\FUCKBUDDIES~ BY 1.13, TWP, BEDROOM nrc? EMMA, FRANKLIN and ADAM KURTZION sheets. Lying next to each other, still has her shoes on. I Waked in bed but covered in i) Bat. not touching, Ema apaM | Wy As He called “tuckeudaiost? T don’t, knows Aone What about “Comrades mwa, ab what if ve say we're Fuck? We formed a Puc We're neighbors ‘on Pi an What's wrong with “bi apa Who says “buddies”? xc “oh Adam, he’s my bi jn-ruck"? ‘the axte of ‘Alliance. ik street. est? ys dont aay, ro 5 | , Yeah, you're right, tHat’s not wat Tsay EWE, PAVILLION CAMP. WEREAWEEN- 1994. 4 summer camp in Northern hrcer Michigan, rt’ & dance. an over-enthusiastic counselor works a maesive beoubox stereo. Coolio's "Fantastic voyage” blast ahout ten’ thirtesn year old boy: Hair down to their ears and’ par versions of Kart Cobain or Jer ‘They, are staring at a group of is KATIE, the blonde who grew every tine sho moves; "she bounc are Lined up along the side. din the middie- little Catalano. cing girle.-tn the middie bs efore anyone else. And‘The boys witch her, serious, concentrating. They nedd ty Zesember tiie for later. Katie continues 20 bopncs. One [boy ‘gnddenly Looks dowa, scared. } Bor Te Hokies. yeah. 1: dos other stute. But there’s @ boy on the edge of the group: A sweet fact,” and you wouldn't be surpriged to find out he’s Jewish. A 12) year 31d Adam Furtaan. des the only boy not looking at Katie, instead, he’s staring off in another direction. t on the other side of the dance floor, next +6 an enormously fat ied, there’a Bema. She's an awkward 12. Wearing borrowed! Clothes” a skirt: that’s a little too Long, a top that she Gan‘t £111 Gut, She’e taller than any of the boys. Bot. Shere’s something in her eyes, like she's laughing'at | everything. i She makes eye contact with Adam. she squints, jo teias a deep breath. She squists some sore, He walls ove. ana t Bey. mon Hey. A‘long pause. ‘They’ré not looking at éach other. hens * . ana Do you want to freak? “ner. PAVIGLION- MoMENTS LAmER P "e's “No Scrubs." Emma’ and Adam are freaking aviwardly}. Ema is too tall and Adan f= holding on too tight and just. | ounging up and down. | aoa You freak. good. okay. . ' apn (singing along with the f 'g0ng) at nyo, Eedoa"t want no sezubs"~EN x don’t get it. aon Um. She dogsn’t want a-scrub: Because he’s banging out of bis best friend's ride, crying to holler at ner. Katie, in ancther part of the dance floor, is in the middle of a big froak-sanivich. Erte came size! mma scowls at her, looks at Adam. men, het's go to the dumpster. am (worpeised) We're not even going out. & (deaapany an) But I feel ke I’ve xnowa you my whole lite. EXE. CAMP GROUNDS- NIGHT Bana and Adan avnxdly stand against the wall, neat the Gumpster. There are couples on either side of then making ‘out. 0 so. apn Z've enjoyed camp. There’s lL jinds of fun activities. For Cxample, I learned how to: archer. ma ‘That's good. That‘l be useful Jf you ever make a time machine and go Baek to the medieval ages, and then {les achine breaks, and you > Get attacked by xaights. DBM ( you're ‘funny. X's weird.=o, My Life's pretty focked up. aa joss My parents are getting. « divores. ahat's why I had'to go to camp. 0. ‘the couple making Sut next to them ‘rolls over realty elke, Bima pushes then back ever. i Bn, Marriage sucks ixy butt. ‘apa 1 Yeah. re auoke Le. Te sudks St. alt ai-ight. Een, g Beople aten'e mest to be together ana x just want to-find a giz] who's a foally ice, Rnd she Likes Eo ent | ( Suddenly, anothar CAMPER comes up. “CAMPER Are you guys gonna make out? . mae Wo just got here. Well people axe waiting. ‘ Wiiey 20 REVEAL Line of avivardly oovpled campers waithig wegee Co" Eke uabeZove Geof *hboy'waike sy than Hon sobe Sine epee’ anatting hare zages t man | do you want to | han leans in and kisses her with tongue. shey'ze both pretty Baa apna 3 like freaching with you. aan, \ ‘Okay.Adan starts crying, trying to bide it. ama: (cowe’D) are you crying? ant pretty moh. maa ny are you crying? apa Recause- because camp's almost over~ oe, gesvs. mma pats him a couple tines on the shoulder. inc (coxr’D) ook. i'm not really an affectionate person. uma, vexy wiconfortable, puts her arm arcund hin. Ba 1sts hers "they' don’t Zook st Gach other. zone can I finger you? Bon apa oxay- EeE. BRAT HOUSE NIGHT 2001. university of Michigan. A big party at a frat house. Keg. christmas lights duct-taped to the wall. Everyone's yeating "pajamas", which means widerwear. Gast 1ike the first scene: A group of guys are stering at 2. hot blonde. they wear boxera and drink beer out,of plastic cups ‘The hot blonde, KATIE It, is wearing her dexy Little nightgown and dancing to Outhast’s “ities Jackson.” karre =r (singing along) ‘warm Gorey Miss Jackson, T'AM FOR REALL"She's dancing with a hot athletic guy, SCOTTIE, who is trying {0 keep up with her sexy dance moves, ‘but is mestly just waving his hands in the hair. Ae the edge of the’ group, tuo guyé that, don’t look that, great 35 theie Goneres aol, now 21, covered in tair, and his feiend'ELE. Ei stares at Sosteie dancing with the hot Bonde, Adam £9 too busy Kissing VANESSA, @ nite girl. Er I'd like to give her a Roman Face Mask. apne {etil1 Kiseing vanessa) nat? BLE. i It's where your balls are hanging over her eyes and your dick ia hanging over her nose. mm the manuer ofa mask. vanessa gon. rm gonna go get moze Deer ¢ po okay. 1 want to get-you wasted tanigne. sey | vanessa i’m just getting a beer. Vanessa walks away. Lx fl She's not gonna let:you put it in. ADR and that's totally.fine with ma. She thinks sex iz'more fun when you're in love. aan BLL stares at him, dlebelieving. ‘ADAM, (CONT’D) E don?t know. She's from Canada. ‘They don’t have guns. their computers are run by tiny mice.mu okay, well I's from the United States, and I want to give that girl a’ penis nask. ana, why? that’s not ‘even hot. sur Um. Yeah it ie. DR You think it's hot to just sit ‘there with your penis on her face? -BEt (a beat) xou don't? Scottie looks over iand aniles at thé guys One of his nipple ig slightly larger and pinks than the other one. BEE (cont'd) Hook. scottie’s got a gay nipple. aot What, do you mean? aur Look at it. ana Oh yeah. shat oipple is definitely more gay. You can tell by the wey ie wants to get legally Married to She other nipple, mL My dads are gay. I'm not ashamed of at. (yelliag out) 1 LOVE MY GAY DADS! sone people around him cheer. Sone Frat Boys look over; plased, Adin thinks it’s funay, then he sees something. she's the ANGLE ON- A girl on the other side of the rooin 7 Jeans, an only one not wearing pajamas. She wears glassi Boots. Sha locke over at him, equines. aon Whoa. know that girl.mur She’s got bat eyes. ‘DAM mat? mur Shé's: got. angry bat eyes. Like Staring at you from the dark. it's pretty hot, I'd fuck a bat. A bat ih a cave, A hot bat in @ cave. Adam starta to walk over to her. aur (covn’D) You mow who else is hot? Your girlfriend. "YD. FRAT: HOUSE CONSINUOUS . Baan walks up. . ADAM Ew ello Adam Rurtanan, of Camp Weehawken- ‘I'm Baa: hela you while you cried. ADR Buna. whoa. Yeah. Whoa. T vas totally in Jove with you. aca ‘rou ware? DAM No. HL, You're here. This is crazy. Do 'you'go here? Bak Yo, T grew up 20 minutes away. Ypoilanti, Michigan. The land of my binth. T go to KIT. paw Wow.’ So grew up to-be a lot ‘smarter than me.som Ub-huh. ‘t's scary actually, how srart £ am, Sometimes ny neck gets Sore because my. brain 45 s0. big. poaM. iy neck gets sore vhon I eat string Cheese, Sonstines. So what are you Going Here? At a party of Prat. I'm trying to get someone to rufes ha; I Keep holding out ay cup. aD 1/11 mages you. I sais gonna save it for a Freshman but whatever~ z"12 fake you out to the alley, 1/12 Light come candles some gizis near by give Adam a dirty look and walk away. ‘eam Times have Changed, We've grown 50 Up! Do'you have a girlixiond? aon No. Yes. Over there. Vanessa. 1s her nama. ANGLE ON Vanessa, by the beer, talking to a buch of other Girls, She sees Adan and makes’ a kissy-noath. 00, ob. the Zat one? none what? mon, ‘Look at that MeDonaid’s face. ADAM she’s not fat. oy Way won't she sleep with you? aot nat? We alesp together. ALL night.main, Come on. t's cbyious. Look how tense your shoulders axe, I'd need @ flashlight to find your balls. Da Whoa, Bon, I’m Pre-Med, I’m really comfortable with talking about the human body, and male genitalia in partiowlar: T could #111 a book with all the dicks -and halle T’ve sean. I'd call Ehat ‘book. “Dicks and Balle’. ox “Dicks, Balls, and Doge” and I'd put pictures of dogs in it too. (off Adam's 2ook) Tidon’t know, Frm weird, deal with it. So why won't she sleep with you? apa (a beat) Worra waiting till we're ready. moa, What do you need to be ready for? The rest’ of your 1ite? it's jest sex, Adan. ré’s not a marathon, You don't have t9 train. Da oh yelh, I’ guese everyone hag. sex at MET. on MrT can get crazy. Kida are pretty much ‘ready to fuck anything. they know that based on attractiveness, ‘they're onthe botton of the Biological food chain, so if the ‘opportunity cones along for Procréation, they better fucking Hide that shit. (a beat) What's up With thoas boxers? ~ aay What's up with your face? I don’t get it ao.ADAM It's Like, beautifal. yr, mom's caR- NIGHT ne ‘uma ahd Adan’are kiksing and ripping each other's winter Jackets off. outside the car, it snows a 1ittle. ana my girlfriend's not fat~ men Oh- yeah she seeiie great~ DAML She is great~ He ipa open her shirt. ADAM (CONT'D) Ana T feel veally bad about this. ue pata starts kissing her chest. then starts coughing. ADR (cOs2"D). oh. got too mich boob £A.my mouth. =a. Axen't they cool? They move around and tuts. ADAH You didn’t have boobs at camp Weehawken. Your boobs were still ifetie stare in the sky. I had such a big crush on you, Jomus. Ema starts taking off his pants. Eon ¢ ‘souid) oo-doo-deo. I'l] be xenoving your pants now. Adem moves away , Bey, sey Actuaniy. 5 can't do, his.R. Eon i ‘Was the ‘trumpet sound weird?. aba No, T just~’T can’t cheat! on ny, t girttciend, i _ tea ‘ob. why not? DR Beciuse then T tura into my dad. ‘And then my worst fears have besn zealized, And then that sucks. Where do’you go from there? “onco I your worst fears have been Zealized,. You become Bob Sagat. Want £0, A lot, Alot, aloe, Bat T ban’t, ze chat okay? . Ban Yoah, but I'm keeping your pants. Realy? mime. She gives his pants back. EXD. UNIVERSTEY OF MICHIGAN CAMPUS- ‘NIGHT- EATER ‘Adam and Bama are walking arcund the campas- it's a pretty winter night, a Little bit of anew. A drunk kid throwing op. on Your dad.was on that show? ADM Yooh. That's him. ear i X always hated that 7V show. T I think fe first came out when T vas testhing, and I’ve just always asscclated it with pain in my guns. anit 59 0 you 2o'this stuse aa. ene | Slat Wena Seay depos aby smash SG yon a Sobor Ee Saye13. zm. WO. T don't, But T don’t have a problem with it. DAM nat? ma, ‘The affaize of the. heart. the Flacting passions of a drunken aught. the way r cee it we'ze all just these big dunb:aninals who, for the most party just want ‘to have, dex with each Quiero maybe wo should stop beating ourselves up for what’ ve feel and just make Sweet. bons. -Apat You make = compelling argument. om and alao, it's sonevhet improbable, but 3 like you. Adam beans. mia (conr’D) Don't exile. Jess. aon what? mea oa want ‘to cone with me tonorrow? Thave to go to this stupid thing. aoa Um, T think I... Yeah. 1/11 go with you. what is it? mn Some stupid thing. EXP., GRAVEYARD- DAY ‘The next day. Aden stands next to Xma at a funeral. Sveryone ig wearing Black, except Adam. Ho's ovérwhelned- why the hell is he here? ‘The people at the funeral are,.on the whole, without ‘style- pudgy bodies end sensible shoes. It's cold out.as c ‘They are blowing on their hands. Many people are orying.| mma Stands next to her riother, SANDRA FRANKLIN, crying hard.| Pana is dry-ayed. | A bird shite on the coffin. she’s the only one to sed it. she aniles. : IND, FRANKLIN HOUSE- LIVING ROOM i uma’s family’s’ small house in Yepilenti. the’wake. People milling around, talking softly. Lets of six-packs of bear. Baked goods. There's an empty, yellow, above-ground pool, in ‘the backyard. Adan-and Emma are:by the food ‘table, loading up. ADAH hat the fuck, what the fuck, what. the fook? za You have cookie on your face. You said “sone stupid thing.” 7 ( thought you were getting your hair ute an oh, No. aoa You were burying your father. ean NEIGHBOR DARIA cones up to the food table. ‘NEIGHBOR. DARIA, A rm so sorry Hama. He was such a good man. Ho was always sailing. atm Yes. hat was. probably because he ‘was ‘wasted. NEIGHBOR, PARIA Well. 1 wish you could have been there to say good-bye. But. you were ae that fancy college, right?1. ‘ma lodks away, we see for a mooent how iauch pain she’s in and how hard she’s trying to hide st. Adam notices. NEIGHBOR DARIA (CONE’D) And who are you? Are you Ema's boyfriend? apa Hos, Tim just fiers my- 'm her baby-daddy. adam puts bis hand on her stomach, mma looks up at hin, getting the joke. Glad to be saved. ADAM (CONT'D) E shot one pant ‘the goalie, So. (uiming kicking @ ball) scorel mezailaon DAAIA (shocked) z had no idea. ADAM But the troth is, I don't even know if at's mine. om of course it's hig. He’s the only ane T bareback with. ‘NEIGHBOR DARIA, (very confused) Well, oh my. Congratulations. mid I'm gorzy for your lost Om yeah, thank you for being sorry for ne. dave a nice day. weighbor Daiia walks away. Bana locks at Adam, sniles. zimaa (cowE'D) £ wish: Tcould take you to a funeral every day.a6. apa You should ‘try the Chex Mix. It's the Bold Party Flavor. mon 1 How do they make it bo bold? ‘DME, FRANKLIN HOUSE LIVING ROOM LATER t's darker now. Tess people. Jonah sits uncomfortably of a couch between tivo enormous fat people, watching amma do,the Swist with a 6 year old boy in & black sue. i SP. FRANKLIN HOUSE HALLWAY LATER Jonah walks around the house’ sees ‘pictures of sna and hex i family on. the wall: A Sor 4 year old ema with a pair of underwéar on hor head: “a picture of the family on chriatuas: mma has’ a Little couboy hat on. Bmua’s dad holds a beer and 2ocks away from, Soo ckacta, noe ami lang: ¢ Adam looks out the window out into the backyard... numa is ‘walking through the backyard towards her.mother, who stand Blone sear the above-ground pool EXT. FRANKLIN BACKYARD- EVENING CONTDHUOUS 1 t's cold out. Enna, “how wearing a winter coat, walks up-to herpother, not quite standing next to her. aman Z should've got him to move this pool out of here before: he went Back to the hospital. Sandra hands ‘the bottle to Boma, who takes a swig. aa What? You were goitig to’ stop, him from dying so he could cone ‘hors Hirst and Lift all the heavy staft? That would've just nade him vant: to i aie faster. 1wm SANDRA ‘Suma, I showld have cated you, 1 thought he was in remission, and ‘then be just went so quick- on, t's okay. SRNDRA (a best) ue was a son of a bitch. sna’s oxying. Enna looks at her. Ba, Yeah. ie was not the greatest. (hard to say) ‘you should have lett. SANDRA, 3 loved him. ky? moa, Because you're czazy. Because you Eheaghe he'd change, Racavse you Still root for the Tigers. SANDRA The Tigers are gonna cone back. Bien ‘Yes..And maybe leprechanns are zeal. SANDRA you don’t believe in anything hopeless, Ema? Ey ‘The Toothfaizy- And paying off my Student loans, Are you gonna come back inside, won? Secause it’s kind Of depressing in there. It’s Like Somebody died. SANDRA, xeg. 1 think P will go back in.- you know what 1" gonna do? T’m gonna get so crunk t can’t walk and then Bim gonna wach "Bambi" and cry for & couple hours.ie. zon e's good to have a plan. i INS. FRANKLIN HOUSE- LIVING ROOM LATER “Banbi* is on the av. Sandra watches, drunk end sobbing. Adam is also exying, | harder than Saidra. Bear cane ali around, | SANDRA- (through tears) Took at his Litele bie face pate {through tears) Bis livele deer pave— Buna, sandiviched between them, dry-eyed. i i VE. EMOIA'S CAR- ATER THAT WIGHT I: Th front of Adan’y dorm. adam stands on the ‘street, looking in the ear window. Ben I'd say we should hook ub oF something, but I've gotea get back before Kon vatches “Germs of Bndearnent.” ‘apa No- T get it. : ia, i'm glad you cane. Is it veird if during most of-your father's funeral, T'was thinking i about you naked? fmna smiles and atarts the car. i ADAM (CowD’D) 80 should T like call you or- mn Adam, you're wonderful, i hope sf Dever See you again, 1 (GORE)a. MA (COND) (a boxe} ave fun with Neponald’s Face. Ag she drives avay: aba . She works Oat all the tise. all ‘the times COVE. GEWERIC LIVING ROOH- DAY A bEightly Lit Living room. A spunky 30-something woman Stands with her hand of her hip. A large, unattractive, 40- Semathing man looks at hor with a guilty lock on his face. Honey, why did I find a broken blender in my hex gazden? I don't mow what you're growing out there! A roar of laughter. WIDEW 0 REVEAL- fa/xe on the set. of a Sit-Com inside-a sound stage. Los Angeles. 2007. Standing next to the bleachers titled with audiences axe weiters and executives- baseball hats, sneakers, the Occasional suit. they're all laughing’ and slapping each other high-fives. Forther off to the side, A CETED AcTOR sits in a canvas chai, punching keys on’a blackberry. adam, vearing = head Set phone and carrying a clipboard, stands next to the chair, Yooxing over at the group of laughing men. ‘carn acrox can you get ma ano whip skim iaeese sxpaM ves. I may. camp acTOR (back £0 the blackberry) you'fe.s+ S0+.+ AWESOME. apa Oh wow, thank you. Yeah, that means a lots let's be bast friends20. ‘nie. ALVIN KUREYAN’S HOME DAY | Adam’ walke through his Dad’s huge house. Cold, impressively, Gecorated. 2 apa ; baa? 4 ALVIN (0.8.) out here! Agan walks out to the pool area. Tt’s gorgeous. 4 massive bius Swiming poot, against the backdrop of the Hills. It's perfectly decorated: the pool chairs, the swim-up bar, the Eancy grill. But it’s too clean. It's like no one’s ever use: ‘the furniture. EXP, ALVEN’S POOL- DAY ALVIM KURPZWAN, 58, tan, wearing a form-fitting ewisighit and Flexing hig acénach miaclon. Flax. Release, Flex. Release. Adam its awkwardly on a sleek pool chair, watching. Plek, Release. | bam Now, Z.should cone over and wash my clothes. on your washboard abs. aww it me in the stomach apa Really? you want me to punch you in ‘the stomach G0 you can Show ms how Eipped you are bat it's going to fucking: hore my hand? ‘ALVEK vean. ao yeah, sounds great. ‘Adam punches him in the stomach. apm (conn’D) aanaht aw Zet’s get some ice on that.a ir. avines Krvcuey- Nowmers nATER Alsleck, modern, black and chrome kitchen, Just as clean and tnueed. adam nfees his hand with an ice-fack. alvin rolls a Joint with amazing precision snd expartice.. No, mess. aus Hoy, it's not vhat you want to be Going after college, but you have to start somevnere. I spent the First year Iwas out here buying horse tranquilizers for duay Garkand. aoa Zoknow. i/ve soon the pictures. aawne How's your mom? POM ay aep oh she’s clinically depressed, But St Tooks like she might seat insteang. 0+ Alvin Lights up the: Joint. aun Good, good. Are you having sex with anyone? anne Tn my mind? aun i How long hes it been? Since Vanesa, 8 months. alvin offers him the joint. adan takes its ‘ADAM (COWD”D). mut r/ve been masturbating Like ay hands are made of Vasoline and Sonsone just took my pants. So. ‘Things are looking up. 16'S. good to see you Dad. adam sucks on the join22. nvm “| okay. ere"s the deal. T/m dating Varesoas Adam stares, shocked, holding the pot smcke im his Iuags. DVD, ALVIN'S RICHEN~’ NOMEWES LATER adam is punching Alvin repeatedly ia the stomach, apait ow! ‘owt ow! OnE TP. ABVIN'S LIVENG ROOH- MOMMIES LATER Adam sits ‘ona black leather couch with two bags of ce. po either hand. Alvin lies stretched out on, thi floor, o's: on his side in front of Adan, smoking the joint and doing slow leg lifts. avn Foran into her again at a party. We just started talking. About you actually. Hey kiddo. Kiddo? Adan says nothing, does nothing. umn (cowE’D) Z know you guys wane! outf6r @ apne Four years. aan Four yeors. Okay. Yes. A couple years Bot youths Bees Broken Up ‘OF a year now. 8 months. ava okay, but sha said for the last ‘year, you were barely having sex. Adan’s in agony, but he’s trying act to-let it show.2. uve (cone’) She said you waren't that attentive £0 her nesde? You told lier you'd only go down on her if it vas her birthday? Kiddo, just eck ne if you've get questions. T have, years Of experiance. If thare’s oné thing you learn after to failed Rarriages, it’s how to oat kitty. (actually serious) Look, "I know I'm pot the best. Dad. But i care about her. And I’ve always believed that the worst ‘hing you can do in this life is Bay no to love. Zight kiddo? ENE, ADAM’S CAR~'NEGHE adan’s alone in his parked car, He dereans. INE. ACE OF SPADES~ NIGHT A dive bax. guke bor. Bis Scottie are sitting around adam. Scottie Jocks great. li wears a Jamba Juice uniform. mr Atleast T know xy gay dads aren't going to eat out my ex-girlfriend. SconTZE, . Brink this. Scottie puts a shot in front-of him, Adam downs it. SconTTE (core’D) axe you okay? aba yeah r'm eine. au Because you've got’a weird look ia eyes. I'm gonna.be honest, you Took ike christian Slave. Adam downs another shot. rem tovaniy fine.24. aur 1 Yo, no, stop. being so nice. : Seriously. Remember when I stole your inhaler as a joke. aid: you Rlmogt died end you didn’t yell: at Be. What did you do? aps E threw your toothbrush in the toilet: mr You should've just yelled at ma. You've got to let some of this seat ost. Scottie pute another shot ih front of adem; Adam downs it. ox (CONT'D) You broke’ up a Year ago. apa, 8 sionthe. You broke Sp @ moriths ago and now i she's dating your father. What are you going to-do abour 6? apa r'm going to get wasted. mur perfect. apa and ‘then 1'm going to puke in that fresh can outside: sur that/e a fantastic idea. apne ‘dad then z'm going to call every Girl in ay phone and tell: them all fhe things: T remember about Vanessa. sconirs oy dude—25. ELI ‘That's the worst idea. z've ever heard, and we're behind you 100 percent. EXE. OUTSIDE ACE OF S#ADES- NIGHT Adam, holding onto a trash can.for support, talks into his Phong. ana (slurring drunk) Gretchen! Hey! What's up Gretoh! BLL and scottie waten, worried. mux He's at G. Score Who's Gretchen? Bur Te might ba his cousin. ADA (into phone) you smell £0 good, Gretchen, i'm gonna make you a cendvich. Of my Body. (a beat) okay. Pot your mon on the phone. Scottie tries ‘to take avay his phone. Adan fights’ back. . scons Give me your phone dude- He drunkenly lashes out at Scottie. anne (scottish accent) you'll never take my freedom BLE {to Scottie) Socttie, we gotta let this play owt. Just let £€ play outs scorns No, 1 think I got it!26. pont (scottish) I came to. Sootland to raise crops; fand God willing, a Zanily- out of nowheré, Scottie jumps on Adam, he's taken down, 2x. A LIVING Roe: MORNING I ddan is iying face down on a bed. He opens his eyes.’ Bright bun, He hao no idea Where he ig. It’s a living-room of al snail apartnent. ‘There are boxes everyuhore, Nothing on the Shelves, space furniture. WOMAN'S VOICE (0-5-) ‘here’s Advil on the table. 1 Adan gete dp, in a lot of pain, and heads over to the Advil. apa ! 1X don't know who you ares Are you Deetty? ie dosen't matter Lf you're Beatty. You can be ugly, I’m, still Gonna cali you tomorrow, don't Worry about it. i'm gonia take you Ont. x'm gonna pay for everything- ‘Bina comes out of the bathroom in a towel and shoes, drying her hairs men, I} x'm gorgeous. ‘Adan looks at her, amazed. Eat (CONT’D| : ¥ou called me last night and asked if r would fight to got the Eaglish ‘ont of Scotland. os don’t Live in Lx tesa I've been living heve ‘for 48 hours. You vera throwing up for three of i ‘chen: I've never geen anyone poke Like”you puked. You. puked with passion. te was like watching Baulkne: write "Ag I Ley Dying.”an ADAM You're not wearing clothes. a8 Neither are you. ‘ADA pid you take advantage of mo? {a beat} = hope you tock advaritage, of me. ‘a best) win you take advantage of me? Bama just looks at him, it’s not clear what she’s thinking. xpan_(conz’b) oh gaa, rim soray, T's; Like, in ay Sndervear and i'm nitedng on you, Shat's 20 gross) who an i2 1 don't ven know you that well- I mean went to your dad's funeral, bot Other than that~ F fma’s Lips are on his. ( ¢ "DWP. EWMN’S BEDROOM MOMENTS LATER ‘hey are'makcing out and talking in between kisses. ADAH My dad’s dating my ex-girlfriend- mA You told me last night x dia? pial T tel. you in a funny Woy? Wea I kind of charming and runny? | oon No you were crying and covered in vont. on . Your breabts are like little elf souneaingt “DWP, EMMA'S BEDROOM! MOMENTS TATER Adem’s ripping through an unpacked box, excited.DAK Condoms, condoms, condoms EIMMA's VOICE (0-8-) ‘They're in the box, down by ‘the apa It's Like an Easter Bog hunt. But. we're not celebrating christ! Emma (0.8.) inside the ‘box thers’s_a box- 1 Adam takes out a large vibrator, the “rabbit™. apa IE some guy had a dick Like this, You would be Tike: Why does your , aise have rabbit care? BO (0-8. Is there a Rite Aid bag? Adan takes out a couple books. i apa 60, "Snow Falling on Cédars”~ what did you think of that? iain (0.8-) Huma, naked, runs pagt him, gxabe a’ string of condoms and rune back £6 the hed. He gota up and chases her- i DAM hose are for mel You don't get’ to wear one of those! ‘vr. mpih’s BED- iosenms LATER ‘Adam ond Bima are having sex. abaK wow. 1 yeah- * ; ADAM Xt feels 1ike your vagina is ( shaking hands with ay penis,ANGLE ON they £Lip 29, Bien Ee that a..good thing? aD yes. ves it is. in a different position. Ben, oa have a welzd sex face apa hats my Sex face? Z don't know it’s Like Richard Nisen and Dan Rather and eomeone having an aethna aecack. Bis sex face, 1t does look Like that. Flip itz Affimmative. 20 she’s on top. mmm (conr’D) took, 1’m riding you like @ sled. apie Um, Whee! Ov. Do you want to teke your shoes off? Bon x never take my shoes off. what if Ghere’e a nuclear attack? apa ‘The shoes aren't gonna help. nea What 1¢. someone Breaks into my apartment, holds ae st gunpoaxt and seysr You must run hardies. ADAM, T'm gonna cum. zen, hat’s bullshit.30: ‘ aoa 7 Pine. But you have about :45 secon to get your shit together. ain Fine, ADM Pine. PP. EMMIR'S BED. 45 ‘SECONDS LATER Adam bas his bands out in the iconic Xion pose, peace Zingers on both hands and makes weird sounds ike Wixon | having an orgasm." (Whatever that. sounds 1ixe.) i WP, EMMA'S BED MOMENTS LATER ‘hey are lying in bed, after the fact. rire a Little. aweward, Lette not do the Richard wixon ‘thing again. ana Bo. man ie feels wrong. ADAM Te vas a mistake. {a beat) Should wa cuddle or something? Ema, T don't think 20. X just Like to- cuddle otherwise T i feel cheap. ‘ama starts getting dressed- all business. mon Z don’t really do relationships, Irye cried and I’m not good at it. After a couple months,, my ehrost starts to conetrict and the walls Start throbbing.aie apne Like a peanut allergy. =a Yeah, ike an emotional peanut alletgy. ana what's an “enoticnal peanut"? Ha, ha x the rebound, should u're on the yebound, you shou! be having meaningless’ yee safe. sex Bt every free moment of the days You need another relationship tixe Jou need someone fo. jum out of fae closet’ and throw a brick at your head DM ok my god, Ae that going to happen? a8 sock, rim attracted to you ApaK And I of you. 79 yous men, im going to be working 14 hour days andr just seed somone who's going to be there at 2amy in my Bed, and who I don't have to le to oF eat breaktast with- anne Z pate bresefest. And tying. And EO, We need to.make sone ground rales. sin ammn’s CAR DAY ma is ériving Adam hone. she still has her Dad's car. a Don't cali me in the middie of the Gay to tell me you were “just Ehinking about ma." Xo. buying me ( ‘things. No orping. ile Jealousy, Grex)EA (CONT'D) Wo'long silences where we're Looking into each other's eyes. No fighting. No telling me that T have problens with communicating my feelings. Because T know 1 do. T don’t need you to tell me that T ao. apa Une don’t sleep with. my dad. mon, Bo stealing. Stealing? . wan 'T dated’ a guy who pathologically Stole stusé out of my apartment and then: brought it back the next day and epologized. ghey, so the bar is really hich mea, Don’t ask me about ay past relationships or my hopes and Seeana for the future. E don’t care about your hopes and dreams. wr 7 aa I don’t care about yours. wo flowers. ADAM i'm scared of flowers. stein, try to avoid being weak or vulnerable in front of me. Don’t Yell me about all the weird thing you think sbout when you're alone. Bon’t talk about your childhood. Don't forward me things. apn Don't do that passive aggressive sbit. bike "oh r’m not upset.” 2.She pulls mon, ob Thate that hit. ADAM Don’t ask me what I think about your bedy. Bon What do you think'about my body? Pong x thin dt's great. non, THanks. non‘t go pee-pee in front of me. DAM Don’t ever say poe-pee again. Don't fale about how hard it ia to Be a woman, Becatwe it's ‘not. mon, bon't List me as your Inergency Contact, because, F won't comes This one? in front of a house. Stops the car. apa weah. Don't say my periis is “cute”. zven if my poais is dressed up Like a Care pear’ end it’s giving you a Gare-stare. con i Please don’t dress up yout penis. Ever. non Yeah, that makes sinse. BAR ‘and we do this until one $f ua starts fooling something Rore and hen we say good bye. apa Well it won't be me. mea Okay. 33a aoa | (after a beat) So yeu want ‘to come in? (TEE FOLLOWING SUCEIOR- Short scenes maybe with susie Snderneath, Kind of like = montage... 1 don't know) ‘DP. ADAM'S EEDROOM- MOMENTS LATER Adam and Sama are happily going at dt. s ABR Sex'is so great. an Sex is go great! Baa goes down on hin. pass you're blowing mel that’s great! nan Your dick tastes Like matzo. DK Really? X should call. ny ‘nom. ca ‘Yeah, let’e call your nom. oh wait, ; Thave your dick in ay mouth. aDaM what else doos it taste Like? E don't know, Let me see! Sig. goes back dow to check stout. “then comes back up. | Math (CONT'D) A hint of oakiness., Some earth ones. ahat's fascinating. mma, Z go on dick tasting tours of Nappa. valley.38. She goes back down, Adan starts clapping in rhythm 1ike he's atvasports game. mE. ADAN’S BEDROGH-"NIGET- MOMENTS. LATER mma looks down. Adam cones up. apa you taste Like candy cands and sunshine! ma Langhs. cnet. ADAM'S KITCHEN wIGET ma and Adam both wasted, making out. Sloppy. Just basically Licking each other's faces. Bama is sitting in the sink with her feet hanging down, ELi walxs in. oh. Bey guys. That's actually a Sink used for washing things: Adan dosen't stop kissing her, just. picks her up and walks her out of the room. masa (still kissing Adam) Bey BIL. can’t focas on my porn when there's so mich ‘real’ sex going on around mo. ape (still Kissing rma) | Bye It ENE. ADAM'S: BEBROOM- NIGHT adam chases hei around the xoow with her bra tied around his head- the cups stick up like cat ears. Uh-oh, Bra-ears, Bre-ears. ma screams and laughs and runs avay from him.‘WP, ADAM'S BEDROOM wrGHT" 36. Ta the middle of sex, hot and heavy. Joanh calls outs LDWP. ADAM'S BEDROOM—-NTGRT ‘Ema wears nothing but her doctor's) jacket. adam wears Briefs fand a cool 80s-style Jacket. aD tye never really done role-play Before, What do T do? x don’t Ymow. T think we just sear. aps okay. He does something with his hands. [DRL (CONE) (wooden delivery) oh no Doo= Be What are you doing? anni Sone mime work. mon You doii’t Rave to do that apaM you don’t: think so? man Mo. Z don't think it's necessary to the scene. ADAM okay. Re-do. tn, sahs mine. Adant puts his hands on his hips.an ADEM (CONT'D) (wooden delivery) Oh no Doo. We're running out’ of giggawatts. aria, puts hex hands on her hips WA, hey Moly. apa What Doc? ‘na clinbs on the bed. Ban - here’s only one thing te do. apne wnat ie that? aoa, 1 think you better get in the pe api u yes. I think T will. He dose. ‘xpaM (CONT) (uhiapered) mhis ‘Is 0 hots ir, EIMIA'S BEDROOM- NIGHT mma and Adan are watching tv in theix underwear, but sitting, in different chaizs, eating snacks. An older sitcom comes on. A'younger Alvin ia oa screen with a bad hair cut. mm, i ie that your dad? anne yeah. ma, He's go...attractive. aoa hate you.ian . i/d like to put hin in a bucket and have sex with the bucket. Da Sexiousiy. You're a terrible person, ‘DRP, EMA’S SEDROOe- NIGHE : They're having sex in a weird position. on So what do you do for a living? appt . coffee. = get coffes for a 10-year old girt i cool. apa x want to do stand-up. aa 50 do it. >on I'm too seared. i ny?, aoa 7 can’t teal my legs. SUMP CUT. Adam doing some stretches! 5 ‘ADAM (coNI’D) My cholesterol levels have really. been going down. TINT. BWMA’S BEDROOM NIGHT ana am I just a body to you?39. mon Yeah. You're ny renewable scurce of Glee. Your dick is powering 5 of my Lightbulbs. TWP. RIMA'S BEDROOM NIGHT After the fact. Adan ie looking through her i-pod. ‘ADAM ‘You have the worst taste in msi¢ I Seriously. You're @ girl, You're 1ike a What’s wrong. with it? He prezses a luitton pn her i-pod ahd “since U Bean Gone” by Kelly Clarkson cones on. = don't know f you know this, but one day, im gous bem big star. He etarts to dance around and mine & mike. am anne (1ip-synching) suere’s the thing, wo started out friends, but it wae all pretend, yeah, yeah, eince you been gone. mea, stop, stop. this ie Like my worst nightmare, He-gets moze and more into it, dancing around. pate t2sp-aynohing) ' ‘and ald you ever heard say is how I ploture me with you, that's ail you ever hear se say" suddenly, Bma jumps up on the bed and goes nuts.40. mM AND ADAM (Qip-syaching) ‘aur SInce YOU BEEN Gone! “rch BREATHE FOR THE PIRSD TIBG! INP. ADAM'S BEDROOM NxGdT i After thé fact. They're ying there happy, but not touching. ADR pid we dnvent beitig “fuckuddias”? Bo i ADAM Who inverted it? aa i 1X don’t know. The cevenen? ' Like one gavenan taxted the other Eavenan: “Whore are you?” had che was Like: “In the cave. Smiley face.” mana, Yeah and then they did it. non Probably, doggy-atyle: mon, Definitely. And then he was Likes Tim gonna go spear sone pre historic hog. And sho was 1iker Cool, I'm. gonna have a kid and pick 2 lot of berrise. ADAM That's beautiful. moa 7 Yeoh, it’s really sweat. i “ne, ROMs BALLNAY- NIGHT moma, in her scrubs, falls asleep on adan’s shoulder with her key, in the lock.a. ‘apa Hey. bma.makes a Little elesp sound. en (nalt-asieep) Are we having sex? aba (soft) : yeah, Big tine. Adan, her up against him, opens the door, walks her over SOTEE Pel. to Woe thor down in the beds Covers her op. Orns Sue'the Light: Leaves. swe, BBih’S BEDROOM NruD Boma is in sweat pants, popping Advil. adem is eating pizza. Rea im on the rage an Yeah. I figured that out aia (sharp) Wny-\do Took baa? ADAM Wot You look. Fantastic, Maybe it’s Just the vay you're eating Advil. Like it'e'e bag of MENS. an ‘You don't have to be here. ‘ADEM Baby, you're @-vonan, and: think ‘that’s’ a beautifel thing. (putting his hand on her ‘Etomach) Hello ovaries, I’m Adan. Tt sounds Like you're pretty busy ia there doing all the things you do- za, ‘ Shedding the Lining of the uterine walls.42, aoa Shodding-the ey of the: eu, ew. Bat hurry up and finish soon! j mon, on my goa. TIPE. UCTA TEACHING HOSPITAL HANDICAP BATHROOM DAY Adam follows Pama are going at it in the handicap bathrobm at ‘the hogpital- Emma wears sovaba. Rdan’g still holding a bray Gf coffee Bean coffees and eomcone’@ dry cleaning. SVD, UCLA TEACHING HOSPITAL OUSIDE BATHROOM An old man is in a wheelchair ié Listening outside the doors Bers gycited= his tag starts to uncontrollably shake. A nurse Sees hin. worse He's sedzing- he’s seizing up- ‘per. ADAM'S HAtzwaY- Day i Adan opens his door, brushing his téeth. uma’ stands at his bor With her coat ons apa you jug left. 1 knows i apa (as he's Kiseing her) Is this against the rales? Ts’ there Breakfast anywhere on you? Are you 8 breakfast amggler? an (iesing him) eed, now T don't hive to-brush my teeth. i IN. BOR/S BEDROOM NIGEE muna is asleep. Adam is watching her. The way he’s watching her looks like dt might be breaking w rule.2. ‘Die, MMA's BEDROOM WIGHT ‘Adam {5 asleep. Ema is watching bin. She realizes she’s been watching himy looks up at the ceiling. A little worried. ‘ruzg 28 THE BSD OF WEATEVER MONTAGELY THING UST HAPPENED... ‘PE. UCLA SEACHING HOSPITAL DAY ‘The ER. Ema walks down the hallway with'suMAIEE, @ male. Festdent, and COME, a female resident, eating chips. They are all wearing serabe covered in blood. senate, Hp sleeps with other people? men, don't know. T don’t ask. come . on't you want someone’ you can reke ) Leaves with? And you're like: “Br, LOU Gold. net's go melee gona hot oO," and he's iiker "0h baby, Shst's. 50 cute, T respect your body.” om, ns No. sure i] I gees my wife is kind of my Euskondéy. Except vo don’t have fex. and we're not fxiends. comere X don't buy it. You can't sleep with soneone and not feel Something! Cone on! pont you always feel something? Rea end Sonaire look at her, thinking. oncuhe SUMAIRE (overlapping) A wo, detinieely not.ar 48 ‘comers Wow, 1 fool Like cindy toh Who. Tm ike "save some milk and Sookies, because T still believe,” inting to her scrubs rou'd"goe sean’ bealn’sa pou. Connie flicks.it on Sunaire. | suMATRE L ‘That's go imacire. You're 20 Gnnacore, ; He inmediately sticks it-on fma‘s hair and-rins avay. a, I have brain on my hai, don’t 1? i i Connie nods. DR, RENRY METENER, Sti1i good-looking, in he sistiea, waike by. 1 : DR. Mevanen eed you guys back out: théres They immediately straighten up, he’s the boss. we and nina make eye contact. she equinte. coms, | OF course. ae, Yoah= ! 7 bri ie were just trying to bring some ; fan into our work day. Like on Grey's Anatony? Dee meron | (a beat) i Mood "you guys back out there. 8 (to mma as he’s walking away) ‘you have brain on your hair. i comme T hate him: and T kinda want to do, * him, But T Kinde just wane to got } sleep.f aft sim) i (staring after Yeah. me a comms So vhat does this guy dor! 3 En ‘Adan? I don"= really know, TWP. colmpy cLOs- wrcH Adem walks out on stage up to the mike. He’ completely uncomfortable, Paople axe talking, sounds of glasses. ADM (into the mike, too i softly) Hello Ios Angeles: i Scottie, Ema, Hli and JIM and HAROLD are watching. : Eur (whispared to mama) Thesé are my two gay Dade! rm, Wm Bema : Jim and Harold wave back. I on stage, Adam adjuste the mike- he has huge pit staine. mur : Took at that sweat. gr - Gh Z thought the shirt had stripes. ° mom, } Wow. I never really see him in clothes. Fl Bveryoné looks. at her. | ADAM : (into mike) | Hoy, do you guye think it’s racist hat they're called "biackberries"? io one Laughs. mia cringes. X black| person looks. really offended.ADAM (cONT’D) (neo mike) Okay: 80°F guess it’s Just mie. ELE This is not going to be good. scorme —* aa Maybe you could distract him and S803 Ein Gp ana taxe sho mike? ur yeah, we could pretend to be bandies. apa into mike) Wonen huh? They Like to shop. ‘hat‘s fresh territory. That's . Bay Sy! : {into mike, wooden) : vy ole ET 2S hop. oy. ma vat? EAROLD oes he have a wife? LE Of course he doesn’t. have a wife. ook a {into ale) x tell next Hey, I wish you would diet as moh. aa’ you shop. Mo one laughs. A fat woman locks really offended. Pan ROK at, my ass. She throws a piece of food at him. He catches it. ¢ DRM i 5 ae u (into mike) oh, Wow. this 4~ this is a Saispeno Popper as:She throws another one at hin, He catches it. ADAM (CoWT’D) Bey, T'4 Like a beer. Sone people: actually chuckle. adan is suxprised, bit it fedls geod. Then a beer comes out of nowhere and hits him in the head. ‘DeP. COMEDY CLUB~ LATER They're all. sitting around the table in silence. Adam is holding an ce-pack to bis he eur i You asked her to throw a beer at you. BA, why did you say you had a wife? ’ ant Eodon‘t know. Because peuple sake Jokes about thei wives. 0, Shy don’t you just talk shout your real Life?) ape Becanse T suck. m0, you don't suck. Just, keep doing it. ng you sucked. Tell me the next tine you do stand-up and I’l1 see if I Gan get myself arrested first. EAROLD ‘hanks for being friends with SLi, P'know ie can’t be easy om We're going to the bar. ( mur bad? Sim apd Harold both turn around.omw/aaRoLD ean? mu Nothing. 1 just Like when you do shat. nay, z'm getting you a bebe. You shobid be dunk when that woman Cones back and sits on you. Suna leaves with then. ‘hay both look over to the bar. Brma sees Adam, smiles; scorsre So you guys aren't really going oue?, aoa Wa don't have tine to go out, welze too busy having sex. score nel do you think 5 ask her out?” aoe what? : scorsts Because you're not really. going outs 20M ona nas Look at you, you could have sex with any gif in this bar, and look wpa beer. 008 catoht Adan ducks. Bam (CONT'D) aughing) ust Seldaing age ie4. ‘DPD. RIGIA'S BEDROOM NIGHT~ LATER Adam and Emma are both taking off their clothes, on either Bide of the bed. It’s routine by now Sha meets his eyes for a minute. ADAM Do you elesp with other guys? Z pols im not allowed to ash or seever= err So ‘why are you asking? DAM Seottie wants t0.ask you out. mea wnat did you say? ADAM What 0 you mean? T told. hin No. way? nay? Yeah, why? PEE | Bena, you're killing me- X'm not yours. ADRS Awesome) you want is number? aa, sure. mia gets out her phone, makes a big show of putting in the number zuma (coNT’n) Okay, t’m ready.‘ADAM 523-555-8903. mn Great. thanks. anne 1 think 7/2) go out on, some dates. you ‘should. apa Maybe T will, man, You should. DRM Maybe 1/11 have. a lot of sex.with a isto vomen that aren't you. eo for st. apa And maybe that sext will’ contisine on and onvun¢il the break of dawn. on That eoundy fun. Dat Oh yeah. Sex on the couch: Sex on ‘the Floor. Sex on a boat. In a box. With a fox. Ta a house. On a mouse. {a beat do not like Green Bgga and am. T Go not ike ‘then. (a beat) Mn 2 don’t want to go out with seottie anyway. He's too good looking. a oh great,’ that’s a great reason. What is it about na then? ze it Because I have helr on my neck? Each i e's just so soft— 50.si. ‘Tr. FRANELEN HOUSE KIDCHIN- DAT Sandra Franklin is drinking vhiskey, talking on the photie. SANDRA He just lett, he didn’t even say good-bye. HE, UCEA TEACHING HOSPITAL DAY-.CROSS CUT uma, soarfing dowa a sandwich, talking on the phone. a, Mom, he’s a jerk, you keep going Ont with these Jorke~ Did you £211 ont that fom I sent you with the {nformation about the so-paymont? SANDRA oh r don’t know. (sot) Mom, ‘Ery to eat something. ‘Don’t just eit there and drink SANDRA Kim noth 00 Hom. SANDRA: (a best) why are the Jerks eo much fun? BoA, 1 don’t know, there must be some biological reasoning, Like assholes ved to ba the better hunters or. ~Someehings SANDRA oh, he -wae'a good banter. He was, peally good at.-+ hunting. 0, (orpiog 20% b> Laugh) br. Metener walke by, looks at mina.32. INT, GUITAR CENTER~ DAY adam is at the counter with four cups of Coffes Bean coffee, a clerk comes up. ; ont : HL. Z need a guitar case. comer, t What kind of guitar do you have? apni 2 don't have a guitar. | cum i (a beat) | okay. apa ie needs to Zit a small body, Like | a child's body. (a peal ¢ ot SPSS tose. RP. STUDIO LOT DAY an actor enters the Sit Com Living room set with a guitar | actor I'm here for my lesson. | the child actor pops out of the guitar case with striped Stockings and pig tails. curt actor Me tool ‘the audience roars. The group of writers/executives high- five. Someone turns"to Adan snd moaths: "So Funny." Adam nods and tries to look excited. A Wor WARDROBE ASSTSMINT walk up with a rack of clothes: sh fatches: the taping for a monent. She's gorgeous. Adam ruffles Bin hair a Littles She makes eye.contact with him and rolls her eyes. like this show sucks." Adam sles and nods. fe watches ber walk away.IWR. mOM!s BEDROOM NIGHT mma and Adm are ripping each other's cléthes off, per ‘savas apa should 2 just, 1ike, esk her out? ont know how to do it. T sort of ‘work with her~ Bo i say: *uey| Z've always vanted to know what you look Like when you'te not kissing ass.” Cae 1 that’s a good idea. i 0, No it's a terrible idea, Jesus. (>? [EYE. RAMA’ BEDROOM- NIGHT" MotammTS! LATER Adam is on top of ma, Sex 4s happening. BOR, What about *ist’s go get some ‘coffes and bitca about work"? aon Gitte don't sleep with guys who use Ghe verb “to biten. 0a, Flipsios? aoa (high-pitched) Flipsie: ‘hey flip so Bma’s da top. ‘ADAM (cOWT’D) an pain) vour ‘shosal on ¢ Gust ask her out! You're sort of / hottsa. ( ann (a victory) i'm Soxt of hot! Bo ast try not to seen Like: a serial. killer, Are you realy to cua? 7m Feaay. Noy watt, give mea second, think H ‘ about something else: pasta sauce, i pasta gates, old men esting pasta eed Banos i Os (all not and Bothexed) re’ het working apm the president of Tren eating pasta | Bauce- the president of Tran eating pasta satice off an old man’s body- masa Jost hurry up! EWE. souND stiacE- DAY the next day: Adam stands in his uatal spot. mis time there i faze a bunch Of extras dressed as priests, smoking. ‘tha Wardrobe assistant walks up. She takes noves. Adan notices her, ruffles up his hair and tries to look cooler. ue takes # deep breath. apa So do you Glways kiss ass? HO? ASSISTANT (angry, confused) No: hat? apa (teying £0 save it) x Like your face. HOW- ASSISTANT : (very upset) i why doeea't anyone take ma seriously? | (55. She rng off upset. Adem nods. that was 2 disaster. ‘The priests are laughiag at hin. on Yeah. who wants coffee? Most of the group xaise their hands. And at the edge of tlie group, ALVIN STANDS THERE, also with his hand up. EXE, STUDIO ZOT- CRAP SERVICES- MOMENTS LATER Adam is in the middie of ‘pouring ten cups of coffee. Alvin has hie arm around a priest, another priest is taking their pheture. PRIEST ‘hat vas my favorite show. aun ‘hank you, Father. tthe Priest Laughe. You're so amazing. Adam spills sone coffee, the craft services guy glares. XT, STUDIO LOT DAY- MOMENTS ZATER Alvin drinks a coffee, Adaii hands out coffee to sone of the Other extras. Some people recognize Alvin and look over, whispering fo each other ADR what are you doing here, Dad? awn x wanted €0 eee you, buddy. aoait . Buddy? aww Z want’ to take you out, to, dinner. with Vanessa. we vant to take you Out to dinner.56. ADAM ob that’s alee, but r don’t really want to eat n'a place where you're Rizo eating. savin cone on, We've got to talk about | {his. 7 would mean a: let. Cone on. t I’m going to stay end take pictures with the priests until you say yes. ‘Adam hits hinself xepeatedly in the head with his’ clipboard. aavni (CONT'D) ood. rm glad that’s settled. cnn, ucta MOSPTTAL~ ZAER THAT DAY, i Wa'co-very close on Adan’ pateh of neck-bair. SUIATRE (0.5.) eta go thick. Sumaire is locking at Adam's neck on an exam table. Enna, comes in. ann oh hey. Bema. I'm freaking out sbout mY neck-haiz. : sumer : He eaia-he knew you. DAML i bo you think it's possible that T unknowingly got bit by a’dog and somehow, through a series of genetic mtations, I’m starting to Eocene a dog? and now I'm going to have dog-powers. Like smelt. And ‘the power of bark. SOAR (rienout. expression) yeah, Could be, /1L write that down: apa Hl and if 1 shave it, am I gapping my boty of goma sort of strength? Ts ie secretly “strength haiz?57. soMarRE, Ob, that’s a good point, What if itle “aecree strength hair"? men, Should 1 take him up to psych? apa No, ima, I.don’t need to. go to spiych,*"t’m just & normal guy who's ooking for answers about his heck-hair. i (starting to wheeze) ob my. god, oh my god, it's Keflling ne, im dying, this 1s dizeiness, chéek, this 2s heart-rate incre: chesk Wo Adam, this is because you're having dinner with your father. anne 1 know that! (£2 poston) Bis father’s dating his ex- girlfriend. SUMAIRE, Yeah, that'll do it. pax Please give me drugs. Sunaixe and Huma just look at him. ‘Dt HOSPITAL LOSBY- NIGHT Adam sits by himself cy one of the chairs. mma and the Doctor are talking'a littie bit avay from bin. SUMAIRE, 1 gave him a milligran of Benscdiazepiney so that’s the medical equivaient of hitting hin with a large heavy object_aud Yeaving him on the side of the road.ANGLE OM- Adam, completely zoned out, hitting his hand against a children's toy block. ADR Look. My hand is a hanmer. eo i jist worked 14 hours. nna ig xeally annoyed. Dr. Metaer walks by, Looking. over. DR. MRENER You'ze a good girlfriend. { B, (to De. Metzner) oh br, Meténer- be"s um, he’ = Adam holda up his ‘dar keys ts Dr. Meténer. not. apna 2 made you a hat. DR. METENER | 1 hope you're not going to use ‘those caz_Keys to drive. ADR Put on the hat. 0a ‘you don’t have to put anything on. i ‘ADR F (whispered) : Put on the hat. | bi, Metenex pute the car keys on his head aiid does =! fanny Litele dance. Bima sniles se him. He smiles back. Adan sees ie. ADAM, (CONE’D) 2 Give me my hat back. Now, ow, ; EXT, BEVERLY HILLS RESTAURAWE- NIGHT mma ‘sits in her car, Adam ison the sidewalk. He can’ aed Yanessa and Alvin through the window, sitting waiting atla Table ina relatively nice restaurant.59: apa 'm all over thie. I am 100 percent on my game. la bet) ant fiying right ‘now? Ban, ij wo. ADAM. Mot at all? I'm not aizborne? zama looks ‘very. annoyed. GOVE, BEVERLY HILLS eebcauRAWs wrcHT mma eite’st the table with Alvin, Vanessa, and Adam. A Geadening silence. No one is happy to be there. Adan has hie napkin on his head. gnma takes it off and gives Je'Eo him. adam pute it back on his ead, mma takes it off and gives it to hime avo (atter’a beat). So, How long have you two been. dating? mam We're not— We're sex friends. Be, Yes. Yes we are. awkward. ‘vanessa Happy Birthday, Adam. msn qt's your birthday? apa Te might be. Tee. j = got you a gist:60. Vaneesa takes out a gift bag with "You're 261" Tt has tissue paper and ribbons. ADA Zr love it, Thank you. ‘VaNESsA : No itte the gift is insite the i bag. INSIDE THE BAG! Wow! Adam takes out a set"of expensive looking sheets: ‘VANESSA 1 remember you only had one pair A tense ‘monent. aon zr oved you. VANESSA Alvin is everything T loved about you, but he's just a Little bit ore mature. ‘Adan étarte banging his head against the tsble- Adam’s hada long day: I think be Should probably go hoe and rest. ‘VANESSA, What happened? Ye actually- he had an allergic reaction t9 his ow, lair. Tf he hada’ cone in when he aid, we might have lost him. (a beat) you can dia from hair. It ‘turns ont. ‘awn ob yeah? ‘ADAM you krioy what the word is? I've been thinking and T figured it out. (NORE)ei. anal (CONT'D) ha word 42 Twat. Dad, you're a ‘uate : men, sudden outbursts of emotion are ‘common. the patient. sometines Shoute out things Like apa I Want to svorafight you. 0a, For example. Adan stride up holding out his napkin as-a swoid. Scne people Sround the vestaurane Look over. vanesia, Adan, we're happy- it’s a good thing for everyone on (imitating her voice, ‘speaking gibberish) cha-cha cha aahahahcba- ma Z think we're going to call St a night nvm Hey, I know dt wasn’t the right thing to do, but I'm.not good at Going the right thing. r've rried and i'm not good at it. Date jmnenasa you try? You don’t try. You just take. fou take and take and Zake- aa Adan wnat? vou Zeally want to Fight? Mivin stands up. A tence moment. adam pokes at the alr a Couple times with his napkin, but he's moving incredibly slow. DBM. oa're too fast for mes62. Adan stumbles, Bua stands up and props hin on her shosiger. ‘ah (cont’D) tirlady. 1s" thou chamber hath : hoa. Ea, Let's get the fack out of here. aot at's get the fick out of here. ‘they start to walk clit of the xestadrant. ‘Adam rung back and hits his dad as hard as’he.can with Bis ‘Bapkin, he runs back to Ba. t [ADAM (coND’D) Ha, ha, Twin. Twine on, (eutng back around, ‘Tosdiy) ( Thre the Rast sex of my Life. Alvin and Vanessa watch them leave. EXE. VENICE BEACH NIGHT LATER A couple hours later, fama and Adam Walk along the Venice Beach strip. Adam is still pretty out of it, he’s enjoying the parade of freaks and drunks that walk by. : ‘Da always loved Venica as a kid. I Because I thought: At least I’m not. aa crazy as these people. zon, But you are as crazy as-these people. DAM Hot him. ‘There's a guy covered’ in eilver body paint, yelling at’ the {op of his lunge, and akating by on 2 skateboard. i Cj DAM (comt’D) Who's got'the crazier family? i63. a, I don't know, we'd have to develop an elaborate’ point systen. 1 noir. 1/ve never been in love. mat does if feat Like? ‘ADAM one. mma xe that’ good? apa Sonetines. Here. adam gives the sheets Vanessa gave him to a.guy dressed as @ oat pat (cont'5) For the kitty iter. {WE ADRN’S HALUNAY- NIGHT LATER Jona and Adam, looking at each other. 50. Steep. ADAM (4, beat) moma* "this /sn't working. Ma, oh, x thought we were having fun, Bat He otzokes her face, {t/a tender. Tt scares her. ‘ADAM a. EM You're breaking a rule. ADAM What rule?6a mea you're not slloved to say “emma” fand look longingly in my face. apse that’s a bad rule He Kisses her- it’s passionate, a gromi-up-kies. xt takes her off guard. He looks st her, serious, inches from her face. She's uncomfortable, laughs nervousiy. an to, Hey, go to sleep. Buna heads down the hallway. ADAM yn. AD,M’S APARRMEN? SUTLDING- coNsINUOUS i sama runs down the taire: adam rund after’ her barefost, in Bis boxers, he can't really run, he’s too out of it. ape ‘Am I xunning feet? 1 can’t tell. She turns around and sees him, laughs. aan, i Go back to bedi ‘uma runs down the staire, outside. EXE. OUESIDE ADAM'S APARTMENT. CONTINUOUS He stops at the edge of the lawn, tized. she’s out on the awn. apa t do this. Hn, What? what am i asking you to do? ADA i wothing. i men So what's 30 hard about that?6s. aa I love you. wo, (a beat) you're heavily. sedated. apa F love you. Be my girlfriend. Bn Don't operate 4 motor vehicle. Adan, too tied to chase her, watches her walk to her car. aDNA EYL oparate your motor vehicle. Good night. ‘abe be ny gtetfeiond. ne my glr}tréend HE, BIOS CAR MOMENTS LATER ‘arma site in her.car, taking deep breaths. she can see out her window that Adan ie still sitting on the stairwell, looking after her, upset. oP. OCLA TEACHING HOSPITAL HALLWAY EVENING ema’s walking down the hallway, Connie catches up. comare Hey, you vant to get the Addan’s Family? ima i got em. comme ‘Thanks dude. ‘DRE. UCLA SEACHING HOSPETAL- 8XRM ROOM CONETNUOUS65. ) ‘three people in a xoom that look @ Little Like the Addaa’s Faniiye Ab emaciated tian with no hair.is Lying’ ina bed)| a woman ie Holding his hand, A teenage: ig sitting in w chair, Ysoking out the window. A’nurse stands by. { i Ben Bello. How's evexyone doing today? Mo one. says anything. i Ban (cont’D) (snizing to herself) . | Sounds great. ' ‘oma does a routine check and thé man groans, starts to'phake a little. The heart vate monitor picks up speed. Bia (cowr’) Six? giz? Do you have pain? i Mo oe anavere hex. The vonan won’t:break eye contact with the'mans Sone nurses rush in. t sateen (cowe’>) : ( Dé you feel sonsthing= i ‘tho tone of the heart rate monitor. ‘ima tries to, punp His heact with her hands. He's dead. The woman still won't break wyo contact with the man. The teenager isn’t looking at all. che arse turng off the equipaent, Looks to Enna, who stands : frozen. ‘NURSE ie (ahigpered) ime of death. ima dosen't vespénd. MORSE (CONT'D) i (ehispered, again) i the tine of deathe hma walks out of the’ room, past Dr: Metzner. worse (COWr’D) be. Metaner~ Dr. Metanax ‘nods, walks into the room. DR. NEDER T/L take care of it.61. EXD. OUSIDE THE HOSPrUAL/STUDTO TOT- NIGHT-“CROSS CUP oma ig outelde, breathing hard. She has one cigarette in, her hand. she doesn't know what to do, with 1t. Dr. Metanex comes out the door. He lights a cigarette. DR. NETZNER i didn’t know you smoked. x don’t. 1 dust- I asked someone if E could borrow it. I mean you can’t Borrow a cigarerte-t don't know= T don't encke: DR. MEFENER (smoking) Z don’t saoke either. You want a Light? 2/11 just. Hold 1t. which ia weird. So, T hope you're okay with that. DR. sevener (a beat) People ere going to die, Doctor Pranklin, that’s part of the job. mon, Yeah; T know that. I’m not, an, idiot, Dr. Meter. Respectfully. Wieh 4 let of reepact. bes ups Byeryone eles flinches. 2 sean you flinch. Ban, well. T quess I’m DR. MEENER No you're not. Dr. Metaner tosses hia cigarette, turns around to leave, aan My dad snoked eigarettes. Be quit? H68. ma, t He died. DR, METENER +.) Ah. that's the fun part- for everyone who dies, there's always Sonetne else you Gan fiz. And then you go hone and try to sleep. Walcone to-the world, Bra. YEMALE INTERN, smoking a Little further down, Bonry Leaves has been listening to the whole thing. She raises her eyebrows. mace meee He’a married. Just so you know. uma throve the cigarette in her hand away. j RP. HOSPTTAL/ STUDIO LoT- CROSS! cit Bima is in the looker-room, sitting on. the bench with her Knees curied up undarnesth her. she’s still upset. mon, (nto the phone) Hoy, cant comb over later? i ‘Adam, on the sound stage, is watching sorie crew guys pack uP sone 1ights. i ADAM x nave a date. So. Oh. That's greatt ADA Yeah. Juat asked her and she said yes . (whisperea) j she mist be drunk or something. | ANGLE ON Hot Assistant holding up A finger to Adam, Like “one minute.” i | aDnit vim trying to enenbor what people Go on dates, i/ 0 x don’t imaw/t don’t do that’ shit. E guess Just’ onile « lot. Are you anfiing? ADR (he's not) yeahs Ben, Good ee, RESTAURAWE- NIGHT Adam sits across from the hot assistant, Carmen. They're both eating. cama : T love broccoli. Sometimes 7 think Tra Lixe to Live ina broocold, forest, Sut Z would be nade out of Garrots. Adam's face ig frozen into a big, face mile. We HOSPITAL PARKING LOT trex De. Matener walks out of the hospital, into an almost enpty packing lot. He geea ima standing by her car, looking ot fin. ae starts walking over. acs brought you a pamphlet. She gives bin a “quit Smoking! health pamphlet. Bea (CONT'D) ‘You don’t have to face this alone. DR. METER (a beat) rm maxried. zon Yeah. f 1ike that about you. (a beat) so. How is this dona? shodld we have a tryst? should we. have a parking lot tryst?._ MERSNER No, T don’t think so. mon, oh, I’m sorzy, I ghoulda't~ He touches hér Face. Klases her Light2y. DR. serawen Zet’s get an enormous bed. men, (ensiing) F Where are we going to get that? AE the enommoas bed factory? PP. HOTEE ROOH- LATER Dr. Metaner is carrying hex, dropping het onto a bed. ign It's enoxnoust BR. You're beautiful. Ed You're fear-sighted. Put on your reading glasses. DR. Men, T talked about you in therapy. men You should be talking about your nother. DR. essen X do talk absit my aother. What did our thes jist tell. te at, aid your there you to So about fe? DR., MEPENER ot this. He kisses her. Kisses her agains ‘shate 70.nm DR. METENER lo. Not thats More Kissing. INT. APAY’S BEDROOM LATER THAD NIGHT Adam is having sex with Carson, the Hot assistant. Flipsies? cameen What dia you say? aoa Dp you want to get on top? caRnaen Gan we just do it where you're, Like, ying on me? apa yeeh, cools That soinds Like tun. Adam continues on, he’s not having the greatest tine. Der. HOTEL ROOM- NIGHE Enna and Dr. Metener, after the fact. They both seem pretty satisfied. aa You're the Old Testazent God. Because you just, Like, made me ob of clay. DR. MBENER Well that sounds good. Basa okay. An awkward moment. DR. METENER have to go. zon Yeah of courte.nR. sce reece nant rmenen et es nee el Soa i Beet ee eect ec ee aéver tho fact, cotmen ie holding onto Adan, frst a chile Manan SAMLTcoOD PEGS COMES : ome | 1 teor really Tse to you . 7 ‘pats Woll. You are really close to me: coer, MA's Gime THAD WIHT rma comes.'hone to her apartment. Tt's dark and empty: INT, ADAM'S BEGROOM- NIGHT commen ie asleep next to him in bed. “ie is on hls phond. ‘FP... RMIA'S BEDROOM- NIGHE tana is in bed alone, talking oni the phone. pals (wh ea maybe "he’ Li Teaye his wife and you Gan run avay and make 4 lot of babies together. Puck. Tcan'® Believe you did that. zeman, 1 1X know. Ima jerk. past ; You're not a jerk, you're just: i deeply Flawed. on ‘are ‘you jealous? ADAM no. nn okay.2. aD got laid tonight téo, and she's plseping on all the pillows. Way Goss the heed all the pillows? Is her head made of paper? ern here's an extra pillow in your closets ADAM it's just- Et's the first time Since Vanesta, not counting you. mo yeah. apa wats wrong? Bon, nothing. apne you're jealous. 2, (nigh-pitciied voice) No, I'm not. apa Your volee gets Healy high when you're ying. You sound like a Henohein: min (eounds Like.a mnchkin) Wo &€ doesn’ EL ADAM (monchkin voice) he witeh de dead! ghe wicked witch is doaal mom (igh) x’m not Jealous! ‘Det UCIA SRACHING HOSPINAL- NIGHT. CROSS COT Bima, in her sorubs, £i81ing out some peperwork.a mon Boy, where have you been? ADAM, (0.8-) oh you know, T've bees busy. Doing what? EXP, SIDEWALK. DAY- CROSS CUT Adam in 2 sult. On his phone. ‘ADAM Going to gang-bangs. t've been getting involved in the gang-bang Sommunity. mn, Axe you trying to'maxe’ me jealous? DAK (pretending ¢6,tatx to what vas chat? T can’t hear you ob, T have to go, this girl is asking me if she can give me a vagina mustache- have you ever heard of that? Wo, stop tickling ms, you tickler! his isn’t going to work- ADAM via sorey, T have to go play pubdy like it’s a haznonioas Ee i Adan L ‘dam hangs up. ibe 10 REVERE He's in front of @ synagogue, wearing a kippah.-A middle-aged wonan stands locking at hin. , Shabbat shalom,18 cnr, SOUND smaGe- nay Adam holds a tray of coffes; a bundle of dry cleaning, and a bag from whole Foods. He talks on. the phone es:people come up id fake coffee and the dry cleaning, the child actor takes bag from Whole ¥cods.. ana (into Ais phone) nig pimpin’, Spending G's, T be big pimpin’ Gn bel-a-g's" TWP. UCLA TEACHING HOSPIEAL~ DAY- CROSS CUP smna’s in her scrubs. eating a sandwich, REA, thoee aren't even the vords~ ‘the Child actor holds up a box of tampons- pissed. carp actoR that the fuck? apa, (covering the phone) Sorry. hone are for. 2 female producer walky by, grabs the tampons. ‘you're the best! ast cone over Later~ apne, oh man, can’t, T’m doing go mu crazy pox Stuff, T am exhausted. Emma, ig there 4 word for vien you've been pimped zav? Ean, ‘Bhat’= too bad you can’t como over. Because I'm naked right now. Adan freezes. Bima trisp to quietly chew her sandwich, apa yesh?16. Oh yeah, x/m so naked, ndam,. and Yim Jast lying ona big bed with Tote of... turkey.++ (a beat) So you're at work anid you're exting 2 eandwich? mon, otally. aoa | Mustard ox mayo? : en Roth. et. GRoumpnawes- oar ‘Ado 48 doing improv in an improv clasa~ Funny faces, big erties. He catthey the aye Sf a gist. She suiles at him. Ba ‘ocks surprised, suddenly realizing the possibilities. EXT. GROUNDLINGS PARKING Lor- wrcHr ‘Adam is making out with one of the girls from his class,’ Joy, up against his car. They talk az they kiser gor ‘You'ra so Funny in class~ apa ‘thanks Do you'think x’m funny? ADM Xe was funny when you were Hillary Clinton and you got eaten by. that’ bear, 1 didn’t know Hillary Clinton could seresm Like that gor ean? apa Wow, Yeah. You'ze so talented.( 7 Adan's phone rings. aD (CONT'D) {into phone) what? a, this ig bullshit. apa oh, Tim sorry, can’t talk, I'm Geeping someone against my car. aoy gives him a funny look. Fuck you. apaM Fock you. Adam hange up the phone, smiling. DAML (CONT'D) Hey, you want to get out of here? snp. ADAM'S HALLWAY LATER ma is knocking on Adam's door. Adam opens it, sees Bena mite: ADR (gings) suey Jeaiousy, I's gonna drive around this towm- let the cops Chase us around en Stop. ‘stop singing that. Joy walks up to the door: Hello? aa Helle. om 8 voy,’ this Le my~aoa, ‘Im bis doctor. T did his testicle transplant. soy on my goat aoa, Yeah, we had to do an’ emergency, ball, removal. We actually replaced then with the balls of a small, donkey. so. (oh my. god, you have-donkey balis? ana X should have told you. BA I just have £2 do a qitick check on theme but it’s 90 Late- mon Yeah, isn't it? gor (a beat) Are you trying to get rid of me so ‘you Gan have aex with hin? ia ves, that's right. aD I'm sozry, Joy. You're sort of a paw in a larger gane..zt's my Basle Bitch. Mn, Ho. apne mis is amazing. gor shuts 785,aon, Pumpkin. sox Pumpkin? you look,1ike'a pumpkin, biton. a0¥. (pissed, confused) what? 20, Ring, ring, it's. the pumpkin patch, Shey’ want: ete’ pumpkin back. AE, ADAM'S BEDROOM- A LIOTLE LATER Bima and Adan, going at, it. an oh my goa, you ware okazed, T fort ike'plava Hav" moa, Gast shut up and fuck me. Tr, ADAM‘S BEDROOM- NIGHT- TATER Atter the fact. iow. So I think your balls are going to be fine. apa 1 noticed you dida’t say I had a @onkey cock. men, I got you a bixthday present. close your eyes. 19.80: apne i (closed eyes) i My birthday was tyo weeks ago. And we said no sirendaye. mea Open ‘than. rma is holding-a rubber chicken with a ribbon tied around ite neck ina bow. . ob ny goa. man just-1 figured you wore the Kind of guy who'd like & rubber chicken. aoa xes. Tam that guy. mon, +@ Like: What's funnier than a mubber chicken? aD Nothing, yothing is funnier than 4 Fubber chicken. mon ‘You can put dt in a pot. ADAM throw it in the shower when someone is showering. Ein, Hit people with it. ADAM a And they're Like: Aaaliy why are you hitting ne with a rubber chicken? They Kiss, it’s tender. ‘ADAM (CON’D), Z Jove it, T love my chicken. what fare we doing? T have to take you Sat."T hava to goon a date with you. What do you mean?a apa, Like a date. Like. pick you up. We talk about our favorite books and ‘shows and 7 pay for everything i and then you revard me with an over- the-jeang cock rub. a That sounds terrible. aa Come on, I'll take you to al msoum. man ny would Tiwant to’ go to a mseun? Boa (xiseiag her) on, To leara about art. oy we this what you want? ADM So mich, 99 mach it's freaking me oat a okay. aon (celebrating) Yes! Yessses! We're going on a Gate! Ke've had so much sex we can 90 ona date now! Suma laughs and hite hina couple times with the chickens BNP, UCLA TEACHING ROSPTEAL- DAY Adan yaite outside his car with flowsis. Suma, with a hoodie ‘over her scrubs, stands across from him. apt You look great. mon, Z look Like shit on a bisouit. what face those flowers for?ape (aanaing hex the flowers) ou. mma, way? aD y dont know, because you're ny saa angoved smaat as pretty fecking cute : aon 2 know. 2/2 good at this shay get into the car. ada opens the ear door. for her. tong a . How long does it take to go to a museum? an hour? ADAM Ware going £0 the Getty. en 2 hoare? apa Jesus Christ. ‘Ov, ADiW’S CAR- MOMS LATER on the. vay to the datty, Adam Sp, driving. arma sits next] to hina, uncomfortably holding the big bouquet of Flowe) Disnond's "Cracklin’ Rosie” is playing. 0 I can’t believe you made fun of my music: when all yoa do 1s listen to Heil Diamond. ADEM 1 made a date mix; mon (can't help smiling) on gods a. ia. apa (singing along) wcracklin’ Rose, you're 4 store— bought veman, but you make,me a. sing Like a guitar humain’, so hang onto me, girl, as our song’ keeps rannin‘’ony play £t now, play it Bow, play it*now my baby” Adan turns the misic dow. ADR (CONT‘D) wnat dia you do today? min I checked 5 prostates aid I drained a genital wart. Adem turns the msic up. aon ‘eind us a dremh that don’t ask no @uostions= bah, bah, bah-" EXE, GEDrY MUSEUK~ ATER Adan heo.the misgeun guide open. Bind Looks around, 2 little dost. ADAM 60 we're gonna hit up Decorative Objects and Vases and then vo're going to check ont antiquities and Mansacripte- and then saake back round and see the Dutch masterpieces, ,hollal okay- where's ‘the bathroom? ADM e don't have tine for the Bathroom. You're gonna have to man 2D. He ‘takes her arm and they run-off. ‘DMP, GETTY MUSUEN- EATER ‘Adam and Suma stand in gront of a painting.Bena pute She keeps soup cur ant Bale one is caLed sho. triumph of Ghaseity. ie even represents chastity. her ara atound him and starts to kiss his neck. Basa ; I (ebite she’s kigsing him) on yeah? What’s so interesting naa | Wo- no, kissing on the date~ i kissing him, he’s enjoying it. : ApaiE_(Cown'D) No- not in frout of “The triumph of Chastiey.” ‘Adam and Ema in front of another paihting., [DAM (CONT'D), 2 bet you Gan’t (geass what okie one’s Galled. an, un. “wah with @ pink flower." anal : You're right! he painting 1s Literaiiy: A man with a pink flower, ° | owe cums- a angels. suse cor vee of paintings with the Madonna, Jesus, ADAM (conr’D) i So T gues there are no paintings of enormous dreidels. ana Oh, 1 think T gaw one called “sow Bating Baby.” z van Gogh's Irises. EMMA (CONT'D) this.one’s good. Ts it for sale? apa ‘his was. Vansssa’s favorite.es. Bima looks at him. Adam’s lost in thought. on Rey; £ think Tiva got’ to get back. eo No, cone on, you've got to see the garden, it's Like a gay Japanese Bonk hada nervous breakdown with a Pocketful of seeds. Adon EXE. GHEY. MUSEO GARDENS- LATER outside the mseun, a gorgeous view, weird cactus flowers arranged in a cirole. mn, xt'a beauedéul, told you 0, (a beat) What ‘are we doing here? why do we have to do this? amt Do what? Spend tine with each other thet dosen't involve ripping os clothes off, time that does’t Tnvelve you’ texting me av 1 in the ozning and we ronning over Like your little sex bunny~ A nesrby Kid covere his mouth and starts giggling. ADAM (CONT'D) (to kia) Sometimes bunnies can'be bad. ‘the kid Giggles more. an angry parent shepherds the kid aivay, glating at Adan. ADR (GO¥T’D) hie te what a selationship delWo St’s| not! Maybe that’s what you did with Vanessa or whoever, but that's not who T am, Adan. ‘This Stoke freaks ne out: ADAM want to be nica to you and do nice thinga fer you~ Eo You already do nice things for mo! ‘You make me laugh and you fuck my brains out. Some people’ lock over. ‘am. (cowe’Dy (lovers her Voice 8 ifttiey hy do wo have to do what! everyone else does? Because 1 Gan’t do it doing anymore if you're hot my gixifeiendt ok thy does Lt matter if rm your Girlfriend or not, Adan? Why do T Eave fo be yours? DAK Because I'm tized of pretending thot F don't feel anything, L'a. tized of pretending 1ike ¢ doosa’t Fill mo to think that you're with © anyone else~ This i what people do, mama~ thoy buy cach other, flowers, they. go to museums, they don’t sieap with other people Bon, Oh you mean’ Like your parante? Like ny.parents? Why would we let Ourselves get Hurt when we don"t have to? apa Because T want to get hurt by you. Tf I’m gonna get hurt, 7 want you to hurt me. Be my giritriend. a6,87. Yo. apa Goddamn it. You drive me crazy a You drive me exaay~ apa wish there Was some way I could legally cage fight you. mon, Build iti Build the cage. ADRK. wi. sea T/lLtake you dow, 1/21 take you down to Chinatown. I'l serve you Sumplings filled with ime kicking your ass. anast what? she slaps bis hand. He slape hex hand back. They start slapping each other’s hands. Bn Why are you messing everything up? Dat Why are you afvaid of being loved? Bak, hy did you get cockblocked by your father? KX guard comes over. ‘GUARD you guys neod to keep it down, this is a meditation garden. apa his is our vay of meditating. ‘cuaRD ny (ryou guys are assholes”: veoh:Xo watkg comp. they vhispic back and forth, fart ‘and within cepleetiony ithe protesting t0"took te ake flowers” the rep thapplag enck"citer on7the bene, hot they"try te'eo se 20 Bespll one soe thm ADAM j Z want to look you in.a tiny, windowless room with jase my butt. Ere X wish you were, a hanster so T could buy you from a pet store and then feed you poison lettuce. Dns wish I wag a Bamster, so T could play dead, and then when you pot Your hand’in the cage, i would Juip Up end kil your or Impossible. ana Fine,’ jump on your face. and wouldn't 1et go, and your whole Lige people would be like: “why do you have a hamster on your face?” Bhy won't you be my giritriend? ea, What if ve get sick of each other and you get angry because T work all the Zine and then. I stop Working and then I never do all: the Things rwant to do and~ DAM ‘You think anyone does all the ‘things they wane to do; Emma? ma, What if ve have ids and then ve hate each other. and ve have a horrible divorce just like your parents? ApaK hen the kids will Start a rock- band together Tike Oasis.83. ny what ££ 2 get cancer and you don’t Want €o take care of me ADH ‘Thea you should hize a bit man to BAM fo- acm What if I’m never axcund and Somstines I’m mean ¢o you and we Only have ox on our anniversary? Dats We'd take & cruise’ to spice up our Tove Lizer Eon I don't want to take a cruise to spice up our love life! apa We'd go to. couples therapy- lihat if you have an: affair with our Sosples therapist? ‘ADAM We'll go tos couples therapist with female facial hair. What i¢ you have an affair with a Rodel? ADR You'd be’ prod of me! you're right, i would And 1'a just have sex with the Hodel a Couple times and then 1/4 buy you a diamond necklace and spologize.. mem E don’t want. a diamond necklace because you slept with a sodel! Erma pushes him, he falls into some flovers.90. : ADA 2/11 never give you a diamond He ‘necklace! | Bmoa jumps in the flowers with him. cn I want 2 alamond necklace! ADAM T/11 give you one every day! Shey grab each other and stext making out. they poll sity from Gach other and keep pushing each other. ao I want to mlerowave your dick- Apa F E want to tle-fight, that moans I want £0 punch you in the tits a Tote ‘Thoy start saking out again. fi A guard comes over and grabs then~ one’on each of his auins. A father, holding his Toddler. daughter, watches then. FATHER (ehispered to the girl) Pleaga don't grow up. TE. ADAM'S CAR- DAY- LATER Adon drives Bua in aflence.. Yan Morrigon(a *Hayo:Tfehd you Tately That T love you?";, They'ze both mist DYE. ADAM’S CAR EVENING LATER. Outside the hospital. they sit in the car. En (a best) Tona’t. 1 told you in thé beginniag. It’s not who Tam. ADAM i (a beat) E I don't think £ should see you againson isin 1 know. apm Because T Gan’ keep doing this. a T know, T get it. ADAM you do? ion yeah. So. Good-bye. Enna gets out of the car i'm really not going to see-you again. ma, I know. I think that’s probably Emart. Good-bye. aoa Yeah. Bye. See ya! Not! Wot gonna ees ya. Bua leaves, shuts the car door. she walks, into the hospital, upset, tryiig to keep 1 together. EWE. UCLA "TEACHING HOSPYZAL- CONTINUOUS Bra walks up to the elevators. She stands with some nurses. On her Zace- What jest happened? What dia T just do? aD x'm really not going to see you again. ‘Boma looks up~ Adam is standing’ across the room, by the doors. the nurees look at her, confused. Bea, Toknew. abi Seriously. No moze. Not going to happen.Bon I 1 know. Good-bye: hoy look a¢ each other waiting for something to happens. The elevator dings. Sie gets on. He watches her get on. IE. UCEA TRACKING: SOSPITAL~ SEEVATOR- CaNFTHUOUS, i ua, stands on the! elevator, lsost at the point off bresleing Sova. : a shit, BACK TO ADAM: one Fine, great. i Adan walks ‘through the hospital doors, back to his car. EXT, OUTSIDE UCLA TEACHING HOSPITAL- CONTINUOUS 1 adam pulls open the car door, grabs the bouguet of flowers. Ho gives them to a couple heading into the hospital... ADAM il Give these to the sick peoples : they take the flowers, adam gots back in his car, sland his dock shat, drives off, aa we hear “your sody is 4 Wonderland” Blasting from the date mix. INP. cUB~ NtGHE Daya later. Eli, Scottie, and Adam at a club, Adan’a wasted and dancing with sone gitt. ADR, i Yeah; yeah, we're bumping and we're grindin’~ were in da club- I Baaarsgh- SoM GxRt what?92. car. they’x3) both wasted. Tet's get out of here. sous Gre i'm not looking for a relationship- Me notther! That's so funny, esther oe of sn wane tovdoan, hing £9 other one~ ve just “van ono op! Like fiani sakes fish Beek pate bt din bi sta his Singerin his (Socrn Like a fish hook) 06, sex doesn'e maan anyening, Seach, s/m a fish! Look at me, Z Se dex and I/m'a fish. (woirded out) Bey, I think,t left ay purse shera. ‘aay No, where are you going? Let's hook up’and not give a fuck ebout each other! Ivwant that too! T don't Gare about you at all! Where are you going? She’s gone. He pute-his head against his car. another giri walks by. xpaue (Comz’D) Hey, hey, buy mea shot. cer. cLue— NTGHT Adgn is drunkenly making out with a girl. Scottie and B1i waten. scorns can’t believe It. He's on fire.ot. ar I think what we have here is an important 1ife lesson® when you t hate. everyone and you don't give'a i shit, a lot of girls want to have sex with you, 5 ‘ERD. PAEKING Lo?~ NIGEE Adan is making out with,enother drunk girl. aoa Egon waneia rezationshtp right : EXP, PARKING Lor NIGHT Another girl, another night. x'm jast noe very good with relationships [BKT! PARKING-LO?- NIGHT Some other ho. ADR Z,won’t be able to call you, 1'm getting sont to Guantanamo tonorcow- EXT. PARKING Lor NIGHT Some deal. Adan stops to throv up- as he throws up, he farts at the same time. aout X just farted right when T threw up. the girl de running away. ‘er. BEDROOM woRNING A girl sleeping in'a’ bed. Adam sneaking out of the bedréém. i95. EXD. HOUSE MORNING ‘Adam walks out of a house, quietly closing the door behind him, [t/a clearly the morning-after. OVERLAPPED ‘WITH DBE (0.8-} 1 think guys showld make an effort {o be more polite. Like if you know you're never going to call her again, at least. send @ thanke You card. “De. GROUNDLINGS StAGE~ wroRT Adan at the mike. aon I ike’ to go the extra mile. r¢ x'm @runk and pass out before you cum, I'M send you a gift certificate to People seam to bie digging it, Adam is enjoying it. He seems more confortable in fis akin. SINE. AGEUZ’S OFFICE DAY ‘gag ig shaking handy with an agent, t's the end of the meeting. AGE So 1 got some combercial auditions ined up. apa Great, Z/21 do anything that makes any kind of money. Just maybe not Soncthing where T hava to ride a horse and thea underneath 1¢ sayét Hexpes. AGERE Got it. say hi to your Déd for me. aD, you know my Dad?Acer I Yeah, jie told me t6 go see your : show. aw oh. He dia? This comes as a surprise- it’s not clear what Adem thinks. DWT. ADAM'S. CAR- DAY-TATER Adon bite hia heed’a couple tines: on the steering wheel, then picks up his phone. GE, ALVIN'S KITcHEN- cross Cor Ravin 4s paying a pot dealer. He county out money. The ppt Sealer wales with an enormous baggie of pot. ADH adem? Dad. . i awn Hey, I wanted to call to~.Z know you'xe probably mad st me, but— ADAM, ‘Thank you. Dad. For « lot of Alvin smiles, relieved. awe Yoah kiddo, T can do somethings right. (Go' dealer) ze this an elgutn? Are you buying drugs right now? ‘OWE, UCEA EOSPITAL- EXAM ROOM DAY Xoray elides up on & 1it goreen: Ema, all business, talks to INCHEME, sn older woman patient.on sen, (cobotic} As you can see, you have a growth in Your breast, We're going to do sone more tests to see if it's aotually cancer..Do you have any questions so far? were {a beat) gust ner can you xepeat what you Just said'once’ sore Like I’m a fisman ‘being? Oh. Tums wore , Why don't you just eit. here for a Bonene? dust eft with me, and then ty agains 0m have a lot of wCTALE Bit down. ons eite down, surprised. yer (cown’D) Hore. Take my hand. ‘oma tekes her hand. ‘WOTLLE (cows’D) Row wa're’ juat going to est hére for a moment. m0, x’m sorry. I don’t what it foots like~ won at feels Like this. They just oit there for a moment. EXP, UCLA HOSPITAL PARKING Lor~ NIGHT Bena is leaving work. De. Motaner catches up with her,DR. mEPaNER Hey, 1 have aa hour Bao t 2 don'ts 1 4 DR. KETENER okay, so what at T supposed to do? on i your wits? mma eniles and keeps walking, checking’ her voicemail. Dat {onl the voicenait) Bey 1¢e Adam, done know sf you're free tonight but 1 have a Show and you're probably working, Sue I just choughe T'd- ‘Bana henge up and starts sprinting to her car. RP. GROUNDLINGS STAGH- NIGHN- LATER at/a a pretty full house. Adim of stage init a microphone. He's nore confident, comfortable in his own skin. (inte mike} used to bea fat kid. When Twas growing up, T would teil people 1 i Gas in that movie “soney, I Blew up i the Kids. nike: r'm not’ actually fat, T just got enlarged by a soctet growth ray. ‘muia is in the back row with a proud emile. we, GROUNDLinss STAGE wrcer LATER i ; i After the show, Euma is looking for him in crowds of people. She sees him, talking to a couple girls. fe's aifferent~ donfident. she panics a little, turns and leaves. adam looks around, looking for her. Ne dosen't see hez, goes back to talking to & gizl-NE 99. cet BAR NIGHT Weeks ster. mena, dressed up pretty, sits at a bar with a Mike, be wears a flashy suit. 1 1 fo intormationat finance, 7 put together financing packages for overseas ventures. If Thad to describe Ye in-a vord, that word would be: Eardeors. 8- you're Like a nurse? maa. A doctos), That's how Z know your Grandma. "she made me sit wi ELD T could talk to her Like dunn being, And then she gave me your nunber, are, Right, T caually don’t go out with people ny grandna tells ma to'go Batutthy But she promised me You Were beatiful. And, you know, I’m relieved, bocaise now T know Grandna’s not going blind, uma smiles Mike puts his hand on hers. aaa Mike. wee yeah. me, Do you think we could take it slow? MIXE Really? Because my Grahdna also said you looked easy. Buni’s suxprised. MZxE (CoNT’D) Tim kidding, my grandaa didn’t sey That Bama laughs, drinks some beer.200. ANGLE: Ol the TY over the bar. There’s Adam, happy, swingiig on a swing. Underneath it sayer Chlamydia. Ag we heart | SANA. (0.8.) somal pam, tax par i E's sandra Pranklin, Em's nother Jogging dovo the haley Sovaxda ‘Sema, standiag in baggage olait. ‘ima eniles and holds out het ares. ‘They hug, sandra covers Bana in kisses. man Mom! ‘sit Sandra takes out sidiculousiy 2arse, cheesy sunglastes. | ’m in Hollywood! I oma smiles and looks ver her mon‘s ahoulde: to see a man coming towards then, big, built; vacent expression. SANDRA (0.5-) (COWE’D) that’s tuck. i Maa i Mom! who da Tuck? Buck has reached them by how. | 70CK Hey, I’m Tuck. | SANDRA {as Randy Jackson) ‘*uoLlywood baby!” aca ‘Don’t do that voice in here, Mom. SANDRA (again) ‘Hlo1dywood '" ‘EXP. HOLEWAOOD BOULEVARD DAY ‘they are all: on a tour-bus going on a Celebrity somes Thr. The guide is speaking Spanish. aama’s on the pnone.ma, xm sorry, Mike, T can't hear you~ I’m on a Celebrities wones Tour. (Covering hex phone) Mon, ‘this is in spanish. SANDRA Tt doesn’t matter, we'can still figure out where they Live. core spanish-spanish-spanish-warrison ‘Ford-Spanish-spanish- See? 1 love Harrison Ford. mare (0:8-) | ‘You should come ‘hang out tonight~ mock I ‘You, love Harrison Ford more than me? 7 SANDRA (xizees him on the check) io, of course not~ ‘ruck, ‘Yeah, you better not. uma ie disgusted. MEIKE (0,8.) want you to meet soma of my felenda. They're ali bringing their giritrionde= m0 (uncomfortable) You, want me to mest your friends? cure Spenigh-spanish~spanish-Denzel Washington, Justin Tuberiake— SANDRA (whispered, confused) ont bo they Live together?102. EXE. VENICE BEACH DAY Bima and Sandra valk ahead. tuck walks: behind. sthe’ sidadalks are filled with freaks- performance artists, tattoo artists, drunks, teenagers, beggars, skate-boardars. SANDER. 1 don't think ebis 4s fon és Universal Studios: A, Ym sony, 1 omty have ons doy off, x wanted fo take you to the places T Tove. Mom, can we talk about An axtist sits on a stool surrounded by caricatures: SANDRA, Bay, Jet‘a get Ria to dray your picture men, 5 Ro! SRNR come on. How mach? ARTIST For a pretty lady, 15 bucks. SANDRA Is that a discount? oy Mon, it’s okay, I got nna sits dow. the artist starts to draw! MA (CONT'D) What are: you doing with Tack? , SANDRA What do you.mean? T Like him. we takes cate of mes Bon, Way do you need to be taken care of, Moni? way can’t you take care of ‘yoursell?103. ' SANDRA Zcan’t, Bra, it’s not who T am. T asda 1oe of drags and I went toa Lot,of protests so you could have averything the boys have. Good for you, mut this ig my life, and this Ie how it tumed out. T hever: thought 1/4 be alons ike this, T PRougRe your Father was going to be Fl ‘there. | eo thank god he waen’e— L SANDRA Don’t say thatl What, Mon? You never, did any of the ti hinge "you wanted to: do- i SANDRA E wanted to be there 6 your : , Esther and twas. I wanted to raise & you and T aid. pon't tal ma that, fasn't important, Now, 1 want to be loved. that’s what T want- Ee By mek? Why ak Sine xy don't you taka sone tite ‘out of Joke scnediie to love someone and Ten Gone talk to mee ‘Tack comes up. ‘ruck Hey, cofie on, we're going to go back to tho hotel, T don’t Like it here, Sanch of froaks. ma, hy doh’t you stop telling her what to do, ack? Okay? She can do what she wants! She dosen't nesd you! SANDRA yes. 1 do. Sandra takes Tuck's arm.% 108. SANDRA! (CONT’D) We're going back to the hotel. why ‘don’t you call me when you want to spologize? mn, ‘Yeah, Mon. Sounds great. Sendra and Tuck head back to the car, with thei ams sound each other. ‘the axtist handa her the drawing! She looks like a monster, with fangs end claws. People are running away from ber, Screaming and scared: umm (conz’D) (a best) okays Would you posssbly be aware ef sone way that T could get | Unbelievably high in the hext-5 | minutes? f NT, MAKE-UP TRATURR- SAME DAY A make-up artist ie putting bleody gore on Adam's head. There's a logo for @ 1V ghow on the chairs. ¢ pat Sorzy- I'm nervous, it's my first Line on a 1 show. MAKE-UP ARTISE on Yeah? what is it? on 2 say: “Put dow the gual” the nate-op artist attaches dali chunks of brain dom his MAKE-UP ARETSE 1s he doesn't put down the , DAM NGy St looks Like hs doesnt.10s. cr, BAR- DAY: LATER Mike sits with a bunch of preppy guys watching « game on the TV over the bar. Their proppy giritriends are talking in a clump., Emtia, now very stoned, stands with the girls. GrRuPRTEND #2 X finally got the flowers figured Sut, but there's so much dress~ Sree, I’m doing @ princess cut but don't want ali, the poofs+ GURLERIEND #2 oh love the poofs! man (atgating) Boots: (GIRLFRIEND #2 (ignoring her) Zr just ‘don’t think you can have too many poots~ mek (glegting more) 1X poofed in my panes. ‘neP. SOUND STAGE DAY IATER Adan is in wardrobe wearing bloody: with a massive, @isgusting Head vound. He's talking to a2 or 3 other guys with head wounds. they/re all doing Christopher Walken Tnitations. APR walks up to the group. Boke (whispered) four phone hae been vinging for the ‘Your ‘phons has been einging for th ‘¢-hoar. Do you wane to take ‘From, uh, "Do Not call Adan grabs the phone. apa {sate Biota)Ip. BAR BATHROOH- DAY- CROSS CUT Erna, high out of her mind, curled up in a ball in the Baghfoom. Eon ‘Adam. ‘Adem. I'm stoned and everyone’ talking about weddings. ADAM x’m there. Adam start running. BERD WOUND GUY what's going on? aoa ‘im sorry ‘can you tél them T have fan energency- EAD WOUND Go¥ Dade, you Can't go out there 1ike thset Adam’s running end can’t hear. apa (ditto phoney where are yoo? EXD. BTGaWATS DAY 108. people in a car are looking over at énother car,, scared. ANGLE ON- Adam, still in wardrobe, driving as-fast as hs,can. BACK TO THE BAR: uike'e:got his arm around Bema, vho is up against a val, her eyes davting around Who are these people? BOYERIEND #2 Babe, can you get me sone nuts?, GIRLERTEND #2 » Prom the bar? BOYERTEND #2 No, deez nuts.he guys slap hands, everyone laughs, Bima is freaking out. suddenly, she locks up, smiles. One of the girlfriends looks up and screanss ANGLE ON- Adam, in a bloody wardrobe with a massive head round, standing in front of the table. they're just staring ae each other grinning. =EsE mma? =a, (stiil staring at Adam) iva Sorry, Mike, have to go. This flan heeds medical assistance. ‘Ben. BAR- DUSK ena and Adam min‘out of the bar, laughing. they’ie grabbing each other, ‘iissing. ina Adan Ructeman aot una Franklin. ‘hey Kisa soma more. People walk by, surprised or confused, to See soneona with a aaseive head wound kissing soneone. A big Bocop of hie braine fell on the sidewalk. EXT. VENICE BEACK- SUNSET Adam gite next to Zama on the beach watching a bigy Beautifel, Venice beach sunset, where's a drun circle nearby. Ben My no's. in tomy she’s wearing big stinglanses ad randomly yelling out “Hollywood Sabyi" sho has «new boyfrisnd. T'was mean to him. way? maa don’t knew. (a beat) (rons)08. maa, ‘(couD'D) After ay dad got sick, my mom vould ery to feed hin dimer and he'd apis op sue, food” he'd yell at bes. Herd Slane her Because he couldn’ Swallov, and sho just kept feeding ti j (a beat) { she told me x don’t understand, Decsnse i've ever been in love. (a beat) put that’a not true. Because T have Deen. Tam. aoa you hurt ma. A lot: A lot. =n knot. {a boat an r\high of de the sun setting? i aon No, you'ze Just high. zen, 1 e's peautifals (a beat) cone home with me tonight. Adan? apa {a beat) i Of course I’m coming home with you, fare you kidding mer they kiss. t's kind of a desperate kiss, Like they're bpth ‘Dylag to say something they ean’e say r IND, BWQA\"S BEDROOM RIGHT. LATER tama and Adam are kissing, taking off their clothes. Tt’ stilt urgent, desperate. ant F What is it about you? Why can’t T Soe encugt of yooh | =a, I missed you so much- an, You're gonna KiLL me~109. 0, X love you. And T can't gee how T could ever love anyone else. wma elips her shoss off."adan gees her do it, this’ is everything he’e alvaye wanted. He kisses her back. This is a different kind of sex- it’s inténse, intimate. I Gon’ know how much of it ve see, but they're’ looking into each other's ayes, not speaking. ‘Te takes then by surprise. HP. EM’ BEDROOH- NIGHT- MOMENTS LATER ‘guna and Adatl, atte: the fact. They're both a little freaked out Adam hag his hand avkvatdly draped over her shoulder. It's hot comfortable for either one of them. Ban hat wae. coy (a beat) Hey- tomorrow, maybe ve should Einally have breakfast? apa Yeah. that sounds good. ‘rua looks happy, closes her eyes. adam keops his eyes open, seared out of his mind. DFP. EMMA'S BEDROOM HORNING nna wakes up aloné- Adam‘ gone. she dossh’t seem surprised. OR, yeah. ‘DWP. UCEA TEACHING HOSPTZAL- DAY nwo daye later, Bama ie lecking at her phone there aré no Beseages. Sandva and Duck are vieiting the hospital. SANDRA 1 theught you might call. .ao. T just, Thad to, go into work. i zuma looks down the hallway. | ANGLE ON- De, Netener discretely brishing some hair off, the Zace of connie, the other female residant. Dr. Metaner sees her looking at’ him. oan uma has no reaction. ! SANDRA Mo, I understand, you're busy. I'm 50 'proud of you, it’s such a great Big hospstal” rock wo saw caxzot Top. SANDRA Ohi 1 forgot 20 eli yout We were getting a bagel and be was getting. 2rbagel too. And that’s the. whole story. Stare- they're just 1ike us. mon, (ooking st her phone ‘again) that's exciting. SANDRA i why do you keep looking at’ your t phone? Dr. Metener walks up. | DR. veraweR you must be br. Franklin's Mom. SANDRA On. Yes, Tam. Helio. DR. MEnANER: How long are you here? SBNDRA I Just tih2, tomorrow: oCK, We saw Carrot op.( m1. DR. menmen Well, < can’t compete with that, but £ can tell you that wa’re Icky to have her here. Goring) ow gat back to vork, Baal Sandra and Tuck laugh az Dr.’ Netaner ‘walks away. SANDRA (ote, "to Brma) imo's he? ma’s, looking at hex phone again, distracted, min wate Sandra looks at Buna, worried- she can tell sonething’a not gat xP, HOTEL DAY the next day. Tima "is putting her man’s bags in the oar. Tuck honks the horn. * + guck (from the car) Plight leaves in 45 minutes! SANDRA okay Pack! Emma~ on, you should go~ SANDRA wait. T wanted to say something: EA, come on Mom, you don’t hive to- ‘SANDRA histen to ma, I could never stand fo eee you in pain~ you're iy child. And 7 think you knew that, Gnd r think you got good at: being Strong or me. But, Sma, 17h Gelling your Se hurt. T can take He. the World can take it. Don't be 80 strong, you miso the fun.12. 0m (ateer' a couple beats) onay. ‘mack honks the hora again. i ‘ruck i ae) . Werre. not gonna make it. Wear maxe it, Tuck. Sandra rushes into the car,’ Bima grabs her mon’s hand. “| i ruck (fom car) you'fe a nice kid. jesse) sana Ruck: Cc) ama waves as théy pull out. Watches thei go. Gets out her Bhone- punches fone Buttons, looking for a numbers uma (cowr’D) t BL, Scottie? Tes Bama. T know this i is" weied, but do you kaw where T 4 an find’ him? ! INT, GROUNDLINGS STAGE- NIGHT Right before Adan’s show Alvin and Vanessa are there, ELL, Scottie, the gay Dads. Adam's behind the mike. ADAM (anghing at himself) Hello tos angeles. ima, with a hoodie over her scrubs, comes in the back. pais (Come'D) Somsone told me recently that T look 1ike Richard Nixon when T cum. k Adan does a 1ivtle. imitation of what that looks! Hikes Hatin | Smiles, kind of exbarrusse’. she locks over and sees Alvin Shi Vatesea thers too, iaaghing. She's sumpeieede |3. ADAM (CONT'D) and it euddenly becane clear why none of my gixifriends ever wanted to have ex with na. T thought it twas just because sy dick was too big and it geared them. But apparently that’s aot the problem. Beall. Avcually, i've heard it's ike acupuncture you're on your back the whole tine and you don't ‘even foe) ie go in. That's what my ex-gizitriend told me before che Started dating my father. Vanessa and Alvin laugh, Vanessa covers her head with her hands npn (cont'D) Actually they're getting married. So Mother's Day just keeps getting better and better. (MOR! JOKES XBOUF THE DAD) we, GROUNDLINGS SHAGE- NIGHT- LATER After the show. Sma ia trying to find Adan in crowds of people, she can’t {ind his. She finds wii. scommE Hoy! t’m glad you cams— OA, Do yea know where he is? scone I don't know- back there? ‘DvP. GROUNDLINGS THEATER- BACKSEAGE HALLNRY- CONTINUOUS emma walk! into @ hallway backstage, and sees Adan talking and laughing with another girl~ he leans down and kisses her. Suma tamma and runs. Pushes people out of her way. BXP. GROUNDLINGS PARKING LOT NIGHT CONTTNUOUS oma 1¢ running over to her car. Adam runs after her: aoa Bemathey look on It's fine, T just wanted to tell you Good dob. Da cona.on. hat? ADAM, ZX know T didn’t stay, end r'm sorry men X don’t nesd the apology shits apa don’t care 4f you need ity just stop for a Gecond.so can explain mon, Explain what? ADAM umn, you Gan"t just calz me and tell me that now everything's different, now you love me, now you want to bo.my gitifziend after 2 spent. months trying te get over you Somehow, trying to tell myselr to forget you~ you can’t Just call as and expect me to just one running which T did, r know, but T can’t just jump Back {ny i can't Just start over, all of a sudden. ssn 1 know., Tt doesn’t: work thet way. 1 get its at each other, at a loss. Da Maybe wa just 1 don’t know, maybe ge Blew i=. Maybe our timing was Gast wrong ea Maybe, but maybe that's just the way, 4 happened. Maybe we were just growing up. But T'm in love with you ore) ma.us, zIOA_ (CONT'D) E want to write it on my: forehead, E want to buy a t-shirt that’s aeyet *F love Adan Kurtzman” and Wear it around all day long. What 0 you want me to do? DAH don't know. mak why did ve waste 90 much’ time Pretending like we didn't care?. ADAM ‘ema x want that time back. I want to Break all those rules: i want to Sry this. Tee's ty. (a beat) E don't chink T can doit again. Yeah. okay. apa But we should still, you know, see each other~ corn cone on. Wa don’t havé to break upy We never even started. (a beat) You're going to be so great. ADA ait, Ema, Z have to go on again- A guy cones out of the club and calls. ow Hey, Adam, got in here- Adam runt back to the building. ADR Don't go anywhere, okay- ima watches Rim'go. She gets in her car, Closes the door.zon (anto plone) ase fon sell! taxing? 121 most you outside. EXT. GROUNGLINGS+ NzGaT Adam is sitting on the sitting down next to his. Tp everyone gone? aan vanessa went nome to walk the dog. We have, a dog now. She named it Freckle, 1 don’® snow wast to do about that. (a beat E might RAL it. T don’t know yet. Only timo witl tel. (2 beat) 7 Hey, ‘let's pretend Tri a good dad ana you ten ne wnat the foi" wrong with you and then T take you ‘Honing. apa i'm completely in love with Someone, and I’m brainstorming ways that T can never see her again without ruining my awa How'd you get 80 screwed up? (a beat) oh yeah, T did it. DAN I'm just Like you~ rm going to Euck it all up. Like you. Like you gave up on om. awe (a beat) von Wp irae. nad you, ye. mada’ Blept in days, we were just shoving food in out’ néutho over the sink whenever we could. And ¢inally, Got Le together enough to get sane take-out from one of the restaurants we used to Ike. (HR) 2b, outeide the otubs xivin ts |aa. auvns (cow?"D) And i ect it all out onthe table, and the second we sat down, think it van the first bite T tock, you started crying. And your Mom’ and I Looked at each other and just started laughing- Like anoontroLiably laughing. We’re on ‘the floor, we can’t breathe. ‘That Kain of laughing. (a beat) im pretey gure that was the best O@ nenene of my Life. Tf you're not counting anything with a blowjob. | aot So why'd you stare dicking around? i iy'd you leave her? awa | I don't know, T.think the simplest auover ig: I'm a jerk. and. the other anaver iat Beomise at soae point, we forgot hew to make each Other’ laugh. And $¢ that’ sounds , ike a Bullshit answer, yoa're ¢ probably zigne. out if 4¢ sounds Feally deep, thenthat’s, good too. (a beat) Also Just FYI~ the first time z chested on your mos; T wes on a lot of blow, gor If you're married and you do blow, try to avoid: being Eeound women who want to. fucke you. . Bven fat wonen. Blow is. blind, ‘Aina, blow ie blind- apa, (a beat) ‘You're an asshole. aw But you're not. Call her. ADAM Don’t tell me what to do. (a beat, smiles) wm going té call her. EXP, HOSPITAL PARKING LOP- WIGHT— EATER uma stands in front of her car. ser’ phone is ringing, she Tgnores. it, throws dt into the car. Dr. Metener comes out of the hospital, Looke at herane. a, So. Grest. Let's do this. DR. METER ema, ma. Want do you hava- an hour? A half an hour?’ DR. MERENER (a beat) ‘you don't need me. Ea, 1 kiow. (a best) go thin ian’e part of our Strangenent, bur do you think you could hola ne? DR, Marae yeah. x think so- fe walks up and pute Bie arm around her on How dose this work head on your Showlder, head on your chest? BR, sara Whatever you feel Like. She puta Rex head on his shoulder. it’s uncomfortable, but st fers good. i DR. METENER (CONT'D) x’va got to go soon. | aoa, (eyes closed) Zr know: [RAP. EWMA‘S BEDROOK~ NIGHT- LATER gama ig onthe bed with thé phone-to her ear. a Mom?us. ‘BAD. FRANKLIN HOUSE DRIVEWAY. NIGHT- CROSS CUT Sandra is in the driveway, Tuck is taking the bags oat of the car- it's very late In michigan. sawp Are you okay? Honey? We just got 4 think r get-it Mom. ama tarts to ory, haved. man (cOWT’D) we hurts: SANDRA veah. 1% does. ‘cy don’t say anything- Sandra sits on the front steps of ‘the house and Just Listens on the other end as. Buna cries. BVP. UCLA TEACHING HOSPFZAL~ DAY he next day. Adan runs into the deor. waits: for the | uve. vena "EACHING HOSPrEAL- CORPUS | Adam suas ap to ens desk. she is? URE I can’t-tell you that, and no. apa What “if 1 start running through the hospital and taking everyone. off | apa uma Franklin do you know where lize support? ‘NoRsE (not smpressea) would call security, Like 2’ Gelng right noe. br. Metmner is nearby.a20. DR. MEPENER Bi. Boma didn't cone in today. Adan’ #phone ringe. te looks down, picks it up. ont where are you? Are you at hone? BIA (0.8. i channel 27. DR okay, hold ‘en. mam (0.8-) Channel 27. [Adam goei to the TV in the waiting room, reaches up and Changes tha channel away from “The Price is Right. woRSE : you can't change the, channel Adam gets it on Channel 27- it’s Bambi. apn 1 (nto phone) Pucks Banbl. Puck. WORSE What's wrong with Banbiz Adam muna out of the vaiting room, as Dr. Metzner’ watcheg’ him go. There's a little regret in his face, Maree is, glued to fhe tv. i WORSE (CONT'D) Have you ever eaten deez? it's pretty goods cor, mMMA'S HALLAAY- DAY dan standing outside Bma's door. Rocks. Knocks. Be: puts ‘Ris heed on the door. pat (soft) i please. mma opens the door. sha's been wild, raw, @ hurt animal. They either side of the door. (re at each other fron ring for hours. Sie 100k] Cr 121. an My dad. apa 1X knows 08 Banbi. apn 1 new. aa (after a beat) If you cone in here, you're néver Leaving. f fem geepe inside, takes her in his arms, she xeeliy starts 20 sob. Mam (CONT'D) (gobbing) ete Justa baby door. ADA 1K mmow, he's a Little baby deer. He just holds her. He starts crying too. They aze both crying. seca are you crying? ‘ADAM yeah. man, Way are you crying? apni ee sug cone. come Son Ma PERS RP LOT SU sin moe ne inns am ee eee ere pats [Are you good?HOR X think 50. mma starts crying aghin. moma (CONT’D) x thought Twas done. apn that's okay, that’s okay. She holds onto him. He starts crying again too [ADAM (CONT’D) ‘on crap. q nold itd each other, crying xidiculously hard. Anam (CONT'D) Wat's after Bambi?) T brought: Schindler's List. mma, 3 don’t know ££ T can do it. aoa you ean do it. i ‘oh god x can’t do 4s muna staxte‘kiseing him. He kisses her back. “DvP, SMUA’S HOUSE NIGHT MOYENIS LATER clothes, blankets, shoes, socks, & rubber chicken aaa. oa the 1 Sefeen, grownup Sanbi is eacing a branch. moa and Adam are Kissing tenderly. ‘the erying has stopped for now, ran ‘Do you think we'ze the only people who'gs ever fucked while watching Bambi? pom Yes. The only ones not in jai. She laughs. He kis .e2 her soma nore.123. ‘apa (coNT’D) You know what I vant to do? T want fo buy Light bulbs with diferent wattage #0 I can see you in every Kind of Light. en, T’m gonnit make you do push-ups when you'ze old 20 your heart stays Kearehy. apm zim gonna- tim goana build you a log Gabin. ma, (enining) 1 don’t want toa log. cebin. cod We're gonna beeak all those rules. mon, Not the one abost calling we in the Biddle of the day. apa, wot that one. But the one about peeing in Zront of you. T'm gonsa Ro°that wnenever t Gan. ‘soma Yaughs and cries. mon x’m go-glad you're slive. ADAM ave you glad I'm making this face? Man makes a funny face. Ema laughs. [ADAM (cOWT’D) rm totally, coapletely, ridicelously in love with you~ Adan kisses down her stomach, she laughs, happy, it feels good... then she tune end segs the IV screen where Thumper ‘thumping his leg. Eon, ‘Dira sanbi off- turn Banbi off-12a, “ONT. mo’ BEDROOM THE NEXT HORNING. tke tic fest scene, we’ are looking at then in bed, frba Uibves But this time, they axe asleep, wrapped in each Stner'g ares. 1 don’t know if it's spooning, but it's Sinething tangled. Sige 12 coming in the window. Adam opens EisMGyen and dooka at the seeping Baas Ho Leene his bead DR : Bey: mo, (etsai with her eyes ‘ckowea) . Hey: ‘aoa (whiepezed, tender) what ‘gre we going to have for Breakfast? i mama, stilt haif-asleep, oniles. zak Bacon. DAM (whispered) x’m going £6 get you so mich bacon hankguily, ve don't have to see th hear sone amazing gong, in ny heed 3 Wowhare.” ade to black as we 8 "Zou Ain't Goin’ ‘the Bnd.