Running head: THEORY OF HELPING

My Personal Theory of Helping

Taylor Rilling
Azusa Pacific University

THEORY OF HELPING

2
My Personal Theory of Helping

Part I
A personal theory of helping is important to have in a field that requires
helping. If the goal of college student affairs is to develop students, then my own
personal theory is a large part of that. Student development is based on holistic
development, which encompasses helping through the well being of students. My
personal theory of helping includes how I view personhood, wellness, change, helping,
the use of counseling theories, and my self-knowledge.
My view on humanity and my faith is the reason I believe helping others is so
vital. I believe what the Bible says about humans; they are made in the image of God,
but because sin has entered the world humans are inherently bad. This being said, people
are worth helping because God in His mercy has called Christians to love Him and love
people (John 13:34-35, English Standard Version). Every person is in need of help
whether or not he or she admits it. Because God has forgiven the sins of those who
believe in Him, through Jesus Christ, there is hope for humanity. Even though people are
sinful each person is meant to be reconciled to God and made perfect in His eyes
(Genesis 3:1-19, English Standard Version).
Culture also tells what personhood is supposed to look like. Whether or not our
American culture is 100% right in its ideas of personhood, there are still many aspects
worth looking at. Our culture says that someone who is well holds a job, has a family
or significant relationships, has specific goals, is physically fit, is willing to help others
through compassion, and is successful whether through fame or fortune. Though I do not
agree that all of these make up a completely well person, I do believe that the ability to

THEORY OF HELPING

have deep relationships and do daily tasks contributes to the life of someone who is
well. A well person is someone who is healthy mentally, physically, emotionally, and
spiritually. However, in this picture of a well person there is no prefect example
because every person, no matter how well he or she is, still struggles on a daily basis
with lifes problems. That being said, I think someone who is well, or at least wants to
be, is able to admit he or she is not fully well.
Considering that people can go from being unwell to a state of wellness
reinforces the idea that people can change. I believe that people change through new
circumstances and experiences. Every college student who starts off college as an 18
year old is different and more mature in many ways by the time they graduate 4+ years
later. That is change. Whether the change occurs through small things like routines or
bigger ideas such as worldview, it is all change. Any type of life transition also changes
people. New situations and new relationships with people that test the once held views of
an individual cause these changes. For example, a male freshman who is an only child
will change when he moves into an all guys residence hall. Sharing a room, living with
friends, and meeting people with different views form his own will cause the student to
change anything from habits to worldviews depending on how different the environment
is from what he has previously experienced.
The thing that most often gets in the way of changing is someone not being open
to change. Wanting to stay in the same place with the same people will more than likely
not lead a person to change. Conversely, this also means that people can change if they
truly desire to. Any type of crisis and conflict can play a part in causing change in a
person as well. These both encourage a person to be outside of his or her comfort zone

THEORY OF HELPING

for a little while. It also encourages them to either react in natural ways or learn what
type of reaction is best for the situation. This can help change a person because in the
harder, uncertain times a persons true view and personality will come out in how they
react to the situation. This can in turn lead the way to areas of change and growth in the
life of the individual. Community also helps guide people into a certain worldview,
which can lead to changes in actions and thoughts. When a person is in a community
with others that community will usually have a specific worldview and encourage the
person to change or view the world in a different way. Experiencing change is an
inevitable part of being human. Experiences and situations add to the changes in an
individuals life by helping them develop in hopefully more positive ways.
Because young-adults are going through changes it makes sense that they need
guidance or help. Helping another person means to provide so a need is met. It is the
role of a college student affairs professional to help students meet needs whether they
stem from crises or normal experiences. This is most evidently seen in the role of
mentors. Mentors are able to make an inspirational impact on the lives of young,
emerging adults who are just beginning to navigate the journey through adult life (Parks,
2000, p. 165). I see myself being most helpful to others by being a resource for others
through listening, giving advice, or being willing to get things done that need to get done.
My role in CSA is to be a help and guide to students. This can be accomplished through
helping students recognize a wider world, supporting them, challenging them, inspiring
them, and keeping students accountable to the goals they want to reach (p. 167).
Faith and meaning-making also play a role in the helping of emerging adults.
These are both realized through the forms of knowing, depending, and belonging. It is

THEORY OF HELPING

vital to help students through the stages of how they know something is true and why.
Helping them transition from being authority-bound to a type of relativism by asking
questions and supporting is how this can be accomplished. Also, assisting students to
move from being dependent to autonomous adults as well as from conventional
community to a mentoring community or self-selected group is beneficial to help them
form meaning (p. 118). Meaning-making is an important part of the emerging adults
years because it allows them to find their place and role as they continue to develop an
adult faith that is mature (p. 132).
There are also a few theories that have helped inform my ideas of helping
students. These theories include: Chickerings 7 vectors, cognitive-behavioral theory, and
solution-focus theory. All of Chickerings 7 vectors, which include: developing
competence, managing emotions, moving through autonomy toward interdependence,
developing mature interpersonal relationships, establishing identity, developing purpose,
and developing integrity, are part of the psychosocial development of college students
(Evans, Forney, Guido, Patton, & Renn, 2010, p. 67). Understanding each of these
vectors has helped me understand what types of growth college students go through
during their college years. From developing communication skills to establishing an
identity to being able to manage emotions, college students go through a lot of personal
change during the years they are in college. I believe these vectors work for students
because they are fluid, which means the student does not have to complete one in order to
move to the next (p. 66). Students may go through many of these at the same time
making their growth flexible.

THEORY OF HELPING

There are also specific aspects of cognitive-behavioral theory and family/systems

theory that I believe apply to helping students. Cognitive-behavior or CBT focuses on
taking the way a person thinks along with any negative thoughts and turns them into
positive thoughts. This theory is informative because everyone, including students, have
negative thoughts about themselves and I believe it is important to change the way
students view themselves and others (Reynolds, 2009, p. 85). This changing in thinking
is especially important in the college years because that is when students start to form
life-long habits. This theory also enforces building life skills with people such as time
management, which is important for students to learn while in college (p. 87).
I also think the family systems theory is a helpful approach to working with
students because the focus is on the individuals life in connection to the community
group they are in. It is important to help the person in a way that brings change through
the social system they are currently in (p. 91). This can be applied in most conflict
management situations involving two or more students.
This theory, CBT, and Chickerings vectors allow the student to be helped through
his or her social interactions and behavioral cognitive thinking. These are main areas that
I see students struggle through during their college years. Besides these theories I am
going to take away a lot from this class and incorporate them as I continue to help
students. First of all, I am going to include the three-phase model of helping by actively
listening, reflecting and summarizing what students say, ask questions, and help them set
goals. The times when we were able to practice these in triads was the most beneficial
and has almost become second nature when I talk with students. I want to continue to use
them in my work with students.

THEORY OF HELPING

The people in my life who have helped me have motivated my pursuit of a

helping vocation. The mentors in my life have made such a huge impact and I want to
be able to do that for others as well. I love helping others and the joy it brings to my life
to know that I helped impact someone elses life in an important way. I also think that
many of my strengths and skills translate well into this type of helping field. These skills
include: leadership, exhortation, and empathy. Leadership is needed to be a helper
because this gives vision to the student in where they want to go and what they want to
do. My ability to exhort students, mainly through the form of encouragement, has
allowed me to help them. When I see how a person acts I usually feel led to tell them
how their actions help or hurt them. Empathy is also a skill I have developed to the point
when I know a student is hurting and am able to be a support with them through that
time.
I also know that there are things I need to work on and that I consider challenging
on the path to helping students. I have a hard time being understanding of a student when
I have know them well and disagree with some of the choices he or she is making. I am
working on being more accepting in those times and not letting how I truly feel about the
situation get in the way of my helping relationship with the student. Something that has
been challenging to me this year as a Grad Intern is knowing how to handle a situation,
whether urgent or not, in the correct way when I am unfamiliar with it. I have learned
that I need introvert moments to process through more deep or intense situations. In an
urgent crisis I can think on my feet, but when it comes to more serious personal crises I
like to have time to reflect in order to figure out how to best help students.

THEORY OF HELPING

Part II
Andrew is definitely a student who needs some help and guidance. Using the
three phase helping model I endeavor to help him grasp what he should do next. The first
phase of the helping model focuses on listening to the dilemma of the student and
summarizing what has been said. Using my personal theory I would summarize the key
factors that draw my attention: his relationships with his parents, his girlfriend, and his
identity or life direction. These seem to be the core of his need to find himself. I think
ultimately it is a deeper issue that is related to his social interactions and the way he
views himself. I would then have him reflect on his identity by having him tell me who
he thinks he is. CBT could be used if he starts to view himself in a negative way and
therefore he can start to change his thoughts to be more positive towards him and others.
The second phase of the helping model seeks to question and confront any
behaviors or gain insight into a main area that needs help. With Andrew I would first ask
him about his classes and then proceed to ask what activities or other areas he enjoys.
From there he can begin to ponder what type of direction he wants to take in his life.
Then I would ask about his relationships with his parents using the family systems model.
Even though his family is not there with him it is important to understand his relationship
with them in order to figure out some of the meaning behind his current mood.
Hopefully this question leads to a better understanding of his home life and why he may
be seeking to find himself. Eventually this leads to asking about the young woman he
is seeing and what about his relationship with her adds meaning to his life. She may help
him feel alive and he is just not yet aware of it.

THEORY OF HELPING

In the third phase the helper is called to assist the individual in taking action. This
is accomplished through setting goals and referring the individual to another source if
needed. With Andrew it is important to ask where he now sees his life heading and what
main topics we talked about does he wish to focus on at the moment. From there he can
start with a couple small goals such as taking a new type of class, trying to talk with his
father, or putting away negative thoughts of himself. From there I think it is important to
then ask him how he feels about going to counseling on a regular basis? I would suggest
that I could walk him to the counseling center or refer him to a specific counselor. This is
a great resource for students and he would greatly benefit from going to see one. More of
the topics we discussed may be answered and it would help him gain more direction in
his life.
Overall, helping is beneficial to anyone in any stage of life. Because college
students are still developing into mature adults it is important to help guide them into
wellness, change, and meaning-making. Knowing my personal theory of helping
prepares me for future work with college students who are still beginning their journey of
making meaning out of their lives. College is a great time for emerging adults to explore
these different and I am so excited that I am able to be a help to students in this area. It is
a privilege to work alongside emerging adults and guide them as they start to make
meaning of their lives.

THEORY OF HELPING

10
References

Evans, N. J., Forney, D. S., Guido, F. M., Patton, L. D., & Renn, K. A. (2010). Student
development in college. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Parks, S. D. (2000). Big questions, worthy dreams. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Reynolds, A. L. (2009). Helping college students: Developing essential support skills for
student affairs practice. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.