Humorous Quotes

A reader writes, "A recent poll asked 2000 women if they'd have sex with Bill Clinton. A shocking 94%
replied, 'Never Again.'" - Quotes by Clinton Jokes

Very Unsuccessful Quotes by Pick-up Lines

Quote
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"Would you like to see my boa constrictor?"

"Is that a false nose?"
"You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno."
"I'm drunk."
"Hi, my friends call me Creepy."
"Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?"
"I just threw up."
"You're ugly but you intrigue me."
"I had to find out what kind of woman would go out dressed like that."
"Hi! Wanna have sex?"

Reads
431
410
432
390
533
457
379
391
452
51

If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" 562 2 "If I could rearrange the
alphabet I would put 'U' and 'I' together." 551 3 "Would you like to go out for pizza and sex? ... What, you
don't like pizza?"

Quotes by Things You'll Never Hear a Man Say

Quote
"8) Here honey, you use the remote."
"7) You know, I'd like to see her again, but her breasts are just too big."
"6) Ooh, Antonio Banderas AND Brad Pitt? That's one movie I gotta see!"
"5) While I'm up, can I get you anything?"
"4) Sex isn't that important, sometimes I just want to be held."
"3) Aw, forget Monday night football, let's watch Melrose Place."
"2) Hey, let me hold your purse while you try that on."
"1) We never talk anymore."