DOCTOROW/MAKERS/1

Makers
CoryDoctorow
doctorow@craphound.com
TorBooks:9780765312792
HarperCollinsUK/Voyager:9780007325221
Lastmodified21Sept2010

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office,andTribbeyfromtheWSJ,andthat
despicablerattoothedjumpedupgossip
columnistfromoneoftheUKtechrags,and
manyothersbesides.Oldhomeweek,blue
blazersfreshfromthedrycleaningbagsthathad
guardedthemsincethelasttimetheNASDAQ
broke5,000.

PARTI

SuzanneChurchalmostneverhadtobotherwith
theblueblazerthesedays.Backattheheightof
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/bync
thedotboom,shedputonherbusiness
sa/3.0/
journalistdragblazer,bluesailclothshirt,
khakitrousers,loafersjustabouteveryday,
Youarefree:
puttinginherobligatoryappearancesatsplashy
toSharetocopy,distributeandtransmitthe
pressconferencesforhighflyingIPOsand
work
mergers.Thesedays,itwasmostlyworkathome
oronedayaweekattheSanJoseMercury
toRemixtoadaptthework
Newssoffice,incomfortablelightsweaterswith
Underthefollowingconditions:
loosenecksandloosecottonpantsthatshecould
AttributionYoumustattributetheworkinthe wearstraighttoyogaaftershuttingher
mannerspecifiedbytheauthororlicensor(but computerslid.
notinanywaythatsuggeststhattheyendorse
Blueblazertoday,andshewasnttheonlyone.
youoryouruseofthework).
TherewasReedyfromtheNYTsSiliconValley

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ThemanofthehourwasLandonKettlewell
thekindofoutlandishprepschoolnamethat
alwaysseemedalittlemadeuptoherthenew
CEOandfrontforthemajorityownersof
Kodak/Duracell.ThedespicableBrithadalready
startedcallingthemKodacell.Buyingthe
companywaspureKettlewell:shrewd,weird,
andethicalinatwistedway.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/4
Whythehellhaveyoudonethis,Landon?
Kettlewellaskedhimselfintohistiemic.Ties
andsuitsforthenewKodacellexecsintheroom,
likesurfersplayingdressup.Whybuytwo
dinosaursandstickemtogether?Willtheymate
andgivebirthtoanewgenerationofless
endangereddinosaurs?

havetwentybillioninthebankanda16billion
dollarmarketcap.Wejustmadefourbillion
dollars,justbybuyingupthestockandtaking
controlofthecompany.Wecouldshutthedoors,
stickthemoneyinourpockets,andretire.

Suzannetooknotes.Sheknewallthis,but
Kettlewellgavegoodsoundbite,andtalkedslow
Heshookhisheadandwalkedtoadifferentpart indeferencetothekindofreporterwho
ofthestage,thumbingaPowerPointremotethat preferredanotebooktoarecorder.Butwere
advancedhisslideonthejumbotrontoapicture notgonnadothat.Hehunkereddownonhis
ofacoupleofunhappycartoonbrontosstaring
haunchesattheedgeofthestage,lettinghistie
desolatelyatanemptynest.Probablynot.But dangle,staringspacilyatthejournalistsand
thereisagoodcaseforwhatwevejustdone,
analysts.Kodacellisbiggerthanthat.Hed
andwithyourindulgence,Imgoingtolayitout readhisemailthatmorningthen,andseenRat
foryounow.
Toothedsnewmoniker.Kodacellhasgoodwill.
Ithasinfrastructure.Administrators.Physical
Letshopehestickstothecartoons,Rat
plant.Supplierrelationships.Distributionand
Toothedhissedbesideher.Hisbreathsmelled
logistics.Thesecompanieshavealotofuseful
likehedbeengarglingturds.Hehadanotso
secretcrushonherandlikedtodemonstratehis plumbingandalotofpricelessreputation.
alphamalenessbymakinghalfwitticismsinto
Whatwedonthaveisaproduct.Therearent
herear.Theyreabouthisspeed.
enoughbuyersforbatteriesorfilmoranyof
theotherstuffwemaketooccupyorsupport
Shetwistedinherseatandpointedlyhunched
overhercomputersscreen,towhichshedtaped allthatinfrastructure.Thesecompaniesslept
throughthedotboomandthedotbust,trundling
athinsheetofpolarizedplasticthatmadeit
opaquetoanyoneshouldersurfingher.Beinga alongasthoughnoneofitmattered.Thereare
halfwayattractivewomaninSiliconValleywas partsofthesebusinessesthathaventchanged
sincethefifties.
moreofapainintheassthanshedexpected,
backwhenshedbeencoveringrustbelt
shenanigansinDetroit,backwhentherewasan
autoindustryinDetroit.

Werenottheonlyones.Technologyhas
challengedandkilledbusinessesfromevery
sector.Hell,IBMdoesntmakecomputers
TheworstpartwasthattheBritsreportagewas anymore!Theveryideaofatravelagentis
inconceivablyweirdtoday!Andtherecord
justspleenfillededitorializingonthelackof
labels,oy,thepoor,crazy,suicidal,stupidrecord
ethicsinthevalleysboardrooms(afavorite
subjectofhers,whichnodoubtaccountedforhis labels.Dontgetmestarted.
fellowfeeling),anditwasalsothecruxof
Capitalismiseatingitself.Themarketworks,
Kettlewellsschtick.Thespectacleofanexec
andwhenitworks,itcommodifiesorobsoletes
whotalkedethicsenragedRatToothedmore
everything.Thatsnottosaythattheresno
thanthevilestbabykillers.Hewasthekindof
moneyouttheretobehad,butthemoneywont
revolutionarywholikedhisfiringsquads
comefromasingle,monolithicproductline.The
arrangedinacircle.
daysofcompanieswithnameslikeGeneral
ElectricandGeneralMillsandGeneral
Imnotthatdumb,folks,Kettlewellsaid,
Motorsareover.Themoneyonthetableislike
provokingastageylaughfromMrRatTooth.
krill:abillionlittleentrepreneurialopportunities
Heresthething:themarkethadvaluedthese
companiesatlessthantheircashonhand.They thatcanbediscoveredandexploitedbysmart,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/5
creativepeople.

Freddy,wedonthavetorecruitanyone.
Theyrebeatingapathtoourdoor.Thisisa
Wewillbruteforcetheproblemspaceof
nationofmanicentrepreneurs,thekindof
capitalisminthetwentyfirstcentury.Our
businessplanissimple:wewillhirethesmartest peoplewhovebeeninventingbusinessesfrom
peoplewecanfindandputtheminsmallteams. videoarcadestophotomatsforcenturies.
Freddyscowledskeptically,hisjumbleofgrey
Theywillgointothefieldwithfundingand
communicationsinfrastructureallthatstuffwe tombstoneteethprotruding.Comeon,Freddy,
youeverhearoftheGrameenBank?
haveleftoverfromtheeraofbatteriesandfilm
behindthem,capitalizedtofindaplacetolive Freddynoddedslowly.InIndia,right?
andwork,andajobtodo.Abusinesstostart.
Bangladesh.Bankerstravelfromvillageto
Ourcompanyisntaprojectthatwepulltogether villageonfootandbybus,findingsmallcoops
on,itsanetworkoflikeminded,cooperating
whoneedtinyamountsofcredittobuya
autonomousteams,allofwhichareempowered cellphoneoragoatoraloominordertogrow.
todowhatevertheywant,providedthatitreturns Thebankersmaketheloansandadvisethe
somethingtoourcoffers.Wewillexploreand
entrepreneurs,andthepaybackrateisfiftytimes
exhausttherealmofcommercialopportunities, higherthantherateataregularlending
andseekconstantlytorefineourtacticstomine institution.Theydontevenhaveawritten
thoseopportunities,andfillourhungrybelly.
lendingagreement:entrepreneursreal,hard
Thiscompanyisntacompanyanymore:this
workingentrepreneursyoucantrustona
companyisanetwork,anapproach,a
handshake.
sensibility.
YouregoingtohelpAmericanswholosttheir
Suzannesfingersclatteredoverherkeyboard.
jobsinyourfactoriesbuygoatsandcellphones?
TheBritchucklednastily.Nicetalk,
Weregoingtogivethemloansand
consideringhejustmadeahundredthousand
peopleredundant,hesaid.Suzannetriedtoshut coordinationtostartbusinessesthatuse
himout:yes,Kettlewellwasfiringacompanys information,materialsscience,commodified
softwareandhardwaredesigns,andcreativityto
worthofpeople,buthewasalsosavingthe
wringaprofitfromtheairaroundus.Here,
companyitself.Theprospectushadadecent
catch!Hedugintohissuitjacketandflunga
severanceforallthosedepartingworkers,and
theoneswhodtakenadvantageofthecompany smallobjecttowardFreddy,whofumbledit.It
fellontoSuzanneskeyboard.
stockbuyingplanwouldfindtheirpensions
augmentedbywhateverthisnewschemecould Shepickeditup.Itlookedlikeakeychainlaser
rakein.Ifitworked.
pointer,ormaybeanoveltylightsaber.
MrKettlewell?RatToothedhadclamberedto Switchiton,Suzanne,please,andshineit,oh,
hishindlegs.
onthatwallthere.Kettlewellpointedatthe
Yes,Freddy?FreddywasRatToothedsgiven upholsteredretractablewallthatdividedthe
name,thoughSuzannewashardpressedtoever hotelballroomintotwofunctionalspaces.
retainitformorethanafewminutesatatime.
Suzannetwistedtheendandpointedit.Acrisp
Kettlewellkneweverybusinessjournalistinthe rectangleofgreenlaserlightlitupthewall.
Valleybyname,though.ItwasaCEOthing.
Now,watchthis,Kettlewellsaid.
Wherewillyourecruitthisnewworkforce
NOWWATCHTHIS
from?Andwhatkindofentrepreneurialthings
willtheybedoingtoexhausttherealmof
Thewordsmaterializedinthemiddleofthe
commercialactivities?
rectangleonthedistantwall.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/6
Testingonetwothree,Kettlewellsaid.
TESTINGONETWOTHREE
Dondeestaelbano?

goingtosignupalotofthesebandsforus,and
helpthemtocutrecords,tostartbusinessesthat
pushouttotheedgesofbusiness.

So,Freddy,toansweryourquestion,no,were
notgivingthemloanstobuycellphonesand
Whatisit?saidSuzanne.Herhandwobbleda goats.
littleandthedistantlettersdanced.
Kettlewellbeamed.Suzannetwistedthelaser
pointeroffandmadereadytotossitbacktothe
WHATISIT
stage,butKettlewellwavedheroff.
Thisisanewartifactdesignedandexecutedby
fivepreviouslyoutofworkengineersinAthens, Keepit,hesaid.Itwassuddenlyoddtohear
himspeakwithoutthetextcrawlonthatdistant
Georgia.TheyvematedatinyLinuxboxwith
wall.Sheputthelaserpointerinherpocketand
somespeakerindependentcontinuousspeech
recognitionsoftware,afreesoftwaretranslation reflectedthatithadtheauthenticfeelofcool,
enginethatcantranslatebetweenanyoftwelve disposabletechnology:thekindofthingonits
wayfromastartupsdistantsuppliertothe
languages,andanextremelyhighresolution
schwagbagsathighendtechnologyconferences
LCDthatblocksoutwordsinthepathofthe
toblisterpacksofsixhangingintheimpulse
laserpointer.
aisleatFrys.
Turnthison,pointitatawall,andstarttalking.
Shetriedtoimaginethetechnologyconferences
Everythingsaidshowsuponthewall,inthe
shedbeentowiththeadditionofthesubtitling
languageofyourchoosing,regardlessofwhat
andtranslationandcouldntdoit.Not
languagethespeakerwasspeaking.
conferences.Somethingelse.Akidstoy?Atool
Allthewhile,Kettlewellswordswerescrolling forStarbuckssmashingantiglobalists,planning
byinblackblockcapsonthatdistantwall:crisp, strategybeforeaWTOriot?Shepattedher
laseredgedletters.
pocket.
Thisthingwasntinvented.Alltheparts
Freddyhissedandbubbledlikeateakettlebeside
necessarytomakethisgowerejustlyingaround. her,fuming.Whatacock,hemuttered.
Itwasassembled.Agalinagarage,herbrother Thinkshesgoingtohiretenthousandteamsto
themarketingguy,herhusbandoverseeing
replacehisworkforce,doesntsayawordabout
manufacturinginBelgrade.Theyneededa
whatthatlotismeanttobedoingnowhes
couplegrandtogetitallgoing,andtheyllneed shitcannedthemall.Utterbullshit.Irrational
somelifesupportwhiletheyfindtheirnatural
exuberancegoneberserk.
market.
Suzannehadaperverseimpulsetoturnthewand
TheygottwentygrandfromKodacellthis
backonandsplashFreddysbiliouswordsacross
week.Halfofitaloan,halfofitequity.Andwe theceiling,andthethoughtmadehergiggle.She
putthemonthepayroll,withbenefits.Theyre
suppresseditandkeptonpilingupnotes,
partfreelancer,partemployee,inateamwith
thinkingaboutthestructureofthestoryshed
backingandadvicefromacrossthewhole
filethatday.
business.
Kettlewellpulledoutsomechartsandanother
Itwaseasytodoonce.Weregoingtodoitten surferinasuitcameforwardtotalkmoney,
thousandtimesthisyear.Weresendingout
walkingthemthroughthefinancials.Shedread
talentscouts,liketheartistsandrepresentation
themalreadyanddecidedthattheywereapretty
peopletherecordlabelsusedtouse,andtheyre crediblebitoffiction,soshelethermind
WHEREISTHEBATHROOM

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/7
wander.
Shewasahundredmilesawaywhenthe
ballroomdoorsburstopenandtheunionized
laborersoftheformerKodakandtheformer
Duracellpouredinonthem,tossingliterature
intotheairsothatitsnowedangryleaflets.They
hadabigdrumandabugle,andtheyshook
tambourines.Thehotelrentacopsoccasionally
dartedforwardandgrabbedaprotestorbythe
arm,buthercolleagueswouldimmediately
swarmthemandpryherlooseanddragherback
intothebodyofthedemonstration.Freddy
grinnedandshoutedsomethingatKettlewell,but
itwaslostinthedin.Thejournaliststookalotof
pictures.
Suzanneclosedhercomputerslidandsnatched
aleafletoutoftheair.WHATABOUTUS?it
began,andtalkedabouttheworkerswhodbeen
atKodakandDuracellfortwenty,thirty,even
fortyyears,whohadbeenconspicuouslyabsent
fromKettlewellsstatedplanstodate.
Shetwistedthelaserpointertolifeandpointedit
backatthewall.Leaninginveryclose,shesaid,
Whatareyourplansforyourexisting
workforce,MrKettlewell?

tricked,somehow.Well,shewasmakingupforit
now.
Onthestage,thesurferboysinsuitswere
confabbing,holdingtheirthumbsovertheirtie
mics.Finally,Kettlewellsteppedupandheldup
hisownlaserpointer,paintinganotherrectangle
oflightbesideSuzannes.
Imgladyouaskedthat,Suzanne,hesaid,his
voicebarelyaudible.
IMGLADYOUASKEDTHATSUZANNE
Thejournalistschuckled.Eventhechanters
laughedalittle.Theyquieteddown.
Illtellyou,theresadownsidetolivinginthis
ageofwonders:wearemovingtoofastand
outstrippingtheabilityofourinstitutionstokeep
pacewiththechangesintheworld.
Freddyleanedoverhershoulder,blowingshit
breathinherear.Translation:youreass
fucked,thelotofyou.
TRANSLATIONYOURASSFUCKEDTHE
LOTOFYOU

Suzanneyelpedasthewordsappearedonthe
wallandreflexivelyswungthepointeraround,
paintingthemontheceiling,theoppositewall,
WHATAREYOURPLANSFORYOUR
EXISTINGWORKFORCEMRKETTLEWELL andthen,finally,inminiature,onhercomputers
lid.Shetwistedthepointeroff.
Sherepeatedthequestionseveraltimes,
refreshingthetextsothatitscrolledlikeastock Freddyhadthedecencytolookslightly
embarrassedandheslunkawaytotheveryend
tickeracrossthatupholsteredwall,an
oftherowofseats,scootingfromchairtochair
illuminatedfocusthatgraduallydrewallthe
attentionintheroom.Theprotestorssawitand onhisnarrowbutt.Onstage,Kettlewellwas
begantolaugh,thentheyreaditaloudinragged pretendingveryhardthathehadntseenthe
profanity,andthathecouldnthearthejeering
unison,untilitbecameachant:WHATARE
YOURPLANSthumpofthebigdrumFOR fromtheprotestorsnow,eventhoughithad
grownsoloudthathecouldnolongerbeheard
YOUREXISTINGWORKFORCEthumpMR
overit.Hekeptontalking,andthewords
thumpKETTLEWELL?
scrolledoverthefarwall.
Suzannefelthercheekswarm.Kettlewellwas
lookingatherwithsomethinglikeasmile.She THEREISNOWORLDINWHICHKODAK
likedhim,butthatwasapersonalthingandthis ANDDURACELLGOONMAKINGFILM
ANDBATTERIES
wasatruththing.Shewasalittleembarrassed
thatshehadlethimfinishhisspielwithout
THECOMPANIESHAVEMONEYINTHE
callinghimonthatobviousquestion.Shefelt
BANKBUTITHEMORRHAGESOUTTHE

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/8
DOOREVERYDAY
WEAREMAKINGTHINGSTHATNOONE
WANTSTOBUY
THISPLANINCLUDESAGENEROUS
SEVERANCEFORTHOSESTAFFERS
WORKINGINTHEPARTSOFTHE
BUSINESSTHATWILLCLOSEDOWN

MEANSTODOITNOWISTHETIMEAND
WEARETHEPEOPLETOHELP
Suzannecouldnthelpbutadmirethepluckit
tooktokeepspeakingintothepointer,despite
thehowlsandbangs.

Cmon,Imgonnagrabsomebagelsbeforethe
protestorsgettothem,Freddysaid,pluckingat
herarmapparently,thiswashisversionofa
Suzanneadmiredthetwisted,longway
aroundwayofsaying,thepeoplewerefiring. charmingpickupline.Sheshookhimoff
PureCEOpassivevoice.Shecouldnttypenotes authoritatively,withawhipcrackofherelbow.
andreadoffthewallatthesametime.She
Freddystoodthereforaminuteandthenmoved
whippedoutherlittlesnapshotandmonkeyed
off.ShewaitedtoseeifKettlewellwouldsay
withituntilitwasinvideomodeandthen
anythingmore,buthetwistedthepointeroff,
startedshootingtheticker.
shrugged,andwavedatthehootingprotestors
BUTIFWEARETOMAKEGOODONTHAT andtheanalystsandthejournalistsandwalked
offstagewiththerestofthesurfersinsuits.
SEVERANCEWENEEDTOBEIN
BUSINESS

WENEEDTOBEBRINGINGINAPROFIT
SOTHATWECANMEETOUR
OBLIGATIONSTOALLOUR
STAKEHOLDERSSHAREHOLDERSAND
WORKFORCEALIKE
WECANTPAYAPENNYINSEVERANCE
IFWEREBANKRUPT
WEAREHIRING50000NEWEMPLOYEES
THISYEARANDTHERESNOTHINGTHAT
SAYSTHATTHOSENEWPEOPLECANT
COMEFROMWITHIN
CURRENTEMPLOYEESWILLBEGIVEN
CONSIDERATIONBYOURSCOUTS

Shegotsomecommentsfromafewofthe
protestors,somedetails.WorkedforKodakor
Duracellalltheirlives.Gaveeverythingtothe
company.Tookvoluntarypaycutsundertheold
managementfivetimesintenyearstokeepthe
businessafloat,nowfacinglayoffsasabigfat
thankyousuckers.Somanykids.Suchandsuch
amortgage.
SheknewthesestoriesfromDetroit:shedfiled
enoughcopywithvaryingrenditionsofittolast
alifetime.SiliconValleywassupposedtobe
different.Growthandentrepreneurshipafailed
companywasjustasteppingstonetoa
successfulone,cantwinthemall,dustyourself
offandgetbacktothegarageandstart
inventing.Theresawholeworldwaitingout
there!

ENTREPRENEURSHIPISADEEPLY
AMERICANPRACTICEANDOUR
Motherofthree.Dadwhosebrightdaughters
WORKERSAREASCAPABLEOF
ENTREPRENEURIALACTIONASANYONE universityfundwasraidedtomakeendsmeet
duringthetemporaryausteritymeasures.This
IAMCONFIDENTWEWILLFINDMANY
onehasaDownsSyndromekidandthatone
OFOURNEWHIRESFROMWITHINOUR
workedthroughthreebacksurgeriestohelpmeet
EXISTINGWORKFORCE
productiondeadlines.
ISAYTHISTOOUREMPLOYEESIFYOU
Halfanhourbeforeshedbeenfullofthatold
HAVEEVERDREAMEDOFSTRIKINGOUT SiliconValleyoptimism,thesensethattherewas
ONYOUROWNEXECUTINGONSOME
abetterworldaborningaroundher.Nowshe
AMAZINGIDEAANDNEVERFOUNDTHE wasbackinthatoldrustbeltfunk,withthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/9
feelingthatshewaswitnessnottoabeginning,
buttoaperpetualending,acycleofdestruction
thatwouldteardowneverythingsolidand
reliableintheworld.

asyoucouldhavedreamed,andyouarerightin
thethickoftheweirdestandbesttimetheworld
hasyetseen.AndLandonKettlewellknowsyour
name.

Shepackedupherlaptopandsteppedoutinto
theparkinglot.Acrossthefreeway,shecould
makeoutthebonesoftheGreatAmericafun
parkrollercoasterswhippingaroundandaround
inthewarmCaliforniasun.

Shefinishedthewineandopenedhercomputer.
Itwasdarkenoughnowwiththesunsetbehind
thehillsthatshecouldreadthescreen.TheWeb
wasfullofinterestingthings,heremailfullof
challengingnotesfromherreaders,andher
editorhadalreadysignedoffonhercolumn.

Theselittletechhamletsdownthe101were
deceptivelyutopian.Allthehomelesspeople
weremilesnorthonthestreetsofSanFrancisco,
wherepedestrianmarksforpanhandlingcould
behad,wherethecrackwassoldoncorners
insteadofoutofthetrunksoffreshfaced,
friendlycokedealerscars.Downhereitwas
giantmalls,purposebuiltdotcombuildings,
andtheoccasionalfunpark.PaloAltowasa
universitytownthemepark,providedyou
steeredclearofthewrongsideofthetracks,the
EastPaloAltoslumsthatwerepractically
shanties.
Christ,shewasgettingmelancholy.Shedidnt
wanttogointotheofficenottoday.Notwhen
shewasinthiskindofmood.Shewouldgo
homeandputherblazerbackintheclosetand
changeintoyogatogsandwritehercolumnand
havesomegoodcoffee.

Shewasgettingreadytoshutthelidandheadfor
bed,soshepulledhermailoncemore.
From:kettlewelll@skunkworks.kodacell.com
To:schurch@sjmercury.com
Subject:Embeddedjournalist?
Thanksforkeepingmehonesttoday,Suzanne.
Itsthehardestquestionwerefacingtoday:what
happenswhenallthethingsyouregoodatare
nogoodtoanyoneanymore?Ihopeweregoing
toanswerthatwiththenewmodel.
Youdogoodwork,madam.Idbehonoredif
youdconsiderjoiningoneofourlittleteamsfor
acouplemonthsandchroniclingwhattheydo.I
feellikeweremakinghistoryhereandweneed
someonetochronicleit.

Idontknowifyoucansquarethiswiththe
Shenailedupthecopyinanhourandemailedit Merc,andIsupposethatweshouldbedoingthis
tohereditorandpouredherselfaglassofNapa throughmyPRpeopleandyoureditor,butthere
red(thelocalvintagesinMichiganlikewiseleft comesatimeaboutthistimeeverynightwhen
Imjusttoogoddamnedhypertobotherwithall
somethingtobedesired)andsettledontoher
porch,overlookingthebigreservoiroff280near thatstuffandIwanttojustDOSOMETHING
insteadofasksomeoneelsetostartaprocessto
SanMateo.
investigatethepossibilityofsomedaypossibly
Thehousehadbeenworthasmallfortuneatthe maybedoingsomething.
startofthedotboom,butnow,intheresurgent
propertyboom,itwasworthalargefortuneand Willyoudosomethingwithus,ifwecanmakeit
thensome.Shecouldconceivablysellthisbadly work?100percentaccess,nooversight?Sayyou
will.Please.
builtlittleshackwithitsleakyhottubfor
enoughmoneytoretireon,ifshewantedtolive Yourpal,
outtherestofherdaysinSriLankaorNebraska.
Kettlebelly
Youvegotnobusinessfeelingpoorly,young
Shestaredatherscreen.Itwaslikeaworkofart;
lady,shesaidtoherself.Youareaswellsetup
justlookatthatreturnaddress,kettlewell

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/10
l@skunkworks.kodacell.comfor
kodacell.comtobeliveandacceptingmail,it
hadtohavebeenregisteredthedaybefore.She
hadavisionofKettlewellcheckinghisemailat
midnightbeforehisbigpressconference,
catchingFreddyscolumn,andregistering
kodacell.comonthespot,thenwakingupsome
sysadmintogetamailserveransweringat
skunkworks.kodacell.com.Lastshedheard,
LockheedMartinwasthreateningtosueanyone
whousedtheirtrademarkedtermSkunk
WorkstodescribeagenericR&Ddepartment.
ThatmeantthatKettlewellhadmovedsofast
thathehadntevenrunthisprojectbylegal.She
waswillingtobetthathedalreadyorderednew
businesscardswiththeaddressonthem.
Therewasaguysheknew,aneditoratamag
whodassignedhimselfaplumarticlethathed
runonhisowncover.Hedgottenabookdeal
outofit.Ahalfmilliondollarbookdeal.If
Kettlewellwasright,thentheexclusivebookon
theinsideofthefirstyearatKodacellcould
easilymakethatadvance.Andthepropswould
bemad,asthekidssaid.
Kettlebelly!Itwassuchastupidfratboy
nickname,butitmadehersmile.Hewasnt
takinghimselfseriously,ormaybehewas,but
hewasntbeingapompousassaboutit.Hewas
seriousaboutchangingtheworldandfrivolous
abouteverythingelse.Shedhaveahardtime
beinganobjectivereporterifshesaidyestothis.

thingwokefromsleep.
From:schurch@sjmercury.com
To:kettlewelll@skunkworks.kodacell.com
Subject:Re:Embeddedjournalist?
Kettlebelly:thatisonedumbnickname.I
couldntpossiblyassociatemyselfwithagrown
manwhocallshimselfKettlebelly.
SostopcallingyourselfKettlebelly,immediately.
Ifyoucandothat,wevegotadeal.
Suzanne
Therehadcomeadaywhenherreadersacquired
emailandthepaperranheraddresswithher
byline,andherreadershadbeguntowriteher
andwriteherandwriteher.Somewereamazing,
informative,thoughtfulnotes.Somewerethe
vilest,mostbilioustrolling.Inordertodealwith
thesenotes,shehadtaughtherselftopause,
breathe,andrereadanyemailmessagebefore
clickingsend.
Thereflexkickedinnowandsherereadher
notetoKettlebellyKettlewell!andfelta
crimpinherguts.Thenshehitsend.
Sheneededtopee,andapparentlyhaddonefor
sometime,withoutrealizingit.Shewasonthe
toiletwhensheheardthepingofnewincoming
mail.
From:kettlewelll@skunkworks.kodacell.com

To:schurch@sjmercury.com
Shecouldntpossiblydecideatthishour.She
Subject:Re:Embeddedjournalist?
neededanightssleepandshehadtotalkthis
overwiththeMerc.Ifshehadaboyfriend,shed IwillnevercallmyselfKettlebellyagain.
havetotalkitoverwithhim,butthatwasnta
Yourpal,
probleminherlifethesedays.
Kettledrum.
ShespreadonsomeexpensivedutyfreeFrench
wrinklecreamandbrushedherteethandputon Ohshitohshitohshit.Shedidalittletwostep
atherbedsedge.Tomorrowshedgoseeher
hernightieanddoublecheckedthedoorlocks
editoraboutthis,butitjustfeltright,and
anddidallthenormalthingsshedidofan
exciting,likeshewasonthebrinkofanevent
evening.Thenshefoldedbackhersheets,
thatwouldchangeherlifeforever.
plumpedherpillowsandstaredatthem.
Sheturnedonherheelandstalkedbacktoher
computerandthumpedthespacebaruntilthe

IttookherthreehoursofmindlessWebsurfing,
includingatrulydrearyHotOrNotclicktrance

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/11
andanhoursworthoffiddlingwithtweetsfrom
thepressconference,beforeshewasabletolull
herselftosleep.Asshenoddedoff,shethought
thatKettlewellsinsomniawasascontagiousas
hisexcitement.

sharedwithDetroitwastheobesityofthepeople
shepassed.Shedfeltalittleselfconsciousthat
morning,dressinginalightshortsleevedblouse
andapairofshortsnothingelsewoulddo,the
weatherwassohotanddrippythatevenclosed
toeshoeswouldhavebeenintolerable.At45,her
legshadslightcellulitesaddlebagsandher
Hollywood,Floridasbiggestjunkyardwas
tummywasntthewashboardithadbeenwhen
situatedintherubbleofahalfbuiltghostmall
shewas25.Buthere,onthisstretchofroad
offTaftStreet.SuzannesMiamiairportrental
populatedbypeoplesofattheycouldbarely
carcamewithaGPS,butthelittleboxhadnt
walk,sofatthattheyweredesexed
everheardofthemall;itwasoffthemap.Soshe marshmallowswithfaceslikeinflatabletoys,she
tookamomentintheswelteringparkinglotof
feltlikeatoothpick.
hercoffinhoteltocallherinterviewsubject
TheGPSqueepedwhenshecameuponthe
againandgetbettercoordinates.
junkyard,asprawling,halfbuiltdiscountmall
Yeah,itscausetheyneverfinishedbuilding
whosewaisthighwallshadbeenusedtoparcel
themall,sotheaddresshasntbeenincludedin outdifferentkindsofsortedwaste.Themallhad
theUSGSmaps.TheopenGPSesallhavethese beenplannedwithwideindoorboulevards
bettermapsmadebygeohackers,buttherental betweentheshopswideenoughfortwolanesof
carcompanieshavegotarealhardonforofficial traffic,andshecruisedthoselanesnowinthe
mapdata.Morons.Hangon,lemmegetmyGPS hertzmobile,lookingforahuman.Onceshe
outandIllgetyousomedecentlatlong.
reachedthecenterofthemalladryfountain
filledwithdustyChristmastreeornamentsshe
Hisvoicehadapleasant,youthful,midwestern
sound,likeaCanadiannewscaster:friendlyand stoppedandleanedonthehorn.
enthusiasticasapuppy.HisnamewasPerry
Gibbons,andifKettlewellwastobebelieved,he
wasthemostpromisingprospectidentifiedby
Kodacellstalentscouts.

TheghostmallwasjustoneofmanyalongTaft
Street,ranginginsizefromlittlecornerplazasto
giganticpalaceswithbrokeninatriaandcracked
parkinglots.AlotofthemallsinCaliforniahad
crashed,buttheydbeenturnedintofleamarkets
ordaycares,or,iftheydbeenabandoned,they
hadntbeenabandonedlikethis,lefttogoto
ruin.ThisremindedherofDetroitbeforeshed
left,wholeswathsoftheinnercityemptiedof
people,neighborhoodscondemnedand
bulldozedand,inacoupleofweirdcases,
actuallyfarmedbyenterprisingcitydwellers
whoplantedcrops,keptlivestock,androdetheir
minitractorsbeneaththebeamofthedefunct
whiteelephantmonorail.
Theothercommonalitythisstretchofroad

Shegotoutofthecarandcalled,Hello?
Perry?Shecouldhavephonedhimbutitalways
seemedsowastefulspendingmoneyonairtime
whenyouweretryingtotalktosomeonewithin
shoutingrange.
Suzanne!Thevoicecamefromherleft.She
shieldedhereyesfromthesunsglareandpeered
downaspokeofmalllaneandcaughtherfirst
glimpseofPerryGibbons.Hewasstandingin
thebasketofatallcherrypicker,barechested
andbrown.Heworeasunvisorandbigwork
gloves,andbig,baggyshortswhosepockets
jangledasheshinnieddownthecranesneck.
Shestartedtowardhimtentatively.Notalotof
businessreportingassignmentsinvolved
spendingtimewithhalfnaked,sunbakeddudes
inremotesouthernjunkyards.Still,hesounded
nice.
Hello!shecalled.Hewasyoung,22or23,and
alreadyhadsquintcreasesatthecornersofhis

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/12
eyes.Hehadabraceononewristandhissteel
takingbacktheboxandexpertlyextractingthe
toedbootswerethemottledgreyofagrease
Elmolikehewasshellinganut.Thelastand
puddleonthefloorofamufflerandbrakeshop. greatestgenerationofElmoidtechnology,cast
Hegrinnedandtuggedoffaglove,stuckouthis intoanuncaringworldthatboughtmillionsof
hand.Apleasure.Sorryforthetroublefinding LilTaggerwashablegraffitikitsinsteadafter
thisplace.Itsnoteasytogetto,butitscheapas Rosiegavethemtwothumbsuponher
Christmasshoppingguide.
hell.
Ibelieveit.Shelookedaroundagainthe
heapsofinterestingtrash,thefountaindishfilled
withthousandsofshiningornaments.Thesmell
wasamixtureofmachineoilandsalt,jungleair,
FloridaswampandDetroitsteel.So,thisplace
isprettycool.Lookslikeyouvegotprettymuch
everythingyoucouldimagine.

PoorElmowasanorphan,andeveryjunkyard
intheworldhasmountainsofmintinpackage
BWEs,gettingrainedon,waitingtostarttheir
long,halfmillionyeardecomposition.

Butcheckthisout.Heflickedamultitooloff
hisbeltandextractedashort,sharpscalpel
blade.Heslitthegrinning,discosuitedElmo
openfromchintogroinandshuckeditsfurry
Andthensome.Thiswasspokenbyanother
exteriorandthefoamtissuethatoverlaidits
man,onewhopuffedheavilyupfrombehind
her.Hewasenormous,notjusttallbutfat,asbig skeleton.Heslidthebladeundertheplastic
aroundasabarrel.HisgreenteeshirtreadITS coveronitsassandrevealedalittleprinted
circuitboard.
FUNTOUSELEARNINGFOREVIL!in
blocky,pixelatedletters.Hetookherhandand
ThatsanentireAtomprocessoronachip,
shookit.Iloveyourblog,hesaid.Ireaditall there,hesaid.Eachlimbandtheheadhave
thetime.Hehadthreechins,andeyesthatwere theirownsubcontrollers.Theresahighpowered
nearlylostinhisapplecheeks.
digitaltoanalogrigforlettinghimsingand
dancetonewsongs,andananalogtodigital
MeetLester,Perrysaid.Mypartner.
converterarrayforconvertingspokenand
Sidekick,Lestersaidwithahugewink.
dancedcommandstomotions.Basically,you
Sysadminslashhardwarehackerslash
danceandsingforElmoandhelldanceandsing
dogsbodyslashdotorg.
backforyou.
Shechuckled.Nerdhumor.Ararar.
Suzannenodded.Shedmissedthattoy,which
wasapity.Shehadafiveyearoldgoddaughter
Right,letsgetstarted.YouwannaseewhatI
inMinneapoliswhowouldhavelovedaBoogie
do,right?Perrysaid.
WoogieElmo.
Thatsright,Suzannesaid.
Theyhadcometoagiantbarn,setattheedgeof
Leadtheway,Lester,Perrysaid,andgestured astoryandahalfsworthofanchorstore.This
withanarm,deepintothecenterofthejunkpile. usedtobewherethecontractorskepttheirheavy
Allright,checkthisstuffoutaswego.He
equipment,Lesterrumbled,aimingacardoor
stuckhishandthroughtheunglazedwindowofa remoteatthedoor,whichqueepedandopened.
neverbuiltshopandpluckedoutatoyina
Inside,itwascoolandbright,thechuggingair
batteredbox.Ilovethesethings,hesaid,
conditionersefficientlyblastingpurifiedairover
handingittoher.
themanyworksurfaces.Thebarnwasagood25
Shetookit.ItwasaSesameStreetElmodoll,
feettall,withaloftandacatwalkcirclingit
labeledBOOGIEWOOGIEELMO.
halfwayup.Itwaslinedwithmetallicshelves
ThatsfromthegreatElmoCrash,Perrysaid, stackedneatlywithlabeledboxesofparts

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/13
scroungedfromthejunkyard.
PerrysetElmodownonaworkbenchand
workedaminiatureUSBcableintohischest
cavity.TheotherendterminatedwithaPDA
withasmallrubberizedphotovoltaiccellonthe
front.
ThisthingisrunningInstallPartyitcan
recognizeanyhardwareandbuildandinstalla
Linuxdistroonitwithouthumanintervention.
Theyusedatonofdifferentsuppliersforthe
BWE,soeveryoneisalittledifferent,
dependingonwhowasofferingthecheapest
partsthedayitwasbuilt.InstallPartydoesnt
care,though:oneclickandawayitgoes.The
PDAwasdoingallkindsoffunnydancesonits
screen,montagesofplayfulphotoshoppingof
publicfiguresmattedintohistoricalfineart.
Alldone.Now,havealookthisisaLinux
computerwithsomeofthemostadvanced
roboticseverengineered.Nosweatshopstuff,
either,seethis?Thesolderistooprecisetobe
donebyhandthatsbecauseitsfromIndia.If
itwasfromCambodia,youdseeallkindsof
wobbleinthesolder:thatmeansthattiny,clever
handswereusedtocreateit,whichmeansthat
somewhereinthedeviceskarmichistory,theres
asweatshopfullofcrippledchildreninhaling
solderfumesuntiltheykeeloverandaredumped
inaditch.Thisisthegoodstuff.

Itwasbarelyrecognizable,havingbeenreduced
toitsrollcage,drivetrainandcontrolpanel.A
gangofnakedrobotElmoswerepiledintoit.
Wakeupboys,timeforademo!Perryshouted,
andtheysatupandmadecanned,tinnyElmo
ohboynoises,climbingintopositiononthe
pedals,aroundthewheel,andonthegeartree.
IgottheideawhenIwasteachinganElmoto
playMarioBrothers.Ithoughtitdgetadecent
diggdotting.Icouldgetittospeedrunallofthe
firstlevelusinganoldpaddleIdfoundand
rehabilitated,andIwastryingtofigureoutwhat
todonext.Thedeadmallacrossthewayisa
driveintheater,andIwasoutfrontwatchingthe
silentmovies,andoneofthemshowedallthese
cutelittlefurryanimatedwhateverscollectively
drivingacar.Itsareallyoldsightgag,Imean,
likeracialmemoryold.IdseentheLittle
Rascalsdothesamebit,withAlfalfaonthe
wheelandBuckwheatandSpankyonthebrake
andclutchandthedoggyworkingthegearshift.

AndIthought,Shit,IcoulddothatwithElmos.
Theydonthaveanynetworkingcapability,but
theycantalkandtheycanparsespoken
commands,soallIneedistodesignateonefor
leftandoneforrightandoneforfastandonefor
slowandonetobetheeyes,barkingordersand
theyshouldbeabletodothis.Anditworks!
Theyevenadjusttheirbalanceandcentersof
gravitywhenthecarswervestostayuprightat
Sowehavethiskarmicallycleanrobotwith
infinitelymalleablecomputationandabunchof theirposts.Checkitout.Heturnedtothecar.
roboticcapabilities.Iveturnedthesethingsinto DrivingElmos,tenHUT!Theysnapped
wallclimbingmonkeys;Ivemoddedthemfora uprightandtickedsalutesofftheirnakedplastic
noggins.Incircles,DRIVE,hecalled.The
womanfromtheUniversityofMiamiatthe
JacksonMemorialwhousedtheircapabilityto Elmosscrambledintopositionandfiredupthe
carandinshortordertheyweredoingdonutsin
apehumanmotionsinphysiotherapyprograms
withnervedamagecases.ButthebestthingIve thecarslittleindoorpasture.
donewiththemsofaristheDistributedBoogie Elmos,HALTPerryshoutedandthecar
WoogieElmoMotorVehicleOperationCluster. stoppedsilently,rockinggently.StandDOWN.
Comeon,hesaid,andtookoffdeeperintothe TheElmossatdownwithaseriesoftiny
barnsdepths.
thumps.
Theycametoadusty,strippeddownSmartcar, Suzannefoundherselfapplauding.Thatwas
oneofthosetinytwoseatelectriccarsyoucould amazing,shesaid.Reallyimpressive.Sothats
literallybuyoutofavendingmachineinEurope. whatyouregoingtodoforKodacell,makethese

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/14
thingsoutofrecycledtoys?

thishopperwithGIJoeheads,andthishopper
Lesterchuckled.Nope,notquite.Thatsjustfor withBarbieheads.Crankthiswheelanditwill
dropanumberofM&Msequaltotheproductof
starters.TheElmosareallabouttheuniversal
availabilityofcyclesandapparatus.Everywhere thetwovaluesintothishopper,here.Heput
threescuffedGIJoeheadsinonehopperand
youlook,theresdevicesforfreethathave
fourscrofulousBarbiesinanotherandbeganto
everythingyouneedtomakeanythingdo
crank,slowly.Amusicboxbesidethecrank
anything.
playedaslow,irregularrenditionofPopGoes
Buthavealookatparttwo,cmere.He
theWeaselwhilethehundredsoflittlecoin
lumberedoffinanotherdirection,andSuzanne sizedgearsturned,flippingswitchesandadding
andPerrytrailedalongbehindhim.
andremovingtensiontosprings.Afterthe
ThisisLestersworkshop,Perrysaid,asthey weaselpoppedafewtimes,twelvebrown
M&Msfellintoanoutstretchedrubberhand.He
passedthroughasetofswingingdoubledoors
andintoaclutteredwonderland.WherePerrys pickedthemoutcarefullyandofferedthemto
her.ItsOK.Theyrenotfromthetrash,he
domainhadbeencleanandneatlyorganized,
Lestersareawasahappyshambles.Hisshelves said.Ibuytheminbulk.Heturnedhisbroad
backtoherandheavedahugegalvanizedtin
werentorderly,butrather,crammedwith
washtubfullofbrownM&Msinherdirection.
loomingpilesofamazingjunk:thriftstore
See,itsabitbucket!hesaid.
weddingdresses,plasterstatuesofbowling
monkeys,boxkites,kneehightinknightsin
Suzannegiggledinspiteofherself.Youguys
armor,seashellspaintedwithAmericanflags,
arehilarious,shesaid.Thisisreallygood,
presidentialactionfigures,pastejewelryand
excitingnerdystuff.Thegearsonthe
antiquecoughdroptins.
mechanicalcomputerwerereallysharpand
Youknowhowtheysayasculptorstartswitha precise;theylookedlikeyoucouldcutyourself
blockofmarbleandchipsawayeverythingthat onthem.Whentheygroundoverthepolished
surfacesofthecardoors,theymadeasoundlike
doesntlooklikeastatue?Likehecanseethe
statueintheblock?Igetlikethatwithgarbage:I aboxoftoothpicksfallingtothefloor:click
seethepiecesontheheapsandinroadsidetrash click,clickclickclick,click.Sheturnedthecrank
untiltwelvemorebrownM&Msfellout.
andIcanjustseehowitcangotogether,like
this.
WhostheVanHalenfan?
Hereacheddownbelowaworktableandhoisted Lesterbeamed.MightaswelljumpJUMP!
upahugetriptychmadeoutofthreehingedcar Hemimedheavymetalairguitarandthrashed
doorsstoodonend.Carefully,heunfoldeditand hisshornheadupanddownasthoughhewere
stooditlikeascreenonthecrackedconcrete
headbangingwithamightymaneofhairband
floor.
locks.Yourethefirstonetogetthejoke!he
said.EvenPerrydidntgetit!
Theinsideofthecardoorshadbeenstripped
cleanandpolishedtoahighmetalgleamthat
Getwhat?Perrysaid,alsogrinning.
glowedlikesterlingsilver.Spotweldedtoitwere
allmannerofsodatins,poundedflatandcutinto VanHalenhadthisthingwhereiftherewere
anybrownM&Msintheirdressingroomtheyd
gears,chutes,springsandothermechanical
trashitandrefusetoplay.WhenIwasakid,I
apparatus.
usedtodreamaboutbeingsofamousthatIcould
Itsamechanicalcalculator,hesaidproudly.
actlikethatmuchofaprick.Eversince,Ive
AbouthalfaspowerfulasUnivac.Imilledall
affordedagreatpersonalsignificancetobrown
thepartsusingalasercutter.Whatyoudois,fill M&Ms.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/15
Shelaughedagain.Thenshefrownedalittle.
Look,Ihatetobreakthispartyup,butIcame
herebecauseKettlebellycrap,Kettlewellsaid
thatyouguysexemplifiedeverythingthathe
wantedtodowithKodacell.Thisstuffyouve
doneisallveryinteresting,itskillerart,butI
dontseethebusinessangle.So,canyouhelp
meouthere?

mammothlikeanoutsizedphotocopier,started
togruntandchurn.Theairfilledwithasmell
likeSaranWrapinamicrowave.

Thegoopweuseinthisthingisepoxybased.
Youwouldntwanttobuildacaroutofit,butit
makesameandollhouse.Thelaststageofthe
outputswitchestoinks,soyougetwhatever
bitmapyouveskinnedyourobjectwithbaked
Thatsstepthree,Perrysaid.Cmere.Heled rightin.Itdoesaboutonecubicinchperminute,
herbacktohisworkspace,toaplatform
sothisjobshouldbealmostdonenow.
surroundedbyarticulatedarmsterminatedin
Hedrummedhisfingersontopofthemachine
webcams,likeagroceryscaleintheembraceof foramomentandthenitstoppedchunkingand
ametalspider.threedeeescanner,hesaid,
somethinginsideitwentclunk.Heliftedalid
producingaBarbieheadfromLestersmachine andreachedinsideandpluckedoutthebarbie
anddroppingitonthescales.Heproddeda
head,stretchedanddistorted,skinnedwitha
buttonandanearbyscreenfilledwithathree
CampbellsSouplabel.HehandedittoSuzanne.
deeimensionalmodelofthehead,flattenedon
Sheexpectedittobewarm,likeasquashed
thesidewhereittouchedthesurface.Heturned pennyfromamachineonFishermansWharf,
theheadoverandscannedagainandnowthere butitwascoolandhadtheseamlesstextureofa
weretwodigitalversionsoftheheadonthe
plasticmargarinetubandtheheftofa
screen.Hemousedoneovertheotheruntilthey paperweight.
linedup,rightclickedadropdownmenu,
So,thatsthebusiness,Lestersaid.Orso
selectedanoptionandthentheyweremerged,
weretold.Wevebeenmakingcoolstuffand
rotating.
sellingittocollectorsonthewebforyouknow,
Oncewevegotthethreedeeescan,its
giganticbucks.Wemoveoneortwopiecesa
basicallyPlasticine.HedistortedtheBarbie
monthatabouttengrandper.ButKettlebelly
head,stretchingitandsqueezingitwiththe
sayshesgoingtoindustrializeus,alienateus
mouse.Sowecantakearealobjectandmake fromtheproductofourlabor,andturnusintoan
thiskindofproteanhyperobjectoutofit,or
assemblyline.
dropitdowntoawireframeandskinitwithany
bitmap,likethis.MorefastmousingBarbies Hedidntsayanysuchthing,Perrysaid.
headturnedintoagriddedmesh,finefilaments Suzannewasawarethatherearshadgrown
points.PerrygaveLesteranaffectionateslugin
stretchingoffalongeachmussedstrandof
theshoulder.Lestersonlykidding.Whatwe
plastichair.ThenaCampbellsCreamof
MushroomSouplabelwrappedaroundherlikea needisacoupleofdogsbodiesandsomebigger
stockingbeingpulledoverherhead.Therewas printersandwellbeabletoturnoutmore
modestdevicesbythehundredorpossiblythe
somethingstupendouslyweirdand
thousand.Wecantweakthedesignsreallyeasily
simultaneouslyverycomicaboutthesight,the
becausenothingiscomingoffamold,sotheres
kindofinherentcomedyinacartoonstretched
nosetupcharge,sowecandolimitedrunsofa
outonablobofSillyPutty.
hundred,redesign,doanotherhundred.Wecan
Sowecanbuildanythingoutofinteresting
makeemtoorder.
junk,withanyshape,andthenwecandigitize
theshape.Thenwecandoanythingwelikewith AndweneedanMBA,Lestersaid.
Kodacellssendingusabusinessmanagerto
theshape.Thenwecanoutputtheshape.He
helpusturnjunkintopesos.
typedquicklyandanothermachine,sealedand

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/16
Yeah,Perrysaid,withaworriedflickofhis
eyes.Yeah,abusinessmanager.

withinwalkingdistanceofanythingdownhere.
Youenduplivinginyourcar.

So,Iveknownsomebusinessgeekswhoarent
totalassholes,Lestersaid.Whocareabout
whattheyredoingandthepeopletheyredoing
itwith.Respectfulandmindful.Itslikelawyers
theyrenotallscumbags.Someofthemare
totallyawesomeandsaveyourass.

Andsotheyhikedalongthesideoftheroad.
Thesidewalkwasacuriousmixofoldandnew,
theconcreteunwornbutstillovergrownbytall
sawgrassthrivingintheFloridaheat.Itbrushed
upagainstherankles,hardandsharp,unlikethe
grassbackhome.

Suzannetookallthisin,jottingnotesonanold
fashionedspiralboundshirtpocketnotebook.
Whenshearriving?

Theywerewalkingparalleltoaditchfilledwith
sluggish,brackishwaterandpopulatedby
singingfrogs,ducks,ibises,andmosquitoesin
Nextweek,Lestersaid.Weveclearedhima greatnumber.Acrossthewaywereemptylots,
spacetoworkandeverything.Hessomeonethat ghostplazas,deadfillingstations.Behindoneof
thefillingstations,aclusteroftentsandshacks.
KettlewellspeoplerecruitedupinIthacaand
hesgoingtomoveheretoworkwithus,sight
Squatters?sheasked,pointingtothe
unseen.Crazy,huh?
shantytown.
Crazy,Suzanneagreed.

Yeah,Perrysaid.Lotsofthatdownhere.
Right,Perrysaid.Thatsnextweek,andthis Someofthemaretheparamilitarywingofthe
AARP,oldtrailerhomeretireeswhoverunout
aftwevegotsomeworktodo,butnowIm
ofmoneyandjustsetupcamphere.Someare
readyforlunch.Youguysreadyforlunch?
bumsandjunkies,somearerunaways.Itsnotas
Somethingaboutfoodandreallyfatguys,it
badasitlookstheyreprettycomfyinthere.
seemedlikeanawkwardquestiontoSuzanne,
Webringemfurnitureandothergoodpickings
likeaskingsomeonewhodbeenhorribly
thatshowupatthejunkyard.Thehomelesswith
disfiguredbyburnsifhewantedtotoasta
thewherewithaltobuildshantytowns,they
marshmallow.ButLesterdidntreacttothe
haventgoneallanimalliketheshoppingcart
questionofcoursenot,hehadtoeat,everyone peopleandthescarybeachcombers.Hewaved
hadtoeat.
acrossthemalarialditchtoanoldmaninapair
Yeah,letsdotheIHOP.Lestertrundledback ofpressedkhakishortsandacrispBermuda
shirt.HeyFrancis!hecalled.Theoldman
tohishalfoftheworkspace,thencameback
wavedback.WellhavesomeIHOPforyou
withacaneinonehand.Thereslikethree
boutanhour!Theoldmantickedasaluteoff
placestoeatwithinwalkingdistanceofhereif
hiscreasedforehead.
youdontcountthemobileMexicanburrito
wagon,whichIdont,sinceitsarolling
Francisisagoodguy.Usedtobeanaerospace
advertisementfordysentery.TheIHOPisthe
engineerifyoucanbelieveit.Wifehadmedical
leastobjectionableofthose.
problemsandhewentbusttakingcareofher.
Whenshedied,heendeduphereinhisdouble
Wecoulddrivesomewhere,Suzannesaid.It
wideandneverleft.Kindoftheunofficialmayor
wascominguponnoonandtheheatoncethey
ofthislittlepatch.
gotoutsideintothemallsruinswaslikethe
steamoffadishwasher.Shepluckedather
SuzannestaredafterFrancis.Hehadabitofa
blouseacoupleoftimes.
gimpyleg,alimpshecouldspotevenfromhere.
Besideher,Lesterwaspuffing.Noonewas
Itstheonlychancetoexerciseweget,Perry
said.Itsprettymuchimpossibletoliveorwork comfortablewalkinginFlorida,itseemed.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/17
IttookanotherhalfhourtoreachtheIHOP,the
InternationalHouseofPancakes,whichsat
oppositeaminimallwithonlyonestill
breathingstore,aplacethatadvertised99centt
shirts,whichstruckSuzanneasprofoundly
depressing.Therewasajunkieoutfrontof99
CentTees,awomanwithaleatherytananda
tinytanktopandshortsthatmadeherlooka
littlelikeaTenderloinhooker,butnotwiththat
ratsnesthair,notevenintheLoin.She
wobbleduncertainlyacrosstheparkinglotto
them.
Excuseme,shesaid,withanimprobable
ValleyGirlaccent.Excuseme?Imhopingto
getsomethingtoeat,itsformykid,shes
nursing,gottakeepmystrengthup.Hernaked
armsandlegswerebadlytrackedout,and
Suzannehadahorrifiedrealizationthatamong
thestainsonhertanktopwereapairof
spreadingpoolsofbreastmilk,dampeningold
white,crustedpatchesoverhersaggingbreasts.
Formybaby.Adollarwouldhelp,adollar.
TherewerehomelesslikethisinSanFrancisco,
too.InSanJoseaswell,shesupposed,butshe
didntknowwheretheyhid.Butsomething
aboutthiswoman,crackedoutandtrackedout,it
freakedherout.Shedugintoherpurseandgot
outafivedollarbillandhandedittothe
homelesswoman.Thewomansmileda
snaggletoothedstumpygrinandreachedforit,
then,abruptly,grabbedholdofSuzanneswrist.
Hergripwasdampandweak.
Dontyoufuckinglookatmelikethat.Youre
notbetterthanme,bitch!Suzannetuggedfree
andsteppedbackquickly.Thatsright,run
away!Bitch!Fuckyou!Enjoyyourlunch!
Shewasshaking.PerryandLesterclosedranks
aroundher.Lestermovedtoconfrontthe
homelesswoman.
Thefuckyouwantlardass?Youwannafuck
withme?Igotaknife,youknow,cutyourears
offandfeedemtoya.
LestercockedhisheadliketheRCAVictordog.

Hetoweredovertheskinnyjunkie,andwasfive
orsixtimeswiderthanher.
Youallright?hesaidgently.
Ohyeah,Imjustfine,shesaid.Why,you
lookingforaparty?
Helaughed.YourejokingIdcrushyou!
Shelaughedtoo,alesscrazy,morerelaxed
sound.Lestersvoicewasalow,soothing
rumble.Idontthinkmyfriendthinksshesany
betterthanyou.Ithinkshejustwantedtohelp
youout.
Thejunkieflickedhereyesbackandforth.
Listencanyouspareadollarformybaby?
Ithinkshejustwantedtohelpyou.CanIget
yousomelunch?
Fuckerswontletmeinwontletmeusethe
toileteven.Itsnothumane.Dontwanttogoin
thebushes.Notdignifiedtogointhebushes.
Thatstrue,hesaid.WhatifIgetyousome
takeout,yougotashadyplaceyoucouldeatit?
Nursingshungrywork.
Thejunkiecockedherhead.Thenshelaughed.
Yeah,OK,yeah.Surethanks,thanksalot!
Lestermotionedherovertothemenuinthe
IHOPwindowandwaitedwithherwhileshe
pickedoutahelpingofcaramelapplewaffles,
sausagelinks,friedeggs,hashbrowns,coffee,
orangejuiceandachocolatemalted.Isthat
all?hesaid,laughing,laughing,bothofthem
laughing,allofthemlaughingattheincredible,
outrageousmeal.
Theywentinandwaitedbythepodium.The
greeter,ablackguywithcornrows,noddedat
LesterandPerrylikeanoldfriend.HeyTony,
Lestersaid.Canyougetusagobagwithsome
takeoutfortheladyoutsidebeforewesit
down?Herecitedtheastoundingorder.
Tonyshookhisheadandduckedit.OK,be
rightup,hesaid.Youwanttositwhileyoure
waiting?
Wellwaithere,thanks,Lestersaid.Dont

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/18
wanthertothinkwerebailingonher.He
turnedandwavedather.
Shesmean,youknowbecareful.
Thanks,Tony,Lestersaid.
SuzannemarveledatLestersequanimity.
Nothinggothisgoat.Thedoggiebagarrived.I
putsomeextranapkinsandacoupleofwetnaps
inthere,Tonysaid,handingittohim.
Great!Lestersaid.Youguyssitdown,Illbe
backinasecond.
PerrymotionedforSuzannetofollowhimtoa
booth.Helaughed.Lestersagoodguy,he
said.ThebestguyIknow,youknow?
Howdoyouknowhim?sheasked,takingout
hernotepad.
Hewasthesysadminatacompanythatwas
makingthreedeeeprinters,andIwasatechata
companythatwasbuyingthem,andtheproducts
didntwork,andIspentalotoftimeonthe
phonewithhimtroubleshootingthem.Wedget
togetherinouroffhoursandhackaroundwith
neatlittleworkbenchprojects,stuffwedcome
upwithatwork.Whenbothcompanieswent
under,wegotabunchoftheirequipmentat
bankruptcyauctions.Lestersuncleownedthe
junkyardandheofferedusspacetosetupour
workshopsandtherestishistory.
Lesterjoinedthemagain.Hewaslaughing.She
isfunny,hesaid.Keptheftingthesackand
saying,Christwhatthosebastardsputona
plate,nowonderthiscountryssogoddamned
fat!Perrylaughed,too.Suzannechuckled
nervouslyandlookedaway.
Heslidintotheboothnexttoherandputahand
onhershoulder.ItsOK.Imaguywhoweighs
nearly400pounds.IknowImabig,fatguy.IfI
wassensitiveaboutit,Icouldntlasttenminutes.
ImnotproudofbeingasbigasIam,butIm
notashamedeither.ImOKwithit.
Youwouldntloseweightifyoucould?
Sure,whynot?ButIveconcludeditsnotan

optionanymore.Iwasalwaysafatkid,andsoI
nevergotgoodatsports,nevergotthathabit.
NowIvegotthishugedeficitwhenIsitdownto
exercise,becauseImluggingaroundallthis
lard.Cantrunmorethanafewsteps.Walkings
aboutit.Couldntjoinapickupgameof
baseballorgetoutonthetenniscourt.Inever
learnedtocook,either,thoughIsupposeIcould.
ButmostlyIeatout,andItrytoordersensibly,
butjustlookatthecraptheyfeedusattheplaces
wecangettotherearentanyhealthfood
restaurantsinthestripmalls.Lookatthis
menu,hesaid,tappingapornographicglossy
pictureofastackofglisteningwafflesoozing
withsomekindofhighfructoselube.Caramel
pancakeswithwhippedcream,maplesyrupand
cannedstrawberries.WhenIwasakid,we
calledthatcandy.Thesepeoplewillsellyouan
eightdollar,18ounceplateofcandywithaside
ofsausage,eggs,biscuits,baconandapintof
orangejuice.Evenifyouorderthisstuffandeat
athirdofit,aquarterofit,thatsprobablytoo
much,andwhenyouvegotalotoffoodinfront
ofyou,itsprettyhardtoknowwhentostop.
Sure,willpower.Willpowernothing.The
thingis,whenthreequartersofAmericaare
obese,whenhalfaredangerouslyobese,likeme,
yearsoffourlivesfromallthefatthattellsyou
thatthisisntawillpowerproblem.Wedidnt
getlesswillfulinthelastfiftyyears.Mightas
wellsaythatallthosepeoplewhodiedofthe
plaguelackedthewillpowertokeeptheir
housesfreeofrats.Fatisntmoral,its
epidemiological.Thereareasmallnumberof
people,atinyminority,whosegenesareshort
circuitedinawaythatmakesthemlessproneto
retainingnutrients.Thatsamaladaptivetrait
throughmostofhumanhistoryburning
unnecessarycalorieswhenyouvegottochase
downanantelopetogetmore,thatsnowayto
livelongenoughtopassonyourgenes!Soyou
andPerryoverherewithyourlittleskinny
selves,abletopackawaytransfatsandhigh
fructosecornsyrupandapoundofcandyfor
breakfastattheIHOP,yourenotdoingthison
willpoweryouredoingitbyexpressingthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/19
somatotypeofarecessive,countersurvivalgene. week?ItwasWednesday,andshedcountedon
gettingthispartofthestorybySaturday,but
WouldIliketobethinner?Sure.ButImnot
hereshewasgoingtohavetowait,clearly,until
gonnaletthefactthatImgeneticallybetter
thisTjanarrived.
suitedtofaminethanfeastgettome.Speaking
of,letseat.Tony,cmere,buddy.Iwantaplate
ofcandy!Hewassmiling,andbrave,andat
thatmoment,Suzannethoughtthatshecouldget
acrushonthisguy,thisbig,smart,talented,
funny,lovableguy.Thenrealitysnappedback
andshesawhimashewas,sexless,lumpy,
almostgrotesque.Theoverlayofhis,what,his
innerbeautyonthatexterior,itdisorientedher.
Shelookedbackoverhernotes.

Samestuffaswealwaysdo.Webuildcrazy
stuffoutofjunk,sellittocollectors,andhave
fun.WecouldgototheThunderbirdDriveIn
tonightifyouwant,itsarealclassic,flea
marketbydayanddriveinbynight,practically
thelastonestanding.

Perrycutin.OrwecouldgotoSouthBeach
andgetagoodmeal,ifthatsmoreyourspeed.

So,yousaythattheresathirdcomingoutto
workwithyou?

Naw,Suzannesaid.Driveinsoundsgreat,
especiallyifitssuchadyingbreed.Bettergeta
visitinwhiletheresstilltime.

Tolivewithus,Perrysaid.Thatspartofthe
deal.Geekhouses,likeintheoldcollegedays.
Weregoingtobeapowertrio:twogeeksanda
suit,leanandmean.ThesuitsnameisTjan,and
hesSingaporeanbywayofLondonbywayof
Ithaca,whereKettlebellyfoundhim.Weve
talkedonthephoneacoupletimesandhes
movingdownnextweek.

Theytriedtotreatherbutshewouldntletthem.
Sheneverletanyonebuyhersomuchasacupof
coffee.Itwasanoldjournalismschooldrill,and
shewaspracticallytheonlyscribblersheknew
whohewedtoit:someofthewhoresonthe
SiliconValleypaperstookinfreecomputers,
trips,evenspadays!butshehadnever
wavered.

Hesmovingdownwithouteverhavingmet
you?

Theafternoonpassedquicklyandenchantingly.
Perrywasworkingonakneehigh,articulated
Frankensteinmonsterbuiltoutofhandpainted
seashellsfromabeachsidekitschmarket.They
saidGODBLESSAMERICAandSOUVENIR
OFFLORIDAandCONCHREPUBLICand
eachhadtobefittedoutforamotorcustombuilt
Itsalittlenervousmaking,Lestersaid.Perry toconformtoitscontours.
andIgetalonggreat,butIhaventhadsuchgood
Whenitsdone,itwillmaketoast.
luckwithbusinesstypes.ItsnotthatImsome
kindofidealistwhodoesntgettheneedtomake Maketoast?
money,buttheycanbesocondescending,you
Yeah,separateasinglesliceoffaloaf,loadit
know?
intoatoploadingslicetoaster,depressthelever,
Yeah,thatsthewayitgoes.Itslikethearmyor
somethingforus:onceyoureinyouget
dispatchedhereorthere.Itwasinthecontract.
Wealreadyhadaplacedownherewithroomfor
Tjan,soweputsomefreshlinenontheguest
bedandlaidinanextratoothbrush.

Suzannenodded.Thatsatwowaystreet,you
know.Suitsdontlikebeingtalkeddowntoby
engineers.
Lesterraisedahand.Guiltyascharged.
Sowhatreyouplanningtodofortherestofthe

timethetoastcycle,retrievethetoastandbutter
it.Igottheideafromoldtimebackuptape
loaders.Thisplusatoasterwillfunctionasa
looselycoupledsinglesystem.
OK,thatsreallycool,butIhavetoaskthe
boringquestion,Perry.Why?Whybuildatoast

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/20
robot?

iPodwasonlymeanttolastayear!

Perrystoppedworkinganddustedhishandsoff.
Hewasreallybuilt,andhisshaggyhairmade
himlookyoungerthanhiscrowsfeetsuggested.
Heturnedaseashellwithahalfbuiltmotorinit
overandspunitlikeatoponthehandpainted
WEATHERISHERE/WISHYOUWERE
BEAUTIFULlegend.

ItsliketailfinstheywerecoolintheTailfin
Cretaceous,butwouldntithavebeenbetterif
theycouldhavedisappearedfromviewwhen
theybecameaestheticallyobsolete,whenthe
spaceagewitheredupandblewaway?Oh,not
really,obviously,becauseitsnicetoseeawell
maintainedlandyachtonthehighwayeverynow
andagain,ifonlyforvarietyssake,butifyoure
Well,thatsthequestion,isntit?Thesimple
goingtodesignsomethingthatismeanttobeau
answer:peoplebuythem.Collectors.Soitsa
faitthenpresumablyyoushouldhavesome
goodhobbybusiness,butthatsnotreallyit.
plannedobsolescenceinthere,someendof
Itslikethis:engineeringisallaboutconstraint. lifingstrategyfortheaestheticcrashthatfollows
Givenaspanoffoofeetandmaterialsoftensile anycouturemovement.Here,checkthisout.
strengthofbar,buildabridgethatdoesntgoall
fubared.Writeafunvideogameforaneightbit Hehandedherawhitebrick,thesizeofadeck
ofcards.Ittookheramomenttorecognizeitas
consolethatllfitin32K.Buildthefastest
aniPod.Christ,itshuge,shesaid.
airplane,ortheonewiththelargestcarrying
capacity...Butthesedays,theresnotmuch
Yeah,isntitjust.Rememberhowsmalland
traditionalconstraint.Ivegottheengineers
shinythisthingwaswhenitshipped?A
mostdangerousluxury:plenty.Allthe
thousandsongsinyourpocket!
computationalcyclesIlleverneed.Easyand
Thatmadeheractuallylaughoutloud.She
rapidprototyping.Precisiontools.
fishedinherpocketforherearbudsanddropped
Now,itmaybethatthereisasuiteoftasks
lurkinginpotentiathatdemandallthisresource
andmoremaybeImlikesomelocomotive
engineerdeclaringthat60milesperhouristhe
pinnacleofmachinevelocity,thatspeedis
cracked.ButIdontseemanyofthoseproblems
nonethatinterestme.

themonthetablewheretheyclatteredlike
M&Ms.IthinkIvegotabout40,000songson
those.Haventrunoutofspaceyet,either.

Herolledthebudsaroundinhispalmlikeapair
ofdice.YouwontIstoppedkeepingtrackof
mineafterIaddedmyhundredthousandth
audiobook.IvegotabunchoftheLibraryof
WhatIvegotherearemyownconstraints.Im Congressinmineashighrezscans,too.Acopy
challengingmyself,usingfoundobjectsand
oftheInternetArchive,everypostevermadeon
makingstuffthatthrowsallthiscomputational
Usenet...Basically,thesethingsareinfinitely
capacityat,youknow,thesetrivialproblems,
capacious,giventhesizeofthemediawework
likecardrivingElmoclustersandseashell
withtoday.Herolledthebudsoutonthe
toasterrobots.Wehavesomuchcapacitythat
workbenchandlaughed.Andthatsjustthe
thetriviaexpandstofillit.Andallthatcapacity point!Tomorrow,wellhavesomenewextrafat
isjunkcapacity,itsleftovers.Theresenough
kindofmediaandsomenewtasktoperform
computationalcapacityinajunkyardtolauncha withitandsomenewstoragemediumthatwill
spaceprogram,andthatsbydesign.Remember makethesethingslooklikeanoldiPod.Before
theiPod?Whydoyouthinkitwassoproneto
thathappens,youwantthistowearoutandscuff
scratchingandgoingallgunkyafterayearin
uporgetlost
yourpocket?WhywouldApplebuildahandheld Ilosethosethingsallthetime,likeaseta
technologyoutofmaterialsthatturnedtoshitif month.
youlookedatthemcrosseyed?Itsbecausethe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/21
Thereyougothen!TheiPodsweretoobigto
loselikethat,butjustlookatthem.TheiPods
chromewasscratchedtothepointofbeing
fogged,likethemirrorinagasstationtoilet.The
screenwasalmostunreadableforallthe
scratches.Theyhadscratchproofmaterialsand
hardplasticsbackthen.Theychosetobuild
thesethingsoutofSaranWrapandtinfoilso
thatbythetimetheydoubledincapacitynext
year,youdhavealreadywornyoursoutand
wouldntfeelbadaboutjunkingthem.

Kodacellsgotsomemicrosizedmarketing
agencies,specializedPRfirms,creativeshippers,
allkindsoflittlethreepersonoutfitsthattheyve
promisedtohookusupwith.Tjaninterfaces
withthem,wedoourthing,enrichthe
shareholders,getstockourselves.Itssupposed
tobeallupside.Hell,ifitdoesntworkwecan
justwalkawayandfindanotherdumpandgo
backintothecollectorsmarket.

Hepickeduphishalffinishedshellandswunga
lampwithamagnifyinglensbuiltintoitoverhis
SoImbuildingatapeloadingseashellrobot
workspace.Hey,justasec,OK?Ivejust
toasteroutofdiscardedobsoletetechnology
figuredoutwhatIwasdoingwrongbefore.He
becausetheworldisfullofcapacious,capable, tookupalittletweezersandaplasticrodand
disposablejunkanditcriesouttobeusedagain. probedforamoment,thendaubedsomesolder
Itsapotlatch:Ihavesomuchmaterialand
downinsidetheshellsguts.Hetweezedawire
computationalwealththatIcanaffordtowasteit toacontactandtheshellmadeamotorized
onfrivolousjunk.Ithinkthatswhythe
sound,apegstickingoutofitbegantomove
collectorsbuyit,anyway.
rhythmically.
Thatbringsusbacktothequestionofyour
relationshipwithKodacell.Theywanttodo
what,exactly,withyou?

Gotit,hesaid.Hesetitdown.Idontexpect
Imgoingtobedoingmanymoreofthese
projectsafternextweek.Thiskindofdesign,we
couldnevermassproduceit.Helookedalittle
Well,wevebeenplayingwithsomemass
productiontechniques,thethreedeeeprinterand wistful,andSuzannesuppressedasmile.Whata
soon.WhenKettlebellycalledme,hesaidthat torturedartistethisFloridajunkyardengineer
hewantedtoseeaboutusingthescannerandso was!
ontomakealotofthesethings,atalowprice
Asthelongdaydrewtoaclose,theywentout
point.Itsprettyperversewhenyouthinkabout forawalkinthetwilightscoolintheyard.The
it:usingmoderntechnologytobuildreplicasof soppinghumidityofthedaysettledaroundthem
obsoletetechnologyrescuedfromthedump,
asthesunsetinalongsummerblazethatturned
whenthesereplicasareboundtoendupback
thedryfountainfullofChristmasornamentsinto
hereatthedump!Helaughed.Hehadnice
aluminescentbowlofjewels.
laughlinesaroundhiseyes.Anyway,its
Igotsomerealprogresstoday,Lestersaid.He
somethingthatLesterandIhadtalkedaboutfor hadacanewithhimandhewaslimpingheavily.
alongtime,butneverreallygotaroundto.Too Gottheprintertooutputcompletemechanical
muchlikeretail.Itsbadenoughdealingwitha logicalgates,allinonepiece,Almostno
coupledozencollectorswhollpaytengrandfor assembly,justdaisychainthemonaboard.And
asculpture:whowantstodealwithtenthousand Ivebeenworkingonastandardsnaponsystem
customerswhollgoadollareachforthesame
forlegobrickingeachgatetothenext.Itsgoing
thing?
tomakeitaloteasiertorampupproduction.
ButyoufigurethatthisTjancharacterwill
handleallthecustomerstuff?

Thatstheidea:hellrunthebusinessside,
wellgetmoretimetohack;everyonegetspaid.

Yeah?Perrysaid.Heaskedatechnical
questionabouttheprinter,somethingaboutthe
goopstensilestrengththatSuzannecouldnt
follow.Theywentatit,hammerandtongs,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/22
talkingthroughtheabstrusedetailsfasterthan
shecouldfollow,walkingmoreandmore
quicklypastthevastheapsofdeadtechnology
andhalfbuiltmallstores.

said,puttingahandtoherears.Theyranglike
shedbeenataraveallnight.Whatthehell?

Theyroundedonher.Theywereheavysetand
theireyebrowswerebleachedblond.Theyhad
beensneakingintothelabssidedoor,looking
aboutasinconspicuousasatrioofnuns.

Shemovedawayfromhimandsmoothedouther
shorts,dustingoffherknees.Didyouinvent
that?

foghorn.Sheflinchedandmistedacloudof
aerosolcapsicumaheadofher.Shehadthe
presenceofmindtostepbackquickly,before
catchingablowback,butshewasntquick
enough,forhereyesandnosestartedtoburnand
water.Thesoundwouldntstop,itjustkept
goingon,asoundlikeherheadwastoosmallto
containherbrain,asoundthatmadeherteeth
ache.Thethreekidshadstoppedandstaggered
off.

Perrycameandjoinedthem.Ifollowedthema
bit,theyrewaygonenow.IthinkIrecognized
oneofthemfromthecampsite.Illtalkto
Francisaboutitandseeifhecansetthemright.

Antipersonnelsonicdevice,Lestersaid.She
realizedthathewasshouting,butshecould
Sheletthemgetaheadofherandstoppedto
barelyhearit.Itdoesntdoanypermanent
gatherherthoughts.Sheturnedaroundtotakeit damage,butitllscareoffmostanyone.Those
allinandthatswhenshecaughtsightofthe
kidsprobablyliveintheshantytownwepassed
kidssneakingintoPerryandLesterslab.
thismorning.Moreandmoreofthemarejoining
Hey!sheshouted,inherloudestDetroitvoice. gangs.Theyreourneighbors,sowedontwant
Whatareyoudoingthere?Therewerethreeof toshootthemoranything.
them,inMiamiDolphinsjerseysandshinybald Shenodded.Theringinginherearswas
shavedheadsandlittleshorts,thelatest
subsidingalittle.Lestersteadiedher.Sheleaned
inexplicablerapperstylewhichmadethemlook onhim.Hewasbigandsolid.Heworethesame
morelikedragqueensinmuftithantoughguys. cologneasherfatherhad,sherealized.

MadeitusingaHOWTOIfoundonline,he
Getlost!sheshouted.Getoutofhere!Perry, said.Lotofkidsaroundhereuptonogood.Its
Lester!
prettymuchahomebrewcivildefensesiren
Theywerecomingclosernow.Theydidntmove ruggedandcheap.
sowell,puffingintheheat,buttheyclearlyhad Sheputafingerineachearandscratchedatthe
mayhemontheirminds.Shereachedintoher
itchybuzzing.Whensheremovedthem,her
purseforherpeppersprayandhelditbeforeher hearingwasalmostbacktonormal.Ioncehad
dramatically,buttheydidntstopcoming.
anupstairsneighborinCambridgewhohada
Suddenly,theairwasrentbytheloudestsound stereosystemthatloudneverthoughtIdhear
shedeverheard,likeshedputherheadinsidea itagain.

YouOK?Thevoicesoundedlikeitwas
comingfromfar,faraway,thoughLesterwas
rightinfrontofher.Shefoundthatshed
droppedtoherkneesintheteethofthat
astonishingnoise.
Shelethimhelphertoherfeet.Jesus,she

Haveyoubeenbrokenintobefore?
Afewtimes.Mostlywhatweworryaboutis
someonetrashingtheprinters.Everythingelseis
easytoreplace,butwhenLestersoldemployer
wentbustweboughtupaboutfiftyofthese
thingsattheauctionandIdontknowwhere
wedlayhandsonthemagain.Computersare
cheapanditsnotlikeanyonecouldreallysteal
allthisjunk.Heflashedherhisgoodlooking,
confidentsmileagain.
Whattimedothemoviesstart?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/23
Lestercheckedhiswatch.Aboutanhourafter
sunset.Ifweleavenowwecangetarealdinner
ataHaitianplaceIknowandthenheadoverto
theThunderbird.Illhideunderablanketinthe
backseatsothatwecansaveonadmission!

TheydcomeinLesterscar,ahomemadeauto
builtaroundtwoelectricSmartcarsjoined
togethertoformakindofminisedanwithroom
enoughforLestertoslideintothedriversperch
withroomtospare.Oncetheyarrived,they
unpackedcleverfoldingchairsandsatthem
Sheddonethatmanytimesasakid,herfather
besidethecar,rolleddownthewindows,and
shushingherandherbrotherastheygiggled
beneaththeblankets.ThethoughtofgiantLester turnedupthespeakers.Itwasawarmnight,but
doingitmadeherchuckle.Ithinkwecanafford notstickythewayithadbeenthatday,andthe
kissofthewindthatrustledtheleavesofthetall
topayforyou,shesaid.
palmsringingthetheaterwaslikebalm.
Thedinnerwasgoodfieryspicyfishandgood
Themoviewassomethingforgettableabout
musicinanoldtikibarwithpeelinggrass
wallpaperthatmanagedtolookvaguelyHaitian. bumblingdetectivesonthemoon,oneofthose
ThewaitersspokeSpanish,notFrench,though. trendynewthingsactedentirelybyanimated
Sheletherselfbetalkedintotwobottlesofbeer deadactorswhocombinedthevirtuesofbox
officedrawandcheaplabor.Theremighthave
aboutoneandahalfmorethanshewould
normallytakebutshedidntgetlightheaded. beenacoupleoffictionalactorsintheretoo,it
washardtosay,shedneverreallyfollowedthe
Theheatandhumidityseemedtorinsethe
moviesexceptasaplacetoescapeto.Therewas
alcoholrightoutofherbloodstream.
realmagicandescapeinadrivein,though,with
Theygottothemoviesjustatdusk.Itwasjust
thepalpableevidenceofallthoseotherbreathing
likesherememberedfrombeingalittlegirland humansinthedarkenednightwatchingthe
comingwithherparents.Childreninpajamas
magicstoryflickerpastonthescreen,something
climbedoverajunglegymtoonesideofthelot. thatwentrightintoherhindbrain.Beforeshe
Rankedrowsofcarsfacedthehuge,grubby
knewit,hereyelidsweredroopingandthenshe
whiteprojectionwalls.Theyevenshowedoneof foundherselfjerkingawake.Thishappeneda
thosescratchyoldLetsallgotothelobbyand coupletimesbeforeLesterslippedapillow
getourselvesatreatcartoonshortswiththe
underherheadandshesankintoitandfellinto
dancinghotdogsbeforethemovie.
sleep.
Thenostalgiafilledheruplikeaballoon
Shewokeattheclosingcreditsandrealizedthat
expandinginherchest.Shehadnteverseena
shedmanagedtopropthepillowonLesters
computeruntilshewastenyearsold,andthat
barrelchest.Shesnappedherheadupandthen
hadbeenthesizeofachestfreezer,withless
smiledembarrassedlyathim.Hey,sleepyhead,
capabilitythanoneoftheactiveprinted
hesaid.Yousnorelikeabandsaw,youknow
computercardsthatcameinglossyfashion
it?
magazineswithcomeonsforperfumeand
Sheblushed.Idont!
weightloss.
Youdo,hesaid.
Theworldhadbeenstoodonitsheadsomany
timesintheinterveningthirtyplusyearsthatit
wasliterallydizzyingorwasthatthebeer
havingadelayedeffect?Suddenlyallthe
certaintiessherestedonher401k,herhouse,
herabilitytonavigatetheprofessionalworldina
competentmannerseemedtobebuilton
shiftingsands.

Ido?
Perry,onherothersidenodded.Youdo.
God,shesaid.
Dontworry,youhaventgotanythingon
Lester,Perrysaid.Ivegoneintohisroom
somemorningsandfoundallthepictureslying

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/24
onthefloor,vibratedofftheirhooks.
ItseemedtoherthatLesterwasblushingnow.
ImsorryifIspoiledthemovie,shesaid.
Dontsweatit,Lestersaid,clearlygratefulfor
thechangeofsubject.Itwasalousymovie
anyway.Youdrownedoutsometrulyfoul
dialogue.
Well,theresthat.
Cmon,letsgobacktotheofficeandgetyou
yourcar.ItsanhourtoMiamifromhere.
Shewaswideawakebythetimesheparkedthe
rentacarinthecoffinhotelsparkinglotand
crawledintoherroom,slappingtheaircon
buttonsuptofulltoclearoutthestiflingairthat
hadbakedintotheinteriorduringtheday.
Shelayonherbackinthedarkcoffinforalong
time,eyesopenandslowlyadjustingtotheidiot
lightsonthecontrolpanel,untilitseemedthat
shewaslyinginaspacecapsulehurtlingthrough
theuniverseatrelativisticspeeds,leavingbehind
history,theworld,everythingsheknew.Shesat
up,wideawake,onWestCoasttimesuddenly,
andtherewasnowayshewouldfallasleepnow,
butshelaybackdownandthenshedid,finally.
Thealarmwokeherseeminglyfiveminutes
later.Shedidacouplelapsaroundtheparking
lot,paddingaround,stretchingherlegs,tryingto
clearherheadherinternalclockthoughtthatit
was4AM,butat7AMontheeastcoast,thesun
wasupandtheheathadbeguntosizzleallthe
availablemoistureintotheair.Sheleftthehotel
anddrovearoundMiamiforawhile.Sheneeded
tofindsometoiletriesandthenacafewhereshe
couldsitdownandfilesomecopy.Shedtweeted
abunchofworkingnotesandpostedafew
thingstoherblogthedaybefore,buthereditor
expectedsomethingmorecoherentforthosewho
preferredtheirnewsalittlemoredigested.
BythetimeshearrivedatPerrysjunkyard,the
dayhadtippedforafternoon,thesunnolonger
straightoverhead,theheatalittlesofterthanit
hadbeenthedaybefore.Shesettledinfor

anotherdayofwatchingtheguyswork,asking
theoccasionalquestion.Thecolumnshedended
upfilinghadbeenakindofwaitandseepiece,
describingthecoolculturethesetwohadgoing
betweenthem,andaskingifitcouldsurvive
scalinguptomassproduction.Nowshe
experimentedwiththeirworksinprogress,
sculpturesandmachinesthatalmostworked,or
didntworkatall,butthatshowedthescopeof
theircreativity.Kettlewellthoughtthatthere
wereathousand,tenthousandpeopleascreative
asthesetwooutthere,waitingtobediscovered.
Coulditbetrue?
Sure,Perrysaid,whynot?Werejusthere
becausesomeonedroppedthebarriertoentry,
madeitpossibleforacoupleoftinkererstogeta
lotofmaterialsandtoassemblethemwithout
knowingawholelotaboutadvancedmaterials
science.WasntitlikethiswhentheInternetwas
startingout?
Woah,Suzannesaid.Ijustrealizedthatyou
wouldntreallyrememberthosedays,backinthe
earlynineties.
SureIrememberthem.Iwasakid,butI
rememberthemfine!
Shefeltveryold.Thethingwasthatnoone
reallysuspectedthatthereweresomanyliberal
artsmajorslurkinginthenationsuniversities,
dyingtodropoutandlearnperlandHTML.
Perrycockedhishead.Yeah,Iguessthats
analogous.Thelegacyofthedotcomyearsfor
meisallthisfreeinfrastructure,verycheap
networkconnectionsandhostingcompaniesand
soon.That,Iguess,combinedwithpeople
willingtouseit.Ineverreallythoughtofit,but
theremusthavebeenalotofpeoplehanging
aroundintheolddayswhothoughtemailand
thenetwereprettysketchy,right?
Shewavedherhandsathim.Perry,lad,you
dontknowthehalfofit.Therearestill
executivesintherustbeltwhospendbailout
moneyonsecretariestoprintouttheiremailand
thendictaterepliesintotaperecorderstobe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/25
typedandsent.
Hefurrowedhisthickeyebrows.Youre
joking,hesaid

computerout,writingdownquotesandtweeting
thoughtsastheycame.Theyworkedsidebyside
incompanionablesilenceforawhileasshe
killedacouplethousandspamsandhelaiddown
acoupledozenblobsofsolder.

Sheputherhandonherheart.Ikidyounot.I
knewpeopleinthenewsroomattheDetroitFree
Press.Therearewholeindustriesinthiscountry HowdoyoulikeFlorida?hesaid,after
straighteningupandcrackinghisback.
thatarelivinginthelastcentury.
Well,forme,allthatdotcommiestuffwaslike Shebarelystoppedtyping,deepintosomeemail:
Itsallright,Isuppose.
puttingdownagoodbase,makingiteasyfor
peoplelikemetogetpartsandbuildlogsandto Theresgreatstuffhereifyouknowwhereto
findhardwarehackerstojamwith.
look.Wantmetoshowyouaroundalittle
Perrygotengrossedinatrickybitofenginein tonight?ItsFriday,afterall.
seashellthenandshewanderedovertoLester,
whowasprintingoutmoreBarbieheadsfora
muchlargerversionofhismechanicalcomputer.
Itllbeabletoadd,subtract,andmultiplyany
twonumbersupto99,hesaid.Ittookdecades
tobuildavacuumtubemachinethatcoulddo
thatmuchImdoingitwithswitchesinjust
threerevs.Inyourface,UNIVAC!

Soundsgood.IsPerryfree?

Ittookherasecondtoregisterthathehadnt
answered.Shelookedupandsawhewas
blushingtothetipsofhisears.Ithoughtwe
couldgooutjustthetwoofus.Dinneranda
walkaroundthedecostuffonMiamiBeach?

Oh,shesaid.Andtheweirdthingwas,she
tookitseriouslyforasecond.Shehadntbeenon
Shelaughed.Hehadahugebagoflasercut
adateinsomethinglikeayear,andhewasa
sodacanswitchesthathewassolderingontoa
reallyniceguyandsoforth.Butprofessional
varietyofsubstratesfrompolishedcardoorstoa ethicsmadethatimpossible,andbesides.
bambootikibar.Shelookedcloselyatthe
Andbesides.Hewashuge.Hedtoldherhe
solder.Isthiswhatsweatshopsolderlooks
weighednearly400pounds.Sofat,hewas,
like?
essentially,sexless.Roundandunshaped,
Helookedconfused,thensaid,Oh!Right,
doughy.
Perrysthing.Yeah,anythingnotdonebyarobot
hasthisartisanalqualityofblobbiness,whichI Allofthesethoughtsinaninstantandthenshe
said,Oh,well.Listen,Lester,itsabout
quitelike,itsaesthetic,likeapaintingwith
visiblebrushstrokes.ButPerrysright:ifyousee professionalethics.Imhereonastoryandyou
guysarereallyswell,butImheretobe
solderlikethisonanythingthattherearea
millionof,thenyouknowthatitwaslaiddown objective.Thatmeansnodating.Sorry.She
saiditinthesamefirmtonesasshedusedto
bykidsandwomenworkingforslavewages.
turndowntheiroffertotreatherattheIHOP:a
Theresnowayitscheapertomakeamillion
soldersbyhandthanbyrobotunlessyourlabor factoflife,somethingshejustdidntdo.Like
turningdownaglassofbeerbysaying,No
forceislockedin,forcefedamphetamine,and
destroyedforanythingexceptprostitutioninside thanks,Idontdrink.Novaluejudgment.
offiveyears.Buthere,insomethinglikethis,so Butshecouldseethatshehadletherthinking
handmadeandoneofakind,Ithinkitgivesita showonherface,ifonlyforthebriefest
nicecargocultneoprimitivefeel.Likeafieldof moment.Lesterstiffenedandhisnostrilsflared.
handtilledfurrows.
Hewipedhishandsonhisthighs,thensaid,ina
lighttone,Sure,noproblem.Iunderstand
Shenodded.Todayshewaskeepingher

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/26
completely.Shouldhavethoughtofthat.Sorry! Tjanturnedouttobealotolderthanshed
Noproblem,shesaid.Shepretendedtowork expected.Shedpicturedhimasabout28,smart
andpreppieliketheyallwerewhentheywere
onheremailawhilelonger,thensaid,Well,I
thinkIllcallitaday.SeeyouMondayforTjans freshoutofBschoolandfullofManagement
Wisdom.Instead,hewasaboutforty,balding,
arrival,right?
withalittlepotbellyandthinninghair.He
Right!hesaid,toobrightly,andsheslunk
dressedlikeanEnglishprofessor,bluejeansand
awaytohercar.
acheckedshirtandatweedysportscoatthat
Shespenttheweekendbloggingandseeingthe hedshuckedwithinsecondsofleavingthe
beach.Thepeopleonthebeachseemedtobeof terminalatMiamiairportandsteppingintothe
blastfurnaceheat.
anotherspeciesfromtheonesshesawwalking
thestreetsofHollywoodandMiamiand
TheydallcomeinLestersbig,crazycar,and
Lauderdale.Theyhadfreakishlyperfectbodies, squishingbackinwithTjanssuitcaseswaslike
thekindofthingyousawinananatomical
ageometrytrick.Shefoundherselfhalfon
drawingoracomicbooksomuchmuscular
Perryslap,hugginghalfabigduffelbagthat
definitionthattheywerepracticallycross
seemedtobefullofbricks.
hatched.Sheeventriedoutthenudebeach,
Books,Tjansaid.Justalittlepersonallibrary.
intriguedtoseetheseperfectspecimensinthe
Itsabadhabit,movingthephysicalobjects
alltogether,butshechickenedoutwhenshe
around,butImaddicted.Hehadacalmvoice
realizedthatshedneedasubstantialwaxjob
beforeherbodyhairwasbroughtdowntonorms thatmightinfactbealittledull,aprofs
monotone.
forthatstripofsand.
TheybroughthimtoPerryandLestersplace,
Shedidgetaneyefulofseveralanatomically
correctdrawingsbeforetakingoffagain.Itmade whichwasthreecondoswiththedividingwalls
heruncomfortablyhornyandawareofhowlong knockedoutinacomplexthathadlongrust
streaksdownitssidesandricketybalconiesthat
ithadbeensinceherlastdate.Thatgother
hadbeeneatenawaybysaltair.Therewasa
thinkingofpoorLester,buriedunderneathall
thatflesh,andthatgotherthinkingaboutthelife guardhouseatthefrontofthecomplex,butit
wasshuttered,abandoned,andgraffititagged.
shedchosenforherself,coveringtheweird
worldoftechwherethegroundneverstoodstill
longenoughforhertogetherbalance.

Tjansteppedoutofthecarandputhishandson
hishipsandconsideredthebuilding.Itcould
useacoatofpaint,hesaid.Suzannelooked
Sosheretreatedtobloginacafe,posting
snippetsandimpressionsfromherdayswiththe closelyathimhewassodeadpan,itwashard
totellwhatwasonhismind.Butheslippedher
boys,alongwithphotos.Herreaderswereall
awink.
overit,commentinglikemad.Halfofthem
thoughtitwasdisgustingsomuchsuffering
Yeah,Perrysaid.Itcouldatthat.Onthe
andwasteintheworldandtheseguyswere
brightside:spacious,cheapandtheresapool.
inventing$10,000toysoutofgarbage.Theother Theresalotofthisdownheresincethehousing
halfwantedtoknowwheretogotobuyonefor marketcrashed.Thecondoassociationhere
themselves.HalfwaythroughSunday,herlaptop dissolvedaboutfouryearsago,sotheresnot
batteryfinallydied,needingafreshweekly
reallyanyonewhosinchargeofallthecommon
charge,sosheretreatedagain,tothecoffin,to
spacesandstuff,justafewcondoownersand
waitforMondayandthenewdaythatwould
speculatorswhoowntheapartments.Suckers,
dawnforPerryandLesterandKodacelland
Imthinking.Ourrenthasgonedowntwicethis
her.
year,justforasking.Imthinkingwecould

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/27
probablygetthemtopayustolivehereandjust
keepoutthebumsandstuff.

Tjantookanotherbiteofsandwichandsippedat
hismilk.Well,youllhavetocomeupwitha
Thelivingquarterswerenearlyindistinguishable nameforthem,somethingthatidentifiesthem.
fromtheworkshopatthejunkyard:strewnwith Also,Ithinkyoushouldbecarefulwith
trademarkedobjects.Anytimeyouneedtobring
cooldevicesinvariousstagesofdisassembly,
inanIPlawyer,youregoingtorunintohuge
detritusandart.Theplatesanddishesand
costsandtimedelays.
glassesallhadIHOPandCrackerBarrellogos
onthem.Fromthriftshops,Lesterexplained. Theywaitedagain.Thatsit?Perrysaid.
Oldpeoplestealthemwhentheygettheir
Nothingaboutthedesignsthemselves?
earlybirdspecials,andthenwhentheydietheir Imthebusinessmanager.Thatseditorial.Im
kidsgivethemtoGoodwill.Cheapestwaytoget artisticallyautistic.Notmyjobtohelpyou
amatchedsetaroundhere.
designthings.Itsmyjobtosellthethingsyou
Tjancircledthethreeadjoinedcrackerbox
condoslikeadogcirclinghisbasket.Finally,he
pickedanunoccupiedmasterbedroomwith
moldylacecurtainsandamotelartpaintingof
anabstractlandscapeovertheheadboard.Heset
hissuitcasedownonthefauxChinoisechestof
drawersandsaid,Right,Imdone.Letsgetto
work.

design.

Woulditmatterwhatitwasweweremaking?
Wouldyoufeelthesameifitwastoothbrushes
orstaplers?

Tjansmiled.IfyouweremakingstaplersI
wouldntbehere,becausetheresnoprofitin
staplers.Toomanycompetitors.Toothbrushes
areapossibility,ifyouweremakingsomething
Theytookhimtotheworkshopnextandhis
reallyrevolutionary.Peoplebuyabout1.6
expressionhardlychangedastheyshowedhim
toothbrushesayear,sothereslotsof
around,showedhimtheircabinetsofwonders.
opportunitytocomeupwithaninnovative
Whentheyweredone,heletthemwalkhimto
designthatsellsatagoodprofitovermarginal
theIHOPandheorderedthemostausterething costforacoupleseasonsbeforeitgetsclonedor
onthemenu,apeanutbutterandjellysandwich outinnovated.Whatyoupeoplearemakinghas
thatwastechnicallyonthekidsmenuakids anedgebecauseitsyoumakingit,verybespoke
menuataplacewherethegrownupscouldorder anddistinctive.Ithinkitwilltakesometimefor
aplateofcandy!
theworldtoemergeaneffectivecompetitorto
So,Perrysaid.So,Tjan,comeonbuddy,give thesegoods,providedthatyoucanbuildan
ittomestraightyouhateit?Loveit?Cant
initialmarketplacemassinterestinthem.There
understandit?
arentenoughpeopleouttherewhoknowhowto
Tjansetdownhissandwich.Youboysarevery combineallthethingsyouvecombinedhere.
Thesystemmakesithardtosellanythingabove
talented,hesaid.Theyreverygood
themarginalcostofgoods,unlessyouhavea
inventions.Therearelotsofopportunitiesfor
reallyinnovativeidea,whichcantstay
synergywithinKodacell:marketing,logistics,
innovativeforlong,soyouneedcontinuous
evenpackingmaterials.Theresalittleaerogel
startupinOregonthatKodacellisunderwriting inventionandreinventiontoo.Youtwofellows
thatyoucoulduseforpaddingwhenyouship. appeartobedoingthat.Idontknowanything
definitiveabouttheaestheticqualitiesofyour
PerryandLesterlookedathimexpectantly.
gadgets,norhowusefultheyllbe,butIdo
Suzannebrokethesilence.Tjan,didyouhave understandtheirdistinctiveness,sothatswhy
anyartisticordesignideasaboutthethingsthat Imhere.
theseguysaremaking?
Itwaslongerthanallthespeechesheddelivered

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/28
sincearriving,puttogether.Suzannenoddedand inBschoolwhen?
madesomenotes.Perrylookedhimupand
Ninetyeightto2001.Interestingtimestobein
down.
theValley.Ireadyourcolumn,youknow.
Youre,what,anexBschoolproffromCornell, Shelookeddownatherplate.Alotofpeople
right?
hadreadthecolumnbackthen.Women
Yes,forafewyears.AndIranacompanyfora
while,doingimportexportfromemerging
economystatesintheformerSovietbloc.
Isee,Perrysaid.Soyoureintowhat,anew
companyevery18monthsorsomething?

columnistswererareintech,andshesupposed
shewasgoodatit,too.IhopeIgetremembered
asmorethanthechroniclerofthedotcom
boom,though,shesaid.

Oh,youwill,hesaid.Youllberemembered
Ohno,Tjansaid,andhehadalittletwinklein asthechroniclerofthiswhatKettlewelland
PerryandLesteraredoing.
hiseyeandthetiniesthintofasmile.Ohno.
Everysixmonths.Ayearattheoutside.Thats Whatyouredoing,too,right?
mydeal.Imthebusinessguywiththeshort
Oh,yes,whatImdoingtoo.
attentionspan.
Arobotrollerbladedpastontheboardwalk,
Isee,Perrysaid.Kettlewelldidntmention
turningtheoccasionalsomersault.Ishould
this.
havethembuildsomeofthose,Tjansaid,
Atthejunkyard,Tjanwanderedaroundthe
watchingthecrowdturntoregardit.Ithopped
ElmopropelledSmartcarandpeeredatits
ontoandoffofthecurb,expertlysteeredaround
innards,watchedtheElmosnegotiatetheir
thewanderingcouplesandtheoccasional
balanceandpositionwithminutemovements
homelessperson.Ithadabanneritstreamedout
andacousticsignals.Iwouldntworryaboutit behindit:CAPNJACKSPAINTBALLAND
ifIwereyou,hesaid.Youguysarent
FANBOATTOURSGETSHOTANDGET
temperamentallysuitedtodoingjustonething. WETMIAMIKEYWESTLAUDERDALE.
Lesterlaughed.Hesgotyouthere,dude,he
said,slappingPerryontheshoulder.

Youthinktheycan?

Sure,Tjansaid.Thosetwocanbuild
SuzannegotTjanoutfordinnerthatnight.My anything.Thatsthepoint:anymoderately
dadwasinimportexportandwetravelledalot, skilledpractitionercanbuildanythingthese
alloverAsiaandthentheformerSoviets.He
days,forpracticallynothing.Backintheold
sentmeawaywhenIwas16tofinishschoolin days,theblacksmithjustmadeeverybitof
theStates,andtherewasnoquestionbutthatI
ironmongeryeveryoneneeded,onepieceata
wouldgotoStanfordforbusinessschool.
time,athisforge.Thatswherewereat.Every
industrythatrequiredafactoryyesterdayonly
NicetomeetafellowCalifornian,shesaid,
andsippedherwine.Theydgonetooneofthe needsagaragetoday.Itsarealreturnto
fundamentals.Whatnooneevercoulddowas
famedMiamidecorestaurantsandthefishin
joinupallthesmithiesandallthesmithsand
frontofherwaspracticallyasculpture,so
makethemintoasinglelogicalnetworkwitha
thoroughlyplateditwas.
singlesetofobjectives.Thatsnewanditswhat
Well,ImasCalifornianas...
Iplanonmakinghayoutof.Thiswillbemuch
biggerthandotcom.Itwillbemuchharder,too
...aspossible,underthecircumstances,she
biggercrests,deepertroughs.Thisis
saidandlaughed.ItsaCanadianjoke,butit
appliesequallywelltoCalifornians.Soyouwere somethingtochronicleallright:itwillmakedot
comlooklikeawarmupforthemainshow.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/29
Weregoingtocreateanewclassofartisans
whocanchangecareersevery10months,
inventingnewjobsthathadntbeenimagineda
yearbefore.
Thatsaprettyunstablemarket,Suzannesaid,
andatesomefish.
Thatsafunctionalmarket.HereswhatIthink
thepointofagoodmarketis.Inagoodmarket,
youinventsomethingandyouchargeallthe
marketwillbearforit.Someoneelsefiguresout
howtodoitcheaper,ordecidestheycandoitfor
aslimmermarginnotthesamething,you
know,inthefirstcasesomeoneismoreefficient
andinthesecondtheyrejustlessgreedyorless
ambitious.Theydoitandsoyouhavetodrop
yourpricestocompete.Thensomeonecomes
alongwhoslessgreedyormoreefficientthan
bothofyouandundercutsyouagain,andagain,
andagain,untileventuallyyougetdowntoa
kindoffirmament,abaselinethatyoucantgo
lowerthan,thecheapestyoucanproduceagood
andstayinbusiness.Thatswhystraightpins,
machinescrewsandreamsofpaperallcost
basicallynothing,andmakedamnedlittleprofit
fortheirmanufacturers.
Soifyouwanttomakeabigprofit,youvegot
tostartoveragain,inventsomethingnew,and
milkitforallyoucanbeforethefirstimitator
showsup.Themorethishappens,thecheaper
andbettereverythinggets.Itshowwegothere,
yousee.Itswhatthesystemisfor.Were
approachingakindofpureandperfectstatenow,
withcompetitionandinventiongettingeasier
andeasieritsproducingakindof
superabundancethatsamazingtowatch.My
kidsjustsurfit,makethemselvesovereverysix
months,learnanewinterface,anew
entertainment,younameit.Changesurfers...
Hetrailedoff.

Well,itmustbenicetobesomuchcloserto
themthanyouwereinIthaca.
What?No,no.TheStPetersburginRussia.
Oh,shesaid.
Theyconcentratedontheirfoodforawhile.
Youknow,hesaid,aftertheydorderedcoffee
anddesert,itsallaboutabundance.Iwantmy
kidstogrowupwithabundance,andwhateveris
goingonrightnow,itsprovidingabundancein
abundance.Theselfstorageindustryisbigger
thantherecordingindustry,didyouknowthat?
Alltheydoisprovideaplacetoputstuffthatwe
ownthatwecantfindroomforthats
superabundance.
IhavealockerinMilpitas,shesaid.
Thereyougo.Itsagrowthindustry.Hedrank
hiscoffee.Onthewaybacktotheircars,hesaid,
Mydaughter,Lyenitchka,isfour,andmyson,
Sasha,isone.Ihaventlivedwiththeirmotherin
threeyears.Hemadeaface.Sashas
circumstanceswerecomplicated.Theyregood
kids,though.Itjustcouldntworkwiththeir
mother.ShesRussian,andconnectedthats
howwemet,Iwashustlingformyimportexport
businessandshehadsomegoodconnections
soafterthedivorcetherewasnoquestionofmy
takingthekidswithme.Buttheyregoodkids.
Doyouseethem?
Wevideoconference.Whoknewthatlong
distancedivorcewasthekillerappfor
videoconferencing?
Yeah.

Thatweek,Suzannetweetedconstantly,filed
twocolumns,andbloggedtenormoreitemsa
day:photos,bitsofdiscussionbetweenLester,
PerryandTjan,acouplevideosoftheBoogie
WoogieElmosdoingimprobablethings.Turned
Youhavekids?
outthattherewasquiteacultfollowingforthe
InStPetersburg,withtheirmother.
BWE,andthenewsthattherewasatroveof
somethousandsoftheminaHollywooddump
Shecouldtellbyhistonethatithadbeenthe
wrongquestiontoask.Hewaslookinghangdog. sentahalfdozenpilgrimswingingtheirway
acrossthenationtoscoresomeforthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/30
collectorsmarket.Perrywouldnteventaketheir
money:Fella,hetoldonepersistentdealer,I
gotfortythousandofthesethings.Iwontmissa
coupledozen.Justcallitgoodkarma.
WhenTjanfoundoutaboutithepursedhislips
foramoment,thensaid,Letmeknowif
someonewantstopayusmoney,please.Ithink
youwereright,butIdliketohaveasay,all
right?
PerrylookedatSuzanne,whowasvideoingthis
exchangewithherkeychain.Thenhelooked
backatTjan,Yeah,ofcourse.Sorryforceof
habit.Noharmdone,though,right?
Thatfootagegotdownloadedacouplehundred
timesthatnight,butonceitgotslashdottedbya
coupleofhighprofileheadlineaggregators,she
foundherserverhammeredwithahundred
thousandrequests.TheMerchadthehorsepower
toservethemall,butyouneverknew:every
onceinawhile,thewebhitanothertippingpoint
andgrewbyanorderofmagnitudeorso,and
thenalltheserverprovisioningcalculatedto
survivetheoldslashdottingsshreddedlikewet
kleenex.

forwardedhercellphonetowhenhercomputer
wasliveandconnected.Shedstarteddoingthat
acoupleyearsback,whensoftphonesreally
stabilized,andherphonebillshaddroppedto
lessthantwentybucksamonth,downfrom
severalhundred.Itwasntthatshespentalotof
timewithinarmsreachofalivecomputer,but
giventhatcallsroutedthroughthelaptopwere
free,shewasperfectlywillingtodeferhercalls
untilshewas.
HiJimmy,shesaidhereditor,backinSan
Jose.9PMPacifictimeonaweeknightwasstill
workinghoursforhim.
Suzanne,hesaid.
Shewaited.Shedhalfexpectedhimtocallwith
alittleshowerofpraise,anechoofKettlewells
note.Jimmywasntthemosteffusiveeditor
shedhad,butitmadehislittlemomentsof
praisemorevaluablefortheirrarity.
Suzanne,hesaidagain.
Jimmy,shesaid.Itslatehere.Whatsup?

So,itslikethis.Iloveyourreportsbutitsnot
SiliconValleynews.ItsMiaminews.
McClatchyhandedmeathirtypercentcutthis
From:kettlewelll@skunkworks.kodacell.com
morningandImgoingtothebone.Iamfiringa
To:schurch@sjmercury.com
thirdofthenewsroomtoday.Now,youarea
Subject:Re:Embeddedjournalist?
stupendouswriterandsoIsaidtomyself,Ican
Thisstuffisamazing.Amazing!Christ,Ishould fireherorIcanbringherhomeandhaveher
putyouonthepayroll.ForgetIwrotethat.Buti writeaboutSiliconValleyagain,andIknew
whattheanswerhadtobe.SoIneedyouto
should.Youvegotafantasticeye.Ihavenever
feltasintouchwithmyownbusinessasIdoat comehome,justwrapitupandcomehome.
thismoment.Nottomentionproud!Proud
Hefinishedspeakingandshefoundherself
youvemademesoproudoftheworktheseguys staringathercomputersscreen.Herhandswere
aredoing,proudtohavesomeroleinit.
grippingthelaptopsedgessotightlyithurt,and
themachinemadeaplastickysqueakasitbegan
Kettlebelly
tobend.
Shereaditsittingupinhercoffin,justoneof
Icantdothat,Jimmy.ThisisstuffthatSilicon
severalhundredemailsfromthatdaysblog
postsandcolumn.Shelaughedanddroppeditin Valleyneedstoknowabout.Thismaynotbe
whatshappeninginSiliconValley,butitsureas
herfolderofcorrespondencetoanswer.Itwas
shitiswhatshappeningtoSiliconValley.She
nearlymidnight,toolatetogetintoitwith
hatedthatshedcussedshehadntmeantto.I
Kettlewell.
knowyoureinahardspot,butthisisthestoryI
Thenhercomputerrangthenetphoneshe
needtocoverrightnow.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/31
Suzanne,Imcuttingathirdofthenewsroom.
Weregoingtobecoveringstorieswithindriving
distanceofthisofficefortheforeseeablefuture,
andthatsit.Idontdisagreewithasinglething
youjustsaid,butitdoesntmatter:ifIleaveyou
whereyouare,Illhavetocuttheguywho
coverstheschoolboardsandthecitycouncils.I
cantdothat,notifIwanttoremainadaily
newspapereditor.

Theworkyouredoingthereisfine,Suzanne,
butIworkedreallyhardtoprotectyourjobhere
andthisisntgoingtohelpmakethathappen.

Floridawascheap.Shecouldrentoutherplace
inCalifornia.Shewassixstepsintotheplanand
ithadonlytakentensecondsandshehadno
doubtswhatsoever.Shecouldtalktothatbook
agentwhodpingedherlastyear,seeabout
gettinganadvanceonabookaboutKodacell.

ShedhavetotellKettlewell,whowouldno
doubtoffertoputheronthepayroll.She
couldntdothat,ofcourse.Neutralitywashard
enoughtomaintain,nevermindbeingfinancially
compromised.

Whatareyousaying?
IfyouwanttoworkfortheMerc,youneedto
flybacktoSanJose,wheretheMercis
published.Icantmakeitanyclearerthanthat.

No,hecouldnt.Shesympathizedwithhim.She
wasreallywellpaidbytheMerc.Keepingheron
Isee,shesaid.CanIthinkaboutit?
wouldmeanfiringtwojuniorwriters.Hedcut
Thinkaboutwhat,Suzanne?Thishasnotbeen heralotofbreaksalongtheway,toolether
thebestdayforme,Ihavetotellyou,butIdont feelouttheValleyinherownway.Ithadpaid
seewhatthereistothinkabout.Thisnewspaper offforbothofthem,buthedtakentherisk
nolongerhascorrespondentswhoworkin
whenalotofpeoplewouldnthave.Shedbea
MiamiandLondonandParisandNewYork.As fooltowalkawayfromallthat.
oftoday,thatstuffcomesfrombloggers,oroff
thewire,orwhateverbutnotfromourpayroll. Sheopenedhermouthtotellhimthatshedbe
ontheplaneinthemorning,andwhatcameout
Youworkforthisnewspaper,soyouneedto
was,Jimmy,Ireallyappreciateallthework
comebackhere,becausethejobyouredoing
doesnotexistanylonger.Thejobyouhavewith youvedoneforme,butthisisthestoryIneedto
write.Imsorryaboutthat.
usishere.Youvemissedthenightflight,but
theresadirectflighttomorrowmorningthatll Suzanne,hesaid.
haveyoubackbylunchtimetomorrow,andwe
cansitdowntogetherthenandtalkaboutit,all Thankyou,Jimmy,shesaid.Illgetbackto
CaliforniawhenIgetalullandsortoutthe
right?
detailsmyemployeecardandstuff.
IthinkShefeltthatohshitohshitfeeling
Youknowwhatyouredoing,right?
again,thatneedingtopeefeeling,thattension
fromhertoestohernose.Jimmy,shesaid.I Yeah,shesaid.Ido.
needaleaveofabsence,OK?
Whensheunscrewedherearpiece,she
What?Suzanne,Imsureweoweyousome
discoveredthatherneckwaskillingher.That
vacationbutnowisntthetime
madeherrealizethatshewasafortyfiveyear
oldwomaninAmericawithouthealthinsurance.
Notavacation,Jimmy.Sixmonthsleaveof
absence,withoutpay.Hersavingscouldcover Orregularincome.Shewasajournalistwithout
ajournalisticorgan.
it.Shecouldputsomebanneradsonherblog.

Shesteppedoutofthecoffinandsniffedthe
saltyair.Livinginthecoffinwasexpensive.
No,Jimmywell,notunlessyoumakeme.But Shedneedtogetacondoorsomething.Aplace
withakitchenwhereshecouldprepmeals.She
Ineedtostayhere.
Areyouquitting?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/32
figuredthatPerrysbuildingwouldprobably
haveavacancyortwo.

theywerecertainlyweirderlooking,likethe
offspringofaNorwegiantrollandananime
robotbuttheyweremorefeaturerich.Some
smarthackerinRussiawaspackingallkindsof
ThesecondbusinessthatTjantookPerryinto
functionalityontoasinglechip,sothattheir
wasevenmoresuccessfulthanthefirst,andthat trollscostlessanddidmore:burglaralarms,
wassayingsomething.Itonlytookaweekfor
babymonitors,streamingInternetradiosource,
TjantogetPerryandLestercrankingona
andlowreliabilitymedicaldiagnosticthatrelied
KitchenGnomedesignthatmashedtogether
onquackanalysisofeyepigment,tonguecoating
someHomelandSecuritygaitrecognition
andothernewage(rhymeswithsewage)
softwarewithabigsolidstateharddiskanda
indicators.
microphoneandalittlecamera,allpackaged
LestercamebackfromtheDollarStorewitha
togetherinoneofacouplehundreddesignsofa
bigbagoftrolls,adozendifferentmodels,and
gardengnomefigurinethatstoodsixinchestall.
dumpedthemoutonTjansdesk,upinold
Itcouldrecognizeeverymemberofahousehold
foremansofficesonthecatwalkabovethe
bythewaytheywalkedandplaybackvoice
workspaces.Christ,wouldyoulookatthese?
memosforeach.Itturnedouttobeakillertool
Theyresellingthemforlessthanourcostto
forcontextsensitivereminderstokidstodothe
manufacture.Howdowecompetewiththis?
dishes,andforhusbands,wivesandroommates
tonageachotherwithoutgettingoneachothers Wedont,Tjansaid,andrubbedhisbelly.
nerves.Tjanwasreallyjazzedaboutit,asittied Nowwedothenextthing.
inwithsometheorieshehadaboutthechanging Whatsthenextthing?Perrysaid.
USdemographic,trendingtowardsblended
householdsinurbancenters,withthreeormore Well,thefirstonedeliveredareturnon
investmentatabouttwentytimestherateofany
adultscohabitating.
KodakorDuracellbusinessunitinthehistoryof
Thisisarichvein,hesaid,rubbinghishands eithercompany.ButIdliketoshootforthirtyto
together.Livingcommunallyishard,and
fortytimesnext,ifthatsallrightwithyou.So
technologycanmakeiteasier.Roommateware. letsgoseewhatyouveinventedthisweekand
Itsthewaveofthefuture.
howwecancommercializeit.
TherewasanotherKodacellgroupinSan
PerryandLesterjustlookedateachother.
Francisco,adesignoutfitwithabunchof
Finally,Lestersaid,Canyourepeatthat?
stringerswhocoulddesignthegnomesforthem
ThetypicalROIforaKodacellunitintheold
andtheydidgreatwork.Thegnomeswere
slightlylewdlooking,andtheyweretheproduct dayswasaboutfourpercent.Ifyouputa
hundreddollarsin,youdgetahundredandfour
ofagenerativealgorithmthatvariedeachone.
Someofthedesignsthatfelloutofthealgorithm dollarsout,anditwouldtakeaboutayearto
werejawdroppinglyweirdPerrykeptathree realize.Ofcourse,intheolddays,theywouldnt
eyed,sixarmedversiononhisdesk.Theytooled havetouchedanewbusinessunlesstheycould
putahundredmillioninandgetahundredand
uptomakethembythehundred,thenthe
thousand,thenthetensofthousand.Thefactthat fourmillionout.Fourmillionbucksisfour
eachonewasdifferentkepttheirmarginsup,but millionbucks.
astheGnomesgainedpopularitytheirsaleswere Buthere,thecompanyputfiftythousandinto
steadilyerodedbyknockoffs,mostlyfrom
thesedollsandthreemonthslater,theytook
EasternEurope.
seventythousandout,afterpayingoursalaries
Theknockoffswerentascoollookingthough andbonuses.ThatsafortypercentROI.Seventy

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/33
thousandbucksisntfourmillionbucks,butforty
percentisfortypercent.Nottomentionthatour
businessdrovesimilarmarginsinthreeother
businessunits.

stuff.Ivebeenhandicappedbythefactthatyou
guysaresuchexcellentroomies,soIhaveto
thinkbacktomycollegedaystorememberwhat
abadroommateislike,wherethefrictionis.
Ithoughtwedscrewedupbylettingtheseguys Mostly,itcomesdowntoresourcecontention,
eatourlunch,Lestersaid,indicatingthedollar though:Iwannacook,butyourdishesareinthe
sink;Iwannadolaundrybutyourboxersarein
storetrolls.
thedryer;IwannawatchTV,butyourcrapisall
Nope,wegotinwhilethemarginswerehigh,
overthelivingroomsofa.
madeagoodreturn,andnowwellgetoutasthe
Livingupstairsfromtheguysgaveherfresh
marginsdrop.Thatsnotscrewingup,thats
insightintohowtheKodacellphilosophywould
doingtherightthing.Thenexttimearound,
workout.Kettlewellwasreallybigoncommunal
welldosomethingmorecapitalintensiveand
living,puttingthesepeopleintoeachothers
welltakeoutanevenhighermargin:soshow
mesomethingthatllcosttwohundredgrandto pocketsliketheoldtimegeekhousesofpizza
eatinghackers,gettingthatinthetrenches
getgoingandthatwecanpullahundredand
sixtythousworthofprofitoutofforKodacellin camaraderie.Ithadtakenaweekendtoputthe
threemonths.Letsdosomethingambitiousthis mostpreciousstuffinherCaliforniahouseinto
storageandthenturnoverthekeystoarealtor
timearound.
whodsortoutleasingitforher.Themonthly
Suzannetookcopiousnotes.Theredbeena
checkfromtherealtorleftmorethanenoughfor
coupleweeksawkwardnessearlyonabouther
hertopaytherentinFloridaandthensome,and
scribblingastheytalked,orvideoingwithher
oncetheUPSmandroppedoffthefiveboxesof
keychain.Butonceshedmovedintothebuilding personaleffectsshedchosen,shewaspractically
withtheguys,takingacondoonthenextfloor
athome.
up,shedbecomejustamemberoftheteam,
albeitamemberwhotweetednearlyeveryword Shesataloneovertheguysapartmentsinthe
evenings,windowsopensothattheirmuffled
theyutteredtoafeedthatwasaddingnew
conversationscoulddriftinandformthe
subscribersbythetensofthousands.
soundtrackasshewrotehercolumns.Itmade
So,Perry,whathaveyougotforTjan?she
herfeelcuriouslywith,butnotof,their
asked.
movementareasonableproxyforjournalistic
objectivityinthisageofrelativism.
Icameupwiththelastone,hesaid,grinning
theyalwaysendedupgrinningwhenTjanran Resourcecontentionreadilydecomposesintoa
downeconomicsforthem.LetLestertakethis bunchofsmallerproblems,withdistinctive
one.
solutions.Takedishes:everydishwashershould
bedesignedwithacleanandadirty
Lesterlookedshyhedneverfullyrecovered
compartmentbasically,twological
fromSuzanneturninghimdownandwhenshe
dishwashers.Youtakecleandishesoutofthe
wasintheroom,healwayslookedlikehed
ratherbesomewhereelse.Heparticipatedinthe cleanside,usethem,andputthemintothedirty
side.Whenthedirtysideisfull,thecleansideis
messageboardsonherblogthough,themost
prolificposterinafieldwiththousandsofvery empty,soyoucyclethedishwasherandtheclean
prolificposters.Whenheposted,otherslistened: sidebecomesdirtyandviceversa.Ihadsome
sketchesfordesignsthatwouldmakethis
hewaswitty,charmingandalwaysright.
happen,butitdidntfeelright:making
Well,Ivebeenthinkingalotaboutroommate dishwashersistooindustrialforus.Ieitherlike
ware,causeIknowthatTjansjustcrazyforthat makingbigchunksofartorlittlesilverthings

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/34
youcancarryinyourpocket.
Shesmileddespiteherself.Shewasdrawinga
halfmillionreadersadaybydoingnearto
nothingbesidesrepeatingthemindblowing
conversationsaroundher.Ithadtakenhera
monthtoconsiderputtingadsonthesitelots
offeelersfromblogmicrolabelswhowanted
togetherundermanagementandintotheir
bannernetworks,andshebrokedownwhenone
ofthemshowedheralittlespreadsheetdetailing
thekindoflonggreenshecouldexpecttobring
infromacoupleoflittlebanners,withher
gettingtherighttopersonallyapproveevery
advertiserinthenetwork.Thefirstmonth,shed
mademoremoneythanallbutthemostsenior
writersontheMerc.Thenextmonth,shed
outstrippedherownoldsalary.Shedcovered
commercialblogs,theflamboyantattention
whoreswhodboughtstupidcarsandridiculous
bimboswiththemoney,butshedalways
assumedtheywereinadifferentleaguefroma
newspaperscribbler.Nowshesupposedallthe
moneymeantthatsheshouldmakeitofficial
andphoneinaresignationtoJimmy,buttheyd
leftitprettyambiguousastowhethershewas
retiringortakingaleaveofabsenceandshewas
reluctanttocollapsethatwaveformintothe
certaintyofsayinggoodbyetoheroldlife.
SoIgottothinkingaboutsnitchtags,radio
frequencyIDgizmos.Rememberthose?When
westartedtalkingaboutthemadecadeago,all
theprivacypeoplewentcrazy,totallysurethat
thesethingswouldbebadnews.Thegeeks
dismissedthemasnotunderstandingthe
technology.Supposedly,anRFIDcanonlybe
readfromacoupleinchesawayifsomeone
wantedtofindoutwhatRFIDsyouhadonyour
person,theydhavetowandyou,andyoudknow
aboutit.

builtintoit,youcouldsnipeallthetagnumbers
fromadistantroofwithadirectionalantenna.If
thosethingshadcaughton,theredbeexciters
everywhereandyoudbeabletotrackanyone
youwantedChrist,theyevenputRFIDsinthe
hundreddollarbillforawhile!Pickpockets
couldhavefiguredoutwhosepursewasworth
snatchingfromhalfamileaway!
Alltrue,Lestersaid.Butthatdidntstopthese
guys.Therearestillacoupleofthemaround,
limpingalongwithoutmanycustomers.They
printthetagswithinkjets,sizeddowntoabouta
thirdthesizeofagrainofrice.Mostlyusedin
supplychainmanagementandsuch.Theycan
supplythemonthecheap.
Whichbringsmetomyidea:whynottag
everythinginagrouphousehold,andusethe
tagstofigureoutwholeftthedishesinthesink,
whotookthehammeroutanddidntputitback,
whoputtheemptymilkcartonbackinthe
fridge,andwhosgottheTVremote?Itwont
solveresourcecontention,butitwilllimitthe
socialfactorsthatcontributetoit.Helooked
aroundatthem.Wecanmakeitfun,youknow,
makecoolRFIDstickerdesigns,modthelittle
gnomedollstoactasterminalsforgetting
reports.
Suzannefoundherselfnoddingalong.Shecould
usethiskindofthing,eventhoughshelived
alone,justtohelpherfindoutwhereshelefther
glassesandtheTVremote.
Perryshookhishead,though.WhenIwasa
kid,Ihadareallybadrelationshipwithmy
mom.Shewasreallysmart,butshedidnthavea
lotoftimetoreasonthingsoutwithme,sooften
asnotshedgetoutofarguingwithmebyjust
changingherstory.SoIdsay,Ma,canIgoto
themallthisaft?andshedsay,Sure,no
problem.ThenwhenIwasgettingreadyto
leavethehouse,shedaskmewhereIthoughtI
wasgoing.Idsay,Tothemall,yousaid!and
shedjustdenyit.Justdenyit,pointblank.

Yeah,thatwasbull,Perrysaid.Imean,sure
youcantreadanRFIDunlessitsbeenexcited
withelectromagneticradiation,andsureyou
cantdothatfromahundredyardswithout
Idontthinksheevenknewshewasdoingit.I
fryingeverythingbetweenyouandthetarget.
Butifyouhadasubwayturnstilewithanexciter thinkwhenIaskedherifIcouldgo,shedjust

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/35
absentmindedlysayyes,butwhenitactually
cametimetogoout,shedsuddenlyremember
allmyunfinishedchores,myhomework,allthe
reasonsIshouldstayhome.Ithinkeverykid
getsthisfromtheirfolks,butitmademefucking
crazy.SoIgotaminitaperecorderandIstarted
totapeherwhenshegavemepermission.I
thoughtIdreallynailherthenexttimeshe
changedhertune,playherownwordsbackin
herear.

ornithopter.Inventorsspenthundredsofyears
tryingtobuildanairplanethatflewbyflapping
itswings,anditwasallarathole.
Iguess,Lestersaid.ButIdontliketheidea.
Likeitordont,Perrysaid,doesntaffect
whetheritstrueornot.

ButLesterhadasparkleinhiseye,andhe
disappearedintohisworkshopforaweek,and
wouldntletthemin,whichwasunheardoffor
SoItriedit,andyouknowwhathappened?She thebig,gregariousgiant.Helikedtodragthe
othersinwheneverheaccomplishedanythingof
gavemeninekindsofholyhellforwearinga
wireandthenshesaiditdidntmatterwhatshed note,showitofftothemlikeabigkid.
saidthatmorning,shewasmymotherandIhad ThatwasSunday.Monday,Suzannegotacall
chorestodoandnohowwasIgoinganywhere
fromherrealtor.Yourtenantshavevanished,
nowthatIdstartedsneakingaroundthehouse
shesaid.
withahiddenrecorder.Shetookitawayand
threwitinthetrash.Andtotopitoff,shecalled Vanished?Thecouplewhodrentedherplace
hadbeenasreliableasanyoneshedevermetin
meJ.Edgarforamonth.
theValley.HeworkedataPRagency,she
Soheresmyquestion:howwouldyoufeelif
workedinmarketingatGoogle.Ormaybehe
thenexttimeyouleftthedishesinthesink,I
workedinmarketingandshewasinPRat
showedupwiththeaudittrailforthedishesand Googlewhatever,theywereaffluent,well
waveditinyourface?Howwouldwegetfrom
spoken,andhadpaidtheextortionaterentshed
thatpointtoahappy,harmonioushousehold?I chargedwithoutbattinganeye.
thinkyouvemistakenthecausefortheeffect.
Theynormallypaypaltherenttomeonthe
Theproblemwithdishesinthesinkisntjust
first,butnotthismonth.Icalledandleft
thatitsapainwhenIwanttocookameal:its
voicemailthenextday,thenfollowedupwithan
thatwhenyouleavetheminthesink,youre
beinginconsiderate.Andthereasonyouveleft email.YesterdayIwentbythehouseanditwas
empty.Alltheirstuffwasgone.Nofoodinthe
theminthesink,asyouvepointedout,isthat
puttingdishesinthedishwasherisapaininthe fridge.Ithinktheymighthavetakenyourhome
ass:youhavetobendover,youhavetoemptyit theaterstuff,too.
out,andsoon.Ifwemovedthedishwasherinto Yourefuckingkiddingme,Suzannesaid.It
thekitchencupboardsandturnedhalfofthem
was11AMinFloridaandshewasintoher
intoadirtysideandhalfintoacleanside,then
secondglassoflemonadeasthesunbeganto
disposingofdisheswouldbeaseasyasgetting superheattheair.BackinCalifornia,itwas
themout.
8AM.Herrealtorwaspullinglonghours,andit
wasntherfault.Sorry.Right.OK,whatabout
Lesterlaughed,andsodidTjan.Yeah,yeah
OK.Pointtaken.ButtheseRFIDthings,theyre thedeposit?
sofriggingcheapandpotentiallyuseful.Ijust
Youwaivedit.
cantbelievethattheyveneverfoundasingle
Shehad.Ithadntseemedlikeabigdealatthe
reallycompellinguseinallthistime.Itjust
time.Thedistantownerofthecondoshewas
seemslikeanopportunitythatsgoingtowaste.
rentinginFloridahadntaskedforone.SoIdid.
Maybeitsadeadend.Maybeitsan
Nowwhat?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/36
Youwanttoswearoutacomplaintagainst
them?

escrownextweek.Cashinhandbythe
fifteenth.

Withthepolice?

Jesus,shesaid.Yourejoking.

Yeah.Breachofcontract.Theft,iftheytookthe Nojoke,therealtorsaid.Ivegotawaiting
hometheater.Wecantakethemtocollections,
listforhousesonyourblock.
too.
AndsoSuzannegotonanairplanethatnight
Goddamnedmarketingpeoplehadthecollective andflewbacktoSanJoseandtookapriceytaxi
moralsofasnake.Allofthemuseless,
backtoherplace.Themarketdroidshadleftitin
conniving,shallowshenevershouldhave...
prettygoodshape,cleanandtidy,cleansheetsin
thelinencupboard.Shemadeupherbedand
Yeah,OK.Andwhataboutthehouse?
reflectedthatthiswouldbethelasttimeshe
Wecanfindyouanothertenantbytheendof
madethisbedthenexttimeshestrippedthe
themonth,Imsure.Maybealittleearlier.Have sheets,theydgointoalongtermstoragebox.
youthoughtanymoreaboutsellingit?
Sheddonethisbefore,onherwayoutof
Shehadnt,thoughtherealtorbroughtitupevery Detroit,packingupalifeintoboxesandshoving
itintostorage.WhathadTjansaid?Theself
timetheyspoke.Isnowagoodtime?
storageindustryisbiggerthantherecording
LotofnewmillionairesintheValleyshopping industry,didyouknowthat?Alltheydois
forhouses,Suzanne.MorethanIveseenin
provideaplacetoputstuffthatweownthatwe
years.Shenamedasumthatwasathirdhigher cantfindroomforthatssuperabundance.
thanthelasttimetheydtalkeditover.
BeforebedshepostedaclassifiedonCraigslist
Isitpeaking?
foracouplehelperstoworkonboxingstuff,
Whoknows?Itmightgoup,itmightcollapse emailedJimmytoseeifhewantedlunch,and
again.Butnowisthebesttimetosellinthepast lookeduptheaddressforthecentralpolice
stationtoswearouthercomplaint.Theamp,
tenyears.Youdbesmarttodoit.
speakers,andA/Vswitcherwereallmissing
Shetookadeepbreath.TheValleywasdead,
fromherhometheater.
fullofvenalmarketingpeopleandbuckchasers.
HereinFlorida,shewasonthecuspofthenext Shehadadozenhelperstochoosefromthenext
morning.Shepickedtwowhocamewithdecent
thing,anditwasnthappeningintheValley:it
washappeningeverywhereexcepttheValley,in references,marvelingthatitwassuddenly
thecheapplaceswhereinnovationcouldhappen possibleinSiliconValleytogetanyonetoshow
atlowrents.Leakyhottub,incredibleproperty upanywherefortenbucksanhour.Thepolice
sergeantwhotookthecomplaintwas
taxes,andthecrazyrollercoasterrideup20
percentthismonth,downfortynext.Thebubble sympatheticandagreedwithherchoicetoget
wasgoingtoburstsomedayandsheshouldsell outoftown.Ivehaditwiththisplace,too.
SoonasmykidsareoutofhighschoolIm
outnow.
movingbacktoMontana.Imisstheweather.
Sellit,shesaid.
Shedidntthinkofthemarketdroidsagainuntil
Youregoingtobeawealthylady,therealtor
thenextday,whensheandherhelperswere
said.
boxingupthelastofherthingsandloadingthem
Right,Suzannesaid.
intoherUHaul.ThenaBMWconvertible
screechedaroundthecornerandburnedrubber
Ihaveabuyer,Suzanne.Ididntwantto
uptoherdoor.
pressureyou.ButIcansellitbyFriday.Close

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/37
Thewomanmarketdroidwasdriving,looking
shedmetonlyoncebefore,inpassing,was
crazyanddisheveled,eyesredrimmed,oneheel clearlyhavingsomerealproblems.Notthekind
brokenoffofhershoes.
ofthingshedealtwithalotherlifedidnt
includemuchpersontopersonhandholding.
WhattheFUCKisyourproblem,lady?she
said,assheleaptoutofhercarandstalked
towardSuzanne.

Instinctively,Suzanneshrankbackanddropped
theboxofbooksshewasholding.Itspilledout
overherlawn.

Butwhatcanyoudo?ShekneltbesideFionain
thegrassandtookherhand.Letsgetyou
inside,OK?

Atfirstitwasasthoughshehadntheard,but
slowlyshestraightenedupandletSuzannelead
herintothehouse.Shewastwentytwo,twenty
Fiona?shesaid.Whatshappened?
three,youngenoughtobeSuzannesdaughterif
Iwasarrested.Theycametomyworkplaceand Suzannehadgoneinforthatsortofthing.
ledmeoutinhandcuffs.Ihadtomakebail.
Suzannehelpedhertothesofaandsatherdown
amidtheboxesstillwaitingtogointotheU
Suzannesstomachshranktoalittlepebble,
impossiblyheavy.WhatwasIsupposedtodo? Haul.Thekitchenwaspackedup,butshehada
couplebottlesofDietCokeinthecoolerandshe
Youtwotookoffwithmyhometheater!
handedonetothegirl.
Whathometheater?Everythingwasright
Imreallysorry,Fiona.Whydidntyouanswer
whereyouleftitwhenIwent.Ihaventlived
mycallsoremail?
hereinweeks.TomleftmelastmonthandI
movedout.
ShelookedatSuzanne,hereyeslostinstreaksof
mascara.Idontknow.Ididntwanttotalk
Youmovedout?
aboutit.Helosthisjoblastmonthandkindof
Yeah,bitch,Imovedout.Tomwasyourtenant, wentcrazy,toldmehedidntwantthe
notme.Ifherippedsomethingoff,thats
responsibilityanymore.Whatresponsibility?But
betweenyouandhim.
hetoldmetogo,toldmeitwouldbebestfor
Look,Fiona,wait,holdupasecond.Itriedto bothofusifwewereapart.Ithoughtitwas
callyou,Isentyouemail.Noonewaspayingthe anothergirl,butIdontknow.Maybeitwasjust
craziness.EveryoneIknowouthereiscrazy.
rent,noonetoldmethatyoudmovedout,and
Theyallworkahundredhoursaweek,theyget
nooneansweredwhenItriedtofindoutwhat
firedorquittheirjobseveryfivemonths.
hadhappened.
Everythingissoexpensive.Myrentisthree
Thatsoundslikeanexplanation,shesaid,
quartersofmysalary.
hissing.Imwaitingforafuckingapology.
Itsreallyhard,Suzannesaid,thinkingofthe
Theytookmetoprison.
easy,lazydaysinFlorida,thehackersidyllthat
Suzanneknewthatthelocallockupwasalong
PerryandLesterenjoyedintheirworkshops.
wayfromprison.Iapologize,shesaid.CanI
Tomwasonantidepressants,buthedidntlike
getyouacupofcoffee?Wouldyouliketouse
takingthem.Whenhewasonthem,hewas
theshoweroranything?
prettygood,butwhenhewentoff,heturned
Thewomanglaredatheramomentlonger,then
into...Idontknow.Hedcryalot,andshout.It
slowlyfoldedinonherself,collapsing,coughing
wasntagoodrelationship,butwemovedout
andsobbingonthelawn.
herefromOregontogether,andIdknownhim
Suzannestoodwithherarmsathersidesfora
allmylife.Hewasalittlemoodybefore,butnot
moment.HerCraigslisthelpershadgonehome, likehewashere.
soshewasallalone,andthiswoman,whom

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/38
Whendidyouspeaktohimlast?Suzannehad
foundacoupleofblisterpacksofanti
depressantsinthemedicinechest.Shehoped
thatwasntTomsonlysupply.

Overpizza,Suzannepulledafewdetailsoutof
her.Tomhadfallenintoafunkwhenthelayoffs
hadstartedinhisofficetheywereendemic
acrosstheValley,anotherbustwasuponthem.
Hisbehaviorhadgrownworseandworse,and
WehaventspokensinceImovedout.
shedfinallyleft,orbeenthrownout,itwasnt
Anhourlater,themysterywassolved.The
clear.ShewasonthiniceatGoogle,andthey
policewenttoTomsworkplaceanddiscovered werelayingpeopleofftoo,andshewas
thathedbeenfiredtheweekbefore.Theytried convincedthatbeingledoutinhandcuffswould
theGPSinhiscaranditfinkedhimoutasbeing bethestrawthatbrokethecamelsback.
inaghostmallsparkinglotnearhisoldoffice.
IshouldmovebacktoOregon,shesaid,
Hewasdeadbehindthewheel,aguninhis
droppingherslicebackontheboxtop.
hand,shotthroughtheheart.
Suzannehadheardalotofpeopletalkabout
Suzannetookthecallandthoughshetriedto
givingupontheValleysinceshedmovedthere.
keepherendoftheconversationquietand
Itwasacommonthing,beingbeatendownby
neutral,Fionastillonthesofa,drinkingthe
warm,flatCokeknew.Sheletoutamoanlike lifeintheBayArea.Youweresupposedtoinsert
adogthatsbeenkicked,andthenascream.For apeptalkhere,somethingabouthangingin,
abouttheopportunitieshere.
Suzanne,itwasallunreal,senseless.Thecops
toldherthatherhometheatercomponentswere
foundinthetrunkofthecar.Nonote.

Yes,shesaid,thatsagoodidea.Youre
young,andtheresalifeforyouthere.Youcan
startsomethingup,orgotoworkforsomeone
God,ohGod,Jesus,youselfishshitfucking
bastard,Fionasobbed.Awkwardly,Suzannesat elsesstartup.Itfeltweirdcomingoutofher
downbesideherandtookherintoaonearmed mouth,likeabetrayaloftheValley,ofsome
triballoyaltytothistechMecca.Butafterall,
hug.Herhelpersweremeetingherattheself
wasntshesellingupandmovingeast?
storagethenextdaytohelpherunloadtheU
Haul.
TheresnothinginOregon,Fionasaid,
snuffling.
Doyouhavesomeonewhocanstaywithyou
tonight?Suzanneasked,prayingtheanswer
wasyes.Shehadahousetomoveoutof.Christ,
shefeltsocoldblooded,butshewasona
goddamnedschedule.

Theressomethingeverywhere.Letmetellyou
aboutsomefriendsofmineinFlorida,andshe
toldher,andasshetoldher,shetoldherself.
Hearingitspokenaloud,evenafterhaving
Yes,Iguess.Fionascrubbedathereyeswith writtenaboutitandwrittenaboutit,andbeen
thereandDONEit,itwasdifferent.Shecameto
herfists.Sure.
understandhowfuckingcoolitallwas,thisnew,
Suzannesighed.Theliewasplain.Who?
entrepreneurial,inventive,amazingthingshe
Fionastoodupandsmoothedoutherskirt.Im wasengagedin.Shedlovedthecontrastof
nimblesoftwarecompanieswhencomparedwith
sorry,shesaid,andstartedforthedoor.
gigantic,brutalautocompanies,butwhather
Groaninginwardly,Suzanneblockedher.Youll boysweredoing,itmadethesoftwarecompanies
stayonthesofa,shesaid.Yourenotdrivingin looklikelumberinglummoxes,crashingaround
thisstate.Illorderinpizza.Pepperoni
withtheirfiftyemployeesandtheirbigpurpose
mushroomOK?
builtoffices.
Lookingdefeated,Fionaturnedonherheeland Fionawasdisbelieving,theninterested,then
wentbacktothesofa.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/39
excited.Theyjustmakethisstuff,doit,then
makesomethingelse?
Exactlynopermanenceexceptfortheteam,
andtheysupporteachother,liveandwork
together.Youdthinkthatbecausetheyliveand
worktogetherthattheydonthaveanybalance,
butitstheopposite:theybookoffworkatfour
orsometimesearlier,gotomovies,gooutand
havefun,readbooks,playcatch.Itsamazing.
Imnevercomingbackhere.
Andsheneverwould.
Shetoldhereditoraboutthis.Shetoldher
friendswhocametoasendoffpartyatabarshe
usedtogotowhenshewentintotheofficealot.
Shetoldhercabdriverwhopickedheruptotake
hertotheairportandshetoldthebemused
engineerwhosatnexttoherallthewaybackto
Miami.Shehadthepresenceofmindnottotell
thecouplewhoboughtherhouseforasumof
moneythatseemedtohaveatleastoneextra
zeroattheendmaybetwo.
AndsowhenshegotbacktoMiami,shehardly
noticedtheincredibleobesityofthemanwho
tookthemoneyforthegasinherleasedcar
nowthatshewashereforthelonghaulshed
havetolookintogettingLestertohelpherbuya
usedSmartcarfromajunkerlotandthetin
roofsoftheshantytownsshepassedlooked
tropicalandquaint.Thesmellofswampandsalt,
thepeasouphumidity,thebassthunderofthe
boomcarsinthetrafficaroundheritwaslike
somekindofsweethomecomingforher.

FleaMarketandheadeddowntotheirplace.
Tjanopenedthedoorwithaflourishandshe
steppedinandstoppedshort.Whenshedleft,
theplacehadbeenareflectionoftheirjumbled
lives:gizmos,dishes,parts,toolsandclothes
strewneverywhereinakindofjoyful,eye
wateringhypermess,likeanenormouskitchen
junkdrawer.
Nowtheplacewasspotlessandwhatsmore,it
wasminimalist.Thefloorwasnotonlyclean,it
wasvisible.Liningthewallsweretranslucent
whiteplastictubsstackedtotheceiling.
Youlikeit?
Itsamazing,shesaid.LikeIkeameets
Barbarella.Whathappenedhere?
Tjandidalittletwostep.ItwasLestersidea.
Havealookintheboxes.
Shepulledacoupleofthetubsout.Theywere
jampackedwithbooks,tools,cruftandcrud
allthecrapthathadpreviouslyclutteredthe
shelvesandthefloorandthesofaandthecoffee
table.

Watchthis,hesaid.Heunvelcroedawireless
keyboardfromthesideoftheTVandbeganto
type:THECO...Thefieldautocompleted
itself:THECOUNTOFMONTECRISTO,and
broughtupapictureofabeatenuppaperback
alongwithlinkstowebstores,reviews,andthe
fulltext.Tjangesturedwithhischinandshesaw
thatthefrontofoneofthetubswaspulsingwith
asoftblueglow.Tjanwentandpulledopenthe
Tjanwasinthecondowhenshegothomeandhe tubandfishedforasecondbeforeproducingthe
book.
spottedherfromthebalcony,wherehedbeen
sunninghimselfandhelpedherbringupher
Tryit,hesaid,handingherthekeyboard.She
suitcasesofthingsshecouldntbeartoputin
begantotypeexperimentally:UNandupcame
storage.
UNDERWEAR(14).Noway,shesaid.
Comedowntoourplaceforacupofcoffee
Way,Tjansaid,andhitreturn,bringingupa
onceyouresettledin,hesaid,leavingher.She thumbnailgalleryoffourteenpairsofunderwear.
sluicedofftheairplanegreasethathadfilledher Hetabbedovereach,pickedoutapairof
poresonthelongflightfromSanJosetoMiami Simpsonsboxers,andhitreturn.Adifferenttub
andchangedintoacheapsundressandapairof startedglowing.
flipflopsthatshedboughtattheThunderbird
Lesterfinallyfoundasociallybeneficialusefor

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/40
RFIDs.Weregoingtogetrich!

hisbelly.So,thatsit,basically.

IdontthinkIunderstand,shesaid.

PerryslappedhimontheshoulderandTjan
drummedhisforefingerslikeaheavymetal
drummeronthesideoftheworkbenchtheywere
gatheredaround.

Comeon,hesaid.Letsgettothejunkyard.
Lesterexplainsthisreallywell.

Hedid,too,losingalloftheshynessshe
remembered,hiseyesglowing,hissausagethick Theywereallwaitingforher.Well,itsvery
cool,shesaid,atlast.But,thewholewhite
fingersdancing.
plastictubthing.Itmakesyourapartmentlook
Haveyoueveralphabetizedyourharddrive?I likeanIkeashowroom.Kindofinhumanly
mean,haveyoueverspentanytimeconcerning minimalist.WereAmericans,welike
yourselfwithwhereonyourharddriveyourfiles celebratingourstuff.
arestored,whichsectorscontainwhichfiles?
Well,OK,fairenough,Lestersaid,nodding.
Computersabstractawaythetedious,physical
propertiesoffilesandleaveuswithhandlesthat Youdonthavetoputeverythingaway,of
weusetopersistentlyrefertothem,regardlessof course.Andyoucanstillhaveallthedecoryou
want.Thisisaboutcluttercontrol.
whichpartoftheharddrivecurrentlyholds
thoseparticularbits.SoIthought,withRFIDs, Exactly,Perrysaid.ComecheckoutLesters
youcoulddothiswiththerealworld,justtag
lab.
everythingandhaveyourfurniturekeeptrackof OK,thisisprettyperfect,Suzannesaid.The
whereitis.
clutterwasgone,disappearedintothewhitetubs
Oneofthebigbarrierstoroommateharmonyis
thecorrectdispositionofstuff.Whenyouleave
yourbookonthesofa,IhavetomoveitbeforeI
cansitdownandwatchTV.Thenyoucomeafter
meandaskmewhereIputyourbook.Thenwe
haveafight.Theresstuffthatyoudontknow
whereitgoes,andstuffthatyoudontknow
whereitsbeenput,andstuffthathasnowhereto
putit.Butwithtagsandasmartchestof
drawers,youcanjustputyourstuffwherever
theresroomandaskthephysicalspacetokeep
trackofwhatswherefrommomenttomoment.

thatwerestackedhighoneveryshelf,leavingthe
worksurfacesclear.ButLestersworksin
progress,hiskeepsakes,hissculpturesand
triptychswerestillout,lookinglikevenerated
museumpiecesinthestarktidinessthat
prevailedotherwise.

Tjantookherthroughthespreadsheets.There
aretenteamsthatdoclosetorganizinginthe
network,andabunchofshippers,packers,
movers,andstorageexperts.Afewfurniture
companies.Weadoptedtheinterfacefromsome
freesoftwareinventorymanagementappsthat
Theresstilltheproblemofgettingeverything werebuiltforilliterateserviceemployees.Lots
taggedanddescribed,butthatsaservice
ofbigpicturesandautocompletion.Andweve
businessopportunity,andwhereyouvegotother boughtahundredRFIDprintersfromacompany
sharedidentifierslikeISBNsyoucouldusea
thatwassogratefulforanewcustomerthat
cameraphonetosnapthebarcodesandlook
theyreshippingus150ofthem,sowecanprint
themupagainstpublicdatabases.Thewhole
thesethingsataboutamillionperhour.Theplan
thingcouldbecoordinatedaroundspring
istostartoursalesthroughtheconsultantsatthe
cleaningeventswhereyougothroughyourstuff sametimeaswestartshowingattradeshowsfor
andphotographit,tagit,describeitgoodfor
furniturecompanies.Wevealreadygotahuge
yourinsuranceandforforensicsifyouget
orderfromacoupleoflocaloldfolkshomes.
robbed,too.
TheywalkedtotheIHOPtohaveacelebratory
Hestoppedandbeamed,foldinghisfingersover lunch.BeingbackinFloridafeltjustrighttoher.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/41
Francis,theleaderoftheparamilitarywingof
theAARP,threwthemasaluteandblewhera
kiss,andevenLestersnursingjunkiefriend
seemedtobeinagoodmood.
Whentheyweredone,theybroughttakeout
bagsforthejunkieandFrancisinthe
shantytown.

TheseRFIDthingsofLesterswellsigna
couplemillioncustomerswiththose.Peoplewill
changeeverythingabouthowtheylivefrom
momenttomomentbecauseofsomethingLester
thoughtupinmyjunkyardoverthere.

Well,theresthirtymillionofuslivinginwhat
thesocialworkerscallmarginalhousing,
Francissaid,grinningwryly.Hehadafunny
Iwanttomakesometechnologyforthose
guys,PerrysaidastheysatinfrontofFranciss smilethatSuzannehadfoundadorableuntilhe
explainedthathehadanuntreateddentalabscess
RVdrinkingcowboycoffeecookedovera
bankedwoodstoveofftooneside.Roommate thathecouldntaffordtogetfixed.Sothatsa
lotofdifferenceyoucouldmake.
wareforhomelesspeople.
Francisuncrossedhisbonyanklesandscratched Yeah,Perrysaid.Yeah,itsureis.
athismosquitobites.Alotofpeoplethinkthat
wedontbuystuff,butitsnottrue,hesaid.I
shophardforbargains,butthereslotsofstuffI
spendmoreonbecauseofmylifestylethanI
wouldifIhadarealhouseandsteadyelectricity.
WhenIhadachestfreezer,Icouldbulkbuy
groundroundforaboutatenthofwhatIpaynow
whenIgotothegrocerystoreandgetenough
foronenightsdinner.Thealternativeisusing
propanetokeepthefridgegoingovernight,and
thatsnotcheap,either.SoImakindof
premiumcustomer.BackatBoeing,welovedthe
peoplewhomadesmallorders,becausewe
couldchargethemsuchapremiumforcustom
work,whilethebigairlineswantedstuffdoneso
cheapthathalfthetimewelostmoneyonthe
deal.
Perrynodded.Thereyouhaveitroommate
wareforhomelesspeople,agreatanduntapped
market.

Thatnight,shefoundherselfstillbloggingand
answeringemailstheyalwayspiledupwhen
shetravelledandtookacoupleoflatenightsto
clearoutafterninePM,sittingaloneinapool
oflightinthebackcornerofLestersworkshop
thatshehadstakedoutasheroffice.Sheyawned
andstretchedandlistenedtoheroldback
crackle.Shehatedfeelingold,andlatenights
madeherfeeloldfeeleveryextraounceoffat
onhertummy,feelthelinesbracketingher
mouthandthelittlebagofskinunderherchin.
Shestoodupandpulledonalightjacketand
begantoswitchofflightsandgetreadytohead
home.AsshepokedherheadinTjansoffice,
shesawthatshewasnttheonlyoneworking
late.
Hey,you,shesaid.Isntittimeyougot
going?
Hejumpedlikehedbeenstuckwithapinand
gavealittleyelp.Sorry,hesaid,didnthear
you.

Suzannecockedherheadandlookedathim.
Youresoundingawfullycommerceorientedfor
Hehadacardboardboxonhisdeskandhad
apureandunsulliedengineer,youknow?
beenfillingitwithhispersonaleffectslittle
Heduckedhisheadandgrinnedandlooked
oneoffinventionstheguyshadmadeforhim,
abouttwelveyearsold.Itsinfectious.Those
personalfetishesandtchotchkes,aframed
littlekitchengnomes,wesoldnearlyahalf
pictureofhiskids.
millionofthosethings,nottomentionallthe
Whatsup?
spinoffs.Thatsahalfmillionlivesahalf
millionhouseholdsthatwechangedjustby
Hesighedandcrackedhisknuckles.Mightas
thinkingupsomethingcoolandmakingitreal. welltellyounowastomorrowmorning.Im

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/42
resigning.

lessonequitythantheKodacellnetwork.

Shefeltaflashofangerandthenforceditdown
andforciblyreplaceditwithprofessional
distanceandcuriosity.Mentallyshelickedher
penciltipandflippedtoablankpageinher
reportersnotebook.

Thatsamazing,Tjan.Ihopeyoullkeepin
touchwithmeIdlovetofollowyourstory.

Ohyes?
Ivehadanotheroffer,inWestchesterCounty.
Westinghousehasspunoutitsownversionof
Kodacellandtheyrelookingforanewvice
presidenttorunthedivision.Thatsme.
Goodjob,shesaid.Congratulations,Mr
VicePresident.

Countonit,hesaid.Helaughed.Imgetting
aweekoffeveryeightweekstoscoutRussia.
Theyvegotanincrediblecultureof
entrepreneurship.
Plusyoullgettoseeyourkids,Suzannesaid.
Thatsreallygood.
Plus,Illgettoseemykids,headmitted.
HowmuchmoneyisWestinghouseputtinginto
theproject?sheasked,replacinghernotional
notebookwitharealone,pulledfromherpurse.

Heshookhishead.IemailedKettlewellhalfan Idonthavenumbers,buttheyveshutdownthe
hourago.Imleavinginthemorning.Imgoing wholeappliancesdivisiontoclearthebudgetfor
tosaygoodbyetotheguysoverbreakfast.
it.Shenoddedshedseennewsofthelayoffs
Notmuchnotice,shesaid.
onthewires.Massdemonstrations,peopleoutof
Nope,hesaid,anoteofangercreepingintohis workaftertwentyyearsservice.Soitsabig
voice.MycontractletsKodacellfiremeonone budget.
daysnotice,soIinsistedontherighttoquiton
thesameterms.MaybeKettlewellwillgethis
lawyerstowritebetterboilerplatefromhereon
in.

Theymusthavebeenimpressedwiththe
quarterliesfromKodacell.

Tjanfoldeddowntheflapsonhisboxand
drummedhisfingersonit,squintingather.
Whenshehadanangryinterview,shehabitually Yourejoking,right?
changedthesubjecttosomethingsensitive:
Whatdoyoumean?
angrypeopleoftensaymorethantheyintendto.
Suzanne,theywereimpressedbyyou.Everyone
Shediditinstinctively,notreallymeaningto
psyopsTjan,whomshethoughtofasafriend, knowsthatquarterlynumbersareeasytocook
anythinglessthantwoannualreportsisaslikely
butnotlettingthatgetinthewayofthestory.
tobeenronningasrealfortunemaking.Butyour
Westinghouseisdoingwhat,exactly?
dispatchesfromheretheyrewhatsoldthem.
ItllbeasbigasKodacellsoperationinayear, Itswhatsconvincingeveryone.Kettlewellsaid
hesaid.GeorgeWestinghousepersonally
thatthreequartersofhisnewrecruitscomeon
fundedTeslasresearch,youknow.Thecompany boardafterreadingyourdescriptionsofthis
understandsfundingindividualentrepreneurs.
place.ThatshowIendeduphere.
Imgoingtobetrainingthetalentscoutsand
Sheshookherhead.Thatsveryflattering,
mentoringthefinancialpeople,thenturning
Tjan,but
themloosetosignupentrepreneursforthe
Westinghousenetwork.Theresacompetitive
Hewavedheroffandthen,surprisingly,came
marketforgarageinventorsnow.Helaughed.
aroundthedeskandhuggedher.Butnothing,
Goaheadandprintthat,hesaid.Blogit
Suzanne.Kettlewell,Lester,Perrytheyreall
tonight.Therescompetitionnow.Weregiving basicallybigkids.Fullofenthusiasmand
twopointsmoreequityandcharginghalfapoint invention,buttheyvegottheemotionalmaturity

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/43
andsenseofscaleofhyperactivefiveyearolds.
Youandme,weregrownups.Peopletakeus
seriously.Itseasytogetakidexcited,butwhen
agrownupchimesinyouknowtheressome
therethere.

Tjanrolledhiseyes.Comeon,hesaid.Ive
gotaflighttocatchinanhour.
Icouldgiveyoualift,Kettlewellsaid.
Youwanttodotheexitinterviewbetweenhere
andtheairport?

Suzannerecoveredherselfafterasecondandput
IcouldgiveyoualifttoJFK.Ivegotthejet
awayhernotepad.Imjustthepersonwho
warmedupandwaiting.
writesitalldown.Youpeoplearemakingit
happen.
Sometimes,Suzannemanagedtoforgetthat
Kodacellwasamultibilliondollaroperationand
Intenyearstime,theyllrememberyouand
notus,Tjansaid.YoushouldgetKettlewellto thatKettlewellwasatitshelm,butothertimes
thepointwasveryclear.
putyouonthepayroll.
Comeon,hesaid,wellmakeadayofit.We
Kettlewellhimselfturnedupthenextday.
Suzannehaddevelopedanintuitivesenseofthe canstoponthewayandpickupsomebarbecue
toeatontheplane.Illevenletyoukeepyour
flighttimesfromthewestcoastandsofora
seatintherecliningpositionduringtakeoffand
secondshecouldntfigureouthowhecould
landing.Hell,youcanturnyourcellphoneon
possiblybestandingtherenothinginthesky
justdonttelltheTransportSecurity
couldgethimfromSanJosetoMiamifora
Administration!
sevenAMarrival.
Privatejet,hesaid,andhadthegracetolook
slightlyembarrassed.Kodakhadeightofthem
andDuracellhadfive.Wevebeentryingtosell
themalloffbutnoonewantsausedjetthese
days,notevenSaudiprincesorColumbiandrug
lords.

Tjanlookedcornered,thenresigned.Sounds
goodtome,hesaidandKettlewellshouldered
oneofthetwohugeduffelbagsthatweresitting
bythedoor.
Hi,Kettlewell,Perrysaid.

Kettlewellsetdowntheduffel.Sorry,sorry.
Lester,Perry,itsreallygoodtoseeyou.Ill
Hesmiledandlookedeighteenshereallydid bringSuzannebacktonightandwellallgoout
feelliketheonlygrownupsometimesandsaid, fordinner,OK?
Zacklyitspracticallyenvironmental.Wheres Suzanneblinked.Imcomingalong?
Tjan?
Isurehopeso,Kettlewellsaid.
Downstairssayinggoodbyetotheguys,I
PerryandLesteraccompaniedthemdowninthe
think.
elevator.
OK,hesaid.Areyoucoming?
Privatejet,huh?Perrysaid.Neverbeenin
Shegrabbedhernotebookandapenandbeat
oneofthose.
himoutthedoorofherrentedcondo.
Kettlewelltoldthemabouthisadventurestrying
Whatsthisallabout,Tjansaid,lookingwary. toselloffKodacellsprivateairforce.
Theguyswerehangdogandcuriouslooking,
slightlyinaweofKettlewell,whodidlittletoput Sendoneofthemourway,then,Lestersaid.
themattheireasehewasstaringintenselyat
Doyoufly?Kettlewellsaid.
Tjan.
No,Perrysaid.Lesterwantstotakeitapart.
Exitinterview,hesaid.Companypolicy.
Right,Les?
So,basically,itwasgoingtowaste.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/44
Lesternodded.Lotsofcooljunkinaprivate
jet.

yankeditoutandwasabouttoswitchitoffwhen
theleadarticlecaughthereye.

Thesethingsareworthmillions,guys,
Kettlewellsaid.

KODACELLLOSESTJANTO
WESTINGHOUSE

No,someonepaidmillionsforthem,Perry
ThebylinewasFreddy.Feelinglikeacharacter
said.Theyreworthwhateveryoucansellthem inahorrormoviewhocantresistthe
for.
compulsiontolookunderthebed,Suzanne
thumbedthePDAswheelandbroughtupthe
Kettlewelllaughed.Youvehadaninfluence
wholearticle.
aroundhere,Tjan,hesaid.Tjanmanageda
small,tightsmile.

::KodacellbusinessmanagerTjanLeeTang,
whoseadventuresweve

Kettlewellhadadriverwaitingoutsideofthe
buildingwholoadedtheduffelsintothespacious ::followedthroughSuzanneChurchsgushing,
trunkofaspotlessdarktowncarwhosedoors
besottedblogposts
chunkedshutwithanexpensivesound.
Shelookedawayandreflexivelyreachedtoward
IwantyoutoknowthatImreallynotangryat thedeletebutton.Theinnuendothatshewas
all,OK?Kettlewellsaid.
romanticallyinvolvedwithoneormoreofthe
Tjannodded.Hehadthelookofamanwhowas guyshadcirculatedonherblogsmessage
boardsandaroundthediggdotseversinceshed
steelinghimselfforaturninaninterrogation
startedwritingaboutthem.Nowomancould
chamber.Hedbarelysaidawordsince
possiblybewritingaboutthisstuffbecauseit
Kettlewellarrived.Forhispart,Kettlewell
appearedoblivioustoallofthis,thoughSuzanne wasimportantshehadtobewiththeband,a
groupieorawhore.
wasprettysurethatheunderstoodexactlyhow
uncomfortablethiswasmakingTjan.

CombinethatwithRatToothedFreddys
sneeringtoneandshewasinstantlysentinto
Thethingis,sixmonthsago,nearlyeveryone
wasconvincedthatIwasafuckingmoron,thatI heartthunderingrage.Shedeletedthepostand
lookedoutthewindow.Herpagerbuzzedsome
wasabouttopissawaytenbilliondollarsof
otherpeoplesmoneyonastupiddoomedidea. moreandshelookeddown.Thesamearticle,
Nowtheyrecopyingmeandpoachingmybest beingpickeduponblogs,onsomeofthebigger
people.Sothisisgoodnewsforme,thoughIm diggdots,andanAPwire.
goingtohavetofindanewbusinessmanagerfor Sheforcedherselftoreopenit.
thosetwobeforetheygetpickedupforturning
::hasbeenhiredtoheadupanewbusinessunit
planesintocomponentpieces.
onbehalfofthe
SuzannesPDAvibratedwheneverthenumberof
onlinenewsstoriesmentioningherorKodacell
orKettlewellincreasedordecreasedsharply.She
usedtotrytoreadeverything,butitwas
impossibletokeepupnowallshewantedwas
tokeeptrackofwhethertheinterestingness
indexwasontheuptickordowntick.

::multinationalgiantWestinghouse.The
appointmentstandsasmore
::proofofChurchspowertocloudmensminds
withprettyempty
::wordsaboutthehalfbakeddotcomschemes
thathaveoozedoutof

Ithadstartedtobuzzthatmorningandthepitch ::SiliconValleyandintoeveryemptyanddead
hadincreasedsteadilyuntilitwasactually
Americansuburb.
uncomfortableinherpocket.Irritated,she
Itwashypnotic,likestaringintotheeyesofa

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/45
serpent.Herpulseactuallythuddedinherears
forasecondbeforeshetookafewdeepbreaths
andcalmeddownenoughtofinishthearticle,
whichwasjustmoreofthesame:nastypersonal
attacks,sniping,andinnuendo.Freddyeven
managedtoimplythatshewasscrewingallof
themandKettlewellbesides.
Kettlewellleanedoverhershoulderandread.

thecaruptoawheeledjetwaybesideacute,
stubbylittletoyjet.Ontheside,incursivescript,
wastheplanesname:Suzanne.
ShelookedaccusatoriallyatKettlewell.
ItwascalledthatwhenIboughtthecompany,
hesaid,expressionlessbutsomehowmirthful
behindhiscurvedsurfershades.ButIkeptit
becauseIlikedtheprivatejoke.

Youshouldsendhimanemail,hesaid.Thats JustnoonetellFreddythatyouvegotan
disgusting.Thatsnotreportage.
airplanewithmynameonitorwellneverhear
Nevergetintoapissingmatchwithaskunk,
thefuckingendofit.
shesaid.WhatFreddywantsisformetosend Shecoveredhermouth,regrettingherlanguage,
himmailthathecanpublishalongwithmore
andKettlewelllaughed,andsodidTjan,and
snarkycommentary.Whentheguyyoure
somehowtheicewasbrokenbetweenthem.
arguingwithcontrolsthevenueyourearguing
Nowayflyingthisthingiscosteffective,Tjan
in,youcantpossiblywin.
said.YourCFOshouldbekickingyourass.
Sobloghim,Kettlewellsaid.Correctthe
Itsalittleindulgence,Kettlewellsaid,
record.
boundingupthestepsandshakinghandswitha
Therecordiscorrect,shesaid.Itsneverbeen small,neatwomanpilot,anAfricanAmerican
incorrect.Ivewrittenanexhaustiverecordthat withcornrowspeekingoutunderhersmart
isthereforeveryonetosee.Ifpeoplebelieve
peakedcap.Onceyouveflowninyourown
this,noamountofcorrectionwillhelp.
bird,younevergoback.
Kettlewellmadeafacelikealittleboywhod
Thisisamonstrosity,Tjansaidasheboarded.
beentoldhecouldnthaveatoy.Thatguyis
Whatthisthingeatsupinhangarfeesalone
poison,hesaid.Thosequotemarksaround
wouldbeenoughtobankrollthreeorfour
blog.
teams.Hesettledintoanoversized
Lethimaddhisquotemarks,shesaid.My
dailyreadershipishigherthantheMercspaid
circulationthisweek.Itwastrue.Afterashort
uphillclimbfromhernewURL,shed
accumulatedenoughreadersthattheadvertising
revenuedwarfedheroldsalaryattheMerc,an
astonishinghappenstancethatneverthelesskept
herbankaccountfull.Sheclickedalittle.
Besides,lookatthis,therearethreedozenlinks
pointingatthisstorysofarandallofthemare
criticalofhim.Wedontneedtostickupfor
ourselvestheworldwill.

Barcaloungerofaseatandacceptedaglassof
orangejuicethatthepilotpouredforhim.
Thankyou,andnooffense.

Sayingitcalmedherandnowtheywereatthe
airport.Theycruisedintoaprivategate,away
fromthemilitarizedgulagthatfrontedMiami
International.Acourteoussecurityguardwaved
themthroughandthedriverconfidentlypiloted

Theypayingyoumore?

Nonetaken,shesaid.Iagreeonehundred
percent.
See,Tjansaid.
Suzannetookherownseatandherownglass
andbuckledinandwatchedthetwoofthem,
warmingupforthemainevent,realizingthat
shedbeenbroughtalongasakindofopening
act.
Yup,Tjansaid.Allonthebackend.Halfa
pointoneverydollarbroughtinbyateamI
coachorwhosemembersImentor.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/46
Kettlewellwhistled.Thatsabigshare,hesaid. connectionshehadinRussia.Heeventalked
abouthiskidsandhisexinStPetersburg,and
IfIcanmakemynumbers,Illtakehomea
Kettlewelladmittedthathedknownaboutthem
millionthisyear.
already.
Youllmakethosenumbers.Goodnegotiations.
ForKettlewellspart,heopenedtheproverbial
Whydidntyouaskusforthesamedeal?
kimonowide,tellingTjanaboutconflictswithin
Wouldyouhavegivenittome?
theboardofdirectors,poisonousholdoversfrom
thepreKodacelldayswhosabotagedthe
Youreastar,Kettlewellsaid,noddingat
Suzanne,whoseinvisibilitytotheconversation companyfromwithinwithpettybureaucracy,
eventheproblemshewashavingwithhisfamily
poppedlikeabubble.Thankstoher.
overthelonghourstheywereworking.He
Thanks,Suzanne,Tjansaid.
openedtheminibarandcrackedabottleof
champagnetotoastTjansnewjob,andthey
Suzanneblushed.Comeon,guys.
mixeditwithmoreorangejuice,andthenthere
Tjanshookhishead.Shedoesntreally
werebagelsandschmear,freshfruit,powerbars,
understand.Itsactuallykindofcharming.
andcannedStarbuckscoffeeswithdeadly
Wemighthavematchedtheoffer.
amountsofsugarandcaffeine.
Youguysarefirsttomarket.Youvegotalotof WhenKettlewelldisappearedintothetinybut
proceduresinplace.Iwantedtoreinventsome
marbleappointedbathroom,Suzannefound
wheels.
herselfsittingalonewithTjan,almostkneeto
knee,lightheadedfromlackofsleepand
Weretooconservativeforyou?
champagneandaltitude.
Tjangrinnedwickedly.Ohyes,hesaid.Im
Sometrip,shesaid.
goingtodobusinessinRussia.
Kettlewellgruntedandpoundedhisorangejuice. Yourethebest,hesaid,wobblingalittle.
Aroundthem,thejetswindowsflashedwhiteas Youknowthat?Justthebest.Thestuffyou
writeabouttheseguys,itmakesmewantto
theybrokethroughthecloudsandtheten
standupandsalute.Youmakeusallseemso
thousandfootbellsounded.
fuckingglorious.Weregoingtoenduptaking
Howthehellareyougoingtomakeanything
overtheworldbecauseyouinspireusso.Maybe
thatdoesntcollapseunderitsownweightin
Ishouldnttellyouthis,becauseyourenotvery
Russia?
selfconsciousaboutitrightnow,butSuzanne,
youwontbelieveitbecauseyoureso
Thecorruptionsaproblem,sure,Tjansaid.
Butitsoffsetbytheentrepreneurship.Someof goddamnedmodest,too.Itswhatmakesyour
writingsoright,sobelievable
thosecatsmaketheChineselooklazyand
unimaginative.Itsashamethatsomuchoftheir Kettlewellsteppedoutofthebathroom.
effortshavebeencenteredongraft,buttheres
Touchingdownsoon,hesaid,andpattedthem
noreasontheycouldntbefocusedonmakingan eachontheshoulderashetookhisseat.So
honestruble.
thatsaboutit,then,hesaid,andleanedback
Theyfellintoadiscussionoftheminutiaeof
PerryandLestersbusinesses,frankerthanany
businessdiscussionshedeverheard.Tjantalked
abouttheplaceswheretheydscrewedup,and
placeswheretheydscoredbig,andaboutallthe
planshedmadeforWestinghouse,the

andclosedhiseyes.Suzannewasaccustomedto
thinkingofhimastwentysomething,theboyish
ageofthemagazinecoverportraitsfromthestart
ofhiscareer.Now,eyesclosedonhisprivatejet,
harshupperatmospheresunpaintinghisface,his
crowsfeetandthedeepverticalbracketsaround

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/47
hismouthrevealedhimforsomeonepushinga
youthfulforty,keptyoungbyexerciseandfun
andtheanimationofhisideas.

muchsleep.Gonnaputmyseatbackandcatch
somewinks,ifthatsOK?
Goodplan,Suzannesaid.

Guessso,Tjansaid,slumping.Thishasbeen
oneofthemorememorableexperiencesofmy
life,Kettlewell,Suzanne.Notentirelypleasant,
butpleasantonthewhole.Amagicaltimeinthe
clouds.

Embarrassingly,whentheywerefullyreclined,
theirseatsnearlytouched,formingsomething
likeadoublebed.Suzannelayawakeinthehum
ofthejetsforawhile,consciousofthebreathing
humanbesideher,thefirstmansheddone
Onceyouveflownprivate,youllnevergoback anythinglikeshareabedwithinatleastayear.
tocoach,Kettlewellsaid,smiling,eyesstill
Thelastthingsherememberedwastheten
closed.YoustillthinkmyCFOshouldspank
thousandfootbellgoingoffandthensheslipped
mefornotsellingthisthing?
awayintosleep.
No,Tjansaid.Intenyears,ifwedoourjobs,
therewontbefivecompaniesonearththatcan
affordthiskindofthingitllbelikebuildinga
cathedralaftertheProtestantReformation.While
wehavethechance,weshouldkeepthesethings
inthesky.ButyoushouldgiveonetoLesterand
Perrytotakeapart.
Iwasplanningto,Kettlewellsaid.Thanks.
SuzanneandKettlewellgotofftheplaneand
Tjandidntlookbackwhentheydlandedat
JFK.Shouldwegointotownandgetsome
bialytobringbacktoMiami?Kettlewellsaid,
squintingatthebrightdayonthetarmac.

::PerrythoughtthattheydsellamillionHome
Awaresinsix
::months.Lesterthoughthewasnuts,that
numberwastoohigh.
::
::Please,hesaid,Iinventedthesethingsbut
therearenta
::millionroommatehouseholdsinallof
America.Wellsellhalf
::amilliontops,total.

Lesteralwayscomplainedwhenshequotedhim
directlyinherblogposts,butshethoughthe
Right,right,hesaid.ForgetIasked.Besides, secretlyenjoyedit.
wedhavetocharterachoppertogetinto
::Todaytheboysshippedtheirmillionthunit.It
Manhattanandbackwithoutdyingintraffic.
tooksixweeks.
Somethingaboutthelightthroughtheopen
Theyduncorkedabottleofchampagnewhen
hatchorthesoundorthesmellsomething
unitonemillionshipped.Theyhadntactually
indefinablyNewYorkmadeheryearnfor
shippedit,perse.Themanufacturingwasspread
Miami.ThegreatcitiesofcommercelikeNew
YorkandSanFranciscoseemedtoorealforher, outacrossfortydifferentteamsallacrossthe
country,evenacoupleofCanadianteams.The
whilethesuburbsofFloridawereakindof
RFIDprintercompanyhadrehiredhalfthe
endlesssummercamp,adreamtimewhere
workerstheydlaidofftheyearbefore,andhad
anythingwaspossible.
themallworkingovertimetomeetdemand.
Letsgo,shesaid.Thechampagnebuzzhad
::Whatsexcitingaboutthisisntjustthemoney
crashedandshehadatouchofheadache.Im
thattheseguys
bushed.
::havemadeoffofit,orthemoneythat
Metoo,Kettlewellsaid.IleftSanJoselast
Kodacellwillreturnto
nighttogetintoMiamibeforeTjanleft.Not
BringdelitoMiami?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/48
::itsshareholders,itstheecosystemthatthese
thingshave
::enabled.Therereatleasttencompeting
commercialsystemsfor
::organizing,tagging,sharing,anddescribing
HomeAwareobjects.
::Parentslovethemfortheirkids.School
teacherslovethem.
::Seniorshomes.

smilelightandnoncommittal.Lesterwasvery
nice,butthereweretimeswhenshecaughthim
staringatherlikeakickedpuppyanditmade
heruncomfortable.Naturally,thisincreasedhis
discomfortaswell.
Ontherooftheyalreadyhadacoolerofbeers
goingandbesideitahugeplastictubofbrightly
coloredmachineparts.
Jetengine,Perrysaid.Themonthshadputa
couplepoundsonhimandnewwrinkles,and
givenhimsomegreyatthetemples,andlaugh
linesinsidehislaughlines.Perrywasalways
laughingateverythingaroundthem(They
fuckingpaymetodothis,hedtoldheronce,
beforeliterallycollapsingtothefloor,rolling
withuncontrollablehysteria).Helaughedagain.

TheseniorshomeshadbeenFrancissidea.
Theydbroughthimintooverseesomeofthe
productionengineering,alongwithsomeofthe
youngbraveswhoranaroundthesquatter
camps.Francisknewwhichoneswerebiddable
andhekeptthemtoheel.Intheevenings,hed
jointheguysandSuzanneupontheroofofthe GoodoldKettlebelly,shesaid.Musthave
workshoponfoldingchairs,withbeers,watching brokenhisheart.
thesweatysunset.
Francisheldupacurvedpieceofcowling.This
::Theyrenotthesolesupplier.Thatswhatan
thingwasntgoingtolastanyway.Seethe
ecosystemisall
distortionhereandhere?Thisthingwas
designedinavirtualwindtunnelandmachine
::about,creatingvalueforalotofplayers.All
lathed.Wetriedthatacoupletimes,butthe
thiscompetition
windtunnelsimswereneverdetailedenough
::isgreatnewsforyouandme,becauseits
andtheformsthatflewwellinthemachine
alreadydriventhe
alwaysdiedaprematuredeathinthesky.
Anothertwoyearsandhedhavehadtohaveit
::priceofHomeAwaregoodsdownbyforty
rebuiltanyway,andtheKoreanswhobuiltthis
percent.Thatmeansthat
chargeshitloadsforparts.
::LesterandPerryaregoingtohavetoinvent
Toobad,Lestersaid.Itspretty.Gorgeous,
somethingnew,soon,
even.Hemimeditscurveintheairwitha
::beforethemargindisappearsaltogetherand
pudgyhand,thatelegantswoop.
thatsalsogood
Aerospacelovesthevirtualwindtunnel,
::newsforyouandme.
Francissaid,andglaredatthecowling.Youcan
Areyoucoming?Lesterhaddatedagirlfora useevolutionaryalgorithmsinthesimandcome
while,someonehemetonCraigslist,butshed
upwithreallyefficientdesigns,intheory.And
dumpedhimandPerryhadconfidedthatshed
computersarecheaperthanengineers.
lefthimbecausehedidntliveuptothepress
Isthatwhyyouwerelaidoff?Suzannesaid.
hedgotteninSuzannescolumn.Whenhegot
Iwasntlaidoff,girl,hesaid.Hejiggledhis
dumped,hebecameeventouchierabout
Suzanne,caughtatadistancefromherthatwas lamefoot.Iretiredat65andwasallsetupbut
definedbyequalpartsofdesireandresentment. thepensionplanwentbust.SoImissedamonth
ofmedicalandtheycutmeoffandIendedup
Upinaminute,shesaid,tryingtokeepher
uninsured.Whenthewifetooksick,bam,that

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/49
wasit,wipedrightout.ButImnotbitterwhy
shouldthepoorbeallowedtolive,huh?

nodded.Haveyouevertriedburglaralarms?

Stopthat,now,hesaid,youregettingthe
junkyardalldirty.Christ,youdthinkthatthey
grewupinsomekindofzoo.WhenFrancis
drank,hegotalittlemean,alittledark.

Iwantonethatfiresspears,theonewiththe
juiceheadfathersaid.

So,kids,Perrysaid,wanderingovertothem,
handsinpockets.Silhouettedagainstthesetting
sun,bicepsbulging,muscularchesttaperingto
hisnarrowhips,helookedlikeaGreekstatue.
Whatdoyouthinkofthestuffwerebuilding?

Iwantaforcefield,thethirdonesaid,
speakingforthefirsttime.Iwantsomething
thatwillkeepanyonefromcomingin,period,so
Idonthavetosleeponeeyeup,causeIllbe
safe.

ThekidslaughedderisivelyandSuzanne
Hisacolytes,threeteenagersindoragsfromthe winced,butPerrywasundaunted.Youcouldbe
shantytown,laughedandwentontopitching
surethatyouwokeupwheneveranyoneentered,
bottlecapsofftheedgeoftheroof.
setupalightandsirentoscarethemoff.

Theylookedattheirtoes.SOK,oneofthem
grunted.

Blowtorches,saidtheonewhosemother
pushedhisfatherunderabus.

Theothertwonodded,slowly.

Damnstraight,Francissaid.
Answertheman,Francissnapped.Complete
sentences,lookingupandathim,likeyouvegot ThatwasthelasttimeFrancissacolytesjoined
ashredofselfrespect.Christ,whatareyou,five themontherooftop.Instead,whentheyfinished
worktheywenthome,walkingslowlyand
yearsold?
talkinginlowmurmurs.Withjustthegrownups
Theyshifteduncomfortably.Itsfine,oneof
ontheroof,itwasalotmoresubdued.
themsaid.
Whatsthatsmoke?Lestersaid,pointingatthe
Wouldyouuseitathome?
blackbillowingcolumnofftothewest,inthe
Oneofthemsnorted.No,man.Mydadsteals
sunsetsglare.
anythingnicewegetandsellsit.
Housefire,Francissaid.Hastobe.Orabig
Oh,Perrysaid.

fuckingcarwreck,maybe.

FuckerbrokeintheothernightandIcaught
himwithmyipod.Nearlytookhisfuckinghead
offwithmycannonbeforeIsawwhoitwas.
Fuckingjuicehead.

Perryrandownthestairsandcamebackupwith
apairofhighpowerbinox.Francis,thatsyour
place,hesaidafterasecondsfiddling.He
handedthebinoxtoFrancis.Justhitthebutton
andtheyllselfstabilize.

Youshouldhavefuckedhimup,oneofthe
otherkidssaid.Mymapushedmypopsinfront Thatsmyplace,Francissaid.Oh,Christ.
ofabusonedaytogetridofhim,guybroke
Hedgonegrayandseemedtohavesoberedup
bothhislegsandnevercameback.
instantly.Hislipswerewet,hiseyesbright.
Suzanneknewitwasmeanttoshockthem,but
thatdidnttakeawayfromitsshockingness.In
thewarmfogofwritingandlivinginFlorida,it
waseasytoforgetthatthesepeoplelivedina
squattercampandweretechnicallycriminals,
andreceivednoprotectionfromthelaw.

Theydroveoveratspeed,Suzannewedgedinto
Lestersfrankensmartcar,practicallyunderhis
armpit,andPerrytravelingwithFrancis.Lester
stillworethesamecologneasherfather,and
whensheopenedthewindow,itssmellwas
replacedbytheburningtiressmellofthefire.

Perry,though,justsquintedintothesunand

Theyarrivedtodiscoverafiretruckparkedon

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/50
thesideofthefreewaynearesttheshantytown.
Suzannegrabbedhishandandwalkedhimover
Thefirefighterswerestandingsoberlybesideit, tothetruckandgrabbedthefirstfirefightershe
watchingthefirerageacrossthecanal.
encountered.
Theyrushedforthefootbridgeandafirefighter
blockedtheirway.
Sorry,itsnotsafe,hesaid.HewasLatino,
goodlooking,likeamoviestar,bronzeskin
flickeringwithcopperhighlightsfromthefire.
Ilivethere,Francissaid.Thatsmyhome.
Thefirefighterlookedaway.Itsnotsafe,he
said.
Whyarentyoufightingthefire?Suzanne
said.
Francissheadsnappedaround.Yourenot
fightingthefire!Youregoingtoletourhouses
burn!

ImSuzanneChurch,fromtheSanJose
MercuryNews,aMcClatchypaper.Idliketo
speaktothecommandingofficeronthescene,
please.ShehadntbeenwiththeMercfor
months,butshehadntbeenabletobringherself
tosay,ImSuzanneChurchwith
SuzanneChurch.org.Shewasprettysurethatno
matterhowhighherreadershipwasandhow
profitableheradsaleswere,thefirefighter
wouldnthavebeengalvanizedintotheaction
thatwasinvokedwhenshementionedthename
ofarealnewspaper.

Hehoppedto,quicklymovingtoanolderman,
tappinghimontheshoulder,whisperinginhis
ear.SuzannesqueezedFrancisshandasthefire
Acouplemorefirefighterstrickledover.Across chiefapproachedthem.Sheextendedherhand
theriver,thefirehadconsumedhalfofthelittle andtalkedfast.SuzanneChurch,shesaid,and
settlement.Someoftheresidentswereoperating tookouthernotebook,thekeypropinanyset
pieceinvolvingareporter.Imtoldthatyouare
aslowandponderousbucketbrigadefromthe
goingtoletthosehomesburnbecausesomeone
canal,whileothersranintotheunburned
representinghimselfasthetitleholdertothat
buildingsandemergedclutchingarmloadsof
propertyhasdeniedyouentry.However,Imalso
belongings,bitsoffurniture,boxesofphotos.
toldthatthetitletothatlandisindisputeand
Sir,themoviestarsaid,theownerofthis
hasbeeninthecourtsfordecades.Canyou
propertyhasaskedusnottointervene.Since
resolvethisforme,Chief...?
theresnoimminentrisktolifeandnoriskofthe
burnspreadingoffhisproperty,wecanttrespass ChiefBrianWannamaker,hesaid.Hewasher
age,withtheleatheryskinofaFloridanative
toputoutthefire.Ourhandsaretied.
whospentalotoftimeoutofdoors.Imafraid
Theowner?Francisspat.Thislandisintitle
Ihavenocommentforyouatthistime.
dispute.Thecourtcasehasbeenunderwayfor
Suzannekeptherfacedeadpan,andgave
twentyyearsnow.Whatowner?
Francisshandawarningsqueezetokeephim
Themoviestarshrugged.ThatsallIknow,
quiet.Hewastremblingnow.Isee.Youcant
sir.
comment,youcantfightthefire.Isthatwhat
Acrossthecanal,thefirewasspreading,andthe youdlikemetowriteintomorrowspaper?
bucketbrigadewasfallingback.Suzannecould
TheChieflookedatthefireforamoment.
feeltheheatnow,likeputtingyourfaceinthe
Acrossthecanal,thebucketbrigaderswere
steamfromaboilingkettle.
losingworsethanever.HefrownedandSuzanne
Francisseethed,lookingfromthefiremenand
sawthathishandswereclenchedintofists.Let
theirtruckbacktothefire.Helookedlikehe
memakeacall,OK?Withoutwaitingforan
wasgoingtopopsomething,orstartshouting,or answer,heturnedonhisheelandsteppedbehind
chargeintotheflames.
thefireengine,reachingforhiscellphone.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/51
Suzannestrainedtohearhisconversation,butit
wasinaudibleoverthecrackleofthefire.When
sheturnedaroundagain,Franciswasgone.She
caughtsightofhimagaininjustamoment,
runningforthecanal,thenjumpinginand
landingbadlyintheshallow,swampywater.He
hobbledacrosstotheoppositebankandbeganto
laboriouslyclimbit.
Asecondlater,Perryfollowed.ThenLester.
Chief!shesaid,goingaroundtheengineand
pointing.TheChiefhadthephoneclampedto
hisheadstill,butwhenhesawwhatwasgoing
on,hesnappeditshut,droppeditinhispocket
andstartedbarkingorders.
Nowthefirefightersmoved,boilingacrossthe
bridge,uncoilinghoses,strappingontanksand
masks.Theyworkedineasy,fluidconcert,andit
wasonlysecondsbeforethewaterandfoamhit
theflamesandthesmokechangedtowhite
steam.
Theshantytownresidentscheered.Thefire
slowlyreceded.PerryandLesterhadFrancis,
holdinghimbackfromchargingintothefrayas
thefirefightersexecutedtheirclockworkdance.
Thesteamwashotenoughtoscald,andSuzanne
pulledthecollarofherblouseupoverherface.
Aroundherweretheshantytowners,mothers
withsmallchildren,oldmen,andaseemingly
endlessparadeofthuglifeteenagers,theboysin
miniaturecyclingshortsanddorags,thegirlsin
bandeautops,glittermakeup,andskirtsmade
fromoverlappingstripsofrag,likepost
apocalyptichulaoutfits.Theirfacesweretight,
angry,smudgedwithsmokeandpinkenedbythe
heat.
Shesawtheonewhosefatherhadreportedly
beenpushedunderabusbyhismother,andhe
grimacedather.Whatwegonnadonow?
Idontknow,shesaid.Areyouallright?Is
yourfamilyallright?

Thereweretearsinhiseyes.Hewasallof
fifteen,sherealized.Hedseemedmucholderon
theroof.Shegatheredhimintoherarmsand
gavehimahug.Hewasstiffandawkwardat
firstandthenhekindofmeltedintoher,
weepingonhershoulder.Shestrokedhisback
andmurmuredreassuringly.Someoftheother
shantytownerslookedatthespectacle,then
lookedaway.Evenacoupleofhishomeboys
whomshedhavebetwouldhavelaughedand
pointedatthisshowofweaknessonlylooked
andthenpassedon.Onehadtearsstreakingthe
smokesmudgesonhisface.
Forsomeonewhoisntgoodatcomforting
people,Iseemtobedoingalotofit,she
thought.
FrancisandLesterandPerryfoundherand
Francisgavetheboyagruffhugandtoldhim
everythingwouldbefine.
Thefirewasoutnow,thefirefighterhosing
downthelastembers,goingthroughthecrowd
andcheckingforinjuries.ATVnewscrewhad
setupandaprettyblackreporterinhertwenties
wasdoingastandup.
Theillegalsquattercommunityhaslongbeen
identifiedasaproblemareaforganganddrug
activitybytheBrowardCountySheriffsoffice.
Thedestructionhereseemstotal,butits
impossibletosaywhetherthisspellstheendof
thisencampment,orwhetherthedenizenswill
rebuildandstayon.
Suzanneburnedwithshame.Thatcouldhave
beenher.Whenshedfirstseenthisplace,ithad
beenlikesomethingoutofadocumentaryon
Ethiopia.Asshedcometoknowit,ithadgrown
homier.Theresidentsbuiltpiecemeal,onewall
atatime,onewindow,onepouredconcrete
floor,astheycouldaffordit.Noneofthemhad
mortgages,buttheyhadneatvegetablegardens
andwalkwaysspelledoutinwhitestoneswith
gardengnomesstandingguard.

Dontgotnowheretosleep,nowheretogo,he Thereporterwasstaringatherandnaturally
said.Dontevenhaveachangeofclothes.My so;shedbeenstaringatthereporter.Glaringat
momswontstopcrying.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/52
her.

Getthemgoing,hesaid.Getthemtogather
MyRV,Francissaid,pointing,distractingher. uptheirstuffandwalkthemdowntoourplace.
Wevegotspaceforeveryonefornowatleast.
Itwasacharredwreck.Hewenttothemelted
doorsandopenedthem,steppingbackasapuff Francislookedlikehewasgoingtosay
ofsmokerosefromtheinside.Afirefighter
something,thenhestopped.Heclimbed
spotteditanddivertedastreamofwaterintothe precariouslyuponthehoodofLesterscarand
interior,soakingFrancisandwhateverhadnt
shoutedforpeopletogatherround.Theboyshe
burned.Heturnedandshoutedsomethingatthe bossedaroundtookupthecallanditwasntlong
firefighter,buthewasalreadyhosingdown
beforenearlyeveryonewasgatheredaround
somethingelse.
them.
InsideFrancisstrailer,theysalvagedadrenched
photoalbum,afewtools,andalockboxwith
someofhispapersinit.Hehadbackeduphis
laptoptohiswatchthatmorning,sohisdatawas
safe.Ikeptmeaningtoscanthesein,hesaid,
pagingthroughthephotosinthesoakedalbum.
Shouldhavedoneit.
Nightwasfalling,themosquitoessingingand
buzzing.Theneatlittlelanewaysandhomey,
patchworkbuildingslayinruinsaroundthem.

Caneveryonehear?ThisisasloudasIgo.
Thereweremurmursofassent.Suzannehad
seenhimmeetwithhispeoplebeforeinthe
daylightandthegoodtimes,seentherespect
theyaffordedtohim.Hewasnttheleader,per
se,butwhenhespoke,peoplelistened.Itwasa
characteristicshedencounteredintheautotrade
andintechnology,intheonestheothersall
gravitatedto.Charismatics.

Wevegotaplacetostayabituptheroadfor
Theshantytownersclusteredinlittlegroupsor
tonight.Itsaboutahalfhourwalk.Itsindoors
pickedthroughtheruins.Driversofpassingcars andtherestoilets,butmaybenotmuchtomake
sloweddowntorubberneck,andafewshouted
bedsoutof.Takewhatyoucancarryforabouta
filthy,vengefulthingsatthem.Suzannetook
mile,youcancomebacktomorrowfortherest.
picturesoftheirlicenseplates.Shedpublish
Youdonthavetocome,butthisisntgoingtobe
themwhenshegothome.
anyfuntonight.
Alightdrizzlefell.Childrencried.Theswampy
soundsofcicadasandfrogsandmosquitoes
filledthegrowingdarkandthenthestreetlights
flickedonalldowntheriverofhighway,
paintingeverythinginbluewhitemercuryglow.
Wevegottogettentsup,Francissaid.He
grabbedacoupleofyoungmenandgavethem
orders,thingstolookforfreshwater,plastic
sheeting,anythingwithwhichtoerectshelters.

Awomancameforward.Shewasyoung,butnot
youngenoughtobeahomegirl.Shehadlong
darkhairandshetwistedherhandsasshespoke
inasoftvoicetoFrancis.Whataboutourstuff?
Wecantleaveitheretonight.Itsallwevegot.

Francisnodded.Weneedtenpeopletostand
guardintwoshiftsoffivetonight.Youngpeople.
Youllgetflashlightsandphones,coffeeand
whateverelsewecangiveyou.Justkeepthe
Lesterstartedtohelpthem,andPerrystoodwith rubberneckersout.Therubberneckerswereout
ofearshot.Theaccounttheydgetofthiswould
hishandsonhiships,nexttoSuzanne.
comefromthenewsanchorwhodtellthemhow
JesusChrist,hesaid.Thisisafucking
dangerousanddirtythisplacewas.Theydnever
disaster.Imean,thesepeopleareusedtoliving seewhatSuzannesaw,tenmenandwomen
rough,butthishebrokeoff,wavinghis
forminguptoonesideofthecrowd.Young
handshelplessly.Hewipedhispalmsoffonhis bravesandhomegirls,peopleherage,theirfaces
butt,thengrabbedFrancis.
solemn.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/53
Francisoversawthegatheringupofbelongings.
Suzannehadneverhadasenseofhowmany
peoplelivedintheshantytownbutnowshe
couldcountthemastheymassedupbythe
roadsideandbegantowalk:ahundred,alittle
morethanahundred.Moreifyoucountedthe
surprisingnumberofbabies.
LesterconferredbrieflywithFrancisandthen
Francistappedthreeoftheoldtimersandtwoof
themotherswithbabesinarmsandthey
crammedintoLesterscarandhetookoff.
Suzannewalkedbytheroadsidewiththelong
lineofrefugees,listeningtotheirmurmuring
conversation,andinafewminutes,Lesterwas
backtopickupmorepeople,atFranciss
discretion.
Perrywasbesidehernow,hiseyesamillion
milesaway.
Whatnow?shesaid.
Weputthemintheworkshoptonight,
tomorrowwehelpthembuildhouses.
Atyourplace?Youregoingtoletthemstay?

ofthemanagerialroles,andwasgettinglessand
lessworkshoptimein.Shecouldtellitfrustrated
him.InherdiscussionswithKettlewell,hed
confidedthatithadturnedouttobeharderto
findsuitsthanitwasfindingwildlyinventive
nerds.Lotsofpeoplewantedtorunbusinesses,
butthenumberwhoactuallyseemedlikelytobe
capableofdoingsowasonlyasmallfraction.
Theycouldseethejunkyardnow.Perrypulled
outhisphoneandcalledhisserverandtouch
tonedthecodestoturnonallthelightsand
unlockallthedoors.
Theylostacoupleofkidsintheaislesof
miraculousjunk,andFrancishadtosendout
biggerkidstofindthemandbringthemback,
holdingthetreasurestheydfoundtotheirchests.
Lesterkeptgoingbackformoreoldtimers,more
mothers,morestragglers,operatinghisferry
serviceuntiltheywereallindoorsinthe
workshop.
Thisistheplace,Francissaid.Wellstay
indoorsheretonight.Toiletsarethereandthere
orderlylines,noshoving.

Whynot?Wedontusehalfofthatland.The
Whataboutfood?askedamanwithasmall
landlordgetshischeckeverymonth.Hasntbeen boysleepingoverhisshoulder.
byinfiveyears.Hewontcare.
ThisisnttheRedCross,Al,Francissnapped.
Shetookacouplemoresteps.Perry,Imgoing Wellorganizefoodforourselvesinthe
towriteaboutthis,shesaid.
morning.
Oh,hesaid.Theywalkedfurther.Asmall
Perrywhisperedinhisear.Francisshookhis
childwascrying.Ofcourseyouare.Well,fuck head,andPerrywhisperedsomemore.
thelandlord.IllsicKettlewellonhimifhe
Therewillbefoodinthemorning.Thisis
squawks.
Perry.Itshisplace.HesgoingtogotoCostco
WhatdoyouthinkKettlewellwillthinkabout foruswhentheyopen.
allthis?
Thecrowdcheeredandafewofthewomen
This?Look,thisiswhatIvebeensayingall
huggedhim.Someofthemenshookhishand.
along.Weneedtomakeproductsforthese
Perryblushed.Suzannesmiled.Thesepeople
people.Theyreahugeuntappedmarket.
weregoodpeople.Theydbeenthroughmore
thanSuzannecouldimagine.Itfeltrightthatshe
WhatshewantedtoaskwasWhatwouldTjan
couldhelpthemlikemakingupforevery
sayaboutthis?buttheydidnttalkaboutTjan
thesedays.Kettlewellhadpromisedthemanew panhandlershedignoredandeverypassedout
drunkshedsteppedover.
businessmanagerforweeks,butnonehad
appeared.Perryhadtakenovermoreandmore
Therewerenoblankets,therewerenobeds.The

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/54
squatterssleptontheconcretefloor.Young
couplesspoonedundertables.Childrensnuggled
betweentheirparents,orheldontotheirmothers.
AsthesquattersdosseddownandasSuzanne
walkedpastthemtogettohercarherheart
brokeahundredtimes.Shefeltlikeoneofthose
Depressioneraphotographerswalkingthrough
anOkiecamp,arendingvisualateachcorner.

Shegaveawaythelastblanketandwenthometo
sleeponhernakedbedunderneathanoldcoat,a
rolledupsweaterforapillow.Afterhershower,
shedriedherselfonteeshirts,havinggiven
awayallhertowelstouseasbedding.

Thenewshantytownwentupfastfasterthan
sheddreamedpossible.Theboyshelped.Lester
downloadedalltheinformationhecouldfindon
Backatherrentedcondo,shefoundherselfat
temporarysheltersbuildingoutofmud,outof
thefootofhercomfortablebedwithitsthick
sandbags,outofcorrugatedcardboardandsheets
duvetshelikedkeepingtheACturnedup
ofplasticandtheytriedthemall.Someofthe
enoughtosnuggleunderablanketandthefour houseshadtwoormorericketyseemingstories,
pillows.Shewasinherjammies,butshe
buttheyallfeltsolidenoughasshetouredthem,
couldntclimbinbetweenthosesheets.
snappingphotosofproudhomesteadersstanding
nexttotheirhandiwork.
Shecouldnt.
Littlethingswentmissingfromtheworkshops
Andthenshewasbackinhercarwithallher
tools,easilypawnedbooksandkeepsakes,
blankets,sheets,pillows,bigtowelseventhe
sofacushions,whichthelandlordwasnotgoing Perryswalletandtheyallstartedlockingtheir
deskdrawers.Therewerejunkiesinamongthe
tobehappyaboutandspeedingbacktothe
squatters,anddesperatepeople,andimmoral
workshop.
people,themtoo.Onedayshefoundthather
Sheletherselfinandsetaboutdistributingthe
cutelittlegoldearringswerentbesideherdesk
blanketsandpillowsandtowels,pickingoutthe lamp,whereshedleftthemthenightbeforeand
families,theoldpeople.Awomanapparently shepracticallyburstintotears,feelingsetupon
ablebodiedandyoung,butskinnysatupand onallsides.
said,Hey,wheresoneforme?Suzanne
recognizedthevoice.ThejunkiefromtheIHOP. Shefoundtheearringslaterthatday,atthe
Lestersfriend.Theonewhodgrabbedherand bottomofherpurse,andthatonlymadethings
worse.Eventhoughshehadntvoicedasingle
cursedher.
accusation,shedaccusedeveryoneofthe
Shedidntwanttogivethewomanablanket.She squattersinhermindthatday.Shefoundherself
onlyhadtwoleftandtherewereoldpeoplelying unabletomeettheireyesfortherestoftheweek.
onthebarefloor.
Ihavetowriteaboutthis,shesaidtoPerry.
Wheresoneforme?thewomansaidmore
Thisispartofthestory.Shedstayedclearof
loudly.Someofthesleepersstirred.Someof
itforamonth,butshecouldntgoonwriting
themsatup.
aboutthesuccessesoftheHomeAwarewithout
writingabouttheworkforcethatwasturningout
Suzannewasshaking.Whothehellwassheto
decidewhogotablanket?Didbeingrudetoher thedevicesandaddonsbythethousands,all
attheIHOPdisqualifyyoufromgettingbedding aroundher,inimpromptufactorieswith
impromptuworkers.
whenyourhouseburneddown?
Why?Perrysaid.Hedbeenadervish,filling
Suzannegaveherablanket,andshesnatched
orders,trainingpeople,fightingfires.By
oneofthesofacushionsbesides.
nightfall,hewasholloweyedandsnappish.
Itswhyshesstillalive,Suzannethought.How Lesterdidntjointhemontheroofanymore.He
shessurvived.
likedtohangoutwithFrancisandsomeofthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/55
youngmenandpitchhorseshoesdowninthe
shantytown,ortinkerwiththecompostingtoilets
hedbeeninstallingatstrategiccrossroads
throughthetown.Cantyoujustconcentrateon
thebusiness?
Perry,thisisthebusiness.Kettlewellhasntsent
areplacementforTjanandyouvefilledinand
youveturnedthisplaceintosomethinglikea
workerownedcoop.Thatsimportantnews
thepointofthisexerciseistotryallthedifferent
businessesthatarepossibleandseewhatworks.
Ifyouvefoundsomethingthatworks,Ishould
writeaboutit.Especiallysinceitsnotjust
solvingKodacellsproblem,itssolvingthe
problemforallofthosepeople,too.
Perrydrankhisbeerinsullensilence.Idont
wantKettlewelltogetmoreinvolvedinthis.Its
goinggood.Scrutinycouldkillit.
Youvegotnothingtobeembarrassedabout
here,shesaid.Theresnothingherethatisnt
asitshouldbe.

::windows.Someweremadefromoldcardoors,
withhandcranked
::handlestolowerthemintheday,thenroll
themupagainat
::nightwhenthemosquitoescameout.Mostof
thesettlersslepton
::nets.
::
::Asecondwavehadmovedintothesettlement,
justasIarrived,
::andratherthanbuildingoutandfartheraway
fromtheir
::neighborslatrines,waterpumpand
mysterioussourcesof
::electricalpowertheybuiltup,ontopofthe
existing
::structures,shoringupthewallswhere
necessary.Itwasnt

::hurricaneproof,butneitherarethecracker
Perrylookedatherforalongmoment.Hewasat
boxcondosthat
theendofhisfuse,tryingtodotoomuch,and
sheregrettedhavingbroughtitup.Youdowhat ::propertyownersoccupy.Theymade
contractualarrangementswith
youhavetodo,hesaid.
::Theoriginalshantytownwasastonishing.Built ::thedwellersofthefirststories,paidthemrent.
Acouplewith
aroundanexusof
::trailersandRVsthatdidntlookintheleast
roadworthy,the

::secondstoryroomsoppositeoneanotherin
oneofthenarrow

::settlershadaddeddwellingondwellingto
theirlittlepatchof

::streetsconsummatedtheirrelationshipby
buildingaskybridge

::land.Theystartedwithplasticsheetingand
poles,andwhenthey

::betweentheirrooms,payingjointrenttotwo
landlords.

::couldaffordit,theyreplacedthesheets,oneat ::
atime,with
::Thethingthesemotleyhouseshadincommon,
allofthem,was
::bricksorpouredconcreteandrebar.They
thatchedtheirroofs
::ingenuityandprideofwork.Theyhadneat
::withpalmleaves,shingles,linoleum,
corrugatedtineven

vegetablegardens,

::flowerboxes,andfreshpaint.Theyhadkids
::plywoodwithflattenedbeercans.Somewalls bikesleanedup
werewood.Somehad
::againsttheirwalls,andthesmellofgood

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/56
cookingintheair.

departmentwontinvestigate,

::Theywerehomelyhomes.
::

::becausethiswasanillegalhomestead,sothey
dontmuchcare

::Manyofthepeoplewholivedinthesehouses
workedregular

::abouthowthefirestarted.Ittookmostofthe
homes,andmost

::servicejobs,walkingthreemilestothe
nearestcitybusstop

::oftheirmeagerpossessions.Thewatergotthe
rest.Thefire

::everymorningandthreemilesbackevery
evening.Theysent

::departmentwouldntfightthefireatfirst,
becausesomeoneat

::theirkidstoschool,fakinglocaladdresses
withPOboxes.Some

::cityhallsaidthatthelandsownerwouldntlet
themonthe

::wereretired.Somewerejustdownontheir
luck.

::property.Asitturnsout,theownerofthatsad
stripofland

::

::betweenanorangegroveandthesideofafour
lanehighwayis

::Theyhelpedeachother.Whensomething
preciouswasstolen,the
::communitypitchedintofindthethieves.
Whenoneofthem
::startedalittlebusinesssellingsodasor
sandwichesoutofher
::shanty,theotherspatronizedher.When
someoneneededmedical
::care,theychippedinforataxitothefree
clinic,orsomeone

::unknownadecadesolddisputeovertitlehas
leftitinlegal
::limbothatletthesquatterssettlethere.Its
suspiciousall
::rightvariousentitieshadtriedtoevictthe
squatters
::before,butthelegalhassleslefttheminhappy
limbo.Whatthe
::lawcouldntaccomplish,thefiredid.

::withaworkingcardrovethem.Theywerelike ::
theneighborsof
::Thestoryhasahappyending.Theboyshave
::thelonglamentedAmericantown,anidealof movedthesquatters
civicvirtuethatis
::soremoteinourancestryastohavebecome
mythical.Therewere
::eyesonthestreethere,proudresidentswho
knewwhateveryone
::wasaboutandsawtoitthatbadbehaviorwas
curbedbeforeit
::couldgetstarted.
::
::Somehow,itburneddown.Thefire

::intotheirfactory,andnowtheyhavelive
workcondosthat
::looklikesomethingDrSeussdesigned[photo
gallery].Likethe
::CentralParkshantytownofthelastcentury,
theselooklikethey
::wereconstructedbycrazypoetsand
distributedbyawhirlwind
::thathadbeendrinking,asapressaccountof
thedayhadit.
::

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/57
::Lastyear,thecitycompletedanewhousing
projectnearbyto
::here,andsocialworkersdescendedonthe
shantytownerstoget
::themtopickupandmovetotheselowrent
highrises.The
::shantytownerswouldntgo:Itwastoo
expensive,saidMrsX,
::whodoesntwantherfamilybackin
Oklahomatoknowshes
::squattingwithherhusbandandtheiryoung
daughter.Wecant
::affordanyrent,notifwewanttoputfoodon
thetableon
::whatweearn.
::
::Shemadetherightdecision:thehousing
projectisanurban
::renewalnightmare,filledwithcrimeand
junkies,thekindof
::placewherelittleoldladiestriplechaintheir
doorsandorder

Theresponsewasenormousandpassionate.
Dozensofreaderswrotetotellherthatshed
beentakeninbythesecrookswhohadstolenthe
landtheysquatted.Shedexpectedthatshed
feltthatwayherself,whenshedfirstwalkedpast
theshantytown.
Butwhatsurprisedhermorewerethemessage
boardpostsandemailsfromhomelesspeople
whodbeenlivingintheircars,onthestreets,in
squattedhousesorinshanties.Toreadthese,
youdthinkthathalfherreadershipwassleeping
roughandgettingonlineatlibraries,
Starbuckses,andstumbledwirelessnetworks
thattheyaccessedwithantiquelaptopsonstreet
corners.
Kettlewellscomingdowntoseethis,Perry
said.
Herstomachlurched.Shedgottentheboysin
trouble.Ishemad?
IcouldnttellIgotvoicemailatthreeAM.
MidnightinSanJose,thehouratwhich
Kettlewellgothismadimpulses.Hellbehere
thisafternoon.

Thatjetmakesittooeasyforhimtoget
around,shesaid,andstretchedoutherback.
::ingroceriesthattheypayforwithdirectdebit, Sittingatherdeskallmorningansweringemails
unwillingto
andcleaningupsomedraftpostsbefore
bloggingthemhadherinknots.Itwas
::keepanycasharound.
practicallylunchtime.
::
Perry,shebegan,thentrailedoff.
::Thesquattervillagewasashantytown,butit
Itsallright,hesaid.Iknowwhyyoudidit.
wasnoslum.Itwas
Christ,wewouldntbewhereweareifyou
::aneighborhoodthatcouldbeimproved.And
hadntwrittenaboutus.Iminnopositiontotell
theboysaredoing
youtostopnow.Heswallowed.Themonth
sincetheshantytownershadmovedinhadput
::that:havingrelocatedthevillagetotheir
fiveyearsonhim.Histanwasfading,the
grounds,theyre
wrinklesaroundhiseyesdeeper,greysaltinghis
::inventingandremixingnewtechniquesfor
stubblybeardandshorthair.Butyoullhelpme
buildingcheapand
withKettlewell,right?
::homeyshelterfast.[profile:tenshantiesand
Illcomealongandwritedownwhathesays,
thetechnology
shesaid.Thatusuallyhelps.
::insidethem]

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/58
::Kodacellissupposedtobeanewwayofdoing centuryarethe
business.
::originalmodelforthiskindofindustrial
::Decentralized,netsavvy,reallytwentyfirst
practiceintheUSA.
century.The
::Substandardhousingandonlyoneemployerin
::suckuptechpressandtechaddledbloggers
havebeentrumpeting

townthatsthe

::

::created.

::Butwhatdoesdecentralizationreallymean?
Onherblogthis

::

::kindofbravenewworldthatChurchs
::itstriumphoverallothermodesofcommerce. boyfriendKettlewellhas

::week,formerjournalistSuzanneChurch
reportsthattheinmates
::runningtheflagshipKodacellasylumin
suburbanFloridahave
::invitedanentirevillageofhomelesssquatters
totakeup

::Areaderwrites:Iliveneartheshantytown
thatwasrelocated
::totheKodacellfactoryinFlorida.Itwasa
dangerousslumfull
::ofdrugdealers.Noneoftheparentsinmy
neighborhoodlettheir

::residenceattheirfactorypremises.

::kidsridetheirbikesalongtheroadthatpassed
itbyitwas

::

::ahavenforallkindsofdownandouttrash.

::Describingtheirillegalhomesteadingaslive
workcondosthat

::

::DrSeussmighthavedesigned,Kodacellshill
Churchgoesonto

::Thereyouhaveit,thefutureoftheAmerican
workforce:

::downandoutjunkiesquattersworkingfor
::describehowthiscaptive,liveinaudiencehas starvationwages.
beenconvertedto
Kettlewell,youcantletjerkslikeFreddyrun

::aworkforceforKodacellsmostprofitableunit thiscompany.Hesjustlookingtosellbanner
(most
space.ThisishowtheBritragswriteitsall
::profitableisarelativeterm:todate,thisunit meanspiritedsniping.Suzannehadneverseen
Kettlewellsofrustrated.Hissurfergoodlooks
hasturneda
werefadingfasthewasgettingalittlepaunch
::profitofabout1.5million,perthelast
onhimandhischeeksweresaggingoffhis
quarterlyreport;by
bonesintothebeginningsofjowls.Hiscarhad
pulleduptotheendofthedrivewayandhed
::contrasttheoldKodaksmostprofitableunit
gottenoutandwalkedthroughtheshantytown
madetwentytimes
withtheairofamaninadream.Thetruckers
::thatinitslastquarterofoperation).
whopulledinandoutallweekpickinguporders
hadoccasionallyhadacuriouswordattheodd
::
littlesettlement,butforSuzanneithadallbut
::Americahasagrandtraditionofthiskindof
disappearedintohernormalexperience.
indenturedliving:
Kettlewellmadeitstrangeandevenalittle
::thecoalbaronscompanytownsofthe19th
outrageous,justbyhisstiff,outragedwalk

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/59
throughitsstreets.

research?Wasthereany?Ordidyoujustinvitea
hundredhobostopitchtheirtentoutfrontofmy
YouthinkImlettingFreddydrivethis
factoryonthestrengthofyourhalfassed
decision?Hehadspittleflecksonthecorners
ofhismouth.Christ,Suzanne,youresupposed guesses?
tobetheadultaroundhere.
Lesterheldupahand.Wedonthaveany
marketresearch,Kettlewell,becausewedont
Perrylookedupfromthefloorinfrontofhim,
haveabusinessmanagerontheteamanymore.
whichhehadbeenstaringatintently.Suzanne
caughthisinvoluntaryglareatKettlewellbefore Perrysbeentakingthatoveraswellashis
hedroppedhiseyesagain.Lesterputabigmeaty regularwork,andhesbeenworkinghimselfsick
foryou.Wereflyingbytheseatofourpants
pawonPerrysshoulder.Kettlewellwas
herebecauseyouhaventsentusapilot.
oblivious.
Thosepeoplecantstay,allright?The
shareholdersarebayingforblood.Thefucking
liabilityChrist,whatifoneofthoseplaces
burnsdown?Whatifoneofthemknifesanother
one?Wereonthehookforeverythingtheydo.
Wecouldendupbeingonthehookforafucking
choleraepidemic.

YouneedanMBAtotellyounottoturnyour
workplaceintoaslum?Kettlewellsaid.Hewas
boiling.Suzanneverycarefullypulledouther
padandwrotethisdown.Itwasallshehad,but
sometimesitwasenough.

Irrationally,Suzanneburnedwithangerat
Freddy.Hehadwritteneveryvenal,biliousword
withthehopethatitwouldresultinascenejust
likethisone.Andnotbecausehehadany
substantiveobjectiontowhatwasgoingon:
simplybecausehehadaneedtoderidethat
whichothershailed.Hewasntafflictingthe
mighty,though:hewastakingonthevery
meekest,peoplewhohadnothing,includinga
meansofspeakingupforthemselves.

No,Suzannesaid.Thatsnotourdeal.Igetto
documenteverything.Thatsthedeal.

Perrylookedup.Youveaskedmetocomeup
withsomethingnewandincredibleeverythree
tosixmonths.Well,thisisnewandincredible.
Wevebuiltalivinglabonourdoorstepfor
exploringanenormousmarketopportunityto
providelowcost,sustainabletechnologyforuse
byasubstantialsegmentofthepopulationwho
havenofixedaddress.Therearemillionsof
Americansquattersandbillionsofsquatters
worldwide.Theyhavemoneytospendandno
oneelseistryingtogetitfromthem.

Guys,themajorshareholdersaregoingtostart
dumpingtheirstockthisweek.Acoupleof
pensionfunds,amerchantbank.Itsaboutten,
fifteenpercentofthecompany.Whenthat
happens,ourtickerpriceisgoingtofallbysixty
percentormore.

Kettlewellthrusthischinforward.Howmany
millions?Howmuchmoneydotheyhaveto
spend?Howdoyouknowthatanyofthiswill
makeusasinglecent?Wheresthemarket

Kettlewellnoticed.Getout,hesaid.Iwantto
talkwiththesetwoalone.

Kettlewellglaredather,andthenhedeflated.He
saggedandtooktwostepstothechairbehind
Perrysdeskandcollapsedintoit.
Putthenotebookaway,Suzanne,please?
Shesilentlyshookherheadathim.Helocked
eyeswithherforamoment,thennoddedcurtly.
Sheresumedwriting.

Theyregoingtoshortusbecausetheydont
likewhatwevedonehere?Perrysaid.Christ,
thatsridiculous!
Kettlewellsighedandputhisfaceinhishands,
scrubbedathiseyes.No,Perry,no.Theyre
doingitbecausetheycantfigureouthowto
valueus.Ourbusinessunitshaveanindustry
highreturnoninvestment,buttheresnotenough
ofthem.Weveonlysignedathousandteams

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/60
andwewantedtenthousand,soninetypercentof
themoneywehadtospendissittinginthebank
atgarbageinterestrates.Weneedtosoakupthat
moneywithbigprojectstheHooverDam,
HongKongDisneyland,theBigDig.Allweve
gotarelittleprojects.
Soitsnotourfaultthen,isit?Lestersaid.
Perrywasstaringoutthewindow.
No,itsnotyourfault,butthisdoesnthelp.
Thisisadisasterwaitingtoturnintoa
catastrophe.
Calmdown,Landon,Perrysaid.Calmdown
forasecandlistentome,OK?
Kettlewelllookedathimandsighed.Go
ahead.
Therearemorethanabillionsquatters
worldwide.SanFranciscohasbeengivingout
tentsandshoppingcartseversincetheyranout
ofshelterbedsinthenineties.FromCopenhagen
toCapetown,therearemoreandmorepeople
whoaregoingoffthegrid,ofteninthemiddle
ofcities.

productsforthesepeople.Soakupeverycent
theyspend.Betterusprovidingthemwith
qualitygoodsatreasonablepricesthanletting
themgetrippedoffbytheprofiteerswhohavea
captivemarket.Thisplantisalivinglab:thisis
thekindofmarketintelligenceyoucantbuy,
righthere.Weshouldsetupmoreofthese.
Invitesquattersalloverthecountrytomoveonto
ourgrounds,testoutourproducts,helpus
design,buildandmarketthem.Wecanrecruit
travelingsalespeopletogodoortodoorinthe
shantiesandtakeorders.Shit,man,youtalk
abouttheGrameenBankallthetimewhynot
gointobusinessprovidingthesepeoplewith
easymicrocreditwithoutpreyingonthemthe
waythebanksdo?Thenwecouldloanthem
moneytobuythingsthatwesellthemthatthey
usetobettertheirlivesandearnmoremoneyso
theycanpayusbackandbuymorethingsand
borrowmoremoney
Kettlewellheldupahand.Ilikethetheory.Its
anicestory.ButIhavetosellthistomyBoard,
andtheywantmorethanstories:wherecanIget
theresearchtobackthisup?

Suzannenodded.TheyfarmDetroit,inthe
Wereit,Perrysaid.Thisplace,righthere.
ruinsofoldbuildings.Raisecropsandsellthem. TheresnonumberstoprovewhatImsayingis
Chickens,too.Evenpigs.
rightbecauseeveryonewhoknowsitsrightis
toobusychasingafteritandnooneelsebelieves
Theressomethingthere.Thesepeoplehave
it.Butrighthere,ifwereallowedtodothis
money,likeIsaid.Theybuyandsellinthe
streamofcommerce.Theyoftenhavetobuyata rightherewecanproveit.Wevegotthecapital
inouraccount,wereprofitable,andwecanroll
premiumbecausetheservicesandgoods
thoseprofitsbackintomoreR&Dforthefuture
availabletothemarelimitedthinkofhowa
ofthecompany.
homelesspersoncanttakeadvantageofbulk
packagedperishablesbecauseshedoesnthavea Suzannewaswritingsofastshewasgettinga
fridge.Theyarethespiritofingenuity,toothey handcramp.Perryhadnevergivenspeecheslike
modtheircars,caves,anythingtheycanfindto this,evenamonthbefore.Tjansleavinghad
belivingquarters.TheyturnRVsintopermanent hurtthemall,butthegrowthithadprecipitated
homes.Theyknowmoreabouttents,sleeping
inPerrywasstunning.
bagsandcardboardthananyUNSHELTER
Kettlewellarguedmore,butPerrywasa
specialist.Thesepeopleneedhousing,goods,
steamrollerandSuzannewaswritingdownwhat
appliances,younameit.ItswhatTjanusedto
callagreenfieldmarket:nooneelseknowsits everyonesaidandthatkeptitallcivil,likea
silentcamerarollinginthecorneroftheroom.
there.Youwantsomethingyoucanspend
Noonelookedather,butshewasthethingthey
ungodlyamountsofmoneyon?Thisisit.Get
wereconspicuouslynotlookingat.
everyteaminthecompanytocomeupwith

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/61
Francistookthenewscalmly.Soundbusiness
withSuzanne,endlesslyfascinatedbyareal
strategy.Basically,itswhatIvebeentellingyou journalistwhodgonepermanentlyslummingon
todoallalong,soImboundtolikeit.
theInternet.
IttookacoupleweekstohiveofftheHome
AwarestufftosomeoftheotherKodacell
businessunits.Perryflewabunch,spending
daysinMinnesota,Oregon,Ohio,andMichigan
overseeingtheretoolingeffortsthatwouldlet
himfocusonhisnewproject.
Bythetimehegotback,Lesterhadretooled
theirownworkspace,convertingittofour
functionalareas:communications,shelter,food
andentertainment.TheywereFrancissidea,
hesaid.Francissgimpylegwasbotheringhim
moreandmore,buthedoverseentheworkfrom
arollingergonomicofficechair.Itshisversion
ofthehierarchyofneedsstuffheknowsfor
surewecansell.

Theproblemisthatallthisstuffistoo
specialized,ithastoomanyprerequisites,Perry
said,staringatawaterproof,cement
impregnatedbagthatcouldbefilledwithahose,
allowedtodry,andusedasaselfcontained
room.Thisthingisgreatforrefugees,butits
tooonesizefitsallforsquatters.Theyhaveto
beabletoheavilycustomizeeverythingtheyuse
tofitintoreallyspecializedniches.

Moresquattershadarrivedtotakeupresidence
withthemfamilies,friends,acoupleofdodgy
driftersandathirdstorywasgoingontothe
buildingsinthecamp.TheywereevenmoreDr
Seussianthanthefirstround,idiosyncratic
structuresthathadtobebuiltlighttoavoid
crushingthefloorsbelowthem,hangingout
Itwasthefirsttimetheboyshadlaunched
overthenarrowstreets,corkscrewinglikevines
somethingnewwithoutknowingwhatitwas,
wheretheydstartedwithanicheanddecidedto seekingsun.
fillitinsteadofstartingwithanideaandlooking Hekeptstaring,andwouldhavebeenstaring
foranicheforit.
stillhadhenotheardthesirens.Threeblueand
whiteBrowardCountysheriffscarswereracing
Youregoingtounderestimatetheresearch
time,Francissaidduringoneoftheirflipchart downtheaccessroadintotheirdeadmall,sirens
brainstorms,wheretheyhadbeencoveringsheet howling,lightsblazing.
aftersheetwithideasforproductstheycould
build.Everyoneunderestimatesresearchtime.
Decidingwhattomakeisalwaysharderthan
makingit.Hedbeendrinkinglesssincehed
gotteninvolvedintheretoolingeffort,waking
earlier,bossingaroundhisyoungbloodposseto
gethimpaper,bricks,Tinkertoys.

Hewasright.Suzannesteadilyrecordedthe
weekstickingbyasthefourcompetinglabs
focusgrouped,designed,testedandscrappedall
manneroftchotchkesfortramps,asFreddy
haddubbeditinaspiralingseriesofevermore
biliouscolumns.Butthepresswasmostly
positive:cameracrewslikedtocomebyand
shootthecompound.Onetime,theprettyblack
reporterfromthenightofthefirecamebyand
saidverynicethingsduringherstandup.Her
namewasMariaandshewashappytotalkshop

Theyscreechedtoahaltattheshantytownsedge
andtheirdoorsflewopen.Fourcopsmoved
quicklyintotheshantytown,whiletwomore
workedtheradios,shelteringbythecars.
JesusChrist,Perrysaid.Heranforthedoor,
butSuzannegrabbedhim.
Dontruntowardarmedcops,shesaid.Dont
doanythingthatlooksthreatening.Slowdown,
Perry.
Hetookacoupledeepbreaths.Thenhelooked
aroundhislabforawhile,franticallymuttering,
WherethefuckdidIputit?
UseHomeAware,shesaid.Heshookhis
head,grimaced,wenttoakeyboardandtyped
MEGAPHONE.Oneofthelabdrawersstarted
tothrobwithawhiteglow.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/62
Hepulledoutthemegaphoneandwenttohis
window.

Lestercameupbehindherandfirmlymovedher
aside.Helumbereddeliberatelyandslowlyand
fearlesslytoPerrysside,kneltbesidehim,
ATTENTIONPOLICE,hesaid.THISIS
THELEASEHOLDERFORTHISPROPERTY. touchedhimgently.Hisfacewasgrey.Perry
WHYAREYOURUNNINGAROUNDWITH thrashedsoftlyandSuzanneletoutasoundlike
acry,thenrememberedherselfandtookouther
YOURGUNSDRAWN?WHATISGOING
cameraandbegantoshootandshootandshoot:
ON?
thecops,LesterwithPerrylikeatragicPieta,
Thepoliceatthecarslookedtowardthe
theshantytownersrunningbackandforth
workshop,thenbacktotheshantytown,then
screaming.Snapofthecopsgettingoutoftheir
backtotheworkshop.
cars,gunsinhands,snapofthemfanningout
aroundtheshantytown,snapofthemcoming
SERIOUSLY.THISISNOTCOOL.WHAT
closerandcloser,snapofacoppointinghisgun
AREYOUDOINGHERE?
atLester,orderinghimawayfromPerry,snapof
Oneofthecopsgrabbedthemicforhisown
acopapproachingher.
loudhailer.THISISTHEBROWARD
Itslive,shesaid,notlookingupfromthe
COUNTYSHERIFFSDEPARTMENT.WE
viewfinder.Goingoutlivetomyblog.Daily
HAVERECEIVEDINTELLIGENCETHAT
readershiphalfamillion.Theyrewatchingyou
ANARMEDFUGITIVEISONTHESE
PREMISES.WEHAVECOMETORETRIEVE now,everymove.Doyouunderstand?
HIM.
Theofficersaid,Putthecameradown,maam.
WELL,THATSWEIRD.NONEOFTHE
Sheheldthecamera.IcantquotetheFirst
CHILDREN,CIVILIANSAND
Amendmentfrommemory,notexactly,butI
HARDWORKINGPEOPLEHEREARE
knowitwellenoughthatImnotmovingthis
FUGITIVESASFARASIKNOW.
camera.Itslive,youunderstandeverymoveis
CERTAINLYTHERESNOONEARMED
goingoutlive,rightnow.
AROUNDHERE.WHYDONTYOUGET
Theofficersteppedback,turnedhishead,
BACKINYOURCARSANDILLCOME
mutteredinhismic.
OUTANDWELLRESOLVETHISLIKE
CIVILIZEDPEOPLE,OK?
Theresanambulancecoming,hesaid.Your
Thecopshookhisheadandreachedforhismic friendwasshotwithanonlethalrubberbullet.
again,andthenthereweretwogunshots,a
scream,andathird.

Hesbleedingfromthehead,Lestersaid.
Fromtheeye.

PerryranforthedoorandSuzannechasedafter
him,tryingtostophim.Thecopsatthecars
weretalkingintentlyintotheirradios,thoughit
wasimpossibletoknowiftheyweretalkingto
theircomradesintheshantytownortotheir
headquarters.Perryburstoutofthefactorydoor
andtherewasanothershotandhespunaround,
staggeredbackastep,andfelldownlikeasack
ofgrain.Therewasbloodaroundhishead.
Suzannestuckherhandinhermouthtostiflea
screamandstoodhelplesslyinthedoorwayof
theworkshop,justafewpacesfromPerry.

Suzanneshuddered.
Ambulancesirensinthedistance.Lesterstroked
Perryshair.Suzannetookastepbackand
panneditoverPerrysruinedface,bloodyand
swollen.Therubberbulletmusthavetakenhim
eitherrightintheeyeorjustoverit.
PerryMasonGibbonswasunarmedandposed
nothreattoSheriffsDeputyBadgeNumber
5724shezoomedinonitwhenhewas
shotwitharubberbulletintheeye.Heis
unconsciousandbloodyonthegroundinfront

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/63
oftheworkshopwherehehasworkedquietly
andunassuminglytoinventandmanufacture
newtechnologies.
Thecopknewwhentocuthislosses.Heturned
asideandwalkedbackintotheshantytown,
leavingSuzannetoturnhercameraonPerry,on
theEMTswhoevaccedhimtotheambulance,on
thethreeinjuredshantytownerswhowereonthe
ambulancewithhim,onthecorpsetheywheeled
outonhisowngurney,oneofthenewcomersto
theshantytown,amanshedidntrecognize.
TheyoperatedonPerryallthatnight,gingerly
tweezingfragmentsofbonefromhisshattered
leftorbitoutofhiseyeandface.Somehad
floatedtothebackofthesocketandposeda
specialriskofbraindamage,thedoctor
explainedintohercamera.
Lesterwasarock,sittingsilentlyinthewaiting
room,talkingcalmlyandfirmlywiththecops
andoverthephonetoKettlewellandthe
speciallyimpaneledboardroomfullofKodacell
lawyerswhowantedtomicromanagethis.Rat
ToothedFreddyfiledacolumninwhichhe
calledheragrandstandingbint,andaccused
Kodacellofharboringdangerousfugitives.Hed
dugupthefactthatoneofthenewcomerstothe
shantytownnottheonetheydkilled,thatwas
abystanderwaswantedforholdingupa
liquorstorewithacorkscrewtheyearbefore.
Lesterunscrewedhisearphoneandscrubbedat
hiseyes.Impulsively,sheleanedoverandgave
himahug.Hestiffenedupatfirstbutthen
relaxedandenfoldedherinhishuge,warmarms.
Shecouldbarelymakeherarmsmeetaroundhis
broad,softbackitwaslikehuggingagiant
loafofbread.Shesqueezedtighterandhedid
too.Hewasagoodhugger.

eye,probably.Kodacellwasspringingforallthe
careheneeded,cashmoney,nodorkingaround
withthefuckingHMO,sothedoctorshadput
himthrougheverymachineonthepremisesina
seriesoffarcicallyexpensivetests.
Ihopetheysuethecopsforthecosts,the
doctorsaid.ShewasPakistaniorBangladeshi,
withafaintaccent,andveryprettyevenwiththe
darkcirclesunderhereyes.Ireadyour
columns,shesaid,shakingSuzanneshand.I
admiretheworkyoudo,shesaid,shaking
Lestershand.IwasborninDelhi.Wewere
squatterswhoweregivenadeedtoourhome
andthenevictedbecausewecouldntpaythe
taxes.Wehadtobuildagain,intherains,outside
ofthecity,andthenagainwhenwewereevicted
again.
Shehadtwobrotherswhowereworkingfor
startupslikeKodacells,butrunbyotherfirms:
onewasbackedbyMcDonalds,theotherbythe
AFLCIOsinvestmentarm.Suzannedidalittle
interviewwithheraboutherbrothersprojects
abikehelmetthathadbeenalgorithmically
evolvedforminimumweightandmaximum
protection;asmartskylightthatdeformeditself
tofollowlightbasedonsimplephototropic
controllers.Thebrotherworkingonbikehelmets
wasridingatigerandcouldbarelykeepupwith
orders;hewasconsumingabouthalfofthe
operationalcapacityoftheMcDonaldsnetwork
andclimbingfast.
Lesterjoinedin,diggingonthedetails.Hed
beenfollowingtheskylightsinblogsandona
listortwo,andhedheardofthedoctors
brother,whichreallytweakedher,shewas
visiblyproudofherfamily.

Butyourworkismostimportant.Thingsforthe
homeless.Wegettheminheresometimes,hurt,
Youholdinginthere,kiddo?shesaid.
offtheambulances.Weusuallyturnthemaway
Yeah,hemurmuredintoherneck.No.He
again.Theoneswhoselloffthehighway
squeezedtighter.AswellasIneedto,anyway. mediansandatthetrafficlights.Suzannehad
Thedoctorpriedthemaparttotellthemthatthe seenthem,sellinghomemadecookies,oranges,
EEGandfMRIwerebothnegativeforanybrain flowers,newspapers,plastickytoys,sador
damage,andthattheydmanagedtosalvagethe beautifulhandicrafts.Shehadacarvedcoconut

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/64
coveredinintricatescrimshawthatshedbought otherprintersandsellthem.Makemachinesthat
fromalittlegirlwhowasallskinandbones
makethegoopwefeedintotheprinters.Teacha
exceptforhermalnourishedpotbelly.
mantofish,Francis,teachamantofuckingfish.
Notopdownsolutionsdrivenbymarket
Theygethitbycars?
researchhisfingerquotesoozedsarcasm
Yes,thedoctorsaid.Deliberately,too.Or
thethingthatweneedtodoismakethese
beatenup.
peopletheauthorsoftheirowndestiny.
Perrywasmovedoutoftheoperatingtheatertoa Theyputupthesignthatnight:AUTHOROF
recoveryroomandthentoaprivateroomandby YOUROWNDESTINY,hungoverthe
thentheywerereadytocollapse,thoughthere
workshopdoor.SuzannetrailedafterPerry
wassomuchemailinresponsetoherpoststhat transcribingtherantsthatspilledoutofhis
sheendeduppoundingonhercomputers
mouthasheexplainedittoLesterandFrancis,
keyboardallthewayhomeasLesterdrovethem, andthentoKettlewellwhenhecalled,andthen
squeezingthebridgeofhisnosetostayawake.
totheprettyyoungblackladyfromtheTVwho
Shedidnteventakeherclothesoffbefore
bynowhadfiguredoutthattherewasareal
collapsingintobed.
storyinherbackyard,thentoanNPRmanon
thephone,andthentoaCNNcrewwhodrovein
fromMiamiandfilmedtheshantytownandthe
Theyneedthetoolstomakeanyothertools,is workshoplikeJapanesetouristsatDisneyWorld,
whatPerrysaidwhenhereturnedfromthe
neverhavingventuredintotheskanky,failed
hospital,thesideofhisheadstillswaddledin
stripmallsuburbsjustoutsideoftown.
bandagesthatdrapedoverhisinjuredeye.
Theydshavedhisheadathisinsistence,saying Francishadaprotegewhohadarealdabtouch
thathewasntgoingtotrytokeephishairclean withthe3Dprinters.Themanufacturer,Lesters
withallthebandages.Itmadehimlookyounger, formeremployer,hadbeenoutofbusinessfor
twoyearsbythen,soalltheserviceonthe
andhisfineskullbonesstoodoutthroughhis
machineshadtobedoneonthepremises.
thinscalpwhenhefinallycamehome.Before
hedlookedlikeaoutdoorsmanengineer:nowhe Francissprotegetheonewhoclaimedhis
motherhadpushedhisfatherunderabus,his
lookedlikearadical,apirate.
namewasJasonwatchedLesterworkon
Theyneedthetoolsthatwillletthembuild
recalcitrantmachinessilentlyforacoupledays,
anythingelse,forfree,anduseitorsellit.He
thenstartedtohandhimthetoolheneedednext
gesturedattherapidprototypingmachinesthey withouthavingtobeasked.Thenhediagnoseda
had,thethreedeeeprinterandscannersetups.I problemthathadstumpedLesterallmorning.
meansomethinglikethat,butIwantittobe
Thenhesuggestedanimprovementtothe
capableofprintingoutthepartsnecessaryto
feedstockpumpthatincreasedthemeantime
assembleanotherone.Machinesthatcan
betweenfailuresbyacouplehours.
reproducethemselves.
No,man,no,notlikethat,Jasonsaidtooneof
Francisshiftedinhisseat.Whatarethey
thesmallgangofboyshewasbossing.Gently,
supposedtodowiththose?
oryoullsnapitoff.Theboysnappeditoffand
Everything,Perrysaid,hiseyeglinting.Make Jasonpulledanotherreplacementpartoutofa
yourkitchenfixtures.Makeyourshoesandhat. tubandsaid,See,likethis,andsnappediton.
Thesmallgangofboysregardedhimwith
Makeyourkidstoysifitsinthestores,it
shouldbeadownloadabletoo.Maketoolchests somethinglikeawe.
andtools.Makeitandbuilditandsellit.Make Howcomenogirls?Suzannesaidasshe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/65
interviewedhimwhilehetookasmokebreak.
Perryhadbannedcigarettesfromallindoor
workshops,nominallytokeepflamesawayfrom
thevariousindustrialchemicalsandsuch,but
reallyjusttoencouragetheshantytownersto
giveupthehabitthattheycouldntafford
anyway.Hedalsoleanedontheshantytowners
whodopenedupsmallshopsintheirhousesto
keepcigsoutofthetown,withoutalotof
success.
Girlsarentinterestedinthisstuff,lady.
Youthink?Therewasatimewhenshewould
haveobjected,butitwasbettertolettheseguys
sayitoutloud,hearthemselvessayit.
No.Maybewhereyoucomefrom,OK?Dont
know.Butheregirlsaredifferent.Theydogood
inschoolbutwhentheyhavebabiestheyre
done.Imean,hey,itsnotlikeIdontwantgirls
intheteam,theydbegreat.Ilovegirls.They
fuckinwork,youknow.Nobullshit,noscrewing
around.ButIknoweverygirlinthisplaceand
noneofemareeveninterested,OK?
Suzannecockedoneeyebrowjustalittleand
Jasonshifteduncomfortably.Hescratchedhis
baremidriffandshuffled.Ido,allofthem.
Whywouldthey?Onegirl,aroomfulofboys,
itdbegross.Theydactlikejerks.Theresno
waywedgetanythingdone.
Suzanneliftedhereyebrowonehairhigher.He
squirmedharder.

Therewasagirltherebytheafternoon.Thenext
day,thereweretwomore.Theyseemedlike
quickstudies,despitetheiryouthandtheirlip
gloss.Suzanneapproved.
Lesterstayedlongenoughtoseethefirst
prototypeprinterprintersrunning,thenhelitout
withaduffelbagjammedintothebackofhis
moddedSmartcar.Whereareyougoing?
SuzannesaidasPerrylookedongloomily.Ill
comeandvisityou.Iwanttofollowyourstory.
Truthbetold,shewassorrytoseehimgo,very
sorry.Hewassucharock,suchananchorfor
Perrysnewcrazypirateenergyandforthe
madnessaroundthem.Hehadntgivenmuch
notice(nottoherPerrydidntseemthat
surprised).
Icantreallytalkaboutit,hesaid.
Nondisclosure.
Soitsanewjob,shesaid.Youregoingto
workforTjan?TjansWestinghouseoperation
wasfullyrocking.Hehadfiftyteamsupthe
easternseaboard,teninthemidwestandwas
rumoredtohavetwiceasmanyinEastern
Europe.
Hegrinned.Oh,Suzanne,donttrytojournalist
me.Hereachedoutandhuggedherinacloud
ofherfatherscologne.Yourefantastic,you
knowthat?No,Imnotgoingtoajob.Itsa
thingthatsanamazingopportunity,youknow?

Soallright,thatsnottheirfault.ButIgot
Shedidnt,butthenhewasgoneandboydidshe
enoughwork,allright?Toomuchtodowithout misshim.
spendingtimeonthat.Itsnotlikeanygirlshave
PerryandshewentoutfordinnerinMiamithe
askedtojoinup.Imnotkeepingthemout.
nextnightwithaPhDcandidatefrom
Suzannejottedacoupleofnotes,keeping
PepperdinesBschool,eatingatthesamedeco
perfectlymum.
patiothatsheddinedatwithTjan.Perryworea
whiteshirtopentorevealhistangleofwirychest
Well,Idliketohavethemintheworkshop,
OK?MaybeIshouldasksomeofthemiftheyd hairandthewaitresscouldntkeephereyesoff
come.Shit,ifIcanteachtheseapes,Icanteach ofhim.Hehadapermanentsquintnow,anda
scarthatmadehiseyebrowintoaseriesofsmall
agirl.Theyresmart.Girlsdmakethisplacea
hills.
littlebettertoworkin.Lotsofthemtryingto
supporttheirfamilies,sotheyneedthemoney,
too.

IwasjustinGreensboro,Miss,thePhD

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/66
candidatesaid.Hewasinhismidtwenties,
youngandslick,hisonlynodtoacademeasmall
goatee.Iusedtospendsummerstherewithmy
grandpa.Hetalkedfast,flecksofspittleinthe
cornersofhismouth,eyeswide,forkstabbing
blindlyatthebitsofcrabcakeonhisplate.
Therewasntanythingleftthere,justacouple
gasstationsanda7Eleven,shit,theydeven
closedtheWalMart.Butnow,butnow,itsalive
again,itsbuzzingandhopping.Everyempty
storefrontisfullofpeopleplayingandtinkering,
justalittlebitofmoneyintheirpocketsfroma
bankoracompanyorafund.Theyredoingthe
dumbestthings,mindyou:tooledleatherlaptop
cases,switchbladekniveswiththumbdrivesin
thehandles,singinganddancinglawnSantas
thatyodellikehillbillies.

writeaboutsomeoftheseguys,hesaidto
Suzanne.Theyneedsomeink,somephosphors.
Theyrepullingupstakesandmovingtothe
smalltownstheirparentscamefrom,orto
abandonedsuburbs,andjustdoingit.Bravest
fuckingthingyouveseeninyourlife.

OrliketheNewDeal,Suzannesaid.Thatwas
howshedcometoinvitehimdown,aftershed
readhispapercoiningthetermNewWorkto
describewhatPerrywasupto,comparingitto
Rooseveltspublicinvestmentplanthatspent
AmericafreeoftheDepression.

No!shesaid.No!Justacoupleweeks.Going
togettherestofthestory.ButIllbeback,count
onit.

ThePhDcandidatestayedouttheweek,and
wenthomewithasuitcasefulloftheparts
necessarytobuildathreedeeeprinterthatcould
printoutallofthepartsnecessarytobuilda
threedeeeprinter.

Lesteremailedherfromwhereveritwashed
gone,andtoldheraboutthelovelytimehewas
having.Itmadehermisshimsharply.Perrywas
hardlyeveraroundforhernow,buriedinhis
work,buriedwiththekidsfromtheshantytown
andwithFrancis.Shelookedoverherlast
Idbuyatooledleatherlaptopcase,Perry
monthsblogsandrealizedthatshedbeen
said,swillingasweatybottleofbeer.He
turninginvariationsonthesamethemeforall
waggledhisfunnyeyebrowandrubbedhisfuzzy thattime.Sheknewitwastimetopackaduffel
scalp.
bagofherownandgoseethebravestfucking
Therateofemploymentissomethinglike
thingshedseeninherlife.
ninetyfivepercent,whichithasntbeeninlikea Bye,Perry,shesaid,stoppingbyhis
hundredyears.Ifyourenotinventingstuff,
workbench.Helookedupatherandsawthebag
yourekeepingthebooksforsomeonewhois,or andhisfunnyeyebrowwobbled.
makingsandwichesforthem,ordrivingdelivery
vehiclesaround.Itslikeatiny,distributedgold Leavingforgood?hesaid.Hesounded
unexpectedlybitter.
rush.

Hegruntedandslumped.Hewaslookingalot
oldernow,andbeatendown.Hishair,growing
out,washalfgrey,andhedgottengaunt,his
cheekbonesandforeheadspringingoutofhis
Yeah,exactly,exactly!Ivegotresearchthat
showsthatoneinfiveAmericansisemployedin face.Onimpulse,shegavehimahuglikethe
onesshedsharedwithLester.Hereturnedit
theNewWorkindustry.Twentypercent!
woodenlyatfirst,thenwithgenuinewarmth.I
Perryslazyeyeopenedalittlewider.Noway, willbeback,youknow,shesaid.Youvegot
hesaid.
plentytodohere,anyway.
Way,thePhDcandidatesaid.Hefinishedhis Yeah,hesaid.CourseIdo.
caipirinhaandshookthecrushediceatapassing
waiter,whonoddedandambledtothebartoget Shekissedhimfirmlyonthecheekandstepped
himafreshone.Youshouldgetontheroadand outthedoorandintohercaranddrovetoMiami
International.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/67
Thesmellofhisbreathwaslikeadeadthing,
lefttofester.Sheturnedaroundslowly,not
TjanmetheratLoganandtookherbag.Im
wantingtobelievethatofallthehotelsinrural
surprisedyouhadthetimetomeetme,shesaid.
RhodeIsland,sheendedupcheckingintothe
Themonthshadbeengoodtohim,slimming
sameoneasRatToothedFreddy.
downhispotbellyandputtingatwinkleinhis
Hey,Freddy,shesaid.Seeinghimgaveheran
eye.
atavisticurgetostabhimrepeatedlyinthethroat
Ivegotagoodorganization,hesaid,asthey
withthehotelstickpen.Hewasunshaven,his
motoredawaytowardRhodeIsland,through
gawkyAdamsapplebobbingupanddown,and
stripmallsuburbsandpastboardedupchain
heswallowedandsmiledwetly.Nicetosee
restaurants.Everywherethereweresignsof
you.
industry:workshopsinoldstorefronts,roadside
Fantastictoseeyou,too!Imherecoveringa
standssellingdisposablemusicplayers,digital
shareholdermeetingforWestinghouse,isthat
whoopeecushions,andsoforth.Ibarelyhave
whatyoureherefor,too?
toputinanappearance.
Tjanyawnedhugelyandconstantly.Jetlag,he No,shesaid.Sheknewthemeetingwason
apologized.GotbackfromRussiaacoupledays thatweek,buthadntplannedonattendingit.
Shewasdonewithpressconferences,preferring
ago.
onthegroundreporting.Well,nicetoseeyou.
Didyouseeyourkids?shesaid.Hows
Oh,dostayforadrink,hesaid,grinningmore
businessthere?
widely,exposingthosegreyteethinasharks
Isawmykids,hesaid,andgrinned.Theyre
smile.Comeontheyhaveafreecocktailhour
amazing,youknowthat?Goodkids,
inthisplace.Illhavetoreportyoutothe
unbelievablysmart.Reallittleoperators.The
journalistsunionifyouturndownafreedrink.
olderone,Lyenitchka,isrunningababysitting
Idontthinkbloggershavetoworryaboutthe
servicenotbabysittingherself,yousee,but
journalistsunion,shesaid,makingsarcastic
recruitingotherkidstodothesittingforher
whilesheskimsamanagementfeeandrunsthe fingerquotesincasehedidntgetthemessage.
Hestilldidnt.Helaughedinstead.
qualitycontrol.
Shesyourdaughterallright,shesaid.Sotell Oh,love,Imsuretheyllstillhaveyouevenif
meeverythingabouttheWestinghouseprojects. youhavelapsedawayfromtheonetruefaith.
Shedbeenfollowingthem,ofcourse,lotsof
differentlittlestartups,eachwithitsownblogs
andsuch.ButTjanwasquitefearlessabout
takingherthroughtheirprofitsandlossesand
takingnotesonitallkeptherbusyuntilshe
reachedherhotel.Tjandroppedheroffand
promisedtopickherupthenextmorningfora
VIPtourofthebestofhisteams,andshewentto
checkin.

Goodnight,Freddy,wasallshecouldmanage
togetoutwithoutactuallyhissingthroughher
teeth.
OK,goodnight,hesaid,movingintogiveher
ahug.Asheloomedtowardher,shesnapped.

Freeze,mister.Youarenotmyfriend.Idonot
wanttotouchyou.Youhavepoorpersonal
hygieneandyourbreathsmellslikean
overflowingcamptoilet.Youwritevicious
Shewasinthemiddleofreceivingherkeywhen personalattacksonmeandonthepeopleIcare
someonegrabbedhershoulderandsqueezedit. about.Youareunfair,meanspirited,andyou
SuzannebloodyChurch!Whatareyoudoing
writebadly.TheonlydayIwouldntpissonyou,
here,love?
Freddy,isthedayyouwereonfire.Nowgetthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/68
fuckoutofmywaybeforeIkickyourtinylittle
testiclesupthroughtheroofofyourreeking
mouth.

eyes,andwasdressedinoverallsandapretty
floweredblouse,scuffedworkbootsandstained
andtornworkgloves.Uh...shesaid,thenit
Shesaiditquietly,butthedeskclerksbehindher clicked.Fiona?
overhearditanywayandgiggled.Freddyssmile Yeah!DidntTjantellyouIwashere?Thelast
onlywobbled,butthenreturned,broaderthan
timeshedseenthiswoman,shewasweeping
ever.
overpizzaandgettingreadytogiveuponlife.
Nowshewaspracticallyvibrating.
Wellsaid,hesaidandgaveherasinglegolf
clap.Sleepwell,Suzanne.

Uh,no,shesaid,shootingalookatTjan,who
Sheboiledallthewaytoherroomandwhenshe wassmilingliketheBuddhaandpretendingto
cameoverhungry,sheorderedinroomservice, inspectapairofshoeswithgyroscopically
notwantingtotakethechancethatRatToothed stabilizedretractablewheelsintheheels.
Freddywouldstillbeinthelobby.
Ivebeenhereformonths!Iwentbackto
Oregon,likeyoutoldmeto,andthenIsawa
recruitingadforWestinghouseandIsentthem
Tjanmetherasshewasfinishinghercoffeein
myCVandthenIgotavideoconference
thebreakfastroom.ShehadntseenFreddyyet. interviewandthen,bam,Iwasonanairplaneto
RhodeIsland!
Ivegotfiveprojectsslatedforyoutovisit
today,Tjansaid,slidingintotheboothbeside
her.Funnilynowthathewasinthecold
northeast,hewasdressinglikeaFloridianin
bluejeansandaHawaiianbarkclothshirtwitha
brightspatterofpineapplesandOscarMayer
Wienermobiles.BackinFlorida,hedfavored
unflatteringnylonslacksandwhiteshirtswith
ironedcollars.

Suzanneblinked.Itoldyoutogobackto
Oregon?Well,maybeshehad.Thatwasa
lifetimeago.

Theworkshopwasanotherdeadmall,thisonea
horseshoeofstorefrontsseparatedbyflimsy
gyprock.TheWestinghousershadcutthrough
thewallswithdrywallknivestojoinallthe
storestogether.Theairwaspermeatedwiththe
Theprojectswerefascinatingandfamiliar.The familiarSaranWrapinamicrowavetangof
culturaldifferencesthatdistinguishedNew
threedeeeprinters.Theparkinglotwasgiven
EnglandNewWorkfromFloridaNewWork
overtosomelargerapparatusandafantastical
weresmallbuttelling:alotmorewoodcraft,ina childrensjunglegymintheshapeofabaroque,
partofthecountrywheremanypeoplehad
spiredpiratefortress,withelegantlycurved
grownupintheirgrandfatherswoodworking
turrets,corkscrewskybridges,andflying
shops.Alittlemoreunreflexivekitsch,likethe buttressescrustedoverwithornate,grotesque
homelykittensandpuppiesthatmarchedaround gargoyles.Childrenswarmedoveritlikeants,
thereactive,waterproof,smashproofscreens
screechingwithpleasure.
integratedintoabiomonitoringcrib.
Well,yourelookingreallygood,Fiona,
Atthefourthsite,shewasambushedbyaflying Suzannesaid.Stillnotgreatwithpeople,she
hug.Tjanlaughedasshenearlywentdown
thought.Fiona,though,wasindeedlooking
undertheweightofastrong,youngwomanwho good,andbeaming.Shewasntwearingthecrust
flungherarmsaroundSuzannesneck.Holy
ofcosmeticsandhaircareproductsshed
crapitsgoodtoseeyou!
affectedinthecorporateSiliconValleyworld.
Suzanneuntangledherselfandgotalookather Sheglowedpink.
hugger.Shehadshortmousyhair,twinklingblue Suzanne,Fionasaid,gettingseriousnow,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/69
takingherbytheshouldersandlookingintoher
eyes.Icantthankyouenoughforthis.Thishas
savedmylife.Itgavemesomethingtolivefor.
Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Iamdoing
somethingImproudof.Igotobedeverynight
thankfulandhappythatIendeduphere.Thank
you,Suzanne.Thankyou.

Therobotsgoallnight,youknow.Notmuch
sleepifyoudothat.
NogoingbacktothehoteltoseeFreddy,whata
pity.Illgrabacoupleblanketsfromthehotel
tokeepwarm,shesaid.
Oh,youneednt,hesaid.Thatcrewhasaset
ofbleacherswithgasheatersforthenightcrew
andtheirfamilytowatchfrom.Itspretty
gorgeous,ifyouaskme.

Suzannetriednottosquirm.Fionagaveher
anotherlonghug.Itsallyourdoing,Suzanne
saidatlast.Ijusttoldyouaboutit.Youvemade
Theyhadahastysupperofburgersatadrive
thishappenforyou,OK?
throughandthenwentbacktothejunglegym
OK,Fionasaid,butIstillwouldntbehereif project.Suzanneensconcedherselfatsomeones
itwasntforyou.Iloveyou,Suzanne.
vacateddeskforacouplehoursandcaughtupon
Ick.Suzannegaveheranotherperfunctoryhug
emailbeforefinallyemergingasthesunwas
andgotthehelloutofDodge.
dippingswollenandredbehindthemall.Sheset
herselfuponthebleachers,andFionafoundher
withathermosofcoffeeandaflaskofwhisky.
Whatswiththejunglegym?Itreallyhad
Theysnuggledunderablanketamidasmall
beensomething,funandMartianlooking.
crowdofgeeks,anoutdoorslumberpartyunder
thegasheatersroar.
Thatsthebigone,Tjansaidwithabiggrin.
Mostpeopledontevennoticeit,theythinkits
daycareorsomething.Well,thatshowitstarted
out,butthensomeofthesensorpeoplestarted
noodlingwithjunglegymcomponentsthat
couldtellhowoftentheywereplayedwith.They
startedmoddingthegymeverynight,adding
variationsontheelementsthatsawthemost
action,removingtheduds.ThentheCADpeople
addedanalgorithmthatwouldtakethesensor
dataandgeneraterandomvariationsonthesame
basis.Finally,someoftheroboticspeoplegotin
ontheactsothatthebestofthecomputer
evolveddesignscouldbeinstantiated
automatically:nowitsaselfmodifyingjungle
gym.Thekidsloveit.Itisthecrackcocaineof
junglegyms,thoughwewontbeusingthatin
themarketingcopy,ofcourse.

Ofcourse,Suzannesaiddrily.Shed
automaticallyreachedforhernotepadandstarted
writingwhenTjanstartedtalking.Now,
reviewinghernotes,sheknewthatshewasgoing
tohavetogobackandgetsomephotosofthis.
SheaskedTjanaboutit.

Gradually,therobotsmadeanappearance.Most
ofthemhumpedalonglikeinchworms,carrying
chunksofnewplaygroundapparatusincoilsof
theirlongbodies.Somedeployedmanipulator
arms,thoughtheydidnthavemuchbywayof
handsattheirends.Wejustuserareearth
magnets,Fionasaid.Lessfiddlythantryingto
getartificialvisionthatcanaccuratelygraspthe
bars.
Tjannudgedherandpointedtoanewtowerthat
wasgoingup.Therobotsweretwistingaround
themselvestoformascaffold,whilevariousof
theirnumbercrawledhigherandhigher,
snappingmodularpiecesofhighimpactplastic
togetherwithsnicksoundsthatwereaudibleover
thewhineoftheirmotors.
Suzanneswitchedonhercamerasnightvision
modeandgotshooting.Wheredidyougetall
theserobots?
Tjangrinned.ItsanopendesigntheEPA
hiredWestinghousetobuildthesetoworkon
sensingandremovingvolatileorganic
compoundsonSuperfundsites.Becausewedid

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/70
theworkforthegovernment,wehadtoagreenot
toclaimanydesigncopyrightorpatentsinthe
outcome.Theresafreakingwarehousefullof
thisstuffatWestinghouse,allkindsofcrazy
thingsthatWestinghouseabandonedbecause
theywerentproprietaryenoughandtheywere
worriedthattheydhavetocompeteontheopen
marketiftheytriedtoproductizethem.Suitsus
justfine,though.
Thefieldwasaswarmwithglintingmetal
inchwormrobotsnow,shiftingbackandforth,
boilingandroilingandpickingupenormous
chunksofclimberlikecartoonantscarrying
awayapicnicbasket.Theplaygroundwasbeing
transformedbeforehereyes,inwaysgrossand
subtle,anditwasenchantingtowatch.
CanIgooutandhavealook?shesaid.I
mean,isitsafe?

bucktoothedsmileasshepassedbyhim.It
distractedherandmadethewritingcomemore
slowly,butshewasaproandherreadershad
sentinalotofkindmail,andtherewasonefrom
Lester,stillawayonhismysteriouserrandbut
soundinghappierthanhehadinmonths,
positivelygiddy.
Shesetthealarmclocksothatshecouldbe
awakeforhernextstop,outsideofNorth
CarolinasResearchTriangle,wheresomelocal
millionaireshadbackedadozenNewWork
teams.
Anotherthreeweeksofthisstuffandshedgetto
gohomeFlorida.Thecondowashomenow,
andthejunkyard.Hotandstickyandinventive
andeverchanging.Shefellasleepthinkingofit
andsmiling.

ItwastwoweeksmorebeforeLestercaughtup
Sure,Fionasaid.Ofcourse!Ourrobotswont withher,inDetroitofallplaces.Goingbackto
harmyou;theyjustnuzzleyouandthenchange theoldplacehadntbeenheridea,shedbeen
direction.
draggedbackbyimpassionedpleasfromthe
localFordandGMNewWorkteams,whowere
Still,trytostayoutoftheirway,Tjansaid.
secondgenerationunemployed,oldrustbelt
Someofthatstufftheyremovingaroundis
familieswhodrebootedwithmoneyfromthe
heavy.
companiesthathadwrungtheirprofitfromtheir
Soshewadedoutontotheplaygroundand
ancestorsandabandonedthem.
carefullypickedherwaythroughtherobot
Thebigfocusintherustbeltwaseradicatingthe
swarm.Somecrawledoverhertoes.Acouple
car.Somewerebuildingrobotsthatcould
twinedbetweenherfeetandnearlytrippedher
upandonceshesteppedononeanditwentstill decommissionleakygasstationsandcraterout
thetoxicsoil.Somewerebuildingcar
andwaitedpolitelyforhertostepoff.
disassemblyplantsthatreclaimedmaterialsfrom
Onceinthethickofitall,sheswitchedonher
theoldbeastsinteriors.BetweentheFordand
videoandbegantorecordthroughthenight
GMteamswiththeirlatestbailoutandthose
filter.Standingthereamidthewhirlandracket
fundedbytheUAWoutofthesettlementstheyd
andundulatingmotionofthejunglegymasit
wonfromtheautomakers,Detroitwasspringing
reconfigureditself,shefeltlikeshedarrivedat upanew.
someposthumanfuturewheretheworldno
longerneededherorherkind.Likehumanitys Lesteremailedherandsaidthathedseenonher
blogthatshewasheadedtoDetroit,anddidshe
creationshadevolvedpasttheirinventors.
wanttomeethimfordinner,beingashedbein
Shewasgoingtohavetodoalotofwriting
towntoo?
beforebed.
TheyateatDevilsNight,arestaurantinoneof
FreddywascheckingoutinthelobbywhenTjan thereclaimedmansionsinBrushPark,a
droppedheroffat5AM.Itwasimpossibleto
neighborhoodofwoodframebuildingsthat
sneakpasthim,andhegaveheranasty,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/71
teenagershadallbutburnedtothegroundover
severaldecadesworthofHalloweens.In
Detroit,DevilsNightwasthepreHalloween
traditionoftorchingabandonedbuildings,and
allofBrushParkhadbeenabandonedforyears,
itshandsomehousesattractivetargetsfor
midnightfirebugs.
Reclaimingthesebuildingswasanartisanal
practiceofurethaningthecharredwoodand
addingcleverputty,cement,andglassto
preservethelookofaburnedouthulkwhile
restoringstructuralintegrity.Oneentirefloorof
therestaurantwasmissing,havingbeenreplaced
bypolishedtemperedonewayglassthatlet
upstairsdinerslookdownonthebaldspotsand
cleavageofthoseeatingbelow.
Suzanneshowedupafewminuteslate,having
gottenlostwanderingthestreetsofaDetroitthat
hadrewrittenitsmapinthedecadessinceshed
left.Shewasflustered,andnotjustbecauseshe
wasrunninglate.Therewasalingering
awkwardnessbetweenherandLesterandher
elationatseeinghimagainhadaninescapable
undercurrentofdread.
Whenthewaiterpointedouthertable,shetold
himhewasmistaken.Lesterwasntthere,some
strangerwas:shorthaired,burly,withafew
daysstubble.Heworeasmartblazeranda
loosestripedcottonshirtunderneath.Hewas
beamingather.
Suzanne,hesaid.
Herjawliterallydropped.Sherealizedshewas
standingwithhermouthopenandshutitwitha
snap.Lester?shesaid,wonderingly.
Hegotup,stillsmiling,evenlaughingalittle,
andgaveherahug.ItwasLesterallright.That
smellwasunmistakable,andthosebig,warm
pawshecalledhands.

Yes,itsme,hesaid.Illtellyouaboutitover
dinner.Thewaiterwantstotakeourdrink
orders.
Theatrically,sheorderedadoubleScotch.The
waiterrattledoffthespecialsandSuzanne
pickedoneatrandom.SodidLester.
So,hesaid,pattinghiswashboardtummy.
YouwanttoknowhowIgottothisinten
weeks,huh?
CanItakenotes?Suzannesaid,pullingouther
pad.
Ohbyallmeans,hesaid.Igotadiscounton
mytreatmentsonthebasisthatyouwouldend
uptakingnotes.
TheclinicwasinStPetersburg,Russia,ina
neighborhoodfilledwithRussiandentistswho
cateredtoAmericanhealthtouristswhodidnt
wanttopayUSpricesforcrowns.Thetreatment
hadntoriginatedthere:Theelectromuscular
stimulationandchemicaltherapyforskin
tighteningwasstandardforrichnewmothersin
Hollywoodwhowantedtogetridofpregnancy
bellies.Theappetitesuppressinghormoneshad
beenusedintheMexicanpharmaindustryfor
years.Stemcellshadbeenaneffectivesubstitute
forsteroidswhenitcametobuildingmusclein
professionalathleticcirclestheworldround.
Genomictherapyusinggenescribbedfrom
hummingbirdsboostedmetabolismsothatthe
bodyburned10,000caloriesadaysittingstill.
ButtheStPetersburgclinichadripped,mixed
andburnedthesedifferentprocedurestomakea
single,holistictreatmentthathaddroppedLester
from400to175poundsintenweeks.
Isthatsafe?shesaid.

Everyoneasksthat,hesaid,laughing.Yeah,
itssafeiftheyremonitoringyouandstanding
bywithlotsofdiagnosticequipment.Butif
Whenheletgoofher,helaughedagain.Oh,
yourewillingtotakeslowerlosses,youcango
Suzanne,Icouldnothaveaskedforanybetter
onawaylessintensiveregimethatwontrequire
reactionthanthis.Thankyou.Theywere
supervision.Thisstuffisthenextbiggrey
drawingstares.Dazedly,shesatdown.Sodidhe. marketpharmagold.Theyreviolatingallkinds
Lester?shesaidagain.
ofpharmapatents,ofcourse,butthatswhat

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/72
CubaandCanadaarefor,right?Insideofayear,
everyfatpersoninAmericaisgoingtohavea
bottleofpillsinhispocket,andinsideoftwo
years,therewontbeanyfatpeople.
Sheshookherhead.Youlook...Lester,you
lookincredible.Imsoproudofyou.

withnooutwardacknowledgmentofthecontact
ofhandonhand,butherhandsqueezedhis
softlynowandagain,orhesqueezedhers,and
thentheywereatherhotel.Howdidthat
happen?sheaskedherself.

Butthentheywerehavinganightcap,andthen
Heduckedhishead.Hereallydidlookamazing. hewasintheelevatorwithherandthenhewas
Droppingtheweighthadtakenofftenyears,and atthedoorofherroom,andthebloodwas
betweenthatandthehaircutandthenewclothes, roaringinherearsasshestuckhercreditcardin
thereadertoopenit.
hewaspracticallyunrecognizable.
Wait,shetriedtosay.Lester,hangonasecond,
DoesPerryknow?
iswhatshetriedtosay,buthertonguewasthick
Yeah,Lestersaid.Italkeditoverwithhim
inhermouth.Hesteppedthroughthedoorwith
beforeIoptedforit.Tjanhadmentioneditin
her,thensaid,Uh,Ineedtousethebathroom.
passing,itwasabusinesshisexwifewas
Withrelief,shedirectedhimtothesmallwater
tangledupwiththroughhermafiyeh
connections,andonceIhadresearcheditonline closet.Theroomwasbasicnowthatshewas
herownboss,shewasntspringingforCrowne
andtalkedtosomepeoplewhodhadthe
treatment,includingacoupleMDs,Idecidedto PlazasandHiltons,thiswaspracticallyacoffin
andtherewasnowheretositexceptthebed.
justdoit.
Herlaptopwasopenandtherewasalotofemail
Ithadcostnearlyeverythinghedmadefrom
inherinbox,butforonce,shedidntcare.She
Kodacell,butitwasasmallpricetopay.He
waskeenlyattunedtothewaternoisescoming
insistedongettingdinner.
frombehindthedoor,eachnewsoundmaking
herjumpalittle.Whatwashedoinginthere,
Afterward,theystrolledthroughthefragrant
eveningdownWoodwardAvenue,pastthedeco insertingafuckingdiaphragm?
skyscrapersandtheplowedfieldsand
Sheheardhimworkthelatchonthedoorand
communitygardens,theirlivestockpensmaking sheputonherbestsmile.Herstomachwasfull
softanimalnoises.
ofbutterflies.Hesmiledbackandsatdownon
thebednexttoher,takingherhandagain.His
Itswonderfultoseeyouagain,Lester,she
handwasmoistfrombeingwashed,andalittle
saidtruthfully.Shedreallymissedhim,even
thoughhisparticipationonhermessageboards slippery.Shedidntmind.Wordlessly,sheput
hadhardlyletup(thoughithadstartedcoming herheadonhisbarrelchest.Hisheartwas
racing,andsowashers.
inatweirdhours,somethingexplainedbythe
factthathedbeeninRussia).Walkingalongside Gradually,theyleanedback,untiltheywereside
ofhim,smellinghissmell,seeinghimonlyout bysideonthebed,herheadstillonhischest.
ofthecornerofhereye,itwaslikenothinghad Movinglikeshewasinadream,sheliftedher
changed.
headfromhischestandstaredintohiseyes.
Itsgreattoseeyouagaintoo.Tentatively,he Theywerewideandscared.Shekissedhim,
tookherhandinhisbigpaw.Hishandwaswarm softly.Hislipsweretremblingandunyielding.
Shekissedhimmoreinsistently,runningher
butnotsweaty,andsherealizedithadbeena
longtimesinceanyonehadheldherhand.Heart handsoverhischestandshoulders,puttingone
legoverhim.Heclosedhiseyesandkissedher
pounding,shegavehishandasqueeze.
back.Hewasntbad,buthewasscaredor
Theirconversationandtheirwalkrambledon,
nervousandalljittery.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/73
Shekissedhisthroat,breathinginthesmell,
savoringtheroughtextureofhisthreedaybeard.
Tentatively,heputhishandsonherback,stroked
her,workedgraduallytowardsherbottom.Then
hestopped.

Andthenhewasgone.Shesatontheedgeofher
bedandwaitedfortears,buttheydidntcome.
Soshepickedupherlaptopandstartedtowork
throughhermountainofemail.

Whatswrong?shesaid,proppingherselfup
onherforearms,stillstraddlinghim.

Whenshesawhimagain,hewascomingdown
thedriveleadingtotheshantytownandthe
Shesawthatthereweretearsinhiseyes.
factory.Shewashavingteainthetearoomthat
hadopenedinacorkscrewspirehighabovethe
Lester?Whatswrong?
restoftheshantytown.Theladywhooperatedit
Heopenedhismouthandthenshutit.Tearsslid calledherselfMrsTorrence,andshewas
offhisfaceintohisears.Sheblottedthemwitha exquisitelyantiquebutbynomeansfrail,and
cornerofhotelpillow.
whensheworkedtheropesonherdumbwaiterto
bringupsuppliesfromtheloadingareaonthe
Shestrokedhishair.Lester?
ground,herbicepsstoodatattentionlike
Hegaveoutachokedsobandpushedheraway.
Popeyes.TherewasarumorthatMrsTorrence
Hesatupandputhisfaceinhishands.Hisback
usedtobeaman,orstillwas,underherskirts,
heaved.Shestrokedhisshoulderstentatively.
butSuzannedidntpayattentiontoit.
Finally,heseemedtogethimselfundercontrol.
Lestercamedownthedrivegrinningand
Hesniffled.
bouncingontheballsofhisfeet.Perryhad
Ihavetogo,hesaid.
evidentlybeenexpectinghim,forhecameracing
throughtheshantytownandpelteddownthe
Lester,whatswrong?
roadwayandthrewhimselfatLester,grabbing
Icantdothis,hesaid.I...
himinacrazy,exuberant,whoopinghug.
Justtellme,shesaid.Whateveritis,tellme. Francisgimpedoutamomentlaterandgavehim
asolemnhandshake.Shehadntbloggedtheir
Youdidntwantmebefore.Hesaiditsimply
meetinginDetroit,soifFrancisandPerryknew
withoutaccusation,butitstunglikehedslapped aboutLesterstransformation,theydfoundout
herintheface.
withouthearingitfromher.
Oh,Lester,shesaid,movingtohughim,but
Shefinishedrecordingthehomecomingfrom
hepushedheraway.
MrsTorrencescrowsnest,thenpaidthe
Ihavetogo,hesaid,drawinghimselfuptohis
fullheight.Hewastall,thoughhednever
seemeditbefore,butoh,hewastall,sixfoot
fourortaller.Hefilledtheroom.Hiseyeswere
redandswollen,butheputonasmileforher.
Thanks,Suzanne.Itwasreallygoodtoseeyou
again.IllseeyouinFlorida.

grinningoldbagandtookthestairstwoata
time,hurryingtocatchupwithLesterandhis
crowd.

IllseeyouinFlorida,shesaid.

Shit,whydontwesellthatstuff?Jasonsaid.

Lesteracceptedherhugwarmlybutdistantly,
lettinggoafractionofasecondbeforeshedid.
Shedidntletitgettoher.Hehaddrawnacrowd
now,withFrancissprotegeprintertechsinthe
Shestoodupandmovedquicklytohim,stoodon innermostcircle,andhewasrecountingthestory
ofhistransformation.Hehadthemas
tiptoetoputherarmsaroundhisneckandhug
himfiercely.Hehuggedherbackandshekissed spellboundasaroomfulofEwokslisteningto
C3PO.
himonthecheek.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/74
Hedtakenarealinterestinthebusinessendof
theirthreedeeeprinterproject.

oilpeddlerswithacureforobesitythatnoone
couldbelievewhattheysaw,nomatterhow
Toomuchcompetition,Lestersaid.Thereare muchtheywantedto.
alreadyadozenshopstoolinguptomake
Lord,butitwasbringinginthereaders,notto
bathtubversionsofthetherapyhereinAmerica. mentiontheadvertisingdollars.Theclearing
HundredsmoreinEasternEurope.Therejust
priceforathousandweightlossadstargetedto
wontbeanyprofitinitbythetimewegetto
affluent,obeseEnglishspeakerswasoverfifty
market.Gettingthinonthecheapsgoingtobe bucks,ascomparedwithhercustomaryCPMof
easy.Hell,allittakestodoitisthestuffyoud
threebucksathou.Insideofaweek,shedmade
useforamethlab.Youcanbuyallthatinakit
enoughtobuyacar.Itwasweirdbeingherown
fromacatalog.
circulationandadsalesdepartment,butitwasnt
ashardasshedworrieditmightbeanditwas
Jasonnodded,butlookedunconvinced.
intenselysatisfyingtohavesuchanosetotail
SuzannetookLestersreturnashercuetowrite understandingoftheeconomicsofher
abouthistransformation.Shesnappedmorepics production.
ofhim,addedsomevideo.Hegaveherten
Youshouldgo,Lestertoldherassheclicked
minutesdescriptionofthetherapieshed
himthroughherearningsspreadsheet.Jesus,
undergone,andnamedapriceforthetherapy
thatwassubstantiallylowerthanacoupleweeks thisisinsane.Youknowthatthesefatties
ataHollywoodfatfarm,andfarmoreeffective. actuallyfollowmearoundonthenetnow,asking
mequestionsinmessageboardsabout
Theresponsewasamazing.EveryTVnewscrew engineering?Theboardmoderatorsareasking
inthegreaterMiamiareamadeapilgrimageto metopostunderanassumedname.Madame,
theirfactorytofilmLesterworkinginatightt
yourpublichasspoken.Thereisadireneedfor
shirtoverathreedeeeprinter,wranglinghuge
yourskillsinStPetersburg.Go.Theyhave
vatsofepoxymixgoopinthesunwithsweat
chandeliersinthesubwaysandcaviarontap.All
beadingoverhisbig,strainingbiceps.
thebliniyoucaneat.Bearsteaks.
Hermessageboardsexploded.Itseemedthata
Sheshookherheadandslurpedattheteahed
heretoforeunsuspectedcontingentofher
broughther.Yourejoking.Itsallmafiyeh
growingreadershipwassubstantiallyobese.And there.Scarystuff.Besides,Imcoveringthis
theyhadfriends.Lestereventuallygaveupon
beatrightnow,NewWork.
posting,justsohecouldgetsomeworkdone.
NewWorkisntgoinganywhere,Suzanne.
Theyhadtheprinterstothepointwherethey
Wellbeherewhenyougetback.Andthisstory
couldturnoutnewprinters,butthewhole
isonethatneedsyourtouch.Theyremicro
systemwastemperamentalandneededcareful
entrepreneurssolvingpostindustrialproblems.
nursing.Lesterwasmoreinterestedinwhat
Itsthesamestoryyouvebeencoveringhere,
peoplehadtosayontheengineeringmessage
butwithadifferentangle.Takethatmoneyand
boardsthanchattingwiththefatties.
buyyourselfabusinessclasstickettoSt
Thefattieswereskepticalandhopefulinequal
Petersburgandspendacoupleweeksonthejob.
measures.Thebigfightwasoverwhetherthere Youllcleanup.Theycouldusethepublicity,too
wasanythingtothis,whetherLesterwouldkeep someonetogoanddrilldownonwhichclinics
theweightoff,whetherthenewskinnyLester
arelegitandwhichonesareclipjoints.Youre
wasreallyLester,whetherhedundergone
perfectforthegig.
surgeryorhadhisstomachstapled.Americas
walletshadbeencleanedoutbysomanysnake Idontknow,shesaid.Sheclosedhereyes.
Takingbigchanceshadgottenherthisfarandit

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/75
wouldtakeherfarther,sheknew.Theworldwas thatifitseemsridiculousandtoobadtobetrue,
youroysterifyoucouldstomachalittlerisk.
itis.Theyhavelotsofruleshere,butnoone
Yeah,shesaid.Yeah,hellyeah.Youretotally followsem.Justignoreanyunreasonable
requestandyoullfitrightin.
right,Lester.
Whatyousaid!

Thatsgoodadvice,shesaid.Hewasmiddle
aged,butsowasshe,andhehadniceeyesand
noweddingring.

Itscheers,hesaid.Youllneedtoknowthat
ifyouregoingtomaketimeinPetrograd.Let
megosendsomeemailandgetyousetup.You
bookaticket.

Getawholenightssleep,dontdrinktheso
calledchampagneanddontchangemoneyon
thestreets.Didyoubringmelatoninand
modafinil?

Zasterovyeh!

Shestaredblanklyathim.Drugs?
AndjustlikethatshewasofftoRussia.Lester
insistedthatshebuyabusinessclassticket,and
shediscoveredtoherbemusementthatBritish
Airwayshadaboutthreeclassesabovebusiness,
presumablywithevenmoreexclusiveclasses
reservedtoroyaltyandpeersoftherealm.She
luxuriatedinfourteenhoursofrecliningseats
andwarmpeanutsandinflightconnectivity,
runningabriefvideoconferencewithLesterjust
becauseshecould.Tjanhadsentheraguideto
thehotelsandshedoptedforthePribaltiyskaya,
acrumblingStalinerafourstarofspectacular,
Vegasesquedimensions.Thefacaderevealedthe
tragedyoftheUSSRsunrequitedloveaffair
withconcrete,asdidthecracksrunningupthe
wallsofthelobby.
Theycheckedherintothehotelwiththenosiest
questionnaireever,atwopagerongovernment
stationarythatdemandedtoknowherprofession,
employer,cityofbirth,detailsoffamily,andso
forth.AnAmericanbusinessmannexttoherat
thecheckincountersawherpuzzlingoverit.
Justmakestuffup,hesaid.Ialwayswrite
thatIcomefrom123FakeStreet,Anytown,
California,andthatIworkasaprofessional
paperhanger.Theydontcheckonit,except
maybethemobwhentheyrefiguringoutwhoto
mug.FirsttimeinRussia?
Itshows,huh?
Yougetusedtoit,hesaid.Icomehereevery
monthonbusiness.Youjustneedtounderstand

Sure.Onetonighttosleep,oneinthemorning
towakeup,anddoitagaintomorrowandyoull
beunlagged.Noboozeorcaffeine,either,not
forthefirstcoupledays.Melatoninsoverthe
counter,evenintheStates,andmodafinils
practicallylegal.Ihaveextra,here.Hedugin
histravelbagandcameupwithsomegeneric
Walgreensbottles.
ThatsOK,shesaid,handinghercreditcardto
aprettyyoungclerk.Thanks,though.
Heshookhishead.Itsyourfuneral,hesaid.
Jetlagiswayworseforyouthanthisstuff.Its
overthecounterstateside.Idontleavehome
withoutit.Anyway,Iminroom1422.Ifitstwo
inthemorningandyourestaringattheceiling
andregrettingit,callmeandIllsendsome
down.
Washehittingonher?Christ,shewassotired,
shecouldbarelyseestraight.Therewasnoway
shewasgoingtoneedanyhelpgettingtosleep.
Shethankedhimagainandrolledhersuitcase
acrossthecavernouslobbywithitsgigantic
chandeliersandtotheelevators.
Butsleepdidntcome.Thenetworkconnection
costafortunesomethingshehadntseenin
yearsandthenumberofwormsandprobes
bouncingoffherfirewallwasastronomical.The
connectionwasslowandfrustrating.Come
2AM,shewas,indeed,staringattheceiling.
Wouldyoutakedrugsofferedbyastrangerina

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/76
hotellobby?TheywereinaWalgreensbottlefor
chrissakes.Howbadcouldtheybe?Shepicked
upthehousephoneonthechippedbedstandand
punchedhishotelroom.
Lo?
OhChrist,Iwokeyouup,shesaid.Im
sorry.

Howdoyoukeepyourgirlishfigureifyoueat
likethat?shesaid,settlingdownathistable.
Ah,thatsaprofessionalmatter,hesaid.AndI
makeitapointnevertodiscussbiznizbefore
Ivehadtwocupsofcoffee.Hepouredhimself
acupofdecaf.Thisisnumbertwo.

Shepickedherwaythroughhercornflakesand
Sok.Ladyfromcheckin,right?Gimmeyour fruitsalad.IalwaysfeellikeIdontgetmy
roomnumber,Illsendupamelatoninnowanda moneysworthoutofbuffetbreakfasts,she
said.
modafinilforthemorning.Nosweatski.
Uh,shehadntthoughtaboutgivingastrange Dontworry,hesaid.Illmakeupforyou.
Hepoundedhiscoffeeandpouredanothercup.
manherroomnumber.Inforapenny,infora
Humanityreturns,hesaid,rubbinghisthighs.
pound.2813,shesaid.Thanks.
Marthter,thecreaturewaketh!hesaidinhigh
Geoff,hesaid.ItsGeoff.NewYorkupper Igor.
WestSide.Workinhealthproducts.
Shelaughed.
Suzanne,shesaid.Florida,lately.Ima
Youarereallyinto,uh,substances,arentyou?
writer.
shesaid.
Goodnight,Suzanne.Pillsareenroute.
Iamafirmbelieverinbetterlivingthrough
Goodnight,Geoff.Thanks.
chemistry,hesaid.Hepoundedanothercoffee.
Tiptheporteraeuro,oracouplebucks.Dont Ahhh.Coffeeandmodafinilareanamazing
combo.
botherwithrubles.
Oh,shesaid.Ithadbeenalongtimesinceher Shedtakenhersthatmorningwhenthealarm
gotherup.Shedbeensotiredthatitactually
lastvisitoverseas.Shedforgottenhowmuch
madeherfeelnauseatedtoclimboutofbed,but
minutiaewasinvolved.
themodafinilwasgettinghergoing.Sheknewa
Hehungup.Sheputonarobeandwaited.The littleaboutthedrug,andfiguredthatiftheTSA
portertookaboutfifteenminutes,andhanded
approveditforusebycommercialpilots,it
heralittleenvelopewithtwopillsinit.Hewas couldntbethatbadforyou.
aboutfifteen,withabadmustacheandbadskin,
andbadteeththathedisplayedwhenshehanded So,mygirlishfigure.Iworkforafirmthathas
partnershereinPetersburgwhoworkoncutting
himacoupleofdollarbills.
edgepharmaproducts,includingsomestuffthe
Aminutelater,shewasbackonthephone.
FDAisdraggingitsheelson,despitewidespread
acceptanceinmanynations,thisoneincluded.
Whichoneiswhich?
Oneoftheseisapillthatoverclocksyour
Littlewhiteoneismelatonin.Thatsfornow.
metabolism.Ivebeenonitforayearnow,and
Mybad.
eventhoughIamastonecaloriefreakandpack
Shesawhimagaininthebreakfastroom,
awayfiveorsixthousandcaloriesaday,Idont
loadingaplatewithhardboiledeggs,potato
gainanounce.Iactuallyhavetoremembertoeat
pancakes,theubiquitouscaviar,salami,and
enoughsothatmyribsdontstartshowing.
cheeses.Inhisotherhandhebalancedavatof
Suzannewatchedhimgobbleanotherthousand
porridgewithstrawberryjamandenoughdried
calories.Isithealthy?
fruittokeepaparrotzoohappyforamonth.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/77
Comparedtowhat?Beingfat?Yes.Running
tenmilesadayandeatingabalanceddietof
organicfruitandnuts?No.Butwhentheaverage
Americangetsthemajorityofhercaloriesfrom
sodapop,healthyisaprettyloadedterm.
ItremindedherofthattalkwithLester,a
lifetimeagointheIHOP.Slowly,shefound
herselftellinghimaboutLestersstory.

Thatisfantastic,hesaid.Thatsjust,wow,
thatsthebestnewsIvehadallyear.Youtaking
aninterestinourstuff,itsgoingtoreallypushit
overtheedge.Youdthinkthatsellingweight
losstoAmericanswouldbeeasy,butnotifit
involvesanykindoftravel:80percentofthose
lazyinsularfucksdontevenhavepassports.Ha.
Dontquotethat.Ha.

Ha,shesaid.Dontworry,Iwont.Look,how
aboutthis,wellmeetinthelobbyaroundnine,
afterdinner,foracupofcoffeeandan
interview?Shehadgonefromintriguedto
Sheblushed.Youcantpossiblyhaveheardof flatteredtocreepedoutwiththisguy,and
me,shesaid.
besides,shehadherfirstclinicvisitscheduled
Herolledhiseyes.Sure.Ishouldersurfedyour fortenanditwascominguponnineandwho
knewwhataRussianrushhourlookedlike?
nameoffthecheckinformanddida
backgroundcheckonyoulastnightjustsoI
Oh.OK.Butyouvegottoletmescheduleyou
couldchatyouupoverbreakfast.
foravisittosomeofourclinicsandplantsjust
Itwasajoke,butitgaveherafunny,creepedout toseewhataprofessionalshopwerunhere.No
goldteethshinysuitplaceslikeyoudgetifyou
feeling.Yourekidding?
justpickedthetopGoogleAdWord.Really
Imkidding.Ivebeenreadingyouforfreaking Americanstandardplaces,bettereven,
years.IfollowedLestersstoryindetail.
Scandinavianstandard,alotofourdoctorscome
Professionalinterest.Yourethevoiceofour
overfromSwedenandDenmarktogetoutfrom
generation,woman.IdbeaphilistineifIdidnt underthesocialistmedicinesystemsthere.They
readyourcolumn.
runatightship,yashore,youbetcha,he
deliveredthislastinabroadSwedishborkbork
Yourenotmakingmeanylessembarrassed,
youknow.Ittookaneffortofwilltokeepfrom bork.
squirming.
Um,shesaid.Italldependsonscheduling.
Waitasecond,youreSuzanneChurch?New
WorkChurch?SanJoseMercuryNews
Church?

Helaughedhardenoughtoattractstares.All
right,Ididspendthenightgooglingyou.
Better?
Ifthatsthealternative,Illtakefamous,I
suppose,shesaid.
Youreherewritingabouttheweightloss
clinics,then?

Letssortitouttonight,OK?
OK,hesaid.Cantwait.Hestoodupwith
herandgaveheralong,twohandedhandshake.
Itsarealhonortomeetyou,Suzanne.Youre
oneofmyrealheros,youknowthat?
Um,shesaidagain.Thanks,Geoff.

Heseemedtosensethathedcomeontoo
Yes,shesaid.Itwasntasecret,butshehadnt strong.Helookedlikehewasabouttoapologize.
actuallygoneoutofherwaytomentionit.After Thatsreallykindofyoutosay,shesaid.Itll
all,theremightnotbeanykindofstoryafterall. begoodtocatchuptonight.
Andsomewhereinthebackofhermindwasthe
Hebrightened.Itwaseasyenoughtobekind,
ideathatshedidntwanttotipoffsomewell
afterall.
fundednewsroomtosendoutitsown
investigativeteamandgetherscoop.
Shehadthefrontdeskcallherataxished

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/78
beenrepeatedlywarnedoffofgypsycabsand
anyvehiclethatoneprocuredbymeansofa
wanderingtout.Shegotintotheback,hadthe
doormanrepeatthedirectionstoLestersclinic
twicetothecabbie,watchedhimswitchonthe
meterandcheckedthetariff,thensettledinto
watchStPetersburggoflyingby.
Sheswitchedonherphoneandwatchedit
struggletoassociatewithaRussiannetwork.
Theywereontheroadforalloffiveminutes
longenoughtonotetheloomingbulkofthe
Hermitageandtheripplesleftbyofficialcars
slicingthroughthetrafficwiththeirblue
blinkinglightswhenherphonewentnutso.
Shelookedatitshehadtentexts,halfadozen
voicemails,adozennewclippedarticles,andit
wasringingwithanumberinNewYork.

madeherouttobeadisgracedpitchwomanfora
failedmovement.
Whichshewas.Basically.
Herphonerang.Kettlewell.
Hi,Kettlewell,shesaid.
Wherehaveyoubeen?hesaid.Hesounded
reallyedgy.Itwasthemiddleofthenightin
California.
IminStPetersburg,shesaid.InRussia.I
onlyfoundoutabouttensecondsago.What
happened?

OhChrist.Whoknows?Cascadingfailure.Fell
shortoflastquartersestimates,whichstarteda
slide.Thenacouplelawsuitsfiled.Thensome
unfavorablepress.Thesharepricekeptfalling,
ShebumpedtheNewYorkcalltovoicemail.She andthingsgotworse.Yourbasicclusterfuck.
didntrecognizethenumber.Besides,ifthe
Butyouguyshadgreatnumbersoverall
worldhadcometoanendwhileshewasasleep,
Sure,ifyoulookedatthemourway,theywere
shewantedtoknowsomedetailsbeforeshe
great.IfyoulookedatthemthewaytheStreet
talkedtoanyoneaboutit.Shepagedback
looksatthem,wewereindeepshit.Analysts
throughthetextsinreversechronologicalthe
couldntfigureouthowtovalueus.Addalittle
lastfivewereincreasinglypanickedmessages
marketchaosandsomeoldscoresettling
fromLesterandPerry.ThenonefromTjan.
assholes,likethatfuckerFreddy,anditsa
ThenonefromKettlebelly.Theyallwantedto
wonderwelastedaslongaswedid.Theyre
discussthenewswhateverthatwas.Onefrom
alreadycallingusthetwentyfirstcentury
heroldeditorattheMercaskingifshewas
Enron.
availableforcommentaboutthenews.Tjan,
too.ThefirstonewasfromRatToothedFreddy, Kettlewell,shesaid,Ilivedthroughacouple
ofthese,andsomethingsnotright.Whenthe
thatsnake.
dotcomsweregoingunder,theirCEOskept
Kodacellscreditorscallingindebts.Share
tellingeveryoneeverythingwasallright,right
pricebelowonecent.ImminentNASDAQde
uptothelastminute.Theydidntthrowinthe
listing.Comments?
towel.Theystoodlikecaptainsonthebridgeof
Herstomachwentcold,herbreakfastcongealed sinkingships.
intoahardlump.Theclippedarticleshadquotes
So?
fromKettlewell(Wewillseetoitthatallour
employeesarepaid,ourcreditorsarereimbursed, Sowhatsgoingonhere.Itsoundslikeyoure
whipped.Whyarentyoufighting?Therewere
andourshareholdersarewelldonebythrough
anorderlywinddown),Perry(FuckitIwas lotsofdotcomsthattanked,butafewofthose
deepindenialCEOspulleditoff,restructured
doingthisshitbeforeKodacell,dontexpectto
stopnow)andLester(Itwastoobeautifuland andcameoutofitalive.Whyareyougiving
up?
cooltobereal,Iguess.)Whereshewas
mentioned,itwasusuallyinasnidecontextthat Suzanne,oh,Suzanne.Helaughed,butit

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/79
wasntahappylaugh.Youthinkthatthis
happenedovernight?Youthinkthatthisproblem
justcroppedupyesterdayandItossedinthe
towel?

heroldeditor.Listen,shesaid.Ihavetogo.
TheresacallcominginIhavetotake.Icancall
yourightback.

Itsoundedlikehemightbecrying.Therewasa
snufflingsound.Youvebeenamazing,
Suzanne.Wecouldnthavedoneitwithoutyou.
Noonecouldhavedescribeditbetter.Great
deedsareirrelevantifnooneknowsaboutthem
orremembersthem.

havebeenheartbreaking.

Dont,hesaid.ItsOK.Imbusyhere
Oh.Oh.
anyway.Thisisabigday.Hislaughwaslikea
Yeah.Wevebeentankingformonths.Ivebeen dogsbark.
standingonthebridgeofthissinkingshipwith Takecareofyourself,Kettlewell,shesaid.
mybiggestsmilepastedonfortwoconsecutive Dontletthebastardsgrindyoudown.
quartersnow.Ivethrownoutthemost
Nilcarborundumillegitimistoyou,too.
impressiverealitydistortionfieldthebusiness
worldhaseverseen.JustbecauseImgivingup Sheclickedovertohereditor.Jimmy,shesaid.
Longtimenospeak.SorryImissedyourcalls
doesntmeanIgaveupwithoutafight.
beforeIminRussiaonastory.
Suzannehadneverbeengoodatcondolences.
Shehatedfunerals.Landon,Imsorry.Itmust Hello,Suzanne,hesaid.Hisvoicehadanodd,
strainedquality,ormaybethatwasjusther
havebeenveryhard
mood,projecting.Imsorry,Suzanne.Youve
Yeah,hesaid.Well,sure.Iwantedyouto
beendoinggoodwork.Thebestworkofyour
havethescooponthis,butIhadtotalktothe
career,ifyouaskme.Ifollowitclosely.
pressoncethestorybroke,youunderstand.
Itmadeherfeelalittlebetter.Shedbeen
Iunderstand,shesaid.Scoopsarentthat
uncomfortableaboutthewaysheandJimmyhad
importantanyway.Illtellyouwhat.Illposta
partedways,butthiswasvindicating.It
shortpieceonthisrightaway,justsaying,Yes, emboldenedher.Jimmy,whatthehelldoIdo
itstrue,andImgettingdetails.ThenIlldo
now?
interviewswithyouandLesterandPerryandput
upsomethinglongerinacoupleofhours.Does Christ,Suzanne,Idontknow.Illtellyouwhat
nottodo,though.Offtherecord.
thatwork?
Helaughedagain,nohumorinit.Yeah,thatll Offtherecord.
befine.
DontdowhatIvedone.Donthanggrimly
ontothelastplanksfromthesinkingship,
Sorry,Kettlewell.
chroniclingthelastfewstruggling,sinking
No,no,hesaid.No,itsOK.
schmucksdemise.Itsnofunbeingthe
Look,Ijustwanttowriteaboutthisinaway
stenographerforthefallofagreatempire.Find
thathonorswhatyouvedoneoverthepasttwo somethingelsetocover.
years.Iveneverbeenpresentatthebirthof
Thewordsmadeherheartsink.PoorJimmy,
anythingremotelythisimportant.Itdeservesto stuckthereintheMercsoncegreatnewsroom,
bedescribedwell.
whiletheworldcrumbledaroundhim.Itmust
Thanks,shesaid.Youwantaninterview?
What?No,woman.Imnotaghoul.Iwantedto
callandmakesureyouwereallright.

Jimmy,youreaprince.ButIllbeOK.Iland
Herphonewasbeeping.Shesnuckapeek.Itwas onmyfeet.Youvegotsomeonecoveringthis
story,sogivehermynumberandhavehercall

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/80
meandIllgiveheraquote.

maybehedseeherthere.Perrywasmoroseand
grimlydetermined.Hewasonthevergeof
Really,Suzanne
shippinghisthreedeeeprintersandhewassure
Itsfine,Jimmy.
hecoulddoit,evenifhedidnthavethe
Suzanne,hesaid.Wedontcoverthatkindof Kodacellnetworkformarketingandlogistics.He
didntevenseemtoregisteritwhenshetoldhim
thingfromournewsroomanymore.Justlocal
stuff.Nationalcoveragecomesfromthewiresor thatshewasgoingtobespendingsometimein
Russia.
fromtheMcClatchynationalnewsroom.
Shesuckedinair.Coulditbepossible?Herfirst Thenshehadtogointotheclinicandask
thoughtwhenJimmycalledwasthatshedmade intelligentquestionsandtakepicturesandrecord
aterriblemistakebyleavingtheMerc,butifthis audioandjotnotesandpayattentiontothesmall
waswhatthepaperhadcometo,shehadleftjust detailssothatshewouldbeabletowritethebest
intime,evenifherownliferaftwassinking,it accountpossible.
hadkeptherafloatforawhile.
TheydressedwellinRussia,intheclinics.
Theofferstillstands,Jimmy.Illtalktoanyone Businesscasual,butwelltailoredandmadefrom
goodmaterial.TheEuropeansknewfrom
youwanttoassign.
textiles,andexperttailoringseemedtobein
Youreasweetheart,Suzanne.Whatareyouin cheapsupplyhere.
Russiafor?
Shedhavetogetsomeonetorunherupablue
Shetoldhim.Screwscoops,anyway.Notlike
blazerandawhiteshirtandadecentskirt.It
JimmywasgoingtosendanyonetoRussia,he
wouldbenicetogetbackintogrownupclothes
couldntevenaffordtodispatchareporterto
afteracoupleyearsworthofFloridacasual.
MarinCountybythesoundsofthings.
ShedseeGeoffafterdinnerthatnight,getmore
Whatastory!hesaid.Man!
detailforthestory.Therewassomethingbig
hereinthemedicaltourismanglenotjust
Yeah,shesaid.YeahIguessitis.
weightlossbutgenetherapy,too,andvoodoo
Youguess?Suzanne,thisisthesinglemost
stemcellstuffandadvancedprosthesesandeven
importantissueinpracticallyeveryAmericans
somecrazyperformanceenhancementstuffthat
lifethereisntoneinathousandwhodoesnt
hadkeptRussiaoutofthepastOlympics.
worryendlesslyabouthisweight.
Shetypedherstorynotesandansweredthe
Well,Ihavebeengettingreallygoodnumbers
phonecalls.Onespecialcallshereturnedonce
onthis.Shenamedthefigure.Hesuckedair
shewassittinginherroom,relaxed,withacup
betweenhisteeth.Thatswhatthewhole
ofcoffeefromtheinroomcoffeemaker.
freakingchaindoesonatopstory,Suzanne.
Hello,Freddy,shesaid.
Youreoutperformingfiftylocalpapers
combined.
Suzanne,darling!Hesoundedlikehewas
Yeah?

breathinghard.

Hellyeah,hesaid.MaybeIshouldaskyou
forajob.

WhatcanIdoforyou?
Justwantedaquote,love,somethingforcolor.

Whenhegotoffthephone,shespoketoPerry, Oh,Ivegotaquoteforyou.Shedgiventhe
andthentoLester.Lestersaidthathewantedto quotealotofthought.Livingwiththesquatters
gotravelingandseehisoldfriendsinRussiaand hadbroadenedhervocabularymagnificently.
thatifshewasstillaroundinacoupleweeks,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/81
Andthoseareyourgoodpoints,shesaid,
takingasipofcoffee.Goodbye,Freddy.

therealestateinterestsoftheformerownersof
thefieldsandmallsthathadbeenturnedintothe
newtowns.

BythetimehepulledintotheWalMarts
enormousparkinglot,thedayhadheatedup,his
PARTII
airconhadconked,andhedaccumulateda
comettailofurchinswhowantedtosellhima
ThedrivefromOrlandodowntoHollywoodgot
computergeneratedbustofhimselfinthestyle
worseeverytimeSammytookit.Theturnpike
ofaRomanemperortheyworkedonaffiliate
tollswentupeveryyearandtheroadsurface
commissionforsomethreedeeeprinterjerkin
qualitydeclined,andthegaspricesattheclip
theshanties,andtheyhadarealaggressivepitch,
jointswereheartattackinducing.WhenSammy
practicallyflingingtheirsamplesathim.
startedatDisneyImagineeringadecadebefore,
thecompanyhadcoveredyouractualexpenses Hepushedpastthemandwanderedthroughthe
justcollectthereceiptsandturntheminforcash openairmarketstalls,akindofcruelparodyof
thelonggoneFloridafleamarkets.These
back.ButsinceParkshadbeenspunoffintoa
separatecompanywithitsownshareholders,the gypsiessoldfabricatedpartsthatcouldbe
moddedtomakesingleshotzipgunsand/or
newausteritymeasuresmeantthatthebean
bongsand/orillegalgainwirelessantennae.
countersinBurbanksetamaximumpermile
Theysoldfruitsmoothiesandsuspiciousbeef
reimbursementandnevermindtheactual
jerky.TheysoldbootleghardcopiesofMexican
expense.
fotonovelasandboundprintoutsofJapanesefan
Enoughofthiscompetitiveintelligenceworkand
producedtentacleporncomics.Itwasall
Sammywouldgobroke.
damnablyeyecatchingandintriguing,even
Offtheturnpike,itwasevenworse.The
thoughSammyknewthatitwasalljunk.
shantytownsmultipliedandmultiplied.Laundry
Finally,hereachedtheticketwindowinfrontof
linesstretchedoutintheparkinglotsofformer
theWalMartandslappeddownfivebuckson
stripmalls.Everytrafficlightcloggedwith
thecounter.Theguybehindthecounterwasthe
aggressivetechnotchotchkevendors,the
kindofcharacterthatkeptthetouristsawayfrom
squeegeebumsofthetwentyfirstcentury,with
Florida:shavenheaded,withonecockeyed
theirpornographicanimatronicdolliesand
eyebrowthatlookedlikeasetofhills,athree
infinitelyvariedrobotdogs.DisneyWorldstill
daybeardandskintannedlikewrinkledleather.
suckedinafairnumberoftourists(thoughnot
Hiagain!Sammysaid,brightly.Workingat
nearlysomanyasinitsgoldenday),butthey
Disneytaughtyoutotalkhappyevenwhenyour
werestayingawayfromMiamiindroves.The
stomachwascrawlingthecastmembersgrin.
snowbirdshaddiedoffinagreatdemographic
spasmoverthepastdecade,andtheirchildren
Backagain?theguybehindthecounter
lackedthefinancialwherewithaltoeventhinkof laughed.Hewasmissingacaninetoothandit
overwinteringintheirparentsnowderelict
madehimlookevenmoresketchy.Christ,dude,
condos.
wellhavetoinventaseasonspassforyou.
TheareaaroundthedeadWalMartwas
particularlyawful.Theshantieshererosethree,
evenfourstoriesintotheair,clusteredtogether
tomakemedievalstreetmazes.BrowardCounty
hadlongsincestoppedenforcingtheproperty
claimsofthebankruptcycourtsthatmanaged

Justcantstayaway,Sammysaid.
Yourenottheonlyone.Youreahellofa
customerfortheride,butyouhaventgot
anythingonsomeofthepeopleIgethere
peoplewhocomepracticallyeveryday.Its

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/82
flattering,Itellyou.
Youmadethis,then?
Yeah,hesaid,swellingupwithalittlepigeon
chestedpuffofpride.MeandLester,over
there.Hegesturedatafit,greyingmansitting
onastoolbeforeasmallcocktailbarbuiltintoa
scavengedOrangeJuliusstandGodknew
wherethesepeoplegotalltheircrapfrom.He
hadthelookofoneofthefatkins,unnaturally
thinandmuscledandyetsomehowlazy,the
combinationofatenkilocaloriediet,zerobody
fatandnonsteroidalmuscleenhancers.Ten
yearsago,hewouldhavebeenamodel,but
todayhewasjustanotherextubbalardwitha
seriousfoodhabit.TimewasthatDisneyWorld
wasnighunnavigablefromallthepowered
wheelchairscartingaroundmorbidlyobese
Americanswhocouldntwalkfromridetoride,
butthesedaysitlookedmorelikeanadfora
gymnasium,fullofgenericallybufffatkinsin
tightfittingclothes.
Goodwork!hesaidagainincastmemberese.
Youshouldbeveryproud!
Theproprietorsmiledandtookalongpulloffa
strawhookedintothedistillerbesidehim.Go
on,getinthereflatterer!

somethingtoimproveonthedesign.These
thingsperformedaswellastheoriginals,though
theywerecertainlyknockoffsnohowwere
thesecatsshellingoutfiftygrandapopforthe
realdeal.
Theupholsteredseatpuffedcloudsofdustinto
thespotlightsshaftashesettledintothechair
anddiduphislapbelt.ThelittleLCDsetinto
thecontrolpanellitupandstartedtoplaythe
standardvideospiel,narratedingrizzledvoice
over.
WELCOMETOTHECABINETOF
WONDERS
THEREWASATIMEWHENAMERICA
HELDOUTTHEPROMISEOFANEWWAY
OFLIVINGANDWORKING.THENEW
WORKBOOMOFTHETEENSWASA
PERIODOFUNPARALLELEDINVENTION,
ACAMBRIANEXPLOSIONOF
CREATIVITYNOTSEENSINCETHETIME
OFEDISONANDUNLIKEEDISON,THE
PEOPLEWHOINVENTEDTHENEWWORK
REVOLUTIONWERENTRIPOFFARTISTS
ANDFRAUDS.

THEIRMARVELOUSINVENTIONS
EMERGEDATTHERATEOFFIVEORSIX
PERWEEK.SOMEDANCED,SOMESANG,
Sammysteppedthroughtheglassdoorsand
SOMEWEREHELPMEETSANDSOME
foundhimselfinanairconditionedcaveof
seeminglyinfinitedimension.TheoldWalMart WEREMEREJESTERS.
hadbeenthesizeoffivefootballfields,anda
TODAY,NEARLYALLOFTHESE
cunningarrangementofcurtainsandbaffles
WONDERFULTHINGSHAVEVANISHED
managedtoconveyallthatspacewithout
WITHTHECOLLAPSEOFNEWWORK.
revealingitscontents.Beforehimwastheride
THEYVEENDEDUPBACKINTHETRASH
vehicle,inasingleshaftofspotlight.
HEAPSTHATINSPIREDTHEM.
Gingerly,hesteppedintoit.Thedesignwas
familiartherehadbeenaglutofthesethings
beforethefatkinsmovementtookhold,stair
climbingwheelchairsthatusedgyrostabilizers
topitch,yaw,standandsitinaperpetual
controlledfall.TheDisneyWorldveteransof
theirheydayrememberedthemasfailureprone
behemothsthatyouneededaforklifttobudge
whentheydied,buttheridepeoplehaddone

HEREINTHECABINETOFWONDERS,WE
AREPRESERVINGTHESELAST
REMNANTSOFTHEGOLDENAGE,A
SINGLEBEACONOFLIGHTINATIMEOF
DARKNESS.
ASYOUMOVETHROUGHTHE
RIDESPACE,PLEASEREMAINSEATED.
HOWEVER,YOUMAYPAUSEYOUR
VEHICLETOGETACLOSERLOOKBY

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/83
MOVINGTHEJOYSTICKTOWARD
YOURSELF.PULLTHEJOYSTICKUPTO
CUENARRATIONABOUTANYOBJECT.
MOVETHEJOYSTICKTOTHELEFT,
TOWARDSTHEMINUSONE,IFYOU
THINKANITEMISUGLY,UNWORTHYOR
MISPLACED.MOVETHEJOYSTICKTO
THERIGHT,TOWARDTHEPLUSONE,IF
YOUTHINKANITEMISPARTICULARLY
PLEASING.YOURFEEDBACKWILLBE
FACTOREDINTOTHECONTINUOUS
REARRANGEMENTOFTHECABINET,
WHICHTAKESPLACEONAMINUTEBY
MINUTEBASIS,DRIVENBYTHEROBOTS
YOUMAYSEECRAWLINGAROUNDTHE
FLOOROFTHECABINET.

parallelparkingautopilots,peertopeermusic
sharingboxes,evenanamphibiousretrofitona
littlehybridthatapparentlyworked,converting
thelittleBugintoawaterBug.
Thechairswoopedaroundeachone,pausing
whilethenarrationplayedbackreminiscesby
theinventors,orsometimesbytheownersofthe
oldgizmos.Thestorieswerepithyandsweetand
alwaysfunny.Thesewereartifactsscavenged
fromthefirstdaysofabetternationthathad
diedaborning.
Thenontothekitchen,andthebathrooms
bathroomafterbathroom,withbettertoilets,
bettershowers,bettertubs,betterfloorsand
betterlightsbedrooms,kidsrooms.Oneafter
another,ahypermuseum.

THERIDELASTSBETWEENTEN
Thedecorwasmilesaheadofwhereithadbeen
MINUTESANDANHOUR,DEPENDINGON thelasttimehedbeenthrough.Therewerelots
HOWOFTENYOUPAUSE.
ofweirdgracenotes,liketaxidermiedalligators,
PLEASEENJOYYOURSELF,AND
vintagetouristpennants,chintzlamps,andtiny
REMEMBERWHENWEWEREGOLDEN.
dioramaeofactionfigures.
Thisplusone/minusonebusinesswasnewto
him.Ithadbeenamerefourdayssincehed
beenuphere,butlikesomanyotherofhisvisits,
theydmademajorrehabstotheirrideinthe
amountoftimeitwouldhavetaken
Imagineeringtowriteamemoaboutthe
possibilityofholdingadesignreviewmeeting.

Hepausedinfrontofafabricprintersurrounded
bycustomteesandknitcapsandthreedeee
videogamefigurinesmachinecrochetedfrom
brightyarns,andwaspassedbyanotherchair.In
itwasacutewomaninherthirties,whiteblond
shaggyhairluminousinthespotlightoverthe
softgoods.Shepausedherchairandlovingly
reachedouttosetdownapairofappliqued
Hevelcroedhiscameraswirelesseyetohis
shortswithorganicLEDspulsingandswirling
lapel,tappedthepresettocorrectforlowlight
andmotion,andhitthejoystick.Thewheelchair aroundthewaistband.Giveitaplusone,OK?
Theseweremybestsellers,shesaid,smilinga
stoodupwithwobblygrace,andbegantoroll
dazzlingbeachbunnysmileathim.Shewheeled
forwardontwowheels,heelingover
precipitouslyasitcorneredintothemainspace awayandpausedatthenextdioramatosetdown
oftheride.Thegyroscouldtakeit,heknew,but adollhouseinachildsroomdiorama.
itstillthrilledhimthewaythatafast,outof
Wowtheyweregettingusergeneratedcontent
controlgokartdid,milesawayfromthesafe
intheride.Holycrap.
ridesbackinDisney.
Hefinishedouttheridewithakeenhandonthe
Thechairscreechedaroundacornerandpulled
intothefirstscene,adioramalitteredwithcross
sectionedcars.Eachonewaskittedoutwith
differentcrazytechnologiesdashboardgods
thatmonitoredandtransmittedtrafficheuristics,

plusone/minusonelever,carefullyvotingfor
thebeststuffandagainstthestuffthatlooked
outofplacelikeapornographicceramicbong
thatsomeonehadleftinthemidstofa
clockworkanimatronicjugbandmadefrom

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/84
stitchedtogetherstuffedanimals.

otherwisehowcanyoubuythemonceyoufallin
Thenitwasover,andhewasdebarkinginwhat lovewithem?Theyresafeman,goon,its
hadbeentheWalMartsgardencenter.Thenew easy,justlikeputtinginabigcontactlens.
brightsunmadehimtearup,andhefishedout
Sammythoughtaboutjustwalkingaway,butthe
hisshades.
othervendorswerewatchinghimnow,andthe
scrutinysappedhiswill.Myhandsaretoodirty
Hey,mister,cmere,Ivegotsomethingbetter
thansunglassesforyou!Theguywhobeckoned forthis,hesaid.Thevendorsilentlypassedhim
asealedsterilewipe,grinning.
himovertoamarketstallhadthelookofan
agingbangbanger:shavedhead,tattoos,
Knowinghewashad,hewipedhishands,tore
ridiculouscyclingshortswithsomeguthanging openthepackage,tookoutthelensesand
overthem.
poppedthemoneatatimeintohiseyes.He
blinkedacoupletimes.Theworldwassolarized
Seethese?Polarizingcontactlenses
andgrey,likehewasseeingitthroughatinted
prescriptionoropticallyneutral.Everyonein
Indiaisintothesethings,butwemakeemright windscreen.
hereinFlorida.Heliftedahalfsphereoffilmy
plasticfromhiscaseandpeeledbackhiseyelid
andpoppeditin.Hiswholeiriswastintedblack,
alongwithmostofthewhitesofhiseyes.
GeometricshapeslikeMaoritattooswere
renderedincharcoalgreyacrossthelenses.I
canprintyouupasetinfiveminutes,tenbucks
forplain,twentyifyouwantthembitmapped.
IthinkIllstickwithmyshades,thanks,
Sammysaid.
Cmon,theladieslovethesethings.Real
conversationstarter.Makeyoulookallanime
andshit,guylikeyoucantrythiskindofthing
outfortwentybucks,youknow,wonthurt.

Ohman,youlookbadass,thevendorsaid.He
heldupahandmirror.
Sammylooked.Hiseyeswereshinyblackbeads,
likeamouseseyes,solidsaveforasubtle
traceryofMickeyMouseheadsatthecorners.
Thetrademarkinfringementmadehimgrin,hard
andspitless.Helookedtenyearsyounger,like
thoselateteenhipsterswhoseparentsdragged
themtoWaltDisneyWorld,whoshowedupin
bangbangerthreadsandsneeredandscratched
theirgroinsandmadeloudremarksabouthow
suckballsitallwas.Hisconservativebuzzcut
lookedmorelikearetroskinheadthing,andhis
smoothshaved,roundcheeksmadehimboyish.

Thosearegoodfortwodaystopsyoureyes
startgettingitchy,youjusttossem.Youwanta
Justtryapairon,then,howaboutthat.I
pairthatsgoodforaweek,twentydollahwith
printedanextrasetlastWednesdayandtheyve theMickeys.IgotDonaldsandAstroBoysand
onlygotashelflifeofaweek,sothesellonlybe allkindsofshit,justhavealookthroughmy
goodforanotherday.Freshinasealedpackage. flashbook.SomestuffIdrewmyself,even.
Youlikeem.youbuyapairatfullprice,cmon
Playingalongnow,Sammylethimselfbeledon
thatsasgoodasyouregoingtoget.
atouroftheflashbook,whichfeaturedthekind
BeforeSammyknewit,hewastakingreceiptof ofarthewasaccustomedtoseeingintattoo
asealedplasticpacketinhotpinkwitha
parlorwindows:skullsandsnakesandscorpions
perforatedstripdownoneside.Uh,thanks...
andnakedladies.MickeyMousegivingthe
hesaid,ashebegantotuckitintoapocket.He finger,DaisyDuckwithastrapon,Minnie
hatedhardsells,hewasnogoodatthem.Itwas Mouseasadominatrix.Thecompanyoffereda
whyheboughtallhiscarsonlinenow.
bountyforturningintrademarkinfringers,but
Naw,thatsnotthedeal,yougottotrythemon, somehowhedoubtedthatthecompanylawyers
Thatsallright,Sammysaid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/85
wouldbeabletosendthissquatteraceaseand
desistletter.

anditwashisjobtofigureouthowtobring
themupagain,withoutspendingtoomuch
Intheend,heboughtoneofeachoftheDisney money.Heddoneitbeforeacoupleoftimes,
withtheliveactionroleplayingstuff,andwith
sets.
therebuildofFantasylandasanironicgoth
Youlikethemouse,huh?
hangout(beingawhollyseparateentityfromthe
oldWaltDisneyCompanyhaditsadvantages).
Sure,hesaid.
ButtodoitathirdtimeChrist,hehadnoidea
Ineverbeen.Tooexpensive.Thisisalltheride howhedgetthere.TheseweirdassWalMart
Iwant,righthere.HegesturedatthedeadWal squattershadseemedpromising,butcouldyou
Mart.
possiblytransplantsomethinglikethistoahigh
throughput,professionallocationbased
Youlikethathuh?
entertainmentproduct?
Man,itscool!Igoonthatsometimes,justto
Theurchinswerestillintheparkinglotwith
seewhatitsturnedinto.Ilikethatitsalways
theirRomanemperorbusts.Heheldhishands
different.AndIlikethatpeopleaddtheirown
outtowardthemoffandfoundhimselfholding
stuff.Itmakesmefeel,youknow...
ontoabustofhisownhead.Oneofthelittlerats
What?
hadgottenathreedeeescanofhisheadwhilehe
Suddenly,thevendordroppedhishardcase
waswalkingbyandhadmadethebustonspec.
bangbangerfacade.Thosewerethebestdaysof HelookedolderinRomanemperorguisethanhe
mylife.Iwasbuildingthreedeeeprinters,
didinhismindseye,oldandtired,likean
makingthemrun.Myolderbrotherlikedtofix emperorindecline.
cars,andsodidmyoldman,butwhoneedsa
Twentydollahman,twenty,twenty,thekid
car,whereyougoingtogo?ThestuffIbuilt,
said.Hewasabout12,andstillchubby,with
man,itcouldmakeanything.Idontknowwhy
longhairthatfrizzedawayfromhisheadina
orhowitended,butwhileitwasgoing,Ifeltlike
dandelionhalo.
thekingofthegoddamnedworld.
Ten,Sammysaid,clutchinghistiredhead.It
Itfeltlessfunandironicnow.Thereweretears
wassmoothasepoxyresin,andsurprisingly
brightonthevendorsblackbeadeyes.Hewas
light.Therewasalotofdifferentgoopyoucould
inhismidtwenties,youngerthanhedseemedat
runthroughthosethreedeeeprinters,but
first.Ifhedbeendressedlikeasuburbanhome
whatevertheydusedforthis,itwas
owner,hewouldhavelookedlikesomeonesmart
featherweight.
andaccomplished,withlivelyfeaturesandclever
Thekidlookedshrewd.TwentydollahandIget
hands.Sammyfeltobscurelyashamed.
ridoftheseotherkids,OK?
Oh,hesaid.Well,Ispentthoseyearsworking
Sammylaughed.Hepassedthekidatwenty,
astraightjob,soitdidntreallytouchme.
takingcaretotuckhiswalletdeepintotheinside
Thatsyourloss,man,thevendorsaid.The
pocketofhisjacket.Thekidwhistledshrillyand
printerbehindhimwasspittingoutthelastof
therestofthekidsmeltedaway.The
Sammyscontactlenses,insealedplasticwrap.
entrepreneurmadethetwentydisappear,tapped
Thevendorwrappedthemupandputthemina
thesideofhisnose,andtookoffrunningback
brownliquorstorebag.
intothemarketstalls.
Sammyploddedthroughtherestofthemarket
ItwashotandmuggyandSammywastired,and
withhispaperbag.Itwasallsodepressing.The
thedrivebacktoOrlandowasanotherfivehours
numbersatDisneyWorldweredown,waydown,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/86
ifthetrafficwasagainsthimandthesedays,
everythingwasagainsthim.
Perrysfunnyeyebrowtwitchedashecounted
outthedaystake.Thisgigwasallcream,all
profit.Hisoverheadsamountedtoacouple
hundredamonthtoJasonandhiscrewtohelp
withtherobotandmachinerymaintenanceinthe
WalMart,halfthattosomeoftheshantytown
girlstodustandsweepafterclosing,anda
retainertoabangbangerpackthatransecurityat
therideandinthemarket.Plushegotthe
marketstallrents,andsowhenthedaywasover,
onlythefirsthundredbucksoutofthetillwent
intooverheadsandtherestsplitevenstevenwith
Lester.
Lesterwaitedimpatiently,watchinghimcount
twicebeforesplittingthestack.Perryrolledup
histakeanddroppeditintoahiddenpocket
sewnintohiscargoshorts.
Somedayyouregoingtogetluckyandsome
chickisgoingtoreachdownandfreakout,
buddy,Lestersaid.

scrawleddrunkennoteaboutwhichonewashis.
Theywereattractiveenough,butthemonotonic
fatkinsdevotiontosybartismwassotiresome.
Perrydidntseemuchpointinhookingupwitha
girlhecouldnthaveagoodtechnicaldiscussion
with.
Comeon,itsgoodstuff,youllloveit.
IfIhavetochangeclothes,Imnotinterested.
Perryfoldedhisarms.Intruth,hewasnt
interested,period.Helikedhislittlekingdom
there,andhecouldgeteverythingheneeded
fromburritostoRAMatthemarket.Hehada
chestfreezerfullofbankruptcysaleorganic
MREs,forvariety.
JusttheshirtthenIhaditprintedjustfor
you.
Perryraisedhisfunnyeyebrow.Letsseeit.
Lesterturnedtohislatestcar,atrikewithhuge,
electricbluebacktires,andpoppedthetrunk,
rummaged,andproudlyemergedholdinga
brightblueHawaiianprintshirt.
Lester,arethose...turds?

Itstransgressivistmoderne,Lestersaid,
hoppingfromfoottofoot.SawitintheNew
YorkTimes,broughtthepictoGabrielainthe
market,sheclonedit,printedit,andsentitout
forstitchinganextratenbuckforsameday
OK,letsgetchanged,Lestersaid.Asusual,he service.
waswearingtightfittingjeansthatowedalittle
debttothebangbangercyclingshorts,something Iamnotwearingashirtcoveredinsteaming
pilesofshit,Lester.No,no,no.Agoogoltimes
youwouldhavehadtogotoagaybartosee
whenPerrywasincollege.Hisshirtclungtohis no.
pecsandwastailoreddowntohisnarrowwaist. Lesterlaughed.Christ,Ihadyougoing,didnt
Itwasafatkinsstyle,thekindofthingyou
I?Dontworry,Iwouldntactuallyhaveletyou
couldntwearunlessyouhadauniquely
gooutinpublicwearingthis.Buthowabout
adversarialrelationshipwithyourbodyand
this?hesaidwithaflourish,andbroughtout
metabolism.
anothershirt.Somethingstretchyandiridescent,
likeanoilslick.Itwassleeveless.Itllreally
No,Lester,no.Perrysaid.IsaidIdgoon
workwithyourbicepsandpecs.Also:looks
thisdoubledatewithyou,butIdidntsay
prettygoodcomparedtotheturdshirt,doesnt
anythingaboutlettingyoudressmeupforit.
ThetwogirlswereapairthatLesterhadmetata it?Goon,tryiton.
Bettershefindsmybankrollthanmyprostate,
Perrysaid.Lesterspentalotoftimethinking
aboutgettinglucky,makingupforalifetimeof
badluckwithgirls.

fatkinsclubinSouthBeachtheweekbefore,and LesterBanks,youarethegayeststraightmanI
hedcameraphonedtheirpictoPerrywitha
know,Perrysaid.Heshuckedhissweatytee

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/87
andslippedintotheshirt.Lestergavehimabig
thumbsup.Heexaminedhisreflectioninthe
blackedoutglassdoorsoftheWalMart.
Yeah,OK,hesaid.Letsgetthisoverwith.
Yourenthusiasm,yourbestfeature,Lester
said.
Theirdatesweretwobrunetteswithdeeptans
andwholeeyecosmeticcontactsthathidtheir
pupilsinfavoroffeaturelessexpansesofwhite,
sotheylookedliketheireyeshadrolledback
intotheirheads,ormaybeliketheywerewearing
cueballsforglasseyes.Likemostofthefatkins
girlsPerryhadmet,theydressedtothenines,ate
likepigs,dranklikefishes,andtalkedabout
nothingbutbiotech.
SoImthinking,sure,mitochrondrial
lengtheningsoundslikeitshouldwork,butif
thatsso,whyhavewebeenscrewingaround
withitforthirtyyearswithoutaccomplishing
anything?Hisdate,Moira,workedatalaw
office,andshecameuptohischest,anditwas
hardtotellwiththoseeyes,butitseemedlike
shewastotallyoblivioustohiscomplete
indifferencetomitochondria.
Henoddedandtriednottolookbored.South
Beachwasntwhatithadoncebeen,ormaybe
Perryhadchanged.Heusedtolovetocomehere
topeoplewatch,buttheweirdosofSouthBeach
seemedtoopreciouswhencomparedwiththe
denizensofhisownlittlesettlementoutonthe
Hollywoodfreeway.
Letsgoforawalkonthebeach,Lestersaid,
diggingouthiswalletandrubbinghiscardover
thepaypatchonthetable.

butts,condoms,needles,wrappers,loosechange,
weddingrings,andforgottensunglasses.Perry
nudgedonewithhistoeanditroombaedaway,
followingitsinstincttoavoidhumancontact.
Howdoyoufiguretheykeepthevagsfrom
bustingthoseopenforwhatevertheyvegotin
theirbellies?Perrysaid,lookingoverhisdates
headatLester,whowasholdinghandswithhis
girl,carryinghershoesinhisfreehand.
Huh?Oh,thosethingsarebuiltliketanks.Have
tobetokeepthesandout.Youneedaboutfour
hourswithanairhammertobustoneopen.
Youtriedit?
Lesterlaughed.Who,me?
NowitwasPerrysdatesturntobebored.She
wanderedawaytowardtheboardwalk,withits
stripofnoveltysellers.Perryfollowed,because
hehadaprofessionalinterestinthekindof
warestheycarried.Mostofthemoriginatedon
oneofhisprinters,afterall.Plus,itwasthe
gentlemanlythingtodo.
Whathavewehere?hesaidashepulledup
alongsideher.Shewastryingonabraceletof
odd,bonybeads.
Ectopicfetuses,shesaid.Youknow,likethe
Christianfundiesuseforstemcellresearch?You
quickenanunfertilizedegginvitroandyougeta
littleballoffurandboneandskinandstem
cells.Itcanneverbeahuman,soithasnosoul,
soitsnotmurdertoharvestthem.
Thevendor,aTurkishteenagerwithaluxurious
mustache,nodded.Everybeadmadefrom
naturallyoccurringfoetusbones.Hehanded
onetoPerry.

Goodidea,Perrysaid.Anythingtogetoffthis
patioandawayfromtheinsufferableclubmusic Itwasdryandfragileinhishand.Thebones
werewarmandporous,andintorturedElephant
thunderingoutofthespeakerspolemounted
Manshapesthatherecoiledfromatavistically.
directlyovertheirtable.
Thebeachwasgorgeous,sotherewasthat.The Goodprice,theTurkishkidsaid.Hehad
sunsetbehindthemstainedtheoceanbloodyand practicallynoaccentatall,andwaswearinga
Japanesebaseballteamuniformandsprayon
thesandwasfineandclean.Aroundtheirfeet,
footcoverings.ThoroughlyAmericanized.
DadeCountybeachcomberswormedendlessly
Lookhere,hesaid,andgesturedatalittle
throughthesand,filteringoutallthegunk,cig

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/88
cornerofhistable.

youtoourneighborhoodatthishour.

Itwascoveredinrosesmadefromfabricsmall
andcrude,withpinbacks.Perrypickedoneup.
Ithadacertainnaivecharm.Thefabricwas
somekindofverydelicateleather

Perryscarhadbeenuponblocksforamonth,
awaitinghisattentiontoitsfailingbrakesand
mushysteering.Soitwasnicetogetbehindthe
wheelofLestersBigDaddyRothtrikeandgive
italittlegasoutontheinterstate,thesmellof
Itsskin,hisdatesaid.Foetalskin.
theswampandbiodieselfromthebigrigs
Hedroppedit.Hisfingerstingledwiththeecho streamingpastthewindscreen.Theroadwas
ofthefeelingoftheleather.JesusIhatebiotech. darkandtreacherouswithpotholes,butPerry
Theroseflutteredpastthetabletothesandy
gotintotherhythmofitandfoundhedidnt
boardwalk,andtheTurkishkidpickeditupand wanttogohome,quite,sohekeptdriving,into
blewitclean.
thenight.Hetoldhimselfthathewasscouting
deadmallsforfutureexpansion,buthehadkids
Sorry,Perrysaid,stickinghishandsinhis
whodvideodocumentedthestatusofallthe
pockets.Hisdateboughtabraceletanda
likelycandidatesinthehood,andhekepttabson
matchingchokermadeoftinybonesandteeth,
hischoicestmorselsviadailysatphotosthathe
andtheTurkishkid,leering,helpedherfasten
thenecklace.WhentheyreturnedtoLesterand subscribedtoinhismorningfeed.
hisdate,Perryknewtheeveningwasataclose. Whatthehellwashedoingwithhislife?The
Thegirlsplayedacoupleroundsofeyehockey, WalMartridewasalarkithadbeenLesters
unreadablebehindtheirlenses,andPerry
idea,butLesterhadlostinterestandPerryhad
shruggedapologeticallyatLester.
donemostofthework.Theywerentquite
Wellthen,Lestersaid,itsurehasbeenanice squattingtheWalMart:Perrypaidrenttoastate
night.Lestergotsmoochedwhentheysawthe commissionthatcollectedinescrowforthe
girlsoffinapedicab.Inthebuzzandhumofits absenteelandlord.Itwasafinelife,butthedays
blurredoneintothenext,directionless.Building
flywheel,Perrygotadampandunenthusiastic
theridehadbeenfun,settingupthemarkethad
handshake.
beenfun,butrunningthemwell,hemightas
Winsome,losesome,Lestersaidasthegirls wellberunningalaundromatforallthemental
rolledawayinaflashofmuscularcalvesfrom
acuityhiscurrentjobrequired.
thepairofbeachperfectcabbiespedalingthe
Youmissit,hesaidtohimselfoverthewhistle
thing.
ofthewindandthehissofthefatcontact
Yourenotangry?Perrysaid.
patchesonthereartires.Youwanttobebackin
Nah,Lestersaid.Igetlaidtoomuchasitis. theshit,inventingstuff,makingitallhappen.
Sapsmeofmypreciousbodilyfluids.Gotta
Forthehundredthtime,hethoughtaboutcalling
keepsomechiinside,youknow?
SuzanneChurch.Hemissedher,too,andnotjust
Perryraiseduphisfunnyeyebrowandmadeit
dance.
Oh,OK,Lestersaid.Yougotme.Im
meetingminelater,aftershedropsherfriend
off.
Illgetacabhomethen,shallI?
Takemycar,Lestersaid.Illgetarideback
inthemorning.Nowayyoullgetataxitotake

becauseshemadehimfamous(andnowhewas
nolongerfamous).Sheputitallinperspective
forhim,andeggedhimontogreaterthings.
Shedbeentheiraudience,andtheydall
performedforher,backinthegoldendays.
Itwas,what,5AMinRussia?Orwasittwoin
theafternoon?Hehadhernumberonhisspeed
dial,butheneverrangit.Hedidntknowwhat
hedtellher.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/89
HecouldcallTjan,orevenKettlebelly,justring
themoutoftheblue,veteranstogethershooting
theshit.MaybetheycouldhaveaKodacell
reunion,andgettogethertosingthecompany
song,wearingthecompanytshirt.
Hepulledthecaroffatatruckstopandbought
anicecreamnoveltyfromavendingmachine
witharoboticclawthatscoopedtheicecream,
musheditintothecone,thengaveitahaircutso
thatitlookedlikeAstroBoyshead,then
extendedtheconeonaroboticclaw.Itmadehim
smile.Someonehadinventedthisthing.Itcould
havebeenhim.Heknewwhereyoucould
downloadvisionsystemlibraries,andforce
feedbacklibraries.Heknewwhereyoucouldget
plansfortherobotics,andofftheshelfmotors
andsensors.Christ,thesedayshehadagood
ideawhereyoucouldgettheicecream
wholesale,andwhichcrookedvendingmachine
interestshedhavetogreasetogethisstuffinto
truckstops.
Hewasthirtyfouryearsold,hewassingleand
childless,andhewaseatinganicecreamina
desertedtruckstopattwointhemorningbythe
sideofafreewayinsouthFlorida.Hebosseda
lowbudgettouristattractionandheranapirate
fleamarket.
Whatthehellwashedoingwithhislife?
Gettingmugged,thatswhat.
Theycameoutofthewoodsnearthepicnic
tables,fourbangbangers,butyoungones,in
theirearlyteens.Twohadgunsnothingfancy,
justAK47srunoffacomputercontrolledmill
somewhereinanindustrialpark.Yousawthem
allovertheplace,easyaspietomake,butthe
ammowasalothardertocomeby.Somaybe
theywereunloaded.
Speakingofunloaded.Hewasabouttopisshis
pants.
Wallet,oneofthemsaid.Hehadabad
mustachethatremindedhimoftheTurkishkid
onthebeach.Probablythesamehormonesthat
gavekidsmustachesgavethembadideaslike

sellingfetusjewelryorstickinguppeoplebythe
icecreammachinesatlatenighttruckstops.
Keys,hesaid.Phone,headded.
Perryslowlysetdowntheicecreamconeonthe
lidofthetrashcanbesidehim.Hedonlyeaten
onespikeoffAstroBoyshead.
Hisvisiontelescopeddownsothathewas
lookingatthatkid,athismustache,atthegunin
hishands.Hewasreachingforhiswallet,slowly.
Hedneedtohitcharidebacktotown.
Cancelingthecreditcardswouldbetough,since
hedstoredalltheidentitytheftpasswordsand
numbersinhisphone,whichtheywereaboutto
takeoffhim.Andhedhavetocancelthephone,
forthatmatter.
DoyouhaveanolderbrothernamedJason?
hismouthsaid,whilehishandswerestillbeing
mugged.
What?
WorksastallbytheWalMartride,selling
contactlenses?
Thekidseyesnarrowed.Youdontknowme,
man.Youdontwanttoknowme.Betterforyour
healthifyoudontknowme.
Hishandswerepassingoverhisphone,his
wallet,hiskeysLesterskeys.Lesterwouldbe
gladtohaveanexcusetobuildanewcar.
OnlyIowntheWalMartride,andIveknown
Jasonalongtime.Igavehimhisfirstjob,fixing
theprinters.Youlooklikehim.
Thekidsthreebuddieswerebeginningtheir
slowfadeintothebackground.Thekidwas
visiblyonthehornsofadilemma.Thegun
wavered.Perryskneesturnedtowater.
Yourethatguy?thekidsaid.Hepeered
closer.Shit,youare.
Keepitall,Perrysaid.Hismouthwasntso
smart.Knowingwhomuggedyouwasntgood
foryourhealth.
Shit,thekidsaid.Thegunwavered.Wavered.
Comeon,oneofhisbuddiessaid.Comeon,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/90
man!

reallydothis.Itsourfirstnight.Mybrother
Illbethereinaminute,thekidsaid,hisvoice wouldreallykillme.
flat.
Iwonttellhim,Perrysaid.Hisheartwas
beatingagain,notthunderingorkeeping
Perryknewhewasadeadman.
ominouslystill.Butyouknow,thisisntsmart.
Imreallysorry,thekidsaid,oncehisfriends Youregoingtosticksomeoneupwhohas
wereoutofrange.
bulletsandhesgonnashootyou.
Metoo,saidPerry.
Wellgetammo,thekidsaid.
Youwonttellmybrother?
Perryfroze.Timedilated.Herealizedthathis
fistswereclenchedsotightthathisknuckles
hurt.Herealizedthathehadazitonthebackof
hisneckthatwasrubbingagainsthiscollar.He
realizedthatthekidhadapaperbackbookstuck
inthewaistbandofhisbangbangershorts,which
wasunusual.Itwasafantasynovel.AConan
novel.Wow.
Timesnappedback.
Iwonttellyourbrother,hesaid.Thenhe
surprisedhimself,Butyouvegottogiveme
backthecreditcardsandleavethecaratthe
marketinthemorning.
Thekidnodded.Thenheseemedtorealizehe
washoldingagunonPerry.Heloweredit.
Yeah,thatsfair,hesaid.Cantusethe
fuckingcardsthesedaysanyway.

Andshoothim?Thatsonlyalittlebetter,you
know.
Whatdoyouwantmetosay?thekidsaid,
lookingyoungandpetulant.Iapologized.
Comebytomorrowwiththecarandletstalk,
allright?
Lesterdidntevennoticethathiscarwasmissing
untilthekiddroveupwithit,andwhenheasked
aboutit,Perryjustraisedhisfunnyeyebrowat
him.Thatfunnyeyebrow,ithadthepowerto
cloudmensminds.
Whatsyourname?Perryaskedthekid,giving
himthesparestoolbytheticketwindow.Itwas
afterlunchtime,whenthepunishingheatslowed
everyonetoastickycrawl,andthecrowdwas
thinoneortwocustomerseveryhalfhour.

YougethomeOK?

Glenn,thekidsaid.Infulldaylight,helooked
older.Perryhadnoticedthattheshantytowners
neverstoppeddressingliketeenagers,wearing
thefashionsoftheiryouthsforever,sothata
walkthroughthemarketwaslikeatourthrough
theteenfashionsofthelastthirtyyears.

Illthumbaride,Perrysaid.

Glenn,youdidmearealsolidlastnight.

Yeah,Perrysaid.Well,theressomecash
thereanyway.Herealizedhehadfivehundred
bucksinarollinahiddenpocketinhisshorts.

Icancallyouataxi,thekidsaid.Itsnotsafe Glennsquirmedonhisstool.Imsorryabout
that
tohangaroundhere.
Thatsreallyniceofyou,Perrysaid.Thanks. Metoo,Perrysaid.ButnotassorryasI
mighthavebeen.Yousaiditwasyourfirstnight.
Thekidtookoutalittlephoneandproddeditfor Isthattrue?
aminute.Ontheway,hesaid.Theguns
Carjacking,sure,thekidsaid.
arentloaded.
Butyougetintoothershit,dontyou?
Oh,well,Perrysaid.Goodtoknow.
Mugging?Sellingalittledope?Somethinglike
Anawkwardsilencespreadbetweenthem.
that?
Look,Imreallysorry,thekidsaid.Wedont

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/91
Everyonedoesthat,Glennsaid.Helooked
sullen.
Maybe,Perrysaid.Andthenalotofthem
endupdoingastretchinaworkcamp.
Sometimestheygetbitbywatermoccasinsand
dontcomeout.Sometimes,oneoftheother
prisonershitsthemovertheheadwithashovel.
Sometimesyoujustlosethreetofiveyearsof
yourlifetodiggingditches.
Glennsaidnothing.

stallandthenthelongwalktowhereverhe
plannedonspendinghisday.Everythingwasa
longwalkfromhere,oryoucouldwaitforthe
bussesthatranonthehourduringbusiness
hours.
Perrycheckedoutthecar,cleanedoutthe
emptiesandtheroachesandtwistsfromtheback
seat,thenparkedit.Acouplemorepeoplecame
bytoridehisride,andhetooktheirmoney.

Lesterhadjustfinishedhislargestever
Imnottryingtotellyouhowtorunyourlife, flattenedsodacanmechanicalcomputer,it
Perrysaid.Butyouseemlikeadecentkid,soI snakedbackandforthacrossthewholeofthe
figuretheresmoreinstoreforyouthangetting oldWalMartsolarium,sheetsofpressboard
killedorlockedup.Iknowthatsprettynormal withprecisioncutgearsmountedonaviation
bearingsFrancishadhelpedhimwiththose.
aroundhere,butyoudonthavetogothatway.
Allday,hedbeenlisteningtotheracketofit
Yourbrotherdidnt.
grindingthroughitsmighty0.001KHz
Whatthefuckdoyouknowaboutit,anyway? calculations,dumpingcarloadsofM&Msintoits
Thekidwasupnow,bodylanguagesayinghe
outputhopper.Youprogrammeditwith
wantedtogetfaraway,fast.
regulationbaseballs,footballs,soccerballs,and
wiffleballs:dumpthemintheinputhopperand
Icouldaskaroundthemarket,Perrysaid,as
theywouldbesortedintothecorrectchutesto
thoughthekidhadntspoken.Someonehere
triggertheoperations.Withawhoppingone
hasgottobelookingforsomeonetohelpout.
kilobitofmemory,thethingcouldbestanyof
Youcouldopenyourownstall.
theearlyvacuumtubecomputerswithouta
Thekidsaid,Itsalljustsellingjunktoidiots. singleelectricalcomponent,andLesterwas
Whatkindofjobisthatforaman?
readytofinallydeclarevictoryoverthecursed
Univac.
Sellingpeoplestufftheycantbebotheredto
makeforthemselvesisatimehonoredwayof
Perrylethimselfbecoaxedintotheworkroom,
makingaliving.Thereusedtobeprofessional
deputizingFrancistomantheticketdesk,and
portraitphotographerswhodtakeapicofyour watchedadmiringlyasLesterputthemachine
familyformoney.Theywereevenconsidered
throughitspaces.
artists.Besides,youdonthavetosellstuffyou
Youvedoneit,Perrysaid.
download.Youcaninventstuffandprintthat.
Well,Igottablogit,Lestersaid.Runsome
Getoverit.Thosedaysareover.Noonecares
benchmarks,reallytestitoutagainsttheold
aboutinventionsanymore.
monsters.Imthinkingofusingittobruteforce
ItnailedPerrybetweentheeyes,likea
theoldNaziEnigmacode.Thatllshowthose
slaughterhousebolt.Yeah,yeah,hesaid.He
dirtyNazibastards!Wellwinthewaryet!
didntwanttotalktothiskidanymorethanthis
Perryfoundhimselfgiggling.Yourethebest,
kidwantedtotalktohim.Well,ifIcanttalk
man,hesaidtoLester.Itsgoodthattheresat
yououtofit,itsyourownbusiness...He
leastonesanepersonaroundhere.
startedtorearrangehisticketdesk.
Dontflatteryourself,Perry.
Thekidsawhisopportunityforfreedomand
bolted.Hewasprobablyheadedforhisbrothers Iwastalkingaboutyou,Lester.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/92
Uhoh,Lestersaid.Hescoopedadouble
handfulofbrownM&Msupfromtheoutput
hopperandmunchedthem.Itsnotagoodsign
whenyoustartaccusingmeofbeingthe
grownupinourpartnership.HavesomeM&Ms
andtellmeaboutit.

onewordforyou,man:franchise!
Franchise?
Builddupesofthisthing.Printoutanything
thatsaoneofakind,runthemasfranchises.

Wontwork,Perrysaid.Likeyousaid,this
Perrydid,unburdeninghimselftohisoldpal,his thingworksbecauseofthehardcoreofvolunteer
roommateoftenyears,theguyhedgonetowar curatorswhoaddtheirownstufftoitits
alwaysdifferent.Thosefranchiseswouldallbe
withandstartedbusinesseswithand
static,orwoulddiverge...Itdjustbeboring
collaboratedwith.
comparedtothis.
Yourerestless,Perry,Lestersaid.Heputnine
Whyshouldtheydiverge?Whyshouldtheybe
golfballs,apingpongball,andanothernine
golfballsinthemachinesinputhopper.Twoand static?Youcouldnetworkthem,dude!What
athirdsecondslater,eightyoneM&Msdropped happensinone,happensinall.Thecurators
wouldntjustbeupdatingoneexhibit,butallof
intotheoutputhopper.Yourejustbored.
them.Thousandsofthem.Millionsofthem.A
Youreamaker,andyourerunningthings
giganticphysicalwiki.Oh,itdbesoveryvery
insteadofmakingthings.
verycool,Perry.Acoolsocialinstitution.
Noonecaresaboutmadethingsanymore,Les.
Whydontyoudoit?
Thatssortoftrue,Lestersaid.Illallowyou
Imgonna.ButIneedsomeonetorunthe
that.Butitsonlysortoftrue.Whatyoure
project.Someonewhosgoodatgettingpeople
missingishowmuchpeoplecareabout
organizationsstill.Thatwasthereallyimportant allpointedinthesamedirection.You,pal.
thingabouttheNewWork:thewaywecouldall Youremyheroonthisstuff.
cometogethertoexecute,withoutalotoftop
Youresuchaflatterer.
downmanagement.Thebangbangerarms
dealers,thebioterroristsandfatkinssuppliers Youloveit,baby,Lestersaid,andflutteredhis
longeyelashes.Liketheladysaidtothestamp
theyallrunonsocialinstitutionsthatwe
perfectedbackthen.Youvegotsomethinglike collector,philatelywillgetyoueverywhere.
thatherewithyourmarket,afluidsocial
Oy,Perrysaid.Yourefired.
institutionthatyoucouldnthavehadtenor
Youcantfireme,Imavolunteer!
fifteenyearsago.
Lesterdroppedsixgolfballsandaheavy
Ifyousayso,Perrysaid.TheM&Mswere
medicineballdownthehopper.Themachine
givinghimheartburn.Cheapchocolatedidnt
groundandchattered,thenstarteddropping
reallyagreewithhisstomach.
hundredloadsofM&Ms100,200,300,400,
Ido.Andsotheanswerisstaringyourightin 500,600,700thensomechange.
theface:goinventsomesocialinstitutions.
Whatoperationwasthat?Perrysaid.Hed
Youvegotonecreepinguphereintheride.
neverseenLesterpulloutthemedicineball.
Therearelittleblogospheresoffanswho
coordinatewhattheyregoingtobringdownand Figureitout,Lestersaid.
wheretheyregoingtoputit.Buildonthat.
Perrythoughtforamoment.Sixsquared?Six
Noonesgoingtohaulassacrossthecountryto cubed?Logsix?Sixfactorial?MyGodyoure
weird,Les.
ridethisride,Les.Getreal.
Coursenot.Lesterbeamedathim.Ivegot

Geniusisneverappreciated.Hescoopedupa

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/93
doublehandfulofbrownM&Ms.Inyourface,
VonNeumann!LetsseeyourpreciousENIAC
topthis!
Amonthlater,Perrywasclearingsecurityat
MiamiInternational,lookingawkwardinlong
trousers,closedsoleshoes,andadenimjacket.
ItwasautumninBoston,andhecouldntshow
upinflipflopsandapairofcutoffs.The
securityguardsgavehisleathery,lopsidedfacea
hardlook.Hegrinnedlikeapirateandmadehis
funnyeyebrowtwitch,astuntthatearnedhim
halfanhourbehindthescreenandadatewith
DoctorJellyfinger.

Illberightaround,Tjansaid.Reallylooking
forwardtoseeingyou.
Thereweremorecopsthanpassengersinthe
arrivalsareaatLogan,andtheywatchedTjan
warilyashepulledupandswungopenadoorof
hislittlesportscar.
Whatthefuckisthis,aPorsche?Perrysaidas
hefoldedhimselfawkwardlyintothefrontseat,
steppinginthroughthesunroof,pullinghisbag
downintohislapafterhim.
ItsaLada.Ihaditimportedtheyreallover
Russia.Evolutionaryalgorithmusedtoproduce
aminimummaterials/maximumstrength
chassis.Itsnicetoseeyou,Perry.

What,exactly,doyouthinkIvegothiddenup
there?heaskedashegrippedtherailingand
triednottolettheillegitimaticarborundum.

Itsnicetoseeyou,Tjan,hesaid.Thecarwas
solowtothegroundthatitfeltlikehewasriding
luge.Tjanhammeredmercilesslyonthegearbox,
rocketingthemtoCambridgeatsuchspeedthat
Itsprocedure,sir.
Perrybarelyhadtimetoadmirethefoliage,
Well,thedocsaidmyprostatewasthesizeofa
exceptatstoplights.
guavaaboutamonthagoinyourprofessional
Theywerearoundthecampusnow,takinga
opinion,hasitshrunkorgrown?Imean,while
screechingrightoffMassAveontoatreelined
youreupthere.
streetofhomelytwostoreybrickhouses.Tjan
TheTSAmandidntlikethatatall.Aminute
pulledupinfrontofoneandpoppedthesun
later,Perrywasbucklingupandleavingthelittle
roof.Thecoldairthatrushedinwasascrispas
roomwithanexaggeratedbowleggedgait.He
anapple,unlikeanybreathofairtobehadin
tippedanimaginaryhatattheguardsretreating
Florida,wheretherewasalwaysamushiness,a
backandsaid,Callme!inastageyvoice.
feelingofairthathadbeenfilteredthroughthe
Itwasthelastbitoffunhehadforthenextfour moistlungsofFloridasteemingfauna.
hours,crammedinthetincanfullofrecycled
PerryclimbedoutofthelittleRussiansportscar
discountairtravellerflatulenceandtheclatterof
andtwistedhisbackandraisedhisarmsoverhis
fingersonkeyboardsandthegabbleofa
headuntilhisspinegaveandpoppedand
hundredphoneconversationsasthesalarymen
crackled.
ontheflightstoleafewminutesofcramped
Tjanfollowed,andthenheshutdownthecar
productivityfromthedeadtraveltime.
witharemotethatmadeitgothroughan
TouchingdowninBostonandgettinghis
impressiveandstylishseriesofclicks,clunks
luggage,hefeltlikehedlandedonanalien
andchirpsbeforesettlingdownoveritswheels,
planet.Thefeelingofdisorientationand
droppingthechassistoamufflerscraping
foreignnesswasnewtoPerry.Hewasusedto
centimeterofftheground.
beingsupremelycomfortable,incontrol
confident.Buthewasnervousnow,maybeeven Comeon,hesaid.Illshowyouyourroom.
scared,alittle.
Tjansporchsagged,withacouplekidsbikes
HedialedTjan.Ivegotmybags,hesaid.

triplelockedtoitandanallcoveringchalk

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/94
mosaicovereveryinchofit.Thewoodcreaked
andgavebeneaththeirfeet.
Thedoorsprangopenandrevealedaprettylittle
girl,nineortenyearsold,inbluejeansanda
hoodiesweaterthatwentnearlytoherankles,
thelongsleevesbuncheduplikebeachballson
herforearms.Thehoodhungdowntoherbutt
itwasEastCoastbangbanger,asreinterpreted
throughthemalls.
Daddy!shesaid,andputherarmsaround
Tjanswaist,squeezinghard.
Hepriedherlooseandthenhoistedherbythe
armpitsuptoeyeheight.Whathaveyoudone
toyourbrother?
Nothinghedidntdeserve,shesaid,witha
smilethatshoweddimplesandmadeherlittle
nosewrinkle.
TjanlookedoveratPerry.Thisismydaughter,
Lyenitchka,whoisabouttobelockedinthecoal
cellaruntilshelearnstostoptorturingher
youngerbrother.Lyenitchka,thisisPerry
Gibbons,uponwhomyouhavealreadymadean
irreparablybadfirstimpression.Heshookher
gentlyPerrywards.
Hello,Perry,shesaid,giggling,holdingout
onehand.Shehadafaintaccent,whichmade
hersoundlikeatiny,skinnyBondvillainess.
Heshookgravely.Nicetomeetyou,hesaid.
Yougotyourkids,Perrysaid,onceshewas
gone.
Fortheschoolyear.Meandtheex,wehada
hearttoheartabouttheRussianeducation
systemandendeduphere:Igetthekidsfrom
SeptembertoJune,butnotChristmasesorEaster
holidays.Shegetsthemtherestofthetime,and
takesthemtoafamilydachainUkraine,where
sheassuresmetherearehardlyanymafiyehkids
toinfluencemydarlingdaughter.
Youmustbelovingthis,Perrysaid.
Tjansfacewentserious.Thisisthebestthing
thatseverhappenedtome.

Imreallyhappyforyou,buddy.
Theyhadburgersinthebackyard,cookingon
anelectricgrillthatwascakedwiththesmoking
greaseofasummersworthofoutdoormeals.
Theplastictableclothwasweigheddownwith
paintedrocksandthecornersblewupinthe
fresheningautumnwinds.Lyenitchkaslittle
brotherappearedwhentheburgersbegantospit
andsmokeonthegrill,asevenyearoldin
metallicmeshtrousersandshirtwroughtwith
thelogoofacartoonCossackholdingalaser
swordaloft.
Sasha,meetPerry.Sashalookedaway,then
wentofftoswingonatireswinghangingfrom
thebigtree.
Youvegotgoodkids,Perrysaid,handingTjan
abeerfromthecoolerunderthepicnictable.
Yup,Tjansaid.Heflippedtheburgersand
thenlookedatbothofthem.Lyenitchkawas
pushingherbrotherontheswing,alittletoo
hard.Tjansmiledandlookedbackdownathis
burgers.
Tjancuttheburgersinhalfanddressedthemto
hiskidsexactingstandards.Theypickedat
them,pushedthemontoeachothersplatesand
gotsomeintotheirmouths.
Ivereadyourbriefingontheride,Tjansaid,
oncehiskidshadfinishedandeatenhalfa
packageofChutneyOreosfordessert.Its
prettyweirdstuff.
Perrynoddedandcrackedanotherbeer.Thecool
airwasweirdinghimout,awakeningsome
atavisticinstincttoseekacave.Yup,weirdas
hell.Buttheyloveit.Notjustthegeeks,either,
thoughtheyeatitup,youshouldseeit.
Obsessivedoesntbegintocoverit.Butthe
civilianscomebythehundreds,too.Youshould
hearthemwhentheycomeout:Jeezus,Id
forgottenaboutthosedishwasherstackers,they
werewicked!WherecanIgetoneofthosethese
daysyoufigger?Thenostalgiasthickenoughto
cutwithaknife.
Tjannodded.Ivebeengoingoveryourbooks,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/95
butIcantfigureoutifyoureprofitable.
Sorry,thatsme.Imprettygoodatkeeping
trackofnumbers,butgettingthemmassaged
intoacoherentpicture
Yeah,Iknow.Tjangotafarawaylook.
HowdyoumakeoutonKodacell,Perry?
Financewise?
Enoughtoopentheride,buyacar.Didntlose
anything.
Ah.Tjanfiddledwithhisbeer.Listen,Igot
richoffofWestinghouse.Notfucktheservice
hereImbuyingthisrestaurantrich,butrich
enoughthatIneverhavetoworkagain.Ican
spendtherestofmylifeinthisyard,flipping
burgers,takingcareofmykids,andlookingat
porn.
Well,youwerethesuit.Gettingrichiswhat
suitsdo.Imjustagrunt.
Tjanhadthegoodgracetolookslightly
embarrassed.Nowheresthething.Idonthave
towork,but,Perry,IhavenoideawhatIm
goingtodoifIdontwork.Thekidsareat
schoolallday.Doyouhaveanyideahowmuch
daytimeTVsucks?Playingthestockmarketis
completelynuts,itsallgonesidewaysand
upsidedown.IgotaneducationsoIwouldnt
havetoflipburgersfortherestofmylife.
Whatareyousaying,Tjan?

nofranchisingopthewayyouretalkingaboutit.
Itsadhoc.Itsaprotocolweallagreeon,nota
businessarrangement.
Tjangrunted.IdontthinkIunderstandthe
differencebetweenaagreeduponprotocolanda
businessarrangement.Hehelduphishandto
fendoffPerrysnextremark.Butitdoesnt
matter.Youcanletpeoplehavethefranchisefor
free.Youcanclaimthatyourenotlettinganyone
haveanything,thattheyrelettingthemselvesin
fortheirfranchise.Itdoesntmattertome.
ButPerry,heressomethingyouregoingto
havetounderstand:itsgoingtobenearly
impossiblenottomakeabusinessoutofthis.
Businessesaregreatstructuresformanagingbig
projects.Itsliketryingtodeveloptheabilityto
walkwithoutdevelopingaskeleton.Onceina
bluemoon,yougetanoctopus,butforthemost
part,yougetskeletons.Skeletonsaregoodshit.
Tjan,Iwantyoutocomeonboardtohelpme
createanoctopus,Perrysaid.
Icantry,Tjansaid,butitwontbeeasy.
Whenyoudocoolstuff,youendupmaking
money.
Fine,Perrysaid.Makemoney.Butkeepitto
aminimum,OK?

ThenexttimePerryturnedupatLogan,itwas
Imsayingyes,Tjansaid,grinningpiratically. colderthantheinsideofaniceboxandshitting
downgreysnowwiththeconsistencyoffrozen
ImsayingthatIlljoinyourlittleweirdass
custard.
hobbybusinessandIllopenanotherridehere
fortheMassholes.Illhelpyourunthe
Greatweatherforanopening,hesaid,once
franchisingop,collectfees,makeitprofitable. hedclimbedthroughtheroofofTjanscarand
gottensnowallovertheleatherupholstery.
Perryfelthisfacetighten.
Sorryaboutthecar.
What?Ithoughtyoudbehappyaboutthis.
Dontsweatit,thekidsaremurderonleather.I
Iam,Perrysaid.Butyoure
shouldtradethisthinginonsomethingthats
misunderstandingsomething.Thesearentmeant lessofadeathtrapanyway.
tobeprofitablebusinesses.Imdonewiththat.
TjanwasbalderthanhedbeeninSeptember,
Theseareart,orcommunity,orsomething.
andskinnier.Hehadathreedaybeardthat
Theyremuseums.Lestercallsthem
wunderkammerscabinetsofwonders.Theres furtherhollowedouthisnormallyroundcheeks.
TheLadasportscarfishtailedalittleasthey

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/96
navigatedthetunnelsbacktowardCambridge,
theroadsslickandicy.

BostonassoonasIputthewordout.Ithink
everyoneswaitingforthenextbigthing.

Wescoredanexcellentlocation,Tjansaid.I
toldyouthat,butcheckthisout.Theywere
rightinthemiddleofabuiltupareaofBoston,
somethingthatfeltlikeabankingdistrict,with
impressivetowers.IttookPerryaminuteto
figureoutwhatTjanwaspointingat.

Youthink?

Thatsthesite?Therewasamallonthe
corner,withaboardedupderelictHyatt
overtoppingit,risinghighintothesky.Butits
rightinthemiddleoftown!

Perry,NewWorkisthemostimportantthing
thateverhappenedtosomeofthosepeople.It
wasthehighpointoftheirlives.Itwastheonly
timetheyeverfeltuseful.
Perryshookhishead.Dontyouthinkthats
sad?

Tjannegotiatedatrickytunnelinterchangeand
gotthecarpointedtoCambridge.No,Perry,I
dontthinkitssad.JesusChrist,youcant
BostonsnotFlorida,Tjansaid.Lotsof
believethat.WhydoyouthinkImhelpingyou?
peopleheredonthavecars.Thereweresome
Youandmeandalltherestofthem,wedid
deadmallsoutinWorcesterandthelike,butI
somethingimportant.Theworldchanged.Its
gotthisplacefornothing.Theownershavent
continuingtochange.Haveyoustoppedtothink
paidtaxesinthetenyearssincethehotelfolded, thatoneinfiveAmericanworkerspickedupand
andtheonlyshopsthatwereleftopenwerea
movedsomewhereelsetodoNewWork
coupleofAzerbaijaniimportexportguys,
projects?ThatsoneofthelargestAmerican
sellingjunkystufffromIndia.
resettlementssincethedustbowl.Theaverage
Weguttedthewholesecondfloorandturned
NewWorkcollectiveshippedmoreinventions
thegroundfloorfoodcourtintoafleamarket.
peryearthanEdisonLabsatitspeak.Ina
TheresanoldtunnelconnectingthistotheT
hundredyears,whentheyrememberthe
andImanagedtogetitreopened,soIexpect
centuriesthatwereAmericas,theyllcountthis
wellgetsomewalkin.
oneamongthem,becauseofwhatwemade.
Perrymarveled.Tjanhadasuitsknackfor
pullingofftheambitious.Perryhadnevertried
toevenrentanapartmentinabigcity,figuring
thatanyplacewherelandwasatapremiumwas
aplacewherepeoplewillingtospendmorethan
himcouldbefound.Givehimaghostmallthat
wasofftheGPSgridanytime.
Haveyoumanagedtofillthefleamarket?It
hadtakenPerryalongtimetofillhis,andstill
hehadacoupleofdogsatarotreaderanda
bongstall,aguysellinghighpressurespray
paintcansandadiscountpornstallthatsold
nakedshovelwarebythepetabyte.
Yeah,IgotprotegesupanddownNew
England.Alotofthemsettledhereafterthe
crash.Oneplaceisasgoodasanother,andthe
housingwaswickedcheaponcetheeconomy
disappeared.Theyuppedstakesandcameto

Sono,Perry,Idontthinkitssad.
Imsorry.Sorry,OK?Ididntmeanitthatway.
Butitstragic,isntit,thatthedreamended?
Thattheyrealllivingoutthereintheboonies,
thinkingoftheirglorydays?
Yes,thatissad.ButthatswhyIagreedtodo
theridenottofreezetheoldprojectsinamber,
buttocreateanewprojectthatwecanall
participateinagain.Thesepeopleuprootedtheir
livestofollowus,itstheleastwecandotogive
themsomethingbackforthat.
Perrystewedonthattherestofthewayto
Tjans,staringatthesleet,handrestingagainst
theicywindowglass.
SammycheckedintoaComfortInntuckedinto
thethirtyseventhstoreyoftheBankofAmerica

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/97
buildingindowntownBoston.Thelobbywas
empty,thesecurityguardsdeskunmanned.Bof
Awasinreceivership,andnotdoingsohotat
that,asthefactthattheyhadletouttheir
executivefloorstoadiscountbusinesshotel
testified.

rulesandgetnothingdone.
Andgetfired.Orpassedupforpromotion,
whichwaspracticallythesamething.

Thenewridewasinanimpressiveurbanmall.
HedspenthiscollegeyearsinPhillyandhad
passedmanyahappydayinmallslikethisone,
Theroomwasfine,thoughsmalland
cruisingforgirlsorcampingoutonabenchwith
windowless,butfine:power,shower,toiletand
hisbooksandasmoothie.Unlikethecrappy
bed,allhedemandedinahotelroom.Heatethe roadsidemallsofFlorida,therehadbeennothing
packetofnutshedboughtattheairportbefore
butthebeststoresinthem,thepropertyvalues
jumpingontheTandthencheckedhisemail.He toohightomakeanythingbuthighmargin,
hadmoreofitthanhecouldpossiblyanswer
highturnover,highticketshopsviable.
hedidntthinkhedeverhadanemptyinbox.
Soitwasespeciallysadtoseethismallturned
Buthepickedoffanythingthatlooked
overtothejunkystallsandjunkierridelikea
important,includinganotefromhisex,who
fat,washedupsupermodelsentencedtoatalk
wasnowlivingintheKeysonasquatterbeach
showappearanceforhershopliftingarrests.He
andwantedtoknowifhecouldloanhera
approachedthedoorswithtrepidation.Hewas
hundredbucks.Nosenseofhowshedpayhim resolvednottobuyanythingfromthemarket
backwithoutwork.ButMichellewas
nobustsorcontactlensesandhadstuckhis
resourcefulandprobablygoodforit.He
walletinhisfrontpocketonthewayover.
paypalledittoher,feelinglikeasuckerfor
Themallwaslikeasauna.Heshuckedhisjacket
hopingthatshemightrepayitinperson.Hed
beensinglesinceshedlefthimtheyearbefore andsweaterandhungthemoveronearm.The
wholegroundfloorhadbeengivenoverto
andhewaslonelyandhardup.
flimsymarketstalls.Heskulkedamongthem,
Hedlandedattwoandbythetimehewasdone tryingtosimultaneouslytakenoteoftheir
withallthebullshit,itwasafterdinnertimeand contentsandavoidtheirownersnotice.
hewashungryashell.Bostonwasfulloftaco
wagonsandkebabstandsthathedpassedonthe Hecametorealizethatheneedntskulk.It
walkin,andhehustledoutontothestreettosee seemedlikehalfofBostonhadturnedoutnot
justyoungpeople,either.Therewereplentyof
ifanywerestillopen.Hegotahugegarlicky
tweedyacademics,bigworkingclassSouthie
kebabandateitintheleeofafrozenATM
boyswiththickaccents,recentimmigrantswith
shelter,wolfingitwithouttastingit.
Scandiechicclothes.Theychatteredand
Hewentandscoutedthelocationofthenew
laughedandmixedfreelyandatehotfoodoutof
ride.Hedgottenwindofitonlinenoneofhis hugecauldronsoroffofcleverelectricgrills.
idiotcolleaguescouldbebotheredtoreadthe
Thesmellsmadehisstomachgrowl,eventhough
publicemaillistsofthecompetitorstheywere
hedjustpolishedoffakebabthesizeofhis
supposedlyinchargeofopporesearching.
head.
Shakingloosethebudgettogetadiscountflight
Thebuzzofthecrowdremindedhimof
toBostonhadbeenamajorcoup,requiring
horsetrading,blackmail,andpassiveaggressive something,whatwasit?Apremiere,thatwasit.
gamingofthesystem.Withtheridiculouslylow WhentheyopenedanewrideorareaatthePark,
perdiemandhotelallowancehedstillgohome therewasthesamesenseofthrilling
acouplehundredbucksoutofpocket.Whydid anticipation,ofexcitementandeagerness.That
madeitworsethesepeoplehadnobusiness
heevendohisjob?Heshouldjustplaybythe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/98
beingthisexcitedaboutsomethingso...
lowbrow?Cheap?Whateveritwas,itwasnt
worthy.

compticketsthentheleastwecandoforyour
loyalty.Thepaperwasfestoonedwith
hologramsandsmartcardsandraisedbumps
Theywereshoppinglikefiends.Amotherwitha containingRFIDs,butSammyknewthatyou
couldbuystandardanticounterfeitingstocklike
babyonherhippushedpasthim,herstroller
itfromamailordercatalog.
piledhighwithshoppingbagsscreenedwith
giant,pixellatedBelgianpastries.Shewas
Thatsmightygenerousofyou,hesaid,
laughingandthebabyonherhipwaslaughing
shakingTjansdry,firmhand.
too.
Ourpleasure,theotherguysaid.Bettergetin
Heheadedfortheescalator,whosetreadshad
beenanodizedinbrightcolors,somethinghed
neverseenbefore.Heletitcarryhimupstairs,
butlookeddown,andsohewasnearlyatthetop
beforeherealizedthattheguyfromtheFlorida
ridewasstandingthere,handingoutfliersand
staringatSammylikeheknewhimfrom
somewhere.

line,though,oryouregonnabewaitingalong,
longtime.Hehadasatisfiedexpression.
Sammysawthatwhathedmistakenforacrowd
ofpeoplewasinfactalong,jostlingqueue
stretchingallthewayaroundtheescalator
mezzanineandoffoneofthemallsside
corridors.

Feelinglikehedavertedadisaster,Sammy
Itwastoolatetoavoidhim.Sammyputonhis
followedthelengthofthequeueuntilhecameto
bestcastmembersmile.Hellothere!
itsend.Hepoppedinaheadphoneandsetuphis
headlinereadertotexttospeechhisdaysnews.
Theguygrinnedandwiggledhiseyebrow.I
Hedfallenbehind,whatwiththeairtraveland
knowyoufromsomewhere,hesaidslowly.
all.Mostofthestuffinhiscachecameinfrom
FromFlorida,Sammysaid,withanapologetic hiscoworkers,anditwasthemostinsipidcrap
shrug.Icameuptoseetheopening.
anyway,buthehadtolistentoitorhedbeodd
manoutatthewatercoolerwhenhegotback.
Noway!Theguyhadahugesmilenow,
lookedlikewasgoingtohughim.Youre
Helistenedwithhalfanearandconsideredthe
shittingme!
giganticcrowdstretchingawayasfarastheeye
couldsee.Comparedwiththereopeningof
WhatcanIsay?Imafan.
Fantasyland,itwasnothinggothsfromallover
Thatsincredible.Hey,Tjan,comehereand
theworldhadflockedtocentralFloridaforthat,
meetthisguy.Whatsyourname?
GermansandGreeksandJapaneseandeven
Sammytriedtothinkofanothername,butdrew somefromMumbaiandRussia.Theydfilledthe
parktocapacity,thrilledwiththedelightful
ablank.Mickey,hesaidatlast,kicking
perversityofchirpyoldDisneyWorldremadeas
himself.
agoththemepark.
Tjan,thisisMickey.Hesaregularontheride
inFloridaandhescomeupherejusttoseethe ButalinethislonginBoston,inthedeadof
winter,forsomethingwhosesoleattractionwas
opening.
thattherewasanotheronelikeitbyashitty
Tjanhadshorthairandsallowskin,anddressed
forgottenbroadoutsideofMiami?Christonan
likeanaccountant,buthiseyeswerebrightand
Omnimover.
sharpastheytookSammyin,lookinghimup
Thelinemoved,justalittlesurge,andtherewas
anddownquickly.Wellthatscertainly
acheeralldownthemallslength.People
flattering.Hereachedintohiscreasedblazer
pouredpasthimheadedforthelinestail,
andpulledoutaslipofpaper.Haveacouple

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/99
vibratingwithexcitement.Butthelinedidnt
moveagainforfiveminutes,thenten.Then
anothersurge,butmaybethatwasjustpeople
crowdingtogethermore.Someofthepeoplein
lineweredrinkingbeersoutofpaperbagsand
gettingraucous.

messageboardsthatFloridawouldstayopenlate
sothattheriderscouldcollaboratewiththe
attendeesattheBostonpremiere,tweetingback
andforthtooneanother.

Theotherchairsintheridecrawledaroundeach
exhibit,reversingandturningslowly.Riders
Whatsgoingon?someoneholleredfrom
broughttheirchairsupalongsideoneanother
behindhim.Thecrywastakenup,andthenthe andconferredinlowvoices,overthenarration
lineshudderedandmovedforwardsome.Then fromthescenery.Hethoughthesawacouple
nothing.
makingoutacommonenoughoccurrencein
Thinking,screwthis,Sammygotoutoflineand darkridesthathedevenexploitedafewtimes
walkedtothefront.Tjanwasthere,workingthe whenplanningoutridesthatwouldbelikelyto
attractamorousteenagers.Theyhadakey
velvetrope,lettingpeoplethroughindribsand
drabs.HecaughtsightofSammyandgavehima demographic:tooyoungtoleavehome,old
enoughtopaypracticallyanythingforaprivate
solemnnod.Theyrealltakingtoolongto
ride,hesaid.Itellthemfifteenminutesmax, spottoscoresomenookie.
getbackinlineifyouwanttoseemore,butwhat Theairsmelledofthreedeeprinter,thecheap
canyoudo?
smelloftruckstopswherevendingmachines
outputtedcheapkidstoys.Hereitwasntcheap,
Sammynoddedsympathetically.Theguywith
though:hereitsmelledfuturistic,likethefirst
thefunnyeyebrowputinanappearancefrom
behindtheheavyblackcurtains.Sendthrough timesomeonehadhandedhimaprintedpropfor
twomore,hesaid,andgrabbedSammy,tugging oneofhisridesithadbeenaheadforan
updatedSmallWorldride.Thenithadsmelled
himin.
likesomethingforeignandnewandexcitingand
Behindthecurtain,itwasdimandspotlit,almost frightening,likethefirstdaysofadifferent
identicaltoFlorida,andhalfadozenvehicles
world.
waited.Sammyslidintooneandletthespiel
Smellingthatagain,rememberingthecrowds
washoverhim.
outsidewaitingtogetin,Sammystartedtogeta
THEREWASATIMEWHENAMERICA
sickfeeling,thekebabreboundingonhim.
HELDOUTTHEPROMISEOFANEWWAY Movingasifinadream,hereacheddowninto
OFLIVINGANDWORKING.THENEW
hislapanddrewoutasmallutilityknife.There
WORKBOOMOFTHETEENSWASA
wouldbeinfraredcameras,butheknewfrom
PERIODOFUNPARALLELEDINVENTION, experiencethattheycouldntseethroughride
ACAMBRIANEXPLOSIONOF
vehicles.
CREATIVITYNOTSEENSINCETHETIME
Slowly,hefingeredtheaccesspanelsunderside
OFEDISONANDUNLIKEEDISON,THE
PEOPLEWHOINVENTEDTHENEWWORK untilhefoundaloosecorner.Hesnickedoutthe
REVOLUTIONWERENTRIPOFFARTISTS knifeslittlebladehedbroughtanentire
suitcasejustsohecouldhaveacheckedbagto
ANDFRAUDS.
storethisinandtuggedatthecablesinside.He
Thelayoutwasslightlydifferentduetothe
sawedatthemwithsmallmovements,feelingthe
supportpillars,butassimilartotheFlorida
copperwiresinsidetheinsulationgivewayone
versionasgeographyallowed.Robotshumped
strandatatime.Thechairmovedjerkily,then
underfootmovingobjects,keepingtheminsync notatall.Hesnippedafewmorewiresjusttobe
withthechangesinFlorida.Hedreadonthe
sure,thentuckedthemallaway.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/100
Hey!hecalled.Mychairsdead!Hehad
fetchedupinacentralpathwaywherethechairs
triedtoruncloverleafsaroundfourdisplays.A
couplechairsswervedaroundhim.Hethumped
thepaneldramatically,thensteppedoutand
shookhishead.Hecontrivedtosteponthree
robotsonthewaytoanotherchair.

recessedjackandoneofthemhadshorteditout
inasmoking,fizzingfireworksdisplay.

Christ,donttheyhavestrangerdangerinthe
north?Heclimbedinbesidethekidand
contrivedtoslideoneslyhandunderthepanel.
Teasingoutthewiresthesecondtimewaseasier,
evenonehanded.Heslicedthroughfivelarge
bundlesthistimebeforethechairgroundtoa
halt,itsgyroswhiningandrockingitfromside
toside.

thedarkenedroom.Thekidshriekedandranfor
theEXITsign,andhetookofftoo,atagood
clip.Theydgettherideupandrunningsoon
enough,butmaybenottonight,notifthey
couldntgetthetwochairshedtoastedoutofthe
room.

Yougoonahead,Imgoingtotiemyshoes.

Sammybentdownbesidethechargeplate,his
backtothekidandtheimaginedcamerasthat
werecapturinghiseverymove,andslippedthe
stackofcoinshedtakenfromhispocketintothe
Isyoursworking?heaskedthekidridinginit, littleslotwheretherobotsinsertedtheircharging
alloftenyearsoldandofindefinitegender.
stamen.
Yeah,thekidsaid.Itscootedover.Theres
Theensuingshowerofsparkswasmore
roomforbothofus,getin.
dramaticthanhedrememberedmaybeitwas

Thekidlookedathimandfrowned.These
thingsareshit,itsaidwithrealvehemence,
climbingdownandkickingoneofitstires,and
thenkickingacoupleofthefloorlevelrobotsfor
goodmeasure.Theydlandedanothergreat
breakdownspot:directlyinfrontofaranked
displayofraygunshapedappliancesandobjects.
Herememberedseeingthatoneinitsnascent
stage,backinFloridajustacoupleoftoyguns,
whichwerepresentlyjoinedbythreemore,then
therewereten,thenfifty,thenahighwallof
them,strikingandcharming.Thechairs
breakdownpositionneatlyblockedtheway.
Guesswedbetterwalkout,hesaid.He
steppedonacouplemorerobots,makingoops
noises.Thekidenthusiasticallykickedrobotsout
ofitsway.Chairsswervedaroundthemasother
riderstriedtonavigate.Theywereapproaching
theexitwhenSammyspottedachargeplatefor
therobots.Theywerestandardissueforrobotic
vacuumcleanersandothersemiautonomous
appliances,andhedhadoneinhisold
apartment.Theyweresupposedtobesafeas
anything,butafriendstoddlerhadcrawledover
tohisandshovedastackofdimesintoits

Therewasthebeginningsofchaosattheexit.
TherewasthatTjancharacter,givinghiman
intenselook.Hetriedtoheadforthedown
escalator,butTjancuthimoff.
Whatsgoingoninthere?
Damnedestthing,hesaid,tryingtokeephis
facecomposed.Mychairdied.Thenanother
onealittlekidwasridinginit.Thentherewas
alotofelectricalsparks,andIwalkedout.
Crazy.
Tjancockedhishead.Ihopeyourenothurt.
Wecouldhaveadoctorlookatyou;therearea
couplearoundtonight.
IthadneveroccurredtoSammythatprofessional
typesmightturnoutforaridelikethis,butof
courseitwasobvious.Therewereprobablyoff
dutycops,localpoliticians,lawyers,andthelike.
Imfine,hesaid.Dontworryaboutme.
Maybeyoushouldsendsomeoneinforthe
peoplestillinthere,though?
Thatsbeingtakencareof.Imjustsorryyou
cameallthewayfromFloridaforthiskindof
disappointment.Thatsjustbrutal.Tjans
measuringstarewasevenmoreintense.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/101
Uh,itsOK.Ihadmeetingsherethisweek.
Thiswasjustacoolbonus.
Whodoyouworkfor,Mickey?

beforewritinghisreportandheadinghome,but
therewasnowayhewasfacingdownthatTjan
guyagain.

Whathadpromptedhimtosabotagetheride?It
wassomethingprimal,somethinghehadntbeen
Insurancecompany,hesaid.
inanyrealcontrolof.Hedbeeninsomekindof
ThatdbeNorwichUnion,then,right?Theyve fuguestate.Buthedpackedthelittleknifeinhis
suitcaseandhedslippeditintohispocketbefore
gotaheadquartershere.
leavingtheroom.Sohowinstinctivecouldit
Sammyknewhowthiswent.NorwichUnion
possiblyhavebeen?
didnthaveheadquartershere.Ortheydid.Hed
Hehadavisionofthecarnivalatmosphereinthe
havetooutguessTjanwithhisanswer.
marketstallsoutsideandknewthatevenafterthe
Areyougoingtostayopentonight?
ridehadbrokendown,thecrowdhadlingered,
Tjannodded,thoughitwasntclearwhetherhe laughingandbrowsingandenjoyinganights
respitefromtheworldandthecoldcity.The
wasnoddingbecausehewasansweringinthe
WhosdowninWhovillehadgoneonsinging
affirmativeorbecausehissuspicionshadbeen
evenafterhedGrinchedtheirride.
confirmed.
Shit.

Thatwasit.Theridedidntjustmakeuseof
usercreatedcontentitwasusercreated
Tjanputoutahand.Oh,pleasestay.Imsure
content.Hecouldneverconvincehisbossesin
wellberunningsoon;youshouldgetawhole
Orlandotolethimbuildanythingremotelylike
ridethrough.
this,andgivenenoughtime,itwouldsurely
No,really,Ihavetogo.Heshookoffthehand overtakethem.ThatTjansomeonelikehim
andpelteddowntheescalatorandoutintothe
wouldntbeinvolvediftherewasntsome
freezingnight.Hisbloodsanginhisears.They seriousmoneyopportunityontheline.
probablywouldntgettheriderunningthatnight
Hedseenthefuturethatnightandhehadno
atall.Theyprobablywouldsendthatwhole
placeinit.
carnivalcrowdhome,disappointed.Hedwon
somekindoflittlevictoryoversomething.
Wellthen,Ishouldbegoing.

Hedfeltmoreconfidentofhisvictorywhenhe
wasconcernedwiththeguywiththefunny
eyebrowwithPerry.Hedseemedlittlemore
thanabum,avag.ButthisTjanremindedhimof
theclimbershedmetthroughhiscareeratWalt
DisneyWorld:keenlyobservantandfast
formulatorsofstrategies.Someonewhocould
addtwoandtwobeforeyoudknowthatthere
wassuchathingasfour.

ItonlytookaweekontheBostonridebefore
theyhadtheirthirdandfourthnodes.Thethird
wasoutsideofSanFrancisco,inagigantic
ghostmallthatwasalreadybeingusedasaflea
market.Theyhadtwoformeranchorstores,one
ofwhichwasbeingsquattedbyartistswho
neededstudiospace.Theotheronemadea
perfectlocationforanewride,andthegeeks
whoplannedonbuildingithadcuttheirteeth
Sammywalkedbacktohishotelasquicklyashe buildingelaborateBurningManconfectioneries
could,giventheicysidewalksunderfoot,andby together,soPerrygavethemhisblessing.
thetimehegottothelobbyoftheoldoffice
ThefourthwastoopeninRaleigh,inthe
towerhisfacehurtforehead,cheeksandnose. ResearchTriangle,wherethestripmallsranone
Hedbookedhisreturnflightforadaylater,
intothenext.Thesoftspoken,bitinglyironic
thinkingheddomorerecciesofthenewsite
southernerswhoproposeditwerethedaughters

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/102
ofoldIBMbluetiestalwartswhodbeen
runningawomenstechcollectivesincethey
realizedtheycouldntaffordcollegeanddropped
outtogether.Theywantedtoseehowmuch
admissiontheycouldchargeiftheyletitbe
knownthattheywouldplowtheirprofitsinto
scholarshipfundsforlocalwomen.

educatingthem!

Youlljustconfusepeople.

Theyhuggedhimalot,andtwooftheprettier
girls(who,helaterrealized,werealotmore

HowaboutifyouaddaCreativeCommons
licensetoit?Someofthemareveryliberal.

Idontwanttolicensethis.Youhavetoown
somethingtolicenseit.Alicenseisawayof
saying,Withoutthislicense,youreforbiddento
dothis.Youdontneedalicensetoclickalink
Perrycouldntbelievethatthesepeoplewanted andloadawebpagenoonehastogiveyou
toopentheirownrides,northattheythought
permissiontodothisandnoonecouldtakeit
theyneededhispermissiontodoso.Hewas
awayfromyou.Licensingjustgivespeopleeven
remindedoftheglorydaysofNewWork,when worseideasaboutownershipandpermissionand
everydaytherewerefiftyNewWorksiteswitha property!
hundrednewgizmos,poppinguponthemailing
Itsyourshow,Tjansaid.
lists,lookingfordistributors,recruiting,
competing,swarming,arguing,formingand
Noitisnt!Thatsthepoint!
reforming.WatchingTjancutthedealswhereby
OK,OK,itsnotyourshow.Butwelldoityour
thesepeopleweregrantedpermissiontoopen
way.Youarealovable,crankyweirdo,youknow
theirowneditionsoftheridefeltlikethat,and
it?
weirderstill.
Whydotheyneedourpermission?TheAPIs TheydiditPerrysway.Hewasscheduledtogo
backtoFloridaafewdayslater,buthechanged
wideopen.Theycanjustimplement.Arethey
histickettogoouttoSanFranciscoandmeet
sheeporsomething?
withthecrewwhowereimplementingtheride
Tjangavehimanoldfashionedlook.Theyre
there.Oneofthemtaughtinteractiondesignat
beingpolite,Perrytheyregivingyoufacefor SFSUandbroughthimintotalktothestudents.
beingtheprogenitoroftheride.
Hewasntsurewhathewasgoingtotalktothem
Idontlikeit,Perrysaid.Ididntgetanyones about,butwhenhegotthere,hefoundhimself
tellingthestoryofhowheandLesterandTjan
permissiontoincludetheirjunkintheride.
andSuzanneandKettlebellyhadbuiltandlost
Whenwegetaprintertoclonesomethingthat
theNewWorkmovement,withouteventrying.It
someonebringshere,wedontgettheir
permission.Whythehellisseekingpermission wasafunstorytotellfromstarttofinish,and
theytalkedthroughthelunchbreakandthena
consideredsopolite?Shit,whynotsendmea
groupofstudentstookhimtoabarinthe
letteraskingmeifImindreceivinganemail?
Missionwithabigoutdoorpatiowherehewent
Wheredoesitend?
ontellingwarstoriesuntilthesunhadsetand
TheyretryingtobenicetoyouPerry,thats
heddrunksomuchbeerhecouldnttellstories
all.
anylonger.
WellIdontlikeit,Perrysaid.Howabout
Theywerealltenorfifteenyearsyoungerthan
this:fromnowonwhensomeoneasksfor
him,andthegirlswereprettyandandrogynous
permissionwetellthemno,wedontgiveoutor andtheboyswerealsoprettyandandrogynous,
withholdpermissionforjoiningthenetwork,but notthathereallyswungthatway.Still,itwas
wehopethattheylljoinitanyway.Maybeput
finebeingsurroundedbythecatcalling,joking,
upaFAQonthesite.
bullshittingcrowdofyoung,pretty,flirtypeople.
Iwontbeconfusingthem,man!Illbe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/103
interestedineachotherthanhim)tookhimback
toacapsulehotelbuiltacrossthreeparking
spotsandpouredhimintobedandtuckedhim
in.

adrunkenoldfartthateveryoneseemedsixteen.
Hewasntoldenoughtoshave,anyway.Perry
triedtorememberhisnameandcouldnt.Jetlag
orsleepdeporwhatever.

Hehadaburritothesizeofafootballfor
breakfast,stuffedwithshreddedpigpartsand
twokindsofsloppybeans.Hewasheditdown
withaquartofacinnamon/ricedrinkcalled
horchatathatwasservedicecoldanddid
wondersforhishangover.

Thatsprettyweird.Everywhereelse,theyre
justmovingintospacesthathavebeenleft
vacant.

Acouplehoursnoodlingonhislaptopanda
couplebagsofTecatelaterandhewasfeeling
almosthuman.Earlymariachisstrolledthestreet
withelectricguitarsthatcontrolledlittletribes
ofdancing,singingkneehighanimatronics,
beltingoutoldJoseAlfredoJimeneztunes.

Heavilyfundedstartups?Inthisdayandage?

Itwasshapinguptobeagoodday.Hislaptop
rangandhescrewedinhisheadsetandstarted
talkingtoTjan.

Wehaventgotmanyofthose.Alltheoffices
andstuffarebeingoccupiedbyheavilyfunded
startups.
Superbabies,thekidsaidwithashrug.Itsall
anyoneherethinksaboutanymore.Thatand
cancercures.Ithinksuperbabiesarecrazy
imaginebeingatwentyyearoldsuperbaby,with
twodecadeoldtechnologyinyourgenes.In
yourgermline!Breedingotherobsolete
superbabies.Crazy.ButtheChineseare
investingheavily.

Man,thisplaceisexcellent,hesaid.Ihadthe Sonodeadmalls?Christ,thatslikerunning
bestnightIvehadinyearslastnight.
outofsandorhydrogenorsomething.Arewe
Wellthenyoulllovethis:theresacrewin
stillinAmerica?
Madisonthatwanttodothesamethingand
Thekidlaughed.Thecampusisbuildingmore
couldusealittleguidance.Theyspoketome
studenthousingbecausenoneofuscanafford
thismorningandsaidtheydbehappytospring therentsaroundhereanymore.Butthereslots
fortheairfare.Canyoumakeasixoclockflight offarmland,likeIsaid.Wontbeaproblemto
atSFO?
throwupaprefabandputtherideinsideit.Itll
TheygavehimcheeseinMadisonand
introducedhimtothebiohackerswhowerethe
spiritualprogenyofthequirkymomentwhen
Madisonwasoneofsixplaceswherestemcells
couldbelegallyresearched.Thebiohackersgave
himthewillies.Onehadgills.Oneglowedinthe
dark.Onewasorangeandclaimedto
photosynthesize.
Hegothishoststobringhimtotheratskeller
wheretheysatdowntocomedysizedbeersand
huge,suspicioussteamingwursts.

belikeputtingupahauntedcornfieldat
Halloween.Usedtodothateveryyeartoraise
moneyfortheACLU,backinNebraska.
Wow.Hewantedtosay,TheyhavetheACLU
inNebraska?butheknewthatwasntfair.The
midwesternershedmethadgenerallybeenkick
assgeeksandhackers,sohehadnocalltoturn
hisnoseupatthiskid.Sowhydoyouwantto
dothis?

Thekidgrinned.Becausetheresgottobea
waytodosomethingcoolwithoutmovingto
Wheresyoursite?
NewYork.Ilikeitaroundhere.Dontwantto
Wewerethinkingofbuildingonetheresalot liveinsomerundowndefaultedshitbuiltcondo
offarmlandaroundhere.Eitherthespeakerwas wherethemicearehunchbacked.Likethewide
sixteenyearsoldorPerrywasgettingtobesuch openspaces.ButIdontwanttobeafarmeror
anacademicorrunastudentbar.Allthatstuffis

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/104
adeadend,Icanseeitfromhere.Imean,who
drinksbeeranymore?Theresmuchsweeter
highsoutthereintherealworld.

Hesjustlikeapuppy,Hildasaid,pinching
Erniescheek.Allenthusiasm.

Ernierubbedhischeek.Lukereachedout
Perrylookedathisbeer.Itwasinathemedstein abruptlyandtousledbothoftheirhair.These
withGermanoGothicgingerbreadworkedinto twoaregoingtohelpmebuildtheride,hesaid.
thefinish.Itfeltlikeithadbeenprintedfrom
Hildasanamazingfundraiser.Lastyearsheran
somekindofceramic/epoxyhybrid.Youcould thefundraisingforawholewalkinclinic.
getthemattravelingcarnymidways,too.
Womenshealthclinicorsomething?Perry
Ilikebeer,hesaid.

asked.Hewasstartingtosoberupalittle.Hilda
wasoneofthoseincredible,pneumatic
ButyoureThekidbrokeoff.
midwesterngirlsthathedseenatfiveminute
Old,Perrysaid.Sok.Yourewhat,16?
intervalssincegettingoffhisflightinMadison.
21,thekidsaid.Imalatebloomer.Devoting Hedidntthinkhedevermetonelikeher.
resourcestomoreimportantthingsthan
No,Hildasaid.Metabolichealth.Lotsof
puberty.
peoplegetthefatkinstreatmentatpuberty,either
Twomorekidsslidintotheirbooth,aboyanda becausetheirfatkinsparentstalkthemintoitor
becausetheyhatetheirbabyfat.
girlwhoactuallydidlook21.HeyLuke,the
girlsaid,kissinghimonthecheek.
Perryshookhishead.Comeagain?
Luke,thatwashisname.Perrycameupwitha
Youthinkeatingtenthousandcaloriesadayis
mnemonicsohewouldntforgetitagain
easy?Itshellonyourdigestivesystem.Notto
Nebraskababyfacedfarmboy,thatwaslike
mentionyouspendafortuneonfood.Alotof
LukeSkywalker.Hepicturedthekidswinginga peoplegettocollegeandjustswitchtohigh
lightsaberandknewhedkeepthenameforgood caloriepowderedsupplementsbecausetheycant
now.
affordenoughrealfoodtostayhealthy,soyouve
ThisisPerryGibbons,Lukesaid.Perry,this gotallthesekidssuckingdownvanillaslurryall
dayjusttokeepfromstarving.Weprovide
isHildaandErnie.Guys,Perrystheguywho
counselingandmitigationtherapiestokidswho
builttherideIwastellingyouabout.
wantit.
Ernieshookhishand.Man,thatsthecoolest
Andwhentheygetoutofcollegedotheyget
shitIveeverseen,wow.Whatthehellareyou
thetreatmentagain?
doinghere?Ilovethatstuff.Wow.

Ernierubbedhisear.Perrynoddeduncertainly.

Youcant.Themitigationspermanent.People
whotakeithavetogothroughtherestoftheir
livestakingsupplementsandeatingsensiblyand
exercising.

Sorry.Itsjustwell,Imabigfanisall.

Dotheygetfat?

Thatsreallyniceofyou,Perrysaid.Hedmet
acouplepeopleinBostonandSanFrancisco
whocalledthemselveshisfans,andhehadnt
knownwhattosaytothem,either.Backinthe
NewWorkdayshedmeetreporterswhocalled
themselvesfans,butthatwasjustblowing
smoke.Nowhewasmeetingpeoplewhoseemed
toreallymeanit.Notmany,thankGod.

Shelookedaway,thendown,thenbackupat
him.Yes,mostofthemdo.Howcouldthey
not?Everythingaroundthemisgearedatpeople
whoneedtoeatfivetimesasmuchastheydo.
Eventhesaladsallhaveproteinpowdermixedin
withthem.Butitispossibletoeatright.Youve
neverhadthetreatment,haveyou?

Hildaflickedhisear.Stopdrooling,fanboy,
shesaid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/105
Perryshookhishead.Trickmetabolismthough. Youmeantosaythatyouresurprisedby
Icaneatlikeahogandnotputonanounce.
buildingstuffoutofunusualmaterials?
Hildareachedoutandsqueezedhisbicep.
Perrylaughed.Pointtaken.
ReallyandIsupposethatallthatleanmuscle Wejustgotacouplehundredstudentstodo
thereispartofyourtrickmetabolism,too?
somefoldingintheirsparetimeandthensoldit
Sheleftherhandwhereitwas.
on.Everyoneoncampusneedsbookshelves,so
OK,Idoafairbitofphysicallabortoo.ButIm westartedwiththoseusingaccordionfolded
archedsupportsundereachshelf.Wecouldpaint
justsayingiftheygetfatagainafterthey
orprintdesignsonthem,too,butalotofpeople
reversethetreatment
likedthemallwhite.Thenwedidchairs,desks,
Thereareworsethingsthanbeingfat.
kitchenettesets,placematsyounameit.I
Herhandstillhadntmoved.HelookedatErnie, calledthedesignsMultipleOrigami.
whomhedassumedwasherboyfriend,tosee
Perrysprayedbeerouthisnose.Thats
howhewastakingit.Erniewaslooking
awesome!hesaid,wipingupthemesswitha
somewhereelse,though,acrosstheratshkeller, kleenexthatsheextractedfromafoldedpaper
atthehugeTVthatwasshowingcompetitive
purse.Lookingclosely,herealizedthatthewhite
multiplayergaming,apparentlysomekindof
baseballcapshewaswearingwasalsofoldedout
championships.Itwasasconfusingasahundred ofpaper.
airhockeygamesbeingplayedonthesame
Shelaughedandrummagedsomemoreinher
board,withthousandsofzipping,jumping,
handbag,comingupwithapieceofstiffcard.
firingentitiesandjumpcutssofastthatPerry
Workingquicklyandnimbly,shegaveitafew
couldntimaginehowyoudmakesenseofit.
deftfoldsalongprescoredlines,andamoment
Thegirlshandwasstillonhisarm,anditwas
latershewasholdingabaseballhatthatwasthe
warm.Hismouthwasdrybutmorebeerwould twinoftheoneshewaswearing.Sheleanedover
beabadidea.Howaboutsomewater?hesaid, thetableandpoppeditonhishead.
inabitofacroak.
Lukecamebackwiththewaterandsetitdown
Lukejumpeduptogetsome,andasilencefell
betweenthem,pouringoutglassesforeveryone.
overthetable.Sothisclinic,howdyou
Smoothlid,hesaid,touchingthebillof
fundraiseforit?
Perryscap.
Papercraft,shesaid.Ihavealotoffriends
Thanks,Perrysaid,draininghiswaterand
whoareintopaperfoldingandwemoddeda
pouringanotherglass.Well,youpeople
bunchofpatterns.Wedidreallybigpieces,too
certainlyhavesomeprettycoolstuffgoingon
bedframes,sofas,kitchentables,chairs
here.
Likeactualfurniture?
Thisisagreattown,Lukesaidexpansively,as
Likeactualfurniture,shesaidwithasolemn
thoughhehadtravelledextensivelyandsettled
nod.Weusedhugesheetsofpaperandtreated onMadison,Wisconsinasatrulyinternational
themwithstiffening,waterproofingand
hotspot.Weregoingtobuildakickassride.
fireproofingagents.Wedidafrathouses
outdoorbarandsauna,withawinddynamoI Yougoingtomakeitalloutofpaper?
evenmadeasteamengine.
Someofit,anyway,Lukesaid.Hilda
wouldnthaveitanyotherway,right?
Youmadeasteamengineoutofpaper?He
wasagog.

Thisonesyourshow,Luke,shesaid.Imjust

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/106
afundraiser.
Anyonehungry?Hildasaid.Iwanttogoeat
somethingthatdoesnthaveunidentifiedorgan
meatmixedin.

timewithoneanotheroverthecoldlatewinter
streets.Notrafficatthathour,andhardlya
soundfromanyofthewindowstheypassed.The
townwastheirs.

Goonwithoutme,Erniesaid.Igotmoneyon Atthedoortohishotelanotherstackofthe
ubiquitouscapsules,thesegearedtovisiting
thisgame.
parentstheystopped.Theywerelookingatone
Homework,Lukesaid.
anotherlikeacoupleofgooglyeyedkidsatthe
endofadateinasitcom.
Perryhadjusteaten,andhadplannedon
spendingthisnightinhisroomcatchingupon
Um,whatsyourmajor?hesaid.
email.Yeah,Imstarving,hesaid.Hefeltlike
Puremath,shesaid.
ahighschoolkid,butinagoodway.
TheywentoutforUkrainianfood,whichPerry IthinkIknowwhatthatis,hesaid.Itwas
freezingoutonthestreet.Theory,right?
hadneverhadbefore,butthecrepesandthe
bloodsausageweretastyenough.Mostly,
though,hewaspayingattentiontoHilda,who
wasrunningdownherwarstoriesfromthe
MultipleOrigamifundraiser.Therewerefunny
ones,sadones,scaryones,triumphantones.
Everyoneofherstoriesremindedhimofoneof
hisown.Shewasanorganizerandsowasheand
theydbeenthroughpracticallythesameshit.
Theydrankgallonsofcoffeeafterward,getting
chuckedoutwhentherestaurantclosedand
migratingtoacafeonthemaindragwherethey
hadlowtablesandsofas,andtheyneverstopped
talking.

Puremathasopposedtoappliedmath,she
said.Doyoureallycareaboutthis?
Um,hesaid.Well,yes.Butnotverymuch.
Illcomeintoyourhotelroom,butwerenot
havingsex,OK?
OK,hesaid.

Therewasroomenoughforthetwoofthemin
thecapsule,butonlyjust.Thesewereprefabbed
inbulkandtheycameindifferentsizesinthe
Midwesttheywerelarge,theonesstackedupin
SanFranciscoparkingspotsweresmall.Still,he
andHildawerealmostineachotherslaps,and
Youknow,Hildasaid,stretchingandyawning, hecouldsmellher,feelwispsofherhairtickling
hisear.
itscominguponfourAM.
Yourereallynice,hesaid.Lateatnight,his
Noway,hesaid,buthiswatchconfirmedit.
abilitytobeflippantevaporated.Hewasleft
Christ.Hetriedtothinkofacasualwayof
withsimpletruths,simplydeclared.Ilikeyoua
askinghertosleepwithhim.Foralltheir
lot.
talking,theydhardlytouchedonromanceor
maybetheredbeenromanceineveryword.
WellthenyoullhavetocomebacktoMadison
andcheckinontheride,wontyou?
Illwalkyoutoyourhotel,shesaid.
Hey,thatsreallyniceofyou,hesaid.His
voicesoundedfakeyandforcedinhisears.All
ofasudden,hewasnttiredatall,insteadhis
heartwashammeringinhischestandhisblood
sanginhisears.

Um,hesaid.Hehadaplanningmeetingwith
Lukeandtherestofhisgangthenextday,then
hewassupposedtobeheadedforOmaha,where
Tjanhadsetupanothercrewforhimtospeakto.
Atthisrate,hewouldgetbacktoFloridasome
timeinJune.

Therewashardlyanytalkonthewaybacktothe
Perry,yourenotacareeractivist,areyou?
hotel,justtheawarenessofherstepsandhisin

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/107
Nope,hesaid.Ihadntreallyimaginedthat
therewassuchathing.

nice,andmeanit,reallymeanit.Butyouve
alsogottobecoolwiththefactthatreallynice
Myparents.Bothofthem.Hereswhatbeinga peoplewillfalloutofyourlifeeveryweek,twice
careeractivistmeans:youareontheroadmost aweek,andfallbackintoitornot.Ithinkyoure
ofthetime.Whenyougetontheroad,youmeet verynice,too,butwerenotgonnabeacouple,
ever.Evenifweslepttogethertonight,youdbe
people,haveintenseexperienceswiththem
likegoingtowarortouringwithaband.Youfall gonetomorrownight.Whatyouneedtoask
inloveathousandtimes.Andthenyouleaveall yourselfiswhetheryouwanttohavefriendsin
everycitywhoaregladtoseeyouwhenyouget
thosepeoplebehind.Yougetoffaplane,turn
offtheplane,orexgirlfriendsineverycitywho
somestrangersintobestfriends,getonaplane
andforgetthemuntilyoucomebackintotown, mightshowupwiththeirnewboyfriends,ornot
atall.
andthenyoutakeitallbackupagain.
Areyoutellingmethistoexplainwhywerenot
Ifyouwanttosurvivethis,youvegottolove
that.Youvegottogetoffaplane,meetpeople, goingtosleeptogether?Ijustfiguredyouwere
datingthatguy,Ernie.
fallinlovewiththem,treasureeverymoment,
andknowthatmomentsareallyouhave.Then
yougetonaplaneagainandyoulovethem
forever.Otherwise,everynewmeetingissour
becauseyouknowhowsoonitwillend.Itslike
startingtosayyoursummercampgoodbyes
beforeyouveevenunpackedyourduffelbag.
Youvegottoembraceoratleastforgetthat
everygigwillendinadayortwo.
Perrytookamomenttounderstandthis,
swallowedacoupletimes,thennodded.Lotsof
peoplehadcomeinandoutofhisfactoryand
hisrideovertheyears.Lestercameandwent.
Suzannewasgone.Tjanwasgonebutwasback
again.Kettlebellywasnolongerinhislifeatall,
aghostofamemorywithagreatsmileandgood
cologne.Alreadyhewasforgettingthefacesin
Boston,thefacesinSanFrancisco.Hildawould
beamemoryinamonth.
Hildapattedhishand.Ihavefriendsin
practicallyeverycityinAmerica.Myfolks
campaignedforstemcellsupanddownevery
redstateinthecountry.Ievenmetsuperman
beforehedied.Heknewmyname.Ispentten
yearsontheroadwiththem,backandforth.The
Bushyears,acoupleyearsafterward.Youcan
livethiswayandyoucanbehappy,butyouve
gottohaverightmind.
Whatitmeansisyouvegottobeabletosay
thingstopeopleyoumeet,like,Yourereally

Erniesmybrother,shesaid.Andyeah,thats
kindofwhyImtellingyouthis.Ivenevergone
onwhatyoumightcalladate.Withmyfriends,
ittendstobemorelike,youworktogether,you
hangouttogether,youcatchyourselflooking
intooneanotherseyesacoupletimes,thenyou
doalittlecirclingaroundandthenyouendupin
yourbedortheirbedhavinghard,energeticsex
andthenyousortoutsomedetailsandthenit
lastsaslongasitlasts.Wevedoneacompressed
versionofthattonight,andwereuptothesex,
andsoIthoughtweshouldlaysomethingson
thetable,youshouldforgivetheexpression.
Perrythoughtbacktohisdoubledatewith
Lester.Thegirlhadbeenprettyandintelligent
andwouldhavetakenhimhomeifhedmadethe
leasteffort.Hehadnt,though.Thisgirlwas
inappropriateinsomanyways:young,rootedto
acitythousandsofmilesfromhomewhyhad
hebroughtherbacktothehotel?
Athoughtstruckhim.WhydoyouthinkIm
goingtobegettingonandoffplanesfortherest
ofmylife?Ivegotahometogetto.
Youhaventbeenreadingthemessageboards,
haveyou?
Whichmessageboards?
Forridebuilders.Thereareprojectsstartingup
everywhere.Peoplelikewhattheyveheardand

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/108
whattheyveseen,andtheyrememberyoufrom
theolddaysandwanttogetinonthemagic
youregoingtobring.Alotofusknoweach
otheranyway,fromotherjointprojects.
Everyonespassingthehattoraiseyourairfare
andarguingaboutwhossofayouregoingto
stayon.
Hedknownthattheywerethere.Therewere
alwaysmessageboards.Buttheywerejusttalk
heneverbotheredtoreadthem.Thatwas
Lestersjob.Hewantedtomakestuff,not
chatter.Jesus,whenthehellwassomeone
goingtotellme?

casual.
Heturnedbackthesheets,then,standingfacing
intothecrampedcorner,tookoffhisjeansand
shoesandsocks,climbinginbetweenthesheets
inhisunderwearandtee.Therewereundressing
noisesexquisiteonesandthensheslithered
inbehindhim,snuggledupagainsthim.Witha
jolt,herealizedthatherbarebreastswere
pressedtohisback.Herarmcamearoundhim
andrestedonhisstomach,whichjumpedlikea
springuncoiling.Hefeltcertainhiserectionwas
emittingafaintcherryredglow.Herbreathwas
onhisneck.

YourguyinBoston,wevebeentalkingtohim. Hethoughtaboutcasuallyrollingontohisback
Hesaidnottobugyou,thatyouwerebusy
sothathecouldkissher,butrememberedher
enoughasitis.
admonitionthattheywouldnotbehavingsex.
Hedid,didhe?Intheolddays,Tjanhadbeenin Herfingertipstracedsmallcirclesonhis
chargeofplanningandhedbeeninchargeofthe stomach.Eachtimetheygrazedhisnavel,his
ideas:inchargeofwhattoplan.Hadtheycome stomachdidaflip.
fullcirclewithouthimnoticing?Iftheyhad,was Hewastotallyawakenow,andwhenherlips
thatsobad?
verysoftlysosoftlyhebarelyfeltitbrushed
Man,Iwasreallylookingforwardtospendinga againstthebaseofhisskull,heletoutasoft
moan.Herlipsreturned,andthenherteeth,
couplenightsinmyownbed.
worryingatthetendonsatthebackofhisneck
Isitmuchmorecomfortablethanthisone?
withincreasingroughness,anexquisitepain
Shethumpedthenarrowcoffinbed,whichwas pleasurethatwaselectric.Hewaspanting,her
surprisinglycomfortable,adjustable,heated,and handwasflatonhisstomachnow,grippinghim.
massaging.
Hiserectionstrainedtowardit.
Hesnorted.OK,Isleeponafutononthefloor Herhipsgroundagainsthimandshemovedher
backhome,butitstheprincipleofthething.I
mouthtowardhisear,nippingatit,thetipofher
justmisshome,Iguess.
tonguetouchingthewhorlsthere.Herhandwas
Sogohomeforacoupledaysafterthisstop,or onthemovenow,slidingoverhisribs,her
fingertipsathisnipple,softlyandthenharder,
thenextone.Chargeupyourbatteriesanddo
givingitanabrupthardpinchthathadsome
yourlaundry.ButIhaveafeelingthathomeis
goingtobeyoursuitcaseprettysoon,Perrymy fingernailinit,likeabitefromlittleteeth.He
yelpedandshegiggledinhisear,sendingshivers
dear.Hervoicewasthickwithsleep,hereyes
uphisspine.
heavyliddedandbleary.
Youreprobablyright.Heyawnedashespoke. Hereachedbackbehindhimawkwardlyandput
Hell,Iknowyoureright.Yourearealsmarty. hishandonherass,discoveringthatshewas
barethere,too.Itwaswideandhard,foam
AndImtootiredtogohome,shesaid,so
rubberoversteel,andhekneadedit,digginghis
Imasmartywhosstayingwithyou.
fingersin.Shegroanedinhisearandtuggedhim
ontohisback.
Hewassuddenlywideawake,hisheart
thumping.Um,OK,hesaid,tryingtosound

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/109
Assoonashisshouldershitthenarrowbed,she
wasonhim,herelbowsonhisbiceps,pinning
himdown,herbreastsinhisface,fragrantand
soft.Herhot,barecrotchgroundagainsthis
underwear.Hebitathertits,hardlittlebitesthat
madehergasp.Hefoundastiffnippleand
suckeditintohismouth,beatingatitwithhis
tongue.Shepressedhercrotchharderagainst
his,hissedsomethingthatmighthavebeen
yesssss.

saidaword.Shelaybesidehim,halfontopof
him,shudderingandmakingkittenishsounds.
Hekissedhersoftly,thenmoreforcefully.She
bitathislipsandhistongue,suckingitintoher
mouthandchewingatitwhileherfingernails
rakedhisback.

Herbreathingbecamemoreregularandshe
tuggedatthewaistbandofhisboxers.Hegotthe
messageandyankedthemoff,hiscockspringing
freeandrockingslightly,twitchingintimewith
Shestraightenedupsothatshewasstraddling
hispulse.Shesmiledacatatethecanarygrin
himandlookingimperiouslydownonhim.Her andwenttoworkkissinghisneck,hischest
braidsswungbeforeher.Hereyeswereexultant. hardbitesonhisnipplesthatmadehimyelpand
Herfacewassetinanexpressionoffierce
archhisbackhisstomach,hiships,hispubes,
concentrationassherockedonhim.
histhighs.Theteasingwasexcruciatingand
Hedughisfingersintoherassagain,alltheway exquisite.Herjuicesdriedonhisface,thesmell
caughtinhisnose,refreshinghiseroswithevery
around,sothattheybrushedagainstherlabia,
breath.
herasshole.Hepulledather,draggingherup
herbody,tugginghervaginatowardhismouth. Hertonguelappedeagerlyathisballslikeacat
Onceshesawwhathewasafter,sheknee
withasaucerofmilk.Long,slowstrokes,over
walkedupthebedinthreeorfourquicksteps
hissack,overtheskinbetweenhisballsandhis
andthenshewasonhisface.Hersmellandher thighs,overhisperineum,ticklinghisassashed
tasteandhertextureandtemperaturefilledhis
tickledhers.Shepulledbackandspatoutapube
senses,blottingouttheroom,blottingout
andlaughedanddovebackin,suckingsoftlyat
introspection,blottingouteverythingexceptfor hissack,then,inoneswiftmotion,takinghis
thesweeturgency.
cocktothehilt.
Hesuckedatherlabiabeforeslippinghistongue
upherlength,lettingittickleherass,her
opening,herclit.Inresponse,shegroundagainst
him,plantingheropeningoverhismouthandhe
tonguefuckedherinhard,faststrokes.She
reachedbackandtookholdofhiscock,slipping
hersmall,stronghandunderthewaistbandofhis
boxersandcurlingitaroundhisrigidshaft,
pumpingvigorously.

Heshoutedandthenmoanedandherhead
bobbedfuriouslyalongthelengthofhisshaft,
herhandsqueezinghisballs.Ittookonly
momentsbeforehedughishandshardintothe
mattressandgroanedthroughclenchedteethand
firedspasmafterspasmdownherthroat,her
noseinhispubes,hiscockdownherthroatto
thebase.Sherefusedtolethimgo,swirlingher
tongueovertheheadwhilehewasstillsuper
sensitive,makinghimgruntandtwitchandbuck
Hemoanedintoherpussyandthatsether
shuddering.Nowhehadherclitsuckedintohis involuntarily,allthewhileherhandcaressinghis
mouthandhewaslappingatitsengorgedlength balls,rubbingathisprostateoverthespot
withshortstrokes.Herthighswereclampedover betweenhisballsandhisass.
hisears,buthecouldstillmakeouthercries,
Finallysheworkedherwaybackuphisbody
timedwiththeshudderingofherthighs,the
lickingherlipsandkissingasshewent.
spasmodicgriponhiscock.
Hello,shesaidassheburiedherfaceinhis
Abruptlysherolledoffofhimandtheworld
cameback.Theyhadntkissedyet.Theyhadnt

throat.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/110
Wow,hesaid.

Wow,hesaid.

Soifyouregoingtobeabletoliveinthe
momentandhavenoregrets,thisisaprettygood
placetostart.Itdbeahellofashockifwesaw
eachothertwiceinthenextyeararewegoing
tobeabletobefriendswhenwedo?Willthe
factthatIfuckedyourbrainsoutmakethings
awkward?

Yum,shesaid.

Thatswhyyoujumpedme?

ThatswhatIlikeaboutyouHilda,hesaid.
Businesslike.Vigorous.Livinglifetothehilt.

No,notreally.Iwashornyandyourehot.But
thatsagoodpostfactoreason.

Jesus,its8AM,hesaid.Ivegottomeetwith
Lukeinthreehours.
Soletstakeashowernow,andsetanalarmfor
halfanhourbeforehesdue,shesaid.Got
anythingtoeat.

Herdimpleswereprettyandluminousinthe
hintsoflightemergingfromundertheblinds.
Isee.Youknow,youhaventactuallyfuckedmy Feedme,shesaid,andnippedathisearlobe.
brainsout,hesaid.
Intheshoeboxsizedfridge,hehadacowshaped
Yet,shesaid.Sheretrievedherbackpackfrom brickofWisconsincheddarthathedbeengiven
besidethebed,dugarounditin,andproduceda whenhesteppedofftheplane.Theybroke
stripofcondoms.Yet.
chunksoffitandateitinbed,thenstartedinon
Helickedhislipsinanticipation,andamoment thebagofsoycrispieshishostsinSanFrancisco
latershewasunrollingthecondomdownhis
hadgivenhim.Theyshoweredslowlytogether,
shaftwithhertalentedmouth.Helaughedand
scrubbingoneanothersbacks,setanalarm,and
thentookherbythewaistandflippedheronto
sackedoutforjustafewhoursbeforethealarm
herback.Shegrabbedheranklesandpulledher rousedthem.
legswideandhedovebetweenher,draggingthe Theydressedlikestrangers,notembarrassed,
stillsensitivetipofhiscockupanddownthe
justtoogroggytotakemuchnoticeofone
lengthofhervulvaacoupletimesbeforesawing another.Perrysmusclesachedpleasantly,and
itinandoutofheropening,sinkingtothehilt.
therewasanotherache,dullandfaint,evenmore
Hewantedtofuckhergentlybutshegroaned
urgentdemandsinhiseartopoundherharder,
makingsatisfiedsoundseachtimehisballs
clappedagainstherass.
Shepushedhimoffherandturnedover,raising
herassintheair,pullingherlabiaapartand
lookingoverhershoulderathim.Theyfucked
doggystylethen,untilhislegstrembledandhis
kneesached,andthensheclimbedonhimand
rockedbackandforth,grindingherclitagainst
hispubis,pushinghimsodeepinsideher.He
mauledhertitsandfeltthepressurebuildinhis
balls.Hepulledhertohim,thrustwildly,andshe
hisseddirtyencouragementinhisear,begging
himtofillher,orderinghimtopoundherharder.
Thestimulationinhisbrainandbetweenhislegs
wastoomuchtobearandhecame,liftingthem
bothoffthebedwithhisspasms.

pleasant,inhisballs.
Oncetheywerefullyclothed,shegrabbedhim
andgavehimalonghug,andawarmkissthat
startedonhisthroatandmovedtohismouth,
withjustahintoftongueattheend.
Youreagoodman,PerryGibbons,shesaid.
Thanksforalovelynight.RememberwhatI
toldyou,though:noregrets,nolookingback.Be
happyaboutthisdontmope,dontmissme.
Goontoyournextcityandmakenewfriends
andhavenewconversations,andwhenwesee
eachotheragain,bemyfriendwithoutany
awkwardness.Allright?
Igetit,hesaid.Hefeltslightlyirritated.Only
onething.Wewerentgoingtosleeptogether.
Youregretit?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/111
Ofcoursenot,hesaid.Butitsgoingtomake whomhedwantedtomeananything.The
thisinjunctionofyourshardtounderstand.Im closesthedcomehadbeenhesatupwitha
notgoodatanonymousonenightstands.
startandrealizedthatthelastwomanhedhad
Sheraisedoneeyebrowathim.EarthtoPerry: anystrongfeelingsforhadbeenSuzanne
thiswasntanonymous,anditwasntaonenight Church.
stand.Itwasanintimate,lovingrelationshipthat
happenedtobecompressedintoasingleday.

KettlewellemergedfromNewWorkrich.Hed
takenhomelargebonuseseveryyearthat
Sure.IfIdbeenwithyouforamonthortwo,I Kodacellhadexperiencedgrowthabetter
metricthanturninganactualahemprofitand
wouldhavefalleninlove.Yourejustmytype.
SoIthinkofyouassomeoneIlove.ThatswhyI hedinvestedinadiverseportfoliothathad
wanttomakesureyouunderstandwhatthisall everythingfromsoybeanstosoftwareinit,along
withrealestate(oops)andfineart.Hebelieved
means.
intheNewWork,believedinitwitheveryfiber
Youreaveryinterestingperson,hesaid.
ofhisbeing,butanundiverseportfoliowasflat
outirresponsible.
Imsmart,shesaid,andcuddledhimagain.
Youresmart.Sobesmartaboutthisanditllbe TheNewWorkcrashhadkilledthenetworthof
foreversweet.
alotofirresponsiblepeople.
Loving?

Shelefthimoffatthespotwherehewas
supposedtomeetLukeandtherestofhis
planningteamtogooverschematicsandtheory
andpractice.Allofthesediscussionscould
happenonlinetheydid,infactbuttherewas
somethingaboutthefacetofaceconnection.
Themeetingransixhoursbeforehewasfinally
savedbyhisimpendingflighttoNebraska.
Sleepdepcamedownonhimlikeahammeras
hecheckedinforhisflightandbegantheritual
securityclearingbuckandwing.Hemisseda
cueortwoandendedupgettingadetailedhand
searchbuteventhatdidntwakehimup.Hefell
asleepinthewaitingroomandintheplane,in
thetaxitohishotel.

LivingintheCaymansgotboringafterayear.
Thekidshatedtheinternationalschool,scuba
divingamazedhimbygoingfromendlessly,
meditativelyfascinatingtodeadlydullinless
thanayear.Hedidntwanttosail.Hedidnt
wanttogetdrunk.Hedidntwanttojointhe
creepyzillionairesontheirsextoursofthe
Caribbeanandwouldnthaveevenifhiswife
wouldhavestoodforit.
AyearaftertheNewWorkcrash,hefileda1040
withtheIRSandpaidthemfortymilliondollars
inbacktaxesandpenalties,andrepatriatedhis
wealthtoanAmericanbank.

Butwhenhedroppeddownontohishotelbed,
hecouldntsleep.Thehotelwasthespitting
imageoftheonehedleftinWisconsin,minus
Hildaandthemuskysmellthetwoofthemhad
leftbehindaftertheirrollinthehay.

Nowhelivedinarenovatedhousingprojecton
PotreroHillinSanFrancisco,allupscalenow
withrestored,kitschywindowbarsandvintage
linoleumandstuccoceilings.Hehadfourunits
overtwofloors,withcleverlyknockedthrough
wallsandaspiralstaircase.Thekidsfreaking
lovedthestaircase.

Ithadbeenyearssincehedhadaregular
girlfriendandhednevermissedit.Therehad
beenwomen,highlibidofatkinsgirlsand
randomstrangers,somewhocamebackfora
dateortwo.Butnoonewhodmeantanythingor

SuzanneChurchcalledhimfromSFOtolethim
knowthatshewasonherwayin,havingcleared
securityandcustomsafterascanthour.He
foundhimselfunaccountablynervousabouther
now,andrealizedwithalittlegigglethathehad

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/112
somethinglikeacrushonher.Nothingserious
nothinghiswifeneededtoworryaboutbutshe
wassmartandfunnyandattractiveandincisive
andfearless,anditwasahellofacombination.

Shelaughedhuskilyandsaid,Youhavent
changedabit.

Thekidswereawayatschoolandhiswifewas
havingacoupleofdayscampingwiththegirlsin
Yosemite,whichfactslentalittlechargeto
Suzannesimpendingvisit.Helookedupthe
AirBARTscheduleandcalculatedhowlonghe
haduntilshearrivedatthe24thStreetstation,a
brisk20minutewalkfromhisplace.

Itdoesntshow,shesaid.Imolder,butno
wiser.

Minutes,justminutes.Hecheckedtheguest
roomandthendidaquickmirrorcheck.His
monthsintheCaymanshadgivenhimadeeptan
thathedkeptupdespiteSanFranciscosgrey
skies.Hestilllookedlikeasurfer,albeitwith
justalittledaddypaunchhedgainedmore
weightthroughhiswifespregnanciesthanshe
hadandonlyhard,aneurysminducingcycling
overandaroundPotreroHillhadknockeditoff
again.Hisjeansneatrowsofpocketsand
Mobiusseamswerealittleoutdated,butthey
lookedgoodonhim,asdidhisHawaiianprint
shirtwithitsmachinescrewmotif.

Ouch,hesaid.Imolderandwiser,Illhave
youknow.

Hetookherhandandlookedatthesimple
platinumbandonherfinger.Butyouremarried
nownothingwisesyouupfasterinmy
experience.
Shelookedatherhand.Oh,that.No.Thatsjust
tokeepthewolvesatbay.Marriedwomenarent
thesamekindsoftargetsthatsingleonesare.
Givemewater,andthenabeer,please.
Gladtohavesomethingtodo,hebusiedhimself
inthekitchenwhilesheprowledtheplace.I
rememberwhentheseplaceswerebombedout,
realghettos.
Whatdidyoumeanaboutbeingatarget?

StPetes,youknow.Lawlessstate.Everyones
onthemake.Ihadabodyguardmostofthetime,
butifIwantedtogotoarestaurant,Ididntwant
tohavetofendoffthedatingservicemafiyeh
Finallyheploppeddowntoreadabookand
waitedforSuzanne,andmanagedtogetthrough whowantedtooffermethedealofalifetimeon
agreencardmarriage.
awholepageintheinterveningtenminutes.
Kettlebelly!sheholleredasshecamethrough Jeez.
thedoor.Shetookhiminahugthatsmelledof
staleairplaneandrestlesssleepandgavehima
thoroughsqueezing.

Itsanotherworld,Landon.Youknowwhatthe
bigpanicthereisthisweek?Acultofecstatic
evangelicalChristianswhohypnotizewomen
Sheheldhimatarmslengthandtheysizedeach intheshoppingmallsandstealtheirbabiesto
raiseassoldierstotheLord.Godknowshow
otherup.Shedbeenawellpreservedmid
fortieswhenhedseenherlast,buttoneddownin muchofitistrue.Theseguysdontbathe,and
aCaliforniayogaaddictway.Nowshewasyears dressinheavycoatswithbigbeardsallyear
round.Imean,freaky,reallyfreaky.
older,andhertimeinRussiahadgivenhera
forestofsmilelinesatthecornersofhermouth Theyhypnotizewomen?
andeyes.Shehadasad,wiseturntoherface
Weird,yeah?Andthedriving!Anyoneoverthe
thathedneverseentherebefore,likeapainted
ageoffiftywhoknowshowtodrivegotthereby
Pieta.Herhandshadgonealittlewrinkly,her
beinganapparatintheSovietdays,whichmeans
knucklesmoreprominent,butherfingernails
thattheylearnedtodrivewhentheroadswere
werebeautifullymanicuredandherclotheswere
empty.Theydontsignal,theystraddlelanes,
stylish,foreign,exoticandEuropean.
theycantparkImean,theyreallycantpark.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/113
Anddrunk!Everyone,allthetime!Youvenever
seenthelike.Imagineafratpartythenextday,
withalotofinnocentbystanders,hookers,
muggersandpickpockets.

marriedandwebothknowit.Thisisjustfun
flirting.Nothingmore.

Shemadeashowofsniffingherself.Phew!I
needashower!CanIborrowyourfacilities?

Humph.Inmyday,weateMexicanburritosthe
sizeofafootball,andweweregrateful.

Sure,hesaid.Iputcleantowelsoutinthe
kidsbathroomupstairsandsecondonthe
right.

Nooneeatsburritosanymore,hesaid,then
coveredhismouth,awareofhowpretentiousthat
sounded.

Shecamedownwithherfinehairslickedback
overherears,herfacescrubbedandshining.
Imanewwoman,shesaid.Letsgo
somewhereandeatsomething,OK?

Dahling,shesaid,burritosareso2005.You
musttryapupusaitswhatallthemost
charmingCentralAmericanpeasantsareeating
now.

HetookherforpupusasataSalvadoranplaceon
GoatHill.Theysloggedupanddownthehills
andvalleys,takingthestepscutintothesteep
sides,walkingpastthePaintedLadiesgrand,
gaudyVictorianwoodframesandthewobbly,
heavycanvasbubblehousesthathadsprungup
wherethebigquakeandlandslideshadwashed
awaypartsofthehills.

Theybothlaughedandstuffedtheirfacesmore.
Well,itwaseitherhereoroneofthefatkins
placeswiththetripledeckerstuffedpizzas,andI
figured

Theybitintotheirpupusasstuffedcornmeal
dumplingsfilledwithgrilledporkandtopped
withshreddedcabbageandhotsauceand
Landonlookedather.Shewasanimatedand
vivid,thinagehadbroughtouthercheekbones gruntedandateandorderedmore.
andhereyes.Hadshehadachintuck?Itwas
Whatarethesecalledagain?
commonenoughallthemedicaltouristsloved
Pupusas,fromElSalvador.
Russia.Maybeshewasjustwellpreserved.

Theyreallydothat?
Thefatkins?Yeahanythingtogetthat
magical10,000caloriesanyday.Itmustbethe
sameinRussia,right?Imean,theyinventedit.

Idforgottenthattheyhadhillslikethat,she
said,greedilyguzzlinganhorchata.Herfacewas Maybeforfifteenminutes.Butmostofthem
dontbothertheygetalittlemetabolictweak,
streakedwithsweatandflusheditmadeher
notawideopenthrottlelikethat.Christ,whatit
lookprettier,younger.
mustdotoyourdigestivesystemtoprocess
MysonandIwalkthemeveryday.
10,000caloriesaday!
Youdragalittlekidupanddownthatevery
Chacunasongout,hesaid,essayingaGallic
day?Christ,thatschildabuse!
shrug.
Well,hepoopsoutafteracoupleofpeaksandI Shelaughedagainandtheyatesomemore.Im
endupcarryinghim.
startingtofeelhumanatlast.
Youcarryhim?Youmustbesomekindof
Metoo.
superman.Shegavehisbicepasqueeze,then
Itsstillmidafternoon,butmycircadianthinks
histhigh,thenslappedhisbutt.Afine
its2AM.Ineedtodosomethingtostayawake
specimen.Yourwifesaluckywoman.
orIllbeupatfourtomorrowmorning.
Hegrinned.Havinghiswifeintheconversation
Ihavesomemodafinil,hesaid.
madehimfeellessatrisk.Thatsright,Im

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/114
Sworeemoff.Letsgoforawalk.
Theydidalittlemorehillclimbingandthen
headedintotheMissionandwindowshopped
theNorthAfricantchotchkeemporiathatwere
crowdingouttheMexicanrodeoshopsand
hairdressers.Theskindrumsandrattleswere
laseretchedwithintricatedesignsCocaCola
logos,theUNAccesstoEssentialMedicines
Charter,Disneycharacters.Itputthembothin
mindoftheolddaysoftheNewWork,andthe
subjectcameupagain,hesitantatfirstandthena
fullborereminisce.
SuzannetoldhimstoriesofthethingsthatPerry
andLesterhaddonethatshedneverdaredreport
on,thewaystheydskirtedthelawandhis
orders.Hetoldherafewstoriesofhisown,and
theyrockedwithlaughterinthestreet,
staggeringlikedrunks,poundingeachotheron
thebacks,grippingtheirkneesandstomachsand
doublingovertothecuriousglancesofthe
passersby.
Itwasfine,thatday,Landonthought.Somekind
ofgreatsorrowthathedforgottenhedcarried
liftedfromhimandhischestandshoulders
expandedandhebreathedeasy.Whatwasthe
sorrow?ThedeathoftheNewWork.Thedeath
ofthedotcoms.Thedeathofeverythinghed
consideredimportantandworthy,itsfadinginto
tawdry,cheapnostalgia.

throwingoffanoccasionalsparkwhenoneor
theotherwouldremembersomefunnyanecdote
andgruntoutawordortwothatwouldsetthem
bothtogingerlychuckling.Buttheirhandswere
tiedandtheirbreathingwasinsync,andtheir
flanksweretouchinganditwasntjustfriendly.
Abruptly,sheshookherhandfreeandrolledon
herside.Listen,marriedman,Ithinkthats
enoughofthat.
Hefelthisfacegored.Hisearsrang.Suzanne
whatHewassputtering.
Noharmnofoul,butletskeepitfriendly,all
right.
Thespellwasbroken,andthesorrowcameback.
Helookedfortherightthingtosay.GodImiss
it,hesaid.Oh,Suzanne,God,Imissitso
much,everyday.
Herfacefell,too.Yeah.Shelookedaway.I
reallythoughtwewerechangingtheworld.
Wewere,hesaid.Wedid.
Yeah,shesaidagain.Butitdidntmatterin
theend,didit?Nowwereolderandourworkis
forgottenanditsallcometonothing.Petersburg
isnice,butwhogivesashit?IsthatwhatIm
goingtodowiththerestofmylife,hangaround
Petersburgbloggingaboutthemafiyehand
medicaltourism?Justshootmenow.

TheyweresittinginthegrassinDoloresPark
now,watchingthedogsandtheirpeopleromp
amongtherobotpooperscoopers.Hehadhis
armaroundhershoulders,likewarbuddiesona
bender(hetoldhimself)andnotlikeamiddle
agedmanflirtingwithawomanhehadntseen
inyears.

Imissthepeople.Idmeettenamazingcreative
geniuseseverydayatleast!ThenIdgivethem
moneyandtheydmakeamazingstuffhappen
withit.TheclosestIcometothatnowismy
kids,watchingthemlearnandbuildstuff,which
isreallygreat,dontgetmewrong,butits
nothingliketheolddays.

Andthentheywerelyingdown,theacheof
laughterintheirbellies,thesunontheirfaces,
thebarksandhappyshoutsaroundthem.Their
handstwinedtogether(butthatwasfriendlytoo,
Arabmenheldhandswalkingdownthestreetas
awayofshowingfriendship).

ImissLester.AndPerry.Tjan.Thewholegang
ofthem,really.Sheproppedherselfuponone
elbowandthenshockedhimbykissinghimhard
onthecheek.Thanks,Kettlebelly.Thankyouso
muchforputtingmeinthemiddleofallthat.
Youchangedmylife,thatsforsure.

Nowtheirtalkhadbankeddowntocoals,

Hefelttheimprintofherlipsglowingonhis
cheekandgrinned.OK,heresanidea:letsgo

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/115
buyacouplebottlesofwine,sitonmypatio,get Tenrides?Lestersaid.
aglowon,andthencallPerryandseewhathes Ten.SanFrancisco,Austin,Minneapolis,
upto.
Omaha,OklahomaCity,Madison,Bellingham,
Oh,thatsagoodone,shesaid.Thatsavery ChapelHillandHefaltered.AndShit.I
goodone.
forget.Itsallwrittendown.
Afewhourslater,theysatonthehorsehairclub
sofainKettlewellslivingroomandhitanumber
hednevertakenoutofhisspeeddial.Hi,this
isPerry.Leaveamessage.

Lestertookhisbagfromhimandsetitdown,
thencrushedhiminanenormous,muscularhug
thatwhiffedslightlyoftheketosisfumesthatall
thefatkinsexuded.

Perry!theychorused.Theylookedateach
other,atalossforwhattosaynext,then
dissolvedinpealsoflaughter.

Youdidgood,cowboy,hesaid.Letsmosey
backtotheranch,feedyouandputyoutobed,
sawright?

Perry,itsSuzanneandKettlebelly.Whatthe
hellareyouupto?Callus!

CanIsleepin?

Theylookedatthephonewithrenewedhilarity
andlaughedsomemore.Butbythetimethesun
wassettingoverPotreroHillandSuzannesjet
lagwasbeatingherupagain,theydboth
descendedintotheirownpersonalfunks.
Suzannewentuptotheguestroomandput
herselftobed,notbotheringtobrushherteethor
evenchangeintohernightie.

UntilApril?

PerrytoucheddowninMiamiinanearcoma,
hiseyesgummedshutbyseveraldaysworthof
hangoverschasedbydrink.Sleepdeprivation
madehimuncoordinated,sohetrippedtwice
deplaning,andhisvoicewasabarelyaudible
rasp,histhroatsorewithacoldhedpickedupin
TexasormaybeitwasOklahoma.

Ofcourse.
LesterlaughedandslippedoneofPerrysarms
overhisshouldersandpickeduphissuitcaseand
walkedthembackthroughtheparkinglottohis
latesthotrod.
Perrybreathedinthehot,wetairastheywent,
feelingitopenhischestandnasalpassages.His
eyeswereathalfmast,butthesightofthesickly
roadsidepalms,thewanderingvendorsonthe
trafficislandswiththeirnetbagsfullofipods
andvpodshewashome,andhisbodyknewit.

Lestercookedhimahugeplateofscrambled
eggswithcornedbeef,pastrami,salamiand
cheese,withamountainofsauerkrautontop.
Thereyougo,fattenyouup.Youreallskinny
andhaggard,buddy.Lesterwasanexpertat
Lesterwaswaitingbeyondtheluggagecarousels, throwingtogetherhighcaloriemealsonshort
grinninglikeaholyfool,tallandbroad
order.
shoulderedandtanned,dressedinfatkins
Perrystuffedawayasmuchashecould,then
pimpedoutfinery,alltightstretchfabricsand
collapsedonhisoldbedwithhisoldsheetsand
glitter.
hisoldpillows,andinsecondshewassleeping
Ohman,youlooklikeshit,hesaid,breaking thebestsleephedhadinmonths.
offfromthefatkinsgirlhedbeenchattingup.
Whenhewokethenextday,hiscoldhadturned
Perrynoticedthathewasholdinghisphone,a
intoahorrible,wet,crustythingthatpractically
suresignthathedgottenhernumber.
hadhisfacegluedtohispillow.Lestercamein,
Ten,Perrysaid,grinningthroughthesnotty
tookagoodlookathim,andcamebackwitha
rheumofhiscold.Tenrides.
quartoffreshorangejuice,apotoftea,anda

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/116
stackofdrytoast,alongwithapackofcoldpills. Youready,P?hisfatherwouldask.
Takeallofthisandthencomedowntotheride Perryalwaysnodded,watchinghisfathersit
whenyoureready.Illholddownthefortfor
downatthebenchandtryafewnotes.
anothercoupledaysifthatswhatittakes.
Thenhisfatherwouldplay,tinklingandthen
Perryspentthedayinhisbathrobe,shuttling
pounding,runningupanddownthekeyboardin
betweenthelivingroomandthesunchairson
animprovisedjazzrecitalthatcouldgofor
thepatio,lettingtheheatbakesomeofthesnot hours,sometimesonlyendingoncePerrysmom
outofhishead.Lesterskindnessandhiscold
camehomefromworkattheframingshop.
madehimnostalgicforhisyouth,whenhis
NothinginPerryslifesincehadthepowerto
fatherdotedonhisillnesses.
capturehimthewayhisfathersmusicdid.His
Perrysfatherwasalittleman.Perrynogiant
himselfwastallerthantheoldmanbythetime
heturned13.Hisfatherhadalwaysreminded
himofsomecleverfurryanimal,araccoonor
badger.Hehadtinyhandsandhismovements
weresmallandpreciseandcareful.

fingersdanced,literallydancedonthekeys,
walkingupanddownthemlikeapairofhigh
kickinglegs,makinglittlecomedymovements.
Thelittlestubbyfingerswiththeirtuftsofhair
ontheknuckles,likegoatslegs,nimbly
prancingandturning.

Theyweremostlycordialandfriendly,but
distant.HisfatherworkedasaCAD/CAM
managerinamachineshop,thoughhedstarted
outhiscareerasaplainoldmachinist.Ofallthe
machinistshedstartedwithattheshop,onlyhe
hadweatheredthetransitiontothenew
computerizeddevices.Theothershadalllost
theirjobsortakenearlyretirementorjustquit,
buthisfatherhadtakentoCAD/CAMwithtotal
abandon,losinghimselfinthescreensand
staggeringhomeblearyaftertenorfifteenhours
infrontofthescreen.

Andthentherewasthemusic.Perrysometimes
playedwiththepianoandhedfiguredoutthatif
youhiteveryotherkeywiththreefingers,you
gotachord.ButPerrysdadalmostnevermade
chords:hemadeantichords,soundsthat
involvedthosemysteriousblackkeysandclashed
inawaythatwaspreciselynotachord,that
jangledandjarred.

ButthatallchangedwhenPerrytookill.Perrys
fatherlovedtoplaynurse.Hedbookofffrom
workandstayhome,ferryingupgallonsoftea
andbeefbroth,flatgingeraleanddrytoast,cold
tabletsandcoughsyrup.Hedopenthewindows
whenitwaswarmandthenrunaroundthehouse
shuttingthematthefirstsignofacoolbreeze.

Themusicwouldsettleintolongrunsof
improvisationalnoisethatwasntquitenoise.
Thatwasthebeststuff,becausePerrycould
nevertelliftherewasamelodyinthere.
Sometimeshedbesurethathehadtheknowof
it,couldtellwhatwascomingnext,asegueinto
HereComestheSunorLettheGoodTimes
RollorMerrilyWeRollAlong,butthenhis
fatherwouldgettothatspotandhedmoveinto
somethingelse,someotherlatentpatternthat
wasunmistakableinhindsight.

Bestofallwaswhathisfatherwoulddowhen
Perrygotrestless:heandPerrywouldgodown
tothelivingroom,wheretheuprightpiano
stood.IthadbeenPerrysgrandfathers,andthe
oldmanwhoddiedbeforePerrywasborn
hadbeenajazzpianistwhodplayedsessions
witheveryonefromCabCallowaytoDuke
Ellington.

Theantichordsmadeupantitunes.Somewhere
inthemusictheredbeoneormoremelodies,
oftenthestuffthatPerrylistenedtoinhisroom,
butsometimesoldjazzandbluesstandards.

Therewasajokehisdadliked,Timeflieslike
anarrow,fruitflieslikeabanana.Thiswas
funnyinjustthatway:youexpectedonething,
yougotsomethingelse,andwhenyour

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/117
expectationsfellapartlikethat,itwaspure
tryingtogetthewetsickwheezeoutofhis
hilarity.Youwantedtoclutchyoursidesandroll whistlingbreath,stoppingacoupletimestoblow
onthefloorsometimes,itwassofunny.
hisnose.Thesunwaslikeablowtorchonhis
Hisdadusuallyclosedhiseyeswhileheplayed, hair,whichhadgrownoutofhisnormal
ducklingfuzzintosomethingmuchshaggier.His
squeezingthemshut,lettinghismouthhang
headbaked,thecoldbakedwithit,andbythe
openslightly.Sometimeshegruntedorscatted
alongwithhisplayingbutmoreoftenhegrunted timehegothomeandchuggedaquartoforange
juice,hewasfeelingfullyhumanagainand
outsomethingthatwaskindoftheoppositeof
readyforashower,streetclothesandaturnat
whathewasplaying,justlikesometimesthe
melodyandrhythmsheplayedonthepianowere theoldticketwindowatwork.
sometimestheoppositeofthesonghewas
playing,somethingthatwasexactlyand
perfectlyopposite,soyoucouldnthearit
withouthearingthethingitwastheoppositeof.

Thequeuesnakedallthewaythroughthemarket
andouttothestreet,wherethelinehadacasual,
partykindofatmosphere.Themarketkidswere
doingabriskbusinessinpopsicles,homemade
colas,andcleverorigamistoolsandsunbeds
Thegamewouldendwhenhisdadbeganto
improviseonpartsofthepianobesidesthekeys, madefromrecycledcardboard.Someofthekids
recognizedhimandwaved,thenreturnedtotheir
knockingonit,reachingintopluckitsstrings
likeaharp,rattlingPerrysteacuponitssaucer hustle.
justso.
Hefollowedthequeuethroughthestalls.The
vendorswerehappierthanthekids,ifthatwas
Nothingmadehimfeelbetterfaster.Itwasa
possible,sellingstuffasfastastheycouldsetit
tonic,afineone,betterthanpillsandteaand
out.Thequeuehadeveryconceivablekindof
toast,daytimeTVandflatgingerale.
personinit:oldandyoung,hipstersand
AsPerrygotolder,heandtheoldmanhadtheir conservativerawbonedsoutherners,Latina
shareoffightsoverthenormalthings:girls,
momswiththeirbabies,stonefacedurban
partying,school...ButeverytimePerrytookill, homeboys,crackers,andMiamiBeachqueersin
hewastransportedbacktohisboyhoodand
pastelshorts.TherewereoldJewishcouplesand
thoseamazingpianorecitals,hisfathersstubby smartlyturnedoutEuropeantouristswiththeir
fingersdoingtheircomichighkicksand
funnytwotoneshagcutsandthefiltermasks
pratfallsonthekeys,thegruntingantisongin
thattheysmokedaround.Therewasanofooling
thebackofhisthroat,thosecrazyfinaleswith
Koreantourgroup,ofthesorthedseennowand
teacupsandpianostrings.
againinDisneyWorld,ledbyasmartladyina
Nowhestaredmoroselyattheemptyswimming swelteringlittlesuit,holdinganumbrellaover
herhead.
poolsixstoriesbelowhisbalcony,filledwith
blowinggarbage,leaves,andahugewaspsnest. Lester,whatthefuck?hesaid,grinningand
Hisfathersmusicwasinhisears,distantlynow laughingasheclappedLesterontheshoulder,
andfadingwithhiscold.Heshouldcalltheold takingayoungmallgothsfivebucksoutofa
man,backhomeinWestchesterCounty,retired handwhosefingernailswerepaintedwith
now.Theytalkedonlyrarelythesedays,threeor chippedblackpolish.Whatthehellisgoingon
fourtimesayearonbirthdaysandanniversaries. here?
Nofighthadstartedtheirsilence,onlybusylives
Lesterlaughed.Iwassavingthisforasurprise,
grownapart.
buddy.Recordcrowdsgrowingeveryday.
Heshouldcalltheoldman,butinsteadhegot
Theresalineupinthemorningnomatterhow
dressedandwentforajogaroundtheblock,
earlyIopenandnomatterwhattimeIclose,I

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/118
turnpeopleaway.
Howdtheyallfindoutaboutit?
Lestershrugged.Wordofmouth,hesaid.
Bestadvertisingyoucanhave.Shit,Perry,you
justgotbackfromtencitieswheretheywantto
clonethisthinghowdidtheyfindoutabout
it?
Perryshookhisheadandmarveledatthequeue
somemore.TheKoreantourgroupwascoming
uponthem,andPerrynudgedLesterasideand
gotouthisticketroll,thefamiliarmovements
lovelyafterallthattimeontheroad.

anothersqueeze.Ihiredtwomorekidstobring
theridecarsbackaroundtotheentrance.When
Perryhadleft,thathadbeenaoncedailychore,
somethingyoudidbeforeshuttingdownforthe
night.
Holycrap,Perrysaid,watchingthetourgroup
edgetowardtheentrance,slipinsideinonesand
twos.
Itsamazing,isntit?Lestersaid.Andwait
tillyouseetheride!

Perrydidntgetachancetorideuntilmuchlater
thatday,oncethesunhadsetandthelast
marketstallhadbeenshutandthelastriderhad
Thetourguideputastackoftwentiesdownon
thecounter.Igotfiftyofem,shesaid.Thats beenchasedhome,whenheandLesterslugged
backbottlesofflatdistilledwaterfromtheir
twohundredandfiftybucks.Shehadan
humiditystillandsatontheticketcountertoget
Americanaccent,somewheresouthofthe
theweightofftheirtiredfeet.
MasonDixonline.Perryhadbeenexpectinga
Koreanaccent,brokenEnglish.
Nowweride,Lestersaid.Youregoingto
lovethis.
Perryriffledthebills.Illtakeyourwordfor
it.

Thefirstthinghenoticedwasthattheridehad
Shewinkedathim.Theygotofftheplaneand becomealotlessopen.Whenhedleft,thered
theywerealllike,ScrewDisney,wehaveoneof beenthesensethatyouwereinagiantroom
allthatdeadWalMartwithlittleexhibits
thoseinSeoul,whatsnew,whatsAmerican?
spreadaroundit,likethetradefloorata
SoItookthemhere.Youguystotallyrock.
monstercarshow.Butnowtheexhibitshadbeen
Hecouldhavekissedher.Hishearttookwing.
arrangedoutofoneanotherssightlines,and
Inyougo,hesaid.Lesterwillgetyouthe
someofthetallerpieceshadbeenupendedto
extraridevehicles.
formbaffles.Itwasmuchmorelikeacarny
Theyreallintherealready,hesaid.Ivebeen hauntedhousetradeshowfloornow.
runningthewholefleetfortwoweeksandIve
Thecarcircledslowlyinthefirstroom,which
gottenmoreonorder.
hadaccumulatedalotofjunkthatwasntmad
Perrywhistled.Youshouldasaid,hesaid,then inventionsfromtheheydayofNewWork.There
turnedbacktothetourguide.Itmightbealittle wasachippeddollcradle,andasmallcollection
ofgirlsdolls,apursespilledonthefloorwith
bitofawait.
photosofyounggirlsclowningatabirthday
Ten,fifteenminutes,Lestersaid.
party.Hereachedforthejoystickwithirritation
andslammedittowardminusonewhatthehell
Noproblem,shesaid.Theyllwaittill
kingdomcome,providedtheresgoodshopping wasthiscrap?
tobehad.Indeedthetourgroupwasatthe
Nextwasaroomfullofboystanksandcarsand
centerofapackofvendorkids,hawkingbusts
tradingcards,someincarefulpackagesand
andtattoos,contactsandactionfigures,
frames,somelovinglyscuffedandbeatenup.
kitchenwareandcigarettelighters.
Theywerefromalleras,andherecognizedsome
Onceshewasgone,Lestergavehisshoulder

ofhisbelovedtoysfromhisownboyhoodamong

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/119
themix.Theitemswerearrangedinconcentric
ringsoneoftherobotsdefaultpatternsfor
displayingmaterialsaroundawrithingtower
ofjuddering,shudderingdomesticrobotsthat
hadpiledoneatoptheother.Thevogueforthese
hadbeenmercifullybrief,butithadbeen
intense,andforPerry,thejuxtapositionofthe
carsandthecards,thetanksandtherobotsmade
somethingcatchinhisthroat.Therewasa
statementhereaboutthedrivetoautomate
householdchoresandthesimplepleasureof
rollinganimaginarytankovertheimaginary
armiesofyourimaginaryenemies.So,too,
somethingaboutthecollectingurge,theneedto
geteverycardinaset,andthentogeteachin
perfectcondition,andthentoarrangethemin
perfectorder,andthentoforgetthemaltogether.

NewWorkandthepeoplewhodmadeit
happen,andsodidthisride,butthisridewas
lesslinear,lessaboutdisplaymore
Itsastory,hesaidwhenhegotoff.
Ithinksotoo,Lestersaid.Itsbeengetting
moreandmorestorylike.Thewaythatdoll
keepsreappearing.Ithinkthatsomeonehadlike
tenofthemandjusttossedthemoutatregular
intervalsandthentheplusoneingsnuckoneinto
everyscene.
Itsgotscenes!Thatswhattheyare,scenes.Its
likeaDisneyride,oneofthosedarkridesin
Fantasyland.
Exceptthosesuckandourriderocks.Itsmore
likePiratesoftheCaribbean.

Haveityourway.Whatever,howfreakingweird
Hishandhadbeenjerkingthejoysticktoplus
oneallthistimeandnowhebecameconsciously isthat?
awareofthis.
Notsoweird.Peopleseestoriesliketheysee
Thenextroomhadmanyoftheoldinventionshe facesinclouds.Oncewegavethemtheabilityto
subtractthestuffthatfeltwrongandreinforce
remembered,buttheywerearrangednoton
thestuffthatfeltright,itwasonlynaturalthat
gleamingsilvertables,butweremixedinwith
theydanthropomorphizetheworldintoastory.
heapsofclothing,mountainsofthebrightly
coloredubiquitoustshirtsthathadgonehandin
handwitheveryNewWorkinventionandcrew.
Mixedinamongthemweresomevintagetees
fromthedotcomera,andperchedontopofthe
mountain,staringglassilyathim,wasalittle
girldollthatlookedfamiliar;hewasalmost
certainthathedseenherinthefirstdollroom.

Thenextroomwasbuiltoutofpiecesoftheold
kitchendisplay,buttherewasdisarraynow,
dishesinthesinkandaplateonthecounterwith
acigarettebuttedoutinthemiddleofit.Another
platelayinthreepiecesonthelinoleumbefore
it.
Thenextroomwascarpetedwithflattenedsoda
tinsthatcrunchedunderthechairswheels.In
thecenterofthem,aneatworkbenchwith
rankedtools.

Perryshookhishead.Youthink?
Wehavethisguy,aculturalstudiesprof,who
comespracticallyeveryday.Hesbeentelling
meallaboutit.Storiesarehowweunderstand
theworld,andtechnologyishowwechooseour
stories.
CheckouttheGreeks.AllthoseGreekplays,
theyendwiththedeusexmachinathe
playwrightgetstiredofwriting,sohetrotsagod
outonstagetosimplypointafingeratthe
playersandmakeitallbetter.Youcantdothat
inastorytoday,butbackthen,theydidnthave
thetoolstohelpthemobserveandrecordthe
world,soasfarastheycouldtell,thatshow
stuffworked!

Todayweunderstandalittlemoreaboutthe
world,soourstoriesareaboutpeoplefiguring
Theridewentonandon,eachroomutterly
outwhatscausingtheirtroublesandchanging
differentfromhowhedleftit,butsomehow
stuffsothatthosecausesgoaway.Causalstories
familiartoo.Theridehedlefthadcelebratedthe foracausaluniverse.Thinkingabouttheworld

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/120
intermsofcausesandeffectsmakesyouseek
outcausesandeffectsevenwherethereare
none.Watchhowgamblersplay,thatweird
cargocultfeelingthattheroulettewheelcame
upblackathirdtimeinarowsothenextspin
willmakeitred.Itsnotsuperstition,itskindof
theoppositeitscausalityrunamok.

Workstuffisbeingdeemphasized.

Sothisisthestorythathasemergedfromour
collectiveunconscious?

Amen,Lestersaid.Helookedathiswatchand
yelped.Shit,lateforadate!Canyouget
yourselfhome?

Lesterlaughed.Thatsalittlepretentious,I
think.ItsmorelikethoseJapanesecrabs.
WhichJapanesecrabs?
WerentyoutherewhenTjanwastalkingabout
this?OrwasthatinRussia?Anyway.Thereare
thesecrabsinJapan,andiftheyhaveanything
thatlookslikeafaceonthebacksoftheirshells,
thefishermenthrowthembackbecauseitsbad
lucktoeatacrabwithafaceonitsshell.Sothe
crabswithfacelikeshellshavemorebabies.
Whichmeansthatgradually,thecrabsshellsget
morefacelike,sinceallnonfacelikeshellsare
eliminatedfromthegenepool.Thisleadsthe
fishermentoraisethebarontheirselection
criteria,sotheywilleatcrabswithshellsthatare
alittlefacelike,butnotveryfacelike.Soallthe
slightlyfacelikecrabshellsareeliminated,
leavingbehindmoderatelyfacelikeshells.This
getsrepeatedoverseveralgenerations,andnow
youvegotthesecrabsthathavevividfaceson
theirshells.

Youkidding?ThisiswhattheNewWorkwas
allabout:groupcreation!Icouldntbehappier
aboutit.Seriouslythisissomuchcoolerthan
anythingthatIcouldhavebuilt.Andnowwith
thenetworkcomingonlinesoonwow.Imagine
it.Itsgoingtobesofuckingweird,bro.

Sure,Perrysaid.Broughtmywheels.Seeyou
laterhaveagoodone.
Shesamazing,Lestersaid.Usedtoweigh
900poundsandwasshutinfortenyears.Man
hasshegotanimaginationonher.Shecando
thisthing
Perryputhishandsoverhisears.LalalaIm
notlisteningtoyou.TMI,Lester.Seriously.Way
wayTMI.
Lestershookhishead.Youaresuchaprude,
dude.
PerrythoughtaboutHildaforafleetingmoment,
andthengrinned.Thatsme,atotalpuritan.
Go.Besafe.
Safe,sound,andslippery,Lestersaid,andgot
inhiscar.

Perrylookedaroundattheshutteredmarket,
rooftopsglintingintherosytropicalsunset.Man
hedmissedthosesunsets.Hesnortedupdamp
Weletourriderseliminateallthenonstory
lungsfulofthetropicalairandsmelleddinners
likeelementsfromtheride,andsowhatsleft
cookingattheshantytownacrossthestreet.It
behindismoreandmorestorylike.
wasdifferentandbiggerandmoreelaborate
Buttheplusone/minusoneleveristoocrude
everytimehevisitedit,whichwasalwaysless
forthis,right?Weshouldgivethemapointeror oftenthanhewished.
somethingsotheycanspecifyindividual
Therewasagoodbarbecueplacethere,Dirty
elementstheydontlike.
Maxs,justaholeinthewallwithapitoutback
Youwanttoencouragethis?
andthefriendliestpeople.Therewasalwaysa
mobscenearoundthere,localsgreasyfromthe
Dontyou?
ribsintheirhands,abigbucketoverflowing
Lesternoddedvigorously.OfcourseIdo.Ijust withdiscardedbones.
thoughtthatyoudbealittlelessenthusiastic
aboutit,youknow,becausesomuchoftheNew Wanderingtowardsit,hewasamazedbyhow

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/121
muchbiggerithadgrownsincehislastvisit.
Mostbuildingshadhadtwostories,thoughafew
hadthree.Nowalmostallhadfour,leaning
drunkenlytowardeachotheracrossthestreets.
Powercables,networkcablesandclotheslines
gavetheoverheadspacesthelookofacarelessly
spunspidersweb.Thenewstoriesweremost
remarkablebecauseofwhatFrancishad
explainedtohimaboutthewaythatadditional
storiesgotadded:mostpeoplerentedoutorsold
therighttobuildontopoftheirbuildings,and
thenthenewupstairsneighborsinturnsold
theirrightson.Sometimesyoudgetathird
storeydwellerwhodwanttobuildatoptwo
adjacentbuildingstomakeanextrawide
apartmentforabigfamily,andthatrequired
negotiatingwithalloftheownersofeach
floorofbothbuildings.

Lotsandlots,Francissaid.Theresawhole
netcommunitythinghappening.Lotsoftraffic
ontheAARPmessageboardsfromotherpeople
settingtheseuparoundthecountry.

Justlookingatitmadehisheadhurtwithallthe
tangledpropertyandownershiprelationships
embodiedinthehighspaces.Heheardtheeasy
chatterouttheopenwindowsandmusicand
cryingbabies.Kidsranthroughthestreets,
laughingandchasingeachotherorbouncing
ballsorplayingsomekindofnetworkedRPG
withtheirphonesthathadthempeekingaround
corners,seeinganotherplayerandshriekingand
runningoff.

Wetoldthemtofuckoff,Francissaid.Weve
gotlotsofcommunityownedbusinessesaround
herethatdoeverythinga7Elevencoulddofor
us,withouttakingthewealthoutofour
communityandsendingittosomecorporate
jackoff.Somesoreheadswantedtoseehow
muchmoneywecouldgetoutofthem,butIjust
kepttellingthemwhatever7Elevengivesus,
itllonlybebecausetheythinktheycangetmore
outofus.Theysawreason.Besides,Imin
chargeIalwayswinmyarguments.

Thegrillwomanatthebarbecuejointgreeted
himbynameandthemenandwomenaroundit
madespaceforhim.Itwasfriendlyand
companionable,andafteramomentFrancis
wanderedupwithacoupleofhisproteges.They
carriedboxesofbeer.
Heyhey,Francissaid.Homeagain,huh?

Soyouvehitonsomething,too.
Naw.Whenitsrailroadingtime,youget
railroads.Whenitssquattertime,yougetsquats.
Youknowtheywanttoopena7Elevenhere?
No!Perrylaughedandchokedonribsand
thenguzzledsomebeertowashitalldown.
Francisputawrinkledhandoverhisheart.He
stillworehisweddingband,Perrysaw,despite
hiswifesbeinggonefordecades.Iswearit.
Justthere.Hepointedtooneofthebusier
corners.
And?

Youarethemostbenevolentofdictators,Perry
said.Hebegantoworkonanotherbeer.Beer
tastedbetteroutsideintheheatandthebarbecue
smoke.
Imgladsomeonethinksso,Francissaid.

Oh?
Homeagain,Perrysaid.Hewipedribsauce
The7Eleventhingleftalotofpeoplepissedat
offhisfingersandshookFrancisshandwarmly.
me.Theresplentyaroundherethatdont
God,Ivemissedthisplace.
rememberthewayitstartedoff.Tothem,Im
Wemissedhavingyou,Francissaid.Big
justsomealterkockerwhoskeepingthem
crowdsacrosstheway,too.Seemslikeyouhit
down.
onsomething.
Isitserious?Perryknewthattherewasthe
Perryshookhisheadandsmiledandatehisribs. potentialforserious,majorlawlessnessfromhis
Whatsthestoryaroundhere?
littlesettlement.Itwasntafailingcondo

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/122
complexrentedouttoFilipinadomesticsand
weirdentrepreneurslikehim.Itwasaplace
wherethecopswouldloveanexcusetocomein
withriotbatons(hisfunnyeyebrowtwitched)
andgas,thekindofplacewheretherealmost
certainlywereafewverybadpeoplelivingtheir
lives.Miamihadbadpeople,too,butthebad
peopleinMiamiwerenthisproblem.

Anuncomfortablesilencedescendeduponthem.
Perrydrankhisbeer,morosely.Hethoughtof
howridiculousitwastobemoroseaboutthe
possibilitythathewasbeingmorose,butthere
youhadit.

Idontknowanymore.IthoughtIdretireand
settledownandtakeuppainting.NowIm
basicallyamobboss.Notthebadkind,butstill.
Itsalotofwork.

reallychanged.

Well,Francis,ifanyoneknowshowtokeep
peace,itsyou.

Wevebeenhavinganamazingtime,
Kettlewellsaid.Hisspeakerphonemadehim
soundlikehewasatthebottomofawell.
Mostlyreminiscingaboutyouguys.Whatthe
hellareyouupto?Wetriedtofollowitonthe
net,butitsalljumbled.Whatsthisabouta
story?

Finallyhisphonerangandsavedhimfrom
furtherconversation.Helookedatthedisplay
andshookhishead.ItwasKettlewellagain.That
Andthebadpeopleandthepotentialchaoswere firstvoicemailhadmadehimlaughaloud,but
whathelovedabouttheplace,too.Hedgrown whentheyhadntcalledbackforacoupledays,
upinthekindofplacewhereeverythingwas
hedfiguredthattheyhadjusthadalittletoo
predictableandsafeandhedhatedeveryminute muchwineandplacedthecall.
ofit.Thegloriouschaosaroundhimwasjustas Nowtheywerecallingback,anditwasstill
helikedit.Thewoodsmokecurleduphisnose, prettyearlyontheWestCoast.Tooearlyfor
fragrantandallconsuming.
themtohavehadtoomuchwine,unlesstheyd
PerryPerryPerry!ItwasKettlebelly.He
soundedlikehemightbedrunk,ormerely
punchdrunkwithexcitement.Perryremembered
Pimpinainteasy.Perrysawtheshockedlook thathegotthatwaysometimes.
onFrancissfaceandaddedhastily,Sorrynot Kettlewell,howareyoudoing?
callingyouapimp.Itsasonglyricisall.
Imheretoo,Perry.Icashedinmyreturn
Wegotpimpsherenow.Whores,too.You
ticket.
nameit,wegotit.Itsstillagoodplacetolive
Suzanne?
betterthanMiami,ifyouaskmebutitcould
gorealanimal.Bad,badanimal.
Yeah,shesaid.Shetoosoundedpunchy,like
theydbeenhavingafitofthegigglesjustbefore
Hardtobelieve,standingthereinthewood
smoke,lickinghisfingers,drinkinghisbeer.His calling.Kettlewellsfamilyhavetakenmein,
waywardwandererthatIam.
coldseemedtohavebeenbakedoutbythe
steamyswampyheat.
Youtwosoundpretty,um,happy.

Socialworkerscomearound,saythesame
thing.Buttherespeoplearoundherewithlittle
kids,theyworrythatthesocialworkerscould
forcethemout,takeawaytheirchildren.
ItwasntlikeFrancistocomplainlikethis,it
wasntinhisnature,buthereitwas.Thestrainof
runningthingswasshowingonhim.Perry
wonderedifhisownstrainwasshowingthat
way.Didhecomplainmorethesedays?Maybe
hedid.

Story?
Ikeepreadingaboutthisrideofyoursandits
story.Icouldntmakeanysenseofit.
Ihaventreadanyofthis,butLesterandIwere
talkingaboutsomestufftodowithstories

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/123
tonight.Ididntknowanyoneelsewastalking
aboutthis,though.Wheredyouseeit?

overtheline.

Right,sowewanttocomedownandhavefun
withyouandLester.Hesstillhangingaround,
right?

Wedloveit,Kettlewellsaid.

Sohowabouttomorrow?
Illemailittoyou,Suzannesaid.Iwasgoing Forwhat?
toblogittonightanyway.
Foruscomingtotown.Illbringthewifeand
SoyoutwoarejusthangingaroundSan
kids.Wellrentoutacouplehotelroomsand
Franciscogigglingandwalkingdownmemory
spendaweekthere.Itllbeablast.
lane?
Tomorrow?
Well,yeah!Itsabouttime,too.Weveallbeen
Wecouldgetthemorningflightandbethere
separatedfortoolong.Wewantareunion,
forbreakfast.Yougotagoodhotel?Notacoffin
Perry.
hotel,notwiththekids.
Areunion?
Perrysheartbeatfaster.Hedidmissthesetwo,
Wewanttocomedownforavisitandseewhat andtheyweresopunchy,sogleeful.Hedloveto
youredoingandhangout.Youwouldntbelieve seethem.Hemutedhisphone.
howmuchfunwevebeenhaving,Perry,
Hey,Francis?Thatguesthousedowntheroad,
seriously.Kettlewellsoundedlikehedbeen
isitstillrunning?
huffingnitrousorsomething.Haveyoubeen
havingfun?
Lulus?Sure.Theyjustbuiltanotherstoreyand
tookoverthetopflooroftheplacenextdoor.
Hethoughtaboutthequestion.Um,kindof?
Hetoldthemabouthistravels,aquickthumbnail Perfect.Heunmuted.Howdyouliketostay
sketch,strugglingtorememberwhichcityhed inasquatterguesthouseintheshantytown?
beentowhen,leavingoutthecrazysexwhich
camebacktohiminarush,thatnightwithHilda Um,Kettlewellsaid,butSuzannelaughed.
inthecoffin,likeawarmhallucination.On
Ohhellyes,shesaid.Getthatlookoffyour
balance,yes.Itsbeenfun.
face,Kettlewell,thisisanadventure.
Great,Illmakeyouareservation.Howlong
areyoustaying?

Lesterhadtoldhimaboutthehistoryhehadwith
Untilweleave,Suzannesaid.
Suzanne,andtherewassomethingintheway
Right,Perrysaidandlaughedhimself.They
sheaskedafterLesterthatsuggestedtoPerry
weredifferentpeople,thesetwo,fromthepeople
thattherewasstillsomethingthere.
heremembered,buttheywerealsooldfriends.
Youkidding?Youdhavetopryusapartwitha
Andtheywerecomingtoseehimtomorrow.
crowbar.
OK,lemmegomakeyourreservations.
See,Itoldyouso,Suzannesaid.Thisguy
Franciswalkedhimoverandthelandlordfussed
thoughtthatLestermighthavegottenboredand
overthetwoofthemliketheywerevisiting
wanderedoff.
dignitaries.Perrylookedtheplaceoverandit
Never!Plusanyonewhofollowshismessage
wascompletelycharming.Hespottedwhathe
boardtrafficandblogswouldknowthathewas thoughtwasprobablyahookerandatricktaking
righthere,mindingtheshop.Andyoure
aroomforthenight,butyougotthatatthe
readinghisblog,arentyou,Suzanne?Hedidnt Hilton,too.
needtosayit.Hecouldalmosthearherblush
Bythetimehegothomehewassurethathed

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/124
sleeplikealog.Hecouldbarelykeephiseyes
openonthedrive.Butafterheclimbedintobed
andclosedhiseyes,hefoundthathecouldnt
sleepatall.Somethingaboutbeingbackinhis
ownroominhisownbedfeltalienandexciting.
Hegotupandpacedtheapartmentandthen
Lestercamehomefromhisdatewiththefatkins
nympho,fullofimprobablestoriesandcovered
inlittlehickeys.

practicallymarriedafterall.
Theyarrivedjustintimeforthemorningrush
butTonygreetedthemwithasmileandsent
themstraighttothefrontoftheline.Lester
orderedhisusual(Bringmethreepoundsof
candywithasideofgroundanimalpartsand
potatoes)andtheywaitednervouslyfor
SuzanneandtheclanKettlewelltoturnup.

Theyarrivedinahugebustleoftaxisand
luggageandtwowideeyed,jetlaggedchildren
hangingoffofKettlewellandMrsKettlewell,
SteveJobs.Hescomedownfromthelamasery whomneitherofthemhadevermet.Shewasa
andrenouncedBuddhism.Hewantstogivea
small,youthfulwomaninhermidfortieswith
freecomputertoeveryvisitor.
artfullystyledhairandbig,abstractchunky
silverjewelry.SuzannehadgoneallEurochic,
Close,Perrysaid.KettlebellyandSuzanne
railthinandsmoking,withquiet,understated
Church.Comingtomorrowforastayof
darkclothes.Kettlewellhadarealdaddybelly
unspecifiedduration.Itsareunion.Itsa
onhimnow,alittlepotthathisdaughter
reunionyoubigsonofabitch!Woot!Woot!
thumpedrhythmicallyfromherperchonhiship.
Perrydidalittletwostep.Areunion!
Sit,sit,Perrysaidtothem,gettinguptohelp
Lesterlookedconfusedforasecond,andthen
foranothersecondhelooked,what,upset?and themstacktheirluggageateitherendofthelong
thenhewasgrinningandjumpingupanddown tabledownthemiddleoftheIHOP.Bigfamily
groupswithtonsofluggagewereparforthe
withPerry.Reunion!
courseinFlorida,sotheydidntreallydraw
Hefeltlikehedbarelygottentosleepwhenhis muchattentionbeyondmildirritationfromthe
phonerang.TheclockshowedsixAM,andit
patronstheyjostledastheygoteveryoneseated.
wasKettlebellyandSuzanne,bleary,jetlagged
PerrywasmildlyamusedtoseethatLesterand
andgrouchyfromtheironehourpostflight
Suzanneendedupsittingnexttooneanotherand
securityprocessing.
werealreadychattingavidlyandcloseup,insoft
Wewantbreakfast,Suzannesaid.
voicesthattheyhadtoleaninverytighttohear.
Wevegottaopentheride,Suzanne.
HewasnexttoMrsKettlewell,whosename,it
transpired,wasEvaAsinExtraVehicular
Atsixinthemorning?Comeon,youvegot
Activity,shesaid,geekingoutwithhim.
hoursyetbeforeyouhavetobeatwork.How
Kettlewellwasinthebathroomwithhisdaughter
aboutyouandLestermeetusattheIHOP?
andson,andMrsKettlewellEvaseemed
Jesus,hesaid.
relievedatthechanceforalittleadult
conversation.
Comeon!Kettlebellyskidsaredyingfor
somethingtoeatandhiswifelookslikeshes
Youmustbeaverypatientwoman,Perrysaid,
readytoeathim.Itsbeenyears,dude!Getyour laughingatalltheticklishnoiseandmotionof
assintheshoweranddowntotheInternational theirgroup.
HouseofPancakes!
Oh,thatsmeallright,Evasaid.Patienceis
Lesterdidntrouseeasy,butPerryknewallthe myvirtue.Andyou?
tricksforgettinghisoldpaloutofbed,theywere
Oh,patienceissomethingIvalueverymuchin
Youwontbelievewhoscomingforavisit,
Perrysaid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/125
otherpeople.Perrysaid.ItmadeEvalaugh,
whichshowedoffherprettylaughlinesand
dimples.Hecouldseehowthiswomanand
Kettlewellmustcomplementeachother.

overtogivehiswifeakiss.Perrythoughthesaw
Suzanneflickalookatthemthen,butitmight
havebeenhisimagination.SuzanneandLester
wereoffintheirownworld,afterall.

Sherockedherheadfromsidetosideandtooka
longswigofthecoffeethattheirwaiterhad
distributedaroundthetable,toppingupfromthe
carafehedleftbehind.ThankGodforlegal
stimulants.

Theplanealmostcrashed,saidthelittlegirl
nexttoPerry.Shehadahaloofcurlyhairlikea
dandelionclockandbigsolemndarkeyesanda
bigwetmouthsetbetweenappleroundcheeks.

Longflight?
Travelingwithlarvaeisalwaysachallenge,
shesaid.Buttheydugithard.Youshouldhave
seenthematthewindows.
Theydneverbeenonaplanebefore?
Iliketogocamping,shesaidwithashrug.
Landonsalwaysonmetotakethekidsto
Hawaiiorwhatever,butImalwayslike,Man,
youspendhalfyourfuckinglifeinatincan
whydoyouwanttostartyourholidaysinone?
LetsgotoYosemiteandgetmuddy.Ihavent
eventakenthemtoDisneyland!

Diditreally?Perrysaid.Shewassevenor
eighthethought,thebossybigsisterwhodbeen
givingorderstoherlittlebrotherfromthe
momenttheycamethroughthedoor.
Shenoddedsolemnly.HelookedatEva,who
shrugged.
Really?hesaid.
Really,shesaid,noddingvigorouslynow.
Therewereterristsontheplanewhowantedto
blowitup,buttheskymarshasstoppedthem.
Howcouldyoutelltheywereterrists?

Sheclickedhertongueandrolledhereyes.
Theywerewhispering,shesaid.Justlikeon
Perryputthebackofhishandtohisforehead.
CaptainPresidentandtheFreedomFighters.
Thatsheresyaroundhere,hesaid.Yougoing Heknewsomethingofthiscartoon,mostly
totakethemtoDisneyWorldwhileyourein
becauseofalltheknockoffmerchforsaleinthe
Florida?Itsalotbigger,youknowanditsa
marketstallsinfrontoftheride.
differentdivision.Reallydifferentfeel,orsoIm
Isee,hesaid.Well,ImgladtheSkyMarshas
told.
stoppedthem.Doyouwantpancakes?
Youkidding?Perry,wecamehereforyourride.
Iwantcaramelapplechocolatepancakeswith
Itsfamous,youknow.
blueberrybananasauce,shesaid,rollingone
Net.famous,maybe.Alittle.Hefelthischeeks pudgyfingeralongthedescriptionintheglossy
burning.Well,therewillbeoneinyourneckof menu,beneathanoozingfoodpornphoto.And
thewoodssoonenough.Hetoldheraboutthe mybrotherwantsachocolatemilkshakeanda
BurningMancollectiveandtheplantobuildone shortstackofhappyfaceclownwaffleswith
downthe101,southofSanFrancisco
strawberrysauce,butnottoomanybecausehes
International.
stillababyandcanteatmuch.
Kettlebellyreturnedthenwiththekids,andhe
Youllbecomeasfatasyourdaddyifyoueat
managedtogetthemintotheirseatswhile
likethat,Perrysaid.Evasnortedbesidehim.
suckingbackacoffeeandeatingabiscuitfrom
thebasketinthecenterofthetable,breakingoff No,shesaid.Imgonnabeafatkins.
bitstoshoveinthekidsmouthswheneverthey Isee,hesaid.Evashookherhead.
protested.
Itsthegoddamnedfatkinsagitpropgames,
Thesearesomewaytiredkids,hesaid,leaning Evasaid.Theycomefreewitheverythingnow

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/126
digitalcameras,phones,evenincerealboxes.
Youhavetoeataminimumnumberofcalories
perleveloryoustarvetodeath.Thisoneisa
champeen.

mean,haveyoulookedaroundlately?Youre
livinginathirdworldcountry,buddy.

Awaitercamebetweenthem,handingout
heaping,steamingplatesoffood.Lester,whod
Imnationallyranked,thelittlegirlsaid,not
finishedhisfirstbreakfastwhiletheywaited,had
lookingupfromthemenu.
orderedasecondbreakfast,whicharrivedalong
Perrylookedacrossthetableanddiscoveredthat withtherestofthem.Mountainsoffoodstacked
SuzannehadcoveredLestershandwithhersand uponthetable,sideplatescrowdingjugsof
applejuiceandcarafesofcoffee.
thatLesterwaslaughingalongwithherat
somethingfunny.Somethingaboutthatmade
Incredibly,thefoodkeptcomingmultiple
himalittlefreakedout,likeLesterwasmaking syrupjugs,platesofhashbrowns,basketsof
timewithhissisterortheirmom.
biscuitsandbowlsofwhitesausagegravy.Perry
Suzanne,hesaid.Whatshappeningwithyou hadntpaidmuchattentionwhenorderswere
beingtaken,butfromthelooksofthings,hewas
thesedays,anyway?
eatingwithabunchofIHOPvirgins,
Petersburgiswhatshappeningwithme,she
unaccustomedtotheastonishingportionstobe
said,withahoarselittlechuckle.Petersburgis hadthere.
likeDetroitcrossedwithParis.Completely
HecockedhisfunnyeyebrowatSuzanne,who
decrepitanddecadent.Theresaserialkiller
laughed.OK,notquiteathirdworldcountry.
whosbeenworkingthestreetsforfiveyears
thereandthebiggestobstacletocatchinghimis Butnotarealindustrialnationanymore,either.
thatthefirstcopsonthesceneletrubberneckers MaybemoreliketheenddaysofRomeor
bribethemtotakehomeevidenceassouvenirs. something.Drowninginwealthandwallowing
inpoverty.Sheforkedupamouthfulofhash
Noway!Lestersaid.
brownsandchasedthemwithcoffee.Perry
attackedhisownplate.
Oh,da,bigvay,shesaid,droppingintoa
comicalBorisandNatashaaccent.Bolshoi
Kettlewellfedthekids,sneakingbitesin
vay.
between,whileEvalookedonapprovingly.
Youreagoodman,LandonKettlewell,she
Sowhyareyouthere?
said,slicinguphersteakandeggsintosmall,
Itslikehomeforme.Itsgotenoughof
precisecubes,wieldingtheknifelikeanartist.
Detroitsoldbrutal,earthyfeel,plusenoughof
SiliconValleysmanichustle,itjustfeelsright. Youjustenjoyyourbreakfast,myqueen,he
said,spooningoatmealwithraisins,bananas,
Yougoingtosettleinthere?
granolaandboysenberryjamintothelittleboys
Well,putthatway,no.Icouldnthackitforthe mouth.
longterm.Butatthistimeinmylife,itsbeen
Wegotyoupresents,thelittlegirlsaid,taking
justright.ButitsgoodtogetbacktotheStates, abreakfromshovelingbananachocolate
too.Imthinkingofhangingoutherefora
caramelapplesintohermouth.
couplemonths.Russiassocheap,Ivegotaton
savedup.Mightaswellblowitbeforeinflation Really?Perryraisedhisfunnyeyebrowand
shegiggled.Hediditagain,makingitwrithe
killsit.
likeasnake.Shesnarfedchocobananaacross
Youkeepyourmoneyinrubles?
thetable,thenscoopeditupandputitbackin
hermouth.
Hellnonooneusesrublesexcepttourists.
ImworriedaboutanotherrunofUSinflation.I Shenoddedvigorously.Dad,givethemtheir

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/127
presents!

oftheartisgenuinelyprogressing.

Kettlewellsaid,Someonehastofeedyour
brother,youknow.

Therewerealotofniceoldbrassspiritlevels
andhandlathedplumbbobsbuttheyweremore
decorativethanusefulbyadamnedsight.Great
oldsteelworkhelmetslookedcool,butthey
weighedaboutahundredtimeswhatthesafety
helmetsaroundhereweigh.

Illdoit,shesaid.Sheforkedupsomeofhis
oatmealandattemptedtogetitintothelittle
boysface.Presents!
Kettlewelldugthroughtheluggageclusterunder
thetableandcameupwithanoverstuffeddiaper
bag,thenpawedthroughitforalongtime,urged
onbyhisdaughterwhokeptchantingPresents!
Presents!Presents!whileattemptingtofeedher
littlebrother.EvaandLesterandSuzannetook
upthechant.Theyweredrawingstaresfrom
nearbytables,butPerrydidntmind.Hewas
laughingsohardhissideshurt.
FinallyKettlewellheldapaperbagaloft
triumphantly,thenclappedahandoverhis
daughtersmouthandshushedtherest.
Youguysarereallyhardtoshopfor,hesaid.
Whatthehelldoyougetfortwoguyswhonot
onlyhaveeverything,butmakeeverything?
Suzannenodded.Damnedright.Wespenta
wholedaylookingforsomething.
Whatisit?
Well,Kettlewellsaid.Wefiguredthatit
shouldbesomethinguseful,notdecorative.You
guyshavedecorativecomingoutofyourasses.
Sothatleftuswithtools.Wewantedtofindyou
atoolthatyoudidnthave,andthatyouwould
appreciate.
Suzannepickedupthestory.Ithoughtwe
shouldgetyouanantiquetool,somethingso
wellmadethatitwasstillusable.Buttobe
useful,ithadtobesomethingnoonehad
improvedon,andthathadinfactbeendegraded
bymodernmanufacturingtechniques.

Weweregoingtogiveinandtrytobringyou
guysabiggoddamnedtubeamp,ormaybesome
Inuitglassknives,butIdidntseeyouhaving
muchofauseforeither.
Whichishowwecametogiveupontoolsper
seandswitchedovertoleisuresportstools.
Therewasamuchrichervein.Woodenbats,oh
yes,andrealpigskinfootballsthathadnice
idiosyncraticspinthatyoudhavetolearnto
compensatefor.Butwhenwefoundthese,we
knewwedhitpaydirt.
ShepickedupKettlewellspapersackwitha
flourishandunzippedit.Amomentlatershe
presentedthemwithtwoidenticalpackages
wrappedincoarselinenpaperhandstamped
withVictorianwoodcutsofsportingmen
swingingbatsandchargingthelinewith
pigskinsundertheirarms.
Tadah!
Thekidsechoedit.Thesearethebestpresents,
thelittlegirlconfidedinPerryashepicked
delicatelyattheexquisitepaper.
Thepapergavewayinfoldsandcurls,andthen
heandLesterbothheldtheirtreasuresaloft.
Baseballgloves!Perrysaid.

Acatchersmittandafieldersglove,
Kettlewellsaid.Youlookatthatcatchersmitt.
1910!Itwasblackandbulbous,theleathersoft
andyielding,withapatinaoffinecrackslikean
oldpainting.Itsmelledlikeoilandleather,an
Atfirstwelookedatoldtapemeasures,butI
oldrichsmelllikeagentlemanscluboran
rememberedthatyouguysweremostlyusing
expensivebriefcase.Perrytrieditonandit
keychainlaserrangefindersthesedays.
moldeditselftohishand,snugandcomfortable.
Screwdrivers,pliers,andhammerswereallout
Icouldntfindadamnedthingthatlookedany Itpracticallycriedouttohaveaballthrownatit.
betterthanwhatyouhadaroundhere.Thestate Andthisfieldersglove,Kettlewellwenton,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/128
pointingatthegloveLesterheld.Itwasthemore
traditionaltancolor,comicallylargelikethe
gloveofacartooncharacter.Ittoohadthelook
ofancient,welllovedleather,thesame
mysterioussmellofhideandoil.Perrytouched
itwithafingeranditfeltlikeawomanscheek,
smoothandsoft.RawlingsXPG6.TheMickey
Mantle.Early1960stheultimateglove.
Yougotthewholesalespitch,huh,darling?
Evasaid,notunkindly,butKettlewellflushed
andglaredatherforamoment.

Seriously.Welldone.
Theyallbeamedandmurmuredandthentheball
Lesterwastossingcrashedtothetableandbroke
apitcherofblueberrysyrup,upsetacarafeof
orangejuice,androlledtoastopinthechocolate
messinfrontofthelittlegirl,wholaughedand
laughedandlaughed.
Andthatiswhywedontplaywithballs
indoors,Suzannesaid,lookingassternasshe
couldwhileobviouslytryingveryhardnotto
bustoutlaughing.

Perrybrokein.Guys,thesearewow.
Incredible.

Thewaiterswereaccustomedtowipingupspills
andLesterwasawkwardlyhelpful.Whilethey
Theyrebetterthanthemodernproduct,
weregettingeverythingsettorightsagain,Perry
Suzannesaid.Thatsthepoint.Youcantprint lookedatEvaandsawherlipstightlypursedas
theseorfabthese.Theyrewonderfulbecause
sheconsideredherhusband.Hefollowed
theyresowellmadeandsowellused!Theonly Kettlebellysgazeandsawthathewaswatching
waytomakeaglovethisgoodwouldbetofabit Suzanne(whowaslaughinglyrestrainingLester
andthengiveittoseveralgenerationsofbaseball fromdoinganymorecleaning)intently.Ina
playerstoloveanduseforfiftytoahundred
flash,Perrythoughthehadcometo
years.
understanding.Ohdear,hethought.
Perryturnedoverthecatchersmitt.Overa
hundredyearsold.Thiswasntsomethingtogo
inaglasscase.Suzannewasright:thiswasa
greatglovebecausepeoplehadplayedwithit,all
thetime.Itneededtobeplayedwithoritwould
getoutofpractice.

Thekidslovedtheshantytown.Thelittlegirl
Ada,liketheprogramminglanguage,Evasaid
insistedonbeingsetdownsoshecouldtread
thecrackedcementwalkwaysherself,head
whippingbackandforthtotakethecrazy
leaningbuildingsin,eyesfollowingthezipping
Iguessweregoingtohavetobuyabaseball, motorbikesandbicyclesastheywoveinandout
ofthebusystreets.Theshantytownerswereused
Perrysaid.
totouristsintheirmidst.Afewyardiesgave
Thelittlegirlbesidehimstartedbouncingup
themthehairyeyeball,butthentheysawPerry
anddown.
wasalongandtheyfoundsomethingelsetopay
attentionto.ThatmadePerryfeelobscurely
Showhim,Suzannesaid,andthegirldove
proud.Hedbeenabsentformonths,buteventhe
underthetableandcameupwithtwowhite,
freshhardballs.Oncehefittedonetothepocket cornerboysknewwhohewasanddidntwantto
ofhisglove,itfeltsoperfectlyrightlikeakey screwwithhim.
inalock.Thispockethadheldalotofballsover Theguesthouseslandladygreetedthematthe
theyears.
door,alertedtotheircomingbythejungle
telegraph.SheshookPerryshandwarmly,gave
Lesterhadputaballinthepocketofhisglove,
too.Hetosseditlightlyintheairandcaughtit, Adaalollipop,andchuckedthelittleboy
(Pascal,liketheprogramminglanguage,said
thenrepeatedthetrick.Thelookofvisceral
Eva,withaneyeroll)underthechin.Checkin
satisfactiononhisfacewasunmistakable.
wasalotsimplerthanatacoffinhotelora
Thesearegreatpresents,guys,Perrysaid.
Hilton:justabriefdiscussionoftheavailable

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/129
roomsandaquicktour.TheKettlewellsopted
fortheloftyattic,whichcouldfittwothree
quarterwidthbedsandacrib,andoverlooked
thecurvingstreetsfromahighvantage;Suzanne
tookamorequotidianroomjustbelow,with
lovelytilemosaicsmadefromsnippedout
sectionsofplasticfruitandsmashednovelty
sodabottles.(Thelandladyprivatelyassured
Perrythathereuphemistichourlytradewasin
adifferentpartoftheguesthousealtogether,with
itsownstaircase).

Shewasgoneandontheridebeforehecould
askherwhatthismeant,andthethree
bangbangersbehindherjustwantedtickets,not
conversation.

Thatsprobablyit,thegirlsaid.Theother
thing,thatsjustridiculous.

Thatsforsure!

Anhourlater,shewasback.

Imeanthemessageboards,shesaid.Dont
youfollowyourreferers?Theresaguyin
Osceolawhosaysthatthisis,Idontknow,like
thestorythatsinsideourcollective
unconsciousness.Perryrestrainedasmileatthe
malapropism.Anywayalotofpeopleagree.I
Afewhourslater,Perrywasaloneagain,
dontthinkso,though.Nooffense,mister,butI
workinghisticketcounter.TheKettlewellswere thinkthatthisisjustaprankorsomething.
havingnaps,LesterandSuzannehadgoneoffto
seesomesights,andthecrowdfortheridewas Something,Perrysaid.Butsherodetwice
alreadylarge,snakingthroughthemarket,thick morethatday,andshewasnttheonlyone.It
withvendorsandhustlingkidstryingtoprythe wasadayofmanyrepeatriders,andthemarket
stallpeoplecamebytocomplainthatthevisitors
visitorslooseoftheirbankrolls.
werentbuyingmuchbesidestheoccasionalice
Hefeltlikedoingacarnybarkerspiel,Stepright creamorporkcracklin.
up,steprightup,thiswaytothegreategress!
Perryshruggedandtoldthemtofindsomething
Butthemorningsvisitorsdidntseemallthat
thatthesepeoplewantedtobuy,then.Oneor
frivoloustheywereseriousfacedandsober.
twooftheminiaturesguysgotgleamsintheir
EverythingOK?heaskedagirlwhowas
eyesandboughtticketsfortheride(Perry
ridingforatleastthesecondtime.Shewasa
chargedthemhalfprice)andPerryknewthatby
midwesternlookinggiantessinherearly
thetimethedaywasout,theredbesouvenir
twentieswithbigwhitefrontteethandbroad
ridereplicastobehad.
shoulders,wearingafadedHoosiersballcapand
LesterandSuzannecamebyafterlunchtimeand
alotofcoraljewelry.Imean,youdontlook
Lesterrelievedhim,leavinghimtoescort
likeyourehavingafuntime.
Suzannebacktotheshantytownandthe
Itsthestory,shesaid.Ireadaboutitonline
Kettlewells.
andIdidntreallybelieveit,butnowItotallysee
it.Butyoumadeit,right?Itdidntjust...happen, Youtwoseemtobegettingonwell,Perry
said,jerkinghisheadbackatLesterasthey
didit?
walkedthroughthemarket.
No,itjusthappened,Perrysaid.Thisgirlwas
alittlespookylooking.Heputhishandoverhis Suzannelookedaway.Thisisamazing,Perry,
shesaid,wavingherhandatthemarketstalls,a
heart.Onmyhonor.
gesturethattookinthespiresoftheshantytown
Itcantbe,shesaid.Imean,thestoryislike
andtheride,too.Youhavedone
rightthere.Someonemusthavemadeit.
something...stupendous,youknowit?Imean,if
Maybetheydid,Perrysaid.Maybeabunch
youhadaslightlydifferenttemperament,Idcall
ofpeoplethoughtitwouldbefuntomakea
thisacult.Butitseemslikeyourenotincharge
storyoutoftherideandcamebytodoit.
ofanything

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/130
eventhoughyourestilldefinitelyleading
things.

with.Imspeakingfromexperiencehere.

NowayIjustgowhereImtold.Tjans
leading.

Sheputherhandoverherheart.Imgoodat
spottingthese.Man,youvegotacultonyour
handshere.

IspoketoTjanbeforewecameout,andhe
pointsthefingeratyou.Imjustkeepingthe
booksandclosingthecontracts.Thatsadirect
quote.
Wellmaybenoonesleading.Noteverything
needsaleader,right?
Suzanneshookherheadathim.Theresa
leader,sweetie,anditsyou.Havealookaround.
LastIchecked,therewerethreemorerides
goingoperationalthisweek,andfivemoreinthe
nextmonth.Justlookingatyourspeaking
calendargavemeaheadache
Ihaveaspeakingcalendar?

Youthink?

What?
Thestorypeople.Ivebeenreadingthemessage
boardsandblogs.ItswhereIgetallmybest
tips.
Perryshookhishead.Everyoneelsewasmore
ontopofthisstuffthanhim.Hewasgoingto
havetospendlesstimehackingtherideand
moretimereadingtheinterweb,clearly.
ItwasallLestersidea,anyway,hesaid.
Shelookeddownwithanunreadableexpression.
Hehazardedaguessastowhatthatwasabout.

Youdoindeed,anditsabusyone.Youknew
thatthough,right?

Thingsaregettingtightbetweenyoutwo,huh?

Tjansenthimemailallthetimetellinghim
aboutthisgrouporthat,wherehewassupposed
togoandgiveatalk,buthedneverseena
calendar.Butwhohadtimetolookatthe
websiteanymore?

No,helied.IjustknowLesterisall.

Isuppose.IknewIwassupposedtogetona
planeagaininacoupleweeks.
Sothatswhataleaderissomeonewhogets
peoplemobilizedandmoving.
ImetagirlinMadison,Wisconsin,youd
probablygetalongwith.ThinkingofHilda
madehimsmileandfeelalittlehorny,alittle
wistful.Hehadntgottenfuckedinmindand
bodylikethatsincehistwenties.
MaybeIllmeether.Issheworkingonalocal
ride?
Youregoingtogototheotherrides?
Igottowriteaboutsomething,Perry.
OtherwisemypageviewsfalloffandIcantpay
myrent.Thisisastoryabigone,andnoone
elsehasnoticedityet.Thatkindofstorycan
turnintothekindofmoneyyoubuyahouse

Christitdoesntshowthatmuchdoesit?
Hessomethingelse,shesaid.
Suzanneneededsomesundries,sohedirected
hertoalittlebodegainthebackroomofoneof
thehouses.Hetoldherhedmeetheratthe
guesthouseandtookaseatinthelobby.Hewas
stillbeatfromthecoldandthejetlag,thework
andthesheerexhaustion.
Ontheroadhedhadmomentumdragginghim
fromonethingtothenext,flightstocatch,
speechestomake.Backathome,confronted
withroutine,itwaslikehisinertiawas
disappearing.
EvaKettlewellthundereddownthestairsthreeat
atimewithasoundlikeabarelycontrolledfall,
burstintothelobbyandheadedforthedoor,her
backrigid,herarmsswinging,herfaceapicture
ofrage.
Shewentoutthedoorlikeaflashandthenstood
inthestreetforamomentbeforestrikingout,
seeminglyatrandom.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/131
Uhoh,Perrythought.

favoriteridesthehauntedhouses,the
graveyardwalkthrough,thecoffincoaster,the
riverofbloodandpuffedclovesthrough
Sammydidntdaregobacktotherideforweeks smokelesshookahs.Atleasthehopeditwas
afterthedebacleinBoston.Hedbeenspottedby cloves.
theChineseguyandthebummylookingguy
ThecastmembersinSammysFantasylandwere
whosaidheddesignedtheride,thatmuchwas
nobetterthantheguests.Theywerepierced,
sure.Theyprobablysuspectedhimofhaving
dyed,teased,andbrandedtowithinaninchof
sabotagedtheBostonride.
theirlives,evengothierthanthegothswhomade
Buthecouldntstayaway.Workwasdismal.The thelongpilgrimagestoridehisunwholesome
otherexecsatDisneyWorldwereallamazingly rides.
petty,andalwaysworsebeforethequarterly
Theworstofitwasthattherewerentenoughof
numberscameout.Managementlikedtochase
themanymore.Thegothscene,whichhad
anykindofbadnumberswithafewritual
showneverysignofsurgingandresurging
beheadings.
everyfiveyears,seemedfinallytobedying.
ThenewFantasylandhadbeenafeatherin
Numbersweredown.Acoupleofgoththemed
Sammyscapthathadkepthimsafefrom
parksintheareahadshuttered,ashadthe
politicsforalongtime,butnotanymore.Nowit marshyoneinNewOrleans(admittedlythat
wasgettingrundown:cigaretteburns,graffiti,
mighthavebeenmoretodowiththecholera
andeverynowandagainsomeonewouldfinda outbreak).
couplehavingpervyeyelinersexinthebushes.
Lastmonth,hedshutdownthegothtoddler
HedlovedtoworkopeningsinFantasylands
clothingshopandputitswaresondeeponline
heyday.Hedstandjustpastthecastlegateand discount.Allhislittleniecesandnephewswere
watchtheflockingcrowdsofblackclad,lightly gettingbatwingonesies,skullplatformbooties
sweating,whitefacedgothkidspourthroughit, andtemporaryhairdyeandtattoosfor
blinkingintheunnaturallightofthemorning.A Christmas.Nowhejusthadtogetridofthe
lotofthemtookdrugsandpartiedallnightand othertenmillionbucksworthofmerch.
thencappeditoffwithanearlymorningat
Morning,Death,hesaid.Thekidsrealname
FantasylandDisneyhaddonefocusgroups,
wasDarrenWeinberger,butheinsistedonbeing
andtheydstartedsellingthechewythingsthat
calledDeathWaits,whichgivenhispudgyround
soothedtheclenchedjawsbroughtonbydance
cheeksandgenerallyeagertopleasedemeanor,
drugs.
wasfunnyenoughthatithadtakenSammyafull
Butnowhehatedtheravengarbedcustomers
yeartolearntocontrolhisgrinwhenhesaidit.
whosalliedintohisparkliketheyownedthe
Sammy!Goodmorninghowreyoudoing?
joint.Agirlmaybe16walkedpastonvinyl
Thenumbersstink,Sammysaid.Youmust
platformheelswithtwogiganticmenintheir
havenoticed.
thirtiesbehindher,ledonthinblackleather
leashes.Agroupofwhippetthinboysingrey
Deathsgrinvanished.Inoticed.Timefora
dusterswithimpossiblyhighspraysofteased
newride,maybe.Noonecalledthem
electricbluehairfollowed.Thenagroupof
attractionsanymoreallthatoldOrwellian
heavilypiercedolderwomen,theirfacesrattling. Disneyspeakhadbeenabolished.Theylovethe
Thenitwasariverofblack,kidsinchainsand
leather,leatherygrownupswhodressedlike
surlykids.Theyformedneatqueuesbytheir

coasterandthefreefall.Thrillridesarealways
crowdpleasers.
DeathWaitshadworkedatDisneyforthree

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/132
yearsnow,sincetheageof16,andhehadgrown
upcomingtothepark,oneoftherareOrlando
locals.Sammyhadcometorelyonhimforwhat
hethoughtofasinsightintothegothstreet.He
neversaidthataloud,becauseheknewhow
muchitsoundedlikewhateveryoucrazykids
areintothesedays.
Butthiswasnthelpful.Iknowthateveryone
likesthrillrides,buthowthehellcanyou
competewiththegypsycoasters?Theysetup
theircoastersbytheroadandranthemuntil
therewasaninjuryseriousenoughtodrawthe
lawaweekortwoatbest.Youcouldorderthe
DIYcoasterkitsfromanumberofsuppliers
acrosstheUSandMexico,putthemupwith
cranesandsemiskilledlaborandwishful
thinking,starttakingtickets,andwhenthe
inevitablecatastropheensued,youcouldbe
packedandonthelaminacouplehours.

No,Death,no.Werenotgoingtobulldozethis
place.Youvegotajobforlifehere.Itwasalie
ofsuchamazingcallousnessthatSammyfelta
twingeofremorsewhilesayingit.Thosetwinges
didntcomeoften.ButDeathWaitslookedalot
happieroncethewordswereoutofhismouth
gothswithbigcandyapplecheekswerepretty
unconvincinggloommeisters.

Sammystalkedbacktothenearestutilidor
entrance,overbywhathadbeenthePinocchio
VillageHaus.Hedturnedtheredesignovertoa
designerwhodstartedoutasalitmajorand
whoseadmirationforthedarkandtwisted
elementsoftheoriginalPinocchiotalebyCarlo
Collodishonethrough.Nowitfeaturedmuralsof
donkeysbeingflensedbyfish,hecticPleasure
Island.HangedPinocchioonhisgibbetdangled
overthecondimentbar,twitchingandthrashing.
Thesmellofstalegreaserosefromitlikea
Gypsycoasters?Theysuck.Wevegottheming. miasma,clashingwiththepatchoulithey
Ourridesareart.Thatstuffisjustengineering. pumpedoutfromtheundergroundmisters.
DeathWaitswasagoodkid,buthewasa
Downintothetunnelsandthenintoagolfcart
seriousimbiberofthekoolaid.Maybetry
andouttohisoffice.Hehadtimetopaw
dancepartiesagain?Theydtriedastringofall desultorilyatthemountainofmerchandise
nightraves,butthefights,drugs,andsexwere
samplesthathadcomeinovertheweeksince
justtoomuchfortheuppermanagement,no
hedlasttacklediteveryplasterskullvendor
matterhowmuchmoneytheybroughtin.
andsilvercrossmakerintheworldsawhimasa
Sammyshookhisheadmorosely.Ivetoldyou tickettoeasystreet.Nonehadtwiggedtothefact
thattheywerereducingtheirgoththemedmerch
thatacompanythissizecantaffordtherisks
thesedays.Still,goingthroughmerchhadbeen
fromthatsortofthing.Afewmoregoths
straggledin.Theyheadedforthewalkthrough, histaskforthreeyearsnowanditwasahard
whichprobablymeanttheyplannedtogethigh habittobreak.Helikedthelickandstick
ormakeout,somethinghedgivenupontrying woundswithdancingmaggotsthatwere
toprevent.Anythingtogetthenumbersup.He activatedbybodyheat.Theskeletalbikerswith
flockingalgorithmsthatledthemintonoisy
andthesecuritystaffhadcometoan
understandingonthisandnoonewastellinghis demolitionderbieswereagreatidea,too,since
youdhavetobuyanothersetafteracouple
bossorhiscolleagues.
hoursplay.
Ishouldjustbulldozethewholefuckingthing
andstartover.Whatcomesaftergoth,anyway? Hisdeskwasthrobbingpink,whichmeantthat
hewaslateforsomething.Heslappedatit,read
Areraversback?Hippies?Punks?Chavs?
themessagethatcameup,rememberedthat
DeathWaitswasstaringathimwithroundeyes. therewasaweeklystatusmeetingfortheme
Youwouldntreally
leadersthathedbeenspecificallyinstructedto
attend.Hedidntgotothesethingsifhecould
Hewavedatthekid.Thiswashiswholelife.
helpit.Thetimemarkerswhoran

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/133
AdventurelandandTomorrowlandandsoon
wereallboringcuratorialtypeswhothoughtthat
changewaswhatyougaveasuckerbackfroma
tenatafrozenbananawagon.
Thethemeleadersmetinasumptuousboard
roomthathadbeenthemedinthegloryyearsof
theunifiedWaltDisneyCompany.Ithad
renewabletropicalhardwoodpanelling,a
beautifulgardenandakoipond,andanaviary
thatteemedwithchirrupingbrightbirds
borrowedfromtheAnimalKingdommenagerie.
Thetablewasaslabofslatewithabrushed
finishoveritspitsandshelves,thechairswereso
ergonomicthattheyhadzeroadjustment
controls,becausetheyknewmuchbetterthan
youevercouldhowtoarrangethemselvesfor
yourmaximumcomfort.
Hewasthelastonethroughthedoor,andthey
allturnedtostareathim.Theyalldressedfor
shit,inoldfashionedslacksandhightech
walkingshoes,companypocketteesorbaseball
jerseys.Noneofthemhadahaircutthatwas
worthadamn,noteventhetwowomenexecs
whocoranMainStreet.Theydressedlikethe
MiddleAmericanstheycateredto,ormaybea
littlebetter.
Sammyhadalwaysbeenasharpdresser.He
likedshirtsthatlookedlikegoodcottonbuthad
alittlestretchbuiltintothemsotheyrestedtight
athischest,whichwasbig,andtightathiswaist,
whichwassmall.Helikedjeansinwhatever
stylejeanswerebeingworninBarcelonathat
year,whichmeantblackjeanscutverysquare
andwidelegged,ironedstiffwithoutacrease.
Hehadshadesthathadbeendesignedtomake
hisfacelookalittlevulpine,atraitthathed
alwaysknownhehad.Itputpeopleonedgeif
youlookedalittlewolfy.
Hestoppedoutsidethedooroftheboardroom
andsquareduphisshoulders.Hewasthe
youngestpersonontheboard,andhedalways
beenthebiggest,cockiestbastardintheroom.
Hehadtorememberthatifhewasgoingto
survivethisnexthour.

Hecamethroughthedoorandstoppedand
lookedatthepeoplearoundthetableandwaited
foreveryonetonoticehim.Theylookedso
midwesternandgoofy,andhegavethemhis
wolfysmilehello,littlepiggies,heretoblow
yourhousedown.
Hey,kids,hesaid,andgrabbedthecoffee
carafeandamugoffthesideboard.Hefilledhis
cup,thenpassedthecarafeoff,asthoughevery
meetingbeganwiththepassingaroundofthe
lowgradestimulants.Hesettledintohisseatand
lookedaroundexpectantly.
Gladyoucouldmakeit,Sammy.Thatwas
Wiener,whogenerallychairedthemeetings.
Theoretically,itwasarotatingchairship,but
theresacertainkindofpersonwhonaturally
endsuprunningeverymeeting,andRonWiener
wasthatkindofperson.Hecoran
Tomorrowlandwiththreefacelessnonentities
whohadbeenpromotedabovetheircompetence
duetohisinexplicableloyaltytothem,and
betweenthefourofthem,theydmanagedto
keepTomorrowlandthemostembarrassingly
badlythemedpartofthepark.Wewerejust
talkingaboutyou.
Ilovebeingthesubjectofconversation,
Sammysaid.Heslurpedloudlyathiscoffee.
Whatweweretalkingaboutwastheutilization
numbersfromFantasyland.
Whichsucked,Sammyknew.Theydbeenin
freefallformonthsnow,andlookingaroundat
thosecowlikemidwesternfaces,Sammy
understoodthatitwastimefortheknivesto
comeout.
Theysuck,Sammysaidbrightly.Thatswhy
wereabouttochangethingsup.
Thatpreemptedthem.Canyouexplainthat
some?Wienersaid,clickinghispenand
squaringuphisnotepad.Thesejerksandtheir
paperfetish.
Sammydidhisbestthinkingonhisfeetandon
themove.Confident.Wolfy.Yourebetterthan
thesejerkswiththeirpadsandtheircornfed

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/134
notions.Hesuckedinabreathandbegantopace Hesatdown.Theycontinuedtoboggle.
andusehishands.
Youreseriousaboutthis?
Weregoingtotakeouteveryunderutilized
Aboutwhat?Gettingridofunprofitablestuff?
rideintheland,effectiveimmediately.Layoff
Researchingprofitabledirections?Yesandyes.
thedeadwoodemployees.Weregoingtogeta
coupleofftheshelfthrillridesandgivethema Therewereotherroutineagendaitems,which
solidworkingoverforthemingbuildourown remindedSammyofwhyhedidntcometothese
meetings.Hespentthetimesurfingreadymade
ridevehicles,queueareasandenclosures,big
coastersandcheckingtheintranetforengineer
ones,weeniesthatwilldrawyoureyefrom
outsidethemaingate.Butthatsjustastopgap. availability.HewasjustgettingintotheHR
recordstoseewhohedhavetolayoffwhen
NextImgoingtostartfocusgroupingthe
theyfinallywounddownandhesaunteredout,
fatkins.Theyrereadymadeforthisstuff.All
givinghiswolfygrintoall,withaspecialflash
abouthavingfun.Mostofthoseexfattiesused ofitforWiener.
topackthisplacewhentheywerestuckin
electricwheelchairs,butnowtheyretoobusy
hestoppedhimselffromsaying
Death,Idlikeaword,please?
fuckingHavingmoreadultfuntocome
Idbedelighted.Deathtalkedlikesomeone
back,butanyonewhocanaffordfatkinshas
discretionaryincomeandweshouldhaveapiece whodlearnedtotalkbybeingaprecocious
reader.Heoverpronouncedhiswords,spokein
ofit.
completesentences,andpausedatthecommas.
Itshardtosaywithoutresearch,butIm
Sammyknewthatspeechpatternwell,sincehed
willingtobetthattheseguyswillrespond
workedhardtotrainhimselfoutofit.Itwasa
stronglytonostalgia.Imthinkingofreinstating geekaccent,anditmadeyousoundlikeasmart
theoldFantasylanddarkrides,diggingpartsout assinsteadofasharpoperator.Yougotthatway
ofstorage,whateverwehaventauctionedoffon ifyougrewuptryingtotalkwithagrownup
thecollectiblesmarket,anyway,andcloningthe vocabularyandachildscontrolofyourspeech
rest,butremakingthemwithalittle,youknow, muscles;youlearnedtoholdyourchinand
darkness.LikethePinocchiothing,butmoreso. cheeksstillwhileyouspoketogiveyoualittle
CaptainHooksgrislydeath.TinkerBells
precisionboost.Thatwasthegeekaccent.
inherentporniness.Whatkindoffriendshipdid
Rememberwhatwetalkedaboutthis
SnowWhitehavewiththedwarfs?Yousee
whereImgoing.Ironicwehaventdoneironic morning?
inalongtime.Itsprobablyduefora
Buildingathrillride?
comeback.
Yes,Sammysaid.HedforgottenthatDeath
Theystaredathiminshockedsilence.
Waitshadsuggestedthatinthefirstplace.Good
Yousayyouregoingtodothiswhen?Wiener thatwasagoodspin.Ivedecidedtotake
yoursuggestion.Ofcourse,weneedtomake
said.Hedwanttoknowsohecouldget
roomforit,soImgoingtoshutdownsomeof
someoneseniortointervene.
thecrapyouknowwhichonesImean.
Youknow,researchfirst.Wellshutdownthe
DeathWaitswasgreenunderhiswhitemakeup.
crapridesnextweekandcanthedeadwood.
WanttocommissiontheresearchtodayifIcan. Youmean
Startworkonthefillerthrillridesnextweek
Allthewalkthroughs.Thecoffincoaster,of
too.
course.Theflyingbats.Maybeoneortwo

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/135
others.AndImgoingtoneedtomakesome
layoffs,ofcourse.Gottamakeroom.
Youregoingtolaypeopleoff?Howmany
people?Werealreadybarelystaffed.Deathwas
theofficialarbiterofshiftchanging,schedule
swappingandcrossscheduling.Ifyouwantedto
takeanafternoonofftogetyourmomoutofthe
hospitaloryourdadoutofjail,hewastheoneto
talkto.
ThatswhyImcomingtoyou.IfIshutdown
sixoftheridesDeathgasped.Fantasyland
had10ridesintotal.Sixoftherides.How
manyoftheseniorstafferscanIgetridofand
stillhavethewarmbodiestokeepeverything
running?Seniorpeoplecostalotmorethanthe
teenagerswhocamethrough.Hecouldhiresix
juniorsforwhatDeathcosthim.Frigging
Floridalaborlawsmeantthatyouhadtogive
costoflivingraiseseveryyear,anditaddedup.
Deathlookedlikehewasgoingtocry.

place.Theywerenoneofthemstupid.Theywere
justsoft.Unwillingtomakethehardchoices.
Sammywasgoodathardchoices.
Perrygothomethatnightandwalkedinon
LesterandSuzanne.Theyweretangledonthe
livingroomcarpet,mostlynaked,andLester
blushedrighttohisasscheekswhenPerrycame
throughthedoor.
Sorry,sorry!Lestercalledashegrabbeda
sofacushionandpassedittoSuzanne,thengot
oneforhimself.Perryavertedhiseyesandtried
nottolaugh.
Jesus,guys,whatswrongwiththebedroom?
Wewouldvegottenthereeventually,Lester
saidashehelpedSuzannetoherfeet.Perry
pointedlyturnedtofacethewall.Youwere
supposedtobeatdinnerwiththegang,Lester
said.

Closeupontheridewascrazy.Everythingwas
changingandtheprinterswereoutofgoop.Lots
ofactiononthenetworkBostonandSan
Franciscoareintroducingalotofnewitemsto
theride.BythetimeIgottotheguesthouse,the
Heknewwhateffectthiswouldhaveonthekid.
Kettlewellswerealreadyputtingthekidstobed.
Deathblinkedbackhistears,puthisfistunder
HedecidednottomentionEvasangrystorm
hischinandpulledouthisphoneandstarted
outtoSuzanne.Nodoubtshehadalready
scribblingonit.Hehadalistofeveryemployee
figuredoutthatallwasnotwellintheHouseof
inthereandhebegantotransfernamesfromitto
Kettlewell.
anotherplace.
Suzanneahemd.
Theyllbeback,right?Tooperatethenew
Sorry,sorry,Lestersaid.Letstalkaboutthis
rides?
later,OK?Sorry.
Theoneswedontbringback,wellgetthem
TheyscurriedofftoLestersroomandPerry
unemploymentcounseling.Enrollthemina
networkingclubforthejobless,oneofthereally whippedoutacomputer,putonsomeshort
humorvideosinshufflemode,andgrabbeda
goodones.Wecangetagrouprate.Ajob
bigtubofsparepartshekeptaroundtofiddle
referencefromthisplacegoesalongway,too.
with.Itcouldbesoothingtotakeapartand
TheyllbeOK.
reassembleacomplexmechanism,and
Deathlookedathim,alonglook.Thekidwasnt
sometimesyougotideasfromit.
stupid,Sammyknew.Noneofthesepeoplewere
Fiveminuteslater,heheardtheshowerrunning
stupid,notWiener,notthekid,notthegoths
andthenSuzannecameintothelivingroom.
wholedeachotheraroundFantasylandon
leashes.Notthefatkinswhodsoonpackthe
Ivegotmyownestimates,Sammysaid.ButI
wantedtogetarealitycheckfromyou,since
yourerightthere,ontheground.Idhateto
leavetoomuchfatonthebone.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/136
Imgoingtoordersomefood.Whatdoyoufeel surveyingtheelectricglowoftheshantytown.
like?
Asusualnow,hewasalone,withoutanyofhis
oldgangofboyshangingaroundhim.Hewaved
Whateveryouget,youllhavetoorderitfrom
oneofthefatkinsplaces.Itsnotpracticaltofeed anarmtowardPerryandbeckonedhiminside,
buzzinghiminwithhisphone.
Lesteranyotherway.Getmeasmallchicken
tikkapizza.

Perrytrackedupthenarrowstairs,wondering
Sheporedoverthestackofmenusinthekitchen. howFrancisnegotiatedthemwithhisbadknee
DoesFoodinTwentyMinutesreallydeliverin andhispropensitytohaveonebeertoomany.
20minutes?
Whatsthegoodword?
Usually15.Theydomostoftheprepinthe
vansandusealotofpredictivemathintheir
routing.Theresusuallyavanwithinaboutten
minutesofhere,nomatterwhatthetraffic.They
delivertotrafficjams,too,onscooters.
Suzannemadeaface.IthoughtRussiawas
weird.Sheshowedthenumberonthebrochure
toherphoneandthenstartedtoorder.
Lestercameoutaminutelater,dressedtothe
ninesasalways.Hewasbarelycapableof
enteringhisbedroomwithouteffectinga
wardrobechange.
HegavePerryaslightlypissedofflookand
Perryshruggedapologetically,thoughhedidnt
feelallthatbad.Lestersfault.
Christonabike,itwasweirdtothinkofthetwo
ofthemtogether,especiallygoingatitonthe
livingroomruglikeacoupleofhornyteens.
Suzannehadalwaysbeenthegrownupintheir
littlefamily.Butthathadbeenbackwhenthere
wasabigcompanyinvolved.Somethingabout
beingapieceofabigcompanymadeyouwant
toactlikeyoudalwaysfiguredgrownupsshould
act.Onceyouwereafreeagent,therewasntany
reasonnottoembraceyoururges.
Whenthefoodcame,thetwoofthemattackedit
likehungrydogs.Itwasclearthattheyd
forgottentheirembarrassmentandwereplanning
anotherretreattothebedroomoncetheyd
refueled.Perryleft.
Hey,Francis.Franciswassittingonthe
secondstoreybalconyofhismayoralhouse,

Oh,notmuch,Perrysaid.Hehelpedhimself
toabeer.Theymadeitintheshantytownand
fortifieditwithfruits,likeaBelgianbeer.The
resultingsudswerestrongandsweet.Thisone
wasraspberryandittastedalittlepink,likered
soda.
Yourfriendsarentgettingalongtoogood,is
whatIhear.
Really.Nothingwasmuchofasecretinthis
place.
Thelittlewomanstakenaroomofherown
downtheroad.Mywifedidthattomeonce.
Crazybroad.Thatstheirwaysometimes.Getso
madtheyjustneedtowalkaway.
Igetthatmad,too,Perrysaid.
Oh,hell,metoo,allthetime.Butmenusually
donthavethegutstopackasuitcaseandlight
out.Womenhavetheguts.Theyrenothingbut
guts.
Perrycursed.WhyhadntKettlebellycalled
him?Whatwasgoingon?
HecalledKettlebelly.
Hi,Perry!
Hi,Landon.Whatsup?
Up?
Yeah,howarethings?
Things?
Well,IhearEvatookoff.Thatsortofthing.
Anythingwecantalkabout?
Kettlewelldidntsayanything.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/137
ShouldIcomeover?
No,hesaid.Illmeetyousomewhere.
Where?

network,sevenrideswhoseriderswere
rearranging,addingandsubtracting,andthere
wasreconcilingtodo.Theprintershummedand
hummed.

FranciswordlesslypassedKettlewellabeerashe
Thenativesarerestless,Lestersaid,pointinga
steppedoutontotheterrace.
thumboverhisshoulderatthegrowingqueueof
So?
wouldberiders.Wegoingtobereadytoopen
Theyreinamotelnotfarfromhere.Thekids soon?
lovecoffins.
Perryhadfallenintoaclassicnerdtrapofhaving
Francisopenedanotherbeerforhimself.Hard almostsolvedaproblemandnotrealizingthat
thelastthreepercentofthesolutionwouldtake
toimagineakidlovedacoffinmorethanyour
aslongastherestofitputtogether.Meanwhile,
kidslovedthisplacethisafternoon.
theridewasinashamblesasrobotsattemptedto
Evasprettysteamedatme.Itjusthasntbeen
printandarrangeobjectstomirrorthosearound
verygoodsinceIretired.IguessImprettyhard thenation.
tolivewithallthetime.
Soonsoon,Perrysaid.Hestoodupandlooked
Perrynodded.Icanseethat.
aroundattheshambles.Ilie.Thiscrapwontbe
Thanks,Kettlewellsaid.Also.Hetookapull readyforhoursyet.Sorry.Fuckit.Openup.
offhisbeer.AlsoIhadanaffair.
Lesterdid.
Bothmensuckedairbetweentheirteeth.
Withherbestfriend.
Perrycoughedalittle.
WhileEvawaspregnant.

Iknow,Iknow,butthatsthedealwiththeride.
Itsgottogetinsync.Youknowwevebeen
workingonthisformonthsnow.Itsjustgrowing
pains.Here,Illgiveyoubackyourmoneyyou
comebacktomorrow,itllallbesettorights.

Yourestillbreathing?Patientwoman,Francis Theangryriderwasaregular,oneofthepeople
said.
whocamebyeverymorningtoridebeforework.
Shewasgauntandtallandgeekyandtalkedlike
Shesagoodwoman,Kettlewellsaid.The
anengineer,withthenerdaccent.
best.Motherofmychildren.Butitmadehera
littlecrazyjealous.
Sowhatstheplan,Kettlewell?Youreagood
manwithaplan,Perrysaid.
Ihavetogiveheranightofftocooldownand
thenwellsee.Neveranypointindoingthis
whilesheshot.Tomorrowmorning,itllcome
together.

Whatkindofprinter?Lesterbrokein.Perry
hidhissnickerwithacough.Lesterwouldget
hertalkingabouttheinsandoutsofherprinter,
talkingshop,andbeforeyouknewitshedbe
mollified.
Perrysoldanotherticket,andanother.

Hiagain!Itwasthecreepyguy,thesuitwhod
shownupinBoston.Tjanhadacrazytheory
Thenextmorning,Perryfoundhimself
desperatelyembroiledinorderingmoregoopfor aboutwhyhedlefttheBostonlaunchinsucha
hurry,butwhoknew?
thethreedeeeprinters.Lotsmore.Theother
rideshadfinallycomeonlineinthenight,after Hithere,Perrysaid.Longtimenosee.Back
interminablenetworkscrewupsandmalfing
fromBoston,huh?
robotsandprintersandscannersthatwouldnt
Formonths.Theguywasgrinningand
cooperate,butnowthereweresevenridesinthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/138
sweatinganddidntlookgood.Hehadafresh
bruiseonhischeekwithacoupleofknuckle
printsclearlyvisible.Cantwaittogetbackon
theride.Itsbeentoolong.
Sammyhadbeenthrougharehabandknewhow
theywent.Youlaidoffabunchofpeopleinone
fast,hardbigbang.Hiredsomeunemployment
coachesfortheseniorunionizedemployees,
scheduledacoupleofnetworkingevents
wheretheycouldminglewithotherunemployed
slobsandpassaroundhomemadebusiness
cards.

ropedroptofenceoffthedoomedridessothat
thedismantlingcouldbegin.Butwhenhed
shownupateight,therewasnosignofthe
fences,nosignofthemaintenancecrewsandthe
rideswereallfullystaffed.
Deathlookedathisfeet.Sammybubbledwith
rage.Ifyoucouldnttrustyourownpeople,you
werelost.Therewerealreadyenoughpeople
aroundtheparklookingforawaytowrongfoot
him.

Death,Imtalkingtoyou.ForChristssake,
dontbesuchagoddamnedbaby.Youshutdown
thegoddamnedridesandsendthoseglue
sniffershome.Iwantawreckingcrewhereby
YouneededaJudasgoat,someonewhodtalkup
lunchtime.
therehabtotheotheremployees,whomyou
DeathWaitslookedathisfeetsomemore.His
couldrelyon.DeathWaitshadbeenhisJudas
floppyblackwingsofhaircoveredhisface,but
goatfortheFantasylandgothmakeover.Hed
tirelesslyevangelizedtheideatohiscoworkers, fromthesnufflingnoises,Sammyknewthere
hadfoundgothtrufanswhodblogthehellout wassomecryinggoingonunderneathallthat
ofeveryinchoftherehab,hadruneveryerrand hair.
nomatterhowmenial.
Suckitup,hesaid.Orgohome.
Buthispassiondidntcarryovertodismantling
thegothrehab.Sammyshouldhaveanticipated
that,buthehadtotallyfailedtodoso.Hewas
justsousedtothinkingofDeathWaitsas
someonewhowasaneverquestioningslaveto
thepark.

Sammyturnedonhisheelandstartedforthe
door,andthatwaswhenDeathWaitsleapton
hisback,draggedhimtothegroundandstarted
punchinghim.Hewasntmuchofapuncher,but
hedidhavealotofchunkysilverskullringsthat
reallystung.Hepastedacouplegoodoneson
SammybeforeSammycametohissensesand
Comeon,cheerup!Lookathowcoolthese
threwtheskinnykidoffofhim.Strangely,
thrillridesaregoingtobe.Thosewereyour
Sammysangerwasdissipatedbytheactual,
idea,youknow.Checkoutthecoffincarsand
thelittlephotoopattheendthatphotoshopsall physicalviolence.Hehadneverthrownapunch
theridersintozombies.Thatsgottoberightup inhislifeandhewaswillingtobetthesamewas
youralley,right?Yourfriendsaregoingtolove trueofDeathWaits.Therewassomething
almostfunnyaboutanactualpunchup.
this.
Deathmopedasonlyagothcould.He
performedhisdutiesslowlyand
unenthusiastically.WhenSammypinnedhim
downwithadirectquestion,helethisbangsfall
overhiseyes,lookeddownathisfeet,andwent
silent.

DeathWaitspickedhimselfupandlookedat
Sammy.Thekidseyelinerwasinsmearsdown
hischeeksandhishairwasstandinguponend.
Sammyshookhisheadslowly.

Dontbothercleaningoutyourlocker.Illhave
yourthingssenttoyou.Anddontstoponyour
Comeon,whatthehellisgoingon?Thefences wayoutofthepark,either.
weresupposedtobeupthismorning!Theplan Hecouldhavecalledsecurity,butthatwould
hadbeentogetthemaintenancecrewsinbefore havemeantsittingtherewithDeathWaitsuntil

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/139
theyarrived.Thekidwouldgoandhewould
nevercomeback.Hewasdisgraced.

ofblackcloudsofgothsatthefrankenridemade
itclearwheretheydallgone.

Andleavehedid.SammyhadDeathWaits
employeepassdeactivatedandthecontentsof
hislockerpatchoulireekingblackteeshirts
andblunteyelinerpencilssentbylastclass
mailtohishouse.HecutoffDeathWaitss
benefits.Hehadthedeadwoodridesshuttered
andcommencedtheirdestruction,handingover
anypiecerecognizableascomingfromarideto
thecompanysauctiondepartmenttolistonline.
Anythingtoaddblacktohisbottomline.

Fine,hethought,fine.Letsgohavealook.

ButhischeekthrobbedwhereDeathhadlaid
intohim,andhedlosthisfireforthenew
project.Werefatkinsadecentsizedmarket
segment?Heshouldhavecommissioned
researchonit.Buthedneededtogetaplanin
thecanintimetomollifytheexecutive
committee.Plusheknewwhathiseyestoldhim
everyday:theparkwasfulloffatkins,and
alwayshadbeen.
TheghostofDeathWaitswaseverywhere.
Sammyhadtofigureoutforhimselfwhomto
fire,andhowtodoit.Hedidntreallyknowany
ofthegothkidsthatworkedtheridesthesedays.
DeathWaitshadhiredandledthem.Therewere
lotsofcryingfitsandthreats,andthekidshe
didntfireactedliketheywerenext,andifit
hadntbeenfortheneedtokeeprevenue
flowing,Sammywouldhavecannedallofthem.

Theguywiththefunnyeyebrowmadehim
immediately,butdidntseemtobesuspicious.
Maybetheyneverfiguredoutwhatheddonein
Boston.Thegothkidswerebusyinthemarket
stallsorhangingaroundsmokingcloveand
patchoulihookahsandtheyignoredhimasa
squareandbeneaththeirnotice.
Theridehadchangedagreatdealsincehislast
fatedvisit.HedheardaboutTheStory,ofcourse
thedarkridepresshadreportedonitinan
editorialthatweek.ButnowTheStorywhich,
ashecouldperceiveit,wasanorderly
progressionofwhatseemedtobesomeoneslife
unfoldingfromchildhoodnaivetetoadolescent
exuberancetoadultcynicismtoanostalgic,
elderlydelightwasaugmentedbyfamiliar
accoutrements.
Therewasarobotzombieheadfromoneofthe
rideshedtorndownyesterday.Andherewas
halfthesignfromthecoffincoaster.Abatwing
bushfromthehedgemaze.Thelittlebastards
hadstolenthedeconstructedridedebrisand
broughtithere.

Bythetimehegotofftheride,hewasgrinning
ferociously.Bytomorrowtheredbecopiesofall
thattrademarkedridestuffrollingoffthe
printersintencitiesaroundtheUnitedStates.
Thenhecaughtwindofwhattheywerealldoing Thatwasamajorbitofillegalactivity,andhe
withtheirseverancepay:travelingsouthto
knewwherehecouldfindsomehungryattack
Hollywoodandridingthatgoddamned
lawyerswhodlovetoargueaboutit.Hejumped
frankenrideinthedeadWalMart,tryingtoturn ontherideagainandgothiscameraconfigured
itintogothparadise.Judgingfromthemessage forlowlightshooting.
boardshesurfed,thewholethinghadbeen
DeathWaitssidea.Goddamnit.
ItwasBostonalloveragain.Hedpulledthe
plugandthemachinekeptonmoving.The
hoardingswentupandtheridescamedown,but
allhisformeremployeesandtheirweirdeyeliner
pervertpalsallwentsomewhereelseandpartied
onjustthesame.Hisattendancenumberswere
waydown,andthephotobloggerspostingshots

EvashoweduponPerrysdoorstepthatnight
afterdinner.LesterandSuzannehadgoneoffto
thebeachandPerrywasalone,updatinghis
inventoryoftchotchkeswithacameraandanold
computer,gettingeverythingstickeredwith
RFIDs.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/140
Shehadthekidsintow.Adaspottedthetwoold,
lovelybaseballmittsonthecrowdedcoffeetable
andmadeabeelineforthem,puttingoneover
eachhandandwalkingaroundsmackingthem
togethertoheartheleatherysound,snoopingin
drawersandpeeringatthebusinessendofan
arcwelderthatPerryhastilysnappedupandput
onahighshelf,whichwinkedoncetolethim
knowthatithadtrackedthemovementandnoted
thelocationofthetool.

crazyinthekitchenwithamechanicalsphincter
hedbeenbuilding.Ridesarealotoffun,Perry.
Yourride,itsamazing.ButIdontwanttoridea
ridefortherestofmylife,andLandonisaride
thatdoesntstop.Youcantgetoff.

Perrytriedoutanoncommittalshrug.

ashriekofsurprise,thenasmalloops.

Yourehisbuddy,Iknow.Butyouhavetosee
thatitstrue,right?Ilovehim,Ireallydo,but
hesgotaselfdestructivestreakamilewide.It
doesntmatterhowmuchhelovesmeorthe
kids,ifhesnottorturinghimselfwithwork,hes
gottocomeupwithsomethingelsetoscrewup
hislife.Ithoughtthatweweregoingtospend
thenexttwentyyearsraisingthekids,doing
volunteerwork,andtraveling.Notmuchchance
ofthatthough.Yousawhowhewaslookingat
Suzanne.

Ada!Evacalled.Whatnow?

Perrywasataloss.Iveneverhadarelationship
thatlastedmorethansixmonths,Eva.Ivegot
nobusinessgivingyouadviceonthisstuff.
Kettlewellisprettyamazing,though.Itsounds
likeyouvegothimprettywired,right?You
Thelittleboy,Pascal,rodeonhismothership. knowthatifhesbusy,heshappy,andwhenhes
Evahadclearlyhadabitofacry,buthadgotten slack,hesmiserable.Soundslikeifyoukeep
overit.Nowshewasdetermined,withherjaw
himbusy,hellbethekindofguyyouwanthim
thrustoutandherchinuptilted.
tobe,evenifyouwonthavemuchtimetoplay
withhim.
Idontknowwhattodoabouthim.Hesbeen
drivingmecrazysinceheretired.Youknowhe Sheunholsteredatitandstuckitintheboys
hadanaffair?
mouthandPerrylookedatthecarpet.She
laughed.Youaresuchageek,shesaid.OK,
Hetoldme.
fine.Ihearwhatyouresaying.SohowdoIget
Shelaughed.Hetellseveryone.Hesboasting, himbusyagain?Canyouusehimaroundhere?
youknow?Whatever.Iknowwhyhedidit.Mid
lifecrisis.Butbeforethat,itwasearlyadulthood Here?Perrythoughtaboutit.Idontthinkwe
needmuchempirebuildingaroundhere.
crisis.Andadolescentcrisis.Thatguydoesnt
knowwhattodowithhimself.Hesagoodman, Ithoughtyoudsaythat.Perry,whatthehellam
buthesoutofhisfuckingmindifhesnot
Igoingtodo?
jugglingahundredballs.
Therewasatremendouscrashfromthekitchen,

YouthinkheandSuzanne

Iwasplayingballinthehouse,Adasaidinthe
samesmallvoice.Eventhoughyouhavetold
menotto.AndIbrokesomething.Ishouldhave
listenedtoyou.
Evashookherhead.Playsmelikea
goddamnedcello,shesaid.Imsorry,Perry.
Wellpayforwhateveritwas.
Hepattedherarm.Youforgetwhoyoure
talkingto.Ilovefixingstuff.Dontsweatit.

WhateverIllbuyyouoneandyoucanuseit
No,Iaskedhimandhesaidno.ThenItalkedto forparts.Ada!Whatdidyoubreak,anyway?
herandshetoldmethatshewouldnteverlet
Madeofseashells,bythetoaster.Its
somethinglikethathappen.HerIbelieve.She twitching.
satdownanddandledthelittleboyuntilhe
Toastmakingseashellrobot,Perrysaid.No
gurgledcontentedly.PerryheardAdagoing

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/141
sweatitwasdueforanoverhaul,anyway.
Christ,shesaid.Toastmakingseashell
robot?
Kettlewelliswhywegaveupmakingthatkind
ofthing,hesaid.
Haveyouseenhim?
Iveseenhim.
Howpenitentwashe?

Perryshookhishead.Waseveryonemiserable
tonight?
Hello,Lester,hesaid.Somethingonyour
mind?
Hebarkedahumorlesslaugh.Withher,Im
stillfat.
Perrynoddedasthoughheunderstood,though
hedidnt.

Sincefatkins,Ivefeltlike,Idontknow,areal
person.WhenIwasbig,Iwasinvisibleand
totallyasexual.Ididntthinkabouthavingsex
withanyoneandnooneeverthoughtabout
Shenodded.Allrightthen.Maybeheslearned havingsexwithme.WhenIfeltsomethingfora
alesson.Ada!Stopbreakingthingsandgetyour woman,itwasmorelikeabig,romanticlove,
likeIwasabeastandshewasabeautyandwe
shoesbackon!
couldenjoysomekindofchaste,spirituallove.
WegoingbacktoDaddy?
Fatkinsmademe...whole.Awholeperson,with
Yes,shesaid.
alifebelowmybeltaswellasabovemyneck.I
knowitlooksgrossanddesperatetoyou,butto
Good,Adasaid.
meitsacelebration.EverytimeIgettogether
TheywerebarelyoutthedoorwhenSuzanne
withafatkinsgirlandwere,youknow,partying
andLestercamein.TheynoddedatPerryand
forbothofusitbecomessomethingreally
disappearedintothebedroom.Tenminuteslater,
intimate.Adenialofpain.Afuckyoutothe
Suzannestompedoutagain.Shebarelylookedat
universethatmadeussogrossanduntouchable.
Perryasshedisappearedintothecorridor,
Andwithher,yourestillfat,huh?
slammingthedoorbehindher.
HethoughtbacktoKettlewellslongpusson
Francissterrace.Yeah,prettypenitent.Hes
prettyworried,Idsay.

PerrywaitedfiveminutestoseeifLesterwould
comeoutonhisown.Thishappenedsometimes
withthefatkinsgirls;loveamongthefatkinswas
stormyandunpredictableandLesterseemedto
likebraggingaboutthemeltdownsthey
experienced,eachoneanoddityofsybaritic
fatkinsculturetoboastabout.
ButLesterdidntcomeoutthistime.Perry
thoughtaboutcallinghimorsendinghiman
email.Finally,Perrywentandknockedathis
door.
Oh,gobacktothelivingroom,Illcomeout,
Illcomeout.

Lesterwinced.Yeah,itsmyproblem.IguessI
reallyresentherfornotwantingmewhenIwas
big,thoughItotallygetwhyshewouldnthave.
Maybeyoureangrythatshewantsyounow.
Huh.Lesterlookedathishands,whichhewas
drywashinginhislap.OK,maybe.Why
shouldshewantmenow?Imthesameperson,
afterall.
Exceptthatyourewholenow.
Urk.Lesterstartedpacing.Whobrokethe
toastrobot?

Kettlewellsdaughter,Ada.Evawasoverwith
Perrywentbackandmouseddesultorilyatsome thekids.ShemovedoutonKettlebelly.He
ridefanblogsforawhile,listeningforLesters thoughtaboutwhetherheshouldtellLester.
Whatthehell.Shethinkshesinlovewith
dooropening.Finally,outhecame,longfaced
Suzanne.
andpuffyeyed.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/142
Jesus,Lestersaid.Maybeweshouldswap.
IlltakeEvaandhecantakeSuzanne.
Youresuchapig,Perrysaid.
Youknowusfatkinsfuck,foodandfolly.
SowhatsgoingonwithyouandSuzanne
now?
ShesgoneawayuntilIcangetnakedaround
herwithouteitherburstingintotearsormaking
sarcasticremarks.

overhisshoulderatthefleamarketandtheride.
Perryknewbetterthantoansweranyquestions.
CanIhelpyou?
Wereshuttingyoudown,buddy,sorry.The
copwasyoung,Latinaandfemale,herpartner
wasolder,whiteandmale,withtheruddy
complexionthatPerryassociatedwitholdtime
Floridacops.
Whatsthecharge?

Theresnocharge,themalecopsaid.He
Jesus.Crying.Perrycouldntrememberwhen
hedeverseenLestercry.Itwaswaterworkscity soundedlikehewasangryalreadyandanything
Perrysaidwouldjustmakehimangrier.We
thesedaysaroundhere.
chargeyouifweregoingtoarrestyou.Were
Ah.Perryjustwantedthisdaytobeover.He
enforcinganinjunction.Now,ifyoutrytoget
missedHilda,thoughhebarelyknewher.It
pastus,wellcomeupwithachargeandthen
wouldhavebeennicetohavesomeonehereat
wellarrestyou.
homewithhim,someonehecouldcuddleupto
CanIseetheinjunction?
inbedandtalkthisalloutwith.Maybehe
shouldcallTjan.Hehitthebuttononhis
Sure,youcangotothecourthouseandseethe
computerthatmadetheTVblinkthetimein
injunction.
Morsecode.Itwas1AM.Hedhavetobeupin Arentyousupposedtohaveacopyofitto
sixhourstogettherideupandrunning.Screw
showtome?
allthis,hewasgoingtobed.Hehadnteven
gottenasingleemailfromHildasincehedleft AmI?Thecopsgrinwasmeanandimpatient.
Madison.Notthathedsentonetoher,ofcourse. CanIgoandgetsomestufffrommyoffice?
LesterwasstillsnoringwhenPerryslippedout
ofthecondo,abulbofjuiceandamicrowavable
venisonandquaileggbreakfastburritounderhis
arm.Hehadalittlegloveboxmicrowaveandby
thetimehehithisfirstredlight,theburritowas
nuclearhotandreadytoeat.Hegobbleditone
handedwhilehemadehiswaytotheride.

Ifyouwanttogetarrestedyoucan.Hepulled
adyspepticfaceanddranksomecoffee,thengot
backintohiscruiser.

Thereweretwocopcarsattheendofthe
drivewayleadingtotheparkinglot.Broward
Countysheriffsdeputyblackandwhites,
parkedhorizontallytoblockadethedrive.

Perrythoughtfuriouslyaboutthis.Thecopwas
clearlyitchingtobusthisass.Maybehehated
theride,orthisduty,ormaybehehatedPerry
maybehewasoneofthecopswhohadraided
theshantytownallthoseyearsbefore.Perryhad
takenaprettybigsettlementoffthecountyover
theshotinhishead,anditwasasurebetthata
lotofcopshadsufferedforitandnowharbored
someenmityforhim.

Theothercophadthegracetolookfaintly
embarrassedatherassholepartner,butthenshe,
too,gotbackinhercar.

Perrypulledoverandgotoutofhiscarslowly,
keepinghishandsinplainsight.Thedoorsof
thecruisersopened,too.Thedeputiesalready
hadtheirmirrorshadeson,thoughthesunwas
stillrising,andtheysetdowntheircoffeesonthe
Asbadasthiswas,itwasabouttogetworse.
hoodofthecars.
Thegothkidswhodbeenhangingaroundin
Thisyours?Adeputysaid,jerkinghisthumb droveslatelytheydidntseemlikethesortwith

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/143
alotofgoodinstinctswhenitcametodealing
withauthorityfigures.Thenthereweretheflea
marketstallowners,whodbecomingoverthe
roadtoopentheirshopsinanhourorso.This
couldgetreallygoddamnedugly.
Heneededalawyer,andsomeonetofrontfor
himwiththelawyer.HecouldcallTjanhe
wouldcallhim,infact,butnotjustyet.There
werelimitstowhatTjancoulddofromBoston,
afterall.

Whatinjunctionisthat?
Acourtinjunction.
Whichcourt?
Thecoplookedreallyangryforasecond,then
hegotbackinhiscarandfishedaround.
BrowardCounty.Hesoundedaggrieved.
Isthattheinjunctionthere?Kettlewellsaid.
No,thecopsaid,tooquickly.Theybothknew
hewaslying,jerkingthemaround.

Hegotbackinhiscarandpeeledacrosstheroad
CanIseeit?Doesithaveinformationabout
totheshantytownandtheguesthouse.
whototalktotogettheinjunctionlifted?
Kettlewell!Hethumpedthedoor.Comeon, Kettlewellstonewaseven,pleasantandvery
Landon,itsme,Perry.Itsanemergency.
adult.Thevoiceofsomeoneusedtobeing
obeyed.
HeheardEvacurse,thenheardmovement.
Whazzit?
Youllhavetogotothecourthouse.Theyopen
Sorry,man,Iwouldnthavewokenyoubutits inacouplehours.
arealemergency.
Idreallyliketoseeit.
Fire?
No.Cops.Theyveshutdowntheride.
Kettlewellopenedthedooracrackandstaredat
himwitharedrimmed,hungovereye.Cops
shutdowntheride?
Yeah,theysaytheresaninjunction.
Gimmeasec,gottaputsomepantson.He
closedthedoor.AsPerrylistenedtothesounds
ofhimgettingdressed,hereflectedthathed
doneEvathefavorshedbeenseeking:hed
foundsomethingtokeepKettlewellbusy.
Kettlewellquizzedhimintenselyastheydrove
backacrosstheroadtothepolicecars.Hecalled
Tjanandgotvoicemail,leftabriefmessage,
thengotoutofthecarandstoodstilloutsideit,
wavingatthecopcars.
What?
Themalecoplookedevenmoredyspeptic.
Hithere!IwonderedifIcouldgetyouto
explainwhatsgoingonheresowecanopenup
shopagain?

Ohforchrissakes,thefemalecopsaid.Just
showittothem,Tom.God.Shespatonthe
ground.Herpartnergaveheralook,thenhanded
thepaperovertoKettlewell,whoporedoverit
intently.Perryshouldersurfedhimandgathered
thattheywerebeingshutdownforinfringing
DisneyParksCompanytrademarks.Thatwas
weird.YoucouldhardlygotenfeetinFlorida
withouttrippingoverabootlegMickey,sowhy
shouldthemarketstallsMickeydesignstrigger
legalaction?
Allright,then,Kettlewellsaid.Letsmake
somephonecalls.
Theygotinthecaranddroveacrosstheroadto
theshantytown.Therewasateahousethat
openedearlyandtheycommandeeredits
windowtableandspreadouttheirthings.Perry
calledLesterandwokehimup.Ittooktwoor
threetriestogethisheadarounditLester
couldntfigureoutwhytheydshutdownthe
marketstalls,butoncehegotthattheridewas
downtoo,hewokeupfastandpromisedtomeet
them.

Weveshutyoudowntoenforceaninjunction. KettlewellsconversationwithTjanwasalot

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/144
moreheated.Perrytriedtoeavesdropbut
couldntmakeanysenseofit.

makeadifference,Kettlewellsaid.Soweneed
tothinkofsomethingelse.

Alltheridesaredown,hesaidoncehed
droppedthephonetobounceacoupletimeson
thetabletop,makingthecoffeesshiver.Every
oneofthemwasshutdownbythecopsthis
morning.

Suzanneslidintotheboothbesidethem.Her
hairwastiedbackandhermakeupwasspareand
severe.ShehadonEuropeancuttrousers,high
likeabolerodancers,andaloose,flowing
whitecottonovershirtontopofaluminescent
pinktank.Perrycouldnttellwhetheritwas
formalorinformal,butitlookedgoodandalittle
intimidatinglyforeign.ShedidntmeetPerrys
eye.

Youreshittingme.Buttheydontallsellthe
samestuff.
TheywereshutdownbecauseofDisney
trademarksintherideitself,orsoitseems.Now,
whatarewegoingtodo?Tjanshiredalawyer
fortheBostongroupandwecanhireonefor
here,butIdontthinkweregoingtobeableto
hirefixerseverywherethattheresaride.Thats
goingtobereallyexpensive.Disneysfiledall
theinjunctionsatthestateleveltheyhavean
industryassociationtheyworkthroughthathas
cooperatingattorneysineverycityinthe
country,soitwaseasyforthem.

Briefme,shesaid.Sheheldoutherphoneand
putitinrecordmode.
Kettlewellranitdownquicklyandshenodded,
jottingnotes.
Sowhathappensnext?
Notmuchwecando,Kettlewellsaid.
Theriderswillbealongshortly.Oh,andthe
merchants.Perrystillcouldntcatchhereye.

Holycrap.

Illgotakesomepictures,shesaid.

Yeah.Whodidyoupissoff,Perry?

Becareful,Perrysaid.

Damnedifheknew.Heliterallycouldntthinkof
asinglepersonwhodwanttodothissomeone
hadconvincedtheDisneycompanytoclobber
himlikeGodzillagoingafterTokyo.Itjustdidnt
makeanysense.

Shemuggedforhim.Sweetie,Itakepicturesof
themafiyeh.Thenitwasallrightbetweenthem
again,somehow.

Sowhatdowedo?
Kettlewelllookedathim.Ihavenoclue,Perry.
Youarentacompany.Youarentanetworkof
companies.Youarentanindustryassociation.
Noonecanspeakforyou.Youcantlobbyor
evenfieldaspokesman.Imean,noneofthat
stuffworksforyouandthatstheonlywayI
knowtofightbackincourt.
Ithoughtwewereimmunetothisstuff.If
theresnoonetosue,howcantheysueus?
Iftheresnoonetosue,theresnoonetoshow
upincourtandobject,either.
Yeah.
Idontthinkwecanincorporateyouintimeto

Right,Kettlewellsaid.Howsourtime
looking?
Gotthirtyminutesuntilthefirstofthe
merchantsshowup.Anhouruntiltheridersstart
turningup.
Youdonthavealawyer,doyou?
Perryquirkedhisfunnyeyebrow.
Stupidquestion.OK.Right,Illmakesome
morecalls.Letsgetsomepeopleoutofbed.
WhatcanIdo?
Kettlewelllookedathim.Huh.Um.Thisis
reallymybeatnow.Isupposeyoucouldgokeep
Suzannecompany.
Gee,thanks.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/145
SomethingwrongwithSuzanne?

direction.

NothingswrongwithSuzanne,hesaid.OK,
offIgo.

Ihaveaguywhostryingtofigurethatoutright
now.

Hesetoffonfoot.Theshantytownhadwokenup
now,peoplegettingreadyforthehiketothe
earlybussesintoplaceswherethefewremaining
jobswere.

Perfect.Nowyouneedtosetupaconference
callwitheveryrideoperatorsowecantalkthis
over.Getonlineandpostatimeandanaddress.
Illchatitupandmakesomecalls.Youmake
Hetookhisphoneoutandtosseditfromhandto somecallstoo.Everyonelikestohearfromyou.
Theyliketoknowyoureontheirside.
hand.Thenhecalledthenumberthathed
programmedinallthosedaysagoinMadison
Right,hesaid,gettingbacktohisfeet,turning
buthadneverbotheredtocall.Heforgotuntil
aroundtogethiscomputeroutofhistrunk.
theringingstartedthatitwasanothertimezone Right.Thatstotallytherightthingtodo.Im
thereanhourortwoearlier.ButwhenHilda
onit.
answered,shesoundedwideawake.
Goodman,shesaid.
Niceofyoutocall,shesaid.

Niceofyoutoanswer.Hervoicesentathrill
uphisspine.
Wevegotcopsoutsideoftheridehere,she
said.Weveonlybeenliveforaweek,too.
Theyreateveryride,hesaid.Theyshutus
downtoo.

Alittlepausestretchedbetweenthem.So,he
said.Howyoudoing,apartfromallthis?
Herlaughwasmerry.Ithoughtyoudneverask.
Imlookingforwardtoyournextvisit,ishow
Imdoing.
Really?
Ofcoursereally.

Well,whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?

Yousoundedalittlepissedatmethereisall.
WhatamIgoingtodoaboutit?
Hesoundedlikealovesickteenager.Imean
Sure,thisisyourthing,Perry.Wewokeupand Hebrokeoff.
discoveredthecopsthismorningandthefirst
Yourassneededkicking,wasall.Pause.Im
thingeveryonedidwaswonderwhenyoudcall notpissedatyou,though.Whenareyoucoming
withtheplan.
foravisit?
Yourekidding.WhatdoIknowaboutcops?
Whatdoanyofusknowaboutcops?Allwe
knowiswebuiltthisthingafteryoucameand
talkedtousaboutitandnowitsbeenshut
down,sowerewaitingforyoutotelluswhatto
donext.
Hegroanedandsatdownonacurb.Oh,crap.
Thenshesighedheavilyattheotherend.OK,
Perry,youneedtopullittogether.Weneedyou
now.Weneedsomethingthatexplainswhats
goingon,whattodonext,andhowtodoit.
Theresalotofenergyouthere,alotofpeople
readytofight.Justpointusintheright

Gotme,hesaid.IguessIshould,right?He
reallysoundedlikeateenager.
Youneedtovisitallthesites,checkinonhow
weredoing.Pause.Plusyoushouldcome
hangoutwithmesome.
Healmostpointedoutallherwarningsabout
onlyhavingaonenightstandandnotmissing
thepeoplehewasawayfromandsoforth,but
stayedhistongue.Thefactthatshewantedhim
tocomeforavisitwasovershadowing
everything,eventheloomingcrisiswiththe
cops.
Itsadeal.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/146
Deal.
Well,bye.
Bye.
Healmostsaid,Youhangupfirst,butthat
wouldhavebeentoomuch.Insteadhejustkept
thephoneathisearuntilheheardherclick.
Suzannewaspointingandshootinglikemad.
Perrysatdownonthecrackedpavementbeside
herandunfoldedhiscomputerandstarted
sendingoutemails,settingupaconference
channel.HegaveSuzanneashortversionofhis
talkwithHilda,beingcarefulnottogiveahint
ofhisfeelingsforher.
Shesoundslikeasensiblegirl,Suzannesaid.
Youshouldgoandpayheranothervisit.
Heblushedandshesockedhimintheshoulder.

officialbackchannelatthebottomwherethe
textwasspillingbytoofastforPerrytoparse,
andheknewthattherewerelotsofunofficial
backchannelsinuse,too.Hecoveredthemic
andsighed.Hehadnothingtosaytothese
people.Hedidnthaveanyanswers.
Right.Sowhoknowswhatweshoulddo?The
backchannelwentcrazy.Hildastartedgreen
lightingspeakerswiththeirflagsup.
Whyareyouaskingus,Perry?Youvegotto
runthis.ThevoicewaspetulantandPerrysaw
thatitwasoneoftheBostoncrew,whichmade
himwonderwhatTjanwasgoingtodowhenhe
discoveredthatPerrywasdoingthis.
Thepagepinkenedandthensankintored.The
otherpeopleonthecallclearlythoughtthiswas
BS,whichwasarelieftoPerry.Hildacuedup
thenextspeaker.

Takeyourcall,shesaid.Thecopsweregiving
themthehairyeyeball,andPerryscrewedinhis Wecouldsetupinformationpicketsatthegates
toeachridehittingpeopleupfordonationsfor
headset.
ourlegaldefensegetthepresstocoveritand
Theconferencechannelwasfillingup.Perry
maybewecouldbringinenoughtofightallthe
checkedoffnamesasrepsfromalltherides
injunctions.
cameonline.Therewasalotoftight,tense
Thepinklightenedalittle,wentbacktoneutral
chatter,jokesaboutthefuzz.
white,turnedalittlegreen.Perrysloweddown
OK,Perrysaid.Letsgetitstarted.Theres
thebackchannelalittleandskimmedit:
copsblockadingeveryride,right?Usethepoll
please.Hepostedapolltotheconferencepage ::Nowaycouldwebringinenough,thatslike
anditquicklygotto100percentgreen.SoIjust 30grandeachIgetacouplehundredpeoplehere
foundthecopsoutsideofmine,too,andImnot inthemorningandthatwouldmeanahundred
surewhattodoaboutit.Ivegotsomedoughfor andfiftybuckseach
alawyer,butIcantaffordlawyersforeveryone. ::Nonoitstotallydoablewecanraisethateasy
Tomakethatwork,wedhavetoflyattorneysto justsetupsomepaypalsandpublicizetheshit
everycitywitharideinit,andthatsnot
outofit
practicalasImsureyoucantell.
Thenextspeakerwastalking.Whatifwegot
Ahalfdozenflagswentupintheconference
themaintenancebotstobreakopenthedoors
page.Ineedsomeonetoplaymoderator,cause andcarrytherideoutsidewhereeveryonecan
Icanttalkandmodatthesametime.Howabout seeit?
you,Hilda?
Brightred.Dumbidea.
OK,shesaid.ImHildaHammersen,from
theMadisongroup.Postonelinesummariesof Perrybrokein.Imworriedthatwhenpeople
showupitllprovokesomekindofconfrontation
yourpointsandIllsetaspeakerorder.
withthelaw.Itcouldgetuglyhere.Howcanwe
Theconferencepagefilledup.Therewasthe
keepthatcooledout?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/147
Green.
Thatstotallygottobeourtoppriority,Hilda
said.
Nextspeaker.OK,sothebestwaytokeep
peoplecalmistotellthemthattheresan
alternativetogoingnuts,whichmaybecouldbe
raisingmoneyforalegaldefense.
Greenish.Whataboutfindingprobono
lawyers?WhatabouttheACLUorEFF?
Greener.

man.Thecops,Disney,allofthem.Justfucking
withyou.Yougoaheadandhirealawyertogo
tothecourtforyouandseehowfaritgetsyou.
Theyrenotplayingbyanyrules,theyrenot
interestedinthelawyoubrokeorwhatever.They
justwanttofuckwithyou.
SuzanneappearedoverPerrysshoulder.
ImSuzanneChurch,Jason.Imareporter.
Sure,Iknowyou.Youweretherewhenthey
burneddowntheoldplace.

Thatwasme.Ithinkyoureright.Theyre
fuckingwithyouguys.Iwanttoreportonthat
becauseitmightbethatexposingitmakesit
OK,timesrunningouthere,Perrysaid.You hardertocontinue.CanIrecordwhatyouguys
guysneedtoorganizeacallaroundtothoseorgs sayanddo?
andseeiftheyllhelpusout.Passthehatatyour
Jasongrinnedandslidthesoggycigfromone
rides,trytofindlawyers.Everyonekeep
reportinginalldayespeciallyifyougetawin cornerofhismouthtotheotherandbackagain.
Sure,thatscoolwithme.Heturnedtothe
anywhere.Imgoingtogotakecareofthings
othersellers:Youguysdontmind,doyou?
here.
Theyjokedandlaughedandsaidno.Perrylet
HildaIMedhimGoodluck,Perry.Youllkick outabreathslowly.Theseguysdidntwanta
ass.
confrontationwiththecopstheyknewbetter
thanhimthattheycouldntwinthatone.
PerrystartedtoIMback,butashadowfell
acrosshisscreen.ItwasJason,whoranthe
Suzannestartedinterviewingthem.Thecopsgot
contactlensstall.Hewasstaringatthetwocop outoftheircarsandstaredatthem.Thewoman
carsquizzically,lookinggroggybutgrowing
cophadhermirrorshadesonnow,andsothe
alarmed.
bothofthemlookedhardandeyeless.Perry
lookedawayquickly.
Perryclosedhislidandgottohisfeet.
Morning,Jason.BehindJasonwerefiveorsix Thevendorswithcarswerepullingthemaround
othervendors.Thesellerswholivedinthe
totheroadsideleadinguptotheride,unpacking
shantytownandcouldthereforewalktowork
merchandiseandsettingitoutontheirhoods.
werealwaysfirstin.Soonthecommuterswould Vendorsfromtheshantytownheadedhomeand
startarrivingintheirbeatercars.
camebackwithfoldingtablesandblankets.
Hey,Perry,Jasonsaid.Hewaschewingonan Theseguyswerebusinesspeople.Theywerent
goingtoletthelawstandinthewayofputting
unlitcigarette,adisgustinghabitthatwasonly
marginallylessgrossthansmokingthem.Hed foodonthetablefortheirfamilies.
triedtoothpicks,butnothingwouldsatisfyhis
Thecopsgotbackintotheircars.Kettlewell
oralcravingslikeafiltertip.Atleasthedidnt
workedhiswaycautiouslyacrossthefreeway,
lightthem.Whatsup?
climbinglaboriouslyoverthemedian.Hehad
changedintoasmartblazerandslacks,witha
Perrytoldhimwhatheknew,whichwasnt
crispwhiteshirtthathidhisincipientbelly.He
much.Jasonlistenedcarefully,asdidtheother
vendorswhoarrived.Theyrefuckingwithyou, lookedliketheKettlewellofold,thekindofman
usedtogivingordersandgettingrespect.
ThebackchannelfilledupwithURLsand
phonenumbersandemailaddresses.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/148
Hey,man,Perrysaid.Kettlewellseasysmile
wasreassuring.
Perry,hesaid,throwinganarmaroundhis
shouldersandleadinghimaway.Comehere
andtalkwithme.
Theystoodintheleeofoneofthesicklypalms
thatstoodbytheroadside.Thedaywascoming
uphotandPerrystshirtstucktohischest,
thoughKettlewellseemeddryandincontrol.

Theresmoneyatstakeherepotentiallysome
bigmoneyandyoucantrunsomethinglike
thatonahandshake.Itstoovulnerable.Youll
getembezzledorsuedintooblivionbeforeyou
evenhaveachancetogrow.SoIvestartedthe
paperworktogeteverythingunderonebanner.

Perrycountedtoten,backwards.Landon,Im
reallythankfulthatyourehelpingusouthere.
Youreprobablygoingtosaveourasses.Butyou
cantputeverythingunderonebanneryou
Whatsgoingon,Perry?
cantjustdeclaretothesepeoplethattheir
Well,wedidaphonerthismorningwithallthe projectsareours
rideoperators.Theyregoingtoworkonraising Ofcoursetheyreyours.TheyreusingyourIP,
moneyforthedefenseandgettingprobono
yourprotocols,yourdesigns....Iftheydont
lawyersfromtheEFFortheACLUor
comeonboard,youcanjustthreatentosuethem
something.

Kettlewelldidadoubletake.Wait,what?
Landon!Pleaselistentome.Wearenotgoing
TheyregoingtoasktheACLU?Theycantbe
toeffectahostiletakeoverofmyfriends.They
trusted,Perry.Theyreimpactlitigatorstheyll areequalownersofeverythingwedohere.And
takecasestomakeapoint,evenwhenitsnotin nooffense,butifyouevermentionsuingother
theirclientsbestinterests.
projectsoverourIPhemadesarcasticfinger
quotesthenwerethroughhavingany
Whatcouldbemoreinourintereststhan
discussionsaboutthis.OK?
gettinglawyerstofightthesebogus
injunctions?
Kettlewellsnortedairthroughhisnostrils.My
Kettlewellblewoutalongbreath.OK,tableit. apologies,Ididntrealizethatthiswassucha
Tableit.HereswhatIvebeenpullingtogether: sensitiveareaforyou.Perryboggledatthis
wevegotashitkickingcorporatefirmthatused lawsuitsagainstrideoperators!ButIcanget
that.Heresthething,Perry.Withoutsomekind
tohandletheKodacellbusinessthatssending
outapartnertogototheBrowardCountycourt offastmovingstructureyouregoingtobedead.
thismorningtogettheinjunctionlifted.Theyre Evenifwerepeltheboardersthismorning,
doingthisasafreebie,butItoldthemthatthey theyllbebacktomorrowandthedayafter.You
couldhandlethebusinessifweputtogetherall needsomethingstrongerthanabunchoffriends
whohavelooseagreements.Youneedalegal
theridesintooneentity.
entitythatcanspeakforeveryone.Maybethats
NowitwasPerrysturntoboggle.Whatkindof acooporacharityorsomethingelse,butits
entity?
gottoexist.Youmaynotthinkyouhaveanysay
overtheseotherrides,butdoeseveryoneelse
Wehavetoincorporatethemall,getthemall
underoneumbrellasothatwecandefendthem agree?Whatifyougetsuedforsomeonesbad
deedsinMinneapolis?Whatifsomeride
allinonego.Otherwisetheresnowaywere
operatorsuesyoutoputyououtofbusiness?
goingtobeabletosavethem.Withouta
corporateentity,itsliketryingtoherdcats.
Perrysheadswam.Hehatedconversationslike
Besides,youneedsomekindofstructure,a
this.Hedidnthaveanygoodanswerfor
formalconstitutionorsomethingforthisthing. Kettlewellsobjections,butitwasridiculous.No
Youvegotanetworkprotocol,andthatsit.
onefromaridewasgoingtosuehim.Ormaybe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/149
theywould,ifhegotallgrabbyandwentMINE
MINEMINEandincorporatedeverythingwith
himatthetop.Hildasaidhewastheonetheyall
lookedto,butthatwasbecausehewouldnever
trytohijacktheirprojects.

everythingbynotdoingityourway,butfrommy
seat,doingityourwaywillkillitanyway.Sowe
needabetteranswer.

No.

Perrywaitedforhimtogoon,butitbecame
clearhehadnothingmoretosay.

Nowhat?
Notoallofit.Wehavetodefendthisthing,but
werenotgoingtodoitbytryingtotieeveryone
downtocontractsandagreementswhereIgetto
controleverything.Maybeacoopistheright
waytogo,butwecantjustdeclareacoopand
forceeveryonetobemembers.Wehavetoget
everyonetoagree,everyonewhosinvolved,and
thentheycanelectacouncilorsomethingand
workoutsomekindofuniformagreement.I
mean,thatshowallthegoodfreesoftware
projectswork.Theresauthority,butitsnotall
unilateralandimperious.Imnotinterestedin
that.Idrathershutthisdownthandeclare
myselfpopeemperorofrideland.
Kettlewellscrubbedhiseyeswithhisfists.Up
close,thelinesinhisfaceweredeepsunk,his
eyeballsbloodshotandhungover.Youre
killingme,youknowthat?Whatgoodis
principlegoingtodowhentheyknockthis
fuckingthingdownandslapyouwithagigantic
lawsuit?

Kettlewellscrubbedhiseyessomemore.You
andmywifesoundlikeyoudgetalong.

Perrywentbacktothecopcarsjustasthefirst
gangofgothsshoweduptotakearide.

PARTIII
Sammyhadfilledacoolerandstuckitinthe
backseatofhiscarthenightbefore,
programmedhiscoffeemaker,andwhenhis
alarmrousedhimat3AM,hehittheroad.First
heguzzledhisthermosoflethalcoffee,then
reachedaroundinbackforbottlesoficydistilled
water.Hekeptthewindowsrolleddownand
breathedintheswampy,coolmorningair,the
mostpromisingairoftheFloridaday,beforeit
allturnedtosteamandsizzle.
Hedidntbotherlookingfortruckstopswhenhe
neededtopiss,justpulledoverontheturnpikes
sideandletfly.Whynot?Atthathour,itwas
justhimandthetruckersandthetouristswith
morningflights.

Perryshrugged.Ireallyappreciatewhatyouve
HereachedMiamiaheadofscheduleandhada
done,butIdratherloseitthanfuckitup.
dinerbreakfastbigenoughtokillalesserman,a
Theystaredateachotherforalongtime.Cars
realfatkinsaffair.Hegotbackontheroad
whizzedpast.Perryfeltlikeabigjerk.
groaningfromthechowandmadeittotheold
Kettlewellhaddoneamazingworkforhimthis
WalMartjustasthemerchantsweresettingup
morning,justoutofthegoodnessofhisown
theirmarketontheroadside.
heart,andPerryhadrepaidhimbybeingastiff
neckeddickwad.Hefeltanoverwhelmingdesire WhenheddonetheBostonride,hedbeen
totakeitback,justputKettlewellinchargeand discouragedthattheydkeptonwiththeirWho
villeXmaseventhoughhedgrinchedawayall
lethimrunthewholeshow.Justshrughis
theirfun,butthistimehewasexpecting
shouldersandabdicate.
somethinglikethis.Watchingtheseguyssell
Helookeddownatthegroundandupintothe
souvenirsatthefuneralfortheridemadehim
stragglypalms,thenheavedasigh.
feelprettygoodthistimearound:theirdisloyalty
Landon,Imsorry,OK,butthatsjusthowitis. hadtobearealmoralekillerforthoseride
Itotallydigthatyouresayingthatwererisking operators.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/150
Thecopsweregettingtwitchy,whichmadehim
grin.Twitchycopswereakeyingredientforbad
trouble.Hereachedbehindhimandpulledan
icedcoffeefromthecoolerandcrackedit,
listeningtothehissastheembeddedCO2
cartridgeforcedbubblesthroughit.

photographingmeandmouthingoff,seehow
longitisbeforeyoureincuffsinthebackofthis
car.

Nowherecameasuit.Helookedlikeagenuine
mightymorphinpowerbroker,whichmade
Sammyworry,becauseaguylikethathadnt
figuredintohisplans,butlookatthat;hewas
havingahugefightwiththeeyebrowguyand
nowtheeyebrowguywasrunningawayfrom
him.

Cop:Dontmakemeangry,youwouldntlike
mewhenImangry.

Gettingthelawyerstoagreetospringthebudget
tofileineverylocationwheretherewasaride
hadbeentricky.Sammyhadhadtofudgealittle
onhisresearch,claimthattheywerebringingin
realmoney,tieittothedropinnumbersin
Florida,andgenerallydoasonganddance,but
itwasallworthit.Theseguysclearlydidnt
knowwhethertoshitorgoblind.
Noweyebrowmanwasheadedforthecopcars
andtheentrance,andthere,ohyes,thereitwas.
Fivecarsworthofgoths,luggingbagsfullof
somekindofhomemadeorscavengedhorror
memorabilia,pullingupshortattheentrance.

Scumbagstreetvendors:Hahaha,lookatthese
gothkidsmouthingofftothelaw,thatcopmust
haveminusculetesticles!

Eyebrowguy:Um,caneveryonejustbenice?Id
preferthatthisallnotgoupinflames.
Scumbags,goths:Hurrhurrhurr,shuttup,look
atthosedumbcops,ahahaha.
Cops:Grrrr.
Eyebrow:Oh,shit.
Fourmorecarspulledup.Nowtheshoulderwas
gettingreallycrowdedandfreewaytrafficwas
slowingtoacrawl.
Moregothspiledout.Familycarsapproached
thesnarl,slowed,thenspedupagain,not
wantingtoriskthecraziness.Maybesomeof
themwouldgetonthefuckingturnpikeand
driveuptoOrlando,wheretherealfunwas.

Thefourlaneroadwasdowntoaboutalaneand
ahalf,andmillingcrowdsfromtheshantytown
Theypiledoutoftheircarsandstartedmilling
andthearrivingcarswerecloggingwhat
around,askingquestions.Someapproachedthe remainedofthethoroughfare.Nowgothswere
cops,whoseemedinnomoodtochat.Thebody parkingtheircarswaybackattheintersection
languagecouldbereadat150feet:
andwalkingover,carryingtheobjectstheyd
plannedtosacrificetotherideandsmoking
Goth:Butofficer,Iwannagetonthisriiiiiide.
clovecigarettes.
Cop:Yousickenme.
SammysawDeathWaitsbeforeDeathWaits
Goth:Allaroundmeisgloom,gloom.Whycant turnedhishead,andsoSammyhadtimetoduck
Igoonmyriiiiiide?
downbeforehewasspotted.Hegiggledto
Cop:Iwouldliketoarrestyouandlockyouup himselfandchuggedhiscoffee,croucheddown
belowthewindow.
forbeingaweird,sexuallyambiguous
melodramaticwhosdumbenoughtohang
Thesituationwasheatingupnow.Lotsofpeople
aroundoutofdoors,allinblack,inFlorida.
wereaskingquestionsofthecops.Peopletrying
Goth:CanItakeyourpicture?Imgonnaputit todrivethroughgotshoutedatbythepeoplein
onmyblogandtheneveryonewillknowwhata theroad.Sometimesagothwouldslamafist
downonahoodandtheredbealittlebitofback
meanieyouare.
andforth.Itwasapowderkeg,andSammy
Cop:Yapyapyap,littlebitch.Yougoon

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/151
decidedtotouchitoff.
Heswunghiscaroutintotheroadandhitthe
hornandrevvedhisengine,drivingthroughthe
crowdjustahairfasterthanwassafe.People
slappedhiscarasitwentbyandhejustleaned
onthehorn,ploughingthrough,scattering
peoplewhoknockedovervendorstablesand
steppedontheirwares.
Inhisrearview,hesawthechaosbegin.
Someonethrewapunch,someoneslipped,
someoneknockedoveratableofinfringing
merch.Wahoo!Partytime!
Hehitthenextleft,thenpointedhiscaratthe
freeway.Hereachedbackandsnaggedanother
canofcoffeeandwenttoworkonit.Asthecan
hissedopen,hecouldnthelphimself:he
chuckled.Thenhelaughedafull,loudbelly
laugh.

antipersonnelsoundcannon,whichmeantthat
Lesterwasaroundheresomewhere.Thesound
wasaphysicalthing,itmadehisbowelsloose
andmadehisheadringlikeagong.Thoughtwas
impossible.Everythingwasimpossibleexcept
curlingupandwrappingyourhandsaroundyour
head.
Painfully,heraisedhisheadandopenedhiseyes.
Allaroundhim,peoplewereontheirknees.The
cops,though,hadputgiantindustrialearmuffs
on,thekindofthingyousawjackhammer
operatorswearing.Theyweremovingrapidly
toward...Lesterwhowasinapickuptruckwith
theAPhornstuckinthecargobed,wiredinto
thecigarettelighter.Theyhadgunsdrawnand
Lesterwaslookingatthemwideeyed,handsin
theair.

Theirmouthsweremoving,butwhateverthey
weresayingwasinaudible.Perrytookhisphone
outofhispocketandaimeditatthem.He
couldntmovewithoutspookingthemand
Perrywatchedithappenasthoughitwerealla
dream:Thecrowdsthickening.Thecopsgetting possiblyknockinghimselfoutfromthesound,
outoftheircarsandputtingtheirhandsontheir buthecouldrodneykingthemastheyadvanced
onLester.HecouldpracticallyreadLesters
belts.Adistantsiren.Morepeoplemilling
thoughts:IfImovetoswitchthisoff,theyll
around,hangingoutinthemiddleoftheroad,
likeidiots,idiots.Thenthatjerkinthecarwhat shootmedead.
thehellwashethinking,hewasgoingtokill
ThecopsclosedonLesterandthenthesourold
someone!
malecopwasupinthebedandhehadLesterby
thecollar,throwinghimtotheground,pointing
Andthenitallexploded.Therewasaknotof
fightingbodiesoverbythetables,andtheknot hisgun.Hispartnermovedquicklyand
efficientlyaroundthebed,eventuallyfiguring
wasgettingbigger.Thecopswererunningfor
outhowtounplugthehorn.Thesilencerangin
them,batonsout,peppersprayout.Perry
shoutedsomething,buthecouldnthearhimself. hishead.Hecouldnthearanythingexcepta
dogwhistlewhinefromhisabusedeardrums.
Inasecondthecrowdnoiseshadgonefrom
Aroundhim,peoplemovedsluggishly,painfully.
friendlytoanangryroar.
PerryspottedSuzannewatchingitallthrough
theviewfinderonherphone,presumably
streamingitlive,thenshoutedagain,anunheard
warning,asacombatantbehindherswungwide
andclockedherinthehead.Shewentdownand
hechargedforher.

Hegottohisfeetasquickashecouldanddrunk
walkedtothetruck.Lesterwasalreadyinplastic
cuffsandlegrestraints,andthebig,deadeyed
copwaswatchinganarmoredpolicebusroll
towardthemintheeeriesilenceoftheir
collectivedeafness.

Hedjustreachedherwhenanoisewentoffthat Perrymanagedtoswitchhisphoneoverto
streaming,sothatitwasuploadingeverything
droppedhimtohisknees.Itwastheir
insteadofrecordingitlocally.Hefadedback

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/152
behindsomeofthecarsforcoverandkept
rollingastheriotbusdisgorgedaflying
squadronofhelmetedcopswhobeganto
methodicallyandsavagelygrab,cuff,andtoss
thegroaningcrowdlyingflatontheground.He
wantedtoaddnarration,buthedidnttrust
himselftowhisper,sincehecouldnthearhis
ownvoice.

welledupinhischest.Hisphonewasstill
streaming,presumablyshowingwild,nauseous
shotsofthelandscapeswingingpastashe
pumpedhisarm.Hewasheadedfortheride,for
therearentrance,whereheknewhecouldtake
cover.Hefeltthefootstepsthudbehindhim,
dimlyheardtheshoutsbuthistemporary
deafnessdrownedoutthewords.

Ahandcamedownonhisshoulderandhe
jumped,squeaked,andfellintoadefensivepose,
waitingforthetruncheontohithim,butitwas
Suzanne,grimfaced,pointingherownphone.
Shehadalaminatedpresspassoutinherfree
handandwasholdingitupbesideherheadlikea
talisman.Shepointedoffdowntheroad,where
someofthegothkidswhodjustbeenarriving
whenthingswentdownweremoreambulatory,
havingbeensomewhatshieldedfromthenoise.
Theywererunningandbeingchasedbycops.
ShemadealittlescootinggestureandPerry
understoodthatshemeantheshouldbe
followingthem,gettingthevideo.Hesuckedina
bigbreathandnoddedonceandsetoff.Shegave
hishandafirmsqueezeandhefeltthather
palmswereslickwithsweat.

Hehadhisfoboutbeforehereachedthedoors
andhebadgedin,bangingthefoboverthe
touchplateaninstantbeforeslammingintothe
crashbarandthedoorsswungopen.Hewaited
inagitationforthedoorstohissshutslowlyafter
himandthenitwasthegloomoftheinsideof
theride,darkinhissunadjustedeyesight.

Hekeptlowandmovedslow,keepingthe
viewfinderupsothathecouldkeepthemeleein
shot.Hehopedlikehellthatsomeonewatching
thisonlinewouldspringforhisbail.
Miraculously,hereachedtheoutlierskirmish
withoutbeingspotted.Herecordedthecops
takingthegothsdown,cuffingthem,and
hoodingonekidwhowasthrashinglikeafishon
ahook.Itseemedthathewouldneverbe
spotted.Hecreptforward,slowly,slowly,trying
tofeelinvisibleandunnoticed,tryingtoproject
it.
Itworked.Hewasgettingincrediblefootage.He
waspracticallyontopofthecopsbeforeanyone
noticedhim.Thentherewasashoutandahand
grabbedforhisphoneandthespellwasbroken.
Suddenlyhisheartwasthundering,hispulse
poundinginhisears.
Heturnedonhisheelandran.Amadgiggle

Itwasonlywhenthedoorsshiveredbehindhim
thatherealizedwhathedjustdone.Theyd
breakinandcomeandgethim,andinthe
process,theyddestroytheride,forspite.His
eyeswereadjustingtothegloomnowandhe
madeoutthefamiliar/unfamiliarshapesofthe
dioramas,nowblackandlacywithgoth
memorabilia.Thisplacegavehimcalmandjoy.
Hewouldkeepthemfromdestroyingit.
Hesethisphonedownonthefloor,propped
againstaplasterskullsothatthedoorwaywasin
theshot.Hewalkedtothedoorandshoutedas
loudashecould,hisvoiceinaudibleinhisown
ears.Imcomingoutnow!heshouted.Im
openingthedoors!
Hewaitedforatwocount,thenreachedforthe
lock.Heturneditandletthedoorcrashopenas
twocopsinriotvisorscamethrough,pepper
sprayatthefore.Hewasdownontheground,
writhingandclawingathisfaceinaninstant,
andthephonecaughtitall.
AllPerrywantedwasforsomeonetocutthe
plasticcuffsoffsohecouldscrubathiseyes,
thoughheknewthatwouldonlymakeitworse.
Theriotbussoundedlikeanorgy,moaningand
groaningwithdozensofvoiceseverytimethe
busjouncedoverapothole.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/153
Perrywasonthefloorofthebus,nexttoakid
judgingfromthevoicewhocursedsteadilythe
wholewayalong.Onehardjouncemadetheir
headsconnectandtheybothcussed,then
apologizedtooneanother,thenlaughedalittle.

Howaboutsellingittoacollector?

MynamesPerry.Hisvoicesoundedlikehe
wasunderwater,buthecouldhear.Thepepper
sprayseemedtohaveclearedouthissinusesand
givenhimbacksomeofhishearing.

Iknowitsoundsstupid,butitstrue.Youheard
thatDisneystearingoutallthegothstuff?
Fantasylandmeantalottosomeofus.

ImDeathWaits.Hesaiditwithoutany
drama.Perrywasntsureifhedheardright.He
supposedhehad.Gothkids.
Nicetomeetyou.
Likewise.Theirheadswerebangedtogether
again.Theylaughedandcursed.
Christmyfacehurts,Perrysaid.
Imnotsurprised.Youlooklikeatomato.
Youcansee?
Luckyme,yup.Igotaprettygoodcoupleof
whacksonthebackandshouldersonceIwas
down,butnogas.

Youknow,itneveroccurredtome.Itmeanstoo
muchtogotoacollector.
Thetombstonemeanstoomuch?

Youdidntfeellikeitwas,what,coopting
you?
Dude,youcanbuygothclothesatachainof
mallstores.Werealloverthemainstream/non
mainstreamfight.IfDisneywantstoputtogether
agothhomeland,thatsallrightwithme.And
thatride,itwasthebestplacetorememberit.
Youknowthatitgotcopiedovereverynightto
otherridesaroundthecountry?Soallthepeople
wholovedtheoldDisneycouldbepartofthe
memorial,eveniftheycouldntcometoFlorida.
Wehadtheidealastweekandeveryoneloved
it.
SoyouwereputtingstufffromDisneyrides
intomyride?

Luckyyouallright.

Yourride?

ImmorepissedthatIlostthetombstoneI
broughtdown.Itwasarealrarity,anditwas
hardtoget,too.Ibetitgottromped.

Well,Ibuiltit.

Tombstone,huh?

Way.Hesmiledandthatmadehisfacehurt.

FromtheGraveyardWalkatDisney.Theytore
itdownlastweek.
Andyouwerebringingittoaddittotheride?
Surethatswhereitbelongs.
Perrysfacestillburned,butthepainwas
lessening.Beforeithadbeenlikehisfacewason
fire.Nowitwaslikeamillionfireantsbiting
him.Hetriedtoputitoutofhismindby
concentratingonthepaininhiswristswherethe
plasticstrapswerecuttingintohim.
Why?

Nofuckingway.
Dude,thatisthecoolestthingever.Youbuilt
that?HowdidHowdoyoubecomethekindof
personwhocanbuildoneofthosethings?Im
outofworkandtryingtofigureoutwhattodo
next.
Well,youcouldjoinoneofthecoopsthats
buildingtheotherrides.
Sure,Iguess.ButIwanttobethekindof
personwhoinventstheideaofmaking
somethinglikethat.Didyougetanelectrical
engineeringdegreeorsomething?

JustpickeditupasIwentalong.Youcoulddo
Therewasalongsilence.Hastogosomewhere. thesame,Imsure.Buthangonasecyouwere
puttingstufffromDisneyridesintomyride?
Bettertherethaninavaultorinthetrash.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/154
Well,yeah.Butitwasstufftheydtorndown.

liquidinhisscrewedupears.Hecouldntsmell
orsee,either.Hefeltlikehewasinsomekindof
Perryseyesstreamed.Thiscouldntbea
coincidence,stufffromDisneyridesshowingup terriblesensorydeprivationnightmare,andit
madehimjerky,sowheneverahandtookhim
inhisrideandthecopsturninguptoenforcea
andguidedhimtoanotherstationinthecheckin
courtorderDisneygot.Buthecouldntblame
process(hiswalletliftedfromhispocket,his
thiskid,whosoundedlikearealpuppydog.
cheekswabbed,hisfingerspressedagainsta
Wait,youdontthinkthecopswerethere
fingerprintscanner)heflinchedinvoluntarily.
because
Thehandsgrewrougherandmoreinsistent.At
Probably.Nohardfeelingsthough.Imighthave onepoint,someonepeeledopenhisswollen
eyelid,afeelinglikebeingstabbedintheeye,
donethesameinyourshoes.
andhisretinawasscanned.Hescreamedand
Ohshit,Iamsosorry.Ididntthinkitthrough heardlaughter,distantthroughhisthrobbing
atall,Icanseethatnow.Ofcoursetheydcome eardrums.
afteryou.Theymusttotallyhateyou.Iusedto
Itgalvanizedhim.Heforcedhiseyesopen,
workthere,theyjusthateanythingthattakesa
glaringatthecopsaroundhim.Mostlytheywere
Floridatouristdollar.Itswhytheybuiltthe
monorailextensiontoOrlandoairporttomake Floridacrackers,middleagedguyswithdead
surethatfromthemomentyougetofftheplane, eyedexpressionsofimpersonalmalevolence.
Therewasatinysmatteringofbrownfacesand
youdontspendanickelonanythingthatthey
womensfaces,buttheywerebutasprinkling
dontsellyou.Iusedtothinkitwascool,
becausetheybuiltsuchgreatstuff,butthenthey whencomparedtothedominantsomatypeof
Floridalaw.
wentafterthenewFantasyland
Thenexttimesomeonegrabbedhimtoshove
Youcantbeacitizenofathemepark,Perry
himtowardsthenextstationonthisquest,he
said.
jerkedhisarmawayandsatdown.Hedseen
Thekidbarkedalaugh.Man,howtrueisthat? protestorsdothisbefore,andknewthatitwas
Youvenailedit,pal.
hardtomoveasittingmanexpeditiouslyorwith
dignity.Handsseizedhimbythearms,andhe
Perrymanagedtocrackaneye,painfully,and
flaileduntilhewasfree,remainingfirmly
catchablurrylookatthekid:ablackEdward
seated.Thelaughterwasturningtoangernow.
Scissorhandsdandelionclockofhair,eyeliner,
Besidehim,someoneelsesat.DeathWaits,
frockcoatbutababyfacewithcheeksyou
lookingwhitefacedandroundeyed.More
couldprobablyseefromthebackofhishead.
peoplehitthefloor.Abillyclubwasshoved
AboutasthreateningasaSmurf.Perryfelta
underhisarm,whichwasthentwistedintoan
sudden,delayedrushofanger.Howdarethey
agonizingposition.Hewassuddenlyreadyto
beatupkidslikethisDeathWaitsallhe
giveupthefightandgoalong,buthecouldnt
wantedtodowasrideagoddamnedride!He
wasntacriminal,wasntoutrollingoldladiesor gettohisfeetfastenough.Withasickening
releasingmaliciousbioorganismsonthebeach! crack,hisarmbroke.Hehadamomentslucid
awarenessthatabonehadbrokeninhisbody,
Thebusturnedasharpcornerandtheirheads
andthenthepainwasonhimandhechokedout
bangedtogetheragain.Theygroanedandthen
ashout,thenalouderone,andtheneverything
thedoorswerebeingopenedandPerrysqueezed
wentdark.
hiseyesshutagain.
Roughhandsseizedhimandmarchedhiminto
thestationhouse.Thecrowdsusurrationswere

Asitturnedout,hisprisoninfirmarytimedidnt

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/155
lastlongatall.Kettlewellhadfadedfastfromthe
riot,headedbacktotheguesthouseandgotthe
lawyersonthephone.Hedshownthemthe
streamoffofPerrysphoneandtheywerein
frontofajudgebeforePerryreachedthejail.
Perrywasledoutoftheinfirmarywithhisarm
inasling.Hisfacewasstillpainfullyswollen,
andhedmanagedtoturnanankleaswell.At
leasthishearingwascomingback.

notgoingtobecheap.
ItneedledPerryhedidntliketheideaofbeing
embroiledinthelegalsysteminthefirstplace,
andwhilehecouldgrudginglyadmitacertain
eleganceinusingcashsettlementsfromthelaw
tofundtheirdefenseincourt,thewholebusiness
madehimsquirm.
Evasatdownbesidehim.Icantellthissucks
foryou,Perry.Adawhisperedthewordsucks
andgiggled,andEvarolledhereyes.But
theresfiftypeoplewedidntbailoutinthere,
whoareallofthemgoingtohavetofigureout
theirownwaythroughthelegalsystem.You
cantrunabusinessifyourcustomersriska
solidbeatingandjailtimejustforshowingup.

KettlewelltookPerrysgoodarmandgavehima
soulfulhugthatembarrassedhim.Kettlewellled
himoutside,towhereabigcabwaswaiting.Init
werethefamilyKettlewell,Lester,andSuzanne.
Lesterhadacouplebandagestapedtohisface
andwhenSuzannesmiled,hesawherlipswere
stainedredandoneofherfrontteethhadbeen
Idontwanttorunabusiness,hethought,buthe
knockedout.
knewthatwaspetulant.Hewasthemanwiththe
Hemanagedabravesmile.Lookslikeyouguys rollofbillsdownhispants.Therearefifty
gotthefulltreatment,huh?
peoplestillintheslam?
Suzannesqueezedhishand.Nothingthatcant
befixed.AdaandPascallookedgoggleeyedat
them.AdawaspoppingKoreanlotusbean
walnutcakesintohermouthfromagreasypaper
bag,andsheofferedthemsilentlytoPerry,who
tookonejusttobepolite,butfoundafterthefirst
bitethathewasntreallyhungryafterall.

Kettlewellnodded.Suzannehadhercameraout
andshewasrecording.Ithadbeenalongtime
sincePerryhadreallyfeltthecameraseyeon
him.Itwasonethingtoberecordedbysome
friendsforremembrance,butnowSuzannes
cameraseemedlikethegazeofposterity.He
neededtorisetoit,heknew.

KettlewellandPerryfoughtaboutwhattodo
next,butKettlewellprevailed.Hetookthemtoa
privatedoctorwhophotographedthemand
examinedthemandxrayedthem,documenting
everythingwhileAdaKettlewellplayedcamera
womanwithherphone,videoingitall.

Letsgetthemout.Allofthem.

Idontthinksuingthepoliceisgoingtohelp,
Landon,Perrysaid.Suzannenodded
vigorously.Thethreevictimswereinpaper
examininggowns,andtheKettlewellswerestill
instreetclothes,whichgavethemareal
advantageintheselfconfidencedepartment.
Itllhelpifwecashoutabigsettlementitll
bankrollourdefenseagainsttheDisney
trademarkclaims.IPlawyerschargemorethan
Godperhour.Igottheinjunctionlifted,but
werestillgoingtohavetogotocourt,andthats

Kettlewellraisedhiseyebrows.Andhowdoyou
planondoingthat?
Wellchargeittothebusiness,Perrysaid.
Lesterchuckledandgavehimathumponthe
back.Itsalegitexpensetheseareour
customersafterall.
Kettlewellshookhisheadatallofthem,thenhe
leftthedoctorsoffice.Healreadyhadhisphone
stucktohisheadandwastalkingwiththelawyer
beforehegotoutofearshot.
PerryandLesterandSuzanneandEva
exchangedmischievousglances,grinningwith
unexpecteddelight.Pascal,ridingonEvaship,
wokeupandstartedcryingandEvahandedhim
toLesterwhileshewentforthediaperbag.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/156
Herewegoagain,Lestersaid,wrinklinghis
noseandholdingthewailingPascalatarms
length.

stallvendorsashecouldlocateinthe
shantytownandmadesuretheywereallright
theywere,thoughtheydlostsomeinventory.He
compedthemallamonthsrentandmadesure
Suzannegotitallwithherphone,thenshe
flippeditshutandgaveLesterahardkissonthe theyknewthatstepswerebeingtakentokeepit
fromhappeningagain.Heknewthattheycould
cheek.
makenearlyasmuchmoneysellingfroma
Fatherhoodwouldsuityou,shesaid.
roadsideoronline,andhewantedtokeepthem
Hewentbrightred.Dontyougetanyideas,he happy.Besides,itwasnttheirfault.
said.Suzannelaughedandskippedaway,
Hewasexhaustedandhisarmwasreallystarting
lookingalloften.
togripehim.Hefoundhimselfstoppinginthe
Perryfelthuge.Largerthanlife.Theadventure streeteveryfewstepstorubhiseyesandforce
himselfon.Franciscameonhimwhenhewas
wasbeginninganew,withthesegoodpeople
whomhelovedlikefamily.Hehadtheworkand likethat,leaningagainsttheprefabconcretewall
ofoneofthetall,twistyshanties,andhetook
thepeople,andwhoneededanythingmore.
Perryscarkeysawayanddrovehimhome.
Itwasafeelingthatlastedallthewaybacktothe Perrywasintoomuchofastatebythetimehe
ride.
gottheretothinkabouthowFranciswouldget
Butthenhesurveyedtherideitselfandfoundit backhewasalreadylyinginbedbeforeit
occurredtohimthattheoldmanwiththegimpy
inutterruins,farworsethanithadbeenleft
legprobablywalkedthetenmileshome.
whenhedbeendraggedoutofit.Everysingle
exhibitwassmashed,strewnhereandthere.
Hewokeuplaterthatnighttosexnoisesfrom
Hecouldntbelieveit.Hebroughtuptheclean
uplights,floodingtheplace,andthenhesaw
whathedmissedatfirst:thesmashedexhibits
werenotsmashedexhibitstheywerereplicas
ofsmashedexhibits.Ateveryrideinthecountry,
policehadgoneinsmashing,andeveryother
rideinthecountryhadfaithfullyreproducedthe
damage,dutifulprinterschurningoutreplica
detritusanddutifulrobotsplacingitwith
micrometerprecision.

LestersroomandherecognizedSuzannes
voice.Later,hewokeagaintohearthetailendof
anotherargumentbetweenLesterandSuzanne,
andthenSuzannestormingoutoftheapartment.
Oh,goody,hethought.Helayonhisback,
tryingtofindsleepagaintheclocksaid3AM
andfoundthoughtsofHildadriftingunbidden
intohismind.

Itwassillytheydonlyspentonenight
together,andhehadtoadmitthatasgreatasthe
sexhadbeen,hedhadbetterwiththefatkins
Hebegantolaughandcouldntstop.Lester
gymnastsyoucouldpickupdownonSouth
cameinandimmediatelygotthejokeand
laughedalongwithhim.Theymanagedtostop Beach.Shewastooyoungforhim.Shelivedin
Wisconsin.Butthereweretouchesintheride
laughingjustlongenoughtoexplainitto
SuzanneandKettlewell,whodidntfinditnearly thathadoriginatedwithherinstantiationhe
lookedoverthelogseverynowandthenand
asfunnyastheydid.Suzannetookpictures.
hefoundhimselfcontemplatingthemwith
Finallyhegotdowntobusiness,openingthe
sentimentalsmiles.
changelogandrollingtheridebackthroughthe
revisionstoitsunsmashedstate.Itwouldtake Hefellasleepagainandonlywokewhenhe
rolledoveronhisbadarmandyelpedhimself
therobotsalongtimetoseteverythingright
awake.Thesmellofwaffles,baconandeggs
again,butatleasthedidnthavetooverseeit.
wasstrongintheapartment.Hecouldntbe
Instead,hetrackeddownasmanyofthemarket

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/157
botheredtofigureouthowtoshowerwithhis
caston,sohepulledonapairofshortsandlet
himselfintothelivingroom.

Illpostit,Perrysaid.Icanputupmy
savingsorsomething...

Yourarmisbroken,Lyenitchkasaid,pointing
athim.

broughthimbacktoreality.Heforcedhimselfto
smile.

Perrynoddedgravely.Thatstrue.Wanttosign
mycast?Hewasprettysurethathehada
greasepencilthatwouldmarkthesurface,
thoughthehospitalhadswornthatitwouldshed
dirt,inkandanythingelsehethrewatit.

TheresagirlinMadison,Iwanttomakesure
shesOK.

ThoughtyoudbebusyinBoston,hesaid,
whileLyenitchkapainstakinglyspelledouther
name,goingovertheletterstogetthemtoshow
updarkthecastsurfacereallydidntwantto
suckupanytint.

glanceatSuzanneandsawthatshewas
blushing.Tjantookthisinandnodded,as
thoughhissuspicionshadjustbeenconfirmed.

Madison?Perrywasalarmedbyhowalarmed
hesounded.

Hildawasthequeenofthemailinglistsbrash,
quick,andargumentative,butneverthekindof
personwhostartedflamewars.Hildas
argumentswerehotandfast,andshealways
won.Perryhadwatchedheradmiringlyfromthe
sidelines,onlyweighinginoccasionally,buthe
seemedtoremembernowthatshedtakenTjan
tothecleanersonceonanissueofprotocol
resolution.

Tjanlookeduncomfortable.Perry,thereare250
Lesterwasatthestove,cookinguphalfapigand peopleinthelockupinWisconsin.Someof
pouringmaplebatterintothewaffleiron.He
themaregoingtoskipout,itsnearlyacertainty.
wavedaspatulaathimandpointedoutatthe
Ifyoubailthemallout,youllgobroke.Imean,
terrace.PerrysteppedoutandsawSuzanneand itsgoodtoseeyouandImsorryyougothurt
TjanandTjanslittlekidswhatweretheir
andallrespect,butdontbeanidiot.
names?Lyenitchkaandthelittleboy?Man,the Perryfelthimselfgobelligerent.Hishandswent
wholefamilywashere.
intofistsandhisbrokenwingprotested.That

TjanandSuzannestaredathimforasecond.
ThenLesterclappedhimacrossthebackfrom
behindhim,startlinghimandmakinghim
Shenoddedvigorously.Tjanlookedhimover
squeak.Bigfella!hecrowed.Ishouldhave
andgavealittlewave,thenPerrywentbackinto known.
thelivingroomandaskedhiscomputertofind
Perrygavehimamockglare.Youhavenoright
thegreasepencil.
tosayanythingonthisscore.Hedarteda

Fairenough,Tjansaid.Letsmakesome
inquiriesabouttheyounglady.Whatsher
BostoncameoutOK.Wehadlawyersontapat name?
thestartandthevibewascool.Iincorporated
HildaHammersen.
there,soitwaseasierthanyouguyshadit.But
Tjanseyebrowsshotup.HildaHammersen?
someoftheotherswerehitbad,likeSan
Fromthemailinglists?ThatHilda?
FranciscoandMadison.

Massarrests.Thecopstherearerealhard
cases,withallthisantipersonnelgearleftover
fromthestemcellriots.
PerryjerkedandspoiledLyenitchkaswriting.
Hepattedherheadandsethisarmbackdown
whereshecouldgetatit.Hegroaned.

Theyremostlystillin.Weretryingtogetthem Thatstheone,Perrysaid.
bailedout,butthejudgeatthearraignmentset
Ialwayspicturedherasbeingaboutfifty,with
bailprettyhigh.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/158
amachetebetweenherteeth,Lestersaid.No
offense.

Illbefine,hesaid.

Andweneedtoeatbreakfast,whichisready,
Lestersaid,gesturingatthetablebehindhim,
whichwasstackedhighwithwaffles,sausages,
eggs,toast,andpitchersofjuiceandcarafesof
coffee.

HeclosedhiseyesandshutouttheTSAgoon.
Shehadahugebouffantofcopperhair,anda
midwesternerssenseofproportionalitywhenit
cametoeyeshadowandrouge.Shewasthekind
ofwomanwhocouldcallyouhoneyandmake
itsoundlikeIslamofascistfaggot.

Wecanspringherfromhere,Tjansaid.We
Lyenitchka,gogetmyphonefrommybed
havetheInternet,youknow.
stand,Perrysaid,pattingthegirlonthe
Iknow,Perrysaid.Youdothat,OK?Andtell
shoulder.Whenshegotbackhewentthroughhis herIllbethereassoonasIcan.
photosofHildawiththem.
Thesecurityattheairportwentbonkersover
LestermadeawolfwhistleandSuzanne
him.Theperfectstorm:afresharrest,a
punchedhimintheshoulderandtookthephone suspiciouscast,andaticketboughtwithcash.
away.
HemissedthefirsttwoflightstoChicago,but
Shesverypretty,Suzannesaid,
bymidafternoonhewaslandingatOHareand
disapprovingly.Andveryyoung.
submittingtoaninterimscreeningprocedure
beforeboardingforMadison.Hisphonerangin
Ohyes,datingyoungerpeopleissosleazy,
themiddleofthescreening,andthewrinklyold
Lestersaidwithachuckle.Suzannesquirmed
TSAgoonladyprimlyinformedhimthathe
andevenPerryhadtolaugh.
mightaswellgetthatsinceoncethephonerings,
Guys,hereitis.IneedtospringHilda,andwe theyhavetostarttheprocedureoveragain.
needtodosomethingaboutallthosecustomers
andsupportersandsoonwhowenttojailtoday. Tjan,hesaid.
Weneedtofightalltheinjunctionsallofthem Theycantspringhertoday.Tomorrow,
andpreventthemfromrecurring.
though.

LyenitchkaandSashalookedateachotherand
rantothetable,takingseatsnexttooneanother.
Theadultsfollowedandsoontheywereeating.
Perrymanagedawaffleandasausage,butthen
hewentofftohisroom.Hildawasintheslamin
Madison,andwhothehellknewwhatthe
antipersonnelstufftheMadisoncopsusedhad
donetoher.Hejustwantedtogetonafucking
planeandgothere.
Halfwaythroughhisshower,heknewthatthat
waswhathewasgoingtodo.Hepackeda
shoulderbag,tookacouplemorepainkillers,
andwalkedoutintothelivingroom.

Whynot,Tjan?
Therewasapause.Shesintheinfirmaryand
theywontreleaseheruntiltomorrow.
Infirmary.
Nothingseriousshetookaknockonthehead
andtheywanttoholdherforobservation.
Hepicturedacopperselectrifiedbillyclub
comingdownonshiningblondhairandfeltlike
throwingup.

Guys,ImgoingtoMadison.Illbebackina
dayortwo.Wellworkeverythingoutoverthe
phone,OK?

Perry?Buddy.ShesOK,really.Ihadour
lawyervisitherintheprisoninfirmaryandshe
swearsshelooksgreat.Thelawyersnameis
Candicetakeacabtoherofficefromthe
airport.OK?

LesterandSuzannecameovertohim.You
goingtobeOK,buddy?Lestersaid.

Whyissheintheprisoninfirmary,Tjan?Why
cantshebemovedtoarealhospital?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/159
Itsjustaliabilitything.Thepolicedontwant
toriskthesuitifshegoescomplicatedonthem
betweenhospitals.
Jesus.
Seriously,shesfine.Wevegotagoodlawyer
onthescene.
ButPerryhadabadfeeling.TheTSAgoon
pickeduponitandgavehimalittlebitofextra
attention.Actingnervousoragitatedinan
airportwasaonewaytickettoacavitysearch.
Butthenhewasliftingoffandheadedfor
Madison,andthoughthetimecrawledonthe
onehourflight,itwas,afterall,onlyanhour.He
evennappedbriefly,thoughaskymarshallwoke
himshortlyafterforarandombagsearch.His
fellowpassengersbadlydressedmidwesterners
andacoupleofhipsterstudentsallturnedtheir
bagsoutinthecrampedcabinandthengotback
intheirseatsforthelanding.
Perryhadmeanttophoneinacarreservationat
OHare,buttheextrasearchhadeatenupthe
timehedallocatedforit,andnowalltherental
countersweresoldout.Reluctantly,hegotintoa
taxiandaskedthedrivertotakehimtotheoffice
ofthelawyersthatTjanhadhired.
ThecabbiewasayoungAfricankidwitha
shavedhead.Hehadadentinonetempleand
moredentsinoneofhiswrists,visibleashelet
hislonghandsdrapeoverthesteeringwheel.

Perrywasonebigjitterfromthetripandthe
coffeeandthepillsforhisarm,buthefound
himselfdrawnintoconversationastheywhizzed
pastthefieldsandmalls,thefactoriesand
officeparks.
ImfromGulu,inUganda.Therehasbeencivil
warthereforthirtyfiveyears.Istudiedchemical
engineeringthroughtheAfricanVirtual
Universitywikiprogram,andqualifiedfora
ChavezscholarshiphereinMadison.Hisaccent
waslightbutexotic,theAfricanrollingofthe
Rs,theBritishsoundingvowelshifts.Butthe
HomelandSecuritydidntwanttorenewmyvisa
lastyear.TheysaidIhadfinancialirregularities.
IwaspaypallingtoafriendinKampalawho
withdrewitinshillingsandsentittomyfamily
ingiros.HomelandSecuritysaidthatIwas
moneylaundering.IthoughtIdbesentawayor
putinprison,butMsCandicewrotethemaletter
andtheyvanished.Hesnappedhislong,
knucklyfingersforemphasis.
Jesus.Well,thatsgood.Shesgoingtohelpme
getmygirlfriendoutofjail.Perryrealizedhed
justcalledHildahisgirlfriend,whichwouldbe
newstoher,butthereitwas.
Youdontneedtoworry.Shellgetyourfriend
free.

Perrynoddedandtriedtoclosehiseyesand
relax.Hecouldnt.Whatthehellhadhappened
totheworld.Ithadseemedsoexcitingwhenhis
fatherwasbringinghomenewshapeshedspun
Iknowwhereitis,hesaidwhenPerrygave
himtheaddress.Thatlawyer,sheisverygood. offhisCAD/CAMrig.WhenPerryhadstarted
totradedesignswithpeople,toeffortlesslyfind
ShehelpedmewiththeHomelandSecurity.
peopleonthenetwhowantedtocollaborate
Thekidwasyoung,21or22,withastudiousair, withhimandviceversa.WhenPerryhadstarted
despitehisoldinjuries.HeremindedPerryof
abusinessmakingcoolartoutoffreejunkand
theshantytowners,peoplewhodidntalwaysget sellingitoffanInternetconnectionthatwas
medicalattentionfortheirailments,peoplewho likewisefree.
wereoftenmissingatoothortwo,whohad
mysteriouslumpsfrombadlysetbonesorscars Free,free,free.Noneedtotalktoagovernment,
orgrovelforacurator,orputupwithanagentor
orfunnyeyebrowslikehis.Themidwesterners
ontheplanehadbeenflawlessasactionfigures, aboss.Hedjustassumedallalongthathedend
uplivinginaworldwhereallthoseparasitesand
butPerrysfriendsandthisAfricankidlooked
bulliesandmiddlemenwouldjustblowawayin
likesomethingcarvedoutofcoalandchalk.
thewind.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/160
Buttheydallfoundjobsinthenewworld.They
werentneededanymore,butthatdidntmean
thattheywentaway.Nowtheywerewanding
himinairportsandsuinghimfortrademark
infringementandbustinghisgirlfriendand
breakinghisarmandgivinghassletothispoor
Africankidwhodtaughthimselftobean
engineerwithaferchrissakeswiki.
Hedryswallowedanotherpainkillerandthen
rememberedthattakingthepillsmeanthe
wouldntbeabletogetadrink,whichhecould
sureasshituse.
MynamesPerry,hesaid.

Shewasgassedwithaneurotoxinthathasgiven
heratemporarybutsevereformofParkinsons
disease.Normallyitjustrenderspeople
immobile,butoneinamillionhasareactionlike
this.ItsjustbadluckthatHildawasoneof
them.
Shewasgassed?
Theyallwere.Therewasahellofafight,asI
understandit.Itreallylookslikeitwasthecops
fault.Someonetoldthemthattherewereprinted
gunsintheridelocationandtheyusedextreme
anddisproportionateforce.

Isee,Perrysaid.Hisbloodwhooshedinhis
ears.Printedguns?Nofriggingway.Sure,ray
gunsinsomeoftheexhibits.Butnothingthat
firedanything.Hefelttearsbegintostream
Youtoo,hesaid.Thedrivershookhishand
warmlyaftergettinghisluggageoutofthetrunk, downhisface.Thelawyermovedtohissofaand
alimphandshakebyNorthAmericanstandards, putherarmaroundhisshoulders.
butgentleandfriendlynonetheless.Hisdented Shesgoingtobefine,Candicesaid.The
wristflexedoddlyasthehalfknitbonesthere
Parkinsonsisrare,butitgoesawayin100
moved.
percentofthethecaseswhereitoccurs.What
thismeansisthatwevegotanamazingchance
ThelawyersofficewasnotwhatPerrywas
expecting.Itlookedlikesomeoneslivingroom, oftakingahugebiteoutofthelocallawthatwe
withacoupleofoverstuffedsofas,adozingcat, canusetofundfuturedefense.Tjantoldmethat
thatsthestrategyandIthinkitssound.Plusthe
andthelawyer,Candice,whowasayoung
lookingwomaninhermidtwenties.Shedressed harderwehitthelawtoday,themorereluctant
injeansandanoversizedUWsweatshirt,witha theyllbetorushoffhalfcockedthenexttime
laptopperchedononeknee.Shehadafriendly, someonetrumpsupaBStrademarkclaim.It
openface,framedwithlotsofcurlybrownhair. couldbemuchworse,Perry.Theresakidwho
lostaneyetoarubberbullet.
YoumustbePerry,shesaid,settingthelaptop
downandgivinghimanunexpectedhug.That Perryfistedthetearsaway.Letsgogether,he
said.
wasfromHilda.Isawheracouplehoursago.
ShewasveryadamantthatIpassitontoyou.
Theysaysheshouldntbemoved,Candice
Nicetomeetyou,"hesaid,acceptingacupof said.
Richard,thedriversaid.Werealmostthere,
Perry.Iwishyoutheverybestofluck.

teafromaninsulatedjugonacardboardside
board.Hildaisallright?

Whatdoesourdoctorsay?

IphonedacoupleMDsthisafternoonandgot
Sitdown,thelawyersaid.
conflictingstories.Everyoneagreesthatnot
Perrysstomachturnedasomersault.Hildasall movingherissaferthanmovingher,though.
Theonlydisagreementisabouthowdangerousit
right?
wouldbetomoveher.
Sit.
Letsgoseeher,then.
Perrysat.
Thatwecando.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/161
Perryhadtroublewiththesearchattheprison
hospital.Hiscastandtheirscannersdidntget
alongandtheycouldntbesatisfiedwithahand
search.Foracoupleminutesitlookedlikehe
wasgoingtobekeptout,butCandicewhohad
changedintoapowersuitbeforetheyleftthe
officeputonasternvoiceanddemandedto
speaktothedutysergeant,andthentohis
commandingofficer,andintenminutes,they
wereonthehospitalward,wherethemetal
railedbedshadprisonershandcuffedtothem.

huggedherashardashedared.Candicecame
backandstoodbythem.

Hilda?Shelookedsunkenandsick,herface
slackandherjawaskew.Hereyesopenedand
rolledcrazily,theyfocusedonhim.Herbody
shookthroughtwowavesoftremorsbeforeshe
wasabletoraiseashakinghandtowardhim,
trailingIVtubes.Shewastryingtosayhisname,
butitwouldntcomeout,justaseriesofplosive
Ps.

Illstayhere,hesaid.

Butthenhetookherhandandfeltitsfine
warmth,thecallusesherememberedfromall
thosemonthsago,andhefeltbetter.Actually
better.Feltsomepeaceforthefirsttimeinalong
time.

Shesighedandlookedathimforalongtime,but
hewouldnttakehiseyesoffofHilda.His
brokenarmthrobbedandhewasoutof
painkillers.Theydhavepainkillershere.

Hello,Hilda,hesaid,andhewassmilingso
broadlyhisfacehurt,andtearswererunning
downhischeeksanddrippingoffhisnoseand
runningintohismouth.Shewasweeping,too,
herheadvibratinglikeabobbledoll.Hebent
overherandtookherheadinhishands,burying
theminherthickblondhair,andkissedheron
thelips.Sheshookunderhim,butshekissed
himback,hecouldfeelherlipsmoveonhis.

Theythinkthatshellbebetterinthemorning.
Shesalreadymuchbetteroffthanshewasjusta
couplehoursago.Sleepstheonlythingforit.
Theyvegothermildlysedated,too.
Hildasmelledlikeheremembered,the
undersmellbeneathhershampooandthe
chemicalsclingingtoherhair.Ittookhimback
totheirnighttogether,andhestrokedhercheek.
Idontthinkthattheyregoingtoletyoudo
that,Perry.Thisisaprison,notahospital.
Illstayhere,hesaidagain.Justmakeit
happen,OK?Weregoingtosuethemintoa
smokinghole,right?Thatsgottogiveussome
leverage.Illstayhere.

Candicewentaway,andthen,awhilelater,she
cameback.Stayhere,shesaid.Illcomeand
getyouinthemorning.
Thanks,hesaid.Thenhethoughtthathe
shouldsaysomethingmore,andheturned
around,butthelawyerhadgone.

HefellasleepholdingHildashandwithhis
goodhand,andwokeupwithanunbelievable
paininhisbrokenarmandcouldntfindanurse.
Hebitdownonthepainandspentalongwatch
Theykissedforalongtime.Hesubconsciously thatnightstaringatHilda,thinkingofallshe
tooknoteofthefactthatCandicehadmoved
meanttohimandhowweirditwasthatshe
back,givingthemsomeprivacy.Whenthekiss meantsomuchwhentheydhadsobriefa
broke,hehadanoverwhelmingdesiretotellher momenttogether.Theyhadntlethimbringhis
helovedher,buttheyhadnttakenthatstepyet, phonein,orhedhavetakenathousandpictures
andmaybeaprisonhospitalbedwasnttheright ofherfaceinrepose.Henoddedoffagain.
placetomakepronouncementsoflove.
Hewokewhenshedid,stirringinherbed.Her
Iloveyou,hesaidsoftly,inherear,kissingthe movementswerestillweakandfeeble,butthey
lobe.Iloveyou,Hilda.
lackedtheuncontrolledtremorsofthenight
before.Heleanedinforakiss,notcaringabout
Shecriedharder,andmadechokingsobs.He
hissourbreathorhers.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/162
Goodmorning,hesaid.
Morning,gorgeous,shesaid,andtookhimin
asoft,sleepyhug.

helditforhimsohecouldworkmorefreelyand
theybothreadwhatwasgoingon.

Asecondroundoflawsuitshadbeenfiledthat
Candicesprungthemandtookthemacrosstown night,andtheinjunctionshadbeenreinstated.
toherdoctor,ayoungmanwhotookgreatcare Thestoryabouttheridesbeingasourceof
inexaminingHilda,explainingpatientlywhich printedarmsandmunitionshadspread,andin
SanFranciscotheridehadbeentakenapartby
fluidshewasdrawingandwhichtestshe
plannedonrunningonthem.Perryhadnoticed HomelandSecuritybombrobotsthathad
detonatedseveralkeypiecesofequipment.Three
thatmidwesternerscameintwoflavors:big
oftheSanFranciscoridecrewendedupinthe
ScandinavianAryanswithgiantshouldersand
hospitalafterclasheswithoverreactingcops.
easysmiles,andexchangestudentsand
immigrantsinvaryingshadesofbrown,who
Hildanoddedandtookthephonefromhimand
lookedhurtandbentalongsideofthenatives
setitdown.
lookedlikethepeopleheknewfrombackhome, Right,whatsthegameplan?
peoplewhodidnthavereadyaccesstomedical
HowshouldIknow?Perrysaid.Hecouldhear
careorgoodnutritionintheirformativeyears.
thewhineinhisvoice.Ijustbuildstuff.Tjan
ThedoctorwasVietnamese,buthewasatleasta andCandicesaythattheythinkwecansuethe
couplegenerationsin,judgingbyhisaccent,and copsoverthebrutalityandusethemoneyto
hehadthesamemidwesternsmileandseemed
fundlegaldefenses,butDisneysdenialof
bigandbulkycomparedwiththeVietnamese
serviceattackingusinthecourtroom.Theyre
peoplePerryknewinFlorida.Hewatchedthe
alsogettingallthisdestructiondealttousbythe
manpeerintentlyatascreenaftertapingsome
cops.
electrodestoHildashead,andfeltlikehed
Youknowhowyoueatanelephant?Onebiteat
cometosomelandofNorsegiants.
atime.Letsbreakthisdownintosmall
ThedoctoreventuallytoldHildatogohomeand componentpiecesandworkonsolutionsto
rest,andshepromisedshewould.Perryandshe them,thencallupthetroopsandletthemknow
gotintothebackofCandicescarandcuddled
whatsgoingon.Illgetaconferencecallsetup
uptooneanother,dozing.ItwasntuntilPerry
whilewechat.
gotbackwithhertoherapartmenteverystick
Shewasstillmovingslowlyandweakly,andhe
offurnituremadefromclevercardboardand
triedtogethertoputdownherlaptopandrest,
emptiedouthispocketsthatherememberedto
butshewasnthavinganyofit.
switchhisphoneonagain.
Hewasdowntohisboxersandshewasincotton Andsotheyworked,dividingtheproblemup
intomanageablepieces:incorporatinga
PJswithsexycowgirlsprintedonthem,and
whenhepoweredthephoneup,itwentbonkers, nonprofitcoop,writingthebylaws,gettingthe
lightinguplikeaChristmastree,vibrating,and wordoutthroughthepress,reopeningtherides,
puttingtogetherscrapbooksofthecarnage
makingurgentbleats.
wrought.
Shit,hesaid,andbegantosortthroughthe
Itallseemeddoableonceitwasreducedtoits
alertswhilehisbackandneckmuscles
componentparts.Perryputitallonlineandthen
tightened.Hesatontheedgeofthebedand
conferencedTjanandKettlewellin.
proddedatthephonewithhisrighthand,
holdingitawkwardlyinhislefthand,tryingto
Perry,doyouthinkitsagoodideatotellour
workaroundthecast.Hildatookthephoneand enemieshowweplantorespondtothem?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/163
HildashookherheadandputahandonPerrys
goodarmtocalmhimdownbeforeheanswered
Kettlewell.Thatshowwedoitoveronour
side.Theirsideisallaboutsecrecy.Ourside
tradestheadvantageofsurpriseforthe
advantageofopenness.Youwatchbytonight
wellhavebylawsdrafted,pressreleases,
exhaustivedocumentation.Youwatch.
Onthescreen,Lestersfacesuddenlyhoveinto
view,fisheyedistortedbyhisproximitytothe
lens.Hildagaveanamusedsqueakandpulled
back.

Um.Youshouldprobablyrestupsomemore,
right?
Hegotupandheadedforthedoor.
Wheredoyouthinkyouregoing?shesaid.
FiguredIdletyourest,hesaidwithahalf
shrug.
Getinthisbedthisinstant,youngman,she
said,slappingthebedbesideher.Andgetthose
stinkyclothesoffbeforeyoudoIwonthave
yougettingmysheetsallcoveredinyourtravel
grime.

SothatsYoko,huh?Lestersaid,grinning.
Hefeltthefoolishgrinspreadacrosshisfaceand
Cute!Listenguys,dontletthesesuitstalkyou heskinnedoutofhisclothesasfastashecould
outofwhatyouredoing.Thisistherightthing. withhiscaston.
Imonallthemessageboardsandstuffand
theyreallchampingtodosomethingforreal.
Theydidntleavethehouseuntilsuppertime,
Yoko?Hildasaid.Sheraisedanadorable
freshlyshowered(shedbeenadelightfulhelpin
eyebrow.
scrubbingthosespotswherethecastimpeded
Justafigureofspeech,Lestersaid.Im
access)andchanged.Perrytookapainkiller
Lester.YoumustbeHilda.Perrystoldus
aftertheshower,whichkickedinastheywent
practicallynothingaboutyou,whichisprobably outthedoor,andtheautumneveningwascrisp
asignofsomethingorother.
andsharp.
HildaregardedPerrywithmockcoolness.Oh Theygotasfarasthecornerbeforetheman
really?
approachedthem.PerryGibbons,isntit?He
Lester,Perrysaid.Iloveyoulikeabrother.
Shutthefuckupalready.
Lestermadealittlewhippingmotion.Suddenly
hewasgonefromthepicture,andtheysaw
Suzannepullinghimawaybyoneear.Hilda
snorted.Ilikeher,shesaid.Suzannegave
themawaveandTjanandKettlewellcameback
intoframe.
Theymadetheirgoodbyesandhungup.Now
HildaandPerrywerealone,together,inher
bedroom,laptopsshut,daydonethoughitwas
hardlygonenoonandthesilencestretched.
Thanksforcoming,Perry,shesaid.

hadanEnglishaccent,andalittlepotbelly,and
abigwhitebubblejacketandascarfwound
roundhisthroat.
Thatsright,Perrysaid.Helookedattheguy.
DoIknowyou?
No,Idontthinkso.ButIvefollowedyouin
thepress.Quiteremarkable.
Thanks,Perrysaid.Beingrecognizedhow
weirdwasthat.Coolthatithappenedinfrontof
Hilda.ThisisHilda,hesaid.Shetookthe
manshand,andhegrinned,showingtwolong
ratlikefrontteeth.
Fred,hesaid.Whatanabsolutedelight
runningintoyououthereofallplaces.Whatare
youdoingintown?

IHebrokeoff.Hedidntknowwhattosay.
Theyhadonlyknowneachotherforaday,only
hadaonenightstand.Sheprobablythoughtthat Justvisitingwithfriends,Perrysaid.
hewasagiantcreep.Iwasworried.hesaid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/164
Wasnttheresomekindofdustupatyourplace Hehadastrawberrymarkonhishighforehead
inFlorida?Isawwhattheydidtotheridehere, thatlookedlikeamapofadistantisland,and
whatabloodymess.
Perrythoughtthatthemarkprobablythrewoff
Yeah,Perrysaid.Hepointedathiscastedarm. thekidsopponents.SowesueDisneyandfive
SeemedlikeagoodtimetogetoutofDodge. yearsfromnowwecashinhowdoesthathelp
usnow?
Hildasaid,Weregettingsomedinner,ifyoud
Thekidnodded.Ihopedyoudaskmethat.Ive
liketocomealong.
beenthinkingaboutthisalotlately.Hereswhat
Iwouldntwanttointrude.
youneedtodo,dude,heresthefuckingthing.
Theroomhadgrownsilent.Everyoneleaned
No,itsnosweat,wevegotawholebunchof
closer.FredpouredPerryanotherbeerfromthe
peopleassociatedwiththeridemeetingus.
pitcherinthemiddleofthetable.Hereshow
Youdbemorethanwelcome.
youdoit.Youraiseinvestmentcapitalforit.
Goodness,thatishospitableofyou.HowcanI Theresatonofmoneyinthis,aton.Disneys
refuse?
gotdeeppocketsandyouvegotagreatcase.
LukeandErnieweretherewiththeirgirlfriends, Butlikeyousay,itlltaketen,fifteenyearsto
andthereweremorekids,midwesternand
getthemoneyoutofthem.Anditllcostamilin
healthyeveniftheywerentnecessarilyall
legalfeesontheway.Sowhatyoudois,you
Scandic,someVietnamesekids,someHmong, createaninvestmentsyndicate.Youcanmaybe
somedesisdescendedfromtheH1Bdiaspora.
getthirtymillionoutofDisney,pluswhatever
Theyhadagiganticmealinastudentplacethat thejuryawardsinpunitives,andifyoukeephalf
washeavyonthepotatoesandbeersthesizeof ofit,youcandeliverafifteenxreturnon
yourhead,whichPerryresistedforacouple
investment.Sogofindamillionaireandborrow
hoursuntilhefiguredthathedmetabolizedmost sixteenmillion,andturnthedefenseoverto
ofthepainkillerandthenstartedin,gettingjust him.
shortofroaringdrunk.Hetoldthemwarstories,
toldthemaboutDeathWaits,toldthemaboutthe Perrywasdumbstruck.Yourejoking.Howcan
thatpossiblywork?
coopandtheplantofightback.
Itshowpatentlawsuitswork!Somedickhead
Thatjustdoesntsoundrighttome,saida
friendofLukes,alawschoolgradstudentwho engineergetsaboguspatentforhisdoomed
startup,andastheyresinkingintothemud,
hadbeenbendingPerrysearallnightwith
someventurecapitalistcomesandbuysthe
storiesfromhislawclinicworkdefending
universitystudentsfrommusicindustrylawsuits. companyupjustsoitcangoaroundandthreaten
othercompanieswithrealbusinessesfor
Imean,sure,goafterthecopsbecausethey
violatingthepatent.Theyaskforsumsjust
roughedyouguysup,buthowmuchmoneydo
belowwhatitwouldcosttogettheUSPatent
thecopshave?Yougottatargetsomefatcash,
andforthatyouwanttogoafterDisney.Abuse andTrademarkOfficetoinvalidatethepatent,
andeveryoneponiesup.Venturecapitalismis
oftrademark,abuseofprocess,somethinglike
themajorsourceoffundingforcommercial
that.Thestandardsprettyhigh,butifyoucan
lawsuitsthesedays.
getajudgement,themoneyisincredible.You
couldtakethemtothecleaners.
Fredlaughedandclapped.Brilliant!Perry,
Perrylookedblearilyathim.Hewasyoung,like thatsjustbrilliant.Areyougoingtodoit?
allofthem,buthehadagoodrhetoricalstyle
Perrylookedatthetable,doodlinginthe
thatPerryrecognizedassomethingbornofreal puddlesofbeerwithafingertip.Ijustwantto
confidence.Heknewhisstuff,orthoughthedid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/165
getbacktomakingstuff,youknow.Thisisnuts. studentsspitballbullshitideasforfightingback?
Devotingtenyearsofmylifetosuing
Ifyoupickedthelatter,youreingoodcompany.
someone?
Lastnight,PerryGibbons,soidisantfounder
Youdonthavetodothesuing.Thatsthepoint. oftherideafarianreligiouscult,wasspottedout
Yououtsourcethat.Yougetthemoney;someone fordrinksandcuddleswithagroupof
elsedoesthebusinessstuff.Hildaputherarm twentysomethingstudentsinthebackwatertown
aroundhisshoulders.Givethesuitssomething ofMadison,WI,aplacebetterknownforits
tooccupythemselveswithotherwisetheyget cheddarthanitsactivism.
antsyandstiruptrouble.
WhileGibbonsregaledtheimpressionablepost
PerryandHildalaughedlikeitwasthefunniest
thingtheydeverheard.Fredandtheothers
joinedin,andPerryscrawledadrunkennoteto
TjanandKettlewellwiththeinfo.Theparty
brokeupnotlongafter,amidmuchchortlingand
snorting,andtheystaggeredhome.Fredgave
PerryawarmhandshakeandtreatedHildatoa
lingering,sloppyhuguntilshepushedhimoff,
laughingevenharder.

adolescentswithtalesofhisderringdo,he
avidlynotedtheirstrategicsuggestionsfor
solvinghislegal,paramilitary,andtechnical
problems.

Allrightthen,Perrysaid,homeagainhome
again.

ThismindcrogglingPonzischemeistheclosest
thingtoabusinessmodelweveyetheardof
fromthechipaddledtechnohippiesoftheNew
Workanditspostboomincarnation.

Hildagavehisgroinafriendlyhonkandthen
madeadashforit,andhegavechase.
PHOTO:ADrunkenPerryGibbonsGetsa
HowsYourFatherFromRideBrideHilda
Hammersen
MADISON,WI:Sayyoumanagedtoinspire
somekindofmovementoftechnoutopians
whobuiltanetworkofamusementparkrides
thatguidetheirvisitorsthroughanillustrated
historyofthelastdotcombubble.
Saythatyourmerrybandofunwashed
polyamorousinfohippieswasovertakenby
jackbootedthugsfromoneofthedinosauric
mediaempiresofyesteryear,whoselegal
machinationsresultedinnationwideraids,
beatings,gassings,andthetotalshutdownof
yourmovement.
Whatwouldyoudo?Sue?Callapress
conference?Bailyourloyalfollowersoutofthe
slam?
Getlaid,getshitfaced,andletabunchof

OnesuggestionthatdrewGibbonssattention
andadmirationwastoapproachventure
capitalistsandbegthemforthecapitaltosue
Disneyandthenusethesettlementsfromthe
suitstopaybacktheVCs.

OnecanonlyimaginehowourMsChurchwill
coverthisinherfanblog:breathlessadmiration
forMrGibbonsscunninginsolicitingyetmore
wayoutoftheboxthinkingfromtheJunior
GuevarasoftheGreatMidwest,nodoubt.
PerhapsGibbonscanbeaffordedalittle
sympathy,though.Hislatestencounterwith
Floridalawlefthimwithabrokenarmandit
maybethatthepainmedicationisprimarily
responsibleforGibbonssfancythinking.If
thatsthecase,wecanonlyhopethathisyoung,
blondScandienursiewillcarefullyministerhim
backtohealth(whilehiscomradesrotingaol
aroundthecountry).
Thisorganizationneedstodiebeforeitgets
someonekilled.
Comments?WritetoFreddyat
honestfred@techstink.co.uk
LesterinterruptedSuzannesphonecalltobreak

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/166
inandannouncethathedrunRatToothed
Freddytoground:thereporterhadcaughtthe
firstflightfromMadisontoChicagoandthen
gonewesttoSanJose.TheTSAhadflaggedhim
asapersonofinterestandwerewatchinghis
movements,andalittlediggingonitswebsite
couldcauseittodiscloseFreddysevery
airbornemovement.
SuzannerelayedthistoPerry.
Dontyougothere,shesaid.Hesgunningfor
theSanFranciscocrew,andheshopingfora
confrontationoradenunciationsothathecan
printit.Hegetsideesfixesthatheworriesatlike
aterrier,goingformorebile.
Isheapsycho?Whatthehellishisbeefwith
me?

Franciscoandbriefthemonwhattoexpectfrom
thisguyandtakeitfromthere.
Oncetheywereofftheline,Lestercameup
behindherandhuggedheratthewaist,
squeezingthelittlelovehandlesthere,
remindingherofhowlongithadbeensince
shedmadeittoyoga.
Youthinkthatllwork?
Maybe.IvebeentalkingtotheNew
JournalismReviewaboutwritingapieceon
moralresponsibilityandpaidjournalism,andifI
canbangitoutthisaft,Ibettheyllpublishit
tomorrow.
Whatsthatgoingtodo?

Well,itlldistracthimfromPerry,maybe.It
mightgethisemployertotakeahardlookat
Ithinkthathethinksthattechnologyhasnt
whatheswritingImeanthatpieceisjustlies,
liveduptoitspromiseandthatweshouldallbe mischaracterizations,andeditorialmasquerading
demandingbetterofourtech.Soforhim,that
asreportage.Sheputherliddownandpaced
meansthatanyonewhoactuallylikestechnology aroundthecondo,lookingattheleavesfloating
istheenemy,theworstvillain,underminingthe inthepool.Itllgivemesomesatisfaction.
caseforbringingtechuptoitstruepotential.
Lestergaveherahug,anditsmelledoftheold
Fuck,thatissotwisted.
daysandtheoldLester,thegiant,barrelchested
Andgiventhekindofvilecraphewrites,the
prefatkinsLester.Ittookherbacktoasimpler
onlyreadershehasarenutcaseswhogetoffon time,whentheydhadtoworryabout
seeingpeoplewhoareactuallycreatingstuff
commercialcompetition,notpoliceraids.
flayedalivefortheirfailures.Theyegghimon Shehuggedhimback.Hewasallhardmuscle
everseeoneofhisletterscolumns?Ifhe
andzerobodyfatunderneathhistightshirt.
changedtoactualreportage,tellingthebalanced Shedneverdatedanyonethatfit,notevenback
storiesofwhatwasgoingonintheworld,theyd inhighschool.Itwasalittledisorienting,andit
jumpshipforsomeotherhatemonger.Hesa
madeherfeelespeciallyoldandsaggy
lightningrodforassholeshesthekingofthe sometimes,thoughheneverseemedtonotice.
trolls.
Speakingofwhich,shefelthiserectionpressing
Perrylookedaway.WhatdoIdo?
againsthermidriff,andtriedtohidehergrin.
Youcouldtrytostarvehim.Ifyoudontshow Gimmeacouplehours,allright?
yourhead,hecantreportonyou,exceptby
ShedialedtheNJReditorsnumberassheslid
makingstuffupandmadeupstuffgetsboring, intoherchairandpulledupatexteditor.She
evenforthekindsofloserswhoreadhisstuff. knewwhatsheplannedonwriting,butitwould
ButIvegotworktodo.

Yeah,yeahyoudo.Maybeyouvejustgotto
takeyourlumps.Everycomplexecosystemhas
parasitesafterall.MaybeyoujustcallupSan

helptobeabletoshareanoutlinewiththeNJR
ifshewasgoingtogetthisoutingoodtime.
Workingwitheditorswasapainafteryearsof
writingfortheblog,butsometimesyouwanted

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/167
someoneelsesimprimaturonyourwork.
Fivehourslater,thecopywasfiled.Sherocked
backinherchairandstretchedherarmshigh
overherhead,listeningtothecrackleofher
spine.Shedbeenhalffrozenbytheair
conditioning,soshedturneditoffandopeneda
window,andnowthecondowashotandmuggy.
Shestrippeddowntoherunderwearandheaded
fortheshower,butbeforeshecouldmakeit,she
wasinterceptedbyLester.
Hefellonherlikeadogondinner,andhours
slippedbyastheymadetheapartmenteven
muggier.Lestersathleticisminthesackwas
flattering,butsometimesboundlesstothepoint
ofirritation.Shewasrescuedfromitthistimeby
thedoorbell.
Lesterputonabathrobeandansweredthedoor,
andsheheardthesoundsofthefamily
Kettlewellspillingin,thekidslittlefootfalls
poundingupanddownthecorridors.Hurriedly,
Suzannethrewonarobeandduckedacrossthe
corridorintothebathroom,butnotbefore
catchingsightofEvaandLandon.Evas
expressionwasgrimlysatisfied;Landonlooked
stricken.Fuckit,anyway.Shednevergivenhim
anyreasontohope,andhehadnobusiness
hoping.

LyenitchkaandAda,hadgottenPascaluponthe
sofaandwereplayingdressupwithhim,hot
gluingBarbieheadstohischeeksandarmsand
chubbyknees,likevacantlystaringwarts.
Doyoulikehim?
Ithinkhelookswonderful,girls.Isthatglue
OKforhim,though?
Adanoddedvigorously.Ivebeengluingthings
tomybrotherwiththatstuffforever.Dadsays
itsOKsolongasIdontputitinhiseyes.
Yourdadsasmartman.
Hesinlovewithyou,Lyenitchkasaid,and
giggled.Adasluggedherinthearm.
Thatssupposedtobeasecret,stupid,Ada
said.
Flustered,Suzanneduckedoutontothepatioand
shutthedoorbehindher.EvaandTjanand
Kettlewellallturnedtolookather.
Suzanne!Tjansaid.Nicearticle.
Isitupalready?
Yeah,justacoupleminutesago.Tjanheldup
hisphone.Ivegotawatchlistforanythingto
dowithFreddythatgetsalotoflinkloveina
shortperiod.Yourpiecerangthecherries.

Shetookthephonefromhimandlookedatthe
listoflinksthathadbeenfoundtotheNJR
piece.Threeofthediggdotshadpickedupthe
story,sincetheylovedtoreportonanythingthat
madefunofFreddyhewasafrequentsavager
oftheirreaderscherishedbeliefs,afteralland
thenceithadwormeditswayallaroundthenet.
Christ.Whatwasshedoingbackhere,anyway?
Inthetimeshedneededtotakeashower,her
ShedmisseditallsomuchfromPetersburg.But
storyhadbeenreadbyaboutthreemillion
shehadntreallybargainedforthis.Itwasonlya
people.Shefeltatwingeofregretfornot
matteroftimeuntilTjanshoweduptoo,surely
publishingitonherblogthatwouldhavebeen
theydbewantingacouncilofwarafterFreddys
someseriousadvertisingcoin.
openingsalvo.
Well,thereyouhaveit.
Shewaitedforthelittlegirltoflush(ouch!hot
water!)andgotdressedasdiscreetlyaspossible. Whatdoyousupposehellcomebackwith?
Kettlewellsaid,thenlookeduncomfortablyat
Bythetimeshegottothebalconywherethe
Eva.Shepretendednottonotice,andcontinued
councilofwarwasunderway,thetwolittlegirls,
tostareatthegrimyHollywoodpalms,
Halfwaythroughhershower,sheheardsomeone
movingaroundinthebathroom,andthinkingit
wasLester,shestuckherheadaroundthe
curtain,onlytofindAdaonthepot,littlejeans
aroundherankles.Ihaddamake,Adasaid,
withashrug.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/168
swimmingpoolsandfreeways.
Somethingnastyandfulloflies,nodoubt.
NerdGroupieChurchFindsFatkinsLovewith
RideSidekick

chroniclingtheadventuresoftheFloridacultists,
playingjournalist,withoutashredofimpartiality
ordisclosure.
Onecanonlyimaginewhentheother,financial
shoewilldrop.ForwhereverChurchgoes,
moneyisntfarbehind:surelytheresafinancial
aspecttothisbusinesswiththeride.

SourcesclosetotheHollywood,Floridaride
culthaverevealedthatSuzanneChurch,the
UPDATE:
celebritybloggerwhohelpedinflatetheNew
Indeedthereis:furtheranonymoustipsterism
Workstockbubble,isinthemidstofaromantic
revealsthatpapershavebeenfiledtocreatea
entanglementwithoneofthecultscofounders.
cooperativestructuredlikeaclassicPonzi
ChurchrecentlycameoutofretirementinSt
scheme,inwhichfranchiseoperatorsoftheride
Petersburg,whereshehasbeenproducing
areexpectedtopaymembershipduesfurtherup
PR^H^Hjournalisticaccountsofthenew
theladder.AlltheromanceofChurchsaccounts
generationofRussianexperimentalplastic
willcertainlyfindafreshbatchofsuckersif
surgerybutchers.
theresonethingweknowaboutSuzanne
Churchwasluredbackbythepromiseofastory Church,itsthatsheknowshowtoseparatea
abouttheridenetworkthatwasfoundedbyher markfromhismoney.
oldpalsfromtheNewWorkpumpanddump,
LesterBanksandPerryGibbons.Nowonthe
scenearemorefamiliarfaces:Landon
Kettlewell,thedisgracedformerCEOof
Kodacell,andTjanTang,theformerbusiness
manageroftheBanks/Gibbonsscam.

Butnotlongafterarrivingonthescene,Church
fellinwithBanks,anearlyfatkinsandstalwart
oftheNewWorkmovement,atechnologistwho
entrancedhisfellowengineerswithhisaccounts
oftheNewWorksmanyinventions
promptingonemessageboardcommenterto
characterizehimasacrossbetweenSteve
WozniakandtheReverendSunMyungMoon.
Now,eyewitnessaccountshavethemgoingatit
likeshaggingmarmots,asthebioenhanced
BanksfallsonChurchswrinklycarcasshalfa
dozentimesaday,apparentlyconsummatinga
romancethatblossomedwhileBankswas,toput
itbluntly,agiantfatbastard.Itseemsthatradical
weightlosshasputBanksintothecategoryof
blokesthatSuzanneChurchiswillingtoplay
hidethesausagewith.
Allthiswouldbemeresordidgossipbutforthe
factthatChurchisonceagainglowingly

Lesterrantheridebasicallyonhisownthat
week,missinghisworkshopandhistinkering,
thinkingofSuzanne,wishingthatPerrywas
backalready.Hewasntexactlyapeopleperson,
andtherewerealotofpeople.
Ibroughtsomestuff,thegothkidsaidashe
paidforhisticket,heftingtwohugeduffelbags.
ThatsstillOK,right?
Wasit?DamnedifLesterknew.Thekidhada
hugebruisecoveringhalfofhisface,andLester
thoughtherecognizedhimfromtheshowdown
DeathWaits,thatswhatPerryhadsaid.
Sure,itsfine.
YoureLester,right?
Christ,anotherone.
Yes,thatsme.
HonestFredisfullofshit.Ivebeenreading
yourpostssinceforever.Thatguyisjustjealous
becauseyourgirlfriendoutedhimforbeingsuch
alyingasshole.
Yeah.DeathWaitswasntthefirstonetosay

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/169
wordstothiseffectSuzannehadhadthat
honorandhewouldntbethelast.ButLester
wantedtoforgetit.Hedlikedthemomentsof
famehedgainedfromSuzanneswriting,from
hisworkonthemessageboards.Hedevenhada
coupleoffanboysshowuptodoalittle
interviewfortheirpodcastabouthismechanical
computer.Thathadbeennice.Butblokesthat
SuzanneChurchiswillingtoplayhidethe
sausagewithugh.
Suzannewasholdingittogetherasfarashe
couldtell.Butshedidntseemaswillingtostick
herneckouttobrokerlittlepeacesbetweenTjan
andKettlewellanymore,andthosetwowere
goingatithammerandtongsnow,each
convincedthathewasincharge.Tjanreasoned
thatsinceheactuallyranoneofthemost
developedridesinthenetworkthatheshouldbe
theexecutive,withKettlewellasatrusted
adviser.Kettlewellclearlyfeltthathedeserved
thecrownbecausehedactuallyrunglobal
businesses,asopposedtoTjan,whowaslittle
morethanamiddlemanager.
Neitherhadsaidexactlythat,butthatwasonly
becausewhenevertheyheadeddownthatpath,
Suzanneinterposedherselfanddistractedthem.
NooneaskedLesterorPerry,eventhoughthey
weretheoneswhodinventeditall.Itwasallso
fuckedup.Whycouldnthejustmakestuffand
dostuff?Whydiditalwayshavetoturnintoa
planforworlddomination?InLesters
experience,mostworlddominationplanswent
sour,whileaheftyproportionofmodestplansto
MakeSomethingCoolactuallyworkedout
prettywell,paidthebills,andputfoodonthe
table.

lawyerorwhatever.Butwoulditmakea
difference?Hecouldntgetanyspitinhismouth
overlegalfights.Christlegalfights!
Thanks.YoureDeathWaits,right?Perrytold
meaboutyou.
Thekidvisiblyswelled.Yeah.Icouldhelp
aroundhereifyouwanted,youknow.Iknowa
lotaboutrideoperating.Iusedtotraintheride
runnersatDisney,andIcouldworkanyposition.
Ifyouwanted.
WerenotreallyhiringLesterbegan.
Imnotlookingforajob.Icouldjust,you
know,help.Idonthaveajoboranythingright
now.
Lesterneededtopee.Andhewassickofsitting
heretakingpeoplesmoney.Andhewantedto
goplaywithhismechanicalcomputer,anyway.
Lester?Whosthekidtakingticketmoney?
Suzanneshugwassweatyandsmelledgood.
Lookatthis,Lestersaid.Heflippeduphis
magnifyinggogglesandhandedherthesoda
can.Hedcutawayapanelcoveringthewhole
frontofthecan,andinsidehedpainstakingly
assembledsixtyfourflipflops.Heturnedthe
crankonthebackofthecanslowly,andthe
correctcombinationofrodsextendedfromthe
backofthecan,indicatingthevaluesrepresented
ontheflipflopswithin.Itsasixtyfourbit
register.WecouldbuildashitkickingPentium
outofacouplemillionofthese.

Heturnedthecrankagain.Thecansmelledof
solderandithadapleasantweightinhishand.
Themillbesidehimhummed,andonhisscreen,
thepartshedCADdeduprotatedinwireframe.
Thegothkidlookedexpectantlyathim.Ima Suzannewasathissideandhedjustbuilt
somethingcompletelytehawesome.Hedtaken
hugefan,youknow.IusedtoworkforDisney,
hisshirtoffsomewherealongtheafternoons
andIwasalwayswatchingwhatyoudidtoget
ideasfornewstuffweshoulddo.Thatswhyits lazy,warmwayandhisskinprickledwitha
sototallysuckballsthattheyreaccusingyouof breeze.
rippingthemoffweripyouoffallthetime.
HeturnedtotakeSuzanneinhisarms.Godhe
Lesterfeltlikehewasexpectedtodosomething lovedher.Hedbeeninlovewithherforyears
withthatinformationmaybedeliverittosome nowandshewashis.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/170
Lookathowcoolthisthingis,justlook.He
usedatweezertochangetheregistersagainand
gaveitalittlecrank.Igottheideafromtheold
PrincetonInstituteElectronicComputerProject.
Allthesegeniuses,vonNeumannandDyson,
theybroughtintheirkidsforthesummerto
windallthecorestheydneedfortheirRAM.
Millionsofthesethings,woundbythekidsof
thesmartestpeopleintheuniverse.Whatacool
waytospendyoursummer.
SoIthoughtIdprototypethenextgeneration
ofthese,a64bitversionthatyoucouldbuildout
ofgarbage.Getacouplehundredofthelocal
kidsinforthesummerandgetthemworking.
Getthemtounderstandjusthowthesethings
workthatstheproblemwithintegrated
circuits,youcanttakethemapartandseehow
theywork.Howarewegoingtogetanother
generationoftinkerersunlesswegetkids
interestedinhowstuffworks?
Whosthekidtakingticketmoney?

Imdownherebustingmyassforyoutwo,
fightingcops,lettingthatshitFreddysmearmy
namealloverthenet,andwhatthehellareyou
doingtosaveyourself?Youreinhereplaying
withCokecans!Shepickeditupandshookit.
Heheardtheworksinsiderattlingandflinched
towardsit.Shejerkeditoutofhisreachand
threwit,threwithardatthewall.Hundredsof
littlegearsandratchetsandrodsspilledoutofit.
Fine,Lester,fine.Yougoonbeingan
emotionaltenyearold.Butstopropingother
peopleintothis.Youvegotpeoplealloverthe
countrydependingonyouandyouarejust
abdicatingyourresponsibilitytothem.Iwont
beapartofit.Shewascryingnow.Lesterhad
noideawhattosaynow.
ItsnotenoughthatPerrysoffchasingpussy,
youvegottopickthismomenttotakeFrench
leavetoplaywithyourtoys.Christ,thewhole
bunchofyoudeserveeachother.

Lesterknewthathewasonthevergeofshouting
Hesafan,thatkidthatPerrymetinjail.Death ather,reallytearingintoher,sayingunforgivable
Waits.TheonewhobroughtintheDisneystuff. things.Hedbeentherebeforewithotherfriends,
andnogoodevercameofit.Hewantedtotell
HegraduallybecameawarethatSuzannewas
herthathedneveraskedfortheresponsibility,
rigidandshakinginhisarms.
thathedliveduptoitanyway,thatnoonehad
Whatswrong?
askedhertoputherneckonthelineandit
wasntfairtoblamehimfortheshitthatFreddy
Herfacewaspurplenow,herhandsclenched
intofists.Whatswrong?Lester,whatswrong? wasputtingherthrough.Hewantedtotellher
thatifshewasinlovewithPerry,sheshouldbe
Youveleftatotalstranger,who,byhisown
admission,isarecentlyterminatedemployeeof sleepingwithPerry,andnothim.Hewantedto
acompanythatistryingtobankruptyouandput tellherthatshehadnobusinessreaminghimout
fordoingwhathedalwaysdone:sitinhis
youinjail.Youvelefthiminchargeofan
workshop.
expensive,importantcapitalinvestment,and
givenhimtheauthoritytocollectmoneyonyour Hewantedtotellherthatshehadneveronce
behalf.Doyoureallyneedtoaskmewhats
seenhimasasexualbeingwhenhewasbigand
wrong?
fat,butthathehadnotroubleseeingherasone
Hetriedtosmile.ItsOK,itsOK,hesonly nowthatshewasgettingoldandalittlesaggy,
andsowheredidshegetoffcriticizinghis
Onlywhat?Onlyyourpossibledoom?Christ, emotionalmaturity?
Perry,youdontevenhavefuckinginsuranceon
Hewantedtosayallofthis,andhewantedto
thatbusiness.
takebackhis64bitregisterandnurseitbackto
DidshejustcallhimPerry?Hecarefullyset
health.Hedbeeninaluminouscreativefog
downtheCokecanandlookedather.
whenhedbuiltthatcan,andwhoknewifhed

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/171
beabletoreconstructit?

Wiener.Threatsnow.Disciplinaryaction.He
keptonhisbestpokerface,lookingpast
Hewantedtocry,toblubberatherforthe
monumentalunfairnessofitall.Hestoodstiffly Wienersshoulder(afavoritetrickforstaring
downadversariesjustdontmeettheireyes).In
upfromhisworkbenchandturnedonhisheel
andwalkedout.HeexpectedSuzannetocallout hisperipheralvision,hesawWienerwilt,look
tohim,butshedidnt.Hedidntcare,oratleast awayandthenturnandleavetheroom.
hedidntwantto.
Hewaiteduntilthedoorhadshut,thenslumped
inhisseatandputhisfaceinhishands.God,
andshit,anddamn.Howdiditallgosocrapola?
SammyskippedthreeconsecutiveTheme
Howdidheendupwithathemeareathatwas
Leadersmeetings,despiteincreasingly
halfshut,recordabsenteeism,andevena
desperaterequestsforhispresence.Thelegal
goddamnedunionorganizerjustthedaybefore,
teamwaseatingeverysparemomenthehad,and whomhedhadtohavesecurityremove.Florida
hehadntbeenabletogetaudienceresearchto
lawsbeingwhattheywere,itwasarare
getbusyonhisfatkinsproject.Nowhewas
organizerbraveenoughtotrytocomeonan
behindschedulenotsurprising,giventhathed employersactualpremisestodohisdirtywork,
pulledhisscheduleoutofhisasstoshutup
noonewantedatwoyearrapwithoutparolefor
Wienerandcoanddealingwithlawyerswas
criminaltrespassandinterferencewithtrade.
makinghimcrazy.
Thekidhadbeenyoung,aboutthesameageas
Andtotopitalloff,thegoddamnedrideswere DeathWaitsandthecastmembers,andhad
clearlybeendesperatetocollecthisbountyfrom
backupandrunning.
SEIU.Hedgonehard,strugglingandkicking,
Sothelastthinghewantedwasavisitfrom
shoutingslogansatthewideeyedcastmembers
Wiener.
andfewguestswhowatchedhimgoaway.
Theyresuingus,youknow.Theyraised
HavinghimtakenawayhadgivenSammyasick
venturecapitaltosueus,becausewehavesuch feeling.Theyhadnthadoneofthosevultureson
deeppockets.Youknowthat,Sammy?
thepremisesinthreeyears,andneveron
Sammysturf.
Iknowit,Wiener.Peoplesueusallthetime.
Venturecapitalistshavedeeppockets,too,you
Whatnext,whatnext?Howmuchworsecouldit
knowwhenwewin,welltakethemtothe
get?
cleaners.Christ,whyamIhavingthis
Hi,Sammy.Hackelbergwasnttheheadofthe
conversationwithyou?Dontyouhave
somethingproductivetodo?IsTomorrowlandso legaldepartment,buthewasashighupinthe
fuckingperfectthatyouvecomearoundtohelp shadowyorganizationasSammyeverhopedto
meet.Hewasoldandleathery,thewaythat
mewithmylittleprojects?
nativestotheSunbeltcouldbe.Helovedto
Someonesalittletouchytoday,Wienersaid, affecticecreamsuitsandhadevenbeenknown
waggingafinger.Ijustwantedtoseeifyou
tocarryacane.Whenhewasincasual
wantedsomehelpcomingupwithastrategyfor conversation,hetalkednormallikeaYankee
gettingoutofthiscatastrophe,butsinceyou
newscaster.Butthemoreserioushegot,the
mentionit,IdohaveworkIcouldbedoing.Ill deeperandthickerhisdrawlgot.Sammynever
seeyouatthenextThemeLeadersmeeting,
oncebelievedthatthiswasaccidental.
Sam.Missingthreeisgroundsfordisciplinary
Hackelbergwasaspremeditatedastheycame.
action,youknow.
Iwasjustabouttocomeoverandseeyou,
Sammysatbackinhischairandlookedcoollyat Sammylied.Whateverproblemhadbrought

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/172
Hackelbergdowntohisoffice,itwouldbebetter provestobesustainable.Butthefounderofthe
toseemasthoughhewasalreadyontopofit.
strategy,LandonKettlewell,hasstruckgoldfor
Iexpectyouwere.WerecameoutWuhwhen hisinvestorsmorethanoncewitnessthe
legendaryriseandfallofKodacell,theentity
thedrawlgotthatfarintotheswampsthat
quickly,disasterwasonthehorizon.Hackelberg thatemergedfromthemergerofKodakand
Duracell.Investorsinthefirsttworoundsand
letthephrasehangthere.
theIPOonKodacellbroughthome30Xreturns
Sammysweated.Hewasgoodatthisgame,but inthreeyears(ofcourse,investorswhostayedin
Hackelbergwasbetter.Entertainmentlawyers
toolongcameawaywithnothing).
werelikefuckingvampires,evilembodied.He
Meanwhile,KettlewellsbidtotakedownDisney
lookeddownathisdesk.
Parkslooksgoodthelegalanalysisofthe
Sammy.TheyrecomingbackafterusThey vexatiouslitigationandunfaircompetition
ahcominbackaftahus.Thoseridepeople.
chargeshavelegalscholarsarguingandadding
Theydidwhatwethoughttheyddo,
upthezeros.Mostdamningisthenumberof
incorporatingintoasingleentitythatwecansue formerDisneyParksemployees(or
onceandkillforgood,butthentheydid
castmembersinthetreaclydialectofthe
somethingelse.Doyouknowwhattheydid,
MagicKingdom)whovepostedinformation
Sammy?
aboutthecompanyslongtermplantosabotage
Kettlewellsclients.
Sammynodded.Theyrecountersuing.We
knewtheyddothat,right?
Likewisefascinatingisthequestionofwhether
thejurywillbeabletodistinguishbetween
Wedidntexpecttheydraiseawarchestlike
DisneyParks,whosecorporatecitizenshipis
theonetheyvepulledtogether.Theyhavea
businessplanbuiltaroundsuingusforthenext actuallyprettygood,fromDisneyProducts,
fifteenyears,Sammy.Theyrepracticallyready whoserecordhasbeentaintedbyastringof
tofloatanIPO.Haveyouseenthis?Hehanded disastrouschildlabor,safety,anddesignflaws
(astutereaderswillbethinkingofthe
Sammyahardcopyofachiclittleinvestment
newsletterthatwassoexpensivetosubscribeto flammablepajamasflapoflastyear,andCEO
thathedsuspecteduntilnowthatitmightjustbe RobertMontaguesmemorablewords,Parents
whocantkeeptheirkidsawayfrommatches
arumor.
havenobusinesscomplainingaboutour
HOWDOYOUGETRID(E)OFABILLION? irresponsibility).Punitivejuryawardsarea
wildcardinthiskindoflitigation,butgiventhe
TheKodacellexperimentrecognizedone
fundamentaltruth:itseasytoturntenthousand trendsinrecentyears,thingslookbadforDisney
Parks.
intotwohundredthousand,butmuchharderto
turntenmillionintotwohundredmillion.
Bottomline:shouldyourportfolioincludea
Scalinganinvestmentuptogigascaleissohard, litigationinvestmentcomponent?Yes,
itsnearlyimpossible.
unequivocally.Whileriskyandslowtomature,
litigationinvestmentspromiseastaggering
returnoninvestmentnotseenindecades.A
millionortwocarefullyplacedwiththeright
litigationfundcouldpayoffenoughtomakeit
allworthwhile.Thisiscreativedestructionatits
finest:theolddinosaurslikeDisneyParksare
likerichseamsoflockedawaycapitalbegging
Itsoundscrazy,andonlytimewilltellwhetherit
tobeliquidatedandputtoworkatnimblerfirms.
Butanewparadigmininvestmentthats
unfoldingaroundusthatmightactuallysolvethe
problem:venturefinancedlitigation.Twentyor
thirtymillionsunkintolitigationcanbankrupta
twentybilliondollarfirm,transferringtothe
investorswhateverassetsremainafterlegalfees.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/173
Howcanyoutellifyouvegottherightfund?
Comebacknextweek,whenwellhaveaQ&A
withalitigationspecialistatCreditSuisse/First
Boston.
ThereslitigationspecialistsatCreditSuisse?

nodoubtthatyouwillbeabletoconceiveof
innumerablemeansofaccomplishingthisgoal.
Isee.
Ihopeyoudo.Ireallyhopeyoudo.Becausewe
haveanalternativetoraisingthecostof
litigation.

Hewasbig,Hackelberg,thoughheoftengave
theimpressionofbeingsmallerthroughhis
habitualslouch.Butwhenhepulledhimselfup,
itwaslikeastringinthecenterofthetopofhis
headwasholdinghimerect,likehewashovering
offtheground,likehewasabouttoleapacross
thedeskandgoforyourthroat.Hislowerjaw
rockedfromsidetoside.

Yes?

Theydonow,Sammy.Everyinvestmentbank
hasone,includingtheonethatthechairmanof
ourboardisamajorityshareholderin.

Raisethecostoflitigation,huh?

Wecouldsacrificeanemployeeortwo.
Sammypickeduphiswaterglassanddiscovered
thatitwasempty.Heturnedawayfromhisdesk
torefillitfromhisfilterandwhenheturned
back,thelawyerhadgone.Hismouthwasdryas
cottonandhishandswereshaking.

Hegrabbedhislaptop.Therewerewaysto
establishanonymousemailaccounts,buthe
Sammyswallowed.Buttheyvegotjustasdeep didntknowthem.Figuringthatoutwouldtake
uptherestoftheafternoon,herealized,ashe
pocketsaswedocantwejustfightthese
battlesoutandtakethemoneyoffofthemwhen calledupacoupleofFAQs.
wewin?
Inthecourseofacareerasvariedandambitious
asSammys,itwasoftenthecasethatyouran
Ifwewin.
acrossanemailaddressforsomeoneyounever
Sammysawhisopportunitytoshifttheblame.
plannedoncontacting,butyouneverknew,and
Ifwevebeenactingongoodlegaladvice,why awiseplannermakesspaceforlotsofoutlier
wouldntwewin?
contingencies.
Hackelberginhaledslowly,hischestfillingand Sammyhadntwrittendowntheseemail
fillinguntilhisicecreamsuitlookedlikeit
addresses.Hedcommittedthemtomemory.
mightpop.Hisjawclickedfromsidetoside.But
hedidntsayanything.Sammytriedtomeetthat
coolgaze,buthecouldntoutstaretheman.The DeathWaitswaslivingthedream.Hetook
silencestretched.Sammygotthemessage:this
peoplesmoneyanddirectedthemtotherides
wasnotaproblemthatoriginatedinthelegal
entrance,makingthemfeelwelcome,talking
department.Thiswasaproblemthatoriginated ridetrivia.Someofhispalsspottedhimatthe
withhim.
deskandenviouslydemandedtoknowhowhe
cametobesittingontheothersideofthewicket,
Helookedaway.Howdowesolvethis?
andhetoldthemtheincrediblestoryofthe
Weneedtoraisethecostoflitigation,Samuel. fatkinswhodsimplyhandedoverthereins.
Theonlyreasonthisisviableisthatitscost
This,thiswashowyouranaride.Noneofthat
effectivetosueus.Whenweraisethecostof
artificialgloopysweetnessthatdefinedthe
litigation,wereduceitsprofitability.
Disneyexperience:instead,yougotapersonal,
Howdoweraisethecostoflitigation?
informal,humanscaleexperience.Chatpeople
Youhaveafertileimagination,Sammy.Ihave up,findouttheirhopesanddreams,make

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/174
admiringnoisesattheartifactstheydbroughtto dontreallyhavetheauthoritytodoit.Icould
addtotheride,kibbitzaboutwheretheymight getintotrouble
placethem....
Deathwavedhimoff.Dontsweatit,then,he
Aroundhim,thebarkofthevendors.Oneof
saidwithasmuchchirpashecouldmuster,
them,anoldladyinablindingwhitesundress, whichwaspreciousfuckinglittle.Hefeltlikehis
camebytoaskhimifhewantedanythingfrom heartwasbreaking.Itwasworsethanwhenhed
thecoffeecart.
finallyaskedoutacoworkerwhodworkedthe
PinocchioVillageHausandshehadherlooked
Therehadbeenatime,thosefirstdayswhen
theydrebuiltFantasyland,whenhedreallyfelt sohorrifiedthathedmadeajokeoutofit,
worriedaboutasexualharassmentcomplaint.
likehewaspartofthemagic.No,TheMagic,
withcapitalletters.Somethingabouttheshared
experienceofgoingtoaplacewithpeopleand
havinganexperiencewiththem,thatwas
special.Itmustbewhypeoplewenttochurch.
NotthatDisneyhadbeenareligionforhim,
exactly.Butwhenhewatchedtheparkhed
grownupattendingtakeonthetrappingsthat
adornedhisfavoriteclubs,hisfavoritemovies
andgamesman,ithadbeenapieceofmagic.

Lesterclearlycaughtsomeofthat,forhethought
somemoreandthenwavedhishands.Screw
heranyway.Meetmehereattentomorrow.
Yourein.
Deathwasntsurehedheardhimright.Youre
kidding.
Noman,youwantit,yougotit.Youregoodat
it,likeyousaid.

Andtobeapartofit.Tobeanaltarboy,ifnota Holythanks.Thankyousomuch.Imeanit.
Thankyou!Hemadehimselfstopblithering.
priest,inthatmagicalcathedraltheydallbuilt
Nicetomeetyou,hesaidfinally.Haveagreat
togetherinOrlando!
evening!Yowch.Hewasspeaking
Butithadntbeenreal.Hecouldseethatnow.
castmemberese.Niceone,Darren.
AtDisney,DeathWaitshadbeenacustomer,and Hedsavedenoughoutofhiswagesfromhis
thenanemployee(castmemberhecorrected firstyearatDisneytobuyalittleShellelectric
himselfreflexively).Whathewanted,though,
twoseater,andthenhedgonewayintodebt
wastobeacitizen.AcitizenofTheMagic
buyingkitstomodittolooklikeaBigDaddy
whichwasntaMagicKingdom,sincekingdoms Rothcoffindragster.Thecarsataloneatthe
didnthavecitizens,theyhadsubjects.
edgeofthelot.Aroundhim,aslowprocession
Hestartedtoworryaboutwhetherhewasgoing
togetalunchbreakbyabouttwo,andbythree
hewasstarving.LuckilythatswhenLestercame
back.HethankedDeathprofusely,whichwas
nice,buthedidntaskDeathtocomebackthe
nextday.

ofstalloperators,withtheirarmsfull,headed
forthefreewayandacrosstotheshantytown.

Meanwhile,henursedhisembarrassmentand
triedtotakecomfortintheattentionthathis
gleaming,moddedcarevinced.Helovedthe
decorativespoilers,thehugereartires,the
Um,whencanIcomebackanddothissome
shiningmufflerpipesrunningalongsidethe
more?
bulgingrunningboards.Hesteppedinand
grippedthebatshapedgearshift,adjustedthe
Youwanttodothis?
headstoneshapedheadrest,andgotrolling.It
ItoldyouthatthismorningIloveit.Imgood wasalongdrivebackhometoMelbourne,and
atit,too.
hewasreelingfromthedaysevents.Hewished
hedgottensomeonetosnapapicofhimatthe
Lesterappearedtothinkitover.Idontknow,
man.Ikindofputyouinthehotseattoday,butI counter.Shit.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/175
Hepulledoffatafillingstationafteracouple
hours.Heneededapissandsomethingwith
guaranaifhewasgoingtomakeittherestofthe
wayhome.Itwasallshutdown,buttheautomat
wasstillopen.Hestoodbeforethegiant,wall
sizedglassedinrefrigeratorandditheredover
theenergydrinks.Therewerechocolateones,
saltyones,colasandcreamsodas,butafriend
hadtextedhimapictureofasemilegalyogurt
smoothiewithtaurineandmodafinilthat
soundedreallygood.

car.
OK,Deathsaid,nicetalkingtoyou.Hetried
tosteparoundtheguy,buthesidesteppedto
blockDeathspath,thenputahandonDeaths
shoulderitwasstrong.Deathhadbeenmugged
oncebefore,buttheguyhadnttouchedhim;
hedjusttoldhim,fastandmean,tohandover
hiswalletandphoneandthenhadsplit.
Imnotdone,theguysaid.

Hespotteditandreachedtotapontheglassand
orderitjustasthefatguycameupbesidehim.
Fatguyswererareintheeraoffatkins,itwas
practicallyafashionstatementtobechunky,but
thisguywasntfashionable.Hehadonionbreath
thatDeathcouldsmellevenbeforeheopenedhis
mouth,andhewaswearingagreasy
windbreakerandbaggyjeans.Hehadacomb
overandneededashave.

Look,takemywallet,Idontwantanytrouble.
Apartfromtwoglorioussuckerpunchesat
Sammy,Deathhadneverthrownapunch,not
sincehedflunkedoutofkaratelessonsatthe
localstripmallwhenhewastwelve.Helikedto
danceandhecouldrunacouplemileswithout
gettingwinded,buthedseenenoughrealfights
toknowthatitwasbettertogetawaythantotry
tostrikeoutifyoudidntknowwhatyouwere
doing.

Whatthehellareyousupposedtobe?

Youdontwantanytrouble,huh?

Imnotanything,DeathWaitssaid.Hewas
usedtoshitkickersandtouristsgawpingathis
shockofblackhairwithitsviridiangreen
highlights,hiswhitefacepaintandeyeliner,his
contactlensesthatmadehiswholeeyesinto
zombiewhitecueballs.Youjusthadtoignore
them.

Deathheldouthiswallet.Hecouldcancelthe
cards.Losingthecashwouldhurtnowthathe
didnthaveadayjob,butitwasbetterthan
losinghisteeth.

Youdontlooklikenothingtome.Youlook
likesomething.Somethingyouddressupasix
yearoldasforHalloween.Imean,whatthe
fuck?Hewastalkingquietlyandwithout
rancor,buthehadavibelikeabasher.Hemust
havearrivedatthedesertedreststopwhile
DeathWaitswashavingapiss.

Theguysmiled.Hisonionbreathwasterrible.
Iwanttrouble.Withoutanypreambleor
windup,theguytookholdoftheearringthat
Deathworeinhistragus,thelittleknobof
cartilageontheinsideofhisear,andbrisklytore
itoutofDeathshead.

Itwassosudden,thepaindidntcomeatonce.
Whatcamefirstwasanumbfeeling,theblood
drainingoutofhischeeksandthecolordraining
outoftheworld,andhisbraindoubleand
DeathWaitslookedaroundforasecuritycam.
triplecheckingwhathadjusthappened.Did
Thesereststopsalwayshadalicenseplatecam someonejusttearapieceoutofmyear?Tear?
attheentranceandacoupleofantistickupcams Ear?
aroundthecashier.Hespottedthecamera.
Thenthepainroaredin,allofhissensesleaping
Someonehadhungabaseballhatoveritslens.
tokeenawarenessbeforemaxingoutcompletely.
Hefelthisballsdrawuptowardhisabdomen
Heheardacrashingsoundlikethesurf,smelled
andhisbreathingquicken.Thisguywasgoingto somethingburning,alightappearedbeforehis
fuckingmughim.Shitshitshit.Maybetakehis eyes,anacridtastefloodedhismouthandhisear

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/176
feltliketherewasahotcoalnestledinit,
charringtheflesh.

andDeathrealizedthatgettinghisattackerclose
inwouldntbesmartifhehadaknife.

Withpaincametheplan:getthefuckoutof
there.Hetookastepbackandturnedtorun,but
therewassomethingtangledinhisfeettheguy
hadbridgedthedistancebetweenthemquickly,
veryquickly,andhadhookedafootaroundhis
ankle.Hewasgoingtofallover.Helandedina
runnerscrouchandtriedtostartrunning,buta
bootcaughthiminthebutt,likeanoldtimey
comedymoment,andhewentsprawling,his
chinsmackingintothepavement,histeeth
clackingtogetherwithasoundthatechoedinhis
head.

Thehandcameout.Itwaspudgyandstub
fingered,andthefingernailswereallgnawed
downtothequick.Deathlookedatit.Spraycan.
Pepperspray?Mace?Hedidntwaittofindout.
Helaunchedhimselfofftherailingatthefat
man,goingforhiswet,whistlingcaveofa
mouth.

Deathsfingerswereencrustedinheavysilver
ringsstylizedskulls,astaringeyeball,acoffin
shapedpoisonersringthathesometimeskept
artificialsweetenerin,anankh,analienhead
withinsectileeyesandheballedhishandsinto
fists,thinkingofeverythinghedeverreadabout
throwingapunchwithoutbreakingyour
knuckles.Getclose.Keepyourfisttight,thumb
outside.Dontwinduporhellseeitcoming.

superiorrenditionofDeathssolebraveblow,a
punchsohardDeathsneckmadeacrackling
soundashisheadrockedaway,slammingoffthe
carsframe,ringinglikeagong.Deathbeganto
slidedownthecarsdoor,andonlymanagedto
turnhisfaceslightlywhenthemansprayedhim
withhislittleaerosolcan.

Themannoddedashecameforhimandlethim
pasteoneonhim.Deathsringsdrewbloodon
thefatcheekandrockedtheguysheadbacka
bit.Themansteppedbackandarmedawaythe
bloodwithhissleeve.Deathwasrunningforhis
Getthefuckup,theguysaid.Hewaspanting car,handdiggingintohispocketforhisphone.
alittle,soundingexcited.Thatsoundwasthe
Hemanagedtogetthephoneoutandhishand
scariestthingsofar.Thisguywantedtokillhim. onthedoorhandlebeforethefatmancaughtup,
Hecouldhearthat.Hewassomekindoftruck
breathingheavily,airwhistlingthroughhisnose.
stopmurderer.
HepunchedDeathinthemouthinavastly

Mace.Deathsbreathstoppedinhislungsand
hisfacefeltasifhedplungeditintoboilingoil.
Heslowlyturnedover.Theguyseyeswerein
Hiseyesfeltworse,likedirtyfingerswere
shadow.Hisbellyheavedwitheachexcitedpant. sandpaperingoverhiseyeballs.Hechokedand
Fromthisangle,Deathcouldseetheguyhada felloverandheardthemanlaugh.
giganticboner.Thethoughtofwhatthatmight
Thenabootcaughthiminthestomachand
bodesenthimintooverdrive.Hecouldntafford
whilehewasdoubledover,itcamedownagain
toletthisguybeathimup.
onhisskinnyshin.Thesoundofthebone
Hebackeduptotherailthatlinedthewalkway breakingwasloudenoughtobeheardoverthe
andpulledhimselfupright.Hecoweredinon
roaringofthebloodinhisears.Hemanagedto
himselfasmuchashecould,hopingthattheguy suckinalungfulofairandscreamitout,andthe
wouldclosewithhim,sohecouldgetinone
bootconnectedwithhismouth,kickinghimhard
goodpunch.Hemutteredindistinctly,softly,
andmakinghimbitehistongue.Bloodfilledhis
hopingtomakethemanleanin.Hisring
mouth.
encrustedhandsgrippedtherailings.
Aroughhandseizedhimbythehairandthe
Theguytookasteptowardhim.Hislipswere
raspingbreathwasinhisears.
wet,hiseyesshone.Hehadahandinhispocket
YoushouldjustshutthefuckupaboutDisney

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/177
onthefuckingInternet,youknowthat,kid?
Themanslammedhisheadagainstthe
pavement.

Sammyparkedbetweentwogiantair
conditionedtourcoaches,thenmadehiswayto
theentrance.Hedtoldtheguywhathelooked
like,andtheguyhadrespondedwithanobvious
publicityshotthatmadehimlooklikePuckfrom
aboysschoolperformanceofAMidsummer
NightsDreamunrulyhair,mischievousgrin.

Just.Shut.The.Fuck.Up.Bang,bang,bang.
Deaththoughthedloseconsciousnesssoon
hedhadnoideathatpaincouldbethisintense.
Buthedidntloseconsciousnessforalong,long
time.Andthepaincouldbealotmoreintense, Whenheturnedup,though,hewastenyears
older,acigarettejammedintheyellowing
asitturnedout.
crookedstumpsofhisteeth.Heneededashower
andtherewaseggonthefrontofhisdenim
Sammydidntwantthewritermeetinghimathis jacket.
office.Hisorganizationhadlotsofpeoplewhod
beenloyaltotheoldgothyparkandevento
DeathWaits.Theyplottedagainsthim.They
wroteabouthimonthefuckingInternet,
reportingonwhathedeatenforlunchandwhod
shoutedathiminhisofficeandhowthe
numbersweredecliningandhownoneofthe
designcrewswantedtoworkonhisnewrides.

ImSammy,Sammysaid.Youmustbe
Freddy.

Thewritercouldntcometotheofficecouldnt
comewithinmilesofthepark.Infact,ifSammy
hadhadhisway,theywouldhavedonethisall
byphone,butwhenhedemailedthewriter,hed
saidthathewasinFloridaalreadyandwouldbe
happytocomeandmeetup.

Tasteofhomeforyou,Iexpect,Sammysaid.
Tallyho.Pippip.

OfcoursehewasinFloridahewascovering
theride.

Freddyspatthecigarettetoonesideandshook
withhim.Thewriterspalmswereclammyand
wet.
Pleasuretomeetyou,Freddysaid.Camelot,
huh?

Freddyscrunchedhisfaceupinanelaborate
sneer.Youarejoking,right?
Imjoking.IfIwantedtogiveyouatasteof
home,IdhaveinvitedyoutotheRoseand
CrownPubinEpcot:Haveajollyolgoodtime
attheRoseandCrown!

Thetrickwastofindaplacewherenoone,but
noone,fromworkwouldgo.Thatmeantgoing
astouristyaspossiblesomethingoverpriced
andkitschy.

Stilljoking,Itrust?

Camelotwasjusttheplace.Ithadoncebeena
demolitionderbystadium,andthenhaddone
turnsasaskatepark,adanceclubanda
discountwickerfurnitureoutlet.Nowitwas
OrlandosnumbertwoArthurianthemeddining
experience,cateringtopackageholiday
consolidatorswhoneededsomewheretofillthe
gulletsoftheirbusloadsoftourists.Watching
meninarmorjoustatlowspeedongluefactory
nagstookcareofaneveningsworthof
entertainment,too.

Privateinthesenseoffullofscreamingstupid
touristsstuffingtheirfaces?

Stilljoking,Sammysaid.Thisplacedoesa
decentroastbeef,anditsprivateenough.

Exactly.Sammytookasteptowardthe
automaticdoors.
Beforewegoin,though,Freddysaid.Before
wegoin.Whyareyoutalkingtomeatall,Mr
DisneyParksExecutive?
Hewasreadyforthisone.Ifiguredthatsooner
orlateryoudwanttoknowmoreaboutthisend
ofthestorythatyouvebeencovering.Ifigured
itwasinmyemployersbestinteresttoseetoit

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/178
thatyougotmyversion.

Thatmeansthatwegetalotofpeoplecomingin
Thereportersgrinwaswetandmean.Ithought andoutoftheorganization,contractorsor
itwassomethinglikethat.Youunderstandthat consultantsworkingondesigningasinglerideor
show.
ImgoingtowritethisthewayIseeit,notthe
wayyouspinit,right?
Thatcreatesalotofopportunitiesforcorporate
espionage.Knowingwhatpropertieswere
Sammyputahandonhisheart.Ofcourse.I
consideringlicensinggivesthecompetitiona
neverwouldhaveaskedanythinglessofyou.
chancetogetthereaheadofus,tolandan
Thereporternoddedandsteppedinsidetheair
exclusivedealthatsetsusbackonsquareone.
conditioned,horseysmellingdepthsofCamelot. Itsuglystufftheycallitcompetitive
Thegreeterhadacneandapairoftightsthat
intelligencebutitsjustspying,plainoldspying.
showedoffhisskinnyknockknees.Hetookoff
Allofouremployeeshavebeencontacted,one
hisgreatpeakedcapwithitslongplumeand
timeoranother,bysomeonewithanofferget
madeastifflittlebow.Greetings,milords,to
Camelot.Yonfeastawaits,andourbraveknights meauniform,orapicofthedesignroughs,ora
standreadytodobattlefortheirhonorandyour recordingofthesoundtrack,oracopyofthe
contracts,andIllmakeitworthyourwhile.
amusement.
Fromstreetsweeperstoseniorexecs,themoney
FreddyrolledhiseyesatSammy,butSammy
isjustsittingthere,waitingforustopickitup.
madealittlescootinggestureandhandedthe
Thewenchbroughtthemtheirgiganticpewter
greetertheirtickets,whichwereringside.Ifhe
wasgoingtogotoaplacelikeCamelot,hecould platesofroastbeef,Yorkshirepudding,parsnips,
andamountainoffrenchfries,presumablyto
atleastgetthebestseatsinthehouse.
appeasethemiddleAmericanappetitesofthe
Theysettledinandlettheservingwench
moreunadventurousdiners.
whosefancycontactlenses,piercings,and
electricblueponytailswereseriouslyofftheme Freddyslicedoffathroatplugginglumpofbeef
andskewereditonhisfork.
taketheirroastbeefordersandservethem
giganticpewtertankardsofale;BudLight,
Youregoingtotellmethatthetemptation
andthelogowasstampedintothesidesofthe
overwhelmedoneofyouremployees,yes?He
tankards.
shovedtheentirelumpintohismouthandbegan
tomasticateit,cheekspouchedout,lookinglike
Tellmeyourstory,then,Freddysaid.The
akidwithamouthfulofbubblegum.
touristsaroundthemwerenoisyandalreadya
littledrunk,theirconversationloudtobeheard
overtheloopingsoundtrackofrenfairepolka
music.

Precisely.Ourcompetitorsdontwantto
competewithusonalevelplayingfield.They
are,morethananything,imitators.Theytakethe
Well,Idontknowhowmuchyouknowabout stuffthatwecarefullybuild,basedonextensive
research,designandtesting,andtheycloneitfor
thenewDisneyParksorganization.Alotof
parkinglotamusementrides.Theresno
peoplethinkofusasbeingjustanother
attentiontodetail.Theresnoattentiontosafety!
subsidiaryoftheMouse,likebackintheold
days.ButsincetheIPO,wereourowncompany. Itsallcowboysandgypsies.
WelicensesometrademarksfromDisneyand
Freddykeptchewing,butheduginthepockets
operateridesbasedonthem,butwealso
ofhissportscoatandcameupwithasmall
aggressivelylicensefromotherparties
stubbynotebookandaballpoint.Hejottedsome
Warners,Universal,Nintendo.EventheFrench notes,shieldingthepadwithhisbody.
comicbookpublisherresponsibleforAsterix.
Andthesecrassimitatorsenterintoourstory

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/179
how?Freddyaskedaroundhisbeef.

Moreposturing.Pirateslovetoputon
YouknowabouttheseNewWorkpeoplethey aggrievedairs.Theseguysrippedusoffandgot
caughtatit,andnowtheywanttosueusfortheir
callthemselvesremixersbutthatsjusta
trouble.Youknowhowcountersuitswork:
smokescreen.Theyliketocloakthemselvesin
theyrejustabidtogetafastsettlement:Well,I
somepostmodern,CreativeCommons
didsomethingbadbutsodidyou,whydontwe
legitimacy,butwhenitcomesdowntoit,they
shakehandsandcallitaday?
madetheirfortuneofftheintellectualproperty
ofothers,uncompensateduseofdesignsand
Uhhuh.Soyouretellingmethatthese
technologiesthatothershadinvestedinand
intellectualpropertypiratesmadeafortune
created.
knockingoffyourridesandthattheyreonly
countersuingyoutogetasettlementoutofyou,
Sowhentheymadearide,itwasntmuchof
huh?
much.LikesomekindofdustyCommie
museum,oldtrophiesfromtheirlastcampaign.
Butsomewherealongtheway,theyhookedup
withoneofthesebrokerswhospecializesin
sneakingoursecretsoutoftheparkandintothe
handsofourcompetitorsandquickasthat,they
wereprofitablenationallyfranchised,even.
HestoppedtoquaffhisBudLightand
surreptitiouslycheckedoutthejournalisttosee
howmuchofthishewasbuying.Impossibleto
say.Hewasstillmasticatingacheekfulofrare
roast,juiceoverflowingthecornersofhis
mouth.Buthishandmovedoverhispadandhe
madeanimpatientgoongesturewithhishead,
swallowingsomeofhispayload.

Wefiredsomeofthepeopleresponsibleforthe
breaches,buttherewillbemore.With50,000
castmembersThewritersnortedalaughat
theDisneyspeakandchokedalittle,washing
downthelastofhismouthfulwithachugof
beer.50,000employeesitsinevitablethat
theyllfindmore.Theseexemployees,
meanwhile,havemovedtothelastrefugeofthe
scoundrel:Internetmessageboards,petulant
tweets,andwhinyblogs,wheretheyrebusily
runningusdown.Wecantwin,butatleastwe
canstanchthebleeding.Thatswhyweve
broughtourlawsuits,andwhywellbringthe
nextround.
Thejournalistshandmovedsomemore,thenhe
turnedafreshpage.Isee,Isee.Yes,all
fascinating,really.Butwhataboutthese
countersuits?

Thatsitinanutshell.Iwantedtositdownwith
you,onbackground,andjustgiveyouourside
ofthings,thestoryyouwontgetfromthepress
releases.Iknowyouretheonlyonetryingto
reallygetatthestorybehindthestorywiththese
people.
Freddyhadfinishedhisentireroastandwas
workinghiswaythroughthefriesandlimp
Yorkshirepudding.Hewavedvigorouslyattheir
servingwenchandhollered,Morehere,love!
andquaffedhisbeer.
Sammydugintohiscolddinnerandspearedup
aforkful,waitingforFreddytofinish
swallowing.
Well,thatsaveryneatlittlestory,MrDisney
Executiveofftherecordonbackground.
Sammyfeltavividtwingeofanxiety.Freddys
eyesglitteredinthetorchlight.Veryneat
indeed.
Letmetellyouoneofmyown.WhenIwasa
youngman,beforeItookupthepen,Iworkeda
seriesofcompletelyrubbishjobs.Icleaned
toilets,Idroveataxi,Istockedgroceryshelves.
Youmayaskhowthisqualifiedmetowrite
aboutthetechnologyindustry.Lotsofpeople
have,infact,askedthat.

Illtellyouwhyitqualifiesme.Itqualifiesme
becauseunlikealltheivorytowerbloggers,rich
andcomfortablegeekswhosemasturbatoryrants
aboutApplenothonoringtheirwarrantiesare
whatpassesforcorporatecriticismonline,Ive

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/180
beenthere.Imnotfromarichfamily,Ididnt
gettogotothebestschools,nooneputaPCin
mybedroomwhenIwassix.Iworkedforan
honestlivingbeforeIgaveuphonestworkto
write.
AsmuchastheInternetcirclejerkdisgustsme,
itsnotapatchonthebusinessesthemselves.
YouDisneypeoplewithyourminimumwage
andallthesexualharassmentyoucaneatlabor
policiesinyournicerighttoworkstate,youget
awaywithmurder.Anyonewhocriticizesyou
doessoonyourownterms:IsDisneyexploiting
itsworkerstoomuch?Isitbeingtooaggressive
inpolicingitsintellectualproperty?Shoulditbe
niceraboutit?
Imthewriterwhodoesntwatchyour
corporationsonyourownterms.Idontcareif
anotherbusinessisunfairlycompetingwithyour
business.Icarethatyourbusinessisunfairtothe
world.Thatitaggressivelyexploitschildrento
gettheirparentstospendmoneytheydonthave
onjunktheydontneed.Icarethatyourworkers
cantunionize,makeshitwages,andgetfired
whentheycomplainorwhenyouneedtoflex
yourpoweralittle.
Igrewupwithoutanypoweratall.WhenIwas
workingforaliving,Ihadnosayatallinmy
destiny.Itdidntmatterhowmuchshitaboss
wantedtoshovelonme,allIcoulddowasstand
andtakeit.NowIvegotsomepower,andIplan
onusingittosettingthingstorights.
Sammychewedhisroastlongpastthepointthat
itwasreadytoswallow.Thefactthathedmade
anerrorwasreadilyapparentfromthestartof
Freddyslittlespeech,butwitheachpassing
minute,thedepthofhiserrorgrew.Hedreally
fuckedup.Hefeltlikethrowingup.Thisguy
wasgoingtofuckhim,hecouldtell.

knightsname,referringthemtoaprogram
printedontheirplacemats.Sammypretendedto
beinterestedwhileFreddycheeredthemon,that
samelookofunholygleeplainonhisface.
Theknightsformeduparoundtheringandtheir
pimplysquirescameoutofthegateandtended
tothem.Therewasasquireandknightrightin
frontofthem,andthesquiretippedhishatto
them.Freddyhandedthekidatendollarbill.
Sammynevertippedliveperformers;hehated
buskersandpanhandlers.Itallremindedhimof
stuffingastrippersGstring.Helikedhismedia
alittlemoreimpersonalthanthat.ButFreddy
waslookingathim,sowithaweaklittlesmile,
hehandedthesquirethesmallestthinginhis
walletatwenty.
Thejoustingbegan.Itwasterrible.The
knightscouldntrideworthadamn,their
lancesmissedoneanotherbyfarcicalmargins,
andtheirfallsweresoobviouslystagedthat
eventhechubbytenyearoldbesidehimwas
clearlyunimpressed.
Gottogotothebathroom,hesaidinto
Freddysear.Inleaningover,hecontrivedtoget
alookatthereportersnotebook.Itwascovered
inobscenedoodlesofMickeyMousewitha
hugeerection,Minniedanglingfromanoose.
Therewasntasinglewordwrittenonit.What
littlebloodwasleftinSammysheaddrained
intohisfeet,whichwereleadenand
uncoordinatedonthelongtriptothefilthy
toilets.

Hesplashedcoldwateronhisfaceinthesink,
andthenheadedbacktowardhisseat.Henever
madeit.Fromthetopofthestairsleadingdown
toringside,hesawFreddyquaffingmorealeand
flirtingwiththewench.Thethunderofhorse
hoovesandthesoundtrackofcinematicmusic
drownedoutallsounds,butnothingmaskedthe
Freddysmiledandquaffedandwipedathis
beardwiththeembroiderednapkin.Oh,look stinkofthemanurefallingfromthehorses,half
thejoustingsabouttostart,hesaid.Knightsin ofwhichwerepanicking(theotherhalfappeared
tobedrugged).
armoronhorsebackcircledthearena,lances
heldhigh.Thecrowdapplaudedandan
Thiswasamistake.HethoughtFreddywasa
announcercameonthePAtotellthemeach
gossipreporterwholikedjuicystories.Turned

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/181
outhewasalsooneofthosetediousanti
miserable,buthecouldntbebothered.Hehada
corporatetypeswhowouldhappilyhangSammy nicescreenedinporchbehindhishouse,witha
outtodry.Timetocuthislosses.
hammock.Hedsatinitonnightslikethis,years
ago.Nowallhewantedtodowassitinitagain.
Heturnedonhisheelandheadedforthedoor.
Thedoormanwashavingacigarettewithaguy
inasportscoatwhowaswearingamanager
badgeonhislapel.
Leavingsosoon?Theshowsonlyjustgetting
started!Themanagerwassweatingunderhis
sportscoat.Hehadathinmustacheandbadly
diedchestnuthaircutlikeaLegocharacters.
Notinterested,Sammysaid.Alltheofftheme
stuffdistractedme.Noserings.Bluehair.
Cigarettes.Thedoormanguiltilyflickedhis
cigaretteintotheparkinglot.Sammyfeltalittle
better.
Imsorrytohearthat,sir,themanagersaid.
Hewasprematurelygreyunderthedyejob,for
hecouldnthavebeenmorethanthirtyfive.
Thirtyfiveyearsoldandworkingadeadendjob
likethisSammywasthirtyfive.Thisiswhere
hemightendupifhisscrewupscamebackto
haunthim.Wouldyoulikeacommentcard?
No,Sammysaid.Anyoutfitthatcantfigure
outcleantoiletsanddecentthemingonitsown
cantbenefitfrommyadvice.Thedoorman
flushedandlookedaway,butthemanagers
smilestayedfixedandcalm.Maybehewas
drugged,likethehorses.ItbotheredSammy.
Christ,howlonguntilthisplacegetsturned
intoarollerderbyagain?
Wouldyoulikearefund,sir?themanager
asked.Helookedoutattheparkinglot.Sammy
followedhisgaze,lookingabovethecars,and
realized,suddenly,thathewasstandinginacool
tropicalevening.Theskyhadgonethecolorofa
ripeplum,withproudpalmssilhouettedagainst
it.Thewindmadethemsway.Afewclouds
scuddedacrossthemoonsluminousface,and
thesmellofcitrusandthehumofinsectsandthe
callsofnightbirdswerevividontheeveningair.
Hedbeenabouttosaysomethingcuttingtothe
manager,onelastattempttomaketheman

Goodnight,hesaid,andheadedforhiscar.

Perryscaststank.Ithadstartedtogoalittle
skunkyonthesecondday,butafteraweekit
waslikehehadadeadanimalstucktohis
shoulder.Arottingdeadanimal.Arotting,itchy
deadanimal.
Idontthinkyouresupposedtobedoingthis
onyourown,Hildasaid,ashesawed
awkwardlyatitwiththeutilityknife.Itwas
madeofsomethingalottougherthanthe
fiberglassonehedhadwhenhebrokehisleg
fallingofftheroofasakid(hedbeenupthere
scoutingoutgliderpossibilities).
Soyoudoit,hesaid,handinghertheknife.He
couldntstandthesmellforonesecondlonger.
Uhuh,notme,pal.Nowaythatthingis
supposedtocomeoffanytimesoon.Ifyoure
goingtocrippleyourself,youregoingtohaveto
doitonyourown.
Hemadearudesound.Fuckhospitals,fuck
doctors,andfuckthisfuckingcast.Myarm
barelyhurtsthesedays.WecansplintitonceI
getthisoff,thatllimmobilizeit.Theytoldme
Idneedthisforsixweeks.Icantwearthisfor
sixweeks.Illgonuts.
Youllgolameifyoutakeitoff.Yourpoor
mother,youmusthavedrivenhernuts.
Heslippedandcuthimselfandwinced,buttried
nottoletherknow,becausethatsexactlywhat
shedpredictedwouldhappen.Afteracouple
daystogether,shedbecomeanexpertat
predictingexactlywhichofhisescapadeswould
endindisaster.Itwasalittlespooky.
Bloodoozedoutfromunderthecastandslicked
hishand.
Right,offtothehospital.Itoldyouyoudget

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/182
thisthingwetifyougotintheshower.Itoldyou Afterthehospital.Youneedanewcast,
thatitwouldstinkandrotanditchifyoudid.I
stinkmeister.Rolldownyourwindowalittle,
toldyoutoletmegiveyouaspongebath.
OK?Whew!
Imnotinsured.
Wellgotothefreeclinic.
Defeated,heletherleadhimtohercar.
Shehelpedhimbucklein,wrinklinghernose.
Whatswrong,baby?shesaid,lookingathis
face.Whatareyoumopingabout?
Itsjustthecast,hesaid,lookingaway.
Shegrabbedhimbythechinandturnedhimto
faceher.Look,dontdothat.Donotdothat.If
somethingsbotheringyou,weregoingtotalk
aboutit.Ididntsignuptofallinlovewiththe
strongsilenttype.Youvebeensulkingallday,
nowwhatsitabout?
Hesmiledinspiteofhimself.Allright,Igive
in.Imisshome.Theyreallinthemiddleofit,
runningtherideandstuff,andImhere.Hefelt
amomentsworrythatshedbeoffended.Not
thatIdontlovebeingherewithyou,butIm
feelingguilty
OK,Igetit.Ofcourseyoufeelguilty.Itsyour
project,itsintrouble,andyourenottakingcare
ofit.Christ,Perry,isthatall?Iwouldhavebeen
disappointedifthiswasntworryingyou.Lets
gotoFloridathen.
What?
Shekissedthetipofhisnose.Takemeto
Florida,letsmeetyourfriends.

Thedoctorswarnedhimtoletthenewcastset
overnightbeforesubjectingittotherigorsofa
TSAexamination,sotheyspentonemorenight
atHildasplace.Perryspentitgoingoverthe
mailinglisttrafficandblogposts,confirming
theplanetickets,orderingacartomeetthemat
theMiamiairport.Hefinallymanagedto
collapseintobedat3AM,andHildagrabbed
him,draggedhimtoher,andspoonedhim
tightly.
Dontworry,baby.YourfriendsandIwillget
alonggreat.
Hehadntrealizedthathedbeenworryingabout
this,butonceshepointeditout,itwasobvious.
Yourenotworried?
Sheranherhandsoverhisfurrychestand
tummy.No,ofcoursenot.Yourfriendswill
lovemeorIllhavethemkilled.Moretothe
point,theylllovemebecauseyoulovemeandI
loveyouandtheyloveyou,too.
WhatdoesErniethinkofme?hesaid,
thinkingofherbrotherforthefirsttimesince
theydhookedupallthosemonthsago.
Oh,hum,shesaid.Hestiffened.No,itsOK,
shesaid,rubbinghistummysomemore.It
tickled.HesgladImwithsomeoneIcare
about,andhelovestheride.Hesjust,youknow.
Protectiveofhisbigsister.

Whatsheworriedabout?
But...Weretheymovingintogetheror
something?Hewastotallysmittenwiththisgirl, Justwhatyoudexpect.Welivethousandsof
milesapart.Youretenyearsolderthanme.
butthatwasfast.EvenforPerry.Dontyou
Youvebeengettingintothekindoftroublethat
needtobehere?
attractsarmedcops.Wouldntyoubeprotective
Theycanlivewithoutme.ItsnotlikeIm
ifyouweremybro?
proposingtomoveinwithyou.Illcomeback
Iwasanonlychild,butsure,OK,Iseethat.
hereafterawhile.ButImonlydoingtwo
classesthistermandtheyrebothofferedby
Itsnothing,shesaid.Really.Bringhima
distanceed.Letsjustgo.
nicesouvenirfromFloridawhenwecomeback
toMadison,takehimoutforacouplebeersand
When?
itllallbegreat.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/183
Sowerecool?Allthefamiliesarein
agreement?Allthestarsareinalignment?
Everythingishunkyand/ordory?

askedfortheirmoneyback.
Theresnothinginthere,thedadsaid,almost
apologetically.Itsempty.Idontthinkits
supposedtobeempty,isit?

PerryGibbons,Iloveyoudearly.Youloveme.
Wevegotacausetofightfor,anditsajustone Lesterputtherollofticketsintohispocketand
withmanybravecomradesfightingalongsideof steppedintotheWalMart.Hiseyestooka
us.Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
secondtoadjusttothedarkafterthebrightness
Whatcouldpossiblygowrong?Perrysaid.He oftherisingFloridasun.Whentheywerefully
drewinabreathtostarttalking.
adjusted,though,hecouldseethatthetourist
Itwasrhetorical,goofball.Itsalsothreeinthe wasright.Busyrobotshadtorndownallthe
exhibitsandscenes,leavingnothingbehindbut
morning.Sleep,fortomorrowwefly.
swarmingcrowdsofbotsonthefloor,dragging
thingsoffstage.Thesmelloftheprinterswashot
Lesterdidntwanttoopentheride,butsomeone andthick.
hadto.Someonehadto,anditwasntPerry,who
wasoffwithhismidwesternhoney.Lesterwould
havelovedtosleepinandspendthedayinhis
workshoprebuildinghis64bitregistershed
hadsomegoodideasforimprovingontheinitial
design,andhestillhadtheCADfiles,which
werethehardpartanyway.
Hewalkedslowlyacrosstheparkinglot,the
sunriseinhiseyes,acupofcoffeesteamingin
hishand.Hedalmostgonetothefatkinsbars
thenightbeforehedalmostgoneten,fifteen
times,everytimehethoughtofSuzanne
stormingoutofhislab,buthedstayedhome
withtheTVandwaitedforhertoturnuporcall
orpostsomethingtoherblogorturnuponIM,
andwhennoneofthosethingshadhappenedby
4AM,hetumbledintobedandsleptforthree
hoursuntilhisalarmwentoffagain.

Lestergavethemanhismoneyback.
Sorry,man,Idontknowwhatsgoingon.This
kindofthingshouldbeimpossible.Itwasall
therelastnight.
Themanpattedhimontheshoulder.Itsall
right.ImanengineerIknowallaboutcrashes.
Itjustneedssomedebugging,Imsure.
Lestergotoutacomputerandstartedpicking
throughthelogs.Thiskindoffailurereally
shouldbeimpossible.Withoutmanualoversight,
thebotswerentsupposedtochangemorethan
fivepercentoftherideinresponsetoanother
rideschanges.Ifalltheotherrideshadtorn
themselvesdown,itmighthavehappened,but
theyhadnt,hadthey?

No,theyhadnt.Aquickcheckofthelogs
showedthatnoneofthechangeshadcomefrom
Blearily,hesathimselfdownbehindthecounter, Madison,orSanFrancisco,orBoston,or
greetedsomeofthehawkerscomingacrossthe Westchester,oranyoftheotherridesites.
road,andreadiedhisticketroll.
Eitherhisrobotshadcrashedorsomeonehad
Thefirstcustomersarrivedjustbeforeninean
EastIndianfamilydrivingacarwithTexas
plates.Dadworekhakiboardshortsandatank
topandleathersandals,Momwasinabeautiful
silksari,andthekidslookedlikemall
bangbangersindesignerversionsofthestuffthe
wildkidsintheshantytownwentaroundin.
Theycameoutoftheridetenminuteslaterand

hackedthesystem.Herebootedthesystemand
rolleditbacktothestatefromthenightbefore
andwatchedtherobotsbegintobringtheprops
backfromoffstage.

Howthehellcouldithavehappened?He
dumpedthelogsandbegantosiftthroughthem.
Hekeptgettinginterruptedbyriderswhowanted
toknowwhentheridewouldcomebackup,but

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/184
hedidntknow,therobotsestimateswere
oscillatingwildlybetweentenminutesandten
hours.Hefinallybrokeofftowriteupalittle
quarterpageflieraboutitandprintedouta
couplehundredofthemonsomeneonyellow
paperstockhehadlyingaround,alongwitha
jumboversionthathetapedoverthepricelist.

pancakes.

Itwasntenough.Belligerentriderswhod
traveledforhourstoseetheridewantedahuman
explanation,andtheypesteredhimceaselessly.
Allthehawkersfeltliketheydeservedmore
informationthantherubes,andtheypestered
himevenmore.Allhewantedtodowaswrite
someregexpsthatwouldhelphimfigureout
whatwaswrongsohecouldfixit.

Itsshut,hesaidcheerfully.

HewishedthatDeathkidwouldshowup
already.Hewassupposedtobehelpingoutfrom
nowonandheseemedlikethekindofperson
whowouldhappilyjawwiththemarksuntilthe
endoftime.

Lesterheldhishandsoutplacatingly.ItsOK
itsjustdownforacouplehours.Ihadtoresetit
afterwhathappenedlastnight.

Eventuallyhegaveup.Hesetthesignexplaining
whathadhappened(orrather,notexplaining,
sincehedidntfuckingknowyet)downinthe
middleofthecounter,bolteditdownwitha
coupleoflockbolts,andretreatedtotherides
interiorandlockedthesmokedglassdoors
behindhim.

Allright,Evasaid,Illbite.Whathappened
lastnight?

Oncehehadsomepeaceandquiet,ittookonly
himafewminutestoseewherethechangeshad
originated.Heverifiedtheinfothreetimes,not
becausehewasntsure,butbecausehecouldnt
tellifthiswasgoodnewsorbadnews.Heread
someblogsanddiscoveredlotsofotherride
operatorswerechasingthisdownbutnoneof
themhadfigureditoutyet.

Morningguys!
Suzannenarrowedhereyesandlookedaway.
Thetablefellquieteventhekidssensedthat
somethingwasup.Whoswatchingtheride,
Lester?Tjanasked,quietly.
Shut?Tjanspokeloudlyenoughthateveryone
jumpedalittle.Lyenitchkaaccidentallystabbed
Pascalwiththespoonandhestartedtowail.
Suzannestoodupfromthetableandwalked
quicklyoutoftheguesthouse,holdingontoher
phoneasakindofthinpretenseofhavingtotake
acall.Lesterchosetoignoreher.

Lesterwaited.

Brazilcameonline!Lestersaid.Liketwenty
ridesopenedthere.Buttheygottheirprotocol
implementationalittlewrongsowhenIshowed
up,thewholeridehadbeenzeroedout.Imsure
Icanhelpthemgetitright;inthemeantimeIve
gottherideresettingitselfandIveblackholed
theirchangestemporarily.Hegrinnedsunnily.
Howfuckingcoolisthat?Brazil!
Theysmiledweaklyback.IdontthinkI
understand,Lester,Kettlewellsaid.Brazil?We
donthaveanyagreementswithanyonein
Brazil.

WehaveagreementswitheveryoneinBrazil!
Grinninghugely,hecomposedahastypostand Lestersaid.Wevegotanopenprotocolanda
CCedittoabunchofmailinglists,thenwentout serverthatanyonecanconnectto.Thatsan
tofindKettlebellyandTjan.
agreement,thatsallaprotocolis.
Hefoundthemintheguesthouse,sittingdownto
aworkingbreakfast,withEvaandthekidsatthe
endofthetable.Tjanslittlegirlwastryingto
feedPascal,butnotdoingagreatjobofit;Tjans
sonsatonhislap,pickingathisclownface

Kettlewellshookhishead.Youresayingthat
allanyoneneededtodotoreprogramourride

wastoconnecttoitandsendsomechanges.
Trustisassumedinthesystem.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/185
Trustisassumed?Youhaventchangedthis?

benefitsoutofopennesstoo.Thewayitworks
Lestertookastepback.No,Ihaventchanged nowisthatnooneridecanchangemorethan
fivepercentofthestatusquowithin24hours
it.Thewholesystemisopenthatsthepoint.
Wecantjuststartrequiringloginstogetonthe withoutamanualapproval.Theproblemwas
network.Thewholethingwouldcollapseitd thattheBraziliansopened,like,fiftyridesatthe
sametime,andeachofthemzeroedoutandtried
belikeputtinglocksonthebathroomandthen
takingtheonlykeyforyourself.Wejustcantdo tosyncthatandbetweenthemtheydidway
morethan100percent.Itdbeprettyeasytoset
it.
thingsupsothatnomorethanfivepercentcan
Kettlewelllookedlikehewasgoingtoexplode. bechanged,period,withina24hourperiod,
Tjanputahandonhisarm.Slowly,Kettlewell
withoutmanualapproval.
satbackdown.Tjantookasipofhiscoffee.
Ifyoucandothat,whynotseteverychangeto
Lester,canyouwalkmethroughthisonemore requireapproval?Kettlewellsaid.
time?
Well,forstartersbecausewedendupspending
Lesterrockedbackandforthalittle.Theywere allourtimeclickingOKforfivecentimeter
allwatchinghimnow,exceptforSuzanne,who adjustmentstoproppositioning.Butmore
wasfumingsomewhereorgettingreadytogo
importantly,itsbecausethesystemisallabout
hometoRussia,orsomething.
communitywerenotincharge,werejustpart
ofthenetwork.
Wehaveapublishedprotocolfordescribing
changestotherideitsbuiltonGit3Dssystem Kettlewellmadeasourfaceandmuttered
formarkingupandsyncingthreedeeemodelsof something.Tjanpattedhisarmagain.Youguys
objects;itswhatweusedallthroughthe
areincharge,asmuchasyoudlikenottobe.
Kodacelldaysforcollaboration.Thewayyouget Youretheonesfacingthelegalhassles,youre
arideonlineistosyncupwithourversion
theoneswhoinventedit.
serverandtheninstantiateacopy.Thenany
Wedidnt,really,Lestersaid.Thiswasareal
changesyoumakegetsyncedbackandwe
instantiatethem.Everyonestaysinsync,giveor standingontheshouldersofgiantsproject.We
madeuseofabunchofstuffthatwasonthe
takeacouplehours.
shelfalready,putittogether,andthenother
ButyouhadpasswordsontheSubversion
peoplehelpedusrefineitandgetitworking
serverforobjects,right?
well.Werejustpartofthegroup,likeIkeep
saying.Hehadathought.Besides,ifwewere
Yeah,butwedidntdesignthisonetotake
passwords.Itsalotmoreadhocwewantedto incharge,Brazilwouldnthavebeenabletozero
besurethatpeoplewedidntknowcouldgetin usout.
andplay.
Youguysarebeingreallyweirdandsuity
Kettlewellputhisfaceinhishandsandgroaned. aboutthis,youknow?Ivefixedtheproblem:no
onecantakeusdownlikethisagain.Itjustwont
Tjanrolledhiseyes.IthinkwhatKettlewells
happen.Iveputthefixontheversionserverfor
tryingtosayisthatthingshavechangedsince
thecodebase,soeveryoneelsecandeployitif
thosecarefreedayswereinaspotnowwhere theywantto.Theproblemssolved.Wellbe
ifDisneyorsomeoneelsewhohateduswanted shutforanhourortwo,butwhocares?Youre
toattackus,thiswouldbeaprimewayofdoing missingthebigpicture:Brazilopenedfiftyrides
it.
yesterday!Imean,itsucksthatwedidntnotice
Lesternodded.Yeah,Ifiguredthat.Openness untilitscrewedusup,butBrazilsgotitall
online.Whosnext?China?India?
alwayscostssomething.Butwegetalotof

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/186
Russia?Kettlewellsaid,lookingatthedoor
Lestersmiledback.OK,wellthatsgood,then.
thatSuzannehadleftby.Hewasclearlytryingto Hehunkereddownwithalaptopandgothis
needleLester.
homebrewwirelessrigupandrunningacard
Lesterignoredhim.IdlovetogotoBraziland wouldhavebeencheaper,buthisriggavehim
checkouthowtheyvedoneit.Ispeakalittle
lotsofrobustnessagainstmaliciousinterference,
Portugueseevenenoughtosay,Areyou18
multipathandplainoldattenuationandgot
yet?anyway.
hisheadlinereaderrunning.
Youreweird,Lyenitchkasaid.Adagiggled
andsaid,Weird!

Hesettoreadingthepostsanddispellingthe
popupsthattriedtocallhisattentiontothisor
Evashookherhead.Thekidshavegotapoint, that.Hisfiltershadlotstotellhimabout,andthe
shesaid.Youpeopleareallalittleweird.Why areasofhisscreendesignatedfordifferent
interestswerestartingtopinkenasthey
areyoufighting?Tjan,Landon,youcamehere
tomanagethebusinesssideofthings,andthats accumulatedgreaterurgency.
whatyouredoing.Lester,youreinchargeofthe Hewavedthemawayandconcentratedon
creativeandtechnicalstuffandthatswhat
gettingthroughtoalltheridemaintainerswho
youredoing.WithoutLester,youtwowouldnt hadquestionsabouthispatches.Buttherewas
haveanybusinesstorun.Withouttheseguys,
onepinkareathatwouldntgo.Itwashis
youdbeinjailorsomethingbynow.Make
serendipityzone,wherethingsthatdidntmatch
peace,becauseyoureonthesameside.Ivegot hisfiltersbuthadlotsofinterestingness
enoughchildrentolookafterhere.
commentsandrepostsfrompeoplehepaid
Kettlewellsnappedanodather.Rightasever, attentiontoandsomeconfluencewithhis
keywordsturnedup.
darling.OK,Iapologize,allright?
Metoo,Lestersaid.Iwaskiddingabout
goingtoBrazilatleastwhilePerrysstill
away.

Impatiently,hewaveditup,andapagemadeof
bitsofLiveJournalsandnewsreportsandphoto
streamsassembleditself.

Hescominghome,Tjansaid.Hecalledme
thismorning.Hesbringingthegirl,too.

Hiseyefellfirstonthephotos.Butfortheshock
ofblackandneongreenhair,hewouldnthave
recognizedthekidinthepicturesasDeath
Waits.Hisfacewasaruin.Hisnosewasa
bloodyrose,hiseyeswerebothswollenshut.
Oneearwasruinedapparentlyhedbeen
draggedsomedistancewiththatsideofhishead
ontheground.Hischeekswerepulpyand
bruised.Thenheclickedthroughtothephotos
fromwheretheydfoundDeath,beforetheyd
cleanedhimupintheambulance,andhehadto
turnhisheadawayandbreathedeeply.Bothlegs
andbotharmswereclearlybroken,withatleast
onecompoundfracture.HiscrotchJesus.
Lesterlookedawayagain,thenquicklyclosed
thewindow.

Yoko!Lestersaid,andgrinned.OK,someone
shouldgetonlineandfindouthowalltheother
ridesarecopingwiththis.Imsuretheyregoing
nutsooutthere.
Youdothat,Kettlewellsaid.Wevegot
anothercallwiththelawyersintenminutes.
Howsallthatgoing?

Letmeputitthisway,Kettlewellsaid,andfor
asecondhewasbackinhisglorydays,slickand
formidable,ashark.Iliquidatedmysharesin
Disneythismorning.Theyredownfiftypoints
sincetheNYSEopened.YouwaituntilTokyo
wakesup,theyregoingtobailandbailand
HeswitchedtotextaccountsfromDeaths
bail.
friendswhodbeentoseehiminthehospital.He

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/187
wouldlive,buthemightnotwalkagain.Hewas trafficanddoneacouplephonerswiththe
lucid,andhewastellingstoriesabouttheman
peoplebackinMadisonparticularlyErnie,
whodbeatenhim
whowasfreakingaboutDeathWaitsandcalling
YoushouldjustshutthefuckupaboutDisneyon fortightphysicalsecurityforalltheirpeople
theywerepullinginattheride.Thecabbie,a
thefuckingInternet,youknowthat,kid?
Turk,wasntverycoolabouttheneighborhood,
LestergotupandwenttofindKettlewelland
andhekeptslowingdownonthesideoftheroad
TjanandSuzanneoh,especiallySuzanne
andofferingtoletthemoutthere,andPerrykept
again.HedidntthinkforonesecondthatDeath insistingthathetakethemalltheway.
wouldhaveinventedthat.Infact,itwasjustthe
sortofbravethingthatthegutsylittlekidmight No,youcantjustdropmehere,man.Forthe
tenthtime,Ivegotafuckingcastonmybroken
havehadtheballstoreporton.
arm.Imnotcarryingmysuitcaseamilefrom
Everystephetook,hesawthatruinofaface,
here.Ilivethere.Itssafe.God,itsnotlikeIm
thecompoundfracture,theluminousblood
askingyoutotakemetoawarzone.
aroundhisgroin.Hemadeithalfwaytothe
Hedidntwanttotiptheguy,buthedid.The
guesthousebeforehefoundhimselfleaning
cabbiewasjusttryingtoplayitsafe.Lotsof
againstashanty,throwingup.Tearsandbile
peopletriedtoplayitsafe.Itdidntmakethem
streamingdownhisface,chestheaving,Lester
assholes,evenifitdidmakethemineffectual
decidedthatthiswasntaboutfunanymore.
anduseless.
Lestercametounderstandwhatitmeanttobe
responsibleforpeopleslives.Whenhestoodup WhilePerrytippedhim,Hildapulledthe
andwipedhisfaceonthetailofhistight,
suitcaseoutofthecabstrunkandshedbarely
glitteringshirt,hewasadifferentperson.
hadtimetoshutthelidwhenthedriverroared
offlikehewastryingtooutrunasniper.
Sweatinginthesuffocatingafternoonheat,his
recastedarmonfire,Hildahadshownhimthe
articleaboutDeathWaitswhiletheywerebeing
screenedfortheirconnectionatOHare.The
TSAguywasswabbinghiscastwithablack
powderresiduedetector,andasPerryreadit,he
letoutaninvoluntaryyelpandajumpthatsent
himbackforafullroundoftertiaryscreening.
NodatewithDr.Jellyfinger,thoughitwasa
closething.
Hildawasdeepinherownphone,probing
ferociouslyatit,occasionallypickingitupand
talkingintoit,thenpokingatitsomemore.
Neitherofthemlookedoutthewindowsmuch,
thoughinhismind,Perryhadrehearsedthis
homecomingasakindoftourofhisterritory,
pickingoutwhichabsurdlandmarkshedpoint
out,whichfunnystorieshedtell,pausingto
nuzzleHildasthroat.
Butbythetimehedabsorbedthemailinglist

Perrygrimaced.Thiswassupposedtobea
triumphanthomecoming.Hewassupposedtobe
showingoffhistoys,allhedwrought,tothis
girl.Thetownwasallaroundthemandthey
wereabouttochargeinwithoutevenpausingto
consideritsDrSeusswonderment.
Waitasec,Perrysaid.Hetookherhand.See
that?Thatwasthefirstshantytheybuilt.Five
storiesnow.Thebuildingwasmadeofprefab
concreteforthefirstcouplestories,then
successivelylightermaterials,withtheroof
shackmadeofbamboo.Thedesignsare
experimental,fromtheArmyCorpsof
Engineersmostly,buttheysaytheyllstanda
forcefivehurricane.Hegrimacedagain.
Probablynotthebambooone,ofcourse.
Ofcourse,Hildasaid.Whatsthatone?
Shedpickeduponhismood,sheknewhe
wantedtoshowheraroundbeforetheyendedup
embroiledinridepoliticsandworkagain.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/188
Youvegotagoodeye,mydear.Thatsthe
finestBBQonthecontinent.Seehowthewalls
arealittlesootylooking?Thatscarbonized
ambrosia,amixoffatandspiceandhickorythat
youcouldscrapeoffandbottleasperfume.
Eww.
YouhaventtriedLemarrsribsyet,hesaid,
andgoosedher.Shesqueakedandpunchedhim
intheshoulder.Heshowedherthetuckshops,
thekidsplaying,thetutorsplace,thedaycare
center,theworkshops,takingheronagrand
circletourofthisplacehedhelpconjureinto
existence.
NowtheressomeoneIhaventseeninfartoo
long,Francissaid.Hedagedsomethingfierce
inthelastyear,boozemakinghisfacesubside
intoamessofwrinklesandpouchesandbroken
bloodvessels.HegavePerryahardhugthat
smelledofbooze,anditwasntevenlunchtime.
Francis,meetHildaHammersen;Hilda,meet
FrancisClammer:aerospaceengineerand
gentlemanofleisure.
Hetookherhandandfeintedakissatit,and
Hildagoodnaturedlyrolledhereyesatthis.
Whatdoyouthinkofourlovelylittle
settlement,then,MsHammersen?
Itslikesomethingoutofafairytale,shesaid.
YouhearstoriesaboutChristianiaandhow
goodandpeacefulitallwas,butwheneveryou
seesquattersonTV,itsalwayscrackhousesand
drivebys.Youvereallygotsomethinghere.
Francisnodded.Wegetabadrap,butwereno
differentreallyfromanyotherplacewhere
peopletakeprideinwhattheyown.Ibuiltmy
place,withmytwohands.IfJimmyCarterhad
beentherewithHabitatforHumanity,wewould
havegottennoendofgoodpress.Becausewe
diditwithoutadeadexpresidentonthescene,
werecrooks.Perrytellyouaboutwhatthelaw
doesaroundhere?
Perrynodded.Yeah.Sheknows.
Francispattedhiscast.Nicehardware,buddy.

SowhensomeBiblethumpingdogoodergives
youalegup,youreafolkhero.Helpyourself,
youreaCHUD.Itsthesamewithyoupeople
andyourride.Ifyouhadthebackingofagiant
corporationwithclawssunkdeepintokids
brains,youdbeeverypackagetouroperators
wetdream.Buildityourselfinthegutsofadead
shoppingcenter,andyouresomekindofslimy
underclass.
Maybethatstrue,saidHilda.Butitsnot
necessarilytrue.BackinMadison,thelocals
loveus,theythinkwedogreatstuff.Afterthe
lawcameafterus,theycamebywithfoodand
moneyandhelpedusrebuild.Scrappyactivists
getalotofloveinthiscountry,too.Not
everyonewantsabigcorporationtospoonfeed
them.
Offinhippiecollegetownsyoullalwaysfind
peoplewithenoughbrainstorealizethattheir
neighborsarenttheboogieman.Butthereaint
somanyhippiecollegetownsthesedays.Iwish
youtwoluck,butIthinkyoudbenutstowalk
outthedoorinthemorningexpectinganything
betterthanakickintheteeth.
ThatmadePerrythinkofDeathWaits,andthe
senseofurgencycamebacktohim.OK,we
havetogonow,hesaid.Thanks,Francis.
Nicetomeetyou,youngwoman,hesaid,and
whenhesmiled,itwasapainfulthing,all
pouchesandwrinklesandsags,andhegimped
awaywithhislimpmorepronouncedthanever.
Theytrackeddownthecrewattheteahouses
bigtable.Everyoneroaredgreetingsatthem
whentheycamethroughthedoor,aproper
homecoming,butwhenPerrycountedheads,he
realizedthattherewasnoonewatchingtheride.
Guys,whosrunningtheride?
TheytoldhimaboutBrazilthen,andHilda
listenedwithherheadcocked,herfaceanimated
withsurprise,dismay,thendelight.Yousay
therearefiftyridesopen?
Allatonce,Lestersaid.Allinonego.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/189
Holymotherofpoo,Hildabreathed.Perry
couldntevenbringhimselftosayanything.He
couldntevenimagineBrazilinhishead
jungles?beaches?Heknewnothingaboutthe
country.Theydbuiltfiftyrides,withouteven
makingcontactwithhim.HeandLesterhad
designedtheprotocoltobeopenbecausethey
thoughtitwouldmakeiteasierforotherstocopy
whattheyddone,buthedneverthought
Itwaslikevertigo,thatfeeling.
SoyoureYoko,huh?Lestersaidfinally.It
madeeveryonesmile,butthetensionwasstill
there.Somethingbighadjusthappened,bigger
thananyofthem,biggerthanthebeatingthat
hadbeenlaidonDeathWaits,biggerthan
anythingPerryhadeverdone.Fromhismindto
anationonanothercontinent
Yourethesidekick,huh?Hildasaid.
Lesterlaughed.Touche.Itsverynicetomeet
youandthankyouforbringinghimbackhome.
Wewerestartingtomisshim,thoughGodalone
knowswhy.
Iplanonkeepinghim,shesaid,givinghis
bicepasqueeze.ItbroughtPerrybacktothem.
ThelittlegirlswerestaringatHildawithsaucer
eyes.ItmadehimrealizethatexceptforSuzanne
andEva,theirwholelittlebandwasboys,all
boys.

andopentherideifitsready.ItstimeLestergot
sometimeoff.ImsureSuzannewillappreciate
havinghimbackagain.
Anothersilencefelloverthegroup,tenseasa
pianowire.PerrylookedfromLestertoSuzanne
andsawinasecondwhatwasup.Hehadtimeto
noticethathisfirstemotionalresponsewastobe
intrigued,notsorryorscared.Onlyaftera
momentdidhehavethereactionhethoughthe
shouldhaveamixtureofsadnessforhisfriend
andirritationthattheyhadyetanotherthingto
dealwithinthemiddleofahundredothercrises.
HildabrokethetensionItwasgreattomeet
youall.Dinnertonight,right?
Absolutely,Kettlewellsaid,seizingonthis.
Leaveittouswellbooksomeplacejustgreat
andhaveagreatdinnertowelcomeyouguys
back.
Evatookhisarm.Thatsright,shesaid.Ill
getthegirlstopickitout.Thelittlegirls
jumpedupanddownwithexcitementatthis,and
thebabybrotherscaughttheirexcitementand
madehappykidscreechesthatgoteveryone
smilingagain.

PerrygaveLesterasolemn,supportivehug,
kissedSuzanneandEvaonthecheeks(Suzanne
smelledgood,somethinglikesandalwood),
shookhandswithTjanandKettlewelland
tousledallfourkidsbeforelightingoutforthe
Well,Imhomenow,hesaid.Hekneltdown
andshowedthegirlshiscast.Igotanewone, ride,gaspingoutabreathastheysteppedinto
hesaid.Theyhadtothrowtheoldoneout.SoI theopenair.
needyourhelpdecoratingthis.Doyouthinkyou
coulddothejob?
DeathWaitsregainedconsciousnessseveral
Lyenitchkalookedcriticallyatthesurface.I
timesoverthenextweek,awareeachtimethat
thinkwecoulddothegig,shesaid.Whatdo
hewaswakingupinahospitalbedonacrowded
youthink,partner?
ward,thathedwokenherebefore,andthathe
Tjansnortedouthisnose,butshewassosolemn hurtandcouldntremembermuchafterthe
beatinghadstarted.
thattherestkeptquiet.Adamatched
Lyenitchkascriticalpostureandthennodded
authoritatively.Surething,partner.

Butafteraweekorso,hefoundhimselfawake
andawarehestillhurtallover,adulland
distantstonedachethathecouldtellwasbeing
Itsadate,Perrysaid.Weregonnahead
homeandputdownoursuitcasesandcomeback keptatbaybypowerfulpainkillers.Therewas

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/190
someonewaitingforhim.

Thelawyerwavedahand.Theresnoway
Hello,Darren,themansaid.Imanattorney theyllcomeafteryounow.Theylookliketotal
workingforyourfriendsattheride.Mynameis assholesfordoingthis.Theyrescaredstupid.
TomLevine.WeresuingDisneyandwewanted Now,Imgoingtowanttoformallydeposeyou
later,butthisisapredepositioninterviewjustto
togathersomeevidencefromyou.
getclearoneverything.
DeathdidntlikebeingcalledDarren,andhe
TheguyleanedforwardandsuddenlyDeath
didntwanttotalktothisdork.Hedwokenup
withaprofoundsenseofanger,rememberingthe Waitshadabonedeepconvictionthattheguy
wasabouttopunchhim.Hegavealittlesqueak
deadeyedguyshoutingaboutDisneywhile
bouncinghisheadofftheground,knowingthat andshrankaway,thencriedoutagainasevery
inchofhisbodyawokeinhotagony,afeeling
Sammyhaddonethis,wantingnothingmore
likegratingbonesbeneathhisskin.
thantogetaholdofSammyand,and...Thats
whereheranoutofimagination.Hewas
Woah,takeiteasythere,champ,thelawyer
perfectlyhappydrawingmedievalstyletorture
said.
chambersandvampiresinhissketchbook,but
DeathWaitsheldbacktears.Theguywasnt
hedidntactuallyhavemuchstomachfor,you
goingtohithim,butjustthemovementinhis
know,violence.
directionhadscaredhimlikehedleaptout
Perse.
Canwedothissomeothertime?Hismouth
hurt.Hedlostfourteethandhadbittenhis
tonguehardenoughtoneedstitches.Hecould
barelyunderstandhisownwords.

holdinganaxe.Themagnitudeofhisown
brokennessbegantosinkinandnowhecould
barelyholdbackthetears.

Look,theguyswhoruntheridehavetoldme
thatIhavetogetthisfromyouassoonasIcan.
Iwishwecould,buttimeisoftheessencehere. Ifweregoingtokeeptheridesafeandnailthe
bastardswhodidthistoyou,Ineedtodothis.If
Youveheardthatwerebringingasuitagainst
Ihadmyway,Iwouldntbugyou,butIvegot
Disney,right?
myorders,OK?
No,Deathsaid.
Deathsnuffledbackthetears.Thebackofhis
Musthavecomeupwhileyouwereout.
throatfeltlikeithadbeensandedwitharusty
Anyway,weare,forunfaircompetition.Weve
file.Water,hecroaked.
gotashotatcleaningthemout,takingthemfor
Thelawyershookhishead.Sorrybuddy,just
everycent.Weregoingthroughthepretrial
theIV,Imafraid.Thenurseswereveryspecific.
motionsnowandtheresbeenamotionto
summarilyexcludeanyevidencerelatedtoyour Letsstart,OK,andthenwellbedonebefore
youknowit.
beatingfromtheproceedings.Wethinkthats
BS.Itsclearfromwhatyouvetoldyourfriends Defeated,Deathclosedhiseyes.Start,hesaid,
thattheywantedtoshutyouupbecauseyou
hisvoicelikesomethingmadefromsofttarleft
weremakingthemlookbad.Sowhatweneedis toolonginthesun.
moreinformationfromyouaboutwhatthisguy
saidtoyou,andwhatyoudpostedbefore,and
anythinganyoneatDisneysaidtoyouwhileyou Sammyknewhewasadeadman.Theonlything
keepinghimalivewaslegalsreluctancetoread
wereworkingthere.
thenet.Hackelberghadacoupleofjuniorswho
Youknowthatthatguysaidhewasbeatingme
keptwatchlistsrunningonhotsubjects,butthey
upbecauseItalkedaboutthisstuffinthefirst
likedtoprintthemoutandmarkthemup,and
place?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/191
thatmeantthattheylaggedadayortwobehind
theblogosphere.
TheDeathWaitsthingwasafreakingdisaster.
Theguywasjustsupposedtoputascareinto
him,notcripplehimforlife.EverytimeSammy
thoughtaboutwhatwouldhappenwhenthe
DeathWaitsthingpercolateduptohim,hegot
gooseflesh.

Nevermindthattherealreasonthatnumbers
weredownwasthatnooneelseinmanagement
hadthegutstokeeptheparkmovingand
improving.

HeslowedhissteponMainStreet,USA,and
forcedhimselftopayattentiontohis
surroundings.ThestoresonMainStreethad
beencooptedintohelpinghimdumpallthe
Damnthatidiotthuganyway.Sammyhadbeen superfluousgothmerchandise,anditwasintheir
veryclear.Theguywhoknewtheguywhoknew windowsandvisiblethroughtheirdoors.The
theguyhadbeenreassuringonthephonewhen fatkinspizzastandsandicecreamwagonswere
Sammyputintheordersure,sure,nothingtoo doingabrisktradearoundthecastleroundabout.
Thecrowdwaspredominantlyveeringtotheleft,
rough,justalittleshovingaround.
towardAdventurelandandFrontierlandand
Andwhatsworseistheidiotkidhadntgotten
LibertySquare,whiletherightsideoftheplaza,
thehint.Sammydidntgetit.Ifastrangerbeat
whichheldthegatewaystoFantasylandand
himhalftodeathandtoldhimtostophanging
Tomorrowland,wasconspicuouslysparse.Hed
outinmessageboards,well,themessageboards knownthathisnumbersweredown,butstanding
wouldgo.Damnedrighttheywould.
inthecrowdsflow,hecouldfeelit.
AndwithFreddy,therewasashoewaitingto
Heclearedthecastleandstoodforamomentat
drop.Freddywouldntreportontheirinterview, thebrinkofFantasyland.Itshouldbeimpossible
hewasprettysureofthat.Offtherecord
tostandhereatoneintheafternoonthere
meanssomething,eventojournalistslike
shouldbebusyrushesofpeoplepushingpastto
HonestFreddy.ButFreddywasntgoingtobe
getontheridesandtoeatandtobuystuff,but
nicetohiminfollowups,thatmuchwassure.
nowtherewerejustafewkidsineyeliner
Andifwhen!FreddygotwindoftheDeath puffingclovesinsmokelesshookahsanda
Waitssituation...
wastelandofhoardingspaintedashade
Imagineeringcalledgoawaygreenforits
Hebegantohyperventilate.
abilitytomaketheeyesliderightpastit.
Imgoingtogocheckontheconstruction,he
Hedleftthetwobigcoastersopen,andtheyhad
saidtohispersonalassistant,anewgirltheyd
decentqueues,butthatwasit.Noonewasinthe
sentupwhenhislastonehaddefectedtowork
forWiener(Wiener!)afterSammydshoutedat stores,andnoonewasbotheringwiththe
zombiemaze.Cloudsofdustandloud
herforputtingthroughapresscallfromsome
bloggerwhowantedtoknowwhenFantasyland destructionnoisesroseoverthehoardings,and
heslippedintoastaffdoorandthreadedhisway
wouldbereopening.
ontooneofthesites,pausingtopickupasafety
IthadbeenamistaketoshutdownFantasyland helmetwithmouseears.
justtogettheothermanagersoffhisback.Sure
theridesweresickdogs,buttherehadbeenlife Atleastthesecrewswereefficient.Hedlong
agoimpressedonthedepartmentthathired
inthemstill.Constructionsitesdontbringin
visitors,andthenumbersfortheparkweredown constructioncontractorsthenecessityof
decommissioningoldrideswithextremecareso
andeveryonewaslookingathim.Nevermind
astopreserveasmuchofthecollectiblevalueof
thattheonlyreasonthenumbershadbeenas
thefinishingsandtrimaspossible.Itwasalittle
highastheywerewasthatSammyhadsaved
weirdDisneycustomershowledlikestuckpigs
everyonesasswhenheddonethegothrehab.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/192
whenyoushutdowntheirrides,thenfoughtfor
thechancetospendfortunesbuyingupthe
dismemberedcorpsesoftheirfavored
amusements.

constructionhoardingsanddemolitiondust.

Theyddonethisbefore,whenhedtaken
Fantasylanddown,andhedfrettedevery
momentabouthowlongtheteardownwas
taking.Therewereexcitingnewplanslurkingin
thewingsthen,waitingtoleaponstageandtake
shape.Hedhadsomeoftheridecomponents
fabricatedbyacontractorinKissimmee,but
largechunksoftheconstructionhadtotake
placeonsite.Theadvantagehadbeenhis:cheap
fabricators,newmaterials,easycollaboration
betweenremotecontractorsandhispeopleon
site.Noonehadeverexecutednewridesasfast
andaswellashehad.Thethingshadbasically
builtthemselves.

Sammylovedrides.Orheusedto,anyway.So
muchmorethanfilms,somuchmorethanbooks
soimmersiveandhuman,andthewhole
crowdthing,alltheotherpeoplewaitingtoride
itorjustgettingoffit.Ithadstartedwith
coastersdoesnteverykidlovecoasters?but
hedendedupaconnoisseur,agourmandwho
lovedeveryspeciesofride,fromthrillridesto
monorails,carouselstodarkrides.

WhatthehellwashappeningattheMiamiride,
anyway?Hecouldfollowitonline,runthethree
deeeflythroughsoftherideasitstood,even
HewatchedsomeCubankidscarefullymelting downloadandprinthisownversionsoftheride
thehotgluethathadheldtheskulltrimelements objects,butnoneofthattoldhimwhatitfeltlike
tothepillaroftheDiadelosMuertosfacade,
togetontheride,tobeinitsclankingbowels,
settingthematopalargepileofothertrim
surroundedbyotherriders,pointingand
scythes,hoodedfigures,tombstoneswitha
marvelingandlaughingatthescenesand
layerofaerogelbeneathtokeepthegarriture
motion.
fromscratching.Thewholeareabehindthe
Rideswerethingsthatyouhadtorideto
hoardingswaslikethisridesinpieces,towers understand.Describingaridewasliketalking
offiberglassdetritussandwichedbetweenlayers aboutamoviesoabstractandremote.Like
ofaerogel.
talkingaboutsexversushavingsex.

Nowthecompetitionwasusingthesametech
anditwasafuckingdisasterforhim.Worseand
worse:hehadnoplansforwhatwastocome
afterward.Hedthoughtthathedjustgrabsome
oftheaudienceresearchpeople,throwtogethera
fatkinsfocusgrouportwo,andgive
Imagineeringtwoweekstocomeupwithsome
designstheycouldputupfast.Heknewfrom
pastexperiencethatdesignexpandedtofillthe
timeavailabletoit,andthatthebeststuffusually
emergedinthefirsttendaysanyway,andafter
thatitwasallcommitteegroupthink.

Theredbeenatimewhenhedriddeneveryride
intheparkonceaweek,andeveryrideinevery
nearbyparkonceamonth.Thathadbeenyears
before.Nowhesatinanofficeandmade
importantdecisionsandhewasluckyifhemade
itontoarideonceaweek.
Notthatitmatteredanymore.Hedscrewedup
sobadthatitwasonlyamatteroftimeuntilhe
endeduponthebreadline.Orinjail.
Herealizedhewasstaringglumlyatthe
demolition,andpulledhimselfupright,sucked
inafewbreaths,mentallykickedhimselfinthe
assandtoldhimselftostopfeelingsorryfor
himself.
Ayoungwomanpriedlooseanotherresinskull
finialandaddedittothepile,placedanother
sheetofaerogelontopofit.

Butnoonefromaudienceresearchwantedto
returnhiscalls,noonefromImagineeringwas
Peoplelovedtheselittletchotchkes.Theyhada
willingtoworkforhim,andnoonewantedto
visitasectionoftheparkthatwasdominatedby relationshipwithDisneyParksthatmadethem
wanttocomeagainandagain,toownapieceof

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/193
theplace.Theycameforvisitsandthenthey
visitedintheirheartsandtheycamebackto
bringtheirheartshome.Itwasanextremely
profitabledynamic.

Youcouldhaveamagicroomthatwasapieceof
thepark,asouvenirthatneverletgoofDisney,
thereinyourhome.Thepeoplewhowere
willingtospendafortuneonprintedskullfinials
ThatswhatthoseridepeopleupintheWalMart wouldcreamforthis!Itwouldbelikeactually
livingthere,inthepark.Itwouldbe
weremakingtheirhayonanyonecould
ImagineeringEyefortheFanGuy.
replicatetherideintheirbackyard.Youdidnt
havetoflyfromMadisontoOrlandotohavea
Hecouldthinkofahundredwaystoturnthis
littlerefresherexperience.Itwasrightthere,at
intomoney.Giveawaytheprintersandsell
theendoftheroad.
subscriptionstotherefresh.Selltheprintersand
Ifonlytherewassomewaytoputhisrides,his giveawaytherefreshes.Chargesponsorsto
modifytheplansandtargetdifferentproduct
park,rightthereintheridershomes,intheir
placementstodifferentusers.Thepossibilities
literalbackyards.Beingabletolookatthe
webcamsandtakeathreedeeeflythroughwas wereendless.Bestofall,itwouldextendthe
reachofDisneyParksfurtherthanthestupid
onething,butitwasntthephysical,visceral
ridecouldevergoitwouldbethere,onthe
experienceofbeingthere.
coffeetable,intherumpusroom,inyourschool
Themaintenancecrewhadfinishedallthetrim gymoratyoursummerplace.
andnowtheyweregoingafterthepropsand
animatronics.Theyneverusedtoselltheseoff, Helovedit.Lovedit!Heactuallylaughedaloud.
Whatagreatidea!Surehewasintroublebig
becausemanufacturingthegutsofarobotwas
trouble.Butifhecouldgetthisthinggoing
toofinickytodoanymorethanyouhadtoit
anditwouldgo,fastthenHackelbergwould
wasfarbettertorepurposethem,likethe
gethisback.Thelawyerdidntgiveashitif
AmericaSingsgeesethathadalltheirskin
removedandfoundanewhomeassmarttalking Sammylivedordied,buthewoulddoanything
toprotectthecompanysinterests.
robotsinthepreshowfortheoldStarTours.
Butnowitallcouldbeprintedtoorder,fabbed Sure,noonefromImagineeringhadbeen
willingtohelphimdesignnewrides.Theyall
andshippedin.Theywerentevendoingtheir
ownmachiningatImagineeringanymorethat hadallthenewridedesignprojectstheycould
wasallmailorderfulfillment.Justemailathree use.Audienceresearchtoo.Butthiswasnew,
deeedrawingtoashopandyoudhaveasmany newnew,notoldnew,andnewwasalways
appealingtoacertainkindofnoveltyjunkiein
asyouwantedthenextday,FedExguaranteed.
Imagineering.Hedfindhelpforthis,andthen
Sammyslipsdrewbackfromhisteethashe
consideredthepossibilitythattheWalMartride hedpulltogetherabusinessplan,anda
timeline,andacriticalpath,andhedstart
peoplehadorderedtheirpartsfromthesame
executing.Hewantedaprototypeoutthedoorin
suppliers.Christonabike,whatamess.
aweek.Christ,itcouldntbethathardthose
Andthere,inthepitofdespair,atthebottomof WalMartrideassholeshadpublishedthefull
hisdownwardarc,Sammywashitbyaboltof
schematicsfortheirtoysalready.Hecouldjust
inspiration:
ripthemoff.Turnaboutisfairplay,afterall.
PutDisneyintopeopleslivingrooms!Put
printersintotheirhomesthatdecoratedacorner
HildaleftPerryafteracouplehoursworkingthe
oftheirroomswithareplicaofadifferentride
everyday.Youcouldputitonacoffeetable,or ticketboothtogether.Shewantedtogofora
showerandabitofanexplore,anditwasa
scaleituptofillyourbasementrumpusroom.
secretrelieftobothofthemtogetsometime

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/194
apartafterallthattimelivingineachothers
pockets.Theywereintimatestrangersstill,not
yetattunedtoeachothersmoodsandneedsfor
privacy,andalittleseparationwaswelcome.

inductionsurfacestoanearbywall,andPerry
droppedoneofhisearbudsintothemandsetit
toshuffleandtheyhadmusic.
Kidsranpasttheminshriekinghordes,playing
somekindofbiggamethattheydallbeen
obsessedwith.PerrysawthatAdaand
Lyenitchkawerewiththem,clutchingbrightly
coloredmobilesandtryingtoreadtheirscreens
whilerunningawayfromanothergangofkids
whowereclearlyit,takingexaggeratedcare
nottorunintoinvisibleobstaclesindicatedon
thescreens.

Welcome,too,wasPerrysoldpostthereatthe
ticketcounter,likeLucyslemonadestandin
Peanuts.Theriderscameonthick,asurprising
numberofthemknewhisnameandwantedto
knowhowhisarmwas.Theywereallwatching
thedramaunfoldonline.Theyknewaboutthe
Brazilianridescomingonlineandthepatch
Lesterhadrun.Theyallfeltaproprietary
interestinthisthing.Itmadehimfeelgood,but Itwasgreattogetbackintothesaddle,Perry
alittleweird.Hecoulddealwithhavingfriends, said,diggingintosomeribs,gettingsauceonhis
andcustomers,butfans?
fingers.IhadnoideahowmuchIdbeen
Whenhegotoffwork,hewanderedovertothe missingit.
shantytownwithabunchofthevendors,tohave Hildanodded.Icouldtell,anyway.Yourea
acustomaryafterworkbeerandplateofribs.He junkieforit.Youreliketheoneswhoshowup
wasabouttogethisphoneoutandfindHilda
allgooglyeyedaboutthestorythats
whenhespottedher,gnawingonagreasybone supposedlyinthere.Youactlikethatsaholy
withSuzanneandEva.
box.
Well,hello!hesaid,delighted,skipping
aroundthebarbecuepittocollectagreasykiss
fromHilda,andmorechastebutequallygreasy
pecksonthecheekfromSuzanneandEva.
Lookslikeyouvefoundthebestplacein
town!

Suzannenoddedsolemnly.Shesright.Thetwo
ofyou,youandLester,youresointothatthing,
yourethebiggestfanboysintheworld.You
knowwhattheycallit,thefans,whentheyget
togethertochataboutthestufftheylove?
Drooling.Asin,DidyouseethedroolIposted
Wethoughtwedshowheraround,Suzanne
thismorningaboutthenewgirlsbedroom
said.SheandEvahadpositionedeachotheron scene?Youdroollikenoonesbusinesswhen
eithersideofHilda,usingherasabuffer,butit youtalkaboutthatthing.Itsaholythingfor
wasgreattoseethattheywereonsomethinglike you.
speakingterms.PerryhadnodoubtthatSuzanne Youguyssoundlikeyouvebeencomparing
hadntledKettlewellon(theyallhadcrusheson notes,Perrysaid,makinghisfunnyeyebrow
her,heknewit),butthatdidntmeanthatEva
dance.
wouldntresentheranyway.Iftheirpositions
Evaarchedoneofherfine,higheyebrowsin
werereversed,hewouldhavehadahardtime
response.Insomeways,shewasthemost
controllinghisjealousy.
beautifulofallofthem,themostselfassured
Theyvebeenwonderful,Hildasaid,offering andpoised.Ofcoursewewere,sonny.Your
himarib.Heintroducedhertothemarketstall youngladyhereneededtoknowthatyouarent
sellerswhodcomeoverwithhimandtherewas anaxemurderer.Thewomenscamaraderiewas
moregreasyhandshakingandhugging,andthe almostpalpable.SuzanneandEvahadclearly
proprietorofthejointstartedhandingaround
patchedupwhateverdifferencestheydhad,
moreribs,morebeers,andsomeonebroughtout whichwasprobablybadnewsforKettlewell.
asetofspeakersandsuctioncuppedtheir

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/195
WhereisLester,anyway?Hehadntplanned
onasking,butSuzannesmentionofhisname
ledhimtobelievehecouldprobablygetaway
withit.
HestalkingtoBrazil,Suzannesaid.Itsall
hesdone,alldaylong.
TalkingtoBrazil.Wow.Perrydthoughtof
Brazilasakindofabstractthing,fiftyrogue
nodesonthenetworkthathadnecessitateda
hurriedsoftwarepatch.Notasabunchofpeople.
Butofcourse,theretheywere,inBrazil,real
peoplebythedozens,maybeevenhundreds,
buildingrides.
HedoesntspeakSpanish,though,Perrysaid.
Neitherdothey,dork,Hildasaid,givinghim
anelbowintheribs.Portuguese.
TheyallspeaksomeEnglishandhesusing
automatedtranslationstuffforthehard
concepts.
Doesthatwork?Imean,anytimeIvetriedto
translateawebpageinJapaneseorHebrew,its
kindofreadlikenounnounnounnounverb
nounrandom.

makestuffpeoplewanttogiveusmoneyfor,
collectthemoney,andspendit.
Youaresuchanerdfatalist,Suzannesaid.
Gettinginvolvedinthemoreabstractelements
ofcommercedoesntmakeyouintoasuit.Ifyou
dontparticipateandtakeaninterest,youll
alwaysbeoutcompetedbythosewhodo.
Bull,Perrysaid.Theycangetacourttoorder
ustomakepiequaltothree,ortoensurethat
otherpeopledontmakeMickeyheadsintheir
rides,orthatourridersdontthinkofDisney
whentheygetintooneofourchairs,buttheyll
neverbeabletoenforceit.
Suzannesuddenlywhirledonhim.Perry
Gibbons,youarentthatstupid,sostopacting
likeyouare.Shetouchedhiscast.Lookatthis
thingonyourarm.Yoursuperiortechnologycan
notmakeinferiorlawsirrelevant.Youre
assumingthatthemachineryofstateisunwilling
tocompletelyshutyoudowninordertomake
youcomplywithsomeminorlaw.Youretotally
wrong.Theyllcomeafteryouandbreakyour
head.

Perryrockedbackonhisheels.Hewassuddenly
furious,evenifsomewhereinhisheartofhearts
Suzanneshookherhead.Thatshowmostof
heknewthatshewasrightandhewasmostly
theworldexperiencesmostofthenet,Perry.
angryatbeingshownupinfrontofHilda.Ive
Anglosarejustabouttheonlypeopleonearth
beenhearingthatallmylife,Suzanne.Idont
whodontreadthenetinlanguagesotherthan
buyit.Look,itjustkeepsgettingcheaperand
theirown.
easiertomakesomethinglikewhatwevebuilt.
Well,goodforLesterthen,hesaid.
Togetaprinter,togetgoop,tomakestuff,to
Suzannemadeasourfacethatlethimknowthat downloadstuff,tomessageandIMwithpeople
whollhelpyoumakestuff.Tolearnhowto
whateverpeaceprevailedbetweenherand
Lester,itwasfragile.Goodforhim,shesaid. makeit.Look,theworldisgettingbetterbecause
weregettingbetteratroutingaroundthebullies.
Wherearetheboys?
Wecanplaytheirgame,orwecaninventanew
LandonandTjanhavethem,Evasaid.
game.
Theyvebeenholedupwithyourlawyersgoing
Irefusetobesuckedintoplayingtheirgame.If
overstrategywiththem.WhenIwalkedout,
weplaytheirgame,weendupjustlikethem.
theyweretryingtogetthefirmspartnerstotake
Suzanneshookherheadsadly.Itsagoodthing
sharesinthecorporationthatownsthe
youvegotTjanandKettlewellaroundthen,to
settlementinlieuofcashupfront.
dothedirtywork.Ijusthopeyoucansparethem
Manthatsalltooweirdforme,Perrysaid.I
alittlepityfromatopyourmoralhighground.
wishwecouldjustrunthisthinglikeabusiness:

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/196
ShetookEvabythearmandledheraway,
leavingPerry,shaking,withHilda.
Bitch,hesaid,kickingtheground.Heballed
hishandsintofistsandthenquicklyrelaxed
themashisbrokenarmgroundandtwinged
fromthesuddentensing.
Hildatookhimbythearm.Youtwoclearly
havealotofhistory.
Hetookacoupledeepbreaths.Shewassoout
oflinethere.Whatthehell,anyway?Why
shouldIhavetoHestopped.Hecouldtell
whenhewasrepeatinghimself.

Hesmiledinspiteofhimself.
Comeon,sulkypants,letsgofindLesterand
hecancallmeYokosomemore.Thatalways
cheersyouup.
ItwastwoweeksbeforeDeathWaitscouldsitup
andprodatakeyboardwithhisbrokenhands.
Someofhispalsbroughtalaptoparoundand
theycommandeeredasparediningtraytokeepit
onDeathslapwasinnoshapetosupport
anythingheavywithsharpcorners.

Thefirstday,hewasreducedtotearsof
frustrationwithinminutesofstarting.He
couldntusetheshiftkey,couldntreallyusethe
Yousoundlikeyoureonherside.Ithoughtyou mouseandthemedsmadeithardto
wereafieryyoungrevolutionary.Youthinkwe concentrateandrememberwhatheddone.
shouldallputonsuitsandincorporate?
Buttherewerepeopleontheotherendofthat
Ithinkthatifyouvegotskilledpeoplewilling computer,humanfriendswhomhecould
communicatewithifonlyhecouldrelearnto
tohelpyou,youoweittothemtovaluetheir
usethistoolthathedlivedwithsincehewasold
contribution.Iveheardyoucomplainabout
enoughtosituponhisown.
suitstwentytimesinthepastweek.Twoof
Idontthinkthatshewouldbetellingyouthat
stuffifshedidntthinkyouneededtohearit.

thosesuitsareonyourside.Theyreputting
themselvesontheline,justlikeyou.Hell,
theyredoingtheshitworkwhileyougettodo
alltheinventingandflyaroundthecountryand
getlaidbyhotgroupies.
Shekissedhischeek,tryingtomakeajokeofit,
butshedreallyhurthisfeelings.Hefeltlike
weeping.Itwasalloutofhiscontrol.Hisdestiny
wasnothistomaster.
OK,letsgoapologizetoKettlewellandTjan.

Solaboriously,peckbypeck,keybykey,he
learnedtouseitagain.Themachinehadamode
fordisabledpeople,forcripples,andoncehehit
onthis,itwentfaster.Themodetriedtolearn
fromhim,learnhistremorsandmiskeys,his
errorsandcursing,andsoemergesomethingthat
wasuniquelyhisinterface.Itwasakindofa
gametowatchthecomputertrytoguesswhat
wasmeantbyhismashedkeystrokesandspastic
pointermovementsheturnedonthewebcam
andaimeditathiseye,andswitchedittoretinal
scannermode,givingitcontrolofthepointer,
thenwatchedinamusementasthewildleaping
ofthecursoreverytimeaneedleorabroken
boneshiftedinsidehisbodywasbecalmedintoa
graceful,normalizedcurve.

Shelaughed,buthedonlybeenhalfway
kidding.Whathereallywantedtodowashavea
bigolddinnerathomewithLester,justthetwo
oftheminfrontoftheTV,eatingLestersfatkins
cuisine,planninganewinvention.Hewastired
ofallthesepeople.EvenSuzannewasan
Itwashumiliatingtobeahightechcrippleand
outsider.IthadjustbeenhimandLesterinthe
thebetterthetechnologyworked,themoreprone
olddays,andthosehadbeenthebestdays.
itwastoreducinghimtotears.Hemightbelike
thisfortherestofhislife.Hemightneverwalk
Hildaputherarmaroundhisshouldersand
withoutalimpagain.Mightneverdance.Might
nuzzledhisneck.PoorPerry,shesaid.
neverbeabletoreachforandliftobjectsagain.
Everyonepicksonhim.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/197
Hedneverfindawoman,neverhaveafamily,
neverhavegrandkids.

storymysticshedbattled.Heunderstoodnow
whytheydsoundedsohippytrippy.

Butthiswasoffsetbytherealpeoplewiththeir
realchatter.Heobsessivelyflewthroughthe
Brazilianmode,strangeandwonderfulbut
nowherenearwhathelovedfromhisvariation
ontheride.Hecouldrollthroughallthe
differentchangeshedmadewithhisfriendsto
therideinFlorida,andhebecamesubtlyattuned
towhichelementswerewrongandwhichwere
right.

Soherodetheride,virtually,againandagain,
spottingthegracenotesandtheslywitandthe
wrenchingemotionthatthecollective
intelligenceofallthoseridershadcreated.
Discovered?Itwaslikethestorywasthereall
along,lurkinglikethestatueinsideablockof
marble.
Oh,itwaswonderful.Hewasruined,maybe
forever,butitwaswonderful.Andhedbeena
partofit.

Itwasononeoftheseflythroughsthathe
encounteredTheStory,leapingoutoftherideso Hewentbacktowritingthatmessageboard
vividlythatheyelpedlikehedflexedhisIVinto post.Hedbelaidinthatbedforalongtimeyet.
anerveagain.
Hehadtimetorewrite.
Thereitwasirrefutableandindefinable.When
yourodethroughtherewasanescalating
tension,asenseofpeoplewhobelongedtothese IFYOUCANTBEATTHEM,RIPTHEMOFF
exhibitsgoingthroughhardchanges,growingup AnewinitiativefromthetroubledDisneyParks
andout.
corporationshowshowalittleimaginationcan
Oncehedseenit,hecouldntunseeit.Whenhe
andhispalshadstartedtoaddtheirownstuffto
theride,thestorypeoplehadbeengiantpainsin
theass,accusingthemofsomethingtheycalled
narricidedestroyingthefragilestorythat
humanityhadlaidbarethere.

catapultanambitiousexectothetopofthe
corporateladder.

WordhasitthatSamuelR.D.Page,theVice
PresidentforFantasyland(Iassureyou,Iam
NOTmakingthatup)hasbeenkickedupstairsto
SeniorVicePresidentforRemoteDeliveryof
ParkExperience(Imnotmakingthatup,
either).Insidersinthecompanytellusthat
RemoteDeliveryofParkExperienceisaplan
toconvinceustogiveTheMouseapieceofour
homeswhichwillbeconstantlyrefreshedviaa
robotthreedeeimensionalprinterwith
miniaturesoftheDisneypark.

Nowthathedseenittoo,hewantedtoprotectit.
Buthecouldseebyskimmingforwardandback
throughthechangelogandtryingdifferent
flythroughsthatthestorywasntbeing
underminedbythegothstufftheywerebringing
in;itwasbeingenhanced.Itwastellingthestory
heknew,ofgrowingupwithanindefinableneed
tobedifferent,torejectthemainstreamandto
Ifthissoundsfamiliar,itshould.Itsapale
embracethissubcultureandaesthetic.
imitationofthenolessridiculous(ifslightly
Itwasthestoryofhistribeandsubspeciesand lessevil)ridesmovementpioneeredbyPerry
GibbonsandLesterBanks,previouslytheanti
itgotrealerthemoreheplayedit.God,how
heroesoftheNewWorkpumpanddump
couldhehavemissedit?Itmadehimwantto
scandal.
cry,thoughthatmighthavebeenthemeds.
Someofitmadehimwanttolaugh,too.
Imitationismeanttobethesincerestformof
Hetried,laboriously,tocomposeamessage
boardpostthatexpressedwhathewasfeeling,
buteveryattemptcameoutsoundinglikethose

flattery,andifso,Gibbonsandhiscultistsmust
beblushingfireenginered.
Thisischeapirony,Disneystyle.Afterall,its

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/198
onlybeenamonthsincethecompanylaunched
tenseparatelawsuitsagainstvariousincarnations
oftheridefortrademarkviolation,anditsnow
tryingtoduckthepunishingcountersuitsthat
haverisenupintheirwake.
Mostironicofall,wordhasitthatPagewas
responsibleforbothendsofthis:thelawsuits
againsttherideandthedecisiontoturnhis
companyintopurveyorsofcheapknockoffsof
theride.

speculationthatTheStoryhadbeenplantedby
someonemaybetheridescreators,maybe
someclanofriderswhodinsertedit
deliberately.Thesediscussionsborderedonthe
metaphysical:whatwasanorganicride
decision?ItmadeDeathWaitssheadswim.

Thethingthatwasreallydoinghisheadin,
though,wastheDisneystuff.Sammyhe
couldnteventhinkofSammywithoutasick
feelinginhisstomach,crashingwavesofnausea
PageisbestknownamongParkaficionadosfor thattranscendedevenhisnarcotichazeSammy
wasmakingthesegrotesqueparodiesoftheride.
havinghadtheforesighttogutthechildrens
FantasylanddistrictinWaltDisneyWorldand Hewaspushingthemouttotheworldsliving
replaceitwithajumpedupversionofHotTopic, rooms.Eventhedeletedridesfromtheglory
agoththemedareathatdrewdownthenations daysofthegothFantasyland,intimelimited
miniature.IfhedstillbeenatDisneyParks,he
eyelinersupplytodangerouslylowlevels.
wouldhavelovedthisidea.Itwasjustwhathe
Itwasapparentlythatsortofwayoutofthe
loved,theknowledgethathewassharing
boxgeniusthatledPagetohislatestroundof experiencewithhispeoplearoundtheworld,
disasters:thelawsuits,anabortiverebuildingof partofatribeevenifhecouldntseethem.
Fantasyland,andnowthisRemoteDelivery
Now,intheeraoftheride,hecouldseehow
scam.
dumbthiswas.Howthinandshallowand
Whatsnext?TheMousehasalreadyshipped
commercial.Whyshouldtheyhavetopaysome
DisneyDollars,anabortivehomewaresline,a giantevilcorporationtoconvenetheir
disastrousfineartchain,andoversawthe
community?
collapseofthecollectiblecelartmarket.With
visionarieslikePageatthehelm,thecompany HekepttryingtowriteaboutTheStory,kept
failing.Itwouldntcome.ButSammyheknew
canthelpbutnotchupmoresuccesses.
whathewantedtosayaboutSammy.Hetyped
untiltheysedatedhim,andthentypedsome
morewhenhewokeup.Hehadoldemailsto
Deathwasdeepintothestorynow.The
Brazilianshadforkedofftheirownridetheyd referto.Hepastedthemin.
hadtheirownNewWorkculture,too,centered
inthefavelas,sotheyhaddifferentstoriestotell.
Someoftherideoperatorsimportedafewof
theirscenes,tentatively,andsomeoftheride
fanswererecreatingtheBrazilscenesontheir
ownpassesthroughtheride.

Afterthreedaysofdoingthis,thelawyercame
back.TomLevinewasdressedinasternsuit
withnarrowlapelsandatiepiercedwithsome
kindoffratpin.Hewasntmucholderthan
Death,buthemadeDeathfeellikealittlekid.

Orhadit?Themessageboardswererifewith

OK?Deathsaid.Theydswitchedhimto

IneedtotalktoyouaboutyourInternet
Itwasallinthere,ifyouknewwheretolookfor activity,hesaid,sittingdownbesidehim.Hed
it,andthebestpartwas,noonehadwrittenit.It broughtalongasaltwatertaffyassortment
hadwrittenitself.Thecollectivejudgementof
boughtfromtheroadside,cutintodoublehelix
peoplewhorodethroughhadturnedchaosinto moleculesandotheroddbiologicalformsan
coherence.
amoeba,askeleton.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/199
somethingnewforthepainthatday,andgiven
himarockerswitchhecouldusetodrizzleit
intohisIVwhenitgotbad.Hedhititjustbefore
thelawyercametoseehimandnowhecouldnt
concentratemuch.Plushewasntusedtotalking.
Writingonlinewasbetter.Hecouldwrite
something,saveit,gobackandrereaditlater
andcleanitupifitturnedouthedgoneoffona
stonedramble.
Youknowwereengagedinsomeveryhigh
stakeslitigationhere,right,Darren?
HehateditwhenpeoplecalledhimDarren.

Theydgetawayclean.
Deathshookhishead.Notwriteaboutitatall?
No,hesaid.No.
Imnotaskingyou,Death.Icangetacourt
orderifIhaveto.Thisisseriousitsnotsome
funnylittlegame.Therearebillionsontheline
here.Onewrongword,onewrongpostandpfft,
itsallover.Andnothinginemail,eitherits
likelyeverythingyouwriteisgoingtogo
throughdiscovery.Dontwriteanythingpersonal
inanyofyourmailnothingyouwouldntwant
inacourtrecord.

Death,hesaid.Histoothlesslispwaspathetic, Icantdothat,Deathsaid.Hesoundedlikea
likeanoldwinos.
fuckingretard,betweentalkingthroughhis
Death,OK.Thishighstakeslitigationneedsa mashedmouthandtalkingthroughthetears.I
maximumofcautionandcontrol.Thisisa
cant.Iliveinemail.
fifteenyearjourneythatendswhenweve
Well,nowyoullhaveareasontogooutside.
brokenthebackofthecompanythatdidthisto Thisisntupfornegotiation.WhenIwashere
you.Itendswhenwetakethemforeverycent,
last,IthoughtImadetheseriousnessofthiscase
bankrupttheirexecutives,taketheirsummer
cleartoyou.Imfranklyamazedthatyouwere
homes,freezetheiraccounts.Youunderstand
immatureandirresponsibleenoughtowritewhat
that?
Iveread.
Deathhadntreallyunderstoodthat.Itsounded
prettytiring.Exhausting.Fifteenyears.Hewas
onlynineteennow.Hedbethirtyfour,andthat
wasonlyifthelawyerwasestimatingcorrectly.

IcantDeathsaid.

Thelawyerpurpled.Hedidntlooklikeahappy
goluckytannedpreppieanymore.Helooked
Dadscary,likeoneofthosefathersinDisney
Oh,hesaid.
whowasabouttoseriouslylosehisshitandhaul
Well,notthatyouregoingtohavetotakepart offandsmackawhinykid.Deathsown
infifteenyearsworthofthis.Itslikelywellbe Pawpaw,whodstoodinforhisfather,hadgone
donewithyourpartinayear,tops.Butthepoint redlikethatwheneverhemouthedoff,asin
isthatwhenyougoonlineandpostmaterial
thatcouldbecommittedevenwithoutopening
thatspotentiallyharmfultothiscase
hismouth.Hehadaninstinctivecurlupand
hidereactiontoit,andthelawyerseemedto
Deathclosedhiseyes.Hedpostedthewrong
thing.Thishadbeenamajordealwhenhewas sensethis,loomingoverhim.Hefeltlikehewas
abouttobeeaten.
atDisney,whathewasandwasntallowedto
postaboutthoughinpractice,hedposted
Youlistentome,Darrenthisisnotthekind
abouteverything,stickingtheprivatestuffin
ofthingyoufuckup.ThisisntsomethingIm
privatediscussions.
goingtofuckup.Iwinmycasesandyourenot
goingtochangethat.Therestoomuchatstake
Look,youcantwriteaboutthecase,or
hereforyoutoblowitallwithyourchildish,
anythinginvolvedwithit,thatswhatitcomes
downto.Ifyouwriteaboutthatstuffandyousay selfish
thewrongthing,youcouldblowthiswholesuit. Heseemedtocatchhimselfthen,andhesnorted

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/200
ahotbreaththroughhisnosethatblewover
Deathsface.Listen,theresalotontheline
here.MoremoneythanyouorIareworth.Im
tryingtohelpyououthere.Whateveryouwrite,
whateveryousay,itsgoingtobeveryclosely
scrutinized.Fromnowon,youshouldtreatevery
pieceofinformationthatemanatesfromyour
fingertipsaslikelytobecoveredontheevening
newsandrepeatedtoeveryoneyouveevermet.
Nomatterhowprivateyouthinkyourebeing,
itllcomeout.Itsnotpretty,andIknowyou
didntaskforit,butyourehere,andtheres
nothingyoucandotochangethat.
Heleftthen,embarrassedatlosinghistemper,
embarrassedatDeathsmeeksilence.Death
pokedathislaptopsome.Hethoughtabout
writingdownmorenotes,butthatwasprobably
inthesamecategory.
Heclosedhiseyesandnow,nowhefeltthe
extentofhisinjuries,feltthemtrulyforthefirst
timesincehedwokenupinthishospital.There
weredeep,grindingpainsinhislegsboth
kneesbroken,fractureintheleftthigh.Hisribs
hurteverytimehebreathed.Hisfacewasaruin,
hismouthfeltlikehehadtwistedlumpsof
hamburgergluedtohistornlips.Hisdickwell,
theydcatheterizedhim,butthatdidntaccount
forthefeelingsdownthere.Hedbeenkicked
repeatedlyandviciously,andtheytoldhimthat
thereconstructivesurgeriessurgeries,plural
wouldtakesometime,andnothingwascertain
untiltheyweredone.

off,butitwasclearafterLestertriedhisYoko
jokeagainthatthechemistrywasntthere.Now
theywerehavingararemomentofalllook
samescreen,theTVswitchedonlikeinanold
comedy,noonelookingattheirownlaptop.
Thetensionwasthick,andPerrywassickofit.
Hereachedforhiscomputerandaskedittofind
himthebaseballgloves.Twoofthedrawerson
thelivingroomwallsglowedpink.Hefetched
theglovesdown,tossedonetoLester,andpicked
uphisball.
Comeon,hesaid.TVishistoricallyaccurate,
butitsnotverysocial.
Lestergotupfromthesofa,aslowsmile
spreadingonhisface,andHildafolloweda
minutelater.Outside,bythecrackedpool,itwas
comingonslowtwilightandthatmagic,tropical
bloodorangeskylikeaswirlofsorbet.
LesterandPerryeachputontheirgloves.
Perrydwornhisnowandagain,buthadnever
hadarealgameofcatchwithit.Lesterlobbed
aneasytosstohimandwhenitsmackedhis
glove,itfeltsoright,thesoundandthevibration
andthefinecloudofdustthatroseupfromthe
mittspocket,Christ,itwaslikeasacrament.
Hecouldntlobtheballback,becauseofhis
bustedwing,sohehandedtheballtoHilda.
Youremydesignatedrightarm,hesaid.She
smiledandchuckedtheballbacktoLester.

Theyplayeduntilthetwilightdeepenedto
velvetywarmdarkandhummingbugsand
Hedmanagedtopretendthathisbodywasnt
starlight.Eachtimehecaughtaball,something
thereforsolongashewasabletopokeatthe
computer.Nowitcamebacktohim.Hehadthe leftPerry,somepainlongheldinhischest,
painkillerrockerswitchandthepainwasntany evanescedintothenightair.Hiscatchingarm,
stifffrombeingtwistedbytheweightofthecast
worsethanwhatpassedfornormal,buthehad
onhisotherhand,unlimberedandbecamefluid.
anideathatifhehititenoughtimes,hedbe
abletogetawayfromhisbodyforawhileagain. Hismindwasbecalmed.
Noneofthemtalked,thoughtheysometimes
Hetriedit.
laughedwhenaballwentwild,andbothPerry
andLesterwentooh,whenLestermadea
HildaandLestersatuncomfortablyonthesofa jumpcatchthatnearlytumbledhimintothedry
nexttoeachother.Perryhadhopedtheydhitit pool.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/201
Perryhadntplayedagameofcatchsincehewas
akid.Catchwasnthisdadsstrongsuit,andhe
andhisfriendshadlikedvideogamesbetterthan
tossingaball,whichwasprettydullby
comparison.
Butthatnightitwasmagic,andwhenitgotto
fulldarkandtheycouldbarelyseetheball
exceptasasecondmoonhurtlingwhitethrough
theair,theykepttossingitafewmoretimes
beforePerrydroppeditintothepocketofhis
baggyshorts.Letsgetadrink,hesaid.

andHildaHammersen,yougooutintothe
backyardandthrowaballaroundforawhile,
thenyouhaveabigcuddleandheadinside.
Thepicturesshownherewerecapturedbya
neighborofthecultleaderslastnight,attheir
palatialcondosinHollywood,Florida.

Thethreeareringleadersofthelooseknit
organizationthatmanagestheridesthatdot
tencitiesinAmericaandarepresentinfifty
citiesinBrazil.Theirprojectcametonational
attentionwhenDisneybroughtsuitagainstthem,
Lestercameoverandgavehimabig,bearish
securinginjunctionsagainsttheridesthat
hug.ThenHildajoinedthem.Youstink,Lester resultedinriotsandbloodshed.
said,Seriously,dude.Liketheassofadead
Onesupporterofthegroup,theoutspoken
bear.
DeathWaits,aformerDisneyemployee,has
Thatbrokethemupandsetthemtolaughing
together,agigglingfitthatleftthemgasping,
Lesteronallfours.Perrysarmforgottohurtand
hemovedtokissHildaonthecheekandinstead
sheturnedherheadtokisshimfullonthelips,a
realjuicy,steamyonethatmadehisearwax
melt.
Drinks,Hildasaid,breakingthekiss.
Theywentupstairs,holdingthemitts,andhada
beertogetheronthepatio,talkingsoftlyabout
nothinginparticular,andthenLesterhugged
themgoodnightandthentheyallwenttobed,
andPerryputhisfaceintothehairatthebackof
Hildasneckandtoldherhelovedher,andHilda
snuggleduptohimandtheyfellasleep.

beenhospitalizedforoveraweekfollowinga
savagebeatingthatheclaimsresultedfromhis
Internetpostingabouttheunhealthyobsession
DisneyexecutiveSamuelR.D.Page(see
previouscoverage)borefortheride.
Everyoneneedstounwindnowandthen,but
sourcesatthehospitalwhereDeathWaitslies
abedsaythathehashadnovisitsfromthecult
leaderssincehetookhisbeatingintheirservice.
Nodoubtthesethreehavemoreimportantthings
todolikeplaycatch.

Suzannesaid,Look,youcantletcrazypeople
setyouragenda.IfyouwanttovisitthisDeath
kid,youshould.Ifyoudont,youshouldnt.But
dontletFreddypsyopsyouintodoing
AGAMEOFCATCH
somethingyoudontwanttodo.Maybehedoes
Popquiz:Yourempireiscrumblingaroundyour havearatinyourbuilding.Maybehesgotarat
atthehospital.Maybe,though,hejustscored
ears.Yoursupportersarehospitalizedby
somestillsoffaflickrstream,maybehes
jackbootthugsforstickingupforyou.
watchingnewphotoswithsomefacerecognition
Thelawsuitsaremountingandflybynight
stuff.
MBAshavedeterminedtouseyournonprofit,
infohippierideprojecttogetrightbyembarking Perrylookedupfromhisscreen,stillscowling.
Peopledothat?
on20yearsoflitigation.
Surestalkerware!Iuseitmyself,justtosee
Whatdoyoudo?
whatphotosofmeareshowinguponline.I
Well,ifyourelikePerryGibbons,LesterBanks scoureveryphotofeedpublishedforanything

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/202
thatappearstobeaphotoofme.Mostofits
fromblogjects,CCTVcamerasandcraplike
that.YoushouldseewhatitslikeondaysIgoto
Londonyoucangetphotographed800timesa
daytherewithouttrying.Soyeah,ifIwas
FreddyandIwantedtoscrewwithyou,Idbe
watchingeveryimagefeedforyourpic,and
mine,andLesters.Wejustneedtoassumethat
thatsgoingon.Butlookatwhatheactually
reportedon:youwentoutandplayedcatchand
thenhuggedafteryourgame.Itsnotlikehe
caughtyoucornholinggatorswhilesmoking
spliffsrolledinCnotes.
Whatdoesthatguyhaveagainstus,anyway?
Suzannesighed.Well,atfirstIthinkitwasthat
Ilikedyou,andthatyouweretryingtodo
somethingconsistentwithwhathethought
everyoneshouldbedoing.Afterall,ifanyone
weretofollowhisexhortations,theydhavetobe
dumbenoughtobetakinghimseriously,andfor
thattheydeserveallpossibledisapprobation.
Thesedays,though,hehatesyoufortwo
reasons.Thefirstisthatyoufailed,whichmeans
thatyouvegottohavesomekindofmoral
deficiency.Thesecondisthatwekeeppulling
hispantsdowninpublic,whichmakeshimeven
angrier,sincepullingdownpeoplespantsishis
job.

runmylife.Ifitstherightthingtovisitthiskid,
itstherightthing.Letsdoit.
Wellgoaftertherideshutstonight,Lester
said.Allofus.Illbuyhimafruitbasketand
bringhimamini.TheminiswereLesterslatest
mechanicalcomputers,builtinsideofsardine
cans,madeofminiaturized,printed,highimpact
alloys.Theycouldaddandsubtractnumbersup
toten,usingahandcrankontheside,registering
theiroutputonabinarydisplayoflittlewindows
thatwerecoveredanduncoveredbytinyshutters.
Hedbuilthisfirstthedaybefore,usingdesigns
suppliedbysomeofhispeopleinBraziland
tweakingthemtohisliking.
Thedaywasasclosetoanormaldayontheride
asPerrycouldimagine.Thecrowdwasheavy
fromthemomentheopened,andhehadtogo
backintothedepthsandkickthingsbackinto
shapeacoupletimes,andoneofthechairsshut
down,andtwoofthemerchantshadadispute
thatdegeneratedintoabrawl.Justanotherday
runningaroadsideattractioninFlorida.
Lesterspelledhimofffortheendoftheday,
thentheycountedthetakeandsaidgoodnightto
themerchantsandallpiledintooneofLesters
carsandheadedforthehospital.

YoulikingFlorida?Lestercalledovertheseat
astheyinchedforwardinthecommutertraffic
Iknowitsarmchairpsychology,butIthinkthat onthewayintoMelbourne.
Freddyjustdoesntlikehimselfverymuch.At
Itshot;Ilikethat,Hildasaid.
theendoftheday,peoplewhoaresecureand
Youdidntmentiontheawesomeaesthetics,
happydontactlikethis.
Lestersaid.
Perrysscowldeepened.Idliketokickhimin
thefuckingballs,hesaid.Whycanthejustlet Suzannerolledhereyes.Tickytackychic,she
said.
usbe?Wevegotenoughfriggingproblems.
Ijustwanttogoandvisitthiskid,Lestersaid, Iloveithere,Lestersaid.Thatcontrast
betweencrass,overdeveloped,cheap,nastystrip
andtheywerebackwheretheystarted.
mallsandunspoiledtropicalbeauty.Its
ButweknowthatthisFreddyguyhasan
gorgeousanditticklesmyfunnybone.
informantinthehospital,heaboutsaysasmuch
Hildasquintedoutthewindowasthoughshe
inthisarticle.Ifwegothere,hewins,Perry
weretryingtoseewhatLestersaw,likesomeone
said.
staringatarandomdotstereograminamall
HildaandLesterjustlookedathim.Finallyhe
store,tryingtomakethethreedeeeimagepop
smiledandrelented.OK,Freddyisntgoingto

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/203
out.
Ifyousayso,shesaid.Idontfindmuch
attractiveabouthumansettlement,though.Ifit
needstobethere,itshouldjustbeinvisibleas
possible.Wefundamentallyliveinuglyboxes,
andeffortstomakethemprettyneverdo
anythingformeexceptcallattentiontohowugly
theyare.Ikindawishthateverythingwasbuilt
todisappearasmuchaspossiblesowecould
concentrateonthelovelinessoftheworld.
YougetthatinMadison?Lestersaid.
Nope,shesaid.Iveneverseenanyplace
designedthewayIddesignone.MaybeIlldo
thatsomeday.
Perrylovedherjustthen,forthat.Thecasual
oh,yeah,theworldisntarrangedtomy
satisfaction,maybeIllrearrangeitsomeday.
ThedutynursewasaboredEasternEuropean
whogavethemahalfheartedhardtimeabout
havingtoomanypeoplevisitDeathWaitsallat
once,butwhomeltedwhenSuzannegavehera
littletalkinRussian.

room.Theywalkedpasthisroommates,anold
ladywithherteethout,sleepingwithherjaw
saggingdown,andamaninabodycast
hammeringonavideogamecontrollerand
staringfixedlyatthescreenatthefootofhis
bed.
ThentheycameuponDeathWaits.Perryhad
onlyseenhimbriefly,andinbadshapeeven
then,butnowhewasawreck,somethingfroma
horrormovieoranatrocityphoto.Perry
swallowedhardashetookintheboyswracked,
skinnybody,thecasts,thesunkeneyes,the
shavedhead,thecavedinfaceandtornears.
HewasfixedlywatchingTV,whichseemedto
beshowingagolfshow.Histhumbwaspoised
overarockerswitchconnectedtotheIVinhis
arm.
Deathlookedatthemwithdulleyesatfirst,not
recognizingthemforamoment.Thenhedid,
andhiseyeswelledupwithtears.Theystreamed
downhisfaceandhischinandlipquivered,and
thenheopenedhismouthandstartedtobawl
likeababy.

Whatwasthatallabout?Perrywhisperedto
herastheymadetheirwayalongthesour
smellingward.

Perrywasparalyzedtransfixedbythiscrying
wreck.Lester,too,andSuzanne.Theyalltooka
minutestepbackward,butHildapushedpast
themandtookhishandandstrokedhishairand
Toldherwewouldkeepitdownand
wentshhh,shhh.Hisbawlingbecomemore
complimentedheronhermanicure.
uncontrolled,louder,andhistworoommates
Lestershookhishead.Ihaventbeeninaplace complained,callingtohimtoshutup,and
likethisinsolong.Thefatkinsplacesare
Suzannemovedbackanddrewthecurtains
nothinglikeit.
aroundeachoftheirbeds.Strangely,this
Hildasnorted.Moreupscale,Itakeit?Lester silencedthem.
andHildahadntreallytalkedaboutthefatkins Gradually,Deathscriesbecamesofter,andthen
thing,butPerrysuddenlyrememberedthe
hesnuffledandsnortedandHildagavehima
vehemencewithwhichHildahaddenouncedthe kleenexfromherpurse.Hewipedhisfaceand
kidswhoweretalkedintofatkinstreatmentsin
blewhisnoseandsqueezedthekleenextightin
theirteensandwonderedifsheandLester
hishand.Heopenedhismouth,shutit,opened
shouldbeclearingtheair.
andshutit.
Notreallybutmorefunctional.Moreabout,I Then,inawhisper,hetoldthemhisstory.The
dontknow,pursuingyourhobby.Lessabout
manintheparkinglotandhiserection.The
showingupinanemergency.
hospital.Postingonthemessageboards.
HildasnortedagainandtheywereatDeaths
Thelawyer.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/204
What?Perrysaid,loudenoughthattheyall
jumpedandDeathWaitsflinchedpatheticallyin
hishospitalbed.Hildasqueezedhisarmhard.
Sorry,sorry,Perrymuttered.Butthislawyer,
whatdidhesaytoyou?

hesaid.Itcameoutinahoarsewhisper.

Perrymovedthebreakfasttraythatcovered
Deathslaptop,thenopenedthelaptopand
positioneditwhereDeathcouldreachit.Itsall
yours,buddy.Whateveryouwanttosay,sayit.
Perrylistenedforatime.DeathWaitsspokeina Letyourfreakflagfly.
lowmonotone,pausingfrequentlytodrawin
Deathcriedagainthen,silenttearsslipping
shudderingbreathsthatwerealmostsobs.
downhishollowcheeks.Perrygothimsome

Fuckingbastards,Perrysaid.Evil,corporate, kleenexfromthebathroomandheblewhisnose
immoral,sleazy
andwipedhisfaceandgrinnedatthemall,a
toothless,wet,ruinedsmilethatmadePerrys
Hildasqueezedhisarmagain.Shh,shesaid.
heartlurch.Jesus,Jesus,Jesus.Whatthehell
Takeiteasy.Youreupsettinghim.
washedoing?Thiskidhewouldnevergetthe
Perrywassoangryhecouldbarelysee,barely
lifehedhadback.
think.Hewastrembling,andtheywereall
Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,Deathsaid.
staringathim,buthecouldntstop.Deathhad
shrunkbackintohimself,squeezedhiseyesshut. Pleasedontbegratefultome,Perrysaid.We
Illbebackinaminute,Perrysaid.Hefeltlike oweyouthethanksaroundhere.Rememberthat.
Wehaventdoneyouanyfavors.Allthefavors
hewassuffocating.Hewalkedoutoftheroom
sofastitwaspracticallyajog,thenpoundedon aroundherehavecomefromyou.
theelevatorbuttons,waitedtensecondsandgave
upandrandowntenflightsofstairs.Hegot
outsideintothecoolnessofthehazynightand
suckedinhugelungsfulofwetair,hisheart
hammeringinhischest.

Anylawyershowsuphereagainrepresenting
me,Iwantyoutoemailme.

Hehadhisphoneinhishandandhehadscrolled
toKettlewellsnumber,buthekepthimselffrom
dialingit.Hewasinnoshapetodiscussthis
withKettlewell.Hewantedwitnessestherewhen
hedidit,tokeephimfromdoingsomething
stupid.

Yeah,Iexpectnot,Perrysaid.Hecangofuck
himself.

Inthecarback,noonesaidanythinguntilthey
werewithinsightoftheshantytown.Kettlewell
isntgoingtolikethis,Suzannesaid.

ImagineeringsenttheprototypeuptoSammyas
soonasitwasready,theactualengineerswhod
beenworkingonitshleppingitintohisoffice.

Hewentbackinside.Thesecurityguards
watchedhimclosely,butheforcedhimselfto
Hedbeencarefultocultivatetheirfriendship
smileandactcalmandtheydidntstophimfrom throughtheweeksofproduction,takingthem
boardingtheelevator.
outforbeersanddelicatelylettingthemknow
Imsorry,hesaidtoallofthem.Imsorry, thattheywerejustthesortofpeoplewhoreally
hesaidtoDeathWaits.Letmemakesomething understoodwhatDisneyParkswasabout,not
very,veryclear:youarefreetousetheInternet likethosephilistineswhocomprisedtherestof
themanagementlayeratDisney.Helearnedtheir
asmuchasyouwant.Youarefreetotellyour
kidsnamesandforwardedjokestothemby
storytoanyoneyouwanttotellitto.Evenifit
screwsupmycase,yourefreetodothat.Youve email.Hedroppedbytheirbreakroomandlet
thembeathimatpinballontheirgigantic,
givenupenoughformealready.
bizarre,multiboardhomebrewmachine,letting
Deathlookedathimwithwateryeyes.Really?
themknowjusthowcoolsaidmachinewas.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/205
Nowitwaspayingoff.Judgingfromthedevice
hewaslookingat,abreadboxsized,goaway
greenroundshoulderedsmoothboxthatittook
twoofthemtocarryin.

stages,theoriginal,1955Tomorrowland,
completewiththerockettothemoon,theClock
oftheWorldand

Alittlemanappearedinthedoorway.Helooked
likehewasmadeofpipecleanersandhetook
thestairsinthreewobblingstrides.Heignored
themashelurchedaroundtheboxsperimeter
untilhecametoafarcorner,thenanotherhatch
slidawayandthelittlemanreachedinsideand
tuggedouttheplugandtheendofthepower
cord.Hehuggedtheplugtohischestandbegan
towanderaroundSammysdesk,clearlylooking
foranelectricaloutlet.

istotallyhistoricallyaccurate.

Itsarandomwalksearchalgorithm,oneof
theImagineerssaid.Watchthis.Afteracouple
ofcircuitsofSammysdeskthelittlerobotwent
totheedgeandjumped,hangingontothe
powercable,whichunspooledslowlyfromthe
boxlikeabelayline,gentlyloweringthemanto
theground.Afewminuteslater,hehadfound
theelectricaloutletandpluggedinthebox.

Sammydid,andwastreatedtoatiny,incredibly
detailedthreedeeemodeloftheHallsinterior
exhibits,completewithtinypeoplein1950sgarb
marvelingatthetrulycrappyexhibits.

Thefirstpipecleanermanwasshinnyingupthe
powercable.Hecrestedthedesktopandjoined
hisbrotherinferryingoutmoreparts.Eachone
snappedintothepreviousonewithaLegolike
click.Takingshapeonthedesktopinslow

Apipecleanermanhappeneduponashardafter
amomentandhuggedittohischest,then
toddledbackintotheboxwithit.

DairyFarmersofAmericaPresenttheCowof
Watchthis,oneofthemsaid.Heknockeda
Tomorrow?Sammysaid,peeringatthelittle
complicatedpatternontheboxstopanda
brassplaqueonthematchboxsizeddiorama,
hiddenhatchopenedoutoftheside,yawningout whichshowedacowwithanIVinherhock,
andformingaminiaturestaircasefromhalfway watchingavideoofapasture.Yourekidding
downtheboxssurfacetotheground.Therewas me.
softmusicplayinginsidethebox:ajazzy,
No!oneImagineersaid.Itsallforrealthe
uptempofuturisticversionofWhenYouWish
archiveshaveallthesetight,highrezthreedeee
uponaStar.
modelsofalltheridestheParkseverseen.This
TheKaiserAluminumHallofFame.The
MonsantoHallofChemistry.ThimbleDrome
FlightCircle,withtinyflyingminiature
airplanes.
Holycrap,Sammysaid.Peoplepaidtosee
thesethings?
Goon,theotherImagineersaid.Takethe
roofofftheHallofChemistry.

Weprintto1200dpiwiththese.Wecanput
pupilsontheeyeballsatthatrez.

Thepieceswerestilltrundlingout.Sammy
Themusicinsidestilledandafanfarebegan.The pickeduptheMonsantoHallofChemistryand
trumpetingreachedajoyouspeakItsfounda turneditoverandoverinhishands,lookingat
theminutedetail,admiringthewayallthepieces
networkconnectionandthensubsidedinto
snappedtogether.
marchingbandmusic.Therewasasmelllike
SaranWrapinthemicrowave.Amomentlater, Itskindofbrittle,thefirstImagineersaid.He
anotherpipecleanermanemergedfromthebox, tookitfromSammyandgaveitasqueezeandit
luggingachunkofplasticthatlookedlikethe
crackedwithanoiselikeanofficechairrolling
baseofarocketinanoldtimeysciencefiction
overasheetofbubblewrap.Thepiecesfellto
movie.
thedesk.

Theresalittleopticalscannerinthereitll

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/206
figureoutwhichbitthispiececamefromand
printanotherone.Totalconstructionofthis
modeltakesabouttwohours.
Youbuiltthisentirethingfromscratchinthree
weeks?
TheImagineerslaughed.No,nonoway!No,
almostallthecodeanddesignscameoffthenet.
MostofthisstuffwasdevelopedbyNewWork
startupsbackintheday,orbythoserideweirdos
downinHollywood.Wejustshoveditallinto
thisboxandaddedthemodelsforsomeofour
oldridesfromthearchives.Thiswaseasy,man
easy!

Sammypursedhislipsandthoughtforawhile.
Please,pleasetellmethattheressomething
proprietarywecanrequireinthefeedstockthat
canmakeusintothesolesupplierof
consumablesforthisthing.
Maybe?Wecouldcertainlytagthegoopwith
somethingproprietaryandhuntforitwhenwe
dothebuild,refusetorunonanyoneelsesgoop.
Ofcourse,thatwontbehardtodefeat

Wellsueanyonewhotriesit,Sammysaid.
Oh,boys,youveoutdoneyourselves.Seriously.
IfIcouldgiveyouaraise,Iwould.Asitis,take
somethinghomefromthearchitecturalsalvage
lotandsellitoneBay.Itsasclosetoabonusas
Sammysheadswam.Easy!Thisthingwas
undeniablysupercool.Hewantedone.Everyone thisfuckingcompanysgoingtopayanyofus.
wasgoingtowantone!
Theylookedathimquizzically,withsomealarm
Youcanprinttheseasbigasyouwant,tooif andhesmiledandspreadhishands.Haha,only
wegaveitenoughtime,spaceandfeedstock,itd seriousboys.Reallytakesomestuffhome.
Youveearnedit.Tryandgrabsomethingfrom
runthesebuildingsatfullsize.
theridesystemitself,thatsgotthehighestbook
TheminiatureTomorrowlandwasnearlydone.It value.
wasallbrave,sadwhitecurves,likethesetofa
remakeofRollerball,andfeaturedtinypeoplein Theyleftbehindaslimfolderwithproduction
notesandestimates,supplierswhowouldbe
1950sclothes,sundressesandsalarymanhats,
blackrimmedglassesandscoutuniformsforthe likelytobidonajoblikethis.Hedneeda
marketingplan,toobutthiswasfartherthanhe
boys.
everthoughthedget.Hecouldshowthisto
Sammygoggledatit.Hemovedthelittlepeople legalandtotheboard,andyes,toWienerand
around,liftedoffthelids.
therestoftheuselesscommittee.Hecouldget
everyonelinedupbehindthisandworkingonit.
Man,Idseenthethreedeeemodelsand
Hell,ifhespunitrighttheydallbefightingto
flythroughs,buttheyrenothingcomparedto
havetheirpetprojectsinstantiatedwithit.
actuallyseeingit,owningit.Peoplewillwant
librariesofthesethings.Wholeroomsdevotedto Hefiddledwithacoupleofovernightshippers
them.
sitesforawhile,tryingtofigureoutwhatit
wouldcosttoselltheseintheParkandhave
Umm,oneoftheImagineerssaid.Sammy
themwaitingonthemarksdoorstepswhenthey
knewhisname,buthedforgottenit.Hehada
gotbackhome.Therewerelotsoflittledetails
wholecomplicatedschemeforremembering
peoplesnamesbymakingupstoriesaboutthem, likethat,butultimately,thiswasgoodandclean
butitwasalotofwork.Well,aboutthat.This itwouldextendtheParksreachrightintothe
feedstockisveryfastsetting,butitdoesntreally livingroomsoftheircustomers,givingthema
newreasontothinkoftheParkeveryday.
weatherwell.Evenifyoustoreditinadark,
humiditycontrolledroom,itdstartto
delaminateandfalltopieceswithinamonthor
two.Leaveitinthelivingroomindirectsunlight KettlewellandTjanlookedupwhenPerry
bangedthroughthedooroftheteahousetheyd
anditllcrumblewithinacoupledays.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/207
turnedintotheirdefactoheadquarters.

KettlewellandTjanlookedateachother.Theyd
Perryhadgonethroughmadandbacktocalmon bothstayedpokerfacedthroughPerrys
accusation,andnowKettlewellmadealittlego
theridehome,butashedrewclosertothetea
aheadgestureatTjan.
house,passingthepeopleinthestreets,the
peoplelivingtheirliveswithoutlawyersor
Theresnoexcuseforwhatthatlawyerdid.We
bullshit,hisangercameback.Hedevenstopped didntauthorizeit,wedidntknowithad
outsidetheteahouseandbreatheddeeply,but
happened,andwewouldnthavepermitteditif
hisheartwaspoundingandhishandskept
wehad.Inasuitlikethis,therearealotof
ballingintofistsandsometimes,man,
movingpartsandtheresnowaytokeeptrackof
sometimesyouvejustgottogoforit.
allofthemallofthetime.Youdontknowwhat
Hegottothetableandgrabbedthepapersthere everyrideoperatorintheworldisupto,you
dontevenknowwherealltheridesintheworld
andtossedthemoverhisshoulder.
are.Thatsinthenatureofadecentralized
Yourefired,hesaid.Packupandgo,Iwant business.
yououtbymorning.Youredonehere.Youdont
representtherideandyouneverwill.Getlost. Butheresthething:thelawyerwasatleast
partlyright.Everythingthatkidblogs,emails,
Hedidntknowhewasgoingtosayituntilhe
andsayswillpotentiallyendupinthepublic
saidit,butitfeltright.Thiswaswhathewas
record.Likeitornot,thatkidcannolonger
feelinghisprojecthadbeenstolenandbad
considerhimselftohaveaprivatelife,notuntil
thingswerebeingdoneinhisnameanditwas
thecourtcaseisup.NeithercanyouorI,forthat
goingtostop,rightnow.
matter.Thatsinthenatureofalawsuitandits
TjanandKettlewellgottotheirfeetandlooked notsomethinganyofuscanchangeatthis
athim,facesblankwithshock.Kettlewell
point.
recoveredfirst.Perry,letssitdownanddoan
Perryheardhimasfromagreatdistance,
exitinterview,allright?Thatstraditional.
throughthewhooshingofthebloodinhisears.
Perrywasshakingwithangernow.Thesetwo
Hecouldntthinkofanythingtosaytothat.
friendsofhis,theydfuckingscrewedhim
TjanandKettlewelllookedateachother.
committedtheirdirtyworkinhisname.But
Kettlewellwasholdingachairouttohimandthe SoevenifwerefiredTjansaidatlast,
othersintheteahousewerestaringandhe
makingsarcasticfingerquotes,thisproblem
thoughtaboutEvaandthekidsandthebaseball wontgoaway.Wevefloatedthesyndicateand
gloves,andhesatdown.
givencontrolofthelegalcasetothem.Ifyoutry
Hesqueezedhisthighshardwithhisclenching toditchit,youregoingtohavetocontendwith
theirlawsuits,too.
hands,drewinadeepbreath,andrecitedwhat
DeathWaitshadtoldhiminaneven,wooden
voice.

IdidntPerrystarted.Buthehad,hed
signedallkindsofpapers:first,papersthat
incorporatedtheriderunnerscoop;and,
Sothatsit.Idontknowifyouinstructedthe
lawyerstodothisoronlyjustdistancedyourself second,papersthatgavelegalrepresentation
overtothesyndicate.
enoughfromthemtoletthemdothisontheir
own.Thepointisthatthewayyourerunning
Perry,ImthechairmanoftheBostonride
thiscampaignisvictimizingpeoplewhobelieve collective.Imtheirreponthecoopsboard.
inus,makinglifeworseforpeoplewhoalready Youcantfireme.Youdidnthireme.Theydid.
gotashitty,shittydealonouraccount.Iwont
Sostopbreathingthroughyournoselikea
haveit.
locomotiveandcalmdown.Noneofuswanted

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/208
thatlawyertogoafterthatkid.

thatotheronebeenSuzanneChurch?Itsure
lookedlikeher)hadtoldhimhecouldusehis
Heknewtheyweremakingsensebuthedidnt
wanttocare.Hedendedupinthisplacebecause laptopagain,hedstayedoffthejuiceasmuchas
possible.Thecomputercouldmakehimforget
thesesupposedpalsofhishadscrewedup.
hehurt.
Heknewthathewasgoingtoendupmakingup
Helookedattheclock.Itwas4AM.Theblinds
withthem,goingtoendupgettingdeeperinto
this.Heknewthatthiswashowgoodpeopledid onthewardwereshutmostofthetime,andhe
kepttohisownschedule,nappingandthen
shittythings:onetinyrottencompromiseata
surfing,thennoddingoffandthensurfingsome
time.Well,hewasntgoingtogothere.
more.Thehospitalstaffjustlefthisfoodonthe
Tomorrowmorning,hesaid.Gone.Wecan
tablebesidehimifhewasasleepwhenit
figureoutbyemailhowtohaveasmooth
arrived,thoughtheywokehimforhissponge
transition,butnomoreofthis.Notonmyhead. bathsandtostickfreshneedlesinhisarms,
Notonmyaccount.
whichwerefilledwithbruiseycollapsedveins.
Hestalkedaway,whichiswhatheshouldhave
Therewasnoonehecouldtellaboutthis.Sure,
doneinthefirstplace.Fuckbeingreasonable.
therewerechatroomswith24/7chatterfrom
Reasonablesucked.
Disneyfreaks,buthedidntmuchwanttochat
withthem.Someofhisfriendswouldstillbeup
andtweaking,butChrist,whowantedtoIMwith
DeathfoundoutabouttheDisneyinaBox
aspeedfreakatfourinthemorning?Histyping
printerssecondsaftertheywereannounced.Hed wasdowntolessthan30wpm,andhecouldnt
beentuninghisfeedwatcherstogivehimnews keepitupforlong.Whathereallywantedwasto
abouttheDisneyParksfornearlyadecade,and talktosomeoneaboutthis.
thislittlePRitemontheDisneyParksnewswire
HereallywantedtotalktoPerryaboutthis.He
rangallthecherriesonhisfilters,flaggingthe
shouldsendhimanemail,buthehadtheinkling
itemredandrocketingittothetopofhisnews
ofanideaandhedidntwanttoputitinwriting,
playlist,makingalltheiconsinthesidesofhis
becauseitwasadeliciouslynaughtyidea.
screenbouncewithdelight.
Theannouncementmadehimwanttothrowup. Itwasdumbtoeventhinkaboutphoninghim,he
barelyknewhim,andnoonelikedtogetcallsat
Theyweretotallyrippingofftherides,andhe
knewforafactthatmostofthethreedeemeshes fouram.BesideshedcheckedPerrys
numberwasunlisted.
oftheoldyesterlandridesandeventhe
contemporaryoneswerefanmade,sothosedbe From:deathw@deathwait.erTo:
rippedoff,too.
pgibbons@hollywood.rideSubject:Whatsyour
phonenumber?
Andtheworstpartwas,hecouldfeelhimself

gettingexcited.Thiswasjustthekindofthing
Perry,Iknowthatitspresumptuous,butId
thatwouldhavegivenhimmajorfanboydroolas reallyliketotalktoyouv2vaboutsomething
recentlyasamonthago.
importantthatIdprefernottoputinwriting.I
Hejuststaredangrilyathisscreen.Beingangry donthaveanyrighttoimposeonyou,especially
madethepainkillerswearoff,sothemadderhe notafteryouvealreadydonemethekindnessof
comingtoseemeinthehospital,butIhope
gotthemorehehurt.Hecouldnailtherocker
switchanddosehimselfwithmoreofwhatever youllsendmeyournumberanyway.
thepainkillerpluggedintohisIVwastoday,but Alternatively,pleasecallmeonmyenum
sincePerryandLesterandtheirgirlfriends(had 1800DEATHWAITSGGFSAH.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/209
Youradmirer,

Ihaventtoldyoumyideayet.Hegropedfor
thewords.Hismouthhadgonedry.OK,so
DeathWaits
Disneysgoingtoshipthesethingstotonsof
Itwasfiveminuteslaterwhenhislaptoprang.It peopleshouses,theyllsellthemcheapatthe
wasunnaturallyloudontheward,andheheard parksandmailthemasfreebiestoMagic
hisroommatesstirwhenthetoneplayed.He
KingdomClubgoldcardholders.Soinaweek
didnthaveaheadsetChrist,hewasanidiot.
ortwo,theresgoingtobejust,youknow,tons
Wait,therewasone,danglingfromtheTV.No
oftheseacrossthecountry.
mic,butatleasthecouldpairitwithhislaptop
Right.
forsound.Hestabbedatthemutebuttonand
reachedfortheheadsetandslippediton.Then
Soheresmyidea:whatifyoucouldgetthem
heheldthecomputerclosetohisfaceand
tobuildnonDisneystuff?Whatifyoucould
whisperedHello?intoitslittlemic.Hisvoice sendthemplansforstufffromtherides?Whatif
wasacroak,hisruinedmouthdistortingthe
youcouldjustdownloadyourfriendsdesigns?
word.Whyhadhedecidedtocallthisguy?He
Whatifthiswasopenedwide.
wassuchanidiot.
Perrychuckledontheotherendoftheline,then
ThisisPerryGibbons.IsthatDeathWaits?

laughed,fullthroatedandfullofmerriment.I
Yes,sorry,Idonthaveamic.Canyouhearme likethewayyouthink,kid,hesaid,oncehed
caughthisbreath.
OK?
Andthenthisamazingthinghappened.Perry
IfIturnthevolumeallthewayupIcan.
Gibbonsbrainstormedwithhimaboutthekinds
Therewasanawkwardsilence.Deathtriedto
ofdesignstheycouldpushouttothesethings.It
thinkofhowtobegin.
waslikesomekindofawesomedreamcome
true.Perrywastreatinghimlikeapeer,loving
Whatsonyourmind,Death?
hisideas,keyingoffofthem.
Ididntexpectyoutobeawakeatthishour.
Thenadismalthoughtstruckhim.Waitthough,
Ihadaroughnight,Perrysaid.Itoccurredto wait.Theyreusingtheirowngoopforthe
Deaththathewastalkingtooneofhisheros,a printers.Everydesignweprintmakesthem
manwhohadcometovisithiminthehospital
richer.
thatday.Hegrewevenmoretonguetied.
Perrylaughedagain,reallymerry.Oh,thatkind
Whathappened?
ofthingneverworks.Theyvebeentryingtotie
Nothingimportant,Perrysaidandswallowed, feedstocktoprinterssincetheinkjetdays.Wego
throughthatlikewetkleenex.
andDeathsuddenlyunderstoodthatPerryhad
hadaroughnightbecauseofhim,becauseof
Isntthatillegal?
whathedtoldPerry.Itmadehimwanttocry.
Whothefuckknows?Itshouldntbe.Idont
Imsorry,Deathsaid.
careaboutillegalanymore.Legalgetsyou
Whatsonyourmind,Death?Perrysaidagain. lawyers.Comeon,dudewhatsthepointof
beingallintosomeantiauthoritariansubculture
Deathtoldhimwhathedfound,aboutthe
ifyouspendallyourtimesuckinguptothe
Disneyprinters.HereadPerrytheURLssohe
authorities?
couldlookthemup.
Deathlaughed,whichactuallyhurtquiteabit.It
OK,thatsinteresting,Perrysaid.Deathcould
wasthefirstlaughhedhadsincehedendedup
tellhedidntreallythinkitwasthatinteresting.
inthehospital,maybethefirstonesincehed

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/210
beenfiredfromDisneyWorld,andasmuchasit around,butshewasright,ofcourse.
hurt,itfeltgood,too,likeabandbeingloosened Imanidiot,Hilda.IfiredTjanandKettlewell,
fromaroundhisbrokenribs.
toldthemtogetlost.
Hisroommatesstirredandoneofthemmust
Idontknowwhyyouthinkthatssuchabad
havepushedthenursecallbutton,because
idea.Youneedbusinesspeople,probably,butit
shortlythereafter,theformidableUkrainian
doesntneedtobethoseguys.Sometimesyou
nursecameinandsavagelytoldhimofffor
canhavetoomuchhistorywithsomeonetowork
disturbingthewardatfiveinthemorning.Perry withhim.Besides,anythingcanbeunsaid.You
heardandsaidhisgoodbyes,liketheywereold canchangeyourmindinaweekoramonth.
palswhodchattedtoolong,andDeathWaits
Thoseguysarentdoinganythingspecial.Theyd
rangoffandfellintoalightdoze,grinninglikea comebacktoyouifyouaskedem.YourePerry
maniac.
motherfuckinGibbons.Yourule,dude.
Youreaveryniceperson,HildaHammersen.
HildaeyedPerrycuriously.Thatsoundedlike Butthoseguysarerunningourlegaldefense,
whichweregoingtoneed,becauseImaboutto
aninterestingconversation,shesaid.Shewas
dosomethingsemiillegalthatsboundtogetus
wearingalongtshirtofhisthatdidntreally
covermuch,andshelookeddeliciousinit.Itwas suedagainbythesamepackofassholesaslast
time.
allhecoulddotokeepfromgrabbingherand
tossingheronthebedofcourse,thecastmeant Disney?Shesnorted.Haveyoueverreadup
thathecouldntreallydothat.AndHildawasnt onthehistoryoftheDisneyCompany?Theold
exactlysmiling,either.
one,theoneWaltfounded?WaltDisneywasnt
Sorry,Ididntmeantowakeyouup,hesaid.
Itwasntthetalkingthatdidit,itwasyounot
beingthereinthefirstplace.Gavemethetoss
andturns.
Shecameovertohimthen,theleanmusclesin
herlegsflexingasshecrossedthelivingroom.
Shetookhislaptopawayandsetitdownonthe
coffeetable,thentookoffhisheadset.Hewas
wearingnothingbutboxers,andshereached
downandgavehisdickacompanionablehonk
beforesittingdownnexttohimandgivinghima
kissonthecheek,thethroatandthelips.

justaracistcreep,hewasalsoamadinventor.
Hekeptcomingupwiththesecoolhightech
waysofmakingcartoonsstickingrealpeople
inthem,puttingthemincolor,addingsync
sound.Peopleloveditall,butitdrovehimoutof
business.Itwasalltooexpensive.

Soherecruitedhisbrother,RoyDisney,who
wasjustabanker,torunthebusiness.Roy
turnedthebusinessaround,watchingtheincome
andtheoutgo.Butallthiscameataprice:Roy
wantedtotellWalthowtorunthebusiness.
Moretothepoint,hewantedtotellWaltthathe
couldntjustspendmillionsfromthecompany
So,Perry,shesaid,lookingintohiseyes.
coffersonweirdassR&Dprojects,especially
Whatthefuckareyoudoingsittingintheliving notwhenthecompanywasstillfiguringouthow
roomat5amtalkingtoyourcomputer?And
toexploitthelastR&DprojectWalthadchased.
whydidntyoucometobedlastnight?Imnot
ButitwasWaltscompany,andhedoverrule
goingtobehangingoutinFloridafortherestof Roy,andRoywouldpromisethatitwasgoingto
mylife.Iwouldathoughtyoudwantto
puttheminthepoorhouseandthenhedfigure
maximizeyourHildatimewhileyouvegotthe outhowtomakeanothermillionoffofWalts
chance.
vision,becausethatswhatthemoneyguyis
supposedtodo.
Shesmiledtolethimknowshewaskidding

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/211
Thenafterthewar,WaltwenttoRoyandsaid,
Giveme$17million,Imgoingtobuilda
themepark.AndRoysaid,Youcanthaveitand
whatsathemepark?Waltthreatenedtofire
Roy,thewayhealwayshad,andRoypointedout
thatDisneywasnowapubliccompanywith
shareholderswhowerentgoingtoletWalt
cowboyaroundandpissawaytheirmoneyonhis
toys.

ofchocolateicecreamoutofthefreezerand
attackeditwithaselfheatingceramicspoonthat
heddesignedspecificallyforthispurpose.

ditchingyoursuits,buttheyrejustthat,suits.At
somelevel,theyreallinterchangeable,
mercenaryparts.Youwantsomeonetowatchthe
bottomline,butnotsomeonewhollrunthe
show.Ifthatsnottheseguys,hey,thatscool.
Findacouplemoresuitsandrunthem.

Lesteractedasthoughhehadntheardher.Im
beingprettymellowaboutthis,buddy.Imnot
makingabigdealoutofthefactthatyoudidthis
withoutconsultingme,becauseIknowhow
roughitmusthavebeentodiscoverthatthis
wickednesshadgonedowninourname,andI
mighthavedonethesame.Butitsthecoldlight
ofdaynowanditstimetogoovertheretogether
andhaveachatwithTjanandKettlewellandtalk
thisoverandsortitout.Wecantaffordtoburn
allthistothegroundandstartovernow.

IgotridofKettlewellandTjan,Perrysaid.He
wasblushing.Iwouldhavetalkedtoyouabout
it,butyouwerewithSuzanne.Ihadtodoit,
though.Ihadto.

IhatewhathappenedtoDeathWaits.Ihatethat
wevegotsomeoftheblameforit.But,Perry,
SohowdhegetDisneylandbuilt?
TjanandKettlewellarepartofouroutfit.Its
Hequit.Hestartedhisowncompany,WED,for theirshow,too.Youcantjustgoshitcanning
WalterEliasDisney.Hepoachedallthegeniuses them.Notjustmorally,either.Legally.Those
awayfromthestudiosandturnedthemintohis guysownapieceofthisthingandtheyre
Imagineersandcashedinhislifeinsurance
keepingthelawyersatbaytoo.Theyre
policyandraisedhisowndoughandbuiltthe
managingalltheevilshitsowedonthaveto.I
park,andthenmadeRoybuythecompanyback dontwanttobeinchargeoftheevil,andneither
fromhim.Imguessingthatthatfeltpretty
doyou,andhiringanewsuitisntgoingtobe
good.
easy.Theyreallpredatory,theyallhave
delusionsofgrandeur.
Itsoundslikeitmustve,Perrysaid.Hewas
feelingthoughtful,andbuzzedfromthesleepless Youtwohavetheacumentohirebetter
night,andjazzedfromhisconversationwith
representationthanthosetwo,Hildasaid.
DeathWaits.Hehadanideathattheycouldpush Youreexperiencednow,andyouvefoundeda
designsouttotheprintersthatwerelikethe
movementthatplentyofpeoplewouldkilltobe
Disneydesigns,butweirdandkinkyand
apartof.Youjustneedbettermanagement
subversiveandalittledisturbing.
structure:anexecutiveyoucanoverrule
wheneveryouneedto.Alackey,notaboss.
Icanunderstandwhyyoudbenervousabout

Jesus,youreallyareYoko,arentyou?Lester
waswearinghisboxersandablearygrin,
standinginthelivingroomsdoorwaywhere
Hildahadstoodaminutebefore.Itwaspast
6AMnow,andtherewerewakingupsounds
throughthewholecondo,toiletsflushing,acar
startingdownintheparkinglot.
Goodmorning,Lester,Hildasaid.Shesmiled
whenshesaidit,nooffensetaken,allgood,all
good.
Youfiredwhonow,Perry?Lesterdugapint

Perryknewitwasreasonable,butscrew
reasonable.Reasonablewashowgoodpeople
endedupdoingwrong.Sometimesyouhadtobe
unreasonable.
Lester,theyviolatedourtrust.Itwastheir
responsibilitytodothisthinganddoitright.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/212
Theydidntdothat.Theydidntlookcloselyat
thisthingsothattheywouldnthavetoputthe
brakesonifitturnedouttobedirty.Whichdo
youthinkthosetwowouldratherhavehappen:
werunacoolprojectthateveryoneloves,orwe
runalawsuitthatmakestenbilliondollarsfor
theirinvestors?Theyreplayingadifferentgame
fromusandtheirvictoryconditionisntours.I
dontwanttobereasonable.Iwanttodothe
rightthing.Youandmecouldhavesoldouta
thousandtimesovertheyearsandmademoney
insteadofdoinggood,butwedidnt.Wedidnt
becauseitsbettertoberightthantobe
reasonableandrich.Yousaywecantaffordto
getridofthosetwo.Isaywecantaffordnotto.
Youneedtogetagoodnightssleep,buddy,
Lestersaid.Hewasblowingthroughhisnose,a
suresignthathewasangry.ItmadePerrys
hacklesgoupheandLesterdidntfightmuch
butwhentheydid,hooboy.Youneedto
mellowoutandseethatwhatyouretalking
aboutisabandoningourfriends,Kettlewelland
Tjan,tomakeourownegosfeelalittlebetter.
Youneedtoseethatwereriskingeverything,
riskingspendingourlivesincourtandlosing
everythingweveeverbuilt.
AZenlikecalmdescendedonPerry.Hildawas
right.Suitswereeverywhere,andyoucould
chooseyourown.YoudidntneedtolettheRoy
Disneysoftheworldcalltheshots.
Imsorryyoufeelthatway,Lester.Ihear
everythingyouresaying,butyouknowwhat,its
goingtobemyway.IunderstandthatwhatI
wanttodoisrisky,buttheresnowayIcango
ondoingwhatImdoingandlettingthingsget
worseandworse.Makingalittlecompromise
hereandthereishowyouendupsellingout
everythingthatsimportant.Weregoingtofind
otherbusinessmanagersandweregoingto
workwiththemtomakeasmoothtransition.
Maybewellallcomeoutofthisfriendslateron.
TheywanttodosomethingdifferentfromwhatI
wanttodoisall.
ThiswasntcalmingLesterdownatall.Perry,

thisisntyourprojecttodowhatyouwantwith.
Thisbelongstoalotofus.Ididmostofthe
workinthere.
Youdid,buddy.Igetthat.Ifyouwanttostick
withthem,thatshowitllgo.Nohardfeelings.
Illgooffanddomyownthing,runmyown
ride.Peoplewhowanttoconnecttomynetwork,
nosweat,theycandoit.Thatscool.Wellstill
befriends.YoucanworkwithKettlewelland
Tjan.Perrycouldhardlybelievethesewords
werecomingoutofhismouth.Theydbeen
buddiesforever,inseparable.
Hildatookhishandsilently.
Lesterlookedathimwithincreasingincredulity.
Youdontmeanthat.
Lester,ifwesplit,itwouldbreakmyheart.
Therewouldntbeadaythatwentbyfromnow
totheendoftimethatIdidntregretit.Butifwe
keepgoingdownthispath,itsgoingtocostme
mysoul.Idratherbebrokethanevil.Oh,itfelt
sogoodtobesayingthis.Tofinallyaffirm
throughdeedandwordthathewasagood
personwhowouldputethicsbeforegreed,
beforecomforteven.
LesterlookedatHildaforamoment.Hilda,this
isprobablysomethingthatPerryandIshould
talkaboutalone,ifyoudontmind.
Imind,Lester.Theresnothingyoucantsayin
frontofher.
Lesterapparentlyhadnothingtosaytothat,and
thesilencemadePerryuncomfortable.Lester
hadtearsinhiseyes,andthathitPerryinthe
chestlikeaspear.Hisfrienddidntcryoften.
HecrossedtheroomandhuggedLester.Lester
waswoodenandunyielding.
Please,Lester.Please.Ihatetomakeyou
choose,butyouhavetochoose.Wereonthe
sameside.Wevealwaysbeenonthesameside.
Neitherofusarethekindofpeoplewhosend
lawyersafterkidsinhospital.Never.Iwantto
makeitgoodagain.Wecanhavethekindofgig
wherewedotherightthingandthecoolthing.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/213
Comeon,Lester.Please.

said.ImafraidIcantcomment

HeletgoofLester.Lesterturnedonhisheeland
walkedbackintohisbedroom.Perryknewthat
thatmeanthedwon.HesmiledatHildaand
huggedher.Shewasalotmorefuntohugthan
Lester.

Oh,itllonlytakeamomenttoexplainit,
Freddysaidandthenlaunchedintoahighspeed
explanationbeforeSammycouldobject.They
weredeliveringtheirownthreedeeemodelsfor
theprinters,andhadevengottenholdofoneof
thetestunitsDisneyhadpassedoutlastweek.
Theyclaimedtohavereverseengineeredthe
goopthatitranon,sothatanyonesgoopcould
printtoit.

Sammywasathisdesklookingoverthe
productionprototypefortheDisneyinaBox
(R)unitsthatImagineeringhaddroppedoffthat
So,whatImlookingforisaquotefromDisney
morningwhenhisphonerang.Nothisdesk
onthis.Doyoucondonethis?Didyouanticipate
phonehiscellularphone,withthecallreturn
it?WhatifsomeoneprintsanAK47withit?
numberblocked.
NoonesgoingtoprintaworkingAK47with
Hello?hesaid.Notmanypeoplehadthis
this,Sammysaid.Itstoobrittle.AK47
numberhedidntlikegettinginterruptedbythe
manufacturingisalreadysadlyingreatprofusion
phone.Peoplewhoneededtotalktohimcould
acrossourinnercities,anyway.Astotherestof
talktohissecretaryfirst.
itHeclosedhiseyesandtookacoupleof
Hi,Sammy.HaveIcaughtyouatabadtime? deepbreaths.Astotherestofit,thatwouldbe
Hecouldhearthesneerinthevoiceandthenhe somethingyoudhavetospeaktooneofmy
couldseethefacethatwentwiththesneer:
legalcolleaguesabout.Wouldyoulikemetoput
Freddy.Shit.Hedgiventhereporterhisnumber youthroughtothem?
backwhentheywerearrangingtheirdisastrous
Freddylaughed.Ohcomeon,Sammy.Alittle
facetoface.
somethingonbackground,noattribution?You
Itsnotagoodtime,Freddy,hesaid.Ifyou
goingtosuethem?Havethembeatenup?
callmysecretary
Sammyfelthisfacegowhite.ImsureIdont
Ijustneedamomentofyourtime,sir.Fora
knowwhatyouretalkingabout
quote.Forastoryabouttherideresponsetoyour
WordhasitthattheDeathWaitskidcameup
printersyourDisneyinaBoxCircleR,Tee
withthis.Heusedtobeyourprotege,no?AndI
Em,CircleC.
hearthatKettlewellandTjanhavebeenkicked
Sammyfelthisgutstenseup.Ofcoursethose
outoftheorganizationnoonearoundtocall
rideassholeswouldhaveknownaboutthe
thelawyersoutontheirbehalf.Seemslikea
printers.Thatswhatpressreleaseswerefor.
goldenopportunitytostrike.
Somewhereontheirmessageboardshewassure
Sammyseethed.Hedbeenconcentratingon
thattherewassomediscussionofthem.He
makingnewstuff,greatstuff.Competitivestuff,
hadnthadtimetolookforit,though,andhe
tobesure,butintheend,thereasonformaking
didntwanttousetheDisneyParkscompetitive
theDisneyinaBoxdeviceshadbeentomake
intelpeopleonthisstuff,becauseaftertheDeath
them,makethemascoolashecouldimagine.
Waitsdebacle(debacleondebacle,ack,hecould
Toplusthemandreplusthem,intheoldslang
besuchafuckup)hedidntwanttohaveany
ofWaltDisney,makingthethingbecausethe
trainofintelgatheringonthegrouppointing
thingcouldbemadeandtheworldwouldbea
backtohim.
morefunplaceonceitwas.
Imnotfamiliarwithanyresponse,Sammy
Nowherewasthistrollegginghimontogoto

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/214
waragainwiththoserideshitheads,tospendhis
energiesdestroyinginsteadofcreating.The
worstpart?Itwasallhisfault.Hedbroughthis
owndestruction:thereporter,DeathWaits,even
thelawsuit.Alltheresultofhisbadplanningand
dumbdecisions.God,hewasatotalfuckup.

neededevenifhisdoctorhadntbeenableto
lookhimintheeyewhenthiswasexplained
anditwastimeforhimtogohome.Goaway.Go
anywhere.

HedputitallinhisLJ,theconversationasbest
ashecouldrememberit,thewayitmadehim
DisneyinaBoxsatonhisdesk,humming
feel.TheconversationhedhadwithPerryand
faintlynothumminglikeafridgehums,but
theideahedhadforpwningDisneyinaBox.
actuallyhumminginabaritonehum,humminga Hedidntevenknowifhisapartmentwasstill
medleyofmagicuserssongsfromDisney
therehehadntbeenbackinweeksandtherent
movies,likealivingthing.Everyonceinawhile wasoverdue.
itwouldclearitsthroatandmutterandeven
Andthecommentscamefloodingin.Firsta
snorealittle.Therewouldbehappyrustlesand coupledozenfromhisfriends,thenhundreds,
whisperedconversationsfromwithinthegutsof thenthousands.Ragingfightssomepeople
thething.Itwasplussedallthewaytohelland accusedhimofbeingafakestersockpuppet
back.Ithadbeeneasy,asmoreandmore
aimedatgatheringsympathyordonations(!)
Imagineershadcomeupwithcoolfeaturesto
sideconversations,philosophicalarguments.
addtothefirmware,contributingthemtothe
versioningsystem,andhedbeenabletochoose Buriedinthere,offersfromrealworldand
onlinefriendstomeethimatthehospital,toget
fromamongthemandpickthebestofthelot,
himhome,totakecareofhim.Itwas
makingadevicethatrivaledWalts1955
Disneylanditselffororiginality,excitement,and unbelievable.Therewasasmallfortunehalfa
yearswagesathisoldjobwaitinginhis
cool.
paypal,andifthiswasalltobebelieved,there
Illjustsayyoudeclinedtocomment,then?
wasacadreofpeoplewaitingjustoutsidethat
Asshole.
doortomeethim.
Youwritewhateveryouneedtowrite,Freddy,
hesaid.Ahatchopenedatinybitonthetopof
thecubeandapairofeyespeeredout,thenit
slammedshutandtherewasaroundof
convincinggigglesandscurryingfromwithin
thebox.Thiscouldbehuge,ifSammydidnt
fuckitupbyworryingtoomuchaboutwhat
someoneelsewasupto.

Thenursewhocametogethimlookedrattled.
Yourfriendsarehere,shesaidinherBoris
andNatashaaccent,andgavehima
disapprovinglookasshedisconnectedhishoses
andpipessoswiftlyhedidnthavetimeto
registerthepainhefelt.Shepulledonapairof
SalvationArmyunderpantsthefirstpairhed
worninweeksandapairofnew,darkblue
Oh,andoneotherthing:itlooksliketheDeath jeansandaRotarypicnictshirtdatedthree
yearsbefore.Theshirtwasasmallanditstill
Waitskidisgoingtobedischargedfromthe
hungfromhimlikeatent.
hospitalthisweek.
Youwillusecanes?sheasked.Hedhadsome
physiotherapythatweekandhecouldtakeone
Hewasntreadytoleavethehospital.For
ortwododderingstepsoncrutches,butcanes?
starters,hecouldntwalkyet,andtherewerestill Noway.
timeswhenhecouldbarelyrememberwherehe
Icant,hesaid,picturinghimselfsprawledon
was,andtherewastheproblemofthecatheter.
thepolishedconcretefloor,withwhatwasleftof
Buttheinsurancecompanyandthehospitalhad
hisfacebashedinfromthefall.
concurredthathedhadallthetreatmenthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/215
Wheelchair,shesaidtosomeoneinthehall,
andanorderlycameinpushingachairwitha
squeakywheelthoughthechairitselfwasa
prettygoodone,atleastasgoodastheonesthey
rentedatDisney,whichwerenearly
indestructible.Heletthenursetransferhimtoit
withherstronghandsinhisarmpitsandunder
hisknees.Abagcontaininghislaptopandafew
cardsandthingsthathadshownupatthe
hospitalwasdumpedintohislapandheclutched
ittohimselfashewaswheeledtotheendofthe
corridorandaroundthecorner,wherethe
nursesstation,theelevators,thecommonarea
andhisfanswere.
Theywerentjusthispals,thoughtherewerea
fewofthemthere,butalsoabigcrowdofpeople
hednevermet,didntrecognize.Therewere
goths,skinnyandpaleanddrapedinblack,but
theywereoutnumberedbythesubculture
civilians,normallooking,slightlyhippieish,old
andyoung.Whenhehoveintosight,theyburst
intoawildcheer.Theorderlystoppedpushing
hischairandthenurserushedforwardtoshush
themsternly,butitbarelydampenedthecalls.
Therewerewolfwhistles,cheers,calls,
disorganizedchants,andthentwoverypretty
girlshehadntthoughtaboutprettyanything
inalong,longtimeunfurledabannerthatsaid
DEATHWAITSinglitteryhanddrawnletters,
withalittleskulldottingtheIinWAITS.
Thenursereadthebannerandreachedtotearit
outoftheirhands,buttheyfoldeditback.She
cametohimandhissedinhisear,something
aboutgettingsecuritytogetridofthesepeopleif
theywerebotheringhim,andherealizedthatshe
thoughtDEATHWAITSwasathreatandthat
madehimlaughsohardhechoked,andshe
flouncedoffinadeeplySlavichuff.

ThewerecalledLaceyandTracey,andtheywere
sisterswhowenttotherideeveryday,theysaid
breathlessly,andtheydseenthestoryhed
described,seenitwiththeirowneyes,anditwas
somethingthatwasaspersonalasthetwin
languagetheyddevelopedtocommunicatewith
oneanotherwhentheywerelittlegirls.
Hisoldfriendssurroundedhim:guyswho
marveledathisrecovery,girlswhokissedhis
cheekandmessedupTraceyandLaceys
makeup.Someofthemhadnewtattoostoshow
himonegirlhadgottenafulllegpiece
showingscenesfromtheride,andsheslyly
pulledherskirtallthewayup,allthewayup,to
showhimwhereitallstarted.
Securityshowedupandthrewthemalloutinto
thestreet,wheretheheatwasoppressiveand
wet,buttheairwasfreshandfullofsmellsthat
werentsicknessormedicine,whichmadeDeath
Waitsfeellikehecouldgetupanddance.
Effervescentcitrusandbiodieselfumes,moist
vegetationandthehumoflazyhighnoonbugs.
Now,itsallarranged,oneofthestraight
lookingonestoldhim.Hedfiguredoutthat
thesewerethepurestorypeople,whodreadhis
descriptionsandconcludedthathedseen
somethingmorethananyoneelse.Theyall
wantedachancetotalktohim,butdidntseem
tooputoutthathewasspendingmostofhistime
withhisoldmates.Dontworryaboutathing.
Caraftercarappeared,takingawaymoreofthe
party.Hereyougo.
Anothercarpulledup,anallelectrickneeling
numberwithahugecargospace.Theywheeled
thechairrightintoit,andthentwoofthestory
hippieshelpedhimtransferintotheseat.My
momwasinawheelchairfortenyearsbefore
shepassed,ahippietoldhim.Hewasolderand
lookedlikeanEnglishteacherDeathWaitshad
quitelikedingradeten.HestrappedDeathWaits
inlikeaproandofftheywent.

Andthenhewasamonghiswelcomingparty,
anditwasapartytherewerecakeandclove
cigarettesinsmokesaversandcansoflicorice
coffee,andeveryonewantedtotalkwithhimand
TheyweretenminutesintoMelbournetraffic
taketheirpictureswithhim,andthetwopretty
girlstookturnsmakinguphisface,highlighting Deathmarvelingatbuildings,signs,people,in
hisscarstomakehimfitforaBelaLugosirole. everycolor,withouttheoppressivewhiteand

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/216
gorecolorsofeverythinginthehospitalwhen
theEnglishteacherdudelookedshylyatDeath.

thattheydseenintheride,wheretheydseenit,
whatitmeant.Therewasalotofdebateabout
whethertheyhadanybusinessratingthingsnow
YouthinkitsrealtheStory,Imeandont
thatthestoryhadshownitselftothem.Thestory
you?
wastheproductofunconsciouseffort,andit
Deaththoughtaboutthisforasecond.Hedbeen shouldbelefttounconsciouseffort.
veryfocusedontheParkinaBoxprintersfor
thepastweek,whichfeltlikeaneternitytohim, Butthecounterargumentwasthattheyhada
butherememberedhisobsessionwiththestory dutytogardenthestory,orpossiblytosharpen
itstelling,ortoprotectitfrompeoplewho
fondly.Itrequiredakindoffloatynon
concentrationtoreallyseeit,ameditativestate couldntseeitorwouldntseeit.
hedfoundeasytoattainwithallthepainkillers. AtfirstDeathdidntknowwhattomakeofall
thistalk.Atfirsthefounditfunnyandmorethan
Itsreal,hesaid.
alittleweirdtobetakingthestorythisseriously.
TheEnglishteacherandtwoofhisfriends
Itwasbeautiful,butitwasanaccidentalbeauty.
seemedtorelaxalittle.Wethinksotoo.
Theridewastheimportantthing,thestorywas
Theypulleduptohiscondohowdtheyknow itseffect.
wherehelived?andparkedrightnexttohis
Butthesepeopleconvincedhimthattheywere
car!Hecouldseewherethetowhadkindof
right,thatthestoryhadtobeimportant.After
fuckeduptherearbumper,butotherthanthat,it all,ithadinspiredallofthem,hadntit?Theride
wasjustasherememberedit,anditlookedlike wasjusttechnologythestorywaswhattheride
someonehadgivenitawash,too.TheEnglish
wasfor.
teacherputhiscarinparkandcamearoundto
Hisheadswamwithit.
openhisdoorjustastherestofthewelcoming
partycameoutofhisbuilding,pushing
Wevegottoprotectit,hesaidfinally,after
Astairclimbingwheelchair,thesamekindthat listeningtotheargument,aftereatingthefood
theyusedintheride.Deathlaughedaloudwith withwhichtheydfilledhisfridge,aftertalking
intenselywithTracey(orpossiblyLacey)about
delightwhenhesawitrollingtowardhim,
handlingthecurbeasily,hardlyabump,andthe theirparentsunthinkingblandness,afterletting
theEnglishteacherguy(whosenamewasJim)
twoprettygirls,TraceyandLacey,transferred
takehimtothetoilet,afterlettinghisoldgoth
himintoit,andbothcontrivedtobrushtheir
palsplaysomemusicsomemutualfriendshad
breastsandjasminescentedhairacrosshis
justmixed.
cheeksastheydidso,andhefeltthefirst
stirringsinhisruinedgrointhathedfeltsince
beforehisbeating.

Wevegottoprotectitandsharpenit.Thestory
wantstogetoutandtherewillbethosewho
Helaughedlikeawildman,andtheyalllaughed cantseeit.Hedidntcarethathisspeechwas
mangledbyhisfuckedupface.Hedseenhis
withhimandsomeoneputaclovecigarette
faceinthemirrorandTraceyandLaceyhad
betweenhislipsandhedrewonit,cougheda
little,andthenhadanotherdragbeforeherolled doneanicejobinmakingituphelookedlike
alatterdayMarilynManson,histwistedmoutha
intotheelevator.
ghoulishsmear.Thedoctorshadtalkedabout
Thegirlsputhimtobedhourslater.His
givinghimanotherseriesofsurgeriestofixhis
apartmenthadbeenspotlessandhehadevery
lip,asetofimplanteddenturestoreplacethe
confidencethatitwouldbespotlessagaincome missingteeth,hadevenmentionedthatthere
nighttime.Thepartyhadspenttherestofthe
werespecialistclinicswherehecouldgetanew
dayandmostofthenighttalkingaboutthestory

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/217
setbuddedandgrownrightoutofhisowngums. Laceyrolledhereyesandgiggledagainandthen
Thathadbeenbackwhenthemysteriousforces slidherhandtherestofthewaydown,briefly
ofthelawsuitandtheridewerepayinghisbills. holdinghisdickandthenencirclinghisballs
Nowhecontemplatedhisfaceinthemirrorand withherfingersbeforekissinghimagainonthe
twistofhislipsandbackingoutoftheroom,
toldhimselfhedgetusedtothis,hedcometo
whispering,Sleepwell,seeyouinthe
likeit,itwouldbeatrademark.Itwouldmake
morning.
himgothierthangoth,forlife,alwaysan
outsider,alwaysoneoftheweirdones,likethe
oldtimerswhodcometoDisneywiththeir
teenaged,eyerollingkids.Gothskidswere
nevergoths,itseemedmorelikebangbangers
orjockylookingpeakperformancetypes,or
hippiesorgippiesordippiesortippiesor
whatever.Buttheirparentswerestillproudly
flyingtheirfreakflags,weirdtothegrave.

Deathlayawakeandstaringattheceilingfora
longtimeaftertheyhadgone.TheEnglish
teacherdudehadlefthimwithabedpanforthe
nightandmanyofthemhadpromisedtoreturn
inrotationsindefinitelyduringthedays,helping
himoutwithdressingandshoppingandgetting
himinandoutofhismarvelouschair.

Hestaredandstaredatthatceiling,andthenhe
Wellleteveryoneknowaboutit,hesaid,
reachedforhislaptop,therebesidethebed,the
thinkingnotofeveryonebutofallthecool
sameplaceithadlivedwhenhewasinthe
subculturekidshedgrownupwithand
hospital.Hefireditupandwentstraightto
worshippedandbeenrejectedbyanddatedand todaysflythroughsoftherideandranthrough
lovedandhatedandwellmakeitpartof
themfromdifferentanglesfacingbackward
everyonesstory.Wellprotectit,guys.Of
andsideways,lookingdownandlookingup,
coursewellprotectit.
notingalltheelementsthatfeltlikestoryandall
Thatsettledtheargument.Deathhadntexpected theonesthatdidnt,wishinghehadhisplus
that.Sincewhendidhegetthelastwordonany one/minusonejoystickwithhimtocarveoutthe
storyhewasseeing.
subject?Sincenow.Theywerefollowinghis
lead.
Andthenthegirlsputhimtobed,shylyhelping
himundress,eachofthemleaningoverhimto
kisshimgoodnight.Traceyskisswassisterly,
onthecheek,herspicyperfumeandherjet
blackhaircaressinghim.Laceyskisswas
anythingbutsisterly.Shemashedherbreaststo
hischestandthrusthertongueintohismouth,
keepinghersilvereyesopenandstaringdeep
intohis,herfingersworkingbusilyinhishair.

Lesterwouldntworktherideanymore,soPerry
tookitonhisown.Hildawasintownbuying
grocerieshischestfreezerofgourmetsurplus
foodhadblownitscompressorandthecontents
hadspoiledinamessofvenisonandsour
blueberrysauceandduckpancakesandhe
stoodalone.Normallyhelovedthis,beingthe
carnivalbarkeratthemiddleofthethreering
circusoffans,touristsandhawkers,buttodayhis
Shebrokethekissoffwithagaspandagiggle. castitched,hehadntsleptenough,andthere
Shetracedtheruinofhismouthwithafingertip, werelawyerschasinghim.Lotsoflawyers.
breathingheavily,andletitslidelower,downhis AcaravanofcarspulledintothelotlikeaTim
chest.Hefoundhimselfactuallyhard,thefirst
Burtonversionofafuneral,alongtrainof
pleasurablesensationhedhadinhisdicksince funnycarhearseswithjackeduprearwheelsand
thatfatefulnight.Fromthecorridorcamean
leaningchimneypots,gargoylesandblack
impatientcoughTracey,waitingforLaceyto
buntingwithsuperbrightblacklightLEDs
getgoing.
givingthemacommerciallyeldritchglow.
Mixedinweresomestraightcars,andtheycame

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/218
andcameandcame,caroncar.Thehawkersgot
outmorestuff,spreaditoutfurther,andwaited
whilethecaravanmaneuvereditselfintoparking
spots,spillingoutintothestreet.

close,consciousofalltheobservers.Imoutof
thelawsuit.Weare.MeandLester.Firedthose
guys.Behindhisreflectivecontacts,Deaths
eyeswidenedatouch.

Ridersgotoutofthecars,mostlysuperskinny
gothsalineofspeciallowcalorievegan
versionsofVictorianorganmeatdelicacieshad
turnedamomandpopcafeinPortland,Oregon,
intoaFortune500companyafewyearsbefore
inelaborateDIYcostumery.Itshimmered
darkly,petticoatsandtoppers,bodicesandbig
stompybootsandtrouserscutoffinribbonsat
theknees.

Heslumpedalittle.Becauseofme?
Perrythoughtsome.Notexactly.Butinaway.
Itwasntus.
Deathsmiled.Thankyou.
Perrystraightenedup.Lookslikeyoubrought
downagoodcrowd,hesaid.Lotsoffriends!

Deathnodded.Lotsoffriendsthesedays,he
said.Anattractiveyoungwomancameoverand
Theridersconvergedononeofthestraightcars, squeezedhisshoulder.
abeigeminivan,andcrowdedaroundit.A
momentlater,theyweremovingtowardPerrys TheyweresuchafunnybunchintheirDIYgoth
frocks,micromanufacturedcustomizedboots,
tickettakingstand.Thecrowdpartedasthey
approachedandinPerrysawwhomtheydbeen theirelaboratetattoosandimplantsand
piercings,butforallthat,cuddlyandearnest
clusteredaround.Itwasaskinnygothkidina
withtheshadowsvisibleofthegeekstheyd
wheelchairliketheonestheykeptintheride
been.Perryfelthewassmilingsobroadlyit
theydgetthateverynowandagain,aguestin
hisownchair,justneedingalittlewireless+1/1 almosthurt.
box.Hishairwasshaggyandblackwithgreen
Ridesareonme,gang,hesaid.Inyougo.
highlights,stuckoutlikeananimecosplayers.
Yourmoneysnogoodhere.AnyfriendofDeath
HewaswhiteasWonderBread,withsomething Waitsridesforfreetoday.
funnyabouthismouth.Hislegswereincasts
Theycheeredandpattedhimonthebackasthey
thathadbeenwrappedwithblackgauze,anda
wentthrough,andDeathWaitslookedlikehed
pairofblackpointyshoeshadbeenslidoverhis
grownthreeinchesinhiswheelchair,andthe
toes,tippedwithelaboratesilvercurlicues.
prettygirlkissedPerryscheekasshewentby,
ThechairzippedforwardandPerryrecognized andDeathWaitshadasmilesobigyoucould
himinaflash:DeathWaits!Hefelthismouth
hardlytelltherewasanythingwrongwithhis
dropopenandheshutitandcamearoundthe
mouth.
stand.
Theyrodeitthroughsixtimesinarow,andas
Noway!hesaid,andgrabbedDeathshand,
theycamebackaroundforanothergoand
encrustedinchunkysilverjewelry,adifferent
another,theytalkedintentlyaboutthestory,the
stylizedanimalskulloneachfinger.Deaths
story,thestory.Perryknewaboutthestory,hed
ruinedmouthpulledupinakindofsmile.
seenit,andheandLesterhadtalkeditovernow
andagain,buthewasstillconstantlyamazedby
Nicetoseeyou,hesaid,limplysqueezing
itsabilitytoinspireriders.
Perryshand.Itwasverykindofyoutovisit
meinthehospital.

Payingcustomersslippedinandout,too,and
Perrythoughtofallthethingsthathadhappened seemedtocatchsomeoftheinfectiousintensity
sincethenandwonderedhowmuchofit,ifany, ofthestorygroup.Theywentawayinpairs,
talkingaboutthestory,andshoppedthemarket
Deathhadarighttoknowabout.Heleanedin
stallsforawhilebeforecomingbacktoride

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/219
again,tolookformorestory.

saysomething,buthedidnt.Itwasalongdrive.

Theydnevernamedtheride.Ithadalwaysbeen
theride.NotevenacapitalR.Forasecond,
PerrywonderediftheydendupcallingitThe
Storyintheend.

Thewholewayback,Lestertalkedaboutthe
DisneyinaBox.Theredbeensomealien
autopsyvideosofthempostedonlinealready,
engineerstakingthemtobits,makingguesses
aboutandwhattheydidandhow.Lesterhad
watchedthevideosavidlyandheheldhisown
opinions,andhewaseagertogetattheboxand
findanswersforhimself.Itwasthesizeofan
icechest,toobigtofitonhislap,buthekept
lookingoverhisshoulderatit.

PerrygothisDisneyinaBoxthrougha
circuitousroute,gettingoneofthehawkers
brotherstoorderittoaPOboxinMiami,to
whichPerrywoulddrivedowntopickitupand
takeitback.
Lesterrousedhimselffromtheapartmentwhen
Perrytoldhimithadarrived.Lesterand
SuzannehadbeenAWOLfordays,sleepingin
untilPerryleft,comingbackafterPerrycame
back,untilitfeltliketheywerejusttravelers
stayinginthesamehotel.
HehadntheardapeepfromKettlewellorTjan,
either.Heguessedthattheywereofffiguring
thingsoutwiththeirmoneypeople.Thenetwork
ofrideoperatorshadtakenthenewswith
equanimityHildahadhelpedhimwritethe
messagesothatitkindofimpliedthat
everythingwasundercontrolandmovingalong
nicely.

Theboxart,aglossypicoftwochildrenstaring
goggleeyedataboxfromwhichDisneoid
marvelswereerupting,lookedalittlelikethe
MakeYourOwnMonstertoyPerrydhadasa
boy.Itactuallymadehisheartskipabeatthe
waythatthatoldtoyhad.Really,wasntthat
everykidsdream?Amachinethatcreated
wondersfromdullfeedstock?
Theygotbacktotheridelongbeforeitwasdue
toopenandPerryaskedLesterifhewantedto
getasecondbreakfastinthetearoominthe
shantytown,butLesterbeggedoff,headingfor
hisworkshoptogettogripswiththeBox.

SoPerryalonewaitedfortheridetoopen,
standingathisfamiliarspotbehindthecounter.
ButwhenPerryemailedLestertosayhewas
Thehawkerscameandnoddedhellotohim.A
goingtodrivedowntothePOboxthenext
customershowedup.Another.Perrytooktheir
morningbeforeopeningtheride,Lesteremailed money.
backinminutesvolunteeringtocomewithhim.
Theticketcountersmelledofstickybeverages
HehadcoffeereadybythetimePerrygotoutof spilledandlefttobakeintheheat,asoursweet
theshower.Itwasstillodarkhundredoutside,
smelllikebile.Hischairwasanuncomfortable
thesunnotyetrisen,andtheyhardlyspokeas
barstoolhedgottenfromakitchensurplus
theygotintothecar,butsoontheywereonthe
place,happyforthebargain.Hedloggedalotof
openroad.
hoursinthatchair.Ithadwreakedhavoconhis
lowerspineandtenderizedhisass.
KettlewellandTjanarentgoingtosueyou,
Lestersaid.Thereitwas,allinashortsentence:
Ivebeentalkingtothem.Ivebeenfiguringout
ifImwithyouorwiththem.Ivebeensaving
yourass.Ivebeendecidingtobeonyourside.
Goodnews,Perrysaid.Thatwouldhave
reallysucked.

HeandLesterhadstartedthisasalark,butnow
itwasamovement,andnotonethatwasgood
forhismentalhealth.Hedidntwanttobesitting
onthatstool.Hemightaswellbeworkingina
liquorstoretheskillsetwasthesame.

Hildabrokehisreveriebycallinghisphone.
PerrywaitedfortherestofthedriveforLesterto Hey,gorgeous,shesaid.Sheboundedoutof

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/220
bedfullyformed,withoutanyinterveningstages
ofprecoffee,invertebrate,preshower,and
Homoerectus.Hecouldhearthatshewasready
tocatchtheworldbytheankleandchewherway
upitsleg.
Hey,hesaid.
Uhoh.MrBadvibesisback.YouandLester
fightinthecar?
Naw,hesaid.Thatwasfine.Just...Hetold
heraboutthesmellandthestoolandworkingat
aliquorstore.

horizon,wasawallofblackcloud,scudding
rapidlytowardthemintheragingwind.
Shouldacheckedtheweather.
Thewindwhippedupstingingcloudsofsand
anddebris.Itgustedhardandactuallyblew
HildaintoPerry.Hecaughtherandtheyboth
laughednervously.
Isthisahurricane?sheasked,joking,not
joking,tensioninhervoice.

Probablynot.HewasthinkingofHurricane
Wilma,though,theyearhedmovedtoFlorida.
NoonehadpredictedWilma,whichhadbeena
Getoneofthosehomeslicesrunningthe
tropicalstormmilesoffthecoastuntilitwasnt,
marketstallstotakeoverthecounter,andtake
metothebeach,then.ItsbeenweeksandIstill untilitwassmashinga50kmwidepathof
destructionfromKeyWesttoKissimmee.Hed
haventseentheocean.Imbeginningtothink
beenworkingastraightjobasastructural
itsanurbanlegend.
engineerforacondodeveloper,andhedseen
Sothatswhathedid.Hildadroveupinabikini whatagoodblowcoulddotothecondosof
thatmadehisjawdrop,andboughtapairof
Florida,whichwerebuiltmostlyfromdreams,
polarizingcontactsfromJason,andPerryturned promises,spit,andkleenex.
thetillovertooneofthemoretrustworthy
Wilmahadleftcarsstuckintrees,treesstuckin
vendors,andtheyhittheroad.
houses,andithadblownjustlikethiswhenit
Hildanuzzledhimandproddedhimalltheway hit.Therewasacrackleintheair,andthe
tothebeach,kissinghimattheredlights.The
sighingofthewindturnedtogroans,seemingto
skywasblueandclearasfarastheeyecouldsee comefromeverywhereatoncethebuildings
inalldirections,andtheyboughtabagof
weremoaningintheirbonesasthewinds
oranges,anewspaper,beachblankets,sunblock, buffetedthem.
apicniclunch,andabookofreplicavintage
Wehavetogetoutofhere,Perrysaid.Now.
luggagestickersfromhawkersatvariousstop
points.
Theygotuptothesecondstoreyoftheparking
garagewhenthewholebuildingmoanedand
Theyunpackedthetrunkintheparkinggarage
shudderedbeneaththem,likeatremor.They
andsteppedoutintothebrightday,andthats
frozeonthestairwell.Somewhereinthegarage,
whentheynoticedthewind.Itwasblowingso
somethingcrashedintosomethingelsewitha
hardittookHildassarongoffassoonasshe
steppedoutontothestreet.Perrybarelyhadtime soundlikethunder,andthenitwasechoedwith
anactualthundercrack,asoundlikeahundred
tosnatchtheclothoutoftheair.Thewind
riflesfiredinunison.
howled.
Theylookedupandsawthepalmtreesbending
likedrawnbows,thehotdogvendorsandshave
icecartsandthejewelryhawkershurriedly
pilingeverythingintotheircars.
Guessthebeachiscancelled,Hildasaid,
pointingoutovertheocean.There,onthe

Hildalookedathim.Noway.Notfurtherup.
Notinthisbuilding.

Heagreed.Theypelteddownthestreetandinto
thefirstsleetingshowerscomingoutofasky
thatwasnowdirtygreyandlow.Asandwich
boardadvertisingenergybeveragesspunthrough
theairlikearazoredgedfrisbee,trailinga

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/221
lengthofclotheslinethathadtetheredittothe
frontofsomebeachsidecafe.Onthebeach
acrosstheroad,beachcomberrobotsburrowed
intothesand,tryingtogetsafefromthewind,
butwerefoiledagainandagain,rolledaround
likepotatobugsintothestreet,intothesea,into
thebuildings.Theyseizuredlikedyingthings.
Perryfeltanirrationalurgetorescuethem.
Highground,Hildasaid,pointingawayfrom
thebeach.Highgroundandfindabasement.
Justlikeatwister.

buildings?Theywerebothspittingsandand
Perrysarmoozedblood.
Sometimes!Perrysaid.Theyhuddledtogether
andlistenedtothewindlashingatthebuildings
aroundthem.TheDumpsterblockingtheir
doorwaygroaned,andthenitactuallyslidafew
inches.Watercourseddownthealleybefore
them,withdebriscaughtinit:branches,trash,
thenanelectricmotorcycle,scratchingagainst
theroadasitrattledthroughtheriver.

Theywatcheditpasswithoutspeaking,then
Asheetofwaterliftedoffthesurfaceofthesea bothofthemscreamedandscrambledbackasa
andsweptacrosstheroadatthem,soakingthem hissing,soakedhousecatscrambledoverthe
totheskin,followedbyasheetofsandthat
dumpster,landingpracticallyintheirlaps,
coatedthemfromheadtotoe.Itwasallthe
clawingatthemwithhystericalviciousness.
encouragementtheyneeded.Theyran.
Fuck!Hildasaidasitcaughtholdofher
Theyran,butthestreetswererunningwithrain
nowandmoredebriswasrollingpastthem.
Theygotuponeblockandsloshedacrossthe
road.Theymadeithalfwayupthenextblock,
pastacoffeeshopandasurfshopinlowslung
buildings,andthewindliterallyliftedthemoff
theirfeetandslammedthemtotheground.Perry
grabbedHildaanddraggedherintoanalley
behindthesurfshop.Thereweredumpsters
there,andarecesseddoorway,andthey
squeezedpastthedumpsterandintothe
doorway.

thumbwithitsteeth.Shepushedatitsface
ineffectually,hissingwithpain,andPerryfinally
workedathumbintothehingeofitsjawand
forceditopen.Thecatsprangaway,clawingup
hisface,leapingbackontotheDumpster.
Hildasthumbwaspuncturedmanytimes,
alreadyrunningfreewithblood.Imgoingto
needrabiesshots,shesaid.ButIlllive.

Theycuddled,inthebloodandthemud,and
watchedtheriverswellandrunwithmoreodd
debris:clothesandcoolers,beerbottlesanda
laptop,cartonsofmilkandsomeonespurse.A
Nowinthelee,theyrealizedhowloudthestorm smallpalmtree.Amailbox.Finally,theriver
hadbeen.Theirearsrangwithit,andrangagain begantowane,theraintofalter.
withanotherthunderclap.Theirchestsheaved
Wasthatit?Hildasaid.
andtheyshivered,grabbingeachother.The
doorwaystankofpissandthecracklingozone
Maybe,Perrysaid.Hebreathedinthemoist
aroundthem.
air.Hisarmsthrobbedonebroken,theother
tornopen.Therainwaspeteringoutfastnow,
Thisplace,holyfuck,itsabouttoliftoffand
flyaway,Hildasaid,panting.Perrysunbroken andlookingup,hecouldseeblueskypeeking
throughthedirty,heavyclouds,whichwere
armthrobbedandhelookeddowntoseea
scuddingawayasfastastheydrolledin.
raggedcutrunningthelengthofhisforearm.
FromtheDumpster?
Nexttime,wechecktheweatherbeforewego
tothebeach,hesaid.
Itsabigstorm,Perrysaid.Theycome
throughnowandagain.Sometimestheyblow
Shelaughedandleanedagainsthimandhe
away.
yelpedasshecameintocontactwithhishurt
Whatdotheyblowaway?Trailers?Apartment arm.Wegottogetyoutoahospital,shesaid.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/222
Getthatlookedat.

withHilda,inMadison.OnelookatHildatold
Youtoo,hesaid,pointingatherthumb.Itwas himshefeltthesame.Theywashedeachother
slowly,asthoughtheywereunderwater,cleaning
allsoweirdandremotenow,astheywalked
outoneanotherswounds,sluicingawaythe
throughtheMiamistreets,backtowardthe
cakedonmudandgrimeblowndeepintotheir
garage.Othershockedpeoplewanderedthe
earsandthecreasesoftheirskin,nestledagainst
streets,weirdlyfriendly,smilingatthemlike
theirscalps.
theyallsharedasecret.
Theylaydowninbed,naked,together,spooned
Thebeachfrontwasinshambles,coveredin
blowntrashandmud,uprootedtreesandfallen againstoneanother.Youreagoodman,Perry
leaves,brokenglassandrolledcars.Perryhitthe Gibbons,Hildasaid,snugglingagainsthim,
carradiobeforetheypulledoutofthegarage.An handmovinginslowcirclesonhistummy.
announcerreportedthatTropicalStormHenry
hadgoneaboutthreemilesinlandbefore
peteringouttoameresunshower,alongwith
newsaboutthefreewaysandhospitalsbeing
equallyjammed.
Huh,Perrysaid.Well,whatdowedonow?
Letsfindahotelroom,Hildasaid.Have
showers,getsomethingtoeat.
Itwasaweirdandfunnyidea,andPerrylikedit.
HedneverplayedtouristinFlorida,butwhat
betterplacetodoso?Theygatheredtheirsnacks
fromthebackofthecarandusedthefirstaidkit
inthetrunktotapethemselvesup.

Theysleptthatwayandgotbackontheroad
longpastdark,drivingtheblastedfreeway
slowly,movingaroundthebrokenglassand
blownouttiresthatremained.
Thepathofthehurricanefollowedthecoast
straighttoHollywood,alineofsmashedtrees
andcarwrecksandblownoffroofsthatmade
thenighttimedriveevenmoredisorienting.
Theywentstraightbacktothecondo,butLester
wasntthere.WorrynaggedatPerry.Takeme
totheride?hesaid,afterhedpacedthe
apartmentafewtimes.

TheytriedtoreachLesterbutnooneanswered.
Hesprobablyattheride,Perrysaid.Or
ballsdeepinreverseengineeringtheDisney
Boxthing.OK,letsfindahotelroom.

Hildalookedupfromthesofa,whereshehad
collapsedtheinstanttheycamethroughthedoor,
armflungoverherface.Youreshittingme,
shesaid.Itsnearlymidnight,andwevebeenin
ahurricane.

Everythingonthebeachwasfullybooked,butas
theycontinuedinlandforacoupleblocks,they
cameuponcoffinhotelsstackedfourorfive
capsuleshigh,paintedgayMiamidecopastels,
installedinrowsinoldstorefrontsorstuckin
streetparkingspots,theirsilveredwindows
lookingoutoverthedesertedboulevards.

Hildalookedathim,hereyesnarrowed.Look,
dontbeajerk,OK?Lestersabigboy.Hes
probablyjustoutwithSuzanne.Hedhavecalled
youiftheredbeenaproblem.

Perrysquirmed.Ivegotabadfeeling,OK?
AndIcantdrivemyself.Heflappedhisbusted
armather.

Shouldwe?Perrysaid,gesturingatthem.

Helookedather,bewilderedbytheferocityof
Ifwecangetanemptyone?Damnrightthese herresponse.OK,Illcallacab,hesaid,
tryingforamiddleground.
thingsaregoingtobeinseriousdemandin
prettyshortorder.
Shejumpedupfromthecouch.Whatever.Fine.
SteppingintothecoffinhoteltransportedPerry Letmegetmykeys.Jesus.
backtohisdaysontheroad,hisdaysstayingat
coffinhotelaftercoffinhotel,tohisfirstnight

Hehadnoideahowhedangeredher,butitwas
clearthathehad,andthelastthinghewanted

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/223
wastogetintoacarwithher,buthecouldnt
thinkofawayofsayingthatwithoutescalating
things.

whilethedisasterwasunderway,buthecouldnt
bringhimselftodoso.Wegotcaughtinitin
Miami,hesaid.

Sotheydroveinwhitelippedsilencetotheride,
Hildatensewithanger,Perrytensewithworry,
bothofthemtouchyascats,neithersayinga
word.

Wonderedwhereyouwere.Thekidwhowas
mindingtheshopjustcutandrunwhenthe
stormrolledin.

Hedid?Christ,whatanirresponsibleasshole.
Butwhentheypulleduptotheride,theybothlet Illbreakhisneck.
outagasp.Itwaslitwithriggedfloodlightsand Aslimyraftofkitchengnomestheirsecond
carheadlights,anditwasswarmingwithpeople. businessventurefloatedpastsilentlyinthe
Astheydrewcloser,theysawthatthemarket
harshwaterylight.Thesmellwasalmost
stallswerestrewnacrosstheparkinglot,in
unbearable.
smashedpieces.Astheydrewcloserstill,they
ItwasnthisjobLestersvoicecrackedon
sawthattherideitselfwasstaringeyelessat
job,andhebreatheddeeply.Itwasnthisjob,
them,windowglasssmashed.
Perry.Itwasyourjob.Yourerunningaround,
Perrywasoutofthecarevenbeforeitstopped
havingagoodtimewithyourgirlfriend,firing
rolling,Hildashoutingsomethingafterhim.
lawyersHestoppedandbreathedagain.You
Lesterwasjustontheothersideoftheride
knowthattheyregoingtosueus,right?Theyre
entrance,wearingapapermaskandrubber
goingtoturnusintoasmokingruinbecauseyou
boots,wadinginthreeinchdeep,scummywater. firedthem,andwhatthefuckareyougoingto
Perrysplashedtoahalt.Holyshit,he
doaboutthat?Whosejobisthat?
breathed.Theridewaslitwithglowsticks,
Ithoughtyousaidtheywerentgoingtosue,
waterprooflamps,andLEDtorches,andthe
Perrysaid.Itcameoutinanembarrassed
lightsreflectedcrazilyfromthestillwaterthat
mumble.Lesterhadnevertalkedtohimlikethis.
filleditasfarastheeyecouldsee,wayoutinto Never.
thegloom.
KettlewellandTjanarentgoingtosue,Lester
Lesterlookedupathim.Hisfacewaslinedand said.Thelawyersyoufired,theventure
exhausted,anditgleamedwithsweat.Storm
capitalistswhobackedthem?Theyregoingto
brokeoutallthewindowsandtrashedtheroof, turnusintopaste.
thenfloodedusout.Itdidarealnumberonthe
Whatwouldyouhavepreferred?Hildasaid.
market,too.Hisvoicewasdead.
Shewasstandinginthedoorway,awayfromthe
Perrywaswordless.Bitsoftherideexhibits
flood,watchingthemintently.Hereyeswere
floatedinthewater,alongwiththecorpsesof
raccoonbagged,butshewasrigidwithanger.
therobots.
Perrycouldhardlylookather.Wouldyouhave
Nodrainage,Lestersaid.Thecodesays
preferredtohavethosefuckersgoaround
drainage,buttheresnonehere.Inevernoticedit destroyingthelivesofyoursupportersinorder
before.Imgoingtorigapump,butmy
toenrichafewpigassholes?
workshopsprettymuchtoast.Lesters
Lesterjustlookedather.
workshophadbeenintheoldgardencenterat
Well?
thesideoftheride.Itwasallglass.Wehad
someprettyamazingwinds.
Shutup,Yoko,hesaid.Werehavinga
privateconversationhere.
Perryfeltlikeheshouldbeshowingoffhis
woundtoprovethathehadntbeenfuckingoff

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/224
Perrysjawdropped,andHildawasalreadyin
motion,sloshingintothewaterinhersandals.
ShesmackedLesteracrossthecheek,acrack
thatechoedbackoverthewaterandwalls.

Hildahonkedthehornathim.Shewasfuming
behindthewheelandtheydroveinsilence.He
feltnumbandwrungoutandhedidntknow
whattosaytoher.Helayawakeinbedthatnight
Lesterbroughthishanduptohisreddeningface. waitingtohearLestercomehome,buthedidnt.
Areyoudone?hesaid,hisvoicehard.
HildalookedatPerry.LesterlookedatPerry.
Perrylookedatthewater.

Sammylovedhismorningmeetings.Theyall
cametohisoffice,allthedifferentparkexecs,
Illmeetyoubythecar,Perrysaid.Itcameout creatives,andemissariesfromtheoldpartner
inamumble.Theyheldforamoment,thethree companiesthathadspunofftomakemoviesand
merchandeducationalmaterials.Theyallcame
ofthem,thenHildawalkedoutagain,leaving
eachdaytotalktohimaboutthenextdays
LesterandPerrylookingatoneanother.
DisneyinaBoxbuild.Theyallcametobeghim
Imsorry,Perrysaid.
tothinkaboutaddinginsomethingfromtheir
franchisesandcantonstothenextinstallment.
AboutHilda?Aboutthelawsuits?About
skippingout?
TherewereoveramillionDiaBsinthefield
now,andtheywerenteventryingtokeepup
withordersanymore.Sammylovedlookingat
theonlineauctionsitestoseewhattheboxes
Theride?IdontevenknowifIwantto.Why
weregoingforheknewthatsomeofhispeople
bother?Itllcostafortunetogetitonline,and
hadsiphonedoffacarloadortwoofthethingsto
theyllonlyshutitdownagainwiththelawsuit.
etailoutthebackdoor.Helovedthat.Nothing
Whybother.
wasabetterbarometerofyoursuccessthan
Sowewontfixtheride.Letsfixus.
havingmadesomethingotherpeoplecared
Whybother,Lestersaid,anditcameoutinthe enoughabouttosteal.
samemumble.
Helovedhismorningmeetings,andhe
conductedthemwiththeflairofabenevolent
Thewaterysoundsoftheroomandthesmell
andtheharshreflectedripplinglightmadePerry emperor.Hedgottenabiggeroffice
technicallyitwasaboardroomforDiaB
wanttoleave.Lesterhebegan.
strategy,butSammywastheDiaBstrategy.Hed
Lestershookhishead.Theresnothingmorewe outfitteditwithfanphotosoftheirDiaBshrines
candotonight,anyway.Illrentapumpinthe
intheirhomes,withkidswatchingenthralledas
morning.
thedaysmodelwasassembledbeforetheireyes.
Illdoit,Perrysaid.YouworkontheDisney Thehypnoticfascinationintheireyeswas
unmistakable.Disneywasthefocusoftheirdaily
inaBoxthing.
lives,andalltheywantedwasmore,more,more.
Lesterlaughed,abittersound.Yeah,OK,
Hecouldpushoutfivemodelsaday,ten,and
buddy.Sure.
theydgonutsforthem.
Outintheparkinglot,thehawkerswereputting Buthewouldnt.Hewastoocunning.One
theirstallsbacktogetherasbesttheycould.The modeladaywasall.Leavethemwantingmore.
shantytownwaslitupandPerrywonderedhow Neverbreatheahintofwhatthenextdays
ithadheldtogether.Prettygood,iswhathe
modelwouldbeoh,howhelovedtowatchthe
guessedtheymetandexceededcountycodeon blogsandthechatterasthemodelsself
allofthoseplans.
assembled,theheated,timeboundfightsover
Abouteverything,hesaid.Letsfixthisup,
OK?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/225
whatthedaysmodelwasgoingtobe.

tryingtogetacobrandingcoupforoneoftheir
Goodmorning,Ron,hesaid.Wienerhadbeen clients.
lobbyingtogetaMainStreetbuildintothe
Itsaseriesofthree,tellingalittlestory.
modelsforweeksnow,andSammywastaking
Beginning,middleandend.Thefirstoneisa
greatpleasureindenyingittohimwithout
familysittingdowntobreakfast,andyoucan
shuttingdownallhope.GettingRonWienerto
see,itsthesameoldcrap,boringmicrowave
grovelbeforehimeverymorningwasbetterthan omeletsandbreakfastpuddings.Momsbored,
acupofcoffee.
dadsmorebored,andsisandbrotherhereare
secretlydumpingtheirsontomomsanddads
Ivebeenthinkingaboutwhatyousaid,and
youreright,Wienersaid.Healwaysstartedthe plates.Allthisstuffisrunusingthesame
printers,soitlooksveryrealistic.
meetingbytellingSammyhowrighthewasto
rejecthislastidea.Theflagpoleandmarching
bandscenewouldhavetoomanypieces.House
catswouldknockitover.Weneedsomething
moreunitary,morevisuallystriking.Soheres
whatIvebeenthinking:whataboutthefire
engine?

Itdidindeed.Sammyhadntthoughtaboutit,but
hesupposeditwasonlynaturalthattheomelets
wereprintedhowelsecouldGeneralMillsget
thatuniformity?Heshouldtalktosomeofthe
peopleinfoodservicesaboutgettingsomeof
thattechtoworkattheparks.

Sammyraisedanindulgenteyebrow.

Soinparttwo,theyresettingupthekitchen
aroundthismysteryboxonepartEasyBake
Kidslovefiretrucks.Allthecolorsareinthe
lightbulboven,onepartTardis.Youknowwhat
printersgamutIchecked.Wecouldcreatea
MickeyandFriendsfirecrewtopositionaround thatis?
it,alittlebarnforit.
Sammygrinned.Whyyes,IbelieveIdo.Their
eyesmetinafiercelookofmutualrecognition.
TheonlythingIlikedaboutfiretruckswhenI
wasakidwasthatthewordstartedwithfand Itsabreakfastprinter,isntit?Theother
supplicantsintheroomsuckedinacollective
endedwithuckSammysmiledwhenhe
breath.Somechucklednervously.
saidit,andwaitedforWienertofakehilarity,
too.Theothersintheroomotherparkexecs,
someoftheirlicensingpartners,afew
advertiserslaughedtoo.Officially,thiswasa
brainstormingsession,buteveryoneknewthat
itwasallaboutgettingthenodfromSammy.

Itsaboutmovingtheapparatustotheedge.
Bridgingthelastmile.Whynot?Thisonewill
dowaffles,breakfastcereals,bagelsandbaked
goods,smallcakes.Newdesignseveryday
somethingformomanddad,somethingforthe
Wienerlaugheddutifullyandslunkaway.More kids,somethingforthesullenteens.Were
alreadydoingthisattheregionalplantsand
supplicantscameforward.
distributorships,onmuchlargerscales.But
Howaboutthis?Shewasverycutedressed gettingourstuffintoconsumershomes,getting
insmart,darkclothesthatweremoreLowerEast themsubscribedtoourfood
SidethanOrlando.Shesmelledgood,tooone
Sammyheldupahand.Isee,hesaid.And
ofthenewcolognesthathintedatfree
monomers,likehotplasticoranewboughttire. ourpeoplearealreadyprimedforhomeprinting
experiences.Theyrerightinyoursweetspot.
Catslantedgreeneyescompletedthepackage.
Partthree,Juniorandlittlesisaregoingcuckoo
Whatyougotthere?Shewasfromanad
forCocoaPuffs,butthesethingsareshapedlike
agency,someoneDisneyParkshaddone
businesswithatsomepoint.Agencieshadbeen them,withtheirportraitsoneachsugarlump.
Momanddadareeatingtressophistique
sendingtheirpeopletothesemeetingstoo,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/226
croissantsanddelicatecakes.LookatRover
here,withhisowncatshapeddogbiscuit.See
howhappytheyallare?

butyourlittleprototypesthere...

Shelaughed.Itwasaprettylaugh.Shewasa
coupleyearsolderthanhim,andsheworeit
Sammynodded.Shouldntthisallbeunder
well.DoIhavebreakfastplans?Sammymy
nondisclosure?hesaid.
boy,Imnothingbutbreakfastplans!Ihavea
Probably,butwhatareyougonnado?Youguys launchonSunday,remember?
areprettygoodatkeepingsecrets,andifyou
Heh.Ohyeah.
decidetoshaftusbysellingouttooneofour
ImonthenextflighttoDFW,shesaid.Ive
competitors,wereprobablydead,anyway.Illbe gotacabwaitingtotakemetotheairport.
abletoshipouthalfamillionunitsinthefirst
week,thenwecanrampproductionifneedbe IwonderifyouandIneedtotalkoversome
details,Sammysaid.
lotsoflittlepartsandassemblysubcontractors
willtaketheworkifweoffer.
Onlyifyouwanttodoitinthetaxi.
Sammylikedthewayshetalked.Likesomeone Iwasthinkingwecoulddoitontheplane,he
whodidntneedtospendalotoftimescrewing said.
around,planning,likesomeonewhocouldjust
Youregoingtobuyaticket?
makeithappen.
Onmyplane,hesaid.Theydgivenhimuseof
Yourelaunchingwhen?
oneofthecompanyjetswhenhestartedreally
Threedaysafteryoustartrunningthis
rampingproductionontheDiaBs.
campaign,shesaid,withoutbattinganeyelash.
Ohyes,Ithinkthatcanbearranged,shesaid.
MynamesSammy,hesaid.Hows
ItsSammy,right?
Thursday?
Right,hesaid.Theyleftthebuildingandhad
LaunchonSunday?Sheshookherhead.Its analtogetherlovelyflighttoDallas.Very
tricky,Sundaylaunches.Gottapayeveryone
productive.
scaleandahalf.Shegavehimawink.What
thehell,itsnotmymoney.Shestuckouther
hand.Shewaswearingacoupleofnicechunky LesterhadntleftSuzannesapartmentindays.
obsidianringsinabstractcurvyshapes,looking Shedrentedaplaceintheshantytown
alittlepornyintheirsuggestionofbreastsand
bemusedattheideaofpayingrenttoasquatter,
thighs.Heshookherhandanditwaswarmand butpleasedtohaveaplaceofherownnowthat
dryandstrong.
LesterandPerrysapartmenthadbecomeso
tense.
Well,thatsthisweektakencareof,Sammy
said,andpointedlyclearedthewhiteboard
Technically,hewasworkingontheDisney
surfacerunningthelengthofthetable.The
printers,whichshefoundinterestinginan
othersgroanedandgotupandfiledout.The
abstractway.Theyhadaworkingoneanda
womanstayedbehind.
coupleofdisassembledones,andwatchingthe
Dinah,shesaid.Shehandedhimacardandhe workingonedoitsthingwasfascinatingfora
dayortwo,butthenitwasjustathreedeeeTV
notedtheagency.Dallasbased,notNewYork,
withonechannel,broadcastingoneframeper
buthecouldtellshewasatransplant.
day.
Yougotanybreakfastplans?Itwashardly
gone9AMSammylikedtogetthesemeetings Shedutifullywroteaboutit,though,andabout
startedearly.Inormallygetsomethingsentin, Perrysongoingeffortstoreopentheride.She

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/227
gotthesensefromhimthathewasheadingfor
flatassbroke.Lesterandhehadalwaysbeen
casualaboutmoney,butbuyingallnewrobots,
moreprinters,replacementwindows,fixingthe
roofnoneofitwascheap.Andwiththemarket
inpieces,hewasntgettinganyrent.

Suzanneknewwhatabootloaderwas,just
barely.ThethingthatchosewhichOStoload
whenyouturnediton.Shewonderedifevery
daring,sexytechnologyprojectstartedlikethis,
acrankyhackermutteringangrilyaboutboot
loaders.

ShelookedoverLestersshoulderforthefiftieth SuzannemissedRussia.Shedhadagoodlife
time.Howsitgoing?
there,coveringthebiotechscene.Thosehackers
werealotscarierthanLesterandPerry,butthey
Dontwriteaboutthis,OK?
werestilllovableandfascinatingintheirown
Hedneversaidthattoher.
way.BetterthantheFordandGMexecssheused
tohavetocozyupto.
Illembargoituntilyouship.
Hegrunted.Fine,Iguess.OK,well,Ivegotit ShedlikedthemanichustleofRussia,the
glamourandthesqualor.Shedboughtatime
runningongenericgoop,thatpartwaseasy.I
canalsoloadmyowndesigns,butthatrequires sharedachathatshecouldspendweekendsat,
physicalaccesstothething,inordertoloadnew andtheexpatsinPetersburghadrollicking
partiesanddinnerswheretheytookapartthe
firmware.Theydontmakeiteasy,whichis
daysexperiencesonPlanetPetrograd.
weird.Itsliketheydontplanonupdatingit
onceitsinthefieldmaybetheyjustplanon
Imgoingout,Lester,shesaid.Lesterlooked
replacingthematregularintervals.
upfromtheDiaBandblinkedafewtimes,then
seemedtorewindtheconversation.
Whysthefirmwaremattertoyou?
Well,thatswhereitstoresinformationabout
wheretogetthedaysdesigns.Ifweregoingto
pushourowndesignstoit,weneedtogive
peopleaneasywaytotellittotuneintoour
feed,andthebestwaytodothatistochangethe
firmware.Thealternativewouldbe,oh,Idont
know,puttinganothermachineupstreamofitto
trickitintothinkingthatitsaccessingtheirsite
whenitsreallygoingtoours.Thatmeans
gettingpeopletoconfigureanothermachineno
onebutafewhardcoregeekswillwanttodo
that.
Suzannenodded.Shewonderedifafew
hardcoregeekssummedupthetotalaudience
forthisprojectinanyevent.Shedidntmention
it,though.Lestersbrowwassofurrowedyou
couldloseadimeinthecreaseabovehisnose.
Well,Imsureyoullgetit,shesaid.

Hey,hesaid.Oh,hey.Sorry,Suzanne.Im
justImtryingtoworkinsteadofthinkthese
days.Thinkingjustmakesmeangry.Idont
knowwhattodoHebrokeoffandthumped
thesideoftheprinter.
HowsPerrygettingonwithrebuilding?
Hesgettingon,Lestersaid.AsfarasIknow.
IreadthattheDeathWaitskidandhispeople
hadcomebytohelp.Whateverthatmeans.
Hefreaksmeout,Suzannesaid.Imean,I
feelterribleforhim,andheseemedniceenough
inthehospital.Butallthosepeopletheway
theyfollowhimaround.Itsjustweird.Likethe
charismaticcultsbackhome.Sherealizedshed
justcalledRussiahomeanditmadeherfrown.
Justhowlongwasshegoingtostayherewith
thesepeople,anyway?

Lesterhadntnoticed.Iguesstheyallfeelsorry
Yeah.Itsjustamatterofgettingattheboot
forhim.Andtheylikewhathehastosayabout
loader.IcouldtotallydothisifIcouldgetatthe stories.Ijustcantgetalotofspitinmymouth
bootloader.
overtheridethesedays,though.Itfeelslike
somethingwedidandcompletedandshould

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/228
moveonfrom.

watchedawarthere.

Suzannedidnthaveanythingtosay,andLester
wasntparticularlyexpectinganything,hewas
givingoffapalpableletmeworkvibe,soshelet
herselfoutoftheapartmentherapartment!
andheadedoutintotheshantytown.Ontheway
totheride,shepassedthelittleteahousewhere
KettlewellandTjanhaddonetheirschemingand
shesuddenlyfeltvery,veryold.Theonly
grownuponsite.

Theridedoesnthavemuchformaldecision
makingprocess,shesaidfinally.Thatmeans
thatwordslikefireddontreallyapplyhere.
Theboysmighthaveadisagreementaboutthe
bestwaytoproceed,butifthatsthecase,youll
havetotalktothemaboutit.
Areyousayingthatyoudontknowifyour
boyfriendsbestfriendisfightingwithhis
businesspartners?Dontyoualllivetogether?

Shewasabouttocrossthefreewaytotheride
Imsayingthatifyouwanttofindoutwhat
whenherphonerang.Shelookedatthefaceand LesterandPerryaredoing,youllhavetoask
thennearlydroppedit.Freddywascallingher.
LesterandPerry.
Hello,Suzanne,hesaid.Thegloatinhisvoice Andthelivingtogetherthing?
wasunmistakable.Hehadsomethingreally
Wedontlivetogether,shesaid.Itwas
slimyuphissleeve.
technicallytrue.
HowcanIhelpyou?
Really?Freddysaid.
Imcallingforcommentonastory,hesaid.
Dowehaveabadconnection?
Itsmyunderstandingthatyourlad,Perry,
pitchedatantieandfiredthebusinessmanagers Youdontlivetogether?
oftheride,andhastoldthelawyersrepresenting
No.
himagainstDisneythatheintendstodropthe
suit.
Wheredoyoulivethen?
Isthereaquestioninthere?

Myplace,shesaid.Haveyourinformants
beenmisinformingyou?Ihopeyouhaventbeen
Oh,therearemanyquestionsinthere,my
payingforyourinformation,Freddy.Isuppose
darling.Forstarters,Iwonderedhowitcould
possiblybetrueifyouhaventwrittenaboutiton youdont,though.Isupposetheresnoendof
crankswhoreallyenjoyspitefulgossipandare
yourlittleblogevenoverthephone,she
couldhearthesarcasticquotes.Youseemto morethanhappytoemailyouwhateverfantasies
theyconcoct.
bequitecomprehensiveindocumentingthe
undertakingsofyourfriendsdowntherein
Freddytsked.Andyoudontknowwhats
Florida.
happenedtoKettlewellandTjan?
AreyouaskingmetocommentonwhyI
haventcommented?
Forstarters.
HaveyouapproachedPerryforacomment?

Haveyouaskedthem?
Iwill,hesaid.Butsinceyouretheranking
reporteronthescene.
Imjustablogger,Freddy.Abusyblogger.
Goodafternoon.

Imafraidhewasratherabrupt.AndIcouldnt
reachhisValkyrieoftheMidwest,either.SoIm Thecalllefthershaking,thoughshewasproud
leftcallingonyou,Suzanne.Anycomment?
ofhowcalmshedkepthervoice.Whata
Suzannestaredacrosstheroadattheride.Shed goddamnedtroll.Andshewasgoingtohaveto
writeaboutthisnow.
beengassedthere,chasedbyarmedmen,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/229
Therewereladdersleanedupagainsttheedgeof
theride,andamotleycrewofroofersand
glaziersonthemandontheroof,workingto
replacethegapingholesthestormhadleft.The
workersmostlyworeblackandhaddyedhair
andlotsofmetalflashingfromtheirearsand
facesastheyworked.Acouplehadstrippedto
thewaist,revealingfullbacktattoosoreven
morepiercingsandsubcutaneousimplants,like
armorrunningovertheirspinesandshoulder
blades.Acoupleofboomboxesblastedout
grinding,incoherentmusicwithalotof
electronicscreams.
Aroundtheride,themarketstallswerecoming
back,rebuiltfromatoweroffreshsawedlumber
stackedintheparkinglot.Thiswasalotmore
efficient,withgangsofvendorsquicklysawing
thelumbertostandardsizes,slappingeachone
withapositionalsensor,thenwatchingthe
sensorslightstotellthemwhenitwasproperly
linedupwithitsmates,andthenslippingon
cornerclipsthathelditalltogether.Suzanne
watchedasawholemarketstallcametogether
thisway,inthespaceoffiveminutes,beforethe
vendorsmovedontotheirnextstall.Itwaslikea
hightechversionofanAmishbarnraising,
performedbybandannacladsketchyhawkers
insteadofbeardedtechnophobes.
ShefoundPerryinside,leaningoveraprinter,
tinkeringwithitsguts,LEDtorchesclippedto
thetemplesofhisglasses.Hewashamperedby
havingonlyonegoodarm,andhepressedher
intoservicepassinghimtoolsforagoodfifteen
minutesbeforehestraightenedupandreally
lookedather.
Youcomedowntohelpout?
Towriteaboutit,actually.
Theroomwasahiveofactivity.Alotofgoth
kidsofvariousagesanddegreesoffreakiness,a
fewofthesquatterkids,somepeopleshe
recognizedfromthesecondcomingofDeath
Waits.ShecouldntseeDeathWaits,though.
Well,thatsgood.Hepowereduptheprinter

andtheairfilledwiththefamiliarsmellof
SaranWrapinamicrowave.Shehadaneerie
flashbacktoherfirstvisittothisplace,when
theydshowedherhowtheycouldprintmutated,
WarholizedBarbieheads.HowsLestergetting
onwithcrackingthatprinter?
Whydontyouaskhimyourself?Shedidntsay
it.ShedidntknowwhyLesterhadcometoher
placeafterthefloodinsteadofgoinghome,why
hestiffenedupandsniffedwhenshementioned
Perrysname,whyhelookedawaywhenshe
mentionedHilda.
Somethingaboutfirmware.
Hestraightenedhisbackmore,makingitpop
andgaveherhisdevilishgrin,theonewherehis
wonkyeyebrowwentupanddown.Itsalways
firmware,hesaid,andlaughedalittle.Maybe
theywerebothrememberingthoseolddays,the
BoogieWoogieElmos.
Lookslikeyouvegotalotofhelp,Suzanne
said,gettingoutalittlestenopadandapen.
Perrynoddedatit,andshewasstruckbyhow
manytimestheydstoodlikethis,afewfeet
apart,herpenpoisedoverherpad.Shed
chronicledsomuchofthismanslife.
Theyregoodpeople,thesefolks.Someofthem
havesomecarpentryorelectronicsexperience,
therestarewillingtolearn.Itsgoingfasterthan
Ithoughtitwould.Lotsofsupportfromoutin
theworld,toopeoplesendingincashtohelp
withreplacementparts.
HaveyouheardfromKettlewellorTjan?
Thelightwentoutofhisface.No,hesaid.
Howaboutfromthelawyers?
Nocomment,hesaid.Itdidntsoundlikea
joke.
Comeon,Perry.Peoplearestartingtoask
questions.Someonesgoingtowriteaboutthis.
Doyouwantyoursidetoldornot?
Not,hesaid,anddisappearedbackintothe
gutsoftheprinter.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/230
Shestaredathisbackforalongwhilebefore
turningonherheel,muttering,Fuck,and
walkingbackoutintothesunshine.Theredbeen
amustysmellintheride,butouthereitwasthe
Floridasmellofcitrusandcarfumes,andsweat
fromthepeoplearoundher,workinghard,trying
towrestalivingfromtheworld.
Shewalkedbackacrossthefreewaytothe
shantytownandranintoHildacomingtheother
way.Theyoungerwomangaveheracoollook
andthenlookedaway,andcrossed.
Thatwasjustaboutenough,Suzannethought.
Enoughplaytimewiththekids.Timetogofind
somegrownups.Shewasnthereforherhealth.
IfLesterdidntwanttohangoutwithher,if
Perryhadhadenoughofher,itwastimetogo
dosomethingelse.

wereoverwhelming,especiallysinceshewasnt
surewhereshewantedtobe.
Thensheheardsomethinghomeyandfamiliar:a
largegroupofRussiantouristswalkingpast,
talkingloudlyinRussian,complainingaboutthe
longflight,thebadfood,andtheincompetence
oftheirtouroperator.Shesmiledtoseetheold
menwiththeirhighwaistedpantsandtheold
womenwiththeirbouffanthair.
Shecouldnthelpbuteavesdropattheir
volume,shewouldhavebeenhardpressednotto
listenin.Alittleboyandgirltoreassaroundthe
airport,underthedisapprovingglaresfromDHS
goons,andtheyscreamedastheyran,Disney
World!DisneyWorld!DisneyWorld!

Shedneverbeenshedbeentoacoupleofthe
kitschyGulagparksinRussia,andshedgrown
Shewentbacktoherroom,whereLesterwas
upwithSixFlagscoasterparksandOntario
stillworkingonhisDiaBproject.Shetookout
PlaceandtheCNEinToronto,notfarfrom
hersuitcaseandpackedwiththeefficiencyof
Detroit.ButshedneverbeentoTheBigOne,
longexperience.Lesterdidntnotice,noteven
theplacethatevennowmanagedtodominatethe
whenshetooktheblouseshedhandwashedand worldsconsciousnessofthemeparks.
hungtodryonthebackofhischair,foldeditand Sheaskedherstandbysitestofindheraroomin
putitinhersuitcaseandzippeditshut.
aDisneyhotelinstead,lookingforaninclusive
Shelookedathisbackworkingoverthebench
foralongtime.Hehadasixpackofchocolate
puddingbesidehim,andawastebasket
overflowingwithfoodwrappersandboxes.He
shiftedinhisseatandletoutasoftfart.

ratethatwouldgetherontotheridesandpayfor
hermeals.Thesewereadvertisedatroadside
kiosksat100yardintervalsoneveryfreewayin
Florida,soshesuspectedtheywerethebestdeal
going.

Sheleft.Shepaidthelandladythroughtheend
oftheweek.ShecouldsendLesteranemail
later.

Amomentofbrowsingshowedherthatshed
guessedwrong.AweekinDisneycostaheart
stoppingsumofmoneytheequivalentofsix
months'rentinPetersburg.Howdidallthese
Russiansaffordthistrip?Whatthehell
compelledpeopletopartwiththesesums?

ThecabtookhertoMiami.Itwasntuntilshe
gottotheairportthatsherealizedshehadno
ideawhereshewasgoing.Boston?San
Francisco?Petersburg?Sheopenedherlaptop
andbegantopriceoutlastminutetickets.The
rushoftravelersmovedaroundherandshewas
jostledmanytimes.

Shewasgoingtohavetofindout.Itwas
research.Plussheneededavacation.

Shebookedin,boughtabullettrainticket,and
grabbedthehandleofhersuitcase.She
Thestandbysitesgaveherathousandoptions examinedherwelcomepackageasshewaitedfor
MiamitoJFKtoHeathrowtoPetersburg,Miami thetrain.Shewasstayingatsomethingcalled
toFrankfurttoMoscowtoPetersburg,Miamito thePolynesianResorthotel,andthebrochure
DallastoSanFrancisco....Thepermutations
showedatickytackytikithemedsetof

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/231
longhousessetonanersatzwhitesandbeach,
withacrewofMexicanandCubandomestic
workersinleis,Hawaiianshirts,andlavalavas
wavingandsmiling.Herpackageincludeda
complimentaryluauthepicturesmadeitclear
thiswasnothinglikethetouristluausshed
attendedinMaui.Ontopofthat,shewas
entitledtoacharacterbreakfastwithawage
slaveinanoverheatedplushcostume,andan
hourwitharesortcounsellorwhodhelpher
planhertripformaximalfun.
Thebullettraincameandtookonthe
passengers,familiesbouncingwithanticipation,
jokingandlaughingineverylanguagespoken.
ThesepeoplehadjustcomethroughaUS
Customscheckpointandtheywereactinglike
theworldwasafineplace.Shedecidedthere
mustbesomethingtothisDisneybusiness.
DeathWaitswaited,andwaitedandwaitedfor
theridetocomebackonline.Hesplithisdays
betweenhangingoutathome,writingaboutthe
story,runningtheflythroughsfromtheother
rides,watchingwhatwashappeninginBrazil,
answeringhisfanmail;therestofthetimehe
spentwithhisnewfriendsdownatthesiteofthe
ride,encouragingthemtopitchinandhelpPerry
andLestertogetthethingbackupandrunning.
Fast,please.Itwasdrivinghimbonkersnottobe
abletorideanylonger.Aftereverythinghed
beenthrough,hedeservedaride.
Hisfriendswerewonderful.Wonderful!Lacey
especially.Shewasanurseandagoddessof
mercy.Themoneythatfloodedintohispaypals
wheneverhisfriendsletitbeknownthathe
neededmorecoveredallhisexpenses.Henever
wantedforcompanionship,conversation,
helpmeets,orrespect.Itwasawonderfullife.
Ifonlytheridewouldcomeonline.
HewokenexttoLacey,sheasleepstill,herhair
spreadoutacrossthepillowinafallofshiny
blackwithbluehighlightsshedgivenhima
matchingdyejobafewdaysbeforeandthey

lookedlikeamatchedsetnow.Helethishands
lazilytracehersoftskin,theoutlinesofher
tattoos,herimplantsandpiercings.Hefelta
stirringbetweenhislegs.
Laceyyawnedandwokeandkissedhim.Good
morning,myhandsomeman,shesaid.
Goodmorning,mybeautifulwoman.Whats
theplanfortoday?
Whateveryouwant,shesaid.
Breakfast,thendowntotheride,hesaid.Ill
domyemailandwritingtheretoday.
Somethingbeforebreakfast?sheasked,witha
lopsidedsmilethatwasadorable.
Ohyes,please,hesaid,hisvoicebreathy.
ThesmellattheWalMartwasoverpowering.It
wasonepartsharpmold,onepartindustrial
disinfectant,acitrussmellthatmadeyoureyes
waterandyoursinusesburn.
Iverentedsomebigblowers,Perrysaid.
Theyllhelpairtheplaceout.Ifthatdoesnt
work,Imighthavetoresurfacethefloor,which
wouldberoughitcouldtakeaweektogetthat
doneproperly.
Aweek?Deathsaid.Jesus.Noway.Not
anotherweek.Hedidntknowitforsure,buthe
hadafeelingthatalotofthesepeoplewould
stopshowingupeventuallyiftherewasnoride
forthemtogeekoutover.Hesurewould.
Yousmellthat?Wecantclosethedoorsand
thewindowsandleaveitlikethis.
Deathspeople,standingaroundthem,listening
in,nodded.Itwastrue.Youdmeltpeoples
lungsifyoushutthemupwiththesefumes.
HowcanIhelp?Deathsaid.Itwashis
constantmantrawithPerry.Sometimeshedidnt
thinkPerrylikedhimverymuch,anditwas
goodtokeeponremindinghimthatDeathand
hisbuddieswereheretobepartofthesolution.
ThatPerryneededthem.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/232
Theroofisjustaboutdone,therobotsareback
online.Thedividersshouldbedonetoday.Ive
gotthechairsstrippeddownforroutine
maintenance,Icoulduseacouplepeoplefor
that.
WhatsLesterworkingon?Deathsaid.
Youdhavetoaskhim.
DeathhadntseenLesterindays,whichwas
weird.HehopedLesterdidntdislikehim.He
worriedalotaboutwhetherpeoplelikedhim
thesedays.HedthoughtthatSammylikedhim,
afterall.

YoumeangointotheDeathdidntknow
whatitwascalled.Healwaystriednottolookat
itwhenhecametotheride.Thatslumacrossthe
road.Heknewitwassomehowconnectedwith
theride,butinthesamewaythatthe
administrativebuildingsatDisneywere
connectedwiththeparks.Thebigdifferencewas
thatDisneysextraneousbuildingswereshielded
fromviewbybermsandpaintedgoawaygreen.
Theweirdtownacrosstheroadwasrightthere.
Yeah,acrosstheroadintotheshantytown.

Whereishe?

OK,Deathsaid.Seeyousoon.Hehungup
andpattedLaceyshand.Weregoingover
there,hesaid,pointingintotheshantytown.

Dontknow.

Isitsafe?

Perryputdarkglasseson.

Heshrugged.Iguessso.Helovedhischair,
DeathWaitstookthehint.Comeon,hesaidto lovedhowtallitmadehim,lovedhowitturned
himintoahalftoncyborgwhocouldraiseupon
Lacey,whopattedhimonthehandashelifted
hisrearwheelsandrockbackandforthlikea
upinhischairandrolledouttothevan.Lets
triffid.Nowhefeltveryvulnerableacrippled
justcallhim.
cyborgwhoseapparatuscostasmallfortune,
Lo?
abouttogointoaneighborhoodfullofpeople
whoweretechnicallyhomeless.
ItsDeathWaits.Weredownattheride,but
theresnotmuchtodoaroundhere.Ithought
Shouldwedrive?
maybewecouldhelpyouwithwhateveryou
Ithinkwecanmakeitacross,hesaid.Traffic
wereworkingon?
waslight,thoughthecarsthatbombedpastwere
WhatdoyouknowaboutwhatImworking
doing90ormore.Hestartedtogatherupafew
on?Lestersaid.
moreofhispeople,butreconsidered.Itwasa
littlescarytobegoingintothetown,buthe
Um.Nothing.
couldntaffordtofreakoutLesterbyshowingup
Sohowdoyouknowyouwanttohelp?
withanentourage.
DeathWaitsclosedhiseyes.Hewantedtohelp
Theguardrailshieldingthetownhadbeenbent
thesetwo.Theydmadesomethingimportant,
downandflattenedandthechairwheeledoverit
didnttheyknowthat?
easily,withhardlyabump.Astheycrossedthis
Whatareyouworkingon?
border,theycrossedovertoanotherworld.There
werecookingsmellsbarbecueandCuban
Nothing,Lestersaid.
spicesandalittlehintofseptictankor
Comeon,Deathsaid.Comeon.Wejustwant compostheap.Thebuildingsdidntmakeany
topitchin.Iloveyouguys.Youchangedmylife. sensetoDeathseye,theycurvedorslopedor
Letmecontribute.
twistedorleanedandseemedtobemadeof
equalpartsprefabcementandaluminumand
Lestersnorted.Crosstheroad,gostraightfor
twohundredyards,turnleftatthehousewiththe scraplumber,laundrylines,powerlines,and
graffiti.
CesarChavezmural,andIllmeetyouthere.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/233
Deathwasusedtodrawingstares,evenbeforehe
becameacyborgwithabeautifulwomanbeside
him,butthiswasdifferent.Therewereeyes
everywhere.Littlekidsplayinginthestreet
hadntthesepeopleheardofstrangerdanger
stoppedtostareathimwithbigshoebutton
eyes.Facespeeredoutofwindowsfromthe
groundonuptothethirdstorey.Voices
whisperedandcalled.
Laceygavethemhersunniestsmileandeven
wavedatthelittlekids,andDeathtriednodding
atsomeofthehomeysstaringathimfromthe
windowofwhatlookedlikealittlediner.

Here,inthiscrowdedplacewithahuman
densitylikeaDisneypark,itfeltsomehowsafer.
Weird.
TheycametowhathadtobetheCesarChavez
muralaMexicaninacowboyhatstandinglike
apreacheronthetailgateofatruck,surrounded
bymoreMexicans,farmertypesincottonshirts
andbluejeansandcowboyhats.Theyturnedleft
androundedacornerintoalittleculdesacwith
aconfusionofhopscotcheschalkedontothe
ground,ringedbyparkedbicyclesandscooters.
Lesterstoodamongthem,eatingachurroina
pieceofwaxpaper.

Deathhadntknownwhattoexpectfromthis
littletown,buthecertainlyhadntpicturedso
manylittleshops.Herealizedthathethoughtof
shopsasbeingsomehowcivilizedtaxpaying,
licensebearingentitieswithcommercial
relationshipswithsuppliers,withcashregisters
andemployees.Notlawlessandwild.

Youseemtoberecoveringquickly,hesaid,
sizingupDeathinhischair.Goodtoseeit.He
seemedalittledistant,whichDeathchalkedup
tobeinginterrupted.

Laceystoppedatoneandboughtthemcansof
coffeeandsmallMexicanpastriesdustedwith
cinnamon.Hewatchedahundredpairsofeyes
watchLaceyasshedrewoutherpurseandpaid.
Atfirsthethoughtofthedanger,butthenhe
realizedthatifanyonewastomugthem,it
wouldbeinfullsightofallthesepeople.

Thedoorwasalittlenarrowforhisrollingchair,
buthemanagedtogetitinwithalittlebackand
forth,butonceinside,hewasstymiedbythe
narrowstaircaseleadinguptotheupperfloors.
Thelobbysuchasitwaswascompletely
filledbyhim,LaceyandLester,andevenifthe
chaircouldhavesqueezedupthestairs,it
couldnthavecorneredtogetthere.

Itsgreattoseeyouagain,Deathsaid.My
friendsandIhavebeencomingbytherideevery
day,helpingouthoweverwecan,butwenever
Buteverygroundfloorseemedtohaveatleasta seeyouthere,soIthoughtIdcallyou.
smallshop,advertisedwithbrightOLEDpixel Youdcallme.
boardsthatshowedrotatingenticements
Toseeifwecouldhelp,Deathsaid.With
ProductosdeDominica,BeautifulforLadies,
whateveryouredoing.
OFERTA!!!,FantasyNails.Hepassedtwenty
differentshopsinasmanysteps,someofthem
Comein,Lestersaid.Hegesturedbehindhim
seeminglynothingmorethanacounterrecessed andDeathnoticedforthefirsttimethesmall
intothewallwithayoungmansittingbehindit, signthatsaidHOTELROTHSCHILD,witha
grinningatthem.
statelypeacockbehindit.

Itwasafunnythought.Hedgrownupinsparse
suburbswhereyoudneverseeanyonewalking
orstandingonthesidewalksortheirporches.
Eventhoughitwasaniceneighborhood,there
weremuggingsandevenkillingsatregular,
horrificintervals.Walkingtherefeltliketaking
yourlifeintoyourhands.

Lesterlookedembarrassed.Sorry,Ididntthink
ofthat.Um.OK,Icouldrigawinchandhoist
thechairupifyouwant.Wedhavetobeltyou
in,butitsdoable.Therearemastsforpulleys
onthetopflooritshowtheygetthebedsinto
theupperstories.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/234
Icangetuponcanes,DeathWaitssaid.Isit
safetoleavemychairoutside,though?

experimentaltrunkforobjectsthatpeopleinone
regionliked

Lesterseyebrowswentup.Wellofcourse
sureitis.Deathfeltweirdforhavingasked.He
backedthechairoutandlockedthetransmission,
feelingsilly.Whowasgoingtohotwirea
wheelchair?Hewassuchadork.Laceyhanded
himhiscanesandhestoodgingerly.Hedbeen
makinghiswaytothebathroomandbackon
canesallweek,buthehadnttriedstairsyet.He
hopedLesterwasnttoomanyfloorsup.

Lesterwasshakinghisheadandholdinguphis
hands.Woah,waitasecond.No,no,no
Deathwasusedtohavinghisfriendshangonhis
everywordwhenhewastalkingaboutideasfor
therideandthestory,sothisbroughthimup
short.Heremindedhimselfwhohewastalking
to.

Lesterturnedouttobeonthethirdfloor,andby
thetimetheyreachedit,DeathWaitswas
drippingsweatandhiseyelinerhadrunintohis
eyes.Laceydabbedathimwithhergauzyscarf
andfussedoverhim.DeathcaughtLester
lookingatthetwoofthemwithalittlesmirk,so
hepushedLaceyawayandsteadiedhisbreathing
withaneffort.
OK,hesaid.Alldone.
Great,Lestersaid.ThisiswhatImworking
on.YoutalkedtoPerryaboutitbefore,right?
TheDisneyinaBoxprinters.Well,Ivecracked
it.Wecanloadourownfirmwareontoitjust
stickitonanetworkwithaPC,andthePCwill
finditandupdateit.Thenitbecomesanopen
boxitllacceptanyonesgoop.Youcansendit
yourownplans.

Sorry,hesaid.Gotaheadofmyself.
Look,Lestersaid,proddingattheprinter.
Thisthingisitsownthing.Wereaboutmore
thantheridehere.Iknowyoureallylikeit,and
thatsverycool,buttheresnowaythat
everythingIdofromnowonisgoingtobeabout
thatfuckingthing.Itwasalark,itscool,itsgot
itsownmomentum.Buttheseboxesaregoingto
betheirownthing.Iwanttoshowpeoplehowto
takecontrolofthestuffintheirlivingrooms,not
advertisemylittlecommercialprojecttothem.
Deathcouldntmakesenseoutofthis.It
soundedlikeLesterdidntliketheride.Howwas
thatpossible?Idontgetit,hesaidatlast.
Lesterwasmakinghimlooklikeanidiotinfront
ofLacey,too.Hedidntlikehowthiswasgoing
atall.

Lesterpickedupascrewdriver.Youseethis?
Itsatool.Youcanpickitupandyoucan
DeathhadntseenaDiaBinpersonyet.
unscrewstufforscrewstuffin.Youcanusethe
Beholdingitandknowingthathewasthereason handleforahammer.Youcanusethebladeto
thatLesterandPerrywereexperimentingwithit openpaintcans.Youcanthrowitaway,loanit
inthefirstplacemadehimfeelasenseof
out,orpaintitpurpleandframeit.Hethumped
excitementhehadntfeltsincethegothrehabof theprinter.Thisthingisatool,too,butitsnot
Fantasylandbegan.
yourtool.ItbelongstosomeoneelseDisney.It
isntinterestedinlisteningtoyouorobeying
Sohowdoesthistieintotheride?Death
you.Itdoesntwanttogiveyoumorecontrol
asked.Iwasthinkingofbuildingridesin
miniature,butatthatscale,willitreallyimpress overyourlife.
people?No,Idontthinkso.
Thisthingremindsmeoflifebeforefatkins.It
wasmyveryownpersonalbody,butitwasnt
SoinsteadIwasthinkingthatwecouldjust
undermycontrol.Whatsthewordthe
pushoutdetailsfromtheride,littletabletop
academicsuse?Agency.Ididnthaveany
sizedminiaturesshowingapieceeveryday.
agency.ItdidntmatterwhatIdid,Iwasjustthis
Maybewhateverwasnewest.Andyoucould
fatthingthatmybrainhadtolugaroundbehind
havemultiplefeeds,youknow,likean

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/235
it,listeningtoitsneverendingcomplaintsand
achesandpains.

SuzannerodethebullettrainfromMiamiairport
inairconditionedamusement,watchingthe
Ifyoudontcontrolyourlife,youremiserable. Mickeyshapedhangstrapsrockbackandforth.
ShedboughtherselfaMickeywaffleanda
Thinkofthepeoplewhodontgettoruntheir
ownlives:prisoners,reformschoolkids,mental bucketsizedDietCokeinthediningcarand
fendedofftheoffersofplushanimatronictoys
patients.Theressomethinginherentlyawful
thatwereclearlydescendedfromBoogie
aboutlivinglikethat.Autonomymakesus
WoogieElmo.
happy.
Nowshewatchedthekidstearassupanddown
Hethumpedthetopoftheprinteragain.So
heresthisstupidthing,whichDisneygivesyou thetrain,orsitmesmerizedbythevideosand
forfree.Itlookslikeatool,likeathingthatyou interactivessetupattheendsofthecars.The
trainwasreallyslick,andjudgingfromthe
usetobetteryourlife,butinreality,itsatool
brochureshefoundintheseatpocket,therewas
thatDisneyusestocontrolyourlife.Youcant
anotheronefromtheOrlandoairport.These
programit.Youcantchangethechannel.It
doesntevenhaveanoffswitch.Thatswhatgets thingswerelikechutesleadingfromtheluggage
meexercised.Iwanttoredesignthisthingsoit carouselstraightintotheparks.Disneyhad
figuredouthowtomakesurethateverypenny
getsconvertedfromsomethingthatcontrolsto
spentbyitstouristswentstraightintoitscoffers.
somethingthatgivesyoucontrol.
Lesterseyesshone.Deathhurtfromheadtotoe,
fromtheclimbandtheaftermathofthebeating,
andthelifehedlived.Lesterwastellinghim
thattheridewasntimportanttohimanymore,
thathedbedoingthisotherthingwiththe
printernext,andthensomethingelse,andthen
somethingelse.Hefeltagreat,unexpected
upwellingofbitternessatthethought.
Sowhatabouttheride?

Thevoiceoverannouncementsastheypulled
intothestationwereinEnglish,Chinese,
Spanish,FarsiandRussianinthatorderand
displayedontheportersredcoatswithbrass
buttonswerenamebadgeswiththeflagsof
manynations,denotingthelanguagesthey
spoke.Theyworemouseears,andSuzannea
veteranofinnumerablehotelscouldnot
dissuadeonefromtakinghersuitcase.

Hebroughthertoacoachstationandsawher
Theride?Itoldyou.Imdonewithit.Itstime aboardabusmarkedforthePolynesian,
todothenextthing.Yousaidyouwantedtohelp decoratedwithtikilamps,bamboo,andpalm
out,right?
fronds(shetouchedoneanddiscoveredthatit
wasvinyl).Herefusedhertipastheysawher
Withtheride,Deathsaidpatiently,withthe
aboard,andthenstoodandwavedheroffwith
mannerofsomeonetalkingtoachild.
hiswhiteglovesandgiantwhitesmile.Shehad
LesterturnedhisbackonDeath.
tochuckleasshepulledaway,amazedathow
effectivetheselittletoucheswere.Shefelther
Imdonewiththeride,Lestersaid.Idont
wanttowasteyourtime.Itwasclearhemeant, musclesloosening,littleinvoluntarychuckles
Yourewastingmytime.Hebentovertheprinter. risinginherthroat.Thecoachwasfullof
parentsandchildrenfromallovertheworld,
Laceylookeddaggersathisshoulders,then
grinningandlaughingandhuggingandtalking
turnedtohelpDeathdownthestairs.Hiscanes
excitedlyaboutthedayaheadofthem.
clatteredonthenarrowstaircase,anditwasall
ThecoachletthemofftoagroupofHawaiian
hecoulddotokeepfromcrying.
shirtcladstaffwhoshoutedAloha!atthemas
theydebarked,andpickeduptheirluggagewith

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/236
swift,cheerful,relentlessefficiency.Hercheck
inwassopainlessshewasntsureitwasover
untilaniceyoungladywholookedChechen
pickedupherbagforherandurgedheroutto
thegrounds,whichweregreenandlush,like
nothingshedseensincelandinginFlorida.She
wassurroundedbythehotelstructures,long
housesdecoratedwithPolynesianmasksand
stalkedbyleggyibisesandchirpingtropical
birds.Beforeherwasawhitesandbeach
frontingontoanartificiallakeringedwithother
luxuryhotels:agigantic1970sSovietAframe
buildingandagingerbreadchokedVictorian
hotel.Thelakewasringedwithamonorailtrack
andpliedbyhandsomepaddlewheelerferry
boats.

Sheboughtitall:allthefastpassesandpriority
cards,allofitloadedintoagrinningMickeyon
alanyard,awirelesspendantthatwouldtake
careofhereverywhereshewentinthepark,
lettingherspendmoneylikewater.

HerroomwasthekindofthingyoudseeLucy
andRickycheckingintoonhoneymooninanold
ILoveLucyepisodewickerceilingfans,
bamboofurniture,ahugehottubshapedlikea
seashell.Outside,alittleterracelookingoverthe
lake,withapairofcockatooslookingquizzically
ather.Thebellhopwavedatthemandthey
cawedatherandflewoff.Suzannemusthave
madeadisappointednoise,becausethebellhop
pattedheronthearmandsaid,Dontworry,we
feedthemhere,theycomebackallthetime.
Greedybirdies!

ShepassedtherestofthedayattheMagic
Kingdom,takingaferryfromthehotelspierto
theVictorianwroughtirondocksontheother
sideofthelittleartificiallake.Assheclearedthe
turnstilesintoMainStreet,USA,herheart
quickened.Kidsrushedpasther,chasedbytheir
parentslaughingcallstoslowdown.Balloon
sellersandoldfashionedpopcornmachines
jostledforspaceinthecrowd,andabrassband
wasmarchingdownthestreetinstrawboaters
andredstripedjackets,playingaSousamarch.

Thusgirded,sheconsultedwithherbellhop
somemoreandlaidoutanitinerary.Onceshed
showeredshefoundshedidntwanttowearany
ofherEuropeantailoredshortsandblouses.She
wantedtodisappearintotheGreatAmerican
Mass.Thehotelgiftshopprovidedherwitha
barkclothHawaiianshirtdecoratedwith
tessellatedDisneytrademarksandabigpairof
looseshorts,andonceshedonnedthem,shesaw
thatshecouldbeanyonenow,anytouristinthe
park.Apairofcheapsunglassescompletedthe
Shestaredgapejawedatthisuntilthebellhop
lookandshepaidforitallbywavingherMickey
gentlytuggedatherelbow,givingheradazzling necklaceattheregister,spendingmoneylike
smile.
water.

Shetippedthebellhopfivebucksonceshed
beengiventhegrandtouroftheroomatame
Internetconnectionthatwaskidfriendlyanda
likewisecensoredvideoondemandservice,
deliverypizzaorsushi,informationonpark
hours,includingthedazzlingarrayofextrasshe
couldpurchase.Itturnedoutthatresortguests
wereeligibletopurchaseprioritypassesfor
boardingridesaheadoftheplebes,andfor
enteringparksearlyandstayinglate.Thismade
SuzannefeelrightathomeitwasveryRussian
initsapproach:themoreyouspent,thebetter
yourtimewas.

Sheambleduptheroad,peeringintheadorable
littleshopwindows,liketheshopsinafancy
casino,allthemedartificialfacadesthatwere,in
back,alloneshop,linkedthroughthelengthof
thestreet.
Shereachedthecastlebeforesherealizedit,and
sawthatitwasshorterthanithadappeared.
TurningaroundandlookingbackdownMain
Street,shesawthatthetreesliningthesidesof
thestreethadbeentrimmedsotheygot
progressivelysmallerfromthegatestothe
castle,creatingakindoffalseperspectiveline.
Shelaughednow,amusedbythe
accomplishmentofthelittletrompeloeil.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/237
ShesqueezedpastthehordesofAsiantourists
takingpreciselythesamepictureofthecastle,
oneafteranother,aphenomenonshedobserved
atotherfamouslandmarks.ForsomeJapanese
shutterbugs,theholidayphotoexperiencewasas
formalastheStationsoftheCross,witheach
pictureofeachlandmarkrigidlyprescribedby
customandunwrittenlaw.

Therideswereallright.Shewassickofrides,
truthbetold.Asanartform,theywerewildly
overrated.Someofthemmadehersickandsome
ofthemwerelikemildlyinterestingtripsthrough
someonescollectionofactionfiguresinadark
room.TheDisneyridesdidntevenletyoudrive,
likeLestersridedid,andyoudidntgettovote
onthem.

Nowshewasunderthecastleandheadedfor
whathermapassuredherwasFantasyland.Just
assheclearedthearchway,sherememberedher
conversationswiththatDeathWaitskidabout
Fantasyland:thiswasthepartthathadbeen
madeoverasagotharea,andthenremadeasthe
HappiestConstructionSiteonEarth.

Bythetimethesunhadgonedown,shewas
readytogobacktotheroomandstartwriting.
Shewantedtogetallthisdown,thebeautyand
theterror,thecommercelurkingunderneaththe
friendlyfacade.Asthedaylengthenedinto
night,thereweremoreandmorescreaming
children,moreangryparents.Shecaughtparents
Andsoitwas.Thecontrastwasstark.Fromfairy smackingkids,once,twice,gothercameraout,
caughtthreemore.
castletogreenpaintedconstructionsidings.
Fromsmiling,wellturnedoutcastmembersto Theysentabigpupuplatteruptoherroomwith
constructionworkerswithbuttcrackitisand
adishofpoiandahollowpineapplefilledwith
grouchyexpressions.Fantasylandwaslikean
rum.Shetookhercomputeroutontoherlanai
uglyscarontheblemishfreefaceofaBarbie
andlookedoutoverthelake.Anibiscameby
doll.
anddemandedsomeofherdinnerscraps.She
obligeditanditgaveheracoldlook,asif
Shelikedit.
determiningwhethershedbegoodfordessert,
Somethingaboutallthatartifice,allthatcunning thenflewoff.
worktocoverupallthebodiesacompanylike
Shebegantowrite.
Disneywouldhaveburiedunderitsmanicured
MainStreetithadgivenheralowlevel,tooth
grindingheadache,akindofangeratthe
SomethinghadchangedbetweenKettlewelland
falsenessofitall.Here,shecouldseethebodies
EvasincetheydleftFloridawiththekids.It
astheyburiedthem.
wasntjustthelegalhassles,thoughtherewere
Outcamehercameraandshewentontheprowl, plentyofthose.TheydgonetoFloridawitha
photographingandphotographing,seekinghigh secondchanceachanceforhimtobeamover
groundfromwhichtocatchsnapsoverthe
again,achanceforhertohaveahusbandwho
siding.Shedlookatthesatellitepicsofthisspot washappywithhislifeagain.
later.
Nowhefoundhimselfsneakingpastherwhen
Nowsheknewwhathernextprojectwouldbe: shewasinthelivingroomandtheysleptbackto
shewoulddocumentthisscar.Sheddigupthe backinbedwithasmuchroombetweenthemas
bodies.
possible.
Justforcompletenesssake,shewentonsomeof
therides.Hersuperfancypasslethersailpast
thelonglinesofboredkids,angrydads,
exhaustedmoms.Shecapturedtheirexpressions
withhercamera.

AdamissedLyenitchkaandspentallhertimein
herbedroomIMingherfriendorgoingquesting
withherintheirfavoritegame,whichinvolved
Barbies,balrogs,andbuyingoutfits.Pascal
missedalltheattentionhehadreceivedasthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/238
designatedmascotofthetwolittlegirls.

Goodbye,Freddy.

Itwasnotahighpointinthehistoryofthe
Kettlewellclan.

Wait,wait!Justwait.

Hello?

KettlewelllikedthepleadingnoteinFreddys
voice.

LandonKettlewell?

Whatisit,Freddy?

Hello,Freddy,hesaid.

CanIgetyoutocommentonthegeneralideaof
litigationinvestment?Alotofpeoplefollowed
Myfameprecedesme,thejournalistsaid.
Kettlewellcouldhearthegrininhisvoice.That yourleadinseekingoutlitigationinvestment
voicewasunmistakableKettlewellhadheardit opportunities.Thereslotsofmoneytiedupinit
thesedays.DoincidentsliketheoneinFlorida
intheoccassionalharassingvoicemailthat
meanthatlitigationinvestmentisadead
Suzanneforwardedon.
strategy?
Howareyou?
Ofcoursenot,Kettlewellsnapped.He
Oh,Imverywellsir,andkindofyoutoask,
shouldntbetalkingtothisman,butthequestion
yesindeed.Ihearyourenotdoingsowell,
drovehimbonkers.Hedinventedlitigation
though?
investment.Thosebigoldcompanieshavetwo
commoncharacteristics:theyveaccumulated
Icantcomplain.
moreassetsthantheyknowwhattodowith,and
Iwishyouwould,though.Youcouldtell,
theyvegotpoisonous,monopolisticculturesthat
Freddythoughthewasafunnysonofabitch.
rewardexecutiveswhobreakthelawtohelpthe
Seriously,MrKettlewell.Imcallingtofollow companyturnabuck.Noneofthatschanged,
uponthestoryofthelitigationthatPerry
andsolongasthatsalltrue,therewillbelittle
GibbonsandLesterBanksarefacingfor
companieswithlegitgripesagainstbig
unilaterallycancelingthearrangementyoud
companiesthatcanbeusedasinvestment
madetofinancetheirlitigation.Imhopingthat vehiclesforunlockingallthatdeadFortune100
youllgivemeaquotethatmightputthisinto
capitalandputtingittowork.
perspective.Isthedefenseoff?WillGibbons
andBanksbesued?Areyouapartytothesuit? ButarentFortune100companiesinvestingin
litigationfunds?
Freddy?
Kettlewellsuppressedanastylaugh.Yeah,so
Yes,MrKettlewell.
what?
Iamnotachild,noramIafool,noramIa
Well,ifthisisaboutdestroyingFortune100
sucker.Imalsonotahothead.Youcantgoad
companies
meintosayingsomething.Youcanttrickme
intosayingsomething.Ihaventhunguponyou Itsaboutwringingpositivesocialvalueoutof
thecourtsandoutofinvestment.Thewayitused
yet,butIwillunlessyoucangivemeasingle
towork,therewereonlytwopossibleoutcomes
goodreasontobelievethatanygoodcould
whenabigcompanydidsomethingrotten:either
possiblycomeoutoftalkingtoyou.
theydgetawayscotfreeortheydmakesome
Imgoingtowritethisstoryandpublishit
lawyersvery,veryrich.Litigationfundsfixthat.
today.Icaneitherwritethatyoudeclinedto
Theysocializethecostofbringingbig
commentorIcanwritedownwhatevercomment companiestoheel,andtheyfreeupthecapital
youmighthaveonthematter.Youtellmewhich thatthesebigcompanieshaveaccumulated.
isfairer?
Butwhenabigcompanyinvestsindestroying

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/239
anotherbigcompany
Sometimesyougetaforestwhereafewtrees
endupwinning,theyformacanopythatkeeps
allthesunlightfromreachingthefloor.Now,
thisisstableforforests,butstabilityisthelast
thingyouwantinamarket.Justlookatwhat
happenswhenoneofthosebigtreesfallsover:
whoosh!Amillionkindsoflifearespawnedon
thefloor,fightingforthelightthattreehad
hoggedforitself.Inamarket,whenyoutopplea
companythatscometocomplacentlycontrol
somepartoftheecosystem,youfreeupthat
nichefornewinnovators.
Andwhyisthatbetterthanstability?Dontthe
workersatthesecompaniesdeservethesecurity
thatcomesfromtheiremployerssurvival?
Ohcomeon,Freddy.Stopbeatingthatdrum.If
youreanemployeeandyouwanttogetagood
dealoutofanemployer,yourebetteroffif
youvegotfiftycompaniesyoucouldworkfor
thanjustone.

todo,Freddy?Youwantustojustcurlupunder
arockanddie?Yousitthereandmakeupyour
funnynamesforthings;youmakeyoursnarky
littlecommentaries,buthowmuchgoodhave
youdonefortheworld,youcomplaining,sniping
littletroll?
Thelinegotveryquiet.CanIquoteyou?
Youcertainlycan,Kettlewellhuffed.Infora
penny,inforapound.Youcanprintthat,and
youcankissmyass.
Thankyou,MrKettlewell,Freddysaid.Ill
certainlytakethesuggestionunderadvisement.
Kettlewellstoodinhishomeofficeandstaredat
thefourwalls.Upstairs,Pascalwascrying.He
didthatalotlately.Kettlewellbreatheddeeply
andtriedtochillout.
Someonewasknockingathisdoor,though.He
answeredittentatively.Thekidhefoundthere
waswellscrubbed,black,inhistwenties,and
smilingamiably.

SoyouresayingthatifyoudestroyDisneywith LandonKettlewell?
yourlawsuit,thefiftythousandpeoplewhowork Whossuingme?Kettlewellcouldspota
atWaltDisneyWorldwillbeableto,what,work processserveramileaway.
forthoselittlerideslikeyourfriendshavebuilt?
Theguyshruggedandmadealittleyougotme
Theyllfindlotsofwork,Freddy.Ifwemakeit smile.Couldntsay,sir,hesaid,andhanded
possibleforanyonetoopenaninnovativelittle
Kettlewelltheenvelope,holdingitsothatthe
ridewithoutworryingaboutgettingclobbered
headerwasclearlyvisibletothecamerasetinto
byabigoldmonopolist.Youlikebig
thelapelofhisshirt.
corporationssomuch?
Youwantmetosignsomething?Kettlewell
Yes,butitsnotlittleinnovativestartupsthat
said.
investinthesefunds,isit?
Itsallright,sir,thekidsaidandpointedatthe
Itstheywhobenefitoncethefundtakesup
camera.Itsallcaughtonvideo.
theircause.
Oh,right,Kettlewellsaid.Wantacupof
Andhowsthatworkingoutfortheridepeople water?Coffee?
youremeanttobehelpingout?Theyrejected
Iexpectyouregoingtobetoobusyto
you,didntthey?
entertain,sir,thekidsaid,andtickedalittle
KettlewellreallyhatedFreddy,herealized.Not saluteoffhisforehead.Butyouseemlikeanice
justalittlehehadadeepandgenuineloathing. guy.Goodluckwithitall.
Oh,forfuckssake.Youdontlikelittle
Kettlewellwatchedhimgo,thenclosedthedoor
companies.Youdontlikebigcompanies.You
dontlikeworkerscoops.Whatdoyouwantus andwalkedbacktohisoffice,openingthe
envelopeandscanningit.Nosurprisesthere

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/240
theshareholdersintheinvestmentsyndicatethat
hadbackedLesterandPerryweresuinghimfor
makingfalserepresentationsabouthisabilityto
speakforthem.
Tjancalledhimaminutelater.
Theygotyoutoo,huh?Kettlewellsaid.
Justleft.WishIcouldsayitwasunexpected.
WishIcouldsayIblamedthem,Kettlewell
said.
Hey,youshouldseewhattheridesbeendoing
thisweeksinceFloridawentdown,Tjansaid.
Itstotallymutated.Ithinkitsmostlycoming
fromtheMidwest,thoughthoseBraziliansseem
tokeeponlogginginsomehowtoo.
HowmanyridesarethereinSouthAmerica,
anyways?
Braziliansofthem!Tjansaidwithamirthless
chuckle.Impossibletosay.Theyvegotsome
kindofvariantontheprotocolthatletsabunch
ofthemshareonenetworkaddress.Ithinksome
ofthemarentevenphysicalrides,justvirtual
flythroughs.Somearedirectlylinked,somedoa
kindofmashupbetweentheircurrentnorms
andotherridescurrentnorms.Itsprettyweird.

chickensbeforetheyhatched,youdneverraisea
cent.
Yeah,Kettlewellsaid.Heknewit,buthe
couldntsoakitin.Hedwonandlostsomany
fortuneshisownandothersthathed
learnedtotakeitallinstride.Noteveryoneelse
wassosanguine.
Sowhatdowedoaboutit?Idontmuchwant
toloseeverything.
YoucouldalwaysgobacktoRussia,
Kettlewellsaid,suddenlyfeelingshorttempered.
Whydidhealwayshavetocomeupwiththe
plan?Sorry.Youknowwhatthelawyersare
goingtotellus.
Yeah.SuePerryandLester.
AndwetoldLesterwewouldntdothat.Itwas
probablyamistaketodothisatall,youknow.
No,dontsaythat.Theideawasareallygood
one.Youmighthavesavedtheirassesiftheyd
playedalong.
AndifIdkeptthelawyersonashorterleash.
Theybothsatinglumsilence.

Howaboutifwedefendourselvesbyproducing
evidencethattheyrenegedonadealwedmade
Kettlewellpaced.Well,atleastsomeones
ingoodfaith.ThenthebastardscansuePerry
havingagoodtime.
andLesterandwellstillbekeepingour
Theyregoingtonailustothewall,Tjansaid. promise.
Bothofus.Probablytheindividualride
KettlewelltriedtopicturePerryinacourtroom.
operators,too.Theyreoutforblood.
Hedneverbeenthemostevenkeeleddudeand
Itsnotliketheyevenlostmuchmoney.

sincehedbeenshotandhadhisarmbrokenand
Theydidntneedtotheyfeelliketheylostthe beengassed,hewasalmostpathological.
moneytheymighthavewonfromDisney.
Ivegotabetteridea,hesaid,growingexcited
asitunfoldedinhismind.Hehadthatburning
Butthatwastwentyyearsaway,andhighly
sensationhegotsometimeswhenheknewhe
speculative.
washavingarealdoozy.Howaboutifwe
Tjansighedheavilyontheotherendofthe
approacheachoftheindividualridecoopsand
phone.Landon,youreavery,verygood
seeiftheylljointhelawsuitseparatelyfromthe
financeperson.ThebestIveevermet,butyou
umbrellaorg?Playitrightandwellhavethe
reallyneedtounderstandthateventhemost
lawsuitbackon,withouthavingtogetourasses
speculativeinvestorismostlyspeculatingabout handedtousandwithouthavingtodestroyPerry
howhesgoingtospendallthemoneyyoure
andLester!
abouttomakehim.Ifinvestorsdidntcounttheir

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/241
Tjanlaughed.Thatsthats...Wow!Genius.
Yeah,OK,right!TheBostongroupisin,Illtell
youthatmuch.Imsurewecangethalfadozen
morein,too.EspeciallyifwecangetPerryto
agreenottoblockit,whichImsurehelldo
afterIhavealittletalkwithhim.Thisllwork!

myback.Haveashareholdersmeeting.Itllbe
fine.

Well,yes.Butthatsjustmoney.Suzannes
goingtotaketheirballs.

Noneofthiswasnew.Shedshoutedvariations
onthisathimatmanytimesintheirrelationship.
Thedifferencewasthatnowshewasntshouting.
Shewascalm,assured,sadbutnotcrying.
Behindherinthehallway,hesawthatshed
packedhersuitcase,andthelittlesuitcasesthe
kidsusedwhentheytravelledtogether.

Hersmilewaslittleandsad.Imgoing,
Landon,shesaid.

Theblooddrainedfromhisface.Shedlefthim
plenty,overtheyears.Heddeservedit.Butit
Sometimesthethreatoftotallegaldestruction hadalwaysbeenwhitehot,inthemiddleofa
canhaveawonderful,clarifyingeffectonones fight,andithadalwaysendedwithsomekindof
mind,Kettlewellsaiddrily.Howrethekids? reconciliation.Thistime,ithadthefeelingof
Lyenitchkaisinasulk.Shewantstogobackto somethingplannedandexecutedincoldblood.
FloridaandshewantstoseeAdasomemore.
Hesatupandfoldedhishandsinhislap.He
PlusshesupsetthatwenevermadeittoDisney didntknowwhatelsetodo.
World.
Hersmilewilted.Itsnotgoingtowork,you
Kettlewellfloppeddownonhiscouch.Have
andme.Icantlivelikethis,lurchingfromcrisis
youseenSuzannesbloglately?
tocrisis.Iloveyoutoomuchtowatchthat
Tjanlaughed.Yeah.Man,shesgivingitto
happen.Ihatewhatitturnsmeinto.Youreonly
themwithbothbarrels.Makesmefeelsorryfor happywhenyouremiserable,youknowthat?I
em.
cantdothatforever.Wellbepartofeach
otherslivesforever,butIcantbeMrs
Um,youdoknowthatweresuingthemfor
Stressbunnyforever.
everythingtheyvegot,right?

Theyexchangedsomemorenicetiesand
promisedthattheydgettogetherfacetoface
realsoonandKettlewellhungup.Frombehind
him,heheardsomeonefidgeting.
Kids,youknowyouarentsupposedtocome
intomyoffice.
Soundslikethingshavegottenstartedup
again.Itwasntthekids,itwasEva.Hesatup.
Shewasstandingwithherarmsfoldedinthe
doorwayofhisoffice,staringathim.
Yeah,hesaid,mumblingalittle.Shewas
reallybeautiful,hiswife,andsheputupwitha
hellofalot.Hefeltobscurelyashamedofthe
waythathedtreatedher.Hewishedhecould
standupandgiveherawarmhug.Hecouldnt.
Instead,shesatbesidehim.Soundslikeyoull
bebusy.

Wherewillyougo?
ImgoingtostaywithLucy,fromcollege.
SheslivingdownthepeninsulainMountain
View.Shesgotroomforthekids.
Hefeltlikeragingather,promisingherabitter
divorceandcustodysuit,buthecouldntdoit.
Shewascompletelyright,afterall.Eventhough
hisfirstimpulsewastoargue,hecouldntdoit
justthen.
Sosheleft,andKettlewellwasaloneinhisnice
apartmentwithhisphoneandhiscomputerand
hislawsuitsandhismindfizzingwithideas.

Oh,Ijustneedtogetalltheindividualcoops
onboard,talktothelawyers,gettheinvestorsoff ThelastthingSammywantedwasafight.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/242
Dinahspromowasmakingmajorbankforthe
companyandhewastakingmoreandmore
meetingsinTexaswithDinah,whichwasahell
ofaperk.Theydshippedtwomillionofthe
DiaBs,andwereprojectingtenmillioninthe
firstquarter.Parkadmissionwassoaringandthe
revenuefromtheadvertisingwasgoingtocover
theentirecostofthenextrevoftheDiaBs,
whichwouldbebetter,faster,smallerand
cheaper.
ThatbusinesswithDeathWaitsandthenew
Fantasylandandtheridewhatdiditmatter
now?Hedbeensofocusedonthedetailsthat
hedlosttrackofthebigpicture.WaltDisney
hadmadehisempirebyfiguringouthowtodo
thenextthing,notwastinghisenergyonhowto
protectthelastthing.Ithadallbeenamistake,a
dumbmistake,andnowhewasbackontrack.
Fromallappearances,thelawsuitswereonthe
vergeofblowingaway,anyway.Fantasyland
hedturnedthatovertoWiener,ofallpeople,
andhewasactuallydoingsomegoodstuffthere.
Reallyrunningwiththeideaofrestoringitasa
nostalgiasiteaimedsquarelyatfatkins,withlots
offoodandromantickiddieridesthatnokid
wouldwanttorideintheageofthebreakneck
coaster.
Thelastthinghewantedwasafight.Whathe
wantedwastomakeassloadsofmoneyforthe
company,remakehimselfasapowerinthe
organization.
Buthewasabouttohaveafight.

Hello,Samuel,hesaid.
Nicetoseeyou.CanIofferyouaglassof
water?Icedtea?
Hackelbergwavedtheoffersaway.Theyre
usingyourboxestoprinttheirowndesigns,he
said.
What?
Thosefreakswiththeirhomemaderide.
Theyvejustpublishedasystemforprintingtheir
ownobjectsonyourboxes.
Sammyrewoundtheconversationshedhadwith
theinfosecpeopleinImagineeringaboutwhat
countermeasurestheydcomeupwith,whatthey
wereproofagainst.Hewaspissedthathewas
findingoutaboutthisfromHackelberg.IfLester
andPerrywerehackingtheDiaBs,theywould
betalkingaboutitnonstop,runningtheirmouths
ontheInternet.Backwhenhewashisown
competitiveintelligencespecialist,hewould
haveknownaboutthisprojectthesecondit
began.Nowhewastryingtofindacompetitive
intelligencepersonwhoknewhisassfromhis
elbow,sofarwithoutsuccess.
Well,thatsregrettable,obviously,butsolong
aswerestillsellingtheconsumables...The
goopwasahugeprofitmakerforthecompany.
Theyboughtitinbulk,addedaproprietary,
preciselymixedchemicalthattheprintercould
checkforinitshoppers,andsoldittotheDiaB
usersforatwothousandpercentmarkup.Ifyou
triedtosubstituteacompetitorsgoop,the
machinewouldrejectit.Theyshippedoutnew
DiaBswithonlyhalfaloadofgoop,sothatthe
firstpurchasewouldcomefast.Itwasmaking
moremoney,weekonweek,thanpopcorn.

Hackelbergcameintohisofficeunannounced.
SammyhadsomeoftheImagineersin,showing
himprototypesofthenextmodel,whichwas
beingdesignedformorereliableshippingand
easierpacking.Hackelbergwascarryinghis
Thecracktheyredistributingalsodisablesthe
canetoday,wearinghisicecreamsuit,andwas checkingforthewatermark.Youcanuseany
flushedadeep,angryredthatseemedtoboilup genericgoopinthem.
fromhiscollar.
Sammyshookhisheadandrestrainedhimself
Onelookfromhisblazingeyeswasenoughto
fromthumpinghishanddownonthedesk.He
sendtheImagineersscurrying.Theydidnteven wantedtoscream.
taketheirprototypewiththem.Hackelberg
Werenotsuingthem,arewe?
closedthedoorbehindthem.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/243
Doyouthinkthatswise,Samuel?

makeanexampleofthem.Theyrethefirstones
Imnolegalexpert.Youtellme.Maybewecan toattackonthisfront,buttheywontbethelast.
Werevulnerable,Samuel,butwecancontain
takestrongercountermeasureswiththenext
thatvulnerabilitywithenoughdeterrent.
generationHegesturedattheprototypeon
hisdesk.
Hackelbergseemedtobeexpectingsomethingof
Sammy,butSammywasdamnedifheknew
Andabandonthetwomillionunitsweve
whatitwas.OK,hesaidlamely.
shippedtodate?
Sammythoughtaboutit.Thosefamiliesmight
hangontotheiroriginaltwomillionforever,or
untiltheyworeout.Maybeheshouldbebuilding
themtofallapartaftersixmonthsofuse,to
forceupdates.
Itsjustsounfair.Theyrerippingusoff.We
spentthemoneyonthoseunitssothatwecould
sendourmessageout.Whatthehelliswrong
withthosepeople?Aretheycompulsive?Do
theyhavetodestroyeverymoneymaking
business?

Hackelbergssmilewaslikeajackolanterns.
Thatmeansthatwevegottobepreparedfor
theirdiscoveryonus.Ineedtoknowevery
singledetailofthisDiaBproject,includingthe
thingsIdfindifIwentthroughyourphone
recordsandyouremail.Becausetheywillbe
goingthroughthem.Theyllbeputtingyouand
youroperationunderthemicroscope.
Sammyrestrainedhisgroan.Illhaveitfor
you,hesaid.Givemeadayortwo.

HesawHackelbergoutofhisofficeasquickly
ashecould,thenshutthedoor.Hackelberg
Hackelbergsatback.Samuel,Ithinkitstime
wantedeverything,andthatmeanteverything,
wedealtwiththem.
includinghisplaymatesfromtheadvertising
Sammysmindwasstilloffonthestrategiesfor industryeverything.Hewasbecomingthekind
keepingLesterandPerryatbay,though.Sure,a ofexecutivewhoemittedstrategicintelligence,
sixmonthobsolescencecurvewoulddoit.Or
ratherthanthekindwhogatheredit.That
theycouldjustchargemoneyfortheDiaBsnow wouldntdo.Thatwasntthenaturalorderof
thatpeoplewerestartingtounderstandwhatthey things.
werefor.Hell,theycouldjustmakethemost
compellingstuffforaDiaBtoprintandmaybe Hesatdownathiscomputer.Someonehadtodo
thecompetitiveintelligenceworkaroundhere
thatwouldbeenough.
anditlookedlikeitwouldhavetobehim.
Hackelbergtappedthetipofhiscaneonce,
sharply.Sammycamebacktotheconversation.
Sothatssettled.Filingsuittoday.Weregoing WhattheWorldCanLearnfromDisney
todoadiscoveryonthemthatllsplitthemopen
SuzanneChurch
fromassholetothroat.Nomoreofthis
ItseasytodismissDisney.Theymakemore
chickenshitpolicestuffweregoingtofigure
outeverysourceofincomethesebastardshave, lawsuitsthanridesthesedays.Theyhavea
weregoingtotakeawaytheircomputers,were reputationforPolyannaishchirpiness.Their
goingdowntotheirISPsandgettingtheiremails corporatecommunicationsveerfromCorporate
PassiveVoiceThirdPersontoasyrupy,
andinstantmessages.
condescendingkiddeespeakthatscalculatedto
Andasweveseen,theyregoingtoretaliate.
drivechildrenintoafrenzyofparentnagging
Thatsfine.Werenottreatingthesepeopleasa
screeches.
coupleofpunkpirateswhogodownatthefirst
ButifyouhaventbeentoaDisneyParkina
signoftrouble.Notanymore.Weknowthat
thesepeoplearethecompetition.Weregoingto while,youdontknowwhatyouremissing.Ive

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/244
beeninWaltDisneyWorldforaweeknow,and
Imheretotellyou,itsprettygood.No,its
betterthanthatitsamazing.
Youveprobablyheardabouttheattentionto
detail:therooflineoverFantasylandfeatures
sagging,Georgiantiles,crazychimneys,and
subtlyanimatedgargoyles(leftoverfroma
previous,gothierincarnationofthispartofthe
park).Youdontseethisunlessyouraiseyour
eyesabovethebusy,intriguingfacadesthatfront
therides,abovethemasterfullypaintedsignage,
andhigherstill.Inotherwords,unlessyoure
someonelikeme,lookingfordetails,youwont
spotthem.Theyrethereaspuregoldplating,
theyretherebecausesomeonewhotookpridein
hisworkputthemthere.
Ittellsyousomethingaboutthepeoplebehind
thesceneshere.Peoplewhocareabouttheirjobs
workhere.Itseasytoforgetthatwhenyoure
thinkingaboutDisney,acompanywhose
reputationthesedayshasmoretodowithwhom
theysuethanwithwhattheymake.
Butoh,whattheymake.Theresasafaripark
here,somethinglikeazoobutwithoutthatstuff
thatmakesyoufeellikeyoureparticipatingin
someterribleexercisethatstripsnobleanimals
oftheirdignityforouramusement.Instead,the
animalshereroamfree,neartheirhairless
monkeycousins,separatedfromthembywater
features,camouflagedditches,simulatedancient
ruins[moredetails].

aBoxdevices,whichIhavechronicledhere
fromtheotherside.Ontheonehand,these
thingsarenetworkedvolumetricprinters,buton
theother,theyaresuperbcategorybustersthat
haveachievedanentirelyjustifiableyetstill
staggeringmarketpenetrationinjustafew
months.
Icameherereadytobeboredanddisgustedand
fleecedofeverynickel.Iamdisappointed.The
parksaretremendousatseparatingpeoplefrom
money,itstrue.Theyvestructuredeach
promenadeandstrollsothatevenawalktothe
bathroomcancreateaMommyDaddyWantIt
NOWsituation.Forsuchahappyplace,there
certainlyarealotofweepychildrenand
frustratedparents.
ButitshardtofaultDisneyforbeingabusiness
thatmakesalotofmoney.Thatsthepoint,after
all.Anditcantbecheaptokeepthetensof
thousandsofcastmembers(yes,theyreallydo
callthemthat,evenwhentheyreearning
minimumwageandworkjobswithallthe
glamourofabathroomattendant)hanging
around,pickinguplitterandconfrontingevery
newguestwitheerilyconvincingcheer.

Asforboredanddisgustednotyet.Bored
itsimpossibletoimaginesuchathing.For
starters,theworldsmiddleclasseshave
convergedhereinasortofbourgeoisUN,and
youcangetalotofpleasureoutofwatchinga
Chineselittleemperorwithdotingparentsin
Thatsjustoneofsixparks,eachsubdividedinto towmakingfriendswithatinyperfectRussian
mafiyehprincesswhoseparentsflicknervously
sixorsevenlands,eachlandwithitsown
attheirnicotineinhalersandscoutthebuilding
uniquecharm,culture,andcustoms.Thatsnot
countingtheoutlyingareas:twonewtowns,golf facadesforhiddencameras.
courses,avelodrome,apreservedmarshlandthat Ofcourse,ifpeoplewatchingisntyourthing,
youcantourinaskiffwithalocalnaturist.In
therearetheridesthemselves,whichmakeart
thesedaysofcheapfabrication,itseasytoforget outoftheshoeboxdiorama.Thereareluaus,
whatyoucandowithseveralbilliondollarsand indoorscubadivingwithlivesharks,andan
thekindofhubristhatleadsyoutodredgelakes, islandofgenuinelysleazynightclubswhereyou
erectpapiermachemountains,andcreateyour
cangetpropositionedforsomeimprobableacts
owntoymasstransitsystem.
thatarehardlyfamilyfriendly.Theselastappear
Ofcourse,DisneyParksarenostrangerstosmall tobelargelypopulatedbythecastmembers
scalefabrication.Seetheirtiny,cleverDisneyin seekingalittleafterworkaction.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/245
Disgusted?IthinkifIwereaparent,theredbe
partsoftheexperiencethatdrovemenuts.But
onceyougettoknowtherhythmoftheplace,
youstarttoseethattherearenavigablepathways
thatdontleadthroughanycommercialareas
fantasticadventureplaygrounds,naturehikes,
pettingzoos,horsebackrides,sportstraining.
Andforeverykidwhoshavingabloodsugar
meltdownafterconsuminghalfaquartofhigh
fructoselubeslatheredonacinnamonbun,
theresanotherwhoisstandingopenmouthed
withcompletebodilywonder,atsome
stupendousspectacle,clearlyformingneuronal
connectionsofasortthatwillcreatethe
permanentpredispositiontoanappreciationof
spectacle,wonder,andbeauty.

passedherthepineappleandshethumpedher
lanyardagainstthebartwiceoncetopayfor
thedrinkandoncetogivehimageneroustip.
Hewasgayasagoose,butfuntolookat,andhe
flirtedwithherforkicks.

Thisisthekindofplacewhereyouhavetolove
thesinandhatethesinner.Thecompanymay
sueandresorttodirtytricks,butitsalsochock
fullofrealartistsmakingrealart.

Hecameinanhouragoandaskedforyou.

Ifyouhaventbeenforavisit,youshould.
Honestly.Oh,byallmeans,alsogosomewhere
unspoiled(ifyoucanfindit).Gocamping.Goto
oneoftheridesIvewrittensomuchabout.But
ifyouwanttoseethebrightsideofwhatbillions
candothestuffyounevergetfromoutsidethe
wallsofthisfortressoffunbuyaticket.

Ithinkheworkshere.Hedidntpaywithan
employeecard,butheactedlikeit.

ThebarmanatSuzanneshotelstartedbuilding
heraLapuLapuasshecameupthestairs.The
drinkinvolvedahollowpineapple,overproof
rum,andanumbrella,andshedconcludedthat
itcontainedtheperfectdosageofliquidCNS
depressanttounwindherafteradayofbattleat
theparks.Thatdayshedspentfollowingaround
thetroupesofroleplayingactorsatDisneys
HollwoodStudios:acastofahundredcostumed
playerswhoactedoutaseriesofinterlocking
comediessetintheblackandwhitedaysof
Hollywood.Theywerefearlesslycheeky,
grabbingaudiencemembersandconscripting
themintheirplays.

Hellothere,shesaid.

Nowshewasfootsoreandtherewasstilla
nighttimeatEpcotinherfuture.Thebarman

Gentlemancallerforyou,Suzanne,hesaid,
tiltinghishead.Youtemptress.
Shelookedinthedirectionindicatedandtookin
themansittingonthebarstool.Hedidnthave
thelookofaharrieddadandhewastoooldto
bealoveflushedhoneymooner.Insensible
tropicalweightslacksandawesternshirt,he
wasimpossibletoplace.Hesmiledandgaveher
alittlewave.
What?
Shelookedbackattheman.Whatsyourtake
onhim?

OK,shesaid,sendoutasearchpartyifIm
notbackinanhour.
Gogethim,tiger,thebarmansaid,givingher
handasqueeze.
Shecarriedherpineapplewithheranddrifted
downthebar.
MsChurch,themansaid.Hehadadisarming,
confidentsmile.MynameisSammyPage.
Sheknewthename,ofcourse.Theface,too,
nowthatshethoughtaboutit.Heofferedherhis
hand.Shedidnttakeit.Heputitdown,then
wipeditonhistrouserleg.
Areyouhavingagoodtime?
Alovelytime,thankyou.Shesippedherdrink
andwisheditwasalittlemoreseriousand
intimidating.Itshardtodofrostywhenyoure
holdingarumfilledpineapplewithapaper
parasol.
Hissmilefaltered.Ireadyourarticle.Icant

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/246
believeImissedit.Imean,youvebeenherefor
sixdaysandIjustfigureditouttoday?Ima
prettyincompetentvillain.
Sheletalittlesmileslipoutatthat.Well,itsa
bigInternet.

Myhandsarentthecleanest,hesaid.ButIm
tryingtoatone.Heswallowed.Thebarmanwas
lookingatthem.Look,canItakeyoufora
walk,maybe?Someplacemoreprivate?

Shethoughtaboutit.Letmegetchanged,she
ButIloveyourstuff.Ivebeenreadingitsince, said.Meetyouinthelobbyinten.
well,backwhenIlivedintheValley.Iusedto
Sheswappedhertennisshoesforwalking
gettheMercactuallydeliveredonpaper.
sandalsandputonacleanshirtandlongslacks,
thendrapedascarfoverhershoulderslikea
Youareawalkingfossil,arentyou?
shawl.Outside,thesunsetwaspaintingthe
Hebobbedhishead.Soitcomesdowntothis. lagoonbloody.Shewasjustabouttorushback
Ivebeenverydistractedwithmakingthings
downtothelobbywhenshestoppedandcalled
besideslawsuitslately,asyouknow.Ivebeen
Lester,herfingersmovingoftheirownvolition.
puttingmyenergyintodoingstuff,not
Hey,you,hesaid.Stillhavingfunin
preventingstuff.Itsbeenrefreshing.
Mauschwitz?
Shegrubbedinherpocketandcameupwitha
littlestenobookandapencil.DoyoumindifI Itkeepsgettingweirderhere,letmetellyou,
shesaid.ShetoldhimaboutSammyshowingup,
takenotes?
wantingtotalkwithher.
Hegulped.Canthisallbeonbackground?
Ooh,Imjealous,Lestersaid.Hesmyarch
Sheheftedhernotebook.No,shesaidfinally. rival,afterall.
Iftheresanythingthatneedspublishing,Im
goingtohavetopublishit.Icanrespectthefact Ihadntthoughtofitthatway.Heiskindof
cute
thatyourespeakingtomewithcandor,but
frankly,MrPage,youhaventearnedthe
Hey!
privilegeofspeakingonbackground.
Inaslimy,sharkyway.Dontworry,Lester.I
Hesippedathisdrinkamoregrownup
highball,withaloneicecubeinit,maybea
Scotchandsoda.OK,right.Well,then,onthe
record,butcandorously.Ilovedyourarticle.I
loveyourworkingeneral.Imreallygladtohave
youhere,becauseIthinkwemakegreatstuff
andweremakingmoreofitthanever.Your
latestpostwasrightonthemoneywecare
aboutourworkhere.Thatshowwegottowhere
weare.
Butyoudevotealotofyourresourcestoother
projectshere,dontyou?Iveheardaboutyou,
MrPage.IveinterviewedDeathWaits.He
wincedandshescribbledanote,leavinghimon
tenterhookswhileshewrote.Somethingcold
andangryhadholdofherwritingarm.Ive
interviewedhimandheardwhathehastosay
aboutthisplace,whatyouhavedone.

missyou,youknow?
Really?

Really.IthinkImaboutdonehere.Imgoing
tocomehomesoon.
Therewasalongpause,thenasnufflingsound.
Sherealizedhewascrying.Heslurped.Sorry.
Thatsgreat,babe.Imissedyou.
IImissedyoutoo.Listen,Ivegottogomeet
thisguy.
Go,go.Callmeafterdinnerandtellmehowit
goes.Meanwhile,Imgoingtogoviolatethe
DiaBsomemore.
Channelit,thatsright.
Righton.
Sammymetherinthelobby.Ithoughtwecould

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/247
goforawalkaroundthelake,hesaid.Theres AndIwontletyouoffthehookbypromising
atrailthatgoesallthewayaround.Itspretty
tokeepitconfidential.
private.
Exactly.
Shelookedatthelake.Attwelveoclock,the
Well,youreonthehornsofadilemmathen,
maingatesoftheMagicKingdom;atthree,the arentyou?Thesunwasnearlysetnow,and
retroAframeContemporaryhotel,atnine,the
stonesattheirfeetglitteredfrombeneath,
weddingcakeGrandFloridianResort.
sprinkledwithtwinklinglights.Itmadethe
Leadon,shesaid.Heledheroutontothe
artificialwhitesandbeachandaround,anda
momentlatertheywereonapathwaypavedwith
octagonaltiles,eachengravedwiththenameof
afamilyandayear.
Ireallylikedyourarticle.

evening,scentedwithtropicalflowersandthe
cleansmellofthelake,evenmorelovely.Acool
breezefluffedherhair.
Hegroaned.Shehadtoadmitit,shewas
enjoyingthis.Wasitanylessthanthisman
deserved?

Yousaidthat.

Letmetrythisagain.Ihavesomeinformation
Theywalkedawhilelonger.Itremindedmeof that,ifIpassitontoyou,couldsaveyour
whyIcamehere.Iworkedforstartups,andthey friendsdowninHollywoodfromterribleharm.I
canonlygiveyouthisinformationonthe
werefun,buttheywereephemeral.Noone
expectedsomethingontheWebtolastforhalfa conditionthatyoutakegreatpainstokeepme
frombeingidentifiedasthesource.
century.Maybethebrandsurvives,butwho
knows?Imean,whoremembersYahoo!
TheydcometotheMagicKingdomnow.
anymore?Butforsure,anythingyoubuiltthen
Behindthem,themaingatesloomed,anda
wouldbegoneinayearortwo,adecadetops.
pufferbellychoochootrainblewitswhistleasit
pulledoutofthestation.Happy,exhausted
Buthere...Hewavedhishands.Theywere
childrenranacrosstheplaza,headingforthe
comingaroundthebendfortheContemporary
now,andshecouldseeitinallitsabsurdglory. ferrydocksandthemonorailramps.Thestones
Ithadbeenkeptupsothatitlookedlikeitmight beneathherfeetglitteredwithrainbowlight,and
tropicalbirdscalledtoeachotherfromthe
havebeenerectedyesterday,butthetowering
PiratesoftheCaribbeanAdventureIslandinthe
whiteAframestructurewiththemonorail
middleofthelake.
runningthroughitsmidriffwasclearlyof
anotherera.Itwaslikeamuseumpiece,orabit
ofartilleryonthefieldatacivilwar
reenactment.
Isee.

Hum,shesaid.Thefamilieslaughedand
jostledeachother.Hum.OK,onetimeonly.
Thisoneisofftherecord.

Sammylookedaroundnervously.Keep
Itsaboutthegrandiosity,thepermanence.The walking,hesaid.Letsgetpasthereandback
beliefindoingsomethinganythingthatwill intotheprivatespots.
endure.
Butitsthecrowdsthatputmeinagenerous
mood.Shedidntsayit.Shedgivehimthisone.
Youdidntneedtobringmesomeplaceprivate
Whatharmcoulditdo?Ifitwassomethingshe
totellmethat.
hadtopublish,shecouldgetitfromanother
No,Ididnt.Heswallowed.Itshardbecause source.
Iwanttotellyousomethingthatwill
Theyregoingtosueyourfriends.
compromisemeifIsayit.
Sowhatelseisnew?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/248
No,personally.Theyregoingtothemattresses.
Everytrumpedupchargetheycanthinkof.But
thepointhereisnttogetthecopstoraidthem,
itstoservediscoveryoneverysingle
communication,everydocument,everyfile.
Openupeverything.Rootthrougheveryemail
untiltheyfindsomethingtohangthemwith.
Yousaytheyarentyouthey?

meandmine.Itstruethatyouvemade
somethingveryfine,butitsalsotruethatyou
helpedsabotagesomethingeverybitasfine.
Yourepaintingyourselfasthevictimofsome
mysteriousthem.ButasnearasIcanworkout,
theonlydifferencebetweenyouandthemis
thatyourehavingalittledisagreementwith
them.Idontliketobeusedaspartofyour
corporateheadgamesandpowerstruggles.

Itwastoodarktoseehisfacenow,butshecould
Fine,hesaid.Fine.Ideservethat.Ideserve
tellthequestionmadehimuncomfortable.
nobetter.Fine.Well,Itried.
No.Notanymore.Heswallowedandlooked
outatthelake.Look,Imdoingsomethingnow Suzannerefusedtosoften.Grownmensulking
something...amazing.TheDiaB,itsbreaking didnotinspireanysympathyinher.Whateverhe
wantedtotellher,itwasntworthgoingintohis
newground.Wereputtingthreedeeeprinters
debt.
intoeveryhouseinAmerica.Whatyourfriend
Lesterisdoing,itsactuallyhelpingus.Were
Hegaveashudderingsigh.Well,Ivetakenyou
inventingawholenew
awayfromyoureveningoffun.CanImakeitup
toyou?Wouldyouliketocomewithmeon
Business?
someofmyfavoriterides?
No,notjustabusiness.Aworld.Itswhatthe
NewWorkwasmissingathreedeeeprinterin Thissurprisedheralittle,butwhenshethought
aboutit,shecouldntseewhynot.Sure,she
everylivingroom.Akillerapp.Therewere
said.
personalcomputersandgeeksforyearsbefore
thespreadsheetcamealong.Thentherewasa
reasontoputoneineveryhouse.Thenwegot
TakingaguestaroundDisneyWorldwaslike
theInternet,thewholesoftwareindustry.Anew
programmingaplaylistforadateoracartrip.
world.Thatswherewereheaded.ItsallIwant
Sammyhaddoneitthreeorfourtimesforpeople
todo.Idontwanttospendtherestofmylife
hewastryingtowinover(mostlywomenhewas
suingpeople.Iwanttodostuff.
tryingtoscrew)andherefinedhistechnique
Hekickedattherushesthatgrewbesidethe
everytime.
trail.Iwanttoberememberedforthat.Iwant
SohetookhertotheCarouselofProgress.It
thattobemyplaceinthehistorybooksnota
wastheoldestuntouchedrideinthepark,a
bunchoflawsuits.
replicaoftheonethatWalthimselfhadbuiltfor
Suzannewalkedalongbesidehiminsilencefora GEatthe1964WorldsFair.Therehadbeen
time.OK,sowhatdoyouwantmetodoabout attemptstoupdateitovertheyears,buttheydall
it?
beenrippedoutandtheshowrestoredtoitsmid
IthoughtthatifHeshutup.Look,Itried sixtiesglory.
thisoncebefore.ItoldthatFreddybastard
everythinginthehopesthathedcomeontomy
sideandhelpmeout.Hescrewedme.Imnot
sayingyoureFreddy,but
Suzannestoppedwalking.Whatdoyouwant
fromme,sir?Youhavehardlybeenafriendto

Itwasarevolvingtheaterwhererobotsdanced
andsangandtalkedthroughtheAmerican
Century,fromthelastdaysofthecoalstoveup
tothedawnofthespaceage.Ithadagoofy,
catchysong,cornballjokes,andherelished
playingguideandtellinghischargesaboutthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/249
timethattherevolvingtheaterhadtrappeda
carelesscastmemberinitscarouselandcrushed
hertodeath.Thatjuxtapositionofsunny,goofy
Americancorporateoptimismandthemacabre
realitiesofoperatingaparkwhereagangof
halfliterateminimumwageworkersspenttheir
daysshovellingtheworldsrichchildreninto
modifiedthreshingmachinesitwasdelicious.
Suzannesbodylanguagetoldhimthewhole
storyfromthesecondshesatdown,armsfolded,
abarelycontainedsmirkonherlips.Thelights
playedovertheGElogo,whichhadacquiredan
evenmoreanachronisticlustersincethelasttime
hedbeen.NowthatGEhadbeendelistedfrom
theNYSE,itwasonlyamatteroftimebefore
theyyankedthesponsorship,butfornow,it
madetherideseemlikeitwasparttime
machine.Transportedbacktothecorporate
Pleistocene,whengiantdinocorpsthundered
overtheplains.
Thetheaterrotatedtothefirstbatchofsinging,
wisecrackingrobots.Hereyebrowsshotupand
sheshookherheadbemusedly.Outcamethe
secondbatch,thethirdnowtheywereinthe
fabulousfortiesandtheAndrewsSistersplayed
whilegrandmaandgrandparobotwatcheda
bulgingfisheyeTVandsistergotvibratedbyan
electricslimmingbelt.Thejokesgotworse,the
catchyjingleTheresagreatbigbeautiful
tomorrow,shiningattheendofevery
daaaaay!gotrepeatedwithmorevigor.
ItslikeanAmericanrobotperformanceof
TriumphoftheWill,shewhisperedtohim,and
hecrackedup.Theyweretheonlytwointhe
theater.Itwasneverfull,andhehimselfhad
takenpartinspitballexercisesbrainstorming
replacements,butinstitutionally,DisneyParks
couldntbringitselftoshutitdown.Therewas
alwayssomeexcuserabidfans,historical
interest,competingprioritiesbutitcamedown
tothefactthatnoonewantedtobringtheaxe
downontherobotfamily.
Thefinalsegmentnow,thewholefamily
enjoyingafuturisticChristmaswithahightech

kitchenwhosevoiceactivatedstovewent
haywire.Alltherobotswereonstageforthe
segment,andtheyexhortedtheaudiencetosing
andclapalong.Sammygaveinandclapped,and
asecondlater,Suzannedid,too,laughingatthe
sillinessofitall.Whenthehouselightscameup
andtheboredbutunsquashedcastmember
spieledthemoutoftheride,Sammyhada
bounceinhisstepandthesonginhishead.
Thatwasterrible!Suzannesaid.
Isntitgreat?
God,Illnevergetthatsongoutofmyhead.
Theymovedthroughtheflashinglightsof
Tomorrowland.
LookatthatnolineonSpaceMountain,
Sammysaid,pointing.
SotheyrodeSpaceMountaintwice.Thenthey
caughtthefireworks.ThenSammytookherover
toTomSawyerIslandonamaintenanceboatand
theysatupinthetreehouseandwatchedasthe
parkheavedandthronged,dancedandran,
laughedandchattered.
Heartherustling?
Yeah,whatisthat,rabbitsorsomething?
Giantrats.Sammygrinnedinthedark.Giant,
feralrats.
Comeon,yourejoking.
Crossmyheart.Wedrainthelakeeverynow
andthenandtheymigratetotheisland.No
predators.Lotsofdroppedfrenchfriesits
ratopiahere.Theygetasbigascats.Boldlittle
fuckerstoo.Noonelikestobeherealoneat
night.
Whataboutus?
Weretogether.
Therustlinggrewlouderandtheyheldtheir
breath.Aboldratlikearaccoonpickeditsway
acrossthepathbelowthem.Thentwomore.
SuzanneshiveredandSammydid,too.They
werehuge,feral,menacing.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/250
Wanttogo?

Goofyhatthatdancedandbobbedonhishead,
tryingtodolittlepasdedeuxwiththeother
Hellyes,shesaid.Shefumbledinherpurse
andcameoutwithabrightlittletorchthatshone Goofyhatsinthevicinity.Italsoletoutthe
occassionalchuckleandsnatchofsong.
likeabeacon.Youwerentsupposedtouse
brightlightsontheislandafterhourswhilethe Shutup,Suzannesaid.Donttalkabout
restoftheparkwasopen,butSammywasglad magic.Livemagic.
ofit.
Theyclosedthepark,lettingthemselvesget
Backonthemainland,theyrodeBigThunder
Mountainandmoseyedovertothenew,half
rebuiltFantasyland.Thezombiemazewasstill
open,andtheygotlostinitamidthegroans,
animatronicshamblers,andgigglingkids
runningthroughthehedges.
Somethinghappenedinthemaze.Between
enteringitandleavingit,theylosttheircares.
Insteadoftalkingabouttheparkand
Hackelberg,theytalkedaboutwaysofgetting
outofthemaze,talkedaboutwhichzombiewas
comingnext,aboutthebestzombiemovies
theydeverseen,aboutmemorableHalloweens.
Astheynearedtheexit,theystartedtostrategize
aboutthebestridetogoonnext.Suzannehad
donetheHauntedMansiontwicewhenshefirst
arrivedandnow

herdedoffofMainStreetalongwiththelast
stragglers.Helookedoverhisshoulderasthey
movedthroughthearchesunderthetrainstation.
Thenightcrewwasmovingthroughtheempty
MainStreet,hosingdownthestreets,sweeping,
scrubbing.Ashewatched,theworklightscame
on,throwingthewholethingintoneardaylight
illumination,makingitseemlesslikean
enchantedwonderlandandmorelikeamovieset,
anartifice.Asham.
Itwasoneinthemorningandhewasexhausted.
AndHackelbergwasgoingtosue.
Sammy,whatdoyouwantmetodo,blackmail
him?
Idontknowsure.Whynot?Youcouldcall
himandsay,Ihearyoureworkingonthis
lawsuit,butdontyouthinkitshypocritical
whenyouvebeendoingallthisbadstuff

Comeon,itssuchacliche,Sammysaid.
AnyonecanbeaHauntedMansionfan.Itslike
beingaMickeyfan.Ittakesrealcharactertobea Idontblackmailpeople.
Goofyfan.
Fine.Tellyourfriends,then.Tellsomelawyers.
Thatcouldwork.
YoureaGoofyfan,Itakeit?
Indeed.AndImalsoaJungleCruiseman.
Morecornyjokes?
Wevebeendyingtohaveyoutalkabout
cornballhumor.
Theyrodeboth.Theparkwasclosing,andall
aroundthem,peoplewerestreamingawayfrom
therides.Nolinesatall,noteveninfrontofthe
rollercoasters,noteveninfrontofDumbo,not
eveninfrontoftheultraviolentflyoverofthe
worldofthezombies(neePeterPansFlight,and
aperennialfavorite).
Youknow,Ihaventjustenjoyedtheparklike
thisinyears.Hewaswearingahugefoam

Sammy,Ithinkweregoingtohavetofightthis
suitonitsmerits,notonthebasisofsome
sneakyintel.Iappreciatetheriskyoureputting
yourselfto
WerippedoffsomeofLesterscodeforthe
DiaB.Heblurteditout,notbelievinghewas
hearinghimselfsayit.Ididntknowitatthe
time.Thelibrarieswereonthenetandmyguys
wereinahurry,andtheyjustimporteditintothe
buildandleftittheretheyrewroteitwiththe
secondshipment,butweputoutamillionunits
runningalibraryLesterwroteforvolumetric
imaging.Itwasundersomecrazyviralopen
sourcelicenseandweweresupposedtopublish

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/251
allourmodifications,andweneverdid.

Imsorry,Lestersaid.

Suzannethrewherheadbackandlaughed,long
andhard.Sammyfoundhimselflaughingalong
withher.

Dontbesorry.Behappy.Someoneshouldbe
happyaroundhere.

OK,shesaid.OK.Thatsagoodone.Illtell
HerveGuignolchairedtheexecutivecommittee.
Lesteraboutit.Maybehellwanttouseit.
Sammyhadknownhimforyears.Theydcome
Maybehellwanttosue.
easttogetherfromSanJose,whereGuignolhad
Sammywantedtoaskherifshedkeephisname runtheentertainmentsideofeBay.Theydbeen
outofit,buthecouldntask.Hedgoneto
recruitedbyDisneyParksatthesametime,
Hackelbergwiththeinfoassoonashedfound
duringthehostiletakeoverandbreakup,and
outandtheydagreedtokeepitquiet.The
theydhadtheirshareofnightsout,golfgames,
Imagineersresponsiblehadhadaveryfirm
andstupidmoviestogether.
talkingto,andhadprivatelyadmittedtoa
ButwhenGuignolwaswearinghischairmans
curiousandaghastSammyoverbeersthat
hat,itwaslikehewasadifferentperson.The
everyoneeverywheredidthisallthetime,thatit
boardroomwasfilledwithhuge,ergonomic
wassonormalastobecompletely
chairs,thecenterofthetablelinedwithbottles
unremarkable.Hewasprettysurethatajudge
ofimportedwaterandtraysoffancifulcanapes
wouldntseeitthatway.
intheshapesofDisneycharacters.Sammysatto
Suzannesurprisedhimbygivinghimastrong,
GuignolsleftandHackelbergsattohisright.
warmhug.Yourenottheworstguyinthe
Guignolbroughtthemeetingtoorderandthe
world,SammyPage,shesaid.Thanksfor
restofthecommitteestoppedchattingand
showingmearoundyourpark.
checkingemailandlookedexpectant.Atthe
touchofabutton,thedoorswungshutwithan
authoritativeclunkandshutterssliddownover
Kettlewellhadbeenalmostpatheticinhis
thewindow.
interestinhelpingLesterout.Lestergotthe
impressionthathedbeensittingaroundhis
apartment,moping,eversinceEvahadtakenthe
kidsandgone.AsLesterunspooledthestoryfor
himSuzannewouldnttellhimhowshed
foundthisout,andheknewbetterthantoask
Kettlewellgrewmoreandmoreexcited.Bythe
timeLesterwasthrough,hewaspractically
slobberingintothephone.

Welcome,andthankyouforattendingonsuch
shortnotice.YouknowAugustusHackelberg;he
hassomethingtopresenttoyou.
Hackelbergclimbedtohisfeetandlookedoutat
them.Hedidntlookgood.

AnissuehasarisenSammylovedthethird
personpassivevoicethatdominatedcorporate
meetings.Liketheissuehadarisenallonits
Oh,oh,oh,thisisgoingtobeafunphoner,he own,spontaneously.Adecisionthatwastaken
said.
hascomebacktobiteus.Heexplainedabout
Youlldoit,then?Evenaftereverything?
theDiaBsandthecode,layingitoutmoreor
lessasithappened,thoughofcoursehe
DoesPerryknowyouvecalledme?
downplayedhisinvolvementinadvisingSammy
Lesterswallowed.No,hesaid.Idonttalkto togoaheadandship.
Perrymuchthesedays.
Thecommitteeaskedafewintensequestions,
Kettlewellsighed.WhatthehellamIgoingto nonedirectedatSammy,whokeptquiet,though
dowithyoutwo?
heinstinctivelywantedtodefendhisrecord.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/252
Theytookabreakafteranhour,andSammy
foundhimselfinacornerwithGuignol.

justwhattheyvetakenfromusandhow.Out
themforalltheirbadacts.

Whatdoyouthink?Sammyaskedhim.

Guignolnodded.OK,thatstrue.Now,asI
Guignolgrimaced.Ithinkwereprettyscrewed. understandit,everyDiaBweshippedwiththis
Someoneisgoingtohavetotakeafallforthis, Bankspersonscodeonitisaseparateactof
infringement.Weshippedamillionofthem.
youknow.Itsgoingtocostusafortune.
Whatsthepotentialliabilityperunit?
Sammynodded.Well,unlesswejustsettlewith
them,hesaid.Youknowwedropthesuitwe Courtsusuallyaward
justfiledandtheydroptheirs....Hehadhoped Guignolknockedquietlyonthetable.Whats
thatthiswouldcomeoutonitsown,butitwas
thepotentialliabilitywhatsthesizeofthebill
clearthatHackelbergwasntgoingtoofferitup acourtcouldhanddown,ifajurywasinvolved?
himself.Hewastooinlovewiththeideaof
If,say,thisbecamepartofsomeoneslitigation
gettinghishandsonPerryandLester.
portfolio.
Guignolrockedhisheadfromsidetoside.You Hackelberglookedaway.Itsuptofivehundred
thinktheydgoforit?
thousandperseparateactofinfringement.
Sammydroppedhisvoicetoawhisperand
turnedawayfromtherestoftheroomto
confoundanylipreaders.Ithinktheyve
offeredtodothat.
GuignolcuthiseyesovertoHackelbergand
Sammynodded,imperceptibly.
Guignolmovedaway,leavingSammytoeata
Mickeyheadbuiltfromchunksofsalmonand
hamachi.Guignolmovedamongthecommittee,
talkingtoafewmembers.Sammyrecognized
thebehaviorconsolidatingpower.Hardto
rememberthatthiswastheguyhedplayed
savage,highstakesgamesofputtputtgolfwith.
Themeetingreconvened.Noonelookedat
Sammy.TheyalllookedatHackelberg.
Whatabouttryingtosettlethesuit?Guignol
said.
Hackelbergflushed.Idontknowifthats
possible
Whataboutifweoffertosettleinexchangefor
droppingthesuitwevejustfiled?

Guignolnodded.So,werelookingataceiling
ontheliabilityat$500billion,then?
Technically,yes.But
Iproposethatweofferasettlement,quidpro
quowiththisBanksperson.Wedropoursuitif
heindemnifiesusfromdamagesforhis.
Seconded,saidsomeoneatthetable.Things
werepickingupsteam.Sammybittheinsideof
hischeektokeephissmileincheck.
Wait,Hackelbergsaid.Gentlemenandlady,
please.Whileitstruethatdamagescan
technicallyrunto$500,000perinfringement,
thatsimplyisntdone.Nottoentitieslikethis
firm.Listen,wewrotethatlawsowecouldsue
peoplewhotookfromus.Itwontbeused
againstus.Wewillface,atworst,afewhundred
dollarsperactofinfringement.Stillasizable
sumofmoney,butinthefinalanalysis
Thankyou,Guignolsaid.Allinfavorof
offeringasettlement?
ItwasunanimousexceptforHackelberg.

Hackelbergshandssqueezedthesideofthe
table.Idontthinkthatthatwouldbeawise
SammygothisrematchwithHackelbergwhen
courseofaction.Thisistheopportunityweve
thequarterlyfinancialscameout.Itwasallthat
beenwaitingforthechancetocrackthemwide
blackink,makinghimgiddy.
openandseewhatsgoingoninside.Discover

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/253
Idontwanttobedisrespectful,hesaid,
knowingthatinHackelbergsbooks,therecould
benothingmoredisrespectfulthanchallenging
him.Butweneedtoconfrontsomebusiness
realitieshere.

bothwanttoprotectthebusiness.Imnotsaying
thatyouneedtogivetheseguysafreeride.
WhatImsayingis,suingtheseguysisnotgood
forourbusiness.Itcostsusmoney,goodwillit
distractsusfromdoingourjobs.

HackelbergsofficewasnothinglikeSammyhad
expectednotasoutherngentlemansstudy
linedwithhuntingtrophiesandframedancestral
photos.Itwasasspareastheofficeofatemp,
almostemptysaveforahighlyfunctionaldesk,
builtinbookcaseslinedwithlawbooks,anda
straightbackedchair.Itwasascetic,severe,and
itwasmoreintimidatingthananydarkwoodden
couldhopetobe.

Hackelbergleanedbackandlookedcoollyinto
Sammyseyes.Whatareyouproposingasan
alternative,then?
TheideahadcometoSammyintheshowerone
morning,ashementallycalculatedthesizeof
hiscomingquarterlybonus.Agreatidea.Outof
theboxthinking.Therightanswertothe
questionthatnoonehadthoughttoask.Ithad
seemedsoperfectthen.Now,though

Hackelbergsheavyeyelidsdroopedalittle,the Ithinkweshouldbuythemout.
cornersofhiseyesgoingdownwiththem.Itwas
Hackelbergsthin,mirthlessgrinmadehisballs
likestaringdownagator.Sammyresistedthe
shrivelup.
urgetolookaway.
Sammyhelduphishands.Here,lookatthis.I
Thenumbersdontlie.DiaBismakingusa
drewupsomefigures.Whattheyreearning.
fortune,andmostofitscomingfromthe
Whatweearnfromthem.Growthestimatesover
platform,notthegoopandnottheincreased
thenextfivequarters.Itsnotjustsomerandom
visitornumbers.Weremakingmoneybecause
ideaIhadintheshower.Thismakessense.He
otherpeoplearefiguringoutwaystouseour
stuff.Itsourfastestgrowingrevenuesourceand passedoverasheafofpapers,repletewithpie
charts.
ifitcontinues,weregoingtoendupbeinga
DiaBcompanywithasidebusinessintheme
Hackelbergsetitdowninthecenterofhisdesk,
parks.
perfectlysquaretothecorners.Heflipped
throughthefirstfivepages,thensquaredthe
Thatsthegoodnews.Thebadnewsisthat
thesecharactersintheghostmallhaveusintheir stackupagain.
crosshairs.Theyrepryingusopenfasterthanwe Youvedonealotofworkhere,Samuel.Ican
canlockourselvesdown.Butheresanotherway reallyseethat.
oflookingatit:everytimetheyaddanother
Hegotupfromhisstraightbackedchair,lifted
featuretotheDiaB,theymakeowningaDiaB
Sammyspapersbetweenhisthumband
moreattractive,whichmakesiteasierforusto
forefinger,andcrossedtothewall.Therewasa
sellaccesstotheplatformtoadvertisers.
shredderthere,itsmawawiderectangle,the
Hackelberghelduphishands.Samuel,Ithink kindofthingthatyoucanstickentirehardcover
Iveheardenough.Yourjobistofigureoutnew books(orharddrives)into.Calmly,Hackelberg
businessesforustodiversifyinto.Myjobisto
fedSammyspaperintotheshredder,
containourliabilityandprotectourbrandand
fastidiouslyholdingthepaperclippedcorner
investors.Itsoundsalottomelikeyouresaying betweenthumbandforefinger,thendroppingthe
thatyouwantmetoleaveoffdoingmyjobso
cornerinoncetheresthadbeendigested.
thatyoucandoyours.
Iwontaskyouforyourcomputer,hesaid,
Sammysquirmed.No,thatsnotitatall.We
settlingbackintohischair.ButIexpectthat

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/254
youwillbackupyourotherdataandthensend
theharddrivetoITtobepermanentlyerased.I
dontwantanyrecordofthis,period.Iwantthis
donebytheendofbusinesstoday.
Sammysmouthhungopen.Heshutit.Thenhe
openeditagain.
Abruptly,Hackelbergstood,knockinghischair
tothegroundbehindhim.
Notoneword,doyouunderstandme?Notone
solitaryword,yougoddamnedidiot!Wereinthe
middleofbeingsuedbythesepeople.Iknow
youknowthis,sinceitsyourfaultthatits
happening.Iknowthatyouknowthatthestakes
aretheentirecompany.Now,sayajurywereto
discoverthatwewereconsideringbuyingthese
assholesout?Sayajuryweretodecidethatour
litigationwasabasestratagemtolowerthe
askingpricefortheir,theircompanyThe
worddrippedwithsarcasmwhatdoyou
supposewouldhappen?Ifyouhadthesenseofa
fiveyearold,youdhaveknownbetterthantodo
this.GoodChrist,Page,Ishouldhavesecurity
escortyoutothegate.

rushofdesperateclaustrophobia,wantingmore
thananythingtogetoutside,tobreatheinthe
freshair.
Hestumbledonthewaydown,fallingacouple
ofstepsandsmashingintothewallonthe
landing.Hestood,pressedagainstthewall,the
coldcinderblockonhischeek,whichfeltlikeit
mightbebruised.Thepainwasenoughtobring
himbacktohissenses.
Thisisridiculous.Hehadtherightanswer.
Hackelbergwaswrong.Hackelbergdidntrun
thecompany.Yes,itwashardtogetanything
donewithouthissignoff,butitwasnt
impossible.GoingbehindHackelbergsbackto
theexecutivecommitteecouldcosthimhisjob,
ofcourse.
Ofcourse.

Sammyrealizedthathedidntactuallycareifhe
losthisjob.Oh,thethoughtmadehischest
constrictandthoughtsoflivinginarefrigerator
boxmaterializeinhismindseye,butbeyond
that,hereallydidntcare.Itwassucha
goddamnedrollercoasterrideSammysmiled
Turnonyourheelandgoweepinthecorridor. grimlyatthemetaphor.Youguessright,youend
Dontstandinmyofficeforonemoresecond.
upontop.Youguesswrong,youbottomout.He
GetyourcomputertoITby2PM.Iwillcheck.
spenthalfhiscareerlordingitoverthepoor
Thatgoesforanyoneyouworkedwithonthis,
guessersandtheotherhalfpanickingabouta
anyonewhohasacopyofthisinformation.Now, badguesshedmade.HethoughtofPerryand
leave.Sammystoodrootedinplace.LEAVE, Lester,thoughtofthatnightinBoston.Hed
youridiculouslittledogspizzle,getoutofmy killedtheirrideandthepartyhadgoneonallthe
sight!
same.Theyhadsomething,inthatcrazy
Sammydrewinadeepbreath.Hethoughtabout shantytown,somethingpureandhappy,some
sayingsomethinglike,Youcanttalktomelike camaraderiethathedalwaysassumedhedget
that,butitwasverylikelythatHackelbergcould someday,butthathadnevermaterialized.
talktohimjustlikethat.Hefeltlightheadedand Ifthiswashisdreamjob,howmuchworse
alittlesick,andhebackedslowlyoutofthe
wouldunemploymentreallybe?
office.
Hewouldgototheexecutivecommittee.He
Standinginthecorridor,hebegantoshake.He
poundedtheelevatorbutton,andfelttheeyesof
Hackelbergsseveresecretaryburningintohis
back.Abruptly,heturnedawayandyankedopen
thestaircasedoorsoharditsmashedintothe
wallwithaloudbang.Hetookthestairsina

wouldnoterasehisnumbers.Hesetoffforhis
office,movingquickly,purposefully,headup.A
laststand,howexciting,whynot?
Hepilotedthelittlegolfcartdownthebackroad
andwasnearlyathisbuildingsdoorwhenhe
spottedthesecuritydetail.Threeofthem,in

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/255
lightweightDisneycopuniforms,wearingranger MrPage?
hatsandlookingaroundalertly.Hackelbergmust Yes,hesaid.
havesentthemtheretomakesurethathe
ImtotakeyourcomputertoIT,sir.
followedthroughwithdeletinghisdata.
Idontthinkso,Sammysaid,withperfect
Hestoppedthegolfcartabruptlyandreversed
calm.IthinkwellGOuptomyofficeandcall
outofthedrivewaybeforetheguardsspotted
ameetingoftheexecutivecommitteeinstead.
him.Heneededtogethisfilessomewherethat
Hackelbergwouldntbeabletoretrievethem.He Thesecurityguardwasyoung,Latino,and
zippeddowntheserviceroads,thinking
skinny.Hisshortbackandsideslefthisscalp
furiously.
exposedtothesun.Hetookhishatoffand
moppedhisforeheadwithahandkerchief,
Theansweroccurredtohimintheformofa
roadsignforthePolynesianhotel.Heturnedup exposingalineofacnewherehishatband
itsdriveandparkedthegolfcart.Ashestepped irritatedtheskin.ItmadeSammyfeelsorryfor
thekidespeciallyconsideringthatSammy
out,heremovedhisemployeebadgeand
earnedmorethan20timesthekidssalary.
untuckedhisshirt.Nowhewasjustanother
sweatyfresharrivedtourist,Dadcominginto
Thisreallyisntyourjob,Iknow,Sammysaid,
rendezvouswithMomandthekids,backfrom
wonderingwhereallthissympathyforthe
somebanalmeetingthatdelayedhisarrival,
laboringclasseshadcomefrom,anyway?I
hasntevenhadtimetochangeintoatshirt.
dontwanttomakeithardforyou.Wellgo
inside.Youcanhangontothecomputer.Well
Heheadedstraightforthesundriesstoreand
talktosomepeople.Iftheytellyoutogoahead,
boughtapostagepaidWaltDisneyWorld
postcardwithalittlemagneticpatchmountedon yougoahead.Otherwise,wegoseethem,all
right?
onecorner.Youfilledupthememorywitha
couplehoursworthofvideoandasmanyphotos Heheldhiscomputerouttothekid,whotookit.
asyouwantedandmaileditoff.Thepixelated
Letsgouptomyofficenow,hesaid.
displayonthefrontplayedaslideshowofthe
imagesatleastonceayear,somehoneymoon Thekidshookhishead.Imsupposedtotake
couplewouldmissthisfactandthrowacouple this
racybedroomshotsinthemix,totheperennial
Iknow,Iknow.Butwehaveadeal.Thekid
delightofthemailroom.
lookedlikehewouldheadoutanyway.And
Hehastilywrotesomebanalitiesaboutthegreat therearebackupsinmyoffice,soyouneedto
timeheandthekidswerehavinginDisney
comeandgetthose,too.
World,thenheopenedhiscomputerandlooked
Thatdidit.Thekidlookedalittlegratefulas
uptheaddressthattheChurchwomanhad
theywentinside,wheretheairconditioningwas
checkedinunder.Headdressedit,simply,to
blowingicycold.
Suzanne,tofurtherthrowoffthescent,then
heslippeditintoamailslotwithaprayertothe Youshouldhavewaitedinthelobby,Luis,
Sammysaid,readingthekidsnameoffhis
godsofjournalistshieldlaws.
badge.Youmustbeboiled.
Hewalkedascalmlyashecouldbacktohis
Ihadinstructions,Luissaid.
golfcart,clippingonhisemployeebadgeand
tuckinghisshirtbackin.Thenhemotored
Sammymadeaface.Theydontsoundlikevery
calmlytohisofficebuilding.TheDisneycops
reasonableinstructions.Allthemorereasonto
weresweatingunderthemiddaysun.
sortthisout,right?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/256
SammyhadhissecretarygetLuisabottleof
coldwaterandalittleplateofgrapesandberries
outofthestashhekeptforhisvisitors,thenhe
calledGuignolfromhisdeskphone.

whereGuignolhadhisoffice.Thewindfelt
terrificonhisface,dryinghissweat.Ithadbeen
alongday.

Youmight,Guignolsaid.Andyoumight

buttheytravelledalot.Sammyhadexpectedto
seenomorethanfour.Thereweretwo.And
Hackelberg,ofcourse.Thelawyerwasthe
pictureofsauriancalm.

Whentheypulledup,SammyletLuisleadthe
ItsSammy.Ineedtocallanemergency
wayagain,badginginbehindhim,followinghim
meetingoftheexeccommittee,hesaidwithout uptotheseventhfloorboardroom.attheendof
preamble.
theGoldCoastwherethemostsenioroffices
were.
ThisisaboutHackelberg,isntit?
Guignolmetthematthedoorandtookthe
Hesalreadycalledyou?
materialsfromLuis,thenusheredSammyin.
Hewasverypersuasive.
SammycaughtLuisseye,andLuissurprised
himbywinkingandslippinghimasurreptitious
Icanbepersuasive,too.Givemeachance.
thumbsup,makingSammyfeelliketheyshared
Youknowwhatwillhappenifyoupushthis? asecret.
Imightsavethecompany.
Therewereeightontheexecutivecommittee,
Iknow,Sammysaid.Whatthehell,itsonly
acareer.
YoucantkeepyourdataHackelbergisright
aboutthat.
Icansendallthebackupsandmycomputerto
yourofficerightnow.

Sammysatdownatthetableandhelpedhimself
toaglassofwater,watchingaringpoolonthe
tablespolishedandwaxedwoodensurface.

Samuel,Hackelbergsaid,shakinghishead.I
Iwasundertheimpressionthattheywereallon hopeditwouldntcometothis.
theirwaytoITfordisposal.
Sammytookadeepbreath,lookingforthat
Notyet.Theresasecuritycastmemberinmy
dontgiveashitcalmthathadsuffusedhim
officewithmenamedLuis.Ifyouwanttocall
before.Itwastherestill,notaspotent,butthere.
dispatchandhavethemdirecthimtobringthis Hedrewuponit.
stufftoyouinstead
Letsputthistothecommittee,shallwe?I
Sammy,doyouunderstandwhatyouredoing
mean,wealreadyknowhowwefeel.
here?
Thatwontbenecessary,Hackelbergsaid.
Sammysuppressedamadgiggle.Ido,hesaid. Thecommitteehasalreadyvotedonthis.
IunderstandexactlywhatImdoing.Iwantto
Sammyclosedhiseyesandrubbedthebridgeof
helpyouallunderstandthat,too.
hisnose.HelookedatHackelberg,whowas
Imcallingsecuritydispatchnow.
smilinggrimly,ameangrinthatwentalltheway
tothecornersofhiseyes.
Amomentlater,Luissphonerangandthekid
listenedintently,noddingunconsciously.Once
hedhungup,Sammypassedhimhisbackups,
hardcopyandcomputer.Letsgo,hesaid.
Right,Luissaid,andledtheway.
Itwasashortridetothecastingofficebuilding,

SammylookedaroundatGuignolandthe
committeemembers.Theywouldntmeethis
eye.GuignolgesturedLuisintotheroomand
handedhimSammyscomputer,papers,and
backups.Heleanedinandspokequietlytohim.
Luisturnedandleft.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/257
Guignolclearedhisthroat.Theresnothingelse No,ofcourseitsnotgoodfortheshareholders.
todiscuss,then,hesaid.Thankyouallfor
Butitsbetterthanendangeringthewhole
coming.
company
Inhisheart,Sammyhadknownthiswascoming.
Hackelbergwouldbeathimtothecommittee
neverlethimpresenthisside.Watchingthe
lawyergetupstifflyandleavewithslow,
dignifiedsteps,Sammyhadamomentsintuition
aboutwhatitmustbeliketobethatman
possessedofakindofcold,furiouspowerthat
camefromtellingeveryonethatnotobeyingyou
totheletterwouldputtheminterribledanger.
Heknewthatlineofreasoning:Itwasthesame
onehegotfromtheTSAattheairportbefore
theybenthimoverandgreasedhimup.You
cantunderstandthegravedangerweallface.
Youmustobeyme,foronlyIcankeepitatbay.

Sammynodded.Well,howaboutifweboth
takesometimeoffanddrivedownto
Hollywood.Itddoussomegood.

Hewaitedfortherestofthecommitteetofile
out.Noneofthemwouldmeethiseye.Thenit
wasjusthimandGuignol.Sammyraisedhis
eyebrowsandspreadouthishands,miming
Whathappensnow?

Yousure?Imighthave.ItsthekindofthingI
mighthavedone.Maybeyourspamfilterateit.
Youneverknow.ThatswhatITsfor.

Sammy,Ivegotajobtodo
Yeah,butwithoutyourcomputer...
Guignollookedathim.Whatdidyoudo?
ItsnotwhatIdid.ItswhatImighthavedone.
ImgoingtobeagoodboyandgiveHackelberg
alistofeveryoneImighthaveemailedabout
this.Allthosepeoplearelosingtheircomputers
tothebigmagnetatIT.
Butyouneveremailedmeaboutthis

Guignollookedangryforamoment,then
laughed.Youaresuchashithead.Fuckthat
lawyerassholeanyway.Whatareyoudriving
thesedays?

Youwontbeabletogetanythingproductive
doneuntilITgetsthroughwithyourcomputer.
Takesometimeoff.CallupDinahandseeifshe
JustboughtanewDellLuminux,Sammysaid,
wantstograbsomeholidaytime.
grinningback.Ragtop.
Wesplit,Sammysaid.Hedrankhiswaterand
Whendoweleave?
stoodup.IvejustgotonequestionbeforeIgo.
Illpickyouupat6AMtomorrow.Beatthe
Guignolwincedbutstoodhisground.Go
morningtraffic.
ahead,hesaid.
Dontyouwanttoknowwhatthenumbers
lookedlike?
Itsnotmyjobtooverrulelegal
Wellgettothatinasecond.Itsnotthe
question.Thequestionis,dontyouwantto
know?
Guignolsighed.YouknowIwanttoknow.Of
courseIwanttoknow.Thisisntaboutmeand
whatIwant,though.Itsaboutmakingsurewe
dontendangertheshareholders
Soignoringthispath,stickingourheadsinthe
sand,thatsgoodfortheshareholders?

Suzannewasgettingsickofbreakfastinbed.It
washardtoimaginethatsuchathingwas
possible,butthereitwas.Lesterstoleoutfrom
betweenthecoversbefore7AMeveryday,and
then,halfanhourlater,hewasbackwithaladen
tray,somethingneweveryday.Shedhadsteaks,
burritos,waffles,homemadegranola,fruit
saladwithGreekyogurt,andtodaytherewere
eggsBenedictwithfreshsqueezedgrapefruit
juice.ThetrayalwayscamewithaFrenchpress
offreshgroundKonacoffee,aclothnapkin,and
hercomputer,soshecouldreadthenews.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/258
Intheory,thiswasawarmritualthatensured
thattheyhadqualitytimetogethereveryday,no
matterwhat.Inpractice,Lesterwassoanxious
aboutthefoodandwhethershewasenjoyingit
thatshecouldntreallyenjoyit.Plus,shewasnt
afatkins,sothreethousandcaloriebreakfasts
werentgoodforher.

Woah.DonttellPerry.

Thisisdelicious,babe,thanks,shesaid,with
asmuchsincerityasshecouldmuster.Itwas
reallygenerousandniceofhimtodothis.She
wasjustabitteroldwomanwhocouldntbe
happynomatterwhatwasgoingoninherlife.

Thatsaprettygoodworkingtheorywhenit
comestothiskindofcall.

Youthink?
Hedtearthatguysthroatoutwithhisteeth.
Lestertookabiteofblini.Imighthelp.

SuzannethoughtaboutSammy.Hehadntbeen
thesortofpersonshecouldbefriendswith,but
shedknownplentyofhiskindinherday,andhe
Mostofall,itwasthepressuretobeahappy
couple,tohavecementedovertheoldhurtsand washardlytheworstofthelot.Hebarelyrated
aboveaverageonthecorporatepsychopath
startedanew.Shefeltiteverymoment,when
meter.Somewhereinthere,therewasareal
Lesterclimbedintotheshowerwithherand
soapedherback,whenhebroughthomeflowers, personality.Shedseenit.
andwhenheclimbedintobedwithherinthe
Well,thenIguessIdbettermeetwithhim
morningtoeatbreakfastwithher.
alone.
Shepickedathercaviarandbliniglumlyand
Itsoundslikehewantsadoctorpatientmeeting
pokedathercomputer.Besideher,Lester
anyway.
hooveredupthreethousandcaloriesworthof
Orconfessorpenitent.
frieddoughandclatteredonehandedonhis
machine.
Youthinkhellleakyousomething.

Therewasvoicemailonhercomputer,which
wasunusual.Mostpeoplesentheremail.This
originatedfromapayphoneontheFlorida
Turnpike.
MsChurch,thisisah,thisisapersonwhom
yourecentlyhadtheacquaintanceof,whileon
yourholidays.Ihaveaconfidentialmatterto
discusswithyou.Imtravellingtoyourlocation
withacolleaguetodayandshouldarrivemid
morning.Ihopeyoucanmakesometimeto
meetwithme.
Shelistenedtoittwice.Lesterleanedover.
Whatsthatallabout?
Yourenotgoingtobelieveit.Ithinkitsthat
Disneyguy,theguyItoldyouabout.Theone
Deathusedtoworkfor.
Hescominghere?
Apparently.

Lesteratethoughtfully,thenreachedoverandhit
akeyonhercomputer,replayingthecall.
Hesounds,what,giddy?
Thatsright,hedoes,doesnthe.Maybeits
goodnews.
Lesterlaughedandtookawayherdishes,and
whenhecamebackin,hewasnaked,stripped
andreadyfortheshower.Hewasavery
handsomeman,andhehadadevilishgrinashe
whiskedtheblanketoffofher.
Hestoppedatthefootofthebedandstaredat
her,hisgrinquirkinginawaysherecognized
instantly.Shedidnthavetolookdowntoknow
thathewasgettinghard.Inthemirrorofhis
eyes,shewasbeautiful.Shecouldseeitplainly.
Whenshelookedintotherealmirroratthefoot
ofthebed,drapedwithgauzysunscarvesand
crustedaroundtheedgeswithkitschytourist
magnetsLesterbroughthome,shesawasaggy,
middleagedwomanwithcottagecheese
celluliteandsaddlebags.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/259
Lesterhadsleptwithmorefatkinsgirlsthanshe
couldcount,womenmadeintodolllike
mannequinsbysurgeryandchemical
enhancements,womenwhoreadsexmanualsin
publicplacesandboastedabouttheirKegel
weightliftingscores.

Isthere,youknow,abathroom?the
companionasked.

Butwhenhelookedatherlikethat,sheknew
thatshewasthemostbeautifulwomanhedever
loved,thathewoulddoanythingforher.Thathe
lovedherasmuchashecouldeverloveanyone.

Sewage?MrPage,sewageissolved.Wefeedit
intoourgeneratorsandthewasteheatrunsour
condenserpurifiers.Therewastalkofbuilding
onebigoneforthewholetown,butthatrequired
waytoomuchcoordinationandanyway,Perry
wasconvincedthathavingcentralpointsof
failurewouldbebeggingforadisaster.Iwrotea
seriesonit.IfyoudlikeIcansendyouthe
links.

WhatthehellwasIcomplainingabout?she
thoughtashefellonherlikeastarvingman.
ShemetSammyintheirfavoritetearoom,the
onepercheduponacrowsnestfourstoreysupa
corkscrewbuildingwhosesuppliescameupona
seriesofdumbwaitersandwinchesthatshrouded
itsbalconieslikevines.
Shestakedoutthebesttable,theonewiththe
panoramicviewofthewholeshantytown,and
orderedaplateofthetinyshortbreadcakesthat
werethehousespecialty,alongwithagigantic
mugofnonfatdecafcappuccino.

Throughthere.Suzannepointed.
Howdoyoudealwiththesewagearound
here?

TheDisneyexecmadesomenoisesandatesome
shortbread,peeredatthechalkboardmenuand
orderedsomeThaiicedtea.
Look,MsChurchSuzannethankyoufor
seeingme.Iwouldhaveunderstoodcompletely
ifyoudtoldmetogofuckmyself.
Suzannesmiledandmadeagoongesture.

Beforemyfriendcomesbackfromthe
bathroom,beforewemeetupwithanyonefrom
Sammycameupthestepsredfacedandsweaty, yourside,Ijustwantyoutoknowthis.What
wearingaHawaiianshirtandBermudashorts, youvedone,itschangedtheworld.Iwouldnt
likesomekindoftourist.Orlikehewason
beheretodayifitwasntforyou.
holidays?Behindhimcameayoungerman,with
Hehadeveryappearanceofbeingcompletely
severelittledesignerglasses,dressedinthe
conventionalpoloshirtandslacksuniformofthe sincere.Hewasalittleroadcrazedand
windblowntoday,notlikesherememberedhim
corporateexeconanonsuitday.
fromOrlando.Whatthehellhadhappenedto
Suzannesprinkledanironicwaveatthemand
him?Whatwasheherefor?
gesturedtothemismatchedschoolroomchairs
athertable.ThewaitressShaynacameover HisfriendcamebackandSammysaid,I
orderedyouaThaiicedtea.ThisisSuzanne
withtwoglassesofwaterandapapernapkin
Church,thewriter.MsChurch,thisisHerve
dispenser.Thementhankedherandmopped
Guignol,codirectoroftheFloridaregional
theirfacesanddranktheirwater.
divisionofDisneyParks.
Gooddrive?
Guignolwasmoreputtogetherandstandoffish
Sammynodded.Hisfriendlookednervous,like thanSammy.Heshookherhandandmade
hewaswonderingwhatmighthavebeen
executivesoundinggruntsather.Hewasyoung,
swimminginhiswaterglass.Thisissome
andclearlyintoplayingtheroleofexec.He
place.
remindedSuzanneoffreshSiliconValley
millionaireswhocouldgofrompizzaslinging
Welikeithere.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/260
hackerstosuitwearingbizdroidswho
bullshittedknowledgeablyaboutEBITDA
overnight.
Whatthehellareyoutwoherefor?
MrPage

Isee.
AndtherearetherearepeopleatDisneywho
feellikethisideaissodangerousthatitdoesnt
evenwarrantdiscussion.Thatitshouldbe
suppressed.

Sammy,callmeSammy,please.Didyougetmy Guignolclearedhisthroat.Thatsthe
consensus,hesaid.
postcard?
Andnormally,Idsay,hey,sure,theconsensus.
Thatwasfromyou?Shednotbeenableto
Thatsgreat.ButIlltellyou,Idrewupthese
makeheadsortailsofitwhenitarrivedinthe
numbersbecauseIwascurious,Imacurious
mailthedaybeforeandshedchuckeditoutas
partofsomeviralmarketingcampaignshedidnt guy.Iliketothinklaterally,trystuffthatmight
seemsillyatfirst.Seewhereitgoes.Ivehad
wanttogetinfectedby.
prettygoodinstincts.
Yougotit?
GuignolandSuzannesnortedatthesametime.
Ithrewitout.
Andanimperfectrecord,Sammysaid.
Sammywentslightlygreen.
Suzannedidntwanttolikehim,buttherewas
Butitllstillbeinthetrash,shesaid.Lester somethingforthrightabouthimthatshecouldnt
helpwarmingto.Therewasnosubtletyor
nevertakesitout,andIhavent.
scheminginthisguy.Whateverhewanted,you
Um,canwegoandgetitnow,allthesame?
couldseeitrightonhisface.Maybehewasa
psycho,buthewasntasneak.
Whatsonit?
SammyandGuignolexchangedalonglook.
LetspretendthatIgaveyoualongrunupto
this.Letspretendthatwespentalotoftime
withmeimpressingonyouthatthisis
confidential,andnotforpublication.Lets
pretendthatIcharmedyouandmadesureyou
understoodhowmuchrespectIhaveforyouand
yourfriendshere
Igetit,Suzannesaid,tryingnottolaugh.Not
forpublicationreally!
OK,letspretendallthat.NowIlltellyou:
whatsonthatpostcardisthefinancialsfora
DisneyParksbuyoutofyourfriendsentire
operationhere.DiaBolical,theride,allofit.

SoIranthesenumbersformyownamusement,
toseewhattheywouldlooklike.Assumethat
yourboyswant,say,30timesgrossannual
revenueforabuyout.Saythatthissettlesour
lawsuitnottheirs,justours,sowedonthaveto
payforthetrademarksuittogoforward.Assume
thattheygenerateoneDiaBolicalscaleidea
everysixmonthsSuzannefoundherself
noddingalong,especiallyatthislastone.Well,
youmakethoseassumptionsandyouknowwhat
comesoutofit?

Suzanneletthenumbersdancebehindherown
eyelids.Shedfollowedalltherelevantfinancials
closelyforyears,socloselythattheywereas
familiarashermonthlytakehomeandmortgage
Suzannehadbeenexpectingalotofthings,but paymentshadbeen,backwhenshehadastraight
thiswasntoneofthem.Itwasloopy.Daffy.Not jobandastraightlife.
justweird,butinconceivable.Asthoughhed
Well,youdmakeLesterandPerryvery
said,Isentyouourplanstocarveyourportrait
wealthy,shesaid.Aftertheyvestedout,theyd
onthemoonssurfacewithagreenlaser.But
beabletoliveofftheinterestalone.
shewasapro.Shekeptherfacestillandneutral,
Sammynoddedjudiciously.Hissidekicklooked
andcalmlyswallowedhercappuccino.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/261
alarmed.Yup.Andforus?

andgrowth,thengoneawayduringits
adolescence,andnowshegottoenjoyits
Well,assumingyourlastquarterlystatement
maturity.Crowdsofkidsranscreechingand
wasaccurate
playingthroughthestreets,adultsnoddedat
Wewerealittleconservative,Sammysaid.
themfromtheirwindows,wiresandplumbing
Theothermannoddedreflexively.
andantennascrowdedtheskiesabovethem.The
Youwereveryconservative,shethought.DiaBs wallsshimmeredwithmuralsandgraffitiand
mosaics.
makingyouafortuneandyoudidntwantto
advertisethattothecompetition.
Sammytreateditlikehehadhisthemepark,
seemingtotakeineverydetailwitha
Assumingthat,well,youguysearnbackyour
connoisseurseye;Guignolwasmorenervous,
investmentin,what,18months?
clearlyfeelingunsafeamidthecheerful
Ifigureayear.But18monthswouldbegood. lawlessness.TheycameuponFrancisandagang
ofhiskids,buildingbicyclesoutofstiffened
Ifyouvesttheguysoutoverthreeyears,that
fabricandstrongmonofilamentrecycledfrom
means
packingcrates.
100percentROI,plusorminus200percent,
Sammysaid.Forlessmoneythanwellendup MsChurch,Francissaidgravely.Hedgiven
updrinking,maybeforgood,andhewasclear
spendingonourendofthelawsuit.
eyedandcharminginhisengineerscoveralls.
Guignolwasgogglingatthemboth.Sammy
Thekidsboysandgirls,Suzannenoted
drankhisThaiicedtea,slurpingnoisily.He
approvinglycontinuedtoworkoverthebikes,
signalledforanotherone.
buttheywereclearlywatchingwhatFranciswas
Andyousentmethesefinancialsona
upto.
postcard?
Francis,pleasemeetSammyandhiscolleague,
Therewassomequestionaboutwhethertheyd Herve.TheyrehereforastoryImworkingon.
beerasedbeforeIcouldshowthemtoanyone,
Gentlemen,Francisistheclosestthingwehave
andIknewtherewasnowayIdbegiventhe
toamayoraroundhere.
chancetorecreatethemindependently.It
Francisshookhandsallaround,butSammys
seemedprudenttohaveabackupcopy.
attentionwasrivetedonthebicycles.
Abackupcopyinmyhands?
Francispickedoneupwithtwofingersand
Well,atleastIknewyouwouldntgiveitup
handedittohim.Likeit?Wegotthedesign
withoutafight.Sammyshruggedandoffered
fromashopinLiberia,butwemadeourown
herasunnysmile.
localimprovements.Thetrickisgettingthe
stiffenertostayliquidlongenoughtogetthe
Wedbettergorescuethatpostcardfromthe
basketbeforeLesterdevelopsadomesticinstinct fabricstretchedoutintherightproportion.
andtakesoutthetrash,then,Suzannesaid,
pushingawayfromthetable.Shaynabroughtthe
billandSammypaidit,overtippingbyafactorof
ten,whichendearedhimfurthertoSuzanne.She
couldntabiderichpeoplewhostiffedonthetip.
Suzannewalkedthemthroughtheshantytown,
watchingtheirreactionsclosely.Shelikedto
takenewpeoplehere.Shedwitnesseditsbirth

Sammytooktheframefromhimandspunitin
onehandlikeabaton.Andthewheels?
Mostlywedosolids,whichstayintruelonger.
Weusethecarbonstiffeneronaprecutroundof
canvasordenim,thenfitastandardtire.Theygo
outoftrueafterawhile.Youjustapplysome
solventtothemandtheygosoftagainandyou
retruethemwithacompassandapairoftailors

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/262
shears,thenrestiffenthem.Yougetmaybefive
yearsofhardridingoutofawheelthatway.

hangontoit,hesaid,andshesensedthatthere
wassomethingbiggergoingonthere.

Sammyseyeswereroundassaucers.Hetook
oneoftheprofferedwheelsandspunitbetween
opposingfingertips.Then,grinning,hepicked
upanotherwheelandthebikeframeandbegan
tojugglethem,onetwothree,hoopla!Francis
lookedamused,ratherthanpissedgivingup
drinkhadsoftenedhistemper.Hiskidsstopped
workingandlaughed.Sammylaughedtoo.He
transferredthewheelstohislefthand,then
tossedtheframehightheair,spunaroundand
caughtitandthenhandeditallbacktoFrancis.
Thekidsclappedandhetookabow.

NowwegoseeLester,Suzannesaid.

Ididntknowyouhaditinyou,Guignolsaid,
pattinghimontheshoulder.
Sammy,sweatingandgrinninglikeafool,said,
Yeah,itsnotsomethingIgetalotofchancesto
doaroundtheoffice.Butdidyouseethat?Itwas
lightenoughtojuggle!Imean,howexcitingis
allthis?Heswepthisarmaroundhishead.
Betweenthesewageandthemanufacturingand
allthesekidsHebrokeoff.Whatdoyoudo
abouteducation,Suzanne?

Hewasbehindthebuildinginhislittle
workshop,hackingDiaBolical.Therewerefive
differentDiaBsrunningaroundhim,chugging
andhumming.Thesmellofgoopandfuserand
heatfilledtheroom,andanairconditionerlikea
jetenginelaboredtokeepthingscool.Still,it
wasafewdegreeswarmerinsidethanout.
Lester,Suzanneshoutedovertheair
conditionerdin,wehavevisitors.
Lesterstraightenedupfromhiskeyboardand
wipedhispalmsandturnedtofacethem.He
knewwhotheywerebasedonhisearlier
conversationwithSuzanne,buthealsoclearly
recognizedSammy.
You!hesaid.YouworkforDisney?
Sammyblushedandlookedaway.
LesterturnedtoSuzanne.Thisguyusedto
comeup,what,twice,threetimesaweek.

Sammynoddedandmumbledsomething.Lester
Lotsofkidsbusintothelocalschools,orride. reachedoutandsnappedofftheAC,fillingthe
Butlotsmorehomeschoolthesedays.Wedont roomwitheeriesilenceandstiflingheat.What
wasthat?
getaveryhighcaliberofpublicschoolaround
here.
Imagreatbelieverincompetitive
intelligence.
Mightthathavesomethingtodowithallthe
residentswhodontpaypropertytax?Guignol
saidpointedly.

YouworkforDisney?

TheybothworkforDisney,Lester,Suzanne
Suzannenodded.Imsureitdoes,shesaid.
said.ThisisSammyandHerve.Hervedoesnt
Butithasmoretodowiththeoverallqualityof domuchtalking,shementallyadded,buthe
publiceducationinthisstate.47thinthenation seemstobeincharge.
forfunding.
Thatsright,Sammysaid,seemingtocometo
TheywereatherandLestersplacenow.Sheled himselfatlast.Anditsanhonortoformally
themthroughthefrontdoorandpickedupthe
meetyouatlast.IruntheDiaBprogram.Isee
trashcannexttothelittletablewhereshesorted youreafan.Ivereadquiteabitaboutyou,of
themailafterpickingitupfromherPOboxata course,thankstoMsChurchhere.
littlestripmalldowntheroad.
Lestershandsclosedandopened,closedand
Therewasthepostcard.Shehandeditsilentlyto opened.Youwere,what,youweresneaking
Sammy,whohelditforamoment,then
aroundhere?
reluctantlypassedittoGuignol.Youdbetter

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/263
HaveImentionedthatImagreatfanofyour
work?Notjusttheride,either.ThisDiaBolical,
well,its
Whatareyoudoinghere?

one.
Lestersmilednastilyathim.Exactly,hesaid.
Wevegotagreatresearchsubsidyaround
here.

Suzannehadexpectedsomethinglikethis.Lester
wasntlikePerry,hewouldntgooffthedeep
endwiththisguy,buthewasntgoingtobehis
bestbuddy,either.Still,someoneneededto
intervenebeforethismelteddownaltogether.

Guignollookedaway,lipspursed.

Heblewairthroughhisnoseacoupletimes,
thensettleddown.Heevensmiled.

slappedhisknee.

Thisone,Lestersaid,choosingnottonotice,
thisoneistherealizationofanageoldproject.
Hepointedtothetablenexttoit,whereitsimps
werecarefullyfittingtogethersomeveryfine
Lester,shesaid,puttingherhandonhiswarm parts.
shoulder.Doyouwanttoshowtheseguyswhat Sammyleanedinclose,inspectingtheirwork.
youreworkingon?
Afterasecond,hehissedlikeateakettle,then

Thisone,hesaid,pointingtoaDiaBolical,
Ivegotitrunninganexperimentalfirmware
thatletsitprintouthollowcomponents.Theyre
alotlighterandtheydontlastaslong.But
theyrealsowaylessconsumptiveongoop.You
getabouttentimesasmuchprintingoutof
them.
Suzannenotedthatthisbitofnewsturnedboth
oftheDisneyexecsalittlegreen.Theymadea
lotofmoneysellinggoop,sheknew.

NowLesterssmilewasmoregenuine.Heloved
itwhenpeopleappreciatedhiswork.You
figureditout?
YoureprintingDiaBs!
Notthewholething,Lestersaid.Alotofthe
logicneedsanFPGAburner.Andwecantdo
someoftheconductiveelements,either.But
yeah,about90percentoftheDiaBcanbe
printedinaDiaB.

Suzannehadntheardaboutthisone,thoughshe
rememberedearlierattempts,backinthegolden
Thisone,Lestercontinued,pattingaDiaBthat NewWorkdays,thedreamofselfreplicating
wasopentotheelements,itsimpslounginginits machines.Nowshelookedclose,leaninginnext
guts,wemixsomeseriousepoxyinwithit,
toSammy,socloseshecouldfeelhiswarm
somecarbonfibers.Theprintoutsarepractically breath.Therewassomething,well,spookyabout
indestructible.Therearesomekidsaroundhere theimpsbuildingamachineusinganotherone
whovebeenusingittoprintpartsforbicycles
ofthemachines.

Its,what,itslikeitsalive,andreproducing
Thosewereprintedonthis?Sammysaid.
itself,Sammysaid.
WeranintoFrancisandhisgang,Suzanne
Donttellmethisneveroccurredtoyou,
explained.
Lestersaid.
Lesternodded.Yeah,itsnotperfect,though.
Theepoxyclogsuptheworksandtheimps
reallydontlikeit.Ionlygettwoorthreedays
outofaprinterafterIconvertit.Imworkingon
changingthemixtofixthat,though.

Honestly?No.Itneverdid.MrBanks,youhave
auniquelytwisted,fuckedupimagination,andI
saythatwiththewarmestadmiration.

Afterall,Guignolnotedsourly,itsnotasif
youhavetopayfornewDiaBswhenyoubreak

ItssoobviousnowthatIseeit,hesaid.

Guignolleanedin,too,staringatit.
Yeah,allthereallygreatideasarelikethat,

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/264
Lestersaid.

Americans.90percentofAmericanshavebeen
SammystraightenedupandshookLestershand. toaDisneypark.Wereabiggertouristdraw
thanallofGreatBritain.Wecangiveyourideas
Thankyouforthetour,Lester.Youhave
managedtosimultaneouslyimpressanddepress legs.
me.Youareonesharpmotherfucker.
Lesterbegantochuckle,thenlaugh,thenhewas
LesterpreenedandSuzannesuppressedagiggle. doubledover,thumpinghisthighs.Suzanne
shookherhead.Injustafewshortmoments,
Sammyheldhishanduplikehewasbeing
shedgottenusedtotheidea,anditwasgrowing
swornin.Imdeadserious,man.Thisis
onher.
amazing.Imean,wemanagesomeprettyoutof
theboxthinkingatDisney,right?Wemaynotbe Guignollookedgrim.Itsnotafirmofferits
asnimbleassomelittlewhackedoutcoop,but achancetoopenadialogue,anegotiation.Talk
thepossibilityover.Agoodnegotiationisone
forwhoweareIthinkwedoagoodjob.
wherewebothstartbysayingwhatwewantand
Butyou,man,youblowusoutofthewater.
workitoveruntilwegettothepointwherewere
Thisstuffisjustcrazy,likeitcamedownfrom
leftwithwhatwebothneed.
Mars.Likeitsfromthefuture.Heshookhis
Lesterwipedtearsfromhiseyes.Idontthink
head.Itshumbling,youknow.
thatyougrasptheabsurdityofthissituation,
Guignollookedmorethoughtfulthanhehadto fellas.Forstarters,Perrywillnevergoforit.I
thispoint.HeandLesterstaredatSammy,
meannever.Suzannewonderedaboutthat.And
wearingsimilarexpressionsofbemusement.
wonderedwhetheritmattered.Thetwohad
Letsgointotheapartment,Suzannesaid.We hardlysaidawordtoeachotherinmonths.
cansitdownandhaveachat.
Whatsmore,therestoftherideswillnever,
never,nevergoinforit.Thatsalsoforsure.
Theytroopedupthestairstogether.Guignol
expressedadmirationfortheweirdjunk
Finally,whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?
sculpturesthatadornedeachlanding,madebya Megotoworkforyou?Usgotoworkforyou?
localcraftswomanandinstalledbythelandlord. Whatwillyoudo,stickMickeyintheride?Hes
TheysataroundthelivingroomandLester
alreadyintheride,everynowandagain,asyou
pouredicedcoffeeoutofapitcherinthefridge, wellknow.Yougoingtomovemeupto
droppinginicecubesmoldedtolooklikelegos. Orlando?
Theyrattledtheirdrinksandlooked
Sammywaggledhisheadfromsidetoside.I
uncomfortablyatoneanother.Suzannelongedto haveadeepappreciationforhowweirdthisis,
whipouthercomputerandtakenotes,oratleast Lester.Totellyouthetruth,Ihaventthought
apad,oracamera,butsherestrainedherself.
muchaboutyourrideorthislittletown.Asfaras
GuignollookedsignificantlyatSammy.
Imconcerned,wecouldjustbuyitandthen
Lester,Imjustgoingtosayit.Wouldyousell turnaroundandsellitbacktotheresidentsfor
yourbusinesstous?Theride,DiaBolical,allof onedollarwewouldntwanttoownoroperate
anyofthisstuff,theliabilityistoohuge.
it?Wecouldmakeyouavery,veryrichman.
Likewisetheotherrides.Wedontcareabout
YouandPerry.Youwouldhavethefreedomto
goondoingwhatyouredoing,butwedputitin whatyoudidyesterdaywecareaboutwhat
youregoingtodotomorrow.
ourproductionchain,massmarketthehellout
ofit,getitintoplacesyouveneverseen.Atits
Listen,youreasmartguy.Youmakestuffthat
peak,NewWorkwhichyouwereonlyasmall wecantdreamof,thatwelacktheinstitutional
partof,remembertouched20percentof
imaginationtodreamof.Weneedthat.Whatthe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/265
hellisthepointoffightingyou,suingyou,when
wecanputyouonthepayroll?Andyouknow
what?Evenifwethrowanidioticsumofmoney
atyou,evenifyounevermakeanythingforus,
werestillaheadofthegameifyoustopmaking
stuffagainstus.
Imputtingmycardsonthetablehere.Iknow
yourpartnerisgoingtobeevenharderto
convince,too.Noneofthisisgoingtobeeasy.I
dontcareabouteasy.Icareaboutwhatsright.
Imsickofbeinginchargeofsabotagingpeople
whomakeawesomestuff.Arentyousickof
beingsabotaged?Wouldntyouliketocome
worksomeplacewherewellshovelmoneyand
resourcesatyourprojectsandkeepthewolvesat
bay?

Youcantseriouslythinkthatthisisagoodidea

Idontknow.ItsnotthedumbestideaIveever
heard.Becomeamillionaire,gettodowhatever
youwant?Itllsuremakeaninterestingstory.
Hegoggledather.
Kidding,shesaid,thinking,Itwouldindeed
makeaninterestingstory,though.Butwhere
areyougoingfromhere?Areyougoingtostay
hereforever?
PerrywouldnevergoforitLestersaid,then
stopped.
YouandPerry,Lester,howlongdoyouthink
thatsgoingtolast.

Suzannewasimpressed.Thiswasntthesame
guywhomRatToothedFreddyhadsavaged.It
wasntthesameguythatDeathWaitshad
described.Hehadcomealongway.Even
Guignolwhom,shesuspected,neededtobe
soldontheideaalmostasmuchasLesterwas
noddingalongbytheendofit.

DontyougoallYokoonme,Suzanne.Weve
gotoneofthosearoundherealready

Lestershookhisheadatthedoorbehindthem.

Sammywasgladhewasdriving.Themood
Guignolwasin,hedhavewreckedthecar.That
wasnottheplan,Sammy,hesaid.Theplan
wastogetthedata,talkitover

IdontlikethisYokojoke,Lester.Ineverdid.
HildadoesntwanttodrivePerryawayfromyou.
Shewantstomaketherideswork.Anditsounds
likethatswhatPerrywants,too.Whatswrong
withthemdoingthat?Especiallyifyoucanget
Lesterwasntthough:Yourewastingyourtime, thematonofmoneytosupportit?
mister.Thatsallthereistoit.Iamnotgoingto Lesterstaredather,openmouthed.Honey
goandworkforagiggleescapedhislips
Thinkaboutit,Lester.Yourmostimportant
Disney.Itsjust
virtueisyourexpansiveimagination.Useit.
Sammyheldhishandsupinpartialsurrender.
Shewatchedthissinkin.Itdidsinkin.Lester
OK,OK.Iwontpushyoutoday.Thinkabout
listenedtoher,whichsurprisedhereverynow
it.Talkitoverwithyourbuddy.Imapatient
andagain.Mostrelationshipsseemedtobe
guy.Guignolsnorted.Idontwanttoleanon
negotiationsorpossiblycompetitions.With
youhere.
Lesteritwasaconversation.
Theytooktheirleave,thoughSuzannefoundout
Shegavehimahugthatseemedtogoonforever.
laterthattheydtakenaspinaroundtheride
beforeleaving.Everyonewentontheride.
Canyoubelievethat?
Suzannesmiledandsqueezedhishand.Youre
funnyaboutthis,youknowthat?Normally,
whenyouencounteranewidea,youliketoplay
withit,thinkitthrough,seewhatyoucanmake
ofit.Withthis,yourenotevenwillingtonoodle
withit.

Thefirstcasualtyofanybattleisthebattle
plan,Sammysaid,threadingthemthroughthe
pressoftouristbussesandcommutercars.
Ithoughtthefirstcasualtywasthetruth.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/266
Theydspenttoolongattheride,thengotten
stuckintheafternoonrushhouroutofMiami.
Thattoo.Look,Improposingtospendatenth
oftheprofitsfromtheDiaBonthisventure.In
anyothercircumstance,Iwoulddoitwitha
purchaseorder.Theonlyreasonitsabigdealis

Thatitcarriesenoughlegalliabilitytodestroy
thecompany.Sammy,didntyoulistento
Hackelberg?

riskiestofallisdoingnothing.
Guignolshookhisheadandpulledouthis
computer.
Hespentalotoftimelookingatthenumbers
whileSammyfoughttraffic.Finallyheclosed
hiscomputer,puthisheadbackandshuthis
eyes.Sammydroveon.
Youthinkthisllwork?Guignolsaid.
Whichpart?

ThereasonIstillworkatDisneyisthatitsthe Youthinkifyoubuytheseguysout
kindofcompanywherethelawyersdontalways
Oh,thatpart.Sure,yeah,slamdunk.Theyre
settheagenda.
cheap.LikeIsay,wecouldmakebackthewhole
Guignoldrummedhishandsonthedashboard.
nutjustbysettlingthelawsuit.Thehardpartis
Sammypulledoverandgassedup.Atthenext
goingtobeconvincingthemtosell.
pumpwasaminivanwithKansasplates.Dad
AndHackelberg.
wasadumpyKoreanguy,Momwasadumpy
whitemidwesternerwithacountryandwestern Thatsyourjob,notmine.
denimjacket,andthebackseatwasfilledwith
Guignolslidtheseatbacksoitwasflatasabed.
vibratingchildren,twogirlsandaboy.Thekids
WakemewhenwehitOrlando.
werescreamingandfighting,thegirlstryingto
drawontheboysfacewithcandyflavored
lipstickandkiddiemascara,theboysquirming
IttookITthreedaystogetSammyhiscomputer
mightilyandlashingoutatthemwithhis
back.Hissecretarymanagedasbestasshe
gameboy.
could,buthewasntabletodomuchwithoutit.
DadandMomwerehavingtheirownheated
Whenhegotitbackatlast,heeagerly
discussionasDadgassedup,Sammy
downloadedhisbacklogofmail.Itbeggaredthe
eavesdroppedenoughtohearthattheywere
imagination.Evenafterautofilteringit,there
fightingoverDadschoiceoftakingthetoll
werehundredsofnewmessages,thingshehadto
roadsinsteadofthecheaper,sloweralternative
payrealattentionto.Whenhewasdealingwith
route.Thekidswereshoutingsoloud,though
thisstuffinlittlespurtseveryfewminutesall
YoukeepthatupandwerenotgoingtoDisney daylong,itdidntseemlikemuch,butitsure
World!
piledup.
Itwasthemagicsentence,thelitmustestfor
Heenlistedhissecretarytohelphimwithsorting
Disneyscurrency.Asitroseandfell,sodidthe andresponding.Afteranhoursheforwardedone
efficacyofthethreat.IfSammycould,hedtake backtohimwithaboldredflag.
avideooftheresulteverytimethiswasuttered.
ItwasfromFreddy.Hegotaninstantheadache,
ThekidslookedatDadandshrugged.Who
thefeelinghalfwaybetweenamigraineandthe
cares?theeldestsistersaid,andgrabbedthe
feelingafteryoubangyourheadagainstthe
boyagain.
cornerofatable.
SammyturnedtoGuignolandwaggledhis
eyebrows.Oncehewasbackinthecar,hesaid,
Youknow,itsriskydoinganything.But

::Sammy,Imdisappointedinyou.Ithoughtwe
werefriends.WhydoIhavetolearnaboutyour
bizarreplantobuyoutGibbonsandBanksfrom

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/267
strangers.Idohopeyoullgivemeacomment
onthestory?
HedleftthefinancialswithGuignol,whohad
beendiscreetlyshowingthemaroundtotherest
oftheexecutivecommitteeincloseddoor,off
sitemeetings.Oneofthemmusthaveblabbed,
thoughormaybeitwasaleakatLestersend.

andexecutethem
Shushnow.Freddyfoundoutaboutthis,huh?
Notsurprising.Hesgotaknackforit.Itsjust
abouthisonlyvirtue.
Urgh.
However,itsalsohisgreatestfailing.Ivegiven
thisalotofthought,sincemylastruninwith
RatToothedFreddy.

Hetastedhislunchandbileashisstomach
twisted.Itwasntfair.Hehadarealchanceof
makingthishappenanditwouldbeasourceof Youcallhimthattohisface?
genuinegoodforallconcerned.
Notyet.ButIlookforwardtoit.Tellyouwhat,
givemeanhourtotalktosomepeoplehere,and
HegothalfwaythroughcallingGuignols
Illgetbacktoyou.
number,thenputthephonedown.Hedidnt
knowwhotocall.Hedputhimselfinan
Anhour?Anhour?
unwinnableposition.Ashecontemplatedthe
Hellkeepyousquirmingforatleastthatlong.
articlethatFreddywouldprobablywrite,he
realizedthathewouldalmostcertainlylosehis Helovestomakepeoplesquirm.Itsgood
journalismshakesloosesomenew
joboverthis,too.Maybeenduponthewrong
developments.
endofalawsuit.Man,thatseemedtobehis
naturalstateatDisney.Maybehewasinthe
Anhour?
wrongjob.
Haveyougotachoice?
Hegroanedandthumpedhimselfonthe
Anhour,then.
forehead.Allhewantedtodowashavegood
ideasandmakethemhappen.
Basically,hewantedtobeLester.
Thenheknewwhohehadtocall.
MsChurch?
Werebacktothat,huh?Thatsprobablynota
goodsign.
Suzannethen.
Sammy,yousoundlikeyoureabouttopopa
testicle.Spititout.
DoyouthinkIcouldgetajobwithLester?
Yourenotjoking,areyou?
Freddyfoundoutaboutthebuyoutoffer.
Oh.

SuzannedidntknockonLestersdoor.Lester
wouldfallintoplace,oncePerrywasin.
Shefoundhimworkingtheride,Hildabackin
themaintenancebay,tweakingsomeofthe
robots.Hisarmwasoutofthecast,butitwas
noticeablythinnerthanhisgoodleftarm,weak
andpaleandflabby.
Hello,Suzanne.Hewasformal,likehealways
wasthesedays,anditsaddenedher,butshe
pressedon.
Perry,weneedtoshutdownforawhile,its
urgent.
Suzanne,thisisabusytime,wejustcantshut
down

Shethumpedherhandonhislemonadestand
counter.Cutitout,Perry.Ihaveneverbeenan
SoImgonnabeinsearchofemployment.AllI
alarmist,youknowthat.Iunderstandintimately
everwantedtodowascomeupwithcoolideas
whatitmeanstoshutthisplacedown.Look,I
Yeah.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/268
knowthatthingshaventbeensogoodbetween
us,betweenanyofus,foralongtime.ButIam
yourdearfriend,andyouaremine,nomatter
whatsgoingonatthissecond,andImtelling
youthatyouneedtoshutthisdownandweneed
totalk.Doit,Perry.

Perryshushedher.Suzanne,whyareyouhere?
WhyarentyoutalkingtoLesteraboutthis?
WhyhasntLestertalkedtomeaboutthis.I
mean,justwhatthefuckisgoingon?

Shewinced.IdidnttalktoLesterbecauseI
thoughthedbeeasiertosellonthisthanyou
Please?
are.ThisisagoldenopportunityandIthought
thatyouwouldbeconflictedashellaboutitand
Helookedatthelittlequeueoffourorfive
IthoughtifItalkedtoyoufirst,wecouldget
people,pretendingnottoeavesdrop,waiting
pastthat.Idontreallyhaveadoginthisfight,
theirturn.
exceptthatIwantallpartiestoendupnothating
Sorry,folks,youheardthelady.Family
eachother.Thatswhereyoureheadednow
emergency.Um,hereHerummagedunder
youremeltingdowninslowmotion.Howlong
thecounter,cameupwithscrapsofpaper.Mrs sinceyouandLesterhadaconversationtogether,
Torrencestearoomacrossthestreettheymake letalonearealmeal?Howlongsinceweallsat
thebestcappuccinointhehood,andthepastries aroundandlaughed?Everygoodthingcomesto
areallbakedfresh.Onme,OK?
somekindofend,andthenthereallygood
thingscometoabeginningagain.
Comeon,Suzannesaid.Timesshort.
YoutwoweretheNewWork.Lotsofpeople
Sheaccompaniedhimtothemaintenancebay
gotblisteringlyrichoffofNewWork,butnot
andtheypulledthedoorsshutbehindthem.
you.Heresachanceforyoutogetwhatyou
Hildalookedupfromherrobot,wipingher
deserveforachange.Yousolvethisandyou
handsonhershorts.Shewasreallylovely,and
cansolveit,andnotjustforyou,butforthat
thelookonherfacewhenshesawPerrywas
pureadoration.Suzannesheartwelledupforthe Deathkid,youcangethimjusticethatthecourts
willtakefifteenyearstodeliver.
twoofthem,suchaperfectpictureofyoung
love.
Perryscowled.Idontcareaboutmoney
Hegaveheralong,consideringlook.

ThenHildasawSuzanne,andherexpression
grewguarded,tense.PerrytookHildashand.
Whatsthisabout,Suzanne?hesaid.

Yes,thatsadmirable.Ihaveoneotherthing;
Ivebeensavingitforlast,waitingtoseeifyoud
comeupwithitonyourown.

Letmegivethistoyouinoneshot,OK?They What?
nodded.Sheranitdownforthem.Sammyand
Whyistimeoftheessence?
Guignol,thepostcardandthefunny
BecauseFreddysgoingtooutthisdirtball
circumstancesoftheirvisitthephonecall.
Soheresthething.Hewantstobuyyouguys Andhowdowesolvethat?
out.Hedoesntwanttherideorthetown.Hejust
wantsIdontknowthecreativity.ThePR
win.Hewantspeace.Andtherealnewsis,hes
overabarrel.Freddysforcinghishand.Ifwe
canmakethatproblemgoaway,wecanaskfor
anything.
Hildasjawhungslack.Youhavetobekidding

Hildagrinned.Oh,thispartIlike.
Suzannelaughed.Yeah.
What?Perrysaid.

Freddysgoodatintelligencegathering,but
hesnotsogoodatdistinguishingtruthfrom
fiction.Inmyview,thispresentsafascinating
opportunity.Dependingonwhatweleaktohim

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/269
andhow,wecanturnhiminto
Alaughingstock?

dealwithyou,afairone.Butaconditionofthe
dealisthatwearegoingtodestroyFreddy.

Apuddleofdeliquescedorganmeat.

What?

Perrybegantolaugh.Youresayingthatyou
thinkthatweshoulddothisdealforspite?

Weregoingtoleakhimbadintelonthedeal.
Lotsofit.Givehimawholestory.Waituntilhe
publishesit,andthen

Yeah,thatsthesizeofit,Suzannesaid.
Iloveit,hesaid.

Sammysatdownontheroof.Thiswasgoingto
bealongconversation.

Hildalaughedtoo.Suzanneextendedherhandto
Perryandheshookit.Thensheshookwith
Perrygroundhisteethandsqueezedhisbeer.
Hilda.
Theideaofdoingthisinabiggrouphadseemed
LetsgofindLester.
likeagoodidea.DirtyMaxswascertainlyfull
ofcamaraderie,thesmellofroastingmeatand
thechatterofnearlyahundredvoices.Heheard
Bythetimethecallcame,Sammywasreadyto HildalaughingatsomethingLestersaidtoher,
explode.Hegotinagolfcartandheadedtothe andtherewereKettlewellandhiskids,fingers
AnimalKingdomLodge,whichbackedontothe andfacesstickywithsauce.
safariparkportionoftheAnimalKingdom.He
Lesterhadsetuptheprojectorandtheydhung
snuckhimselfontotheroofofthegrandhotel,
sheetsoveroneofthemuralsforascreen,and
whichhadacommandingviewoftheartificial
savanna.Hewatchedafamilyofgiraffesgraze, broughtoutabunchofwirelessspeakersthat
theydscatteredaroundthecourtyard.Itlooked,
usingthezoomonhisphonetoresolvethe
hypnoticpatternsofthelittlecalf.Itcalmedhim. smelled,sounded,andtastedlikeacarnival.
Butthesoundofhisphoneringingstartledhim ButPerrycouldntmeetanyoneseye.Hejust
somuchhenearlydidahalfgainerofftheroof. wantedtogohomeandgetunderthecovers.
Hearthammering,heansweredit.
TheywereabouttodestroyFreddy,whichhad
alsoseemedlikeahellofalarkatthetime,but
IsthisSammy?
now
Yes,hesaid.
Perry.ItwasSammy,upfromOrlando,
LandonKettlewell,thevoiceontheotherside wearingtheclassicMickeygivesthefinger
said.Sammyknewthename,ofcourse.Buthe bootlegtee.
hadntbeenexpectingacallfromhim.
Canyougetfiredforthat?Perrypointed.
Hello,MrKettlewell.
Sammyshookhishead.Actually,itsofficial.I
Theboyshaveaskedmetonegotiatethisdeal
hadthemproducedlastyeartheyreabig
forthem.Itmakessenseitllbehardtomake seller.Ifyoucantbeatem...HereHedugin
thishappenwithoutmycontributions.Ihopeyou thebackpackhecarriedandpulledoutanother.
agree.
Youlooklikealarge,right?
Itdoesmakesense,Sammysaid
Perrytookitfromhim,helditup.Shrugging,he
noncommittally.Thiswasntthebestdayofhis putdownhisbeerandskinnedhistee,then
life.Thegiraffesweremovingoff,butaflockof pulledontheMickeyflipsthebird.Helooked
craneswaswheelingoverheadinquietsplendor. downathischest.Itsastatement.
Illtellyouwherewereat.Weregoingtodoa HaveyouandLestergivenanythoughtto

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/270
whereyouregoingtorelocate,after?

talkingsilentlyintothenight.

Perrydrewinadeepbreath.IthinkLester
wantstocometoOrlando.ButImgoingtogo
toWisconsin.Madison.

Thespeakerspoppedtolifeandgraduallythe
crowdnoisesdimmed.Peoplemovedtowardthe
screen,allexceptFrancisandPerryandSammy,
whohungback,silentlywatchingthescreen.

Yourewhatnow?

guestontheshowisFreddyNiedbalski,a
technologyreporterforthenotoriousBritish
technologypublicationTechStink.Freddyhas
agreedtocomeonCountdowntobreakastory
thatwillgoliveonTechStinkswebsiteinabout
tenminutes.Thecamerazoomedouttoshow
Freddy,sittingbesidetheanchordeskinan
Sammylookedpoleaxed.Perry,thatwasntthe armchair.Hispaunchwasmorepronouncedthan
deal
ithadbeenwhenPerryhadseenhimin
Yeah,Iknow.Butthinkaboutthis:doyouwant Madison,andtherewassomethingwrongwith
methereifIhateit,resentit?Besides,itsalittle hismakeup,acolormismatchthatmadehim
looklikehedslatheredhimselfwithManTan.
lateinthedaytobackout.
Still,hewasgrinningevillyandlookinglikehe
Sammyreeled.Christalmighty.Well,atleast
couldbarelycontainhimself.
yourenotgoingtoendupmyemployee.
Thankyou,TaniaLuz,itsapleasure.
Franciswhohadanuncannyknackforfiguring
outtherightmomenttostepintoaconversation Now,takeusthroughthestory.Youvebeen
coveringitforalongtime,haventyou?
sidledover.Niceshirt,Perry.
Francis,thisisSammy.Francishadabottleof Ohyes.ThisisaboutthesocalledNewWork
cult,anditsaftermath.Ivebrokenaseriesof
waterandaplateofribs,soheextendeda
scandalsinvolvingthesecharactersoverthe
friendlyelbow.
yearsweirdsex,funnymoney,sweatshoplabor.
Wevemetshowedhimthebicyclefactory.
Thesearethepeoplewhospentallthatmoneyin
theNewWorkbubble,andthenwentontofound
Sammyvisiblycalmedhimself.Thatsright,
anhonesttoGodslumthattheycharacterizedas
youdid.Amazing,justamazing.
alivinglaboratory.outcamethesarcastic
AllthisisonSammy,Perrysaid,pointingat
fingerquotesbut,asnearasanyonecanwork
thehugebarbecuesmoker,thecrowdsofsticky
outwasmoreofahumansubjectexperiment
fingeredgorgers.HestheDisneyguy.
gonemad.Theypulledoffthesebizarrestunts
Hencetheshirts,huh?
withthehelpofsomeofthelargestinvestment
fundsontheplanet.
Exactly.
Perryhadntsaidanythingaboutthistoanyone
exceptHilda.SomethingaboutthisDisneyexec,
itmadehimwanttospillthebeans.Icantgo
alongwiththis.Imgoingtobowout.Do
somethingnew.Ivebeeninthisshitholefor
whatfeelslikemywholelifenow.

Sowhatstherumpus,exactly?Francisasked. Perrylookedaroundattherevellers.Theywere
chortling,pointingateachother,muggingforthe
Itsallbeenhushhusharoundhereforasolid
camera.FreddyswordsmadePerry
week.
uncomfortablemaybetherewassomethingto
Ithinkwereabouttofindout,Perrysaid,
whathesaid.ButtherewasFrancis,unofficial
noddingatthegiganticscreen,whichrippledin mayoroftheshantytown,smilingalongwiththe
thesultryFloridanightbreeze,obscuredby
rest.Theyhadntbeenperfect,buttheydleftthe
blowingcloudsoffragrantsmoke.Itwaslitup
worldabetterplacethantheydfoundit.
now,showingCNNfn,twopanracialanchors

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/271
Therearemanypersonalitiesinthisstory,but
tonightsinstallmenthastwomainplayers:a
venturecapitalistnamedLandonKettlewelland
aDisneyParksseniorvicepresidentcalled
SammyPage.Technically,thesetwohateeach
othersgutsSammyandKettlewelltoasted
eachotherthroughthebarbecuesmoke.But
theyvebeenchumminguptooneanotherlately
astheybrokeredanimprobabledealtoshaft
everyoneelseinthesordidmess.
Adealthatyouvegotdetailsonforus
tonight?

Disneyficationoftheactivistridesaroundthe
country,sellingouttheircomrades,whosigned
overcontroloftheirvolunteerbuiltenterprises
aspartoftheearlierlawsuit.
Themaleanchorshookhishead.Ifthisistrue,
itsthestrangestturninAmericancorporate
history.
Ohyes,Freddysaid.Thesepeoplearelike
somekindofpoison,adiseasethataffectsthe
judgementofallthosearoundthem

Ifitstrue,themaleanchorcontinued,asif
Freddyhadntspoken.Butisit?Ournextguest
Exactly.Mysourceshaveturnedupreliable
deniesallofthis,andclaimsthatMrNiedbalski
memosandotherintelligenceindicatingthatthe hashisfactsallwrong.TjanLeeTangisthe
investorsbehindtheshantytownareaboutto
chairmanofMassachusettsRideTheorists,a
takeoverDisneyParks.Itallstemsfroma
nonprofitthatoperatesthreeofthespinoffrides
lawsuitthatwasbroughtonbehalfofasyndicate inNewEngland.HeisinourBostonstudios.
ofoperatorsofbizarre,trademarkinfringing
Welcome,MrTang.
ridesthatwereraidedoffthebacksof
complaintsfromDisneyParks.Theseraids,and Freddysexpressionwaspriceless:amixtureof
asubsequentandverysuspiciousbeatingofan rawterrorandcontempt.Hetriedtocoverit,but
exDisneyParkemployee,ledtothecreationof onlysucceededinlookingconstipated.Onthe
otherhalfofthesplitscreen,Tjanbeamed
aninvestmentsyndicatetofundamonster
lawsuitagainstDisneyParks,onethatcouldtake sunnilyatthem.
thecompanydown.
Hithere!hesaid.Greetingsfromtheblustery
Theinvestmentsyndicatefoundanunlikelyally Northeast.
inthepersonofSammyPage,theseniorVP
MrTang,youveheardwhatourguesthasto
fromDisneyParks,whoworkedwiththemto
sayaboutthelatestdevelopmentsinthe
pushthroughaplanwheretheywouldsettlethe extraordinarystoryoftheridesyouhelped
lawsuitinexchangeforacontrollinginterestin
create.Doyouhaveanycomment?
DisneyParks.
Icertainlydo.Freddy,oldbuddy,youvebeen
Theanchorslookedsuitablyimpressed.Around had.WhomeveryourleakwasinDisney,hewas
thescreen,thepartiershadgonequiet,eventhe puttingyouon.Thereisnotonesinglewordof
kids,mesmerizedbyFreddysgianthead,eyes
truthtoanythingyouhadtosay.Hegrinned
rollingwithironyandmeanhumor.
wickedly.Sowhatelseisnew?
Andthatsjustforstarters.Thedealrequired
FreddyopenedhismouthandTjanheldupone
securingthecooperationofthebeatenupex
hand.No,wait,letmefinish.Iknowitsyour
Disneyemployee,whogoesbythenameof
schticktocomeafterusthisway,youvebeenat
DeathWaitsno,really!andherequiredthat itforyears.Ithinkitsbecauseyouhavean
hebemadeavicepresidentofthenewcompany unrequitedcrushonSuzanneChurch.
aswell,runningtheFantasylandsectionofthe
Hereswhatsreallyhappening.LesterBanks
Floridapark.Inthenewstructure,thetwo
foundersoftheNewWorkscam,PerryGibbons andPerryGibbonshavetakenjobswithDisney
Parksaspartofastraightforwarddeal.Theyre
andLesterBanksaretooverseethe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/272
goingtodoresearchanddevelopmentthere,and
Disneyissettlingitsongoinglawsuitwithus
withaseventymilliondollarcashsettlement.
Halfgoestotheinvestors.Someofthe
remainderwillgotobuytheunderlyingtitlesto
theshantytownandputtheminatrusttobe
managedbyacooperativeofresidents.Therest
isgoingintoanothertrustthatwillbedisbursed
ingrantstopeopleoperatingridesaroundthe
country.Theresanonmonetarypartofthedeal,
too:allridesgetaperpetual,worldwidelicense
onallDisneytrademarksforuseintherides.

Sorry,sorry,Tjansaidwithachuckle.Hewas
enjoyingthiswaytoomuch.Goon.
AndwhataboutDeathWaits?Hesbeenapawn
allalonginthisgameyouveplayedwithother
peopleslives.Whathappenstohimasyouall
getrich?
Tjanshrugged.Hegotalargecashsettlement
too.Heseemedprettyhappyaboutit
Freddywasshaking.Youcantjustselloffyour
lawsuit

Wewerelookingtogetcompensatedforbad
acts.Wegotcompensatedforthem,andwedidit
Wethinkthisisaprettygoodwin.Theridesgo withouttyingupthepubliccourts.Everybody
wins.Hecockedhishead.Exceptyou,of
on.Theshantytowngoeson.LesterandPerry
course.
gettodogreatworkinaheavilyresourcedlab
environment.
Thiswasafuckingambush,Freddysaid,
TaniaLuzturnedtoFreddy.Itseemsthatyour pointinghisfingersatthetwocoiffedand
groomedanchors,whoshiedawaydramatically,
storyisindispute.Doyouhavefurther
makinghimlookevencrazier.Hestormedoff
comment?
thestage,cursing,everywordtransmittedbyhis
Freddysquirmed.Astreakofsweatcutthrough stillrunningwirelessmic.Heshoutedatan
hispancakemakeupasthecameracameinfora invisiblesecurityguardtogetoutofhisway.
closeup.Well,ifthisistrue,Idwanttoknow
Thentheyheardhimmakeaphonecall,
whyDisneywouldmakesuchagenerousoffer
presumablytohiseditor,shoutingathimtokill

thearticle,nearlyweepinginfrustration.The
Generous?Tjansaid.Hesnorted.Wewere
anchorsandTjanpastedonunconvincingpoker
askingforeightbillioninpunitivedamages.
faces,butaroundtheBBQpit,itwasallhowlsof
Theygotoffeasy!
laughter,whichturnedtoshriekswhenFreddy
finallyfiguredoutthathewasstillonalivemic.
Freddyactedlikehehadntheard.Unlessthe
Theannouncerssmiledandnodded.

termsofthissocalleddealarepublishedand
subjecttoscrutiny
Wepostedthemaboutfiveminutesago.You
couldhavejustaskedus,youknow.
Freddyseyesbuggedout.Wehavenowayof
knowingwhetherwhatthismanissayingistrue

Actually,youdo.LikeIsay,itsallonline.The
dealsaresigned.Securitiesfilingsand
everything.
Freddygotupoutofhisseat.Wouldyoushut
upandletmefinish?hescreamed.

PerryandSammylockedeyesandgrinned.
Perrytickedalittlesaluteoffhisforeheadat
Sammyandheftedhistee.Thenheturnedonhis
heelandwalkedoffintothenight,thefragrant
smellofthebarbecuesmokeandthesoundof
thepartybehindhim.
Heparkedhiscarathomeandtrudgedupthe
stairs.Hildahadpackedhersuitcasethat
morning.Hehadalotmorethanasuitcases
worthofstuffaroundtheapartment,butashe
threwafewtshirtsincludinghisnewfake
bootlegMickeyteeandsomeunderwearina
bag,hesuddenlyrealizedthathedidntcare
aboutanyofit.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/273
Thenhehappeneduponthebaseballglove.The
cloudofoldleathersmellitemittedwhenhe
pickeditupmadetearsspringintohiseyes.He
hadntcriedthroughanyofthisprocess,though,
andhewasntabouttostartnow.Hewipedhis
eyeswithhisforearmandreverentlysettheglove
intohisbagandshutit.Hecarriedbothbags
downstairsandputtheminthetrunk,thenhe
drovetojustalittlewaysnorthoftherideand
calledHildatoletherknowhewasreadytogo.
Shedidntsayawordwhenshegotinthecar,
andneitherdidhe,allthewaytoMiamiairport.
Hetookhisfriskingandsecondaryscreeningin
stoicsilence,andoncetheywereseatedonthe
Chicagoflight,heputhisheaddownonHildas
shoulderandshestrokedhishairuntilhefell
asleep.
Epilogue
LesterwasinhisworkshopwhenPerrycameto
seehim.Hehadtheyogamatoutandhewas
goingthroughtheslowexercisesthathis
physiotherapisthadassignedtohim,stretching
hiscrumblingbonesandshrinkingmuscles,
tryingtokeepitalltogether.Hedfiredthree
physios,butSuzannekeptfindinghimnewones,
and(becauseshelovedhim)prettierones.

sowell.Perryheldouthisstrong,leathery
hands,andafteramoment,Lestergraspedthem
andletPerrydraghimtohisfeet.
Theystoodfacingoneanotherforan
uncomfortablemoment,handsclaspedtogether.
ThenPerryflunghisarmswideandshouted,
HereIam!
Lesterlaughedandembracedhisoldfriend,not
seenorheardfromtheselast15years.
Lestersworkshophadasofawherehe
entertainedvisitorsandtookhisafternoonnap.
Normally,hedusehiscanetocrossfromhis
workbenchtothesofa,butseeingPerrythrew
himforsuchaloopthathecompletelyforgot
untilhewasapaceortwoawayfromitandthen
hefoundhimselfflailingforsupportashiships
startedtogiveway.Perrycaughthimunderthe
shouldersandproppedhimup.Lesterfeltarush
ofshamecolorhischeeks.
Steadythere,cowboy,Perrysaid.
Sorry,sorry,Lestermuttered.
Perryloweredhimtothesofa,thenlooked
around.Yougotanythingtodrink?Water?I
didntreallyexpectthebuswouldtakeaslongas
itdid.

Hewasdownonallfours,hisassstuckwayup
intheair,whenPerrycamethroughthedoor.He
lookedbackthroughhisanklesandsquintedat
theupsidedownworld.Perrysexpressionwas
carefullyneutral,thesameupsidedownasit
wouldberightsideup.Hegruntedandwent
downtohisknees,whichcrackledlikepopcorn.

YouretakingthebusaroundBurbank?Lester
said.Christ,Perry,thisisLosAngeles.Even
homelesspeopledrivecars.

Thatdoesntsoundgood,Perryremarked
mildly.
Funnyman,Lestersaid.Getoverhereand
helpmeup,willyou?

Inthefridge,Lestersaid,pointingtoasetof
nestedclaypotevaporativecoolers.Perry
grinnedatthejuryriggedcoolerandrummaged
aroundinitsmouthforawhile.Anything,you
know,buzzy?Guarana?Caffeine,even?

Perrywentdowninacrouchbeforehim.There
wassomethingfunnyabouthiseye,thewhole
sideofhishead.Hesmelledalittlesweatyanda
littlegamy,butthefacewastheoneLesterknew

Lestergaveanapologeticshrug.Notme,not
anymore.Nothinggoesintomybodywithout
oversightbyateamofveryexpensive
nutritionists.

Perrylookedawayandshookhishead.Thebus
ischeaper.Lesterpursedhislips.Yougot
anythingtodrink?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/274
Youdontlooksobad,Perrysaid.Maybea
littleskinny
Lestercuthimoff.Notbadlikethepeopleyou
seeonTV,huh?Notbadlikethedyingones.
Thefatkinshadoverwhelmedthenations
hospitalsinsuccessivewavesofsickened
disintegratingskeletonswhosebrittlebonesand
ruinedjointshadoutstrippedanyonesabilityto
copewiththem.Theonlythingthatkeptthe
crisisfromboilingoverentirelywasthefast
mortalitythatfollowedonthefirstsymptoms
difficultydigesting,persistentstiffness.Once
youcouldntkeepdownhighcalorieslurry,you
juststarvedtodeath.

writtenageneticalgorithmtoevolvecustom
printablemoleculesthatcanbridgetwo
unharmoniusflavorstomakethemtastegood
togetherlike,whatdoyouneedtoaddto
chocolateandsardinestomakethemfreakin
delicious?
Istheresuchamolecule?
Suzannesaysthereis.Shesaidthattheymisted
itintoherfacewithavaporizerwhilesheatea
sardineonaslabofdarkchocolateandittasted
betterthananythingshedeverhadbefore.
OK,thatsjustwrong,Perrysaid.Thetwoof
themweregrinningateachotherlikefools.

Lestercouldntbelievehowgooditfelttobein
thesameroomasPerryagainafterallthese
years.Hisoldfriendwasmucholderthanthe
lasttimetheydseeneachother.Therewasalot
ImdoingOK,Lestersaid.Youwouldnt
ofgreyinhisshorthair,andhishairlinewasa
believethemedicalbills,ofcourse.
lothigheruphisforehead.Hisknuckleswere
DontletFreddyknowyouvegotthesickness, swollenandwrinkled,andhisfacehaddeep
Perrysaid.Hedlovethatstory'fatkins
lines,makinghimlookcarved.Hehadthe
pioneerpaystheprice
leatheryskinofaroadsidehomelessperson,and
Freddy!Man,Ihaventthoughtofthatshitheel therewerelittlescarsalloverhisarmsandafew
onhisthroat.
inChrist,adecade,atleast.Ishestillalive?
Perryshrugged.Mightbe.Idthinkthatifhed HowsHilda?Lesterasked.
Notlikethem,Perryagreed.Hehadabitof
limp,Lestersaw,andhisoldbrokenarmhung
slightlystiffathisside.

keeledoversomeonewouldhaveaskedmeto
Perrylookedaway.ThatsanameIhavent
pitchintocharterabustogopissonhisgrave. heardinawhile,hesaid.
Lesterlaughedhard,sohardhehurthischest
andhadtosagbackintothesofa,doingdeep
yogabreathinguntilhisribsfeltbetter.

Yowch.Sorry.

No,thatsOK.Igetemailblastsfromherevery
nowandagain.Sheschipperandscrappyas
Perrysatdownoppositehimonthesofawitha always.Fightingthegoodfight.Fatkinsstuff
bottleofLestersspecialthricedistilledflat
againsameaswhenImether.Funnyhowthat
waterinatorpedoshapedbottle.Suzanne?he fightnevergetsold.
asked.
Hardyharhar,Lestersaid.
Good,Lestersaid.Spendsabouthalfhertime OK,wereeven,Perrysaid.Oneoneonthe
hereandhalfontheroad.Writing,still.
fauxpasmasterstournament.
Whatssheontonow?
Theychattedaboutinconsequentialitiesfora
Cooking,ifyoucanbelieveit.Molecular
gastronomyfoodhackerswhousecentrifuges
toclarifytheirconsomme.Shesaysshesnever
eatenbetter.Lastweekitwassomekidwhod

while,storiesaboutLesterslifeasthecloseted
geniusatDisneyLabs,Perryslifeontheroad,
gettingitinerantandseasonalworkatlittle
microfactories.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/275
Donttheyrecognizeyou?

thathewasnthappyattheMouse,andthedying
thingwell,Suzanneandhelikedtopretend
thatmedicalsciencewouldcurewhatithad
brought.

Me?Naw,itsbeenalongtimesinceIgot
recognized.Imjusttheguy,youknow,hes
handy,keepstohimself.Probablygoingtobe
movingonsoon.Goodwithmoney,alwayshasa Perry,though,hejustnoddedasifhissuspicions
quietsuggestionfortweakinganideatomakeit wereconfirmed.MustbehardonSuzanne.
returnalittlehigherontheinvestment.
Nowthatwashittingthenailonthehead.You
Thatsyou,allright.Allexceptthekeepsto
alwayswereaperceptivesonofabitch.
himselfpart.
Sheneversaidfatkinswasgoodforyou.She
Alittleolder,alittlewiser.Bettertokeepyour
mouthshutandbethoughtafoolthantoopenit
andremovealldoubt.

justreportedthestory.Thepeoplewhoblame
her

Thiswastheelephantintheroomwhenever
LesterandSuzannetalkedabouthishealth.
Betweenthetwoofthem,theydpopularized
fatkins,sentmillionswingingtoRussiaforthe
NoHuck,hesaid.Hissmilegotsad,
heartbreakinglysad.ThiswasntthePerryLester clinics,fuelledthecreationoftheclinicsinthe
USandMexico.
knew.Lesterwasntthesameperson,either.
Theywerebothbroken.Perrywasalone,though Buttheyneverspokeofit.Never.NowPerrywas
gregariousPerry,alwaysmakingfriends.
talkingaboutit,stilltalking:
Alone.
theFDA,thedoctors.Thatswhatwepay
Thankyou,MisterTwain.YouandHuckbeen
ontheriverawhilethen?

So,howlongareyoustaying?

Imjustpassingthrough,buddy.Iwokeupin
BurbankthismorningandIthought,Shit,
LestersinBurbank,Ishouldsayhello.ButI
gotplacestogo.
Comeon,man,stayawhile.Wevegotaguest
cottageoutback,alittlemotherinlaw
apartment.Therearefruittrees,too.

themfor.ThewayIseeit,youreavictim,their
victim.
Lestercouldntsayanything.Wordsstoppered
themselvesupinhismouthlikeacork.Finally,
hemanagedtochokeout,Changethesubject,
OK?
Perrylookeddown.Sorry.Imoutofpractice
withpeople.

Livingthedream,huh?Hesounded
unexpectedlybitter.

Ihopeyoullstaywithus,hesaid,thinkingI
hopeyouleavesoonandnevercomeback.

Lesterwasembarrassedforhiswealth.Disney
hadthrownsomuchstockathiminthe
beginningandSuzannehadsoldmostofitand
wiselyinvesteditinabunchofmicrofunds;add
tothatthemoneyshewasrakinginfromthe
affiliatesitesherJuniorWoodchuckskid
reportersshedtrainedandsetupinbusiness
ran,andtheyneverhadtoworryaboutathing.

Youmissit,huh?
Sometimes.
Yousaidworkinghere

Workinghere.Theysaidthattheywantedmeto
comeinandhelpthemturntheplacearound,
helpthemreinventthemselves.Benimble.Shake
thingsup.Butitslikewrestlingatarbaby.You
Well,apartfromdying.Andworkinghere.As push,yougetstuck.Youargueforsomething
betterandtheytellyoutowriteareport,thenno
soonasthewordswereoutofhismouth,he
wishedhecouldtakethemback.Heneverleton onereadsthereport.Youtrytogetan
experimentalservicerunningandnoonewill

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/276
reconfigurethefirewall.Turntheplacearound? What?
Hesnorted.Itsliketurningaroundabattleship Imbuildingbiggermechanicalcomputers,
bytappingitonthenosewithatoothpick.
mostly.Iprintthemoutusingthenew
Ihateworkingwithassholes.
volumetricsandhaveresearchassistants
assemblethem.Theressomethingsoothing
Theyrenotassholes,thatsthething,Perry.
Theyresomereallysmartpeople.Theyrenice. aboutthem.IhaveanApple][+clonerunning
Wehavethemoverfordinner.Theyrefuntoeat entirelyonphysicalgatesmadeoutofextruded
plasticskulls.Ittakesupanentirebuildingout
lunchwith.Thethingis,everysingleoneof
themfeelsthesamewayIdo.Theyallhavecool ononeofthelotsandwhenyouplayPongonit,
thesoundofthejawsclackingislikelisteningto
shittheywanttodo,buttheycantdoit.
corpsebeetlesskeletonizinganelephant.
Why?
IthinkIdliketoseethat,Perrysaid,laughing
Itslikeanemergentproperty.Onceyougeta
alittle.
lotofpeopleunderoneroof,theemergent
propertyseemstobecrap.Nomatterhowgreat Thatcanbearranged,Lestersaid.
thepeopleare,nomatterhowwonderfultheir
Theywerelikegearsthathadonceemergedfrom
individualideasare,theneteffectisshit.
amillwithperfectlypreciseteeth,gearsthat
couldmeshandspinagainsteachother,
Remindsmeofreliabilitycalculation.Likeif
transferringenergy.
youtaketwocomponentsthatare90percent
reliableandusetheminadesign,theoutcomeis
90percentof90percent81percent.Keep
adding90percentreliablecomponentsand
youllhavesomethingthatexplodesbeforeyou
getitoutofthefactory.

Theywerelikegearsthathadbeenillusedin
machines,apartfromeachother,untiltheir
preciseteethhadbeenchippedandbent,sothat
theynolongermeshed.

Lesterblushed.

Kap,Lestersaid,stirringinthenestofpaper
andpartsandemptyhealthfoodpackagesthat

Theywerelikegears,connectedtooneanother
Maybepeoplearelikethat.Ifyoure90percent andmismatched,clunkingandskipping,but
nonbogusandtenpercentbogus,andyouwork runningstill,runningstill.
withsomeoneelsewhos90percentnonbogus,
youendupwithateamthats81percentnon
PerryandLesterrodeinthebackofthe
bogus.
companycar,thedriveranoldArmenianwhod
Ilikethatmodel.Itmakesintuitivesense.But
fledAzerbaijan,whomLesterintroducedas
fuckme,itsdepressing.Itsaysthatallwedois
Kapriel.ItseemedthatLesterandKaprielwere
magnifyeachothersflaws.
oldfriends,whichmadesense,sinceLester
Well,maybethatsthecase.Maybeflawsare
couldntdrivehimself,andinLosAngeles,you
multiplicative.
didntgoanywhereexceptbycar.The
relationshipbetweenamanandhisdriverwould
Sowhatarevirtues?
benecessarilyintimate.
Additive,maybe.Ashallowercurve.
Perrycouldntbringhimselftofeelenviousof
Thatdbeaninterestingresearchproject,ifyou Lesterhavingachauffeuredcar,thoughitwas
couldcomeupwithsomequantitative
clearthatLesterwasembarrassedbytheluxury.
measurements.
Itwastoomuchlikeaninvalidssubsidytofeel
excessive.
Sowhatdoyoudoaroundhereallday?

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/277
hedmadeofthebackseat.

showingoffwiththecnote,anddecidedthathe
Kapriellookedoverhisshoulderatthem.Home hadntbeen.HedjustgonenativeinLA,anda
hundredforthemaitredwhenyoureinahurry
now?Hebarelyhadanaccent,butwhenhe
turnedhishead,Perrysawthatoneearhadbeen cantbemuchforaseniorexec.
badlymangled,leavingbehindamisshapenfist Lestersippedgingerlyathisbeer.Ilikethis
ofscar.
place,hesaid,wavingthebottleatthecelebrity
caricaturesliningthewalls.Itsperfect
No,Lestersaid.Letseatouttonight.How
Hollyweirdkitsch.Celebritieswhousuallyeat
aboutMussoandFrank?
outinsomeultramodernplacecomehere.They
MsSuzannesays
comebecausetheyvealwayscometositin
OrsonWellessbooth.
Wedontneedtotellher,Lestersaid.
Perryspokeinalowvoice,Lester,Idontneed Howsthefood?
anythingspecial.Dontmakeyourselfsick
Dependsonwhatyouorder.Thegoodstuffis
Perry,buddy,shutthefuckup,OK?Icanhave great.Youdownforsteaks?
asteakandabeerandabigassdessertevery
Imdownforwhatever,Perrysaid.Lesterwas
nowandagain.Purifiedmedicatedfatkinschow inhismediumhere,lettingthewaiterunfoldhis
getsold.Mycolonisntgoingtofalloutofmy
napkinandlayitoverhislapwithouttakingany
assholeinterrorifIsendacheeseburgerdown
specialnoticeoftheoldman.
there.
Thefoodwasdelicious,andtheyevengotto
TheyparkedbehindMussoandFrankandletthe glimpseacelebrity,thoughneitherPerrynor
valetparkthetowncar.Kaprielwentovertothe Lesterknewwhotheyoungwomanwas,nor
WalkofFametotakepicturesoftherobotic
whatshewasfamousfor.Shewassurroundedby
moviestarsdoingacrobaticbuskingacts,and
childrenwhocameoverfromothertables
theywentintothedarkcaveoftherestaurant,all seekingautographs,andmorethanonepatron
darkwood,darkcarpets,picturesofmoviestars snappedasemisubtlephotoofher.
onthewalls.Themaitredgavethemalook,
Poorgirl,Perrysaidwithfeeling.
tiltedhishead,lookedagain.Calmly,Lester
producedahundreddollarbillandsliditacross Itsacareerdecisionhere.Youdecideto
thepodium.
becomefamousbecauseyouwantthatkindof
life.Sometimesyouevenkidyourselfthatitll
WedlikeOrsonWellesstable,please,he
lastforeverthatinthirtyyears,theyllcome
said.
intoMussoandFrankandaskforMiss
Themaitredanelderly,elegantMexicanwith Whatshernamestable.Anyonewhowantsto
aprecisespadebeardnoddedaffably.Give
knowwhatstardomlookslikecanfindoutand
mefiveminutes,gentlemen.Wouldyoucareto noonebecomesastarbyaccident.
haveadrinkinthebar?
Youthink?Perrysaid.Imean,wewere
TheysatatthelongcounterandPerryordereda celebs,kindof,forawhilethere
Scotchandsoda.Lesterorderedwater,then
Areyousayingthatthathappenedbyaccident?
switchedhisordertobeer,thennonalcoholic
beer,thenbeeragain.Sorry,hesaidtothe
Ineversetouttogetfamous
waitress.Justhavinganindecisivekindof
Youtookpartinanationalmovement,Perry.
night,Iguess.
Youpracticallyfoundedit.Whatdidyouthink
PerrytriedtofigureoutifLesterhadbeen

wasgoingtohappen

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/278
Youresayingthatwewerejustattention
whores
No,Perry,no.Wewerentjustattentionwhores.
Wewereattentionwhoresandwebuiltandran
coolshit.Theresnothingwrongwithbeingan
attentionwhore.Itsanattentioneconomy.If
youregoingtobeaworkingstiff,youshould
pickadecentcurrencytogetpaidin.Butyou
cantsitthereandtellmethatitdidntfeelgood,
didntfeelgreattohaveallthosepeoplelooking
uptous,followingusintobattle,throwing
themselvesatus

Illthinkaboutit.
Lesterfellasleeponthecarridehome,and
KaprieldidntmindifPerrydidntwanttochat,
sohejustrolledhiswindowsdownandwatched
theLAlightsscreampastastheyhitthe
premiumlanesonthecrosstownfreeways,
headingtoLestersplaceinTopangaCanyon.
Whentheyarrived,Lesterrousedhimself
heavily,clutchedhisstomach,thenracedforthe
house.Kaprielshookhisheadandrolledhis
eyes,thenshowedPerrytothefrontdoorand
shookhishand.

Perryhelduphishands.Hisfriendwaslooking
morealivethanhehadatanytimesincePerry
hadbeenusheredintohisworkshop.Hesatup
straight,andtheoldglintofmischiefandgood
humorwasinhiseye.

Inthemorning,heprowledLesterandSuzannes
placelikeaburglar.Theguesthousehadonce
servedasLestersworkshopandithadthe
telltaleleavingsofabusyinventordrawersand
Isurrender,buddy,youreright.Theyordered tubsofparts,amoldycoffeecupinadesk
desserts,heavydiplomatpuddingsbread
drawer,pensandtoysandunreadpostalspamin
puddingmadewithcakeandcherries,andLester piles.Whatitdidnthavewasakitchen,soPerry
dugin,aftermakingPerryswearnottobreathea helpedhimselftothekeythatLesterhadlefthim
wordofittoSuzanne.Heatewithsuchvisible
withthenightbeforeandwanderedaroundthe
pleasurethatPerryfeltlikeavoyeur.
bighouse,lookingforthekitchen.
Howlongdidyousayyouwereintownfor?

Itturnedouttobeonthesecondfloor,abitof
weirdarchitecturaldesignthatwascharacteristic
Imjustpassingthrough,Perrysaid.Hehad
oftheplace,whichhadstartedasashackinthe
onlyplannedonmaybeseeingLesterlong
enoughforlunchorsomething.Nowitseemeda hillsonseveralacresoflandandthengrownand
grownassuccessivegenerationsofownershad
foregoneconclusionthathedbeputupinthe
addedextensions,seismicretrofitting,andnew
guestcottage.Hethoughtaboutgettingback
floors.
ontheroad.TherewasalittleganginOregon
thatmadenoveltyschoolsupplies,theywere
Perryfoundthepantriesfilledwithhightech
alwaysrampingupfortheirbusyseasonatthis MREs,eachnutritionallybalancedandfortified
timeofyear.Theyweregoodpeopletoworkfor. inwayscalculatedtomakeLesterashealthyas
Comeon,whereyougottobe?Stayaweek.Ill possible.Finally,hefoundasmallcupboard
clearlydevotedtoSuzanneseating,withboxes
putyouonthepayrollasaconsultant.Youcan
givelunchhourtalkstotheR&Dteam,whatever ofbreakfastcerealand,wayintheback,alittle
bagofOreos.Hemunchedthoughtfullyonthe
youwant.
cookieswhiledrinkingmoreoftheflat,thrice
Lester,youjustgotthroughtellingmehow
distilledwater.
muchyouhateyourjob
HeheardLestertotterintoabathroomonthe
Thatsthebeautyofcontractingyoudont
floorabove,andcalledGoodmorning,upa
stickaroundlongenoughtohateit,andyou
narrow,windingstaircase.
neverhavetoworryabouttheorgchart.Come
Lestergroanedbackathim,asoundthatPerry
on,pal

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/279
hadntheardinyears,thattheatricalohmyshit
itsanotherdaysound.
Heclompeddownthestairswithhiscane,
wearingapairofboxershortsandrubber
slippers.Hewasgaunt,thehaironhissunken
chestgonewirygrey,andtheskinaroundhis
torsosagged.Fromtheneckdown,helookeda
hundredyearsold.Perrylookedaway.
Morning,bro,Lestersaid,andtookavacuum
sealedpouchoutofamedicalwhiteboxoverthe
sink,toreitopen,addedpurifiedwater,andput
itinthemicrowave.Thesmellwaslikewet
cardboardinadumpster.Perrywrinkledhis
nose.

naturedly.LesterhadtoldherthatPerrywas
around,soshedbeenpreparedforsomething
odd,butthiswasprettyamazing,evenso.Lester
heldupahandforsilenceandrolledtwodice.
Theyskitteredacrossthefloor,oneofthem
slippingthroughtheheatinggrating.
Threepoints,Perrysaid.Onefornotgoing
intothegrating,twoforgoingintothegrating.
Ithoughtwesaiditwastwopointsfornot
goingintothegrating,andonefordroppingit?
Letscallit1.5pointsforeach.
Gentlemen,Suzannesaid,IbelieveIaskeda
question?Towit,Whattheblisteringfuck

Calvinball,Lestersaid.LikeintheoldCalvin
Tastesbetterthanitsmells.Orlooks,Lester
said.Veryeasyonthedigestion.WhichIneed. andHobbesstrips.Therulesare,therulescan
neverbethesametwice.
Neverletmepigoutlikethatagain,OK?
Hecollapsedheavilyintoastoolandclosedhis Andyouresupposedtowearamask,Perry
said.Butwekeptsteppingonthepieces.
sunkeneyes.Withoutopeningthem,hesaid,
So,areyouin?
Noperipheralvision,Lestersaid.
AmIin?
Caucusrace!Perryyelled,andtookalap
Yougoingtocomeonboardasmyconsultant? aroundtheworld.Lesterstruggledtohisfeet,
thenfloppedbackdown.
Youwereseriousaboutthat,huh?
Idisbelieve,hesaid,takinguptwotensided
Perry,theycantfireme.IfIquit,Ilosemy
diceandrollingthem.87,hesaid.
healthbennies,whichmeansIllbebrokeina
Fine,Perrysaid.HepickedupaBattleship
month.Whichputsusatanimpasse.Impast
feelingguiltyaboutdoingnothingmuchallday boardandsaid,B7,andthenhesaid,Whats
thescore,anyway?
long,butthatdoesntmeanImnotbored.
Youmakeitsoundsoattractive.

Orangetoseven,Lestersaid.

Yougotsomethingbettertodo?

Whosorange?

Imin.

Youare.
Shit.OK,letstakeabreak.

Suzannecamehomeaweeklaterandfound
themsittingupinthelivingroom.Theyd
pushedallthefurnitureupagainstthewallsand
coveredthefloorwithboardgameboards,laid
edgetoedgeoroverlapping.Theyhadtokens,
cardsandmoneyfromseveralofthegameslaid
outaroundtherimsofthegames.

Suzannetriedtoholdinherlaughter,butshe
couldnt.Sheendedupdoubledover,tears
streamingdownherface.Whenshestraightened
up,Lesterhobbledtoherandgavehera
surprisinglystrongwelcomehomehug.He
smelledlikeLester,likethemanshedsharedher
bedwithalltheseyears.

Whattheblisteringfuck?shesaidgood

Perryheldouthishandtoherandsheyanked

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/280
himintoalong,hardhug.
Itsgoodtohaveyouback,Perry,shesaid,
onceshedkissedbothhischeeks.

Lesters,andSuzanneknewthenthatPerryand
Lesterhadbeentalkingaboutit.

Lester,leaningheavilyagainstheronthesofa
Itsfantastictoseeyou,Suzanne,hesaid.He (theydpusheditbackintotheroom,moving
wasthinnerthansheremembered,withsnowon asidepiecesoftheCalvinballgame),madea
warningsoundandgaveherkneeasqueeze.
theroof,buthewasstillhandsomeasapirate.
Aha,definitelyterritorytheydcoveredbefore
Wemissedyou.Tellmeeverythingyouvebeen then.
upto.
Youtwohavesomeofthefinestentrepreneurial
Itsnotinteresting,hesaid.Really.
instinctsIveeverencountered,shesaid.Perry
snorted.
Ifindthatdifficulttobelieve.
Sohetoldthemstoriesfromtheroad,andthey Whatsmore,Iveneverseenyouhappierthan
wereinterestinginakindofmicrocosmsortof youwerebackwhenIfirstmetyou,makingstuff
forthesheerjoyofitandsellingittocollectors.
way.Storiesaboutinterestingcharactershed
met,improbablemealshedeaten,badworking Doyouknowhowmanycollectorswouldpony
upforanoriginalGibbons/Bankstoday?You
conditions,memorablerideshitched.
twocouldjustdothatforever
Sothatsit?Suzannesaid.Thatswhatyouve
Lestersmedical
done?
Lestersmedicalnothing.Youtwogettogether
ItswhatIdo,hesaid.
onthis,youcouldmakesomuchmoney,we
Andyourehappy?
couldbuyLesterhisownhospital.Besides,
Lesterwontlastlongnomatterwhathappens.
Imnotsad,hesaid.
Shedidntsayit,butthereitwas.Shedcometo
Sheshookherheadinvoluntarily.Perry
gripswiththerealityyearsago,whenhis
stiffened.
symptomsfirstappearedwhenallthefatkins
Whatswrongwithnotsad?
symptomsbegantoappear.Nowshecouldthink
ofitwithoutgettingthathitchinherchestthat
Theresnothingwrongwithit,Perry.Im
shefaltered,searchedforthewords.Remember shedgottenatfirst.Nowshecouldgoawayfor
aweektoworkonastorywithoutweepingevery
whenIfirstmetyou,metbothofyou,inthat
night,thendryinghereyesandcallingLesterto
ghostmall?Youwerentjusthappy,youwere
makesurehewasstillalive.
hysterical.RemembertheBoogieWoogie
Elmos?Thecartheydrove?

Imnotsayingyouneedtodothistothe
Perrylookedaway.Yeah,hesaidsoftly.There exclusionofeverythingelse,orforeverthere
isnoforeverforLesterbutyoutwowould
wasahitchinhisvoice.
havetobeinsanenottotryit.Lookatthis
AllImsayingis,itdoesnthavetobethisway. boardgamethingyouvedone
Youcould
Calvinball,Perrysaid.
Couldwhat?hesaid.Hesoundedangry,but
Calvinball.Right.Youweremadeforthis.You
shethoughtthathewasjustupset.Icouldgo
twomakeeachotherbetter.Perry,letsbehonest
workforDisney,sitinaworkshopallday
here.Youdonthaveanythingbettertodo.
makingcrapnoonecaresabout?Bethewage
slavefortheendofmydays,acagedmonkeyfor Sheheldherbreath.Ithadbeenyearssinceshed
somecorporatesultanszoo?Thephrasewas
spokentoPerry,yearssinceshedhadtheright

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/281
tosaythingslikethattohim.Onceuponatime,
shewouldnthavethoughttwice,butnow
Letmesleeponit,Perrysaid.

Oh,honey.
Somewoundsdontheal,hesaid.Iguess.

Imsureitsnotthat,Suzannesaid.Heloves
Whichmeantno,ofcourse.Perrydidntsleepon you.Ibetthisisthebestweekheshadinyears.
things.Hedecidedtodothings.Sometimeshe
Sowhywouldnthewanttostay?Lesters
decidedwrong,buthedneverhadtrouble
voicecameoutinthepetulantnearsobshehad
deciding.
onlyeverheardwhenhewasinextremephysical
Thatnight,Lesterrubbedherback,thewayhe
alwaysdidwhenshecamebackfromtheroad,
usingthehandcreamshekeptonherendtable.
Hishandshadoncebeensostrong,mechanics
hands,stubbyfingeredpistonshecoulddrive
tirelesslyintotheknotsinherback.Nowthey
smoothedandpetted,arub,notamassage.
Everytimeshecamehome,itwasgentler,
somehowmoreloving.Butshemissedher
massages.Sometimesshethoughtsheshouldtell
himnottobotheranymore,butshewasafraidof
whatitwouldmeantoendthisritualandhow
manymoreritualswouldendinitswake.

pain.Itwasavoicesheheardmoreandmore
oftenlately.

Whatbroughtthaton?

WasIreading?Suzanne,Ireadyourposts
wheneverIfeellonely.Itskindoflikehaving
youhomewithme.

Maybehesjustafraidofhimself.Hesbeenon
therunforalongtime.Youhavetoaskyourself,
whatsherunningfrom?Itseemstomethathes
spenthiswholelifetryingtoavoidhavingto
lookhimselfintheeye.
Lestersighedandshesqueezedhimtight.
Howdwegetsoscrewedup?

Oh,baby,shesaid,werenotscrewedup.
Werejustpeoplewhowanttodothings,big
things.Anytimeyouwanttomakeadifference,
youfacethepossibilitythatyoull,youknow,
Itwasthebriefestbackrubyetandthenheslid
makeadifference.Itsaconsequenceofdoing
underthecoverswithher.Sheheldhimfora
longtime,spooninghimfrombehind,herfacein thingswithconsequences.
thenapeofhisneck,kissinghiscollarbonethe Gak,hesaid.YoualwaysgetsoZenkoan
wayheliked,andhemoanedsoftly.
whenyoureontheroad.
Iloveyou,Suzanne,hesaid.
Givesmetimetoreflect.Wereyoureading?
Itsjustgoodtohaveyouhome,hesaid.
Youseemtohavebeentakingprettygoodcare
ofyourselfwhileIwasaway,gettinginsome
Perrytime.

Youresweet.
Didyoureallyeatsardinesonsorbettoast?

ItookhimtoMussoandFrank,hesaid.Iate Dontknockit.Itsbetterthanitsounds.Lots
likeapig.
better.
Andyoupaidtheprice,didntyou?
Youcankeepit.
Yeah.Fordays.
Servesyouright.ThatPerryissuchabad
influenceonmyboy.
Illmisshim.
Youthinkhellgo,then?
Youknowhewill.

ListentoMrMussoandFrankboy,youvegot
nobusinesscriticizinganyoneelsesfood
choices.
Heheavedahappysigh.Iloveyou,Suzanne
Church.
Youreagoodman,LesterBanks.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/282
Church,hesaid.Youremysavior.
Perrymetthematthebreakfasttablethenext
morningasSuzannewasfiddlingwiththe
espressomachine,steamingsoymilkforher
latte.HeworeapairofLesterssloppy
drawstringpantsandatshirtforamotorcycle
shopinKansasCitythatwasspottedwithold
motoroilstains.

Perrymadeahappysoundbehindher.
Iloveyou,too,Lester,shesaid,squeezinghis
skinny,brittleback.

LesterletgoofherandsheturnedtofacePerry.
Tearsprickedhiseyes,andshefoundthatshe
wascryingtoo.Shegavehimahug,andfeltthe
waysthathisbodyhadchangedsinceshedheld
Bomdia,hesaid,andchuckedLesteronthe
himbackinFlorida,backinsomeforgotten
shoulder.Hewascarryinghimselfwithacertain time.Hewasthicker,butstillsolid,andhe
stiffness,andSuzannethought,Hereitcomes;
smelledthesame.Sheputherlipsclosetohis
hesgoingtosaygoodbye.PerryGibbons,you earandwhispered,Youreagoodman,Perry
bastard.
Gibbons.
Morning,Lestersaid,brittleandchipper.
PerrydugaroundonSuzannesnonmedicated
foodshelfforawhileandcameupwithabagel
forthetoasterandajarofpeanutbutter.Noone
saidanythingwhilehedugaroundforthebig
breadknife,foundthecuttingboard,toastedthe
bagel,spreadpeanutbutter,andtookabite.
SuzanneandLesterjustcontinuedtoeat,in
uncomfortablesilence.Tellhim,Suzanneurged
silently.Getitoverwith,damnyou.

Lestergavehisnoticethatmorning.Thoughit
was8PMinTehranwhenLestercalled,Sammy
wasathisdesk.
Whyareyoutellingmethis,Lester?
ItsaysinmycontractthatIhavetogivemy
noticetoyou,specifically.

WhythehelldidIputthatthere?Sammys
voicesoundedfarawaynotjustinIran.It
Imin,Perrysaid,aroundamouthfulofbagel, soundedlikehehadtravelledthroughtime,too.
lookingaway.
Politics,Ithink,hesaid.
Suzannesawthathehadpurplebagsunderhis
Hardtoremember.Probablywantedtobesure
eyes,likehehadntsleptawinkallnight.
thatsomeonelikeWienerwouldntconvinceyou
Imstaying.Ifyoullhaveme.Letsmakesome toquit,switchcompanies,andhireyouagain.
stuff.
Notmuchriskofthatnow,Lestersaid.Lets
Heputthebageldownandswallowed.He
faceit,Sammy,Idontactuallydoanythingfor
lookedbackatLesterandthetwooldcomrades thecompany.
lockedeyesforalongmoment.
Nope.Thatsright.Werenotverygoodat
Lestersmiled.Allright!Hedancedashuffling makinguseofpeoplelikeyou.
step,mindfulofhissorehips.Allright,buddy,
Nope.
fuckinA!Yeah!
Well,emailmeyourpaperworkandIllshoveit
Suzannetriedtofadethen,tobackoutofthe
around.Howmuchnoticeareyousupposedto
roomandletthemdotheirthing,butLester
give?
caughtherarmanddrewherintoanembrace,
tuggingonherarmwithastrengthshed
forgottenhehad.
Hegaveherahardkiss.Iloveyou,Suzanne

Threemonths.
Yowch.Whatever.Justpackupandgohome.
Gardeningleave.

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/283
IthadbeentwoyearssinceLesterdhadany
contactwithSammy,butitwasclearthat
runningIranianopshadmellowedhimout.
Hardertogetintotroublewithwomenthere,
anyway.
HowsIrantreatingyou?
TheMiddleEastoperationissomethingelse,
boy.Youdlikeithere.Thepostwartownsall
looklikeyoursquattercitythecraziest
buildingsyoueversaw.TheylovetheDiaBs
thoughwegetthemostfantasticdesigns
throughthefanchannels....Hetrailedoff.Then,
withanoteofsuspicion:Whatareyougoingto
donow?

Whenitwastimeforbed,Suzanneshutherlid
andputthecomputerdownbesidethesofa.She
steppedcarefullyaroundthepiecesofthe
Calvinballgamethatstillcoveredtheliving
roomfloorandsteppedintoapairofslippers.
Sheslidopenthebackdoorandhittheswitch
fortheyardsfloodlight.Thelastthingshe
wantedtodowastripintothepool.
Shepickedherwaycarefullydownthe
flagstonesthatledtotheworkshop,wherethe
lightsburnedmerrilyinthenight.Therewasno
moontonight,andthestarswerelaidoutlikea
bagofsyntheticdiamondsarrayedonapieceof
blackvelourinastreetmarketstall.

Ah.Nosenseinfakingit.PerryandIaregoing Shepeeredthroughthewindowbeforeshewent
aroundtothedoor,thejournalistinherwanting
togointobusinesstogether.Makingkinetic
tofixanimageofthemomentinhermind
sculptures.Liketheolddays.
beforeshemovedinanddisturbedit.Thatwas
Noway!PerryGibbons?Youtwoareback
theproblemwithbeingareportereverything
together?Christ,werealldoomed.Hewas
changedtheinstantyoustartedreportingonit.
laughing.Sculptureslikethattoastrobot?
Bynow,therewasntapersonalivewhodidnt
Andhewantstogointobusiness?Ithoughthe
knowwhatitmeanstobeinthepresenceofa
wassomekindofCommie.
reporter.ShewasarovingPanopticon.
Lesterhadarushofremembrance,theemotional Thesceneinsidetheworkshopwaseerie.Perry
memoryofhowmuchhedhatedthismanand
andLesterstoodnexttoeachother,cheekby
everythinghestoodfor.Whathadhappenedto
jowl,hunchedoversomethingontheworkbench.
himovertheyearsthathecountedthissneak,
Perryhadacomputeropeninfrontofhim,and
thisthug,ashiscolleague?Whathadhesold
hewastyping,Lesterholdingsomethingoutof
whenhesoldout?
sight.
PerryGibbons,Lestersaid,anddrewina
Howmanytimeshadsheseenthistableau?How
breath.PerryGibbonsisthesharpest
manyafternoonshadshespentintheworkshop
entrepreneurIveevermet.Hecanthelpbut
inFlorida,watchingthemhackarobot,builda
makebusinesses.Hesanartistwhoanticipates sculpture,turnoutthelatesttoyforTjans
themarketayearaheadofthecurve.Hecould
amusement,Kettlewellsenrichment?The
bearichmanahundredtimesoverifhechose. postureswereidenticalthoughtheirbodieshad
Commie?Page,yourenotfittokeephisbooks. changed,thehairthinnerandgrayer.Like
someonehadfrozenoneofthoseinnocent
Thelinewentquiet,theeeriesilenceofanet
momentsintimeforadecade,thenretouchedit
connectionwithnopacketsroutingonit.
withwizeningmakeupandhairdye.
Goodbye,Lester,Sammysaidatlength.
Shemusthavemadeanoise,becauseLester
Lesterwantedtoapologize.Hewantednotto
lookedupormaybeitwasjusttheuncanny,
wanttoapologize.Heswallowedtheapology
semipsychicbondbetweenanoldmarried
anddisconnectedtheline.
couple.Hegrinnedatherlikehewastenyears
oldandshegrinnedbackandwentaroundtothe

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/284
door.

excitement.

Hello,boys,shesaid.Theystraightenedup,
bothofthemunconsciouslycradlingtheirlow
backs,andshesuppressedagrin.Mylittleboys,
allgrownup.

TheLesterbotlobbedonetoPerrybot,but
Perrybotflubbedthetoss.Theballmadea
resoundinggongsoundasitbouncedoffof
Perrybotscarapace,andPerrybotwobbled.

Darling!Lestersaid.Comehere,havea
look!

Suzannewinced,butLesterandPerryboth
dissolvedingalesoflaughter.Shewatchedthe
Perrybottrytogetitselfreoriented,aligningits
torsotofaceLesterbotandshesawthatitwas
funny,veryfunny,likeaparticularlygreat
cartoon.

Heputhisarmoverhershouldersandwalked
hertothebench,leaningonheralittle.
Itwasinpieces,butshecouldseewhereitwas
going:apairoffamiliarboxyshapes,twoof
Lestersmechanicalcomputers,theircolacan
registersspillingawayinalongdaisychainof
wormgearsandrotatingshafts.Onefigurewas
bigandroundshoulderedlikeavintage
refrigerator.Theotherwascockeyed,halfits
gearssethigherthantheotherhalf.Eachhada
single,starkmechanicalarmextendedbeforeit,
andattheendofeacharmwasafamiliar
crackedandfragrantbaseballglove.

Theydothatonpurpose?
Notexactlybuttheresnowaytheyregoing
tobeperfect,sowebuiltinabunchofstuffthat
wouldmakeitfunnierwhenithappened.Itis
nowofficiallyafeature,notabug.Perry
glowedwithpride.

Isntitbadforthemtogetbeanedwitha
baseball?sheaskedasLestercarefullyhanded
theballtoPerrybot,wholobbedittoLesterbot
LesterputaballintooneoftheglovesandPerry again.
hammeredawayatthekeyboard.Very,very
Well,yeah.Butitskindofanartistic
slowly,theslopeshoulderedrobotdrewits
statement,Perrysaid,lookingawayfromthem
mechanicalarmbackWeusedoneofthe
both.Aboutthewaythatfriendshipsalways
opensourceprosthesticplans,Lesterwhispered wearyoudown,likeupperandlowermolars
inthetensemoment.Thenitlobbedasoft
grindingawayateachother.
underhandtosstothelopsidedone.
Lestersqueezedheragain.Overtime,theyll
Theballarcedthroughtheairandtheotherbot knockeachotherapart.
repositioneditsarminaseriesofclattering
TearsprickedatSuzanneseyes.Sheblinked
jerks.ItseemedtoSuzannethattheballwould
themaway.Guys,thisisgreat.Hervoice
missthegloveandbounceoffoftherobots
carapace,andshewinced.Then,attheverylast cracked,butshedidntcare.Lestersqueezedher
second,therobotrepositioneditsarmwithone tighter.
morefastjerk,andtheballfellintothepocket.
Cometobedsoon,hon,shesaidtoLester.
Amomentlater,thelopsidedbotPerry,itwas Imgoingawayagaintomorrowafternoon
NewYork,arestaurantopening.
Perry,thatwaseasytoseetossedtheballto
theroundshoulderedone,whowasclearlyher
Illberightup,Lestersaid,andkissedthetop
Lester,asshedfirstknownhim.Lesterbot
ofherhead.Shedforgottenthathewasthattall.
caughttheballwithasimilarseriesofjerksand Hedidntstandallthewayup.
returnedthevolley.
Shewenttobed,butshecouldntsleep.She
Itwasmagictowatchtherobotsplaytheirgame crossedtothewindowanddrewbackthecurtain
ofcatch.Suzannewasmesmerized,mouthopen. andlookedoutatthebackyardthescummy
Lestersqueezedhershoulderwithuncontained

DOCTOROW/MAKERS/285
swimmingpoolshekeptforgettingtodo
somethingabout,theheavygrapefruitandlemon
trees,theshed.Perrystoodontheshedsstoop,
lookingupatthenightsky.Shepulledthe
curtainsaroundherselfaninstantbeforehe
lookedupather.
Theireyesmetandhenoddedslowly.
Thankyou,shemouthedsilently.
Heblewherakiss,stuckoutafoot,andthen
bowedslightlyoverhisoutstretchedleg.
Sheletthecurtainfallbackintoplaceandwent
backtobed.Lesterclimbedintobedwithhera
fewminuteslaterandspoonedupagainsther
back,hisfaceburiedinherneck.
Shefellasleepalmostinstantly.

Acknowledgements:
ThankstoAndrewLeonardandSalonfor
publishingthiswhenitwasThemepunks.
ThankstoPatrickNielsenHayden,IreneGallo,
PabloDefendini,JustinGolenbock,Liz
Gorinksy,TomDohertyandthemanywonderful
peopleatTorfortheirgoodworkputtingthis
bookintotheworld.
LikewisethankstoSarahHodgson,AliceMoss
andVictoriaBarnsleyatHarperCollinsfor
makingthisbookhappenintheUK.
Thankstomyagents,RussellGalen,Danny
BarorandJustinManask.
Thankstomymother,DrRoslynDoctorow,who
remainsthesharpestprooferinthebusiness.
ThankstomybusinesspartnersatBoingBoing,
thestaffofMAKE:Magazine,andtoallthe
makerswholetmeholdtheirskateboardswhile
theyweldedthekillerrobots.
Andthanks,ofcourse,toAliceandPoesy,who
arethereasonforallofit.