A Pack of Life (APoL)

Chapter 14
Where Despair Is Reality
The city illuminates with bright lights as the night goes by, covering the many things happening at ground level.
Atop the cloud of man-made lights are the tops of many skyscrapers, with only few with their interior lights still on from
the small glass windows. However, a row of windows still stay dimly lit, and in it is a plump figure staring out into the
scenery. Footsteps can be heard entering the large circular room, followed by a kneeling on the black marble ground.
Maam, we have a referral case.
Read it.
The plump lady keeps her hands to the back. She then starts strolling along the edge of the building as the
subordinate reads it to her.
The Kyoto Card Guardian requests to intervene in a suicidal incident not within his area. Divination has
suggested the Victim will take action tonight.
What was the reason for suicide?
It is suicidal tendencies arising from general views of life. The Victim has also been diagnosed with severe
depression and refuses to seek medical assistance.
Whats the age?
The Victim is still in the teens, Maam.
She turns around to look at the subordinate, her neck barely illuminating under the ambient light.
Approve it.
Yes.
As the subordinate melts away into the dark, the lady walks once again to the edge of the building, looking into
the distance.
Its good to teach them a lesson when they are young. It better not end up being a case where kids think that
suicide is the way to go when they do not take a liking to this world. They have more to discover than what they have
seen thus far.

Myousuke hastily arrives at the building Sora stated and sees an abandoned, burnt ground in front of him, within
the area stood an old, off-white building. He sees no one in the vicinity, however on top of it stood a slender figure, with
the shape of a dress blowing with the wind.
Dont tell me she!
He runs around to look for an access point to the roof, and finds an old lift. The lift opens with a press of a
button. As he ascends, he jumps lightly on the lift, with his hands clenching together in a tangle. Moments later he hears
a ting. He rushes out of the doors and sees a rusted sign with the words roof access in sight. He sprints up a short flight
of stairs up to the roof. He opens a metal door to see in the distance Sora, who is standing with one leg on the ledge of
the building, whispering to herself.
Death is a very scary thing, yes? Especially when you are alone; no one will ever know youre dead
Sora-chan! What are you doing over there??
Sora notices a familiar voice back in the distance and shouts at the top of her voice.
Dont come closer!
Myousuke stops on his feet as she takes a step back from the edge. Sora faces Myousuke with a weak gaze.
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Good evening, Myousuke-kun.

He looks away from Sora into the night sky. She gives a brief smile and looks into the same direction with him.
Let me tell you a story, Myousuke.
He glances at her. He remains silent and creeps closer as she continues.
I was once like one of you. I lived life as an innocent and honest human being; everything was great. Every day
from being at school to being at home was a joy. Just living was a joy. Everyone around me was so good to me. My
parents treated me well and occasionally brought me on trips around the country, and even once overseas. My friends
hanged out with me every day and we did a lot of fun things. But everything headed for the worse. And from then I
realised something. It is that things will never go your way for eternity. As long as you stop devoting time to it, things will
deteriorate and fade away and will never revert back to what we want. Friends become distant to me once I rejected to
their group outing. My parents get into quarrels whenever I did something wrong, placing all the blame on me. My best
friend suddenly migrated overseas without mention, and I got rejected twice for two confessions I attempted in middle
school. My father once even canned me because I failed a mid-term test!
But you can still-
Sora looks back sternly at him, who instantly stops at his movements and stands as still as a pole.
You dont know anything! My parents have become crazy! They do not know that Im an emotional, sensitive
girl who will learn her lesson, who will become scared after an incident? They think I need multiple times to learn from my
mistakes as if I was a delinquent!
They probably just wanted you to do well, you know. It hurts for them to scold and hit you too.
So they think I will do well, through violence and punishment? They feel no sense of regret every time they do
that! And in the end I always have to give in to their demands! What makes adults think they are the biggest in this
world?
But they-
You definitely have more understanding parents than me, Myousuke, but not in my case. My parents do not see
reason to not fight in front of their child or even take their stress out on me! They expect me to have my meals even if
Im not hungry! They do not believe me when I say I had my meals outside! I even had to show them receipts to where I
ate my dinner! What sort of understanding is that?
Myousuke then recalls the scene where he sees Sora picking up a receipt in front of a family restaurant.

So that was really her on that evening.

Im sure theyre just trying to be concerned about you, even if not lovingly. They still love you.
And then theres school. School was supposed to be a learning platform built on trust and understanding! I once
had everything! Perfect results, perfect school lifestyle Instead of working hard and getting more, I put in more effort
and got lesser out of it!
Well things get harder in life and we have to learn to cope with them.
My elementary school came to a bad end. Our graduating class decided to create cards of wishes for everyone
to write in before we leave. And this jerk just wrote emo freak and I became a target for the class since then! Whats
worse; he reappeared as a classmate in my first year of middle school, and everything went down! No one wants to be
my friend anymore!
Wow that was very bad of him.
Myousuke looks at Soras eyes turn red and full of frustration.
There are always people in my life to ruin everything! I wonder what I did in my past life to deserve such a life!
I hate these people!

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So you decide to seclude yourself from others, making people less able to communicate or interact with you so
they do not get a chance to understand you ever again?
Sora gives a stern look into Myousukes eyes. He stops in his words and change his tone.
But people will move on, Sora-chan. Insults will fade away so long as you do not take offence to it. A lot of
things will change over the years from when we were kids.
Things in life will change and carve a mark on you, Myousuke; whether it is just a scar or a deep cut. And my
life isnt just full of shallow scars.
Well were in high school now. You can always start again-
Start again? I dont believe in that nonsense anymore. Life can only happen once and it has to be perfect; that
is what I experienced. If life was less harsh on me, I wouldnt end up like who I am today! I did change for life, Myousuke,
but life did not change for me!
Myousuke then recalls APoL, the seemingly fortune-telling deck of Cards that predicts events to change ones
life for the better. But he cannot reveal to her that, especially when she is not here.
People may be seemingly bonded together, but they have no regard for others. In the end were all selfish
people, living to obtain friendships with people we like, and trample on those they dont, never regretting their actions in
between.
He then recalls his popularity in class, where his helpful and active attitude gains all the attention and affection
from classmates and teachers alike.
I once learnt from someone that it is okay to be the worst. People will be around to help you on. Its okay to be
the best too, because you hardly need any help. Its only when one is in between where it is bad. And Im stuck in this
level, where no one will help me, and no one will accept me.
Sora points at the only person right in front of her on the roof, with the strong night wind blowing past.
Not even you. Even if you want to understand me, you will never accept me for who I am now. Im lazy,
unmotivated, without a goal, and bad at almost everything I have to do as a student now, which is studying. If I cannot
even survive the time now, how am I going to live through the rest of my life in modern society? Does it ever come
through your mind that you may not live through this norm?
Well, not yet I guess.
See, you dont feel it at all! Everything in this world we live today is Capitalism! It is driven on nothing but
hypocrisy, and Im not that. Im sensitive, honest, and I do what I think is right. I feel that I really do not belong in this
world. Maybe Im really born in the wrong place.
No! You are not! We just have to adapt and change. That is why we have school. We learn how to socialise with
all kinds of people, to learn how to face situations together and solve them, and to discover what we want to do in life.
This world is so big; there is always something to live for, Sora-chan.
But it has been so many years, and I have no goal in life at all! Doesn't that make me a sinner? Is it okay to be
fully manipulated by the modern world??
With a scream, Sora suddenly squats down near the edge of the building.
I hate this world so much, Myousuke. I dont want to live in this world anymore
As tears roll down her cheeks onto the concrete floor, Myousuke approaches her slowly. He squats in front of her
close enough to see her teary eyes.
You asked me once why I stare into the sky every day in school. Before everything, it was because I loved the
sky, and that is what my parents told me when giving me my name. But now, Ive actually seen it as a path to another
world.
Before Myousuke could react, she wipes her face, takes out an envelope and passes it to him.

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Take this,
As Myousuke receives the pink letter in surprise, Sora looks around towards the edge and shoves him away as
she takes a step forward.
And leave.
NO!
And as Myousuke quickly recovers from his shock, he reaches out his hand beyond the edge of the building,
inches away from the fallen angel in a white dress. She descends quickly yet gracefully, looking back at him. Myousuke
sees her fade into the distance into the darkness below. His hand quickly and reluctantly withdraws and takes a few steps
back before closing his eyes, only to hear a slight splat sound as the body touches the ground. The loud thump attracts a
by-passer who is shocked in seeing what is before him. He quickly takes out his phone to report the incident.
Myousuke glances above the edge and sees nothing. He inches a little more to see a leg in a pool of blood.

If youre near a freak accident, do not use any of your Cards or you get traced by other users. Just leave the
area, ok?"
He heads hastily for the stairs. As he leaves through the gate at the back of the building, he rushes back home,
with the letter in his hand and his face full of tears, with more adding to the letter from his teary face.

The next day, Myousuke wakes up in his room, still remembering the incident the night before. He takes the
empty pink envelope and looks all over it for clues. He sees a line of words with very cursive handwriting. Suddenly his
phone rings, and he picks up to hear an unfamiliar voice.
Is this Kawazoe Myousuke-kun?
Myousuke arrives at a humble apartment floor not far from school. He rings the doorbell and a hand with a
distinctive wedding ring opens the door, revealing a couple standing by the doorstep. As Myousuke walks past the rooms,
he sees a newspaper flipped open in the middle of the living room. He glances to see an obvious headline.
DEAD GIRL REPORTED SEEN BESIDE ABANDONED BUILDING IN TOKYO DISTRICT
They walk into a dark and unoccupied room. The curtains were drawn open, and placed on the table a notebook.
At the bottom right corner of the black cover wrote Sora, who is staring into the sky. Myousuke then takes out an empty
letter from his pocket, in which the mother takes a look at the handwriting before taking out an empty white envelope
with the same writing.
Its our daughters writing. You must be the messenger she has been mentioning about in this diary.
Myousuke shows a face of confusion. He opens and reads the other letter as it is passed to him.
From Sora, to anyone
Hello. This is Sora. The one who loves the sky as she is named so to be ambitious in her dreams, to be one with many
people and to live through every day fruitfully. This has been true, but not for long. The father was one with a temper,
having an opinion of everyone in his life and complaining about everything else, including the sky. The mother isnt any
better, as she becomes more chatty and unforgiving over time, adding a barrier to the sky. Every time these two quarrel
the sky turns into a dark hue, followed by a shot of anger similar to a thundercloud.
The school is never a place for the sky to stay. It is more like a place to break down the sky further. The sky doesnt
stretch out to everyone, but when it does, it never lasts long. Many like to complain about its bad moods and even
criticised it for not being as understanding and kind as it should be. People hated and never loved the sky, so much so the
sky is never existent in this world with anyone.
Apparently all that is left for the sky is this cloud. This cloud resides on the altar inside the private residence of the sky.
This cloud is forgiving, never complains about what the sky does to it, and keeps the biggest secrets of the sky to the best
of its ability. But even a large cloud cannot contain enough water vapour for the sky and must start its downpour.
Sorry to anyone. The sky just cannot take this much insult, lack of reason and meaningless of existence, and has decided
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to take the easy way out. The sky thanks its parents for crushing its hopes; they have made it rethink of life time and
time again.
P.S.: Refer to the messenger Myousuke (XXX-XXXX-XXX) for more, for he is the only one who came close to even
touching the sky.
Myousuke looks towards the bed, the mother leaning on the fathers shoulder, weeping profusely.
I didnt realise. It was not until recently that I noticed something was wrong with her.
No, it wasnt your fault. Its due to us not giving her what she wants, misleading her to such a decision.
The room is illuminated by the morning light. Myousuke stands opposite the room beside the desk, looking out
into the window with the abandoned building in the distance. On the book a folded page can be seen protruding out, with
a signature similar to a French name Claus.
Chapter 14 Extra:
Diary Entries of Sora, who is staring into the sky
Unhappy Dissatisfaction
Today, the teacher scolded me again. This is ridiculous. I thought teachers are supposed to be encouraging students to
improve, even despite the many failures in our efforts. But I cannot argue. Im just a student. A victim who can only do
nothing but suffer in silence.
I hope they do know what kind of people they are cultivating by doing this. I know Im not going to be a member of
modern society anytime soon.
(I Think They) Hate Me
I shouted at my classmates today. I really am starting to wonder what is wrong with me, throwing a fit like that to others.
Interestingly, it happens both ways as I hear murmurings about me in the background. I then noticed even apology is
useless.
Look at yourselves, people. The hidden criticism shared amongst people of your kind. Mine is just not agreed with more
than one person, who is me. Its okay. Im the one who understands them, not them of me.
I asked for a certain someone to help me do something. Because she sees me doing nothing, she tells me to do it myself.
Just because I dont do it now means you will not do it for me? Selfish beings.
I wonder what the opposite of reason is. Is it excuses?
Im alone at home today again. Mom is out on a vacation. She told me to settle lunch and dinner myself. Mind you, she
forgot to tell me to settle breakfast too. And also the meals for tomorrow. And also to the father. I even got a scolding
from him about her decision, which is not my fault anyway.
How come people can just ignore their children just like that? Is this independence or just a way to lighten their own
burden? They will never understand that all I need is just some care and concern, not noise pollution. I can finally have
some peace and quiet to myself, at least.
Creativity
In Creative Writing today, the external tutor commented on my harsh words used in writing. So what? I cannot write in
this manner? I must write in a manner of beautiful words and nice phrases, is it?
Education is nonsense. They are training people to behave in a specific way. Its the delinquents who are smart enough to
break out of this robotic system.
The Freedom of Expression Rule assumes that everyone around oneself does not mind one's expression.
That is why I dont speak. Not in front of others.
And so I decide to write it here. Thanks, paper. You are a true member of freedom.

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We must constantly compare with each other, for competition makes the worst of us.
My parents are great at that, in the most negative way possible. I can see why theyre successful in life and Im not.
Wait, they arent successful in life at all.
On the way home, I noticed something: I'm actually a hidden perfectionist. I hate everything around me, including
myself. Time to jump off a building.

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