DialogueexcerptfromWarped,byBenVandermeer

TheHallofHeroesHQ,NewYork,PresentDay
ThelineleadinguptotheHallofHeroesbuildingwaslongenoughtocirclethe
earthtwiceover.Thousandsofmenandwomen,ofallages,stoodpatientlyinthe
parkinglot,waitingtheirturn.Danielwasamazedbyitall.Itwaslikeafairofweirdos!
Awesomeweirdos,whoalllovedtheHallofHeroesasmuchashedid.Therewerelittle
boothsforkids,wheretheycouldmaketheirowncapes.Andboothsforadults,tobicker
andwailaboutfantheoriesandalternatetimelines.Everybodyhaduniquecostumes,
andgear.Therewasalittlegrayhairedladydressedasaninja,(withaswordthree
timesasbigasshewas)andafreakishlyshortHawaiianmanwithajetpack,whowas
makingithisjobtosingethehairofeveryonestandinginline.
Whichcolordoyouthinkwouldworkbestwithmycostume?Georgepickedup
twoballoons.Blueorpurple?TheHispanicmaninchargeofthefreeballoonstand
rolledhiseyes.
Blue,duh.Danielstuffedafistfulofcottoncandydownhisthroat.George
nodded.
Youreright.Hethankedtheballoonguy,pickedupalittlebrochurefromthe
stand,andwalkedbackinlinewithDaniel.
Iguesstheentirestatedecidedtoshowup!Danielshookhishead.Howlong
isthisgoingtotake?
Sixteenhoursissupposedtobetheestimatedtime,Ithink.Georgesaid
absently.Hehadtiedhisballoontohiswristandhadhisnoseinthelittlebluepamphlet.
Danielsnatcheditoutofhishands.
Whatsthis?Hepulledamonocleoutofoneofhischestpockets,andraisedit
tohiseye.Hetriedtobringonewithhimwhereverhewent.Itmakesmelook,
distinguishedandproper.Georgedisagreed.
Forgetthepamphlet!Whydidyoubringthatthing?Withallthatcombatarmor
on,itmakesyoulooklikethelovechildofaDickensianagearistocratandGIJoe!
Ha.Ha.Yourehilarious.Nowwhatisthis?Heshovedthebabybluepamphlet
inGeorgesface.
Itsjustanapplicationformforthecontest.Imprettysureyouhavetofilloneout
too.
Oh,okay.Thatmakessense.Thelarge,olderguyinalightbluespandexsuit,
infrontofthemturnedaroundtopickuphisapplication,andnoticedthetwoyoung
boys.Hehadagianthornonhisforehead,andNarwhalwrittenonhischestin
Sharpie.
Whatareyoukidssupposedtobe?Hehadthesamemindnullingvoiceas
Danielsfourthperiodeconomicsteacher.

Whatdoyouthinkgenius?Weresuperheroes!Duh!Georgegesturedtothe
entirefairofpeople.Hesizedupthespandexcoveredman.NotreallysureifIcould
saythesameaboutyouthough.Georgechided.
Oooh!Burn!!Danielchimedin.Tryingtokeepfromyelling.
ThenamesTheNarwhal!Youjerks!HetookastepclosertoGeorgeand
pokedhiminthechest.AndIhaveabetterchanceatwinningthenyoubabiesdo!
Hmmm.TheNarwhalalsohadthesameplainbrownmustacheashisfourthperiod
teacher!Holdthephone,andthemayo!
Waitasecond!Mr.Lambert?!Isthatyou?!DanielshovedGeorgeoutofthe
way.TheNarwhalsvoicesuddenlygotmuchdeeper.
What?!Hecoughedhisvoicedowntoalowerdecibel.Imean,whosMr.
Lambert??Heshruggedandlaughedaweirdlaugh.Likehewasgarglingmarbles.He
lookedaroundtocheckifanyoneelsewaswatching.Apparentlyhedidntrealizethat
thiswasNewYorkandtheonlyreasonyoulisteninonsomebodiesconversation,isif
youreaPIfromthethirties,Danielthought.Whoeverheis,hesoundslikeacoolguy!
Hedidthesameweirdlaughagain.Thoughitwasstartingtogetmore,andmore
nervous.Georgewasbreakingastitchonthisrealization.Hefellhardontothehard
blackasphalt.Holdinghisstomachlikeitwasgoingtofallout.Theembarrassed
teacherwastrappedinacornerofshame.Andtherewasonlyoneoption.
HA!Heturnedtotherestofthelineandcuppedhishandsaroundhismouth.
THESEKIDSTHINKTHEYREBETTERTHANTHEENTIREHALLOFHEROES!!!
CANYOUBELIEVETHAT?!Nowthat,gottheattentionoftheNewYorkers.Heads
startedturningandwhisperingtootherheads.
Whatareyoudoing?Wedidntsaythat!Danielgrabbedtheteacherbythe
arms.Theteachertookhischance,brokeaway,andrantooneoftheadult
conversationbooths.Unbelievable.Thecrowdsweregettingsuspicious.Whichis
understandablewhenagrownmaninanarwhalcostume,screamsatyouaboutsome
littlekidstryingtogetinthewayofyourspotontheHallofHeroes.Someskinnyteens
dressedaswizardsinfrontoftheminline,startedchuckling.
Whattheheckareyouguysdoinghereanyways?Yougonnaaskthemforhelp
withyourhomework?Theteensburstoutlaughingandkeptnudgingeachother.Oh
great.NowtheDungeonMasterswerelaughingatthem.Andtheyarethelowestofthe
low,onthenerdchain.GeorgeflippedaroundtofaceDanny.
Showem.Danielsgrimaceflippedintoagrin.Heopeneduphissuitcase(To
theamazementofsomeofotherpeoplestandinginline)andhisglovesmorphedinto
twominipistols.Bothstartedoffsmall,thengotlongerandwideruntiltheywereboth
armlength.Danielstruggledtoholdthemup.Everybodyaroundstartedtoclap,likeit
wassomekindofmagicshow,andDanielhadjustpulledagiantcoconutoutofa
thermos.GeorgegavethestrugglingDanielapatontheback.

Waytohitemwithbothbarrels!
ThanksHecrumpledtotheground,likeasoggypieceofcardboard.So.
Much.Hurt