2 Broke Girls

By
Adrian Manzano

" Cupcake Cunts "

WGA Registered

Adrian Manzano
718 877 8511
manzanony@gmail.com

INT. RAMONS ROOM

Max is getting dressed while Ramon in vanilla satin sheets
lies in bed huffing and puffing.
RAMON
That was amazing
MAX
I know.
RAMON
Youre incredible.
MAX
I know again.
RAMON
Where you going.
MAX
Its late I gotta make cupcakes in
the morning.
RAMON
No! Dont leave. I need more.
MAX
Easy there tiger. Its my business,
Im not just a waitress.
RAMON
How many times I told you, you can
live here with me.
MAX
I dont think thats such a good
idea.
RAMON
You would never have to work again
a day in your life. Except of
course raising my children and
cooking.
MAX
As tempting as that sounds Ill
pass.
RAMON
You should at least spend the
night.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

MAX
Yea the clingy ... not attractive.
Cute, passionate, but just not my
bag.
RAMON
When will I see you again.
MAX
Never!
RAMON
Dont say such things!
MAX
You will never take me away from my
cupcakes.
RAMON
But I need you.
MAX
Alright, Ill stop by Friday.
She exits.
ACT 1
INT. MAX AND CAROLINES APT - EARLY MORNING
Max walks into her apt to find The kitchen a disaster as
Caroline is trying to make cupcakes, She is all messy with
batter on her nose.
MAX
What the hell.
CAROLINE
Max youre home I wasnt expecting
you.
MAX
What the hell is this.
CAROLINE
I just wanted help out.
MAX
By destroying the kitchen?

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

CAROLINE
You know I feel bad that the window
isnt selling as much and youre
doing all the baking. So I made
some cupcakes see.
She pointed to the sorriest looking cupcakes you can
imagine.
MAX
I see youre going for the Abstract
Cupcake market.
CAROLINE
Oh I tried, But look this one came
out. See its a rainbow! I saw a
rainbow this morning and I was so
inspired.
MAX
Good thing you didnt see the
toilet at the restaurant. Wed be
making brownies.
CAROLINE
So you dont like it.
MAX
I appreciate you trying but dont
worry Let me handle baking and you
do branding business and blond.
CAROLINE
OK. thanks. I dont know what Id
do without you.
MAX
Destroy kitchens.
EXT. CUPCAKE WINDOW.
Max and Caroline are at the window, while hipsters just pass
by.
CAROLINE
Cupcakes cupcakes hello!
MAX
You need to be less earnest.
Hipsters buy apathy.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.
CAROLINE
Its just so frustrating.
MAX
Why dont you offer your cupcakes
for free?
CAROLINE
Like a free sample! yes! Great idea

Caroline get out with the tray and offers to hipsters

passing by.
CAROLINE
Hello would you like a free
cupcake?
HIPSTERS
Why are they free.
CAROLINE
Because ... its a sample.
HIPSTERS
Well Im a capitalitarian so I must
pay for things.
CAROLINE
Oh right. Well take money too.
HIPSTERS
Nah Im broke, I havent worked in
over a year.
CAROLINE
Oh thats a shame.
HIPSTERS
But since its free.
Hipster takes a few cupcake and wanders off.
MAX
Great now the homeless are
disguised as hipsters.
CAROLINE
Im no good I cant do anything
right.
MAX
Come here, let just put them on the
window sill, so people can come by
and take em.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

5.
CAROLINE
Lets face it, were no good.
MAX
Would you like a cupcake with your
wine.

Max stuffs a cupcake in her mouth to shut her up. Just then
JEN (30) very BUTCH looking woman passes by and notices the
rainbow cupcake.
JEN
Hey, what are you girls selling?
CAROLINE
Cupcakes, the best in Brooklyn.
Made by women like you.
JEN
Thats great, Im so glad you girls
are out.
CAROLINE
We are out and proud.
JEN
Oh you are too cute.
MAX
She aint that cute, you should
smell her morning breath.
JEN
Let me get a chocolate fudge
MAX
Coming right up.
JEN
Im gonna tell all my girlfriends
to come here and support. We need
to support each other.
CAROLINE
Yea! Us girls, we got to stick
together. Vaginas unite! haha.
Heres your change.
JEN
And if things dont work out with
her, or if you girls are open
minded I wouldnt mind us having a
menage a trois.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

6.

CAROLINE
I dont think Ive heard of that
cupcake. Max do we make-- ...?
Jen pull her hand close.
JEN
Or it can be just you
barbie.

and me

CAROLINE
(whisper)
Wait, you want me and you to... oh
dear.
JEN
Think about it, OK. Later barbie.
MAX
What was it you just asked me
about.
CAROLINE
Oh she was asking if we had
mang...go... Mango truffles, do we
Mango Truffles?
MAX
Oh, were all out.
CAROLINE
Caroline gets up and looks in the mirror. Starts trying to
look lesbian.
MAX
What are you doing
CAROLINE
Oh nothing...
MAX
You got another customer.
Another butch lesbian with Green hair shows up.
BUTCH LESBIAN
Hey.
Caroline acting more lesbian.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

7.
CAROLINE
hey...

ACT

II

EXT. CUPCAKE WINDOW DUSK.

The window has a small line of Butch and Lipstick lesbians.
Caroline is dressed like a lesbian and trying to make
friends.
CAROLINE
Heres your cupcakes, 8.85 is your
change, heres your receipt, were
lesbians, have a nice day.
MAX
Did you just say we were
lesbians...
CAROLINE.
No.
MAX
Yes, you did.
CAROLINE
Alright. Maybe.
MAX
I think we already have enough
gossip about us.
CAROLINE
Yes but look at the people. Its
working.
MAX
I thought Mellisa Ethridge was
having a comeback concert.
CAROLINE
No, this is out brand you get it?
We are the cupcake cunts.
MAX
The what!
CAROLINE
We needed a brand, and so far its
working, look how much money weve
made.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

8.

Max, sees the money and is impressed. Another lesbian comes

up.
LESBIAN
Yea hi can I get a dozen cupcakes.
MAX
Were lesbians!
LESBIAN
OK, thanks for the info.
MAX
Coming right up!
While Max is packaging the box, a GUIDO looking guy and old
woman show up in a pink track suit.
GIO
Hey this your bakery.
CAROLINE
Yea.
MAX
Were the Cupcake Cunts. But we
serve to all orientations.
GIO
Yea, well Im the Gay Guido food
truck of Brooklyn. I run it with my
Mama.
MAMA
Putana!
CAROLINE
Peanut-butter? Yea I think we got
that.
GIO
She just called you a bitch, in
Italian...
CAROLINE
Why?
GIO
Because youre on our turf. We own
the Gay Guidos Food truck. We do
sweet Delicacies like Marios
Calzones, Baclaliverachi. My mamas
old recepies, All with a little
gay theme.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

9.
MAX
Hey thats a great Idea we should
make some Lesbian themed Cupcakes.
How about Ellen Diginger cupcake.
CAROLINE
Or Rosi Odalmond nut.
GEO
Wrong. You see we got the gay brand
covered.
CAROLINE
Hey look Im sure theres plenty of
room for two gay sweet shops in
Brooklyn.
MAMA
No, No room. You go bye bye.
Arividerchi!
GIO
She said...
MAX
Yea I speak broken English.
GO
Weve spent years building this
brand, so you have to change it.
CAROLINE
Hey look we cant change who we are
alright.
MAX
Yea, if we decided to
become lesbians ... I mean we are
lesbians and we cant change who we
are, OK Arriverduschi!
MAMA
She has a point Gio, We must accept
everyone.
GIO
No ma! Youre not going to get away
with this. Well be back.
MAMA
But its OK to be lesbis too...

They exit.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

10.

CAROLINE
Wow, who would have thought gays
were so catty.
MAX
Are you kidding. Im pretty sure
all Cats were once gay men in past
lives.
CAROLINE
Well Im not gonnna change just
because of one weird gay guy
Oleg comes to the window
MAX
How about a weird straight guy.
OLEG
So I heard the news. Why would you
keep this a secret from me, you
could made my fantasies more
believable. But I knew it all
along. It was no wonder you girls
never tried to jump my bones.
MAX
Yes, you got us. Thats exactly it.
Lesbians!
OLEG
You just prefer the taco over the
burrito. Not that theres anything
wrong with that.
CAROLINE
Does that mean youre going to stop
flirting with us and Harassing us
sexually?
OLEG
Not a chance. Its always been a
dream of mine to convert a lesbian
with my sexual energy.
MAX
Damn. I thought it would have
atleast bought us some
time
Sophie and Han approach the window.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

11.

SOPHIE
Im so happy that you girls are out
and proud. And While waiting on
line , I met this really nice
lipstick lesbian, named...
CONDI
Condelleza.
SOPHIE
What ever. I figure since Oleg
showed me how bad men are I thought
Id give women a try.
OLEG
Hey, You can go, but I know youll
always come back. They always do.
Oleg leaves
SOPHIE
Yea, you girls have the right idea.
Im done with men. You should try
it too Han
HAN
Men?
SOPHIE
No women.
MAX
Heck, everyone come try a
little lesbianism!
Hipsters walk and refer to Sophi
HIPSTERS
This place is awesome, Lesbians and
transvestites. Im getting a banana
cupcake
CAROLINE
$5, Heres youre receipt, were
lesbians, Thank you come again.
They leave.
MAX
Seems like were expanding to new
markets.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

12.

CAROLINE
I dont get the hipsters.
MAX
Youre not supposed to
CAROLINE
Why would they come to a lesbian
cupcake window?
MAX
Hipsters hate themselves so much so
they latch on to any minority cause
that can make them look cool.
CAROLINE
What ever works.
MAX
Thats it, Lesbians bring Hipsters!
This is an untapped market. The
Guido is Right. We need to promote.
INT. GAY BAR.
Max and Caroline enter the bar.
CAROLINE
Wow, Ive never been to a gay bar.
MAX
Its like high school, The girls on
one side, the boys on the other
side. Except everyones Gay.
Jen approaches
JEN
Hey, I see you wanna take me up on
my offer.
CAROLINE
Uh no, we are happily together.
MAX
Dont think Im not flattered.
JEN
Hey, I had to give it a try. Miss
every cunt you dont take.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

13.

MAX
Yea... (aside) we got to bone up on
Lesbian Lingo.
CAROLINE
We just wanted to pass around the
fliers of our cupcake cunts.
JEN
Hey no problem. Let me introduce
you do all my lesbian friends.
She leads them over, but Max is held by Gio, looking very
gay.
GIO
Hey, What are you doing here?
MAX
Oh hey fellow gay competition.
GIO
Now youre gonna start advertising
at Flamingos. Theres something off
about you two. How come all of a
sudden you just start coming here?
MAX
You know, Caroline isnt much of a
club goer.
Wooo! we hear Caroline scream as she grinds all giggly with
3 lesbians.
MAX
Yea, I had to beg her to come out
and promote.
GIO
Well I wish she would have let you
come out by yourself.
MAX
Are you hitting on me.
GO
Maybe. Why would you think I was
hitting on you, unless ... You like
men.
MAX
I dont like men, Im a lesbian.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

14.

GO
Yea, so tell me. Whats Melissa
Ethridges Original band name?
MAX
... The Clit?
GO
Ha, I knew it. Im going to blog
about this.
Gio Exits, Max runs after him
MAX
Wait, you cant
As she grabs him. Ramon catches them.
RAMON
What the hell is this?
MAX
Ramon
RAMON
Is this who youre cheating on my
with.
GIO
Uh no, Who is this.
RAMON
Who am I? Im her Latin lover.
MAX
Gio, no, its not what you think.
GIO
The smoking Gun. I knew it. Ill
see you on twitter!
He exits.
MAX
Ramon, I told you friday.
RAMON
I couldnt wait to see you. I
missed you, when ever I saw a
motorboat on the east river, I
thought of you.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

15.

MAX
Yea, but now you just cost my my
business.
RAMON
You are not cheating with that man?
MAX
No, hes gay, or is he gay?
RAMON
You dont know?
Max thinks, then gets a brilliant Idea.
MAX
I got go! friday! dont! Gay bar!
She runs in.
RAMON
Is this a gay place?
GAYEST BOUNCER
What do you think honey.
RAMON
I think I will go home.
.
INT. GAY CLUB
JEN
So have you given any thought to
our Menage A Trois.
CAROLINE
You Know I totally would. But its
Max. Shes just not as adventurous
as I am.
Max enters.
MAX
Caroline! we got to seduce the Gay
Guido!
Jen looks at them confused.

16.
ACT III
EXT.

CUPCAKE WINDOW NEXT MORNING

Max talks as she makes cupcakes. Caroline attends the

occasional customer. Its less Lesbian and more Hipster
crowd.
MAX
Im telling you the gay guido isnt
gay.
CAROLINE
How do you know.
MAX
Are you kidding, Nasa knows about
my Gaydar. Its on point.
Jen enters
CAROLINE
Oh Hey Jen, back for more, hey cool
dog chain.
JEN
You lied to me.
CAROLINE
Huh.
JEN
No Body lies to me! look what the
gay guidos posted on their blog.
Carole reads from Jens iPad.
CAROLINE
(reading)
Cupcake cunts are fake lesbians!
What! Turns out the cute lesbian
couple are just friends each have
boyfriends. I do not have a
boyfriend!
MAX
eww boys...
CAROLINE
(reading)
They are pretending to get access
to the gay community. Jen, I dont
know what to say.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

17.

JEN
How could you use us like that.
MAX
Wait hold up, the gay Guido is
totally making that up. Were the
gay ones. Hes lying about it. I
am crazy about this one.
Max grabs Caroline by surprise and gives her a kiss. The
kiss goes on a little longer than should have.
CAROLINE
You see... Were Lesbian. Now go
make me some cupcakes bitch.
JEN
Dont think Im fooled.
Jen exits.
MAX
Please! believe us were definitely
not straight!.... Not that theres
anything wrong with that.
CAROLINE
Were going to lose our brand.
MAX
Hey dont be so glum. Atleast we
got hipsters.
Max sees Ramon approaching.
MAX
Actually I may need your brand one
last time.
RAMON
My love, its friday, I need to see
you again.
MAX
Yea Ramon, I got something to tell
you.
RAMON
That you love me.
MAX
No, Im gay.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

18.

RAMON
What!
MAX
I like women. Especially this one
right here.
CAROLINE
Shes right. Weve been sleeping
with each other.
RAMON
I cant believe this. Can I get in
the action ...
MAX
No! Im only doing women now.
Max and Caroline kiss very passionatly
RAMON
This is the saddest day for me.
Ramon leaves, They Continue to kiss. Hipster interrupts.
HIPSTERS
Hey you guys can stop now.
They are shocked.
CAROLINE
Oh right.
MAX
Um sure, yea. We were just
pretending.
CAROLINE
What can I get you.
HIPSTER
Rosi ODalmond nut.
CAROLINE
Coming right up.
END