor and dad had to
get her to the hospital. We got to spend the night, Dad called us to let us know that
we have another sister and we could come see her tomorrow. We were very excited
not only about her arrival but because that also means that our grandparents are
coming to visit soon, they were already on their way. We were now a family of five!
I remember in the first grade really having a hard time reading and seeing the
chalkboard in the classroom, so my parents took me to the eye doctor. I had
developed a change in my vision and the muscle in my left eye was weak causing it
to allow my eye to be lazy and turn inward. The eye doctor did several tests and I
had to try a couple different pairs of glasses, but ended up getting bifocals at the
age of seven to help my vision and strengthen the muscle in my eye. The glasses
would sometimes make me look silly but I felt completely confident after I got them
and my ability to read turned around very quickly. My first grade teacher, Mrs.
Brooks, was fantastic! I can still picture exactly how her classroom was set-up and
my favorite part of our day was letter people. Only people from my generation
and a little older will understand what I am talking about. I have even looked them
up on YouTube for my children to see. I never had a hard time achieving good
grades in school, in fact, I was on honor roll consistently each 8 weeks through 3rd
grade. In 2nd grade, I started cheerleading during football season for pee-wee
football league. I really enjoyed that, but I soon learned that I may be a little tall to
be a cheerleader when I get to be older. We stayed at this school until I was
finished with 3rd grade, I really enjoyed Eastside and we were very comfortable
there as a family. My mom worked for a great dentist, Dr. Payne (I know, too
funny). My dad was teaching biology and coaching boys basketball and baseball.
One day everything turned very different for me, I was in the 3rd grade and my
friend Melissa that I mentioned earlier was in the 4th grade. I was on the

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playground coming in from recess and I saw the fourth grade coming outside and I
waved to my friend. While I was back in my classroom, I heard sirens and they
were close, just outside the school. I didnt think much of it except that hopefully
everyone would be ok. I overheard people talking in the hallway that my friend
Melissa got hurt on the playground during recess. I never got a chance to see her
again, she died at the age of 10. Evidently blood rushed to her head while she was
upside down on the monkey bars causing an aneurysm. I experienced what death
was all about for the very first time. I had never lost anyone I was very close to
before, something that I could never imagine ever happening. I cant explain what
it is like to lose your best friend like that and I wouldnt wish it on anyone. Healing
came very quickly, I never forgot her and I still think of her to this day. By the end
of the school year my family was forced to make another change. Sometimes school
administration makes changes and arrangements in order to get other people into
positions or give other opportunities, so my dads job was not secure for the next
school year, which meant we were out. I tried to understand this at a ten year olds
level and it never made complete sense to me and my Dad was always very positive.
There were always new and exciting opportunities waiting for us right around the
corner, this time it would lead us only two hours south to a little town outside of
Muncie, called Yorktown.
IDENTITY vs. ROLE CONFUSION
In the fifth stage, typically ages 12-18 years old, as they make the transition from
childhood to adulthood, adolescents wrestle with questions about who they are and
how they fit into the adult world. Values learned during childhood are now
reassessed in light of a new sexual drive and the desire to be true to oneself.
Initially, youth experience role confusion or mixed feelings about the specific ways
in which they fit into society and may experiment with a variety of actions and
attitudes. In Eriksons view, most adolescents eventually achieve a sense of identity
regarding who they are and where their lives are headed. This stage can be

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extended throughout life because people and their influences are forever changing.
(McDevitt & Ormrod, 2013)
Ok, let me just start by saying that this next section is probably the most difficult to
write, so let me catch you up a little. It is the summer of 1991, each year my family
takes a vacation to Myrtle Beach, SC. It was always a fun week. This year wasnt
going to be any different. While we were on our way, we were notified that my
Grandpa Wicker was ill and would need to be hospitalized. When we checked into
our hotel in Tennessee, there was a message left for us that things have turned for
the worse and my dad was needed back to be with his mom, sister and to see his
dad. We rested that evening and got up the next day and returned back to Indiana,
my grandfather did not hold on long enough. He passed away before we could get
back, we spent the remainder of our vacation with my grandma, aunt, cousins, and
family planning a funeral. It was also my birthday. I am now 10 years old, we have
moved from Butler, Indiana to Yorktown, Indiana. But before we can find a place to
live in Yorktown we need to stay with my Grandma Wicker in Maxwell, which was
about a 45 minute drive away. We soon found a house in Yorktown to rent, while
we waited for our house in Butler to sell, and then we were going to build a house in
Yorktown. I started the 4th grade at Yorktown Elementary in Mr. Hinkles class.
This year was very rough for me, I was very confident socially but was slow to make
friends. I didnt do very well in my school work, like I was used to in the past.
Things were just different this time, I was a little different too. I soon became
friends with two girls, Megan and Sandi. They began to change my outlook on all
these new things. Yorktown was a very exciting school system, much bigger than
the previous school I was attending, they even had a swimming pool in the high
school. As a family, we were very excited about this change and my mom let us
know that she was expecting another baby. Alleni (named after my grandfathers
and dads middle name Allen) was born on May 8, 1992 in Muncie, Indiana at Ball
Memorial Hospital. This was something that I was not ready for, a family of six.
Unlike the two previous siblings that joined my family, this one I felt differently

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about and was not ready for. My parents always made me feel responsible for my
younger siblings, that I needed to be an example to them so they can grow up with
someone to look up to. I hated letting them down and I couldnt figure out how I
was going to divide more of my time to another baby. I had decided that it wasnt
going to be wise for me to stay and I was determined to pack my things and move
out and live with my grandparents. I thought that would work, I was wrong. I
spent a lot of my time at the age of 11 and 12 liking the opposite things my parents
did just to aggravate them. My dad was a Purdue graduate and I went through a
period of about 6 months that I insisted that Indiana University was a better school.
It wasnt a pleasant 6 months, which may be why it was shortened. He never let me
hear the end of the reasons why my choices, while short, were irresponsible and
unfaithful to our family values, I have never looked back. There were exciting
things in store for my dad too. Instead of coaching boys basketball this would be
the first year he would be coaching girls, he took on the challenge. I also took on the
challenge of being the teams student manager. I had many responsibilities;
sweeping and mopping the gym floor before practice and home games, laundering
the game jerseys, filling and distributing water bottles during games, making sure
all the balls were filled with air, keeping track of our ball bag at away games,
setting out the clipboards for the girls on the bench to keep stats, and just watching
my dad coach from just a few seats down, except for he never sat down much during
a game. I got to know the girls on the team very well and they became like role
models for me, many of them went on to play basketball in college. This was the
age that I became very interested in playing sports and there was much more
available to me in this new town. I played basketball already, but soon I would be
introduced to this sport called volleyball. Little did I know that it would grab me at
the heart and never let go. By the time I reached middle school, I felt more
comfortable in my own skin and was regaining the confidence I had lost during the
past couple years. My grades and classroom work had improved and I joined band
and Fellowship for Christian Athletes. During my time in middle school, I played
volleyball, basketball, and track all three years. I had kept the same circle of

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friends and Megan and I were best friends. We were always together on the
weekends and during the school day. Middle school was also the time I experienced
an interest in boys for the first time. Looking back it is almost comical on how
awkward young people are. I did have one person that sticks out as my first love.
His name was Jim Jimbo Vester. We were together (going steady) off and on for
over 2 years, but remained friends into high school. He was funny, caring, and just
a great guy. He was very athletic too, so we were a good pair. You learn so much
about relationships at this age that you dont realize will help you choose your
spouse later in life. While I was in middle school, I began to play volleyball year
round in club league. We were very successful each year and it strengthened us as
a team before we got to high school. Our coach each club year was Deb Conlon, she
was a great coach and most importantly a great role model for all of us girls to
follow. I will never forget our team building/ bonding times, we were able to learn
so much about one another and get to know each other on a whole different level.
As it was time for me to get ready for my freshman year of high school, I was
excited about volleyball, going to football and basketball games, and watching my
sisters grow up. I was nervous about making decisions about my future, I really
wasnt completely sure what I wanted to do with my life in terms of a career, I was
only fifteen years old, and my life was just really beginning. At this time in my life,
my relationship with my sisters had really changed. Kristi and I had drifted very
far apart, mainly because we were interested in different things and different
sports. We had an agreement to disagree about everything and most of our
conversations would end in things flying across the hallway at each other. My life
was getting very busy and often I felt that my sisters were spending much of their
time following me around from volleyball tournament here and there and
everywhere and I wasnt sure if they were okay with that, but I didnt know what
else to do. They were still young, Ashli was in 2nd grade and Alleni was in
preschool. I often felt very responsible for them, for everything that they did, even
if I wasnt around them at the time. My family was very important to me and so
were my friends and spending time with them was also getting complicated because

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of this sudden thing called dating. I was able to start dating at the age of 16. I am
not really sure my parents were ready for this to happen, but I was the first so I
guess it had to start somewhere. Some of my first dates were to the movies or out to
eat with groups of friends or other couples, nothing too stressful or serious. I really
gained my own freedom when I got my drivers license. I can still remember that
day very clearly. I think I was exactly 16 and one month and a day, to the day, so
September 5, 1997. My mom came to pick me up at school on a half day or her
lunch break and took me to the license branch in Alexandria for my driving test.
She got me all signed in and then she walked across the street back to work and left
me there to wait for them to call my name. This was my first grown up task,
getting my drivers license, all on my own. I had a good teacher, in the fact that my
dad helped me prepare for this day. The written test was a breeze and the driving
test was good, I even cleared the parallel parking with flying colors. I was able to
leave there a licensed driver. I got my picture taken and the license was in my
hand that is when they could print them off for you right there. I drove over to my
moms work to tell her the good news and she was very excited for me, then she
allowed me to drive back to school by myself and finish out the school day. I was a
little scared, shocked, and confused but I didnt hesitate! I drove back to school,
then I drove myself home from school for the first time. I wouldnt have my own car
for a very long time, not until I was a senior in high school, but I was able to have
the flexibility to use the car or van if someone wasnt needing it.
I truly believe that the remainder of my sophomore and junior years of high school
were two years that I really found myself and grew personally. I found a love for
theatre, photography, my school, my community, and committed myself to my
academics. My grades got much better as time went on in high school and I really
flourished in my English, speech, theatre, science, and elective courses. I didnt do
as well in math, it was never something I enjoyed (except geometry, loved it). I
continued to keep busy with playing volleyball all year round and we were very
successful each season. My family was very busy too. By this time my dad was now

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teaching and coaching basketball at Cathedral High School in Indianapolis and my

mom was still working in Alexandria. This was about to all change again. We were
all expecting another addition to our family of six, my mom, now the age of 40, was
having another baby. I was 17 years old, Kristi was 15 years old, Ashli was 10, and
Alleni was 6. This time was going to be completely different than before or the last
time. I was a junior in high school, I was only going to be home for two more years
before heading off to college. I already knew that I was destined to move away to
college because it was time to get out of the house and that was the expectation, you
GO AWAY to college. Jayci Lyn was born on August 31, 1998 and she was the last,
we were complete. Five Wicker girls; one blond, two brunettes, and two red-heads.
Sisters that would be forever bonded by the love of two amazing parents that helped
bring them into this world. We were completely smitten and in awe of this precious
little girl.
Those early years went so fast, as I reflect back on my first eighteen years of my
life, I know there was a lot of things that I have forgotten, but there are so many
great memories and I am truly blessed to have the best family anyone could ask for.
My dad soon found a new teaching and coaching opportunity at Rockville High
School, which was about 3 hours southwest of where we were in Yorktown. It was
very close to where my grandparents live, so it was very appealing to be much closer
to them. It was the summer before my senior year and my family decided to hold off
on another move until after I graduated high school. As I began my senior year of
high school, I was looking forward to a very fun year. I had worked really hard in
my classes, so I knew I wouldnt have too many hard classes left to take. Our
volleyball team was coming into the year highly ranked and we were very excited
about the opportunity to reach the state tournament for the very first time. As
seniors, you are looked up to by the underclassmen and you want to leave an
impression on the school that you spent so much time with the past nine years of
your life. I had to start to think about my future and what I was going to do with
my life beyond high school. I knew that I wanted to play volleyball in college and I

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thought that I wanted to be a teacher, but then after completing a work study with
an interior designer in Muncie during half of my school day, I got interested in
interior design and decided that was going to be my first major. Volleyball season
was in full swing and we were doing very well, winning every tournament, and not
losing many games at all. My dad never, ever missed a game my entire senior year.
He drove back and forth from Rockville to Yorktown 3-4 times a week just to watch
me and my team play volleyball. He was very dedicated to his daughters and their
success and he didnt want to ever let us down. I dont know how he did it and how
he stayed sane, but he wasnt going to miss anything. Our volleyball season was
successful, we made it to the state finals, the final four for our class but lost in the
first game. Although it was hard to accept the defeat, we were very grateful for the
experience and memories it left us with. Many of us girls had played together for
almost eight years that is incredible. I was very fortunate to receive the mental
attitude award for the year from my team. A chapter had just closed in my life. I
knew that as soon as basketball season began for my dad, it would be different and
we would be seeing him less. It was going to be a difficult winter for us, different
than we have experienced before. We have usually been in close proximity of the
schools in which dad was coaching so we could easily get to his games, but this
would mean that I would have more time to spend doing things I wanted to do with
my friends plus I was working by this point too and my mom and sisters would
travel to spend time on the weekends with my dad. We managed to deal with the
change very easily. This was the first winter in which I was not playing volleyball
so I put more effort into drama club where I was president and working at Texas
Roadhouse with my best friend Megan. As spring approached, I was anticipating
hearing from a few colleges and universities and their volleyball programs about
their scholarships opportunities for the next year. I heard back from Wright State
University in Ohio and Vincennes University here in Indiana. I decided to attend
Vincennes University after I visited the campus a couple different times. Signing
day came and I had my volleyball coach and mentor, Debbie Conlon, my mom and
dad, my new volleyball coach, my current athletic director, and principal. It was a

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very exciting and a day that I was looking forward to for a very long time. It felt
really good to have so many people proud of me that day. Just a few short weeks
later, on May 23, 2000, we were all preparing for graduation and I got the most
unexpected news. I went home after school like I normally did this time because
the spring musical was over and I didnt have choir practice. My mom was waiting
for me to pull in the drive way and told me to come inside and sit down. My life
coach, mentor, and volleyball coach was suddenly ill and hospitalized, then she
passed away very quickly. She had a rare blood disorder called TTP, you will have
to look it up to read how rare it is and how fast it can occur. I didnt/ couldnt
understand, I was just in her classroom the previous day, and she was fine,
talkative, and very normal. We were talking about the future and graduation party
plans. We were so close, this hurt like nothing had ever hurt before in my life. I
understood when people die because of older age but when it is sudden like this, it
was very hard to wrap my head around. She was a remarkable lady with a
beautiful family and five children of her own. She took great pride in the volleyball
program she had developed and the young ladys that she helped mature over the
past 10 years. It was a very sad day. Soon all of our team mates, past and present,
were going to gather together at our assistant coachs house and begin to mend our
sadness together. It was one of the longest weeks in history. So many people at the
visitation and funeral paid their respects to the wonderful lady that I looked up to
for so many years and aspired to be someday at some capacity. I continue to miss
her every single day and think about her all the time.
Lets skip forward to getting ready to go to college. High school is over and it is time
to move forward with my life. I had to say goodbye to a lot of friends, even my best
friend. This was still before the age of social media, even before text messaging. I
was looking forward to leaving the nest so to speak, but I didnt know how much it
would impact me until later. I would never be coming back to Yorktown again, this
is where I grew up but my family was moving away and they were beginning a new
chapter in their lives in Rockville, Indiana. I would always come back home

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where my family was, not where I grew up. Yorktown will always have a very
special part of my heart because that community helped shape me into the person I
am today, but my family is and always will be important to me. Everything was
coming together very quickly, we would be moving to Rockville in July and I would
be moving to Vincennes University on August 14th, if my memory serves me
correctly. I was looking forward to seeing what my new volleyball team looked like
and how well we would mesh together. I was also looking forward to meeting new
people, I didnt date a whole lot of guys my senior year of high school or during the
summer and I was going into college with the mind set to focus on school and
volleyball. Also, I have always been a worker, so I wanted to find a part-time job
that I could do during volleyball season, but they work more during the off-season.
I got along pretty good with my roommate to start the semester off, she was also on
our team and our suitemates were on our team also. My classes started off really
good and I wasnt concerned that I wouldnt do well, I was more worried about
juggling my travel schedule for volleyball. There were many weekend tournaments
that we would leave on a Thursday afternoon and I would have to leave or miss that
particular class. Most of my professors were pretty good about it. The start of the
school year was going well. About two weeks into classes, I met this guy named
Matt. We were kind of introduced through a mutual friend that was his neighbor at
his dorm. Anyway, he seemed appealing and I really wasnt expecting to get
involved in a relationship during the first month of school but it just happened. We
got to know each other very quickly and began to start meeting for breakfast, lunch,
and dinner when we could in between each of our busy schedules. Matt wasnt
playing any sports at Vincennes but he was a conservation law enforcement major
which kept him very busy and they had one of the best programs for that degree.
After dating and courting for a few months we starting talking about taking steps
to make our relationship a little more permanent and we got engaged in November
of 2000. Now many people thought we were nuts or crazy and that is seemed fast
for a couple 18-19 year olds, they were right, it was, but for some reason we both
knew it was right. I will never forget my Grandma Wickers reaction, she was

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extremely happy but only if I was happy. Of course, she comes from a time when
people got married at a very young age and it was often socially acceptable. Matt
and I werent perfect and there were moments of doubt, second guesses, and whatifs. I cant explain it, but our journey was nothing like anyone elses and that is
what makes it unique. Our parents all agreed that we needed to wait awhile to get
married and we also wanted to wait until we graduated college, I dont think we
were in any hurry. My experience at Vincennes University continued to be a very
positive one. I have many great friends that are still a part of my life each day.
Matt and I graduated from Vincennes University in May of 2002 and we were
headed to live with his parents until we were able to find a place of our own. I was
accepted into Ball State University for the fall to continue my degree in secondary
education. I was looking forward to getting back closer to my hometown and people
I know, but also excited to start a life with Matt and getting to know his family a
little more too. I didnt realize how difficult it would be going to a much larger
university. Ball State was much different than Vincennes, first off, I didnt have the
structured schedule of being a student-athlete, and I wasnt living on campus, I was
driving from about 40 minutes away. I may have set myself up for immediate
disappointment, but I tried to work through it. The first semester went really well
and I applied to be a part of a special semester for the second half of the school year.
Meanwhile, I was also planning a wedding for the summer of 2003. In the fall of
2002, I got some news that made me slow down for a little bit. My Grandma Wicker
had passed away at the nursing home where she had been staying. Earlier that
summer, Matt and I got to spend some really good time with her by taking her to a
couple doctor appointments and visiting with her at the nursing home. I remember
the last time we were able to visit with her, she was not doing well and we could tell
her time was nearing an end. She was such a sweet lady and cared very much
about her family. We were going to miss her very much.
Spring semester at Ball State was beginning, which was very exciting. I was able to
be a part of a selected group of students that took part in a historical study of

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democracy and its impact on the education system of the United States. I got the
chance to travel to New York City for the very first time, create a stage production
using real life characters, and then follow it through to the finished product. It was
the most amazing experience! I soon slipped further away from finishing my degree
and focused more on finding a job so I could make some money to help Matt and I
out at home. Our wedding was just a few months away. My dad decided it would
be a good idea to schedule his school administration license test on my wedding day
on top of it being his 50th Birthday! The day had arrived, June 28th, 2003. I was
ready, I think Matt was ready. It was going to be a good day, finally, we were going
to be married. The road getting here, was not easy and the road leading away from
here was not straight or without danger, but we knew anything would be possible
together. We had about 200 of our family and friends there and a few that were not
there. This days ends that chapter of my life and move forward as a married
woman building a life with the man I love, wherever that may take us.

INTIMACY vs. ISOLATION

The sixth stage, typically between the ages of 20-40 and once people have
established their identities, they are ready to make commitments to one or more
other individuals. They become capable of intimacythat is, they form close,
reciprocal bonds with other (marriage, other intimate relationships, or close
friendships) and willingly make sacrifices and compromises that such relationships
require. When people cannot form intimate relationships, perhaps because of their
reluctance or inability to forgo satisfaction of their own needs, a sense of isolation
may result. Evidence confirms that taking part in intimate relationships is a
typical concern of the young adult years. However, some critics suggest that being
closely connected with others is a human quality that transcends any single time
period. Furthermore, the early adult years are more complex than Erikson
suggested. Young adults are concerned not only with finding a mate but also with

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getting a good job and in many cases caring for their own small children. (McDevitt
& Ormrod, 2013)
Matt and I are married. Matt was working in Fairmount as a police officer and I
was working at CVS pharmacy, attending classes at Ball State, and we are living in
our first home together in Summitville, Indiana. I think the first year we were
married was the most difficult. Not because we didnt know how to treat each other
or how to live together but because we had to fit real life into our life together.
Bills, school, cars, responsibility, etc., etc. Matt wanted to pursue his career outside
of where we were living currently but first he needed to complete the police
academy. Police academy is held in Plainfield, Indiana and it is a long 16 week
process, where Matt is away from home for the entire week at a time, this would
add a whole new complication, separation. I think we managed pretty well, I often
took offense on the weekends when he wanted to go spend time with his family and
not just me. The time went pretty fast and he graduated from police academy. We
waited about 6 months before looking around the state for new opportunities of
police departments that were hiring officers before submitting applications. We
were ready to start a new adventure in a southern city of Columbus, Indiana and
we moved there right after Christmas in 2004. Matt was sworn in as a patrol officer
just after the first of the year. There were several weeks of initial training that he
had to complete and I was still enrolled to begin classes at Ball State mid-month
and working part-time at CVS pharmacy. After this semester was over, I decided
that I would take a break from school for a little while and pursue a career. I had
an associates degree and I wasnt sure how much longer I could take driving back
and forth from Columbus to Muncie and even staying with my in-laws part of the
time. One day on my way home from working CVS, I noticed a hotel/ conference
center and I wondered what it cost people to hold their wedding receptions there. I
had the original thought to begin my own wedding planning business, but instead
when I called the catering department they were hiring a catering director and I
was asked to come in for an interview. I was very intrigued by the opportunity and

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the position seemed appealing to me. I took the job. It was a very fast pace job and
I was paid salary, which I was not used to. I had to attend some functions on the
weekends, but my supervisor was very flexible with the time spent and allowed me
to also be flexible with my personal time. I was at the conference center for almost
2 years. I had a lot of fun with that job but I also knew it was time for a change.
Matts job was getting very busy and he was working all the time. We just bought a
house. I didnt like working holidays and weekends any longer so I applied to work
at a local bank. And there was something else that we were very excited about.
Matt and I were expecting our first child. We knew we wanted to have children but
never really knew when the right time was going to be. It was December of 2006
and we just found out we were pregnant. It was difficult to keep things quiet at
Christmas because we knew, but it was so early we didnt want to tell anyone yet.
We waited until after Christmas to tell everyone. Everyone was very excited, my
dad was super excited. This would be the second grandchild on each side of the
family. I remember the pregnancy going really slow and I was reading everything I
could, maybe because I was anticipating every stage and new experience to happen.
It was all very exciting. In March of 2007, my dad called me and said that he
wanted to talk to me about something important, later in the evening, when Matt
was home. I could tell something was wrong. He called to tell me that he went to
the doctor and had a couple tests ran and it turns out that he has been diagnosed
with stage 4 esophageal cancer. What? Are they sure? He told me that he doesnt
want me to worry, that the doctors think that he was a great candidate for chemo
and radiation treatment, but surgery to remove the tumor/ cancer was not an
option. There were spots found on his liver. My dad was a pretty healthy guy, he
was not a drinker or a smoker, and he did not have any of the risk factors that
normal patients with this diagnosis would have. There was not an exact
explanation except for the fact that it was happening and there was nothing we
could do about it. I was only 4 months pregnant at the time and we were going to be
finding out next month whether or not we would be having a boy or a girl. I really
wanted a boy, mainly for my dads sake, but also because I was so used to girls for

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the majority of my entire life. I needed a challenge. When we went to the doctor we
were so excited, this was our first time being able to see our baby in picture form,
look more like a baby. And there HE was right before our eyes; we were going to
have a bouncing baby boy. He looked perfect and we had to tell everyone
immediately, beginning with my dad, he was the first. He was in tears beside
himself, elated with joy and maybe a little fear of the unknown. My pregnancy was
progressing nicely and we were approaching the beginning of the summer. Ashli
was graduating from high school and we were planning her graduation party and
dad was planning a testimonial speech at church about his journey with this illness
so far. The healing power of prayer and Gods amazing love was the main
component to his message. He had been given good news and progress had been
made with the medicine/ treatment from the doctors. The spots on his liver were
gone and the tumor had decreased in size, but dad was feeling the other effects of
treatment. His hair was white and almost gone, his skin color had changed, he had
lost some weight, and his physical stability was less. I certainly wasnt ready to see
him change like that, but I expected it. You never want anyone close to you to go
through anything difficult where it would change their body, but this was certainly
going to change more than that. Summer came and my dad was entering his second
year as the assistant principal/ athletic director at Morgan Township High School,
my mom and sisters were getting ready to make a move again. They left their home
in Rockville, unsold, and rented a place to live while they lived close to the school
where my dad was at. Soon, it was time for the baby to arrive. We went in for our
final doctor appointment and the doctor said that it could be any day but if you dont
go by August 27th, come in on the 28th to be induced. So we did and I was induced
and we were going to have a baby sometime in the next 16-24 hours. It was the
most exhausting time/ day of my life, but the exhilaration and anticipation got me
through. The baby had different plans than I did, after going through about 16
hours of labor and pushing for 2 hours, it was time to just have a c-section and get
our baby boy in our arms. Blake Ryan Stephenson arrived at 3:33am on August
29th. All of our families were there and they all waited so long to see him, everyone

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crashed at our house and then came back in to the hospital, the next day before
they had to drive back to work/ school. We returned home with our new baby just 5
days later and a new chapter had begun. We were now our own family of three.
The first few weeks home with a newborn are a blur, a complete blur. I just
remember the overwhelming feeling of being responsible for this new life and how
in the world am I going to make sure that he will be raised happy and healthy.
Many new thoughts and feelings flooded my mind and a new relationship had been
formed, one that was new to both Matt and I, parenthood.
Just a couple short months later, dad took a turn for the worse. Somehow in his
treatment and medicine plan and maybe a mixture of his work/life schedule he
contracted meningitis, which made him very weak. I had not returned to work yet
and I remember having to leave my baby with a babysitter for the first time so that
I could go to the hospital to visit him. Dad was in pretty good spirits but really
didnt have much to talk about. He really didnt want to be at the hospital and was
ready to go home, but it was going to take him to get a lot better before he could go
back. I cant remember the exact series of events but I believed that he recovered
enough to go home and receive some therapy to regain his strength. Soon after that
dad returned to the hospital, this time it was around Thanksgiving and he was not
getting around very well. Matt and I took Blake to the hospital on Thanksgiving
Day to be with Dad for a little while before we had dinner with the family. This was
a great time for him to hang out with Blake and us. I really cherish that day. Just
a couple short weeks later I would get a call that would change my life forever. My
dad passed away at the age of 54 on December 11, 2007. I really dont know what
else to say except that he is such an essential piece of my life that I miss every
single day. We discussed everything, almost every day. You are never really
prepared for this moment, especially when your sisters are still very young and not
completely understanding of death. We were all very mature, many always told us
that and we had all experienced grief or pain before. This was much different than
that. My mom, she was amazingly strong. I remember having those grown up

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discussions with her at the hospital those final days. What is the plan? What does
dad want? What have the two of you planned for one another? I was felt very
fortunate to be a part of that process and to also allow my mom and sisters to have
their part in it. The visitation and funeral were attended very well by people from
all around and from every city and town that we have lived in. I was overwhelmed
by the love and support that my family received through this very difficult time, it
made things much less difficult. My mom and younger sisters were surrounded by
many, many people and a fabulous church family. Christmas was just a couple
weeks away and this year was a little different and a little less jolly. Dad loved
Christmas, it was his favorite time of year and since his passing we have made a
tradition to go Christmas shopping or enjoy the season in his memory on December
11!
A lot has happened since my dads passing. I began to work in an early childhood
center when Blake was just a few months old. I fell in love with working with
young children and I really enjoyed working with the young toddlers and infants. I
finally found a passion that I didnt know existed. I could educate and care for
individuals while working with other adults in a happy environment. I was very
happy and was eager to learn more about this new profession. I soon was sought
out to be a team leader and take on a leadership role with the toddler classrooms
and their teachers. I would assist them with their daily tasks, help them complete
their lunch breaks and also collaborate with the management team on new training
and policy implementation. I went through a really fast growing period
professionally and intellectually. A large flood occurred in 2008 and we were forced
out of our facility and had to figure out how to relocate 170 families and over 200
children within a weeks time. It was a devastating time for the whole community
of Columbus. I was able to be a part of an elite group of individuals that helped the
clean-up, relocation, recovery, and rehabilitation process. It was a great experience
that took about 6-9 months to complete from start to finish. I was very busy with
the projects that were needed to accomplish these tasks and Blake was approaching

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his 1st birthday! Personally, there were other things happening at home that were
taking a toll on our house hold. Matt was working a lot and we were not seeing
much of each other. We soon, two years later, made the executive decision as a
family for him to resign from his position as a police officer. There is much more to
this story, but I wont get in to too much detail. I began to look for a new position as
an assistant director somewhere closer to family. I researched other preschools or
child care facilities and found Primrose. I applied and received a call to come in for
an interview. Matt, Blake, and I left our home in Columbus and moved back up
north and started a new chapter in our lives. We live in Pendleton, Indiana and I
am now the director of the Primrose School of Noblesville and have been here for
almost five years. Blake is a first grader and we welcomed Carter Allen (named
after my dad) on April 26, 2013 into our family. We have really found a much
simpler life here and one that we can be proud of. I am very passionate about my
family and all the things that we have been through to keep us going. There were
times I thought that we may not make it, but we did! As my boys grow up, I want
them to have as many experiences as they can so they can learn to make their own
decisions with sound and honest judgment. My husband and I have put our new life
and trust in Gods hands and we want our boys to understand what that
faithfulness looks like. I hope that I have many more years left ahead of me but if
there is one thing that I have learned it is this, I will try to live my life to the fullest
so that I am a good example to my children and others around me each and every
day.

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GENERATIVITY vs. STABILITY

During middle adulthood (ages 40 to 65), we establish our careers, settle down
within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of
the bigger picture. We give back to society through raising our children, being
productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and
organizations. By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel
unproductive. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of care.
(simplypsychology.org)

EGO INTEGRITY vs. DESPAIR

As we grow older (65 years and over) and become senior citizens, we tend to slow
down our productivity, and explore life as a retired person. It is during this time
that we contemplate our accomplishments and are able to develop integrity if we
see ourselves as leading a successful life. Erik Erikson believed if we see our lives as
unproductive, feel guilt about our past, or feel that we did not accomplish our life
goals, we become dissatisfied with life and develop despair, often leading to
depression and hopelessness. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of wisdom.
Wisdom enables a person to look back on their life with a sense of closure and
completeness, and also accept death without fear. (simplypsychology.org)

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WORKS CITED
McDevitt, T. M., Ormrod J. E. (2012). Child Development and Education.
McLeod, S. A. (2008). Erik Erikson.
Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html