Liliana Jaramillo Paper 1

Liliana
Jaramillo
English 111.353
Mrs. Brittany Cowan
19 September 2014
Death of a Friend

Everybody has friends, mostly best friends. It is great to have a best friend
that is there for you. But losing a friend can really change peoples life. That person
could of had a family. I know that because my father had a best friend that helps him
with everything. They were really close. My fathers best friends name was Israel
Delgado Guerrero.
Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:48 AM

Comment [1]: who
Comment [2]: someones
spending time with their family. That day was my 17th birthday. My

Comment [3]: You need a better thesis
here. Your thesis should really tell me
exactly what I should be getting out of this
paper.
parents decide to have a family cookout. Really on my birthday, I wanted to hang

Comment [4]: were
Sunday, August 3, 2014, on a typical Sunday, people are going to church or
with some friends, but hang out with family it is all right.

I am always the first up on my birthday, but that day I wasnt. Just because I
went to a party before my birthday and I didnt get home until 12 or 1 in the
morning. My father was up whistling the happy birthday song on the way to my
room to wake me up. That has always been a family tradition; mostly my dads
tradition. He always wants to be the first to say happy birthday to his kids.

On birthdays, my family gets really hype. We have a lot of food and music
playing, people dancing. The family is doing something fun at the party. The cook in
the family is my father, he been a cook back then when he was young.

Comment [5]: decided
Comment [6]: hanging
Comment [7]: was
Comment [8]: delete

Comment [9]: traditionmostly my
Comment [10]: wawnted
Comment [11]: slang

Comment [12]: father because he had been
a cook
Jaramillo | 2

When I was ready and all dress up, I went to my father and see if he needed
help around on making anything; like making the hot sauce, rice, beans, preparing
any drinks for the guest, or maybe helping him preparing the meat. I love it when
my dad prepares the meat because he is all happy, whistling and sharping the knife.
The way my father sharping the knifes, he has two knifes and rub them together.
They make this cling sound. My father whistling and the knifes cling, is sound like

Comment [13]: the kitchen
Comment [14]: delete
Comment [15]: guests
Comment [16]: knives
my dad was making beat.

Comment [17]: awkward phrasing. Revise
this

Comment [18]: knives
My mother came to the kitchen and started to help my father and I. I knew
that today was going to be a wonderful day. The rest of my family finally came to the

Comment [19]: clinging
house and it was time to grill the meat, but my father still havent finish preparing

Comment [20]: awkward
the meat.

Comment [21]: hadnt
While he was preparing the meat, he receives a call. He was surprise because
it was an old friend.

My father answer, Hey whats up?
Me? Just here preparing the meat saying it all joyful.
Israel? questioning himself
Oh yeah, I know him. What about him?
He what? my father stop cutting up the meat and looked down.
My father was quite for a while. I was probably thinking the other person was still
talking to him.

Okay, I will go over in a few. that is where the called end. I see my father
facet, he look like a sad puppy that has lost something. From that face, I knew that
today was not going to be a joyful day.

Comment [22]: received

Comment [23]: thought
Comment [24]: That
Comment [25]: saw
Comment [26]: fathers face; he looked like
Comment [27]: had
Jaramillo | 3

My father came up to us and said that his friend, Israel, died this morning on
his way to his work. I could hear his voices choke up. I never saw my father this
upset before.

When he told the family about the news of Israel, brought everybody down.
To tell you, mostly everybody in Salisbury knew Israel. He own the taco stand called
Tacos de Guanajuato. Man, you will see a lot of people there. It was always in front
the flea market at Webb Rd, the best tacos ever.

My father was getting memories about Israel. He remembers he called him
on Saturday to meet up with him on Sunday afternoon. My father invited him and
his family to my birthday cook out. My dad was thinking the last words that he said

Comment [28]: that
Comment [29]: voice

Comment [30]: flip this:
The news of Israel brought everyone down
when my father told the family.
Comment [31]: delete this and capitalize
Mostly
Comment [32]: delete--slang
Comment [33]: Road, and had the best
tacos
Comment [34]: remembered
to him. My dad was in pain. He lost a best friend, a friend that was more like a bother
to him. I knew my dad didnt want to do anything else but he wanted to continue
this cook out.

My family had friends and family members that passed way. Some death
from old age, drug dealing or suicide, but my father friend died from a horrible car
accident. This accident was too hard to describe.

Comment [35]: died
Comment [36]: fathers
My father told me that his friend was driving the taco truck to work. Some
lady was be hide him; supposal the lady was in a rush that she hit the place where
you can push the driver to go faster. Once my father got to that part, he was choking
up, but he fix his voice and finish the story of what happen to his friend, Israel. Once
the lady hit the back of the truck, Israel lost control, flew out of the window and the
truck landed right on top of him.

Comment [37]: beside
Comment [38]: supposedly
Comment [39]: so
Comment [40]: fixed
Comment [41]: finished
Jaramillo | 4
My father couldnt say any more. All he did was look at the ground and go
back to finish preparing the meat. All that my father was saying is I just talk to him
yesterday and this happen to him. I told my dad that there comes a day that we
have to leave. He was his time. But my dad was really hurt. The only time I saw him
this hurt was when my great grandma dead 3 years ago.
I understand my father pain. My favorite uncle dead 5 years ago. I couldnt
believe it. All I can remember is I was crying that whole day. I prayed and prayed to
god not to take my uncle.
Deaths hurt people. Death is taking away a love one we have. Death is
something that scares everyone. But just live the life you have now. Enjoy what you
have and enjoy life. You never know that day you leave or a person you know much
or love will leave you.

Comment [42]: talked
Comment [43]: there would come a day
Comment [44]: had
Comment [45]: time, but my
Comment [46]: died
Comment [47]: three
Comment [48]: five
Comment [49]: God
Comment [50]: This feels like a distraction
from the actual story you are telling. I
wouldnt include this paragraph at all.
Comment [51]: Death hurts living people.
Comment [52]: everyone, but you should
just
Comment [53]: Be careful about switching
tenses. Since your paper is a story in the
past, you should be writing in past tense.
You also need to be careful about fragments,
awkward sentences, and using slang.

86
-80 (late 8 days)
+ 5 (extra credit)
11

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Liliana

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:48 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:48 AM

parents decide to have a family cookout. Really on my birthday, I wanted to hang

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:49 AM

Sunday, August 3, 2014, on a typical Sunday, people are going to church or

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:49 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:50 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:51 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:51 AM

my dad was making beat.

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:52 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:53 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:53 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:53 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:53 AM

it was an old friend.

My father answer, Hey whats up?

Me? Just here preparing the meat saying it all joyful.

Israel? questioning himself

Oh yeah, I know him. What about him?

He what? my father stop cutting up the meat and looked down.

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:53 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:54 AM

My father was getting memories about Israel. He remembers he called him

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:55 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:55 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:57 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:57 AM

Brittany Cowan 10/22/2014 7:58 AM

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