The Patient, The Doctor, & God

(The scholar)
A wise man stated that God will forgive you for sins but you cannot choose your consequences
What happens when there is no fear of consequences, and the very pain felt during your sins is
the feeling of being alive?
Our world today is driven by fear and not driven by dreams, therefore consequences are not
priority.
I began to assess my own life and as I realize I made so many mistakes and hurt so many people
I began to cry tears like a river running through the wild. I was searching for forgiveness in a
room with just God and me. The location of the room was in my head, let the battle began...
(In your head there is a constant battle, yet youre in control of the war and the results of who
wins this conflict between you and yourself.)
I mean sure I became someone semi important but to what extent? I am proud of what I became
but humbled by the measures it took, was these broken relationships stepping stoles to finding
me, could I ever restore the brokenness towards what I created? (Question as you begin to
assess)
I began to discipline my weakness and build on my strengths; I found that joy is the antidote to
spiritual hurt. I began to center my attention toward Gods desires. I began to understand me by
becoming discipline, and by doing so: I realize I was I like the walking dead.
My flesh function everyday but there was something removed from my internal being by which
the void in my life grow each day, I was simply a man in a 62 frame with no destination and
little direction.
It was like lying in a casket removed from all heavenly prospective of life. During my experience
of being like the dead, I did meet some other dead people. A bunch of dead people enjoying
monuments of nothingness, the dead loves company.
The dead understood me, we spoke the same language, we listen to the same music, we walked
to the same beat, we worked the same jobs, we were in intimate relationships with each other, we
laugh at same jokes, we built family together, we ate the same foods, we drink the same alcohol,
and we worshiped the same God.
I was so far unto my sin how could I begin to forgive the person I became, how could I free
myself from the cloud that surrounds me, how could I become discipline with such burdens that
weigh me down from pressing forward.
Father are you listening:

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The Patient, The Doctor, & God

Yes I am son,
I am God and I understand your pain, before you were born I delighted in you. I watched you
every step of the way with every corner you turned and every bridge you destroyed, I remain true
to you, I will restore. I have seen every tear that dropped from your sorrow eyes when you cried
I often comforted you, hoping you would feel my embrace. You were lost and confused on so
many occasions and so many people counted you out, they miscalculated your failure but I knew
different, I knew that you would mount up like eagle wings and soar to the highest heights, I am
God.
I had people in your presence, that were hopeless and dark in character waiting for your powerful
words to impact theirs live immensely, they were hopeless, deeply hurt and without information
on what I can do I am that I am, only I have the ability to raise the dead but these days I use
available vessels to spread the good news, that I am a healer: I am God.
The pain you endure was to push into your purpose, was to transform into the man you are today.
I am the potter you are the clay, I am renewing you with each new day. I have given you glory
upon glory and more glory for all your pain. Ive built walls around you, not even the greatest
army couldnt infiltrate. You are strong because I am stronger. Even the dead became alive in my
presence, I am God.

In my presence old became new

Because of my love, Ill always remain true
My mercy is a gift that no one deserve
Whom the sun set free is free as a bird
People without hope, should suffer no more
Because I died on the cross and sacrifice it all
Rise

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The Patient, The Doctor, & God

(Doctor)
I would agree with in the God and of course he has infinite strength and power to endure any test
set before him, however we are human made up of three components mind, body and soul.
The Brain is a large component to the constant battles us people have every day. The cerebrum
makes 85% of the brains weight; it is the thinking part of the brain.
The cerebrum task each day is task driven, artwork, feed your fish, swim, reasoning part.
Humans are more intelligent than animals because of our reasoning. Imagine a dog reading a
newspaper after he fetched it. It wouldnt work out to well; the thinking part of the dogs brain is
much smaller.
The cerebrum is made of two halves, with one on either side of the head. Some scientist believes
that the right side helps you think about abstracts things like music, color, shapes. The left side
is more analytical purposes like math, logic, speech. It is unclear to what side of the cerebrum
controls what side of the body.
Now in understanding the thinking part of your brain, what thoughts are controlling you?
I would agree with God as he say to renew your mind with each new day ROMANS 8:18
How does a man transform his mind from all the trauma he experienced, which some were selfinflicted but most were mimics of what was seen as a child, behavioral patterns impressed
through impressionable stages of life.
Answer: The brain could be retrained; the memory part of his brain the hippocampus should
not control the intellectual part of his brain the Cerebral because of the reasoning it entails.
This is when the prospective of liven inside out really matters; we are not designed to live
without God. If you took a fish outside of the element of water he will die, it is the same with
man.
Your current brokenness could either make you subservient to evil or propelled towards
greatness, which is in control.
When you are spirit driven, you live through hope, your desires are not your own but your
desires are to God Example below: Luke 22:44
Jesus himself in the Garden of Gethsemane sweats blood, by which is uncommon in these days
and especially those days. Its called Hematidrosis very rear condition where the glands contain
blood, the seat glands are surrounded by blood vessels. The vessels become constrict and then

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dilate to the point of rupture, where the blood will effuse into the sweat glands. This is caused by
extreme anguish.
Yet he spoke to his own intellect and then his reasoning became purpose driven once he states it
is not my will but your will be done
He did not conform to his anguish, yet he continues to live spirit filled. It was his purpose of
love that conform his extreme anguish to Gods reasoning. He was not living for himself but for
others.
This is how the brain is retrain, this is how your body become stronger and your mind is renewed
by liven selflessly; we are the products of who we affect.
Imagine word like my soul is overwhelmed to the point of death, yet on
another note forgive them father for they know what they do.
Renew your mind by helping those who has the old mind you had. A
new mind can change the world, as it changed you.
Times up, see you next week..

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(Ex-convict)

Why did God fix others and not the ghetto, why are we left to die, why is the tangible things in
life the center of our decisions, why didnt the power of God change our environment.
No excuse but all Ive seen was evil, shoot outs, prostitution, drug dealing, and gangbanging. As
a child I saw things that a kid shouldnt see, I guess my life was finished before it started, I guess
I never stood a chance.
I believed I was my circumstance. I believed I was created to fail, I believed I was no good as a
friend, I believe I wasnt intelligent enough, I believed I was born to be poor, I believed my
daddy hated me, I believed I wasnt free, I believed I was that statistic, I believed I wasnt strong,
I was angry, I was a follower, I am a slave to my belief. The things I believed I became.
I have rather be born a slave then a free slave, than slaved to myself.

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If I traveled abroad would my circumstances travel with me, as a suitcase full of troubles that
travels everywhere I go?
With each state I traveled and country abroad
I left behind hurt and a fist full of scars
With ever smile was a frown
Every yea was a nay
Not even God understood the words that I prayed
Why are things the same?

Father is you listening:

(The prostitute)
My momma use drugs right before my eyes, she tied the tube around her arm and stuck that God
like needle in her arm to she saw a little bit of heaven. I watched her lean over with drawl out her
mouth like a dog thirsty in the blazing hot; satisfying her need to be liberated from this hell she
bought us in. When the money stop she sold us, I often wondered what the price was, what was I
worth to this man as I continued to crush my innocents?
So prostitution feels normal father, I am in control.
My momma is now preaching but she wants me change before I die she said, I simple told her
its too late, I was crucified at three and dead at five. I was born this way.
I feel important making these men happy and the money is my reward, I could never love for
free, I could never love again.

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Yeah mama you keep praising and maybe one day Ill forgive you, but Im not going back to
God.
Mama remembers that song you use to sing to us...
Bless it assurance Jesus is mine oh what a savior mama I cant remember the rest.
I cant remember having a home cook meal, I cant remember enjoying a Christmas, I cant
remember happiness, or joy, double Dutch with my friends.
All I see is these men touching me, and beating me, and foster care, and police officers.
Oh and mama not to mention kids teasing me every day of my life, I hated me...
I was born in sin lived in sin and now alive, yet I feel like Im dead father.
I am leaving...

WAIT...

(The Proud Black Achiever)

I was born black, went to a black school, graduated a black college, joined a black
organization, married a black women, now I work for a white organization, I am proud I made it
from the so called ghetto.
I cant stand to see black people with their funny walk and jive talk, I am accomplish man, not a
black man, and I am accepted by white America.
I even send my kids to all-white schools; money could buy anything God didnt save me, I did.
All these slave movies, is so embarrassing, black homeless man outside my job, I simply say get
a life buddy.
My boss loves me, he once stated I was one of a kind, I am not the normal Negro I replied.

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Why spend my time at Church services Sunday when I could golf with new friends, I put myself
through college, I study hard I am going to relax on Sundays.
Please, God to me is like Ghetto, old news.
My mother stated I changed and I havent spoken to her since, my bosses mother invites to the
Hamptons every holiday, I am a money making machine.
I love working on Wall Street, far from the ghetto huh?
I got a meeting with my boss on Monday; I bet he wants to hand me my bonus personally as he
does each month, money making machine.
Hey boss,
Hey boy, listen I noticed your wife and daughter hair is a little natural lately and it was an
embarrassing experience to my family when I introduced you guys, son send her to straighten her
hair in my presence.
Also during our meeting with J.C banking the outside executives didnt trust you with the offshore funds, I am pulling it.
But sir, son this is the business.
I cant lose business, I am releasing you. Sir but I have nothing without you, I am worthless...

(The Marine)
Before I was born I was a Marine by bloodline, I had no other option. My Father was a Marine,
My Grandfather was a Marine, and I guess I was predestined to become a Marine. Yet deep in
my heart I had my hopes set on being a missionary worker like my Mother, I always had a
passion to worship God. There is something about the name of Jesus that made the hairs on my
arm rise
My dad would introduce me as his young Marine amongst his military friends and I would hang
my head low as in my heart there was lack of validation to who I really wanted to be. Ever since
my Mother died, my father would blame God: he often stated that it was unfair what she
endured. My mother was a 9/11 victim to the terrorist acts of destruction and it was unclear to us
how she died that day but she is no longer with us physically.
Something change in my father he became angry and depressed; he slept most of the day and got
drunk most of the night.
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So I figured that becoming a Marine would make him proud and that all the hurt we endured for
the last few years would be wiped away by my accomplishments.
I am on my first tour overseas, and all I could think about is my love for God and how he is the
answer to this war at hand, in yet our hearts is so much connected to the war by our own eternal
wars that our God is removed from the solution why are we so angry. Why do we run towards
violence and not peace?
I didnt have many chances to communicate with my father, but when we did communicate it
was always a one sided conversation. He became distance towards me, he stated that he knew
what my desires truly were and God and I are the reason his wife wasnt alive.
My heart instantly shatter with agony as if the my spirit was crushed to the point of me known
existing. My father was in control of my destiny as he always been; I could not make him proud.
I made the conclusion that I was unhappy with me again. I began to drink during my tour, I also
begin using pain killers to rid this pain I was feeling from this void in my heart that would not
close. My new friends introduced me to this new drug called Molly a LCD like substance.
The first time I used Molly I was so high, I could have sworn my Mother and I were reunited. I
becoming an addict, oh I was also remanded for possession causing a dishonorable discharge.
My Father hated me, I hate myself, and now I am homeless on the streets of New York City,
sleeping outside of a church on 34th and Hudson where I use to fellowship. I am too ashamed to
enter in the Church, I am to dirty and too angry at myself to even ask for food, I much rather die.

(Tired Single Mother)

5:30am in the morning and I am tired this morning, it feels as if I didnt sleep last night.
I am ready for the same routine this morning as usual, a prayer, I read my word, I iron our little
ones clothes for school, pack their lunch, prepare dinner, walk them to the bus stop, walk home,
drink some tea, take a shower, catch the A train to work 38 stops away.
While on the train I realize often that my life is a failure, I realize that I will die alone. See as a
young girl my momma said that I would feel what she felt when daddy left us, I was too proud
and young to accept but now I reckon she was right all along. She was right; I am nobody as
there is nothing special about me and mine. When my husband left he took a piece of me. I often
wonder what I did wrong. I need closure to know what my wrong doing was, I beg him to come
home but he found love in his co-worker and her two boys. I drove pass his job but I didnt go in
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the building I was too embarrassed, he said I embarrassed him a lot. I am saving up money to get
this nice dress and then Ill go to his office with those fancy people and ask him to come home
because I can be better. I am just confused to why he wont see our children, I offered him the
rights before the family court judge but he rejected the rights to see his own kids. He said that I
was lazy and our kids would be reflection of me. He did not want his new family to be around
our negativity. We dont even have electricity; our kids dont have food most of the nights.
On Thursday our local church gives us loads of food which is a nice thing to do and I am
grateful. The Church would also help with the electric bill but he would need the home owner to
be presence, yet I am not on the mortgage or deed therefore he cannot break policy. Just my luck.
This is my entirely fault; I should have been a better wife. I wish I wasnt alive to experience this
hurt!
I cooked I cleaned Sex when he wanted too
He was my God; I should not have put him in front of you!
Now I am left empty with no one to hold
Down every day with a hole in my soul
The more hes gone the more it grows
I am empty and alone with no one to call
I need your help break down these walls
Help God, I need peace...

GOD Replies:
I am in the presence of royalty, I am at your feet, and I am blessing you now because of your
faithful acts. I am God but in your presence I am satisfy with your commitment towards me, I am
breaking strong holds in your life now, I am losing my angels, you will be stronger than ever, I
waited for you to call on me, I am your God, and you were faithful.
Bring your heart to me, I have healing waters that will make you hold, I will satisfied your thirst,
your children will be great, I am God.
I wanted you to feel and see the emptiness of other during those train rides, I wanted you to see
who your husband true intent for his family, I wanted you to know that whatever someone spoke
over your life that I had the final say, I wanted to prepare you for your road of glory.

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I have granted you the ability to have wisdom through your pain, use it.
Trust in me, hold your head up. I created you and separated you from others.
I recall a dream you had, recall you standing on top of a building by yourself.
It was your husbands graphing firm.
Well, in that dream I was showing you your inheritance.
In three days you will receive certified mail, you will go the UPS office on Lancaster Avenue and
you will sign. You will get in your car; you will open your mail and began to cry. You will wipe
your tears and praise me, your kids will say mommy whats wrong you will say God has always
blessed us; You will take that deed inside that envelope go to Phillips& Due, esc law firm on 5
street, they will be expecting you. You and your kids will go to the 2 nd floor; on the 2nd floor will
be Mr. Due is awaiting your presence. Once you arrive his secretary will call you by your maiden
name dont be alarm, answer with courage. She will offer you tea, you will refuse, you will sit on
a brown leather chair, cornered by a beautiful view of the city, the sun will shine so bright he will
offer to close the dark wooded blinds, you will refuse, you will continue to be oblivious to what
is taking place, his phone will ring three times I will drop the call, he would say to you that you
are a very blessed women, and you will say thank you. He will present to to a deed from your
biological father for his 88 percent shares in the number one graphing firm in the East coast your
office will be on the 17 floor suit, your staff will await your arrival, he will present you with a
12 million dollar check, you will deposit that check in a CD account with your maiden name,
keep your everyday clothes on, tomorrow will come and that same building you use to watch
with your husband in it, is now yours. My wisdom is greater, just follow!
The Treasure in an empty house!
(Doc)
I like Gods approach but look at the F word and how it affected you from birth until adult
hood.
It is clear that before he blessed you he tested you, or is you still blessed while he was testing to
you?
As I listen to you speak you often made mention the F word. You spoke of failures, constant
failing, its my fault, I always fall, my mother fell, and I am a failure.
The F word is taking took vacancy in your mind
What did God see in a woman that she didnt see anything herself?

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How did you nature, which consisted of failure unfold unto fortune, why is Gods plan so
abstract?
Is there a connection between fortune and Failure?
I will search in Gods word to find a story that relates to this story!
The Book of Genesis tells that Joseph was 11th of Jacobs 12 sons.
If we looked at Joseph life from slavery to becoming a powerful man, you would probably
become complex by his journey.
Secondly look at King Davids Journey, a young boy whose story was similar to Joseph in
regards to very few people seeing value in these men but yet God saw a King.

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