July, femicie ‘2 : Abe No. 72 CHEAPBELLIS MAGAZINE memo oa ax ons Or WIEN TY caines, PUBLISHER wo, Aubert B. Fetasteiny gaiter pear Als ‘Since it's 0% Singegent you Te Teer 60 YOU Ci Ghousands YoleeramsNUMBER 72 JULY ‘The trouble with trying to getaway from ital these days is that most of i is portable)" Alfred E. Neuman, PUBLISHER: William M.Gaines EDITOR: ART DIRECTOR: John Putnam EDITORIAL ASSOCIATES: Jerry De Fuccio, Nick Meglin LAWSUITS: Martin J. Scheiman ‘SUBSCRIPTIONS: Gloria Orlando, Celia Morell, Anthony Giordano CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS AND WRITERS: The Usual Gang of Idiote DEPARTMENTS AD-LIB DEPARTMENT Hotel Ad DINERS’ CUB DEPARTMENT ‘A MAD Look At The Eating Habits Of Animals . DON MARTIN DEPARTMENT "A Fisherman And His Wife” "On The Elevator” “The Salesman DOUBLE-TALK DEPARTMENT ‘AMAD Guide To Party Conversation EASY ON THE SOCKET-BOOK DEPARTMENT ‘A MAD Guide To “Do-It-Yourself” TV Repairs ...... FUNDERS, KEEPERS DEPARTMENT MAD Visits A Charity Organization Meeting HOLLYWOOD DEPARTMENT “Feat Of Strength”—A Scene We'd Like To See INVISIBLE SHIELDS DEPARTMENT ‘C-Men In Action JOKE AND DAGGER DEPARTMENT ‘Spy Vs. Spy F erate LETTERS DEPARTMENT. Random Samplings Of Reader Mail MARGINAL THINKING DEPARTMENT Little-Known Mottos For Little-Known Organizations . MOM 1S FOR-GIVING DEPARTMENT MAD Mother's Day Gifts PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER, THEY SPELL—DEPARTMENT Mother's Day Cards For Substitute Mothers SLIPPING DISCS DEPARTMENT Celebrities’ Wallets (Chubby Checker's) THE YELLOWED KIDS DEPARTMENT If Comic Characters Were As Old As The Strips WE'LL SEE YOU INHALE DEPARTMENT The Lighter Side of Smoking WRY OFF THE ROCKS DEPARTMENT Old Time Vs. Future Prison Movies **Various Places Around The Magazine 1962 Ibert B. Feldstein PRODUCTION: Leonard Brenner PUBLICITY: Larry Gore, Richard Barnstein 1" 38 37 48 24 41 20 40 30 18 12 8 14 33 yao, Sux ame Vol Norber 72, i published moubly, vce February, May, Baten conie aed by ee Buhler fee" he Pair an Edis repensinle Yor rns anit ‘tn aquest ll manusetipts be “ateor panied ‘Binary or ak ea canoer Peete caer ete VITAL FEATURES MEN IN ACTION ........ ae, Saluting those brave men " who leave the White House jA black-snd-blue each dl from guarding our secret weapon-CarolineKennedy, CELEBRITIES’ WALLETS 2 MAD presents a new twist ‘on an old theme~Chubby Chackor's wallet-showing what it is. Tike to. live fon the “fad” of the land. 1 fe ‘great gag writers MAD looks at the clever fricks used by charities 20 you'll bo touched by theit appeal, and 80 they can put the touch on you! COMICS AS OLD AS THEIR STRIPS.....26 MAD shows how itd be if 7 a few comic strip heroes wore forced to act their age—mainly they'd be us- jing the editorial whee: ‘OLD TIME-FUTURE PRISON MOVIES . 33 “CZ Future prison movies will =i feflect changes in penal methods. Now, “He's doing a. stratch!” moans. "He's ee "show Sia ie come “piglets eat like humans, AWAD GUOETO TV REPAIRS Ss ra ou a improve TV reception—by er era et j Sate ncaa“GO JEST, YOUNG MAN!” JOIN... THE FRONTIER THE MOVEMENT GUARANTEED TO TURN YOUR MIND INTO A WILDERNES: This latest paperback collection of articles from past issues has inspired such slogans as: “ASIC NOT WHAT MAD CAN 00 FOR AMERICA ASK WHAT AMERICA CAN DO ABOUT MADE” ON SALE NOW Or yours by Mail for 40¢! = (use coupon or duplicate) — = = == MAD POCKET DEPARTMENT 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N.Y. PLEASE SEND ME: (] THE MAD FRONTIER Also please send me enclose: [1 The MAD Reader 1 40¢ fort [MAD Strikes Back 1 75¢ for 2 CiInside MAD [51$1.08 for 3 (1 Utterly MAD ($1.40 for 4 1 The Brothers MAD ($1.75 for 5 (The Bedside MAD (0 $2:10 for 6 Con Of MAD ($245 for7 (The Organization MAD ]$2.80 for 8 CLike MAD ($3.15 for 9 [i The Ides Of MAD (21$3.50 for 10 CFighting MAD 11 $3.85 for 11 and if you're really loaded [$4.20 for 12 TIDONMARTINSteps Out C1S.50 NAME. ADDRESS. cry. ZONE__ STATE, (On orders ouside U.S.A, a 005 ent. ABSOLUTELY FREE! ‘ont Taupht Nest ment BOMB LETTER have watched i for years now, and 1 just can’ figure why the bomb in your ‘mailbox doesn't go of Glenn Haeder Glen Ellyn, I Because it's « dud-like some letters we get! Frrinstonce this nel KEEPING A GREAT TRADITION As a satisfied MAD render since 1956, 1 wish to compliment you, Too man) ppoople fail to realize the concepr of free dom that underlies MAD, When your articles deal with politics or cher subjects, they ate both humorous and thought pro- voking. The right of feee speech, the Free: dom to criticize is esseatial co a Demoe racy. MAD is in keepiag with this adi SL Layme Washingron, D.C MORE EFFICIENT SNOW REMOVAL In issue #70, in the article entitled "More Bifcient Snow Removal," you had all the damp trucks standing side-by-side facing us, In the next picture, you had all the trucks filled with snow and going back in the opposite direction, How ia. heck can all those trucks placed so close «0° igether possibly turn around and go back the other way? Kenneth Hall Decroit, Mich The problem will be solved in a follow-up article entitled "More Efficient Dump-Truck Removat”—noxt winter.—Ed Great solution, but where do you dump the snow? And don't give me 2 wisccrack fe Richard Hussh Chelisford, Mass Then don’t sk o wiecrack queston|—Ed WE'RE LOOKING FOR ALFRED ON TV Recently, your boy, Alfred E. Newman, ‘made a "guest appeatance” on the "Bulle ‘wiakle Show.” Now I know what Newon Minow meane by TV being a "vast waste land Dave Felcher Bronx, N.Y. SOMETHING IS ROTTEN IN DENMARK 1 just wane to tll you that here in Den. mark, we are great MAD fans, too. T think MAD is the funniest magazine in the world ‘Aage Mikel Christensen Odense, Denmark Las vierior BUDSKAB +) Yt seine siDes. | ‘Aage and therfore in Denmark my be Ghod 1 know thot MAD snow publahed in Banishing our Swedioh and British od fon, MAD’ Denmerk. dion it eoled NGAS'~uhatever in heck thot eons in Donna MAD IN JAPAN When 1 found oue that I wes moving to Japan, 1 was OVERJOYED! Mainly because thar meant Td take a nice long vacation from your trash. But what hap- Dens? They're all reading it here, oo! Do vou have fo corrupe the Japanese minds Mary Richter ‘Yokohama, Japan We didn't know we had a Japanese edition! ‘Are you sure it n't justo che imitation? Ed, NEW HEAD-QUARTERS! That’ right! Four quarters wil get you a BISQUE CHINA HEAD OF deaatioe ALFRED E. NEUMAN ter ight quarters wil get you a bigger head! ses aus MAD. BUST. OC fate 850 Third Avenue, New York 22. N.Y. Sac tuny NAME: Cie pores. cry. ZONE STATE.MARGINAL THINKING 1 can't figuse out why you insist on in cluding your "Marginal Thinking Dept.” fn every issue. You never do any thinking, anyway. So why put it in at all? Cliff Seetinger ‘Van Nuys, Calif We can’t think of en onswerl—Ed, ARTHUR think your lietle odd plane named ‘Anthor” might become more famous than Alfred E. Neuman. How did you get fon this “Arthur” kick, anyway? ‘Ronald Smich Detroit, Mich Is “Archur” a symbol of civilization? Mainly cha its gone to pot? ‘Leon Zola Santiago, Chile "Arthas" js a bloomin’ idiot! Gilbert Bolitho Pottsville, Pa ‘There are nine of us here who want "in" on the "Archue” bie Chris M. Campbell Take Worth, Pla Okay, we'll let you in on the “Arthur” bit ‘Arthur" ts © real plant It graces the win: dow sill of MAD's Production Dept. It was {grown from an avocado seed by our kockie ‘Art Director, John Putnam (abv). Hey, ‘gang! How about staring © "Let's Grow An Arthur" movement! All you have to. do ie remove and dry an avocado seed, suspend It halfway in @ gloes of water tilt sprouts tools and'@ leafshoo!, then pot it—Ed. MAD SAMPLER ‘You guys are really sticklers for detail! Let me congratulate you for actually go- ing out aod having some lady make you a teal sampler. Anj other so-called humor magazine would have killed such a fine brainstorm by trying to simulate a sampler with flat are work: Keep up the pains- taking authenticity and the great satire, Lawrence Siebl Bayoane, New Jersey Thanks, Lary, but let's clear up one point ‘That was ne lady—that was my Mother tewlEd, NO SPOT COMMERCIALS How can you possibly sell your mags ine to teenagers? Ie dots not include the minimum of nine “clear up pimples and acne” advertisements per isu! Janet Elfenbein Frechold, N. J. FIERY ACCLAIM ‘Your lates issue was, by far, the bright- cst! T'want you to know that more than, fone voice rose in acclaim—as the last of its ashes flickered and died. Steve Yelen Meadville, Pa MATERNAL SNOW JOB I think that MAD Magazine is ccal cool! Apparently, so docs my mother! She buried my latest issue in a snowdrife be- bind the house! Stan Shainbrowa Brookdlya, N.Y. (MAD CHECKLIST (Once ogcin, we'd like to plug "THE COM: PLETE MAD CHECKLIST," on extensive in- xing of oll par iaues of MAD Magazine, cluding contents of each issue, crossin dexed by tiller, arity, weiter, and other funhlvaginer informotion. This big fot 100 pager of idiocy is published by @ devoted MAD fon and can bo yours for $1.50 per copy from: Fred von Bernewits, Dept. M2, 12006 Remington Drive, Siver Spring, Mary. land. Congratulations ‘on a fantastic job, Fredl Too bed you can’t sell onyl—Ea. Plaose addres all corresponds ‘MAD, Dept. 72, 850 Third Avenue ‘New York 22, New York = SUBSCRI arn. = = = = (use coupon o duplicate) = NAME, ADDRESS, ory. STATE. OnGuard! (Oops! Too bad! You were “foiled again"! Mainly, we got you to read ths pitch to BETO_, MAD MAD SUBSCRIPTIONS 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N. Y. | could “Yeint” from your ridiculous “lunges! at my money. But let's not ‘parry” over two bucks. I've “thrust” it in an envelope along with this coupon. Please add my name to your subscription list and send the next 9 issues of MAD. | guess I'm just @ soft "touché’! zoNE—_ ‘Allow @ works for sbscripon vo be pre “A GOLDEN TRASHERY OF MAD” IS DESTINED TO BE A CLASSIC!! ‘ACCLASSIC EXAMPLE OF OVER-PRODUCTION!! (Mainly, we got more copies now then we printed!) So if you'd like to own a copy of this hard-cover, deluxe anthology of MAD— 136 pages of humor, parody and satire (many in vivid color)—rush the coupon with your money today, before it be: ‘comes a “Collector's Item,” ... mean- ing our Garbage Collector is waiting to take away the whole fershlugginer load MAD ANTHOLOGY 850 Third Avenue, New York 22, N.Y. | enclose $2.95. Please rush THE GOLDEN TRASHERY OF MAD NAME, ADDRESS, oo SS 2Alfreds Poor ALMANAC MAD goes on sale. Maris has 13 home runs, Birthday of Ezra Flimm, wine occupied highest U.S. 10 | is 27 games ahead of Ruth's record pace. G=x 2/11 | Govt. post, namely cleaner of Washington Monument. = | Hooray, nooray for the 12h of May! sem | Mother's Day: give Mom the greatest az 12| chicken-Fat canning begins today! = 1 | gift of all today—your absence! Ble 7 wen | “A drowning man washed up on : 1 | Mickey Bitsko withdraws rom 6 Day Bike Race when | 14 | the teach is ito be tide!” eBay | 15 | neti erste tne poopie be glee assure w= | Chubby Checker accidentally speeds up Fame movies _|"~v">| Jimmy Hoffa launches drive to > 16 [ot Hawaiian Huta Dancers, invents the "Twist", 1957. | 17 [organize Go.Cart crivers, 1961 irs. Emme Verbly dvorces husband, a Mink azo | 22 [A crazy Frenchman who Keeps jmpingin 18 | Breeder; says she got a bum wrap, 1949. \S))¥"| 1.9 | the river is often judged ‘in Seine’! Castro grows beard so he can't be wr [Sohann Sebastian Bach decides > ¢ 20) Sica eretacedin 13s” Pek IB | 21 |tcestorSorowee 1757 Be | Avoid today if = | Hulbert Mcintosh frst man to crs country one 22] you possibly cant Frag | 2B | shoestring. Says k eats the train, 1921. [runs Mars enters Aries, Venus enters Capricorn, and BR "A Marine sergeant who deserts we 24 | Sam iiote enters Mayo linc for observation, 1951286 | 25 | nis men's rotten tothe Corps!" <= sia | Aad Neuman devises is Law of elt. ase | S| Akad: Nouran len Law of Rely ae 26 | Wrts demands thathe divulge 1958, Few | 27 | Wortd demande that he explain 1958 fee sox | ifredE. Neuman explains his Law of Relativity. are | vor | French swordsman, Pierre LeDres, ——-, 2B | Worid demands that he forget it. 1988. B88: | 29 | saved by duel iter, 1823, AN ee | Memorial Day; celebrated by parades, spec 30 | Meera emcee ter RBI] 31 | stole ieee ats os WRITER: FRANK JACOBS JUNE 2,322,000 brides will goto the altar this month. eA] 11 | 11567,894 of these will find the groom backed cut. Ng 2 | ciscovering hidden claws in his contract, 1937, ep | 3 [endsupwih tsar SOARES oeEeS ,000 Miso Ball Wee pavto, (Y (S| nz Dens rises “avd Copper ure 8 4 Seed '5 Le) Dept of Rete far pry, 1364 Ro London forany3 eas evordue 1381 od ‘wuns| Anarchist plots bombing of Mt. Rushmore. | Hovsotecying Seat ot Approves 1986, 7 | Atept ner shatersal orocedcnce 1585 sludenisin the USSR re ; "= | Batoon Maker, Malcom Ferateather, S| B | indeed soba ty tar Mare BES | 5 |e eran OE a) =~ [Napoleon's undertaker gts =r | christs Season begiosin 10 | check or shor ber 1821 MEAG | 7 | rss Sensor ezine” fs — | oe ‘wns | Marshal Plan fails in Dodge City ‘Donald Duck named “Field and Stream’ ‘Man of the Year, 1951 5 Ta re eon eae wens] Torquemada arrested for supplying answers to p Q\ p| ™ en Harry 14 | contestants in Spanish Inquisition, 1485, FAB] 15 | Gribbicn sovers tes; causing Scar derailment, 1923, 17 | eitorantodeyMon'satsonest” omer st 18 | Richard M. Ogg, inventor of the wheel, 41,276 B.C. 19 | pet possum to whistle “Dixie”, 1933. pO rw | Longest day the year, except in Alcatraz w smu ani + | At 4:17 today, Luther Ferquati will <2 2)22| sree cectcas tee SEEES [23 | Chats wie lato tose ca. wer | Great aco telescope at Jouve Bank, Ehaland wr | MAD goes of ste Maris has 13 Rome rune a vouniee vigearety us Boner ace | 95 | 18 camer bend nuth' resord pare, et REINVISIBLE SHIELDS DEPT. Government agencies such as the F.B.., the Treasury Department and the C.L.A, have been glorified in books, movies, magazines, and on television as well as other disgusting media. But, alas, ‘one government agency has received little if any acclaim. We therefore suggest that TY producers might do well to turn the spotlight on that agency about which there hes. never been a trite show, that branch of the Secret Service whose gallant members risk their lives daily guarding the President's daughter, Caroline. A TV show featuring those dauntless, death defying men might go like this ® SAN ae 2 ‘Good evening! | am John W. Kindergarten, Chief of the C-Men—the men who guard Caroline Kennedy. These stories are based ‘on our confidential files. files that ate al tleky and gooey because Caroline ‘cannot keep her cotton pickin. jelly ‘smoared litle fingers out of them! ‘The day on which tonight's story takes place started routinely enough. It was 'B:d0 A.M., and I'd ust summoned three of my top C-Men for briefing ARTIST: NORT DRUCKER WRITER: EARUE DOUD, ney The time: 8:43. The agents: Agent Milton Brown, a Yale grad ‘on joan from the F.B.L, who had rounded up 27 members of the notorious Murder, Inc, gang single handed alt dedicated men who performed thelr duties | ‘without complaint! Phone call for you, chiet| No, nt on that phone! Someone's calling on Caroline's private Tine! and finally, ‘Agent George ‘Toughy” Brahahan, schooled at MT who recently made headlines by breaking up this country's largest Russian Spy Ring! ‘Agent C.C, Foster, graduate ‘of Prineston, who was machine: gunned by the Black Hand and lived . | nope we play Chief, must wear this stupid Clown Suit again if inaveto diaper her Betsy. Wetsy oll once pleying "Cops and ut tt might ve been Lyndon Johnson kidding ‘around, but we can't take any ‘chances! Get The time: 856, Caroline hhad been threatened! | ispatched the 3 agents tothe White House to wateh over her. In view ‘of the urgency of the situation, | instructed them not to walk but Instead to skip ‘all the waytl i trade you three Mickey Mantles fora Roger Marist! ‘Cause lke | say! Just overheard some mean ‘widdle kids in the cwandy Store and so, and so, and so thay were saying as how they wuz gonna get even with Caro, Caro, Caroline, ‘and, and, ‘cause she didn't invite them to her birthday party, and so, and 30, this afternoon, and ‘cause gotta hang ‘up now, $0 long! some bullets for my service revolver, Chief, ‘anda string for my Yolo! ‘Docs shorts are too ‘lahSeay si Mi) {Ui i = RMT inmeceye | Astsana” (EE eHAVESE IN cea unc worm woon | [FZ P| Gating | intheyatrtotousel |] eeporters are || care WHO Fide this way, |] Heroes. || Work can't | , finishes || myhairt Besides |} coming tointer. || you are! Carona! Be’ ff cess SS, Hl even fina Be brtsting nee | TENN Basie Wearent # | causethere may e200", Prine to nish |_| teeth, then | understand tim her taking | “beacreat big’ |! "nopody's {| Chapter 3 of P| “you'ewo” | feather! ou know if ugly splintern H] taken my my White P| can brusn the only magazine this Bannister, |} picture yeu |] _ House | | yours! Ovay? that hasn't done and we wouldn't memoirs! | RS my lita story yet want YOU to get L stuck with i 1 leould have |J They just || Deaht Caarotine [twas supposed to go on sworn | heard [] don't make |] just made a funny! With the narration and Yicking in || high chairs || She said the say something here, but there Tike they” || Elephant Burial L "ve forgotten what it Used to! || Ground ts whayah was {was supposed to = the Republicans. say! So Il ust give goto die! You the time. ‘The time: 10:22 A.M. What's g This seems iy, wat! |[ eax, mins ][ Ui trade |] Hey it Have shear, ]| only it you wovlanteive || Things could be || You three || You know || nonimuss | safe, Caroline! Caraline! || promise to Wocan cary || worse ve courd || Wevater || anything || “mean? arent256, || "rade me Waterront Reuthers || about on mud pies || three John Crime War fora || anonymous | shovanea || ‘Datigers asslenment! sirimy_ || Bveatenng | Hoffat aCBRN ey So\told Pater itwe || Quite sot if you agree tof} Am, nutst | Towertantfstortne sovet |] Cute se. on seta) TT probably beat Union, we are only jl saetort nat my oldman ] the propeller endangering the entre] cities tne cand Cesce bt | on my bean winean Allance! pecakel E CaS if © S | it mysterious phone caller had not een apprehended. | dotalled my men to stick to their job! | We couldn't take any chances! And mainly, I sure didn't want them hanging around this office in these ridiculous clothes! Twas time for Caroline's path. and my men were ight there». with hee / o" F I where's | Youneara The time: 4:59 P.M. As yet, the come — LJ carciiner ‘Special agents assigned to the ready cave had not uncovered Caroline's | or nottt m4 ‘lice ‘enemies, | instructed them in Putt putt. } anonymous belate |} a esn't bo || accordance with the Secret Service | putt putt L fordinner |} pay our bill ‘motto, to stay on the job and tonight)" attend the Birthday Party, where have to play f] does! Good-byet! Twas sure they would find the pay =) guilty conspirators. Yes, we at jacks!" Q the Secret Service work "round the clock to get a job done! As another game |-7 alary they pay me... alary they pay me... alary they pay — Good show! | daresay this may come as a bit of 2 Sticky wicket, But just FF FB chai it up to one of my eceadilos! I'm sorry, ld chaps, but it was | and Shirley MacLaine Je. who turned you in to the gendarmes! We are, as you ‘might say, brat finks! N Ve FARO racer inp oven! vas, roaine cote Mane vara sn cant Soe eee Bue tar taf mater age ciate Beep Meet or ie we ul ere oe cies anare ictit Wet SoS cree rein tern eco “poe wa end i] eee a ae eaePA) ZA Il You men have done 2 "| st our Secret Service ‘boys. Caroline, it's time for bed. You can ‘lther go to sleep, watcha) Wha oe Goodie gan eevee BL nee ce ‘or stay up towatch Wy State ofthe Union i ‘Address on TV! say we all |] only i'd of birthday. |] iti We can't cake? have litle Caroline playing with knives oa Oe A, OWNS AZ BI sco ey tes or Me east from next week's LoBA hriling episode of Fie) “Men in Action"! ‘Cause I'm bored! Nothing exciting ever happens around heret You guys are rounded up the |[ Had a couple of ‘ules Cardona gang teday! Had a |) the Waterfront Zhour running gun ff today. I got shot battle with them!” ff about 50 times! Killed them all! Just a typical day! i —__| wear this stupio Phone call for you, on that phone! Its someone calling on Caroline's privateAD-LIBS DEPT. Here we go again with the new feature in which we graphically illustrate our personal reactions to magazine advertisements by slight “MAD” editorial additions to the originals. Like f'rinstance this HOTEL AD My God, George, if that Bo) bag ever opens and those —™ ‘towels fall out sua [obs 0 A01Here we go again with our fictionalized version of things we'd probably find if we were to examine the contents of ae 4! - ’ ; , , au, Chubby Che The National Cultural Information Bureau WASHINGTON, b,c. Dear Mr. Checker: « In answer able to forint Sincerely, Teen Co oS. tm ang, Debbie Slater, Reevarce on, S,_In answer to 3 7a adea, what the Uneuprorren, aun fates Will be in logs ovsent, Compa Oftice when’ the tine Director « ve have fon et, te your loca: sores. 5, Sd ind ie fin fall ch one 'The Glick Surgical Supply Corp. SLICKSVILLE, MAINE ee alts Leet Sop of ces, cores, Supports Coectve Equipment forthe Chiopretc Pot a Der Mt Checker, Enclosed is ov: Anpual Report to Stockholers 3 Fnac Sina ee May,” 1961 0 Apri 1968 nc yoshave ben acquiring stock in our cor Botation over the as 18 moth ana ee Libs sage stockholder cae al cure 9) Weare ring bis pec eter AS you will owe pros have socech ‘ne high. For some ungplaned eee aa, reached unbeinaiepportons Tansee slemand for cu clan’ non tao ive Year pul together oe I unin Diy ou RTS Baa thsinease sod pured sack see Enclosed also isa didend check fe Fg, Thank you fr your confidence. We he fe yn Kontinue to have your sport and ee never need one of our siphons — WS, ns — rthilt sh Sanford Hunt Mr Fosworth Sanen untoorth wilams Sanford Wiis your presen wy of Tees 0 iaty To yn fom rend on andret eS see Looe Waldorf-Astorie of he Wl tre ¥ Grand Be Set \ ‘on the oe fe sie aNNUIMEN See ace rat wis with Chubby THE U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT WASHINGTON 25, D.C. ear tir, Checke are Yon course, slvays inter ighe with the Soviet tt ‘Exchange Prog merous interested ea a i oem HEADS Pattee ot ent Rea re AP depecsatty considering es Khrashel Net resection Yo tho *Can-Gn a Aung T Ploick ect _» 3 Qgheiral Beshange Pfoeros wf THE LAW brRM OF KASAVURL BU & MOE 3UTUTU SAMOMT, AHtreA, ‘DSGr Me. Chockarteay Fen St hon baba of ur cen the Bes! Aircon MeueMau abet twatorial Ales eer intiing ana et i fe TIL doing c dance called the Tei Misi en oulemdon acto en claim iat, or geniuses, they have a9 the aac same ence se Fertility Rites) ae ‘rout las, Using thls dace ot we agains! you Black Mate Ri ‘Henman, Feaseric bat.WE'LL SEE YOU INHALE DEPT. DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK WHAT A RIDICULOUS HABIT THE “SMOKING” 1S? THE TOBACCO COMPANIES AND MADISON AVE. 1 AAKE AS FORTUNE: WML YOU tie cero = LIGHTER GIVING UP SMOKING IS EASY! ‘MARK TWAIN DID IT A THOUSAND TIMES! MAYBE, AFTER YOU READ SI DE THIS ARTICLE, YOU'LL GIVE UP ANOTHER RIDICULOUS HABIT reaone maw ces = IE Not yet! She asked me to entertain you tiltshe comes down, Come int Okay, Sidney, boy! Here's your chance to act suave and debonalr. Fist, take ' beg your pardon, but don’t you think itt be wiser if you it the tobacco end instead of the filter? like a cultured gentle rman! Never mind why ‘they do i, just doit out the silver cigarette case with a slow, smooth action Now, with a graceful flourish, take out the gold cigarette lighter, flick t smartly, and boring the flame te the—KING WRITER & ARTIST: DAVID BERG MUST YOU SMOKE THAT DIRTY OLD PIPE IN THE HOUSE AND sMELL UP THE PLACE?!Tit have exusn Prat Filter. Er a pack of ing Se, | Sox Geach Piast Tipped “Sparkies" Tauesst |{ Sort Pacid | | Box. guesst Tipped. | Please! plain | (suppose End? - V; C 1pu0By jeu 1/20 1 S884y—,21RW VAY POD SYM Voce Look at this beautitul ‘YOU SLOB!! ARE YOU mew ash tray | bousht , ‘OUT OF YOUR MIND Hanvt it lovely? I ‘ - DIRTYING UP MY NEW ASH TRAY!‘Thanks, Seymour! You're] ’s pal! hate to take a guy's last cigarette! Oh It's your last one! Gad! Look at the miserable weather! We bitter cold, the snow has piled up into drifts, and now the sleet is 7" 1 see you're using a Hey, Sam! What's the | swear! The nest suy - and as your doctor, cigarette holder, Sar! cigarette holder for? who pulls that corny Sem, I'm ordering you~ Simatter? Your Doctor ‘Did your doctor tell ‘ld gag on me, i= Keep away from cigarettest! {ell you to stay away syou to keep away from cigarettes? Heh! igarettes? How-How!! :PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER, THEY SPELL—DEPT. Since the custom these days seems to be for Mothers to spend less and less time with their children—if possible—it seems to us that they don't quite deserve” all those Mother's Day Honors. Some recognition should really go to the people who help train and educate the child, and who just plain keep the little monster out of Mommy's hair. Therefore, we at MAD. suggest these Happy Mother's Day To An Ex-Teacher Who taught me all my ABC's, And P'sand Q's too, if you please? You did! Who stopped the tantrums that # threw, And taught me how to tie a shoe? You did! Who taught me all about aie Play, And what kids should and shouldn't say? You dia! Who sewed the buttons on my clathes, And taught me not to pick my nose? You aia! Who got fed up with parent's work, Saving dally like a Turk With less pay than a soda jerk, And quit to find some other work? YOU DID! But Happy Mother's Day, Anyway!) Day | Reiger | Pex PEE MERIT Ea see on (. a oe A Mother’ ToMy ie) Hove you, Dr. Gittelson You ate my second mother! You cure me quiek when tam sick Mother's ‘eason this is such a treat Should be as plan as day-time The “home care” you preseribe for me Leaves nothing left for play-time! 's Day Greeting ¢ Baby Sitter You're my mommy when my folks Go out, get smashed, and tell bad jokes. Asa mother, you're & doll You give me candy when I bavl, You let me eat from kitty's dish ‘And stroke and squeoze my Dad's goldfish You let me stay up late ata ‘And wreck most everthin Bult just one thing offends my soul ‘Must you play that "Rock'n Roll"?R’S DAY CARDS E “se dlls MOTHERS A Mother's Day Tribute To An Inanimate Mother My mummy is a picture tube: Twateh her til 'm dizey! She's better than my real one i, ‘Cause that one's always busy! She cheers me up when I feel sad; ‘She's there when I am lonely! Trget a lecture with each ed Like real ones, they're baloney! Folks might call her CBS, or yybe even NBC! Bult, far as T'm concerned she's just ‘A loving M-O-M to me! a To My Camp Counselor On Mother"s Day o my Summer Mom! You made my backbard murderous, And cured my fear of water Causey real wor And tennis gives er hiccups’ Treally miss you, Seamer Mom! Ym sad, and here's the reason “Until we meet at camp, Tm just An orphan ont of season My )) Housemother On Mother's Day ‘ht day Lagrived at choo ound someone to care for me ‘And seo I got in early, found someone to screen my dates ‘And keep me safe from “fast” ones ‘Tostay my hand from girlish crimes, And keep a list of past ones. ‘Yes, you, my “Mother” in the dorm sc] Prevented me from falling Into those sins of college life ‘That you find so appalling! And so T want you, dear, to know, ‘As efforts you re-doublo ‘You've been just like a "Mom" to me- And that’s the #9%&!!4%! trouble!| } egitimace-charitapie orgainizations KET he atbed of Ditnesand The Heart Fund nerally-do-a fine jo) in-helping)to_find cures for diseases. However, lately! ere'scbeen-a deluge of ney organizations secking public support forthe con-| AWW UISES 2 GHAI ‘As the ew President ofthe “Natlonal Charley Horse Foundation” hore to tell you executives that our etgarizaton fin deep trouble So far n 1962, the Mental Heath boys, the Red Goss crow, andthe other [J] charts have been making monkeys out of us coleton wise. Just because we're pushing an obscure cause Is no reason for ust have an interiony complex. $0, from now on, we're going to project strong Charley Horse Image: wort to see creat, ingenuity, and Shove all pride in our deeasel First of all, we are going to cut all e fm car ord Poe There's no reason why we can't cut dow j]_ Medical Research from 17% to, say... B94! nee ao IARLEY HORSE FOUNDATION THE NATIONAL CH 0 "Let's Rab Out The Charley Horse Menace pear Sir:- 1 charley Horse trying to rub Sut the Charley Horse | Niny donations you care make to our cause Will Be deeply appreciated: | Rew Cia aba Guat Norbit Finster Here Is @ copy of our new leter, It has 26 pages, wes National Chairean MR) written by a former TV soap opera writer, and has 26 sobs ———__ * ‘guaranteed per page. Also, we're including in each letter Here is @ copy ofthe letter you've been sending out to people 21962 penny, a license plate key chain tag, and a wallet ian effort to collect money. Any fool can tell you that you size photo of a famous American Charley Horse victim, are never going to collect money with a simple, brie, sincere After receiving a package lke this, who would dare turn letter. You're violating the principal ereed of a charitable tus down? And remember, if we don't send out heavy letters ‘organization, Namely, you're not making the public ebligated to and don’t abuse our non-profit mailing privileges, the onate, You're not embarrassing them into contributing! Post Office may not believe we're a charity organization! i ‘The Nationalquést_of obscure diseases “Today, charities are-big-business. And in order to operate on-actarge’ scale, they -have-to-function -like any_other big biBiness. Which me@iis thatsometimes they ger actittle ridiculous. Sé,join ts now as iN Now, as you know, we laid a big egg with last year's advertising poster Since the Charley Horse is usually associ ith adults, your former President greedily played on the emotions of the public by using an Appealing female model. Naturally, it didn't work! So we're going to. ‘stress honesty and dignity in this year’s posters ATER quite ne daython was one ofthe few really know, the TV audienc untry: Shine a spotlight on ‘and give his name and address, and nating to Charley Horse. Naturally, an it. And, oh yes, we're also locking all rest ‘Too many good q From now on, | want I want to see this ‘Gentlemen! It's our to see new vigor, new the most profitable Research Staff on the enthusiasm, and a new charitable cause of phone. He tells me desire on the part of the Soaring '60's! ul want you ‘Oh, exci to talk Charley Horse, eat Charley Horse, and] ‘What's th live Charley Horse! ‘Are you sure = ible This is und like they're dropping some: 0k at that guy sneaking out that side exit door. Well, all this tH Pc ee Pea THE CURE! | just can't stand to see fa bunch of grown] Helio? Hello, Sam? men crying! Listen, Sam! You're going toJOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART | When Fidel (the man with the sword) ordered Antonio Prohias (the man with the pen) arrested for his anti-Castro cartoons, the Cuban artist fled to the U.S., where he npw graces MAD's pages withDOUBLE-TALK DEPT. ‘Study the following examples, and the next time you go to a party, if you don't get too stoned to listen to the conversation, you'll be able to see the truth behind the phony bragging and name-dropping that goes on. Mainly, here is... A MAD GUIDE TO P Got a letter | was talking | personally 'm in a trom Watter | © to David advised Pres = kitog Winchell Susskind today! } | Kennedy when yesterday! he pieked out his Cabinet! Thavea person-to: person call for Mr. David ‘Susskind, sincerely Merde alter winched?TY CONVERSATION anmride ox miexARD Laurence ‘Tomorroy ° Olivier ee juled to cut is my i neighbor! in the world... we i te y f eae : 1 t ar ( lunch with the The chicks where )@[_ | always hi work go wild I over me! ° Big Wheels at General Motors! GENERAL MOTORS PLANT _N® 77 _§ 5 Foe *THE VELUOWED'KIDS: DEPT. Everybody gets old! Everybody, that is, except most comic strip characters! These jokers have the uncanny ability to remain the same dull age year after year, getting into the same dull situations. So MAD's gonna break the monotony . . . bearing in mind that if these comic strip characters were to age, one good aspect would be that they'd soon die off and we wouldn't have to suffer through them any more. Anyway, let's take away their fountains of youth, and see what the future would be like... SURERMANS (PURE! PURE) Lucky "GOT A TAIL- WIND, OR T COULON'T EVEN STAY UP HERE! J 4, \ (GROAN!) es DICK TRACY HEY, TRACY! WE'RE HOLDING 5; 5 UP THE BANK ON MaRKET | |¥OU GOING TO STREET IN 5 MINUTES, ! WE'RE USING WOODEN [END THis crime AW sust GUNG NG AINT WEARING | | WAVE? Sait rEtcHAN's) HAND] MASKS, AND WE'VE GOT NO. GETAWAY CAR... MY WE'RE WALKIN’ TRY AN? A CATCH US, METHUSELAN! HAH! ee ak COMIC STRIP Fra CHARACTERS Beer Beek one THEIR STRIPS ARTIST: WALLACE WOOD WRITER: EARLE DOUD, 26IN TROUBLE! LOOK PHROUGH THAT WALL WITH. YOUR X-RAY VISION, AND. SEEIF HE'Sy "ALL RIGHT! heste)\AT YOu! % ai NGHT!: rou carter Maus eantiao) (oanl me aus Jeureaean Beekman MELE CAT | ee eS NT BULLETS BOUNCE Lye NHS 4 | NaNSueH nim! \vou care OFF HIS CHEST! rear ON YOU SAID HE'D _/THE BULLETS rE ee Ane Ant Your Tee? WaT ( Reureace | boRGE THEM, DN YO You IDIOT! THAT'S ME YOU'RE AIM ING AT! THAT SETTLES IT! THIS WILL PROVE I'M AS GOOD AS I EVER WAS! WATCH ME HIT THAT TARGET! “GORRY, TRACY! YOU'VE HAD YOUR CHANCES NOW I'M BRINGING IN WHAT THIS DEPARTMENT, REALLY NEEDS! 1 369 18B0A AOA HY 10d 0D AVAST, SBLOW ME_ YI DON'T MIND. YE. /<\powntor J HANDING YOU LwB8e! ER “\YOUR GERITOL, TAKE, /STILL--PICK ) POPEYE, BUT HATH!) ME UP! -“nusT I CON- TUE TO CRAWL, ee AROUND LIKE THIS? Sa a eKE A )ITWAS A REAL SNEE' PEN! /ORAG AT THE B{SENIOR PROM LAST WEEK!" {sez 7S )AND I Sez ITS A zg |e ye a Bis FLOWERS )SEz 1 T WILL GLADLY “\r PLANT, A DRAW! 5 DRAW! CeurF/aus!)| | Pay You TUESDAY ) MY. Calis Lee BOTH SNE) | FOR A PUFF!) Your FLONERS TO MusHeURGER JL FIRST! AND) 7 PLANT MyL’?L ABNER wooks Taare) mus ae a Hou rt tHaR, {OON'T SHOOT! Yj, 17 STRANGER!’ /2H\ 4 FRIEND! ie YUH A ii LOOKING | FOSDICI | COME ANY ‘FOR LI'L ABNER / "WHAT HAPPENED Joe your we HAVEN'T pew MAMMY AND PAPPY YORUM! ) —— ao eeIG, MR, FOSDICK! WE'RE LI'L RAND DAISY MAE! MAMmy DIED YEARS AGO! vo | l TAE-- NEVER GET CLO? WHY, IVE BEEN SO YEARS OLD), ALL ALONG! MENACE “As Chief U.S. Delegate to the United Nations, I would like to re- port that I have, through protracted discussion and extended medi- iM ‘ation, accomplished the following : I have solved the Vietnam crisis .. T have straightened out the Berlin situation ‘with a mutually acceptable disarmament plan ing gumon all your seats!” - Thave come up ‘and I've put chew- 230 MOM IS FOR-GIVING DEPT. ‘Mom is probably sick and tired of receiving the same old candy or perfume or flowers for Mother's Day, and so we'd like to help the young people of MAD MOTHER'S DAY MOM'S OWN RECORD ALBUM Here are classic songs of household dnwdgery chat Mom will enjoy playing esa over and over gin 4 abe baclebreaking chores. Reconded by 2 previous Mothers-ofthe-Year, the LP taclules such all-ime favorites as No body Knows ‘The Rubble Tve Seca, Te Goes Wet Mop (Ia My Hands) The Toil Since Im Marri’, "Full Moon and Dishpan Hands’, "How Deep Is The Wet-Wash” and "Sometimes Im Happy, But Not Often". Price: $4.98 WRINKLE CREAM Here's a brand new product that will make'an ideal gift for Mother on her Day, especially if yours still looks young. One application of this cream Js guaranteed to create wrinkles on her face. Looking haggard and worn shell be in a much better position o complain about her Jot in life, and to get sympathy from the members of the family, Price: About $2 a jar GARBAGE Chances are that Mom does not occupy hardly any of her time taking out the garbage. Ac lease hardly as much as she would have Dad believe when she tries to “con” him into doing it for het in the evenings. So why not call up your local Senieation. Depa and have a truckload of it delivered to her for Mocher’s Day. She'll keep busy for many happy weeks thereafter gecting rid of it. I's an ideal_ gift for the economy-minded. Price: Free. MARKED CARDS Has Mom been running into streak of bad luck, and losing a pile oF dough at her weekly Canasta game or Bridge foursome? You can make all of that a thing of che past with this beaueiful deck of marked cards. Now, she'll be able to cheat her way sure victory at every sitting, and che family will ie Hoe antes detensly hain boca she won't be blowing the weekly food allowance. Price: About $3.00 a deck AUTOMATIC COMPLAINER Here's a gadgee that will save Mother hours of effort every day of the year. Ie complains about household drudgery electronically as soon as anyone else enters che room, Freeing Mom co «alk about other things or just sit there fand enjoy the effect the grousing has had on the rest of the hasried family Other models are available which also complain about high prices, neighbors, and Dad's low pay. Price: About $50. JUVENILE DELINQUENT Chances ate thar Mom has lors of idle hours on her hands after raking care of her own children, so why not help her to occupy ber wasted leisuee time profitably by presenting her with her very own juvenile delinquent? Choose from the variety available at any of the police juvenile detention homes The back talk, the sassy artinude, che vandalism, and che colorful language of one of these young hoodlums should give Mom a whole new interest in life While ic lasts, that is, Price: Freour nation use a little originality in picking out her present. Here, then, for next year if you're lucky enough to be too late for this year, are... GIFT SUGGESTIONS MOTHER-N-LAW'S PORTRAIT Since Dad always comments on the fact that his mother was a beer house keeper, cook, and raiser of children, why not have a professional. portrait of the old bat painted and bung in a conspicuous place in your home where fell serve as 2 constant reminder £0 ‘Mom of her shortcomings, Then, she'll spend many happy hours striving hard to meet the standards sec by her dear ‘old Mother-In-Law. Price: About $50. TERMITES Has Mom been trying t0 talk Dad into buying a new home in a better neigh borhood? Here's your chance to make her dreams come crue. Just a few of these ravenous termites turned loose around the house will turn the place into sawdust in no time. Ie will be a ‘wonderful experience for Mom as she sees the walls collapsing around her, and shell be eternally grateful for your thoughtfulness when che family has to move whether Dad wants to oF not! Cost of termites: About 10¢ doz OVERWEIGHT BATHROOM SCALE Just wait until Mother gets a load of this unbalanced scale, guaranteed 10 ‘weigh everything 15 pounds to0 heavy You'll love her shriek of anguish the first time she gets on it and thinks she's all thae weight, And the die nt herself on 10 lose i vil keep her happily misertble many months OF coure, this 1s the kind Of gife char you gee pleasure out of fiving witout leting. the recipient Know you've done it. Price: About $7. APPENDECTOMY Is Mom the only member of her Bridge Club who docs‘ have a0 operation © bing about? Why noe stare her on the foad «0 popularity and social sucess by having hee appendix taken ost for Mothers Day? Shel be able 10 cll her gil friends every gory detail of the operstion when she setuns home from she hospital, and shell happily owe every delightful moment of i You. Price: About $900 Blue Cross GIGOLO abably been a good! many years since any strange man gaye Mother a second look, Think how flarcered she will be when the handsome gigolo you hited suddenly arrives ar your house ad starts lavishing his attentions on her. Think of the fun you'll have when Daddy comes home from work and finds the guy there. Available in 2 types: Domestic (found on almost any USA. street corner), and Imported (found on almost any European street corner). Price: About $25.00 per day IMPERFECT SOCKS Several Jarge sock manfacturers have been known co sell (at great reduction in cose) itregalar or imperfect pais. Why aoe buy a few pairs without heels or toes in your size and present them to Mom on Mother's Day, Darning them will give her a project to occupy her spare time, and she'll hank you for giving het the opporunity to be of Service to you. Price: About 15¢ Pr a ins BtJOKE AND DAGGER DEPT. PART II Here’s another installment of that friendly rivalry between the man in black and the man in white, both dedicated to the “cause”... of outwitting each other as —WRY OFF THE ROCKS DEPT. In the old days, most prisor brutal, the conviets were brut the same. They were ugly, 1 and each hated the other. TI was only one thing on the prisoners’ minds; to break out! And only one thing on the guards’ minds: to keep ‘em in! Any- way, Hollywood mirrored these conditions in its movies. Here are a few typit ATYPICAL OLD TIME of the prison guards who protected our stars from the inmates while we made this film ARTIST: MORT DRUCKER WRITER: LARRY SIEGEL and grim. The guards were scenes from 1 can’t unnerstan a wold you said! YANYAL Wil ya please like the ‘i rest of Us? made his heroic de gates, ° os Fred? We shet | never got a chance to use the stoolie, we bribed de} “vaik across de de Warden all the crooked guard. we || prison yard to try ee gets it escaping cons? | oft carved sie guns outta ff Pr tai uc out of es soap, we sang our A! || Ge break! But dat = ( YALYALYA! song, H ay cor ‘and we got de warden || "“o’sny don: lined up as. hostage. |} start without him? Tguess dat covers all de important clichés! Any | ise ‘Okay—we gotta move |] Yeah, abig one rf Hey. idiot! || How e oar it you guys iow come you | 1 know! fast, you Buys! Let's the Chaplain ain't Jontapen | | You're holding || ockso glum, |. break d ‘see—we kiled de | el don't op a ok 50 ah n SEARCHLIGHT!Today, there have been vast changes in penology methods. Psychiatrists and men of understand- ing have taken over. Many prisons have no walls, convicts are treated with sympathy and un- derstanding, and the accent is on rehabilitation rather than on punishment. Which means that Hollywood ‘will have to change its approach to conform with the times. And this could well be ATYPICAL PRISON ee ‘The producers are grateful for the cooperati of the prisoners who consented to apy _ this film during their summer vacation Hey, what's de deal? || We got no bars, Botchie! If ‘Okay, “Big Bull”! This is your | Hey, for cryin’ out If there's one cell! Sorry there's novcross- ] joud, guardi Will you thing | can't ‘Things have sure || you're in a clanging mood, Ventilation, but you dehave a |) knock off that noise! stand, i's @ changed since! was |] “knock on the radiator for nice terrace with a view of the [J You know our wives noisy guard! instir20 years ago! |] more steam. Thisis the river you! you need anything, just ring! And remember! Behave yourself or "you go into solitary! That's the roam down the hall with ‘0 air-conditioner! sleep over on Mondays, ‘Wednesdays and Fridayst ‘Who can sleep with you talking?! Rocky, don’t you ‘ever let im in this cell againt Where's de bars? 1 || second time this winter the figured I'd do about || Warden let the temperature ree hours of bar- || in this cel block go below clanging before | seventy degrees! tured int tt helps {h : ‘You lousy || Hey! Dore’s a |] What kind “auardhater'! |) Hey. pipe serewsi You |] guy atter my | He loves guards! R's own, mi || Mac! You're stinkin’ || Owm heart! A J those screws he hates! came running into my cell! And that |] ya, Crumbt || drowning out serews!! |] “Guardshater"! || Wood screws! They don't Tousy spring mattress! Ught Well Mantovani. on hate ousy, |] “Now rean ) hola in our plaster walls! its good to get into the mess hall the Muzak! stinkin” |] Telant tes Tall him one, {al beginning to feel lke old times! a thousand times: use YAIYAI YA! YA! YAI YA! YA.Hey. Rocky! || Big Bull, you better carve that gun right away Look! |” |[s0 it looks tke a bar of soap. It the Warden ever fast itd make your head spin! ‘C'mon! Last one into the poo!'s@ ratten egal! like | don’t want to leave! Hey, Big Bulll got a message for you trom | Th ‘the Warden—0h say, rm sony it | interrupted your activity here in [_ the exercise area eee Forget It, Spike! anyway! What's the message? ye chukker was. ‘almost over K Thanks for the information ‘Stoolie! Just for that, you to your sentence! et another five years sdided You really The dirty screws! The lousy serews! They're PAROLING us tomorrow! Me, Rocky, and Fingers! TLL show ‘em! They. CAN'T do this to me! Like | want to stay here forever! Parole?? Gee, that's a tough break, Big Bull Wy you three fquys? | mean, what dic you guys do? ¥ ve got a problem, Chaplain! Big Bull, Rocky. | and Fingers are holed up in the laundry. They refuse to accept their paroles! And we've got } tiree new bank robbers scheduled to come in tomorrow fo take over their cells! Those guys buzz busses pass it | ‘sony ec... 1 been in || Weil, Big Bull! That does this ‘month itt We've solved your | problems! You don’t need me anymore! You're now a | found out you bad a gun, you'd be paroled so and , Tard to explain Us ike—" |" wetagjusted convict 1 don’t want to see any trouble ike that, Warden! Let me handle itFi you boys throw down | wnattye think? | Weaot no choice: I f your euns and come out You tink he | We can't shoot hint f Guietiv-t promae to | can taiethe | Because date mean Talkto the Governor Governor Into. | de chair. an we'd ve personaly sbout revew-f ‘adding on 2 | accomplished muti ine your partes! few years? ‘Stay back. Chaplain! || You're wastin’ We're WARNIN' you! || your TIME, You come one more || Chapiain—it step—and we FIRE! || you think you we) “cantaik us Into LEAVING! EERBD) nay, cHaPLain: You int werRe J comin’ our: "A Fool And His Old Are Soon Porte! You troublemakers will || But... but the || HEY, MEN! WE mon, you pay for this! Instead of | | Chaplain promiseat || BEEN OOUBLE-| | guys! Back to leaving here tomorraw— || He said he'd talk || CROSSED! | | the Laundry . Es iv Big Bull! Spike! Fingers! This is the Warden! We've got you surrounded! Come out with your hands up—leave this Drison peacefully ‘and io one will SOMLTAEToe|| eaten a Fewans oun oun avo | So Sant en cone one | | 4 | VV. What a rotten break? The Look! You can stand there | Governor just sent word ‘and shoot the breeze all dayityoutixe...but_ | 'm going back to the cell ‘and get dressed for the big aDINERS’ CUB DEPT. Parents are always complaining that their children eat like pigs, or like birds, or like some other kind of animal. Well, these very same parents might be surprised to learn that animals are always complaining that their children eat like people. You'll see what we mean as the Editors present... A MAD LOOK AT THE EATING HABITS OF ANIMALS 38 ARTIST: WALLACE WOOD WRITER: DEAN NORMAN many times have | told you to eat with your fingers?!" “Now remember to play with your food before you eat it!ony ,1vett01gJOMURD=, A994 MON 200 PIO HY HEEL LHD Phas \ tthe fuss! One little piece of lettuce in your caterpillars won't hurt anything!” “1 know it’s alittle fresh, but you can't have leftovers for every meal!”es HOLLYWOOD DEFT. ade)EASY ON THE SOCKET-BOOK DEPT. usually vice to its rea yersonal a TV repair A MAD GUIDE TO “DO-IT-YOURSELF” aa OM eee Se Oe CeCe ee ee Cr ae ean Sara)99-195 A.Lanog Sunredoy EM oc Ox Ser ano a1nS}q 01 MOH 995 AL WS ALP 5 AL mox PS AL. 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PART Ill Another career Don Martin tried for a short time — mainly until he ran into someone who had a bone to pick with him—was working as... THE SALESMAN | | vl ia thal flREAL ADVERTISEMENT HAVE A"MAD" PARTY! TERRIFIC MUSIC YOU CAN DANCE TO! IDIOTIC LYRICS YOU CAN LAUGH AT! MAD'S SINGABLE LAUGHABLE } GREAT NEW HIT (WE HOPE!) 12 NEWIES MAD “TwieTSs" ROCK’ N’ ROLL ON oaer Row: AY OUR! PORT RECORD. STORE6:02 .. ‘things happen fast — World’s only dog food that regulates your doggy ¢ ( right in the bow-wow-el ym DOGGY | BUTI