The Back Door

The Back Door

An original radio drama written by Sal Creber

Sal Creber 2015

The Back Door

The Back Door

CAST

RON

Co-owner and manager of the bar

HAL

Co-owner and manager of the bar

MARLEY

Co-founder of the bar, failed film director

GUY

Works at The Back Room, behind the bar

Sal Creber 2015

The Back Door

1
SCENE ONE: INT. MANAGERS OFFICE. LATE AFTERNOON
Hal is sat at the desk, looking over the finances for the month.
SOUND: PAPER RUSTLING, GLASSES CLINKING AND
PEOPLE CHATTING FROM THE BAR OUTSIDE THE DOOR
HAL
(sighs)
Ron walks into the office, shuts the door loudly behind him
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, DOOR SHUTTING, GLASSES AND CHATTING FROM OUTSIDE
THE DOOR, FAINT MUSIC FROM THE RADIO IN THE BAR
MUSIC (continues through the scene): I KNOW WHAT BOYS LIKE-AMANDA
LEPORE
HAL
Hey man, hows it going?
RON
Hungover and tired, mainly. You? Ooh, those the bills for this
month? How bad is it?
HAL
(sarcastically) Yeah Im just swell thanks. Were basically screwed
by all the damn bills and absolutely no-one is surprised. We need to
get this together otherwise were completely buggered
RON huffs and sits down
RON
Wow thats a huge shock. God. Yknow Im getting tired of having to
pull this place up out of a ditch every couple of months
HAL
Yep well, were gonna have to do something seriously drastic this
time or were basically gonna be stuck in a big goddamn bar with no
heating or electricity or running water. Whichll be really great
for attracting new customers.
RON
You really are the voice of optimism here arent you? Bloody hell.

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2
HAL
Look okay if youre gonna get so grumpy about me being realistic
here then just bugger off out to the bar and serve people, at least
there you dont have to deal with me being too serious and theres a
nice friendly bottle of Jack Daniels to look after you. Im sure
thatll be more helpful than me when it comes to financial issues.
RON
Christ okay calm down. I was only joking. And that bottle of Jack is
my only friend apart from you so be nice to it.
HAL
Amazing
They both sit in the office quietly, trying to come up with ideas.
Theres a knock on the door.
RON
Come in!
SCENE TWO. INT. MANAGERS OFFICE. LATE AFTERNOON.
Guy enters
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS, DOOR OPENING. MUSIC AND THE NOISES FROM THE BAR
GET SLIGHTLY LOUDER
RON
Yeah what is it?
GUY
Theres some guy outside the bar asking for you to come outside and
see him
HAL
What, just Ron or both of us?
GUY
Both of you, I dunno who he is, he just said he wanted to talk to
you guys
RON
(huffs) I guess wed better go and see who it is, I guess he didnt
say his name?
GUY
Well, yeah actually. He said it was Marley.

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3
HAL
(angry, shocked) Are you serious?
GUY
(taken aback) Yeah, why, do you know him?
RON
(angrily) Yeah, we know him.

SCENE THREE. EXT. OUTSIDE THE BAR. DUSK

SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND SHUTTING. FOOTSTEPS. MUSIC FROM THE BAR GETS
LOUDER AS THE DOOR OPENS, THEN QUIETER WHEN IT SHUTS
MUSIC: GAY BAR-ELECTRIC SIX
Marley is stood outside the bar, leaning against a wall. He moves
when he sees Ron and Hal come through the door
SOUND: CARS DRIVING PAST IN THE DISTANCE
MARLEY
Hey guys
RON
(loudly, almost shouting)You cannot be serious. Three years. THREE
BLOODY YEARS. And you just turn up with (mimicking) hey guys. Like
nothing happened! Get out of here!
MARLEY
Alright, alright, hey! Calm yourself. Just listen to me okay?!
HAL
(angrily) I thought youd (mimicking) said everything you had to
say when you buggered off and left us with our crappy bar. What
the hell are you doing back here?
MARLEY
Oh my god can we just chill out!
RON
(shouting) Why the hell should we chill out?! You abandoned the bar,
you abandoned us and NOW you just come back without even the
courtesy to apologise!!
MARLEY
(also shouting) Look perhaps I would apologise if youd just shut up
for a minute and LISTEN to what Im saying!

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4
RON
(still shouting) Dont you dare tell me to shut up!! Do you have any
idea how much you put us through?! ANY IDEA?!
HAL
(shouting louder than both of them)HEY! Look! Will you both shut up!
People are staring from in the bar and do you REALLY THINK we can
now afford to lose customers because you idiots cant control your
tempers!
Both of them stare at Hal, looking surprised because they barely
ever shout.
RON
(sheepishly) Um. Yeah. Well. Okay. What do you want then, Marley?
MARLEY
Finally, thank you. Okay. Right I know the last time we all spoke it
was a total disaster.
RON
(sneering)No kidding
HAL
(at Ron, whispering) Shut up!
MARLEY
ANYWAY. I said a lot when I left and Im sorry for that. But I had
to get out of here. I felt trapped by this whole thing: the bar, all
the responsibility. I dunnno it just wasnt right and I hated it.
HAL
Yeah we got all that when you merrily buggered off into the sunset
MARLEY
Hey! Okay look, like I was saying: I said a lot of stuff then. And
Im really sorry. And basically what Ive come to ask is. Can I have
my job back?
(pause)

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5
RON
(flies off the hook again) Are you kidding me?!?! After everything
weve had to deal with because of you and after all that crap you
spouted at us. You expect us to just give you your job back with a
nice comfy office and a nice comfy goddamn wage. You can sod off.
HAL
(quietly) What happened to your grand plans to be the next Stephen
Spielberg?
MARLEY
(bitterly, chuckles) What do you think? Dyou think Id come back
and face you guys, after everything I did, if itd gone well. Bugger
that! Id be all cushy and hidden away in LA, away from my problems
with you guys, if itd worked out
RON
So. How is that our problem? You screwed up. You failed at your big
dream and what. You think were going to feel sorry for you. Sod
that.
MARLEY
Look okay, whatever Ive said and done and stuff. We all put a load
of work into this bar. We started this hole of a place together and
just tell me. Look me in the goddamn eye and tell me that that just
means jack all to you.
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS AS RON WALKS RIGHT UP TO MARLEY
RON
It means jack. all. to me.
MARLEY
(sounding upset) Hal, what about you? Come on man weve been friends
for ages. Come on.
HAL
Look, obviously I care what happens to you. You screwed us over and
ignored us, yeah. And yes, Im too kind for my own bloody good. To
be honest what Im most hacked off about is that you didnt even
phone, or write, or even send us a damn text message. Even when we
tried to contact you you just completely blanked us. Blocked us out.
Tell me why. Honestly why. And Ill consider letting you back in.
RON
Youre not seri

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6
HAL
(interrupting) Shut up Ron of course Im serious. Just. Shush.
RON
(huffs)
HAL
Well
MARLEY
Um. I just didnt want to speak to you, I was angry off andHAL
(getting angry) Look I said honestly and I know when youre lying
you moron so if you dont tell the truth then just sod off and leave
us alone
Hal and Ron start to walk away
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS AS THEY LEAVE. CARS IN THE DISTANCE.
SCENE FOUR. EXT. OUTSIDE THE BAR. EVENING
MARLEY
Hey! HEY! I was scared okay!
They both turn back
MARLEY
I knew youd both hate me, that. That you wouldnt want to talk to
me. Or see me. And even if you did I figured Rond just yell at me
and youd sit there looking disappointed and just plain annoyed. So
what was the point in me calling, or coming to visit or whatever.
Cause youd both hate me for being such an arse and leaving you.
RON
Christ

HAL
Finally. Thank you. Look okay, and Ron just stop being so bloody
grumpy for a second, you can have a job behind the bar
MARLEY
Than-

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7
HAL
Just serving customers okay? No management, no ownership. Not what
you had before. Cause you screwed that up. BUT. If you manage to
stick this out, and just stay without freaking out like last time.
Then we might give you your old job back, so it can be us three
managing the bar again. Alright? Ron? Marley?
RON
(non-commitally) Hmph, fine. Okay. Whatever.
MARLEY
Oh thank God yes. Yes itll be fine and Ill stick with it and work
hard andHAL
Shut up Marley. Okay come on, lets hug it out guys. Hug it out.
RON
No Im noHAL
Were hugging this out whether you like it or not so get in here you
idiot
SOUND: HUGGING NOISES, IRRITABLE GRUNTS FROM RON
RON
Okay okay thats enough this is getting weird. Get off me. Get off!!
(laughing)
HAL
Right okay, come on then. Things to do. Alcohol to drink. Customers
to annoy.
They walk back into the bar. The door shuts behind them
SOUND: FOOTSTEPS. MUSIC, VOICES AND GLASSES CLINKING FROM INSIDE THE
BAR
MUSIC: FAGETARIAN AND DYKE-TRIBE 8
Music continues as background music as the credits are read out
END

Sal Creber 2015