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Devastation of suicide - www.jewishaz.com: Community

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Posted: Friday, February 9, 2007 12:00 am
JULIE MESSNER Staff Writer |

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Gloria Hejna was the type of woman that, at one time, seemed to have it all. She
was married, had a successful career and two sons that she adored. Few would
have suspected that at the age of 42, she would choose to take her own life.
Hejna (born Levitt), who grew up in Phoenix - attending Beth El Congregation and
Sunnyslope High School - was "amazing," says her sister, Rhonda Bannard of
Phoenix. "She was a varsity cheerleader and was the one that was always on the
top of the pyramid. She was always just fabulous, wonderful - the life of the party.
Photo courtesy of Rhonda Bannard

Devastation of suicide
Rhonda Bannard, sister of Gloria Hejna, pictured here, will
participate in the Jeremyah Memory Walk for Survivors of
Suicide in honor of her sister.

"If you talked to any people who knew her here from her high school, I mean you
would be amazed at what you'd hear. She was voted athlete of the year, lettered
17 times, (graduated in the) top three in her class, just an overall achiever (and)
everybody's friend."
Hejna's descent into depression began when her marriage fell apart, and she
entered what would become a more than four-year battle for custody of her two
young sons.
"Gloria was (a) Type A (personality) living in California - a hyper Type A, so
anything that cost a lot of money and that took a lot of time was like Chinese
water torture for her," says Bannard. "Every waking minute, she (just) wanted to

be with the boys."

In addition, her family now believes Hejna was suffering from bipolar disorder, which added to her suffering, says Bannard.
As the years went on and no settlement was reached in the case, Hejna seemed to become more unhappy and anxious about her future,
and about her separation from the children, says Bannard.
"She was just very despondent," Bannard explains. "She was trying to grasp ahold of anything, anyone to take her in, anybody to start a
family, anyone to just kind of save her."
Left feeling that there was no way out of the situation and that she would be fighting in court forever for custody of her children, Gloria
ended her life in March 2006, leaving her family stunned, with many unanswered questions and lingering feelings of guilt.

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"When people are left feeling there's no hope and no way out, ... we need to pay better attention to what's happening around us," says
Bannard. "There needs to be some intervention because I'm telling you, (losing a loved one to suicide) changes your life forever."
To cope with the crisis, Bannard joined a support group for people who have lost a loved one to suicide. A fellow member, Christopher
Orsimi, whose son committed suicide at 19, decided to organize a walk to honor the memories of those who have taken their own lives
(see box on this page), and to educate people about the warning signs of suicide.
"It's so devastating, it truly is - it devastates your entire family," he says. "I wanted to let other people know that there's hope and that there
are other people who care about them and their situation."
Education about the warning signs of suicide is crucial, he says, because suicidal thoughts and feelings can be very hard to detect.
"You don't see it coming," he says. "And in hindsight, of course, you start thinking about things the person said and then you start putting
all these things together as you learn more about suicide. Then you beat yourself up because you're thinking, 'How could I not have
realized that?'"
"I never thought to ask my son this, but I think if I had asked if he was suicidal he'd have said, 'Yes.' I'm sure I would have spent as much
time as I could have with him, just to make sure he didn't do anything at that moment, but I honestly don't know how I would have
intervened at that time, where now I know there are hotlines out there with trained people to help."
There are several resources specifically for members of the Jewish community who may be facing a crisis.
Rabbi H. Rafael Goldstein, vice president of Jewish affairs for the Jewish Family & Children's Service Center for Life Enrichment, says that
while some may feel uncomfortable talking about suicide in a Jewish environment, "Judaism views suicide as a mental illness, and the
same way as we don't punish people for being ill in other ways, we don't punish people for mental illness," he says. "We don't cast them
aside."
Trained professionals can help guide people through the process of confronting a loved one, or assess the risk of suicidal behavior, says
Jennifer Kaye, a child, adult and family therapist at the JFCS center.
"In an immediate crisis, some of the steps we take (would be) to look at whether they have thoughts about (suicide)," she explains. "And if
they do, then we want to know if they have a plan - are they just thoughts, are they kind of passive, or have they moved into thinking about a
plan?
"If they do have a plan, then the next question is: Is there intent?" It's important to determine if the person has a nonspecific plan, or if he
has decided when and where he'll take his life, she says.

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Other risk factors she noted include past self-harm, such as self-cutting or mutilation, or periods of unusual stress, such as going
through a divorce or isolation caused by relocation.
She also says that it is OK - even recommended - for concerned friends or family to step in and ask an individual if they're having suicidal
thoughts.
"Conversation is really important," says Kaye. "A lot of times people who are feeling bad feel better to have somebody who will talk with
them."
Mentioning suicide to a person suffering from depression is "not going to put something in their mind that's not there," she adds.
Other resources to keep in mind include support groups, emergency hotlines and family therapy, says Sandy J. Lewis, a clinical liaison at
the center. Group therapy in particular may decrease the fear of seeking professional help, she says.
"It's hard enough to have those feelings, there can be embarrassment or shame around it, so it's nice when a parent or a spouse says, 'I
know that I'm part of this situation.'"

Blog
Reflections from the
GAs opening plenary
This year, the American Jewish
Press Association (AJPA) is
holding its annual conference at

However a person goes about doing it, the most important thing is just to seek help before it's too late, says Orsimi.

the Jewish Federations of North

Americas (JFNA) General

"I think that if somebody really thinks their loved one is suicidal, that the biggest thing is not to let that person be (alone) and let them know
that they are truly loved and they are valuable."

Assembly. This means that in

addition to having the wonderful
opportunity to meet and learn
from colleagues at Jewish
newspapers across the country,

Details

AJPA conference participants

can also join thousands of
leaders from around the world at

What: Jeremyah Memory Walk for Survivors of Suicide

the GA. This years GAs

Where: Tempe Kiwanis Park, Mill Avenue and All American Way

is Our Backyard.

conference theme is The World

When: Saturday, Feb. 10: 9-10 a.m. registration, 10 a.m. 3K walk.

Cost: Donations requested. Funds will support the EMPACT Suicide Prevention Center and The Arizona Suicide Prevention Coalition
Contact: Sandra McNally, 480-784-1514, ext. 1219, or empact-spc.com
Suicide prevention resources

http://www.jewishaz.com/localnews_features/devastation-of-suicide/article_875bf8f0-3b66-54d5-8013-3aac8a8e033a.html

Seniors waiting for a

ride
Now that summer and the High
Holidays are over, the Jewish
communitys calendar is filled

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Devastation of suicide - www.jewishaz.com: Community

with a variety of events, from a

Jewish Family & Children's Service Center for Life Enrichment

book fair and music festival to

guest speakers and classes. But

13951 N. Scottsdale Road, Suite 110, Scottsdale

there is one component that our

community is seriously lacking,

480-596-3821

which became clear to me last

week after the Great Arizona
Challah Bake.

Temple Chai Deutsch Family Shalom Center

4645 E. Marilyn Road, Phoenix
602-971-1234
EMPACT Suicide Prevention Center
1232 E. Broadway Road, Suite 120, Tempe
480-784-1514
Suicide/crisis 24-hour hotline: 480-784-1500
Toll-free 24-hour crisis hotline: (866) 205-5229
Sexual-assault 24-hour hotline: 480-736-4949
National 24-hour suicide hotline: (800) SUICIDE

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Posted in Localnew s features on Friday, February 9, 2007 12:00 am.

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